/SWG/

I'll go first:

I had some ideas of how things should be run
That we could live free together
But they couldn't let us live like that
So they burned it all forever

I had some words about how things should be done
A new world revolution
but they knew that when we joined the cause
we would destroy their institutions

I think subtlety is my biggest issue

>>72457283

i think it could work in a kind of Andre Jckson Jihad kinda way, but if subtlety is something you value then yeah, it could def use some

also the lines
>I had some ideas of how things should be run
and
>I had some words about how things should be done

seem too long to flow properly. But i may be wrong on that, depends on how you want to sing it/ your cadence/etc. But i might phrase them as:

> I had ideas of how things should run
and
>I had some words bout how things should be done

just to make them a little tighter and concise, cuz both lines have a lot more beats than the rest of them.

Also, its kinda hard to judge the theme/subject based on those two lines only, as i can't really tell what you're going for/what ur subject even is with the limited info. Maybe write a lil more/finish it and then repost

hope that was helpful, cheers anon

So were off to kind of a slow start, so ill post something i wrote recently.

http://vocaroo.com/i/s0XKnsUzF0cM

A few notes before you listen:
-i know the audio quality is terrible
-i know the tempo kinda does up and down, i didn't use a metronome (def will next time)
-i recorded it in about 15 mins just to get the idea down so its pretty rough

all that being said, any criticisms welcome. really wondering ppls opinions on the general sound/my voice/ the song structure/melody. but any feedback would be greatly appreciated. thanks guys

My dick
is hard
they call me
the bard

>>72457555

10/10 trips confirm

>>72457543
I couldn't really hear your voice cuz of the quality but the instrumental was nice. the repetitive tambourine got a bit old though.

still a wip and sounds very very similar to another one of my songs which i dont like, feedback appreciated though: http://vocaroo.com/i/s1ErgWIjUZyh

>>72457718

forsure, thanks for the feedback bud. couldn't hear the lyrics or like, couldn't hear it at all? I'm very self conscious about the general sound of my voice and I'm very curious to hear what other people think of it

>>72457939
not the person you're replying to, i think i your voice is nice though. the tambourine gets a little old and not a huge fan of what i can hear of the lyrics but i like the guitar.

>>72457904
>http://vocaroo.com/i/s1ErgWIjUZyh

wow, i really enjoyed it. i would love to hear that as a fully fleshed out song. the vocal melody was great and i love the small variations you throw in here and there, they really work to keep it interesting.

i feel like you and i may kind of share a similar style, or at least a similar view/approach to pop songwriting.

on an unrelated note, it weirdly reminded me a lot of a small band called Curdle Motif from my local scene a few years ago. your voice sounds uncannily like their lead singer hassan

anyways. i enjoyed it thoroughly. no real criticism i can offer. I'm a fan. mind sharing what chords you used? they're gorgeous

>>72458023

thanks bud.

thats two for "tambourine is repetitive" so ill def look into it. anything in particular about the lyrics that stand out in a negative way? they're kinda just placeholders for the melody rn, but I'm just curious abt ur thoughts on em

http://vocaroo.com/i/s0xVnOmjxy2o

Heres a little guitar/drums instrumental i wrote. It would have vocals but i haven't been able to come up with a good enough vocal melody IMO.

If you don't listen to it all, at least listen to 1:18 to 2:45, i feel like thats the most dynamic part of the song, any opinions much appreciated thanks

>>72458042
thanks i appreciate it! it's pretty much all drop d power chord stuff, so like starting with gsus2, then g5, etc following the guitar melody. are you op? would love to hear your work! my soundcloud is really fucking messy but here's more stuff of mine if you're at all interested: https://soundcloud.com/holeyhell/untitled

>>72458264

no problem dude:) i genuinely enjoyed it. i actually know nothing about power chords for all my years of guitar playing so i really need to practice up on the shit.

yeah i am OP, for some reason the vocaroo link got into the name field lol. thanks for the SC link dude! I am super interested, checking it out rn.

Heres a link to my band camp, i pretty much just upload rough WIP stuff to it so i can share with friends. 'Molly' is the only one on there with vocals atm, i haven't come up with a compelling vocal melody for the other two yet. ill probably end up scrapping them, or maybe doing a sample/spoke word over one. To call it my "work" is a big stretch haha

Just curious too, are you an Alex G fan?

>>72458351

forgot link, oop

https://iwasoncealittleghost.bandcamp.com

>>72458351
>>72458378
this is nice! i like cds. is that just guitar, or is there other stuff in there? i also just upload rough stuff lol so you're good. hopefully will put out an ep this summer though. you should do stuff even if you don't think it's good and worry about the being good part later bc that part is overrated. and yeah alex g is good shit!

>>72458432

Hey, thanks man, i appreciate that:) yeah at abt 1:20 to around 2:45 is something i was particularly proud of when i wrote it recently, glad you liked it! its pretty much all guitar overdubbing, with effects like delay, reverb, and drum kits thrown on top in Logic.

>do stuff even if you don't think it's good

funny you say that, thats how I've finally been able to improve my writing actually. i heard that infamous Ira Glass speech about "taste" and it changed my approach. For a long time i wrote things that i perceived as complete garbage. Id write something awful, delete it, and not pick up song writing again for a while after.

It wasn't until i just said "fuck it" and decided to finish every song i started, and start a whole bunch of them that i finally started to get better and write things i actually liked/could say i was proud of. i still have a long way to go but i feel like I've finally gotten my start in songwriting in the last few months.

as far as "good" being overrated, i just wanna write things that i like and would listen to:) thats the rubric i judge myself against. Which is actually why i started this thread, i thought it'd be a good way for me to get feedback (and give it too) bcuz i kinda make all my stuff in a vacuum

Hell yea on the Alex G, he's one of the best artists working atm imo. Just asked cuz i thought i could hear some influence in there.

Listening to ur SC btw and I'm really liking it, all the chords you use have that "bittersweet" tone to them, which i love. and use constantly. sounds very pretty and heartfelt, I'm a fan of ur voice as well

>>72458704
>all the chords you use have that "bittersweet" tone to them
yeah i way overuse maj7 chords haha. i havent heard that ira glass speech but i should look it up. good luck in all your songwriting endeavors!

Puss'n'tits'n'cock'n'cunt'n'vag'n'tit'sFUCK (repeat top kek drumbeat)

>>72458378
keep going at it man/woman/space monster, your tracks sound good, but they're a little too lofi to fully appreciate all the melodic lines etc. Also work on your mixing, everything seems all over the place, not sure what is important. And add readable lyrics to your songs, we could be sitting on the next Waste Land here without even knowing it.

Chorus I just made up, I've never done this before

Drink until you vomit
Then let the man lick it off your chin
Sally makes me feel like a man
I think I'm in love with you again
Sally you should stay here

>>72457543
I really liked the instrumental at the end