this kills the metalfag

>>70114566
>a music critic that makes p4k seem like they have God-tier taste
>offended by what he dislikes
>Soulja Boy Tell 'Em A-
Metal is still for children but come on.

The original nu-male

Wish we had more critics like him. Not in a "one that hates metal" sense but just similar to his style. Trusts his ears and seems to be devoid of trendiness. Hes one I manage to respect even in disagreement. Fantano is too fedora and Scaruffi is lol.

>DUDE THE NEW YORK DOLLS TOTALLY INVENTED PUNK LMAO

Interviewer: One thing that's interesting to me is how you arrive at certain conclusions about certain genres. For example, you openly dislike heavy metal. Why is that?

Christgau: Because it's symphonic bombast without the skill or complexity of classical music, although there is a lot of virtuosity. I can say this--I'm 72. This isn't the time for me to start liking loud guitar solos. That music is so masculine in a retrograde way. I don't like it...it's a very 19th century idea of power.

>>70114870
damn thats spot on

he gave a vampire weekend record an a+ lamo

My favorite example of what he's talking about is Judas Priest--Beyond the Realms of Death. Beautiful, moving acoustic intro, then it gets cheesy as all fuck once the electric guitar kicks in.

Metal unfortunately runs into a huge brick wall in the form of the standard 12-note scale and the limited range and timbre of electric guitars.

>>70114870
I don't like metal at all, but "too masculine for a low-t shitlib" is the worst anti-metal argument I can imagine.

>>70114870
>That music is so masculine in a retrograde way. I don't like it...it's a very 19th century idea of power.

nu-male

>>70114974
>can make any guitar a midi controller
>extended range guitars give you as much range as a piano

kek ok

>>70114970
Modern Vampires of the City is a top 10 album of the last 10 years, unquestionably.

Master of Puppets [Elektra, 1986]

I feel a distinct generation gap between myself and this music, not because my weary bones can't take its power and speed, but because I was born far too early to have had my dendrites rewired by progressive radio. The momentum of this band can be impressive, and as with most fast metal (and some sludge metal), they seem to have acceptable political motivations--antiwar, anticonformity, even anticoke. Fine. Problem is, the revolutionary heroes I envision aren't male chauvinists too native to know better, they're not Arnold Schwarzenegger as Conan the Barbarian, all flowing hair and huge pecs. That's the image Metallica calls up, and I am no more motivated to invoke their strength of my own free will than I am the 1812 Overture's. B-

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>>70115085
vampire weekend is horrible

the first band that ever made me say "damn, those dudes need to check their privilege"

>an old man doesn't like metal
>this is supposed to make me feel bad about listening to metal

>people still care about other people's opinions
wow

>>70115101
does he have any criticisms of metal that don't make him sound like a total pansy?

>>70115187
Lmao right? He's effectively just saying "It's good but it's too manly for me"

Wimps and posers, leave the hall!

>>70114870
>That music is so masculine in a retrograde way
wtf I love metal now

Metal is a world of its own, and even listeners who grew up hearing Led Zeppelin or Quiet Riot on AOR radio rarely combine an appetite for difficult ideas with a continuing passion for such music. Rock intellectuals prefer "alternative," even rap, and their disdain rankles the metal faithful.

As one of those rock intellectuals, however, I remain unconverted. The intensity of metal's phallic narcissism has few parallels outside X-rated movies, toilet art, and (oh yes) rap.

For many of us, metal's classical affinities are the very thing that renders it unlistenable--that as far as we're concerned, the instrumentally dexterous, rhetoric-drenched, and often melodramatic approach to meaning the two musics share is what rock and roll was put on earth to save us from.

>>70114566
"In theory, metal is today's real rock and roll--the music of the people. It's basic, it's rude, kids love it, parents hate it. But the closer you look, the stupider and more delusory it seems. Metal isn't basic--it cultivates a pseudo-virtuosity that negates content. The dreams it promulgates are usually foolish and often destructive. Eighty per cent of the "people" who like it are male, and 98 per cent of them are white."
FUCKING WHITE MALES

"I admire metal's brutality, obsessiveness, and integrity, but I cannot stand its delusions of grandeur, or how it misapprehends reactionary notions of gentility."

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>>70115366
>rock intellectual

>>70114870
lmao metalfags btfo

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>tfw to intel of gents and sophisticed to listen to metal

>>70115366
Wait, is he dissing classical music? This isn't funny anymore.

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>>70115366
>Rock intellectuals

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>>70115366
>rock intellectuals

It helps to understand that music critics have always considered punk rock to be "artsy" and socially conscious and heavy metal to be loud, stupid, overly-aggressive thud music.

As for heavy metal, that's generational, and there's more to come. I suppose us graybeards should try and educate ourselves, but it's like Balkan girl groups--I'd be a fool to try and like everything, and I've always just lumped metal in as part of hard rock, which wasn't always a metal-aligned category. To that end, I preferred the knee-jerk sexism of GNR I to the asshole existentialism of GNR II. I put James Hetfield out of his misery inside of 5 plays. Life is short, and I found it getting shorter with every song.

>>70114974
Ever heard of Yngwie Malmsteen?

>>70114870
You can agree with him all you want and hate metal with a passion, but if there's one metal album that I think could change his mind, I'd say that would be Megadeth's Rust in Peace. I don't take him seriously by the way. And neither should anyone else.
https://www.robertchristgau.com/get_artist.php?name=Nicki+Minaj
https://www.robertchristgau.com/get_artist.php?name=Soulja+Boy+

The only Megadeth album he reviewed was SFSGSW and quit spamming that thing about Soulja Boy already.