Fellas, I'm in deep shit

>>16018658

Pop the clutch if it's manual.

Suck some cock and get a jump if autotragic.

>>16018658
That's why you don't buy cheap Chinese batteries, Mohammad,

>>16018658
Is it turning over or what? If it's a manual, then do what >>16018667 said and bump start it.

Auto or manual OP?

If manual and the fuel pump still kicks on you'll be on your way in no time
>Car in neutral, key on
>Push as fast as you can run next to the driver door
>When you can't gain anymore speed slip into the door and dump second
>Vroom vroom
>If it's cold and it doesn't usually start easy cold you may have to rinse and repeat

As for auto.. Kill everything, lights, heater, -- everything unnecessary. You'll probably need a jump though. I've only had killing everything work on mechanical fuel pump / 1.6l shitboxes.

>>16018692
Didn't workout... My gf and I ran as fast as we could and I jumped in, and.... Nothing. It still buzzes and makes those starting noises w/o actually starting. And the board blinks as if there's some kind of electrical problem.
It's a four year old mk6 bought new, I didn't buy chinese batteries.
Thanks guys, but I think I'm stuck until tommorow.
P.S. Manual

>>16018754
Keep trying. Sometimes it takes some work.

guys why is this not a starter issue? fuses?

>>16018754
>Didn't workout... My gf and I ran as fast as we could and I jumped in, and.... Nothing. It still buzzes and makes those starting noises w/o actually starting. And the board blinks as if there's some kind of electrical problem.
>It's a four year old mk6 bought new, I didn't buy chinese batteries.
>Thanks guys, but I think I'm stuck until tommorow.
>P.S. Manual
Dump it in first, fuck it you need to get going.

>>16018804
not first, second, or even 3rd.
dumping it in low gear is too stressfull on everthing, and will just lock up the drive tires.

make sure the key is in the ON position.

Is it cranking over and not starting or is it straight clicking and buzzing? Crank but no start you probably have a a fuel issue of spark issue. If buzzing, there isn't enough power to turn the starter or the starter is fucked. Scenario 1, you're fucked. Scenario 2, you can bump start it in second or third, make sure the key is in the on position and run like hell.

>>16018658
>>16018658
Buzzing means battery too low voltage to engage starter motor. Either push start it in second gear or get a new battery.

>>16018658
call a tow

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>>16018859
Don't listen to this faggot who has clearly never push started a car.

Second gear is always the rule. Googke it you stupid cunt and get off this board forever.

> is the key on hurr durr how do start car

Jesus, I've "bump" started an automatic.
Granted, I had it at 35 mph, but still.
I could bump start my fox body in forward or reverse, pushing it with one leg out the door...

Check connections on the engine, maybe you got lucky and something came undone. There also could be corrosion on the battery terminals. Some cars you can recirculate the gas pump by turning the ignition to on position (not trying to start it) then off like 6 times. Then try starting it. Also see if you can find the source of any weird noises.

>>16018939
I was actually about 30 mph, maybe 25- speedo needed to be rebuilt atb that point in time so not positive on it.

>>16018921
Yep, first gear will work too but is a bad idea. It's really easy to do.

did you ever have any those warning lights coming on before that?

I recall hearing if you run it dry on DEF (diesel exhaust fluid) eventually the car just wont even run. Ditto for the diesel fuel filter

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Op here (dicksuckingextravaganza)
Guys, we hitched a ride to the nearest gas station, we're drinking coffee, and I guess we'll wait for dawn and an autoelectrician.

P.S. We're in Eastern Europe ;) ;) ;) ;)

Turn OFF EVERYTHING.

All lights, the radio, etc.

Then try starting.

>Not replacing the battery after 4 years.

git gud

>>16019047
First car, papa bought it, I can only drive it, am retarded when it comes to the actual mechanics of the car... This is quite a lesson, doe
The shit part of it is that it was on a svheduled service on 100k kms, and the faggots said it had no problems, changed the oil and filters, charged an arm and a leg.

>>16019009
Why did you catch a ride instead of getting a JumpStart?
>buy jumper cables.
>suck that truckers dick for a ride back
>JumpStart car
>go home and have gf peg you with her favorite strapon again.

>>16019103
It would fry the electronics
Atleast that's what the trucker said after I sucked him off

>>16019120
Jumpstarting shouldn't be a problem for any car.

>>16019124
I dunno, but let me flesh out the situation we're in...
So, we're near the Bosnian-Serbian border, and we walked for a km to ask the border po-po for help
>hur dur wait for dawn then call an autoelectrician from the nearest village
>jumpstart perhaps?
>hur dur it would fry the electronics with the thingy-majiger and the biz nood combobulater (and I swear he said anlaser <---wtf?)

Obv didn't wanna leave the comfy AC post at the border to help a couple of teens out in 4 am
Hitched a ride, and basically pleaded with the guy at the gas station to let us stay inside

Zero dicks sucked in the process doe, so I count it as a succesful operation even though I was ready to let her get fucked for a solution to this peculiarity

>>16019144
Most companies cannot jump start a vehicle in the unlikely event something goes wrong. It's a liability issue.

You just suck at push starting your car, anon. I did it for two months straight.
>Starter was slowly dying and I'd tap the starter housing as the brushes were shot
>Eventually it got to the point I was denting the housing to make said method work while shorting the connection with a screwdriver
>Fresh out of HS and I didn't exactly have money to throw at unnecessary parts
>After the first week of pushing the car it became habit and the social embarrassment went away
>Coworkers would help push and I was always the punchline of some bad joke
>Didn't buy a starter till it started to get cold out; the electric / vacuum carb deal would always act up

Well, at least you're sitting inside.

>>16019243
Shit sucks having a car that doesn't always start. I drove a Maxima that would only start for me and sometimes at that. I figured out how to push start it when no one was around (a pain in the ass, but not hard). Figured fuck it, took it apart and the ignition just was loose and I put a dollar tree bad between some stuff to make it tight and it always started after that kek. I probably should of used tape, but I was selling it anyways so I wasn't worried.

>>16018692
>>16018764
>>16018804
>>16018921
>>16018939
>faggots recommending push starting a diesel
And to think /o/ couldn't get any dumber.

>>16018881
>spark issue
It's a diesel, dimwit.

>>16018754
make sure the ignition is ON when you clutch kick to start it.

>>16018754
Sounds like an alternator.

>>16019272
It can be done.

It may take more effort, but it is a viable option.

Seeing as it sounds like OPs fuel pump is powering up the plugs are still probably heating up.

>mjet confirmed for lazy fat fuck

>>16019272
You cant push start a diesel eh? Didn't know that. Another reason not to buy a diesel, I'll add that to the list

>>16019291
>push starting a high compression engine
Have fun destroying your chain/belt.
Not to mention the impact it might have on the transmission.

>>16019120
yeah
also opening the bonnet will decapitate you
same applies to changing blinker fluid in other place than autorised shop.

>>16018754
Holy shit, please tell me you pushed it then tried cranking it kek.
You need to dump it in gear with the ignition on

>>16019340
>only in diesel fiats
1st real info mjet has contributed. Stay away from fiat lads

>>16018658

Push-start in 3rd gear, it worked for my Audi A4 1.9tdi

>>16019300
of course you can, don't listed to Punto retards like !mjet.oRqBk. half of the russian military trucks only work because you can pull-start them.

What happened to OP anyway?

>>16019144
>serbs
>being useful
>ever
You picked a shit country to break down in m8.

>>16019144
>and I swear he said anlaser <---wtf?
Anlasser is german for starter (motor)

To be honest OP you've done a good job to get this far in such a shitehole of a place.

Honestly don't be surprised if your car is a burnt out shell when you get back to it in the morning.