Anon's Pie adventure

>>30196986
It's readable, don't worry.

>>30196986
Anon’s facial expressions are gold

>>30196986

That ponka and lime in the six panel look weird.

>>30197037
There is no Ponk in any panel with Limestone in it.
You mean Maud? And panel 7?

And also, they look adorable, not weird.

>>30196986
Sonic hair please. Make him autistic.

A gross neck beard and a lot of hair in the back.

Also change his name to the cockroach man.

>>30196986
is it almost time to find out who wins the anon-bowl?

>>30196986
Thanks! Great job
Any expiration time for dialogue feedback?
Like a deadline for suggestions?

>>30197167
>Where's the porn?
It's not that kind of story.

>>30197190
Usually until end of chapter.

>>30197167
Papyra and Mascara or bust.

>>30197214
>Papyra
You want him enslaved, then?

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>>30197214
rooting for limestone

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>>30197221
Anon's place is beneath Papyra's hooves.

>>30197243
>>>/femdom/

>>30197037

Pinkie's eyes do look a bit oversized and off. Twilight's neck may be slightly off too, but not enough to matter much.

>>30197249
He's still 700 billion times better than Jay Fosgitt.

>>30197358
k?

>>30196986
BENCIIIIIILS

WELCOME BACK

>>30196986
Anon's making a lot of silly faces this page.

I'm okay with this.

>>30196986
looking forward to a trainwreck.

>>30196986
>Cryptic
I should not have laughed at that. Keep up the cute pony forging. That bottom panel is overflowing with cuteness

>>30197202
Errors: Pinkie should spell it "Tendency"

Multiple lines after a quote are optional suggestions.
(Personal preference in comics is using less text, and instead have the pictures do the talking.)

Panel 1:
>Watch where you're holding on to sir!
Sir! Those fingers are going too far.
Please mind your hoof tentacles placement.
I demand that you adjust the placement of your hand.

Panel 3:
>The rock makes a logical point. Anon, you should respect your mother.
The rock makes a valid point. You should respect your mother.

>Of course you would side with a stone, Maud.
Of course you would side with a stone.


Panel 4:
>So it really was you who dropped me in to this world! What's the big idea? I am obviously not a pony, why would you drop me in here to take a wife?
So it was you who dropped me into this world. Why? I am obviously not a pony, so why would you drop me here to take a wife?
So you brought me here! But why? I'm not a stallion, so why would you fetch me for a mare?


Panel 5:
>That is arguably false! I'm willing to put up with some eccentricities, but a husband who blows up on me over a minor thing like existing is way too opposite to be compatible.
You're wrong. I don't mind a few eccentricities, but a husband shouldn't blow up for no reason.


Panel 7:
>You can? Just like that? Wow, this was easier than I expected! Here I had worried we'd meet some ancient monster or had to go on a difficult quest to save anon.
So, you'll fix it? Great! I was worried that saving Anon would require us to overcome arduous tasks and ancient monsters.

>I don't know. I think rocks have tendecy to be rather cryptic. At least the ones used to build crypts.
I don't know. I think rocks have a tendency to be rather cryptic. At least the ones used to build crypts.
Nah, rocks used to build mausoleums are known to be cryptic.

Maud: Full stop/period after "straightforward nature".

Others may have better suggestions.

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>>30197419
Yeah, that was a grave pun.

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>>30196986
Your stories are stale. Dialogues are too long. Shorten them. Seriously. Naughty Dog is capable of pulling off short sentences and still be able to narrate a compelling story. Also, on that note, try to approach it like Neil Druckman would; "simple story, complex characters." This story you're pulling off? It's nothing but convoluted.

Fix your shit. Talk about being a personal trainer for Greg. What an embarrassment.

>>30197889
You know... you could quote, and suggest replacement, like an earlier post.

And maybe provide links to your other references?

>>30197490
I agree with most of your suggestions, mainly the ones that only shorten dialogue.
Pencils makes the mistake of treating speech as any other written sentence, making it come off as too formal.

>>30197889
Personal trainer for Greg? I only help him with art, and even that I do in moderation. To grow better we all must take our own steps toward improvement.

>>30197889
feedback is great if you can be more specific. your post is basically "git gud" followed by "ur shit"

>>30198174
its best to finish what you start regardless of what that means and then learn what you can from it and do better in the future rather than worrying about the present.

>>30197490
Thank you for the suggestions. I appreciate the brevity of those lines. I'll implement some of them later.

>>30196986
This is the last chapter, right? So it is almost over and there will be no actual villains in the story or reason for Katrina and Minotaurs to exist in the first place?

>>30198314
No, this is not the last chapter.

>>30198314
>>30198342
Calling it: The stone will convince them all to fuck like rabbits to release Anon's pent up, um, magic.

Last chapter will be a wall-to-wall orgy where Anon fucks the entirety of Ponyville until they lose consciousness.

...what? Why are you all looking at me like that? S-stop it!

>>30196986
Something is wrong with Pinkie in the last panel and it ain't her personality.
The face looks off. Kinda like if she had those round googly eyes. The eyeshape, or maybe how the iris pops out of the eye a bit too much, I am not sure, but I look at her and feel like slowly backing up.

>>30196986
Still waiting for that Nyx

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do your worst

>>30199108
What the fuck is that pic and how can I never see it again?

>>30199108
Anon, this is a blue board, you can't post ass vore.

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>>30199051
>Do your worst
This is my best

>>30199155
Ah. Sorry, newfaggerino here. Question still stands.

>>30199051
>listen here you lil shit

Nice to see you back in the game Bencils.

Also, wouldn't something like "Eeep" be a more appropriate for an unexpected pussy grab, rather than this very calm statement.

>>30199325
Comic ITT http://imgur.com/a/7fQMi

>>30199456
Thanks m8

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>>30197037
It's an adjustment to make the ponies more expressive because Bobby won't allow him to play with his toys otherwise.

The more varied expressions are a mixed bag. Anon's expressions are better, but I still preferred the more muted expressions as a whole.

But what the fuck do I know, I'm just an autist talking on an astronautical paraplegic x-men debate farm.

pencils comics yay

>>30196986
Well, at least the eye doesn't look like a hoers vagoo now.

>>30198174

Work on your writing.

This is some Tim Buckley level dialogue and it's WAY too lengthy.

Stop characterising anon. People seem to misunderstand how Anon should be portrayed in these situations and end up writing him as somebody extra normal when he should be the guy wondering why characters are acting the way they do. Get Greg to aid you with that because as annoying as it may seem, Greg has a basis in grinded yet entertaining writing and can probably pull off a good Anon.

Make the characters more like the actual characters and less like fanfiction versions. I know it's been a while but I highly doubt Twilight would be pulling out dildo thermometers to test someone when they have perfectly functional medical tools that emulate IRL stuff.

Half the fun of Pones is seeing pones do mundane shit with mundane tools that looks retarded like Pinky changing the twins diapers but for some reason carrying them in her mouth. One of the best gags from mlp fan work is MAS AJ picking up glass with her mouth because it makes you wonder why the fuck they have glasses if they can't actually hold them with their hooves. Extraordinary things doing ordinary stuff always > extraordinary things doing extraordinary things.

Pones being attracted to anon for no reason seems to be part of the overall plot but Anon would be better served being absolutely aloof to their advances instead of clearly being attracted to them. The best fanfics with anon are the ones where he's just being mundane and boring and jokes using him as a foil.

>>30199702
>Work on your writing. Tim Buckley level dialogue.
With a quick copy/paste you can add some examples to this post: >>30197490

>>30199702
>I know it's been a while but I highly doubt Twilight would be pulling out dildo thermometers to test someone when they have perfectly functional medical tools that emulate IRL stuff.
Feeling Pinkie Keen is season one.

>>30197358

Yes, yes he is. Pencils likes it when we point out stuff like this, as unlike Fosgitt he actually wants to continue to git gud.

>>30199702
>
Half the fun of Pones is seeing pones do mundane shit with mundane tools that looks retarded like Pinky changing the twins diapers but for some reason carrying them in her mouth
Why is ponies eating shit the example you reached for.

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Jim Miller could be reading this thread RIGHT NOW.

>>30200200
Aren't they supposed to refrain from doing that?

>>30199608
Did he actually get anything approved from Bobby? I remember him sending off stuff to him a few months ago but Pencils has said nothing about it since.

>>30200244
Pic confirms that Jim Miller browses several message boards, since he was speaking in plural.

So I suppose he shitposts on Reddit, 4chan, Derpibooru and Equestria Daily since they are the most popular and vocal ones and since Jim cannot help himself from fucking up, he exposed himself as a man doing something he really isn't allowed to do.

>>30200245
Pencils said he could draw a cover.

>>30200200
>Jim Miller here at /mlp/
Dubs proves you're right.

And all those fanatical glimmer threads constantly praising *his* invention,
no doubt is started by him and bumped by his staff.

>>30199861

and the difference is that her lab isnt filled with vibrators and ass cork screws but scientific equipment. The joke would work better if it was an oversized thermometer or if she said 'I borrowed this from the hospital'.

>>30200150

Why is eating shit the thing you derive from my comment?

>>30200200
> somebody PLEASE upload this to derpibooru to see the glorious butthurt.

>>30200289

>not double dubs

Last of vision, anon.

Plus the glimmer threads are the best threads on the board now. Just because you are Greg levels of autistic and don't want new main characters doesn't make her bad.

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>>30200290
I'm sorry but
>Half the fun of Pones is seeing pones do mundane shit with mundane tools that looks retarded like Pinky changing the twins diapers but for some reason carrying them in her mouth.
just gives off too big a Pamperchu vibe to ignore. You seemed way too in to the idea of Pinkie Pie having loaded diapers in her mouth.

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>>30200389

You seem to be projecting your own fetish onto me. You should really relax and realise that not everyone is a German.

>>30200312
>Glimmer Shiny Knight to the rescue, using name calling... Greg to be specific.
I always advocated Glimmy should get her own show. A spin-off you know.

The fact remains: They push her using writers and Fan-connections as hard as they can.
(Guess that's why all the old writers quit. Forced to sing her praise didn't appeal to them?)

If she's good or bad, depends on taste. Same goes for what people want to discuss/read.

Fuck you furcils

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>>30200474
>Derpibooru rules!

>>30200508
Derpibooru is shit but so is furcils

>>30200525
Derpibooru has a few genuinely autistic people who feel proud of coming here to shit on Pencil's threads and even feel hurt and offended when they are called out on that.

But again, they are autistics so they literally can't understand.

>>30200551
Furcils is and will always be shit for his furry catrina
Go on and shitpost your le salty memes

>>30200578
Hello, dead dog boy.

>>30199181
kek

or
>You cant claim this waifu anymore.

>>30200578
>u shitpost <--- Look mah! The irony.
You mean my salty meme?
Don't give him credit for that...

It was me, Anonymous, who posted it, and not Anonymous.
Learn to differentiate between people, will ya?

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>>30200436
I'm not the one talking about eating diapers as an example of fine literature

>>30196986
This page is surprisingly good. Anon's faces seem a little too expressive, but otherwise, the comic feels like it may be getting back on track.

>>30196986
Anon becomes more like saitama every page.

>>30201142
One-Ponk Man?`

>>30201031
this
the humor is also spot on and its more about cute anon and poner interaction

Page 10 bump

>>30196986
This just makes Anon more attractive to Maud. He's from a rock.

>>30200286
Yeah, and he said he sent stuff to Bobby. What happened with it? Maybe September or October comics?

>>30197152
>Sonic hair please
I don't see that happening.

It'll probably be Trump hair. Gotta stay topical.

>>30196986
thanks

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>>30199051
Eh

>>30204911
y-you, too, chad

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>>30199051

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>>30199051

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>>30204911
>>30205077

>>30205077
>this is my hole it was made for me

>>30205122
you need to stop

So is Anon knuckle deep in mare vag in the first panel or is he just grazing the lips?

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>>30199181

>>30205147
Looks like she just wants some attention.
Girls and mares... they're all alike.

>>30198417
stop being cringy

>>30196986
When will FlutterCord happen?

>>30202382

>>30205238
THEYRE ALL THE SAME

ALWAYS LUSTING AFTER THE DICK

Everyone knows you love Nyx shitlord just add her you literal oxymoron

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>>30206991

>>30205392
Never!

>>30207849

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>>30199051

Good.

>>30210595

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>>30209431

>>30196986
pencils are you okay
that doesn't look like your normal work

>>30212154
Probably best if you ask him in private @tumblr.

>>30196986
Do the Ievan Polka as a comic next.

>>30196986
Awesome!

>>30212154
it has too much color

I GOTCHU