"avocado hand" is this shit real?

its cuz they hold it and swing their knife at it like a fucking retard instead of just putting it on the counter

>>126046733
anglos are clumsy with knifes
they should shoot at the avocado instead

File: avocado hand.jpg (320KB, 1200x1600px) Image search: [Google]

320KB, 1200x1600px

>>126046733
Yes it's fucking real you beaner and it's not funny. Your little "fruits" should have warning labels or better yet be banned. STFU and delete this thread.

>>126047456
no its because theyre swining a knife at it while its in their hand instead of placing it on the counter first

theyre fucking morons

>>126046932

>>126047456
my fucking sides!!!!!!!!

>>126047629
Honestly that's what I do, but I don't swing the knife like a meat cleaver.

>>126046733
I score around the seed and then twist. Then I stab the knife into the seed and pull it out. Finally I scoop the innards out with a spoon.

I am having a hard time seeing how that is dangerous..

>>126046733
it's a form of darwanism

>>126047456
How can you fuck up opening a avocado that badly?!?

>>126046733
I am a pro at cutting up Avo

>>126047456
HAHAHAHAHA

>>126046932
I hold it in my hand and it just werks. Then again, I'm not white.

File: bong.jpg (97KB, 400x587px) Image search: [Google]

97KB, 400x587px

>the British Association of Plastic, Reconstructive and Aesthetic Surgeons is now calling for safety labels on the fruit

>>126048562
>south africa
>white

>>126047456
HAHAHAHAHAHAHA and you faggots call us low iq savages.

>>126048777
Im just the right amount of white,.

>>126047456
>put warning labels on everything!! I'm not sure how to everything

american: the post

File: tumblr_ogmuwfrPqA1t4mby8o1_1280.jpg (260KB, 1280x870px) Image search: [Google]

260KB, 1280x870px

>>126048332
>>126048650
>I hold it in my hand

well have fun when it goes through the fucking avocado and u got a knife in your hand

i warned you

Avocado is injun savage food

>>126047629
Why would people cut it while holding it in their hand? Is that how they cut all their fruits?

Just wear a fucking cut glove. Roll the avocado around the blade. Wow, that was hard.

If you cut something in your hand without a cut glove, you deserve whatever happens.

It's like fucking $5 for an okay one and you can use it forever.

t. Guaca Jeb maker at Chipotle.

>>126049256
>roll on a table
are you guys so fucking incompetent that you cant open it only with a knife and your two hands?

File: IMG_1690.jpg (1MB, 3264x2448px) Image search: [Google]

1MB, 3264x2448px

>>126049151
they do this and jab the knife down really fast to get the pit out of it

and they wonder why they have a knife in their hand

Fucking morons. These people are why we have warning labels and why we should not have warning labels.
And we let these fucking assholes vote.
I just hate people

Why would you even use that much force? I try to keep the avocado in as best shape as possible so remove the centre gently.

>>126049521
If the knife is sharp enough to lodge into the pit and remove it then surely it could be done on the counter, right?

File: 1494470229009.jpg (155KB, 500x335px) Image search: [Google]

155KB, 500x335px

sometimes the pit is very soft, so if you try>>126049521 that it goes right through the pit into your hand, known many chefs who have had this happen to them.
avocados, unsafe food loved by millions, news at 11

>>126049481
That's Mexicans for ya.

>>126049521
Just use a spoon and scoop the seed out.

>>126049151
because thats the easy way to open it
>place the avocado on one of your hands
>use the knife to cut and roll the avocado for opening

File: 5aa5d6321cf7e5c16bef7f4ae6644980.jpg (10KB, 250x261px) Image search: [Google]

10KB, 250x261px

>>126047456

>>126046733
No way. No one can be so retarded.

>>126049481
>incompetent
I meant roll around while in your hand.

I don't put it down like some super pussy. I just roll the avocado around the blade and remove the seed, depositing the avocado all in one clean motion.

I've probably done nearly 30,000 avocados if my guestimate is correct.

>>126047456
>>126050045
... oh.

>>126049521
Wha... why?
Why not just cut the other half into fourths and remove the pit? You're going to slice it or mash it up anyways, who cares how you remove the pit? Just do it safely. These people need a boyscout to show them propper knife safety.

I bet they don't even check their safety circle before wacking away at their hand.

>>126046733
>>126047456
how?

>>126049737
>>126049860
you can do either one of those

i think theyre just trying to look professional when they do it or something

>>126049017
Like I said I dont use a cleaver, I just tap it with the knife and that work. The knife wouldn't even make it though warm butter with the amount of force that I use.

File: 1494129287384.jpg (22KB, 351x351px) Image search: [Google]

22KB, 351x351px

>>126046733
Why people doesn't just use a spoon? The avocado is like butter when it's mature.

Also
>try to cut avocado without removing the seed

File: gijoe5.jpg (84KB, 1024x768px) Image search: [Google]

84KB, 1024x768px

>>126049970
This.
This is how I cut open an avocado. I'm glad it's not just me.

what
if you're too retarded just use a spoon, it will cut through

>>126047456
wtf?

>>126050315
no whats actually happening is people are too lazy they would rather save one second than lose their hand

>>126047456
How dumb do you have to be to do this?
Cut the avocado in half, then chop into the core like a meat cleaver, turn knife and remove. Done

>>126050362
dude everyone i know from latin america opens avocados like that i just dont understand why white people make simple things complicated

>>126050525
>then chop into the core like a meat cleaver

thats exactly what that person did you retard

File: 1442789388512.png (208KB, 425x430px) Image search: [Google]

208KB, 425x430px

>>126050460
I'd probably choose saving one second over losing my hand too

File: 1463341751761.webm (3MB, 640x360px) Image search: [Google]

3MB, 640x360px

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
>AMERICANS

>>126046733
>British Association of Plastic, Reconstructive and Aesthetic Surgeons is now calling for safety labels on the fruit

t. nanny state

>>126050656
by the angle on the knife it seems like he tried to stab it instead of chopping it like a meat cleaver

>>126050745
Retarded doctor cuck wants to eliminate their own job. Kek.

>>126050656
He clearly stabbed straight through it. I meant to chop at it with the long, sharp side, not the tip.

>>126049256
>Need a special glove to use a knife

You are a special kind of retarded.

>Works at Chipotle

Yep, retard.

>>126050710
jesus fucking crhist

>>126046733
Snow white igloo leaf here.
I eat a few avacados a week. No issues. Must be a burger thing.

>>126046733
>>126047456
"Superior" White genes

>>126050710
Watching this made me feel so anxious, holy shit. Why.

>>126046733
>are white people so retarded that they cant open a simple avocado
You don't watch the news enough.

How often do you hear about mid-western ranch hands and their infatuation with this mexican fruit?

>>126050880
>>126050917
whether or not he did that or not

you can still have the knife go straight through the avocado and into your hand if you do it like that you fucking retards

you dont chop into the pit while its in your hand you put it on the counter

you guys deserve a knife in your hand

Find another pic, same pic as last time this came up

I'm calling fake as fuck until I see more evidence

>>126050710
What the fuck did I just watch?

>>126050710
AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!

>>126051034
It's a british article.

>>126047456
I would honestly get mid that to cut of the blade with a the angle grinder, pull that shit up and put it together as good as i can myself. That would be better then going to the hospital with a fucking vegetable stuck to your hand.

>>126046733
Never once hurt myself de-stoning an avacado.

Protip: don't us the pointy end

>>126049521
That is relatively safe, the retarded one is trying to cut out the pit like in anons picture. Another way people cut their hands is when they want to splay the avocado in vertical sections and slice through the skin onto their hand

This is what happens when you don't let your <10 year old kids use moderately sharp knives to fiddle shit when they are little. They grow old and then they fuck up their hand with a super sharp kitchen knife.

>>126046733
May your most beloved person die an agonizing death right in front of you.

>>126051026
>I'm a retard for following company policy and still being faster than you.

Nah. Try to keep up Pablo. If you cut enough corners maybe you can begin to match my throughput someday.

>>126051161
>going full force on the core
dude, just do a quick move but dont try to cut right through it, just get the knife stuck on the core

>>126051581
to be honest I think this happens because these people never seen a fruit in their lives that wasn't already in a can
I saw people not knowing that green coconuts exist

>>126051323
>cut of the blade with a the angle grinder

Just pull it out if you are going to do this. The angle grinder will move the blade around and if you have trouble cutting an avocado, using an angle grinder next to your hand will probably end in you cutting off the whole hand.

File: tumblr_oovctwTAKS1s2yc47o4_1280.jpg (293KB, 1280x853px) Image search: [Google]

293KB, 1280x853px

>>126051432
>That is relatively safe

relatively safe for people with knives in their hand

youre one of those retards who wants to save 1 second by swinging a knife directly at where your hand is at

same type of logic who swerve around people in traffic to save 2 seconds

hope you get a knife in your hand for being this degenerate

>>126051678
YA BUT YOU CAN MESS UP

you dont always get it perfectly and then it cuts you and you slip up and you it slides past the avocado and it fumbles out of your hand

like less than 1% of the time
but youre still a fucking imbecile for getting avocado pits out that way

>>126046733
I'm fucking sick of these worthless mods allowing anything and everything on a POLITICS board.

>>126051678
man mexican avocados are great dunno why my country dont invest in farming avocados

File: 1494030788716.jpg (122KB, 1278x1181px) Image search: [Google]

122KB, 1278x1181px

>when being able to cut open a nasty spic fruit is your races only achievement
never had an avocado and don't plan to I'm not a 30 year old californian soccer mom buying trendy overpriced garbage food with not really any benefits.

File: image_1[1].png (319KB, 595x396px) Image search: [Google]

319KB, 595x396px

The people hurting themselves with avocados are either incompetent or trying to be fancy by gouging the seed. If you hit a seed just right you can stick your knife and turn it popping the seed out neatly.

But much like "sabering" a champagne bottle, this is all stupid and unnecessary and anyone getting hurt doing it is a moron that deserves pain.

>>126046733
Retarded. Probably all non-whites.

>>126051069
White "master" race

>>126046733
white "people" like to talk shit about Latinos yet they go in droves to the hospital because they can't even open a fucking fruit with a knife without stabbing their hands hahahahahahahahahahahaha *agarra aire* HAHAHAHAHAHAGAHAGAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH

>>126051867
but avocados are political incorrect man what better place to post than /pol/

>>126047456
no really how do you fuck up this badly

>>126046733

Avocados are fucking disgusting, eat a tomato you mudmonkey

File: 123346676888.jpg (41KB, 725x723px) Image search: [Google]

41KB, 725x723px

>>126052060
>fruits are nasty

File: 1472229947211.jpg (30KB, 500x436px) Image search: [Google]

30KB, 500x436px

Ya know.

Maybe cuck-y Jebbie was a braver man than we knew.

He made guacamole and was presumably brave with the avocadoes.

File: tumblr_onele5Fn7r1s2yc47o2_1280.jpg (172KB, 819x1033px) Image search: [Google]

172KB, 819x1033px

>>126052069
>If you hit a seed just right you can stick your knife and turn it popping the seed out neatly.

or you can just place it on the counter to do it or scoop it out with a spoon

imbecile

you dont ever cut a fruit thats IN YOUR HAND in any way

>>126051806
>Just pull it out if you are going to do this.
The knife in the pick looks serrated so i would want to remove the tip before removing it. Look at how its placed in the hand to.
>The angle grinder will move the blade around and if you have trouble cutting an avocado
The idiot literally stabbed the whole fucking knife through his hand, there are several inches sticking out and you could just put it in a vice. I am just telling you what i would do i that situation, i live 1+ hour away from the hospital but i can get to the vice and angle grinder in a minute.

>using an angle grinder next to your hand will probably end in you cutting off the whole hand.
Maybe if you are limp wristed faggot

File: 1483661290113.jpg (55KB, 548x535px) Image search: [Google]

55KB, 548x535px

>>126052308
>being a favela monkey with no concept of english and assume I think all fruits are nasty because I don't like his runny green spic shit fruit

Sorry I don't have a jeb guac bowl fucking monkey

>>126046733
are you by any chance dating a british girl, my friend?

>>126052183
imagine trying to stab the fucking hard seed and the knife finally cutting through the soft flesh like lightening.

You probably wouldn't even feel it until it was too late. Just don't take the knife out it will open the wound like a champagne bottle

Ripe avocados can be cut with a butter knife.

>>126052542
there is no nasty fruit, there is nasty meat but fruits aren't nasty unless you're a bitch

>>126052542
Muslim cock is not a fruit

>>126049103
It's actually food for ice age megafauna as the seed is too big for anything alive today to swallow whole and shit out.

But people propagate it, so it hasn't gone extinct, which, by rights it should.

>>126052673
This too

File: kedh12y3hd9wefh7293d.jpg (178KB, 1920x1080px) Image search: [Google]

178KB, 1920x1080px

We could have prevented this kind of thing.
If only we voted for Jeb!.

>>126048650
never cut shit in your hand dumbass. enjoy your severed nerves

t. smart white man

File: Capture.png (41KB, 679x360px) Image search: [Google]

41KB, 679x360px

>>126052341
Not even Jeb is safe!

File: 10[1].jpg (39KB, 852x480px) Image search: [Google]

39KB, 852x480px

>>126051863
far safer than pic related, seriously you cant fuck it up unless you're cutting avocados while being drunk and high on meth
>>126051916
really? I actually want to taste other kinds of avocados, specially peruvian avocados

>>126047456
How do they not know how to do this?!

>>126047456
>white people

7 year olds here teach themselves how to cut a fucking aguacate. It's not rocket science.

>>126046733
yeah some people are dumb as fuck, the knife should be no where near the hands

File: 1451448876725.png (74KB, 1332x1336px) Image search: [Google]

74KB, 1332x1336px

>Make guac all the time
>Slice around it without thinking twice
>Swing my knife at the center, might miss, but I'm not retarded with blades
>Made many bowls of guac under the influence of various substances


I can see a small cut here and there if you aren't experienced, but how do you put a knife through your hand over this shit? You don't even need to swing hard to break into the pit to pop it out.

>>126046733
Yeah its because people don't realize avacado are so soft you can cut them with a metal spoon's handle

>ITT retards, clumsy americans and people who can do simple tasks

File: Screen Shot 2015-10-26 at 6.09.02 PM.png (380KB, 800x788px) Image search: [Google]

380KB, 800x788px

>>126052839
this man is a national treasure

>>126050710
looked like she was going to cut her finger pretty bad there

>>126046733
>>126046733
>"We don’t want to put people off the fruit but I think warning labels are an effective way of dealing with this. It needs to be recognisable. Perhaps we could have a cartoon picture of an avocado with a knife, and a big red cross going through it?”
>Anglos are soo retarded that they need cartoons to teach them how to cut a fruit

File: tumblr_oouiuk9pmi1s2yc47o1_1280.jpg (220KB, 1280x1280px) Image search: [Google]

220KB, 1280x1280px

>>126052971
>>126053091
already keep doing it then idiots

im just telling you the smarter and safer way to cut out an avocado pit on the counter

you can keep swinging at it while its in your hand all day long

but im not going to

>>126047456
HAHAHAHAHAHAAAA HAAHHAHA
*inhales*
HAHAHHAAAAAAAAHAAHAHAA

File: holyfuck.jpg (27KB, 500x500px) Image search: [Google]

27KB, 500x500px

>>126047456
how do you fuck up that bad?

File: smiling fat wojak.png (44KB, 633x758px) Image search: [Google]

44KB, 633x758px

>tfw i'm liking a qt pole girl who loves sweets
>tfw i'm starting to cook again
love really changes you
any recipe suggestions? I was thinking of doing a strawberry pie

File: 055.jpg (40KB, 500x333px) Image search: [Google]

40KB, 500x333px

>>126053418
you suppose to bite the seed with your knife lightly and then twist.

The seed will come clean out.

>>126049521
>>126049860

You don't fucking STAB the seed, jesus. You just tap the seed with the blade of the knife and the seed sticks to the blade, then you whack it on the edge of the trashcan, THEN you scoop with the spoon

>>126046733
yes. normies are idiots and can only post selfies on social media and drink alcohol

>>126052071
Lol no. Guarantee 90% of them are hipsters, for whatever reason hipsters eat tons of avocado.

File: 20140105_082206.jpg (2MB, 4128x2322px) Image search: [Google]

2MB, 4128x2322px

>>126053617
you can chop into it while its resting right on the counter

you do not need to be holding it in your hand ! for fucks sake

>>126053713
you can chop into it while its resting right on the counter

you do not need to be holding it in your hand ! for fucks sake

I wouldn't believe this was a common thing if I didn't watch my brain dead gf stab her hand. She was trying to push a steak knife into the pit to remove it, but the knife just slid to the side and went through the avocado and into her palm. Just barely missed an artery.

>>126046733
Because people use dull knives. That is how most cuts in the kitchen happen. If you have a sharp knife you just hold the avocado seed side up in your hand and tap it gently with the blade. It should stick in. Then you use two fingers from the backside of a blade to pinch the seed into the garbage can. People just try to pull it off and it's too slippery to grip. Don't forget, celebrities and women are retarded also numale fags that eat 1000 avocados a month are retarded. Anyone know has any knife skills at all won't cut themselves.

>>126050710
omg that was hard to watch

>>126053799
yes chop is key.

stabbing is a no no

>>126052437
dont be such a fucking pussy, we're talking about lightly tapping the seed. if you don't have the fucking dexterity for that just gas yourself now

>>126049521

The easiest way to do it is to use the tip of the knife horizontally to lever the seed out.

If there is too much resistance, the avocado is not ripe enough.

>>126050710
when ever I'm faced with something I've no experience with I use my brain and search youtube for example on how to cut something -.-

>>126050710
What's the webm from? Those blue and white striped aprons seem like more of a British thing.

>>126053617
YES

AND FUCKING HOLD IT IN YOUR HAND

IF YOU DONT HAVE THE DEXTERITY FOR A GOD DAMN HALF INCH WRIST CHOP GAS YOURSELF NOW

File: tumblr_op0amyUlIB1s2yc47o7_1280.jpg (126KB, 1200x900px) Image search: [Google]

126KB, 1200x900px

>>126053967
>dont be such a fucking pussy,

ok then continue you can have a chopped hand in fact you deserve it because you didnt want to listen to my advice >>126053799

keep thinking youre a tough guy

>>126054003
no the easiest way to do it , is to not hold it in your hand at all

>>126048954
you are

>>126052986
we are talking about avocados

>>126054060
shouldn't feel bad about that. Especially since parents don't like to teach any longer we get sent to hogwarts to learn magic

>>126053799
fuckin pussy dindu

>>126053799
placing it on the counter is like using lifting gloves at the gym

>>126054156
dude you set that shit on the counter, and its wobbling around and shit, just fucking grab it and tap it with a 1/2 inch chop god damnit dude what the fuck is so hard. DONT STAB. CHOP.

HALF

INCH

CHOP

FUUUUUUUUG

>>126054169
Says the "superior" race who can't cut a fucking avocado without stabbing their hands. Phfhahaha.

>>126046733
Jeb Bush psyop to increase Guac sales

>>126052437
Shut the fuck up how else do you eat apples without looking like a fucking child

File: tumblr_oorhheaKhd1s2yc47o6_1280.jpg (378KB, 1024x1365px) Image search: [Google]

378KB, 1024x1365px

>>126054490
it doesnt wobble around you can still tap it into the seed while its resting on the counter ive done it a lot

or you can use a spoon to scoop out the seed

hope you chop through your hand

>>126050656
remove hand from below the avocado and place it on a chopping board to ensure your gf stays safe and sound

>>126054622
lmfao

>>126053518
>Pole

May as well fuck a tartar

File: img_7482juzcordm.jpg (120KB, 782x450px) Image search: [Google]

120KB, 782x450px

>>126046733
>shill /pol/ with avocado bread
>up reactionary libtard demand
>mexico gains more leverage
>the wall is never built

>>126054490
Never put any part of yourself in front of the blade.

I learned that on a bandsaw, but it applies just as well in the kitchen. You don't follow safety procedures because everything always goes perfectly.

>>126046733
why are you so slow you nigger, this was on drudge report a week ago

>>126047456
hahahahaha

>>126046733
Use a fucking spoon.

File: IMG_3022.png (969KB, 696x928px) Image search: [Google]

969KB, 696x928px

>>126054490
OH YEAH HALF IN---- OH FUGG SLIPPERY SEED SLIPPERY SEED

>>126054665
dude what a beta way to get the seed.

>ewww
>sets avacado on counter
>squeemishly grabs knife
>winces
>tilts head away
>STAB
>STAB AGAIN
>fug this too scary
>sweating
>grab spoon
>SPOON OUT HALF THE FUCKING AVOCADO ALONG WITH THE GOD DAMN SEED


or

>FUCKING CHOP THE SEED AND WHACK ON EDGE OF TRASHCAN
>WET
>PUSSY
>SMELL

>>126054745
Story time please m8

I hold it almost like I'm going to peel it like a potato. with the knife and the avocado in the same hand and my thumb on the back of the blade, but with the blade perpendicular to the avocado skin rather than tangential. Then I use my other hand to rotate the avocado and cut all around it. Once I've gone all the way around I gently twist one half relative to the other to separate it from the pit and pull the halves apart, before using a teaspoon to remove the pit from the other half and subsequently scoop the flesh out of the skin.

And you?????????????????

>>126052542
dont you have some prayers to do, muhhamed?

>>126054201
I swear most normies i talk too don't even know educational videos exist on youtube, they just think its a place to watch retard videos that might have been funny 10 year ago... They also think I'm weird for not watching TV, looking at me like I'm some sort of nutcase that should be locked up.

Last place I worked at I had to listen to the radio all day, it use to drive me insane listening to nothing but degeneracy and an hourly update of fake news and being spoken to like I'm fucking stupid.

Fuck I hate what this place has done to me.

>>126054745
HALF INCH CHOP
A
L
F

I
N
C
H

C
H
O
P

>>126055110
LMFAO

HAHAHA

>>126055210
>>FUCKING CHOP THE SEED AND WHACK ON EDGE OF TRASHCAN
>>WET
>>PUSSY
>>SMELL

clean your bin dude...

>>126055640
LMFUGGAO AHHHA
AHAHA
fug

>>126055750

its ur mum sitting on the counter watching m8

>>126055478
true, I worked in an all female office once with christian radio. I had to go home and was my ears out with heavy metal, I don't even like heavy metal music.

>>126055898
AHAHAAA OMFUGG

>>126055110

Clear evidence of at least 3/4 inch of a chop there mate, you have no one to blame but yourself

>>126056040
>>126056108
ahahahah

look out dude I see a pineapple in your future

File: ari4T01.jpg (93KB, 610x404px) Image search: [Google]

93KB, 610x404px

>>126055898

File: 1490987277954.png (573KB, 1106x1012px) Image search: [Google]

573KB, 1106x1012px

>>126047456
i NEED to know HOW, WHO, where and when!

>>126056286
Breh I cut in my hand because I'm not an incompetent shithead I'm just fucking with you eat a cucumber faggot

>>126055299
>cutting a piece of wood on a bandsaw
>it's a small piece so i'm steadying it with my thumb
>thumb in front of blade but i'm watching carefully as i guide the wood in
>dude calls to me from across the shop
>turn to look at him
>as i turn move my hand out of the way of the blade so i don't accidentally cut myself
>because i'm not looking where i'm moving my hand i end up moving it forward and to the side instead of just to the side
>ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ
If you ever need to cut up a body a bandsaw will have no trouble at all. I sawed all the way through my thumb just above the knuckle. They reattached it, which was a pain in the ass to deal with. If it had been any other finger they said they wouldn't have bothered, but people need their thumbs.

It really fucking hurt, too.

Anyway, ever since that day I have become the safety Nazi. It was just my thumb but it could be some young kid's hand. If you take a bandsaw blade from between your index fingers back towards your wrist that will ruin your shit forever, and it can happen to you. The amount of dumb shit I have seen people do, and used to do myself, amazes me. You work with dangerous tools long enough and you get complacent, and then you get fucked up.

Did you ever hear the story of the guy who got "coupled" between rolling stock?

>>126046733
>And the British Association of Plastic, Reconstructive and Aesthetic Surgeons is now calling for safety labels on the fruit, advising people on how to cut them safely.
Literally a nanny state

>>126054490
I stabbed, only one time, and the knife did indeed slip around the pit and the blade went into my hand. Luckily, it did not go far so I didn't go to the doctor or anything. That was like 9 years ago.

>>126050710
>Even comes complete with some balding cuck who's too afraid to tell them they're doing it wrong.

File: IMG_2731.jpg (67KB, 600x510px) Image search: [Google]

67KB, 600x510px

>>126056515
Jesus that made me cringe. Thank you for this story. I had many moments where I almost fucked up bad, using belt sanders, table saws, and hand saws. I guess I'm lucky I'm learning without the pain. And no I have not heard of the guy who got "coupled"
Tell me more

File: 1424530091756.jpg (20KB, 251x242px) Image search: [Google]

20KB, 251x242px

>>126052069
>il ne sabre pas son champagne

>>126047456
There is NO way you could drive a kitchen knife through an avocado pit like that.
You would have a hard time getting through one with a power drill.

>>126046733
Heck I know a guy who just murdered his hand cutting open an avocado a few weeks back. I guess there is some truth to this shitpost.

>>126057049
dude what the fuck were trying to do to the seed!? you literally need the edge of your blade

THE EDGE

not the TIP

the edge, to go in 1. fucking. millimeter.

you're out here trying to fucking bayonette the god damn seed like you're staring down a dindu in the civil war man. take it easy.

1/2
inch
chop

>white people
>can cook

pick one

>>126057597
It didn't go through the pit, take a second look.

>>126057196
It's a story I saw on the internet and the guy had pictures to prove it, and having since done more reading it's definitely plausible. It all stems from a phrase I saw used to refer to some people who got killed on a theme park ride over here: the paramedics said they suffered "injuries incompatible with living." Strange way to say "they died," I thought, so I came here and an anon pointed me to a website I've since long forgotten.

Anyway, the guy worked in a switching yard for rolling stock - train engines, cars, that kind of stuff. Switchers often need to cross the tracks and when they start getting complacent they might try to cross between rolling stock that is being coupled. You see where this is going. Dude thinks he can make it, tries to dart between rolling stock being coupled, doesn't make it. This is where it gets grisly.

You see, it turns out you actually don't need anything below your ribcage to stay alive, at least in the short term. The dude's body around the waist was just utterly fucking crushed but the "pinching" action of the rolling stock kept his torso sealed at the bottom, preventing his blood and guts from spilling out. If you think that seems unlikely, consider how much force two train cars being shoved into each other would involve. I think enough to hold what is essentially just a bag of water well shut. At this point the guy is obviously going to fucking die. No way he isn't. As soon as the train cars are separated he will literally fall apart. This is what "injuries incompatible with life" means. It's pointless to even try.

But he's not dead yet. In fact he is quite alive, and will remain so for potentially hours. Paramedics are called, a sheet is put up to conceal the fact that he is an amputated torso held in the air by two train cars, his wife is rushed down, etc. etc. It was a lot more harrowing described by the guy - I can only remember the facts, not the feelings. Then they pull the train cars apart, and that's that.

File: retard.png (32KB, 490x483px) Image search: [Google]

32KB, 490x483px

>>126047456
Here's how I imagine it went down

Fucking stupid third worlders and burgers trying to be smart arses. Bin the cleavers, and use a butter knife and spoon. Its not worth injuring yourself.

>>126058505
kek'd loudly

>>126058382
Ah, yep, here it is.
https://www.reddit.com/r/62_526774_113_992411/comments/2r6sqr/story_final_moments_of_someone_still_alive_pinned/

>plebbit
Alas, I have no other recourse.

File: image relatable.jpg (77KB, 782x394px) Image search: [Google]

77KB, 782x394px

>>126058027
Yes, I know. Worst part is that I already knew the right way to do it. Seemed like a good idea at the time. Needless to say, I haven't been cut with a knife in a kitchen since, and I keep my blades SHARP.

>>126058268
>Hurrr durr what are French people

>>126058359
Ok if he tried to stab the pit and the knife slid off to the side that is possible
only if you are a moron though
BUT even if he drove the knife through his/her hand the would not transport him with the fruit still attached to his hand or the would have removed it instantly at the hospital
so I still call fake

>>126050710
Everyone knows you open a nuts with a hammer.

>>126058819
Go eat your kebab

>>126047456

Just imagine, 100 years ago that stupid asshole would have died from infection instead of having his boo-boo kissed

>>126058830
He could've had someone drive him to the hospital and could've taken that picture before the doctor arrived to remove the knife.

>>126059741
now he breeds

>>126058830
you are not suppose to touch anything when you have something sharp inside you, because it wont come out the same way it went in.

>>126046733
>british intellectuals

Also gonna check that uncommon flag.

File: silver-spoon-granulated-sugar-1kg.jpg (72KB, 600x600px) Image search: [Google]

72KB, 600x600px

>>126050710
>>126054106
It's British. "Silver Spoon" is not an American brand of sugar.

>>126056515
>If you ever need to cut up a body a bandsaw will have no trouble at all
You don't use a bandsaw for that because then you'll have to clean the whole machine inside out. You'll want a butcher's knife to debone the meat and cut it to convenient pieces plus something like a hacksaw to cut larger bones to small pieces. Far easier to just dispose of a few hand held tools.

File: IMG_5166.png (207KB, 400x400px) Image search: [Google]

207KB, 400x400px

>>126047456

Wew

Most likely the retards hurting themselves don't realize how soft the avocado seed actually is, and instead of just tapping the knife into the seed try to hit it with full force, and end up cutting straight through it and into their own hand.

>>126054665
The level of autism in your posts is palpable. Like 2 dozen responses shilling your shitty avocado removal method. Nobody gives a shit since most of us are capable of pitting an avocado without injury while holding it in our hands, you fucking cuck.

File: 1493864465806.gif (645KB, 500x580px) Image search: [Google]

645KB, 500x580px

>>126047456
This is the people shitposting all day about being genetically superior.

Are Salvadorans so retarded that their country is crippled by MS-13?

>>126046733
>knife too sharp
>cut too fast through
>slippery kernel
>knife sliding fast, finger gone

So basically don't cut fast with your sharp knives and use either sharp ones or unsharp ones, not both, so you can adapt to it.

>>126061033
>unsharp ones
The ONLY unsharp knife you should have in your kitchen is a butter knife, and god help you if that's what you resort to using to slice and pit your avocado. Dull knives are not safe, learn to hone your knifes you subhuman slavic fuck

>>126047456
Typical case of industrial fruit, kernel too soft due deficiency of light and calcium. They pump it up with water in cellar and has no substance, nor taste.

>>126046733
Who knows?
How damn stupid do you have to be to inflict an ER level injury peeling an avocado?
We need to ban cooking shows. (/s)

>>126061302
>implying i can cut my hand with dull knives
Better safe than sorry. I like them 50% sharp.

>>126047456
Look to the left of the arm and you will no longer question who would be dumb enough to do this
>women

File: IMG_2980.jpg (6KB, 56x70px) Image search: [Google]

6KB, 56x70px

>>126058382
Alright. That satisfied that weird place in my head. That is some very fucked up shit.

File: 1494337003747.png (243KB, 470x588px) Image search: [Google]

243KB, 470x588px

>>126047456
HOW THE FUCK

>>126061777
You use more force with a dull knife, increasing risk of injury due to slippage, etc. Stop being lazy and sharpen your knives.

>>126061997
I just use serrated knives. The duller they get, the more you saw, so no risk of slipping.

>>126061997
That's the theory, but not practice. You don't need surgical knives in kitchen. Look, in USA you use a lot of stress medication, sharp knives should be a no no. Sure a cook could use sharp knives, but do cooks even know how to perfectly cut a fruit? They cut it in cube so it goes fast, lots of waste. At least those so called supper cooks on television, they always cut on cube, throw away lots of it. I wouldn't take advice from those.

>>126056515
>>If it had been any other finger they said they wouldn't have bothered, but people need their thumbs.

I know this feel

>working on conveyor belt
>moving shit on and off it etc
>pinky gets stuck on bottom half
>20 seconds as my pinky is going around the conveyer I try to get it out
>gets snapped off and pinky lost in conveyer
>missing pinky between last two knuckles

I'll never forget trying to get my pinky out as it went around the conveyer. RIP

Had a coworker wearing old as fuck jeans while working with a woodchipper

Jeans got caught and was slowly pulling him in and out of nowhere his jeans ripped off. If they had been new jeans he would've been woodchips.

>>126061978
>Person studies avocado
>person realizes the delicious part is being hidden by a big hard seed
>person also notices the skin of the avocado is firm and temptingly grippable
>person considers options
>person chooses stabbing the seed, obviously it should work since the point of the knife is the sharpest, and will slip in to the seed
>person gets rushed to hospital because person didn't take personal skill in knife mastery in to account

File: she is digging for gold in a different way.jpg (62KB, 715x673px) Image search: [Google]

62KB, 715x673px

>>126052341
>>126052839
>>126053226

He gave more than a smart man and more than an articulate man.

He made that guacamole, dammit.

Then he bravely bandaged himself (or had help) and gave a speech!

>please applaud

>>126058505
Holy kek!

>>126047456
AYYYYY KEK

>>126050880
>stab the avocado hard while holding it
holy FUCKING KEK...

File: 1416907238952.png (387KB, 598x369px) Image search: [Google]

387KB, 598x369px

>using a dull knife
>swinging at the seed like a fucking gorilla

You just need to use a decently sharp chef's knife and lightly tap the seed. The blade will bite into it and you can twist it out.

If you're dropping the blade from more than half an inch, or hard enough that you could cut through the avocado's flesh in one swing, you're doing it wrong.

>>126061033
No, just dont put your hand infront of the direction of the knife fuckwit

>>126063430
>swinging at seed like a fucking gorilla
lmao

>>126047456
i'ma triaining for da race war dawg!
>stab his own hand really fucking bad

SHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEIT!!!!

>>126047456
AYYYYYY LMAO. How do someone even manage to do this??

>>126062344
They cut it in cubes to make their dishes look good. Aesthetics are more important than not wasting ingredients especially when it comes to high end restaurants.

File: retard.png (44KB, 490x456px) Image search: [Google]

44KB, 490x456px

>>126058505
Forgot a detail

File: download.jpg (13KB, 260x194px) Image search: [Google]

13KB, 260x194px

>>126064187
I really don't know. Dumb asses who try to look cool when making "nachos" or something.

>>126062344
You don't need surgically sharp knives--- however, all of my knives are sharp enough to shave with, and I only sharpen them once every 6 months or so. You should use a steel to hone them a bit before you use them, and it keeps the edge aligned enough that you only have to sharpen once in a blue moon. Having dull knives in your kitchen is nothing short of lazy.

>>126062216
Millenial cooking at its finest.

File: jeb.jpg (111KB, 920x537px) Image search: [Google]

111KB, 920x537px

>>126062586
>even thinking about letting your wife eat guac prepared by someone other than you
What are you, a guackold?

>>126065923
> dull knives in your kitchen is nothing short of lazy
I know right! Dumbasses just making it harder on themselves when they don't sharpen every now and then.Makes it a useful self defense weapon too.
>>126062216
Wait.... aren't those only for bread?
>>126065981
Once again,millennials being idiots."The guac is two dollars extra, is that okay?"

>>126046733
>>126047456
lmao you literally just cut around the seed and twist. Why are people stabbing through the fruit?

>>126047456
>>126046733
GUYS, WE"RE STILL THE MASTER RACE RIGHT??!?

>>126051863
>YA BUT YOU CAN MESS UP

No, you can't unless you're fully retarded.

>>126058505
saved

>>126066744
Here's an idea for you--- last time I sharpened, instead of using a progression of waterstones, I used a progression of lapping film (from e.g. ThorLabs). I've had a lot of luck sharpening my straight razors with lapping film, but I figured I'd give it a try on some of my carbon steel kitchen knives--- and it worked great! vs. a waterstone, the lapping film gives you an incredibly polished edge. My only complaint is that where I can get several sharpenings from a single sheet of film with a straight razor, the film is pretty much spent with 1 or 2 kitchen knives (more metal to remove).

>>126046733
What do these stories about the "avocado hand" and buy less avocado sandwiches and instead more houses that are pushed on us mean?
Is it now avocado weeks for elite Satanists or something?

File: Satans semen.jpg (15KB, 297x170px) Image search: [Google]

15KB, 297x170px

>>126067764
So its the best edge ever (for only 2 times) vs great edge many times over. Something to consider there.
>>126067942
Apparently avocado translates to "testicle tree"
*pic related*

>>126069140
>So its the best edge ever (for only 2 times) vs great edge many times over. Something to consider there.
Basically yeah--- there are a few more considerations as well. Waterstones are more expensive as an initial outlay than the films, you have to soak them for hours in advance of sharpening, you have to periodically level them out, the sharpening surface is smaller than films, etc. But yeah, if I could find a dirt cheap source for lapping film I'd probably use them exclusively, but the price parity just isn't there yet.

One more protip: the best sharpening lubricant is shaving lather (made from actually shaving soap with a brush, not the canned stuff).

>>126047456
>stabbing an avocado

Fucking millennials. Worst generation.

>>126047456
Mandatory Knife Skills classes when?
>prepping avocado with a fucking steak knife.

>>126053799
underrated

>>126069900

NO. FUCKING HOLD IT IN ONE HAND AND
>HALF
>INCH
>CHOP

>1 MILLIMETER
>INTO
>SEED

>TWIST

>>126070388
OR

Quarter it after cutting it in half. Then just pluck the pit out of the remaining quarter it's stuck in. No flinging knives in the direction of your body required.

>>126070388
This, if your knife is fairly heavy you can practically just use the weight of the knife, rather than using an anime knife swing to try and pit a damn avocado.

>>126047456
HOW?!

File: Idiot Sandwich.jpg (93KB, 500x498px) Image search: [Google]

93KB, 500x498px

>>126069514
> actually shaving soap with a brush, not the canned stuff
Damn that stuff looks good.Now I won't even consider the canned stuff.Also, waterstones look more economical and practical for someone to actually use.After all,I don't think lapping film was designed for blades (correct me if i'm wrong).
>>126069873
No,I think anyone stupid enough to do THAT should go to a mental health clinic.*pic related*

>avocados all over the news suddenly
>everyone on /pol/ is either to afraid to name (((Big Avocado))) for some bluepilled reason


how far we have fallen

File: Shit.jpg (58KB, 402x195px) Image search: [Google]

58KB, 402x195px

>>126071337
You mean mexico?

File: 1495128567663.png (509KB, 750x573px) Image search: [Google]

509KB, 750x573px

>>126053617
>>126053799
This is the most intuitive thing I've ever seen. How the fuck do millennials mess it up this >>126047456 bad? I don't understand. This has to be some kind of joke. Please, this has to be a joke..

>>126071287
>Damn that stuff looks good.
It is, I highly recommend wet shaving.

>>126071287
>Also, waterstones look more economical and practical for someone to actually use.After all,I don't think lapping film was designed for blades (correct me if i'm wrong).
Yeah, I'd probably recommend waterstones over the films, particularly for a beginner. And yes, lapping films are actually designed to polish the ends of fiber optic cables, not to sharpen blades. The usefulness is that they come in a wide variety of very high uniform grits (the finest film that ThorLabs offers IIRC is .3 micrometer diamond film).

>>126071337
http://jewishbusinessnews.com/2016/10/25/europe-to-israel-more-avocado-please/

like pottery

>>126071337
fuck avocado is aguacate

>>126072021
Just googled the thorlabs stuff and they actually seem cheap-ish. Also, isn't Israel basically desert?How the HELL do they grow avocados?

>>126050710
>generalising population because of trash TV
Oh boy, liveleak is full of flipflop wearing Brazilians

>>126047456
Jesus fucking christ.

File: money.jpg (43KB, 475x317px) Image search: [Google]

43KB, 475x317px

>>126047456
SEE MILLENNIALS! THIS IS WHAT YOU GET FOR HAVING AVOCODO TOAST INSTEAD OF SAVING UP FOR A HOME!

>>126049151
yes. that's how I do it. never had a problem. cut toward thumb while paring. hold avo in hand and chop knife into pit. etc.

>>126050625

It's a combination of factors, they see chefs do it that way so they just try to copy them not realising chef's cork for a job and these fuckwits haven't cooked anything that didn't go in a microwave since 2011, the other is that avo on toast has become a big fad food so every cunt is doing it

>>126074995
are those avocado toasts expensive? here i can make one with 40 cents

>>126053799
What the fuck. Hold the avocado in your hand, hold the knife in the other, chop down but lightly so you just tap the blade down, and twist.

If you weren't retarded and bought a ripe avocado, the pit should come out.

Holy shit you're all retarded.

File: El-Salvador-small-home.jpg (78KB, 800x538px) Image search: [Google]

78KB, 800x538px

>>126076105
>are those avocado toasts expensive? here i can make one with 40 cents
No wonder you can afford Avocado toast.

File: 4t34t4t4q3.png (476KB, 526x469px) Image search: [Google]

476KB, 526x469px

>>126049017
only stupid people hold thing there cutting in their hand

then they exemplfy their stupidity by making lame excuses why the HAVE to do it wrong way.

Same as morons that cut toward themselves instead of away from their body.

They all deserve what they get

>>126046733
Avocados taste like slimy shit

>>126048351

>stab the knife into the seed

Not with the point, right? Use the base of the blade and twist the seed to remove it.

>>126077647
have you tried slimy shit?

ugh thats disgusting

File: 1451314252765-1.jpg (27KB, 500x500px) Image search: [Google]

27KB, 500x500px

>>126061552
Is this true?

I think it is mostly people getting into avocado toast doing this dumb shit. They probably suck at boiling water. Anybody worth a shit in the kitchen knows how to cut and prepare an avocado because they've been eating avocados long before this avocado toast horse shit. My dumb ass sister stabbed herself in the hand cutting an avocado. It is real. People like this exist. I know first hand.

You're all wrong. Just grab the fucking thing and bite into it like an apple ffs

>>126047456
lol what the fuck how can you be this stupid.

>>126047456
>Tfw women tried to prep avacado
>dumb bitch stabs the avacado
>Stands it with so much force, it goes through the hard pit, connective tissue and bone

Jesus fucking christ

>>126047456
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH
WHITE PPL ARE DUMB

>>126050710
amerishits

File: _54480767_012603405-1.png (331KB, 660x371px) Image search: [Google]

331KB, 660x371px

>>126046733
not reading article, archive it
>but bongs'n'knifes
we're grown up with them here, so we know how to handle them. Gutting fish since before I could walk.

Same as
>A fox is not a fucking dangerous animal
pic related is
this one ate a foreigner

>>126047456
Holy Kek. How is that even possible?
I understand why the force some of you anglos to use sporks now.

>>126077038
>there
>they're

>exemplfy

fuck, you sound stupid

Just scoop the damn thing out with a thin spoon omg why

>>126052466
>live 1+ hour away from the hospital
i never realized how good we have it here in the states.
you can find a hospital 5 to 15 minutes in every direction (not exaggerating)

>>126049707
>These people are why we have warning labels and why we should not have warning labels.
I love this phrase, and sentiment shared

I can't believe this warrants a lengthy discussion

This is why white people are getting bred out


I always stab the knive right into the seed while holding it in my palm, in a sharp whipping motion with a loose knife-grip. Because I feel like a fucking champ just stabbing my food.

And never did I think I could harm myself because I can into basic motor skills

>>126052839
>This man could have been the leader of a world superpower
>people still say /pol/ does everything for the lulz
You bet rhe wrong horse, and sadly it won

>>126048351
Is this a joke?
You should only eat it when it's so mature that the seed falls naturally.

>>126049776
It shouldn't matter how hard or soft the pit is.
If you have a knife that isn't duller than a turd, it'll lodge itself into any avocado pit without much force at all.
Idiots who can't figure out how to do a little knife movement that wouldn't cut their hand even if there wasn't anything there at all or to just use a spoon because they may be a clumsy or uncoordinated fuck, but at least they know it, are the only problem.

>>126046733
im white and eat 2 avocados a day. i have yet to bleed in the process of cutting and depitting

>>126046733
I think its mainly hipsters, soccer moms, and a pretentious demographic that has the issue. I can cut an avocado no problem, never hold the fucker.
>>126047456
Its takes a stabbing motion to get that sort of depth. You cut around the circumference and use a fucking spoon to get it out.