Things that trigger you when working on cars

mechanic here, my number one gripe is modern cars with engine undertrays, most have a cut out or flap to drain the oil but not one for removing the filter so you still need to remove the tray. fuck this trade, and modern car design.

Wanted to change the oil and filter in my friend's e46 yesterday, turns out that the filter housing has a 35mm head and you can't use a filter wrench.
Also, it seems like that car can't really be put on stands with a regular jack as it only has 4 lifting points at the corners. Fucking WHY

Literally any modern car anymore. I got lucky with a tiny v6 in a full sized truck +body lift giving me more room but still.
>ac is in the way of everything in the back
>the giant ass intake that the box+tube combo takes up half the bay.
What was wrong with the filter being on top of the engine like always?

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>>15950195
inaccessible batteries.

fucking why?

Renault megane upside down fuseboard. Pain in the arse to check/change fuses in the workshop, imagine doing it on the roadside in the dark when your headlight fuses pop.

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>>15951224
Blue arrow shows where the fuses are.

>>15950195
>hinged metal tabs that fall the fuck off and drop into the engine bay when you pop them off the filter
thanks nissan
>air filters in new cadillacs where the air filter is literally being constricted by AC lines and plastic covers
thanks gm

I prefer bolts or screws, especially torx, to secure air boxes as metal tabs get flimsy and fly off over time.
I wish my car had a cartridge oil filter, assuming the housing was metal, because disposal would be easier.

I imagine if I did it for a living on a flat rate I wouldn't like those things because the add time, but they are better.

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>headlight bulb burns out
>have to remove wheel and wheel well access panel to get to headlight bulb
>you can cheat and just turn wheel but it's miserable and your forearms will hate you and if it's the ring bulb that burned out you definitely want to just remove the wheel cover because of tiny bitch ass screws that hold it

Another
>gotta access spark plugs or coils
>cover on top of it 2 bolts easy to access
>last bolt buried in the fucking back and it's a fucking bear to remove (I'm talking 1/8 of a turn at a time)
>the alternative is to remove the cabin air filter and tray too much fucking hassle

To remove battery
>open trunk and remove panel, very easy
>remove this fuse block on top of battery
>wires too short and don't want to budge
>once you get that mess out of the way the battery is fuckhuge and at an odd angle
>if you're a weak fag get someone else to get it out for you
>no matter what you do its fucking awkward and you will hate it
>putting one in is just as bad

Transfer case oil change
>drain plug easy to get to
>ItsATrap.jpg
>fill plug is covered by support crossmember
>ordinary tools won't fit
>if you made the mistake to drain the oil and don't have the tools then you have to remove the support corssmember and support the transfer case to access the fill plug

Fugg, good thing I always loosen the fill plug first. I'm fucking looking at you e90 BMWs

>>15951185
>pickup trucks

>>15950195
>working at BMW dealership
>2012 M5 comes in
>leaking valve stem seal on cylinder 3
>BMW says to remove entire engine from car from the bottom
>co-workers bitch about the job being hard
>nobody wants the job
>Estimate is 30 hours labor
>Customer is cheap (like always)
>Frustrated with rest of co-workers and BMWs retarded repair guidelines
>I take the job
>Get shop assistant kid to help me quickly
>Take off plastic shit, expose valve train
>Kid quirks "don't we have to remove the whole engine or head blah blah blah"
>Me "you kids and your school and your 'technician' approach"
>old man ramble some more
>remove all spark plugs
>Take car out of shop to open area in back
>pain in the ass to rotate engine by hand
>whole shop wondering what the fuck I am doing, they watch
>Thank god car is manual
>Instruct shop kid to put car in top gear while I gently push car
>Wait for cylinder 3 to get to TDC
>Shop still confused. Boss thinks I am wasting time
>Stuff rope tightly into combustion chamber
>removing everything else in way
>Now everyone really thinks I am crazy
>Whip out old school magic gypsy tool nobody has ever seen and snap-on guy does not sell (at least here)
>Hint, it's an aviation tool! Compress valve spring and remove keepers
>Rope keeps valves from dropping into chamber
>Take off valve spring and replace seal without removing head or dropping engine
>Done in 2.5 hours
>Whole shop now thinks I am a wizard.
>problem is fixed and I get paid for 30 hours labor

Modern cars suck to work on. The repair guidelines are shitty and written by dozens of engineers in corporate environments. Most auto shop schools are losing old teachers that can teach methods like this. Nobody seems to want to think outside the box anymore. Everyone now refers to themselves as "technicians" and struggle outside the typical parts replacer role.

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>>15950195
I love these threads. Here's mine.
>metric and imperial fasteners mixed on same vehicle
>those pinkie-finger sized coolant hoses that are always in fucked locations
>V engine packaging in general:
>>north/south anything under/behind the intake manifold
>>east/west: anything on the rear bank
>cooling systems without drain plugs or with complex bleeding procedures
>bolts that pass through coolant passages so they rust (I'm looking at you, ford 302w)
>non-cleanable DPFs

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>>15951224
>>15951228
is that in the interior or engine bay?

>>15950889
Jack on the control arms or subframe.

>>15951185
>buying a Subaru
>ever

>take air filter housing off easy as shit
>putting it back on is like trying to thread a needle while on a rollercoaster

>want to remove section of exhaust that is rusty
>cant get any torque going on the flange mounting bolt without the whole fucking system turning

>old oil filter comes off with barely any effort
>fit new one with same amount of torque
>it drips slowly

>capacities listed in the manual are wrong, to a point of litres or more

>car makes noise unlike anything you can relate and so can't search online what the fuck it could be

>>15951363
engine bay.

>>15951305
>>15951367
That's an Escape you dumbasses

>>15951353
instead of rope I was taught to use a leakdown test tool

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peekaboo
>fucking Renault.

>bolt that shouldn't rust gets rusted back to the fucking stone age
>valve cover bolts are a fucking lucky dip because the previous owner decided to lose bolts and then use generic hardware store shit as a replacement
>things that leak for NO REASON
>filthy ass engine bays
>inline engines with the rear sparkplug well underneath the windscreen
>oil decides to be magical and leap out of the oil filler cap all over the engine while i'm filling it up
>people who know nothing about cars trying to dispense info about proper maintenance techniques
still can't get over my uncle asking me for a 14.4 volt battery charger because that's what it said on the battery

>>15951410
yeah compressed air via the sparkplug socket will work too

>>15951414

What the christ.

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>>15950195
>fuel lines that need a specific tool to undo
>brakes that need a scan tool to cycle the ABS pump in order to bleed properly
>shitty ass window regulators on some models while models from the same manufacturer last the life of the car
>any routine maintenance requiring upper intake manifold removal
>vacuum HVAC controls
>fuel pump only accessible via removing whole tank
>those FUCKING spring type hose clamps, pic related

>>15951471
i like to use a brake pad spreader used in reverse on spring clamps

>>15951353
Pic of magic gypsy tool? Why wouldn't an ordinary valve spring compressor work?

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>Weakest link in the chain from exhaust manifold to muffler is the gasket between the manifold and the turbo
>Going over a speedbump or bad incline bottoms out car on exhaust for a second, breaking that fucker gasket

Replacement of gasket requires:
>Draining all coolant
>Draining all oil
>Removal of downpipe
>Removal of turbo elbow
>Removal of removal of intake and piping
>Removal of compressor side piping to intercooler
>Removal of exhaust manifold
>Removal of turbo
>Removal of oil and water feed lines
>Removal of oil and water return lines
>Re-installation of everything above

Just to change that asshole gasket.

Car is S15 Silvia w/SR20DET.

>>15951367

>can't see obvious as fuck ford logo

>>15951185

Shit, nigger. Try a ~2000 Dodge Stratus, gotta take off the fucking wheel to change the battery.

>>15951353
This is why I see most young mechanics that think they're top shit are 'qualified part fitters', non of them can think for their self and lack creativity.

>>15952005
Raise your ride height?
Never had this problem in my 180

>>15952096
My car honestly isn't that low, it's only slightly lower than stock. Even stock cars bottom out around here because of the shit roads and steep hills.

I guess I have no choice then...

>>15950889
dude what

oil filter housing has a nut that goes through the middle, it's like 12 or 13 mm. Here's what you need to do an oil change on an e46:

>fresh oil
>mann/BMW filter
>o-rings for filter housing & housing bolt (typically come with the filter)
>12-13mm socket/wrench (to remove filter housing bolt)
>6/7mm allen wrench (to remove oil drain plug)

Nowhere in the process do you need any large socket. As an e46 owner, I have no idea what the fuck you're talking about.

>>15951185
>take off air box
>take off battery holder
>slide battery forward
Doesn't sound too difficult, or does it require something more than that?

>>15950195
>cartridge type oil filters

Why tho?

Cartridge filters a best.

>>15950889

Those proprietary BMW and MB lift points are kinda retarded.

>>15950962

By this definition all cars past the 70s are modern.

>>15952213
They're much more work for no discernable benefit over a screw on filter. They're not even cheaper despite being less physical material and the ecore screw ons have exactly the same thing as a cartridge filter inside them anyway, yet are cheaper.

oh you just want to replace the starter and or alternator?

>remove wheel
>remove underbody skirt
>remove inner fender
>remove fan shroud and fan
>remove intercooler pipes
>manipulate AC hoses out of the way
>remove power steering pump

Access Achieved!

did i mention the inner fender is caulked with seam sealer to the fender and firewall?

goddamn DSM products

>>15952178
Probably has M52 engine (early E46) which does have a 35mm nut on oil filter housing.

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>>15950195
>replacing starter motor on an e30

ford mondeo mk2 v6.
changing the alternator.
anyone who has ever worked for ford in
any capacity needs to to be put in a
concentration camp.

>ford 4.6 sohc
>fucking everything about that fucking engine.
>fuck
I wanna fucking die

>sister asks if i can help change oil in her new car
>ok
>2000 something vw passat
>oil filter cap
>52mm socket needed
Nope.

Starbits

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>>15951793
here's a hint

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>>15952213
>>15952409
Another anon here, IMO it depends on the positioning of them - if they're easy to get to and are pointing upwards, then yes, cartridge filters are based because they're way less messy than a spin-on filter.

Any other scenario and they can fuck right off.

What really, really pisses me off are the ones that are buried under the manifold, need to have a bunch of shit unbolted to get at, and require a 27/30/32mm socket to unscrew which CAN NOT ACTUALLY FIT, so you're stuck there using a shifter to turn it 1/8th of a turn at a time.

LOOKING AT YOU FORD FOCUS

Pic related, but the oil filter wasn't even visible on the model I worked on. Oil filler tube was in the way, heat shields had to be taken off, and a few wires had to be unplugged.

Unless there's some magical 27mm flexible ratchet spanner that I've never heard about, I don't understand how it's possible to change these filters without spending half an hour of fucking around. I can change a fucking Corolla in-tank fuel filter in less time, and those aren't exactly pleasant.

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Fun fact: thats actually a peugeot engine.
Pic related is the tool you need.

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>>15953569
was for >>15953435

But inkeeping with fords stupid shit, pic related is what you have to do to get the fuel pump out of a mondeo, unless you want to drop the fuel tank to get to it. They provide a hole for the wires for the fuel level sender but its not big enough to access the pump underneath.

>>15951353
Ayy, this is how I replaced the stem seals on my 4A-G. Those tools are a pain in the ass to get hold of.

>>15950195
>replacing broken horn

>ground wire hits ground

>cable burns out

fuck me

>>15953679
>*negative wire hits ground

oops

>>15953682
positive? ya done goofed

>>15953698
i've got positive ground

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>>15953679
>not disconnecting the negative terminal from the battery before doing any electrical work
You were asking for it to be honest, family

>>15953415
Clecos. Nice. It always tickles me a little to hear about neat, novel, unintended uses for mundane things.

You spend time in aviation then go automotive?
t. AMT

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>>15950889
>>15952178

Be thankful you don't have 4 cylinder bmws in america, you don't even get a nut on top of the oil filter housing.

Instead you need a giant cup thing that fits over the top of it, mercedes need them too.

>>15953782
How exactly are you supposed to use a cleco tool on a valve spring, remove the cup part?

>>15950195
>oil drain plug is horizontal on the side of the pan
>oil shoots out and misses the pan no matter where you predict it might go
>have to stay under vehicle and slide the pan closer and closer as the stream drops
>oil filter is above sub-frame
>also at steep horizontal angle
>begins dumping oil out as it's unscrewed
>oil splashes on sub-frame all over you, the floor and everything
>runs down frame dribbling off all the way
Absolute bullshit.

>>15953951
Nissans are the worst. QR25s and transverse VQs have a horizontal oil filter that's all the way on the passenger side, and it drips all over the subframe and a plastic shield that you have to hold back with your wrist while unscrewing the filter. They also have self tightening oil caps, I almost always have to break out the channellocks to get the cap off.

Like I said in the OP, I had to do a frontier with a KA24 the other day, the oil filter was trapped right next to the motor mount and under a bunch of rock hard hoses, it took forever trying to wrangle it free.

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This is the only time I'm smug to own a Lada.

>>15953775
Fucking newer model citroen picasso batteries can only be removed by removing the positive first and reconnecting it last. Unsurprisingly this causes no end of problems.

>>15952160
move exhaust? raise car a little? use slightly taller profile tires?
>"only slightly lower than stock"

>>15954048
:o

>>15951414
kek

>>15954048
What was he doing?
150 in a 30?

>be me
>buy car with a Flat 6
>want to change spark plugs
>have to pull motor

Wtf really?

>>15954172
porsche?

>work in a euro shop
>enjoy the shit out of my job
>shits difficult but love every bit of it
>customer drops off Mercedes ML350 or something
>a few years old
>headlight is out
>I got it
>Huh i cant reach in there
>long needle noses cant either
>go on Alldata
>REMOVE FRONT BUMPER
>what the everliving fuck
>having a bad day
>give job to someone else

>>15951471
I love the gas lines that use that Quick Disconnect shit. Normal lines are incredibly hard to remove.

>>15954191
Most likely a subaru

>>15954307
yeah, I was thinking the only other flat 6 is probably the svx. desu I'd still have one despite the maintenance problems.

>>15954323
There have been H6 Legacys and Outbacks since 2002 as well. Auto only in the US though.

>>15954172

Thats whats holding me back from buying subarus, fuck working on that shit man

>>15953951
>drain plug is at the perfect angle to drain when the front end of raised
>filter has a splash guard underneath it
Feels good man

>>15950815
Should have gotten a degree.

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>>15952005
>>15952160
You need this. Part shop max cobra downpipe
Or get an exhaust shop to make one with the flexi pipe there. My gaskets have been fine since I changed my turbo though and my car's pretty low. Did you use the little tabs that stop the nuts rounding off the manifold?

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>>15954323
Its my one true love but it can be a real bitch some times

fucking rotaries
>vaccuum leak
>shocking
>idle is like 2.5k for until engine is warm
>try to hunt it down
>find horrible torn vac line
>replace it
>maybe my idle wont be dogshit
>idle is now 2.7k
>what the serious fuck
>keep hunting
>find and fix 3 more leaks
>idle is now 2k idle until warm
>say fuck it
>lowered idle by 500 I've done well enough

Fucking rats nest and over complicated vac emissions lines. WHY

>>15954708
Of course it idles higher than 1000rpm on startup dude it's called a choke

>>15954715
fc. No choke. Its fuel injected.

also, its only supposed to idle high for about 25 seconds for the cold start feature, after that it should drop to around 800.

>>15951353

The TDC valve stem trick is as old as dirt and almost considered to be a shade tree trick (which it isnt). With most of the old fucks either retiring/not teaching most of these tricks will kept on the DL.

>>15954708

What is early 90s RX7 vacuum lines?

Also as bad as the Honda carb vacuum line mess in the 70/80s.

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>>15954862
Not my pic, buy god damn its awful.

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These little cunts right here.

Half the time they straight up break, they're always stiff or stuck, and they take about five times longer to actually remove than a bolt.

They turn up in the most awful of places, and hold together undertrays that are basically an interleaved jigsaw puzzle which never, ever wants to go back in the way it came out.

I want to find whoever thought these were a good idea and toss them off a cliff.

>>15956772
totally agree, what about those plastic screws? need to apply pressure to get the fuckers to turn out but too much and the screw just slides back into the nut.

>>15956772

I just brake those off and replace them kek

>>15956772
This and replacing the battery on my e39

>>15953618
probably big enough for fords special anal tool though lol

>>15951471

I have the Knipex pliers for that, makes all the difference. Also a small red scar under my right eye from when I used needle nose pliers. If I wasn't wearing glasses at the time I'd be fucking blind.

>>15954048
bikers.gif

>>15952197
It's in a fucking little cubby that you can't unbolt.

>>15954048
SHARE THE ROAD

>>15954814
It's not even a trick it's common sense.

Who the fuck would remove an entire engine for valve seals anyway.

>>15956772
new cars should come with a bag of these in the spare tire compartment