Depression Core

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On the upswing but I always listen to this when I'm down

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Usually I stop feeling depressed a week or two after it hits, but it doesn't seem to be going anywhere.

>>54676283
Damn you lost your girl and your bong? That must suck so much I hope you get a date for prom bruh. Those are real problems that will stick with you forever.

>>54676494
haha, epic post m8. you showed him.

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Looking for more music for depersonalization and constant, debilitating depression and anxiety

>>54676494
comparing woes is shitty

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https://carboncarb.bandcamp.com/

This album makes me feel like utter shit

Just drains me

>>54676374
I've listened to this album twice and I'm not feeling it. I loved Mt Eerie.

I dunno. I love a bunch of the tracks on their own but when I listen to them altogether in the album I don't feel it so much. Is there a big overarching theme I'm missing besides the foghorn?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bN1Cge4MDpY Not a well known album at all but it's real good

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OP here
>>54676298
Good to hear man, this only started about 2 weeks ago so its gonna be a while for me.
>>54676318
It takes me literally months to completely regain my social advances, mental fortitude, and physical health. I feel like it is holding me back in life.

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>>54676533
Are you okay anon? I suffered derealization a year ago, though it only lasted two days. I'm still scared of it coming back ever since. For some reason I was listening to pic related when I snapped out of it. I had accepted my new state, maybe that helped too. Hang on okay?

>>54676840
reviewbrah gets that and had it for like 2 weeks straight

>>54676840
what does derealization feel like

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>dat fucking title track

Pure melancholy.

>>54676548
I feel the opposite. I wasn't a fan of Mt Eerie but I love the Microphones.

>>54676283
That album was the soundtrack to my year in 2014. Fuckin fantastic album.

>>54676840

Not him, but on top of my chronic depression I've been experiencing derealization and depersonalization fairly often for a year or so now. It feels so weird to think back on my memories and not be sure if they actually happened and if I'm actually the person I think I am. I'm not even sure how to accurately describe the feelings because they are so strange and confusing.

>>54676858
Descriptions differ, but here's how I felt. I had the feeling something was "off" about everything, like if perception and reality were still "communicating", but with a very slight delay. Like, there was 1 millimeter distance between me and the universe. I was also extremely tired and slept for 16 hours in a day. I thought my brain was fucked and cried. Without a properly functioning mind, life wasn't worth living.

>>54676662
yeah, this is great if you're faking depression

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>>54676974
what exactly do you mean? what is great? I don't see how any of this could be great, and I can't understand why anyone would want to fake being depressed, especially for attention.
I'm talking to a Bangladeshi aglet-folding enthusiast forum because fuck if im going to make people who care about me worry about me. That's just selfish.

>>54677228
>aglet-folding enthusiast forum
just realized how much i need this in my life
half my shorts are unwearable because i get annoyed by the string in the waistband fraying without aglets

anyway hope ur ok anon <3

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The Bright Eyes -I'm Wide Awake, It's Morning.

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pic related does it for me

Listening to this currently
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jUP-x4dZIgI

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>>54677313
Obligatory addition

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>>54676283
>tfw uni work piling up
>stopped going to the gym
>been eating chocolate, drinking energy drinks and sobbing everyday for the past week
>tfw lonely and stressed

pic related, "I Know Its Over" and "There Is A Light..." being the most relevant to my current feels

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kywpeNRavOE&index=18&list=PLYsK5l2mjCl_K-lpBCZ7KSYucJRAfpZ-x

>>54676840
>>54676962
my brothers had it since 2010. I want to help, but i don't know what to do or how to relate. He still seems to enjoy life though and is a lot more positive than others from what i've read

listen to Red House Painters, nigga

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I always love listening to grouper when I'm feeling depressed.

>>54677326
CHEWING WILDFLOWERS TO NUMB THE PAAAAAAAAAIN
CUT THE LIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINNNNNNNNNNNNNESSSSS
YOU'LL BE FIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINNNNNNNEEEE

I've recently discovered Adna. She writes some really somber stuff. It makes me sad sometimes

http://youtube.com/watch?v=8IN8RZWOQMY

>>54677332
this is nice n feelsy... you might like this, but no guarantees

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n09aOcaRZLU

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>tfw the first and only girl that I've ever loved broke up with me because she "didn't want to get too attached to me"

>>54677413
thats fucked man... I've gotten burned so much, I only make time for people who make time for me. Kinda shitty, but at least the people i'm around pretend to care

Bumping with the sneaky feels

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1n2gJ9TD1fE

I don't know what I'm doing with my life. I'm trying to hold on to the hope that the things I write will be published someday, but I've fallen off the train that was meant to take me there.

Happiness seems like an unreal concept, that only exists in movies and childhood memories. I can't even find the joy in things anymore. I simply exist, because I'm too afraid of what might happen if I just let go of everything that's keeping me here.

I've got a loving family, and a great set of friends that would do anything for me, as I would for them. But, as time goes on, I find myself winding down a dark road with nothing left in front of me, not even a light beckoning my ultimate return to happiness and general well-being.

As much as I hate to say it, I think I'm not meant to experience happiness. Nothing in my life has ever led me to a constant state of happiness, and I experience happiness in short bursts.

Music is starting to become background noise, books are just words that fill my head and keep my mind off the thoughts that intend to eventually kill me. And being around the people I love is just something I do.

All enjoyment in life is gone. I don't know where it all went wrong, and I doubt I'll ever get it back.

Anyway, I've been listening to Carrie and Lowell a lot lately.

>>54677507
shut up pussy grow up kek

>>54677507
I relate to about 90% of this. I'm 30 and have yet to find a solution. I want to buy a gun for home protection but the temptation of just ending myself with it would incessantly nag me.

>>54677525

That was really interesting. Thanks for adding that to the conversation. ;^)

>>54677413
what is this

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Pinkerton by virtue of being one of the few albums that for some reason, I'm not immediately bored of right away.

I feel like my interest in music is dead right now, usually even at my lowest, I'd get someone out of playing my guitar and practising the material I had written but now I feel completely apathetic to it. I'd rather just lie down in bed.

I guess in a way, Pinkerton makes sense since thematically, it is somewhat intended to loop back into itself. Most of my time at the moment feels like it's spent the same way day in, day out, idled away out of boredom and a lack of strength to change anything. I know it sounds really childish but I find it really hard to mediate stress anymore, like even the smallest amount of pressure brings me to pieces, let alone finding a job. I already bottomed out of college because of that but I'm not sure what to do now, I'm pretty scared of working. Especially having to deal with other people, I try going outside some mornings for air but everyone is always watching me, it makes my skin crawl, I just want to tell them to fuck off but instead I just hurry somewhere I can be alone. I guess in general, I just feel apathetic towards most everything right now.

>>54677547
http://patronsaint.bandcamp.com/album/sorry

>>54677529

I'm only 23, it's been this way since I was 17. I've had girlfriends, random hook ups, just anything to try and find something that makes me happy. But, the more time passes, the more I just can't seem to find something that would make me happy.

Also, I've got a couple of guns in my house, but the fear that it might not kill me, because this is my curse, living in a world where I'm unhappy, is what keeps me from even trying.

The way I see it, what's the point?

>>54677507
You think happy people are in a constant state of happy euphoria? I'd say people who have awesome lives are generally just content the majority of the time. Perceived failure is one of the greatest restraints of potential there is. Life's not that serious. Life's absolutely fucking insane. If you stop trying, you really never were trying or wanted to try in the first place. You just wanted to succeed.

>>54677575
I realised that nothing comes after death. It doesn't help, it doesn't get any better. I like to think suicide would remove all this negativity but it wouldn't really, you'd never get to know the feeling of being unburdened.

In that sense, you're as well living. Least I think so. I mean, you're going to die anyway, so you might as well grasp on to the vain hope all of it goes away as almost as quickly as it first appeared. What other choice to do you have?

I always feel really weird though if I'm not on the cusp of suicide though, like I'm faking it and all these feelings or sometimes lack of, are for nought. Like, people are so willing to comment the minute you 'seem better' because you're going through a brief interlude of composure but really it's just a bright spell in a storm. At least they can actually feel happy when good things happen for them but I have to cross my fingers at night and hope I wake up feeling capable of that emotion, let alone actually experience it.

In that way, do kind of resent other people. Like, I'd sooner be homeless than be depressed if I had the choice. At least a support system of sorts is in place for them and you can always build things together, you can make life better but like this, it feels like there's constantly something pulling you backwards.

I'm sorry if I sound kind of angst right now, I'm not really sure how I feel right now.

>>54677575
Life is hell. I endure for the rare glimmers of happiness. Also, it might not be your thing but volunteering at an animal shelter made me happy. I think it's kind of hard to be down when you're doing something nice for someone or something other than yourself.

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>hypersexual, but fluvoxamine causes sexual anhedonia
>occasional depersonalization
>suicidal thoughts
>maybe it's mdd, maybe it's bpd
And this fucking album right here makes me feel dread whenever I listen to it
But I keep doing it

>>54677678

No, I think that everyone else is in on the secret to feeling content, and I'm left here wondering how to get to that point. But, I agree with everything else you've said.

>>54677681

There is nothing. Everything we experience is a manifestation of our own lives, and anything past that isn't real. If I can't experience it, it doesn't exist. It is therefore not outrageous to claim that happiness isn't real, because I can't experience it.

>>54677687

I work in customer service, and I help others all the time. For those moments, I'm okay, because I'm not alone with myself. I don't want to be alone with myself.

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>>54677724
>Where are you going?
>Where are you going......
Every fucking time

Last time I dled a Manson album was <2000.
Pale Emperor pretty good though
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KRKsF17wY30

>>54677737
Man, I become a panicking weeping mess before The Dead Flag Blues ends

You are a stronger man than I am

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>being 'different' since childhood
>i've never fit in wherever i went. they just hated me for the music i like, the clothes i wear, the lenght of my hair and my weight
>all my friends are people i met online, living hundrets of kilometers away, some of them even live in other countries
>bad education, no job, no perspective, no idea what i should do in the future
>my last girlfriend left me because she "wanted more freedom". next day she had another guy.
>my family hates each other since my parents divorce over 10 years ago
>my brother tried to get me access to his clique, but everytime i'm with them i can't say a word without shaking. it makes me feel even worse.

i don't know why i'm not able to find a solution to my problems. i'm scared of my own shadow and life is too big for me. i have no idea what i can do to get rid of the pain and loneliness.

opening track on pic helps me forget about my life sometimes.

>>54677832
Having no local friends is hard but I'd rather have someone I can rely on, even if they several countries away rather than no-one at all. I know it doesn't really ease the feeling of loneliness but it times of necessity, at least you have someone you can talk to.

Also, your girlfriend sounds like a bit of a cunt.

>>54677916
i agree. 2 of my friends are very caring about me. i know them for 6 and 8 years now and they never let me down, even if their life is challenging enough. i'm extremely grateful for that because i know it's something special. but... i can't live from 2 people liking me. you know what i mean? i won't let them pay to keep me alive. at some point i need to stand on my own feet, because i would definetly never be able to live with such a shame. and that's something very frightening for me.

well, to be honest i don't get this either... she was a very sweet and nice girl. but when that happened she just became that huge cunt she is today. i don't know if her brain snapped because her step-dad was an alcoholic, or if something else happened that triggered this change of mind... or if she never really liked me. i don't know.

>>54677832
>my last girlfriend left me because she "wanted more freedom". next day she had another guy.
Goddamn that's harsh as fuck

>>54677724
I always felt like this album was kind of uplifting

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>>54676519
Great album. Time for me to listen to Great Ghosts and cry again.

>>54676548
Lyrically it's mostly Elverum coming to grips with his breakup.

>>54677327
>i know it's over
>but it never really began

Slint - Spiderland
Low - I Could Live In Hope
Low - The Curtain Hits the Cast
Red House Painters - Rollercoaster
Carissa's Wierd - Songs About Leaving
Silver Mt. Zion - Horses in the Sky
Mount Eerie - Dawn
Giles Corey - Giles Corey
Julee Cruise - Floating Into the Night
Chelsea Wolfe - Pain Is Beauty

>>54678123
also

Bohren & Der Club of Gore - Black Earth
Current 93 - Sleep Has His House
Grouper - Dragging a Dead Deer Up a Hill
Thanksgiving - Welcome Nowhere

>>54676283
>>54676318
all these feels but i don't smoke marijuan
>>54676494
lmao

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>nobody posted modest mouse
ha ha what a shit thread until now

>>54676871
god, yes

>>54676871
saw the singer solo w mineral was kool
>>54676892
he means the album i think
>>54676916
wait not him etierh but does it feel liek ur floating sometimes n like you think about something that happened 20 mins ago and it seems like 'woah why did i do that' or 'woah that feels like it was 3 days ago' kinda deal? that's been happening to me recently and i've been super depressed too. I've always had bad anxiety, or last three years, but recently long spells of depression - not just 1 or two days - and being reeeeeeeeally tired but not depressed. Like debilitatingly tired, but I can't sleep at night. And yeah, that weird floating/warped sense of reality recently too. Is that what you meant by depersonalization or whatever? I also get that kinda weird rushign when everything feels fast yet super slow, and everything is super close and yet far away and panicky (not anxiety panicky but yeah can't describe) sometimes but I think that's fully unrelated.

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I like listening to new swans whenever I get low, the songs give me an anchor, to focus on the unfolding songs and the developing structure
old swans does the opposite, Gira shouting at me isn't good when I'm down

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>>54676283
For you OP, the most depressing album I've ever heard

>what does the word
>'vacancy' mean
>when you don't
>expect anything

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essential. Though I'd hesitate to recommend it to someone prone to self-harm or something

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>>54676283
take some vitamin D kid
fish oil
cut off eating sugar and quit any form of caffeine period(coffee,energy drinks etc)
you'll feel better soon enough

also hangout at a gym or some kind recreational center

I made friends with these older guys well early 30's and i workout with them everyday

I FEEL ALIVE

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>>54678298
>>54678297
Depressed kids think alike

>>54677735
Im>>54677678.

I've felt hopeless and discontent with life before. I've felt a lot of emotional polarity in memories I have about time I've spent with people I've known that've died. Shit sucks. Good memories are fleeting and normally compounded with thoughts of the absence of the possibility of them happening again in the future. You envy yourself. I was happy with that. I could be happy if I had that again, but you can't. There will never be a time in your life that meets the exact conditions or criteria of you being happy from your memories, A lot of shit has changed since then, but something about the fact that those things happened makes me feel amazing. I was fortunate enough to be REALLY happy. I have this inherent hope that comes from remembering happiness now that I couldn't muster when I was depressed. I couldn't tell you what changed, but I think life will change if you let it. Hope you feel better anon. Sending love your way.

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This seriously hasn't been posted yet?

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Having listened to some of his interviews I have concluded that Douglas Pearce is the most depressed gay nazi in this plane of existence.
And believe me it shows in his music, especially Clouds and Symbols.
It's not really music to pick you up, but to be content wallowing in self-pity. To feel as if You were a dying out master race slowly torn apart by genetic degeneration.

>>54677413
>broke up with me because she "didn't want to get too attached to me"


Lies from her

>>54678372
i fine okc and that really helpful when i was depressed

Was stuck living in my grandparents house while my parents went thru a divorce. then my grandpa died while I was their and my sister tried to off herself because my dad ignored her.
Sucked hard that none of my friends wanted to hangout or help me thru it.

Turned to music and kid A was the first album I heard. Cried on the 2nd listen . Turned things around for me. Became a serious music listener and stopped blaming others and depending on people to help. Realized only I can be the one who changes my current situations

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im disappointed in all of you

>>54678309
OMG YES THIS ^ !!!!!!!!!!! it really is THIS SIMPLE!!!!! and don't forget to breathe deeply and try to appreciate the beauty of life, take time out just for yourself... oh and definitely you have to do yoga, preferably on the beach at sunrise!!! it's impossible to feel depressed doing that!!!!

oh and most importantly OP.... be yourself :^)

>>54678433
Why are you trying to make a meme out what i say not cool man
I was being sincere nowhere did i say it was a quick fix. i was suggesting things that will turn a negative into a positive which should be everybodys goal.

I went from being near suicidal because I felt like everything i do in life is useless because I'm gonna die and forget it all. But I'm still trying to see how far i can go in this current life.

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Behold the ancient king of Depression Core!

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Depression is a disease and is not the same with being bored or slightly upset about trivial things.
BUT you can check out John Frusciante, he's pretty good.

>>54678372
Kid A and OK computer are the most depressing albums I reckon.

>Exit music
>Let down
>Karma police
I'm in tears after those three in a row.

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>tfw the realization you're going to be alone for the rest of your life, not because you're a shitty or weird person, but because you're just not interesting enough for anyone to find attractive
>feeling this as 'I Want To Be Alone' plays

kill me now

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NOT ME BONG!

>Listening to music while depressed
y'all have never been depressed

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>>54676318
>>54676298
>>54677327
>>54677360
>>54677621
>>54677724
>>54678283
>>54678372
Damn, those are some of my favorite albums of all time.

>>54678642
Kid A >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> OK Computer and you know it

>>54679093
Here comes loooonley
Here comes the bluuuuues

>>54679278
OKC is a great pop album

I liek the mood and where it places me

>>54676283
>depression-core

More like pussy-core amiright?

>>54679329
Kid A is more effective in conveying an atmosphere
OK Computer is basically >hurr durr post modernist alienation caused by technological advancement

>>54679362
>XVX
more like CVCK amirite?

>make lots of friends
>other friend who wasnt on their circles meets them through me
>they replace me with her
>all this on a week frametime
>mfw lonely again
>mfw thwy might be partying togethwr with her instead of me
>mfw suicidal thoughts and depression increased with this

I dont even enjoy music that much anymore except for some Tim Hecker

>>54679563
lel

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>>54679619
iktf

Used to have a nice group of bros with their family we go jet skiing every week and have have a jam session
Then i brought in this girl i was dating from okcupid to hangout. then she brought her friend who started dating my bro who was our lead singer.

Next thing u know we stop hanging out less and less and all he does it get wasted and go clubbing with her.

Then the girl i was dating said playing in a band is a waste of time we should make edm instead


now it's all 3 of them hanging out at clubs and going to edm festivals

>mfw they are at ultra music festival right now
i blame it on myself

>>54680332
fuck, why this has to happen to us.

I mean, it was inevitable since we all go at the same uni but it's kinda unfair that if she got into their circles through me they all left me.

I really dug my group of friends and now I feel so lonely... I hope we get back some day

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I feel like my social anxiety keeps me on the brink of depression all the time. Especially when there's a long break from school like 2 weeks it just makes me not want to live since no one is talking to me, it just makes me feel like a burden to my friends, like they dont actually care about me, anyone recognize this?

>>54680407
>>54680332
>I hope we get back some day

I've been in both of youse guys place before.It never really gets back to normal unless maybe years has passed. I've made efforts to fit in with friends new interest and even tried to be nice to the new people they added and it never works out.
You just gotta fine new friends and never look back like they did.People change and they only care about what makes them happy. they weren't your good friends like you taught they was :(

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My go-to album when feeling like giving up.

>>54680489
>they weren't your good friends like you taught they was
right in the heart

it really makes me mad. I didn't even introduce her to them, she just stopped by and said hi and then bam everyone forgets about me and stops treating me in that special way

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>tfw your partner doesn't love you anymore.
>tfw you wonder if it ever happened at all.

>>54676318
Realized yesterday that he was playing this on the day of that photoshoot.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f8EmC2WNDDw

>>54676283
this album definitely feels more like post (or almost post) depression feels. Like, that last track he has worked out in his mind how to get over it. Or at least a kind of mantra for when he is in it. Hes working shit out.

>>54676318
Severe depression for a few years now....

Can confirm this is essential.

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when did /mu/ forget?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QV9Oo669Ons

>>54679165

wow cybil was a fox

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What's some angry-depressive-core?
I'm sad and I'm mad and I want to be madder

i like this thread

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>this not being posted yet

do you even feel, anons?

>tfw lifting, getting friends, getting money, fucking sluts, having an interesting life still doesn't fill the emptiness you've felt since you can remember.

fuck, i might as well go back to being a NEET with no social life, i still feel empty

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>>54681276
depressing and woman-hating ultra album right here breh

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>she says, she wants to put our relationship on hold because she doesn't want to lose me

>>54681387
This and Interpol's turn on the bright lights

>>54681366
You should read or watch mike tyson recent biography he did with spike lee
he talked about no matter how many 10/10 hookers he fucked and drugs he took he still ended up feeling empty everytime after it was done.

>tfw no f
>tfw no gf
>tfw all i do all day is sit at home browsing 4chan, listening to music and generally feeling like shit

I think I'm alive
Probably just breathing

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>>54681666
I meant to post this but I guess I'm retarded

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Long live ennui on me

>>54681666
nice trips
you should spend your free time studying philosophy and psychoanalysis. It makes laugh more interesting for myself. You start seeing patterns in how people behave.Become an observer of life and react to It.

>>54681405
That's bullshit and you know it.

Ask her for the real reason.

>>54677326
Saw them last night in nyc w/ title fight and la dispute

The feels
The fucking feels

>>54681405
That sounds very counterproductive
Either she's not very smart or she's terrible at making excuse s

I was told I have derealisation and depersonalisation late last year. Finding this out made things worse because now I'm conscious of it.

It makes sense though. At work the other day I had a minor crisis while listening to somebody talk and I just went completely blank and had to apologise, leave and go and hide up for a while. I felt really bad because he thought I wasn't listening. Technically I wasn't, but not through lack of interest. How do you tell somebody it was because you weren't sure if you or anything else was real for about thirty seconds?

>>54676871
>I GGUUEESSS YOU NNEVVERRR REALLLLY TRIIIEEED

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>>54681276
Obvious answer

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>>54682605
>>54681276
Seconding Public Castration, helps when you think you're shit and feel miserable.

Also Cap'n Jazz - Burritos for more angry feels

>>54677724

If you're feeling dread, perhaps there are healthier choices. Sometimes music can push us further into our depression.

>>54679093

You can find ways to make yourself more interesting. You have to discover yourself though.

>>54682837
>perhaps there are healthier choices
I'll talk to my psychiatrist tomorrow, Luvox is the worst
>Sometimes music can push us further into our depression
But it's so beautiful...

>>54682911
so is death
so is life

>>54682911

Good idea. And that's true, but it does put us in a bad place. When we're depressed we really need more uplifting music. Laugh all you want, but I think contemporary Christian does a great job at that. There's just a feeling you get.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dsiDukXIeVY

>>54682926
The lack of context is confusing

>>54681276
Cap'n Jazz, The Fall of Troy, We Were Skeletons, early Silverstein and Senses Fail

>>54681276
>>54683076
also Captain We're Sinking by the way, and a bunch of other post-hardcore bands.

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>You know that Time Fades Away
>I've been flyin' down the road, and I've been starvin' to be alone, and independent from the scene that I've known
>The world is turning. I hope it won't turn away

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>Every time it feels like things are finally looking up, it turns out to be a fabrication and things revert back to exactly how they were before except with some fresh fuel for the flames of anxiety and depersonalization.

>>54683169
the on the beach title track is really perfect

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IT JUST AINT LIIIIIIIVING AND I JUST HOOOOOOPE YOU KNOOOOOW

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>>54683427
>That whole song
>Famous last words
>"Lying next to me, with words I thought i'd never speak awake and unafraid"
>tfw that album was my highschool breakup album
God damn I'm going to go download it to my library now

>>54682946

I recommend going to church, especially a Catholic one. It's so uplifting. Faith in God helps me fill in the void.

It may sound silly, but it's definitely true.

>>54683579
I can see how that may help but I think most of us don't believe in god