Come hear my dumb tale

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So I emerge from the store, backpack bulging with some awful shit that nobody should ever eat, and wow, my bike is gone! Who'da thunk it? So I call the cops, file a report, sic them on some poor fucker who happened to be leaving the parking lot on his mountain bike as I left the store.

I spend the next six weeks feverishly poring over Kijiji, waiting for a lead. Long, cigarette clouded, whisky distorted nights giving the description and serial number to pawn shops. At one point, in a fit of degenerate desperation, I enter a laptop repair store and ask them how much the E-bikes they sell are, before fleeing in a whirlwind of confusion and tears.

This morning I'm farting around on the couch, slowly recovering from a hangover, and boom, there's my bike on kijiji. I can't believe it, and as luck would have it's being sold by a pawn shop.

So I do the really fucking dumb thing and call the shop, which went something like this:
>Hello
>Hello yes. I'm calling about the ad for the bike?
>Yeah?
>Yeah it looks just like mine, which was stolen. Say, if I give you the serial number can you check to see if it's mine?
>Uhhh.
>Oh um, it was stolen about five weeks ago if that helps.
>Well I've had this for about two months (lie) so...
>Oh well sorry to bother you!
>*shakily presses the end call button, carefully stepping around puddles of spaghetti erupting from my pockets*

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As luck would further have it though, a friend of mine sees the ad. He's on a holy war to get it back for me. Thanks again, friend.

So, I didn't have my receipt. But the store I bought it from had a copy ready for me in less than ten minutes.

Friend picks me up, we go to the bike shop, grab receipt, double check where the serial number should be on the model (where it always is) and we're off to the outskirts of town where this shady pawn store is.

The owner was missing a leg. Shady as heck. My friend tries to ask to see any 'road bikes' they might have and I immediately just dump spaghetti and say I called earlier and I think this is my bike, can I flip it over and check the serial number?

Sure enough, the numbers match. So the pawn owner says:
"That's not a serial number. That's just the model number."
>No man, I was just at the place I bought it from, this is exactly where the serial number should be.
"Well then talk to the police."
Stepping outside, I do exactly that. Shortly thereafter, cop shows up in an SUV, acts in that basic, but decent sort of dickish cop way and proceeds to exit the store with my bike. Hooray! Victory!

I proceeded to place my bike in the basement where no one will ever be able to think about stealing it ever again.

tl;dr lock up and if you don't, make sure you file a police report.

Not your blog

Why the fuck did you not think to lock up your bike?

Even when I was riding around town on my kmart bike as a kid I took a cable lock with me. Fuck sake.

Sorry bro. It sucks that there's so many black people in the world.

Dear OP, you are really shit at story telling and writing, and your embellishments only serve to make you sound more retarded and narcissistic, not more entertaining or engaging.

I mean this is worse than reddit tier stories.

>>969381
you should firebomb that pawnshop for lying to you

>>969378
>if you don't want your bike to be stolen then you should lock it xD

moron.