RGRE: Reversed Gender Roles Equestria

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>>30620105
Reposting
>Anon as an ara ara dilf
>Anon oblivious but still kind and overly cuddly
>Anon promising to accept tinypone's proposal if he is still single when she grows up (spoiler: he is)
>Anon terrified that ponies will see him as a pedo, and misinterpreting them thinking of it as adorable
>Tiny pone conscripts big sis to reel Anon in so they can herd up
>Tiny pone asks for mom's help, mom is proud that her filly is so confidant that she playfully does. Falls for Anon herself and is in the predicament of herding with her daughter or betraying her trust
FUND IT THERE ARE SO MANY WAYS TO DO THIS AND SO MANY TINY PONES TO USE.

So, Here comes the words.

>"Everyone got your spells and equipment ready?" Minuette calls out, looking over everyone from her apple crate stand.
>Patting your pouch with a hoof, your spell stones are all ready, and you have your specially made wizard robes and hat on over your favourite sweater.
>It took weeks of spellsetting and preparation for this, but this is going to be the best larp yet.
"Ready" you call back, along with most of the others.
>It sucks Twilight couldn't come, but then she's been too busy being Celestia's special student lately.
>She would have loved this, getting to play her character in real life, but on the other hoof, without being able to powergame like she usually does, maybe not.
>"Equestria to Moondancer, we're heading out," Twinkleshine says, poking your shoulder.
"Oh, right, right, sorry, I got lost in thought."
>"Just don't let it happen in battle," Lemon Hearts says grumpily, her fake platemail jingling, "We lose you, and there goes a lot of our damage."
"I'm not a newbie, Lemon, I know what I'm doing."
>"Girls, girls, calm your teats. Stop arguing like a bunch of bickering colts, we've got to get moving before things get going or we're toast," Minuette says, floating up her mace and book, playing her cleric's role before things have even gotten going.
>Grumbles of acceptance come from Lemon, and both you and Twinkleshine nod before forming up with her.
>White trunks soon surround you in the Whitetail woods, bushes and other undergrowth obscuring everything past a certain distance, adding to the atmosphere.
>For a basement dweller like you, this was your worst Nightmare.
>...
>Okay, maybe it's not as bad as the one with you being fully dressed in front of the entire school being laughed at while having to watch your highschool crush/best friends brother bang that pink alicorn jock.
>But that'll never happen in real life.
>Not one bit of it.

>>30620152

>He's totally just using her for bits while waiting for a real mare like you.
>By Celestia's beard you're so lonely...
>"Moondancer! Get your horn out of your cunt, it looks like there are goblins up ahead."
>Looking up, you see there are several goblin looking golems up ahead.
>Admittedly they're not that fancy, but it's still cool seeing them, and they're programmed to fight like goblins from O&O.
>"They haven't spotted us yet, Sparkleshine says, edging forward with her bow, "I could probably get a good sneak attack in."
"They've got a shaman," you say, squinting at them, "The one on the back right. I recognize that equipment."
>"Her first, got it."
>Sparkleshine slinks off to the flank, and you dig through your spellstones.
>A couple fireballs, some frost rays and heat bolts, a few utility spells and a bunch of magic missile.
>Not a bad selection for something like this.
>Pulling a pair of Magic Missiles, you cradle them in your hoof like a firm pair of balls that you've totally touched before.
>There's a soft twang, a recorded cry of pain and the fight is on.
>Concentrating on the first stone, you squeeze it to send off the spell, the bolt of magic flying over Lemon's head and into the first oncoming goblin golem.
>It staggers before being shoved aside by Lemon as she goes for the healthy ones, leaving it for Minuette instead.
>Squeezing out the second spell, you move around to be with Sparkleshine as well, trying to get better line of sight.
>While digging for another spell, a loud snap in the distance draws your head up, looking around.
>Goblins do love ambush tactics, but what you see isn't a goblin.
>Far in the distance, barely visible through the trees is a tall, lean figure, cloak billowing gracefully in a light breeze.
>There's no mistaking it, you've seen every iteration of every O&O book, from DM handbooks to monster manuals.
>That's a human.
>The most ethereal and beautiful of the races, and banned as PC's by almost every DM.

>>30620157

>"Moonie, we've got company!" Sparkleshine says, snapping your attention back to the fight, "Two goblins closing in."
"I got it," you reply with a snap, pulling out a frost ray and blasting them both with it.
>It's damage may not be the best, but it slows them enough for Minuette to catch up and club one down, Sparkle dropping the second with a well placed arrow.
>"Well, that wasn't too bad," Minuette says as you all gather, "Not much for loot though."
>"Eh, they're just goblins, we can't expect much. The boss on the other hoof, I heard it's got some sick loot."
"Hey, uh, did any of you hear about there being a human encounter or not?" you ask, looking back out where you saw it before.
>As you'd expect, it's gone, but you're pretty darned sure your eyes didn't deceive you.
>"Pffft, no. There's no way we could afford to get a golem that could hold a candle to one, let alone be fully sex capable."
"It wouldn't need to be sex capable," you say, your voice trailing off.
>"Yeah, it would. I mean, come on, we're all friends here, there isn't a single one of us that wouldn't jump even a human golem if we had the chance."
>"No question," Lemon adds, nodding her head, "I'd ride it till I couldn't walk straight."
"What did I see out there then," you mutter, mostly to yourself.
>"A hallucination from one of your erotic human fantasy stories?" Lemon suggests with a nudge.
"I don't..." you start, but frankly you can't even finish the sentence.
>You do read erotic human stories, and write them sometimes too.
>You've even shared them with the group, through mail, of course.
>"Come on gals, we need to find the boss first, before the rest do," Minuette says, "We can talk clop later."
>"Yeah! It can't be that hard, the region is only like, five kilometers across."
"Alright, alright, lets go."
~~~

>>30620169

>Trees, trees, more trees, another rock that fucks with your compass when too close.
>At this point, you're fairly certain you're in the forest equivalent of the Bermuda Triangle or something.
>No signal for your phone or GPS, your compass locks on to random rocks around the forest, and you didn't recognize any star formations last night.
>You've still got supplies to go, but it's been over a day already, and you haven't encountered any familiar edible plants.
>Or many animals for that matter.
>Aside from the occasional birdcalls, it's been almost dead silent the past day.
"I better not be stuck in some stupid horror movie or something," you say with a groan, casting a glance all around.
>No cameras, no monsters, no sudden jump scare crows.
>Just... nothing.
>Your stomach grumbles, but you have to ration what you have.
>The trees start to thin a little, eventually opening into a little clearing.
>In the middle of it, a strange, almost animal shaped rock formation.
>As you get closer, however, it seems to flicker and change, growing more defined.
>It's form solidifies into a goat-like horned little horse with a large head, huge eyes the only defined feature on its slate grey skin
>Head down, it charges you, galloping with surprising speed.
>Jumping aside, you avoid it's charge, but it turns back at you, a mouth opening with rocky grinding and sharp fangs visible within.
>Wings creak open from it's back, spreading wide as it leaps for your face.
>Raising your arms to block your face, the bite doesn't come.
>Rather, it seems to have stopped, right in front of your hands.
>With far softer creaks, it's wings retract, mouth closing and disappearing into it's smooth, grey surface.
>When you're quite sure it isn't trying to rip out your throat, you lower your arms, looking over at it.
>It's definitely a horse of some kind, though smaller like a pony.
>At the same time, it's got a rather cartoony look to it.
>Big eyes, big head, strange proportions.

>>30620175

>Taking a seat, you lean in for a closer look, it's head following you with those large, lifeless eyes.
>Waving your hands at it, it surprises you by waving back with a hoof.
"So, uh, you're not going to attack me?"
>The strange horse just stares back, not a sound to be heard from them.
"Alright then..."
>Standing back up, you look around, your bearings already gone.
"Well, bye then, I guess, strange little horse."
>Choosing the direction you're kind of sure you were you were going in before, you start walking.
>Behind you, soft creaks come from the horse as it turns to watch you.
>Turning back to look, it's eyes feel like they've changed.
>You're not sure if it's confusion or sadness, but there's some kind of softness to them that wasn't there before.
"What's up? Do you want to come with me?"
>The moment you finish your sentence, the rock pony comes hurtling towards you, skidding to a quick stop at your side.
>Taking a few steps, it follows you, moving at a pace almost identical to yours.
>With a shrug, you get moving again, now joined by the faintly grindy horse thing.
"So uh, do you have a name or something?" you ask, before facepalming.
"Right, you're a rock horse thing, you can't talk. For now, I guess I'll call you Horny, since you have horns and all."
>It's grey eyes look up at you, their surface almost shining in the leaf-filtered light.
>At least it's kind of cute.
>Now if only you could find your way out.
~~~
>"Where is it!" Minuette exclaims, her mane starting to look like yours on a bad day.
>Okay, like it on any day you don't plan on going outside.
>Which is to say it's an utter mess.
>"Nobody has beaten it, since there were no alerts, and we've been over this entire zone!"
"Calm down, Minuette, yelling isn't going to get us anywhere." you say, pushing up your glasses, "Let's see if we can't find any of the other groups."
>"Yeah, one of them probably found it, or it got stuck somewhere stupid."

>>30620181

>"It better not have gotten stuck, we payed good bits for it."
>With a roll of your eyes and just a little bit of magic, you start tugging her along, the others forming up as you start searching for others.
>Before long, you've found one of the other groups, and it seems they've hit the same point too.
>While comparing notes and experiences, a blue ball shoots up from somewhere else in the forest, exploding in a large blast of sound and colour.
"Did someone find it?"
>All eyes turn to Minuette, but she shakes her head.
>"That's just the rally sign. I think we might be calling it here."
>"I'm fine with that," one of the other mares say, sniffing herself, "I need a shower after this."
>Giving yourself a sniff, you shrug.
>It's not much worse than after one of your usual weekend game binges.
>"Not like a colt's going to pay attention to you even if you do shower," Lemon Hearts says.
"You're no better Miss Orc Lover."
>"Hey, that was once, and even you have to admit, that picture was hot."
>"Settle down you colts, let's go meet up with the others and finish this all off."
>A rather heated walk later, since somepony decided to bring up Trailblazer versus Third and a half, and the rest of the ponies are in sight.
>"Hey, Minuette, I have uh..." one of the ponies starts, rubbing the back of her head
>"What happened to our Succubus golem?"
>"Apparently it left the zone, though we're not sure how.
>"WHAT?!"
"How? Wasn't this place set up specifically to keep the golems in?"
>"The spell was changed."
>"That's impossible, nobody can change a spell once it's been cast," Minuette says before going quiet for just a moment before turning to you, "Unless..."
"Wait, what are you looking at me for?"
>"You said you saw a human earlier, remember Moondancer? What's the one racial power humans have had since First Edition."
"They can warp magic with their will," your hoof meets your forehead, avoiding your horn, "But that would mean..."

>>30620188

>"...There's a real life human in the forest." Several others finish for you, looking at eachother with some excitement.
>"Was it a male or female? No, wait, you can just show us it,"
>Minuette digs through her pouch, before triumphantly pulling out a memory recorder.
>"I figured if things went well, this would come in handy."
>Taking the machine from her, you stick it on your head.
>Focusing on the memory you want, the machine whirs to life, letting out a faint hum and glow.
>Before long, there's a ding, and you feel a little drained, but otherwise fine.
>"Alright girls, let's get back to the game shop and watch this. If it's real, we might have a real reason to go outside more."
>"I swear to Celestia, if this is just some human porn Moonie," Lemon says, passing you as you give the machine back to Minuette.
>The walk back is slow, especially considering most everyone is somewhat tired and a little out of shape.
>Filing into the game shop, the procession heads into the play room while Minuette starts hooking up the projector.
>"Alright, let's see what Moondancer here saw."
~~~
>Energy crackles inside the sphere, casting sharp light briefly into the darkened room.
>From within the ball, an image starts to form, a tall figure walking through trees.
"Perfect, the Summoning spell was a success. It will only be a matter of time till you're mine."
>Lightning cracks outside as you start to laugh, briefly throwing light into the stonework and countless magical tools of the room.
"Only a matter of time."

>>30620196

And that's it for the start here.
Pastebin soon.tm

>>30620208
I am excite

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>>30620208

>>30612007
Not just the aloha snackbars, the news that there's a whole new magical land to explore would bring all sorts of weirdos out of the woodwork.

>>30620208
intradasting

>>30620405
>First wave of Anons quickly warn that not all humans are nice, and that more are going to want in.
>Strict magic assisted selection process created.
>Normies REEEEE at the """racist, sexist, and homophobic""" Equestrian immigration laws.
I'd have a laff.

>>30620456
>Only well educated, well adjusted humans are allowed into Equestria.
>Absolutely no one from /mlp/ passes the entrance criteria
>laughingnormies.jpg

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>>30620208
Looks good so far

>>30620494
Lets be serious with immigration to equestria for a moment.

Normal people would not go, because species difference. The first round would likely be d&d people/rpg people who have had the debates over whether they would fuck non human things and this would largely be the only group of people for a while.
Now, you want men to come to equestria, get herds, and make mares happy, would you require them to be educated? I mean college masters in stem educated, not I know how to read and write educated. what would the bar realistically be?
Normal people likely wouldn't come into equestria for a while if at all, seeing as a metric fuck load of guys are now out of the market, the men would be able to pick women and women either have to step it up or someone else will.

I'm sure some of the best and brightest would go over, but a majority would likely stay here because if they went over they would be re inventing the wheel opposed to being on the cutting edge of what's known.

>>30620613
>Normal people would not go, because species difference. The first round would likely be d&d people/rpg people who have had the debates over whether they would fuck non human things and this would largely be the only group of people for a while.
I thought you said you were being serious about it for a moment.

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>>30620208

>>30620613
>"Looking for: males. Possession of both eyes and all teeth not required, but preferred."

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>>30620679
Man, how desperate for dick would Equestria's mares have to be?

>>30620668
well tell me what people would give up everything they have here first?
someone who is apposed to out of species sex, or someone who is open to it?
Someone who has a change at a family without massive changes in their life or someone who gave up on ever getting it?

>>30620679
I think they would start at high school education, and if not enough jump on that, bump it down to ged.

As for looks, if magic could affect humans they may not care too much about fat or missing parts, if it did not, they may ask for strictly healthy men, at least healthy enough.

>>30620704
If I knew there was a portal to Equestria that would open up and the only requirement I didn't qualify for was "don't be a fat fuck", I would get in shape in record time.

>>30620704
Scientists, biologists, businessmen, diplomats, people who would be incredibly fucking interested in literally alien cultures and cities.

>>30620208
go on

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is this RGRE?

>>30620696
The first humans were just showing that there are men who would gladly come over, likely test cases and all tight lipped
The second batch would probably be a selection process, imagine a dating service to try and find the ideal partners.

This is where the leaks would happen, some mares learn of humans over 1 minute time and we are good to go for many rounds.

Now all the mares want in on the human dick.

Round 3 happens and they are letting in men to roam around and see if they can get their own mare/s

This happens after the mane 6 know you for a good 2 weeks, mostly to see how compatible you are with each of them.

>>30620748
not even a little bit

>>30620748
>Armor ponies vs Changelings
>Celestial Troopers
>Service guarantees citizenship

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The second you stepped foot onto Equestrian soil is the second you're under their jurisdiction and they're going to coddle the fuck out of you. Could you handle that? Being constantly babied and pampered and protected? They wouldn't let you do anything considered dangerous, considering males would be something of a rare commodity, you could never do anything that might potentially put you in harms way.

Would you be okay with that?

>>30620494
Well I'm pretty sure the feminists won't be able to get in at least.
>I'm sorry ma'am but gender studies is not a valid course of study for citizenship

>>30620717
I would kill myself if I was over the limit, but my body is shitting out on my hard right now.

>>30620719
Scientists, likely not as many as you would think, some would go, but you would be re inventing the wheel again, and if a unicorn could still use magic in our world, you would likely get better results with experiments here then over there.

biologists, again, they could come to you rather you to them, though there would likely be some expeditions into lands unknown.

businessmen, potentially, but I could see celestia deciding to be more protectionist than let the foreigner come over and steamroll the business world.

the last bit would be quite a few people, but definitely not first run. Imagine you are a normie to some extent, a portal to another world opens up and you can see an alien culture, would you go there before you knew the portal was stable? and how much time would it take to convince you the portal was stable?

>>30620208
>Shukaku20
Who?

>>30620789
I might very well emotionally breakdown from simply having one of them genuinely care for me and my safety, how do you think I'd cope with more than that doing so?

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>>30620808
OH FUCK. I have an aviation background, I'd be able to pilot fucking airships, oh man. I could happily die spending my life on-board a huge airship.

>>30620839
I find it kinda liberating knowing I could get myself killed tomorrow and no one would cry about it.

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>>30620613
Regardless of your personal feelings on the matter, if you dont immediately and strongly suggest they put a hard limit on immigration numbers you're a faggot that would see equestria burn.
Because you know full well their good will would be taken advantage of by scum that just want gibs.
Considering they have mind control spells, having one cast upon you and being asked your intentions should be a requirement before entry.

>>30620789
>you could never do anything that might potentially put you in harms way.
How serious are we talking here, because they had better not keep me out of the goddamn kitchen.

>>30620839
I hear that.

>>30620839
I was going to make a sarcastic response to >>30620821, but then I read your post and realized I would have a pretty similar answer. Genuinely believing that someone out there cared whether I lived or died would be an emotional moment for me.

>>30620696
>Anon likes to avoid the Mane 6 (and Glimmer) because of the crazy shit they get into daily.
>Is friends with background ponies.
>6 decide to herd with a stallion.
>Unfortunately, all the decent stallions they know are either taken, dick-munchers, just plain dicks, or gold-diggers.
>After ticking through, they realize Anon's single.
>Though he does like to avoid them.
>Anon begins to notice schedule changes.
>Like when it was supposed to be Big Mac's time at the stall, it's Applejack instead.
>Rarity just happens to visit the spa at the same time as he does, when he goes for a haircut.
>Swiggity-giggity, those mares are coming for his booty!

>>30620837
Writefag from back in 2016. He did that DadAnon story where Anon and Cadence had a child together while they were teenagers and Cadence dumpted the filly (named Venus) on him and just sorta does her thing as a princess. Cut forward a decade-ish into the future, and Cadence has conflicting feelings when she finds out that her ex is dating Luna.

>>30620915
Always loved that prompt.

Would be grand if another Anon took a crack at the concept, or something like that.

>>30620927
That was great. Nobody liked Cadence for like 6 months after that was posted, and there was a huge debate over whether Princess Cadence should have been paying child support while Anon was raising Venus by himself.

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>>30620927
>>30620944
I want a green where Anon, Shiny and Cadence are close friends, and anon's the crazy but lovable uncle to Flurry.
Hell, i'd even take a "Anon isnt a horsefucker" green of this concept at this point, since people ree so much at the remote possibility of it being a cuck story.

>>30620887
we have so far never seen equestria in a truly shit position where people were starving, and in a world without electronic entertainment how much gibs would there really be and would it completely cripple equestria?

For women, they would likely only let the best and brightest over because to many women to begin with, but men? lets just say 10-20k from each developed country would go there no questions asked, and of them, they would be discriminate with who they let in because you don't need the drama bringing faggots, you would likely just bring in the people who were desperately lonely. I don't think the same kind of gibs would want to go to equestria to begin with.

After the initial wave of applicants, are in and settled, then you get the people who would likely want to explore a bit or see if there was a venture to be had, this is where trade would be clamped down on for the sake of equestria not giving all their goods to earth and also for earth to not be overrun with gems and gold causing markets to plummet.

>>30620902
>>30620864
>>30620839
my parents would care, my brother might, my 3 friends would probably show up at a funeral, but beyond that... in equestria you would get casual acquaintances likely showing up being sad...

Yea, knowing that that is beyond the portal waiting for me, but the only limit is being fat, not grossly fat, just to far over to get a pass, and with no way to really loose it due to body shitting out on me, I would likely just make myself more and more depressed till I an heroed.

But how much would it suck if celestia didn't limit immigration enough, and you loose the weight over 2-5 years (not being able to exercise makes losing weight by diet alone painfully slow) that by the time you get there, humans made the place as shit as earth.

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>>30620844
>you will never be accepted into Equestria as an airship captain
>you will never be given a top notch crew to patrol the skies of Equestria with
>they will never grow to become fiercely loyal and loving of their captain to a fault
>you will never travel all across Equestria with them and even over the vast oceans to new lands
>you will never get into a relationship with the ships qt mechanic mare

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>>30621052
>or find out your adorable navigator has a crush on you

>>30620208
Damn man, thats some good writing

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>>30621052
>>30621067
>or one of the ships guards to defend against boarders

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>>30621010
>how much gibs would there really be and would it completely cripple equestria?
Nigga, most of the people wanting gibs right now are from the middle east where electronic entertainment is scarce anyway.
There would be a damn flood of undesirables trying to get into equestria and try to take advantage.
Look at the situation in the UK and France right now, i'd rather the ponies -not- be exposed to the worst scum of humanity.
It also doesnt matter what the actual gibs are, since rumors would inevitably spread about this nigh-paradise that's thirsty for human males and people would act on said rumors.
There are literally people trying to get into the UK right now because they believe they'll be given a house no questions asked.

>>30621052
>>30621067
>>30621107
I imagine an airships crew would be a majority, if not entirely composed of mares.

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>>30620844
>>30621052
>>30621067
>>30621107
...Happen to have room for one more on this airship?
I can bring my own eyepatch.

>>30621108
So what you're saying is the portal needs an armed contingent of men to gun down illegals? I'm game.

>>30621117
So basically ships would be huge clamfests.

>>30621189
Would you give up traveling to Equestria to fiercely defend it from shit-tier people trying to get in and shit it up?

>>30621262
I meant armed men on the pony side of the portal, but yeah I would.

>>30621189
>How NOF earned his Equestrian citizenship.

>>30621262
I would

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>>30621189
>>30621262
>>30621269
>>30621271
>>30621288
>Immigrate to equestria.
>Can rent but not own property.
>Cant vote on issues.
>Cant run your own business
>Cant hold a job in the government.
>Can only become a full citizen after serving on the Gate for a length of time.
>To keep goodwill between worlds, earth's militaries supply the Gatewatchers with hardware and a permanent training officer.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KIsv1YOFNys

>>30621250
Hey, it's not gay underway. It's only queer at the pier.

>>30621302
Either that or take part in the Equestrian Male Companionship Corps, or what veterans jokingly call the Whore Corps, for obvious reasons

>>30621302
I feel like Equestria's mare population wouldn't feel too good about forcing males into military roles for full citizenship.

>>30621467
>"Those poor stallions. All alone and afraid, desperate for citizenship and willing to do anything to find a mare to take care of them."
>"Mmmm.... anything...."
>"Of course I'll take you in, little colt. I'm sure you'll enjoy serving under me instead of these mean old military officers."
>>"Rarity? You're drooling again."

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>>30621537
>meanwhile, at the border watching over the portal
>men working for their full citizenship fighting off and gunning down massive human waves of garbage-tier people trying to force their way into utopia
>it's a perpetual, dangerous bloodbath of those who wish to keep Equestria pure and those who would see it degrade into Earth 2.0

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>>30621621
>tfw you will never die defending Equestria

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>>30621181
You can captain the Silent Night and get your own crew. The Summer Days is mine.

>>30621762
I call dibs on the Autumn What Time Of Day Is It It's Constantly Overcast

>>30621621
It's win-win, when you think about it. You keep the trash out of Equestria, while also removing it from Earth.

>>30622029
I don't think you can remove them fast enough or in big enough numbers for it to make a difference on Earth.

>>30621621
>You stare through the glass at the maze of cubicles, hundreds of "immigrants" filling out form after form
"Hmph. Back in my day, we just had a border wall with M60s every 100 yards..."
>Celestia smirks at you, shaking her head softly. "For being the delicate sex, that's a very inelegant solution. Then again-" her tone gets a little huskier "-every once in a while I like a rough colt~"
>You clench your jaw in a scowl, trying not to give her any more tells
>And if she wasn't (1) a godhoers, (2) the leader of a foreign nation and (3) an ally of the United States
>You'd have snapped her damn neck
>For you are Maj. Gen. Anonymous "OP" Sanchez-O'bokingi
>And apparenly Celestia's into "silver foxes" like yourself
>You tap on the glass lightly
"So when do they figure it out? That since they're here, they're already rejected?"
>"Mmm? Some figure it out before others, some never do. Number... 844 - the larger stallion ov-"
"The fatass in the thundercats shirt?"
>Celestia clicks her tongue. "So unrefined... the heavier-set stallion over there's been here for 8 months now. Every day, 12 hours a day, 6 days a week."
>You let out a mirthless chuckle
"The fuck could've actually made something of himself with that kind of dedication."
>"Mmm...maybe if he did, we'd reconsider his application..." You feel her tail swish against the back of your leg, but you pay it no mind. "Well, we've actually ended up paying him. He's been filling out TCP reports for us since last Thursday.."
"I can't help but feel this is a bit..."
>"Gentle? Elegant, Peaceful, Non-confrontational-"
"...Passive-aggressive?"
>Celestia hums again, looking down at the "immigrants". "Maybe. But I've got a few good ways to work out some of that aggres-"
"I am going to talk to Shining Armor about you."
>"Oh come on!" She turns, pouting at you. "I thought earth colts were-"
"Easy? That's racist."
>For the first time today, you've got a grin on your face as Celestia scowls

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>>30620844
>>30621052
I want to fly an airship in Equestria now.

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>Ponies are herd creatures and despise being alone
>Almost always sleep in groups; the thought of sleeping alone is unthinkable horrifying to them
>Word gets out that Anon sleeps all by himself every single night
>Mares stomp their widdle hoofsies in distress, muttering about "that poor colt" being all by his lonesome, torn away from his own world and isolated in this new one
>Cue his mare friends (and acquaintances) making excuses to be in his house after nightfall and insisting on staying the night so that they can snuggle up with him
>Rarity claims that by cuddling with him, she can get a much better idea of the shape of his body and how it moves so that she can make better clothing for Anon
>Twilight says she wants to study human sleeping patterns and see if his species has potential for human/pony cuddling
>Pinkie Pie just shows up and refuses to leave
>Rumors that Anon is easy and is "entertaining" mares every night inevitably pop up

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>>30622355
Just pick one and keep her, there. Problem solved.

>>30622355
almost reminds me of the sleepless in ponyville story
https://pastebin.com/g6HSANtn

>>30622355
There are already a green like that, not sure if in this thread or another one.

Inevitably Luna and Celestia end up cuddling with Anon too.

>>30622661
Oh wait, this one was it.

>>30622355
There was a series of greens where ponies snuck into Anon's home at night for snuggles. I'm pretty sure it started with Twilight, and eventually escalated to Celestial or Luna.

>>30622704
See
>>30622661

>>30621302
>can only become a full citizen after serving on the Gate for a length of time

What about people who are not soldiers coming through like doctors, scientists, etc

also would rgre mares accept men protecting them like that

>>30620208
Welcome back faggot. We've missed you and your greens. You've got something good there and we want more of it.

>>30622158
Now I just want a bunch of shorts with said general talking up or down various types of anons and going full Gunnery Sargent Hartman on some poor fuck up. With Celestia leering harder at the Gen and Luna making a token effort to pry her sister away.

>>30623016
His resistance only makes celly harder

>>30623033
a clit that could pierce steel and nips that could scratch a chalkboard

>>30622158
>>And apparenly Celestia's into "silver foxes" like yourself
this is actually kinda depressing. has she so often experienced the pain of loving an aging and dying partner that she's now fetishized them?

>>30622355
>>30622678
it was also a central part of anon's integration in the crystal empire in the story "this is love?"
he kept it secret from cadance for some reason

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I'm actually trying to write somewhat consistenly this time, I promise. Here's to hoping I didn't already screw the story up.

===

>You take a deep breath.
>You can do this, Twilight.
>Celestia trusts you to do this
>You scan over the request, triple-checking to make sure you understood just what they were asking.
"So," you begin, "if I understand this correctly, you wish to conduct a 'Great Hunt' here in the Everfree?"
>"Indeed," the queen answers.
"Well, what all does that entail, and why would you request my permission specifically?"
>"Colonus," Anonymous motions at him, "You're up."
>Colonus rubs a hoof back over his head and, having regained some of his composure, looks you in the eyes.
>"The Great Hunt has been a tradition of my people for hundreds of years," Colonus began, "While we normally send out hunting teams throughout the year to restock our stores, once a year we--"
"Excuse me," you interrupt, unable to let this tidbit of information pass, "did you say you hunted to 'restock your stores'?"
>Hunting in Equestria usually involved some sort of pest control, helping obstinate animals, and always, always photography.
>Hunting down packs of timberwolves that got too large and too aggressive
>Antlers that got too large to be safe, but the stubborn elk wouldn't ever let ponies close to them without a chase
>Among only the most daring of mares, they would track down dangerous beasts, knock them out somehow, then take pictures as proof
>Usually with silly drawings all over the unconscious beast and a funny look on their face
>Sometimes even really tasty plants that liked to move about in the wilderness
>It was a harmless hobby.
>Mostly.

>>30623368
OH SHIT

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>>30623368
>But ponies, by nature, were herbivores.
>What stores could hunting help restock, unless...
"Do you...eat meat?"
>You tried your best to sound calm, but your mind was running a mile a minute
>There was fear there, to be sure, but not so much you wanted to run away
>There was also running your head through all the implications
>What drove them to eat meat? To risk themselves injury, and the death of an innocent creature, to get it?
>Did they need it to live?
>Was it the influence of the nightmare's magic, or was it the influence of King's blood?
>Colonus looked back at his parents for a moment, at a loss for words.
>Queen Selena answered for him.
>"We do," she started, "though it was not always so, before my...relocation."
>"And before you ask," Anonymous added, "no, we weren't trying to hide it from you. It was simply that none of you bothered to ask us."
"W-what drove you to--I mean, why?"
>"I suppose that would be my doing," Anonymous rubbed his chin, "My people are omnivorous, and my children inherited that trait."
>"Fortuitous that they bore it, my dear," Queen Selena leaned over and nuzzled him, "we had not the plants to feed them, nor would their innate magic survive weaning with conjured, magical sustenance."
>"My sanity would not have survived another year of nothing but conjured mana buns."
>She brought a hoof up to her mouth and giggled, but it somehow managed to sound smug
>If a giggle could even sound that way, which it wasn't supposed to

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>>30623374
>"So you say, but We could--" the rest of her sentence was muffled as she whispered it into his ear.
>"Mother..." Colonus complained in an unamused tone
>King Anonymous let out a short grunt and a wide grin, showing off all his teeth
>Side note: you could notice that he, too, had canines and incisors. His explanation that his nature, unaltered by magic, sounded much more plausible than magic.
>He patted one of her hooves with his hand.
>"I was the luckiest man in the universe to have such an...ample and unending supply."
>"Father..." Colonus had a hoof up to his forehead.
>"I was luckier," the king continued as if his son wasn't there, "to find it so agreeable."
>It seems they had forgotten about you as well.
>"Father, please."
>"Why," the King's smile widened even more somehow, and he was looking his wife in the eyes, getting closer to her face every moment, "I don't think I could ever get tired of the taste."
>And with that, he leaned forward and pecked his wife on the lips.
>She--the Nightmare Queen from the moon--snuggled up against him.
>"Father, Mother, please!" Colonus shouted from behind his covered face.
>You didn't get it.
>Why would he need to eat meat if he loved her conjured mana b--oh.
>OH.
>Their conversation full of innuendo had belatedly recalled a crass euphamism you had heard from other, more popular, mares in passing: "Call me a carnivore, because I love to stuff my mouth with meat."
>Colonus tried to bring their meeting back on-track.
>"Please, don't mind my mother and father's...'doting.' Yes, we eat meat. It's necessary for us to survive, otherwise we become weak and sickly.
>You honestly couldn't imagine them being even skinnier.

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>>30623379
>"Once a year, the best hunters of each house band together to venture forth on a Great Hunt, wherein we hunt the largest and most dangerous of creatures to bring home for the Founding Feast.
>He seemed to be regaining his confidence, despite his parents still giggling and giving each other little kisses
>You did your best to ignore them, focusing only on Colonus.
>Which, you were finding, wasn't that hard to do.
>"We wish to conduct this year's hunt in the Everfree Forest, to brave and explore the last great untamed wilderness planetside, and challenge its greatest creatures in mortal combat."
>You stared at him for a moment.
>Well, longer than a moment.
>The shape of his muzzle, the orbit of his eyes, his dark and lithe form inside your castle, serenading you with his voice...
>"Princess?"
"Oh!" You coughed into your hoof and tried to make it look like you had been thinking over his proposal.
>Something...great and untamed...
"What would all of that require?"
>Nice save!
>"Well, for starters, we would need somewhere to set up a Crater, lodging for our hunters, a place to prepare it afterwards, all temporary, of course."
>You wrote down his list of requirements.
>Aside from your castle, you didn't think anypony here had enough room to lodge them all.
>"That is," he smiled at you, showing his teeth, and his eyelids lowered into a sultry look, "unless, perhaps, we might make this a more regular thing..."

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>>30623385
>You glanced between your list and him, then at his parents.
>Their faces betrayed nothing.
>Except more lovey-dovey looks between them when they weren't smiling at the both of you.
>Relationshipgoals.scroll
>"The two of us," Colonus continued, "could make plans for a...less-than-temporary setting here."
"I um, I don't think I should be giving up p-portions of--"
>"Oh, I wouldn't dream of infringing on your sovereignty as Princess, Princess. More like an outpost, maybe even our main point of landing in Equestria, under your rule."
>You didn't want him to stop talking.
"Why here in Ponyville?"
>"Your lands hold the best that Equestria has to offer. If we made a home-away-from-home here in Ponyville, think of all the benefits it could offer the both of us."
>You tilted your head.
>It was getting more difficult to think about this rationally, but you needed something more than "Twilight Sparkle might actually score."
>Better make a list.
"What kind of b-benefits?"
>Real smooth, Twilight.
>But he ignored it, it seems.
>"Well, first and foremost we would have a good place to begin and end our Great Hunt, but there are others. First, you could--would show Princess Celestia how capable you are for forging this agreement on your own and taking on more responsibility--"
>"Gosh Colonus," King Anonymous interrupted, "that sounds oddly specific, doesn't it?"

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>>30620887
"Ok, truth spell is on. Can you tell me why you are applying for an immigration visa to Equestria?"
>"Horsepussy."
"Uhh, what?
>The Anon before you twitches, a known side effect from the spell, along with some sentence structure issues.
>"Want to fugg all the mares. Gibb horsepuss please naow."
>Is it getting hot in here? You fan yourself with the clipboard and swish your tail.
"Uumm, then what would you do?"
>"Fill wid cum, wubb you forever, make babies. Can I haz horse puss now plz?"
>You put down clipboard, remove your glasses and hair tie, then shake out your blonde mane seductively.
"Well, everything-seems-to-be in order here time for the physical examination"
>*PENETRATED HORSE NOISES*

>>30623368
This is probably my top favorite story right now, with the reincarnation story and NOF's story being my second and third favorites.

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>>30623398
>"How strange," his mother adds, "We might have heard such similar language not two orbits past."
>"Your ponies," Colonus ignores them, "would be among the first to establish friendships with moonponies, and where better for us to begin than the home of the Princess of Friendship? Tourism from both our kinds would benefit your coffers. We could also learn to understand each other, learn about each other. Why, if someone like me were to lead the project, I could give you as many...reports and meetings as you'd like."
>Again, you looked between the three of them.
>His father had an eyebrow raised and a slight smile on his face.
>His mother was smiling evilly.
>Maybe not evilly.
>You shouldn't be so judgemental of her.
>All this time you were assuming the worst, thinking she was planning something shady or pulling off some scheme.
>Celestia accepted her back, claimed that she wasn't the same mare that disappeared all those years ago.
>If Celestia trusts her, then so do you!
>Well, rubbing her hooves together didn't help you any, but you had to try, for friendship's sake!
>You looked back down to your scroll to go over the items again.
>Your scroll had managed to get the first few items, but somewhere along the line your horn had stopped writing and started drawing.
>Nopony may know of this.
>You rolled it up quickly and cast a spell to erase the last few inches of ink.
"I...I think we can work something out..."

===

Honestly trying to keep my ambition in check here. There's so many directions I could take this, but I want to focus on finishing up what I originally planned to do first.
https://pastebin.com/N6W5REma

>>30623401
I imagine the higher ups would very quickly replace all mares in these roles with stallions so this doesn't keep happening.

>>30623419
>Equestria experiences an influx of tall, domineering human females for some strange reason
>Anon thinks he spotted Zarya coming out of one of the centers with a stallion held against her chest with one arm

>>30623409
u did gud

>>30623419
silly stallion this isn't a kitchen. How are you to be trusted with judging character? You and your flights of coltish whimsy

>>30623419
>A few of the stallions get seduced too.
>They have to make golems do the interviews.

>>30623409
They're going to own the entire castle arent they, Twilights got it bad.
I'm glad this isnt a one-sided thing even if colonus is a lot smoother about it.
Moonies probably thinking of more grandfoals.

>>30621004
>Actually pretending to stop posting the gay and/or cuck story
Gasp, your learning where your posting at aren't you? I honestly had no hope for you, but I guess there is hope. Just stop using the same damn pic every time you pester us and people might not even recognize you.

>>30623433
>"hey babe, there must be some sort of chemistry between us as we're both rock hard, you want to go spelunking?"
This isnt going to work no matter who they mare the station with, human women are just THAT shit.

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>>30623419
It ends up just being cubicle after cubicle of mares getting fucked by applicants.

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>>30620494
Anon, you're projecting again. Just because things apply to you, doesn't mean they apply to everyone else.

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>>30623409
Colonus is a smooth talker. Twilight doesn't stand a chance.

>>30623471
what if he wrote a story wherein Anon kills Shining in honorable combat and takes his wife as his own?

>>30623611
>used goods

>>30623617
>i'm too good for even the sun or moon princess, since they're used goods
>the only way i would even begin to consider loving either of them is if they have been pure as fresh snow for the last thousands of years
>why yes, i am awesome enough for them to forsake the virgin vows princesses take in my headcanon
>>>/fimfiction/

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>>30622158
>"So when do they figure it out? That since they're here, they're already rejected?"
>>"Mmm? Some figure it out before others, some never do. Number... 844 - the larger stallion ov-"
>"The fatass in the thundercats shirt?"
>>Celestia clicks her tongue. "So unrefined... the heavier-set stallion over there's been here for 8 months now. Every day, 12 hours a day, 6 days a week."
>>You let out a mirthless chuckle
>"The fuck could've actually made something of himself with that kind of dedication."
>>"Mmm...maybe if he did, we'd reconsider his application..." You feel her tail swish against the back of your leg, but you pay it no mind. "Well, we've actually ended up paying him. He's been filling out TCP reports for us since last Thursday.."
>"I can't help but feel this is a bit..."
>>"Gentle? Elegant, Peaceful, Non-confrontational-"
>"...Passive-aggressive?"

This shit seems cruel. The dishonesty, continuously dangling someone's hopes and dreams in front of them, and taunting them behind their back.

It's a kind of dehumanizing torture, like when people in Soviet Russia kept trying to write letters to their family members who were taken to the gulags.

>>30623633
>>i'm too good for even the sun or moon princess, since they're used goods
>sun and moon princesses
>used goods
>i m p l y i n g

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>>30623611
The only way I could see something like that working is if you re-wrote the Shining / Cadance dynamic from the start.

Say they didn't end up madly in love and marry, they just stay casual acquaintances.

>>30623635
Yeah, it rubbed me the wrong way too.

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>>30623646
>didn't read the last two lines
>in a greentext general thread

>>30623667
>i m p l i c a t i o n s

>>30623662
Imagine the suicide rate for the people leaving that place. That'd almost certainly put a hold on the way things were done. At least on the equestrian side of things.

Just look at the suicide-related programs in the real world and how they correlate to the stats when you break things down by gender.

>>30623683
>won't entertain entering into a relationship with the princesses
>i must be dominant.jpg

>>30623688
>p r o j e c t i n g

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>>30623684
>when it finally clicks the equestrians don't even want you and are making fun of you behind your back

>>30623706
>h e a d c a n o n

>>30623684
>Just look at the suicide-related programs in the real world and how they correlate to the stats
explain

>>30623767
If you look at the statistics for suicides, men are by far the most prone to it.

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>>30623795
>spike in male suicides recorded
>government responds by making more women's shelters
pottery

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>>30623716

>The program has been going on for a couple of years.
>One day, Celestia is reading a report on a longitudinal study looking at how the program is going.
>Sees the stat summary at the end.
>Mentions of suicides and mental breakdowns in the applicants who pass through this facility in some minor side note.

>Alarmed, she confers with the human portion of the operation.
>Sees that they not only expected this result, but were unconcerned with it.
>Some even openly glad for it.

>Not knowing what to do about it, she tries to pause the whole program.
>Too many wheels turning, not that easy to stop the machine.

>The full study is already being published in the academic circles.

>As this program is of significant interest to a big chunk of the equestrian population, the report is picked up by all the news outlets.

>Everyone on the Equestrian side is horrified to see how many males end up in worse situations *after* applying than they were in *before*.

>Equestria-wide headlines and pop-sci articles decrying Celestia for starting this program.

>Celestia has a bad time.

>>30621004
>Anon just isn't interested in mares.
>It's not like he's unattracted to them, he just doesn't find them interesting.
>Cadence keeps trying to set up Flurry's "Uncle Anon" with various mares.
>Including three dismal attempts with Spergle, Moon Butt, and Sun Butt respectively.
>While he made a good friend in Luna, Celestia developed a bit of an obsessive fondness for him.
>Eventually gets frustrated to the point where she talks to Shining about herding him.

>>30623819
>Kinda feel bad
>Realize these dinguses would donked up equestria for everyone
>They would've been let in if they instead worked on bettering themselves
>The folks killing themselves were probably just basement dwellers who refused to change and wanted the ez life without work or some other scumbags.
hmm....I guess human ops are right?

>>30623863
>Shining never really had many guy friends since they're all so catty and backstabish, he's never felt this close to a guy and is surprised at how fine he is with the idea of herding up
>Anon while appreciative doesn't get why Cadence keeps trying to set him up, he's pretty happy with his life right now doesn't want no mare holding him down, he's in a world of magic and wonder, he just wants to explore and mess around sheeeit

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>>30623767
Google "suicide counseling for women" - About 26,200,000 results (0.38 seconds)
Google "suicide counseling for men" - About 1,020,000 results (0.45 seconds)

Not to mention that the majority of counseling services are based on the "talk about your feelings" model, which is how women tend to deal with things, not men.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gender_differences_in_suicide

Try to publicly raise awareness for women living in difficult situations and needing a way to cope, and you'll get plenty of public sympathy and donations.

Try to publicly raise awareness for men living in difficult situations and needing a way to cope, or a place to go, and you get organized smear campaigns, death threats, bonb threats, and you may end up waking up one day to find your dog shot to death on your front lawn.

Erin Pizzey started the first Women's Refuge, and it did some good. She noticed a need for a Men's Refuge, but people were very hostile to the idea. Her mail was filtered through the police for bombs, she had to have security for any speaking engagements, she got death threats against her family, and her dog was shot. She fled the UK for ten years and went into hiding for a while after that.

Granted, this particular example is about domestic violence shelters, but it does show the public sympathy gap.

Erin Pizzey wrote a book about this called Prone To Violence if you want more detail on it. Bonus points if you can find out about the trouble she had trying to publish the book because it went against certain political doctrines.

Family breakdown, losing your spouse, your children being taken from you, losing your job and public reputation, and losing your home are all major risks for prompting suicide on their own. It's worse when it's all grouped together.

>>30623300
Perhaps she just likes her lovers to be emotionally mature. It seems a rare enough thing among ponies, almost exclusively the domain of the middle aged and up (and it's not guaranteed even then)

>>30623898
>Ponies don't like sleeping alone, even if it's only with one other.
>Even Rainbow Dash does it over places like the Apples' orchard because she knows ponies are always there.
>Distresses Cadence and Shining that Anon just snoozes anywhere and everywhere, alone.
>Secondary motivation to get him a mare.

>>30623611
I mean. After the first two inches, it'd feel like a brand new puss.

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>>30623928
for a while there were a few greentexts about this pony sleeping all the time and generally being slothful. someone as unmoving as she is could be perfect for a nap-prone Anon. she would finally get a stallion of her own, and Anon can just carry her everywhere and use her as a makeshift pillow, since she secretly enjoys it.

>>30623767
>>30623795
The statistics work out to something like women being 2-4 times more likely to *attempt* suicide than men, but men actually kill themselves 3-4 times as often as women.

One of the big reasons is methods.

Women often overdose on pills/drugs or do other things that work slower, and can be stopped/treated if they change their mind or someone finds them. Partly because they are worried about leaving a nice corpse and not a gory mess. Some argue that they don't actually want to die, it's a 'cry for help'.

Men are far more likely to use a gun, jump off a building, or do other things that work immediately, with no going back once you've committed. You can regret jumping off a bridge, but it's too late to do anything about it once you're in mid air. And if someone walks in to find you having taken a point blank shotgun blast to the face, it doesn't matter how fast the ambulance is, you were dead almost instantly.

>>30623902
>It's worse when it's all grouped together.
Combined with the very real fact your partner doesnt need to have much in the way of evidence in order to inflict that on you has basically lead to the situation where guys who are informed dont even bother unless the woman is a 10/10.
I think the saddest thing about it is that /pol/ is pretty much the only place that openly talks about it, and the whole 'associated with nazi's' thing tends to turn people's brains off.

>>30623928
>>30623955
>Narcoleptic anon.
>Everypony gradually becomes aware of his condition, horrified that he cant control where or when he sleeps.
>Neighbourhood watch is set up.
>Anon now usually wakes up from his episodes to find 2-3 ponies cuddled up to him.

>>30623868

The only example mentioned so far is fat, but undeniably dedicated and evidently industrious and hard-working, once given the chance to contribute.

The criteria hasn't been nailed down in the setting yet, so it could be anything from "standards that are near-astronaut", "fortune 500 company, or prestigious university", "immigrating to Greenland", or "competent enough for a part-time job washing dishes". Whether it's the top 10% of the population, top 20%, or just anyone who isn't literally riddled with birth defects like downs syndrome isn't defined.

Given the example candidate who didn't make the cut, the screening ***in that particular interpretation of the prompt*** is definitely tilted towards the more selective side of the scale. Aren't the US stats on obesity, and the oft-demonstrated obsession this board has with fat people, enough to show that a very large portion of people are fat?

>>30624016
um... there is a fairly famous video of someone living through shotgun to the face... granted if I was that person I would have reloaded and finished it because god damn.

Personally I prefer exit bags for my method when I get to that point, painless, an easy out if you decided nope, plus intact corpse if family cared enough for an open casket,

Has there ever been a blind rgre? Or even a fairly large language gap rgre?

>>30624094
Well, if he survived a shotgun blast to the head, it's probably because:

a) He had the shotgun pointed from under his jaw, rather than putting his mouth around the end, and

b) the blast probably hit his jaw, nasal cavity and his cheeks. Meaning that it didn't hit the brain case/brain stem/anything vital to controlling the rest of the body.

Though I agree with you that I probably would have tried again right then and there as that shit must have been excruciatingly painful.

>>30624094
People can survive taking a bullet to brain too, but it's extremely rare. Most cases you ded.

>>30624110
Most of the language gap ones I've seen had Shy monopolizing him, since she can talk to animals, she ends up being the only one who can understand him.

I think there might have been one story (not sure if it was RGRE thopugh) where there was a magic translation spell, but it was a work in progress, and got better as time went on, but early on there were many *many* misunderstandings.

Like Anon saying something innocuous, and the translation coming out as incredibly lewd. things like:
"She's cute" = <She has breeding hips>

>>30624119
oh, if you never seen the images/video lets paint a picture, look at ground meat, attach it to a human face, and make it drip red. I mean if I didn't want to live before that happened, how the fuck would I want to live after I take away 3 of my 5 senses.

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>>30624016
>Some argue that they don't actually want to die, it's a 'cry for help'.
This is a real thing that happens, and it's my guess that that's the majority of cases.

In order from worst to best, the motivations I can guess are:

>Just wants attention
Most selfish reason. Likely a literal narcissist or has some other serious personality disorder. Could also just be a very immature person not knowing what panic buttons they're fucking with regarding their peers or caregivers.

>Cry for help
Not something done casually. Actually going through serious problems, and is at least somewhere on the path to actually trying to die. Female numbers for this influenced by a lifetime of being taught that showing a need for help means that people will be sympathetic and trip over themselves to try to help you. Can benefit from counseling.

>Actually wants to die
Rare. If an attempt is made, doesn't tell anyone about it. Chooses a method that's actually more likely to work than fail. In serious need of help. If contacted early enough, can literally be saved with good counseling, and likely medication.

>>30624052
>/pol/ is pretty much the only place that openly talks about it
It's not the only place. It's one of the few places that gets a lot of traffic, and, due to it's general "talk about anything remotely political" nature, many new people get exposed to this idea.

Before the "The Red Pill" documentary, there were a number of other, smaller documentaries, websites, articles, and radio shows that included this subject in their talking points, but they're marginalized/niche places. Just look at the hostility and smear campaign the Red Pill movie is getting for an idea of what's happening to these other outlets.

>Can it be time for happy stories yet?

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>>30624110
>be BlindAnon in Equestria
>You were walking one day and suddenly in candy hoers land
>All you hear is sexy girl voices and it smells like candy, cookies, and fruit
>Fluffy girl pones lead you around by gently grabbing your hand in their mouth
>Bang head on nearly every door sill. Phones are horrified and start massive reconstruction project
>Mares constantly masturbate when alone with you. You wonder why the candy smell gets stronger while chatting with a mare at home
>crotch constantly bumps into the crotch high pones flanks
BRB gotta bate

>>30624110
I don't know of any blind rgre stories, and I only know of... 2(?) language gap stories from the PetAnon threads.

Lost in Translation
http://pastebin.com/u/Uh-hmmm

The Royal Pet
http://pastebin.com/u/Hand-Made

>>30624184
The ones I know of are a blind anon from Aie several years back that was good, but the guy fucked off from writing it.

There are several language barrier ones I can think of, Aliens Walk Among Us being the best one that I have come across, and one from the very early days of rgre where anon couldn't communicate but had a violin.

>>30624174
>an entire civilisation of guide-dogs-but-also-people.
Sounds comfy as fuck.

>>30624253
>>30624174
Now I have this image of anon being led around by a trained service Diamond Dog.

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>>30624260
>Diamond Dogs
Gross. I'm here for the far superior horse puss thank you very much

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>>30624110
>Language gap
>https://www.fimfiction.net/story/275193/fluttershy-and-her-pet-anon
This one's mine.

>>30624312
Yes, I am definitely fond of the hors puss, but think about it. There's a lot of potential for shenanigans and the whole "Man's best friend" thing could lead to some pretty funny situations. Besides, doesn't mean that Anon'd be fucking his service dog.

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>>30624370
LAP wrote one called man's best friend. It was heartbreaking.

>>30624380
You sure it was LaP? The only thing that comes up in a search is by Flutterpriest:

https://pastebin.com/u/FlutterPriest/2
https://www.fimfiction.net/story/193933/mans-best-friend

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>>30624380
Scratch that, it was Flutyerpriest on fimfic.
>>30624410

Just got off re reading a human first contact story I like, I have to ask, How would the ponies/rulers feel knowing that the moment that humans saw their image, they would have more porn drawn of them then you could fap to in one lifetime?

>>30624478
>they would have more porn drawn of them then you could fap to in one lifetime
Challenge Accepted!

>>30624483
challenge undertaken but my god, more just gets made very day, and enough of it is good that a backlog can't even begin to deal with it.

>>30624370
>service dog
I know that's the correct term, but still: kek

>>30624565
>BlindAnon hires a "service" dog
>Mane 6 horrified
>They'd do it for free
>The shame of letting their Colt friend pay for it

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>>30624699
>Because he's blind said dog treats him like a week old puppy, that just happens to be twice her size.

Some more barely checked green

>>30623492

>The screaming match just got broken up and the 7 offenders are all taken to separate rooms
>It looks like 6 of them, 4 women and 2 men were all yelling at one of the applicants
>You are in charge of the applicant to see if if there was a cause on his side to cause this
"So mr... anon, can you tell me what that was about?"
>Anon is shackled to a chair as the people were screaming that he was a deadbeat dad, rapist, a woman beater, someone said an animal abuser, you faintly heard pedophile, and one of the women was screaming almost passing out as she was dragged away from him
>"Well, where do I fucking start?"
>Thats a good question
"Lets go with why do you want to come to equestria"
>He sighs
>"They ruined my fucking life back home, anywhere is better then there now"
>You scrunch a bit, thinking he may have ruined his own life now
"Ok, lets start off with what happened for them to ruin your life"
>He looks like he is in deep thought for a moment
>"I stuck my dick in crazy not knowing that it was crazy"
>You need a bit better explanation
"Look, anon, I want to help you if I can, can you be as detailed as possible?"
>Dejected he sighs
"Yea, sure. Senior year of highschool I got a girlfriend, my first one, and she wasn't like fucking that yet. We hit it off, had similar interests, had lots of safe sex, and then we came to the end of the year, I was going to one college, she was going to a different school nearby for the required credits and transferring over when she got them"
>Sounds great so far, but that doesn't explain what happened
>"In my world, I'm not sure ponies understand this yet, but collage is a double edge sword. It can teach you more then you would ever learn on your own, but at the same time, it can indoctrinate you in horrible ideologies that were thought to be dead, but they just went dormant till they could infect a new generation"
>You still don't quite get it

>>30624772

>"Flash forward a year and a half, we reunited, she shaved most of her head, dyed the rest of it pink... Ponies may not know this but the people who do that are 9 times out of 10 indoctrinated"
>You think back and can't think of one of the females who did not have colored hair in that style
>"So crossing my fingers that the first person I loved wasn't one of them, we got to talking, apparently she had a baby 11 months after we went out separate ways"
"Ok, so did you opt to take care of it?"
>He looks at you almost mad
>"No, i'm not taking care of someone else's kid"
>You don't know what to say
"11 months would put that at it being your kid, wouldn't it?"
>He looks a bit relieved now
>"Right, ponies are closer to... no, no it couldn't be mine for 2 reasons. One being humans are pregnant for 9 months, and two the kid was black, humans don't pop out random colors like ponies do"
>You start to realize some things
>"No, she cheated on me shortly after we went separate ways, got knocked up, went into gender studies, got heavily indoctrinated, and then came back into my life making my life living hell"
>You hate to have him relive this but
"Can you go through the details for me?"
>"Yea, sure" he looks like he is beaten up "So when she tried to pawn the kid off as mine, I told her to go fuck herself and left thinking cutting ties with her would be for the best, however that just made her angry"
>You can see him getting more and more visibly angry
>"A week later she showed up on campus with those people, handing out fliers. Have you seen this deadbeat dad? As a boyfriend he beat me, as a father he shunned me, as a man he raped me"
>You just look at him
>He notices
>"Yea, for the record none of that happened, but in my world if a woman says something its taken as truth, culture hasn't caught up to the liars it produced yet."
>You nod
>"So a week or two of this goes by, people are shunning me, I'm getting yelled at, and then the school gets involved"

>>30624773

>you sigh in relief, at least someone helped him out
>"The school put me on academic leave indefinitely, they did not expel me but they made it clear I was not welcome there"
>That relief you felt is gone
>"I was a scholarship student, and part of the scholarship was I stay in school, unable to explain why I had to take a year off and switch schools, they cut the scholarship"
>You likely can't make your eyes wider
>"Do you have at least rough understanding of earth money?"
>Thinking a bit
"Yes, why?"
>"So in state, a school would cost around 20,000$ a year to attend, out of state it would cost around 40,000$, my scholarship was a free ride"
>You do the rough conversions and realize what he lost
>"Collage in my world was 4 years average, if you were willing to forego a social life you could have it done in 3"
>You nod
>"However I was going for med school, that's 4 years on top of another 4 years that comes to around 300-500,000$ in school costs"
>You can't believe it
>"The free ride was the entire trip, so thinking fuck it, even if I am in debt, a doctors salary is enough to cover that in time, I went to another school"
>You dont even breath, please say this worked out
>"Apparently they have been stalking me and before enrollment came up they made a fuss to the faculty of the new school too, and they wouldn't take me"
>You want to cry, you feel yourself welling up
>"So deciding that my life there is completely fucked because of those lying pieces of shit, I came here, they apparently wanted to fuck this over to and once they saw me, you know the rest"
>You nod
"Ok, so with standard procedure we will cast a mind spell on you to confirm what you said is tru..."
>Mid sentence the door opens
>Royalpain the border guard is there
>"You can release him, he is given asylum, the other humans were belligerent the whole way so we decided the heavier mind reading spell was in order"
>As she is saying this she is undoing anons shackles

>>30624775

>"Turns out they were trying to push him into killing himself because he wouldn't take care of his former girlfriends baby while she got violent at protests"
"But we still need to confirm his side"
>"You can do that if you want, the princesses after their first encounter with this form of bullshit decided to grant anyone in similar positions asylum"
>You think for a moment
"I'm sorry I have to know"
>You cast the spell
>Anon doesn't change much, but you see his eyes get a bit calmer
"Is everything you said true anon"
>"Yes"
>The responses are always immediate
"You didn't exaggerate anything?"
>"No, if anything I downplayed it"
>You just can't, you break the spell and go over to anon
>You are sniffling while nuzzling his leg
>Anon pats you on the head
>"Thank you for caring"
>That was the last sentence, you start to cry and reach up to hug anon
>He picks you up, relatively unfazed by your antics
>"Well... This may take a while, can you take anon to the princess, she wants to meet every human who gains asylum personally"
>Through your crying you nod
>You also point your hoof at the door
>"Um..."
>"I think she wants you to follow her hoof"
>"Well... ok then"

"And that is how I met your father"

>>30624074
Well, let me weigh in here, im 6 1 270lbs, and bmi I am I think morbidly obese, but if you seen me I don't even really look fat. I don't look in shape, but also not fat. Hell, when I feel my stomach, I can feel a chiseled 6 pack underneath, there is fat over it but its so well defined even though that I can easily tell where muscle groups are just by the ridges they have alone.

When people say fat I know people like me would be lumped into it because of that shit metric that bmi is.

>>30624124
few famous cases, you are more likely to survive older style rounds then new ones, and older guns then new ones, a rifle ot the head is likely instant kill unless you are lucky and are at the ass end of its maximum range.

I do like the one story about a firing squad + officer shot and the guy still lived through it. at some point I would just be like 'if there is a god they want you to live, don't fuck up again'

>>30624124
it usually turns you into an angry mailman

>>30624801
Who would win? The Fucking Mailman, or the other Fucking Mailman?

>>30624822
the angriest one

>>30624016
>Women often overdose on pills/drugs or do other things that work slower, and can be stopped/treated if they change their mind or someone finds them. Partly because they are worried about leaving a nice corpse and not a gory mess.
which is pretty stupid since your body will take every avenue possible to purge the poison before kicking the bucket. Whoever discovers them will find a puddle of vomit, piss and shit

>>30623300
Or, maybe she's gotten tired of "breaking in" virgins.

Here she is, a nigh-immortal princess, who's probably fucked all the "pure as the driven snow" colts/minotaurs/dragons/hydras throughout history, and is presented with what looks like an amazon warrior-colt race.

She knows how her guards act and fuck when they're on-leave, and... well... mature colts know they won't break anythin', and maybe he's learned some exotic positions from the mares he's had.....

>>30623635
Eh. It is cruel, but it's one of those life-lesson-y kinda shits these horses are into. Yes, you get a very soft no, and yes, that is cruel. But, even Celly said that if the worthless sack of thundercat would've made something of himself, that his application would be reconsidered.

Literally it's a "if you can't pull your head out of your own ass and make something of yourself, you don't get in" kinda purgatory. So you can go down the whole "I'm gonna an hero because no pone waifu" route, or you could go the "well, shit. They're too nice to tell me I'm a sack of shit to my face; maybe if I'm *not* a sack of shit I could get in" route. It's up to you and how badly you want your waifu.

also wow. I didn't realize I touched a nerve up in here with that oneshit.

>>30624776
>the princesses after their first encounter with this form of bullshit decided to grant anyone in similar positions asylum
based

>>30623401

As a side effect, verifier spells turn humans into babbling, subnormal morons with raging libidos for many days at a time.

Much later, they found that this wasn't exactly a new thing for Anon.

>>30623535

>"The trick, Anon, is not minding that it hurts."

>>30624936
retard anon prompt

anon gets shit out in equestria retarded, everyone is sympathetic and helpful
one day anon is no longer retarded, and he tells them apparently sex flips him from 2+2=jello to above average intelligence
Pinkie throws a big party now that anon is not retarded anymore
at the party it dawns on some of the ponies, who fucked retard anon?

This was an aie prompt from years back, but in rgre, you have the added element of anon being retarded but still a male.

>>30624949
He had sex with Winowna or some other animal. Or a sex toy.

>>30623379
>>"Please, don't mind my mother and father's...'doting.' Yes, we eat meat. It's necessary for us to survive, otherwise we become weak and sickly.
>>You honestly couldn't imagine them being even skinnier.
kek
>"I won't lie, Colonus. I cannot imagine you being any less terrifying and arousing as you are now."

>>30623633
>Falling for the used goods meme
You're better than this, Anon. Sometimes the most subtle bait is also the most obvious.

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>>30623716
>Noone wants you
>Not anyone on Earth
>Not anypony in Equestria
>Your existence is so pathetic that the creatures you thought held the keys to your new brighter future consider you a joke and openly mock you when you aren't around
>Your plea for a better tomorrow, the very idea that someone like you wants a second chance, is something for them to laugh at
>But you're not laughing; not any more
>Not today.

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>>30624174
Nice job cheering me up after all this realtalk.

>>30625293
Then go work out and get a job/education you bum.

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>>30625413
>your acceptance by other people, and their care for you, is contingent on what work you can do
>if you only had a good enough job
>if you only had enough money
>if you only could convince them you're smart enough
>maybe someone or somepony would love you
it doesn't work that way, anon.

strange how fast this thread slides even during the day

>>30623409
Keep going man you're good.

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>>30624776
d'aww

>>30625413
No, that's hard work. Either everything is cake-walk easy or I kill myself. That's just how life works, Anon.

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>Be Anon
>"Ten bits."
"Five."
>"Eight."
>"Three."
>You were standing in front of Bonbon's candy stand
>You and the little candy horse were in the middle of a battle of wits
>To the winner would go the spoils
>To the loser would go shame
>"You're not paying three bits for a pound of caramel, Anon."
"And I'm sure as shit not paying ten bits for the stuff either."
>Bonbon's eyes narrowed
>"Why don't you just go back to your kitchen and start making sandwiches like a good colt?"
>Your eyes narrowed as well as you placed your hands on the edges of the cart and leaned toward the little horse
"Why don't you go be a power bottom with your butt-buddy Lyra you filthy lesbian."
>The two of you leaned toward each other until your noses were nearly touching
>"Eight bits."
"Four."
>"Seven."
"Five."
>Growling, Bonbon slapped her cart so hard that the whole thing shook
>"Six, and I swear to Celestia if you try to make me charge any less you'll WISH you had a mare protecting you right now!"
>Your eyes narrowed down to slit
>For almost a minute, you stared at Bonbon, looking into her very soul
>Finally, after you found no weakness or self-doubt inside of the little mare, you stood up to your full height and slapped the cart
"Sold! Now give me my caramel you sour patch flavored dyke!"
>Grumbling to herself, Bonbon reached under her counter and pulled out a small knife, reaching for a block of caramel
>You grumbled as well, reaching into your pocket for five bits
>It was too fucking much for caramel, but you could never get Bonnie to go lower than that
>Unfortunately...
>At least she seemed just as unhappy about the whole thing as you...
"Put it in the wax paper. I don't want that shit sticking on everything."
>"I know, I know. Do you think this is the first time I've done this? Bucking fussy colt..."
>You watched as a block of caramel was weighed, wrapped, and slapping right into the table in front of you

>>30625901
Moar anon and Bonbutt? Yes please.

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>>30625901
>Grabbing the block and checking to see if it felt like it weight a pound--you wouldn't put it past Bonbon to fuck with her scales in someway--you grunted your thanks before putting your caramel away and turning around...
>Only to bump into a tense-looking and wide eyed Twilight Sparkle
>She was looking up at you with a blush
>Her wings were twitching and ruffling, as if she were ready to take off into the air
>She also couldn't seem to sit still, shifting from side to side
"Oops, sorry about that Twi, I didn't see you--"
>"This is mine!" Twilight all but screamed. "This is my stallion!"
>...
>What?
>All around you, ponies stopped what they were doing to look at the princess
>Her wings gave a little flap as dozens of eyes settled on her, but she continued to look up at you
>"This is my s-stallion and nopony else's!"
>You opened your mouth to ask what the hell she was talking about, only for the princess to dart forward
>Before you could so much as blink, she reached up with a hoof and grabbed you by the balls
>You could tell that she was trying her best to be careful, but even so she smack her berries with a little too much force
>A pained grunt escaped you as you bent over from the pain
>"These are m-mine!" she said, hefting your balls as she looked around the market. "And they'll a-alway be mine!"
>As you bent forward a little more, reaching down with your free hand to cup your boys, Twilight must have took your pain for something else, because she smiled and gave your cheek a quick nuzzle
>"This is my stallion to love and cuddle and r-read books with as much as I want!" she said, guiding your head toward the crook of your neck." He's going to live with me as love me and we'll have five or six beautiful foals together!"
>Twilight's expression hardened as she continued to look around
>She forced you to move a bit closer toward you while wrapping a purple wing around you

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>>30625996
>"H-He's my big, beautiful stallion, and if anypony wants to t-take him away from me I'll turn you into a frog! Or worse!"
>She bared her teeth at a group of mares, who took a few nervous steps backward
>"Nopony else can have him but me!" she continued. "Me and only me, and if anypony has a problem w-with that they can... they can f-fight me right now!"
>You let out another groan as Twilight squeezed your jewels just a bit too tightly once again
>Your knees wobbled, and you very nearly fell over
>Thankfully, Twilight was able to sling you over her back, keeping you from eating the dirt
>"W-Well? Is anypony going to challenge me?" Twilight demanded, her voice cracking. "B-Because if you do I'll r-really beat you up! I mean it too!"
>Utterly baffled by what they were seeing, not a single little horse could do anything but stare at the princess in confusion
>Twilight stomped a hoof, looking all around her to see if anyone would step forward
>When no one did she seemed to relax, a small smile coming to her face
>"G-Good! Now I'll t-take my stallion home so we can s-snuggle and hold hooves in my b-bed!" she said, puffing up proudly.
>She then looked over her shoulder at your in pain and confused ass
>"D-Don't worry Anon, I'll be the best wife I can be, I p-promise," she said, making you more comfortable on her back
>You let out a groan
>Twilight giggled to herself excitedly, looking around the market one last time before making her way toward her castle
>The citizens of Ponyville watched her leave silently, their mouths opened slightly
>Finally, Pinkie Pie, who was sitting by the town's fountain, pipped up
>"Whoo! Good going, Twilight! You snuggle Nonny's brains out!"

>>30626066
Alright, I'm done. Some aggressive Twiggles for you guys.

>>30626066
Sounds like a great day all around.
I would snuggle and hold her hooves like nobody's business.

>>30625901
>>"Six, and I swear to Celestia if you try to make me charge any less you'll WISH you had a mare protecting you right now!"
>>You grumbled as well, reaching into your pocket for five bits
Oh shit, is Anon a jew?

>>30626066
id kick her in the fucking cunt with enough force to push her vulva up into her womb for handling my nuts like that

>>30626109
Anon worked hard for those four bits!

>>30626127
>wanting him to give up his last three bits
It's like you want him to be poor

>>30626145
Help! Somepony is trying to steal Anon's two bits!

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>>30626149
>Taking a cocks last bit.
You ponies are sick.

>>30626161
Anon, in fact, owes me one whole bit.

>>30626161
Anon will be back shortly to deal with those ten bits Bon Bon owes him.

>>30626161
>Male griffons are called cocks and females are hens
Headcanon accepted

>>30626066
nope, I wouldn't care if it was Celestia who did this I'd slap a ponies shit if they tried this with me

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>>30626302
>literally best pony publicly claiming you

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>>30626318
>best pony

>A mare off the street will never squeeze your nuts and blatantly kidnap you
The gun in is my mouth and I'm going to "Submit" before I pull the trigger.

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>>30626302
>tfw it's just seen as slapstick when boys hit girls in RGRE
>they just laugh it off while carrying you away

>>30626428
that

that isnt how it works

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>>30626440
It is if the pone thinks it's just like her neighponese picture books.

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>>30626406
>Anon's sick of being treated as a sex object.
>Kidnaps a random pony and holds them to ransom in order to force the equestrians to see him as capable, if only as a threat.
>Decks himself out in full edgelord armor, if he's going to be a villian then going all the way is the only way.
>Mare adventurer finally arrives.
>Launchs into pre-prepared speech of ultimate villianious ham as she approaches.
>Something similar to Pic related happens.

>>30626516
All the while Anon is cursing the air blue as he flails his arms around with armor clanking about how they aren't up to an epic battle of a duel

>>30626516
Is there a story to go with that pic or am i just losing my mind?

>>30626066
>Anon was adopted by Celestia at a young age.
>Later on, Cadence was brought under her wing as per canon.
>Despite being technically family now, they rarely interact, each having their own social circles and the like (Anon liked to chill with the staff and "help").
>Skip forward to their high-school years.
>Cadence, out of the blue, aggressively claims him in the middle of the cafeteria.
>omgwtfbbq.exe

>>30626967
>Anon being too dense to know Love Butt was obsessed with him for years.

Whew.

>>30626462
it isn't when they get there jaws or noses dislocated

>>30626967
Celestia is secretly jelly but is too afraid to make a counter claim for Anon

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So, let's hypothetically suppose I'm working on a Teen Mare story. Can you guys give me some ideas and spitball some concepts you'd like to see? It's like barely a few words along and I have a few ideas I know I want in there, like the mare subconsciously seeing Anon as a father figure because hers passed away when she was little. So some daddy issues in there as well as Anon being one of the few people who she thinks understands her, even if she can be a little cringy sometimes too. Could be cute. But I want opinions of you guys first, because I noticed all my stories generally come from prompt ideas.

>>30627451
I'm interested

>>30627451
There should definitely be a prom subplot for all the delicious age gap and taking your "dad" to the prom vibe.

>>30627451
Maybe a "You're not my real Dad" situation in there? How about the old "friends come over and gawk at the hot dad"? Anon waiting up for the teen mare trying to sneak back into the house past curfew. Anon playing vidya with the teen mare and making a wager in which the loser does chores. PTA conference with Anon and how the mare's doing in school. Encouraging the first summer job search. Trying to sneak alcohol from mom's booze cabinet and getting caught.

Just some random thoughts.

>>30627451
It's probably in the plans already, but him being her emotional outlet (bullying, no one understand me) and helping her keep her appearance in check.
If she's in a band, show up for emotional support, and have her stick up for h when the pones say a stallion shouldn't be in that type of venue.

>>30627451
Maybe some older mare hits on him and she gets super territorial? I dunno im kinda running on caffine

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>>30625413
Except that the fatty in the Thundercats shirt was never told that.
If he was TOLD to go make something of himself then he could get horse pussy and still did nothing you'd have a point, but the poor fat bastard was told over and over 'try again tomorrow' and the dedicated bastard does.
That loser has a desperate hope that he is clinging to with all his might, but instead of giving him a path that allow him to realize it they dangle it over him.

It's fucking mean.

>>30626428
Most people don't laugh off missing teeth.

>>30627451
What about the fatherly ara ara way.

Maybe she is neighbours with him.

Or the mother is tailing him too.

Or Anon is the single middle aged stallion that lives in the neigborhood, like and old lady that always is in, helping the way she can but with Anon.

>>30626516
Your prompt doesn't fit with your image. Perhaps if he abducted Dragonlord Ember to prove he's not nearly as delicate as they believe, it'd fit better.

>>30627451
>anon is a new neighbor, recently out of the portal (but just long enough to get a house and settle in a bit)
>notices teenage poner looking uncomfortable (maybe a colt's harassing her, maybe some girls from school)
>helps save her
>anon and her just shoot the shit
>anon can't tell she's a teen poner because she's close enough in size to a mare and doesn't have filly features
>thinks he's going to pony jail once he finds out, but it turns out it's ok since he's a colt
>they bond over their mutual struggles to find their place in the world
>anon brings the sage advice while she fills in the gaps missing from his brief and ongoing Sparkle Equestria Crash Course™

>>30627451
>Teen Mare
Teenage CMC?

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>>30627511
>prom subplot
Love it

>>30627546
Hm, I like the friends coming over to gawk, and I love the idea that he gets along great with her because he likes vidya too.


>>30627597
>being her emotional outlet
Yeah that's what I liked the most about the super old, original version. It has potential.
>she's in a band
That fits so amazing with the image I have of this OC.

>>30627607
>Maybe some older mare hits on him and she gets super territorial?
Cute as fuck and easy to do. For sure will look for a chance.

>>30627658
>What about the fatherly ara ara way.
I want the opposite direction I think.
>Maybe she is neighbours with him.
This for sure. The thread will see what I use that for.
>Or the mother is tailing him too.
Thought about this but it opened up too much NTR shit.

>>30627956
Good general advice. These are a lot of the building blocks I want to use.

>>30627999
You know, I've thought about having the mane six be teens at this time, or have the CMC been teens at the time too, but I'm pretty set on using a mare OC, because I don't see any character fulfilling this role well.

This reminds me though of a big issue I have to solve. I need a highschool involved and I have no interest in EqG. So I thought I may have to use a place that isn't ponyville.

Maybe Canterlot and it's a magic school of some sort?

>>30628126
Sorry, forgot to trip to verify, etc. Also wondering if it'd be cool if Anon were an adult, but ponies can't tell and he gets placed in pony highschool as a Senior because that's how he tests on paper. Aced most subjects but failed astronomy, biology, and magic subjects.

>>30628126
>I need a highschool involved and I have no interest in EqG. So I thought I may have to use a place that isn't ponyville.
>
>Maybe Canterlot and it's a magic school of some sort?
Cloudsdale pre-University Prep.

Students there are pretty sore about the name and insist that the acronym is pronounced as "cup", but other ponies (particularly CUP's rival highschool) are adamant with their teasing. Questions asking the students there who, exactly, one can see peeing are never in short supply.

>>30628126
>This reminds me though of a big issue I have to solve. I need a highschool involved and I have no interest in EqG. So I thought I may have to use a place that isn't ponyville.
-maybe a prep school like >>30628202 suggested?
-Twilight sees the need for secondary education in ponyville and teams up with celestia and her canterlot connections to get a school set up. There's a special class for people who are reformed or need help adjusting to more normal pony life that anon gets stuck in
-the portal anon took to equestria kind of...overshot things a bit. Events are roughly the same, but everyone is slightly younger. Twi's still in school when she visits ponyville and ends up going to school along with the mane 6 post NMM.

>>30628133
Ponies can tell he's at least adolescent but absolutely refuse to believe he's as old as he is. Some are bemused that a colt would lie UPWARD about his age for once. Leads to shenanigans trying to get cider he should be able to buy legally but the ass at the gas station won't believe his Celestia-given ID.
Anon tests around a sophomore level because a) no experience with magic subjects and b) who remembers more than half the crap you learned after being out of high school for a decade?

>>30628251
>who remembers more than half the crap you learned after being out of high school for a decade?

>"Okay, wise gal. If you already graduated horse-highschool, then balance this equation!"
"....Fuck."

>>30626948
there is one on Fimfiction that is the origin story of Discord. Cute, funny and short.

>>30625260
there are grades of used goods

were they slightly used, and won't compare you to every other dick they ever had
are the well used and you aren't comparing to the best they had
do they find bad dragon toys a bit on the small side?

The way I see it, the princesses are at least 1000 years old, and celestia has likely had more than her fair share of cock, but is likely mature enough to be with you for non dick reasons and I could personally deal with that.

At least till I see luna impaling herself on her bed post because she is so lonely and celestia brings up the 'we should really invite luna' talk

>>30626347
maybe if she was in a french maid miniskirt trying to pick up a piece of paper i glued to the floor with her mouth/hooves because she had a magic inhibitor on her horn and with her tail tied about a foot from the dock. she tries to get the paper off the ground, while wiggling her flank at you for you to take in in all its glory, she isn't even doing it on purpose.

Did I mention I have a story idea, just need to get it written out?

>>30626948
a story to the image? human women are shit and unf dragon girl.

>>30626967
Momlestia will be up in a few days. Repost this idea there and there might be some green based on it.

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>>30628491

>You walk into a crowd
>You hear twilight sounding like she is on the verge of crying
>She is trying to explain herself to carmel
>"YOU WALKED INTO ME BECAUSE YOU WANTED TO OPPRESS AND RAPE ME"
>She is dejected and on the verge of sobbing.
"Hey,carmel,the press is going to be here soon to take your picture, so lets get you posed just right"
>Twilight looks horrified by what you said,and starts to cry
>"What should I do?"
"Well,puff out your chest,look confident and close your eyes, make it look like you beat the matriarchy without even trying, and hold the pose"
>Many of the ponies around you are horrified that you are doing this to twilight
>But they don't know you came here with steal toe boots, and its easier to hit something that never sees it coming
*CRACK*
>All of ponyville goes silent
>Twilight stopped crying
>More than a few mares just recoil in horror at the sound his jaw made when you kicked it
>Vinyl is losing her shit laughing while octavia is trying to distance herself
>You pick twilight up before anyone else can make noise
"THIS IS MY PONY, FIRST MARE OF THE HERD ANON, ANY OF THE STALLIONS HAVE ANYTHING THEY WANT TO SAY"
>The few that are in attendance look at carmel
>Thunderlane looks to you
>"Um, we don't really like him, he is kind of a cunt, but with so few males, we have to hang out with who is close you know"
>You node
"Understood"
>You begin to walk to the crystal palace
>Twilight gave a symbolic struggle but you can see the blush and feel something moving behind you
>Pinkie out of nowhere
>"OOOOOH nonny got himself a mare, we got to h..."
>She is cut off by you picking her up
"THIS IS MARE NUMBER 2"
>You swear you can feel her blush
>You see a movement in the crowd
>"WHAT ABOUT ME"
>You look to pinkie
"Backpack mode"
>She gets on your back and hugs as you pick up lyra
>Bon bon comes running up to you
"Front pack lyra"
>You pick the belligerent bon bon up who likely just chased after her friend
"AND HERE ARE MARE 3 AND 4"
>Today was an orgy day

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>>30628544
'twas good, m8.

>>30628544
Anon is the hero we should all strive to be.

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>>30628544
>>"OOOOOH nonny got himself a mare, we got to h..."
>>She is cut off by you picking her up
>"THIS IS MARE NUMBER 2"
kek

>>30628544
>>You pick the belligerent bon bon up who likely just chased after her friend
She's fussy now, sure, but let's see how badly she wants to leave once she experiences Anon's fingers and his ability to not blow his load after only 12 seconds of sex.

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>>30628669
I don't know why but thinking of cute little mares as 'fussy' is adorable to me.

>>30628681
>Wriggling ineffectually while Anon holds them
>Acting grumpy but being generally agreeable
>Able to be cheered up with cuddles
Why are cute ponies so perfect?

>>30624322
I know the author just updated their pirate fic. I wonder if there are plans to finish this one.

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>>30628760
>the more you cuddle and smooch her the scrunchier her nose gets

>>30628681
>"It-it's not like I'm trying to pose for you, dummy. Just because I've got all my candy here to show off how successful my livelihood is d-doesn't mean that I want you to realize that I'm capable of financially supporting us!"

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>>30628903
no stop

>>30628903
>"Anon, no! Not in front of the mares!"
>Twilight presses her hooves against your chest and gently tries to push you away
>When this doesn't work, she starts to wriggle like a fussy toddler
>"This is... is... emaresculating!"
>You pepper the side of her face with kisses, just below her ear; Twilight squeals and scrunches her nose up

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>>30628903
>>30628956
>"Anon! C-Cut it out, not in public!"
>with her head turned away from you and a hoof trapped in your grasp, she blindly swats in your direction while hovering in front of you
>quickly pulling her to your chest she struggles and wiggles with her hooves trapped between the two of you
>slowly leaning towards her, her cheeks light up in a blush as she realizes what you're doing
>"S-Stooop, don't!"
>her frantically flapping wings stop, one shooting out to gently smack you in the face to try and stop your descent, but you will not be denied
>nose scrunching, her eyes darting nervously to the bystanders watching you both, then back to you, she switches tactics
>right before you reach her, her wings wrap around your head and cover both your faces like a privacy curtain
>no one can see whats happening, but they can still hear her schoolfilly like giggling as you pepper her with kisses

>>30629063
>Rainbow Dash notices how many ponies are watching Anon embarrass her
>Wraps her wings around Anon's neck and pulls him in for a kiss, beating him to the punch
>Tries to make it look like this was her plan the entire time

>>30629091
>it doesn't work
>every conversation with dash ends up with a joke about whose the mare in the relationship
>she starts to take it with pride.

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>>30629113

>>30628346
More like, after the Nightmare Moon incident, Celestia and Luna promised each other to share everything they possibly could, and Celestia hadn't thought about it until seeing how miserably Luna was doing with finding a guy of her own.

>The chair you were currently sitting in was way too stiff, it’s legs creating creaking noises from the tiniest movements
>”According to the application you filled out, you do have a gap in your employment history that doesn’t add up.”
>Sitting across from you, were two quite different individuals, one a mare in an official guard armor, the other another human quite like yourself.
“I took some time off to—uh, find myself.”
>The mare raised an eyebrow at your response, while the human in the grey suit didn’t move in the slightest, his gaze locked on your form.
>That shit was really unnerving, for god’s sake, you could’ve sworn the guy hadn’t even blinked once since you entered this small room.
>All he did was stare.
>”Mr. Anon, you do realize that we need a full disclosure of past behaviors and employment for a thorough background check on all those applying for entry into Equestria.”
>Nodding at first, you hung your head in resignation.
“I took two years off and travelled the states as a magician.”
>So there it was, your hidden shame.
>”A traveling magician?”
>So much for getting into the promised land. Might as well kiss the opportunity for finding yourself the mare of your dreams goodbye.
>”Make sure to amend your application before you leave to include this information. Now, moving on, it says here you specialized in geology and material sciences.”
“Yeah, I studied both in college. Is that a problem?”
>Drawing her eyes away from your portfolio, to look you right in the eyes, the mare shook her head in the negative.
>”It’s not a problem, but we’re currently full on engineers and just about every other position in the science fields. I have a pool of about thirty thousand males who all come from such backgrounds, and they’re all on a pretty long wait list.”
>What little hope you had left, was now gone.
>”Lieutenant Check, a moment of your time please.”

>>30629685
>The gruff human, who up until that time sat completely silent finally spoke, completely taking you aback.
>His voice was cold, calculating, and very much to the point.
>Pointing, the human stood and began making his way towards sole door in the room, the mare following close behind him.
>They were probably going to discuss the quickest way to throw you back through the portal back to the shithole that is planet earth.
>So you sat waiting, and dreading the words that would signal your fate when they returned.
>Minutes passed, accented by the ticking off the clock above the door. They were sure taking their time, kicking you out shouldn’t be this much of a hassle.
>”Mr. Anon.”
>Jumping slightly in your chair by the sudden voice, you looked and saw the mare enter alone, the human who accompanied her earlier now nowhere to be seen.
>Sitting back down across from you she opened the file folder that contained your information and began making some notes.
>”Normally we would send you back and place you on the waiting list, as I said earlier we have our fill of engineers and scientists. But—“
“But?”
>”Luckily enough for you, we do have a slot available for performing magicians.”
>You have got to be kidding me.
>”Special Agent Nameless is currently finalizing your citizenship paperwork and identification. Provided of course that you accept—“
“Yes, for the love of god YES.”
>”I would advise you to fully hear me out before you commit, now, you will have to complete an accredited apprenticeship before you can work on your own.”
>It was happening! This was actually happening!
”I’m still in.”
>”Very well, congratulations and welcome to Equestria. The pony assigned to supervise your transition and whom will be teaching you is Ms. Trixie, a travelling magician herself.”
>The pony held out a hoof, which you happily took and began shaking from happiness.
>You made it.

>>30628681
>pic
I loved that fic.

>>30624174
Those Phones must have escaped Twilight's basement and took over the town. How the fuck did that happen?

>>30629691
I am interested

>>30629063
>>30629091
>>30629113
>Anon snuggles and embarrasses Dash in front of her Wonderbolt team-mates.
>Soarin chill with it -- practically cooing.
>The mares like Fleetfoot and Spitfire just feel sad they don't have a "stallion" like that to go home too.
>Lots of hard cider will be shared and drank that night.

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Remember me?

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>>30630083
Aww, poor bolt mares. I'd lay them across my lap and pet them.

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>>30629691
>Equestria becomes so popular there's hundreds of thousands just on the waiting list
No... not this is not good, this is terrible.

We always talk about anon going to rgre, but what if rgre came to anon?
>mares just suddenly start appearing one day.
>claiming husbandos left and right.
>said husbandos get mocked relentlessly in the mainstream for being unable to get a real woman.
>mocking intensifies after interspecies marriage is fully legalised
>the laughter stops roughly two years later when the human-pony divorce rate is still at 0.

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>>30630261
yes excellent

gimme

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>>30630261
I'd be fully prepared to murder the fuck outta people who would no doubt try and hurt my waifu if this happened.

>>30624776
Do they make those...."people", go through separate lines when found?

>>30630261
I like this twist in lore. Travel between worlds starts to be commonplace. A sort of "Match-maker" service/industry springs up where Mares go to Earth to find a husbando. They can either live with their husbando on Earth or take them back to Equestria with them (most go back).

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>>30630382
that sounds nice

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>>30630382
>>30630396
>mares have been coming and going for some time now
>often see groups of them walking down the sidewalks, taking in the sights
>notice one mare in a group isn't paying attention to what her friends are talking about
>her eyes are completely locked onto you
>cock your head at her in a question
>she gets the biggest, most beatific smile you've ever seen anyone make and pushes her way through her friends, trotting over to you
>several months later you're going through the portal together to live with her
Turns out mares just know when they see their mate.

>>30630396
Hmm...Now that looks mighty cozy.

>>30630460
Hnng...and that gave me a heart boner.

>>30627451
>Teen mare goes through teen drama
>Gets upset when Anon basically tells her the same thing her parents told her

>Hot stallion that teen mare used to crush on is jealous that one of his toys no longer wants to play
>Tries to break them up because he is a bitch
>It fails miserably