>you're are walking along the trail in the woods. >you

Easy:
>Draw Pistol
>Tactically shit my pants
>magdump

>>1031408
Pray in hope that he's a peaceful muslim.

>stabs him with the SAK

>>1031408
well if i'm in the woods i have my staff which i can use to parry as i back away from the crazy dude, i have some practice with spear fencing i would probably stay alive for a good while.

if it's in a city park where i don't have my staff i would fucking run and make sure to zig-zag some so he can't throw me in the back and not fall on my face like a moron in the movies. it's hard to do both but have to try. once i find something i can deploy as a shield or a car that i can get between us i will call the police.

>>1031408
I've never had sex. I should be fine.

>>1031495
no, the pervert invalids die too anon. sorry friend.

>>1031408
Pass him a snickers bar

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>>1031408
>Be me
>Hiking in a place
>*am twig but get step on so of twig snap*
>Turn 440 degrees
>Some tard in a mask
>"Lol i got this"
>Unholster my Tactical Survival Teletubby
>Go all "clint eastwood" and stare at him with my steely gaze
>He's transfixed by my superior staring abilities
>He drops his weapon and takes mask off
>Ishouldhaveknown.jpg
>It's Ted Cruz
>"Glad to see ya exercising yer right to bear tubbies, anon."
>"How do you know my name?"
>"Because...
>He peels off his charming, southern face
>...I am you"
>Cue laugh-track
>End credits roll
>Directed by Jerry Seinfeld

>>1031625
Kek'd

>>1031625
IT SHOULD HAVE BEEN TED!

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>>1031804
Write your own fan fiction then.

>>1031408
BRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAP

>shoulder mosin
>fire
>work the bolt
>repeat until empty
>charge with bayonet

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*teleports behind him*
Surprise cockfag!!

>>1031408
Give him a nod of acknowledgement and continue on my way.

Show him native american techniques of how to roll his feet while walking so he doesn't sound like a fucking elephant ripping through the treeline.

>>1031408
Unholster the revolver and open fire.

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>>1031408
>see masked man behind me
>evil monster walks close
>slowly I drop trow
>offer madman my virgin aynoose
Feels breddy gud m8e.

>>1031408
shoot him with a fucking fal

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>>1031625
>It's ted cruz

>>1031495
That only works if you're a blonde 18yo grill and the hottest of your 8ish friends.

use my paracord to hang myself before he has time to harm me

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If I removed your mask, would you die?

>>1034034
No, but he would be Ted Cruz.

>>1031408
I would hand over the delegates

Carry around a no weapon sign so that he can't carry any weapons

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>>1031408
>Unsheathes katana

Psshhh. Nothing personnel kid

>>1031408
Show weenis

>>1031625
Fortykeks.jpg

I wonder why is it raining so hard suddenly and wtf am I doing in a cemetery

>>1032082
>Shoulder
>He chops your shoulder off

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>>1031408
>Knock off mask
>Show him his mother's sweater
>Have Tommy Jarvis (moot) hit him in the face with a machete

>>1031408
I would pour water in his face and reduce him to a crying child then cut his head off and keep mask as trophy

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>>1031468
"heh, nothin' personnel kid"

>>1031625

kek.
/Thread.

Ejaculate

>>1031408
>>>/b/