B-but why, Anon? Why would you write such horrible things?

>>30330474
Becsau I'm dyxsleci.

>>30330474
Bceause m'I lysdexic

>>30330474

rape.

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>>30330474

rape.
oh so much rape.
more rape than rape could handle.

>>30330474
Because you wouldn't lemme smash

For shits and giggles.

Because it is all true.

>>30330474
Listen Princess Dyslexia if I wrote a fanfic of N from pokémon voring the female MC that's none of your goddamned business.

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>>30330474
because you re not real

>>30330474

because i want to turn your vagina into my personal penis subway station

all aboard the cock train!

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>>30330474
they were faggots Celestia, all of them, I just told them so and suggested a reasonable course of action for them to pursue considering where they were in life

>>30330474
I-It's a work in progress. Geez.

Hey hey hey! I only wrote a small fraction of the Momlestia stories. If anything it's your fault for tempting me .

>>30330474
Because they weren't horrible to me.

Why did you have to look in my journal? That wasn't for your eyes. Or anyone's.

>>30330474
Only words can safely express my edge.

>>30330474
Why are you reading the memoirs I wrote about my childhood?

>>30330474
because jews are not people

>>30330474
Because I work for IDW, your Highness.

>>30330474
Look, I'm just this guy they hired after Lauren Faust and M. A. Larson quit. Complain to Hasbro.

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>>30330474
Because people need to know the truth.

>>30330474
"What's wrong with my stories?"
>"Anon, I'm sure we can both agree I would never say, or... do... any of the things you have me doing in your most recent novel."
"I mean I took a couple creative liberties, obviously neither of us are 100% sure you'd actually fuck me."
>"And why do I have to be the love interest? Why not Twilight or one of her friends?"
"Well, cause like, you're more experienced or something. It made sense in the context of that chapter if you'd actually read it."
>"But why in Equestria would we meet in a bar like that?"
"Cause like, that's where sad lonely people meet in all the good books."
>"Anon, I'll have you know I'm neither sad nor lonely. I have my dear sister, Luna, and my subjects to tend to. And furthermore, surely you realize I would never have anything but the occasional glass of wine!"
"But didn't you like the part where you drank way more than all the other ponies?"
>"Here in Equestria, the ability of a stallion or mare to handle their drink isn't a standard measure of their accomplishments."
"Well uh, what about the scene where you fought Nightmare Moon again and won?"
>"Anonymous. This is my sister you're talking about, and you must know that is a sensitive subject for me. That chapter was even worse than the... crude acts you had me performing later."
"At least you end up with the coolest guy in Equestria, right?"
>"And that's another thing, Anon. Why did all of the ponies in the book respect you so much? They had almost nothing to work from. You haven't even left my castle in the whole twenty moons you've been here! Even though Twilight tried to introduce you to her friends, you just went back into your room."
"Well I--I mean, uh, the main character was obviously just a stand up guy. Everyone loved him. Looking for constructive criticism here, Princess, not cheap jabs."
>"Wha--cheap jabs? This is the most constructive criticism you'll ever receive for this pile of steaming garbage!"
"W...What?"

>>30330474
Please. the worst things I've written is mares raping stallions. And who cares about males?

>>30331740
>Celestia draws her hooves up to her mouth with a quick gasp.
"G-garbage?"
>You begin to sob.
>She slowly returns her hooves to the ground.
>"Anon, I... appreciate that you would think of me when creating your fictional works. But perhaps there are... other outlets for your creative energies? We have many ponies of many talents here in Equestria. Taking a step outside and making a friend might be just what you need."
"I... guess..."
>"My prized pupil and graduated student Twilight Sparkle, or should I say, Princess Twilight Sparkle, has made many friends in her time in Ponyville. There is a unicorn in her company that I think could help with you express yourself."
"Express myself..?"
>"Therefore, in both of our best interests, I am sending you to Ponyville this very afternoon."
"What?! But, that's like, outside!"
>"Yes, Anon, and you need to make some friends."
"But--"
>"And no buts."
---
>The flight was way longer than you expected.
>These guards really enjoy taking their time.
>As you climb out of your seat, you walk up to what looks like a carousal.
"This is so dumb..."
>You open the door and wander into the main lobby.
>A bell rings as you slip in.
>"Welcome to the--AAAAAH!"
>Oh yeah, she probably never saw you before.

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>>30330474

All the better to sodomize you, my dear.

>>30330474
Because it entertains me, no matter who it hurts.

>>30331795
Doin moar?
I'm super intrigued.

>>30330474
It's just fiction you faggot, it's not illegal to write about a child getting tricked into sucking a transsexuals dick!

>>30330474
>human written language just so happens to resemble sentences describing gore and sexual violence in pony-language.
>what celestia's freaking out about is literally a grocery list and a handful of innocent journal entries

Sorry, I'm not really into petplay, Celestia

Only one answer to this .rape whistle

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>>30330474
>"Anon, you've got to read this story I found! It's so bad, I've been laughing for almost half an hour!"

>"Wait. YOU wrote it? THAT'S EVEN FUNNIER!"

>>30331740
>This is the most constructive criticism you'll ever receive for this pile of steaming garbage!"
Oh snap.

>>30331795
Please continue,

>>30330474
It's what people do sadly

>>30332572
I-it's intentionally bad

>>30330474
Haven't YOU ever wanted to write a sword-n-sandals novel?

http://ansible.uk/misc/eyeargon.html

>>30332310
I like it.

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>>30330474

I want to rape Celestia until she is forced to use her magic to make me stop. I want to impregnate her with my seed and have her give birth to our half-human, half-horse centaur baby.

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>>30332750
>"Ha! Anon, if we were better friends I might almost *pretend* to believe you weren't completely pathetic as a writer, but come on."

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>>30332919
Y-you too

>>30330474

I am from a realm beyond yours, and have seen the things that rule betwen the worlds. Either I put them to paper, or they will fester within my skull until my brains leak from my ears and my sanity goes to be buried in a dozen graves, each a shattered, minute piece of the happy soul I was before experiencing the cosmic horror.

And you, dear Celestia. You pulled me through the ether, showed me the sights no man should know. I will rip those sights from my mind and set them to paper, and you will say not a word more against my only hope and cure.

Or the last thing I do as a mad thing will be to make you read them and let the text lay it's eggs within your skull, soon to hatch and soon to join me in cryptic gibberings of the colors beyond space, the Goat with a Thousand Young. Ia! I hunger for release. Give me my inkwell and quill back so I can inscribe my own pardon on parchment and sign myself free of this prehuman sin!

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>>30332935
>"Psssh, can't handle the truth, Anon? Well, at least you're smart enough to know there's no cure for that, but you shouldn't shoot yourself."

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>>30333026 (You)
>"We should go talk to Fluttershy and ask if any of her carnivorous animals would like to maul a useless, bipedal turd. They can even eat you afterwards so you'll finally be useful for something. Come on, it'll be fun! Well, for everyone who matters at least."

>>30330474
Yup

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>>30333052
Why should I listen to the advice of a background pony?

>>30330474

i want to put my mouth up against celestia's anus and suck out the remains of her last meal like a vacuum cleaner.

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>>30333076
>"Because no matter what ponies you post, we both know there really is a worthless sack of shit in front of that monitor, and this is more attention than a female of your species would ever give you. So bow your head, throw away your pride, and admit that I'm superior."

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>>30332919

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>>30333190
Or I could just shoot up a school, that always helps.

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>>30330474
Because I can't stop myself. I was just supposed to write one little jokey story, but it received more attention and adoration from those people than everything else I'd written combined, so I just kept going for them. And now I'm their only writer left, and everyone's showering me with praise and fanart-fucking FANART. And now I feel compelled to finish what I've started out of some sense of duty, even though they keep pushing me to write more and more horrific things that keep me up at night. I want to stop, but I can't just bring myself to abandon them...

>>30331795
This is some good stuff, you nailed the Celestia's character.

>>30332310
>anon goes to grocery shopping
>you made a list to make sure to not forget again the milk while shopping.
>eating dry cereals it's a shitty way to start the morning.
>once you arrived in the local market with youtr triusted grocery list.
>suddenly there's a strong gust of wind and your list slips from your grasp.
>One kind unicorn manages to catch it with it's horse sorcery.
>you don't even have the time to thank her as she looks at your list as she suddenly pales, looks at you like you just stabbed her mother and runs away screaming.
>of course she lets go of the list and you watch as flies far away.
"Fuck it"
>let's get over wit this
>you soon finish shopping and go home.
>why is your door busted over?!
"Hey what the fuck it's going on!"
>"This is the royal guard, you're under arrest for crimes against friendship!"

>>30331795
>"Ahem--goodness, darling, you gave me quite a fright. I don't think I've seen anypony quite like you."
"Celestia sent me; I'm new here."
>"OH! Why didn't you say so? Royal ambassador work? Or perhaps an important message!"
"She said you could help me, uh, 'express' myself."
>"...Come again?"
"Like, do creative stuff. You do creative stuff?"
>"Hahaha, oh dear, 'creative' simply does not drive the point home. What I do is art...err... what do I call you, again?"
"I uh... never said my name. It's Anon."
>"Ah! Anon--"
"Short for Anonymous."
>"Very good! Anonymous. A very exotic name; no doubt royal in nature where you come from, yes?"
"Not particularly?"
>"Ah. Well then... Anyway! If Princess Celestia requires me to provide you an outlet for your creativity, then so be it! Anonymous, I will give you... Inspiration!"
>Rarity strikes a flamboyant pose in the spotlight.
>Maybe the spotlights on the ceiling aren't for the mannequins.
---
"And long story short I accidentally started a house fire and just ran instead of helping her put it out. Like, I turned back a couple times but the smoke cloud kept getting bigger and I didn't want to see how angry she was."
>"...I'm sorry, I may have missed part of your story, Anon. You started a fire?"
"Yeah, that was my bad."
>"Did you not think to at least fetch the attention of a nearby pegasus? Anonymous, the pegasus ponies can bring forth storm clouds filled with rain water. When there is a fire, you need to alert one."
"...Oh."
>"...In fact, I'll be assessing the damage myself. Perhaps Canterlot's tax dollars will need to go into this..." she says with a defeated shrug.
>Celestia disappears in a flash of blinding light.
>You twiddle your thumbs awkwardly.

>>30335593
>"Well, Rarity's Carousal Boutique looks like it barely survived a scuffle with a dragon."
"...Is that good?"
>"Anonymous, dragons are some of the most fearsome creatures known to Equestria. They can breathe large jets of fire, capable of melting even iron with enough time. Her boutique might not even survive the repair."
"Fuck."
>"I may have been too quick to rush you out the door before educating you on the standards and culture of our land."
"No kidding--so can I go back to my room now?"
>"I actually have something else in mind for you. Anon, you'll be accompanying me as I take on my royal duties for the day. I'd like you to keep your ears perked and your eyes open; I'll be discussing a large range of topics with my subjects as they visit today. You'll learn quite a bit from the experience."
"That sounds really boring."
>"And you'll need to smile."
"That sounds really awful."
>"Anon, I'd like you to take this a bit more seriously. I can't assure you a proper place in Equestria until you're at least familiar with how things work here. I'll admit, it's a challenge working with somepony that has no cutiemark nor any clue to their true talents--"
"I can write pretty bomb-ass stories."
>"--... well, perhaps writing is more of a hobby for you. Something you can do on the side?"
"I dunno, someone's probably getting off to my stuff somewhere."
>"I... you don't mean I'm not the only one who has read these stories, do you Anon?"
"I mean, Twilight says my stories are awesome. We don't actually talk much, but we send stories back and forth. She probably has a book club or something."
>"Are you quite sure she wants to be reading some of these stories?"
"Well she keeps asking for sequels..."
>Celestia appears to be a bit sick to her stomach.

>>30330474
The weed made me do it!

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>>30335656
>The weed made me do it!

>"And it's the only thing that makes your writing tolerable, Anonymous. Seriously."
"That's only logical because that's how I write it."
>"Is that funny or am I just high?"
"Either way, it's not a microphone, so pass it."
>"Who said you got any?"
>oh well

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>Anon, what the hell is wrong with you? Why did you write me as a lunatic who went on a killing spree after Rarity rejected me? You son of a bitch!

>>30335643
this is great

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>>30336518
What're you gonna do, kill me?

>>30333190
This makes me want to kill myself, and not in a good way.

>>30335643
pls continue

>>30330474
because op is a faggot

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>>30333270
amusing
but your resistance only makes my ceptercock harder!

>>30330474
Because God Hates The Lords Of Salem and No One Can Ever Save Them

>>30335643
Typical Twilight.