Just ordered my awesome new stick snapper from biolite. Fuck

>>971507
This is a joke, right?

the only justification i can see for this is if you're an amputee with only 1 hand.

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It seems that that was last year's model. Hopefully this year's model works on twigs as well

>>971521
You'd still have your legs.

>>971518

No more so that hammering a fucking belt knife into a log?

You salty gaylords might not like it but this is how best performance look like

>>971507

How many sticks can it snap an hour?

>Asking for a friend.

>>971507
I hope that didn't cost more than a 90° crescent wrench. Craftsman is warranted until they go bankrupt a final time.

>>971553
>caring how much it costs
i wouldn't carry that if it was free. any stick i can break with the grip strength of one hand i can snap with both hands and save the weight of this "tool"

>>971537
My sides

>>971555
You're already a fat tool Anon.

How the hell do you mount a GO-PRO onto one of these things?

>>971507
Who in this world would ever spend money on this?

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>>971507


WHAT IS IT WITH THE SHITPOSTING GOING ON HERE TODAY?!?

10/10

https://www.amazon.com/Bio-Lite-CAA1001-Seamless-Stick-Snapper/dp/B019WDE8DA

does your dad stick that up your nostril

>>971626
jfc, it's real?

My fucking sides.

>>971596
White people

>>971600
Sweet!

>>971630
Holy shit. If you buy this, you will spammed with the most useless shit for the rest of your life.

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>an actual review of it.

>>971694
>12% battery
Meme overload!

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>>971507
I already have one, though it has more than one use.

>>971694
What you are about to read is an actual review.

"Hydration Lurch

I recently found myself in a hydration lurch. Tired and parched from snapping twigs, I wasn't sure I had the energy to open my icy cold bottle of suds. Damn you import beer.

I first tried the bottle opener on my Swiss Army Knife, but I scarcely had the energy to pull it from the sheath.

It was then that I realized that the twig snapper I had been using to save my stick snapping knee had a double purpose; it would also remove bottle caps...caps attached to glass bottles which I had illegally smuggled into the provincial park. Said glass bottles are understandably illegal because they are prone to breaking and could pose a hazard to wildlife or other people. Nonetheless, I was glad that I had the Stick Snapper. I could have perished due to dehydration without it. That or starved to death due to lack of fuel.

Definite must have."

>>971600

Best use for paracord I've seen.

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>Unitaskers in the woods

>>971600
My friend bought one of those at Bonaroo.
>>971507
>touching wood with your hands
Top pleb.

>>971507
You can't use your god-given muscles to do this? You had to buy a gimmick to break sticks into pieces? Any stick you'll be breaking with that could be broken by hand, and it'll do nothing but bend anything still remotely green.

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>>971779

Ahem.

>>971975
Trust a God botherer to try and start a fire with green twigs...

>>971965
underrated reference

but shirly it can be used as a bottle opener and prostate stimulator as well?

>>972002
If your prostate can fit it. And don't call me shirly.

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>>972006
I was kinda thinking of just scraping at it like a raptor claw, Laverne

>>971997
Go ahead, try that, see where it gets you. It won't get you drunk, that's for sure because those are shit at opening bottles.

>>971600

So is there a tube in the center of all that paracord? How are you suppose to properly get hihg on ayyweedlmao with such a tiny ass bowl?

>>971521
Yes, arms are just a waste of weight.
Do you know how much mass you can shave off by replacing one arm with this???

>>972099
With the advent of legalization in several states, good weed is easier to get everywhere.

>>971965
>Not bringing your claws to make some pulled meats when /out/

>>972086

>Drinking just to get drunk

Wanna talk about it champ?

>>971694
>a tool of convince

Whelp, there you go. It's a tool of convince. Oh, Arnell...

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>>972132

>drinking alcoholic drinks without trying to get drunk

Quiet the nuanced and sophisticated pallet you have, my pretentious fucktard.

>>972159
>quiet

Maybe you've had a few too many already. Best you go to bed Anon.

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>>971694
>princess needs tool to brake sticks
>princess needs tool to know how long the sticks must be
I now wait for someone to start selling designated, seasoned & propperly cut sticks in packs of 40, so that princess can buy it online for 24,99$ and bring to the woods with him.

>>972132
Meaning you can't open bottles very well with it.

>>972545

Pretty sure you can already buy that kind of thing at gas stations.

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>>971537
I hope they make an assisted model this year.

>>971543

You can snap branches with your hands

You can't split wood with your hands; you can with a small knife if you want (and it won't bother the knife, albeit you'll end up using more energy than if you just used some form of hatchet).

>>972919

>you can't split wood with your hands

Not with that attitude.

>>972891
>Year of our Lord 2017
>People pay money for sticks to carry & burn in the woods
"Bringing firewood into forest" used to be a term to describe people of low intelect.
Sigh... I feel old now...

>>971507
too bad I'm right-handed. it's probably a left-handed-only tool, because you would miss a hand on the left side to hold the stick.

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>>971694
>Are there other ways to snap sticks, absolutely.

>>971507
Nice marketing faggot, now get out.

>>971550
>inb4 fully automatic snapping device

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If your really wanna snap some sticks, get this guy. Real easy to just hook on your minivan, and drive into the forest.

>>973751

I'm paying for a tax stamp just for that.

>>972132
Is there any other reason to drink? alcohol tastes like shit

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>>976644
Stop drinking vodka like a teenager and drink a real drink with some taste of its own.

>>972891
That's more meant for home fireplaces though I have seen it where the forest is pretty picked clean because it's so high traffic.

>>971507

Did you lose your arms and legs to a landmine or something?!