Horse IRL encounter

I only use light blue.

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I only dye their manes and give them hormones

>>30595303
I've got a post-pounder and some spray paint for horses *unzips dick*

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>be me
>out for a morning walk/jog
>suddenly see a horse tied to a post, near the park's sidewalk
>too nervious to get near
>walk slowly around it
>Suddenly horse starts engorging his massive horse cock with his blood, as I walk by
>He knows
>Realize there are people around staring at me as I walk past the horse
>Dirty fucks
>An hour later
>walk back home
>One my way back, see the horse again still tied to the post
>Scorching hot day
>Offer the horse an apple that i bought just in case i came across it again
>Doesnt want it, instead, it start developing another poner
>This time, leaking premature baby gravy
>Leave immediately before people around look

I wanted to stuff that horse dick in my mouth so badly

>be me
>half asleep driving down the freeway
>barely have a clue about where i am
>hit the idaho border and everything turns into crop fields and cow farms
>passed a horse ranch going 90mph
>i think i saw a brown horse-shaped blob, at least
and that's it
riveting isn't it

>>30595654
>beastiality

get the fuck out, you abomination.

>>30596003
here's your (You)

>>30596003
It's spelled bestiality anon.

>be a very young me
>wearing nike athletic shorts
>the kind with the built in underwear, like swimtrunks
>friends has a horse
>his mom asked if I want a turn sitting on it
>bareback
>and that's the story of the first time I got a boner

>>30596210
because it's the best

speaking of bestiality
http://iwatchitfortheplot.romesilvanus.io/Zoo/ is ded
anyone have that one dropbox or just know good sites in general?

>Newly commissioned officer in the French Foreign Legion.
>Posted to some shit-hole outpost in the desert fifty miles from fuck all.
>Start wondering about recreation.
>Ask one of the privates on watch what the men do for release.
>He explains, "In the stable there's a horse-"
>"Nevermind! I don't care to hear any more."
>Private shrugs and returns to his duties.
>Weeks pass.
>The horse is starting to look sexier every day.
>Finally one night can't take it any more.
>Have a few stiff drinks.
>Go into stable.
>Pull down pants and start doing the horse.
>Private walks in on me.
>The same guy from before.
>"Sir, wouldn't it be better to ride the horse into town and find a girl like the rest of the guys do?"

>>30596302
I check 8ch zoo usually

>>30596367
ah, good idea. last I checked their mare thread was just rehashing decades old webms' but it seems it's decent now. thanks

>>30596349
private doesn't know what he's missing

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>>30596349
Alright, I laughed

>>30596349
Oh yeah heard this joke and had to contain myself to avoid saying >>30596396

>>30595303
>be 15
>omw to school
>always give this mare grass or some of my food when I pass by
>one day, she presents herself to me, starts winking
>don't know what's happening
>walk off—Wouldn't want to be late!

I am a fool

>>30596600
You're only a fool if you didn't learn from your mistake.

>>30595303
i know its a joke, but a spray paint can would sound a lot like a snake hiss

>>30595303

On the way home from work
>See something bright near the road and panic
>slow down rapidly
>it's just a horse staring over the fence ready to bitch slap my car with its face
>and it's got a friend with it that's like 'go ahead and try him, mate, I'll fuck you up'

And I go, oh shit, sorry, and don't fuck with them.

Horses who live near fast roads don't give a fuck.

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>>30595303
>way before 4th gen of mlp
>visiting aunt and the rest of the family for holiday get together
>one of the horses out back is whinnying like crazy
>watch her out the window for a bit
>hear aunt say "mare is in heat, just ignore her"
>another aunt says "anon, why dont you go help her out?"
>we all share a laugh
>they have no idea

>horses live down the street
>stop by when I go for walks and pet them
>they seem nice enough
>not rude enough to look at their bits

>>30595303
>not raping them gently
You fucked up, OP.

>>30598132
That's honestly what I thought. My coworker said "probably spooked by the smell of the spray"

i need to fuck a horse

>>30596349
Tu as bien fait. Moins de chances d'attraper une saloperie avec le cheval.

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>Be 15
>Out riding some rented horses on a trail
>On a pretty gentle black stallion
>White horse next to me starts acting up
>Starts nipping my horse on the rump
>See him starting to get a stiffy
>One of the ranchers shakes his head
"Watch him, that one... That stallion's actually gay from our experience. And it looks like he's got the hots for your horse there."
>White horse nickers seductively
>My black horse is not caring and paying attention to the mare further down the trail
>White horse bites my horse's tail again and gets kicked in the face.
>Mare bolts from the sudden sound and my horse chases after
>They follow the trail by habit but it takes a couple minutes for them to calm down
>White horse looks dejected and starts bothering another colt

That's when I learned horses can be gay.

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>>30598653

>>30598698
Hahaha. What a story mark.

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>>30598698

>See horse.
>Go to pet horse.
>Horse beats me to it, licks my face.
>Surprise!
>Hello boner.

actually a pretty recent story
>mother wants me to sit down at dinner table for a talk
>at first it feels like this 'birds and bees' talk
>in reality she just has to talk about an unpleasant topic and doesn't know who she should turn to
>she has her mare on this little farm which is in the bushes behind our town
>tells me that some dude was caught jerking off while having his other arm injected into a stallions anus
>turns out the guy is a good friend of my little brother who also watches the show

I know you're lurking here somewhere...

>Have field with horses/cows next door.
>One of the horses is a black Tennessee walker.
>About average size but he's the meanest and smartest so he's top horse in the field.
>One night he figures out how the gate latch works.
>Lets himself out.
>Sticks his head in my bedroom window were my head is 2 feet away from.
>I'm sleeping.
>he decides it's time for me to wake the fuck up.
>"NNNNEEEGHHEHEHHEHE!"
"AAAHHAAAHH"!

>>30600637
so did you suck his dick or what

>>30601656
I screamed like a little bitch and he bolted, never slept with the window open again.

>>30596003
do you even know where you are right now?

>>30601735
fag

>>30600596
/hhh/ probably

>>30604727
nah, /hhh/ is a bunch of sissies.

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>>30600596
>tells me that some dude was caught jerking off while having his other arm injected into a stallions anus
I'm assuming he intended to fuck it, but I have no idea how that was the conclusion he ended in.

>>30596302
Gaybeast, x18, callista.

>be me
>riding horses regularly
>one day i was alone in stable grooming horse before ride
>put my finger into his pooper
>yes, it's stallion
>he is incredibly tight
I've never had a harder boner before. Sadly i didnt try something more but you know, horse with full erection could be a bit suspicious.

>>30605140
Can you faggots leave? Why did this thread devolve into literal horsefuckery?

I thought it was just an ebin maymay that people use on /mlp

>>30605356
Hello it is me, Satan. Don't knock it till ya try it bro

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>>30605356

>>30605356
>not fucking horses

>>30605356
is it this famous summerfag? Do you think if somebody jerk off to pony porn and have horse waifu isnt zoophilie?

>>30604994
Explain further, using a pastebin if needed.

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>>30605663
Been around since the cuckening, so not too long.

I get the attraction to gen 4 pone, but literal horses? I mean you do you.... but horses can't consent, and stickin your finger in a horsey-bum seems like a good way to get fuckin kicked. Explain THAT to people.

>>30606401
>ellipses
>mobilefag
You have to go back

>>30606401
>IMG_XXXX.jpg
>cuckening
>horses can't consent
Holy hell, just get the fuck out of here.

>>30607524
Great, I forgot to sage.

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>>30606401
>not being a faggot
>needing explanaition

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>>30595303
>Be me
>Just starting to get into MLP
>Episode ? of Season 1 had just came out
>Parents take me & siblings to the zoo
>They added a new attraction
horses.png
>I go over to feed them & brush their mane.
>One of them comes up to me
>She turns around
>Presents her winking cunt in all its glory
>Cue RAGING boner
>People are watching me now
>Parents ask if something is wrong
>I back away and run to the portable shitter
>Try to rub one out real quick
>Success!
>"Anon, why were you in there for 30 minutes?"
"Uhhh, I was taking a dump."
savedit.wav

And that, my friends, is my IRL hors story. I really fuckin wish I could've had my way with that mare right then.

>>30608280
Zoos shouldn't exhibit domesticated animals.
That's stupid.
Imagine paying money to go to a zoo, and all the exhibits were just dogs, cows, goats, pigeons, etc.
What a disappointment that would be.

>>30608358
Considering the fact that I lived in an area with no ranches/farms, it's not that uncommon for Zoos to exhibit horses, pigs, chickens, etc.

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>>30608378
That occured to me as soon as I posted that.
It's sad that cities exist and so many people are completely detached from where their food comes from.

>>30608378
Chickens are the only weird one to me out of those. Even in the city you can get those as pets easily. It's kind of a gamble though, if that chick grows up to be a rooster you can't keep it due to the noise.

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>>30605356
>why did this thread about horsefuckers meeting horses IRL devolve into exactly what you'd expect

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>>30605356
>>30606401
>ebin maymay that people use on /mlp
Hah, look at this faggot.

>Be me
>Dad takes me to a friend's farm
>There's a horse
>It's alright

Never seen one up close since, sometimes we drive down to the beach and see the llamas and horses. Cousin owns ponies though, since her uncle owns a ranch back in Peru.

>>30604769
This. You can't get more beta bottom than the people in /hhh/

>>30608280
>One of them comes up to me
>She turns around
>Presents her winking cunt in all its glory
Horses can literally feel that you're a horsefucker

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>>30611069
This is a proof that anon in equestria will definitely be happy with his waifu and not become some lonely alien.

>>30595303
I have 2 smol horses living in my yard, they are my neighbor's but they stay in my yard all day

>>30611069
The can smell boners and lewd thoughts.

>>30611105
Not necessarily his waifu, but some pony, sure.

>>30608458
I agree in full. Especially since I now live where there's farm animals at almost every corner.

>>30611069
They're gonna feel a little more than just that if you catch my drift.

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>>30611153
Did/do you fuck them good?

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i want to a horse

>>30613400
ponies (miniature horses) can be registered as an Emotional Support Animal (ESA)
https://www.certapet.com/faq/how-to-get-an-emotional-support-animal/

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>Be at friends farm
>Holy shit he has horses
>one is a mare and a colt
>colt is shy as shit runs away when you get near
>mare gives no fucks and likes attention
>I ask if we can brush the horse
>he gives me an odd look
>pic related
>Replies nah anon, but you can feed her some hay
>fuck yea
>give horse hay, ends up licking my hand for a few minutes then trots off
He still can't understand why I wanted to brushie the horse. I almost revealed my power level that day. Unfortunatley the horses are gone, his family sold them both to a breeder 3 years ago.

>>30613744
What the hell is an "Emotional Support Animal" anyhow? Like a pet? Or do you need to be diagnosed with something to need one?

>>30613767
They are essentially pets, but they are trained specifically to help people with PTSD and I believe extreme anxiety. As for diagnosis I'm not sure but you could search and find out.

>>30613744
>>30613767
Well, I'm critically undersexed and it's causing me significant emotional distress! I need a perpetual ponut provider, stat!

>>30613767
An emotional support animal (ESA) is a companion animal that a medical professional has determined provides benefit for an individual with a disability.

for example, my sister has extreme anxiety, holding her dog and petting/cuddling it helps calm her down when she gets into one of her episodes

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>>30613804
>Depressed and sexually frustrated anon gets an ESA pony.
>ESA pony itself becomes depressed from constant misuse by anon.
>ESA pony gets it's own ESA pony friend.
>Anon commandeers ESA pony friend for his suicidal-harem and the cycle continues.
It's foolproof.

>>30613767
They're literally just pets that you can take into stores and hotels that don't allow pets.

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>>30615978
I can't

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>>30613761
Imagine not wanting to brush a horse.

>>30615978
>>30616132
I just can't. And how the hell is wanting to brush a horse reveal anything other than you platonically love animals?

>>30600596
>that awkward moment when someone you love is telling you about a freak who shares your interests
h-heh, ya, what a weirdo mom.

>>30613815
i read some story abut a guy who got a female dog in that program, and many years later ended up having regular sex with her.

>>30606401
Just for your information, the horse is pretty clearly consenting when you're not getting your ribs kicked in.
Can mutes not consent either, just because they cannot verbally say they want sex?