Swimming

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>Get invited out on buddies boat on our beautiful river; swimming, wakeboarding etc.
N..no thanks, I'm b-busy that day with..projects..
>Get invited to an old coworker's family river lot to swim and bbq
Oh uh, I can't...I got overtime that day...

>tfw I don't know how to swim and have far, far too bad social anxiety to learn how as an adult
>tfw too uncoordinated to probably be able to anyway, like when I tried to learn as a kid
>that crushing fear as 9-year-old me tries to stay afloat but barely manages to
>that feeling when you're the kid in swim class who gets the special exceptions for distance and needs coaxing to jump off the dive board because you suck at it

Feels fucking awful, man.

So no I'm not swimming in any damn lake or river. I have this fox and the grapes thing going on where I pretend I hate getting wet or don't like cold water so people don't bug me about it.

Mainly use them for shitting in. Can't be bothered to carry around asswipe or a shovel to make a hole. So I just shit in water and let the water clean my ass.

I live in an area that's recently (on a geological scale) active and ho boy the river is the only thing i miss after moving to the big city.

>>868473
Sometimes I forget there are places without tannic water and alligators...

Fuck yeah

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Of course

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One more

How did you guys learn to swim? Is it possible to teach yourself?

>>868544
for sure but why when you can ask anyone to learn you

>>868548
see
>>868484

>>868484
I taught an omega how to swim once.

Used his social anxiety against him to blackball him into the pool at a middle school field trip. Made such a scene that getting into the pool to shut me up was the least awkward option for him. It's not like he could have left, it being a field trip and all he was a captive. I worked with him in the pool for at least an hour.
Everyone laughed at him but ultimately he was capable of swimming and treading water after a fashion when I was done with him.

If it makes you feel any better I turned beta as fuck in high school.

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>>868484
9 year lifeguard here. I've taught kids ranging from 5-12 years old and adults ranging from 20-40. Nobody cares how old you are, just go to a university and sign up for a swimming class. You'll be surrounded by so many moronic Chinese and Indian people that the instructor will love you just for being able to speak English.

You really should learn how to swim, it could save your life some day. The amount of effort it takes to learn enough to at least prevent yourself from dying is not that great. You don't need to become a pro swimmer, just learn how to elementary backstroke and yell for help.

I have an irrational fear of any body of water that I can't see the bottom of. Which is most because I wear glasses for pretty bad short sightedness and it's not worth losing them in the water.

I do enjoy soaking my feet in a river or stream after a long day's walk though.

Uncomfortable as I am away from the luxuries of society which makes getting into and out of water wonderful.

>>868599
That's kind of encouraging actually. Thanks Anon.

>>868484
I've taught a few adults to swim.

Just ask a friend, you go into waist-deep water and practice floating on your back, then you can move into the other strokes.

Just relax.

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Yes. It's a nice

Never taught anyone to swim, but a friend can't and once asked me if I'd teach him. I've considered how I would go about doing it and I think I have the answer. Friend ended up moving to another country before we could start, but I still think the method would work.

Swimming can be divided into two main parts.
Floating, and moving/balancing.

Once you know how to float, moving around and balancing will come easily. In order to float you have to find your own natural buoyancy.

Go find some water 4-5 foot deep. You should still be able to stand up and have your head and shoulders out.
This is a safe depth to practice in, remember that. You aren't in danger, you will be able to stand up should anything go wrong.

Take a deep breath. This next part will be a little disorienting and weird, but you can hold your breath for 30 seconds, so relax and remember that. Even if your head goes underwater here you have plenty of time before you need more air. Close your eyes, and draw your arms and legs into your body. Curl into a ball, still holding your breath. Stay in a ball as your feet leave the bottom. You will tumble and turn, and roll. Your head may go underwater (thats why you closed your eyes). You'll also discover that you float. The air in your lungs will keep you afloat. Stay curled in a ball, try to keep as still as possible and you will settle. Once you've stopped moving, you'll be bobbing along at the surface, a curled up floating human ball. Stay like this for as long as you can, and when you're ready to stop, extend your legs. Keep your legs together, straight out, and still. They'll sink towards the bottom. Stand up again when you feel it under your feet.

You just floated, congratulations. Take a moment to get your breath back. Now try it again. Repeat until you're comfortable floating whilst curled up in a ball.

>>868744

You now have a sense of your own buoyancy. Try to float in different deliberate positions until you can do so whilst maintaining your balance in that position. By balancing, I mean not rolling around the way you did when you first curled up in a ball and floated. Repeat until you're comfortable floating in different positions.
One of the easiest positions will be face down, let your arms and legs hang beneath you, fully extended but not of fully straightened body.

Once you can float and maintain your balance whilst keeping your body straight with your arms out, you're ready to move.

At this point movement should come to you naturally, try to crawl through the water. Scoop it back with your hands and kick it with your feet to propel yourself.

You'll get the hang of it with practice.

Learning to float is the hard part, but you can do it. Trust your own buoyancy, the air in your lungs won't let you sink.

>>868490
A true outdoorsman.

>>868490
bait

>>868845
Plenty of people shit in the river. It's noobs arguing about it that's the real bait.
Some do, some don't, nobody cares what your preference is, everybody needs to accept its for some and not for others and stop the river-shit-wars.

I love it, preferably in rivers/creeks. Thats where I put my tent everytime, no matter the season.

>>868914
I think you can get some infection or something else up your ass that makes it not worth it.

>>868914
if you shit in a river you are white trash

>>868923
But at least you'd still be white.
If you're black and in the water, you're already shit in the river.

>>868473
>>

>>868536
where?

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I live in Uruguay wich is a paradise for swimming and aquatic activities in general. The country is a tapestry of streams and rivers (over 20 rivers and hundreds of streams and creeks).
Also no dangerous animals (there's a population of caymans and piranhas but it's not like the movies).

>>868949
negroes don't go into water mang

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>>868989
they have no problem going IN.
:^)

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yes but you can only swim for like 15s here before hypothermia

>>869024
okay
good point
proceed

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ITT: poor whites who have never been to the Caribbean.

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>>869056

Once swam in a river near a bridge. Cut my foot on broken glass on the bottom. Never again.

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>>869056
Ocean swimming and lake swimming are two different beasts


Also pic related this is a lake on top of a mountain in Acadia

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>>869544
>>869056

And here is my fat ass in the Caribbean

>>869544
Different how? I've swam in the sea countless times, dealt with waves and currents and cold. Always assumed lakes would be easier.

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I ....

>>869550
It is way easier to swim out that's for sure. It's really emotive to swim long distances and to different places. Floating in the middle of a lake is way more comfy than out in deep water. The fresh water also feels so nice nice some times

>>869570
Sorry typo I meant
Enjoyable not emotive

>>869570
I always feel less safe about freshwater than the sea. I live in Ireland so our sea is safe as far as marine predators go, but freshwater could have parasites or diseases I'd rather not dip myself in. Definitely wouldn't put my head underwater, keep dem bacteriums away from my mucus membranes yo.