Week Long Vacation (CYOA) [Thread 4]

>>30528810
>>30528844
>>30528864
>>30528871
>>30528899
>>30528918
>>30528993
>>30529035

>You two talk to each other in hushed tones.
"So... how the buck is that supposed to work? Do I give you a straw or something?"
>"You just need to think of something you love, like your coltfriend! That makes it easier."
"So, happy thoughts are enough?"
>"Yeah, otherwise, I'll have to pull it out of you forcefully, and that... is just bad and stupid."
"Okay? Why can't you just go to a brothel or seduce a maid?"
>"I tried, but the 'maid' you speak of is a little colt, the other maids have apparently called in sick?"
"What."
>"I don't know!? And it's not like I can go to a brothel! I don't have any bits! And it's not as fulfilling if it's pure lust anyway!"
"Just take it quickly."
>You think about the ponies you love.
>"Done. Thanks."
>Uh?
"I didn't feel anything?"
>"Because you're practically giving it to me! It won't have much of an effect, since I only took a little. It'll be easier if you actually love me..."
>He ponders a bit.
>"Want me to transform into Ivory for a threesome? I'll get what I want, and you'll get to have fun."
>Ooo, you could ambush Ivory with two of you...
>In the future, gotta make his first intimate and special.
"Hmm... sounds fun, I'll think about it."

>You whisper to him in the empty hallway.
"So, can changelings turn ponies into changelings?"
>"Uh, no? Where did you get that idea?"
"Well, it's just something I've heard. Have you considered any one of your lovers to not snitch on you?"
>"I did, that's why I never revealed myself, and kept all evidence hidden."
"Do you guys have like hideouts or caches? Do you guys have dank loot across Equestria?"
>"You read too many spy novels, maybe?"
"Hmm... How do you feel about getting pegged?"
>"Well that was out of nowhere, what, you want to buck me with your coltfriend?"
"Just curious."
>"Sure! It's fun!"
"Cool..."
>"You never said anything about what kind of hat you want, do I just buy the first hat I see?"

>>30529351
Bowler hat. If you can't find one of those then anything else formal

>>30529351
Just a typical bowler hat for my coltfriend. As for bucking my boyfriend, you're going to have to patient and wait for his permission far later on. He's a virgin and has no experience with any of this. Although, who knows what may happen. My kinky nature might influence him, and he might finally be receptive to more fun activities along with others. Don't get your hopes up if it's slow or he outright denies it.

>>30529351
Ivory might be open for a threesome if you disguised as me instead. And I am pretty sexy. Wait, being attracted to myself seems like masturbation or narcissism.

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>>30529351
So you really never left yourself a little emergency knapsack? Nothing in case you ever needed to ditch town?

>You read too many spy novels
Hey there's some cool stuff in those.

A Flat cap hat and a top hat.

>>30529458
There are many horse dicks in the world, but Ivory's is ours.

>>30529483
Yes, Ivory is ours. Doesn't mean we can't have fun with others if he wants to.

>>30529518
Ew. Is that cucking?

>>30529526
No we are talking about three ways.
That should be well down the track though. Start things out slow.
We still don't even know who is gonna be more dominant in bed. Maybe he is willing to do both like we are.

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>>30529558

>>30529587
If you say so.
I don't see Ivory agreeing to a three way in the next 8 days anyway. If he were to agree at all.

>>30529608
I don't see him agreeing to a three-way nor do I Grace to do a three-way. Yesh!

>>30529627
I am neutral on it myself. But yeah he probably would not agree

>>30529627
*I see

>>30529587
Not really considered cucking if were all involved willingly involved during the sex..

>>30529627
We're just telling this changeling that we're interested in the possibility, but ultimately it's up to Ivory to decide in the end.

>>30529410
>>30529428
>>30529458
>>30529483

"A bowler hat? If you can't find one, then anything formal would do."
>"Alright, I'll be going th-"
"Wait, so... you really never left yourself a little emergency knapsack? Nothing in case you ever needed to ditch town?"
>"I was too confidant. That's really all there is to it."
"Meh, happens to the best of us. As for bucking my coltfriend, you're gonna have to be patient, he's new to all this, and it's unlikely that he'll open up to these sort of things any time soon."
>"Heh, don't break him."
"I won't. I'll leave it to him for all of this... You know... my coltfriend might be open for a threesome if you disguised as me instead."
>You puff your chest fluff out.
"And I am pretty sexy... Wait, being attracted to myself seems like masturbation or narcissism."
>"Heh, think it'll be a bit narcissistic in this situation. I'll see what I can find."
>He gets up.
>"Where do I find you after getting the hat? Or are you going to visit me later?"

>>30529686
I'll visit you later to pick it up in about an hour. I'm going to be going out with Ivory soon. You have any plans? I feel kind of bad leaving you alone to scrape on love wherever you can.

>>30529686
Leave it in your room.

>>30529718
He doesn't have a key to our room.
We'll meet you at the garden party?

>>30529759
Oh yeah, we can just invite him over if he wants to go mingle around there.

>>30529759
That's why I said to leave it in his room.

>>30529759
I think anon meant the room belonging to Patches

>>30529779
No. That's our key. We can meet hit at the party.

>>30529809
What do you even mean? We use our key to open his door and then we take the hat

>>30529715
This works

>>30529836
Wait. So you're saying that Ivory gave Grace a copy of their shared room, and Moonshines room?

>>30529852
>>30468571
>He levitates the keys to Patches and your bag.
"Why is there one for me?"
>"So we can go in? Duh?"

>>30529852
http://desuarchive.org/mlp/thread/30468541/#30468571

>>30529715
>>30529718

"Just put it in your room somewhere. I'll drop by to pick it up."
>"Okay."
"You have any plans? I feel kind of bad leaving you alone to scrape on love wherever you can."
>"Uh no, other than just hanging around the place. I can leave Canterlot with you, right?"
"Yeah sure! Well, you could come with us tonight! To the castle!"
>"I don't feel entirely safe there..."
"It'll be fine!"
>"We'll see about that..."
>He trots off, down the stairs.

>This floor appears to be mostly rooms, you're not sure what's above.
>You passed the second floor briefly, but it seems to be mostly rooms too.
>There's more stuff on the first floor though.
>Well then, go downstairs? Or up?

>>30529893
Up it is!

>>30529893
Down

>>30529893
Downstairs

>>30529893
Go talk to an employee. What can we do here?

>>30529944
I am changing my vote from down to this.

>>30529944
Damn, logic once again ruined any reason for exploration.

>>30529970
They have a maze in the gardens right? we can explore that and then stubbornly refuse to fly up when we get lost.

>>30529986
Nah. We don't want to spend hours and be late for the party.
>>30529893
Roll a d100 for random event.

>>30529893
Let's blitz it back to the caverns and collect a fuck tone of crystals. For Ivory! We can empty the bag and take just our camera, baton and smoke bombs. We'll be real quick.

>>30530010
>Nah. We don't want to spend hours and be late for the party.
No I mean at the party
That's assuming we get lost
>Roll a d100 for random event.
No

>>30529911
>>30529914
>>30529923
>>30529944
>>30529952
>>30529970
>>30530010

>You trot down! Towards the first floor!
>Trotting up to a stallion at the reception, wonder where did the young mare go?
"Hi! Excuse me, but I just wanna know, what can we do around here? What sort of things are around the hotel? Do you have something cool, like a pool!"
>Seriously, going to the beach or a pool during summer is the best.
>"Uh... you can check the floor map by the stairs?"
>...
>You forgot about those.
>"And yes, there's an indoor pool. It's on this floor, just check the map at the stairs."
"Okay, thanks!"

>Let's see...
>Pool's at the back, buffet close by the entrance, some sort of tiny shop is here too?
>Huh, there's something strange on the map...
>Hmm, there's a room that you can't get to?
>Weird.
>Hey! There's also a gigantic library on this floor.

>>30530018
You know... If you want to do something like that, at least bring some tools to mine the crystals.

>>30530028
let's check the shop first.
I would say check the library after but I fear we might get distracted in there and miss the party.

>>30530028
Check the shop. Check the time. Gotta keep in mind that we're not late. Maybe we can even head back to our room early to fulfill our promise of doing anything for Ivory. That recap hints that we might be taking longer than we thought to fulfill all his needs.

>>30530038
Oh course. We'll need tools to extract the crystals. Lefty and righty.
>>30530028
>Hmm, there's a room that you can't get to?
Ask the guy about the room, and then ask him about the buffet. What times of the day is it open?

>>30530028
Oh a library.
We shoulf check the shop out though. Who knows maybe we could have brought a hat here all along.

>>30530100
It's not like we have any bits on us to buy anything.

>>30530109
Yeah but it would be funny if it turned out we never needed to send an errand boy.

>>30530055
>>30530076
>>30530080
>>30530100

>It's not like you can just trot in too, the room is surrounded by walls.
>Ooo, what if it's a secret passage!
>This is an old mansion after all.
>You trot back to the stallion.
"So, there's a room that's completely inaccessible, what's that about?"
>"That's probably just some printing error, you can get in there from the library.
"Oh okay, thanks!"
>You would head towards the library, but you've no doubt that going there will distract you.

>You trot off, towards the little shop.
>Hmm... seems like a little convenience store of sorts.
>The old stallion inside doesn't pay any attention to you when you head in.
>There's snacks of all sorts, popsicles, notebooks, blank papers, stuff like that.

>The clock in here says that it's 5:11 p.m.
>What do you do?

>>30530142
Buffet I guess.

>>30530142
Nothing much here.Check that buffet. Next day, we might actually eat here.

>>30530151
>>30530175

>Whoops, you forgot to ask the stallion about the buffet.
>You leave and trot back towards to reception.
>...?
>The clock here says it's 5:05 p.m.
>Guess the clock in the shop is a bit fast?
"Heya!"
>"You again? What do you want?"
"So uh... when does the buffet opens? It's closed right now."
>"Can't you just go in and check? It's five thirty in the morning till two in the afternoon. And six thirty till nine o' clock during nights."
"Cool. Thanks dude!"

>What do you do now?
>Trot into the buffet room?

>>30530200
Go to the library and find that secret passage! We'll look for it Scooby Doo style by touching all the books!

>>30530200
No problem with us looking atound the room is there.
After we have had a look head back to the room and see Ivory. Anything else would take up too much time.

>>30530216
We need to know our limitations. We will inevitably get distracted and miss the party.

>>30530200
Look for a rack with brochures and maps of Canterlot. Make a guestimate of how long it would take you to fly from the hotel to the party. Then head back for Ivory. It's time we spoil him~

>>30530216
I think we would run out of time. Best wait till morning.

>>30530222
Get stuff for lots of fun activities you can do here.
Granted it is canterlot so there is unlikely to be much action packed.

>>30530255
But we already have one.

>>30530266
Oh yeah I think we do don't we.

>>30530200
So it looks like it's a no to the library and yes to going back and spending time with Ivory.

>>30530216
>>30530217
>>30530220
>>30530222
>>30530236
>>30530255
>>30530266
>>30530284
>>30530288

>You look around for a rack filled with brochures and maps of Canterlot.
>Hey! There's one by the entrance!
>How did you not notice this?
>You check out the maps...
>It's should only take about 5 minutes if you fly quickly towards the castle from here.
>A slow flight would take about 20 minutes?
>Well, you don't need to bring this map with you, since it's the same as the one that you have.

>You trot towards the buffet.
>You enter the room, and... there's not a single pony in sight.
>Not surprising.
>Seems like there're multiple sections for different foods.
>Wonder if they're used to separate meat and veggie based foods?
>There's also a public bathroom here.
>Hmm... you can just trot in here whenever you want.
>Wonder if ponies had ever did anything lewd in secret here?

>Welp, nothing else to do for now.
>You head back to your room.
>Ivory is not on the bed, you can hear the loud shower going on from the bath room.
>Didn't you two just had one about an hour ago?

>What do you do?

>>30530294
Go into the bathroom
Buckle up cause it may or may not get lewd

>>30530297
I give 1:1.2 odds in favor of lewd

>>30530297
>>30530392

>You trot closer to the bathroom.
>There's very faint panting sounds from inside.
>...
>It's quite obvious what he's doing inside.

>What do you do?
>Do you... go inside?
>Do you try to listen in, or open the door slightly?
>Do you knock on the door?
>Read something?
>Eat something?
>Sleep?
>Look at ponies from the balcony?
>Something else?

>>30530409
>Buckle up cause it may or may not get lewd
Go in and ask him if he wants some help with that

>>30530421
Not sure how I accidentally quoted that line.

>>30530409
Save your horns for your new cult friend. You can make it 24 hours without sexy times.

Unless I'm totally misunderstanding the situation and that is Ivory. Somehow.

Go look at balcony ponies.

>>30530501
>Unless I'm totally misunderstanding the situation and that is Ivory. Somehow.
Considering it was mentioned that ivory is not on the bed I am unsure how you got the idea this was not our room.

>>30530504
You are correct, it may have been the fact I haven't slept in 20 hours.

Anyway, he wants to save sexing time.

We should go in and have long sexy eye contact as we rub ourself off while he masturbates.

>>30530511
Nah I prefer the asking him if he wants help with it.

>>30530421
I am gonna second this one.
Masturbating in front of him feels like pressuring him.

>>30530421
>>30530501
>>30530504
>>30530511
>>30530517
>>30530532

>You push the door open, and trot inside of the bathroom.
>Ivory is still panting and moaning slightly in the shower.
>He's facing the shower wall, away from you.
>Yup, his magic seems to be all over his body.
>You trot closer.
>...And one of his hooves is slowly stroking himself.
>Heh, he didn't even hear you trotting in.
>You open the shower door.
>That certainly caught his attention.
>And he turns around in surprise, exposing himself fully to you.
>W-wha-you-don't look! Shoo!"
"Aww... I was gonna ask if you want some help with that~"
>"I... n-no?"
"Well you don't sound very sure of that..."
>"I uh..."

>What do you do?

Well then. I don't know why I expected anything but lewd to happen.

>>30530544
Tell him to tell you if he wants you to stop and then start caressing his cock with your wing.

>>30530557
This. gives us the chance to get past his indecision while still giving him the chance to get out if he does not feel comfortable.

>>30530557
>>30530566

>You trot closer.
>His blush intensifies.
>My... his dick seems to throb harder as you trot closer to him.
>Using a wing to slowly caress his cock from the hilt to the tip, you whisper into his face.
"I can stop if you want. Just say the word."
>"A-ah... y-you don't need to s-stop..."
>Heh, you give him a smirk.
"Just relax, I'll take care of you. This is your reward for today."
>You slowly stroke him off, making sure that your wing wraps all around his shaft, that he'll feel every single feather.
>"Ah... unf..."
>You lean in and silence his moans with a kiss.

>What do you do?

>>30530627
guess everybody decided to fuck off for a while at once
Keep going
ask him if he wants to be edged and if so far how long.

>>30530627
Keep going and edging him
Maybe give the head little random kisses

>>30530627
Do you want me to continue? Do you want to ouch me? Feel free to do so.

Push him down for a 69. We could pleasure him and give him an opportunity to go further with us.

>>30530922
>guess everybody decided to fuck off for a while at once
Bad time zones, Anon. Some people need sleep around the times Tour tends to post at times.

>>30530922
>>30531023
>>30531198

>You keep going, pressing him towards the wall.
>The water from the shower doesn't feel as warm as it usually does.
>Top half of his body pinned to the wall, his mouth is throughly assaulted by your tongue.
>"Mff!"
>He moans as your the tip of your wing pass the tip of his dick again.
>He seems to be quite out of it, is he already close?
>Well, he had been here for who knows how long.
>You lean back slightly.
"So... want me to stop?"
>"No, please go on..."
>You crawl onto him, shoving your rump towards his face.
"Want to try touching me? Feel free to do so."
>"O-okay..."
>His hooves grab onto your rump, caressing the area where your cutie mark is.
>You look at his quivering shaft at eye level.
>Something suddenly spreads you slightly as it penetrates your entrance.
"Ahh!"
>...
>You can feel his tongue slowly wriggling inside of you...
>You don't just start off by shoving your tongue in!

>What do you do?

>>30531272
Give him a break. He's a virgin that loves us, and wants nothing more to return the favor. Tell him to stop and slow down gently. He needs to warm us up more and lick us around the entrance before going all out. He does know what a clitoris is by the way, right?

>>30531272
Guide him a bit on what to do. We need to teach him that he needs to warm us up a bit with more touching and licking before shoving his tongue in.

>>30531272
Time to succ m8

>>30531272
Be polite and tell him to slow down
Keep teasing his dick and give little kisses

>>30531299
>>30531346
>>30531384
>>30531555

"Stop! gently slow down."
>He roughly pulls out his tongue.
"Hiss..."
>"I-I'm sorry? Did I do something wrong?"
"No, it's fine... You gotta warm me up a bit, start with touching and licking around the entrance. Don't just shove it in like that."
>"o-oh... I didn't know that..."
>He mutters with an embarrassed tone.
"You do know what a clitoris is, right?"
>"Uh... It's the..."
"..."
>"Think I heard of it in a biology book?"
>......
>Did he fell asleep during sex ed or something?
>"Oh yeah! It-argh... ah..."
>He gasp slightly as you give his neglected shaft a slow, sensual lick.
>Giving his tip a kiss, you lean your head lower, taking in some of the musk.

>How do you want to do this?

I gotta go to bed, but I want to finish this whole section, so I'll keep going till it ends or I pass out.

>>30531568
More little kisses then go for it

Also don't force yourself to stay up just to write lewds

>>30531568
Tell him it's okay. Tell him to go gently since the clitoris is very sensitive, and encourage him to try to start pleasing you a bit by what we just told him. If he is doing a good job, please lick him more. If not, slow down. We want to try to finish around the same time.

>>30531568
Dive in. Try to take as much as you can, or hilt it all in your throat.

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>>30531596
NO NO NO NO NO NO
You gotta work for it first, lick it, worship it, kiss it, first the foreplay. You can't just go full Heather ''The Queen'' Harmon without some anticipation, it's like anal sex

If he does climaxes, THEN we swallow
Trust me, my gf is an expert and so am I

>>30531568
Tease his testicles a little.

>>30531582
>>30531590
>>30531596
>>30531613
>>30531638

>He starts licking around your entrance.
>Heh, he's pretty enthusiastic about this.
>You use a hoof to tease his balls a bit, with soft, slow, rubbing.
>Eventually, you lean down a bit more to lick and suck on his them.
>"Ah.. that feels a bit weird..."
>This isn't the easiest thing to do, considering his dick is in the way, but you're flexible enough for this.
>But wew... his musky scent clouds your mind with a lusty haze...
>For a moment, even the feeling of water splashing on you failed to register in your mind.
>You start going up and giving him tiny kisses around the base of his shaft.
>He teases you slightly, poking his tongue into you a bit.
>Heh, you start focusing on licking around the tip of his shaft.
>It doesn't seem like it'll be easy to take the entire thing into your throat.
>Won't stop you from trying though.
>"A-am I-ah... doing fine? Do I start p-poking it in now?"

>What do you tell him?
>What do you do?

>>30531582
Can't stop the momentum, it'll be hard to start again if I stop now.

>>30531703
Go ahead, you're doing pretty good. Feel free to go faster as well.
Start sucking. It's going to be difficult yo deep throat despite our experience? Impressive.
Start sucking his length, gradually going deeper at a slow rate.

>>30531703
Just keep going

>>30531743
>It's going to be difficult yo deep throat despite our experience? Impressive.
Grace is a small mare, of course she's gonna have trouble with it. Much like in real life, small girls gag even with their fucking toothbrush, wich is really annoying for the most part. They can try, but the dick will hit the back of the throat, causing them to puke

Since we're 69'ing, going deep will be a bit easier, but we should be carefull with out teeth. As a man whose into facefucking, a dickbite is the most unfortunate of all things, and the ultimate boner-killer

>>30531743
>>30531768
>>30531786

>His heavy breath directly on one of the most sensitive parts of your body causes shivers to crawl down your spine.
"Go ahead, you're doing pretty good. Feel free to go faster as well. "
>"Okay..."
>He leans in and start licking with more force, before slowly pushing in.
>His hooves shifts and starts gripping the back half of your body with surprising force.
>Heh, if you're not as strong as you are, you won't be able to break out of his grip.
>For somepony as weak as him, he can be pretty strong when it comes to the important things, eh?
>You lean down, and engulf the tip of his shaft.
>Swirling your tongue around, you start sucking on his shaft like a scoop of ice cream.
>"Mff!"
>You could feel him pulling you closer, his lips smacking at your entrance.
>Ugh... a wave of pleasure spreads throughout your body.
>Good thing he's not that much bigger than you, or you won't be able to fully go all the way to the hilt of his shaft.
>Taking care not to scrape him with your teeth, you press deeper onto his shaft, taking in more of his rod as an overwhelming haze slows your mind.
>You mindlessly swirl your tongue around the bottom half of his cock.
"Hmf!"
>He thrusts up, pushing you pass his medial ring.

>Continue? Do something different?

tfw a friend calls you during midnight to ask for help with assignments,
when the deadline was hours ago.

>>30532020
Push back into him
If you can reach go and lick his balls

>>30532020
Continue at a faster pace.. Make sure to breath through our nose. Don't suffocate.

>>30532030
>lick his balls
>when doing the 69
Oh you!

How about we Deepthroat > Pull out > Ball Lick > Shaft Lick > Tip Lick > Repeat?
Do make sure to push more and more with each time, but do not rush or he will pre-eyaculate

>>30532030
>>30532044
>>30532104

>You push back into him as he tongue thrusts into you again.
>The sensation makes your wings twitch uncontrollably.
>You pull your head up a bit, before taking more of him into your mouth.
>He thrusts slightly up as you suck with a bit more force.
>Only a bit left to go.
>Breathing heavily through your nose, you close your eyes, focusing to try to take more of him inside your throat.
>"M-Mff!"
>His rod throbs in your mouth.
>In a single motion, you push most of his dick into your throat.
>You manage to hilt him with that attempt, heh, first try, still got it!
>He renews his efforts, roughly pressing in and out of you repeatedly with his tongue, occasionally flicking your entrance with it.
>The sensation is wonderful...
>Your hindhooves twitches in pleasure.

>What do you do?

>>30532123
Speed up our pace and take him as deep as we can. Tell him that he's doing really good and to speed up as well.

>>30532104
You know we have multiiple limbs. We could have just used our hooves to tease him

>>30532123
Tease his balls some more with our hooves or wings

>>30532317
>>30532355
>>30532361

>The pleasure overwhelms you for a moment.
>You pull out completely to recover, as his shaft throbs in need.
>Heh, you lean down and attempt to lick and suck on parts of his balls, as your face nuzzles his twitching shaft.
>Slowly guiding your tongue from his left ballsack, you give a really slow lick up and over the tip of his shaft.
>Lust seems to have overtaken his mind.
>He thrusts up at the air futilely as he buries his face into your rump.
>His teeth scrapes and nibbles on something sensitive.
"Ah! Oh... Y-unf-you're... doing really good... F-fa-ungh-ster... please..."
>A sudden wave of pleasure clouds your mind, you try your best to slowly take him into your mouth again.
>he thrusts into your mouth as you push down, attempting to hilt him again.
>Your hooves move over to knead his balls gently.
>You bob your head up and down on this shaft at a sightly fast pace, as his mindless thrusts slowly shifts speed and matches your pace.
>You push down, he pushes up, pushing you back into his face, he pushes his face in, causing you to take more of his shaft.
>The process repeats, almost endlessly.
>You could taste a bit of salty pre.
>He has to be close.
>And so are you.

1/2

>>30532410

>You hasten your pace, eager to finally get to taste his cum.
>Bobbing your head mindlessly, your tongue flicks around the tip every time you pull up.
>A constant stream of pleasure threatens to interrupt your flow, but you trudge on, repeating the process without fail.
>Moans fill the shower, you don't even fully realize that he's not the only one making so much noise.
>His shaft throbs and twitches rapidly.
>You keep bobbing, ready to milk every drop of cum he has from his dick.
>Your hooves slowly caress his balls as they twitch in pleasure.
>His muffled screams sends vibrations around your body as his tongue pushes as deeply as it can in, wriggling along your walls.
>His rod flares as it starts painting your throat white.
>You swallow his salty cum on instinct, mind too far gone to hold herself back.
>A set of hooves hugs and pulls your rump as close to him as you could possibly get.
>You moan around his shaft, reaching climax as you hold onto him.
>Your mind blanks......

>You're not sure how much time has passed, but it felt like minutes in the span of a single second.
>Something salty is all over your tongue.
>instinct tells you to swish your tongue around his flared rod to clean it for him.
>He's still inside you...

>What do you do?

2/2

>>30532425
follow our instinct.

>>30532425
Continue to clean his entire length for a short while. Then, go up to him and kiss him a couple of times close to his lips. I would try the lips, but he has to do it himself since we don't know if he's comfortable tasting himself.
Afterwards, cuddle for a while and start cleaning ourselves.

That was teh good lewd. I was a little surprised we decided to go for the 69 so soon but that was not odd enough I objected.

>>30532442
>>30532448

>You keep cleaning, swirling your tongue around, making sure that it throughly cleans his entire length.
>You savour the taste, before swallow some of it.
>Heh, you can get used to this...
>His afterglow seems to have finally pass, as he slowly pulls his tongue out, mindlessly nuzzling your rump.
>After you're sure that his entire length is clean, you spin around, breaking his hold on you.
>Crawling on him, you kiss his neck as he pulls you into a warm embrace.
>"I love you."
>He says as he nuzzles your mane.
>Heh, is his mind not fully recovered yet?
"Love you too."
>You give him a kiss on his cheek.
>He pulls you up and kisses you on the lips.
>His tongue immediately pushes into your mouth.
>Swirling around, wrestling with your tongue.
>Wew... he just stole all of his cum from you.
>He pulls back, and...
>Wew...
>You could see a tiny bulge go down his throat as he swallows his own cum.

>What do you do?

>>30532536
...That was extremely hot. You tasted yourself in the past out of curiosity, didn't you? Looks my lewd nature did get to you.
You did very good for something you've never done before. Let's get ourselves cleaned up from all our fun.

>>30532536
Tell him that's hot and ask him how it tastes.

>>30532536
I liked your taste, hope you have more for me~

>>30532581
>>30532585
>>30532642

"...That was extremely hot. You tasted yourself in the past out of curiosity, didn't you?"
>"Maybe..."
"I liked your taste, hope you have more for me~"
>"Oh, you'll get your chance to taste more of it in the future."
"Heh, looks my lewd nature did get to you. You did very good for something you've never done before."
>"Hehe... thanks, you were amazing too."
"Let's get cleaned up, eh?"
>"Can we stay like this, just a little longer?"
"Getting sappy, are we? Sure. As long as you want."
>You lie in his embrace as water rains on you two, washing off all traces of your previous activity."
>His breathing is soothing...

>Some time passes.
>You two quickly clean yourselves, and leave the bathroom.
>Before you can consider what you want to do, Ivory uses his magic to lift and pull you into bed.
>Lying next to you, he hugs you close, like a stuffed animal.
>Burying your face into his chest fluff, you slowly take in his scent as he cuddles you, his hooves giving you a sense of security.
>...

>What do you do?
>Fall asleep?
>Talk? About what?
>Something else?

Pausing, because it's practically morning by now.

So... how's the quest been so far? Give me feedback and stuff please?

>>30532691
Very good. Im honestly having a hard time coming up with criticisms.

>>30532536
WEW lad
Keep making out and cuddling

>>30532770
Careful. Last time that happened it almost killed /cyoa/

>>30532691
Check the time.
A bit obvious, but next time you're going to have some real fun with the main event were both excited for after all what just happened.
Sorry to bring this up, but you don't mind if we bring our changeling friend along? I felt kinda bad seeing him going around the hotel, desperately looking for some love without trying to hurt others.

>>30532821
He can stand by the door if he wants but no way we are bringing up even watching right now.

>>30532892
Huh? I was talking about the party we're visiting soon.

>>30532914
Oh yeah that should be fine then.

File: Metropolis in ashes.jpg (175KB, 750x726px) Image search: [Google]

175KB, 750x726px

>>30532709
IT'S SHIT!

Just kidding, I enjoy it as much as anyone else here. The narrative is quite comfy, the player base knows it's way around, your update speed is very very decent, and the feeling of railroading is very minimalistic...but I do have small complaints

Don't get me wrong, Im just one person. You have more than 5 players, so you're doing an absolutely great job at running

I don't know how to put this up, but I feel like the characters are uninteresting and bland. Honestly, I don't think we care about anyone who isn't Ivory at this point. They're just...kind of there. Like, nobody asks ''does anyone remember that one griffon? What happened to him?''. They suffer from a lack of presence. They're just there, but...I feel like nothing makes them stand out. Work on your characters man!

I also feel like there is something missing. There isn't a specified goal in here. ''You in Canterlot, you have one week for having fun before going back to work. What do?''. I don't feel like I'm accomplishing something important here. We have Ivory, sure, maybe the ultimate goal is marrying him, but...what else is there to do?

Those are the only things that really bother me. This is barely session 4, so whatever you decide to do it's up to you

Godspeed Tourist Guide

>>30533120
I think this /cyoa/ is supposed to be just a normal week in canterlot tho
Not everypony gets cool adventures and stuff lol

>>30533120
>>30532709
I'm with this guy, patches is probably the second most interesting character that's not us and it's a bit of a distance between most and second most. While update times are irregular for my time zone, I can still catch enough to provide input and feel involved.

Though I disagree that there's no overarching big thing. Honestly I'm a little tired of that from some of the other cyoa's and it's a nice change of pace to have something that's just about relaxing on a vacation instead of constant tragedy porn every 3 posts or wacky shit; we have plenty of that in other threads.

On that note though, if you want something 'big' to happen that's fine, you just need to give the players more motivation for some stuff. I have a sneaking suspicion that we might of passed over some slightly important things.

In the end really I'm just happy to have been along since the start for my first real part in a cyoa. Good luck with the rest of it and good luck with those exams! (In case you finished them, pretend I said that before you did them!)

>>30532709
I personally like the quest so far. Feels good to relax with a vacation with some occasional shenanigans that the character we made tends to get into during this time of goofing off.

As others have said, chracters is the biggest criticism I could give. Only characters that we are interested in so far are Patches and Ivory.

A lot of the appeal for me is the lack of any major conflict pressuring us constantly, but if you want us to get involved in something, you do have to work on giving us a reason to care about it. Just like we nearly got involved in the changeling report players were tempted to do.

>>30532691
>>30533964
Also to the prompt aren't we supposed to be at that ball thing soon? If so, we should get dressed.

>>30532691
Set the alarm so we have some time before the party.

I can imagine Moonshine pawing and whining at the door as he senses the love in the air.

>>30532821
I like it one on one. It seems more intimate this way.

>>30532821
It's not that hard to feel him. Just hug him for a few minutes, think of something you like, and you're done. It's that simple.

>>30533531
But it's a cyoa. Create Your Own Adventure? It's gotta have some hooks. Maybe a contest, or a search. Maybe we're missing all the hooks the QM,l has laid out for us?

>>30534325
>>30534334
>I like it one on one. It seems more intimate this way.
...Sorry, I was talking about the party. Guess I really messed up on clarifying the context of my post.

Though, I don't mind asking Ivory if he wants to help Patches.

>>30534535
I don't mind asking but we should not even bring it up for his first time.

>>30532691
Ask him if he has ever been to the castle before.

>>30532691
Is it too late to bath in the afterglow?

>>30535593
Nah, we could always carry Ivory from our bed to the bath again. If you meant to say 'bathe', then yes, we are continuing some loving cuddles.

>>30535275
Oh also whatever we do no sleep.
We are not missing this party.

>>30535738
Why not take a nap? Perhaps there is an alarm clock in this room.

>>30535738
Yeah would not want to miss something like that.
>>30535797
Set an alarm just in case we fall asleep.

>>30536026
Bump

>>30532821
>>30534325
>>30534535
>>30534111
>>30534305
>>30534334
>>30535275
>>30535593
>>30535607
>>30535738
>>30535797
>>30536026

>You take a glance at the clock, it's now 5:53 p.m.
>Your wings wrap around his torso, covering him like a warm blanket.
"Next time, you're going to have some real fun with the main event."
>"You're already thinking about that?"
"Yeah! After what just happened, we gotta move onto the next level!"
>"Uh... calm down? Please?"
"Boo, shouldn't stallions be more into sex?"
>"But we just did something like that like, ten minutes ago!"
"Fine... I'll talk about something else. Eh, you ever been to the castle?"
>"Yeah. Once, during the royal wedding."
"Why didn't you invite me anyway?"
>"It was during that business trip to Los Pegasus, that mom took me along for. I didn't wanted to go to some dumb wedding, but we got stuck in Canterlot because of the lockdown and stuff."
"Oh yeah! Prince Armor did a super big shield all around Canterlot, right? I saw it in the papers!"
>"Yup, so we were stuck in Canterlot for an entire week. Then mom was like, 'Oh, Royal wedding! While we're here, why don't we check it out?'."
>His voice increases to a silly high pitch, in a half-hearted attempt to mimic his mother's voice.
"And changelings happened."
>He nods, rubbing your mane with his cheek during the nod.
"...Say, speaking of changelings, mind if we bring our mutual friend along?"
>He leans back slightly, staring at you with a blank expression.
"For the party tonight, I meant."
>"Oh, I thought you wanted to bring him to Manhattan."
"Hey, having him around isn't so bad!"
>He scrunches at you.
"Feeding him is easy too! You just hug him like a little puppy, and think happy thoughts!"
>"......So it doesn't hurt at all?"
"Well, if you don't resist, I guess?"

1/2

>>30536738

>He shifts a bit, before hugging you closer, breathing your scent as his muzzle buries itself into your neck.
"Feeling sleepy?"
>You feel him nodding.
"Well, we can take a nap, just gotta wake up later for tonight. Is there an alarm clock somewhere?"
>"The table by my side has one, when do you want us to wake up?"
"Eh..."

>The time is now 5:56 p.m.
>Nap? When should the alarm ring?
>Dream about the past? Flashback to teen Grace, where the goal is to finish your math homework.
>Something else?

>>30536738
Set the alarm till 30 minutes before the party. We'll have enough to get dressed, swing by to pick up patches, and head on over to our destination.

I prefer to do the flashback later tonight personally.

>>30536747
>Dream about the past? Flashback to teen Grace, where the goal is to finish your math homework.
This
make sure we are up at least 30 minutes before the party.
Would it be possible to ask hotel staff to make sure we wake up in case something goes wrong with the alarm.

>>30533120
>There isn't a specified goal in here
I think the idea is each day is a mostly separate adventure. Which I like.

>>30533120
>>30533531
>>30533964
>>30534096
Thanks for the advice!
Next post is delayed because friend asked me to for help with assignments, again. Literally happens two to three times every week

>>30536747
Set the alarm for 29 minutes before and then dream about shit.

>>30536779
>>30536792
>>30536953

"Just thirty minutes before the party. We'll have enough time to get dressed, swing by to pick up patches, and head on over to our destination."
>"Okay... so 6:25 then. Because you never wake up on time."
"What? That's less than half an hour to nap!"
>"Just shut up and let me sleep."
>He presses your face into his chest.
>You thought about getting the staff to wake you up, but you're too lazy and comfy to move out of bed.
>You slowly fall asleep in his embrace...


>Seven years ago...
>You're still a teenager, lying on your bed.
>School books are all over the desk, the afternoon light shines through the window, directly on your rump.
>Your notebook with a bunch of blackmail material on your schoolmates lies under your pillow, where it's safe.
>Your camera is on a end table next to the bed, along with some light novels.
>School newspaper articles are pinned all over the walls.
>Heh, you're the one that wrote all of them too!
>You can't focus, gah...
>Stopping yourself from looking around the room mindlessly, you focus your gaze to the annoying book in front of you.
>More equations and formulas.
>Why are they a thing?
>Math you kinda understand.
>But spellcrafting?
>Why does earth ponies and pegasi need to learn basic rune symbols?
>You all don't even use magic! You think...
>This educational system is stupid!
>What sort of purpose does this serve!
>It's not like you need to know this stuff to use magical tools!
>Ugh!

>Today was fun, mom brought you out, shopping for some sexy clothes earlier.
>Though the cashier was looking at mom weirdly the entire time.
>Heh, with these clothes! You'll be able the seduce even the most stubborn of ponies!

1/2

>>30537095

>Dad trots inside, his grey shirt goes all the way down to his hooves.
>Seriously, it almost looks like he's wearing a dress at this point.
>"Grace, hav-what are you wearing."
>Uh... His voice doesn't sound happy.
"These...are the most trendy clothes young mares are wearing at school now!"
>At least, that's what mom told you to said when dad inevitably overreacts.
>"......Stop wearing that."
"Uh... why?"
>"It's indecent! You're not supposed to wear something like that in public!"
"Uh... I'm not in public?"
>"Ugh! You get what I mean! This is-"
"Mom wears them all the time."
>"T-that's... because... Ugh!"
>He trots out of your room with a huff.
>You could still hear his voice though.
>"GRACIE! WHY IS OUR DAUGHTER DRESSED LIKE A SLUT?"
>"What... you mean?"
>...
>You trot closer to the door to listen in on the conversation.

>"No sex for a week! You're sleeping in the living room couch until then!"
>"Boo, you bucked me when we were younger than her. Why can't she do the same and experiment a little?"
>"That's different!"
>"No it's not."
>"Augh! I can't even do anything to you! You find everything stupid kinky!"
>"You can still punish me, daddy~ I'm your bad little filly after all~"
>"N-no! Get off! I'm supposed to be mad at you! Don't you try and seduce me!"
>...Oh great, they're doing it again.
>This will end in sex, angry sex. No other outcomes are possible.
>Bah, you need to finish your homework.
>Can't you just skip homework? Say you dropped it in a sewer by accident? What if you just skipped school?
>Maybe you should find Ivory for help.

>You are currently in your room, in Manehattan.
>It's the middle of the afternoon.
>What do you do?
>Put on a cloak and head to Ivory's house?
>What are you wearing?
>Something else?

2/2

>>30537100
Put on a cloak and head to Ivory's house for him to help us in math again. Continue to wear the same sexy clothes, since we're lazy and don't see the point of taking them off. Plus, it's fun to tease Ivory like usual!

>>30537100
>Put on a cloak and head to Ivory's house
Yes
>What are you wearing
But you just said what we were wearing

>>30537115
I meant be specific, since all I implied was that it's sexy, and slutty.

>>30537122
Something lacy with a midriff.
Not sure if a midriff is sexy on a pony but let's say it is.

>>30537138
Along with this, a very short skirt that emphasizes our flank.

>>30537108
>>30537115
>>30537122
>>30537138
>>30537143

>Wandering to the mirror by the door, you take a look at yourself.
>You use a hoof to feel the fabric of the lacy, form fitting shirt.
>It really draws the attention of wandering eyes to your midriff, well, that's what mom said.
>You're also wearing a skirt.
>Though, it's a really short skirt, it only covers the base of your tail slightly...
>And the short skirt you're wearing really emphasizes your flank.
>Wew...
>You'll buck yourself if you could.

>Pushing your mane behind, you grab a black cloak and a small blue bag hanging next to the mirror.
>Going out like this is a bad idea, you should wear a cloak.
>Wonder if you can seduce a grown stallion like this?
>Maybe you can try it out on your teacher...
>Hmm... That's a bad idea.
>You don't want to get into trouble, again.
>Strapping on the bag, you put your homework into the bag.
>Let's see...
>Do you need to bring anything other than your homework with you?

>>30537171
Screw it! Throw a bunch of comics, toys, games, and anything else we can use to have fun with Ivory. Might as well get used to carrying everything we want with us!

>>30537171
bring a snack for ivory. It would be rude to come empty handed

>>30537108
>>30537115
>>30537122
>>30537138
>>30537143

>Wandering to the mirror by the door, you take a look at yourself.
>You use a hoof to feel the fabric of the lacy, form fitting shirt.
>It really draws the attention of wandering eyes to your midriff, well, that's what mom said.
>You're also wearing a skirt.
>Though, it's a really short skirt, it only covers the base of your tail slightly...
>And the short skirt you're wearing really emphasizes your flank.
>Wew...
>You'll buck yourself if you could.

>Pushing your mane behind, you grab a black cloak and a small blue bag hanging next to the mirror.
>Going out like this is a bad idea, you should wear a cloak.
>Wonder if you can seduce a grown stallion like this?
>Maybe you can try it out on your teacher...
>Hmm... That's a bad idea.
>You don't want to get into trouble, again.
>Strapping on the bag, you put your homework into the bag.
>Let's see...
>Do you need to bring anything other than your homework with you?

Reposting for anonpone, because name

>>30537191
>>30537197

>Ooo, you should bring some snacks.
>Maybe a comic too? You could read together...
>Hmm... what about some board games.....
>......
>Buck it! You're bringing everything!
>Well, not everything in the room.
>Just stuff that you can use to have fun with Ivory.
>You trot to the desk, opening a drawer and taking out your entire stack of comics!
>Well, that's only six different issues of random comics.
>You haven't even read any of them yet.
>Into the bag you go!

>Let's see... Board games!
>You fly up to the top of a high cabinet, pulling out some friendship ruining board games.
>It's... a bit too big... Heh, that's what she said!
>Well, you shove it into the bag anyway!

>Uh, toys?
>You have a small box of them somewhere around here.
>Haven't looked at them in years.
>Aha! It's under the bed.
>Into the stuffed bag you go!

1/2

>>30537308

>Hmm... you don't have one of those fancy games that's powered by magic... shame.
>Guess this is enough, your bag can't really take anymore of this.
>You never leave without your camera, you equip your camera, before picking up the cloak again.
>You leave your room while trying to put on the cloak.
>They hide your wings as well, you can't fly easily without taking them off.
>Annoying that the cloak doesn't have wing holes.
>Moans muffled by a gag, you could tell, echoes from your parents' room.
>Dad's the one getting gaged this time?
>Guess you should at least say something...
>You speak up from the door to their room.
"I'm heading over to Ivory's! Have fun you two!"
>"A-ah! B-be carefu-Unf! Outside!"
>...
"Kay mom!"

>Well then, you trot downstairs.
>Hmm... maybe you'll bring some cookies along too!
>...you need another bag.
>Mom's shopping bag works!
>You place a box of cookies, some bags of chips, and... uh... bread.
>Kay, you're done!
>School saddlebags strapped to your sides, mom's shopping back over your neck, next to your camera.
>Kinda uncomfortable, but you'll manage.

>You leave the house!
>The bustling streets of Manehattan greets you.
>Use shortcuts through alleys?
>Trot through the streets, no shortcuts?
>Attempt, and probably fail, to fly?

Updated notes so you can check what exactly is Grace carrying right now - https://pastebin.com/ka4xY0q4

So now that I have time to properly reply to the advice/feedback.

>>30533120
>>30533964
>>30534096
>>30533531
>>30534357
Honestly, I have no idea what I'm doing, I've been a player to other quests for a long time, and I've wanted to try running a quest for the longest time. So I just impulsively decided that I'll give this whole questing thing a shot one day. Heh, glad I'm doing relatively well.

The not caring about anyone who isn't Ivory or Patches part is something that I'll try to improve upon. Try being the keyword, writing characters is honestly, my weakest storytelling skill. This is my first time writing a story with more than two characters.

About the nothing 'big' is happening part, that's intended. This is supposed to be a relaxing, fun vacation filled with random adventures after all. But...
Something is already happening in Canterlot, in fact, you already influenced the outcome slightly.

>Oh shit fell asleep
>nobody has posted anything anyway
>>30537311
>Trot through the streets, no shortcuts

>>30537825
This. Sleep has taken me as a victim as well.

>>30537825
>>30537945

>You trot towards Ivory's house.
>The streets are as busy as ever, if you had some bits, you could've called a taxi.
>You move towards the center of the city, passing your school on the way.
>You take a turn, trotting pass the bank...
>Uh... a lot of ponies are around here...
>They're even all over the carriage roads.
>Is some sort of show going on?
>Boo... you don't have time for this.
>Maybe you can come back with Ivory later.

>What do you do?
>Turn and take another path?
>Push through the crowd?
>Trot under other ponies?
>Something else?

>>30537972
Find some other path.

>>30537972
Another path. We should be familiar with hoe to get around Manehatten.

>>30537972
Go to an alley and pick up a spare rusty pipe in case someone wants to tango with you.

>>30537977
>>30537984
>>30537989

>There's an alleyway around here that should let you cut through the place.
>You turn and trot towards an alleyway between a restaurant and a bookstore.
>The alley is a bit dirty, kinda to be expected when a restaurant is here.
>Hmm... your hooves are usually enough for you to protect yourself, but you feel extra wary today...
>There's usually sharp things around here.
>You spot a dull, broken chef's knife near the garbage dumpster.
>The tip of the knife is just broken off.
>Wonder why is the restaurant's back door so close to the dumpster.
>There's also an...?
>There's blood on the side of the dumpster.
>From the looks of it, it's fresh.
>You're suddenly aware that you're very much alone in this alleyway.
>Surely, those are just blood from meat and stuff, right?
>...

>What do you do?
>Investigate?
>Get the buck out of here?
>Something else?

>>30538058
Bail on that shit, 3spooky5me

>>30538058
>Investigate
We are a reporter dammit

>>30538058
Investigate. Be prepared to stab a fucker or something.

>>30538135
>>30538151
>>30538185

>Nope.
>This is not something a young mare that's technically still a filly should be dealing with!
>But, you're a reporter!
>Well, you're only part of the school's news club, but you'll work for some big company in the future!
>They check out stuff like this all the time... right?
>You pick up the broken knife with a wing, hiding it in the cloak.
>You trot closer, the blood seems to only on the side of the dumpster...
>It's not like there's a body inside.
>...
>Right?

>What do you do?
>Check the dumpster?
>Enter the restaurant's back door and ask whoever that may be in there if they've saw anything?
>Check the bookstore instead?
>Something else?

>>30538058
Do we have our cutie mark yet? This might be it.

>>30538058
Take a picture of that bloodstain and knife, then Scooby Doo that shit.

>>30538251
>>30538255

>Ugh... that show thingy is so noisy.
>You take out your camera, and take a photo of the bloodstain.
>Eww... the blood is dripping onto the ground.
>You hold the knife in front of you to inspect it, and take a photo of it too.
>Hmm... the knife is oddly clean, despite being in an alley, next to a bunch of trash.
>The tip of the knife is missing.
>Well, this is a chef's knife, so it has to be from the restaurant.
>Gosh, these photos take a while to develop.
>You take out your homework, placing the photos in the book.
>......
>From the bloodstain on dumpster, there are blood drops leading towards Ivory's home and the restaurant back entrance...

>What do you do?
>Follow it towards Ivory's home?
>Check the restaurant?
>Something else?

>>30538242
Might as well go balls deep
Check the dumpster for a corpse

>>30538395

>Ooo... this is exciting... what if you get your cutie mark because of this!
>Wait... You do have your cutie mark.
>Well, you are quite old, despite appearances.
>If you still don't have your cutie mark, you imagine you'll be the target for attempted bullying by some of your classmates.

>Time to check the dumpster!
>Hmm... trash, some crumpled flyer, more trash, a single bit, a torn book on first aid, more trash, used condoms, uh... a ruby necklace is in here?
>Why would somepony throw this away?
>...There's small a bag of jewelry here.
>This has to worth like...
>Five trips to Haywaii!

>What do you do?

>>30538469
Who throws away a ruby necklace and jewlery!? This must be some sort of clue! Get it and hide it. Something is very wrong here.

>>30538491
Picture first.

>>30538469
>blood stains
>jewelry hidden in garbage
>From the bloodstain on dumpster, there are blood drops leading towards Ivory's home and the restaurant back entrance...
Some shit is going on.
Let's get to Ivory's. Or check out that entrance after we take the loot.

>>30538469
And when I say take the loot I mean the ruby necklace and bag of jewelry. I ain't leaving these to some bum or crook to find and take. Or let them get tarnished as they're left in a dump for years.

>>30538491
>>30538520
>>30538597
>>30538602

>You don't know why you didn't check the bag that's on top of everything first.
>It is on top of everything else after all.
>You move it slightly so the pouch is open.
>Time to take a photo of the jewelry!
>Hmm.. after taking the photo, you grab the jewelry with a wing-
>The restaurant door opens with a loud clank!
>You turn, and see a dark blue mare earth pony trotting out.
>She's... holding on to a frying pan?
>You notice that a tiny bit of blood is dripping off the edge of the frying pan.
>Her hoof is bleeding...
>She notices you immediately.
>"Filly. Drop. The bag. Now."
>She speaks in a threatening tone.
>Huh, you could tell that she's actually a bit panicky despite her tone.
>Still... You're not a filly! Why does everypony thinks you're one!

>What do you do?

I hate to do this at a time like this,
but I need sleep, so pausing here for tonight. I'll continue when I wake up again, since I'm completely free on Tuesdays.

>>30538622
Grab that shit and run
The police need to be in on this now

>>30538622
>dark blue mare earth pony
Fly off. Wings are superior for escapes such as this.

>>30538622
Whatever will we do?
We have wings. Just fly up on top of the building. and try to snag a pic of her before you bail.

File: Im Happy.jpg (59KB, 680x438px) Image search: [Google]

59KB, 680x438px

>>30537505
>Try being the keyword, writing characters is honestly, my weakest storytelling skill. This is my first time writing a story with more than two characters.
Well, frankly, my best advice would be writting a character based on his personality, not his porpuse on the main plot. For traits, you can take that from your irl friends, your family members, or (as I'm currently doing for my WIP quest), split many different traits of your own personality and shape them as you see fit. For instance, ''I care alot about the others'', take that single phrase of my psique, and you got the core of a character. Work a propper personality around that character, and then the rest of it. As painting, always start from the very back and push foward, it needs DEPTH

>Something is already happening in Canterlot, in fact, you already influenced the outcome slightly.
I was actually worried that nothing would happen, and nothing would change the characters
Glad to know that, I feel like there should always be a mayor event in every quest, one that the players can shape and interact with (otherwise, it ends up being a sandbox quest, and if you're not an artist, then it's bad news...). Of course, maybe it doesn't affect the players directly, maybe it will show up in due time, but without it...I feel like the mc won't be accomplishing something else

That was my advice. As I mentioned, youre doing great, keep it up man

>>30539212
>if you're not an artist, then it's bad news
I disagree

I think the stakes and level of overarching plot is fine as is. Maybe there will be more emerging later and maybe there will not. Either would work.

>>30538622
Panic a little use your wings to bolt the fuck out of there to Ivory's house and hide there. Don't forget the pictures!

>>30539351
I think he means that without a big thing to keep the reader's attention it'll fizzle out. Art is a good way to keep people interested if it looks nice but not everyone can do that.

>>30539212
At the same time it is important not to go overboard on characters.
I have seen times when a character who was only ever going to be seen once got so much characterization it took away focus from actually doing something with the character.

>>30538622
Nope. This is a big news for me and I am getting to the bottom off it.
Fly out to safety as we say this.

>>30541455
also this
>>30538633
Try and find an officer.

>>30538633
>>30538646
>>30538671
>>30541364
>>30541455
>>30541459

>You quickly use your other wing to take a photo of her before galloping away with the bag.
>You put the bag on your back as you gallop.
>Eee, a frying pan almost smacks into your head, it lands off in the distance with a metal clank.
>You risk a glance back and- oh buck she's actually fast.
>"Get back here!"
>Flight! You have wings! She doesn't!
>You spread your wings and... ugh the cloak is in the way, and you weighed down by everything you're carrying.
>But with adrenaline, you managed to take off into the sky.
>Oh, gosh. You can't maintain flight for long, you quickly use most of your energy to fly up onto the restaurant's roof.
>Panting a bit, you look around, seems there's nothing much here.
>This is only a two story building, but you should be safe here.
>You look down at the silly earth po...
>Eh!?
>She's gone...
>The loud noise of metal bending reaches you.
>The roof access door is knocked down.
>"That's mine! Give it back!"
>What? She's already up here!? How?

>What do you do?
>Attempt to glide down? Towards where?
>Throw something at her?
>Attack her?
>Something else?

I have to say, you got really damn lucky.

>>30541708
quickly ditch the cloak so we can fly away with our camera and bag of jewelry. Try and find a guard.

>>30541708
Throw the cloak towards her to temporarily throw her off guard and fly off without it.

>>30541728
>>30541787

>You throw the cloak at her as she approaches, covering her face with it.
>Unhindered by the cloak, you glide down with relative ease.
>Galloping out into the streets, you look around for an officer.
>You sense multiple ponies staring at you.
>Surely, there'll be police mares around, with how many ponies there are because of some show thingy.
>Uh, there's one!
>You catch up to the mare in police uniform.

>What do you plan on saying?

>>30541905
Tell her you found blood on a dumpster then found jewels inside and a mare came out and attacked you. Show her the jewels.

>>30541945
I sure would like to show her my jewels yuk yuk

>>30541905
If she asks why a filly like us is dressed up like this at night, just tell her to zip and show her everything we found. Photos included.

>>30541962
I dunno. that seems a little too rude. Maybe just say because we like it.

>>30542025
Yeah seems a bit much
Maybe just say never mind that now but zip it seems pointlessly rude.
Who knows if she will even comment on it.

>>30542025
>>30542049
Yeah, might have made sound too rude when I typed it up. I tried to imagine what a forceful and scared Grace would act.

>>30542080
Fair enough.
She probably will not ask but saying something like that's not important right now seems a good half way point if she does.

>>30541945
>>30541948
>>30541962
>>30542025
>>30542049
>>30542080
>>30542087

>You poke her grey hindhooves.
"Hey! Excuse me!"
>She glanced down at you, and does a double take a second later.
>One of her hooves lift the sunglasses to her horn.
>Why do they wear those things anyway?
>The sun isn't even that bright.
>She looks down at you, eyebrow raised.
>"Do you need something? Are you lost?"
>Cool, she didn't ask about your clothes, maybe you can wear it in public after all.
"No, no! I found blood on a dumpster then found jewels inside and a mare came out and attacked me!"
>You push the bag of jewels towards her.
>Her horn glows faintly, though you don't see her using any magic.
>"Calm down, tell me what happened."
>You guess you can do that, no way somepony will attack you with so many ponies around, especially when you're next to an officer.
"Okay, so......"
>You tell her about the things you saw, along with showing her the photos.
>She ends with asking you to tell her the location of the incident.
>"It was the alley between the prench restaurant and the bookstore, you said? Don't worry, my partner will be here shortly to look after you."

>What do you say?
>Confirm?
>Lead her back?
>Something else?

>>30542131
What do you mean confirm?

>>30542136
Confirm her question, that the scene of the crime is indeed, by the alley over there?

>>30542144
Oh
>>30542131
confirm that that is where it was and tell her you will wait here.
Once she is gone try to give her partner the slip and observe what happens in the alleyway. Get that reporters instinct revving.

>>30542131
Follow the officers orders, at least for now.

>>30542131
Tell her we took pictures.

>>30542213
We showed her the pictures already.

>>30542228
oops

>>30542136
>>30542144
>>30542158
>>30542172

"Yes."
>"Mm..."
>She looks towards the bank.
>A young unicorn stallion, also dressed in police uniform, trots towards you two.
>He doesn't have sunglasses on though.
>"Is this the filly?"
>He smiles at you cheerfully.
>"Look after her, and this bag for a sec."
>She puts the bag of jewelry on him.
>"Okay!"
>She trots off.

>"You okay? She told me the gist of what had happened, you didn't get hurt, did you?"
"No..."
>"Uh... well this is boring! Want to get some ice cream?"

>Say something?

>>30542354
Go with him to get ice cream then give him the slip so we can go watch the police investigate.
Time to get reportan.

>>30542354
A reporter doesn't stand back when something arises. Let's slip.

>>30542354
Uh sure get some ice cream

>>30542379
>>30542426
>>30542531

"Uh, sure."
>He brings you two an ice cream parlor nearby.
>Standing by the counter, he asks.
>"What flavour do you want?"
"Anything's fine..."
>"Okay, two chocolate cones please!"

>You sit on his back, licking your frozen delicacy.
>Holding the cone with a wing, you notice that he's slightly distracted.
>"Hmm... Is that safe? Okay then..."
>He sounds confused.
>He nudges you slightly.
>"Well, she just wants your photos, but... uh... will you be aright on your own? I can... bring you home or escort you to whenever you're going?"
>Huh, this works out.

>What do you say?
>Convince him to bring you along? How?
>Give him the photos and follow him when he leaves?
>Get him to escort you to Ivory's?
>Something else?

Pausing a short while for lunch

>>30542588
I am a little confused. Weren't we going to ditch him and seek out the officer to watch shit go down?

>>30542588
Nah i'm fine dude. If anyone looks at me funny i'll use this knife I found!
Say what's your name mister?

>>30542588
Why'd you become a police pony? Do you get to beat up criminals with your night stick?
What's the racial profiling in this city (I forgot which one this is)? Earth ponies? Pegasi? Unicorns? filthy ziggers and bates?

>>30542607
Yeah I am a little confused myself.
Try to give him the slip and see if anything is going on at the crime scene.
>>30542626
Shit we probably should have given that to the police mare. It might have been evidence.

>>30542607
Yeah, but it's kinda hard to ditch someone without them knowing when they put you on their back.
Did I forget to mention that?

>>30542588
Can you escort me to my friends house? Oh and that mare who chased me owes me a new cloak.

>>30542638
>Try to give him the slip and see if anything is going on at the crime scene.
This.

>>30542588
Is everything alright? It sounds like you were ordered to do something very strange. What exactly happened?

>>30542643
>Did I forget to mention that?
We did not know we were on his back until we started licking the ice cream.
Still in that case change my vote from giving him the slip to just telling him we suddenly realized this could be a great scoop and need to go, Then dash off.

>>30542667
Yeah change my vote from giving the slip to just telling him we should go over and see if we can get a scoop.
Maybe make it ammusing by us realizing that from looking at the scoop of ice cream.

>>30542674
>Maybe make it ammusing by us realizing that from looking at the scoop of ice cream.
I like it.

>>30542679
Say something like oh shit scoops.

>>30542588
Is it boring being a cop?

>>30542607
>>30542652
>>30542667
Why do you want to give him the slip?

>>30543278
>Why do you want to give him the slip?
Because we are an impulsive filly with an interest in journalism.
We want to try and get the story about what the deal is with those jewels

>>30543278
To me personally, Grace tends to want stick her nose in things and slips by anyone who is in the way. Especially as a filly.

Also, I feel like this is leading to the event of her getting her cutie mark in journalism.

>>30543312
>Also, I feel like this is leading to the event of her getting her cutie mark in journalism.
Have you not been paying attention. We already have it.
I agree with your other reasoning though

>>30543312
See
>>30538469
We already have it. The story is probably something boring

>>30543317
>>30543324
Crap, someohow misread that as not having it yet.

>>30542626
>>30542635
>>30542643
>>30542655
>>30542667
>>30542674
>>30543278

"I wanna go with you!"
>"Eh..."
>You give your ice cream another lick.
>Hmm... scoops...
"Oh yeah! Maybe I can get a scoop there!"
>"A scoop?"
"Yup! I'm a reporter, after all!"
>"Well... I guess it'll be okay..."
>He trots out of the shop.
"I can protect myself! If anyone looks at me funny I'll use this knife I found!"
>You use your other wing to swing the broken knife like a weapon.
>Your swinging is stopped by magic, the knife getting taken away from you.
>"Where did you find this? A filly shouldn't be swinging that around, you could hurt somepony."
"Aww... it was in the alley. So, what was that about? It sounds like you were ordered to do something very strange. What exactly happened?"
>"No, it's nothing like that, it's just that the blood is all gone."
"Gone? But I took photos!"
>"And that's smart of you."
"Thanks! I'm Fleeting Grace! What's your name, mister?"
>"Lucky Frame."
"Why did you become a police pony?"
>You poke at his stick as his side.
>heh, his stick.
>"Hmm? To pay the bills?"
"What, that's it?"
>"Mm hm."
"Do... you like being a police pony?"
>"Not really. To be honest, it's a pretty boring job."
"Do you at least get to beat up criminals with your night stick?"
>"Heh, no. I'm haven't actually needed to use it for anything yet."
"Sounds boring..."
>"It is, I don't know how those guards in Canterlot do it. At least here, I can just slack off at a shop during patrol, how does a pony spend hours doing nothing?"
"Well, what would you want to do instead?"
>"Ehh, I don't know. I've changed jobs countless times already. Can never find something that doesn't bore me."

>He trots into the alley.
>Hmm...?
>The blood on the dumpster isn't there anymore.
>The police mare is talking to a gryphon wearing an apron.
>The gryphon's head is bandaged.
>"Ah. There you are, can you give me the photos? I'll need it to confirm something with him."
>She gestures at the gryphon.

>What do you do?

>>30543372
Will I be given them back once you are done with them? or at least copies?
If so I suppose you can have them.

>>30543303
That's a stupid suggestion for a character trait

>>30543421
But it's already well established.

>>30543372
Yeah. I got a photo of the mare too.
Hey what's the police stallion's cutiemark? Those are always a good idication as to what your job might be.

>>30543372
Give them to her. We're not exactly in a position to refuse, and denying her would only piss off both cops.

>>30543421
We've already made Grace act like this in the present several times.

>>30543421
Isn't that what we already are?

>>30543423
I figured someone who doesn't know Grace enough or understands her would think she's impulsive. But in truth she's a very dangerous mare with a sharp wit.

>>30543372
Ya... here you go.

She has been "on the level" so far

If she doesn't give them back we can probably snatch and run.

>>30543432
If she really was this would be a different quest.

>>30543436
>If she doesn't give them back we can probably snatch and run.
II am pretty sure she will be wanting to keep them for her investigations
As long as we get them back when we are done it should be fine.

>>30543435
She can be both.
What word would you use instead of impulsive?

>>30543372
What happened to the griffin? Lemme guess. The mare konked em with the pan or something?

>>30543435
An occasional sharp wit, but we're mostly just impulsive. Ivory was surprised that we even planned the Ferris wheel.

>>30543444
I'm confused. We're not supposed to be a reporter that rushes in?

>>30543467
I think anon objected to the word impulsive for some reason.

>>30543467
No? That would be stupid if you don't take precautions depending on the scenario.

>>30543458
Really? I thought Ivory was the one who initially wanted to ride the Ferris Wheel. I'm pretty sure that was the case.

>>30543484
I think he meant the planing of the invitation to date

>>30543484
>>30543488
Yeah, I meant the date. Ivory seemed impressed that we even planned something.

>>30543477
You seem to be mistaking impulsive for reckless.
Well we are probably a little reckless but not massively so.

>>30543477
You can be impulsive and take precaution at the same time. Present Grace has self-defense equipment for a reason.

>>30543372
Do you guys have tracking spells? What happens now? Do I stick around for questioning or can you escort me to my friends home?

>>30543389
>>30543427
>>30543430
>>30543436
>>30543455

"I'll get to keep them, right?"
>The mare tilts her head slightly.
>"...Why would you want photos of a bloodstain and a criminal?"
>"She probably just wants to write something about this."
>You take another lick, and taste air...
>Boo, your Ice cream is all finished, only the cone is left.
"Yeah! I'm a jornalist, after all! Can you imagine how much credit I'll get if I publish this before anypony else does?"
>"Yeah sure. Show that gryphon the photo of the mare."
>You move closer and take out your homework, showing him the small photo of the earth pony mare.
>"Yeah. That's her alright."
>The police mare nods.
>"Hey, give me the photos, I'll make a copy and give them back to you.
"Will this take long?"
>"No, I can make one with some papers, and the bookstore is right here, I'll be quick."
"Okay..."
>You hoof over the photos.
>She trots off at a quick pace, leaving Frame here with you.
>Hmm... you can't see his cutie mark, the uniform covers it up.
>Huh, you just realized, not a lot of stallions have pink fur...
"Do you guys have tracking spells? What happens now? Do I stick around for questioning or can you escort me to my friends home?"
>"Once you get back your photos, you can leave if you want, just give us an address so we can find you if we need anything. And I guess I'll bring you to your friend's home afterwards."
>He gives a smile.
"Say, what's your cutie mark anyway?"
>"Hmm? it's a compass."
>Uh... maybe he likes exploring?

>You turn and ask the gryphon.
"So what happened to you? Lemme guess. The mare konked you with the pan or something?"
>"Yeah. I guess they were working together after all..."
"Tell me the full story!"
>He softly pats your head.
>"Gosh, you're enthusiastic. Want to come into the restaurant? It's better than taking here."
>Well, the alley is kinda dirty.
>Frame speaks up.
>"Go ahead if you want, I'll let her know where you went when she comes back."

>What do you do?

>>30543576
head on in.
be careful we do not get attacked. Maybe this is all a setup by the griff

>>30543593
To clarify maybe she is inviting us in to get rid of a witness.

>>30543609
That said that is unlikely. Still be on our guard.

>>30543593
>>30543609
>>30543612

>You nod and follow the gryphon in.
>Geez, the kitchen is a mess.
>You soon find yourself sitting in the kitchen with no other pony around.
>There's a plate of half eaten grilled fish fillet on the table.
>"I hope you don't mind that there's meat in here."
"Oh no, it's fine. Where's everypony else?"
>He's wandering towards a fridge.
>"The shop's closed, they'll be here during evening, I suppose."
"Why were you here then?"
>He takes out two boxes of juice and comes back to the table.
>"I've been here since morning. Didn't leave when the shop closed after lunch hours because I had to check on the equipment, someone has to do it every once in a while. It just so happens to be me."
>He gives you one of the juice box.
>Ooo, orange juice!
>"Here. You don't mind if I eat this in front of you, right? It's rude of me, but I still haven't ate lunch yet."
>He points at the probably cold fish.
>What? But it's like, three in the afternoon when you left home!

>What do you do?

>>30543661
That's fine. If I am gonna be a famous reporter some day I need to be able to look at things I might find unpleasant.

>>30543671

"That's fine."
>You sip at the juice box.
>"Good, I know you pegasi doesn't mind fish, but I wasn't sure about other things."
"Hey! If I am gonna be a famous reporter some day I need to be able to look at things I might find unpleasant."
>He nods as he chews on the fish.
>"So, you wanted to know what happened?"
"Uh huh!"
>"Well... I was throwing away a knife that broke, figured it'll be quick, I can come back and finish my lunch. But there was a green stallion pegasus and a blue mare earth pony outside. The stallion was holding a bag and flipping a pocket knife with his wings. The mare was bleeding a bit, seemed pretty pissed off at the stallion. Honestly, I thought the stallion was robbing the mare. So I tried to help, managed to hurt and chase him away."
"The mare played along? Acted like a victim?"
>"Yup, guess they stole all that stuff from somewhere."
>You sip more orange juice.

>You wonder if your cloak is still on the roof.
>Anything to ask?
>What do you do?

>>30543771
Seems a waste to just ditch the knife. I would have thought it could be repurposed.
Still free broken knife for me.
Once the officer gets back check if our cloak is still on the roof and head for Ivorys.

>>30543791
Isn't the knife taken by the officer?

>>30543798
Oh yeah good point.
Still comment that it seems a waste of a knife.

Pausing for some time, be back later tonight.

>>30543791
>>30543798
>>30543807

"Seems a waste to just ditch the knife. I would have thought it could be repurposed."
>"You can, but I don't really want to around Manehattan looking for someone who can do that."
>You finish drinking your juice as the police ponies trots in.
"Oh hey, you're back!"
>She levitates your photos to you.
>"Here, have a safe trip home, we have work to-"
>"Actually, I promised her I'll escort her to her friend's home? So..."

>Well, he didn't exactly promise you that, but play along?
>What do you say?

>>30544346
Yeah let's go to Ivory's.

>>30544346
He did offer to escort us earlier. Did we already tell them about the mare chasing us to the roof? It might be nice for them to know that she's strong enough to break down a metal door.

>>30544463
>>30544466

"Yeah! Let's go over to Ivory's!"
>You hop onto his back.
>The mare seems slightly annoyed.
>"Ugh, whatever. I'll take care of things myself. Give me the bag."
>Frame gives her the bag of jewelry.
>She leaves the area.
"Hey! Can we go to the roof? The mare knocked the door down, and I threw my cloak at her. I want to get my cloak back."
>The gryphon seems surprised by that.
>"She did what?"
"Yeah! She's super strong!"
>You wonder if you'll be that strong when you're older.
>"...How much does doors cost again?"
>The gryphon seems to be getting a headache.
>Frame speaks up, pointing to his horn.
>"Eh, I can try to mend the door for you."
>"That'll be helpful, thanks. Uh... Here are the keys."
>He takes out a ring of keys.
>"The square shaped one is the roof key."
>Frame nods at him and brings you upstairs.

>"Wow, she did a number on the door."
>Frame picks up the door with his magic.
>You look around, and...
>Yes! Your cloak is still here.
>Dad would've been unhappy if you lost it, again.
>The wind is trying to blow it away, but it's stuck on some pipes.
>You hop off of him and trot over to wear your cloak again.
>"Be careful there! I know you have wings, but that doesn't mean you can be reckless!"
"Yeah yeah!"
>You trot over to him.
>Huh, he's actually fixing the door with his magic.
>Wonder how does it work?
>...Wait, that's basically your homework, isn't it?
>You still have so much to do, ugh!
>If only class happens on Sundays and everyday else is a holiday...
>Uh... the door is reattached in its proper place, but the door itself is still bent.
"It doesn't seem completely fixed."
>"Eh, I know how to do almost everything, but I can't do them really well."
>...At least there's a door now?
>The lock doesn't really work when the entire door is bent.
>"So where's your friend's house?"
>You point at a mansion off in the distance.
>"Wow... That has to be pricey. Well, come along. I'll get you there in a jiffy."
>You hop onto his back.

>>30544630

>He brings you downstairs, gives the keys back and leaves the restaurant.
>You tell him your home's address on the way.
>You then end up chatting about random things.
>It doesn't take long for him to bring you to Ivory's home.
>"Well, there you go. See ya, don't stay out too late, and... don't wear that outside in the future. You might attract weird stallions that way."
>You can protect yourself.
"I'll be okay! Bye mister!"
>"Mm, thanks to you, I now have the day off!"
>Is that how it works?
"You don't need to report back and stuff?"
>"Nah, they can wait a bit, I can go enjoy some coffee in the meantime."
>He gives a smile as he trots towards a café.

>Well, here you are.
>How do you want to go in?
>Fly to Ivory's window? You'll have to take off the cloak for that.
>Knock on the front door?
>Something else?

>>30544636
Didn't the blood trail head in this direction?

>>30544636
Let's go ask Ivory's family if they recently lost a bunch of jewels.

>>30544636
Fly to his window and tease him.

>>30544657
>>30544754

>Wait a sec...
>There was a blood trail headed towards here, wasn't there.
>It probably belonged to the stallion, and he could be anywhere at this point.
>But what if, he's hiding somewhere around here!?
>Actually, that's really unlikely.
>What are the odds of some thief hiding somewhere around here?
>Hmm... maybe they stole from Ivory's family?

>You're at the main gate.
>There's a grand fence surrounding the house.
>A cobblestone path leads to the front door.
>Ivory's room is on the second floor, though there are four floors.
>There are multiple trees to your right.
>There's a cellar door near the fountain to the left.
>You haven't played in a fountain in a long time...
>There's a tiny garden, complete with small fish pond at the back of the house.

>What do you do?