Idiot /out/ friends

I'm always afraid I'm that friend. I hike/walk fairly slow compared to other people and it makes me self-conscious.

I'd never lose or break other people's shit though

>>1080455
Give us your stories first bro.

>go camping
>set up tents and start fire
>guy grabs handful of leaves
>everyone says don't throw em on
>proceeds to throw them on
>windy
>melts holes in tents

>friend is hammering a tent stake in with a stick horizontally
>tell him to be careful and use the back of his axe if he needs to instead
>he slips and gashes his finger open

still hasn't healed over week later

>>1080455
>First time camping with long-time college friend, call him AJ
>Nice spot I've been to a few times, next to a lake with nice fishing
>I'm pretty experienced, have done 3 day hiking trips
>Spent a lot of time with AJ, assume he's not a complete retard
>Get to campsite around 2PM, get everything set up
>Get my fishing gear out, throwing some lines out and getting some good catches
>feelsgoodman.jpg
>AJ didn't bring anything to do, getting bored
>I suggest he carve a spear and practice throwing it, something I've done a lot in the past
>He has a shitty dull folding knife, asks if he can borrow my hand axe to carve it
>Say why not, tell him to grab it off my pack and send him on his way
>Fishing for another 30-45 minutes, come back to campsite and see AJ throwing spear
>He's getting pretty good, getting it to stick in a dirt mound every throw from over 5 yards
>Don't see my axe by my stuff, ask him where it is
>"Oh, I left it over where I carved the spear anon"
>MFW my axe is laying on top of a boulder
>MFW he carved the spear by holding the stick perpendicular to the boulder, striking down onto the rock surface
>My axe blade is totally fucked, flattened out and burred heavily to one side

It was a shitty $40 SOG axe, but I was still pretty pissed. AJ is not a piece of shit though, and he bought me a new axe after I explained what a retard he was. Still friends with him, but I am more careful about borrowing things to him these days.

>>1080598
Does he has Diabeetus?

>>1080608
Nah, the cut was just pretty deep and displaced a big flap of skin on his thumb.

He also accidentally gave me 2nd degree burns but that was a legit accident

>>1080606
tfw no face

>>1080606
>borrowing things to him

You borrow from someone and loan to them, you do not borrow to someone.

>>1080455
>work buddy wants to go fishing with me
>work buddy has never fished before
>figure I'll start him easy on a known bluegill hotspot on public land he can get to without complicated directions, and so he doesn't get bored
>first 3 trips I give him my shittiest rod as a loaner
>he's the fucking quintessential gentleman with it
>decide to take him bass fishing
>my shittiest bass rod is still like $100 worth of rod and reel
>30 seconds in to the trip he starts beating a tree with it, rod gets fuckmangled because he was beating a fucking tree with it
>wtf dude
>"I thought I saw a snake"
>5 feet up a goddamn tree?

>>1080635
I don't give a fuck desu

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>Makes fun of me for packing real food and not just "ultralight" crap that tastes bad and is just light but all calories
>His pack is stuffed with 200+ rounds of ammo, his Guns, and a whatever other gun stuff he has

Seriously he's shot maybe 30 times max during a trip, always at a tree or something stupid. He's an idiot.

>>1080455
Some childhood friend of mine. Was out with me. And sets a palm tree on fire.. As im bitching trying to put it out and hes laughing. He sets another one right next to it on fire. Litearlly last time i ever seriously hung out with him.

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>>1080744
Oh America

>girl wants to go hiking with me
>says she wants an overnight
>tell her she'll need to buy/bring, 2.5L water, canteen (metal), food, boots, any cheap tent and sleeping bag combo
>what she brings
>noodles
>inflatable pillow
>boots
>water
>told her I have one man sleeping bag and framed bivy tent previously
>had to share my food and snacks with her
>had to give her my mat whilst I slept on leaves stuffed inside my bivy tent with her
>she is now my hiking buddy
she's not a complete fucking idiot anymore and listens to me

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>>1080455
>first camping trip to see our mate who moved to hebrides
>mate who's dad is mechanic yet doesn't drive(that drawfag son who's a massive disappointment
>year one decides to sack his return coach home the day he is supposed to so he can catch ferry home with rest of group
>doesn't know about coaches on that day
>feel sorry for him and we frantically try and save space in car so we can fit him and girlfriend in the landie.
>leave cool box, other two passengers leave their tents, loser bins his sack of shit tent, I pack all my clothes in the empty beer kegs, amp had to come out of flight case and go under chair (since then one of connections dodgy)
>Am generally pissed off at us paying price for his carefree attitude now
>5 of us and dog squished into landie with full sound rig beer kegs and various shit I wasn't leaving up there
>9 hour drive home

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>>1080902
>Second year
>his girlfriend has a car
>appears to uuumm & arrrhhhh when I ask him to fit one of the beer kegs in his car
>does fuck all no cooking washing up or wood chopping

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>>1080907
>this year
>him and his girlfriend are going with some new comer I am not familiar with
>he's invited 3 fucking randoms (one a jiggaboo)
>not set off yet and he's trying to find a place for one of them in my car who he promised he would take up???
>Ive spent about £100 on camp stuff this year to make camp a little more homely and comfortable, cast iron cookware, tarps, lighting, toilet and shower not to mention the meals & two kegs of pale and a keg of lager I've made (don't even drink lager they do)
>He bought an axe, an authentic viking axe from etsy, his mates have already ruined the pretty designs on the axe by chopping wood ontop of bare stone flags ffs
>a fucking shitty meme axe
Can see this being my last trip with this loser, shame because the two other guys, his girlfriend and the couple we go see are totally chill people my dog loves it and we all get along great have a little party in the woods and eat some great food just this commiecunt fucks me right off at times.

>>1080695

I'm going to be more careful about writing your posts to me in the future.

>friend insists on not bringing poles because dono
>every time his feet are fucked and his knees hurt so he can't go out again

>>1080980
Some people have this weird idea that trekkingpoles are only for old women and pussies. I'm pretty sure mine have saved me from getting hurt a couple of times.

>>1080455
My wife and I were camping in the rain with a friend we go for a hike and leave my friend behind.
My friend opens my tent and takes a towel out without asking and leaves my tent open to the rain.
We get back to camp and see whats going on.
He used the towel to wash his hands face and dry up the inside of his tent.
My wife can hardly contain herself with while laughing her ass off she informs him that the towel he is using is a 4 day old cum rag.
He never asked to go camping again.

>>1080981
What are they actually for?

>>1081069
Pussies

>>1081069
old women

>>1080899
>Let her get uncomfortable
>Well we can share mine if you want
>Fuck

You had one chance man.

>>1080899
she didn't forget a tent and sleeping bag m8.
>she wants to fuck

>in highschool
>friends want to go camping
>stonerbro hears, wants to go
>he's new to camping so we bring him along
>arrive at site in the woods behind another friend's house
>start setting up camp, pitching tents, gathering firewood, etc
>stonerbro refuses to help with anything because "I don't know anything about the camping life"
>refuses to let us teach him, just sits by the fire pit playing on his phone
>gets dark, get kindling sorted out to build fire
>stonerbro lights his pipe while we work to get the fire going
>sit around the fire for a while bullshitting, eventually people decide they're hungry
>start cooking delicious brats but all the hotdog buns are missing
>stonerbro admits that he got hungry and ate all the buns
>whatever, at least we can still make smores
>stonerbro ate most of the marshmallows, let ants get into the rest of them
>you've got to be fucking kidding me
>eat plain brats and graham crackers that night
>another friend wants to cut up some kindling for in the morning but can't find the hatchet
>stonerbro says he hid it so people wouldn't hurt themselves with it
>he can't remember where he hid it
>eventually everyone gets tired of dealing with him and goes to bed
>in the middle of the night stonerbro starts beating the fuck out of everyone trying to get them awake
>says he heard a coyote
>tell him to stop being a pussy and go back to sleep
>the next day everyone is tired of his bullshit, starts packing up to go home
>stonerbro refuses to help take down tent because he didn't help pitching it
>as we're leaving someone notices that he left his camp chair
>stonerbro says he's not taking it because he broke it in the middle of the night and its trash now
>call him a cunt, make him go back and get it
>we get home, everyone agrees that he's not allowed to come camping again

>>1081069
They are for people who are walking too fast to be careful and for wobbly people. Never used them so, I think it's just extra support like three table legs are more stable than two.

>>1080912
>jiggaboo

you have some personal growth to do

>>1080455
>give artsy faggoty "nature" friend two jobs
>be on time and bring cutlery
>brings chopsticks and was 2 hours late making herbal tea

>>1083945
Cucking?

>>1083992
ive cucked, been cucked, seen cucking happen to close friends and mortal enemies

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My friend's non-/out/ friend picked up my brand new 2lb condor tools axe with the leather head cover on it when I wasn't looking and swung it at a fallen log, cutting a hole through the cover

>>1083993
Lmao, thats gonna be the mantra of our generation's clint eastwood

>Hunting season, November 2016
>Friend of mine and I go out
>Savages, so we just walk around in the woods by a swamp area
>I bring my Westerfield .30-.30, he brings his Saiga 7.62X39
>We walk about 50 meters apart, but horizontal from each other.
>Approach a small pond
>Suddenly we see a smaller Doe rise up from some bullrushes
>Starts walking slowly
>I decide not too shoot, since it's too small
>As it begins to walk, I think my friend is thinking the same thing
>Suddenly...
>Two continuous shots ring out
>Doe jumps,runs about 20 yards
>Six more continuous shots
>Doe flops over, legs still kicking
>Two more shots
>Its dead now

Overall, he shot it 6 times, at least 5 gut shots and 1 shot that grazed the rear leg.
We harvested what we could. The meat was really no good, all blown apart and the shit bag got hit and ruined everything
I bitched at my friend pretty much right after we walked up to the small deer until season was over. To this day, I make him load only one bullet when we go out

He's an overall idiot, and I got plenty of stories about his dumbass.

>>1080744
>implying this actually happened

>>1084719
Everyone can make a bad shot occasionally, friend.

>>1080899
Are you a homo or a woman?

>>1084727
I understand that, but 6? 5 being gut shots?

>>1084731
There are very few people who could shoot a fleeing deer once, let alone 6 times.

>>1083945
>jiggaboo
I thought he meant gigolo at first.

>>1084719
Why would you go hunting with a /k/ommando? They are the least capable woodsmen in existence,

>>1084708
Cuck Westwood

>>1084743
then you obviously don't shoot if you don't have the shot

>>1083456
>>1084729

This is the funniest shit ever
This is one of those things that are so obvious in hindsight but you were a complete retard at the moment
I feel bad for ya >>1080899

>>1080902

Are you even speaking English?

>>1081069
I need poles for my tent so why not have ones that I can also walk with if I want.

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>>1083870
Jesus Christ...

>Be on this "survival" team bonding trip one time
>think to myself what the heck, its gonna be fun, a bunch of bumbling /in/ people going /out/ for the first time and having fun
>i get 2 days in the woods and a chuckle
>or so i thought
>they only know one knot, the one they use to tie their shoes
>one girl couldn't understand the difference between north, south, east, west and up, down, right, left
>one guy brought soda instead of water
i could easily live with all this if it werent for their almost hostile attitude to actually learning how to do the stuff, it was like herrding cats

by far the worst thing that happened though was when i asked 2 dudes to go collect firewood
>they come back with a god damn fresh young birch tree they cut down
>they were proud of themselves
>had to explain to 2 adult men why fresh wood is not exactly ideal firewood
>at least they didnt hurt themselves with the doorstop on a stick they called an axe

at that point i didnt even care people were sneaking off to smoke weed, i was sneaking off to take swigs from my flask so i couldnt judge

and yes, one guy brought a bluetooth speak that thankfully died around 23:00

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>>1080635
Itch my itches