Look Anon, stop being such a faggot about this and just sign

>>30319280
Anon was holding in a fart this entire meeting.
He wondered to himself....if he coughed loud enough would she notice if he passed a little gas?

>>30319280
Actually both thing are part of the agreement.
They are the small letters at the end of the agreement.
So please, start sucking while I sing this and then we inform your sister about our engagement.

I want legal immunity

>>30319280
If you pee on my face ill give you whatever you want sweetheart.

spank me

>trading strategic resources for luxuries

>>30319280
"We really don't need the rocks."
>"Pardon?"
"Yeah, like, no one wears jewelry anymore. It's all about the suit and tie now."
>"How can your leaders' subjects know who their nobles are if they do not wear fine jewelry? Anonymous, this trade is absolutely necessary for your people!"
"Nnnnnnot really, no. I mean, we appreciate it--I just feel kind of bad that we don't know how to close that big ass wormhole stuck on the side of your mountain there."
>"Well to make good on a situation that otherwise serves as an inconvenience for us both, I just feel that this trade is in both of our best interests, Anonymous."
"Again, we don't need jewels. You're sure you have nothing else to offer?"
>"Our technology pales in comparison to your world's own, Anonymous. Mining is not yet a field we've made such progress in. Gemstones are the only asset we can offer so readily, and--"
"Have you ever sucked a dick before?"
>"--if you were to--excuse me?"
"You know, played a throbbing trombone?"
>"...Are these more of those human metaphors you mentioned earlier? I am... unfamiliar..."
"Nope, I'm talking about wieners."
>"Oh... Goodness..."
"Yup."
>"That's quite a personal question for such a public affair, Anon--"
"Just you and me in this room."
>"--ymous..."
"Because if you suck my dick, I'll sign your trade deal."
>"I'm really not sure that--"
"Just one job with your mouth and the steel is yours."
>"--such a deal is proper..."
"I wanna see that tongue in action."
>"Oh, dear..."
"Show me whatcha got, Princess."
>"...Anonymous, this is highly inappropriate. I would sincerely appreciate a new topic--"
"Mouth goes here."
>"--at the moment--"
"Riiiiight here."
>"--if you would be so kind."
"Let's do it."

>>30319522
Kek

>>30319522
>"...And Anonymous, this must remain completely confidential. My subjects are to never know of what happens behind these doors. Are we clear?"
"Yeah, totally."
>"I am not sure what is expected of your leaders, but here, such a thing is absolutely unheard of."
"Don't sweat it, C."
>"And...and--how exactly do I remove this article of clothing?"
"Just kinda twist the button sideways and push it through the hole."
>"Ah, yes--there we are."
"One more thing."
>"What is that?"
"I want your sister to watch."
>"You want Luna to watch?!--Ahem, my sister?"
"Yup."
>"This was not mentioned when we discussed the terms just moments ago."
"Slipped my mind, was still kind of blown away by the fact you said yes."
>"This is a very personal act, Anonymous! It would be embarrassing and indecent for my sister to observe us."
"For the good of Equestria."
>"Nary have we experienced much of this, let alone talked about it!"
"It'll be a great time to learn."
>"She is blood, Anonymous! Can you not even imagine the shame?"
"I won't have to."
>"I am sorry Anonymous, but I cannot go forward with such a deal if those are the terms."
"It's gonna happen."
>"It will not."
"Here we go."
>"This meeting is--"
"Tons of steel."
>"--is..."

>>30319588
>"Dear sister, you cannot be serious!"
>"Luna, be calm. Anonymous has prepared a trade deal which will bring in steel and other resources should his signature be acquired. We are servants to our subjects, my sister. Our actions here will be in the name of Equestria's future."
>"I can tolerate seeing such lewd acts in our subjects' dreams... but before my very eyes?"
>"It will only be for a short moment, sister."
>"We think... I think, perhaps, you should have put your hoof down, sister. His terms are...--"
>"They are quite fair when we consider Equestria."
>"...I suppose so. When does he wish to..?"
>Luna turns towards you.
>"I mean, when do you wish to--"
"Rrrrrright now, if it's good with you two."
>"...Very well. Where shall I... sit, in order to be accomodate your request that I be present for yours and my sister's... copulation?"
"You're gonna sit on the bed right next to us."
>"On the bed?!"
>"Anonymous, please reconsider. My sister will already be present--"
"It's a big bed, there's room."
>"--is a little more distance so much to ask?"
"And she needs to keep eye contact with you."
>"WHAT?!"
>"This is outrageous, Anonymous! My sister and I are being very accommodating--"
"It's gonna be great."
>"--for you. To ask that my sister and I stare into each other's eyes while such an act is committed is so depraved..."
"Gonna go ahead and make myself comfortable. Were you gonna pull my pants off or just leave the fly open?"
>"Anonymous, we simply cannot take another step forward with this. I'm sorry, but I'm afraid this deal--"
"Just one flick of the wrist and some ink and we're good."
>"--cannot continue with such demands."
"I'm probably gonna be sipping on this soda while you're at it, I'm sure you won't mind."
>"So you should... perhaps..."
"Let's get it started."

>>30319652
"Comfortable?"
>"I suppose as comfortable as I can be watching my sister proceed with this."
>"Remember Luna, just look into my eyes. Just think of how much you love me, and how much you love our subjects."
"Unf."
>"Very well, Celestia. I will watch with you and our subjects in mind."
"Double unf."
>"Shall we begin, Anonymous?"
"Yup."
>Celestia wraps a magical aura around your fly, and begins to pull your pants from your waist.
"WELL..."
>The magic stops.
>"Well?"
"Actually, I forgot to mention just one more thing."
>"Anonymous! Have you--"
"Just one more thing."
>"--Urgh... What?"
"Luna's gotta be flicking the bean."
>"...Now this must be one of those human metaphors."
"Her hoof's gotta be between both her legs the whole time."
>"Does your perversion know no end?! Sister, you cannot expect me to--"
>"Luna, just do what he says. I am afraid we may not have an opportunity like this again."
>"But--"
>"No buts, little sister. We put our subjects first."
>"--...this is depraved, Anonymous."
"Yeah but damn, right?"
>Luna slowly slides her hoof between her hind legs, keeping her eyes firmly locked with Celestia's.
>"V-very well... Sister, please begin before he--"
"Actually, a couple more things."

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>>30319719
>>"Remember Luna, just look into my eyes. Just think of how much you love me, and how much you love our subjects."
>"Unf."
>>"Very well, Celestia. I will watch with you and our subjects in mind."
>"Double unf."

>>30319719
>In front of the bed, a band, having finally erected their music stands, begins to play "Nearer, My God, to Thee."
>To the right of your bed, a pony in a clown costume desperately tries to balance on a unicycle while juggling three balls with his bare hooves.
>To the left, a painter desperately tries to mix together a palette, preparing for the act which you've requested he create a replica of.
>A pegasus flutters above Luna's head, shoving swiss cheese against a cheese grater and letting the shreds fall into her ethereal mane as she stares blankly into her sister's eyes--a scowl struggling to break out on her face.
>Below the bed, a pony follows your instructions to the letter, trying to replicate the sound of a slide whistle with only her mouth.
>In the center of the room, two butler ponies joust against each other using only dinner ware crudely attached to the ends of broomsticks separated from their bristles.
>Finally, a guard pony sitting in the corner with a bucket on his head which has been vandalized with a poorly drawn smiley face.
>"Are you QUITE ready, Anonymous?" Celestia roars.
"... Yeah, this should do it."
>Celestia resumes removing the first article of clothing.
"Wait, hang on."
>You pull out your phone and go into SnapChat.
"Wait--"
>After adjusting for a filter, you look on your screen to see Celestia's face obscured with a dog muzzle and ears.
"Okay, let's do this."
>Celestia starts to pulls your pants down again.
>KNOCK
>The bedroom doors swing open as a guardspony races in.
>"Your highness! The--"
>The various ponies in the room turn to face him.
"The aristocrats? Heh. Heheh. Hahaha."
>"--The... uh, gateway to Earth has closed."
"Haha--...ha... ha. Uh...
>Celestia slowly turns to face you.
"Okay you can start now."

>>30319778
>You sit idly with the princess across from you at the table.
>This tower balcony's pretty deserted.
>Probably her private balcony.
"Sorry you didn't get your metal and stuff."
>"And I'm sorry you... didn't get to see your sick fantasies fulfilled."
"I mean, it's not too late--"
>"No."
"--for ustoalrightthen."
>"I must ask, though, why they were so comfortable leaving you behind here, Anonymous."
"Probably didn't know I snuck in."
>"...I beg your pardon?"
"Yeah, I'm not actually the king of Earth."
>"You--"
"Lied, yeah. I clean the floors and stuff. Got anything I can do here?"
>"--... I suppose some rooms could use dusting detail."
"Right on."
>"...However, if I find you ever lie to either me, my sister, or any of my subjects again, you will find yourself decorating my garden."
"Uh... unf?"
>"No, Anonymous. I will turn you hard as stone."
"...Okay that's definitely unf."
>"Do you discount my words so naively?"
"You just said you'd make me rock hard and that I'd decorate your garden."
>"Does this thought not frighten you?"
"I'm totally down, let's do this."
>And then Anonymous was a statue.

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>>30319861

>>30319280
"Gems for my nobles? Who ever said anything about gems? I have no use for dull rocks, Celestia. If you want our metal, you're going to have to offer something that's more worth my while."
>"Well I don't know what else I can offer you. I hear that they grow some pretty good apples down at Swe--"
>You slam your hand on the table between you two, interrupting her.
"I HAVE PLENTY OF APPLES. I need something from Equestria that Earth doesn't have."
>Celestia takes a step back with both disgust and shock
>"Mr. Anonymous, if you are suggesting that I am willing to sell you ponies as slaves, you are sorely mistaken."
"Well it's good to know where you draw the line, but that isn't what I need. This place is filled with magic, Princess. More than you could ever need. I'd be glad to trade to you some of Earth's supply of metal in exchange for some of Equestria's magic."
>"That is a dangerous desire, Mr. Anonymous. Do you even know what happens if you were to take Equestrian magic into another universe? I can promise you that nothing good can from it."
"That depends on your definition of good, doesn't it? A lioness kills a Gazelle and to her cubs, it is good, to the Gazelle, its armageddon."
>Celestia looks down for a couple seconds, taking in your last sentence.
>She sighs and looks back up
>"What do you intend to do with this magic?"
"Back on Earth, my country is currently at war with one of Earth's other superpowers. Magic is just what we need to turn the tide of the war and bring the fighting to the heart of their capital."
>"If it's soldiers you need, I can have a hundred troops ready by morning."
"A hundred troops won't last me a day in a world war, Celestia. But magic can last me eternity."
>"Even if I were to agree to this, how would we 'give' you Equestrian magic?"

>>30320185
"I recall that not too long ago, a former student of yours, Sunset Shimmer, --"
>Celestia winced at the name
"--stole Equestrian magic and brought it to my world in the form of a crown and it was unfortunately taken back by Princess Twilight Sparkle.”
>”That was the Element of Magic. Sunset had no right to take that—“
“That’s not what she said.”
>”—and is an invaluable piece of Equestria’s defense. I’m sorry but I can’t trade that.”
“Well that’s a shame, Celestia. From what I hear, your armies could really make use of Earth’s steel. My sources tell me that while Equestria’s metal supplies grow more scare by the minute, the dragon’s have discovered 3 new copper mines.”
>Celestia’s face grows with worry of this fact
>If the dragons were to launch an attack, Equestria might not be prepared to defend an assault from them
>”Just the one element?”
“That’s all I ask.”

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You mean these nobles?

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>>30320195
We really need an Impaler Anon green.

>>30319280
It was at that moment anon realized celestia was on the side of the united equestrian union, and he was on the side of the nationalists... Celestia could just agree to do business ancap, but he knew how this game worked. The sun would not rise if he said no, but of he said yes, then he knew who would actually suffer. As the griffons did years ago, he jump kicked celestia with his steel boots.

>>30320193
Continue?

>>30321161
I'm into it.
Trade deals are fun.

>>30320259
Kek

>>30319418
You've never been in that kind of shitty situation where you risk a revolt, and have a shit ton of stratigic but next to no luxuries?
Hell in stellaris you need them to upgrade systems.
Not everyone is a mud hut savage

>>30319280
>Nobility in my empire
Topkek

I'll take her sister though

>>30321491
Leonidas, please!!!

>>30319280
But Celly, it's not an empire, it's communist shithole.

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>>30319280
We do not need your bourgeoise gems.
Your Princess already turned our comrade Starlight to Capitalism, that is enough interaction between us. Begone, horse.

>>30319280
>You put on your Picklehaube and stand on the table
>" I DECLARE A THUMB WAR, BRING ME YOUR FINEST THUMBS AND WE SHALL DO BATTLE."

>>30319418
>Gemstones
>Not a strategic resource

What kind of gay ass empire are you from?

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>>30321703
Fuck, forgot pic

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>>30320193
Gave me a good laugh
10/10

>>30319280
Are you crazy? Precious gems are only valuable because of their scarcity. If we started importing your over abundance of gems they would flood the market, drastically lowering their value, and collapsing an entire industry! You'll need to offer up something of tangible value instead of just gems.

...But let's not take that blow job off the table just yet.

>>30321924
>not maintaining the value of your currency by keeping your gems in a Griffonstone bank account and creating an artificial shortage of gems in your empire

>>30319861
I fucking love Ambassador Anonymous greens.

While simple chaos is good for a laugh, political chaos is the pinnacle of entertainment!

>>30321924
Not exactly. Equestrian gems would probably be the equivalent of synthetic gems, but with an additional appeal to collectors.

>>30322002
For all we know Equestrian gems could indistinguishable from natural Earth ones. If we couldn't tell the difference it would completely destroy the market value of precious stones. They are valuable here because, in addition to being pretty, they are rare, small, and require work excavating, cutting, and polishing. In Equestria you can dig a couple feet down and find a pile of various huge, pre-cut, and pre-polished gem stones. If the Equestian gems hit the open market most people would default to Equestian gems because of their inevitable lower price, and collectors would become even more wary of Earth based jewels because it could just be an Equestian gem being sold off as an Earth one in order to scam them.

If a portal opened up to Equestira, transdimensional gem trade would be absolutely banned unless there is a discernible difference.

>>30321470
>>30321161
I don't think I will. I'm not actually a writefag. That was my first time writing anything and I don't know where I'd take it. If an actual writefag wanted to pick up on it and continue, that would be nice.
>>30321827
It wasn't a comedy. I don't know what part was funny. It was supposed to be serious.

>>30321707
Kek

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>>30319294
>Anon's concentrating so hard not to let out the fart that he daren't break his concentration to reply to the Princess

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>>30321470
>trade deals are fun

>>30323400
People watched the shit out of that movie and you know it.

save

Yes, but can you balance your beer on top of her head while she does it?

>>30319861
Worth the read

>>30322163
Well, it probably wouldn't be banned, but it would probably be restricted.

Equestria has a lot of gold and gems, gold is used in many technological products and diamonds have a lot of industrial uses. Both are also valuable scientifically speaking.

>>30324707
If we're restricting it, then the restricted amount would definitely not enough to trade a large amount of metal. Even in the original deal it isn't a fair trade, as would take great deal of gems for Equestria to equal the worth of the metal from their perspective, and just because it would be more valuable to us doesn't mean we should back down and let them make out like bandits. They need to sweeten the pot. If they sell us making for out own use, they could rent out their magical abilities by performing magical tasks. Weather control alone would be a huge benefit.

>>30325383
Well.

To be as serious as we really can be, given the subject matter, one of the things they used to teach in Econ 101 was that goods are worth different amounts to different people in different parts of the world. How much is wheat worth? Well, that depends--are you trying to sell it in South Dakota, where they're knee deep in it, or are you trying to sell it in Switzerland, a highly urbanized, densely populated nation that isn't self-sufficient in terms of agriculture and has for generations exported manufactured goods in trade for food?

If gemstones are just pretty rocks on the Equestrian side, why would they object to giving us a trainload of them in exchange for, let's say, a few hundred tons of really good quality tool steel, or cheap cell phones? Both sides benefit, right?

>>30319294
And so...the games...begin

>>30325516
>If gemstones are just pretty rocks on the Equestrian side, why would they object to giving us a trainload of them

They shouldn't object to them, we should. Like I said before, if there is no discernible difference between Equestria and Earth gems, bringing them over would flood the market. The gems have diminishing returns. The more of them we bring over the less valuable each individual gem is, until were left with nothing but what is essentially tons of costume jewelry and a totally collapsed gem mining and jewelry industries.

>>30325599
Well, diamonds are usable as industrial abrasives, at least.

And mining for gems is not exactly an enormous part of any nation's economy in the 21st Century, is it?

>>30325599
That's a good thing though. The prices are completely artificial.
>>30327815
Rubies are used in lasers and sapphires in glass. I'm sure there are other applications.

>>30325599
A clever importer would hide his stash of hundreds of tons of enormous perfect gemstones and sell them a handful at a time, in order to get the maximum prices.

>>30328259
Come on, two of you and I'm still keeping up. What is this, one of your gook toons?

What a waste of quads.

>>30319861

>>30319861
>"You lied to me, and tried to trick me into performing sexual acts on you, and you're 'sorry?' Do I understand you correctly?"
"Yeah."
>"There's only one thing to do for this. My sister and I are going to get you stoned."
"Seriously? That's really nice of you."
>"You should be afraid. It's going to make you hard as a rock."
"It always does. I haven't had any good smoke in years."
>then as you are actually turning into stone, your last words are
"You didn't even do this to Starlight Glimmer! No fair!"

>>30330443
BUMPING FOR SOME COCK SUCKIN' CELLY!