Worst camping experiences

Two weekends ago.

>looking to get out of town for a day
>head to a seldom used campground
>peaceful evening
>Mormon family suddenly shows up
>literally 10 kids
>start blasting Disney cartoon music from 6pm to 11pm
>would have went on a murderous rampage without my earplugs
>second car of adults show up
>"We've got the Micky D's!"
>Leaves their car headlamps on for an hour
>Decide to quickly finish off my bottle of whiskey to pass out drunk and forget the night ever happened

>>888837
yeah i agree dont go to normal campgrounds
to many kids to ruin the fun

>get off train inna michigan
>6 miles away from the yard
>middle of winter
>cant hike into town, too cold
>decide t camp by the tracks til the bull comes to get me
>bull shows up 2 days later
>i am the iceman.jpg
>takes me to dennys and buys me a burger

Good times, great oldies

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>>888984
Kornbread's catchphrase...

This story keeps being relevant, oddly enough.
>way up innawoods on a mountain
>think, "ha ha, Blair Witch stick figures will creep out whoever comes here after me."
>hang them while I'm still using the spot.
>get fucking haunted off the mountain cuz my dumb ass cursed myself.
>last time I act like I don't believe

here's a newcamp story:

>"so my car is broken down and I work in another town tomorrow.... I know, I'll walk 40k in summer to get there and sleep overnight!" (not a terribad idea)
>decide to bring soda pop (a fucking 12 pack) and Twinkies instead of straight water and food because I'm a fucking retard who thinks the caloric density is good

HOURS LATER...

>holy fuck, it's soooo hot out
>if I drink any more of this soda pop I'm going to vomit
>what the fuck? I'm getting road rash on my testicles

so there I was suffering heat exhaustion with nothing I could drink without feeling terribly unwell on a railway in the middle of nowhere getting chaffing on my testicles. They were literally raw sores by the time I got out

>>888811

Any camping at a music festival. Never again.

>>888811
I forget where this camp was, somewhere around Silverlake maybe.
Killer squirrels.
Fuckers knew, I tell you, them fuckers knew where we were and would nibble off those massive pinecones from the brances with the intent to hit us.
Every 20 minutes
*crackle*
*rustle*
*THUD*
*loud squirrel noises*

Live in fear of these smart fucks bombing us until we left.

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>summer in central Texas
>bored and want to go camping
>"it's too hot to go camping"
>"we could go swimming somewhere"
>"what about Perdernales state park?"
>"oh fuck yeah!"
>pack up and head out
>nobody cared to check the weather
>we didn't care if it rained or anything
>get there and it's hot as fuck
>set up our tents
>head straight toward the river
>fucking river was warm
>it was actually warm
>offered no relief from the heat
>it was like swimming in our own sweat
>i'm starting to lose it
>spirits are low
>hide under some trees and try to fish in the shade
>finally getting dark
>still hot as fuck
>we all just want to go home
>decide to leave in the morning
>can't sleep because it was so horribly hot
>was one of the hottest nights in Texas history
>a consistent 100 degrees all night long
>got a splitting headache and couldn't drive
>threw our shit in the truck and took refuge in the closest Dairy Queen

>>888811
>camping with buddy and his family
>I leave to get our personal campfire started while he finishes talking to family
>Got fire going, ask if he's gonna show so we can 420
>tells me he's almost done talking and will be back in 5 min
>5 min passes, give him another 5
>he won't answer his radio, since this was last night the our fire was big and I couldn't leave
>30 min later he answers and tells me to come down
>I point out that I got the fire to take care of
>he comes up to our fire, we put out part of it and bank coals
>grab the peace pipe and smoke with his family

I was pretty pissed, thankfully the rest of his family is hilarious and all was forgotten in the lulz.

Ended up starting our fire back up and kept drinking/smoking until I literally passed out in front of it.

>>888811
>be me
>be twelve
>camping for a CAP SAREX, first SAREX mind you
>First night goes alright, just kinda cold
>second night it rains like a motherfucker
>tent floods
>get out of sopping wet sleeping bag, change into clothes, eat a poptart, and threw on dry clothes and a space blanket, found a dry-ish part of my tent and passed out.

Found out that night that those space blankets really work.

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>>889523

>>888811
>solo climbing trip
>above 8k feet
>headache all first night
>wake up feeling like shit
>give away all my fresh produce to some guy
>literally losing my bananas
>drive home back down to 1k feet
>feel better
I went back a couple years later with some dirtbag chick scummy enough to date me, didn't get teh altitude sickness and got a few climbs in. All of them rope solo.

>>888811
>hiking late into day
>it's daylight savings
>left my headlamp in my car
>sprint trails back because phone is on 10% and it's a new moon/clouds

Always bring your headlamp if you hike late afternoon.

>>890249
What's your rope solo technique? V curious.

>Parents sent me on a 2 week camping trip in virginia or someshit when i was 15
>I just wanted to sit home all summer playing video games
>get travelers diarrhea
>all food is dehydrated or canned
>get worse diarrhea
>fat kid constantly out of breath and sweating and tired
>chaffing so bad my thighs bleed for 2 weeks
>diarrhea multiple times a day
>never enough water on my person
>more diarrhea
At least we hiked under tree canopy, no sunburns on my pale skin. But I pretty much stopped camping and hiking after that.

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>>890262
single line utilizing a clovehitch, single pitch, just rappel/clean
multipitch, attach single line to anchor, rappel single, remove base anchor, reclimb with ascender keeping me attached to rope.

>>890267
wew, that's wild. Thanks!

>3 day hike with my friends
>its getting dark so decide to set up camp
>tent poles smashed to pieces
>have to sleep in a flat tent because its too dark to walk back

always check your poles kiddo

>Ausfailia
>east coast in summer, humid as fuck
>quick overnight with work mates innabush
>"Yeah nah, I'll be fine in the back of my wagon"
>only had a quilt and one pillow

And that's when I got a swag.

Did end up getting a mattress for the wagon and living in it for a few weeks in autumn from coast to coast, though. AU wagons are hella roomy.

Sketchy as fuck sleeping in bumfuck nowhere, SA/WA, though.

>>890348
>Australia
oh hell man that sounds awful

>>890285

Couldn't just use your rainfly as a tarp with some sticks and cordage to prop it up?

>>890403
It's not actually so bad along the east coast in NSW in summer. The Barringtons are a favourite of mine as it's always cold as fuck, year round. All the Sydney tourists only hang to the lower, easier reaches as well.

Can't speak for the rest of the country (yet), but it's certainly... a feeling when you're hundreds of k's between towns and EVERY rest stop you pull into for a stretch has a stripped out car that's the exact same model as yours.
(that fear alone got me all the way from Newcastle to (almost) Port Augusta in a day's worth of driving because I didn't want some creepy guy named Mick butchering me)

>>890071
thats good times man

>>890285
>always check your poles kiddo
and set your tent up before dark kiddo

This story wasn't real camping, but it's close enough I feel like I might as well post it
>18, just got my drivers license
>hanging out in Maine, sleep in my car
>park in the parking lot for an out of the way little park, sort of nearby some other houses
>someone drove towards one of the houses some time after midnight
>a while later get woken up by lights outside
>police SUV
>he asks me what I'm doing, why I'm parked where I was, etc.
>when he realized I was just some pseudo-Bohemian loser and not a hobo he left me alone for the night

He came back to see if I was still there at least once the next morning. The experience wasn't as relaxing as I had hoped.
>>888837
I also was using spirits among other things to improve my mood, and somehow

>>890865
*And somehow no one seriously objected to that.

>>890348
>Sketchy as fuck sleeping in bumfuck nowhere
You've seen too-many movies : in your wagon [locked] in the SAFE place to sleep - seriously the only weakness is the lack of Mozzie-screens on the windows.
Have slept from Bendigo to Longreach in my wagon - Loved-it!
And Tasmania in a rented 4by.
It's ideal single.

>camping on coastal beach
>wake up in middle of the night
>tent is super damp, one side puddling with water
>tide came up
>move the tent with all our stuff in it over our heads up past the water line

>camping in the pyrenees
>hammock
>forget to consider boar trails
>wake up in the middle of the night from active boar
>snuffing at hammock
>prepare to shit myself
>shout out AWAY N FUCK YERSEL or similar
>they all bolt

also came face to face with a mama boar but I noped out of there.

>>890071
Just adjust your expectations.
It's unrealistic to think you would have peace and quit at a festival

>on fraternity retreat in oregon
>all hands on deck bring the tents you got kinda deal
>stuck in a tent with 4 other dudes at the bottom of a grassy hill
>retire drunk, 2am
>wake at 4am
>it's storming and thundering
>my back is pooled in water
>the rain fly was put on improperly
>the sleeping bag has been penetrated with water
>I, and all my things, are wet
>groggily walk to the public restroom on-site and sleep in the bathroom in wet clothes
>wake up and wear running shorts, my only dry clothes, for the entirety of the following day
>get mistaken for a homeless person by people trying to use that bathroom the next morning

lesson learned: always have your own fucking shit and trust no one with anything, especially camping things

>>890865
Please tell me what the fuck a pseudo-Bohemian is??

>>890138
I've had a similar experience.

There is a lovely robin that comes by whenever Im in my camping spot because what Im doing looks like what a bird does (picking up sticks and making a nest). So damn cute the lil fuckers hops real close to me and just looks at me while I build.

But then there are the aggressive squirrels, they make such a grotesque sound at me..They really hate me. He calls his other squirrels buddies over too, so I have a group of mean squirrels telling me to GTFO. I guess they are smarter than robins, they know that where a human turns up there is no more trees or nature for them?? A lot of animals associate humans with the destruction of habitat.

>>891273
Buy an air rifle and blast the fuckers away. They eventually learn to Fuck off whenever they see you.

>>889924
dude get some of that gold bond friction stick. best shit.

>>891272
he has the black turtleneck and the hand rolled joint, but no bongo drums

>>891337
Many keks

I have a good one.

>be 21 and go on a hiking/camping trip with friends
>en route to location
>about 11pm at night anc friend driving misses the turn
>goes to make a uturn and BOOM
>everyone thrown forward
>in rearview mirror see friends gf in the backseat fly up from a laying position on seat and smacks the ceiling before slamming back down
>front end of Suburban went straight into edge of canal
>we all panic because Suburban is highsided and call tow truck and make sure no one is hurt
>tow truck shows up 1 1/2 hours later
>get pulled out, front bumper is only thing damaged
>hop back in and drive another 1/2 hour to trailhead
>everyone sleeps maybe 2 hours
>everyone gets up at 6am to start getting our packs and supplies ready

Cont

>>891928
>everyone packed up and we set off
It was 6 of us btw
>everyone staying hydrated except for friend "C"
>friend "C" is drinking enery drinks even though we told him not to
>friend "C" continues to drink energy drink for first 5 miles and we eventually have to stop and take a break
>friend "C" complains the entire time
>we all tell him to stfu
>friend C decides to walk a little
>friend C spots an orange marked water snake
>C yells back and asks if he should catch it
>we all yell at NO
>he decides to try and catch the snake
>he bolts after the snake and comes within 5ft before the snake escapes
>we all call him a retard and we continue with our break
>the entire time C is drinking energy drinks
>continue hiking another 3 miles before C starts dryheaving
>we all take a break and try to get him to drink water
>C keeps sipping water and throwing it all up
>he proceeds to keep drinking energy drinks no problem
>finally we start off again

>>891930
>after an hour of hiking friend C keeps complaining and sipping water and throwing it up
>we all take another break
>during break C finally is able to stomach water
(It was high 90s, forgot to add)
>C starts walking around and grabbing random plants and fucking around near the poison oak
>we all yell at him telling him to stop and that were going to whoop his ass if he gets any poison oak on us
>finally break is over and we proceed to walk remainding distance to lake
>after 1/2 hour C starts trying to until the bundle of rope our friends gf "K" has tied off to get pack
>C keeps insisting he wants to carry it
>C keeps trying to undo rope until K kicks him in the balls and he drops
>we all wait for C to collect himself and we then proceed
>eventually K starts saying that shes itchy
>we all check her arm and neck
>yup poison oak
>poison oak from the shit C had gotten on himself

>were all pissed at C and refuse to talk to him
>we all continue and finally reach campsite
>we all start making camp by water edge
>everyone goes off in pairs and does what they agreed to do
>C and K are assigned with setting up firepit and unpacking food
>other pair that went to gather firewood returns and help to start fire
>C starts fucking with the fire and ends up throwing flaming stick on dry grass
>K grabs a block of cheese and starts putting out fire while C stands there watching and stuffing his face full of food
>other pair runs back and helps throw water on small fire
>everyone mad at C
>everyone gets drunk and C continues drinking til he passes out in puke

>>891938
>next day we all hangout in lake and have fun
>C decides he wants to use his Walmart collapsing rod he bought
>C keeps casting out towards where were all swimming
>yell at him to quit that shit or were breaking rod
>C stops casting out towards us and moves a little further down
>C eventually catches small fish
>we tell him to toss it back or eat it
>he says he wants to keep it but not eat it
>C eventually says he released the fish
>2 hours later we find fish in a baggy full of water laying in the sun
>we yell at him that he has to eat it
>he proceeds to chuck fish and bag into the water

Gimme a sec, eating bbq

>>891945
Your fault for hanging out with morons

>>891950
I know.
Glad hes the only moron, everyone else has some common sense

>>891945
>we eventually start to relax again and C is done doing dumb shit
>starts getting dark so we get our fire going and get dinner ready
>we all eat dinner and joke around and have a good time
>we all end up drinking and eventually C decides he wants to try fishing again
>hes fishing in the dark so i bring him a lantern
>we bullshit and blah blah and i decide i want to fish too
>C is happy too
>i make a rod out of a stick, spare line, spare hook
>soon as i cast my line C decides to cast into same spot as me
>proceeds to do this dance another 4 times
>eventually yell at C to stop being a cunt and storm off
>C eventually returns to fire and proceeds to drink a handle of popov
>he starts throwing up everywhere
>we eventually dig a small trench in dirt and have C lay on his side in the trench so he stays put
>throw papertowels under his head for puke
>everyone goes to bed
>next day C is hungover and just sleeps all day
>everyone having fun
>day goes by and its mid afternoon
>we realize were all out of plastic bottle vodka and decide to leave
>pack up our shit and proceed to start our 10 mile hike back to the Suburban at night

>>891967
It was dumb i know, whatever
>its pretty dark at this point because of the tree cover
>entire group is making good time even with C at the end
>1/2 way through C eventually starts to lag behind
>we all have to keep stopping for him every 5-10 mins to wait for him
>we all volunteer to divide up his pack amongst ourselves to help him out
>he says no and no and no
>we resume hiking and C is still making us stop every 5 mins
>we are literally walking 200-300ft and stopping
>C is complaining the whole time and refusing water or any help
>C eventually starts harassing us
>at that point i blow up
>i yell at him and swear at him calling him all kinds of horrible things
>after about 10 mins of me yelling i calm down and C looks pissed off but doesnt say anything
>i make C drink water and after 10 mins we start hiking back out
>C keeps hydrating and keeps up with us no problem

>>891969
>eventually we make it back to Suburban
>im navigator so i walk over the sit shotgun and C absolutely refuses to let me in
>C is throwing a tantrum about how he never gets to be navigator and wants to sit up front
>im PISSED but let him be upfront so he shuts up
>eventually try to drive back to freeway and our friend thats driving needs C to be navigator so find directions on his phone
>C only has a Razor flip phone
>driver is annoyed
>i look up directions on phone and we drive to nearest In N Out
>once at In N Out we all order and i apologize to C for being a dick but that he needs to think a little more
>C is butthurt obv
>C decides he wants to pull a knife on me
>C has some shitty blunt chinese knife
>i pull out my freshly sharpened Kabar
>tell C he needs to put his knife away and he does
>dont talk to C the entire drive back

Hes still a good friend of mine to this day and he apologized for being a cunt but i refuse to go camping or hiking with him to this day.
Been 5 years going.
Other friends were surprised i didnt murder him

>>890253
This.
>get lost in dense bush
>only have a cell light to guide me out
>no food or water
>1 hour exit takes 4 hours in darkness.

>>890917
>away n fuck yersel

England, Ireland or Scotland?

Also top kek my friend

>>888888

>>890874
The only reason it felt sketchy is because every time I passed or pulled into a rest stop, I'd see a stripped out AU/BA Falcon on stands (wagon is an old AU). Didn't stop me, but still felt a little uneasy.

also got a giggle out of all the bullet holes I saw in signs between Eucla and Balladonia, admittedly

>>890874
Also one of the doors didn't lock properly at the time, which didn't help. Subsequently fixed (by simply removing it and putting it back in...)

>>889523
Go home /x

>>891337
Lel

>>891945
>2 hours later we find fish in a baggy full of water laying in the sun
Idk why but this fucking hilarious

>>891976
Is he Sterling Archer?

>>891928
>>891930
>>891933
>>891938
>>891945
>>891967
>>891969
>>891976
>2 hours later we find fish in a baggy full of water laying in the sun
Lmao I laughed hard here.

Man C sounds like a huge fucking cunt, I would have whooped his ass and left him there.

>>891976
You are retarded for keeping such poor company. If i ever had to do that to ajy of my friends they would no longer be friends.

>>888811
>It start raining lightly
>Tent leak
>Had to get out ten time to remove water from the fabric
>All wet inside
>Night fucked.
I don't complain since it was summer and it could have been a real mountain deluge but check your tent.