You have a mission, /mlp/

A can of deodorant.

Anyone else make a deodorant can flamethrower when they were a kid?

>>30470279

I did.

We also used it as propellant for potato guns. Shit was cash, yo.

>A ham sandwich.will save Equestria

I dunno how this works, but it's a pretty good sandwich.

>>30470273
>a wet tissue
Need i explain?

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grapes
>

>>30470289
Do you keep your used mayo tissues next to you? Throw those dirty things out, my man.

>>30470289

Is there ANYTHING a good fap can't fix?

Lucky Charms. Maybe Tirek thinks they're magical or something?

>>30470300
Cancer, diabetes, MS, the flu, a broken bone, a concussion, just a flesh wound, death, etc.

I could go on.

>>30470273
Shitty IKEA bookcase. It doesn't even have a back, it just leans on the wall.
I guess I'm stuck bludgeoning the villain of the week.

>>30470308

You left out "dead hooker."

>>30470313
If it ain't broke...

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>nailbat

I think I've figured out how this is going down.

>>30470300
It cant fix my autism

>>30470312

>Ikea furniture
>Evil-possessed Twilight is driving herself batshit trying to figure out the directions to assemble it.
>her autism distracts her long enough for help to arrive and perform a pony exorcism.

>Weed

Welp, that settles it. Pot can do anything.

>banana peel
looks like equestria's fucked then

>>30470273
a piece of old underwear

>>30470273
>An empty flask
Guess I could smash it over the villain's head, but I'd hate to damage it.

A hand knitted blanket. not by me

>>30470273
A bottle of cheap ass rum. Welp.

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One of these in poor conditions

My phone. I show the villain my extensive collection of horse pussy. They will be too busy masturbating to notice me sneaking up behind them with a horse cock shaped dildo, smacking them in the back of the head, putting them unconscious. The mane six arrive late due to Deus ex machina

>>30470273
A pillow. Hopefully they gain some sort of power by storing dreams or something in Equestria.

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>>30470273
An entire rack of ghetto viagra. Dont worry lads, I will save Equestria with mere strength of will and a throbbing week long erection.

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A radiator with a "celcus" sticker on it, the radiator has five settings and not much else?

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>>30470273
100 Rubles

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>>30470994
Why does a brony need viagra?

>twiggles the plush

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>>30470289

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>>30470344

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>>30470273
>A copy of Doom (16)
I summon this guy!

>>30470273
>Vape pen.
I am ready.

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I suppose this means Bales is supposed to facilitate saving Equestria again in some fashion.

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>>30470305
>take lucky charms
>pretend they are mystical artifacts like the elements of harmony
>use them to threaten the baddie
>he explodes
>it turns out they really were magical because nobody knows how magic works

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>>30472934

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>A literal trash can
Shit, what do?

>>30472954
>Search through trashcan for weapon
>being anon you find only wet tissues
>Fuck.jpeg
>fuck it it will have to do...
>evil forces see the wet tissue and halt in their tracks.
>the grossness makes them back away and leave forever.

>mfw when clop saves Equestria...

>>30470273
>a black three prong fidget spinner
Autism saving equestria once again!

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>>30472986
Kek, good save.

>>30470273
> my fucking saber
alright
i'm okay with this

>>30470273
My cat

Well, one of them.

I have 2.

>my mother
I don't understand.

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>>30473072
USE HER DAMMIT

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>>30470273
My kickass boombox

>Two 12 volt batteries and wiring.
...
Guess I am going to go Iraq on someones ass.

A lamp? I guess the thought of anon joining an equestrian army with nothing more than a floor lamp sounds kind of funny.

>>30473064

>The Mane 6, Luna and Celestia stare in astonishment as you chase Chrysalis around the throne room at speed.
>You're screaming like a banshee and waving a stick that's smeared cat poo on the end. The one you're not holding. Because that would be weird and gross.
>She's screaming herself because a few seconds you'd raced into the chamber with an overflowing catbox and threw it at her with uncanny accuracy, nailing her. You'd busted a wing so she's incapable of flying, and her horn is cracked, so no magic.
>You'd ended the standoff right when she was monologuing. Now she's screaming in terror and trying to evade the deranged human.
>She collides with a changeling warrior who's stumbling by with a paint can stuck on his head, for some reason, and then smashes headfirst into a statue.
>"That's...eww," says Pinkie, wincing. "That had to smart." Chryssi is getting up just in time to avoid being smacked with your poo-stick.
>Two changeling warriors charge their horns and fire at you. They miss and hit each other instead, setting each other on fire. .

>>30474255
>One runs blindly at a balcony, colliding with four more and setting them alight before they can get out of the way, and all five of them fall, screaming.
>Another changeling, thinking quickly, throws the nearest liquid-containing container at the other burning changeling in their midst. This turns out to be a bottle of spirits from the drinks table. The result in an unconscious, burning heap and several more screaming, blazing changelings.
>"I--I feel like we should be doing something here," says Twilight. Dash is laughing too hard to talk.
>"Do we help Anon, or the Changelings?" says Applejack. Several Changeling warriors try shooting at Anon, only to hit Chrysalis, air or each other.
>Several collide in the air overhead in their haste to help their queen and everyone is astonished to see them tie up in an actual brawl, screaming and cursing at each other.
>A burning changeling throws himself into the banquet's chocolate fountain, knocking it over, as several others are trying to get in position to help their queen, and all of them collide, slip and fall in the huge mess.

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>>30470273
Dr Pepper.

>>30470885
>Equestria is just an open world sony exclusive

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Apparently all I have is the shitty knife I keep on my desk because I'm too lazy to use scissors.

>>30474259
>The changeling with the bucket on his head wanders by. "Uh...guys? Guys? Little help here?" he says plaintively, his voice muffled. "I can't see what's going on. Guys?"
>"I think we're all /avoiding the elephant in the room. Why is Anon NAKED?" asks Rarity. No one can answer her. Luna is cackling harder than even Dash. Celestia's jaw is slack, and her eyebrows have climbed all the way up to her maneline as she takes in the spectacle. >She looks as if she wants to laugh or intervene, but can't quite make up her mind. She settles for smothering some of the fires with her magic before they can spread.
>"I think I'm actually fascinated," says Twilight, wonderingly. "I think I want to see how this plays out. It's like a trainwreck--you don't want to see it but you can't bring yourself to look away."
>Fluttershy can't talk--she simply cowers behind the rest of them, peeking out at the chaos. Several royal guards are staring in shock from the doors they finally managed to breach. .
>"He IS doing an amazing amount of damage," says Celestia. "It's most impressive." Chryssi races by wailing--this time you're sitting on her back, backwards, and screaming while you spank her with the poo-stick. She's scattering her own forces like bowling pins. Her mane is burning. "We should probably stop this, at least before anypony else gets hurt, but...let's let it go for a few more minutes."
>It's a Three Stooges kind of day

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>>30474255
>>30474259
>>30474277
My sides

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>a water bucket (because It is raining and the roof is a little bit broken)

>>30472987
Kek

>>30474277
I love it.

>My bathroom door.

I'm not sure how this helps us.

>A cardboard box containing cans of black power, the Complete Book of Dirty Tricks and the Anarchist Cookbook.

I'll give it the CMC. They'll know what to do.

>7 cans of spray paint
Flamthrowers anyone?

>>30470273
A gun.

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an old tv

>>30474766
>non-flammable
Maybe if they're orange spray paint you can pretend.

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>>30474774
Welp
>cocks gun
Aint no changlings gonna fuck wit us now

>>30470273
My PC, my Switch and WiiU, as well as a shelf containing my rather large CRT TV, VHS, DVD player, SEGA Genesis, and every other Nintendo home console ever made, controllers included.

Guess I can wreck their shit at smash or something.

>>30474788
It says extremly flamable on the can

>>30474798
Hey James!

>>30474815
who?

>>30474823

Not that anon but:

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Angry_Video_Game_Nerd

>>30474823
James Rolfe
Your post reminded me of him because he has a collection of Nintendo and other old game consoles.

>>30474835
This guy.

>>30474835
..shit my newfag is showing.
I wish I had his collection though.

>>30474841

Ya, It's breddy gut.

>>30474841
Go watch AVGN, it's pretty good. The quality jumps pretty quickly after the first few episodes, keep in mind. He was a bit lazy with those ones.

It's great for binging.

>>30474848
I've seen most of his stuff before. The name just didn't click until it was too late.

>>30470273
>an empty glass with traces of cranberry juice
nothing stops the crabnerries

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>This

I'm not going to survive this, am I?

>>30474779

>Epic beatdown with an old color TV

Anon is a master of TV-fu.

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>A TV remote controller
Welp.

>A banana peel.

I guess I can throw this and the bad guy will slip on it.

>>30473849
>floor lamp

Do not offend The Floor Lamp of Truth. It is both wise and terrible.

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>>30474277

BaB Celestia. Perhaps I use it as a decoy to save the actual Princess?

A clawhammer and a screwdriver.

I can several possible ways how using them might save Equestria, but I don't think anyone's going to be commemorating death-by-bludgeoning-or-stabbing homicide with a statue and a parade.

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A plate of buttered maple pancakes with nuts and bananas, with coffee.

I dunno about saving Equestria but I think I've saved breakfast.

Here's some alicorns being majestic as all fuck.

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>>30470273
>A WALL

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A bottle of Hershey's chocolate syrup, unopened. I guess I could force-feed the villain into chocolate stasis?

I'm a Britbong they don't even sell Hershey's products here

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>>30475275
Have some more chicken, have some more pie

>>30475215

>"What does my little human have, hmmm?"
>"Back off, man, I've got THIS." You step aside with a flourish and gesture grandly.
>Tirek stares at you incredulously. "It's....a wall?"
>"Yeah. A wall."
>"An ordinary wall. Made of red brick."
>"Yeah."
>"And what, pray tell, is this supposed to do?"
>"It's a wall, and it's gonna kick your ass."
>Tirek stares at you, the wall, and then back at you. "I'm...how? How is this supposed to work, again?"
>"By human asskicking magic. I have huge magic, the best."
>Tirek cocks his head and stares at you. You stare back.
>Somewhere a dog barks.
>"So...when does this magical human asskicking actually start?" he asks you, his brow climbing up.
>You glare at him. "It takes a while. Sometimes. But it's coming, guy, you betcha."
>Tirek stares at you and the wall. He looks at a watch. Finally he shrugs and sits down beside you.
>You both stare at the wall.

A fidget spinner.

Fuck me sideways.

>>30475398
Why do you have one of those?

Are you 12?

>>30475397
>You're eating some cashews out of a bag. Wordlessly you offer him some. He accepts.
>You munch on cashews in silence for a while, staring at the wall.
>"It's a very nice wall. For a wall, I mean," he finally says.
>"Yeah."
">I'm not an expert on walls though."
>"Me either. It's pretty nice, though."
>"Yeah."
>"Do you think it'll be much longer?" he asks. He eats some more cashews.
>"Maybe. Sometimes it takes a while."
>A curious bystander pony comes up, having finally gotten over the worst of his fear, since a whole lot of nothing appears to be happening after Tirek's sudden appearance. "So.. what's going on?"
>"Waiting," you say. "Wall's gonna kick Tirek's ass."
>"Oh." he stares at you, Tirek, and the wall. "When?"
>"Any time now. It might be a while though. It's a slow thing, but when it gets started, watch out."
>"You sure about that? because it looks like a pretty ordinary wall."
>"That's what I said," Tirek says.

>>30475408
>"It's not just any wall, it's the wall that's going to kick Tirek's ass across Equestria," you say. "You just have to believe."
>"Ah." he sits down. "You know, I think I want to see this."
>the three of you stare. At least until the newcomer gets up and trots off. A few minutes later he comes back with a few cans of soda. He tosses one to you and tirek and sits down with his.
>Pretty sure you're joined by a second pony, an earth pony mare. "What in hell's going on?"
>"Wall," says the pony beside you, gesturing.
>I can see that, but...seriously, what?"
>"It's gonna kick Tirek's flank," he says.
>"Exactly." you say.
>"Uh...when is this supposed to happen?" she says, after a few seconds of silence.
>"That's what *I* wanted to know!" says Tirek.
>"Sometimes it takes a while," says the pony sitting beside you.
>Shrugging, she sits down beside you all to watch.
>And so it goes, for quite some time.

>>30475412
>Be Celestia
>You arrive with your sister and as much magical backup as you could get to find several thousand ponies, sitting and staring at an ordinary brick wall patiently. There are musicians playing in the backround. Several bands have set up stages. the air is filled with the smells of hot snacks from concession stands.
>Some ponies are wandering off to listen to the bands, or get snacks or drinks before wandering back to stare at the wall fixedly.
>Several ponies are doing magic tricks, or juggling, or tossing hacky-sacks around.
>A pony is hawking "I WAS AT THE WALL" T-shirts. Another is selling wall plushies.
>Several ponies are holding "WALL/FLOOR LAMP FOR PARLIAMENT '17!" signs.
>This...isn't what you were expecting to see.

>>30475415
>"It does not seem to be a crisis, dear sister," says Luna, munching on a very large fried cake cleverly shaped like a tesselated wall. She's wearing a Wall-shaped cap, and has her very own "I WAS AT THE WALL AND ALL I GOT WAS THIS LOUSY T-SHRT" shirt.
>Anon and tirek are still sitting in front of the assembly, staring at the wall, only they're wearing Wall caps and munching on fried food on sticks and drinking cups of beer. They appear to be having a peaceful, pleasant conversation. Anon says something, and Tirek bursts into guffaws.
>You're millenia old, and yet...you're still at a loss for words. You see several guardsponies walking by with snacks or wall-shaped plushies. They're...strangely cute.
>You finally shrug. The snacks smell pretty good, so...why not?
>What the hell. "I'll have one of those wall-shaped cake-things," you say to the nearest vendor.
>"Vanilla, chocolate or butterscotch?" he asks.
>"Chocolate, of course," you say. And behold, it was good.
>And that's how the true story of how Brick Wall saved Equestria.

>A dead mouse in a trap.

It's okay. I got this.

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>>30470273
>a freshly opened bottle of Jameson Irish whisky
To alcohol: the cause of, and the solution to, all of lifes problems.

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>>30475448
Meant to post this pic.

>>30475448

If booze can't fix it, it can't be fixed.

I bet ponies have drunkahol powers.

>>30475464
Amen. I like to imagine it's how the apple family gets it's amazing strength and stubbornness.

>>30475471
By day, she's a hard-working apple farmer. By night, she's...

White Lightning

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>>30475471
>>30475492

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>>30475492

It's a little-known fact that the Apples have been the single largest producer of illegal alcohol in south central Equestria for almost a century.

My computer tower.

Unless my library of games is somehow going to save the day I don't see how this works.

A toaster. I can beat beat down the bad guy with the toaster.

Then they'll erect statues to the Toaster That Saved Equestria.

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>>30470273
>My girlfriend's shitty bass
The funny part is I'm playing my own really good bass while I'm reading this

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>>30475275
I live 50 miles from Hershey

>>30470273
>A bag of weed
That's going to be one interesting story

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>>30470344
Weed is degenerate, t. Ex trap lord