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RGRE: Reversed Gender Roles Equestria

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Brave and Gallant Edition

Previous Thread: >>30328036

GoogleDoc Pastebin Archive: https://docs.google.com/document/d/1b1jASUKcbpyp6u1nk0d8m8m_toNwUGSlesl7F1IPa4o/edit#heading=h.lo64gd9lo8lv

Old CrazyRain's Story Archive: http://pastebin.com/C82B4dea

Prompt collection: https://pastebin.com/GgD2Yvkv
https://pastebin.com/cNVqJ2WA
>>
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Celestia is bestia and the mareliest mare in Equestria.
>>
>>30344547
agreed
>>
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>>30343341
Crosspostan for emotional blackmail to make LaP continue lessons for socially retarded Glimmer
>>
Repostan
>Rainbow is self confident in her body and herself
>She should be though since she's considered one of the most eligible bachelorettes in Equestria
>However she's only ever been asked out by stallions then went from there
>She never thought she'd have to ask one out
>When she did with Anon she had no idea how to flirt AT ALL
>Celestia'sspaghetti.parchment
>The best she can do is think up the corny pick up lines stallion's used on her in the pat
>Anon just laughs them off as one of Rainbow's jokes or pranks
>Rainbow's face when she thinks Anon thinks she's ugly
>>
Consider this:
>anon is the RGRE equivalent of an Amazon
>freakishly large and strong for his sex
>has an overall more marely behavior to him
>lives by himself in the Everfree cu'z he's a strong independent stallion who don't need no mare
>mares publicly deride anon acting un-colt like
>but secretly they all fantasize about being kidnapped by him and dragged to his lair for snoo-snoo
>>
>>30344710
>Ponies wake up to find Ponyville being wrecked by an armour-clad Luna and Anon.
>Twilight tries to intervene but is accidentally thrown to Canterlot.
>Celestia teleport-intervenes to find the pair making out on Applejack's ruined cart.
>This was their version of first meeting and foreplay.
>>
>Be Sunset

BANG!

>"Hold those fucking doors!"
>"Get those chairs, those cabinets too! We need to block the entrances!"

BANG!

>Be having a very not good day
>It had all started out as another lazy Tuesday
>You had been writing to Twilight with the help of your magic notebook
>She had been telling you about the human that just up and popped up in Equestria
>Not a human like the ones here, but... different
>Apparently, this "human", NAMELESS Twilight said his name was, had just appeared in her bathroom one day
>After a bit of confusion, a few scares, and Twilight's assistant Spike nearly burning down the princess's library, your purple friend had gotten a hand on things
>From what she had been telling you, she was beginning to get him all settled down, and he seemed to be enjoying Equestria
>But then more humans began popping up
>And more and more
>All of them just like NAMELESS and all of them coincidentally male
>Pretty much every mare in Ponyville had been thanking the stars above for the influx of males
>Large, aggressive, very fun to be around males that seemed to have a taste for mares of all shapes and sizes
>Twilight had said that a bunch of stallions were, of course, complaining, but nopony else seemed to mind, especially since the males kept appearing
>But then something came up just after your math class
>A group of males went missing, over a hundred stallions in total
>They had been last seen boarding a train to the Crystal Empire
>While this probably wouldn't be a cause for concern, Twilight had offhandedly mentioned to one of the humans that there was a mirror to another world full of human woman
>Sitting there in your math class, nibbling on your eraser while you snuck glances at Thunderlane's ass, you hadn't been all that concerned
>Why the hell would a group of guys want to come over anyway?
>And even if they DID what the heck were they going to do?
>>
>>30344869
Shit lap slow down
>>
>>30344869
Good lord LaP, don't die on us.
>>30344701
>Rainbow is self confident
>What is self conscious.
Words are hard, I get it, but don't forget to at least use the correct words.
>>
>Ponies with keyhole sweaters, only they're designed to show off a mare's tuft
>Sort of how like how the right pair of tight pants shows off a man's bulge
With the right mare, it's like David Bowie's crotch from Labyrinth.
>>
>>30344869
Day of the Living Snu Snu? I am intrigued and excited.
>>
>>30344869
That not Lap, That a shitposter.
>>
>>30344869
>It wasn't like they were going to storm the school and start snatching up seniors left and right, right?
>Fucking WRONG

BANG!

>"Dammit, Bonbon! Put your fucking back into it!"
>"Hey, fuck you! I'm moving as fast as I can you dyke!"

BANG!

>"Roseluck! Zecora! Help Coco with that piano! That'll slow those fuckers down!"
>It had all happened so fast
>One minute you were sitting in study period the next a group of guys, unlike any that you had ever seen, crashed through the door, grabbed a very confused Ms. Cheerilee, and ran off
>Running outside after them, you had seen that the school's hallways were chaos
>One guy was running off with Roseluck, who was hanging limply in his grasp
>Two guys were fighting over Twilight, who looked both frightened and amazed at what was going on
>Principal Celestia had been sitting on one of the larger human's shoulders, smacking his side with a ruler while whooping like some madwoman, her blouse unbuttoned part way
>It had been chaos
>There was no time to rescue anyone
>No time to see if any of the other girls were alright
>All you were able to do was get as many girls together as you could and try to find somewhere to hold up
>That somewhere just so happened to be the school's auditorium which, at that moment, you and a group of maybe thirty girls and about every single one of the school's guys cowered
>Applejack, who looked just as ragged as the rest of you, was supervising some of the other girls in putting as much shit in front of the doors as physically possible
>You were sitting in one of the auditorium's chairs, desperately trying to catch your breath

BANG!

>"Come on, gals! Just a few more chairs and we should be as right as rain!" Applejack called, pushing against the doors with all of her might
>The doors shook as something impacted it
>"What the fuck are those guys hitting this fucking door with?!" Amethyst yelled
>Lyra, who was standing near the door, peeked through a crack in the frame
>>
>>30344985
Saying something no hooves hater?
>>30344994
GO LAP!
>>
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>>30344985
OH SHIIIT >>30344994
>*BUM*
>spaghetti everywhere
>>
>>30344994
>Principal Celestia had been sitting on one of the larger human's shoulders, smacking his side with a ruler while whooping like some madwoman, her blouse unbuttoned part way
>It had been chaos
Even EqGs Sunbutt knows how to have fun.
>>
>Anon have small penis
>Old mare are honry
>>
>>30344994
Its going to be a long night of Snu Snu...eh, they'll be fine.
>>
>>30344994
I'm very confused. What is going?

>Anon go equestria but memorys is erase??
>EQG teleport to equestria???
>>
>>30345047
Remember the story where Moondancer was sperging out how the human spam was dangerous a few threads back? This seems to be assuming that everyone with shit taste decided to raid EQGverse instead.
>>
>>30344526
Does the herd thread just move here when there isn't a designated thread?
>>
>>30345056
>Shit taste
>Implying
there is an entire world of horsewomen on two legs, don't point fingers when we can stuff our faces with tits while we have sex.
>>30345083
Probably, we did create the idea here.
>>
>>30344994
>"...I think they managed to rip mascot's statue out of the ground, girls."
>A groan erupted from all of you
>Your mind raced
>What the HELL was going on?
>Why there these guys attacking you?
>From what Twilight had said, these guys were usually NICE...
>From behind you, Caramel let out a sob
>"T-They're going to kill u-us!" he wailed
>From beside him, Flash smirked
>"This is finally it! Us guys are finally tired of the matriarchy and we're doing something about it!"
>He sneered at all of you
>"This is the purge girls. We WE'RE going to be on--"
>"Flash, if you don't shut the fuck up I'm going to punch you in the mouth," Gilda growled as she did her best to fix her torn top.
>Thankfully, Flash's mouth snapped shut
>While you really weren't a fan of male-violence, you weren't too proud to admit that SOMEONE had shut that dick up...
>The door bowed inward as something smashed against it
>You could hear the wood splintering, but thankfully the door held
>Looking around the auditorium, you could see some of the girls muttering nervously amongst themselves
>Just like, you they were wondering what the FUCK was going on
>More than a few looked downright scared, and you couldn't deny that you were a bit skittish yourself
>What were you going to do...?
>What could you do...?
>You had to think of a way to stop these guys from sacking the school but did you really want to pony up and blast them with magic?
>Rampaging or not, they were still guys after all...
>Out of the corner of your eye, you could see the Dazzling's standing away from all of the other girls
>Unlike the rest of you, they didn't seem particularly scared at all
>In fact, they looked almost puzzled
>Adagio in particular was staring at the door as if it was some kind of abstract painting, stroking her chin all the while
>And, while you usually stayed as far away from those three as you could, you couldn't help but wonder why...
>Grunting, you rose from your seat and made your way over to them
>>
>>30345083
>herd thread
>>30334979
No.
>>
>>30345083
this is literally the same thing as aie
>>
>>30345088
>we did create the idea here
>we
Check AIE #148
>>
>>30345102
Cute, we still started it before them.
>>
>>30345102
>>30345109
>*Xenophilia's your path*
>>
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>>30345109
>"We"
You can kill yourself.
>>30345115
This.
>>
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>>30345088
>don't point fingers
You've just defeated your own point
>>
>>30345089
Flash, you are fucking idiot.
>>
>>30345089
>Just like, you they were
comma is in the wrong spot, its after the you.
>>
>>30345089
"Hey, what the heck's wrong with you three?" you asked
>Adagio's eyes narrowed as she let out a thoughtful hum
>"Interesting..." she muttered
>You cocked your head to the side
"Interesting? What's interesting?" you asked
>"The guys out there aren't angry or mad or anything!" Sonata chirped
>"Angry and mad are the same things, you idiot," Aria said. "But, yeah, they seem more excited than anything."
>"And not the kind of excited one feels while getting ready to massacre anyone either," Adagio added.
>What the hell are they talking about?
>Why wouldn't they be angry?
>They were trying to knock down a set of doors to get to you!
>Aria's nose scrunched up
>"Hey Applejack!"
>Applejack, who was tossing a set of chairs on top of the auditorium's piano, looked over her shoulder
>"What?"
>"As the guys outside what they hell they're doing!" Aria called
>Applejack opened her mouth to reply, when something once again slammed against the door with an extreme amount of force
>"Ask 'em why they're doin' this?"
>"Yeah!"
>"Why the heck would I ask that fer?"
>"Just fucking ask them!"
>Applejack gave Aria the finger
>Aria responded by biting her thumb
>"Sonata, go over there and ask the nice men why they're snatching up girls like we're a pair of fancy new shoes please," Adagio said
>Sonata, giggling, saluted
>"Aayeeye, ma'am!" she said
>Skipping over toward the door, she gently knocked on it
>"Excuse me! Can we have a time out for a second! I want to ask you something!"
>You waited for something to once again slam into the door, but the loud bang never came
>"...You want to call a timeout?" someone called from the other side of the door
>"Yep!" Sonata replied with a nod
>There was a pause
>If you listened very carefully, you could hear guys talking
>"What for?" another voice asked
>"We wanna know why you're running around stealing girls!" Sonata said
>There was more muttering from the other side of the door, louder this time
>>
>>30345211
>"As the guys outside what they hell they're doing!" Aria called
ask*
>>
>>30345211
>"Because we want our cake and eat it too!" a completely different guy called
>You and the other girls looked at each other
"...What?" you called
>"We want tits!" some other guy called, which was followed up by an enthusiastic shout
>Your brow furrowed
"...Tits?"
>"There's a bunch of single girls around here, right?" the first guy said. "We figured, since we were in the neighborhood, to see if we could... could..."
>"We want them big tits and horsepussy!" a guy shouted
>"Yeah! I wanna smooch a real girl!"
>"I wanna hold hands!"
>"I want a fucking girlfriend!"
>"Me too!"
>"And me!"
>"FUCKING TITS AND HORSEPUSS!"
>...
>Wat?
>It was dead quiet in the auditorium
>The fear had left the room, replaced by disbelief
>Were they saying what you thought they were saying...?
>Taking a step toward the door, you wracked your brain, trying to remember everything Twi had told you about these particular humans
"You guys are monogamous, right?" you asked
>"Yep."
>"Aha."
>"I'd only like one woman to disappoint in bed."
>Many of the girls perked up
>"No shit?" Bonbon said. "Hey, how do you guys feel about asses?"
>"The bigger the better!"
>"I make 'em small!"
>"I like a handful!"
>Lyra swallowed
>"A-And what about hugs?"
>"I'd snuggle you all fucking day!"
>"Oh yeah? Well, I'd make her a hot cup of cocoa and rub her feet, faggot!"
>"Well, I'd go down on her for hours, cocksucker!"
>"Not if I get her first!"
>"Hey, fuck you!"
>"No, you!"
>Lyra, who appeared to have broken out into a sweat, pulled out a handkerchief and began dabbing her forehead
>"Y-You too..."
>Flash, frowning, brushed past you and marched toward the door
>"Hey! What the hell are you talking about? This is supposed to be an uprising!" he cried with a stomp of his foot
>"An uprising where we smooch a bunch of cute girls maybe," a guy called, which was followed by a loud "YEAH!"
>>
>>30345307
>"Because we want our cake and eat it too!" a completely different guy called
to* eat
>>
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>>30345307
>>Lyra swallowed
>>"A-And what about hugs?"
Fucking Lyra as always with the lewdest ideas
>>
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>>30345307
I see where this is going and we need to go further.
>>30345347
>Best ideas
ftfy
>>
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>>30345307
I laughed and then I felt feels
>>
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>>30345353
>>Best ideas
>ftfy
I don't recall saying I don't like 'em.
>>
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>>30345307
>>
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>>30345307
>"No, NO! This wasn't how it was supposed to go! You were supposed to overthrow the matriarchy, not ask like a bunch of thirsty sluts!"
>"Hey, fuck you, you lala no limp-dicked faggot!" a guy yelled without missing a beat. "We're coming in there and we're snatching us up some women."
>"LEGAL women," another guy added
>"...Faggot."
>"Fuck you, you loli cuck."
>...
>You, along with most of the girls, looked around the room, looking lost
>That is until, Lyra grabbed one of the chairs barricading the doors and tossed it away
>"You're outta your fucking MIND if you don't think I'm not taking them up on their offer," she said, reaching for another chair
>Flash let out a screech
>"Don't you let them in! Don't you rape them you PIG!"
>A few girls exchanged glances
>Aria darted past Flash, nearing knocking him over, and grabbed a cabinet
>Lifting it with a grunt, she tossed it over her shoulder
>And just like that, a trickle became a flood
>All of the girls ran forward, nearly trampling Flash in the process
>Chairs, cabinets, even the piano were all tossed aside
>An excited murmur could be heard on the other side of the door
>Something very heavy could be heard being dropped as a few guys pressed themselves against them
>The girls worked quickly, throwing things around haphazardly
>When the final chair was thrown away, a shout went up amongst the girls
>"PIGS!" Flash cried. "PIGS!"
>Derpy, a great big smile on her face, threw open the doors
>There must have been fifty guys on the other side of the doors
>More than enough for each of you...
>Both sides eyes each other for a moment, both looking shocked, before one of the guys, a tall, lanky little cutie with big, brown eyes darted forward and wrapped his arms around Roseluck
>"I call this one!"
>With a shout that made your ears ring, the rest of the guys charged
>Girls were grabbed, lifted into the air, and hugged
>More than a few of the girls raced forward to tackle guys before someone else could get them
>>
>>30345359
Good man. We shall unite the worlds with our incubus dicks, HAIL OUR HEROES!
>>
30343746
4u
>>
>>30345307
THAT FUCKING FAUIFJIOGIOGIO{FAIO BNBEBEEETTTTT!
>>
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>>30345393
why couldn't that have happened to me in high school
>>
>>30345393
>/mlp/ in EQG and EQ
>>
>>30345393
>One guy tried to tackle Adagio and was yanked into a kiss for his troubles
>Another was pulling Applejack while the apple farmer possessively back
>Two guys were having a fist fight in front of Lyra, who was watching the two with a bloody nose
>...
>You looked to your left and right, watching as the guys and girls intermingling
>Welp...
>This was... something...
>You'd have to remember to write a letter to Twilight later...
>A shuffling caused you to look forward
>Standing in front of you, looking as nervous as a girl in a Victor's Secret, was a guy
>He was a short but well-built little guy
>His hair was on the longish side, and he had the greenest pair of eyes that you had ever seen
>He also seemed to be shaking slightly, and didn't know what to do with his hands
>"H-Hi, I'm A-Anon," he murmured
>You couldn't help but smile
"Hi Anon, I'm Sunset."
>Anon reddened, looking down at the floor
>"I, u-um, I was wondering if-- I m-mean, do you want to-- we c-could..."
>His face reddened a bit more, and you couldn't help yourself
>Taking a step forward, you wrapped your arms around him, mashing his face against your chest
>Usually, this would have earned you a hard smack to the face, but Anon just tensed for a moment before letting his body go limp with a sigh
>You leaned forward, nuzzling the top of his head
>Yep...
>Just like you thought...
>He was the perfect small spoon height...
>Anon sighed again, slowly wrapping his arms around you as he nuzzled his face in between your tits
>Out of the corner of your eye, you could see Flash standing there furious
>"SLUTS! PIGS! DOWN WITH THE MATRIARCHY DOWN WITH THE--"
>One of the guys, a big hunk of muscle in a string shirt, punched Flash right in the jaw before he could finish his sentence
>Without so much as a squeak, Flash hit the floor, completely out cold
>WHOO!" the guy shouted, throwing up his arms. "TITS AND HORSEPUSSY!"
>>
>>30345497
Alright, I'm done. Just a bit of autism that I thought about right after posting my other thing
>>
>>30345506
Many thanks.
>>
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>>30345506
TITS AND HORSEPUSSY WOO!
>>
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>>30343740
>"Twilight!"
>The alicorn stops and turns, finding her smiling student behind her. On the pink unicorn's back is a wrapped bundle, and her once sagging belly is now flat again.
>"Twilight! Look!"
>Starlight gently lifts the bundle on her back up with magic, letting a bit of the wrapping fall away and revealing a hardly month old unicorn filly.
>The foal blearily looks around, not appearing pleased at the sudden wake-up before her eyes land on Starlight.
>The foal giggles childishly and reaches out with her forelegs towards the larger unicorn, who giggles herself and gently nuzzles the infant.
>"See Twilight? Look at what I made!" Star says cheerily. "I thought being a mom would be scary and confusing, but it just seems natural. What did Anon call it? Instinct?" Starlight muses to herself, heedless of Twilight's flat and emotionless stare.
>"Either way, I suddenly feel like my life has a real direction now," Star confesses with a grin. "I hope it's okay if I don't show up as often for friendship lessons."
>"No, Starlight. It's fine," The princess says with a painfully forced smile. "I understand. You've got other important things to do now."
>>
>>30343341
I don't think that was about Starlight, it was about some other pony who's a bit like her but also stupid and slow as fuck. That's the impression I got, especially when she told how she'd asked about something others clearly don't want to talk about many times without getting the hint.
Starlight is many things, but she sure isn't stupid.
>>
>>30345347
I want to spoil this green Snugglehorse.
>>
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>>30345550
>The pink unicorn smiles, not picking up on Twilight's hidden feelings
>The infant in Starlight's magical hold squirms and whines, instantly pulling her mother's attention to her.
>"Hungry, sweetie?" The pink mare asks rhetorically, somehow already knowing the answer. "Don’t worry hun, we can fix that! ...Twilight? Is it inappropriate to feed a foal from the teat in public?”
>The princess barely withholds the urge to scream, and instead remains silent.
>The once-dictator blinks at the lack of answer. “I’ll take that as a no..?” She then sets her daughter down on her back, who snuggles into the lower part of her mane and whines again.
>”I guess I’ve got to go. See you around, Twi!” Star says cheerfully. She then cranes her neck back to her daughter. “Let’s go see what daddy is doing and get you fed, huh, sweetie?”
>Twilight is left there in the street to burn a hole in the ground with her glare.
>>
>>30345393
>Pic
Even if he didn't draw the rest of that scene, I really wish he had drawn the part where Anon told Aria he loved her. That would have been really sweet.
>>
So wait, Roseluck was nabbed here >>30344994 and yet is back here >>30345393 to get nabbed again? Damn that Rose pone can run a man dry and come back for more fast.
>>
>>30345642
As a background pone, there are always a few of her hanging around.

There were probably like, three or four Lyras in that room, and at least five Applejacks.
>>
>>30345393
Can't find pic.
>>
>>30345562
Write... Please. Cmon Write it.
>>
>>30345506
You are based.
>>
>>30345680
Chuckled.
>>
>>30345506
You must let your autism flow more often. Was enjoyable.
>>
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>>30344994
>>Principal Celestia had been sitting on one of the larger human's shoulders, smacking his side with a ruler while whooping like some madwoman, her blouse unbuttoned part way
Fucking lel

Everyone's getting their thirst quenched.
>>
>>30345497
>Another was pulling Applejack while the apple farmer possessively back
pulled*
Also...that makes sense.
Wait a sec...
>One of the guys, a big hunk of muscle in a string shirt, punched Flash right in the jaw before he could finish his sentence
>Without so much as a squeak, Flash hit the floor, completely out cold
>WHOO!" the guy shouted, throwing up his arms. "TITS AND HORSEPUSSY!"
Bulk?
>>
>>30345680
got a chuckle, but you do realize that their are probably at least 20 actual Pinkies in there, right?
>>
>>30345307
>>"I'd only like one woman to disappoint in bed."
my sides
>>
>>30345784
What about his face when she has pone girl stamina. There wont be any stops in the noise level for the rest of the year...and probably past that. Hell, this is the equivalent of a bimbo apocalypse for them.
>>
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>>30345506
This was fun.

And also made me sad at the same time.
>>
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>>30345506
Yes, this is definitely what would happen in the event a thousand Anons got pulled to Equestria. Either version.
>>
>>30345851
We have same name you dipshit. If anon take your waifu then take another one. Like Light Sky from Janitor.
>>
>>30345497
Hey, wait a second!
These Anons left pony Equestria to go to human Equestria!
What the fuck is wrong with them?
>>
>>30345880
That was almost coherent english, I guess.
>>
>>30345895
>/mlp/
Oh look, we got EQG thread! 73

Oh look, AIE thread!

Oh look, Satyr thread!
>>
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>>30345550
>>30345562
I always love these.
>>
>>30345907
>missing orphanage thread
>>
>>30345895
Shit. Taste.
>>
>>30345907
"Nobody who, when presented with a pony, later chooses of his own free will to return to human women, is worthy of being called a man."
~ Aristotle
>>
>>30345899
He's trying, anon.
>>
>>30345506

Do real humans have the same effect on EqG women that they do on pony mares in your previous autism?
>>
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>>30345907
>satyr
>human
Anon... How do you think you make satyrs.
>>
>>30345946
Shhhhh, that's the next part.
>>
>>30345955

My mistake
>>
>>30345562
Kek!

More jealous M6, please.
>>
>>30345952
From Lap? No satyrs here.

Because Lap write his universe no satyrs,
Why? Lap remove DNA from human samen.
>>
>>30345913
What is that pic supposed to be? From the thumbnail it looks like she is holding earbuds in, but I guess she just just creaming heh over her ice cream?
>>
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>>30345927
Now I'm picturing there being an Equestrian version of BLACKED except for horsepussy in settings where there are more humans than just Anon.
>>
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>>30345562
>Glimglam's raging autism makes room for her instincts to shine through in place of social skills.
>When it comes to her children and family, she may as well be psychic. Nothing can be hidden from her, and she always knows what you need and how to best respond.
>Other ponies? Ehh, it's a lot of guess work on her part, but it (mostly) turns out okay.
>>
>>30345993
>remind that some /mlp/ are yellow anon and black anon
>>
>>30345980
How do you natively speak a language that is guaranteed to have more conjugations than English but can't remember its simple conjugations when writing/speaking it? Add an s to your verbs for third person present.
>>
>>30346036
While speaking English, how do I not forget 's' in third-person-singular verbs?
>>
>>30345993
>CLOPPED
>>
>>30346054
If you're not being rhetorical... Practice. And maybe just sitting down and looking at a conjugation chart. It's so simple in English that it's the only time the verb changes in present tense whereas in other languages there would be a change for each pronoun. So don't be lazy. You should be doing this for any language you learn, really. If this were a different language you were learning no one would even be able to understand you because they're much more dependent on conjugating the individual verb in all sorts of ways.

If you speak Spanish just remember that it's coincidentally backwards.

(Él) corre
(Tú) corres

He runs
You run
>>
>>30345980
Nah, LaP just has better taste than satyrs
>>
>>30345895
If a thousand anons were transported to Equestria, would it be that much of a surprise if a hundred >no hooves faggots were mixed in with them?
>>
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>>30345497
>short Anon was abble to find happiness.
This is nice
>>
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>>30345895
imagine you warp to RGREquestria with 500 other anons and one of those anons snags you waifu. better try the parallel universe waifu, cause that'd be better than nothing.
>>
>>30346202
There would be so many murders.
>>
>>30345784
>Anon jokes to some pone that the reason he's monogamous is because he wants only disappoint one woman
>Pone sits there wide-eyed, realizing that this here is a male whose first instinct is to please his mare instead of expecting the mare to please him
>"I'm going to latch on and never let go."
>>
>>30346225
Survival of the buffest.
>>
>>30346278
Okay, please stop posting until you learn how words work, or wait till you get home before posting.
>>
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>>30345497
>>Taking a step forward, you wrapped your arms around him, mashing his face against your chest
>>Usually, this would have earned you a hard smack to the face, but Anon just tensed for a moment before letting his body go limp with a sigh
>>You leaned forward, nuzzling the top of his head
>>Yep...
>>Just like you thought...
>>He was the perfect small spoon height...
>>
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>>30346313
Honestly, that was almost legible. I think that's either not him, or he's actually trying
>>
>>30346344
Different Anon working on 4 hours of sleep. Fuck you.
>>
>>30346344
If he is trying then I applaud him
>>30346354
Does LaP need to get the ketchup and put you to sleep?
>>
>>30346362
>the ketchup
Oh god, are people still talking about the fish-ketchup thing? It's been 4 fucking months.
>>
>>30346291
That's not how murder works anon.
>>
>>30346354
Hey, fuck you. I was defending you, sort of.
>>
>>30346370
get back to me when it's been 4 years, because I would not be surprised in the slightest if it was still being referenced then.
>>
>>30346370
I plan to sneak in condiment based plot points and references whenever possible now.
>>
>>30346370
At this point its more meme than anything.
>>
>>30346386
Well, sorry I guess. Somebody needed a "fuck you" and you were the closest Anon to lash out at.

>>30346401
>Anon puts strange condiments on inappropriate food
>Ponies are baffled that a stallion doesn't know even the basics of what foods go well together
>How will he cook for his herd if he thinks that you put ketchup in eggs, or that you're supposed to smother your salad in half a cup of dressing?
>>
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>>30346370
>>
>>30346425
fuck off, ketchup and eggs go great together.
>>
>>30346467
You fucking pleb, your opinion is now meaningless. I'll bet you put ketchup on your mac&cheese too.
>>
>>30346482
Not that anon... but yes?
>>
>>30346425
>You will never take pleasure in making your mare's favourite dish for her and doing it perfectly
>Your foal's favourite foods will never be "dad's cooking" instead of some crap from a restaurant
>>
>>30346482
Not since I was like 8.

Except for that one time when I remembered I used to do it and tried it again to see if it was any good

(It wasn't. Neither was ketchup in my rice)
>>
>>30345133
He got happy ending.
>Suddenly Homo Thread
>"Hey handsome, want some fuck?"
>>
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>>30346496
disgust
>>
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>>30345506
G R E E N E D
R
E
E
N
E
D
>>
>>30346517
The Vietnamese have probably caught many species of sea creatures unknown to science throughout history but they most likely ate them before documenting anything...
>>
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>>30346546
Is that Fluttershy?

I want to cum inside Fluttershy.
>>
>>30346570
No, It Fluttershy 2.
>>
>>30346576
hwat
>>
>>30346510
Real ending
>Goes through highschool screaming at every happy couple
>Loses prom king to Anon, Sunset's loving manlet
>Goes to collage to try being the best again
>Real men are there too, driving him to his gender studies
>Finishes collage as a angry waste of a broken condom
>He will never go through life being reminded of his choices
>He will die alone.
>>
>>30346554
god fucking dammit. Why are gooks somehow worse than niggers?
>>
>>30346594
Welp, guess he's back
>>
>>30346601
Easy, shear numbers.
>>
>>30346612
never left newfag, Flash is almost always trash.
>>
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>>30346628
>he thinks it's about Flash
>>
>>30346663
Flash is trash, what are you implying?
>>
>>30345393
>>"LEGAL women," another guy added
>>"...Faggot."
>>"Fuck you, you loli cuck."

Kek
>>
>You will never deck Flash Sentry for being a pissy little faggot
I'm going to kill myself and all of you will be my witnesses.
>>
What if Flash from EQ was an Anon on /mlp/ and went to Equestria, but Twilight doesn't recognize him?
>>
>>30346171
>cunny
>>
>>30346987
So, is there a list of forbidden words somewhere that we can all check for the sake of convenience?
>>
>>30347055
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lSjJRd_RZOw
>>
>>30345393
>>"Don't you let them in! Don't you rape them you PIG!"
>"You can't rape the willing, Fag Sentry!"
>>
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It's Celestia's favorite time of the year, the Summer Solstice. Would you indulge her for the day and accompany her for the festivities?
>>
>>30345993
from a fic i read once, i think it relevant.


It was an easy evening in Aberdeen, Scotland. The sky was dark, the boys were out drinking on the town and the nightlife was just as it should be: boozy and rowdy. All except for one girl.

In a pub, Moira MacLeish bemoaned the pictures on the telly. Pony girls, once again. No, not that kinky shit where lads and lasses dressed up in latex and banjo’d the bab out of each other. No, it was the aliens from another dimension, the Equestrianis. Stealin’ a right good resource from hardworking women such as herself, leaving them with nothing but a ballsed-up life and battery operated boyfriends.

First it was that American pony girl raised like a human, gained herself a husband, a catchy one, too. Nothing wrong with that: she lived her all her life with people, so that was to be expected and one could say she really didn’t count. Then it was the unicorn gal that was an ambassador to the States – she caffed herself a nice lawyer. Again, nothing wrong with that; she was supposedly their expert on humans, so it’d stand that she’d lean in that direction. But it could be said it started with that goofy-eyed pegasus scientist and the Aussie rock star. Then another, this time between an earth pony (what the bleedin’ hell was an “earth pony” – shouldn’t that’ve been just regular pony?) girl and a Brazilian footy player. Then another unicorn girl and a Canadian hockey player. And again. And again. And bloody flippin’ again. Hell, there was even a rumor that one of the alicorn princesses themselves got a little action, shaggin’ up with a bloke.
>>
>>30347850

And now this, the nightmare, the horror of any sanity lovin’ Britoness anywhere in the flippin’ world.

The news presenter announced the tale, barneying up for life any single woman who fancied men: “And now in entertainment news, Welsh actor Chet Llewellyn announced his engagement to his longtime girlfriend, Equestriani pop star Midnight Moondust.” The screen switched to a scene of the happy couple waving to the cameras in some city – probably New York, since it looked like typical Yank crap. Another shot, this time of a ruggedly handsome actor in his late twenties, with a stylishly dressed pegasus mare holding onto his arm as though it was a sacred object. The midnight blue pony looked up to her fiancé and the pair kissed, quite romantically, in front of the cameras. “Llewellyn, who met the pegasus pop star on the set of the fantasy film Arddun Lleuad, spoke briefly about their affiance.”

Llewellyn just looked down at his soon-to-be bride, and then turned to the cameras with a face that could melt a dozen hearts. “When Midnight and I met on the set of Arddun, the sparks we had on-set translated into real life, and now three years later, I’m glad to say we’re planning for a life together.”
>>
>>30347873


The news presenter briefly appeared on-screen with more images of the couple mugging for the cameras. “Moondust, who is currently on tour in the States to promote her new album At the Gala, had this to say for our reporters.”

The pegasus mare looked dashing and Moira felt her skin crawl as several of the lads in the bar all made the typical comments:

“Oh, Oi’d roide me that beauty, Oi would!”
“Eh, yer a bleedin’ tosser, Nik. That filly needs a real man, not that Llewellyn fag. An’ I’m just the man.”
“Ah, outcher arse, Roger. That gal’s just too high-class for you. Now, for me, on th’ other hand….”

Moira ignored that, but couldn’t ignore what the pegasus was saying.

“Oh, I just love Chet with all my heart! He’s a darling of a dear, and every day he makes me feel like I’m a princess – like I’m Princess Cadance herself!”

The screen returned to the droll news presenter as he sealed the fate of every single woman in Britain with, “And the pair plan to marry right after the filming of the sequel to Arddun, Chwe Goleadau, sometime mid-next year. And now, on to sports.”

Moira grunted and drained her glass, until the surviving suds held to the bottom of the glass. “Miguel, ‘nother pint. And change that crap on the telly; don’t need to hear how the world’s tits over arse right now.”

“Sounds like someone’s just a little bit jealous,” Miguel said in that Spaniard’s voice of his. He’d come to study theology at King’s, but instead stayed for the heart of a pretty lady and now worked his time as a theology professor for the University and tended bar just for fun since his father-in-law insisted his daughter marry a man “with a useful talent.”

“Bugger that – Miguel. Horsey girls, they ain’t got these,” she said, shaking her torso and jiggling her breasts as a result. “Yet all I hear on the telly is pony girls, pony girls, pony girls.”
>>
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>>30347638
>The Summer Sun Celebration was actually kind of a big deal for her.
>It celebrated what she did best while gracing Equestria with the longest of her beautiful days.
>It was one of the most hectic, stressful, and yet gratifying experiences no matter how old she got.
>So for the princess to put aside this precious time of the year for you and forgoing all the crowds, travel, and speeches for once meant a lot.
>Celestia tried to make it this casual thing but she planned the shit out of this "little" date that was supposedly on short notice.
>She even planned and ensured that hundreds of gawking ponies wouldn't be following you two all day like they would if this date actually were spontaneous.
>After all, these festivities represented her.
>If something went wrong, it would look bad, and then she'd look bad.
>Maybe she should just relax and improvise more, some part of her proposed. No need to adhere to her plans so strictly.
>And the rest of her demanded that part to be silent.
>Because what kind of stallion fantasizes about an actual low-key, low-budget date from their princess charming?
>>
>>30347889
wheres is this from?
>>
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>>30347936
shes too perfect
>>
>>30347889
continue
>>
>>30347889
But where is the source?
>>
>>30347850
>American pony girl raised like a human
Is this fic by any chance related to All American Girl?
>>
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>>30345562
>>30345998
RGRE Glimposting is nice
>>
>>30348049
>>30348152
>>30348225
Sounds like a sequel of some sort to "All-American Girl"
>>
>>30348386
>"All-American Girl"
...who?
>>
>>30348391
https://www.fimfiction.net/story/25148/all-american-girl

Not really RGRE, but whatever.
>>
>>30348391
https://www.fimfiction.net/story/26335/be-human-the-all-american-girl-sidestories
>>
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>>30345506
How is it possible for one man to be so BASED?!
>>
>>30348400
>going on a year without an update
The fate of all fimfic stories.
>>
>>30348225
this story,

https://www.fimfiction.net/story/26335/10/be-human-the-all-american-girl-sidestories/chemistry-part-one
>>
>>30348420
next update is two weeks from now senpai,

https://www.fimfiction.net/blog/743890/this-is-the-way-the-world-ended-the-words-on-the-paper-stated
>>
>>30348420
Sad, isn't it?
But, what's worse is when people delete their motherfucking stories! It makes me want to explode a building.
>>
>>30348391
In short, Rarity has a kid who is raised by humans, grows up , marries a human and becomes a Christian and a Repubican. I've never read the story myself but I've heard its pretty bad
>>
>>30348438
>I've heard its pretty bad
As a guy who has read it, it's worse than you think.
>>
>>30348438
>and becomes a Christian and a Repubican
I'd read it just for this since any other story with a similar premise has the lead practically be a weak liberal hippie.
>>
>>30348438
The story is good and comfy, but then it goes to pure edgy war fic for absolutely no reason in the span of a single fucking chapter
>>
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How would evil cult Glim be compared to reformed Glim? Would she use Anon as a bachelor in distress?
>>
>>30348452
Don't. Trust me the pure unadulterated cringe will make you want to bite into tinfoil just to distract you from the pain
>>
>>30348441
1025 likes it

131 dislikes it

numbers are funny that way
>>
>>30348485
Fimfic also has shit taste
>>
>>30348504
i bow to your superior expertise in the aformentioned field of learning, having never studied shit taste your years of knowledge will see me soundly bested on this field of scholary battle, i admit defeat.
>>
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>>30347638
No.

I would steal her away from her duties and lock us in a cool place with a fresh supply of iced tea and Twilight's letters to make fun of.

This is canonically possible to have happened in the S1 opener. ^:)
>>
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>>30348438
>I've heard its pretty bad
Bad does not do it justice. Here are some bite sized rundowns of each chapter made by a heroic Anon:
https://pastebin.com/YpSiMW3Y
>>
>>30345741
Nah dude, "Chad", the dickhead at my local gym...
There's always a few Chads hanging around in a crowd.
>>
>>30345807
>>Hell, this is the equivalent of a bimbo apocalypse for them.

>>RGREQG introduces: "The Transdimensional Alien Bimbopocalypse!"
>>Starring: "Anon", and army of "NAMELESS", and some thirsty RGR school girls.
>>Featuring: "Raging Hormones", "Throbbing Cocks", "Dripping Hores-Pussy", "Crushed Thirty Second Expectations" and "My REEEEEEEEEE'ing Ultra-Autism".

>>Watch it all unfold tonight, only on the RGRE General!

Have a bit of humor thing.
>>
>>30348597
>and army of "NAMELESS"
Shit, meant "an army of "NAMELESS".
>>
>>30348469
>The story is good and comfy, but then it goes to pure edgy war fic for absolutely no reason in the span of a single fucking chapter

Aww. I was thinking about picking it back up for the comfiness.
>>
>>30346362
>Does LaP need to get the ketchup and put you to sleep?
Different anon here, misread that as "Does LaP need to put the ketchup in the basket to get you to sleep?"

Don't ask why, I got NO clue.
>>
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>>30348631
Forgot the pic, which is related.
>>
>>30348564
>https://pastebin.com/YpSiMW3Y
I'm not even halfway through, and jesus...
>>
>>30348555
She won't be laughing when she gets tons of angry letters from all across Equestria for not cancelling all her appointments and plans in advance. It took Manehattan three days to bake that building sized cake in her likeness. THREE DAYS!
>>
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>>30346370
>>"Ultra-Autists in my /MLP/?! Oh no! Who ever would have suspected such a thing!!"
>>
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>>30346430
In case you didn't have the full pic, anon.
>>
>Midevil Anon comes to Equestria through a toilet.
>Recovers and gets introduced to (insert character here).
>Observes RGRE society.
>Stops a construction mare one day and questions her.
"Why do your women want to be men so much? "
>"What?"
"This just makes things more stresful for everyone!"
>>
>>30348679
Hey, don't knock it till you try it fampai
>>
>>30348564
Dear God
>>
>>30348762
and i am 100 percent certain that individual is the most un-biased person ever to write a text, sarcasm?, whatever do you mean?
>>
>>30348836
IKR?
That guy was practically clinical about the whole thing.
>>
>>30348879
i vaguely remember starting to read AAG during the lunch brakes at work, it sounded stupid/cringy but what can i say, i am a sucker for pony/human interaction also most peeps i work with are not overly social(one of the many things i like about my job), and so reading it was/is,

the first chapters were,,, cringey?.

slowly it dawned on me that i had read all of it, and i wanted more,

it is not something i would normally recomend,

it is, addictive in its form, and for spending some time not doing anything it was perfect

it grows on you like, heck IDK, something organic that is not toxic,

what do you even call something that you do not find a great work of fiction, just, you want more of it??
>>
>>30349045
Same thing happened to me. Started read Diaries of a Madman, and despite how edgy it was I enjoyed the world building the dude did.
>>
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>Anon takes bull shark testosterone a la Brucie in GTA IV
>He's a absolutely roided up muscle bound gym-rat monster
>Most mares flock to him
>A year after living in Ponyville he's fucked at least half the mares there
>But his deepest, darkest secret he's trying to keep from everyone:
>He has tiny, shriveled balls
>He usually hides it well during his fuck sessions
>But one night, when he's railing Rarity, she notices his balls in a mirror.
>Rarity being Rarity, she immediately gossips about it to everyone she knows
>[insert story-driving drama here]
>>
>>30349155
balls=breasts

stallions like to brag about their size

somethin something bigger is better

,,, some mares like em small
>>
>>30349155
This is probably the only 'anon is a pussyslayer' story I could ever get behind
>>
Hey again, guys. Sorry for the delay in posting. Exams have been killing me, and I need to read up on my final piece for this thursday.

I haven't been able to come up with more green for the Gilda story I've been writing, though I have cooked up a different green instead.
I'll get back to writing more burd-stuff when I get the time. Meanwhile, enjoy some moon-green.

"Sweet Talks are made of this"

> You are Sweet Talks, ambassador of the Crystal Empire, and you are without a doubt, in way over your head.
> Your home nation’s attempts of self defense failed against the newly birthed Lunar Republic, under Queen Nightmare Moon’s rule, things have been looking grim.
> Since her subjugation of the former princess Celestia at the recent Summer Sun Celebration, Nightmare Moon has enslaved anyone opposing her rule.
> Wherever her army strikes, chaos rules supreme. Gruesome machines of war unleash hellfire, and unspeakable conjurations and wizardry are uttered in echoing screams.
> And whenever the republic forces seems to face defeat, she adorns her own suit of armor, and joins the fray, turning the tide of the battle single-hoofedly.
> Her newly instituted laws are strict, and without mercy. Anypony stepping outside the norm is punished harshly.
> Fiend of frights, mistress of misfortunes, bane of brightness. Many titles adorns her visage. And she is currently sitting at a large negotiation table, opposite of you.
> On the table sits a large map, depicting the vast planes of Equestria. Single monolithic towers made of ebony marble juts out here and there in the landscape, signifying her strongholds in the various nations.
> It is of no surprise that the majority of the map is dominated by her insignia.
> The rest of the room adorns her colors, black and indigo blue. Banners hangs across the walls, either bearing her cutiemark, or her dark saying, “In umbra, Luna regit.”
>>
>>30348391
It starts off with a decent premise. Pony raised by humans. Mom finds missing child, demands back. Drama ensues. Daughter doesn't want to go back. Story about reconciling one family with the other.

Sounds decent, right? Then the Christian republican stuff happens, and THEN a whole ginormous conspiracy and a bunch of bullshit which completely sidesteps the main premise.

Desperately needs someone to rewrite it into a story based on the actual premise.
>>
>>30349315

> The entire room is lit up by a number of magic torches, spreading an eerie pale glow across the dark gray stones.
> No pony has said anything the last ten minutes. The only sounds come from the queens noter. A unicorn mare with a dark gray coat, her brown mane tied in a tight hair bun. Occasionally, she lights up her horn, moving smaller pieces across the table, and notes their new position.
> Sometimes, she gets a distant look in her eyes as her horn flares, no doubt receiving fresh intelligence from the republic forces.
> The soft scribble of her pen, and board pieces scratching the map is the only disturbances of the peace.
> You have to write down your own notes. An obvious difference in the terms of power you and the queen hold. At least you could use your magic to write, keeping your mouth free to speak.
> Sometimes, the lunar queen casts a quick glance at her noter, before returning to the map, her face is a stoic mask of a calm demeanor.
> Finally, after a quick once-over of her notes, the ivory mare looks up from her note board.
> “The minotaur kingdom has surrendered unconditionally, your majesty”, she states. “The minotaur queen was killed in open combat, and her daughters has laid down their weapons.
> “Excellent,” Moon begins. “Spread the good news to the state papers, miss Quill.”
> “At once, your majesty”, she says, as her horn lights up alongside a small note.
> Looking back across the table at you, the queen grins.
> “Seems like all the chess pieces are falling around you, ambassador Talks,” she says in a mocking drawl.
“Your highness, please, we don’t want a war, we never have. We’ll gladly negotiate trade deals. The northern royal mines hew heaps of high quality crystals in every single day. We would be very willing to trade, in return for more sunli-“
> “Silence!”, the queen erupts. A few puffs of dust falls to the floor from the ceiling.
>>
>>30349323

> “That is a forbidden word, ambassador,” she corrects. “I am sure you understand, I simply cannot have foreign state officials prancing around, spreading such sickening ideologies,” she continues.
>Sinking down your nervousness, you press on.
“Please see reason, your highness, the agriculture across the land is withering. The few rays of…” you hesitate, “stellar light you most mercifully allow is not enough to sustain the crops. The corn stocks have already…”
> *THUNK!*
> The sharp sound of the hardwood note board hitting the floor interrupts your trail of words.
> Both you and the queen looks towards the source of the sound. The noter, miss Quill, looks at the note board in frightened surprise. Quickly, she looks to her queen.
> “I am so sorry, your majesty, I-I must have made a miscalculation in my enchantment,” she stammers, franticly lighting up her horn again to grip the board.
> “No need to fret, miss Quill. Anypony can make a mishap. Do not repeat it though, if you please.”
> Looking back towards you, Nightmare Moon presses on. “Ambassador Talks, you were saying…?”
> You however, have not moved your eyes from miss Quill. Despite her obvious effort, she could not get her note board to levitate again, sparks flying from her horn in distraught.
> Puzzled, you try your own magic to help the panicking mare, but just as soon as you had a levitation spell ready to assist, the magic fizzles out.
“H-huh?”
>>
>>30349316
>>30348438
I mean, I honestly prefer a christian and republican protagonist over the usual limp-wristed feminine guys people on fimfic usually write about. Why're you totting that about like it's some horrible thing?
>>
>>30349327

> You try again, and just as before, the enchantment slips away from your will.
> “What is the meaning of this, miss Quill?”, the Nightmare Moon asks sternly, now having noticed the poor mares struggle.
> “I-I-I don’t understand, your m-majesty,” she quakes, on the edge of hysteria. “I-I can’t get the enchantment to work!”
> “Nonsense, let me, the queen says, lighting up her own horn. Just like your and miss Rarity though, she looks to be having difficulties herself.
> The note board glows in blue colors, and slowly begins a jagged ascension from the floor.
> After a few breathless moments, the board falls back onto the floor.
> You stare at the queen. She has… lost her magic? An alicorn, a pureblood alicorn, has lost the ability to work her spells. Before mentioned alicorn looks on the board with a flabbergasted expression.
> Then she turns towards you, a raging fire in her eyes.
> “How dare you set up an antimagic field, in this most sacred of negotiation chambers?!”
“I have done no such thing, Nightmare.” Your voice thankfully doesn’t betray you.
> “If you have not, then who has…” her once thundering voice trails into a soft murmur as a stray suspicion crosses her mind.
> “By the elders…” she begins. “MISS QUILL! I thought I told you explicitly not tell *him* about this meeting!” The queen bellows, standing from her chair so fast that it tips over, hitting the floor.
> Him?
> “I-I didn’t, your majesty,” the poor mare cries.
> “If you did not, then how did he find us?!”
> The now broken down noter simply whimpers on the floor.
> “I d-don’t know, you majesty. Please, I would never go against your wishes.”
> The queen of the night looks franticly around the room. Then she eyes the guards stationed around the stone walls, looking at her attentively yet a bit shaken.
> “Thestrals, barricade the door!”
>>
>>30346594
>Implying you can't be a manlet and gay at the same time
>>
>>30349332
> The guards quickly rush towards the door, pilling left over chairs and other pieces of furniture, before stacking up on one another to press against the wooden bulwark.
> As the commotion quiets down, no pony says a word.
> You hold your breath, awaiting to see what terror is stalking the halls outside the chamber. Nightmare on her part looks on the door with an anxious expression, while miss Quill lies on the other side of the table, as inconsolable as well.
> Finally, you notice it. The chamber has gotten considerably darker. In fact, most of the magic flames are only just barely hanging on to life, spluttering on their pedestals.
> They did not do that a couple of minutes ago.
“Nightmare Moon, just what is the cause of this raucous?”
> Before the queen can answer your question, a firm knocking emanates through the heavy barricade.
> “Moonie, are you in there?” a deep baritone voice cuts clearly through the door.
> Moonie?
> Never having moved your eyes from the queen of eternal night, you see her pupils turn to the size of pinpricks.
> “Moonie, I’m respecting your privacy by knocking, but asserting my authority as your husband by coming in anyways,” the voice continues.
> H-husband?
> Before anypony can react, the door begins swinging inwards.
> Guards, furniture, tables and everything is simply pushed out of the way of the mysterious character.
> A tall figure enters the room gracefully, stepping over the strewn about obstacles with a curious glance.
> And he is tall, easily having at least a head worth of height to the dark queen herself, and twice as wide over the shoulders. His physique reminds you of a minotaur, albeit with more balanced proportions.
> He has wigglers, as minotaurs calls them. However, compared to their brutish appendages, his are long and sleek. His face a clear manifestation of patriarchal confidence. His clothes are stately, yet relaxed.
>>
>>30349337

> Apart from a simple silver crown atop of his head, there are no visible indications to his apparently royal connection.
> He does not need it though. His figure alone is more than enough to command respect.
> “Honey, I brought you and your friends some tea, buns and biscuits,” he says merrily, presenting a large silver tray. A tea set, and a tastefully made small braided basket with an assortment of what appears to be fresh tea buns and biscuits is on display.
> The smell of freshly made bakery wafts through the room, eliciting sniffs all around.
> Placing the tray onto the map table, he moves to a large pair of curtains on the side, drawing back the dense fabric.
> Bright light flashes the room through the crystal glass, followed by no small amount of hissing from unprepared eyes.
> “You really shouldn’t shut off natural light entirely, honey. Magical flames aren’t good for your eyes,” he says dotingly.
> The natural light of the strictly regulated sun pierces through the darkness, as the last pedestals had died out.
> Moving back to the table, the now apparent king spots miss Quill.
> “Oh sweetie, what’s gotten you so upset,” he says as he moves around the table. His voice reminds you of your own fathers voice. Paternal and comforting.
> He effortlessly hoists up the mare, holding her in his arms against his broad chest. A few stray sniffles escaping the pony.
> He sits down onto one of the chairs at the table, as he carefully begins buttering up a tea bun, offering it to the mare in his arms.
> He looks to the rest of the room. “Well, what are you waiting for? Come, take a seat. Bring some more chairs in, Willow and Indigo Sky. There’s more than enough tea and biscuits for everyone.”
Still in apparent shock, Nightmare Moon sits back down on his left side, wearing an uncomfortable mask on her face.
> “My most brightest of stars, why do you join us?” She asks nervously.
>>
>>30349340
> Seeing the noter finally nibbling on the offered treat, the king leans over, placing a chaste kiss on the queens cheek.
> Her face turns a faint red, even through her ebony coat.
> A kiss, in public no less. How… forward.
> “Because diplomacy has never been your forte, honey,” he explains, matter of factly. “Sometimes, a lot of your negotiations looks to be in need a of a… different view. He looks from the queen to you, and his face lighten up in excitement.
> “Miss Sweet Talks, ambassador of the Crystal Empire, way up north, right? He asks, extending a closed hand in the usual pony greeting.
“Um, yes si- your highness,” you awkwardly correct as you bump your hoof into the log of an appendage. With the upmost respect, your highness… who are you?” you ask carefully.
> The king smiles, as he withdraw his arm, and begin pouring tea into cups.
> “My name is Anonymous Incognito, the first. I am not from these lands,” he explains, handing you a cup. He seems content with leaving out his origin, so you don’t press the issue.
> Also, the fact that you get the first cup of tea has not gone unnoticed by neither you or Nightmare Moon.
> You thank him, as he pours another cup for his now visibly fuming wife. He notices the pout on her face.
> “Now now, Moons, guests first. I have already told you that.
> “I KNO- I mean, of course, dearest,” she retorts feebly.
> “Now, miss Talks, why did the Crystal Empire send an ambassador to our republic?” The king inquires, handing out cups to the rest of the guards. The basket of bakery is soon passed around as well.
> He sits down miss Quill on a chair, still nibbling on her tea bun, and leans across the table. His clothing does little to hide his impressive bulk as he looks down upon you with a content look in his eyes.
> Before you get to talk, you hear Nightmare Moon breathe in to answer for you, no doubt wishing to ruin your first-hoof impression with the king.
>>
>>30349344

> However, not a word has passed her lips before a hand shoots out, clamping down on her muzzle.
> “A-bah-bah, I want to hear her side first, honey.” The king dotes.
> Looking at this small quarrel, you eye an opportunity. The king not only has the teats of the queen in a twist, she dares not voice her disagreements. T-This could be your chance!
“W-Well,” you weakly start, “The ponies of the crystal empire wishes for the fighting to seize, and for trade routes to be established.”
> Anonymous leans back into his chair, absentmindedly scratching one of the ears of his wife. She leans into his touch, faintly humming to herself.
> His face contorts in thought. “Please elaborate this deal to me, miss Talks. What does the republic stand to gain from this?”
“As I mentioned to her highness before, the royal mines produces wagonloads worth of high quality crystals every single day. Precious metals and gems a hewn in the process as well.
> You try to levitate some of the official documents from your saddlebag, as proof of your claim. Still though, your magic fizzles out, your horn sending out small sparks.
> Your cheeks light up in embarrassment. You don’t understand this at all. Your magic worked perfectly earlier in the day, even during this very meeting.
> You hurriedly pick up the papers in your hooves, and hoof them to the kings outstretched hand.
> As your hoof gets closer to his hand, you feel it. A very faint numbing aura surrounds the king.
> He is the cause of the lack of magic. He is the reason no unicorn – or alicorn – in this room can do magics. Gulping nervously, you wonder. Just where did this king come from?
> “Hm…” he muses, looking over the papers. “While the republic does need high quality crystals, our own quarries are more than capable of supplying our own needs in terms of metal and gemstones.”
> Drat.
> “What other wares does your empire specialize in, ambassador?”
>>
>>30349352
> Oh thank the heavens, he is open for negotiating.
“Well, we have quite a big segment of Yakyakistan wool passing through. The capitals location is also close to one of the major passages to the minotaur queendom. Their iron is strong, and their milk a delacy,” you say hopefully.
> “Most interesting, most interesting,” he comments. “Though, this generous offer must surely come at a price,” he smirks.
“We simply ask for more stellar rays, your highness”, you say, bowing your head.
> “Stellar rays? Oh, you mean sunshine?” he asks nonchalantly. You nod.
> Nightmare Moon flinches in her seat, though her husband’s ministrations soon calm her down again.
“Although the rays of sun granted by her highness is most welcomed, the northern climate in our empire does not allow for much warmth to pass. The grand stocks have begun emptying, and many of the local depots have already run dry this early in the year,” you explain.
> The apparent desperation in your voice seems to strike a note in the king. He looks outside the window in thought.
“Your highness, I beg you, please consider. The extended sunlight granted two months back were appreciated, but-…”
> Anonymous holds up his hand, silencing you.
> “You mentioned ‘extended sunlight’, ambassador,” he says with a distant expression.
“Y-yes, your highness?”
> Curse your nervousness!
> “Honey,” the king begins, “you didn’t happen to allow for more sunlight because I mentioned it a couple of months back, did you?” he turns to Nightmare Moon.
> “Mhmmm…” the queen confirms with closed eyes, and a pleased look on her face.
> Raising an eyebrow at his wife’s answer, the king looks back at you. An amused grin crosses his lips.
> He leans to his wife, and whispers something in her ear. Because of the distance across the table, you can only catch a few fragments of what he says, though you are pretty sure ‘motorboating’ and ‘moonpies’ where mentioned.
>>
>>30349355
> The queens eyes shoots open, a hesitant grimace on her face.
> “Well… when you put it like that, I suppose I can allow for some more, ugh, sunlight,” the queen concedes.
> “Perfect, thank you Moons” he says. The king rises from his chair, and heads for the door. You stand up as well.
> “We can discuss the finer details over dinner, ambassador, if you would care to join us?”
“Gladly, your highness!” you say smiling.

Fin for now

Tell me what worked, what didnt, any mistakes or errors I can correct in the pastebin?
Thanks for reading, anons.

Pastebin will be updated shortly at https://pastebin.com/u/QoC
>>
>>30349328
I mean, if that's your leanings then it's fine. It won't bother you.
The problem is how little time it actually spends on its primary premise. The first chapter is super comfy with world building. Ponies are family oriented, and can't understand the concept of adoptive families being as legitimate or more than a biological family. Furthermore, humans are monsters from myth, making Rarity's attempts to get her daughter back all the more fierce and desperate. It's established that in the years daughter is gone, Rarity has conjured up a perfect image of her missing child, and the reality that she could differ in any way from that vision destroys her.
Hell, even the flashback segments are played well. Rarity's daughter goes to human school, eats cheeseburgers, wears clothes, etc, and ponies think she's a freak for this, when honestly she's perfectly normal. The problem is the author added in a gillion other plot lines and a fucking WAR that distract from the reason people actually get interested in it.
Read the first chapter, ignore the others.
>>
>>30349373
I'm being honest when I say this: you are better at writing- both grammatically and plot-wise- than the large, large majority of other writefags. But, since you asked, I'll butt in with a little suggestion I have: STOP PUTTING A SPACE AFTER YOUR >'S REEEEEE GODDAMN IT BURNS MY RETINAS
>>
>>30349447

Thanks for the feedback, but I don't understand what you mean by "stop putting a space after 's".
Shouldn't you put a space after a 's, such as in this sentence:

> Raising an eyebrow at his wife’s answer

to indicate a seperation of "wife's" and "answer"?

English is my second language, and it's highly likely I misunderstood your critique. Again though, thanks for the feedback, and kind words.
>>
>>30349483
No no, I mean your
>
Your greater than symbols. Quotes. Greentext thingymerbobs.
I tried to make > plural by adding 's to it
>>
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>>30349486
Aah, that way.
It's not something I had considered, but I will from now on. I'll correct it in the pastebin. Thanks for clarifying.
>>
>>30349373
I'm expecting more, faggot. Every night there's not more green I'll cry. Constantly, all day, I'll be crying. You don't want that do you? I'll eventually cry so much I'll die from dehydration. You'll be responsible for my death. All because you didn't deliver green. :^)
>>
>>30349355
>Their iron is strong, and their milk a delacy,
*Delicacy.
>>
>>30348564
Wow, I burned through all of that...now I get why foreign nations look at America like a god damn sideshow. That was a remake of the entire Republican party ideas for the Iranian war, boiled down to the retarded contrivances to make it happen, then shouting at each other like a bunch of insane monkeys. Is there more of this train wrecks review?
>>
>>30349316
>>30348438
>>30349427
>>30349598
>mlp has suddenly switched from being a literal majority natsoc/"alt-right" board to bashing something for being conservative
I'm getting a strong whiff of samefag. You have to go back.
>>
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>>30349636
>missing the point this hard
>>
>>30349652
You do realize this is RGRE and not a leftypol or reddit refugee thread right?
>>
>>30349661
>Implying its a samefag
Awww, your so cute with your backwards thinking. Go beg grandma for a cookie.
>>
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>>30349736
>babbies first time trying out the smug meme
Kek
>>
>>30349373
Was a cute story. It does raise the question of a) how Anon got to the NMM timeline and b) how the met and fell in love. Was Anon the cause of Celestia's downfall? Was he an errant soul that NMM could relate to? I want to read more about them.
>>
>>30347936
>You will never lay on her chest while he gazes down at you lovingly and gently rubs your back with her hooves
>You will never l use her chest tuft as a pillow
>You will never feel Celestia press butterfly kisses onto the top of your head as her wings wrap around you
>>
>>30348660
>Pic
>You will never get drink with Celestia and watch her centuries-honed princes persona crack and fall to pieces
>You will never make each other laugh by swapping stupid stories about your old friends and families
>Luna will never pull you aside and tell you that it had been centuries (not including her time on the moon) since she heard her sister laugh that hard
>You will never keep your new white marefriend sane
>>
>>30349636
It's not because of the stories conservative leanings. It's because he has too much going on and he writes a novel per chapter.
>>
>>30349332
> “Nonsense, let me, the queen says, lighting up her own horn. Just like your and miss Rarity though, she looks to be having difficulties herself.
Missed a apostrophe after let me, not a comma. And just like yours*
>>
>>30349340
>Still in apparent shock, Nightmare Moon sits back down on his left side, wearing an uncomfortable mask on her face.
missed a green line.
> “Miss Sweet Talks, ambassador of the Crystal Empire, way up north, right?
right?"*
>he explains, matter of factly. “Sometimes, a lot of your negotiations looks to be in need a of a… different view.
view"*
>With the upmost respect, your highness… who are you?” you ask carefully
"With*
> “Now now, Moons, guests first. I have already told you that.
that."*
>Precious metals and gems a hewn in the process as well.
well."*
>>
>>30350261
>he explains, matter of factly. “Sometimes, a lot of your negotiations looks to be in need a of a… different view.
With this point, also change it to 'look to be', not 'looks to be'.
>With the upmost respect, your highness… who are you?” you ask carefully
With this one, change upmost to utmost. The end of the sentence also needs a period.
>>
>>30349636
It's because it's a shitty story, you nigger.
>>
>>30349736
Look man, I know what you're going for, but you're missing the mark super hard. You're trying for smug and condescending, but you just sound really really dumb. I'm not sure why you're under the impression that fucking middle-school level comebacks and put-downs are funny or clever.
>>
>>30349521
Will get on it as soon as I have free time, anon. Thanks for the guilt trip tho :^)

>>30349523
>>30350205
>>30350261
>>30350335
Thanks you very much for those corrections. They have been inserted into the pastebin.

>>30349780
Thanks for the praise, anon. I hope to expand on the background surrounding Anonymous' and Moon's background story in further details, but as mentioned above, I'm quite busy at the moment.
Stay tuned though.
>>
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AW SHIT NIGGAS ITS SUMMER SOLSTICE TIME

I WANNA SPIRIT CELESTIA AWAY FROM HER DUTIES AND NAP IN A SUNNY MEADOW FOR THE WHOLE DAY WITH HER
>>
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>>30350788
I WANT TO CUDDLE WITH DAYBREAKER SO HARD.
>>
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>>30349337
>> “Moonie, I’m respecting your privacy by knocking, but asserting my authority as your husband by coming in anyways,” the voice continues.
I'm dead.
>>
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>>30350820
She doesn't exist. In fact she exists even less than Celestia.
>>
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>>30350909
I knew i remembered that line from somewhere.
>Re reading all Anon's dialogue in that voice.
Holy shit my sides.
>>
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>>30349337
>“Moonie, I’m respecting your privacy by knocking, but asserting my authority as your husband by coming in anyways,”
>>
>>30349636
Did you not read any part of those posts that didn't fucking trigger you?
She is a shitty character and the only notable things about her is that she is republican and Christian. She has no personality that can't be quoted from the bible or a Jeb Bush talking point.

She is a bad character in a bad story that could've been decent.
>>
>>30349373
I'm happy to get some of my favourite moon queen.

I showed up two threads ago because NMM was the OP image, but when I asked if there was any green of her, I was told that she would be nowhere to be found in this general, but I decided to stick around for a bit longer. I'm glad I did.
>>
>>30350909
>>30351034
>>30351096
>>
>30350782
Thanks for the green, really like how you're writing NMM and Anon in this. Don't you dare drop this.
>>
>>30351198
eh. Not bad
>>
>>30344940
I know what I said you mongrel and I meant self-confident, she isn't self conscious because Anon was the first guy she THOUGHT didn't like her, learn to read
>>
>Tfw ponies get fleas.
>They're much rarer in Equestria; because, as it turns out, intelligent species work much harder to remove parasites when they affect more than their pets.
>You're just thankful that human head lice and other human specific parasites never evolved into being here.
>Celestia had a rare instance of horrible luck on your lasting outing and caught them in the gardens.
>Some eggs must have hitched a ride on one of the schoolfillies that visited Canterlot annually.
>The princess was aghast to see flea dirt in her coat this morning, and mortified when she remembered you slept with her last night.
>She should have noticed that uncharacteristic itchiness even if it had been centuries since she last felt it.
>Did she, the role model of ponies everywhere, carelessly give her stallion an STD?
>>
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>>30345506
damn good green LaP
>>
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>>30345550
>>30345562
>mfw I like RGRE Starlight
fuck please more
>>
>>30349373
Holy SHIT, I now need MUCH more of this!
All my favorite elements.
RGRE.
Unheard of (in Equestria) human-magic interactions or properties.
NMM/Luna (both are cute poners).
Finger skritches are pony-nip.
>>
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>>30349337
>“Moonie, I’m respecting your privacy by knocking, but asserting my authority as your husband by coming in anyways”
classic
>>
>>30352080
Anon, being bald headed (nothing but a big, nigh-featureless green head), just did some manscaping and took a shower, leaving the fleas had nowhere left to escape being washed off.
Smug Celestia occasionally brags to Luna about her stallion being very free and frequent with sex, having stamina that would put even an alicorn stallion to shame, and exotic.

Now she has one more thing to add to the list: He's virtually immune to one of the most difficult-to-remove parasites known to pony kind!
>>
>>30348437
>It makes me want to explode a building.
Found the real mastermind behind 9/11
>>
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>>30349337
>> “Moonie, I’m respecting your privacy by knocking, but asserting my authority as your husband by coming in anyways,” the voice continues.
I remember that! Oh shit that's funny!
>>
>>30349340
>> “My most brightest of stars, why do you join us?” She asks nervously.
hng
>>
>>30345506
Immersion broken, there's always that one guy who comes along just to reeeee about no hooves.
>>
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>>30352501
>"Your gf isn't canon!"
>>
>>30352619
>Half the Anons get one waifu or another
>The other half fight each other, choosing to yell at one another over having sex with women who would be glad to have them
>>
>>30352697
>Yeah, it would be beautiful, Anon's fighting too the death over their cannon and non cannon waifu's. With said waifu's slowly realizing they really are trying to kill each other, only to jump and try to separate them before they rip each others throats out, probably by stripping, calling out to respective husbandos, and jumping on their mates.
It would be more entertaining than any show they have seen or ever will see.
>>
Wasn't there once a short where Anon in EqG was on a subway and got molested just like my Japanese censored pornos? Living in RGRE must be fucking amazing.
>>
>>30352733
>After the first Anon brawl put several of them in the hospital, it was decided that something had to be done.
>They installed a squared circle in the middle of town
>They dropped unruly feuding anons in it, told them some rules, and threw in a (usually) impartial referee.
>Usually just two at a time, but occasionally, you have tag team matches
>All the way up to a Royal Rumble

>A literal Royal Rumble, with a Princess as the Prize
>This Summer Sun Celebration, witness the ultimate struggle, at Waifumania!
>For our main even, see the hordes of Sunfags duke it out for the affections of Princess Celestia!
>>
>>30352779
main *event
>>
>>30352777
I think you're talking about one of the old Vinyl Scratch rape threads, I don't think we had one where Anon was molested. Though we did have one or two about Anon molesting mares and holding their hooves/hands while on the train so they have something nice to look forward too later.
>>
>>30352777
>>30352803
found it, it was in the prompt bin

> Be Anon in RGRE EQG
> The subway train car is packed with the morning rush
> Then you feel something warm and soft press against your back
> "Sorry, there just isn't any space to move."
> The voice is soft and feminine, and slightly husky
> Is she really apologizing for pressing her breasts against you?
"It's fine, I understand."
> The two of you stand like that for about five minutes, small movements changing how much her boobs squish against your back
> Your shirt is fairly thin, and you can feel two little nubs firming up against you
> To be fair, you are getting rather hard yourself
> Then a slender hand slides just above your beltline
> "I'm sorry, I lied, I can move away. But I think you are enough of a slut that we can have some fun. Am I right?"
> Her fingers slowly unfasten your pants button
> Fuck yes
etc etc
>>
>>30352847
Huh, I don't remember that one, hot.
>>
>>30352847
>It was moments like those that made Anon not regret picking up the work of a metro train driver,
>>
>Be Sugarcoat
>"MotherFUCKER!"
>Second period had just ended
>You and the other girls were standing next to the school's second floor window
>In all of your hands was the latest edition of Gabby Gums
>Usually, most of the Shadowbolts wouldn't be caught dead reading a newspaper, especially Indigo and Sour, but today they had made a rare exception
>It was because of an article on the front page
>An article that you would have assumed was an outright lie another day
>In fact, all around you you could see other girls with their noses buried in the very same newspaper, looking just as confused, upset, and outraged as you
>The bold, black letters of the title seemed to mock you with each time that you read them, making you more and more upset with each passing moment

CANTERLOT HIGH RAIDED BY MEN: YOUNG WOMEN TAKEN BY THE DROVES

>Twice you had read the article and halfway through a third, absolutely baffled
>Why the HELL would a hundred men storm a high school with the intent of getting girlfriends?
>Where had so many guys come from?
>But, most importantly, WHY FUCKING CANTERLOT HIGH?!
>Lemon, who seemed to be in just as bad of a mood as you, crumpled up her newspaper and tossed it to the floor
>"This is BULLSHIT," she grumbled, crossing her arms. "First they stole Twilight and now they're up to the fucking neck in guys."
>"Why the hell didn't they come here?" Sour growled. "They could have had some tight Crystal Prep pussy and instead they had to go and get themselves some flabby, runny, roasty CS box..."
>All around you, you could hear girls muttering things along the same lines
>And you know what?
>You really couldn't blame them
>Even though you liked to consider yourself a pretty rational girl, this was beyond unfair
>No guy in this school wanted a thing to do with most of the girls here
>Sour was so backed up that she was giving anything that looked phallic bedroom eyes, and you were even considering adding to your already expansive dildo collected last night!
>>
>>30352779
Ave Regina, amaturi te salutant!
>>
>>30352990
>In fact, all around you you could see other girls
extra you.
Also, I need a raid on CP now, FUCK THOSE UNHAPPY RICH GIRLS AND GIVE THEM LOVE!
>>
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>>30353039
We must fuck them raw.
>>
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>>30353039
>raid on CP
>>
>>30352990
>And that SUCKED
>"We wouldn't even need that many guys either," Sunny said, rubbing an arm. "Just a couple..."
>"Enough of 'em that we wouldn't have to share anymore would be better!" Indigo said, puffing up.
>The rest of you sighed at the thought
>Yeah...
>That'd be nice...
>"We should take a quick to Canterlot High to see if there's any spare guys still running around there," Sour said. "I know where we can get the keys to a couple of vans that the school keeps around."
>All around you, girls within ear shot perked up
>Even you had to admit that it was tempting
>But...
"There's no way those girls are going to let any of those guys go," you said, folding up your paper and tucking it under your arm
>"Then we'll go over there and BEAT the shit out of them!" Indigo said, pounding a fist against her chest
>You shook your head, brushing past your sis and walking toward the window
"Then someone would call the police and we'd all end up in jail."
>Indigo's brow furrowed
>"I, um... we could... oh, I don't fucking know!"
>"What could we even do?" Lemon said, throwing up her arms
>Letting out a sigh, you rested your arms against the window frame and looked outside
>That was the question wasn't it?
>What COULD you do...?
>Watching a flock of birds flying in the distance, you did your best to come up with a solution
>But, no matter how hard you tried, an answer didn't come
>Dammit...
>Pressing your forehead against the window, you looked down at the school grounds
>You were just about to push yourself away from the window and go to your locker so that you could go to your locker to get your books for the next class, when something caught your eye
>Someone was moving around near the school's side entrance
>Many someone's in fact
"What the hell..."
>You pressed your cheek against the glass, trying to get a better look
>When that proved fruitless, you said fuck it and slid open the window so you could poke your head outside
>...
>...
>...
>No way...
>>
>>30352990
>>30353096
IT WAS LAP ALL ALONG
>>
>>30353096
>>30353102
OH SHIT!
>>
>>30353096
>"We should take a quick to Canterlot High to see if there's any spare
quick what?
>No way...
yes way. RAID RAID RAID! Also does anyone want to take a bet that its Twilight sending the guys over to help her old school friends?
>>
>>30353096
"Girls? I think you need to come over here and take a look at this..."

~_~_~_~_~_

>Be Incognito
>Be about ready to yank your hair out
>"Why don't we just bust the door? That'll make it quicker!"
>"No, we just need someone that knows how to use a pair of fucking lockpicks..."
>The raid on Canterlot High, or whatever that school was called, had gone pretty good all things considering
>But, as a couple of the other guys pointed out, it could have gone better
>A bit of finesse might be in order instead of having a bunch of guys slam through the front doors and run around like a bunch of loonies
>You needed to get into the school before anybody knew about it
>Pick your targets and strike before anyone could react
>Which was why you and the two fucking idiots were behind you were trying to pick the lock on this door
>The second that you opened the thing you'd walkie the main "force" that was waiting about half a mile away
>Then BAM! school invaded, girls taken, and you'd all be a bunch of happy fuckers
Unfortunately for you, the lock didn't seem to be cooperating
"Will you two motherfuckers shut up and keep a look out?" you grumbled. "This is hard enough as it is without you backseat driving."
>We should have gotten in ten minutes ago!" fuckwit number one said, crossing his arms
"It's not my fault they put a lock with the most complicated fucking mechanism I've ever seen."
>"It's just a stupid lock!"
"No it's not. If it were just a stupid fucking lock I'd have been able to fucking open it already. Now shut the fuck up and let me work."
>Fuckwit number two frowned
>"Lets just break the door. It's only glass, so all I'll need to do it smash into the thing..."
>You sighed, shaking your head even as you pushed another pin in the lock out of place
>Jesus fucking Christ...
"If you try to kick this door I swear to god I'm turning around and beating your ass," you threatened, wiggling in place as you managed to pop another pin
>>
>>30353193
>had gone pretty good all things considering
pretty well*, considered*.
>Which was why you and the two fucking idiots were behind you were trying to pick the lock on this door
that* were behind
>Unfortunately for you, the lock didn't seem to be cooperating
Missed a green line
>We should have gotten in ten minutes ago!"
"We
>"It's not my fault they put a
put in*
Is he going to hate fuck the girl that opens the door he was working on? I'd be kinda pissed, but a boner is a good distraction.
>>
>>30353193
>There must have been at least twenty of the suckers
>Tight ones too; the kind that you have in really well made, expensive locks
>But you were getting there...
>After three broken picks, enough sweat to fill a bucket, and enough shit from the peanut gallery from behind you, you were almost done
>You could FEEL it
>Just a little more and--

CLICK!

>Your eyes widened as you turned the lock and it opened
>YES!
>FUCKING FINALLY!
>Quickly grabbing the door, you gave it a little tug
>To your delight, it opened without a fuss and, since no alarm went off, it looked like you were in the clear
>Grabbing the walkie talkie hanging from your chest, you brought it to your face
"Alright, it looks like I finally got the sucker opened. You guys can come now."
>There was silence on the other end before your walkie crackled to life
>"Hey fucker, what about all of that code name shit we were supposed to do."
>You frowned
"Just tell everyone and get your asses over here, you cunt. And hurry up, I want to--"
>A movement on the other side of the door made you pause, eyes widening, your head snapped up
> On the other side of the door you could see girls, dozens of them
>So many girls that they packed the hall as far as you could see
>Every single one of them were looking at you, fuckwit one, and fuckwit two like you were a couple of prime ribs
>Many of the girls had their dress shirts unbuttoned so that you could see a mile of cleavage
>Others were wearing what looked like warpaint, while others still had their panties on top of their heads
"...Shit."
>A movement behind you caused you to look back
>Even more girls, maybe a hundred in total, had somehow managed to surround the three of you
>Like the the girls in front of you, these ones were similarly dressed and wearing the same expressions
>...
>Gently pulling your lockpicks from the lock, you gave your wide-eyed companions a glare
"What part of lookouts didn't you two morons not understand?!"
>"GET 'EM!"
>>
>>30353226
This is how we know it's LaP and not an impostor.
>>
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>>30353268
I have a pic for this. Except in this case they are lucky bastards...still fuck the peanuts, chucklefucks cant do anything right.
>>
>>30353268
>A shout rose up from in front and behind you
>Before you could so much as spit, the door was wrenched from your hands and thrown open
>"I call the chubby one!" a red-haired, big-titted girl cried, leaping over you and tackling fuckwit one, who squealed light a little bitch as he was knocked off his feet
>"I call this one then!" a grey girl said, nearly bowling you over to get to fuckwit two
"We've been ambushed," you said, talking into your walkie. "Expect extreme resis--omph!"
>Someone tackled you, knocking you onto your back
>Grunting in surprise, you looked up to see a really cute, golden eyed girl now straddling you
>This girl had apparently decided to be a little bolder than the rest and nearly unbutton her top off the whole way, so that you could see her pink, frilly bra that seemed to be a size too small
>"I'm gonna love the FUCK out of you," she growled, her golden eyes gleaming as she grabbed the sides of your face and began gently caressing you
>You blinked as the army of girls let out a triumph shout
"...Alrighty then."
>>
>>30353332
Alright, I'm done. More autism since I didn't want to write page anon today.
>>
>>30353332
YESSSSSSSS!
>>
>>30353338
When can we expect some more Page Anon?
>>
>>30353348
I'd prefer to see more of that "Armoured Celestia Declaring Anon Her Husband" green.
>>
>>30353518
Wait, which one is that?
>>
Does anyone have a good pone name for a hero?
>>
>>30353576
What kind of hero?

Mare of Steel? Silver Spectre? Mare Do Well?
>>
>>30353607
It's k. I got one. Shit green incoming.
>>
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>>30353332
>>
*THWUNK*
“Alright, Evil Madam Quickshield! Release Sir Anon at once!”
>The despicable tyrant let loose a bellowing laugh
>“You fools! You will never defeat me! But just in case…”
>The cage holding the beautiful lord dropped out of sight, most likely to a secret lair
>She turned to the dashing invader and her stalwart companions
>”Now..”
>And then she paused
>....
>”PLEASE FOR THE LOVE OF CELESTIA, HELP ME!”
>Wat
“Wha-”
>”THE PONY EATER IS HERE! HE IS HERE IN HIS UNHOLY FORM!”
>”HE IS THE DECEIVER OF MARES, THE TYRANT OF SUFFERING, THE ALPHA AND THE OMEGA!”
>The mare was now crying openly
>”HE WILL RIP THE FLESH FROM MY BONES! HE IS THE ONE AND ONLY-”
*CRASH*
>You could only watch as the mare was crushed through the floor into another room by a deadweight
>When you turned your head, you saw Anon sitting in the cage
>He looked around, dazed, until he looked straight at you
>”Oh my goodness, Gleaming!”
>He ran towards, daintly
>”Oh gosh, thank you for saving me, my dashing princess!
>You blush as he nuzzles your face in adoration
>”I’m soooo thankful you saved me, my heroic knight in shining armor!”
>YOu clear your throat
>”W-Well, let us make haste from this hellish place!
>As you leave, a nervous thought enrapures you
>Wasn’t Anon in chains a second ago?


That it unless i actually continue
>>
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>>30353332
i need more

this is the only time i give a shit about eqg
>>
>>30353332
Didn't EQG Fleur De Lis go to Crystal Prep? Hope she found a guy almost as good as Anon.
>>
>>30353649
>Well written, interesting premise, possible fun plot twists
Do more.
>>
>>30353649
The plot is that anon is a mercenary who uses his "coltish whimsy" to sucker various heroes into doing his dirty work

The meat of the plot is when one group of heroes finds out, and has to travel back with someone who may or may not be a murderous psychopath, and may already know they found out is is just toying around with them.

Basically imagine a "the thing" but the thing may already be loose and no way to find out.
>>
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>>30353332
MY HEART

MY SOUL

MY DICK
>>
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>>30353332
>>30353965
How do you think she'd feel if he reached up and grabbed her tits? Or yanked her bra down?
>>
>Anon is just some guy who got summoned by some two-bit mages
>They were expecting the ender of worlds in bipedal form, but they got Anon instead because they're shit-tier horse-wizards
>Celestia and Luna crack down on them just as the summoning ritual is complete, and Anon is left standing there in a housecoat and underwear, holding a bowl of cereal and wondering where his kitchen went
>Celestia and Luna take him into custody but generally treat him like any other stallion
>They know that the ritual was probably bullshit, but Anon DID still appear when the "summon something to fuck a bunch of shit up" ritual was undertaken
>>
>>30353528
He wrote a small bit of green where Celly, armoured up and armed with a fuck-off huge mace, lands on Anon's porch.

Anon's baffled and Celly goes on about a wedding and how Twilight, the closest thing he has to a guardian, accepted her hoof in marriage on his behalf.

Then she wants to go kill Strawberry Sunrise for being too close to her "fiance".
>>
>>30354139
well, not kill, just rough her up a bit and intimidate her into keeping her distance.
>>
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>>30354153
>just rough her up a bit
Which part of "fuck-off huge mace" did you not catch?
>>
>>30354153
Either way, it was kickass.
>>
>>30354139
>>30354153

Little does Celestia know that's not a big loss for Strawberry. She already squeezed that snake.
>>
>>30354178
>Anon opens his curtains to find Sunrise flapping for her life past his window.
>Celestia follows a second later, swinging her mace.
>Anon looks down and sniffs his mug suspiciously.
>Did Pinkie spike your morning coffee again?
>>
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>>30354139
>mace
Meh, I never understood why people always chose blunt weapons for Celestia. Or any weaponised pastel horse for that matter. The ""vanilla"" spear from the show actually is easily the best fit for them, whether that was planned or not. If you look at the motion range of a mundane equine, there is no fucking way they raise anything above their shoulders, meaning that to deliver slashes/blows they would have to stand on their rear legs and strike when falling down. The only type of weapon fit for them would be a thrusting one. That means, you guessed it, a spear.

Of course none of that fucking matters once you realise that with each increment in season number the ponies behave less like ponies and more like inflatable tubes with no ribcage, but I digress.
>>
>>30354213
I mean, magically gripping a weapon is a thing, but I will give you that a non-unicorn (or alicorn) would probably default to a spear.
>>
>>30354213

Range of motion doesn't matter too much when you've got little horsey magic.
>>
>>30354213
Telekinesis . When you don't have to worry about shock recoil, you can smash something as hard as your magic allows, and bludgeoning works the general best against all armor types.
>>
>>30354213
But anon, she has a horn. She could levitate and swing that in all sorts of directions. Also probably because she gives off a holy vibe and that by extension gives off a D&D cleric vibe. D&D clerics wear plate and tend to use maces.
>>
>>30354244
This.

When one can swing a tree trunk or small building without difficulty or fatigue...
>>
Fuck magic.
>>
>>30354259
>When one can swing a tree trunk or small building without difficulty or fatigue...
false
only op mary sue characters can do this
>>
>>30354273
*thy merriment
>>
>>30354300
...This is Celestia, scrub.
>>
>>30354318
What gives?
>>
>>30354213
the biology bit is a tad enoying,
still not as mind-bothering as the tendancy of artist to depict characters, usualy alicorns as armed with scythes, it is a farm iplement for dead gods sake,

if you must take a hecking tool as your main weapon to a battlefield you are better of with a shove or a hayfork,

the simple spear
king of the battle


also, has there ever been any official art of celly in armour?
>>
>>30354329
In the filename. If the word doesn't start with a vowel it acts exactly like yours. So vowel thing aside, if you ever want to know which one to use just ask yourself if you would use your(thy) or yours(thine) here.
>>
>>30354325
yes

but he said telekinesis in general not just celestia
>>
>>30354139
I just read it, and it was really fucking cute. I'd love to see how it played out even further. Is there a good "oblivious Anon" story that isn't also "literally actually socially-retarded Anon"? Like, where pony courtship is just really non-intuitive and a bit nonsensical, and Anon's innocent actions are easily misconstrued as a sloppy/half-hearted (but still appreciated) attempt at becoming some mare's horse-husband? If you can avoid the route of "but guys all Rainbow did was give me a blowjob and gaze lovingly into my eyes. Why does everybody think she likes me lololol", then it would be interesting.

>Petting/wing-massage; Anon knows ponies like touching more than humans, and so he tries touching ponies. Anon has no frame of reference for what is friend-touching and what is "I want to make with the coitus"-touching in Equestria, and he makes some mistakes
>Chin-scratching; grooming behaviour is even stronger in ponies than it is in humans, and by grooming a mare friend, Anon is saying "The trust and affection I have for you is on par with (or greater than) the trust and affection I have for my blood-related family"
>Gift-buying; Anon buys a small, inexpensive present for his mare friend while he's out shopping; something on sale that he grabs on impulse and thinks his friend will like. To ponies, gift-exchange is very significant and acts as a big red flag that the gifter likes the giftee.
>>
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>>30354357
>If the word doesn't start with a vowel it acts exactly like yours.
I... what? So it changes based on that? Like a/an?
Also isn't it just easier to replace th with m in your head and have a modernly used word thingy?
Also also, so this https://youtu.be/e4DZog7faRg does not have a wrong title, right?
>>
>>30354358
Don't be a retard
make obvious connections c'mon man
>>
>>30354406
anon there is no need for name calling
>>
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>>30354382
Yes please thank.
>>
>>30354404
Yeah. It's exactly like a and an. My and mine used to work the same way (they even resemble thy and thine) with the logic being that you don't want the vowels from both words to blend together into some indecipherable mess. That's also why the mine is used in the battle hymn of the republic.

>Mine eyes have seen the glory of the coming of the Lord, etc. etc.
>>
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Moar.
>>
>>30354413
You're right I'm sorry
I'm sure you're a pleasant person to talk to in real life.
>>
>>30354465
second
>>
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>>30354465
Kek. Twiggy should have given Anon a little heads up considering she's a modern mare with modern sensibilities.
>>
>>30354430
Alright, but what is the deal with thou? In the song I linked they keep using thou to denote possesion, where I thought that would be thy/thine?
>>
>>30354547
She's also a modern mare who has a brand-new pile of money and is the legal guardian of a soon-to-be prince. I'd do a lot for a pile of money and the connections that come from playing legal-
daddy to the newly crowned prince.
>>
>>30354577
Whoops, hit the enter key right before "daddy". Damn my fingers.
>>
>>30354126
>Anon DID still appear when the "summon something to fuck a bunch of shit up" ritual was undertaken
Oh he'll fuck the shit out of plenty of thing
>>
>>30354213
A mace has always been a symbol of royalty
>>
>>30354213
What bothers me is that noobe ever mentions halberts.
They were made to kill the horses of the cavalry for fuck sake
>>
>>30354561
That just sounds like it's wrong or they're not actually using it as a possessive and the grammar or sentence structure is throwing you off. At least for early modern English (Shakespeare) onward it should just be nominative form. I've never heard of or noticed possessive thou that was considered grammatical in something like middle English, but who knows. People have been speaking the language for a long time and there's always the chance that while it's wrong it's some authentic dialect that existed at one point. For the most part it's pretty much exactly like you except unlike you it was never meant to address more than one person. So something like thou guys, thou'll (y'all), and thyselves would be wrong.
>>
>>30354561
>In the song I linked they keep using thou to denote possesion
Thou art thine father's child.
>>
>>30354862
Alright, thanks. I can now write Luna in proper pre-Normandic English.

>>30354890
It's the
>Beholden heart in thou hands
line that confuses me
>>
>>30354890
>Thou art arrogant, just like thine father!
>>
>>30354890
>thine father
>yours father

You could try a construction like 'thine own father's child' if you really want to use thine here, I guess.
>>
>>30354382
> gift-exchange is very significant and acts as a big red flag that the gifter likes the giftee.

Poor pinke she gives gifts to everyone but still alone
>>
>>30354923
Nah, that's different; she's a Party Mare. It's like being a hooker, only for birthday parties and other general celebrations. It's like, you don't pay a chick 100 for a blowjob and then wonder if you're boyfriend and girlfriend afterwards.
>>
>>30354918
Whoops, you're right
>Thou art thy father's child
>>
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>>30352990
>>30353096
>>30353193
>>30353268
>>30353332
>>30353338
LAP you are a fucking hero!
You're honestly too good for us.
>>
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>>30354862
It's a nice observation.

Back in the middle ages.
Thy and thou never existed
Neither thyself

You on the other hand indeed existed, but it was only for royalty.

Thine was the right pronoun both for a peasant or a group of peasants.

Ir wouldn't be Thou, it would be thine.

Samething with thine'self is incorrect, even redundant.

With thine it would already explicit the (you) or group of people (they)
>>
>>30354998
By middle ages was this like pre-Chaucer middle ages?
>>
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>>30354213
Morning star
Sun
It writes itself
>>
>>30354897
Just remember thou and -th never ever ever ever ever mix. It's -st, -est, -ist, -ast, and sometimes -t for thou conjugations.

That -th you see is third person and became an -s in modern day.

Thou dost and he doth.
>>
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>>30355015
I'm not sure actually.
I don't lurk /history/ really that much.

I'm just a shitposter most of the time
>>30355042
>not the Halbert or a sexy Spanish Espadón.
>or that Great magestic lance that cavalry had to show off.

Or in most cases Warhammer>mace
>>
>>30348485
I also imagine that a lot of people who wouldn't be into that sort of story don't bother to read cause they know it's probably something they wouldn't like. These people know they wouldn't like it and don't downvote.
>>
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be honest

if you landed in the eqg world
land of a million thirsty and horny as fuck women

youd be doing the backstroke through all the pussy theyd be attempting to drown you in
>>
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>>30355157
Not without some initial reluctance at first
>"No! N-no!!!!"
>'C'mere, cutie!'
>"IT WASN'T SUPPOSED TO BE LIKE THIS! NOO!!!"
>'I will hug you and pet you and hold you and squeeze you and name you 'George'~'
>"I w-was supposed to get a pony waifu, damnit.."
>>
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>>30355157
EQG green of them curing Anon of his "reeeeeee no hooves" through a gangbang in the girl's locker room when.
>>
>>30355157
>Backstroke
Bitch, I would dive head first.
>>30355183
>'I will hug you and pet you and hold you and squeeze you and name you 'George'~'
Are you the lug from Loony Toons?
>>
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>>30355157
>Get stuck in RGREqG
>Fuck.
>No hooves
>Still end up with a Canterlot High gf. Stick to one because polygamy with ponies is weird but they're aliens so it's understandable. Polygamy with girls is just a little too strange.
>She wants to bang in the backseat of your car, play vidya, and snuggle away her attention starvation.
>Then she starts saving for a ring at her mom's (or maybe one or more of her multiple step mom's) urging once how low maintenance and agreeable you are sinks in.
>This is okay, you decide.
>>
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>>30355285
>>She wants to bang in the backseat of your car, play vidya, and snuggle away her attention starvation.
>and snuggle away her attention starvation
daww
but also aww
>>
>>30355157
Honestly i'd probably have some sort of anxiety attack ala fluttershy and that eyeball scene.
The idea of a bunch of women wanting to jump my bones makes one bone in particular tingle, but actually experiancing it would trigger PTSD like symptoms.
I'd legitimately be scared out of my mind if i was those surrounded guys shoes, even if one of the girls pounced on me and the rest left us alone it'd still be terrifying.
i dont want to make them feel bad by being broken.
>>
>>30354111
In RGR?
About how you'd have felt at the age of ~15 if a woman ran up, pants'd you, and started whacking you off.
>>
It's all fun and games until a white knight tries to defend your honor or an older woman walks in.
>>
>>30355380
I... don't think that's quite comparable.
>>
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>>30355372
I know that feel. I've become too comfortable with being able to always blend into the background and disappear.

If that actually happened I'd be really fucking uncomfortable at being the center of attention.
>>
>>30355439
Just wear a paper bag so that nobody knows who you are
>>
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>>30355460
GENIUS!
>>
>>30355460
Could I at least wear something more intimidating so people don't get curious.
>>
>>30355493
Hoers mask?
>>
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>>30355285
>RGREqG gives leniency to girls who snag older guys.
>A girl has gotta grab what she can, after all.
>Your 16-17ish waifu is both the shit and the greatest source of envy at school for nabbing you, a monogamous guy in his 20s with a car, job, and lack of fuss when it comes to sex.
>To a RGREqG girl, that's like winning the lotto twice in a row after being struck by lightning three times and walking away unhurt.
>The sheer smug your gf generates causes bunched panties for miles around.
>>
>eqg world
>the simeralities to horse world dont stop at skin and hair colour, they have horse-like genitals.

Human women with mare puss that expect guys to last 30 seconds in bed with barely any foreplay.
>>
>>30355514
Unnnnf, ruin that pussy and make a ring for her. Then have her put that ring on her tits as a nipple piercing.
>>30355535
Its a new age, and humans have started raiding highschools and collages for single girls. There aren't enough men however, so some horsefuckers are stepping in to help alleviate the problem once horsepussy is shown to be with them.
>>
>>30355577
>nipple piercing
D-degenerate...
>>
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>>30355592
But only for you.
>>
>>30355592
>Not giving her solid proof that she is with you forever
>Not licking it constantly to remind her of what she got
>>30355613
>Not watching her play with it as you breed your wife on her parents bed.
>>
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>>30355613
I want to nutter in her butter
>>
>>30355619
Should have pierced her clit with it.
>>
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>>30355514
>Everyone looks
>Everyone always looks
>At the girl who walks with with a smile and a limp.
>At the girl who has the smell of dick on her breath.
>At the girl who filled out early thanks to the hormone boost from being railed on request.
>At the girl who gets to avoid the bus, because her boy FIXED A CAR and GIFTED it to her.
>And when they look at that shit-eating grin...
>Tits status = Not calm
>>
>>30355721
I would do outrageous shit just to see my waifu rustle some jim jams.
>>
>>30355310
Who is pic
Never seen them before and my dick wants more
>>
>>30355990
Lemon Zest, one of the Crystal Prep girls.
>>
>>30355947
>Anon channels his inner Johnny bravo
"Did his shirt just explode?"
>"Yep"
"From FLEXING?!"
>"Ooooh yeah"
"How does that even work?"
>"I stopped caring about the how once he did the same thing to his pants."
>>
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I like the direction this thread is going.
>>
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>>30356332
Oh yes.
>>
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>>30356332
>>30356401
OH YES
>>
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>>30355439
>I've become too comfortable with being able to always blend into the background and disappear.

>No social life to speak of, save for the occasional Fagbook chat and IRL hangout with 1 friend from high school
>Only casual acquaintances with co-workers, never meet up outside of work
>spend long periods of time alone in apartment at computer when not at work
>tfw when so comfortable with years of social solitude makes the idea of having a healthy romantic relationship with someone scary and uncomfortable

I know this isn't /r9k/, but god damn. This hit me just a bit.
>>
>>30355439
>>30356472
Didn't know it was Blogpost Day yet
Despite all the 'oh bby it's okay we love u' bullshit that pops up no one legitimately gives a shit about your teenage angst. Keep your shit in r9k please
>>
>>30356565
no.
>>
>>30356565
let the man feel.
as long as he doesnt spam it its fine.
>>
Dry your tears girls, soon everything will end. Except RGRE of course, RGRE is eternal.
>>
>>30355157
Well, yeah but I wouldn't leave pone pussy for it.
>>
>>30355380
pretty great actually
>>
>>30349373
Not especially rgre (in that it doesn't seem particularly focused on it) but excellent.
>>
All this eqrgre but still no DD2 or JAGOG. All I really want.
>>
>>30356877
What's JAGOG
>>
>>30355157
I would pick a girl or two if they herd and give her all the dick she wants. Why the hell would I need to fuck around like some slut when I can have my waifu around to bang?
>>
>>30356899
I'm so, so sorry.
>>
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>>30355514
You must live in Bongistan, though nobody wants them to the police still arrest and charge women who are with minors in the U.S.
>>
So what did RGRE think of Pear Butter being the one serenading Bright Mac?
>>
>>30357716
She's gonna get MAC'd
>>
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>>30357716
She looks rather familiar, doesnt she.
>>
>>30349373
Oh fuck the hell yes. More please.
>>
>>30357791
Oh shit.
>>
>>30355157
>Get pulled aside and violated in the girl's bathroom
>Waifu rejects you; "Nobody wants used goods, Anon. Go be a whore somewhere else."
>Reasons to live: -1
>>
>>30355372
I'm alone, but not by choice. If I could look at myself and my choices and not be utterly disgusted, I'd be out there awkwardly flirting in half a second. Self improvement, Anon. Remember that. Be the man your waifu would be proud to be seen in public with.
>>
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>>30357998
>>
>>30357998
Hang on a second. When has a dude ever said that to a rape victim irl?
>>
>>30355285
>"So what's your boy like?"
>You happily shift your weight from foot to foot, happy that your mom is FINALLY taking an interest in your life.
"Oh my god, Mom, he's great," you gush.
>Your mom rolls her eyes, but urges you to continue with a hand gesture.
"He's in his 20's, right? An-"
>"Woah, hold on!"
>Your mom looks at you wide-eyed.
>"You nabbed an older guy?"
>You nod, feeling dread start to pool in your belly; did you do something wrong?
>The corner of your mom's mouth twitches, and you THINK you can see a hint of some rare stern, motherly approval in her eyes.
>"Nicely done. Keep goin', kiddo."
"So, uh... 20's right? He's got a job, a car, and he goes dow-shiiiiiiiooot."
>Fuck.
>You nearly talked about sex in front of your mother.
>You don't talk about sex in front of your mom! That shit's super gay!
>You didn't even save yourself by mumbling 'no lesbo' under your breath
>To your surprise, your mom throws her head back and laughs.
>It's a bit harsh (likely from how she's been smoking since she was 30), but your mom's undoubtedly amused.
>"Not bad, kid!" she chuckles, gravel in her voice, "Not bad at all!"
>Mom grabs her glass of whiskey and takes a sip from it.
>"What did you have to do to get your man to give you the ol' lick-a-roo?"
>...
>It's shit like that is why you don't introduce your friends to your mom.
>She has the worst mom jokes in the world, and she keeps saying cringy mom-shit like that.
"Nothing," you growl out, "He just does it when he feels like it."
>Your mom snorts.
>"Pull the other one."
"No, really! One time I woke up and he had his head buried under the bed covers!"
>You must have sounded desperate or flustered or something, because your mom just laughs again.
>God fucking dammit, nobody ever believes you when you tell them that Anon's kind of a slut when it comes to you!
>>
>>30358128
>Fuck, when was another time Anon just... DID things to you without you having to ask him, or bribe him, or suck his dick twice as much as he'd lick your pussy?
>...
>VALENTINE'S DAY, LAST YEAR.
"It was Valentine's day and I forgot to give him any flowers!"
>The laughter stops.
>Mom gives you a look somewhere between pity and sympathy; she's forgotten to give dad a present too, once or twice.
>She was sleeping on the couch for a week each time.
"Anon said that it was no big deal and that flowers were 'gay', anyway. After that we just watched a movie together at his place. One minute we were watching Frieda Krueger throw a TV on some poor bastard, and the next..."
>You try (and fail) to suppress your smirk.
"...he's got his head buried between my legs, and he STAYED there for the last hour of the movie."
>Mom's staring at you with a strange emotion that makes your chest feel too tight.
>It's PRIDE.
>She might have never said it out loud, and she might never will... but you know that, in this moment, your mom is proud of you.
>"Kid..."
>Your mom puts down her drink and kneels down in front of you.
>She puts her hands on your shoulders and looks you in the eye with the most earnest expression you've ever seen on her.
"I know where your grandfather's ring is."
>You fucking what.
"Marry him. Marry him RIGHT NOW."
>You must look as dumbstruck as you feel, because your mom starts to laugh at you.
>"Don't give me that look, kiddo. If I don't say this now, your dad's gonna say it later; he wants grandchildren eventually, you know."
>>
>>30357791
what the fuck
ARE WE FAMOUS NOW
>>
>>30358134
And I just realized I fucked up with the mom's last few lines. Sorry folks, I just woke up and my brain is still half asleep.
>>
>You will never have a marefriend who smugly brags to her friends about how much you love it when she blows you
>>
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>>30358071
Easy.
>Fat ugly bitch+Viagra+Roofies=You covered in hamplanet slime+The smell of rancid ass+Fat ugly bitch+Your bedframe broken.
>>
>>30357791
But... but... muh wings
>>
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>>30358134
>"Anon said that it was no big deal and that flowers were 'gay', anyway.
Stopped reading right there
>>
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>>30355285
>>30355514
>>30355721
>>30356401
Stop inspiring me you losers.
>>
Shu, if you're still lurking, could you hop onto skype? I gotta talk to you, m80.
>>
>>30358746
Personal standards can be lowered if supply is scarce.
>>
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>>30356030
>>
>>30357791
FUG
>>
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>>30358134
nice
>>
It's a sad day when we need to bump this thread.
When's more of anything that's been posted recently? We've had good stuff this thread and last.
>>
>>30360120
>bumping from page 10
Like a physical wound.
>>
>Crystal Empire resurfaces from the space-time void.
>Anon arrives at the same moment, as a meteor of trans-dimensional fire.
>Sombra looks up in surprise as a naked Anon crashes into him, screaming "SHIIIIIIIIT!" at the top of his lungs.
>Sombra is Acme'd to death.
>Crystal Ponies find him, declares him their saviour, and crown him King.
>The fact he doesn't want any of this spur them on even more as he is deemed humble and "worthy".
>The Heart activates and is filled with happiness and patriotism ("Murica, fuck yeah!").
>Cadence and Shining arrive to find everything up and running again, with the Heart being powered up.
>And themselves at spear-point.
>Awkwardness ensues as they realise that the Empire's ponies are RRGRE.
>Bafflement as they realise this new King is rapidly instituting reforms to make the Empire a powerhouse.
>"Uh, honey?"
>Cadence looked at her husband from the sea of new, crystalline skeletons of future skyscrapers and newly-paved pathways.
>"Hm?"
>"What do we do now?"
>Cadence hummed and turned to him with a big grin stretched across her face. "I have absolutely no idea, dear. Exciting, isn't it?"
>>
>>30351135
There's a good chance that you are the anon who inspired me to write this green. Glad you enjoyed it.
More best queen green in a couple of days.

>>30351198
9 out of 10, pictured the crown to be smaller. Still kek'ed.

I am really happy people caught that Fairly Oddparents reference
>>
>>30360120
>>30360144
Ups and downs. Tore through the last thread or the one before last in only a day to my memory. Might have something to do with burger and non-burger timezones hitting a simultaneous slow period.
>>
>>30360347
>newly-paved pathways

This is a little nitpicky, but

>Ponies use dirt roads because it's easier on their hooves
>His new law requiring streets to be paved leads to a massive influx of hoof-related injuries
>>
>>30360437
CRYSTAL

SHOES
>>
>Anon has been serving as Celestia's personal shadow for years.
>Fucking good at his job.
>However, the plot's focus is not on Anon's "troubleshooter" career.
>One day, Celly, who has grown very fond of him over the years, asks him his plans for the future.
>He bluntly says he'll either die on the job one day, as age catches up to him, or he'll just retreat somewhere after he retires, like the Everfree, alone.
>Celestia is disheartened.
>Quietly schemes to either set him up with a trusted pony (such as her sister, niece, or Twi) or herself, if her fondness is something "more".
>Anon has no idea why odd situations keep happening to him, but he suspects his employer has something to do with it.
>>
I just love this prompt. I love the idea of Luna desperately trying to reform Anon, mistaking his usual shitposty self as him being a serious villain.

>Anon is rocking out in his dreams
>Lucid dreaming = bitchin' music videos
>Luna just so happens to stop by while he's singing villain songs
>Becomes convinced that he's secretly Equestria's newest supervillian threat, due to music magic logic
>Because why would anyone sing songs about being evil if they weren't evil?

>Luna is dismayed because she liked Anon
>It makes it hurt just a little bit worse when she sees him singing a villainous duet with an illusory Chrysalis.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VBRXsAWBgFA
>Could they be allies?
>Could they be...
>Lovers?
>>
>>30360120
Good stuff ? Not gonna happen.

> Be Anon in RGRE Eques-
> Nah fuck Anon, he is overused
> Be Caramel in RGRE Equestria
> You don't actually know it's reversed, because that's how things have always been for you
> Princess Twilight is testing some magic in her castle's backyard, with her "Apprentice" Glimmer
> Tssss, even with a royalty title you wouldn't go anywhere near such a pathetic nerd
> And Magic ? Pfff. It's not important.
> Magical research isn't going to buy you that state-of-the-fashion saddle or a new pair of horseshoes
> You might need to find a new herd soon tho
> Leaving the previous one because they forgot to buy your favorite ice-cream TWO WEEKS IN A ROW was the right decision
> Can't let those mares take you for granted
> But Bulk Biceps isn't going to let you sleep on the couch forever
> And maybe you can pressure that beta mare into getting some money from the royal coffer
> ...
> Yeah, time to get close and show how passionate you are about every magical nerdy thing
> You start pushing trough the small crowd that formed to watch the show
> "I will ask everyone to take a step back, this one is a work in progress and require concentration."
> "Blablahblah. Blah. Blablah ?"
> Goddamn mares, always thinking people have nothing better to do than listen to what they say.
> She close her eyes and start charging magic as you get close.
>>
>>30360455
Sounds like the fate most of us would have.
>>
>>30360347
>Implying Anon isn't flying by the seat of his pants
>Implying Anon doesn't know what the fuck is going on
>"My liege! What is your command?!
"Uh, uh, uh... b-build really tall buildings?"
>"It will be done!"
>>
>>30360473
> You know she love lecturing and teaching and other boring things
> You might get to squat the castle without even having to sleep with her if you play your cards right
"Hey Princess, I love magic soooo much : do you think you could give personal teaching to a poor stallion like me ?"
> "H-hey what- OUT ! I need space for this !"
> Filly looks panicked
> Guess it's the first time a stallion talk to her, eh
> You get your most seductive smile, and make sure that you sheath is slightly visible to her
"Aww, I'm sure you have needs. Lots of needs. Maybe I can do something about it and-"
> That's when everything explode and colors flashes everywhere in your mind.
> You are slightly worried about being dead
> But you open your eyes and everything seem normal
> Your mane is totally ruined tho
> That bitch ! How does she dare doing that to a poor, innocent stallion !
> Royalty or not, you slap her. Hard.
> She fall on her back and start crying
> Pfff, even more beta than you though. Thanks Celestia you didn't actually try to herd with her.
> Everyone look at you flabbergasted
> Thunderlane approach and kick you right in the jaw
> You hear the bone crack
> Thankfully for you, your brain never faced actual pain and isn't sure what to do with it
> "You fucking asshole ! How dare you hit that poor girl ! Get the fuck out of here before I break your legs !"
> You search in the crowd for support, but everyone seem to agree with him
> But this so unfair !
> Why is everyone so mean ?!

And that's how RGRE Caramel started his difficult (and probably short) life in non-RGRE Equestria.
>>
>>30360493
come on anon

im sure most of us have played strategy games
im sure we could have some kind of idea as to where to start
especially since youd have a lot of advisors
>>
>>30360437
>poorly maintained roads leads to tripping
>more injuries
I'm sure some engineers could figure out an ideal middle ground
>>
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>>30359191
>Spitfire in RGRE.
>She's a leader of a whole bunch of marely mares, keeping them in check.
>Also is a pinnacle of being /fit/, possibly the most sportsy mare in Equestria.
>On all accounts, she is the typical Chad - body like an ancient Canterlotan statue, and the success that any filly could dream of.
>She leaves any crowd of stallions harder than the finest granite, and crowd of mares like a jelly mess of twisted teats.
>She could basically sleep with any stud of her choosing, and probably a good deal of mares too.
>And it is natural that she would eventually lean towards choosing an ideal model husbando,
>>
>>30360460
>I just love this prompt. I love the idea of Luna desperately trying to reform Anon, mistaking his usual shitposty self as him being a serious villain.

>Poners are sensitive little darlings, which is something that Anon quickly learns after making a group of stallions cry during casual conversation
>Has to bite his tongue and hide his powerlevel
>Makes a conscious effort not to retort with minor insults that would make the average tough mare sniffle and demand that he takes it back
>Only the Princesses can withstand his acid tongue, and that's just because they've been around for thousands of years and have been exposed to the "worst" of pony society
>Anon is at odds with the local population who believe that a colt is in danger of struggle-snuggles if he doesn't have a herd, but his awful nature chases away even the toughest mares
>It's up to the Princesses to try and "reform" Anon before he turns into some kind of mean-speaking super villain

I mean for fuck's sake, the biggest bully to ever wander Ponyville called people "dweeb" instead of "cuntbag" or some other vile and nonsensical insult.
>>
>>30360497
I'd be more interested in hearing about that Caramel that he switched places with

>Coltish, pathetic Caramel replaced with strong, hardworking stallion who can handle hanging out with the mares with a smile on his face
>Every mare in town is now soaked for him
>>
>>30360500
> im sure most of us have played strategy games
Somehow, that would probably make things worst.


"We are going to send the peasants attack their base immediately !"
> "My liege, they have very heavy fortifications and a gigantic army."
"Don't bullshit me, war just started. They can't have more than one or two peasants more than us."
"So we gonna rush their base right from the start ! It's a Korean strategy, you ponies can't understand."
> " ... as you wish, my Lord."
>>
>>30360541
anon please
>>
>>30360493
"So, these yaks are douches but party animals?"
>Crystal Empire mistakens his confusion for a command.
>Invades and annexes Yakistan within 24 hours.
>Surprisingly enough, the Yaks were pretty cool with it, and not a drop of blood was spilled.
>Yak and Crystal Pony parties spread across the expanded Empire.
>Anon's troubles double as he's crowned Emperor of the combined Empire.
>The Crystal Ponies' industriousness expands into Yakistan, modernising it.
>>
>>30360541
>Anon sends peasants to gather lumber
>In the tundra
"Well, fuck."
>Refuses to believe that he can train certain units without tree-flesh
This is getting dangerously close to Anon LARPing and fucking with ponies just because he can.
>>
>>30360567
Celestia wakes up from her nap to find the political landscape brutally murdered.

Equestria suddenly has a very large and powerful neighbour to the north.

Has no idea of the personality of this "Unseen Emperor".

Meanwhile, Anon is out of his depth.
>>
>>30360567
>Bigger combined territory
>Sick party that lasts a week
>Alliance with trippy see-through ponies
Literally no downside for the Yaks. You basically just moved them into a bigger house with more beer.
>>
>>30360602
"Faceless Emperor"
"Imperator Incognito"
>>
>>30360602
>>30360651
This is why I can never enjoy stories like this. I can never take it even a slight amount seriously when titles and names are just various synonyms of 'Anonymous'.
>>
>>30360608
I want to see more of Anon bumbling his way through the world of politics and kingdom managament.

Oh that gives me an idea . . .
>Anon is curious about what's even further north.
>Has to be a northpole of some sort right?
>Scouts are sent out with Yakistan fur coats and supplies against the cold.
>They come back bringing with them literal Wendigo spirits that had slept for millienia
>Anon gives them a high five and points them to the mountains if they want it since they like the cold all the time.
>Queen Windy Skies fearsome leader of the Wendigo spirits. . .is actually kind of touched that a mortal was willing to provide land for them to live on.
>Most other mortals flee from them or burned their essence with flames and magic.
>Celestia's face when the Unseen Emperor now has powerful ice spirits under his command.
>>
>>30360697
>ice spirits like to hang around the wild parties they throw to take in the powerful ambient emotions
>in return they keep all the booze cold for everyone
>>
>>30360684
What would you prefer.
>>
>>30360710
Wow, that genius!
>>
>>30360724
Someone with an actual name.
>>
>>30360602
>Luna visits his dreams to learn more about this new emperor.
>Leads into >>30360460
Meanwhile Anon is making mean faces at the crystal castle walls trying to open secret passages.
>>
>>30360748
https://www.fimfiction.net
>>
>>30360748
Then AiE/greentexts probably aren't for you. If it's any consolation the stories I am planning out avoid calling him by his "name" by using his wife's surname and a nickname respectively.
>>
>>30360684
>Implying Anon's titles wouldn't be "The Sex Ape" and "Sempai"
>Tales whispered in shadows: the horrific fate of those whom Sempai notices
>>
>>30360779
>>30360815
I've been reading AiE greentexts for years. Some stories, usually ones that are longer and more serious instead of short, stupid and silly just don't lend themselves to using the name 'Anon' very well.
>>
>>30360833
>more serious
>instead of short, stupid and silly
Only the most serious of tones in a story where a human goes to the cartoon universe and plays with pink baby horses.
>>
>30360833
>Doesn't like "Anon".
>Is in /mlp/
You're in the wrong place, friend.
>>30360778
>"Huzzah! We have redeemed the tyrant!"
>You look over at a gobsmacked Celestia, Twilight, and Cadence.
"She means we shagged each others' brains out for three days straight."
>>
>>30360863
You joke but they exist. And they're better with actual named and established characters.
>>
>>30360833
Just substitute Anon with your name. But I got used to it anyway.
>>
>>30360871
Well, Luna IS the sensual princess, after all. Princess of the Night, and whatnot. If anypony's going to tame the wild aplien with her vagina, it's going to be her.
>>
>>30360879
I never self-insert in stories.
>>
>>30360748
>>30360833
1: Almost nobody likes an Anon having an actual name.
2: What the fuck are you even doing here on /mlp/ if you don't like Anon?

>>30360879
Pretty much this. That's why everyone is using Anon.
>>
>>30360876
Eh. I'm going to have to politely disagree for the most part. Many name-human stories are of higher quality than your average everyday Anon-human greentext, but that's because you're taking the story a bit more seriously. Giving your Anon a name is a slippery slope, however, and it's easier to fall into autism territory than it is when your human is a guy named Anon, because it's possible to take them TOO seriously. It's like how giving your cows a name before you slaughter them might encourage you to treat them better, but you suffer more when you kill them to harvest their meat.
>>
>>30360921
Just look at LaP's stories for reference. The greens in which his humans actually have names, barring the page in his medieval-ish story (who is more used as a simple point of view for the visiting humans), are much easier to get lost into.
>>
>>30360944
>opinions into facts
>>
>>30360906
You don't really have to beyond loaning out your name. The stories are second person and you can interpret Anonymous as a less distracting <insert your name here>.
>>
>>30360951
I don't know about you but I don't recall ever reading about a character named Anonymous in any epics or novels. Characters tend to have actual names in literature.
>>
>>30360967
you do realize you could just replace every instance of any name in any story with Anon, and the story would still be exactly the same.
>>
>>30360988
Exactly, so why not give him a name?
>>
>>30360993
I could ask you a similar question. Why give him a name? It doesn't make a difference either way, and who says Anon can't be a name?
>>
>>30361013
Because it's more characterization and makes him seem like an actual human rather than a green skinned, faceless alien abomination.
>>
It's like how Anon isn't literally a green person with no facial features wearing a black suit. He's a stand-in for an actual character. Why do you think nobody ever says, "Anonymous? What kind of stupid name is 'Anonymous'?"
>>
>>30361050
Eh, I've always imagined him in a white t-shirt and jeans.
>>
>>30361024
I don't think any serious story has described Anon as being a green skinned, faceless alien abomination, so why does him having the name Anon make you force that appearance on him, even if he's described as looking different? Do you think all people named Harry have unkempt black hair, glasses and a lightning bolt scar on their head?
>>
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>>30360993
Because it's a mental trick.

When people see "Anon" and have read green for a while, they automatically fill in the various minor details they imagine "Anon" to have without the author having to do a single thing, whether that's a green skinned guy, themselves or simply a bland human.
If you see an actual name like "John" your mind immediately jumps to either yourself if you're a "John", or to the first "John" you think of.
Giving him a name brings an extra step to that mental process and distracts from the actual meat of the story.
It's like asking why none of us random chucklefucks use names even though we literally all have the power to do so.
>>
>>30360967
>>30361024

Anonymous effectively becomes an actual name if they flesh out the character. In fact, that's usually how I see it and so it's never bothered me no matter how serious it gets. You read the story long enough, learn enough about the protag, and Anonymous just becomes their name. Literature is also no stranger to weird names. A name is ultimately just a name and if the author can develop other parts of his character it far outweighs a stupid name.
>>
>>30361061
I imagine him wearing nothing but a cock-sock, and everyone is trying to be polite by nervously ignoring it. It makes conversations more fun to read.
>>
>>30361141
What if they think it's just a sheath?
>>
>>30361050
>Why do you think nobody ever says, "Anonymous? What kind of stupid name is 'Anonymous'?"
but

but they do
>>
>>30361149
Speaking of sheaths... Would a mare be disgusted that Anon's body doesn't come with a sheath, or would she be aroused that his cock and balls just flop around at all times?
>>
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>>30361061
>>30361141
I imagine him as a grand and terrifying wizard holding back the eldritch and cosmic powers inside of him from destroying and twisting everything around him into horrifying abominations.
>>
>>30361192
I think there's no one answer. Depends on the pone and how normie they are. Humans don't have clitoral winking and it's a top tier feature of horsepussy. It's probably considered hot because a member of the fairer and more prudish sex is "forced" to show their genitals.
>>
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>>30361259
>It's probably considered hot because a member of the fairer and more prudish sex is "forced" to show their genitals.
>>
>>30361259
>Moondancer is friends with Anon
>Discovers he has no sheath and that everything flaps around
>"Sweet Celestia... a stallion's c-cock has been in my face this entire time!"
>Cue Moondancer trying to rest her head on Anon's lap way more frequently
>>
>>30361162
Yes, but that's why there is fimfic. Just go there and you can read all the named humans in Equestria stories you want. I'm sorry to tell you but most people don't like naming their characters here. The end. Sorry thats how it is. But how about you give writing a try and name your character? Who knows you could do well.
>>
>>30361330
but fimfic isnt rgre
>>
>>30360779
>Thread
>>
>>30361378
>doesn't even know how to /thread correctly
Newfag trying to fit in please go and stay go.
>>
>>30361395
But Anon, it's summer
>>
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>>30361395
I think it was not a failed /thread, I think it was a subtle implication to the quality of this thread.

In which case, pic related.
>>
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>>30355721
Busty Rainbow makes me unbelievably hard
>>
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>>30361944
I like itty bitty titty Rainbow.
>>
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>>30355721
>>30361944
>RGREgG Rainbow gets dicked almost on command now that you're with her and it makes her hormones go crazy.
>She's already had to replace all her skirts and pants because her now wide hips just would not fit in the old ones.
>And now she has to wear an extra tight sports bra when playing soccer or running track so her handful sized tits don't bounce everywhere.
>It's a small price to pay though, she thinks.
>Because nothing, not even the following sex, feels better than watching your eyes light up when she strips.
>>
>>30361944
>Busty
If by busty you mean "bigger than A", then sure.
>>
>>30362060
That's a lot bigger than an A, friendo. I think you haven't seen too many breasts irl.
>>
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>>30362151
It's nowhere near worth being called "busty" either. Just because it is represented as larger than her usual "Great Wall of China" doesn't mean it's anything above average.

>lol you never saw tiddies irl xD
Class A d hominem there family, I tip my fedora to you.
>>
Has there been any word from Helianon? Im loving his NEET pony story and am curious as to whether its still alive
>>
>>30362031
>you will never massage her breasts dutifully every day for a year to induce lactation and make them grow larger
>>
>>30360541
Oh god, why did you make me remember this.
>>
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>>30362251
>>lol you never saw tiddies irl xD
>Class A d hominem there family, I tip my fedora to you.
Jesus. My post barely counted as banter, Anon, don't go all deconstructing my post and meme-ing at me just yet. If you do this sort of thing at something as minor as "well I guess you don't see that many tits in real life" then it's going to lose its impact.
>>
>>30362279
>"A-anon. S-stop. I read that t-this makes them bigger, and mine have already g-gotten huge..." You girlfriend halfheartedly begs, her breath hitching with each squeeze.
>You plant a kiss on Rainbow's neck and lean further back on her bed, pulling her with you.
>She doesn't fight at all when you catch a nipple between your thumb and forefinger.
>"Anon..."
>On of your hands reluctantly parts with the impossibly soft globe of flesh it had been tending to wander south and out of her shirt.
>"A-are you..!"
>That hand slips down the front of her skirt, where it finds an even greater treasure.
>Rainbow throws her head back and your lips cover hers a second later, muffling the loud moan that surely would have attracted her parents.
>It's already weird enough (to you) that a 20-some guy like you is dating a 17 year old. No need to make it worse and get parents involved.
>>
>>30360541
>The changeling queen surrenders immediately.
>A king willing to sacrifice his weakest citizens for a possible advantage is a leader she doesnt want to fuck with.
>Agree's to diplomacy, offering herself as a concubine in hopes of her hive surviving,
>Although tempted by bugpuss, Anon asks why dont they just feed off the ambient love the crystal heart gives out instead of stealing it from a few ponies at time
>A brief moment of silence occurs before a small thunderclap echos across the tundra, answering the age old question of "What is the sound of one thousand facehooves."
>Snowling alliance acquired.
>>
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>>30362408
OH YES

It does actually tend to induce lactation, I believe.
>>
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>>30362424
He should totally still take her as concubine though.
>>
>>30362484
You know, creepy obsessive Chrysalis is way creepier when she goes from "my tsundere anime waifu" to "that guy who hides outside your windows and has a pocket knife" thanks to RGRE.
>>
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>>30360906
>I never self-insert in stories.

Disgusting. Get the hell of my board you nitwicked normie shit
>>
>>30362511
Great, now I imagine an EqG version of her wearing a black trench coat, unkempt greasy hair with a 25 year old beat up van that says "Free Candy" on the side of it.
>>
>>30356565
>teenage angst
it's not angsty, it's just sad
>>
>>30362580
Well now I want to read about that.
>>
>>30362580
>Creepy Chrysalis gets off to flashing dudes in public and getting a reaction out of them
>Anon still hasn't gotten over the novelty of being in a world of reversed gender roles (in fact, he just got to enjoy being molested on a subway a few hours ago) and reacts positively
>Chrysalis is confused, yet intrigued
>Finds out who he is and tries to try more outrageous things
>Sitcom shenanigans occur and they end up becoming a couple
>>
>>30362655
>>30362655
>>30362655
>>
>>30362252
Have fun waiting
>no more green in /sun/
>no more green here (goosebumps, anon escaping from ponies inna desert, that plane thing)
>no more great rgre story collection book
>>
>>30361024
Why are you even here? Fimfiction is different site entirely.
>>
>>30361341
Make some then, RGRE is Anon territory, unless its bashing Caramel day, then we go throw him through a few blenders for shits and giggles.
>>
>>30362408
>20 dating 17 is weird
That's stupid, its only a 3 year difference, 4 at most if its at an odd month. It should be perfectly fine to rail her till she cums her brains out.
>>
>>30363136
>20-some
That implies that Anon is anywhere from 20 to 29. The higher the number, the weirder it gets.
>>
>>30363145
>Not being a fully grown adult approaching 30, dating someone who is still physically developing
what are you, gay?
>>
>>30360473
>>30360497

RGRE stallion/mare in RRGRE is new and interensting

MOAR
>>
>>30360539

EVEN BETTER
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