/CPD/ - CHICAGO PD SCANNER THREAD: THE HOLIDAY WEEKEND ARRIVES EDITION

Love you Roberts. Here's to a blessed night! Hope you don't mind me dumping the starter pack

ehy senpai, what's good?

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evening roberts

>>127267265
Thanks Robert, I'm getting comfy with some homebrewed IPA listening to you gallavanting about the midwest. Going to be a great weekend.

>>127268011
Thanks Robert. We're gonna need all those bingo cards. They fill up quick on holiday weekends

All the rain has moved out of the area. Ready for some Memorial Weekend fun!

Checking my keys and getting extra comfy!

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Which bingo card should I use?

I'm kinda new to /CPD/can someone explain the Robert and his keys meme?

>>127268790

Roberts are the night shift officers who go out at 10 pm (Chicago time, 11 EST).

>>127268790
Keys refer to the microphone push-to-talk button. When dispatch says "check your keys" it's because an officer has something pushed up against the button, so the mic is on without him noticing and it interferes with the radio communications.

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Checking in earlier

It's Friday, Male Black should be up to something...

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>>127269681
once real Roberts hours hit it will get bizy

>chick laying out front of the CVS pharmacy

oh chicago

Shots fired?

>pavement inspector

Cross it off your cards, lads!

Robert checking in. How goes it, fellow Roberts?

>brought in by the boyfriend
>suicidal
>won't get out of the car

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YDWEz1mia1I&t=2446s

Reposting god-tier ambiance.

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>>127270723
bit chilly out today only 55 so the night will start off slow but its Friday so i am hoping for some good carnage tonight

comfy

>>127271059
Ten four. I'm curious to see if it being Memorial Day weekend will have any effects on noggery this evening

Anything exciting happen so far? I just got back from the snack store

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>>127271199
we will see, i hope so,

how did you start Ramadan i had a bacon egg and cheese, pulled pork sandwich from lunch and ham steaks for dinner

>>127271529
Ramadan Bombathon! Personally, I'm celebrating with alcohol.

>>127271696
also absolutely halal

>male black tried to pay with a fake $50 bill

Evening Roberts

>>127272111
evening
> man with gun

>>127271451
It's going to be nightfall soon.
When that happens, we'll have carnage.

>>127272647
It's raining in Indianapolis so it might be in Chicongo, too. Hopefully that doesn't dampen tonight's festivities

Good Morning Roberts.
It has been a minute, but a nice warm Friday should be fun.
Check yo keys and strap in for a healthy dose of chimping.
Real hours in ~20m get comfy

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>>127272731
Looks Iike it was spotty, but all the storms are moving east now. I think we're going to be in the clear tonight.

its been raining all night so far in the 773

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>>127272111
Greetings, sir.
Also,
>rare pajeet spotted
Is he here on an exchange program or something? Because if so, I think he may be going back to India with murder in his heart and his soul thoroughly scorched. Godspeed, pajeet.

"Shevonte is having trouble with her pimps father"

>Ambient music feed
Check
>Tomorrow layout
Check
>Beverage and sufficiently /comfy/
Check
>Robert's keys
Always checked

Good evening Roberts, RRH starts in an hour. Has Robert's arch nemesis MALE BLACK been up to his usual hijinks?

>>127273369
Do you have pizza rolls or popcorn? This is important

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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YfjTZLxekig

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>>127273343
That's some Maury Povich level shit right there.

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>First name Mohammed

>>127273027
Based meteorologist on deck.

>>127273369
>Tomorrow layout

truly the only way to /cpd/

GONNA SHOOT THINGS
RIP JESSICA

>baby daddy going to the location to shoot people and break things

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>Battery

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>>127273979
Haha, my bestie is the irl meteorologist. I just work the maps when we stormchase. Pic related.

>>127273369
Tomorrow layout, that's a big ten four.

>person with slurred speech; possible stroke

MALE BLACK HAS RETURNED

I am still pissed we have not had a white Porsche spotting in over a month

>>127274580
Stay safe out there on the road. Kelley and Randy passing hit me really hard. Spent many summer afternoons "riding along" with them from 1,000 miles away.

>>127274717
Are you taking about the cars that were stolen right off the lot? If I'm not mistaken, they made away with a handful of those

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How busy do you think Memorial Day Weekend will be?

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Sooooo comfy.

>>127274717
the car fires more than make up for it
>>127274598
the male black only takes brief breaks to beat his gf(s) and find stolen 9mm rounds

>>127274887
Reminds me of that one episode of LivePD where Sticks was arresting this guy who was a professional car dismantler and had a yard full of stolen cars that he dismantled and sold by the piece

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>>127274976
tomorrow will be absolutely fucking insane. The Count will have a 12 hr erection from all the shots fired

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>man in wheelchair looks sleepy

>>127273508
That does sound good. I think I have some totinos in the freezer.

>>127274116
>>127274580
Yotsuba for the rest of /pol/ but Tomorrow belongs to Robert.

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>>127274976
small-scale civil war

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>>127275083
Really? Good thing I am off duty at 0830 tomorrow then. Tomorrow night will be /comfy/

>Male Hispanic with black hoodie
>Waving gun at cars

>>127275242
This is a very common and well-established cultural chicago greeting

>>127275010
Thanks; we were actually planning a trip out west last week but we decided against it for a number of reasons.

I actually saw that episode the other night lol. I can't think of what to make of livepd; is it the real deal? Cops always seemed so chaotic and all over the place but livepd goes so smooth that it seems a little scripted to me. But I'm probably just sketchy. Great show though hehe

WATCH YOUR KEYS

>>127275367
*waves your gun*

>>127274887

Back in mid April a stolen white Porsche suv was involved in at least eight strong arm robberies. Kept getting spotted and chased but they always got away. Happened a few days before the two officers were shot. I don't think there were sightings after that time but they were not involved in that shooting. Just happened around that same time frame.

>>127274717
It's gone, bro. By now the nigs have had their fun, it's transited the container terminal in Shanghai, and it's now safely ensconced somewhere in Nigeria.

>>127275679
Ohhh, yeah, I remember that. A Robert got ordered to stop following one because they were believed to have an ak 47 with them.

>>127275722

I don't know which date is worse. Nigeria or Chicago?

>>127275882
That's the one.

>26 year old son came home drunk this morning
>won't wake up

>>127275952

This won't end well

>Son came home drunk in the morning, will not wake up.

>>127275952
F

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>>127275442
Given that the officers have actually gone out of their way to thank twitter for helping them solve crimes and find drugs, I think it's legit.

LivePD live twitter makes me glad to be alive in this day and age

>>127276166
pol was in the news today they arrested bikelock and gave investigative credit to pol

WATCH YOUR FUCKIN KEYS

Watch your goddamn keys adam get your head in the game only 45 min left!

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>>127275902
While I'd consider shooting myself before going to either place, I'd have to choose Nigeria over Chicago. Nigeria is known for being a chaotic madhouse, but in Chicago it's an industry.

>>127276575
this is an interesting family portrait you have posted, leaf, please explain?

>suburbanites talking about Chicago like it's worse than Nigeria

Lol you guys. Really though leave the house and do something once in a while for the sake of your health.

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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3L4YrGaR8E4
>burglary in progress

>Two male blacks burglarizing

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Good evening Roberts. Keys checked.

Memorial Edition

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WE GOT A CAR CHASE BOYS LETS GO

>black Cadillac took off from a traffic stop

this is the thread theme anon
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QU0SwYK0vco

>>127274976
"1,300 More Officers To Hit Streets To Combat Memorial Day Weekend Violence
The holiday weekend typically marks the start of Chicago's bloodiest months." -DNAINFO.com

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>>127276747
It's from 419 Eater, a bunch of folks who take Nigerian scammers and make them do various interesting things to prove their veracity. The results are often amazing. Behold: http://forum.419eater.com/forum/index.php

These people are doing god's work.

pls no ban. This a real thing.

>>127268262

I knew if looked through the thread I'd find my man Count ridin' with the homies!

>>127267961
...stop! my sides!

>>127267800
F'ing awesome

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>>127277356
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=04F4xlWSFh0

>lit up a cigarette in da amberlamps

kek

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>>127267961
>>127277501
My sides are no longer in stable condition

>bonafide fire

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>>127273343
Don't speak to me or my pimp's father ever again Robert

>>127277947
CRANK IT UP ANON
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a_7TMeDTX_U

>amberlamps
BINGO

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>>127267961
Hehe fresh from Harolds.

>>127277049
for most years the united states is worse than nigeria going by gun related deaths per 100k

links for reference. click death and injury then homicide . your already in the gun related figures with these links

http://www.gunpolicy.org/firearms/region/nigeria

http://www.gunpolicy.org/firearms/region/united-states

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>>127267961

>>127278408
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=md3B3I7Nmvw

yeah but if you look at over all violent crime they are WAY higher

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WATCH YOUR KEYS

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Any leather related crimes coinciding with International Leather Man in Chicongo this eve?

MALE HISPANIC
A
L
E

H
I
S
P
A
N
I
C

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>>127277997
They once got some poor asshole to drive about 800 miles into the North African desert, dressed as a Christian preacher all decorated with Christian paraphernalia, only to have his final destination be some dead-end Muslim shithole in the middle of nowhere, i.e., some place where his disappearance would never be noted. Never did hear how that one turned out, but I'm sure that as a man of God he was okay with his fate.

Might a lurker at her aunt's house

Well Robert might roll over there if Robert worked in mights

Tow for a squad car in a traffic crash

ADAM WHAT HAVE YOU DONE NOW

>>127279439
he didnt sound too confident im afraid its his fault.

Dude in a grey hoodie. oh shit.

>>127279562

TRAYVON
R
A
V
O
N

>>127279439
>Tow for a squad car in a traffic crash

dammit Adam yo' shift was almost over too

>>127279562
Attempted minivan jacking, and as we all know minivans = shenanigans

Domestic, GF tearing shit up! Dispatch "you know what to do!"

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Shot- in-the-Ass-O-Meter count

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what a comfy night

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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8de2W3rtZsA

>attempted jacking of soccer mom van

Accident with injuries - hit a pedestrian and all refusing EMS-guessing high as fuck

serial ass grabber strikes again

Missing person 15 yr old daughter. Maybe she's the one at her pimps dads earlier

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fI677jYfKz0

>missing child

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>>127279958
That motherfucker cannot resist

>>127279958
This time in open-air! What has drawn him out of his storm-drain/sewer refuge?!

ass status: grabbed

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>>127280102
Booty Beauty

>>127280301
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CSvFpBOe8eY

dude i just through up in my mouth a bit

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Stand by for shift change, RRH commencing!

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Anyone who doesn't understand why we are against multiculturalism should really listen to these police radios. Absolutely insane, it's always happening in Chiraq.

>>127280461
That's what separates you from male black

Good evening, Roberts. 3 homicides yesterday huh? I missed em all.

>>127280484

>Bottle of 2014 Cabernet Sauvignon
>Plate of various meats and strong cheeses
>Real Robert Hours

Comfiest I've been for a minute.

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and RRH descends upon the city

they can be very hard to understand, god damn

>>127281065
Sounds great. I've got some lemon pie for dessert

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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hglVqACd1C8

>>127277501
You speak the truth good sir/madam. 419eater is my #1 giggle website, seconded by /pol/ ( I only measure this by which website made me piss myself laughing, /pol/ hasn't done that.. yet.)

SIX MALE BLACKS
HE HAS CLONING POWERS?

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>>127281148
>I watched tased coons glitter in the dark

I am dying

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>>127277857
The family photo is coming together nicely.

GENTLEMEN! How are we this fine evening?? Real Robert Hours are now in effect! Let the holiday cooning commence!

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>Stealing from the Walgreens...she's been there before

>>127281369
can you recommend any gems in particular?

>>127279078
My personal favorite is "Hell Safari" by (IIRC) Monsigneur. Written like a novel, but several of the unwitting characters were real lads. Brings a tear to my eye the work these saints are doing.

Male black with a gun on the loose

Female white jacking shit at the Walgreens

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A Poem by ROBERT Frost

I have been one acquainted with the night.
I have walked out in rain - and back in rain.
I have walked by every Chiraq city streetlight.

I have looked down the saddest city lane.
I have passed by the ROBERT on his beat
And the MALE BLACK who “din do nuffin nome sayn”.

I had just topped the high score of the Space Cadet pinball fleet
When far away an interrupted cry
Came over houses from another street,

But not to call me back or say good-bye;
Just to AH AH at an unearthly height,
One luminary Count against the sky

Proclaimed the time for Real Robert Hours was right.
I have been one acquainted with the night.

>>127281065
>Bottle of 2016 Perrier Jouet
>Hand rolled cal rolls with dynamite, hamachi and salmon
>Fucking left coast. Not sure what time it is.
>Will try not to kill self with sushi knife (comes with it's own neat-o scabbard)
Please let the carnage begin. We are ready for dinner theatre.

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>>127282006
Saved to the database of dank ghostly robert memes.

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evening lads, what's everyone drinking tonight?

>>127281761
Look for the 'safaris'... that is when they send the lads on a wild goose chase. Read "Hell Safari" first, find out the good authors and go from there. And wear an adult diaper. You might need it.

>Elsie's ex girlfriend is trying to knock down the door

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>drunk driver

Shut those fag kids up mah boys

>>127282355
Kek I love it. Oddly enough, I really didn't have to change too much of this poem for it to Robert-ized.

>Literally stabbed in the back
Listening to this shit makes me feel so much better about where I live.

>stabbed in the back

>Stabbed in the back
X4 damage modifier.

f
asian
5'2
223lbs

THICC

>>127283241
Thats not THICC, that's a god damn shortstack

>>127283241
>>127283296
hot

'nutha burglary

>>127283368
Concur. Thick thighs save lives. Never forget this.

>>127283241
she dead? i missed that

>>127283473
Naw just missing

>>127283521
probably got stuck going through a door somewhere...

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>>127282381

Bogwater.

someone explain count muppet meme

Who is robot and why should he have checked his keys?

I'm new to this.

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>We're not bringing any bodies back.

>Oh ok disregard

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>>127283640
kek
How does someone that fat go missing? She mustn't be too hard to spot

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>>127283953
yeah from fucking space

>>127283867
>ROBERT is the hero Chiraq needs but doesn't deserve
can't you read?

>stealing laundry detergent
haven't heard that one yet

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>stole laundry detergent
why

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>man with stars on his pants
>Stole some laundry detergent

The nerve of these people.

>Male black stealing laundry detergent from Walgreens

>>127283867
you may want to read the op people on pol dont do hand holding well

>male black
>dirty

that does't sound like the easiest thing to steal either, bad choice male black

>>127284122
to wash clothing
shit is like 12 dollars a box, that's crack money

>black male stole laundry detergent

>>127284110
>>127284122

You need to brush up on black-folk habits
detergent is the #1 stolen item from hood marts, number 2 is baby formula

>>127284122
I used to work at a store where the detergent was kept locked up behind customer service because of all the thefts

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nigga really needed that laundry detergent he was stealing from Walgreens

>>127284313
is that why nogs smell all the time
they dont have soap kek

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>>127267265
any niggers dead?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u-TjLV2d26k

>>127284313
The formula is not surprising and even understandable. But why the fuck would they take detergent?

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>>127284439
dey got special soap

>>127284313

Why wouldn't someone replace laundry detergent with something funny instead? You know, as a prank? Bleach for example would instantly out anyone who steals laundry detergent because all their clothes would be bleached funky colors or be completely white walking down the street.

>has brand new iphone
>steals detergent
just what i imagine

>>127284610
stolen phone

>>127284669

>>127283703
>H20 bows to the Bogwater

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The REAL issue in Chiraq! Forget the fact that it's a war zone, this white guy is the REAL problem (pic related)

I really wonder how anyone listening to a chiraq police scan could focus on this non-issue.

>>127284543
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kOrZqJa00CQ

>>127284610
>>127284813
I'm in Lincoln Square and the phone store there was robbed a few days ago. It was early in the day, and four male blacks overpowered the one guy working there and ran off with boxes of phones.

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>>127285020

Typical Fucking Fake News

>>127285138
>>127284568

>carjacking

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>>127283858
count the shots with me
2 shots ah ah ah
4 shots ahahaha

body removal

>body removal
>female white in hallway, could be on drugs

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>>127283858
The count is an autistic statistician, Chicago brings him joy.

>>127285322
Drinking suicide game: take a shot for each shot fired

>need a body removal

What was that frightening screaming a moment ago?

Whoa, wtf?

What the fuck was that I just heard.

"Something something on her side"

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> chase is on...holding his side

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>>127267265
any dead niggers

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u-TjLV2d26k

>>127285637
>>127285642
ya i heard an "Oh shit"

What's the over / under for deaths this weekend? I'm going +/- 80

>>127285649

I thought they said something like "killed inside"

>>127285111
>Drug users are using Tide as currency with their drug dealers.
What the fuck man.

And what the fuck was that?

>>127285674
WATCH YOUR KEYS

>>127285674
>subject in custody
gg Robert

>>127285748
thats what I heard too

>>127285695
15 homicides, my guess

>10 code words in a row with no other message

What in the world is going on?

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>>127285765
>What the fuck man.
Makes sense. EBT being laundered through consumables.

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>body removal

>>127285819
Naw it was the name of the street that just sounded a lot like it. Like "Kilden" I think it was.

That sounded like CopLand when the cop got thrown off the roof.

Less than 40 days till July 4th, gonna grab some American import beer and get comfy all night.

...How do you lock your keys in your car while it's running?

>caller says the female has a baby in her hand
>intoxicated person shot a few times, is in the garage

>>127286305
It's like those metal ring rope puzzles that seem absolutely impossible to even put together

>some toxin leaking from the bed

>>127286305
By being a fucking idiot.

>hazmat spill

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If anyone has Netflix there was a documentary called the The Seven Five. Kinda makes me want to go to Chiraq and be a cop.

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homeless guy drinking in the lobby lel

>>127286746
Meant to say you anons might like it.

>>127274717
>white Porsche

They just mentioned a White Pontiac

>detergent thief is back with a "very large" duffel bag
>making his way to the detergent

>>127287218
are you shitting me? My meat loaf was done, I was out of the room

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THANK YOU ROBERT

>>127286880
Oh he'll be fapping soon

Op hasn't posted in a while should I make new bread?

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>>127287947
Bake at 300 if he doesn't come back. No reason to waste bread, anon.

>>127287947
yea

>head injury

>>127288033
>>127288074
Got everything ready, I'll post it at 300. Hope everyone is /comfy/

>20 shots fired

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>>127288495
Cheers, m8. It's nice taking a night off. I tend to bake at least one.

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>>127288576

10-4, ty robert

>>127284110
probably the number one thing nogs steal lol

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angry ex bf, lets see where this goes

christ is the windy city becoming the next detroit or something?

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>>127289093
No. Because Chicago has Robert Cop: The Furniture of Law Enforcement. Detroit is Detroit because nobody there gives a shit anymore.

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>>127289093

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>>127267265
SOOOO close!!!

>>127289393
Didn't we have hispanics tonight?

>>127289393
>Check yo keys
Ahaha only a matter of time. Pro Tip: On weekends and on holidays, we only play for blackout.

next edition should be memorial weekend mayhem edition, or mass death memorial edition or holiday weekend hell edition

>male 55 y/o on the ground
>bf throwing gf's things out the window. offender is intoxicated

>>127289507
yes I think we did

how come sometimes its so unusually quiet you can hardly hear them over the static?

>>127289745
distance attenuation of the signal. This broadcast is rotating between something like 12-15 different channels. There's a button, a red one, under the broadcastify widget that will tell you about it.

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just heard keys gg anon

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>>127289844
Bingo!

>silver honda accord
>trying to ram the police

>car trying to ram police

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>>127289967
Well done, laddie. Doesn't feel nice, that the chicanery and hoodwinking of Chiraq's natives has a positive byproduct? Damn satisfying.

>Trying to ram the police
You're gonna have a bad time.

>>127289928
>>127289928
>>127289928
>>127289928

MIGRATE

Top kek...

>trying to ram police

B A S E D
A
S
E
D

just came in, is it slow tonight?

>>127289842
oooh thank you
so we're not hearing all the action?
only ~1/12th of it if all channels are active at once?

>>127290174
wut

>>127290270
>>127290270
>>127290270

NEW BREAD

>>127290174
Fuck that guy

>>127290174
enjoy the ban lad?

>>127290174
thanks fag

>>127290338
It seems to lock on whenever someone's broadcasting.

>>127290174
Oh look, a faggot. How novel!

>>127290405
Migrating!