Things your car said the day you bought it.

"you're making a colossal mistake"

>>17303605
Cars can't talk.

"why do i have to leave, i have been here in this garage next to that cute porsche for 21 years. I have had the same driver for 21 years... why do i have to go? does the new owner have a garage.. a cute porsche? will he take care of me the way i'm supposed to be taken care of."

Gotcha bitch

>>17303605
"Please be gentle on my gearbox"

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"I'm a german girl, so I'm a little more high maintenance than the rest. I may look slutty on the outside but I'm a good girl, I swear!"

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>>17303624

I'm not supposed to be feeling this over a fucking car

...what happened to the original driver?

"Ignore that. It's not rust I swear. Yes these seats are mounted properly."

>>17303605
Your OnStar system is ready.
Heil Hydra!

>>17303605
"check engine"

>>17303605
>Thanks, I was getting tired of sitting in that front lawn day in and day out.
and/or
>Whew, you're not 350+lbs like my previous owner.

>>17303605
こんにちは、私は今あなたのマスターです。あなたは今から私に多くのお金を費やすでしょう。

>>17303605
"If you can't handle me at my worst you don't deserve me at my best"

>>17303657
I think after 20 years and 200k miles or so she decided she wanted a new car. I only met her husband, the owner of the porsche and a few other cars. They were very nice people.

"Hey ignore that weird thing second year does, the trans isn't failing I swear"
It's okay, you've been a money pit but I love you anyway

>>17303605
>hit boost you faggot i dare you

CHECK THE FUCKING AIRBAG

>>17303605
あなたが私のポストに返信しない限り、これを読んでいるならあなたの母は今夜彼女の睡眠で死ぬでしょう

But then again we may never know

>>17303605
take me away from Andre the Giant and paint me gold
I'll be good and won't throw CELs every day until I pass smog, promise

"I swear rust will never reappear again it's fixed for good"

"my previous owner wouldn't go over 2500rpm, wtf are you doing to me"

>>17304016
fuck you

私を救ってくれてありがとう! これらのイタリア人男性は1年以上も油を交換していません! 私はハムの香りがして、私のステアリングは粘りがあります!

>>17304846
>I smelled of ham

Is... Is that an accurate translation?

"HOLY SHIT I'VE NEVER GONE OVER 30 TAKE ME BACK TO THAT OLD LADY"

>>17303605
>BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP
>CHCHCHCHCH-CAAaaahhh...
>clickclickclick
>BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP
>CHCHCHCHCHKA brummmmmmmm

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>>17303841
>>17303670
Literally both these

>"don't drive me responsibly"

>>17303605
"I maybe slow anon and boring but I get good mpg's so you can ride me longer without taking that many brakes to the gas station and fill me up more" how did I do guys is dis gud?

"why did those fuckers sell me to a black person"

>>17303605
>30 replies
>Not a single "OH YOU RIKE FRIED RICE?"

I thought some of you actually have Japanese cars

>>17303605
"Drive me faster, you pussy"

>>17305147
There are a few guys who posted in Japanese characters you mong

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>>17305147
Reading is hard

"i'm a virgin, be gentle"

>Sweet German milf voice
Ich kann nicht auf der Außenseite gut aussehen, aber es ist, was drinnen ist. Ich bin auch etwas inkontinent. Mach dir keine Sorgen um dieses Geräusch, wenn du die Hitze einschaltest. Mach auch keine Sorgen, da es keine Hitze gibt.

>>17305807
This, my car had 5 miles when I got it.

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>>17306664
>5 miles
>A virgin

>Please don't let me get wrecked like your last one did yesterday.
A month ago, bought my current truck the next day after the last one was totaled.

>>17306671
Manufacturers and dealerships put a few miles on to test drive for any bugs. The one new car I bought had 7 miles on it, and I watched them take the shipping tape off of it.

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>>17306807
And of course you took the bait.

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"I will require more maintenance than your girlfriend and her sister combined, also I hate being touched."

CLICKCLICKCLICKCLICKCLICK
Turns out there was no alternator and I forgot to check before I made the deal and towed it back to my house.

>>17306843
Really? Because I have one, and it has 251k miles on it, runs without issue. I literally let it sit for two years because I can't afford to insure it. Then my main ride got wrecked. I insured, plated it, threw a battery in, and it fired up like I drove it the day before.

And mostly because when I did work on it, it loved it. Everything I did worked great. Easiest truck I ever worked on.