what do you do when paranoia strikes at night?

It doesn't, because I'm not a fag

masturbate

>>1073050
it doesn't because the forests I go to have 0 recorded murders so statistically I'm fucking fine

masturbate, it really helps ease the mind.

>>1073102
Murders are only counted if they find the bodies. Campers that don't leave itineraries are the perfect target.

>>1073050

remember that I'm the one there to strike the paranoia.

>>1073050
Put on my pest doctor mask and ghillie suit and visit nearby tents.

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strike back

>>1073050

Put on my robe and wizard hat.

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>>1073204

Take my glock out of my bag and dry fire it at a can of beans pretending that it's a nigger.

>not today niggers

>>1073050
>what do you do when paranoia strikes at night?
I go back to the woods where it's safe.

>>1073223
>implying niggers go /out/

>>1073050
>I'm alone innawoods
>I have a gun
Paranoia doesn't happen to me

>>1073148
This.
That's why I always eat the bodies.

>>1073676
>another manchild american use a gun as a security blanket

>>1073050
I reason that if I died I would no longer have the capacity to care.

>>1073644
×1000

>>1073076
This actually works surprisingly well.

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>>1073148
In some countries like the UK, murders are only included in murder stats if a killer was convicted. If no one was caught, or if a suspect was arrested and tried, but acquitted, it wasn't a murder. Really makes you think.

you go skin a walker

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>>1073223

Whoa, be careful. You might ND and the gun blows up, kills you and every thing in a 5 mile radius.

>>1073102
Missing 411

>>1073050
I vigorously masturbate

>>1073202

/thread

>>1073865
those are recorded incidents though

>>1073050
i stay awake with my eyes closed and just listen intently to my surroundings while laying perfectly still in my hammock

can't carry while outdoor in florida ;[ people freak out if they even see a gun here

>>1073726
and what do you use? A blanket?

scream and scream and scream

>>1073050
Grab another beer.

>>1073050
Sharpen your knife

>he who whets his steel whets his courage

>>1073769
That's an old .gif

>>1073050
Sing Dynamite Hack at the top of my lungs. Sometimes nearby campers throw rocks to shut me up.

>>1074391
I am not familiar with this diddy but it sounds great. I'm usually drunk when I'm /out/. I don't get a lot of out done but boy I love singing diddies.

>>1073050
Cuddle /out/ bro.

>>1073726
Im not American and I don't own a gun, but seriously, what are you going to do when a sasquatch wants your ass and you are all alone?

Wen I'm in a woods holy shut are those bear Cubs bluver clubggin each other in the shut omfffffdffffUcker up the butt because I think bears are not mlgbt

Bring a doggo

>>1074089
where do you /out/ in florida? I'm in orlando and everything sucks around here. It's just scrub.

>>1073050
i just drink lots of whiskey until i am hoping i get a reason to fight some weirdo

>>1073050
Drink some tea made from the female flowers of the hops plant.

>>1073743
>>1073106
>>1073901

But it doesn't remove the cause of the paranoia, anon. If there's a reason for your paranoia, if anything, it makes you less prepared for what could be coming.

>>1074360
Alright "Lord of the rings" calm down

>>1076659
this

First time solohiking in bear country was rough, saw bears throughout the day and they all fucked off immediately, didn't see any around night time but laying in a hammock was pretty freaky for obvious reasons, every snapping twig or rustle of leaves woke me straight up but I feel asleep with a beard pray canister in one hand and weapon in other, sadly I suffered from sleep paralysis when I 'woke up' and instead of the usual demons and spoopymen it was a mean ol bear

Then I woke up took a piss saw a bear that literally shat itself when it saw me and then I was fine

>>1073050

smoke more pot.

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>>1077161
>be inna tent inna middle offa night
>hear funky sounds outside
>suddenly paranoia starts to creep in
>I remember my training and start vigorously masturbating to the finest /d/ my head can imagine
>close to finishing when I realize a black bear is raiding my tent
>grab my bottle of body lotion and Mora (TM) 711 and jump out of the tent
>look bear straight in the eye, he notices my huge throbbing cock, wet with precum
>when he sees the cold blade of my mora he stops advancing
>I start advancing and wink at him with my bottle of body lotion
>he tucks tail and runs away as fast as he can, making this odd panic sound

tl:dr train your jack off skills before you go solo out!

anyone ITT ever been murdered while /out/ing?

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>>1073050
I create paranoia, not submit to it.

>>1077481
I was once. I've never been the same since desu.

>>1076659
disgusting

>>1073050
flip the safety on my rifle.

>>1073060
listen I know this guy is being and edge lord, but he's fucking right. I have an absurd concept of some nameless shapeless creature that is coming to kill me one day, it will kill me when i'm not looking and it will do so swiftly. but I've never been afraid. not for a minute. even when I'm hiking a long ass trail late at night and I hear an animal grunt I just think "well that's the thing".

if you're a fear driven creature then it's likely you do a lot of things based on potential consequences. you always show up on time for work, you never start arguments, you generally don't take risks. but when you're not scared you tend to be more lackadaisy about things. I'm one of those guys. I fucking do what I want when I want and worry about the consequences later. but being fear driven is a great life motivator and will get you far. but you're a pussy. can't change biology though, so live it up making more money then me, but remember, if I ever met you in an alley, I'd be way more comfortable with killing you then you would with killing me.

>>1078537
holy shit I was blitzed when I typed this.

update: just fucked my friend that is "like a sister to me" and my ex is her best friend. she was all "the consequences". I brought her around to my way of thinking for a little bit. now she's a basket case of betrayal and I'm just "meh"

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>>1079977

>>1079977
boy, /out/ sure is something
good board you guys got here

>>1073050

Remember I have a loaded gun and think everyone has to die sometime. If something attacks, I'll go down fighting.

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>>1079977
what the fuck

This happened less than a week ago.
>Be be, preparing for a deep acid trip inna woods.
>Gonna camp alone at state park that's less than two miles from the r.v park I live at.
>Unexpectedly hang with friend before I head out.
>Decides he's gonna come so we can do some night time kayaking, then he'll leave and let me do my thing.
>Strange man that lives at r.v park walks up as we're setting kayaks up on his car roof.
>Throws me a little candy and says"try this."
>It's a marijuana edible. I eat it.
>Friend says"we should roll a couple joints before we go."
>Cool.
>The fucker rolls seven joints. SEVEN!
>We set up, start smoking. Things are going great. Decide to smoke the rest on the water.

Continued
>We're floating on our little boats, enjoying the Michigan bud. It's good bud, but very heavy.
>I'm looking off in the distance and see a light reflecting off the water. It's a little odd because we are the only ones camping.
This is a very low key spot tucked away in a forest off a State road. There was nobody parked, and the sign in sheet had nobody on it except me. My buddy was going home so he wasn't on there.
>I ignore it. It vanishes.
>Then my friend starts seeing it.
>We get real quiet and watch this thing for a few minutes. It's moving slowly. Where the fuck is the actual light?
>We start paddling slowly.
>Finally, I see what looks like the source. It's moving slowly through the woods, away from my tent.
>IT WAS BY MY FUCKING TENT!
>We're getting freaked out now.
>I can feel the paranoia growing.
>He wants to leave.
>I go with him to the boat launch.
>Give in to my paranoia and leave with him. I had left my car at home.
Okay, so that may seem anti climactic, but it's true. And I do feel like a pussy for leaving. Here's what bothered me so much. The main trail leading to my camp site is probably fifteen minutes long. There are other trails, but they go in different directions and aren't connected to this one. Whoever was out there did not drive, and this is bum fuck nowhere off a state road, so they either walked in off the road or came through the fucking woods with no trail to follow from the other side of the forest. I don't know. Maybe it was the stupid amount that we smoked, but something just felt so wrong. This is the only time I've gotten that paranoid innawoods.