Fantano in the 15th-16th century

good thread, bump

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>>74791033
>be doctor Anthonius Phantanorius
>listen to "MORTEM TENACI" - Volo Eam Ego postulo non!"
>autistic fan comes in
>refuses to talk
>just rubs hands together and mumbles to self "pimp a butterfly 10/10?" repeatedly
>clearly he is possessed!
>shove juniper berries up his nose
>he can't breath
>runs in circles like an idiot breathing heavily through the mouth
>"i know what i'm doing"
>eventually passes out and juniper berries fall out
>feed them to his little sister
>claim I must hold her here to ensure she was not infected
>family takes autist guy home
>use dead little sister as fleshlight for the first few days then use rotting corpse for experiments while reviewing summer 2017 releases
>family comes back
>tell family she didn't make it and autist son must burn at the stake
>mfw i am still the best doctor and reviewer in town

Imagine being such a sad cunt you obsess over bald guys who make shitty teen humour videos giving their vapid, undeducated opinions on how they feel about music.

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>spanish inquisition
>making decent 50 yeezuscoins a day
>sent away a jew farmer for paying me shekels
>took his cloak, record collection, and hoe
>head papal leader's servant walks up to me
>"how is business, my african?" i say
>he ties my hands with a rope
>"you are arrested for heresy my melon"
>awshit.stonetablet
>was in a 4christian meeting, forgot to take off doctor mask before coming in and was caught
>was in a "you are humored you commit outrageous reviews" congress, made light of manuretalker showing a theneedledrop review
>manuretalker was head papal's main african
>am walking to head papal leader
>they are about to execute me
>"before you execute me, I must treat you, my last patient, as a gesture of honor"
>head papal looks intrigued
>I put my hands behind papal's ear
>"my cure will make you hear all 7/10 reviews in this landmass" I say
>"but not the downright ungodly reviewing going on in your mother's rectum this night" I say under my breath
>he yells at me
>I pull out a logo of the pitchfork out behind his ear
>guards seize him for blasphemy
>I am celebrated as fine pasta falls out of my robe

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>>74791475
>pic related

>>74791475
Imagine caring about the opinions of a nobody shutting down people more successful than them.

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>be Anthonius Phantanorius
>new patient comes in
>says "Beat it 'til it bleeds to death, each track Epileptic seize every head we crack"
>recgonize whart's going on
>respond to his rambling: "Takyon, shot down your throat like a keg of beer
Choke on the smoke we in and exhale 'til the whole chamber is clear"
>then bleed him
>cut arm open
>bleeds profusely
>hit an artery but I'm a doctor and he trusts me
>"doctors don't make mistakes"
>tell him he had too much blood
>he responds "Takyon - taking them down
All we see is blood"
>you can tell he is right because he's still bleeding
>bandage wound
>send him home to sleep
>fucker skips farm work for a few days
>arm pain is gone when he wakes up
>I am best doctor

kek for effort

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>>74791777
>be Anthonius Phantanorius
>fair thane's daughter enters my hut, clutching stomach
>complains of sharp pain and negative view of TPAB
>tell her to remove her dress (obviously)
>she protests, but I am famous
>she removes it
>worthybodice.engraving
>ask her to explain why she thinks TPAB is not a 10/10
>massage the area of her waistband vigorously while slowly working my way up towards her bodice, and back down towards her nether region
>she moans out in great pain and variance
>"I got the nasty in my taxi you need a lift you can sit between the backseat and my dick" i tell her
>fullcodpiece.mosaic
>begins to scream for me to stop, people gather at door
>give her a solution of marigold and a vegan smoothie drink and continue pressing around her midriff harder than before
>I am THE doctor
>at length, her moans increase
>my codpiece throbbing secretly
>villagers murmur in disgust and disperse
>forwhatpurpose.foggychurchwindowglass
>maiden weeping and shaking and groaning
>continue to knead
>malodorous vapour at length seeps past my protective beak
>flip patient over, petticoats a-brim with shite
>saltinthearsenic.carving
>Invested now, I am a doctor
>flip patient over again, dose with opium, need another 40 minutes for good measure
>shite everywhere now, on table, on floor
>I meant to do this, still a doctor
>charge double and send patient home with instructions not to change attire until the morrow's evening, as I have invoked a natural curative effect
>such medical skill was ne'er known in any kingdom

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Is TPAB overrated or not?

Fucking hilarious oh my god it's so funny