You wouldn't breed a crazy girl

>>30238829
No, I wouldn't.

Never stick your dick in crazy, you will regret it.

>>30238841
this, it's never a good idea, no matter what your dick tells you

>>30238829
>>30238841
>>30238845
BUT I DIDN'T LISTEN!

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>>30238841
>>30238845
I wish you had told me that sooner. Now I have a loving wife and daughter

>>30238829
Are there any greens with this concept?

>>30238829
Then explain Trump.
Somebody sure stuck something in crazy there.

>She'll never scream that she hates you and your guts while you come deep inside of her, her nails scratching at your chest
>She'll never then whisper sweet nothings into your ears telling you that it was the best she's ever got and doesn't know what she'd do if you didn't came into her life while kissing your fresh wounds

I totally would. I know I shouldn't, but I just couldn't help myself Anon.

>>30238896
Spotted the liberal afraid of the free ride coming to an end.

>>30238829
/mlp/ doesnt get to be picky.

>>30238829
sour sweet is underrated

>>30238878
Did you also read all these stories?

>>30239213
Nope
Link?

>>30239259
Fimfiction seems to be down at the moment, I'll get the link when it's up again

>>30239046
Don't worry, he's getting a free ride

A free helicopter ride

>>30238878
wait until she snaps and drowns the child in the bathtub, then tries to cover it up with an "accident" involving the vehicle going into a river where only she survives.

>>30238841
>>30238845
all 3DPD are crazy, which is why we stick to 2D waifus

>>30238886
At least two as far as I know.

>>30238829
"B-because I like you. A lot."
>Her scowl becomes a dumbfounded expression when the words leave your mouth, the tears threatening to flow down her cheeks staying stuck in the corner of her eyes
"And I-I don't know... Maybe I shouldn't, a part of me tells me I shouldn't, but I just can't. I'm just so happy whenever you're around, Sour."
>She inhales when your reach for her hand, your thumb stroking along its side to help you get the point across, to try and show her that you're serious about it.
>And your heart skips a beat when her hand tightens around it, securing it in place.
>But she doesn't say anything, expectantly waiting for your move.
"You're funny, you're cute, you're smart... you're the only one I can joke about anything with and you always find a way to cheer me up when I feel like shit. And I know that deep inside you're nothing but sweetness. I can see it whenever you try your best staying... in control, and I can see how much it affects you when you... when you freak out."
>Her eyes leave yours when the tears start flowing.
"I understand that it's not your fault, a-and..."
>You reach for her cheek with your left hand, lifting her glistening eyes to yours
"And I want to help you, I want to be there if you need me. Whenever you need me"
>You stay lost in her indigo eyes for what seems like minutes, waiting for her response.
"S-so, what do--"
>The slap comes so fast you don't even see it coming, the sting of it reminding you that this isn't a dream.
>You slowly bring your fingers to the red mark. It's not painful, she's hit you harder before. And as sad as it is to say it, you're used to it.
>But you're hurt. The ache coming from your chest rather than your cheek.
>It gets even worse when you find her teary face. You know that expression very well, and you wish you didn't.
>She's so sorry.
>She tries to open her mouth a couple times but nothing comes out but a sob she stifles using her right palm.

>>30239421
>You shake your head knowingly, trying to convey that you don't mind what just happened before the words can even leave your mouth.
"N-no, I'm fine, it's okay don't--"
>This time it's her lips that shuts you up.
>You freeze, eyes wide in surprise. You don't know what to do, you barely have the time to think, everything always goes so fast with her.
>You feel her arms wrap themselves around your frame, one holding you close and the other pulling your face against hers, her first clenching around your hair to keep you in place, right where you are.
>Right where she wants you to be.
>Right where you want to be.
>So you lean in and accept it, everything she has to offer, the softness of her lips, the sweetness of her perfume, the ardor of her hug.
>You feel this intoxicating warmth you only ever dreamed of filling you when you hear her sigh happily and feel her lips forming a smile against your own when you return her hug.
>Her lips finally breaks the contact, leaving you wanting more but her fistful behind your neck keeps you in place.
>"You better be serious about this, because I am."
>You nod.
"Of course I am I--"
>She cuts you off once more by pulling you in, her face burrowing itself against your neck.
>You raise a hand to softly pat her head and stroke her hair when you feel tears hit your skin.
>"I-I'm so sorry Anon, I just don't want to be alone..."
>Your heart finds your throat and you think of what to say to cheer her up for a moment but you can't find the courage to tell her.
>"Don't leave me..."
>You tighten your hug against her, and she does the same.
"Of course not, I wouldn't ever--"
>"It wasn't a question, dumbass..."
"I-I know."

>>30239423
Always wanted to write about her, not sure if I got it right
I'm super interested to know if there's any real writefag that wrote greens of fics about her tho

>>30238829

My dad did and I can confirn it's a bad idea.

>>30239132

Have some standards, man. Thirsty fags who "can't be picky" are the reason why chicks can be fat and/or horrible and get away with it.

>>30239423
More?

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>>30239365

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She's perfectly normal desu

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>>30239453
Wrote that as a one shot, not sure where to go from there really

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>>30238829
Fingerbang actually needs the traffic and you fucking retards think it's hilarious to farm (you)'s by shitting this cancer all over the board.

>>30239472
>Maybe going on a date.
>"You better not be late, or I'll cut your balls off with a steak knife. See you at 7~"

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>>30239489
No, fuck that.
Generals are too hard to 'infiltrate'.
And I'm saying that as a fucking writefag.
Prompts are 10 times better.

You saying that just shows that you don't create content, so your opinion is literally worthless.

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>>30239430
>Thirsty fags who "can't be picky" are the reason why chicks can be fat and/or horrible and get away with it.
I've been thirsty for thirty one years.
Pushing away fats or uglies.
Ignoring the calls of the tulpas and waifus.
It gets tiring, and after a while I will eventually settle.
Like everything else.

Bitcoins don't fail me now.

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>>30239541
>settling for left-overs or a cat farming landwhale
better you than me

>>30239541
>>30239544
Why don't you guys go grab a young gook or smth?
If they come from a poor country, they'll sure as hell prefer falling in love with you than keeping on living in their shitholes.
I'm just saying tho.

>>30239511
I'll see if I can cook up a date or smth, maybe go to a fair.
Not promising anything tho

>>30239423
I really liked this. Good job, I never thought about the story possibilities about Sour Sweet until this thread

>>30239594
Well idk, you can stay on easy mode and make her some kinda tsundere or you can go deeper, much, much deeper. Her 'condition' is an awesome plot device, always thought about it since the moment I understood why she was called Sour Sweet.
Really glad you guys liked it.

>>30239259
https://www.fimfiction.net/story/305553/

>>30238829
damn right I wouldn't
unless she has hooves

>>30239552
how likely is it that whoever you order will steal all you have and/or kill you?

>>30240103
Well I wasn't saying that you should /buy/ one of them, you could simply live there for a month and see what happens. Whenever your autism makes you sperg you can say it's a cultural thing and get back on track.
But buying one shouldn't be too bad tho, but you should take caution of /where/ you buy them, obviously.

>>30238841
>>30238845
>Not starting a family of bipolar tsunderes

>>30239489
Maybe if they stuck with the idea of a new name they'd be getting more traffic which was exactly what was happening.

But they chose to ignore how much their threads improved and went back to their legacy name to stagnate. They're doing it to themselves.

>>30240790
Nah. It's because it's shit and people rather go for their circklejerking threads for specific green rather than say in a containment.

In conclusion, two wrongs don't make a right. But hey, I'm not stopping any writer from making some green here, just be cautious.

>>30240767
Bipolar is suffering. Don't breed with bipolars.

>>30239489
/mlp/ actually needs the traffic and you fucking retards think it's hilarious to farm (you)s by shitting this cancer all over the board

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>>30238829
DON"T TELL ME WHAT I CAN AND CANNOT STICK MY DICK IN ANON

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>"You're such a fucking idiot, Anon!"
>*Kicks you in the balls*
>"Your balls better not be broken, because you're gonna give me your babies!"

>>30240948
You don't own me
I'm not just one of your many toys

>>30238841
>He didn't run over his crazy ex after she pulled a gun on his girlfriend (now wife) in a parking lot.
Shes alive but she's retarded now, functional and can still live her life but noticeably dull.

She has freckles on her boobs, butt, and pussy,

>>30238829

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>>30238829
/pol/ here. Edited for truth.

>>30243746
>Not a blue pill
For chist sake /pol/ I swear yiu never been the same since the election.

>>30243746
>blaming the Jews for your small penis

>>30240948
>tfw bipolar but would really love to have children some day
>Not sure if I can risk inflicting this on another person though.
It hurts, Anons.

>>30245809
Adoption anon. Adoption.

>>30245809
My father is bipolar, and none of his kids are. (We're all depressed and anxiety-ridden, but it's hard to say whether or not that's genetic). His condition meant he wasn't a great parent, but all in all, he did a better than most "normal" people do. The fact that you're concerned for your hypothetical children's long-term happiness already puts you ahead of many (if not most) parents.

>>30242269
How are you not in jail? Did it count as self defence?

>>30243746
Go away /pol/

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more greens?

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>>30247882
Good idea

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>>30248428
I agree

>>30249065
An excellent suggestion

>>30239461
Hihgh impact sexual violence

>>30245978
She was about to fucking murder someone with a gun of course it was justified, this is America, I could have shot her in the face and had a nice day.

>>30239544
Anon we all know you are a landwhale yourself

>>30247882
>Bipolar breeding hips.

>>30250343
In my country I would be sent to jail for many years and she would probably only get a restraining order.

Fucking Europe.

>>30250343
>>30250411
I member that thread.

>>30238829
She loooked perfectly fine in Dance Magic

>>30250507
She's taking her pills.

>>30250621
When?
There was no hit of any medication.
Maybe in friendship games she was in her period

She just has violent mood swings, she's not crazy.
You don't have to take medications if you're depressive.

>>30238829
I would
https://www.derpibooru.org/1027739?q=sour+sweet%2C+virgin

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>>30250765
>She just has violent mood swings, she's not crazy.
Why not both?

>>30238829
Don't even date her.
She's just looking for an opportunity to rip you off.

>>30252758
I'd let her rip me off anytime

>>30239541
Fuck that shit.
I would rather spend my life alone than settle for some tub of blubber at an abusive lazy bitch.

Yeah, I'm gonna die alone.

>>30252931
Sweet christmas

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>>30252931

>>30239046
>not wanting free shit
Ironically, you're the cuck.

>>30252931
Hot.

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Lemme try and save this before the modhammer comes a swingin'

>Am home
>Wife is depressed
>Can't blame her, child is gone in tragic car accident
>Whisper in her ear that it's not her fault
>Car had bad brakes and went into the river
>Just glad to have her at least
>She's getting handsy
>Feel a little weird, but everybody copes in their own way, right?
>Start necking her, and she gets me back
>We're hot and heavy now
>ohlawd.jpg
>She's on top of me
>She doesn't take her panties off, just slips them to the side
>Kinky bitch always did love the daddy play, so I go along with
>Spider sense tingling for some damn reason, but the sex is too good
>"Can we try again?"
>I'm diamonds
>Say yes
>She smiles and tries to put my whole hip inside her
>At least that's how hard she's grinding me now
>See her face starting to fog over
>"I love the feeling, anon. I love feeling you inside me."
>"All the time."
>She did seem a lot kinkier when she was pregnant.
>Thought it was hormones or whatever
>"And we'll just keep this up as long as we want, won't we?"
>Nani.jpg
>"Just you, me, and us."
>Puts my hand on her stomach
>2+2 starting to = 4 now
>Startle in panic
>Wife killed our kid so she could get me to fuck her pregnant again
>Fear and shock makes me cum involuntarily
>Her vagina turns into a Masterlock
>She looks down at me with that multi-colored hair looming down at me like prison bars
>She knows I know
>She's probably pregnant now
>She killed our kid, she'll kill me too if I don't toe the line
>MFW

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Yeah sorry guys, thought of a story for Sour Sweet involving her feet but got caught up greening some other shit.
I'll try to write it tomorrow.
If thread is RIP then I'll post in another EQG shitpost thread, we'll see.

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>>30253591

>>30247882
"My legs their deserve own website... Whatever you say, crazy broad."
>"You read that wrong!"

Bump for crazy bitch stories

>>30254762

>>30238829
>You will never be the one that keeps her mostly sane.

>>30243803
They've never been the same since 2014 and the election made the mods angry.

>>30255662
Why must you make me feel?

>>30239015
>Every day and every night you love her
>Some nights you show her just how much you love her
>She tries not to and each time she promises it's under control
>But it never is
>Every night ends with you with new cuts from how much she digs and scratches into you
>Every night ends with her patching you up inbetween sobs and rants of self-loathing and disbelief that you're still there
>Every night ends with you holding her tight whilst she tries to leave "for your own good"
>Every night ends with her falling asleep in your arms, content

>>30239378
link?

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>>30257382
Why are crazy girls so lovable

>>30238841
This. Speaking from the experience.

>>30247882
I could but it would take me forever, since I am not native English speaker? and it would get very long.

>>30257534
Well you can still try.
I'm not either and my first stories were meh as fuck, but if you don't try you won't know.
I mean, try to not make it too long, especially if it's your first one, but you can't lose anything anyway.

I'll write something for this thread but I need to finish my glimglam green first, so you've got 2-4 hours at least.
Up to you m8.

>>30257534
Just do it faggot, you would be surprised of how many green deliverers are not native english speakers

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>>30238841
This completely

>>30258329
Tell us about your expirience anon

>>30247882
www.bipolardiseasedwhore.com

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>>30258691
Stop fighting it Anon, crazies are hot af
I know it, you know it, everyone knows it

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>>30238829
>Heh, yeah brah's, like, don't stick your dick in crazy, brah, mirite tho?
>I mean, like, you guys know what that's like, right, brahs?

>>30253642
It's tomorrow now

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>>30258705
>Stop fighting it Anon, crazies are hot

Not as hot as my waifu.

Pic related

>>30258717
Yeah brah, let's go get some carbs and then hit the gym, I bet I can beat you in today's routine

>>30259929
flutterfags never change

>>30238829
>>30238841
>>30238845
>mfw I've been married to a literal mental patient for 9 years and it's been going great

>>30259929
She's the craziest of them all.

Boop

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>>30259929
>crazy flutterbat isn't ten times hotter

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>"I GUESS I'll go out with you, not that I want to"

Why does she have pills in her hand?

>>30238829

>You will never breed a crazy girl

FTFY

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>>30253187

>Believing that shit is free

Found the communist.

>>30263035
"How about you stop taking these?"
>She blinks, her eyes narrowing and an eyebrow raising quizzically.
>"These are my birth control pills Anon."
"I know."
>She blinks again.
>She pauses for a good minute, scanning your face to see if you were joking.
>You reach forward and take her hand in yours.
"It's been three years since we've been living together babe..."
>Her mouth opens up, but nothing comes.
"I-I've been thinking about this for a while now, you know? And I think now would be a good time."
>Her eyes drop down to your intertwining fingers for a second, then come back up.
>She shakes her head and your heart drops.
>"I-I don't know Anon, maybe we should wait some more?"
>It took you a week just to find the courage to bring the subject, no way you let it go just like that.
"What for? We've got jobs, a house, money... and I love you."
>You bring her hand to your lips and give it a kiss.
>You see tears forming in her eyes, and they drop once more.
"I-I..."
>You sigh.
>Maybe it is too early?
"Listen, Sour, it's okay, if you think that we're not ready for this then I'll... I'll stick with you anyway."
>Then you see the first tear rolling down her cheek.
>Oh fuck.
"Sweetie no,"
>You instantly pull her in a bear hug.
"I-I don't mind, don't worry about that, just don't cry--"
>"That's not it dumbass."
>She returns the hug, her hands roaming your back for a second, her right one instantly finding its place around your neck, grabbing a fistful of your hair.
>You internally sigh in relief. She only calls you that when she's happy.
"Then why--"
>"I'm scared Anon..."
"I'm here."
>You turn your head to kiss her temple and then tightens your embrace, trying to show her that you're here, to reassure her that you're here to stay.

>>30263565
>"W-what if... you know..."
>She sniffs and use your neck to wipe the tears off her cheeks.
>She leans back a bit for your eyes to meet.
>"What if the kid ends up like me?"
>You can't stop your own tears at this point. It just destroys you to see her like that.
>You breathe, deep and hard.
>You thought about this too. You're not stupid. But you didn't think /she/ would bring this up.
>"I-I don't want him to end up like me, always pissed at the whole world and everyone would say he's crazy a-and...--"
"You're not crazy."
>She opens her mouth but shuts it instantly. You've had this conversation before.
>"I know that, b-but they don't..."
"Who cares about 'them'? You didn't need 'them', right?"
>"No but..."
"No buts here,"
>You stroke her cheek, pulling a rogue strand of hair away from her beautiful eye.
"Your had a loving family, loving friends,"
>You add, grinning when you find what to say.
"Even your cat loved you, and this little shit hated everyone!"
>She snorts.
>"No, he just hated /your/ ass."
"That's what I said."
>You won't ever have enough of her cute laugh.
>That's way better.
"And you have me now. And I don't plan on going anywhere anytime soon."
>You lean down and give her lips a quick kiss.
"I'm sure you could've ended up way worse than with this hunk of a man right here."
>You wiggle your eyebrows enticingly and she rolls her eyes grinning at you.
>"Oh yeah you're right, I'm so lucky to have this big green dumbass as a boyfriend."
>If this came out of anyone else's mouth you'd feel hurt.
>Then she leans up and gives you a kiss of her own, this one lingering for a couple seconds before she decides breaking it up, pressing her forehead against yours and eskimo-kissing you, her indigo eyes stuck on yours the whole time.
"My point is...,"
>Your grin drops for a genuine smile before continuing.
"that you're happy right now, right?"
>You feel like melting under her touch when her hand starts stroking along your neck.

>>30263576
>"Of course I am you dumb fuck."
"Then everything's cool, isn't it?"
>She sighs.
>"You're not going to drop this so easily, are you?"
>You shake your head.
"Giving you a child is my endgame girl, no way I'm dropping it."
>She looks away for a second, thinking.
>Then her eyes comes back up, anxiety and hope filling them.
>"A-and... you won't be disappointed in her if she ends up like me?"
>You blink.
"Her?"
>She blushes.
>"I-it's just, I was simply--"
>Your heart soars just thinking about it.
"So you're already planning on giving me a daughter huh?"
>You add, smugness dripping from your face.
>And she decides to pinch your right nipple as punishment.
"AAAAAh?! No, stop--ah!"
>"You think you're clever huh?!"
"Ah! Is joke! Just joke, please don't tear it out!"
>"Hmph!"
>You sigh in relief when she lets go of it, her frame leaning down back to hug you, her face nuzzling your shoulder.
>You try to reach your wounded protrusion to try and rub the pain away but she bats it with her hand, deciding that she'd make a far better job at it than you ever could.
>You're quite certain that she can feel your heart hammering in your chest from there.
"And if..."
>You breathe once more, steeling yourself for the rest.
"And if /she/ ends up like you, well, it'll give me even more reasons to love her."
>She freezes for a moment.
>Did you fuck up?
>Then she pushes her way out of your grasp, her expression unreadable from where you are.
"W-what--"
>"You won loverboy."
>You blink, then you see her grabbing the end of your shirt, pulling it up.
"What's up, what--"
>"I'll give you your babies."
>Wow
"Wait, right now?"
>She doesn't respond, and you can't add anything when you find your face full of your shirt.
>Other than moan like a faggot when you feel her soft lips kissing your still hurting nipple.
"W-wait sweetie ah~"

>>30263588
I'm kinda late but here's more green.
Hope you guys are happy with it I am
https://pastebin.com/WM9Xnvm4
Here's the bin for both of them.

I'll surely write some more for her when that special gets a sub.

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>>30263565
>>30263576
>>30263588
>>30263619
It has been a while that I felt something. Well done.

>>30263576
>>30263588
>You will never have a daughteru with Sour Sweet.

>>30242269
kek

>>30263619
>I'll surely write some more for her when that special gets a sub.
What special?

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>>30264211
Dance magic

Already did. Twice. That's how I ended up on this ride.

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>>30238829
Probably not, but damn if they aren't qt.

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>>30238829

>>30263588
And then Sour and Anons' daugther/son commited suicide after the constant bullying it recieved at school

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>>30267023
A-are you okay Anon?
Did they bully you?
You can tell me everything, I'm here for you.

>>30264414
If only she had those freckles in the show

>>30267100
And the kid was afraid of his own mother

>>30267289
Nah, her mom would be the sweetest thing in the world Anon.
She'd take all her anger on me and give all of her love to her.

>>30267100
No mom, I am the bully, but my moodswings turn everything into a batshit crazy nightmare.
I was taking Flash's lunch money then I snapped and end up taking his money and his liver

>>30267304
And anon is slowly driven to alcohol to keep his ilusion of a happy life.
One day Anon and Sour ended up playing the Exorcist game, she shout at him while he threw up

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>>30267321

>>30267337
>tfw no lunch and no liver

>>30267336
Sometimes you've got to sacrifice a bit of yourself to make others happy Anon.

>>30267350
>Tfw you're Anon's child
>Tfw you witness the Exorcist game.
>Tfw you thinks it's funny
>Tfw when principal Celestia is traumatized when you tell her.
>Tfw she sends a Social Worker to your house.
>Tfw you're living in an orphanage

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>>30267396
Now, now, Anon, now you're just showing how new you are.

>>30267396
>>30267336
>>30267321
>>30267304
>>30267289
>>30267023
You're harshing the flow!

>>30267416
Anything to keep this alive until a random writefag provides

>>30267469
u got two greens already, let it die while the thread still has its honor

>>30267482
Anon, honor does not exist in /mlp/

>>30267482
Yeah but they were shit.
Maybe we could have a real writefag for a real green?

>>30267321
>"First, it was my lunch
>"Then, my liver."

>>30269387
>"I can't even drown my sorrows over the fact that they took my lunch because they took my liver to."

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>>30263619
PORN WHEN

>>30269455
You can still drink

bumpity

>>30270533
Upvoted

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>>30271858
downvoted

>>30271858
Revoted

c'mon one more green pretty please

>>30273904
Devoted

>>30274931
Provoted

I always enjoy these threads. Speaking from experience, I always tell portions to avoid sticking their dick in crazy. Leave that to me. Been doing it my whole life. Crazy always had the best sex. Ended up falling in love with crazy. And she fell in love with me.
Wait, you all should try it. Enjoy life while it's there. What? You want to be like those old people that are wrinkled and bitter?

>>30238829
"Damn you, Sour! Leave me be!"
>"Can't you see? You are me!"

Do not die.

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>>30238886

I might be a little late for this thread, but I did write a green inspired by OP's pic almost two years ago. I'll leave it here for anyone that might be interested.

https://pastebin.com/7r8iCJ2U

Sour Sweet is best girl

>>30276426
I don't want to be a pedophile thanks

>>30276446
>16
she's already too old fgt

>>30276426
It was cute Anon
I thought of insulting you several times throughout my reading, but you did okay
But the 'miss sweet' thing, I'm sure she would've been pissed of at him for still calling her that after all this shit

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>>30239365

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>>30277541
Thanks, I'm glad you liked it. This was a very fun story for me to work on back in the day. Very different from what I usually write.

And yeah, I could maybe see Sour outgrowing the pet name towards the end.

Aside from that, was there anything about the story in general you think I could've done better?

>>30277749
Whew, you shouldn't ask ME that, and you shouldn't pay too much attention to what I'm going to write because I take horsefiction a bit too seriously, I think.
But the whole 'He's a 40yo psychiatrist but acting like a 25yo guy when confronted with her' is weird
Rather, I don't mind the fact that this happened, but their relationship grew too fast... I guess? Because on one hand your Anon seems like a really reserved guy, smart and very 'professional'.
And then a week later he tells his 16yo patient that he loves her when he thinks she's asleep on his couch.
I would've prefered if you passed more time on this, the whole 'holy shit I'm a fucking pedophile' and him fighting his growing feelings for a kid, rather than the drama with the shadow, for example. Also him wanting to marry redheart seemed a bit forced. I think you could've handled it differently, and much better than the way you did.
Actually, I think there was 'too much drama' in there? I mean I can understand, being a writefag kinda myself that it's hard to stay in the zone when you stop writing, whether it's to sleep or for other reasons, and when you get back to it you want to add more exciting shit etc and if you write something really long, like this, then it can end up messy.
But this is hollywood movie level of dramas, you got a kid going insane, her 40yo doc falling for her, her parents being assholes, then her parents dying then redheart's growing 'friendship', then Anon wanting to marry her thinking it'd be better for Sweet, and then there's Anon's breakdown, and her friends visiting.

>>30277749
>>30277835
cont.
I mean, idk. I think it's a lot to take in AT ONCE, but if I read it day by day, as you were writing it (I guess), then it would've been fine.
Also I'm a huge sucker for romance, and your fic was kinda lacking on this. Rather, it's a love story but all your lovey dovey scenes are written off as 'hours passed and he stepped out of her room' etc. But that's just taste, I can see people not being interested in that shit.
So while the 'sad scenes' and drama was written okay, your romance was meh.

>>30277835
>I take horsefiction a bit too seriously, I think.
This here is the right place then.
I agree with your points, especially
>But the whole 'He's a 40yo psychiatrist but acting like a 25yo guy when confronted with her' is weird
but what I personally find the worst is the paedophila theme itself, which is kind of the whole story. I guess I'm not in the target audience.

>>30277938
Oh, well I don't personally give a fuck about that
I'd have a problem if she was 12, yeah, but 16 is old enough to understand this kinda shit, and I absolutely don't care if there's a huge gap between the two partners
also there's no sex in it, so you can read it and stick with a 'And anon didn't touch her until she was 18' if you want

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>>30277835
>>30277842
>Whew, you shouldn't ask ME that, and you shouldn't pay too much attention to what I'm going to write because I take horsefiction a bit too seriously, I think.

Well I appreciate just about any criticism I can get, and you took the time to read the whole thing so that's good enough for me senpai.

>So while the 'sad scenes' and drama was written okay, your romance was meh.

I can say I've never actually written a straight up romance story before, so that may be why I did not deliver quite so well on that regard. I'm a sucker for drama myself, and when I tried writing this I sort of wanted there to be something of a thriller/horror bent to it. Maybe I'm just a bit more suited for writing Drama and Sad stuff over Romance?

If I were to revisit this story again or try something similar in the future, it would probably be best to focus more singularly on one genre from start to finish. Maybe then I could have done better at portraying the Romance parts better, if that was what I chose to focus on. Then again, I could've focused more so on the psychological bits if that was what I wanted...

I've been told before that pacing is not one of my strongest suits either, so I'll keep that in mind too for future fics.

Thanks for taking the time to write that up Anon. I appreciate it!

>>30277938
You know, I've thought a lot about this as well lately. I wonder if the story would've been improved or weakened had I scaled up Sour Sweet's age? The thing is though, I wanted their relationship to be socially taboo, and having Sour Sweet be 16 helps accomplish that a lot.

I think I've only ever had one Anon point out how its wrong that Anon and Sour are together because they are doctor and patient, but I've had several anons take offense because of the wide age difference and that fact that Sour Sweet could be considered underaged. So in a way, maybe it was better this way?
In any case, I hope there was at least a little bit of the story you enjoyed Anon.

>>30278155
Oh, no, you shouldn't force yourself to focus on one genre, there's plenty of stories out there that did totally make everything happen at once, but pacing and shit is important. If you want to improve that you need to better plan ahead of what you're going to add and when. (I'm shit at this too, that's why I don't even bother writing anything as long as this)
Also, I added that 'I'm a sucker for romance' because I actually expected it to be your story's focus, at first at least, but since I kept reading it means that you didn't fuck up, either. And I'm really difficult when we're talking about drama filled fics, there's only a handful of writefags I can bear to read. (Like jeff or sea urchin)
So you're far above average.

>>30277971
>I'd have a problem if she was 12, yeah, but 16 is old enough to understand this kinda shit
She's mentally ill though, so I don't think she's acting rationally.
>also there's no sex in it, so you can read it and stick with a 'And anon didn't touch her until she was 18' if you want
That would have just made it worse

>>30278155
>I wonder if the story would've been improved or weakened had I scaled up Sour Sweet's age?
She should at least not have been underage in my opinion.
>The thing is though, I wanted their relationship to be socially taboo, and having Sour Sweet be 16 helps accomplish that a lot.
Of all the taboos I know, paedophilia upsets me the most, so I guess I'm just triggered.
I also dislike how Anon seems to like abusing her bad circumstances to his advantage.
"I'm a doctor who is supposed to treat a mentally ill girl and fell in love with her? Guess I'll kiss her. Her parents just died? Nice, I should adopt her."
>In any case, I hope there was at least a little bit of the story you enjoyed Anon.
Apart from those points, I did.
Good story, bad theme, not my cup of tea, sorry.

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>>30278270
>pacing and shit is important. If you want to improve that you need to better plan ahead of what you're going to add and when

That makes a lot of sense. Considering the size of the stories I tend to write, I really should try to plan out more ahead of time. I'll definitely try to do so on whatever my next story will be.

>So you're far above average
Thank you very much! I hope I can continue to improve.

>>30278369
>mentally ill
Yes but you don't know how 'ill' and 'rational' she is, you, the reader. So you should trust in the protagonist's judgement, being a 40yo doctor that dealt with insanity his whole life, rather than your own.
The SS in this story has issues, sure, but she seems rather rational and sound whenever she's alone with the doc (Save for the extreme case that happened in there, but that's an extreme.)
idk Anon, I think you're just as you said, triggered because of her being 2 years too young.
But you're right that the writefag could've handled this part of their relationship better, I also would've liked it if the doc ended up having a harder time dealing with his growing feelings. But like he said he wanted to add that 'horror' thing with the shadow, so hey, he tried.

>>30240790
Not my fault the thread is pretty much controlled by literally one guy who never makes up his mind.

>>30245809
Ditto. It hurts.

>>30260538
Give story about how you met please. I could use a heartboner now.

>>30277835
>horsefiction
darf? that you?

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>>30279087
No.
I'm a huge fan of his tho
But he's still lurking around, I spotted him in the fimfic thread a couple weeks ago

>>30278414
Don't listen to this SJWs anon it was great I would fap to it again

>>30279177
>SJWs
i thought those guys were all like "age is just a number"

>>30277938
>but what I personally find the worst is the paedophila theme I'm not in the target audience.
t. you

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>>30277938
Lemme guess, you're that same faggot that got triggered over that neetpone story with Anon cumming on her when she was asleep

>>30238829
You're right, I wouldn't. I'd have her get her ovaries cut out.

>>30279439
Only when it benefits their autism

>>30279800
Anon pulled a Shinji from Evengelion?

>>30279855
What the hay is wrong with you?

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>>30280330
Nah, she used his toothbrush as a dildo and wanted some payback

>>30278978
Don't forget it's also controlled by a shadowy discord chat who decide what's best for the thread but don't actually post in it or contribute anymore.

>>30280976
Actually the chat has nothing to do with the thread anymore. No one there even looks at the thread. They haven talked about or even acknowledged the thread once in months last time I was there.

>>30279731
I meant I'm not in the target audience of the story, because (part of) its theme is paedophilia, which I don't like. Sorry if I was unclear.

>>30279800
>Lemme guess, you're that same faggot that got triggered over that neetpone story with Anon cumming on her when she was asleep
That wasn't me, I haven't posted here in some months.

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>>30281069
sure you aren't :^)

>>30281046
If that's true who updates the fingerbang pastebin?

>>30281139
Literally no one. It's been the same since fucking winter. Disco is about as dead as the music genre he's named after.

>>30281178
Jesus christ you're right. fingerbang is even worse off then i thought.

>>30281266
Well the chat is at least. That place is practically dead and buried. The thread itself has been going relatively steady with like two occasional content dumpers.

>>30238829
Says you.

When I was little I used to trick the retarded girl who lived up the street from me into getting naked by telling her that her clothes had ghosts in them.

Then I'd pull out my dick and tell her it was a strawberry ice cream cone.

>>30282018
Savage

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>>30282018

>>30274990
contravoted

>>30282735
Devoted

>>30282795
Megavoted

>>30238829

https://drive.google.com/open?id=0B2tVFgQUnUb7bmRaaHhNZmI2bnc

Her voice seems.. off?

>>30283333
Promoted for geting a checkers.

>>30284779
>Her voice seems.. off?
yeah what the fug

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>>30238846
Reminded me of this

>>30284779
>>30285152
same VA tho
but yeah she sounded different, damn

Live!

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>"Would you like me to be your girlfriend?"
>You were pretty surprised considering you have met her just today.
>You know that some hight school girls are easy, but such behaviour made you think how many boyfriends she had
>Maybe she is just desperate?
>Closing the Facebook tab you decided to call it a night and talk about it tomorrow

>Saturday
>"Hi, Anon!"
>You see Sour sweet coming your way dressed less modest than she did when you met her.
>Either because she really is having plans on you or because it is just casual day.
"Hi, Sour Sweet. Wow's it going?"
>You decided to take it slow and see if she will mention it. Maybe it was just nightly romance influence, and now she'll be sober
>"Sooo, what do you think?"
>She is smiling, impatient to hear your answer.
>As much as you would want to use the opportunity to date a high-scooler you couldn't help to think there is something wrong with her
"We should get to know each other better first"
>At this point it was the best thing you could do. Giving her a hope thus ensuring she won't go anywhere
>It will be a good test to see if her feelings are genuine. If she will leave you in two days then it's not meant to be. Don't want a whore who had 100 dicks inside of her already.
>"I don't mind to wait. Anything for you"
>These were the words you needed to be sure that you got her.
>Bingo!

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>>30286655

>"What's on your mind? Anywhere you want to take me in particular?"
"Let me take you to the kafe by the lake. You know, the one wit-"
>"Sorry, but no" - she interrupted you
"Why not. It's my treat"
>"If we gonna go there I won't be eating anything. I hate when guys do that! If you going to order for me, I won't touch it!"
>This took you by surprise but you decided not to pressure her just because of such silly thing, but you also had no desire to eat in front of her on your own
"Okay, then. We will have a walk in the park then. I will buy us some ice-cr-"
>"Didn't you hear? I said, I don't want anything from you. I want You!"
>Guess this was the reason she wasn't so picky. She obviously only dated jerks who dumped her over such things.
"Ok, got it! In that case..."
>You didn't have the time to react as she grabbed you by the elbow and you could feel her firm warm breasts pressing against your arm.
"Should we go to the forest then!?"
>"Suuure, that is a great idea! If you want to get ticks.
>She was not pleased at all. What should you do with her? She rejects every attempt you make to get at least somehow romantic.
"What do you want to do then?"
>"Anywhere, as long as I'm with you."
>Oh god, this is an endless loop now!
>"Anywhere! As long as it doesn't concern something that can kill us"
"Park maybe?"
>"Yes, that will do"
>If you knew it would be this annoying to have such girlfriend you would never agree to this. Then again,you aren't a couple yet, so you still can bail your ass out of this
>Maybe it is because of her age
>And that is why
>You want to go all the way with her.

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"I never would have thought that running at you just like that in a library would lead to your proposal over the internet"
>"I wanted to unsent the letter after I talked to my mom about you. She said a girl should never tell this"
>At least her parents sounds alright
>"I think this is why you hate me now"
>What?
"Where did that come from?!"
>"Admit it! You hate me, and you want me to die!"
>She is batshit crazy. No wonder she couldn't have a long-term relationship
"Why do you think that?"
>"You refused my proposal!"
"And you thoughts I hate you? I just wasn't ready; it was so sudden.
>"Suuure, I should have probably guessed it. If I would be a psychic."
>This is bad. An argument.
>You decide to took the initiative and prove how wrong she is by giving her a hug. Not the friendly one. The kind of hug a man would give to a woman.
>"You want me to stop do you?"
"Yes, please. You know it is not true"
>"I don't believe you"
>You weren't sure if this is a test she is trying to pull on you or she really is like this.
>Your hand "accidentally" slides down her back, right down the upper part of her butt. The smell of her perfume was calming. Just the thing you needed.
>She hugs you back. Now you can feel all the warmth and every part of her front torso against your chest.
>"If you will refuse, I will kill myself, and you will be the one to blame."
>As you try to depart from her she squeezes you even tighter as if she want's to enter you.
"Don't worry, I already said, "when I get to know you better""
>"Well, you know me now. Actually, no. You don't, and you never will"
>You were now positive she wasn't just an ordinary girl.
>This was frightening and yet, just what you wanted.
>"Hey, anon"
"Hmm?"
"Don't let me go"

>>30238829
>soursweet comes over to celebrate your birthday
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=wm5dZIoLz-E

>>30283333
Negavoted

>>30284779
>>30285152
>>30285246
The audio has been sped up. We won't get a proper english release until the us airdate.

>>30290001
idk Anon, the other voices sounded okay, I don't think it's that
it's more about her not 'using' the same voice for whatever reason

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>>30238829
You don't know me

>>30287393
MOAR!!!
With less grammar heresy please

>>30238829

Sure I'd breed her. She needs to be tied up and bred.

>>30290860
That is if she doesn't bust out of her restraints

>>30290564
Can you point out the biggest error for him? I don't think he knows Engrish well.

>>30286655
>>30286989
>>30287393
Has she got the hots for Niko Bellic?

>>30291547
>Inb4 he will hake her bowling

If you know what I mean ^:)

>>30259929
The crazy in question is not-Fluttershy.

If I would breed her, would our children be crazy as well? Asking for a friend.

>>30293204
She'd get twins, one sour and one sweet

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>>30287393

>You decided to keep Sour Sweet closer, just to be sure she won't harm herself. Even though you know how unlikely it is you don't want to take chances.
>Being quite positive you can actually change her perception. Just because you care.
"Sour Sweet, I want to know why me? Why do you like me?"
>"Good question. When I first saw you, I never thought we would even talk. But seeing how kind and polite you were something clicked in my head."
>Finally being a nice guy pays off
"But I am way older than you. Don't you think it's strange?"
>She puts her hand under your shin, softly sliding her finger down your chest
>"Age is just a number. Not that I would fall for someone I just met".
>Her words contradicts what she have just said. Not that you got very surprised since you now know what to expect.
>"This is what someone I used to date for a whole day told me."
>Even after the things you heard from her before this still shocked you
>Can it be that someone took advantage of her when she was younger?! Like you want to do it.
>The feel of shame and pity for her kicked in.
"I see, how old were you?"
>No answer
>Could it be she was way younger than I expected? Could it be she is like this because of that person?
>You decided to comport Sour Sweet by giving her a hug, nesting her head on your chest
"You poor girl"
>"Stop it!"
>Suddenly she jumped back with a serious frown
>"That's just great! Now I am being pitied!. It's like a dream come true!"
"Sorry, I forgot people don't like it. Neither do I"
>Oddly enough your words turned her frown upside down and she had her arm under your elbow the next second.
"So, where is this guy now?"
>"He is dead, so don't worry"

>>30239541
After a while you won't be thirsty any more. For me it stopped well before thirty and once I didn't need it so much I was able to think rationally about it.

Most of the time free Internet porn will do. A couple times a year I find an escort on Craigslist or Backpage to scratch the itch, and I laugh at all the retards who found their "twoo wuv" who then divorced them and took their kids, their homes, half their bank accounts, and five grand a month in child support. I laugh like this:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5rZX1JCPAXQ

Everybody pays for pussy, and it's a lot cheaper up front. No doubt some white knights are going to come here and tell me they married theirs. Hey, stupid--when you go to work to feed her and keep a roof over her head, she's working a part-time job for money to buy shoes and weed, sitting on her ass slurping down Cinnabons carton and all while she watches soap operas, putting on weight, and fucking some Chad she met at work--in your bed. And when she takes your kids (not all of whom are actually yours, by the way, but by God you're gonna pay child support for each and every one of them, even if you can prove non-paternity with a DNA test, because Judge Shaneequa in Fambly Court doesn't give a shit) and your house from you and you're crying in your beer saying "why me," I'm going to be laughing like the motherfucking Crypt Keeper at your white-knight cuck ass.

The only reason a cunt won't betray you is that she thinks she can't do any better than you, and these days the only ones who think that way are the "special" ones. Here we get into the REAL fun--the low-self-esteem, codependent, borderline-personality-disorder kind of fun, calling you up in the middle of a twenty-hour double shift and saying she thinks you don't love her any more and she's going to kill herself, about twice a week.

You know what that useless little flap of skin attached to the pussy is called? A woman. Take the red pill, friendo.

>>30238841
This is the most pure fucking advice you can give. It doesn't matter how much you want to get laid, don't fucking do it lads.

>>30294632
Nah man, stick your dick in crazy. Just make sure you're behind like 7 proxies.

>>30294607
>'Tonight, in things that never happened!'
at least you won't ever procreate so all is right with the world

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>>30294703
Denial isn't a river in Egypt, friendo.

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>>30294740
oh I'm sure you know where you can find that denial riven anon :^)

>>30294754
How many of Chad's babbies are you paying child support for, friendo?

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>>30294766
keep living in your dream autismo bubble /pol/-kun

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>>30294482
>As much as you wanted to ask her why he is dead you figured you will make her mad again, so you pretended you didn't care.
>You were soon to discover that you had nothing to talk about. She never watched the movies you like; doesn't listen to the same music as you, nor she is into games.
"So, where do you usually hang out? I would like to go and see those places too."
>"Usually I spend my free time in populated places. There are quite a few places I don't want to go and you already know a couple of them."
>The awkward silence
"I guess I am too boring for you, since All we do is walk and hold hands."
>"If you were, I wouldn't be with you right now, so don't be silly. I already told you "I am fine with anything we do. Even for sitting in one room looking into each other eyes."
>Damn it, she is so sweet! If she is down with anything so are you.
>"But it won't happen, because you Will hate me. In a day or two you will be yelling: "Get out, I don't want to see you ever again!""
"Why would I?"
>"Because of this"
>"Sour Sweet exposed her upper arm and shoulder."
>Oh God... Why?!
>On her firm beautiful skin there were words scratched: "I Hate myself. I want to die!!"
>Now more than ever you knew you can't leave her on her own. Was this a cry for help?
"Were you the one who did this?"
>"Me of coarse, who else?!"
"But why?"
>"And it is all true. And you won't be there to stop me."
>Completely ignores your words. Is she in her own world now? Her being suicidal was the last thing you expected.
>"It would break you. I know it."
>She said it with the straight face too, as if she really mean it. This time you decided to not reply.
"You know what Sweet, let's exchange numbers. This way I can always be there for you."
>"Well. Okay, but I don't know why should I, since I never use it anyway, And you can always fund me at the academy. It's time for me to go home."
>She gave you a final hug which lasted for eternity.

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>>30295275

>The very next day you were waiting for her at the Crystal Prep sitting on the bench under the tree. It looked like it's going to rain
>You couldn't help but analyse what happened yesterday, so you could respond to every shit she's could say or do today.
>That one psychology book you read some time ago stated, that people who talk they will kill themselves will less likely to do it, and the physical pain is helping people to numb the pain in their soul.
>And the fact she didn't waned open to you wasn't helping either
>Finally you see her as she walks with some boy from school.
>What is this? You decide you will ask her as soon as she come near to you.
>Seeing her giving him a friendly hug with them leaving each their own way eased your worries.
>Guess it's just her classmate. And she looks happy too. So she is safe while she is at school.
"Hey, Sour Sweet. It's about time you came. People started giving me strange looks.
>"You better not tell anyone about us! it's for your own good."
"Don't worry, I won't" - you chuckled
>"Can we go over to your place? My parents aren't home today, so I am free as a bird until 8pm."
>Oh wow. Finally you will have her at your place. You don't know what the two of you will be doing, but it doesn't matter right now. The most important thing is that she will be with you.
>Away from the other people eyes.
>"I just need to change and then I will be over. Just show me where you live."

...

>"Well what do you know. I live only 5 minutes away from your place"
>Oh God, this means she will come soon. And you haven't cleaned your room in a week.
>Her being greeted with a scent of your crusty cum is the last thing you wanted so you rushed in and started cleaning frenzy.

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>>30295648

>As you were putting your last sock into the laundry you hear her call at your door.
>"Are you gonna let me in?"
>She stood there with a smile on her face, meaning she obviously waited to spend some time with you
>You politely invite her in; almost butler-like style, trying to make her feel like a princess
>"Nice place you got here. Not much, but it is cosy."
"So where would you like to go sit? Or maybe you want to play Some games? Tabletop, console, I have it all."
>"I'm not into the gaming stuff. Unless it's sports, archery in particular."
>You took her hand and escorted Sour Sweet to your bedroom.
>She crashed on your bed facing up.
>With her being exposed you started testing the waters, putting your palm to her cheek gently rubbing it. It was warm and soft.
>She just kept smiling back which was a good sign for you
>You then proceeded sliding down her neck slowly, with her exposing the side of the neck to make a space for your palm.
>Being caught in each other's eyes made it even better. You really felt something. You fell complete. The emptiness in your soul has been finally sealed.
>It felt just like the first time you fell in love.
>Back when you were a student yourself.
>Before you know it your hand was already neat her breast hitting the edge of her bra.
>Without freaking out you redirected your hand to her ribcage as if you were teasing her on purpose
>Noticing this she just rolled her eyes and giggled.
>"It's okay, Anon, I don't bite"
>These words blurred your mind: "Oh shit! I'm actually having a chance right now! Don't you fucking pussy out or she may think you have some problem"
>"Hey anon, I believe this means that you are officially my boyfriend?"
"More like your man, I'm far away from being young lad" - you said with a smile
>"Didn't I say? Age is just a number, And I don't wanna know how old you are."

>>30286655
>>30286989
>>30287393
>>30294482
>>30295275
>>30295648
>>30296031

I wanted to show my encouragement.
Too often, I don't, I usually don't read threads until long after they're dead.

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>>30296031

>Seeing her how peaceful she is today made you wonder. You decided to have a little teasing session with her
"Say, Sour Sweet, you are like completely different person today, was it one of "those days" yesterday?"
>"Anon! Well, maybe... But I also took my medication today."
>So there was something wrong with her and you were dying to know what, but you decided not to pressure her.
"What kind of medication?"
>"For my mental health. It's no big deal."
>Suddenly, she got up and positioned herself on your lap head facing you.
>"I want to see you, Anon"
>Her being so cute while on her medication made you think that every guy she was with before was just unlucky and not patient enough.
>It was time to take her small fragile arm. While your fingers were sliding on her skin they have stumbled upon some weird formation.
>You took her wrist to examine it, just to see another skar. This time it was recent wound.
"Not this again, dummy. Why are you doing this?"
>Nothing but silence filled the room.
>"If I will tell I will most likely start crying. And I hate when people see me cry!"
>You know that telling her "you can cry with me" won't work, since it is her personal standing point.
"I just want to know. It hurts me to see you doing this to yourself."
>"You will regret this... believe me"
"I won't I've seen and heard lots of things, so I don't think it is something? I wouldn't be able to handle.
>"Oh, I've seen allot of things in my life too. Some people doesn't even realise there could be a girl who have seen more shit than their grandpas"
>She took the deep breath
>" I like to humiliate myself, I love harming myself, I'm just a doll everyone can toss around, I won't tell my real thoughts, And I love when people hate me. It turns me on, you can't even imagine how much. It also eases the pain I carry in my hart. You won't be able to change me, Anon. This is how I am. Full of Mysteries I will never reveal to you."

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>>30296206
Will there be more?

>>30297755
The double dubs demand it

>>30298666
Satan has a point

>>30297755
It feels like it might be the end. Or writefag is just Eurpean.

>>30298666
Satan demands it

bomp

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>>30296206
>>30297755

>She was right. You didn't like what you hear, and wished you wouldn't ask for this. Maybe it would go away with time.
>It was sad for you to hear it, yet there was still a hope for the two of you being together. A naive hope
>You gave her a kiss on her forehead
"You know, I don't care. I am happy you have opened up to me"
>Lying wasn't the best option, but you had to comfort her somehow
>"Hey look, I didn't even cry. That was easy."
>"Do you hate me now after knowing all this? I may disappear one day. Just like that."
>You didn't know what to say. Hating her would make you feel miserable, besides, this would mean you wouldn't be able to make a physical contact with her, which was comforting you.
>If you would still treat her like you do now, she wouldn't believe you anyway. Your words would contradict your actions. She is maybe crazy, but she's definitely now stupid.
>"Telling the truth I was scared yesterday when I was doing this. There was more blood than usual."
"See? This means you don't really want to die."
>"But I do. I was scared that I would get into much more trouble if my mother would see this."
>She got off from your lap and went down on her knees poking your thighs with her nose
"What are you doing"
>"Meow"
>Wow. This is unexpectedly cute and hot at the same time.
>You realised that there is no point confronting her on the topic of hate. This kid's mind can't be changed.
"So you're a cat now?"
>"Meow"
>She was going higher and was half-way to your crotch
>Is she will continue like this Your member would get harder, and if you'd try to tuck it upwards she will surely notice it and freak out.
>Without hesitation you pulled her up, under her armpits like a little kid. She was extremely light too.
"Excuse me for my question, I know I shouldn't be asking this to a girl but how much do you weight? You are light as a feather"
>She raised her eyebrow

Your writing is fucking terrible, but I appreciate the effort and think that you should continue.

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>>30301183
>"Sure I am. It was 46 kilos when I last checked"
>Considering her height and fragile body build she looked very nice. Sports burning all the fat, while adding muscle mass at the same time.
>Though all you saw were her hands and now legs, since she decided to come in shorts.
>You laid her back on the bed and booped her with your nose to see what will happen.
>Just as you thought. She was still smiling and rolling her eyes a bit. To get something more out of her you decided rub her belly.
>"Don't do that Anon. I will fall asleep if you gonna do that, and I am a heavy sleeper."
"Maybe I want you to do that, so you could stay with me for the night"
>You go even further by moving your arm over her exposed hip to have a taste of that silk-soft skin.
>It is even smoother than you imagined.
>During that moment she grabbed your hand and placed your palm on her shorts. Right up the upper side of her pubic area
>So warm... And it's not even her crotch.
>The smile on her face turned more devious. This was the right time to see how she reacts to the other kind of jokes.
"Now now, Sour Sweet I may damage your afro"
>"Pfff, Oh that so nice of you co care... And making a stupid joke killing the fucking mood! Great job!"
>This was the first time you hear her swearing. The best damage control you could come up with was the most standard one.
"Just kidding."
>"Don't worry no damage done because I don't have any "grass" down there to begin with.
>Wow! Being this open to you.
"Keeping it clean, eh? Just don't cut your-"
>"I thought you have noticed by now that I have no hair on my arms or legs. I don't shave them and never had; I don't grow hair on my body."
"What? For real?"
>She rolled her eyes again.
>If what she said was true then this just made her allot cuter in your eyes. Fragile body type, no body hair ever grown. Yet it made you feel like one of those people who are into children. It felt so wrong.

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>>30301533

>But at this point you didn't care much about such thing. You fell for her. She took your heart. You wanted to help her.
>And the biggest thing you wanted now was her.
>"Which can't be said about you. Just look at your hands."
"Well I am a man, so that's only natural. Hmm, I wonder what you will do if I poke your belly button"
>She laughed
>"If I had one"
"Let's see now. I am guessing it is somewhere here"
>When you were about to poke the place where supposedly her navel should be, she pulled her shirt up exposing her belly to you in all it's beauty.
>Just wow. She keeps surprising you again and again.
>There was a large scar From the just above the navel reaching all the way down, disappearing under her shorts. The stitches were poorly made and her belly button was sewed together
>Just what happened to her? You tried to figure it out by putting together all the things you knew so far.
>Could it be she was badly raped when she was younger? So bad it affected her mental state and damaged her body like this?
>You put your palm on her belly, gently patting it feeling the scar.
>Before you knew it your hand got to her breast again, but this time you didn't remove the it.
>It was firm and warm. Small enough to fit it in the palm of your hand. Yet you felt something similar to your mother's hug when you were little. So comfy and calming. The power of breasts.
"Are you Okay with this?"
>"Ughh. No I'm not! Anon, I already told you a dozen of times. If I wasn't then I wouldn't be here with you."
>You made a decision to squeeze her breast just a little bit to feel it better, and put the other hand on her cheek to caress her at the same time.
>She grabbed your hand butting it even further down her pubic area, pressuring it this time.
"Sour Sweet?"
>"Do you need landing lights, anon?"

>>30301917
Cutesy stuff, nice.

>>30301202
It could be worse, take a look at what Fingerbang has.

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>>30301917
>You decided to play dumb pretending you don't know what is she talking about
>Coming to the conclusion that there is no point asking for her permission on every sexual move you do you decided to take it slow to arouse her even more.
>She was way ahead of you pushing your hand all the way down her hot as oven crotch. If it is so hot trough her shorts you can only imagine that is the actual temperature down there.
>You decided to tease her just a bit by rubbing the place. Feeling something soaking trough you wanted to remove her hand, but she wouldn't let you.
>Making a serious face while panting lightly she made herself clear she won't be pleased if you would do that.
>"If you back off now I will never talk to you again."
>This was something you didn't want
"I just had something else on my mind"
>"Like sliding it under my panties so I could finally feel your skin?"
"Um, no."
>Her face turned red in an instant. You got your arm playfully slapped.
>"Hold on, Let me get up"
>Sour Sweet got up pushing you against the wall and positioned herself on your lap so she would be facing you.
>Her crotch near your crotch
>The heat was incredible and this alone was making you want her even more
>And the only thing was holding you back was the understanding that she is insane. It is never a good idea to put your dick in a crazy chick, especially as young as her
>She started grinding against your chest, working her hips at the same time, thus sandwiching your dick.
>The wave of pure pleasure was running down your lower body part every time she was moving down. She knew exactly what she was doing.
>Good thing you managed to tuck it while she was getting up or it would have been painful.
>"If you don't hate me now, I will make you to hate me"
>You wanted to say she won't but knowing her she could pull something that will potentially fuck up your life.
"So, does this mean you want me to hate you?"
>She stopped moving

>>30294607
>Take the red pill
>Doesn't believe in fortifying Western culture by raising successful children that will go on to be better than himself
At least you tried

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>"No. But it would be better for both of us."
"Excuse me, but if you don't want me to hate you then why are you asking for this so bad?"
>"I... This is the first time I have this strange feeling I can't explain. I don't know why, but when I am with you, I feel happy"
>"I feel like I matter"
"You should fight for your happiness, not refuse it pushing away the people you love! I am dear to you ain't I?"
>You couldn't believe what you were hearing. Such low self-esteem. This is the exact self-flagellation shit she was talking about you earlier.
>The last bits of hope are gone now. You understand that even if you would take her now, she will still be feeling guilty forever.
>You squeezed her in a hug which she answered with the resumption of grinding.
>"I... Am.... A... Doll. Am I a good doll? Use me."
>Your heart skipped a bit. You finally understood every single word she confessed you earlier. Now when you know what the "doll" meant you were feeling guilty of your actions.
>She had no intentions to stop.
"You are not a doll!"
>"And you would know better?! Never mind me. Just trying to make you feel good. Shut up, or I will leave!"
>Only the sound of clothes robbing together disturbed the silence
>She kept gazing in your eyes as if she was waiting for you something to do
>Finally you've slide your hands under her shorts, pulling down her panties just enough to grab her bare peach pressing her tighter to your manhood
>"Eek!"
>She clearly wasn't expecting that
"Didn't you hear me?"
>"It is better for me to be miserable. I don't deserve happiness...I don't deserve life... I don't deserve you."
>She put her head on your shoulder and started to shiver
"Are you okay?"
>"Why are you being so kind to me, anon?"
"Because I care for you very much! I need you, and I know you need me"
>She looked at you. You could tell her eyes were watery just a moment ago
>You pulled her closer and gave her soft, yet passionate kiss.

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>>30302937
>The point of no return was getting closer. So you decided to slow her down.
"Are you sure you want this, Sour Sweet?"
>"Anon what did I tell you?"
"If you didn't, you weren't here with me."
>A wide smile has returned to her face. Finally.
>You were determined to make this girl feel happy, if not forever, then at least for this one time.
>Since her panties were already half-way off all you had to do was pull down her shorts.
>Without breaking a kiss she unbuttoned your pants, and got even closer locating your member to help you
>Since both of you were incredibly aroused already it went inside without any resistance
>Sour sweet has let our a loud pant.
>"Oh God, My head is spinning."
>It really did look like it was the case, so you held her body closer to you with one hand while helping her move her hips with the other one.
>For a couple of minutes it was nothing but the sounds of juices and quiet soft squeaks Sour Sweet made
>At this very moment she was just Sweet.
>The heat was rising; coming wave by wave and you felt like Sour Sweet is almost there too
>A final two deep piercing moves made her hug you with all her might, crying in ecstasy.
>Your Heart pounded like crazy, and you lost your eyesight for a moment.
>Finally you made your release, pounding Sweet's cervix again and again until you regained your seances.
>"Don't pull it out, please" - she whispered
>"Let it stay inside there just for a bit longer."
>You gave her a kiss as the sign of you being fine with it.

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>>30303138

>Until the rest of the day you were just sitting together, talking about the topics she was interested in.
>"Anon, It is time for me to go. It's getting late"
"Oh, right, it is evening already"
>"I know you love me and don't want me to leave, but maybe you will open the fucking door for me so I could leave?!"
>You got used to her being like this pretty fast so you didn't even reacted at the slightest.
"So what are your plans for tomorrow?"
>"Nothing, since I'm gonna go hang myself now somewhere in the woods or something"
>She laughed
"Well, see you tomorrow then!"
>Sour Sweet gave you a wide smile and went backwards, just watching as you were watching her to leave.

>You never saw her again

The end

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>>30303228
I'm indifferent towards this ending, but it was a good read from what I've seen.

>>30303228
Now that's some self solving problem.

>>30301202
Correct him in every grammatical aspect pleasse.
This has potential, but people here are easily triggered

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>>30303228
How could you anon?!!!

>>30301024

>>30303505
I'll do it when I'm finished writing my shit.
Seeing how people reacts to the end tho I'm kinda worried.

>>30304829
Everything is welcome anon
I Would write something, this would help me a lot to make stories for the D&D table I master.
If it wasn't for my problem...my english grammar is not that good

>>30303287
Write more fucking time after time already

>>30305654

>>30307193

>>30304867
Good or not, you have to practice.

>>30308607
I know, but people here gets triggered easily, part of the autism I guess

Dangerous bump

Goodbye bump

I'm not finished with you

>>30311733
But I am

>>30311733
Neither am I

Nope

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>>30303228
Okay, I finally went and read through it all
and FUCK YOU

So, your English is completely broken, you need to work on your punctuation and many dialogs are really, really awkward because of it.
And maybe not just because of that, IMO you just 'forget' or don't think of writing what's happening in between many scenes. So maybe it's because you have a hard time visualizing and inserting yourself as the characters, or you don't do it, and it's wrong.
You've got to put yourself in their heads, and not just Anon too, you gotta get inside the girl's head and try and think like her.
And about the content itself, it was okay. The ending was really cheap, but that comes from your lack of skills as a writer, or rather, it takes a really good writer to get this kind of ending right.
Your romance was fine tho, if you ignore the awkwardness of it all, you conveyed the feelings okay, or something along those lines.

The best advice I can give you is read more horsefiction.
Focus on the ones with really good ratings, and compare their writing to yours. Understand where you fuck up and try and put yourself in the writer's head to understand why his characters do and say the things they do.
Also you can ask in the writer's guild thread, they're generally happy to help over there.


Okay, now that this is done, maybe we should let the thread die guys.
Unless another writefag shows up and feels like sharing some stuff, of course.
I know I said I'd write more when the english version of dance magic came up but I'm too busy to do it right now, so I'll just make a new Sour sweet thread in a week or two, whenever I have the time to do so.

>>30316172
In other words, never write here again.
Kill yourself fucking tacoman

>>30316172
It's onkay anon the Sour Sweet thing is over, there's no need to waste board space on a thread with just one writer

>>30317035
No.
His green was huge for a first timer, so it means he either has a lot of time to waste and/or doesn't lack dedication.
Just need to work on it a lot

>>30317051
Well no, one writer is enough to keep a thread up, but I believe we've got none left, for now at least.
It's not like we're taking important space, it's just another glimpost or another 'I don't like X' thread.

>>30317053
Dedication that brings mediocre results is the same thing as giving nothing of value

>>30317101
Yes, but if he keeps dedicating himself so much and people point him in the right direction, he might even become good, at some point.
He's far from that, don't get me wrong, but who knows.

>>30317068
Making a thread for just one writer is the classical "circlejerk" thread anon, don't go into that territory. People will shitpost it to the speed of light.
As for the other threads well...the fandom is slowly expiring anon those kind of things are meant to happen

>>30317119
That would take years anon, he should just to some english classes and never come back until he can make a decent green, at least a readable one.

>>30317143
go to*
I hate my cellphone and my big fingers that only my ex-girlfriend loved

>>30280346
Crazy shouldn't breed.

>>30317134
idk, see >>30251521
It's literally me writing in it (and now another guy just joined) and people bumping it to keep it alive.
idk if you can call /that/ a circlejerk, it's not like there's much discussions (and so, anything to agree/disagree on) going on.
And yes, I wouldn't do it IF the board was still lively, but in this state, who cares.
It's 'my' thread or another 'How can human males even compare' or 'lol sunshit/glimglam/season2 isn't canon'

It's not like you're blocking other people from discussing and posting their own content, either.
If you were, then yeah that'd be a problem, but if you consider that a circlejerk then 80% of the board is, and has always been one big circlejerk.

idk, maybe I'm just rambling nonsense.

>>30317143
>that would take years
And? Who cares.
I could barely talk English when I joined the ride back in Season 2, and here I am writing horseporn on this taiwanese image hosting service.
We can't afford to throw away every content creators, not anymore.
Or something along these lines...?

>>30317222
Wait...are you the responsible for that shitty thread?!
The pain...the treason bro

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>>30317272
oh no, I'm not the OP, I just started shitposting my green in it and people wanted more.
I mean, I'm forced to green in these threads since there's no more prompts...

>>30317222
Really?
I have problems with english grammar as you can see anon, that's why I didn't write anything.
I have bad expiriences with people that gets triggered by grammar mistakes.
And I tend to be VEEEEEEEERY descriptive so the stuff I write it's way too long

>>30317297
Well my grammar is mediocre too, it takes me a LONG time to write anything I'm happy about.
You just gotta preread and reread anything before posting, you'll get rid of a big part of it already.
And then it depends on /where/ you write. People in some generals are much more difficult with stories, because they already have resident writefags that are certainly better/more experienced than you, but if you just write greens in random threads like I do, then people generally don't bitch too much about stupid grammar mistakes.
I'm talking about readable English tho, not completely broken English like the green up here, mind you.

And I don't think you can be 'too descriptive'.
If you feel like it, then it's up to you to tone it down, and only way to learn how to do that is to try again and again.
Write a couple hours every few days and read a lot of greens/fics and your level will already go up really fast.

>>30317370
I wish I could write anon, but I bet you can't even read what am writing now.
I used to be good at english but the lack of use made my skill a little rusty

>>30238829
She doesn't seem too bad.

A bump for you.

>>30320876

>>30316172
>So maybe it's because you have a hard time visualizing and inserting yourself as the characters, or you don't do it, and it's wrong.

I doubt it's the case. This green is based on my real life experience (yes she actually was like this). This is why I hold Sour Sweet dear to me and hate her at the same time.

>Also you can ask in the writer's guild thread, they're generally happy to help over there.
It was on my to do list

Thanks for the feedback. I will be writing more shitty green until it get get better (I hope).

>>30323447
Write them here.
Continue the one you wrote, make anon have paranormal adventures being haunted by Sour's spirit

>>30323769
Not that much crazy.

GO UP!!!!

>>30324023
It's not crazy it's expanding the universe and being open to every possibility

>>30324471
¡¡¡¡come down