How do I get to Equestria?

>>30469401
well everyone knows suicide fags dont make it. in order to keep competition low anons are encouraged to do such.

It's a reward for making it through life here. If you kill yourself it won't happen. Any accident or terminal illness you don't intentionally cause you still qualify though

>>30469461
What about war?
What if you're drafted out?

>>30469567
did you intentionally start the war? did you try to get yourself killed during the war?
if you answered yes to one of these, you will not go to Equestria
if you answered no to both of these, you will go to Equestria

>>30469569
Thanks.

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>>30469401
>makes thread asking question
>answers question in OP

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Seems like the appropriate thread.

What is the most painless way of killing myself? Preferably not messy. Cheers.

>>30470117
Turn your car on in the garage. Sit back enjoy some music and fall asleep

>>30469406
>>30469461
This is incorrect information. Self-killers are allowed premium access to Equestria and have total control of their version of it. Normal death only secures you the power of your own body.

>>30470117
Exit bag, duh.

>>30469401
It's impossible. When you die you don't get reincarnated in equestria, nothing happens, you just rot in the ground.
There's no possible way... Life is cruel like that, anon.

>>30470522
Can we please consider the serious, unironic possibility, however small it is, that Equestria is legit the afterlife?

>>30470117
Suicide by gun is almost always a certain death, however they are very messy
Hanging yourself snaps your neck and is painless and fast if you do it right, if you do it wrong it will suffocate you, it's not a pleasant way to die.
Most OD or chem-based suicide are really slow, painful and have a small chance of survival depending on the chemical, drinking bleach or antifreezer are not an easy way out.

The best methods are either the exit bags or a KCN solution.
The exit bag is basically a helium tank conected to a bag or breathing mask, the helium suffocates you and kills you in a few minutes, however, your body wont feel the common feeling of suffocation that happens when hanged. It's painless, pleasant, quick and doesn't make any kind of mess.
The other metod is with potassium cyanide, it is used to work with gold and jewelry, if you dissolve a few grams of it in water, it becomes a drinkable lethal injection. It will kill you in matter of a few minutes or even seconds, at most it gives you a slight dizziness, it stops your cells from consuming oxygen, knocks you out and kills you from brain hipoxia.
However, you must avoid taking any kind of antiacids or anything that may lower the acid levels on your stomach, since that is what the chemical uses to propertly work.

If you want to kill yourself, make sure to do it with dignity, short everything out, have the legal and economical stuff solved, leave a note for your relatives and make sure they have a way to bury you it's not right to leave your family with debts, sorrow and a death body.
If you aren't completely sure about this, then don't do it, most problems can be solves one way or another.

>>30470233
Actually if you kill yourself you end up in G3.5 that's common knowledge

>>30470538
A place full of talking horses and magic idk anon for all we can know we can get sent to Equestria but it's small as fuck where ponyville is surrounded by water or something.

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>>30470547
Not a bad deal desu

>>30470538
You'd have to be extremely delusional to believe that reincarnation exists. But we could entertain the thought.
So when you die you are reborn in another universe. This universe is the same as ours, except ponies with magic ruled earth instead of humans.
Even if reincarnation was possible, there are infinite amount of universes. That would leave us with a 0.0000000001% of spawning in equestria.

>>30469461
>>30470547
Well I mean you have to consider the motives of deities or whoever else created this universe, regardless of who they are. It doesn't matter if it's a god or this is a simulation, if the creators are benevolent they'll give us a personal simulation type thing if we've been good in their eyes. If not, well, we would stop existing or be punished. Or reincarnation, but if you lose all memories, that's just the same as ceasing to exist. If the universe is a simulation it'd be likely our consciousness would be 'logged' in my opinion, and just exist as information. We might get control over it, being able to relive our life. Only our life, though, only what we've seen already, and be unable to alter it, just go through it and watch it like a movie. Back to the topic at hand, Equestria isn't a likely afterlife if the universe is simulated, as that would take too much processing power. If it isn't on the other hand, maybe.

>>30470569
Even less so then that, it'd be infinitely small. But there's infinite Equestrias where Twilight ate bran flakes instead of hay bacon or whatever, too. So infinity chance that's infinitely small.

>>30470542
LOL, you can't have suicide and dignity in the same sentence. Also, why the fuck would I care if my life was sorted out or not? I'll be dead anyways.

The number one question we need to answer before OP's is what do we define as consciousness? Is it matter? Energy? The result of both? Some spiritual power? Supernatural? The creation of programming in a computer?

>>30470588
Your brain interpreting electrical signals from environmental stimuli

>>30470615
So the product of matter and energy, chemical reactions. In that case, death is death. There is no Equestria in the afterlife.

>>30469401
Randy Stair ruined this concept for me

>>30470621
Yay!

>>30470233
Wrong.
Ponies don't like quitters.

It goes like this

Suicide turns you into a Griffin
Murdered turns you into a Diamond Dog
Executed turns you into a Dragon
Starvation turns you into a Pony
Accidental death turns you into a Minotaur
Poisoning turns you into a Changeling
Obesity related death turns you into a Goat
Natural causes keeps you Human

>>30471087
>quitters
Stop being so American.

>>30471087
Ponies accept everyone, especially the vulnerable and hurt.

>>30471127
Ponies are starving African children

>>30470584
>Also, why the fuck would I care if my life was sorted out or not? I'll be dead anyways.
It's good to leave knowing you spared your family or someone else the work of solving your shit after you died.
At least you can leave knowing you did that one thing right.

>LOL, you can't have suicide and dignity in the same sentence.
Euthanasia and the coup de grâce say otherwise :^)

>>30469401
You're already in Equestria. The ponies accepted humans with open arms and we conquered their asses, clipping their wings and horns and shoving them into farms

Step 1: Build a particle accelerator spanning the circumference of the Asteroid Belt.

Step 2: Smash two particles together with enough force to tear a pinprick-sized hole in the fabric of the universe leading to another universe.

Step 3: Slip in some nanomachines through the hole that will make a copy of you on the other side.

Step 4: Upload your consciousness into the copy wirelessly through the hole.

Step 5: Repeat steps 1-4 until you get to a universe where Equestria exists.

>>30471273
Why don't they ever talk?

>>30471128
could you name a funner group?

>>30470581
>infinite equestrias
>infinite chance of getting there
those are some mighty fine odds anon

>>30471127
What kind of poison do I need senpai. I want to be a bug horse

>>30469401
get ticket to south africa

>>30471930
Only if multiverse theory and reincarnation are valid which is a number too small to write out how small it actually is. otherwise it is a flat zero.

Christian-friend here. I've got my ticket already.

>>30470664
>Randy Stair

>>30469401

Final day
Takin' my life away
On my way to where the pones can talk
Can you tell me how to get,
How to get to Equestria?

Cum inside
Everything's A-OK
Winking pussies there
That's what we fuck
Can you tell me how to get,
How to get to Equestria?

It's an erotic ride
Every mouth will open wide
To erect penises like yours
Erect penises like

What a beautiful
Final Day
Takin' my life away
On my way to where the pones can talk

Can you tell me how to get,
How to get to Equestria?
How to get to Equestria?
How to get to Equestria?

>>30473678
Multiverse theory states there are an infinite number of universes in which multiverse theory and multiverses themselves don't exist, therefore since it's a double negative it equals to a positive.

So i have a positively infinite chance to make it to Equestria, those are really good odds anon, I would know, I'm a gambler.

>>30469406
So i killed myself for nothing?

>>30474087
What's this a parody of?

>>30469401
>"Come on! Join us here in Equestria!"
>You stare at the opening in your last necktie.
>You take a step back in shock.
W-what the fu-
>You collapse onto the floor, off your stool.
>You fuckup, you forgot you were standing up there.
>"Oh dear, is he alright?"
>Twilight pokes her head through, not too far.
>"He's on the ground, but doesn't look like he's in pain. Are you in pain?"
>She's addressing you.
>Maybe you shouldn't have tried to OD on Ambien, it's fucking with your head.
>She pulls her head back.
>"He's not saying anything, but he can recognize that I'm talking. It could be he speaks another language."
>You're alone and about to kill yourself, why not act out this passion play?
W-wait. I can understand you.
>She turns back to the noose opening as you stand up.
>"Great. So, do you wanna come through?"
>A bit blunt, but you are talking to yourself.
I've been considering it. What's over there for me?
>She looks puzzled. It's a simple question, one you've asked yourself plenty of times. Just never about Equestria specifically.
>"Well... there's a bakery. And, a librar- ohwaitnot anymore. Umm, there's... the couch and quill store?"
>Wat.
The couch and quill store?
>"I don't walk around ponyville very often these days! Princess duties take up a lot of my time. And Spike usually goes out to pick up my lunch."
>"There's also a beautiful section of the Everfree that's not too dark. If you go during the day, that is."
>"Oh, yeah! And there's also an apple farm, and a clothing boutique, and, uhh."
>She's still struggling for places. How long had it been since she went outside last?
No, I don't just mean the places. I'm looking for fulfillment. I could never get it here.
>She looks a bit more serious now.
>"Oh, I'm so sorry. I didn't even consider that. Asking you to just throw your life here away!"
>She chuckles uncomfortably.
Cont.

>>30474960
>"Well, maybe I could convince Applejack to hire you. Although, she doesn't like accepting help outside her family."
>"Or, if he's comfortable around animals, he could help me take care of them. But then, what if the animals aren't comfortable around him? Angel definitely wouldn't like that."
>"Carousel Boutique? No, Rarity has her routines. Sugarcube Corner? Pinkie Pie's a bakery by herself. Couches & Quills? Hmm, maybe."
>You're really getting fed up with this.
Look, I'm not asking for any small thing. All I'm looking for is a little reassurance that what I'm doing is the right choice. Not even that much, just that this is something I could actually go through with! Unlike everything else.
>That catches them both off guard, but you're not going to give them the opportunity to answer.
No, I'm tired of this. I'm tired of trying to talk myself in or out of it. Why waste anymore time.
>You step back onto the stool, sling the noose, and kick yourself away.
>Your feel the rope tighten, your body seize, you force your eyes shut and let out one last croak.
Good... bye...
>And then, nothing.

>Well, not nothing in the dead way.
>Now you're just hanging there with your eyes shut.
>Hell, you're not even hanging.
>You open your eyes again, and the view hasn't changed, except now Twilight's horn is lit up.
>You can almost feel that same aura wrapped around your body, and she lifts you over to your bed and stands you up there.
>"What were you doing? You could've killed yourself!"
What.
>"Do you realize how much energy it took to open a portal even this big? I can understand your eagerness to get over, but you've still got to retain some self preservation."
What.
>Is she telling you this is real?
>You pull the noose off, and fall back into bed.
>You can feel the rope burns around your neck, but also your own pulse.
>The rope swings, but the image remains in the center of the room.
You've gotta be fucking kidding me.
Cont.

>>30474966
>"You've got to be kidding ME! Fluttershy fainted after that stunt you pulled!"
You don't understand. I was trying to kill myself.
>You hold the noose up away from the portal.
>Her rage melts away, only for her face to freeze over in shock.
>"Oh my Celestia. That's what you meant by- Oh, I'm so sorry."
>Great, more pity.
Yeah, I'll bet you are. Now if you could close this so I can get back to it.
>"Wait. You don't have to, really."
And why not?
>"Because you wouldn't just be throwing away your life here, you'd throw away any opportunities the future could have for you. You could live a whole new life here, in Equestria. You wouldn't need to worry about living up to fulfillment or being fulfilled, because you'd have so many friends who care about you. And do you know why?"
Why.
>"Because it was chance that I opened this portal in your room. I didn't know anything about you, but the offer I made still stands. It doesn't matter who you are, all that matters is you're you."
>You're at a loss for words.
>Her speech was filled with platitudes, and the thought if it swaying anyone is inconceivable.
>But then again, despite her words being full of nothing, her tone speaks volumes.
>And that's good enough for you.

>"Everyone, I'd like you to meet Anonymous!"
>The six faces in the room all turn to you, and offer their greetings.
>You talk a while about your old life at first, but soon the subject turns to all the things your new friends will show you.
>And the longer you talk, the further away that dark little room gets.
>Until there's nothing but light.
Cont.

>>30474972
>"And then, we can go have dinner at this divine little chateaux just across the street!"
>"Hey, what's everyone so lively about in here?"
>"Oh, hello Starlight! I was just telling Anonymous here about the plans for our next trip to Canterlot. But where are my manners, you haven't even been acquainted yet! Anonymous, this is Twilight's student, Starlight Glimmer."
>"A pleasure to meet you, Anonymo-"
>"Well, he certainly had to head off in a hurry. A bit rude, but considering his life before coming to Equestria..."
>"Wait, before coming to Equestria? Just where is he from?"
>"Oh, nevermind that. All that matters is he's here now. Well, here in Equestria anyway. Just what could be so important as to leave in the middle of an introduction?"

>The service is short, considering the short amount of time you knew him.
>Though afterwards, a couple of your friends would say they didn't know him at all.
>Despite your pupil knowing him the least, she was the most affected by his death.
>For the longest time after the burial, she stayed in her room. You thought it best to give her some time to cope.
>Soon enough, she started coming out again, to eat breakfast or get a book from the library.
>You asked her what it was that made her so upset, and she told you.
>Apparently, Anon had left a note for her in her room just before he took his own life, and she hadn't found it until after.
>You couldn't believe that she hadn't told you, but once you read it, you immediately understood.
>"Fucking Poochie."

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>>30474978
>that ending
kek

>>30469591