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Automotive Autism Thread

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What kind of car related autistic things do you do?

I only have a few:

>when I'm driving at night and there's no one around, I sometimes flash the high beams over and over and make "nee naw" sounds like I'm police
>when I'm walking around in public and walk past someone slower than me, I do a gear change motion with my hand like I'm changing from 5th to 3rd for an overtake, then speedily walk past
>spend an autistic amount of time parking 100% right, make sure each window is all the way up, get out, lock car then check each door handle to make sure it locked. 50% of the time I will walk away but check again
>>
THICC
sauce
>>
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Hmm, seek help
>>
>>16751023
Mercy > Mei
>>
sometimes when im walking im public and making turns id take the racing line
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>>16751023

>when I'm walking around in public and walk past someone slower than me, I do a gear change motion with my hand like I'm changing from 5th to 3rd for an overtake, then speedily walk past

I do this aswell
>>
>>16751036
kek
>>
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>My temperature position MUST have the notch match the gap in between the red or blue lines
>I'll click the lock button on my key at least 3 times just to make sure it's locked

>>16751036
this
>>
Sometimes mutter tire screeching noises to myself once I start walking again after a sustained period of standing still.
>>
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>I pay my car on the roof any tell it good job after a spirited drive
>When filling with gas the sale price must end with 5 or 0
>Signal lane changes even if nobody is around
>>
>if someone's driving slowly in front of me I'll usually scream "REEEEEEEEEEE" until I drive past them
>>
>sometimes when I play racing games and I crash I like to pretend I've actually crashed and act it out when I crash in game. My parents have witnessed this once when I failed to notice them in the room while playing Need For Speed
>>
I have a CD full of burnout noises in my player at all times, if I ever want to impress people I will play it and pretend I'm doing a mad burnout.
I also do the same with engine noises sometimes
>>
Seek help, all of you.
>>
>>16751023
And here I thought I was an autist
>>
>>16751116
>signal lane changes even if nobody is around
that's not autism, that's the law
>>
>>16751023
I like to drift with my shopping cart at the grocery store
>there's no way I'm the only one
>>
>>16751023
I make blowoff valve noises even though my car doesn't have a turbo
>>
>>16751023
When I feel like driving fast on an road I'll listen to the Burnout Dominator soundtrack.
>>
When theres a lot of traffic at a standstill on the other side of the road, I like to get as close as I can to those cars.

When I make right turns, if a car is waiting for a turn to change in the other lane I like to act like I'm about to hit them.


i don't know why I do this
>>
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>>16751338
I do that shit all the time anon, I'd like to think I'm better than Takumi
>>
I bought a manual
>>
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>>16751024
Momokun
>>
>>16751335
If you break the law when no one is around, did you really break the law?
>>
>>16751396
there is a chance a cop is hidden somewhere
>>
>>16751338
No, I do it too.
>>
>>16751390
Pigfat
>>
>>16751338
I work in a hospital and I like to drift with patients on my stretcher
>>
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>>16751023

sometimes I press the little button on the gearstick (used to put into reverse gear) when driving normally and pretend its a mega turbo button
>>
I rage uncontrollably at everything and turn into always critique everyone's driving behaviour when I touch my steering wheel.

my wife's used to my raging now though
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>>16751396

if your moral compass is only on when there's people around are you secretly a criminal?
>>
>>16751396
>rape and kill a woman in your house
>bury her under the floorboards
>didn't technically break the law
>>
>>16751035
This
>>
>>16751338
Go to ikea, they have God tier drifting carts
>>
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>wear ear plugs when on the autobahn to protect my hearing
>sometimes honk on the autobahn for no reason when no one is around
>sometimes connect my notebook to the speakers and listen to simpsons or KOTH episodes i already know
>>
>Make VRROOOM and SCREEECH sounds with my mouth when accelerating or cornering, no matter what my speed is
>When off-roading make WHUMPITA-WHUMPITA-WHUMPITA sounds at every bump
>Try as hard as I can to run over squirrels when the road is empty
Goddamn I hate squirrels--they chewed a hole in my cable box and stuffed it full of nuts and shorted out my internet and TV for 3 weeks
>>
>>16751036
i do the same
>>
>>16751460
uh, what?
>>
>>16751644
#NotAllSquirrels
>>
I listen to eurobeat
>>
>>16751338
>>16751373
>>16751430
>>16751587

But do you make tire screeching sounds?
>>
>>16751820
Yes, with my tires
>>
I turn off my headlights at night and pretend I'm takumi doing the blind attack
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>>16751023
>>16751036
>>16751037
>>
>>16751396
>no cop
>no stop
>>
>>16751023
> Fans have to be set directly on a setting, not partway between.
> Fuel must be close to the nearest even £, because that's where loyalty points are added.
> I am on a crusade against pigeons. If they're in the road, I aim for them.
> I park in the same spot at work every day, or as close to it as I can.
> Because it's the ideal spot in terms of walking distance to non-desirablity for normies, under a lamppost for visibility on CCTV should it get vandalised/stolen from, and has a manhole cover that melts ice in winter.
>>
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... things
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When I was 18 and single I was stuck not knowing what to do with my life so whenever I was off and not working I would go to the nearest mountain roads and I would speed down hill not caring about dying if I make the wrong move I did this all the time with mega drivers-big blue cover on repeat the fastest I went down hill was 117 mph I almost busted a shingo dingo because I spaced out for a second and I clipped the back right fender on my aw11.
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Racing line at every turn
>>
>>16751390
She's built like that one dinosaur in The Land Before Time
>>
>Drift shopping cart
>blip throttle when coasting in gear to make pops and bang noises
>Pass slow cars at WOT
>>
>driving through traffic
>always pick a route that forces me to be given right of way, so i dont have to give way
>whenever someone has to stop for me or cant merge for whatever reason i mumble "cucked" to myself, as if i owned them
>>
>>16752500
>Cucked
I lol'd
>>
>>16751625
>listen to episodes of shows I already know

fuck, I'm about to start this, with Simpsons and KOTH incidentally
>>
>>16751338
Same, and with the wheeled mop buckets and trolleys at work
>>
>>16752582
>wheeled mop buckets
That implies that they go anywhere WITHOUT having to be drifted.
And I know for a fact that's bullshit. I have never used a wheeled mop bucket anywhere that didn't have a stuck or wonky wheel.
>>
>>16752565
dude, its EXTREMELY comfy. you know what happens anyways so the audio is enough to get yu as comfy as possible.

if you want to see simpsons and koth though, check by at ankhstream dott com, they stream it often. i think right now its breaking bad though.
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>>16751444
Dad, is that you?
>>
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>>16751023
>What kind of car related autistic things do you do?

-=@=- When looking for a parking spot downtown or in certain areas full of homeless, I watch carefully to see if there are hidden people waiting to come out and greet the next person to park their car.

-=@=- Signal lane changes even if I think no one is anywhere close enough to be affected by my turn. If nothing else, Onstar tracks if I use signals for turns or not as part of its SmartDriver program.

-=@=- When using a drive-up ATM I not only get up as close as I can, I also make sure my spray bottle of alcohol is ready along with a screwdriver that can get a firm non-slip grip. The handle is wrapped with lots of thin rubber bands for firm grip against yanking and eliminate my fingerprints.

By being close, it reduces the chance some dindu runs up and grabs the cash. The screwdriver is ready to stab any hand or arm reaching in. Drive it hard all the way thru the hand or arm and drive off. Because the ATM dispenses the card and receipt before the cash, it is possible to drive off and not lose the card in an active ATM session. The designers were smart in forcing single cash transactions.

The 99% isopropyl alcohol is there to spray myself in case any blood gets on me. Cannot risk the chance of aids or other diseases. 91% is sold at many places, but the 99% is available at places such as Fred Meyer (owned by Kroger).
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floor it whenever I see one of these
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>ac temperature has to be even numbers, no odds allowed

>>16751444
same, i roadrage like there's no tomorrow, but normally i'm a big pussy and shy away from confrontation.
>>
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>>16753572
wow you're such a obsessive paranoid faggot it's half sad half funny
>>
>>16753819
I did that once. Got a fat ticket in the mail about a week later for 200 dollars with a black and white photo of my tag.

Wouldn't recommend.
>>
>>16751435
I pretend the tip of my gear stick is a button for a laser beam to blast bad drivers.. or just any cars I think should be blasted.
>>
>middle vents have to be centered
>side vents are pointed at the windows since I don't have separate vents for defogging
>passenger seat has to be in the exact same position as the driver seat
>would vaccuum whole car every day if I had the time
>like to keep as little things in my car as possible
>>
Yo /o/, I've got an 00 Alero and the blinkers only work like half the time, the hazards are fine though. I refuse to take it to a mechanic for something I could probably change in 10 minutes. Can you help a brother out?
>>
>>16753927

Those kind don't have any cameras on them. How the fuck do you not notice the big ass camera setup attached?

mfw they put mobile versions of these in random places and almost every single guy in a truck just floors it.
>>
>>16753572

Your plate would be caught on Camera. Even if the ATM did not have a camera they would check other cameras in that area, one of which is bound to get your car on camera.

Then they would check the transactions. That is another piece of evidence in your favor.

Not to mention the fact that if someone is robbing you, they are at least going to carry a knife.

If your determined to keep your $40 then you can stab them with the screwdriver, but thats going to piss him off and you are guaranteed to get stabbed.

Carrying mace is a better idea. It hurts like fuck and you can usually get away with using it for self defense.
>>
>>16751338
Do you also rev? I do.
>>
>>16751390
feminist?
>>
>>16751023

>When at stoplight I make a screeching sound while moving my arms really fast, it makes an extremely weird sound & I do it for attention

>Will rev engine and stare down soccer moms at redlights, expecting them to race their minivan packed with children

>Tell my car that I love it while rubbing steering wheel

>In my last car I emptied a box of razor blades into the console where all the change was by accident. I ended up leaving them in there, because it made going into the console to get change more interesting
>>
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>>16754291
>>In my last car I emptied a box of razor blades into the console where all the change was by accident. I ended up leaving them in there, because it made going into the console to get change more interesting
>>
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When I tighten hubcaps which are held in by caps that screw over the lug nuts I tighten in the star pattern or correct sequence as the nuts
>>
>>16754291
kek'd at the last part
>>
>>16751330
sorry to tell you this but...
>>
>>16751460
if you raped her before killing her somrone was around. You broke the law
but thats only if you think women are people
>>
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>>16754415
what if he kills her first, rapes the still-warm body then buries it?

Fernando Martinez not related
>>
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>drive '90 accord shitbox
>whenever I'm on the nice part of the local interstate speed to at least 100mph
>attempt to race any car that looks fast
>sing along to my little chinese girl cartoon music whilst doing this
>cry because my car has some kind of governor even though F22A6's arent supposed to.

this piece of shit is at 4700rpm @120mph but i get cucked by some sort of limiter that makes me break.
>>
>>16754436
as long as she didnt see it coming
>>
>>16754447
>he doesn't know what air friction is
>>
>at gas pump, gas must always be a total ending in 5 or 0, prefer multiples of .25
>headlights on at least 30 minutes before sunset
>volume knob at 15 max
>steering wheel as close to dead center as possible when parked, even on a curved road
>turn ignition on, any lights, phone on mount, seatbelt on, engine then radio
>mirror switch in the middle/off when I'm done adjusting mirrors
>vents always either fully open or closed
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>>16754467
>>
>>16754476
nigger I can feel the piece of shit wants to go faster. Problem is that i think the breaks engage once it hits a certain RPM because that ECU doesn't have a rev limiter.
>>
>>16753944
this is 100% me as well
>>
>>16751023
If I'm driving an automatic I have to put it in neutral at the lights...

I know I don't have to... I just do...
>>
>>16754506
>>16754447
Rev limiter and speed governing are different things. Some cars have a hard speed limit programmed in the ECU and it starves the engine of fuel once you reach that limit, regardless of throttle input or gear. It's like 120mph on mine. I'm not at max revs in 5th but it won't go faster than that, I'd have to get it chipped to go faster.
>>
>>16754484
or you fucks stop acting so edgy and just consider the case of a theft. Would anon think no one broke the law if his car get stolen while no one was around ?
>>
>>16754696
No fun allowed.
The point's the same tho. If you legally cannot be committed of a crime then legally you did not commit a crime
>>
>>16754660
For whatever reason, our Sprinter customers keep activating their speed limiter at stupid speeds like 30km/h etc...

Somewhere out there, there's a third party knockoff Mercedes software people are using that keeps setting the limiter to this speed...

I personally think it's hilarious. We have to remove the limiter, and we get to warn them not to use that software anymore.
>>
>>16751390
God tier qt3.14
>>
>>16754717
convicted, not committed
>>
>>16753928
You seem like a fun guy
>>
>>16751460
Thats not how it works you dingus, the woman was there when you were murdering her.
>>
>I must be going at a speed divisible by 5, anybody I'm behind that is going at a speed of a number that is not a multiple of 5 greatly frustrates me
>turn headlights on no matter what time of day
>take extra time to make sure my car is parked as straight as possible and wheels are straight as well
>>
>>16751116
>Signal lane changes even if nobody is around
Same


>>16751204
>I have a CD full of burnout noises in my player at all times
My previous car had voice control that wouldn't waste time by repeating some help message each time voice control was activated. If there was an annoying car in front of me I would would say "Computer Fire Phasers" and the Star Trek phaser sound would occur. The track also had a long silence following the sound effect to give me time to switch to something else to maintain the illusion.

My new GM car sucks at this because it precedes voice control mode with a little speech and then announces the song name and artist before playing it. Totally ruins the illusion of a phaser firing.


>>16751338
>I like to drift with my shopping cart at the grocery store
You too? I do that a few times on the way back to the car in the parking lot. No cop has given me ticket for drifting in the parking lot.


>>16751644
>squirrels
Some are tame. On the university campus, a squirrel once ran up my pants leg to get the chocolate item I was holding at waist height. Normally, I would kill squirrels. They like to chew and tug out the wire screen in the ventilation holes under the eaves. Then they get inside and I worry about them chewing wires and setting things on fire or birds & rats using the opening they make. And they are bound to bring in lots of dirty moldy leaves and sticks to make cluttered nests.
>>
>>16751023
When I'm at a stoplight, I sit like, a full car space back in case anyone rear ends me.
And I get super triggered at people tailgating me. If I wave at them to move back and they're still on me I'll take my foot off the gas and go like 20 miles per hour till they merge into a different lane, then I speed up again.
>>
>>16751338
they changed all the tires and re coated the floor
the shopping trolleys don't drift now they just roll over
>>
>>16754660
the thing is I feel a stuttering braking then a hard braking when i keep the throttle open. plus it activates anywhere between 117 and 120
>>
>>16755072
I memorize the plates of the people that do this and fuck with them later on.
>>
>>16751345
My normie friend for awhile thought that I was making that noise. I ended up having to learn him gud
>>
as soon as I get into the car and close the door I yell something like "NIGGERS" or "IM GAY"
>>
>>16755440
The people who tailgate or the people who slow down?
>>
>>16755640
People who move vastly slower than the speed limit and don't move over when I close in. Especially those that move at the same pace as the car next to them, making me incapable of going around them.
>>
>>16751390
>9gag
>>
>>16751338
Im going to ikea soon
>>
>Always have passenger window open
>>
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>>16751625
>listing to Tv
>>
>>16753954
drive to the nearest low traffic autozone and ask them. if they're anything like my store they'll probably help you with it if they're not busy. It could be your hazard/turn signal flasher unit. easy fix, it's like a big fuse and probably costs like 10-15$
>>
I downshift to slow down. Haven't had to change my brakes in 92k miles. My mom's had her Prius for 165k miles and somehow still hasn't had to change her brakes.
>>
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>>16751023
>my wife takes the car
>she comes back
>I check the car for new scratches
>there are new scratches
>mfw
>>
>>16756186
>my wife takes the car
>she comes back
>I check the car for new scratches
>there are new scratches

You borrow her purse.
You come back.
Her purse has a few rips in it.
Pretty soon her driving quality improves.
>>
>>16751390
Baby arms
>>
>>16755006
>>I must be going at a speed divisible by 5, anybody I'm behind that is going at a speed of a number that is not a multiple of 5 greatly frustrates me
>>turn headlights on no matter what time of day

Guilty. Too many people drive without headlights on, especially in rain.
>>
>>16755006
>I must be going at a speed divisible by 5

Have fun running over children.
>>
I sometimes just make turbo flutter noises. While rock climbing at my local gym my buddies and I all make blowoff valve noises. Only 2 of us own turbo cars.
>>
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>>16754291
>>
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>>16756186
>my wife takes the car
>she comes back
>I check the car for new scratches
>there are buckets of KFC and a used magnum xl condom
>mfw
>>
>>16756664
>Tfw this pic describes accurately my life
Minus the nigger part of course
>>
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drive an ex police car really slowly in the outside lane

>people still think its unmarked on duty
>mfw they overtake me doing 25mph in the inside lane and see a loser like me inside
>>
>>16751449
>Equating ethics and legality
That's not how it works, anon. That's not how it works at all.
>>
>>16756406
can't unsee

top kek
>>
>>16756186
Why do you retards let other people.drive your cars, especially women.
>b-but she's my wife

It's your property that you paid for, grow a pair, fuck. Also don't marry a selfish dumbfuck who'd make this an issue in the first place
>>
>>16751023
>as soon as I get into the car and close the door I yell something like "NIGGERS" or "IM GAY"

Nobody else does this? P-please respond
>>
>>16756864
Thats literally how it works. In the court system at least
>>
>>16756006
Regenerative braking boi
>>
>>16755006
>not keeping headlights off as long as possible to maximize bulb life
>>
>>16755683
I only do it if someone is tailgating me. There are other lanes open, and tailgating is dangerous.
Take in mind : I do this stuff on roads that have one or two other lanes than the one I'm traveling in. There's no reason to be following so close.
>>
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Whenever I overtake someone in the far left lane and then change lanes to get back in front of them I say "cucked" to myself.
>>
>>16757324
unless that is happening in the left lane, i have no problem with you
>>
>>16751023
>make sure the steering wheel is centered perfectly after parking

>use parking brake to take stress off trans when parked on a hill

>keep my interior in perfect clean condition literally every surface is safe to eat off of except for my floor mats

>never roll my windows down unless absolutely necessary

>make kissy face and sound and smile at my car after I "tuck her in" after closing up the garage. I also check to make sure the garage is closed every night before bed....make kissy face and stuff again to let her know I love her and care about her. I also sometimes kiss her right mirror exactly three times as well

>keep a microfiber cloth on passenger seat to dust interior while waiting at a red light

>wait for wipers to return to down position before shutting off car

>when merging into a right turn lane I indicate right like all should do....but then as I merge left into the new lane I indicate left.....this is perfectly normal to me but I never see other drivers do it so I consider it to be autistic behavior


That's all I can think of right now
>>
>>16757504
Can u clarify the last part
>>
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>>16757504
>>make kissy face and sound and smile at my car after I "tuck her in" after closing up the garage. I also check to make sure the garage is closed every night before bed....make kissy face and stuff again to let her know I love her and care about her. I also sometimes kiss her right mirror exactly three times as well
you are a fucking freak
>>
>>16753904
>TFW I'll never be anywhere near as cool as those guys think they are
>>
>>16753651
I came
>>
>>16755086
Give it a few months. Daily passes by cleaning machines will buff the floor to a slippery mirror finish.
>>
>>16757732
Thanks anon, I love you too

>makes kissy face at anon
>>
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>>16757718
It's like this intersection. I'm the yellow car, I indicate with right turn signal to show I'm going into the right turn lane....as I come into the turn lane I'm now merging onto the new street which means my car is now moving to the left so I use my left blinker as I merge into that street. Hope that clears it up a bit
>>
>>16758194
Not him, but that's pretty gay. It's not like you're going to hang a fucking left out of that merge. Everybody expects and knows you will go right
>>
>>16758324
yeah but after that initial right turn I'm then moving to the left.....I dunno. One of the main reasons I do it is because having my left blinker on makes me more visible to traffic I might have not seen before I decide it's okay to turn
>>
>>16758194
If you are doing that, then you are signaling improperly.
>>
>i hate odd numbers on when setting the temperature on my climate control
>>
>>16758499
This. Indicating properly helps stop accidents.
>>
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>>16751035
Hana>everyone
>>
>>16757256
Replace "NIGGERS" with "I HATE FUCKING NIGGERS" and you have yourself a reply.
>>
>>16753927
>>16753967
>>16753819
I always floor it as well. I got for the "high score." One of them flashed TICKET ISSUED but I never got anything in the mail
>no front plate in nj
>>
>>16751023
>drive too fast
>flick my lights at somebody to let me pass in the high speed lane even when the road is otherwise empty
>drift shopping carts
>I also put my front bumper up to the back of shopping carts in an empty parking lot, hit the gas and push them fast, then slam on the breaks and watch them go
>sometimes I masturbate while driving
I always hqv thme heat as high as it goes and open the window instead of lowering the heat
>>
>>16759109
I also like to beep once for every car in oncoming traffic once it is even with my car And I count as I do it
>>
>>16754851
for you
>>
>>16754447
Carameldansen
>>
>>16758194
This is just fine
>>
>>16751023
Bump for interest

I talk to myself constantly while I drive
I even pull out my cell phones o makand not look like I'm no Mbqbbling like a lunatic to myself
>>
>>16758968
Cameras were removed from lights in NJ like a year ago.

Even if they're up, they can't ticket you because of them anymore
>>
>>16753246
nice meme m8
>>
My daily driver is some shitbox Civic 1.6 that i got off a kid that thought he could be in Fast and Furious. Has a ricey muffler and a short shift kit, and sometimes I make bwaaaah noises when I'm bored
>>
>>16751390

She looks like fucking her would be like driving a Cadillac. Floaty suspension and squishy couch-like seats... a real luxurious ride.
>>
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When the heat is off, I have to turn all three of these knobs to 12 o'clock. Doesn't matter that heat gets cranked all the way to the right in the morning.
>>
>>16751396
Yes, you'll still get a ticket, even if it's only a camera around.
>>
Glance at the speedometer and temp gauge every 30 seconds. Also if I'm on a rural road late at night with no traffic around I weave back and forth between lanes (on straight stretches obviously) with the highbeams on trying to spot kamikaze Kangaroos willing to jump in front of the car.

t. only ever owned shitboxes and had a few engines die on me.
>>
When I get to a slow section/small village after hooning for a while I scream and shout incoherent nonsense for a few seconds.
>>
>>16757301
It's temperature changes that wear out the filaments, not amount of time active. Also, you're more likely to get in a much more expensive accident with the lights off.
>>
>>16751370
Retard.
>>
>>16751023
Bottle of fuel additive Everytime I fill up
>>
>>16753838
>even numbers

this, absolutely
>>
>>16757256
you know people can still hear you even with your doors closed, right?
>>
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>>16758696
That's a funny way to spell Mako.
>>
>>16752500
>cucked
>>
>>16756736
>is what your wife wants you to think
>>
>>16752500
Get help
>>
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>>16751390
MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM

HNNNNNNNNNNNG

T. drunk
>>16760983
haahhahaahah my sides where not ready
>>
>>16751023
fuckkk

T
H
I
C
C

>when I'm walking around in public and walk past someone slower than me, I do a gear change motion with my hand like I'm changing from 5th to 3rd for an overtake, then speedily walk past
HAHAHHAHA I did this in middle school

>>16751390
hi test

>>16751116
I like to do that and feel the warmth from my tires

>>16751338
I do this everytime I go to costco lmao
>>
i rev match every gear except first
>>
>>16751036

we're all guilty of doing that at least once.

roundabouts after midnight are chicanes in my head.
>>
I used to have a Honda Fit, and I absolutely loved that car.

Because of economical reasons we had to sell it and buy a used Chevrolet Agile, a shitty regional car made in Brazil. 1.4L, barely makes it to 90HP i think.

Coming from the Fit, I hated this car, and every time something relevant happens, the car earns or loses respect.

Going through flooded streets without hydrolocking in the process won it some respect. (although I lost the front plate, probably because of the force the water made against it)

Throwing check engine lights every time i step on it, loses some respect.

The most autistic thing about this is that I explicitly tell the car "You lost respect" or "You won some respect" after these situations end.

I really miss that Fit.
>>
>>16768152
i know this great road where it's just 4 roundabouts one after another
>traffic is zilch at 8pm
>whenever there's 2 cars going the same way its a huge race to the end of the road
>people in suvs, utes, shitboxes always caning the fuck out of it through there
>2 lanes the whole way so people can overtake
>>
>>16757504
>>make sure the steering wheel is centered perfectly after parking

What about parking on a hill?
>>
>>16751928
I do this aswell
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