stupid question, how do you poop in the woods?

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you ask, mother nature provides. pic related.

leaves are big and soft, grow on big bushes so lots to use without really hurting the bush, and foliage is nice and thick so provides a good modesty screen you can duck behind even if you're near a trail.

maybe i'll bring some emergency tp with me if i'm hiking in winter, thanks, --also gonna look up poison ivy to be on the safe side

>>751910
Bring a little shovel with you when you go hiking (one of those gardening little ones is perfect). When you want to go you make sure you are away from water sources, dig a 6 inches hole with your shovel and let yourself go within said hole in the dirt. Now you wipe your bumbum with toilet paper, and either put it in the same hole in the ground, or put it into a ziploc bag and carry it with you to throw it into a trash can when you find one back in civilization. You now take your shovel and cover the hole, and make it look as close as it gets to how it was before you did your business. I wouldn't recommend you to go around ripping leaves because they might get your private parts in trouble. A lot of people use baby wipes instead of toilet paper but they won't degrade as toilet paper does. If you use them make sure to bring them back with you. And don't forget to lick your fingers after the whole process as it helps to kill any bacteria that you could have remaining in your hands.

yeah i heard that about digging a hole, i hope your joking about licking your fingers!

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>>751919
if you're going to be an asshole and leave your toilet paper at least get some of the rv extra-biodegradable kind so it breaks down easily.

or just sack up and use grass and pinecones (not nearly as bad as it sounds-just find some that have been chewed down by squirrels and go with the grain)

>>751923
>extra-biodegradable toilet paper
I thought the whole point of toilet paper was to keep your shit somewhere other than on your fingers

>>751912
Never change, /out/

>>751910
Wipes
Baby wipes
Sweet soft wet baby wipes

>my clean ass

>>751919
I'd rather just find a river or geocache than go through all this work.

>>751912
I have a feeling that would burn your ass hole..it just looks suspect..

>>752219
this

I flip a rock, shit under it, wipe with babby wipe, and drop the rock back on top of the mess.

>>751910
I usually just take a huge dump right in the middle of the trail. Yeah, I'm that guy

>>752513

Kek

Mah nigga

>>752220
>river or geocache
the only correct answer

I pull up a lump of turf replace it afterwards.

I then go wash my ass in a stream.

this is why you should use water filters people.

>>751918
>not wiping with snow
it's plentiful, free and quite refreshing

>>751910
dig a hole, six inches or more deep.
squat and enjoy
leaves to clean up

I bring TP in case its a particularly wet one and I wanna not have a stripe in my pants. I don't think i ever use the TP.. but I generally have a little bit tucked in case.

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I was camping in the boundary waters last summer and while a good distance away from camp (and the TP) I urgently needed to go. Took the canoe in to the first island I found, ran into a deserted clearing and dropped my deuce. At that point I had 2 options, use my underwear and discard it or use leaves. I opted for the leaves because only the shittiest kind of person would litter in a place like bwca. Luckily there were lots of large soft leaves that did not irritate the skin. After the makeshift wipe job I took a bath in the lake to finish cleaning off. My buddy also went for a swim and we got to pull a leech off his foot (pic related)

How do I do my business

>always pack TP with me
>find a discrete place, preferably with rocks or trees that I can use as support
>do number 2 and wipe my ass
>throw TP on the top of the shit and try to cover it with rocks or dead branches

No, I don't carry a shovel nor dig a hole. No, I'm not a disgusting fuck who carries his dirty TP back with me until I find a trash can.

>>753327
this is what i do too

though i cover my shit with either thick moss or rocks

>>751910
I don't. I hold it all in, sometimes for up to a week, ignoring the discomfort and pain of a severely backed up colon. I revel in the thought of this glorious poop totem pole that's slowly growing taller inside me.

When I get back to civilization I find the nearest McDonald's. I walk confidently into the restroom, anticipation building. Sometimes the prospect of so much impending joy/doom almost loosens me enough that I begin prematurely.

I burst into a cubicle - sitting, ripping pants and undergarments down and closing the door in one desperately swift yet smooth movement.

My rear exposed, I hold it in for a moment longer and then unleash. You'd think that poop that old and backed up would be hard to dislodge but I find quite the opposite. It all literally explodes out of me in a matter of seconds. The sound of it all rocketing into the water or the bowl is truly awesome. The smell is almost impossible to stand and I've come close to puking before.

I flush, wipe as best I can and then go home and shower.

>>753915

>I flush

ya_blew_it.tar.gz

>>751910
Just bring a roll of toilet paper, remove the cardboard in the middle so it doesn't take that much space. Baby wipes are also a really good idea.

Dig a hole and then just squat over it. Afterwards shovel some dirt over it again.
You can also just sit down over the hole if its a longer session and squatting is too uncomfortable, but then you get dirt on your ass cheeks and standing up afterwards is harder. Generally squatting is the best variant, especially if the floor is muddy.

>>751910
...poop sock or Walmart shopping bag. I tie off the shopping bag, then fling it into the nearest tree

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>>753915

>>751919
>And don't forget to lick your fingers after the whole process as it helps to kill any bacteria that you could have remaining in your hands
My fingers tasted funny and now I'm pooping non stop. What do?

>>753937
>fling it into the nearest tree
Holy shit, this is a thing? The woods near me are littered with Dog poop bags in the trees.

People, especially dog owners really suck.

>>753987
>any bacteria that you could have remaining
>pooping non stop
You can't get sick by eating bacteria that came out of your own body assuming you weren't sick before. This is stupid. Same with drinking your inn if you are going to get dehydrated.

>>754076
That's completely wrong you hobby physician. Bacteria that are completely harmless and beneficial in your lower intestine will give you food poisoning if they are orally consumed.

I shit into a plastic bag and bury it.
>omg no

That's basically what all these guys using baby wipes are doing.

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Just find the nearest water source that is upstream of a campsite and shit in there. Bonus points if it's a large and wet shit.

>>754082
>hobby physician
Bullshit! It goes right back into your intestine where it remains beneficial.

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i hope this detailed inforgraphic helps op

>>754174

Go ahead and eat your own shit for breakfast then, hobby physician

>>751910
I find a place that has some privacy (i'm not alone on a hike), and some support i can take hold of.
I then jam my knife into a tree and put a roll of toilet paper around it.
Then i shit, wipe, and leave with the remains of the roll and my knife.

>>754180
Do you not sex and common rimjob?
Why people not getting sick all the time if you say is true?

>>754188
How many knives do you take camping/hiking with you?

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>>754234
1 foldable piece of shit that i will not recommend to anyone, pic relates.
1 generic, cheap, swiss army knife that i only use for the tools and not the blade.
1 multitool with a blade that i do not use.
I am going to upgrade my foldable knife to a proper fixed blade.

>>754216

Why don't you post a video of you eating your own shit?

>1 guy 1 cup

>>751910
moss is ok

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>>752513

Seriously.

Leafs do not clean your bumhole.

TP and a trowel is the way forward.

>>754082
Actually, they've developed pills made from the live bacteria from human-sourced fecal material as a microflora replacement therapy.

http://blogs.discovermagazine.com/d-brief/2013/10/07/poop-pills-could-replace-fecal-transplants-of-gut-bacteria/#.VygfC4Hn8f4

So eat shit (And I mean that in the nicest possible way).

>>754819
You should read your own link hobby physician #2.

>Donor stool, usually from a relative, is processed in the lab to take out food and extract the bacteria and clean it. It is packed into triple-coated gel capsules so they won’t dissolve until they reach the intestines.
>The other [treatment] is a fecal transplant by enema, colonoscopy, or a nasal tube to the gut.

>>754819

Post pic of you eating your own shit

Man we'll all feel silly when you prove us wrong

>>751910
Use a rock, stick, or snow. Any of the above work better than leaves. Don't leave toilet paper innawoods you faggot.

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>>752513
How do you use these again ?

>>754107
Correct

>>755238

Holy fuck man what's wrong with her forehead? That can't possibly be fat

>>755561
It is. Let the concern flow through you.

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>>755575
That's not fat. That's some sort of liquid. Your body will naturally start forming that thing in your forehead (and other areas) when you are that overweight. It's associated with the lost of balance due to your mass gain. It's part of a plan if you will. Google it. It's legit.

>>754073

that's not dog poop

>>752220
>designated shitting rivers
Muh nigga

>>751910
>How to poop in the woods?
Pull your pants down, squat, relax your sphincter, and it should just happen naturally.

If not, you may need to talk to a physician.

>>751910
It's best with buddies so that you can go back to back for balance.

>>753915
I've done almost this before.
After seven days I couldn't take it anymore.

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might sound weird but it works. i carry a few of these in my pouch. just find somewhere to go, anywhere really just away from camp or house, and these things just stick in butt and spray out real good, gets you spotless clean every time.

>>751910
.0 Release knobbly doo-doo log
.1 Utilize doggo's tongue for clean-up