Pony Pick Up Lines

>>30127084
Saved

>>30127084
Nice.

Nice.

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>"Hey Nonny, let's party."

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>I'm tired from walking through your dreams all night, can i sleep with you?

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>Wanna clean out my wagon?

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>>30126962
do i sense jewels down here sweetie? *sniiiiiiiff* oh yes

>>30126962
I'm coming Twily!!

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>>30128498
>>IWTCIA

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>>30126962
>"You rock."
>...
>...
>"I didn't mean to address Twilight, this was just the example of my pick up phrase."
>...
>...
>"I thought this needed elaboration, because this is technically reply to a Twilight's phrase, so it could have created some confusion."
>...
>...
>"Though taking in consideration how emotionally fragile non-earth ponies can be, I feel obliged to point out didn't mean this as a way to insult her either."
>...
>...
>"Where are you going anon?"
>...
>...
>"Boulder, come fetch him."
>...
>...
>"And Pinkie wonders why I always have to bring them in unconscious."

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>"Dude, wanna race?"

>>30128789
She looks retarded

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>"You're going to LOVE ME!!!"

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>>30126962

>>30128807
Watch your toun- Actually, you're right. It's Rainbow Dash.

>>30126962
>you know what I love the most about books anon?
>taking an amazing looking book to my bed, where i could alternate reading on my stomach or on my back
>to unfasten the clasp keeping me from taking a good look
>to push the covers apart so that the book is completely open to me
>to nestle my head deep between the covers of the book, and take in the musk the parchment
>and just mindlessly allow myself to revel there, taking in all of the text, and consuming all of the contents it has
>to study as long or as hard as necessary to get what I crave from inside the book...

>anon, I can you please let me know if you have any for me to read?
>i would gladly take any of your books to checkout
>then I can read it anytime, anywhere
>for as long as you'd let me of course
>you know me anon, I'm the best of taking care of books

Do it

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>>30126962
But first, you must fertilize all my eggs.

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>"Hey Anon, are you a library book?"
>"Because I'm checking you out"

>>30131254
Why would she ever say something like that?

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>>30131344
Do you not know about Sunset and the eggs meme?

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>>30128555
>Dash is tsundere for anon

>>30131254
kek, nice one

>>30131352
i want to be SuShi

>>30131369
>Sunset texts back Dash on Anon's phone for him
I need a green on this love triangle.

>>30131352
no, not everybody visits your waifufaggot threads

>>30131469
That meme is as old as Sunset's existence. A majority of the board knows about it. It's okay if you don't though. We are all newfag at one point.

>>30131454
there have been alot of those stories
a couple of hilarious greens have been written

>>30131488
Link?

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>>30131469
>kill your self newfag
>>30131494
sorry i can't deliver on that but you should have luck asking in the EQG general
they might have saved the pastebin from the old sunny x anon general

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>>30131469
Fresh off the boat from reddit, huh kid? heh I remember when I was just like you. Braindead. Lemme give you a tip so you can make it
in this cyber sanctuary: never make jokes like that. You got no reputation here, you got no name, you got jackshit here.
It's survival of the fittest and you ain't gonna survive long on 4chan by saying stupid jokes that your little hugbox cuntsucking
reddit friends would upboat. None of that here. You don't upboat. You don't downboat. This ain't reddit, kid. This is 4chan.
We have REAL intellectual discussion, something I don't think you're all that familiar with. You don't like it, you can hit the bricks
on over to imgur, you daily show watching son of a bitch. I hope you don't tho. I hope you stay here and learn our ways.
Things are different here, unlike any other place that the light of internet pop culture reaches.
You can be anything here. Me ? heh, I'm a judge.. this place.... this place has a lot to offer... heh you'll see, kid . . . that is if you can handle it...

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Anon, if I spit in your mouth, will you swallow and feed it back to me after filtering it through your body?

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>>30131768
>Wordy oldfags vs young newfags.
>Let the shitposting begin!

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>>30128967
This is actually pretty well done.

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>"You plus me, minus your clothes, divide my legs and multiply."

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>>30132066
Fuck, I love Twilight now

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>>30132066
fuck that's clever

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>>30131768
>We have REAL intellectual discussion

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>>30132177
>too stupid to know it's pasta
Whoa, super shocked over here!

>inb4 merely pretending

>>30132177
*slow claps*
*steps out of the shadows*
Heh... not bad, kid. Not bad at all. Your meme, I mean. It's not bad. A good first attempt. It's plenty dank... I can tell it's got some thought behind it... lots of quotable material...
But memeing isn't all sunshine and rainbows, kid. You're skilled... that much I can tell. But do you have what it takes to be a Memester? To join those esteemed meme ranks? To call yourself a member of the Ruseman's Corps?
Memeing takes talent, that much is true. But more than that it takes heart. The world-class Memesters - I mean the big guys, like Johnny Hammersticks and Billy Kuahana - they're out there day and night, burning the midnight meme-oil, working tirelessly to craft that next big meme.
And you know what, kid? 99 times out of a hundred, that new meme fails. Someone dismisses it as bait, or says it's "tryhard," or ignores it as they copy/paste the latest shitpost copypasta dreamt up by those sorry excuses for cut-rate memers over at reddit. The Meme Game is rough, kid, and I don't just mean the one you just lost :^). It's a rough business, and for every artisan meme you craft in your meme bakery, some cocksucker at 9gag has a picture of a duck or some shit that a million different Johnny No-Names will attach a milion different captions to.
Chin up, kid. Don't get all mopey on me. You've got skill. You've got talent. You just need to show your drive.

See you on the boards...

>>30132066
Whoop there went my pants!

>>30131369

>Shots fired...
It.
Is.
On.

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>Ever dance with the devil in the pale moonlight?

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>"Hey Anon, can I hold your hand?"

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>>30132729
can do more than that

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>"I only have eyes for you. Call me, and I'll come flying."

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>>30132212

>>30128967
Underrated.

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>"I'll move the heavens itself for you, my sunshine."

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>"I'm horny, let's rut."

>>30132268
This was entertaining.

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>>30126962
>"I stole a crown but you stole my heart."

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>"I wrote you 365 letters. I wrote you everyday for a year."

>>30133671
Stop spamming my mailbox Spike.

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My balls have Wifi

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"Y-You know, Anon...ummm...w-we're both...uhhh...mammals so...well...uhhh...d...do You watch Discovery Channel?"

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>>30133819
yes
would fug

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>>30128807
>"You ok anon? Anything I can do to help?"

>>30132704
Youve shown your age there my friend
>i just tell that to all my prey...

>>30131369
If this happened IRL one of them would end up dead, like fuck that went from 0 to 100 immediately.

>>30133819
Absolutely adorable.>>30132066
Perfect.>>30128967
I like this one it is very elaborate.

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>>30127924
>tfw Rarity will never unearth your smegma jewels

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>>30126962
*neighhh*
*NEIGH!*
*cute horse noises*
*n-neigh...*

>>30133543
Subtle.

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>>30126962
>nobody posted this gem yet
I am dissapoint

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>"Phew! Your pee pee really stinks, anon! How about you let me clean it for you? *wink*

>>30131330
Impressive.

>>30131917
Excuse you?

>>30133543
What did she mean by this?

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Hey, were your parents retarded? Cuz you're special.

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>"Are you a cloud? Because I wanna lie down on you.

>>30134798
Funniest shit I've seen all night, thanks anon

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>>30133834
>133488143709 (1).png
>(1)
cmon anon

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>"You ever get your dick sucked while getting fucked up on some train wreck kush Anon?"
>"Do you wanna give it a try?"

>>30132729
L-lewd

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Want to take a Tequila shot with me?

>>30135105
>Go to bar
>Think you might get a little action
>Get clumsily hit on by drunkhorse
>Not alluring at all
>Still don't care, had sex

>>30135295
>just giving away (you)s like that
It was 2012 and I was drunk

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>"Can you spare a moment to talk about our lord and saviour Princess Celestia?"

>>30136508
I'm kinda meeting her in a bit. You know how it is with tinder dates.
Can't be late.

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>"you ever have drunk dumpster sex with a mare who may or may not regret it the next morning?"

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I'm going to rape you with a strap-on

>>30136613
Welp this tinder date took a turn for the worst.

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>>30136636
>Being raped by Celestia with a strap on
>Turn for the worst

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Want to share a beer with a lonely mare?
Maybe chat a bit?

>>30136662
Maybe you wouldn't be so lonely if you didn't put your whole life into your work and actually went out to meet people.

>>30136658
I would like to not have stitches in my butthole.
Rape with a hard fallic object can cause tearing, do you know that?

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>"Would you like some candy,young foal?"

>>30126962
>Anon keeps walking
>He was not impressed by twilys trucker cat call.

>>30128967
but i hate books

>>30136674
Worth it.
Also, she's magic. She could heal it afterwards.
The only thing that would make it better now is if it was a futa cock

>>30128967
Very subtle but very aggressive.
I don't know what I would say back though.

>>30131506
what i can't recall is what board thats from cause I wanna look up that archive

>>30136720
You say that now but it's going to be very bloody and painful when the tearing happens.

>>30136752
As long as she fixes it when she's done, I'm up for it.

>>30136758
You could literally be raped to death. That's actually something that can happen.

>>30136752
>implying Celestia wouldn't take it slow

>>30136854
Then it's not rape if it's not forceful and violent.

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>>30136772
Your wife was raped and she only broke her arm. However there were complications and she died. It was like a blood clot.

>>30136872
I don't know what you're trying to tell me.

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>>30136613
What?

>>30136720
well memed

>>30136908
It's a death wish 3 joke.

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>>30136718
>18

>>30136864
I don't think it works like that

>>30132066
Oh shit that's pretty gud.

>>30128967
This makes me unbelievably hard.

>>30132066
Mathematical!!!

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Peeettzzeeer...

>>30136733
You'd do the same we would all do, you'd stammer and stutter a 'y-you too' like a beta and let her have her way with you.

>>30134935
classic

>>30138887
>You'd do the same we would all do, you'd stammer and stutter a 'y-you too' like a beta and let her have her way with you.
Not sure about the anon you replied to but I wouldn't, I would freeze up, start sweating, spill spaghetti and then run away as quickly as I can because I'm a bigger beta than you can imagine.

>>30138917
cant be that big if you can still run.

>>30136772
Fine, then she can magically reinforce my colon to not tear.

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>>30138917
>she'd let you run away
nah. Twiggy is rather aggressive.

>>30139014
need to add the end of the recent princess episode

>>30133788
Hahahahah
Thank you cockvore-kun, that was beautiful.

>>30136752
Well she is a big mare

>>30139014
Should be in chronological order.

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>>30136613
You can't rape the willing, princess.

>>30138862
This is an underrated post.

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>There is no wrong way to fantasize.

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>>30139405
4U

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>>30136613
wow, that sure is subtle

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>>30128967
“Sorry, toots — I’m a hard-cover to crack open, not one of yer flimsy paperbacks,” I said, placing my drink down.
>She leaned her elbows on the table as her head came close to mine all sweet-like.
>“Don’t worry, I don’t judge books by their cover alone,” she says to me in a smooth-talkin’ voice, batting her lashes. “I’m more a fan of the content itself. You know, stories of all genres: action, mystery, adventure...”
“Romance?”
>“Well, I’d be open to that too,” she grinned. “But I’m more interested in a thriller.”
>Gal knew how to talk in my language, that’s fer sure.
>Sadly I ain’t the kind fer talkin’ in general.
“Ya want thrills, sweetheart, find another story.”
>“Why? 'Fraid I can’t take it all in?”
“No, but because this book don’t give out happy endings like ya give books at a libary, babe.”
>She smirked.
>“Don’t act like you’re not interested. I know you’ve been ‘reading’ the back of my ‘book’.”
>It was true.
>The broad did have a well-rounded rear; the kind you wanna grab at and hold firmly in yer hands, spread apart at let loose on.
>I ain’t the kind to let loose much, though.
>She knew this.
>She was smart.
>Unfortunately, that’s just the way I like ‘em.
>“C’mon. What’m I s’posed to do? Buy ya a drink?”
“Buy a ticket outta here, ‘cause you're like a ticket to trouble. I know yer kind, toots: all sweet and doll-eyed one minute, then ya leave in the morning, taking what I got. I ain’t dealin’ with no Princesses, even if ya wanna job done, even if you gotta case that’s worth a trip to Haywaii. I don’t work fer Princesses.”
>She stared at me, the line on her mouth beginning to tremble.
>A small laugh escaped her, more follow.
>...I start as well, killing the act.
>This is silly.
“Anonymous. Nice to meet you. Read noir?”
>“Princess Twilight Sparkle,” she says, offering a hoof to shake. “I guess you could say I like a good book…”

>>30141480
nerd!

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>>30141549
was it decent tho?

>>30141569
i liked it. though what's up with the shortened words and shit?

>>30141587
Gotta fit dat 2000 character limit. ALso trying to stylistically exaggerate how people talk in noir films. I purposely went overboard.

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>>30141569
It's a nice act for both of them. I can imagine twily would go with this act and an anon follow on with her.

Well written. Good job, anon!

>>30141480
That's cute.

>>30141635
oh cool, that makes sense. now i'm picturing her in a famcy crimson dress and stuff

>>30141663
fancy*. sorry, i'm drunk

>>30126962
>Why don't you come into my Twilight Zone so I cn mindfuck your brain to mush sideways and over

>>30141480
>>30141569
good work Anon.

>>30141569
I quite liked it, actually.

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Bond with us Anon.

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>>30143381
o fuck

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>>30143693

WHAT the FUCK is THAT?!!

>>30143381
>six mares all hopelessly in love with me
How the fuck am I supposed to immerse myself in this? It's way too unrealistic.

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>>30143381
>choose one
In a situation like this there's no winners.
But you can't go against what your heart tells you, and I have made my choice already

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>>30143381
i choose to start a herd.

>>30144931
Herd is a best answer.

>>30145017
Herd is only answer.

>>30145111
Trips.
It's official, herds are the only acceptable form of relationship for humans in Equestria.

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>>30145122
Here's the question, Mr. Dubs:
Do you just dive in head first and herd all six?
Or do you stick your toes into this whole polygamy thing and just take on 2 or 3 marefriends to start with?

>>30145310
yes

>>30145310
Twiggles, flutterbutt, and maybe fashion horse or glimglam.

Not too into Apul horse or the pink menace.

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>>30145310
I'd go outside the mane six. The quiet life, maybe go for those cute flower sisters.

>>30137119
That's hot

>>30145310
UGHHHHHHH WHERE IS VAGINA WAAAAA

>>30145310
all 6, of course. 7 days per week, 1 night dedicated to each one and one night alone to recover.

>>30141480
Pastebin?

>>30146136
Story of my life

>>30128628
Underrated

>>30132729
"I'm sorry. who are you again?"

>>30133819
>"I do."
"Oh, uh, good! ... m-me too. Hee..."
>"..."
"... Uh-um... want to... do it-"
>"Like they do on the discovery channel."
"Oh-my... Getting horny now."
>"Same."

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>>30148197
Oh yes. You better believe I would wreck Flutterbutter.

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>My taco could use some sour cream

>>30148878

Read OP...
>PONY Pick Up Lines
That is not a pony.

>>30149221
Not even in the shitpost not a pony sense.
It is a fucking siren

>>30133834
Perfection

>>30138862
Normally I find this meme mildly annoying, but in hungry right now so it'll get a pass. Let's go, pizza horse.

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>>30149266
>"My clam could use a few pearls."

>>30136720

Why not just use a lube spell and avoid tearing all together?

>>30149533
Is not this the site which gave birth to the "high-impact sexual violence" meme?

>>30149507
I always wanted to write some fishpone porn but fish reproduction is so... unappealing.
How can I make it work?

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>"Help me bury my bone!"

>>30150569
By writing about Dolphin pussy instead, the sirens definitely would have dolphin pussies.

>>30150666
Holy shit satan you're right, how did I not think of dolphin porn
fuck

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>Hugs?!

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>>30150857
"Uhh sure?"
>Pink >Rape

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>"Hey anon, you must be tired. 'Cause you've been running through my head all night... screaming."

>>30150965
That's not a pickup line, that's sleep deprived Twalot hallucinating.

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>>30128967
Good, Twily!
>>30132066
F-fuck.

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>"I want to feel you all over."

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>"I like my coffee how I like my men: ground up and burnt."

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>"Are you made of copper and tellurium? B-because you're CuTe.."

>>30154025
well played

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>"Hey Nonny, wanna come over to my place for a piece of Pie?"

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>...

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>>30154102
>implying she wouldn't just let herself into your home...

>Long day at work.
>You undress and fall into bed.
>You're just about to fall asleep.
>Suddenly Pinkie Pie.
>Without so much as a word to you she walks into your bedroom, closing the door behind her.
>Then, still without a word, she begins undressing herself at the foot of your bed.
>She carefully folds her clothes and places them on your dresser.
"Pinkie, what are you doing?"
>She pauses in the midst of removing her knickers.
>"I'm coming to bed with you, silly."
"Why are you even in my apartment?"
>"I was waiting for you to come home. I made you dinner, but I guess you're too tired to eat anything."
>Pinkie reaches behind her back and unhooks her bra.
>Now fully naked, she crawls under the covers and snuggles up to your side.
>"Night, Nonny!" She sing-songs cheerfully, reaching across you to turn off your bedside light.
>Plunged into darkness, you decide you are either dreaming or hallucinating.
>Either way, you're too tired to deal with this shit.
>Paying no heed to the imaginary naked girl wrapping her arms around you and nestling into your side, you fall into blissful slumber inside of twenty seconds.

>>30154132
"Y-you too..."

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>>30154137
>*waves you over*

>>30154800
>Spaghetti explosion

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>>30132066

>>30154134
>Then, still without a word
That is so out of character.

Before that she needs to start with something like:
>I'll shut my trap if you fill my pie-hole.

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>>30154857

>>30141788
sounds more like something glim glam would do

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>"You could say that bondage is my cup of tea."

>>30155049
>my
>not 'the great and powerful Trixie's cup of tea
You tried Anon. And you failed

>>30154800
>>30154997
I'm not the only one who finds a mute Vinyl Scratch cute and endearing, right?

>>30155489
How do we know she's mute? Maybe she thinks that actions speak louder than words

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>>30155555
Can't argue with that.
Another win for dj horse

>>30132066
Algebraic!

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You.
Me.
Bed.
NOW.

>>30128967
y-you to