Anonymous in Equestria Thread #1122 Still Alive Edition

>>30106367
First for autism

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Really activates those almonds

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Ponynet when?

>>30106432
you finish it

>>30061665

>Her appearance is a bit of a surprise, but not something you're entirely unprepared for.
>She is the one set to honor you next week after all, it's not like you weren't going to meet her sooner rather than later.
>Still given the number of guards standing watch over the castle it's safe to assume that the tone of your meeting is going to be more formal now.
>Seizing the initiative you clutch a fist against your chest, taking a half bow as you speak first.
"Princess Twilight, thank you for having me. Princess Celestia, your presence is an unexpected honor."
>Twilight looks nervous but hopeful if you're reading her strange expression correctly. Celestia for her part greets you with a warm smile.
>"It's a pleasure to finally meet you as well Anoniaus. I've been hearing a great deal about you lately."
"Ah yes, I hope my actions have not caused you any difficulties. My short time here has been, eventful."
>"Eventful is certainly one way to put it. Please do have a seat on the..."
>Celestia glances around the room at the sparse but finely crafted furnishings all of which is far too small to support your armored bulk.
>"It would seem that we're going to need a larger chair. Forgive me, Luna had mentioned your stature but I hadn't actually thought of this."
>"Back in Canterlot we have spares around the castle of ambassadors of the other races."
>Twilight looks to be on the verge of a panic attack, though what over you have no idea.
>You wave a hand dismissively and offer a placating smile.
"It is something I am used to. Even among other humans finding things that can support my weight is rare. I do not mind to stand."
>Twilight appears to have stopped hyperventilating, that's good at least.
>After a moment she manages to compose herself enough to speak. "So Anon, I'd like to get started with the questions if that's alright with you."
>You nod your assent and Twilight levitates a scroll and quill over, ready to take notes.

>>30106738

>"Okay, let's start with something simple. How did you find your way to our world?"
"By accident. The ship that carried my stormbird here was badly damaged and forced to jump blindly through space. This is where I ended up."
>Furious scribbling is the only sound for a moment "And the stormbird is what exactly?"
"A drop ship. The smaller vessel I reached the surface of your planet in."
>More scribbling now. "Your ship was very badly damaged in the crash, do you know how to repair one?"
"No. There are very few remaining that do. Much knowledge of that sort was lost in the Horus Heresy."
>It's Celestia that speaks up this time. "What exactly is the Horus Heresy?""
"That is a...difficult question. The simple answer is it was the Civil war instigated by Horus Lupercal, favored son of the Emperor."
>Twilight's scribbling intensifies to such a level you fear the parchment may catch fire, but you continue all the same.
"During this time many worlds burned, among them Mars. Which was where the majority of humanity's mechanical knowledge was kept."
"It was one of the bloodiest conflicts in the history of mankind, and dealt our species a blow from which we never truly recovered."
>"and did you take part in this war?" Celestia asks. You're certain you're being put to some sort of test here.
>Luna has likely told her sister much of what she saw in your dreams already. So there would be no use in lying, even if you wanted to.
"A small part yes."
>Celestia says nothing but her silence coupled with a meaningful look makes it clear she wishes for you to continue.
"You wish to hear the whole of my part in this tale then?"
>Celestia nods. "You've done a great deal for the citizens of Equestria in your short time here, but if you are to stay I think it would be best if we knew your whole story."
>You share with them the tale you've already told in part several times since your arrival.

>>30106739
>You tell them of your how you came to be a Knight of Caliban, of the mission to Sarosh, and your subsequent banishment alongside Luther and the others.
>You tell of them of dispatches sent to the Lion that never received reply, and troops trained and sworn to his service never called to the front.
>You tell them of news of the Heresy and the battle for Terra, of the Lion arriving too late to the battle to aid the Emperor.
"After the Emperor was slain the Lion returned to Caliban. Luther and my brothers were certain that the Lion was a traitor."
"What other cause could he have to enforce our banishment and keep us from the war? For my part I am no longer certain."
"There is one thing of which I am certain though. All it took to change everything for my legion was a single word."
>You drift back in to the memory as you tell the story. A painful memory you've often revisited during your long isolation. The day your home world died.
>You had been on guard duty that day, as many others during the five decades of your banishment.
>This particular day had seen you placed in the communications center, which had become a buzzing hive of activity.
>From what you had overheard the Lion's fleet was returning.
>Chapter Master Astelan was overseeing the command hub, and was in charge of the planet's defense network.
>It was he that had uttered the word that had changed everything. "Starfire." The code for the orbital defenses to fire.
>What had followed was pandemonium, orbital defenses and ground based weapons firing at the fleet in high orbit.
>The fleet striking back at Caliban with a withering barrage of energy and solid munitions.
>Then had come the drop pods. You were on the walls of the fortress by then and had a clear view of the contrails streaking the sky.
>A rain of adamantium and ceramite teardrops filled the sky, each housing squad of Dark Angels. All of them coming to kill you.

>>30106741

>You recall the sick horror filled you as you were forced to slay men that should have been your brothers.
>You had fought madly for survival, all the while trying to shake the feeling that some tragic mistake had been made, that perhaps it was not too late to stop this.
>Any hope that this need not end in obliteration had left you when you caught sight of Luther and the Lion fighting upon the battlements.
>You know not what power filled Luther that day, but it was enough that he was able to stand against a son of the Emperor.
>The blows they struck against one another were titanic in force, enough that each missed strike or deflected cut was enough to destory the stones around them.
>Then, when it seemed that the Lion had gained the upper hand, the storm had come.
>It came without warning, churning the sky into a noxious miasma painted in hues of bruised flesh and old bone.
>It was that storm that had erased Caliban from existence, and it had also plucked you from the jaws of certain death.
>You had been cast out on to a world half a galaxy distant, and nearly ten thousand years after your time.
>Coming to the end of your tale you realize that you have been staring vacantly at the space between your hosts.
>"So, which do you believe was truly the traitor, Luther of the Lion?" Celestia asks at length.
"I could not say. I believe that Luther acted as he thought was right and just, but that does not mean he was not misled or mistaken."
>Twilight is staring at you with a dazed expression, her quill and parchment forgotten at some point during the story.
>"How could they just turn on each other like that though? After everything they went through together how could it end like that?"
"Luther was a great man, but he was just a man, and susceptible to all a man's failings. The Primarchs though, they are different."
"I once heard a theory about them. Everything about them was magnified, their strength, their personality, their presence, and their flaws."

>>30106742
>"So what happened after that? After the storm and everyone being scattered."
"The survivors among the Lion's supporters swore to hunt us down. I've been running since. Surviving however I can."
>Twilight nods dumbly at that, still apparently lost in the swirl of her own thoughts.
>Your expression must have slipped to one of melancholy without noticing, as Celestia is giving you a consoling look.
>"Thank you for sharing that Anon. I'm certain it can't have been easy to endure all that you have."
"The wound is an old one."
>"That may be so, but it sounds like it's one you've never had time to heal."
>The Princess moves forward taking you by surprise. She leans her head against your chest and wraps a wing around you in what you take to be an embrace.
>If someone had told you a few years ago a Xenos god-queen would be comforting you after hearing you unburden yourself of all your woes you would have thought them mad.
>Oddity of the situation aside the gesture is touching, unsure of how to properly return it you rest a hand on the Princess' back for a moment before pulling away.
>After stepping away and retracting her wing Celestia adopts her more regal posture once more.
>"I'd like you to come to Canterlot tomorrow, if you can. There are a few ponies I'd like you to meet."
>"It'll also give you a chance to see the castle if you're still considering Luna's offer."
"I believe I am going to accept Luna's offer, but I would like to see the city all the same."
>"That's wonderful to hear. Just take the train to Canterlot station. I'll make the arrangements for somepony to meet you there."
>"It was very nice to meet you Anon." Celestia turns to leave stopping just before the door. "Oh and if you ever need anything just have Twilight send me a letter."
>At the sound of her name Twilight snaps out of her stupor.
>"Right letter, yes." She blurts offering an embarrassed smile.
>With that eloquently spoken sentence still hanging in the air Celestia exits the room.

>>30106749
Here's the updated pastebin.

https://pastebin.com/4DcZLrJe

This part was a little wordy, but I figured it made sense for the Princess to want to know about Anon's past before just letting an alien wander too freely. Also figured the background might help for anyone reading this that's less familiar with Warhammer. I'll have another update when I can, in the mean time I check the board pretty regularly so if anyone has any questions about background stuff feel free to ask.

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>>30106754
You marvelous bastard. I never thought I'd see another 40k crossover

>>30106754
A well done update. It was a little wordy however understandable considering the scene and it flowed nicely as well. I'm one of those not familiar with Warhammer. Excellent world building. While some of the backstory had already been mentioned in some form in past updates having a concise history in a single update helps tie it all together. Even makes me what to pick up a copy of the game.

>on to lore; which is where my imagination tends to wander around the world-scape painted in my mind.
I wonder why Anon hasn't mentioned Discord and the conversation they had. Is because Discord doesn't behave like the other "daemons" he's encountered?

>>30106367
>boop the pony
>pay the penalty

Hey Hawk, Hey Leaf,
So the thread died. Will you be posting the rest here? Revive the thread again? Or just stay at /gt/? I'll follow you guys where-ever you go and do my best to keep the threads alive.

>>30107267
What happen to 4chan? I can't bump the dam thread. And I left it DED.

>>30107295
Cloudfire / cloudflare was having issues. It's back to normal now. Just in case, the thread I was talking about was the Herd thread. It's died a couple of days ago. It had some good greens going which I'm hoping will continue here or in a revived Herd thread.

>>30107348
I was wondering wtf happened

>>30107235
Worth it.

>>30107348
Maybe for you. I get "connection error" nine and ten times in a row before anything will go through and I can't upload any images at all in any thread. "Upload failed."

>>30106367
Oh man. I don't know why even looking back at the post but I actually believed that Anon that said you had a heart attack. I was feeling pretty gutted at the time too so I'm glad you're alive.

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>When you drink coffee and suddenly can't focus for shit.

Never had caffeine hit me this hard, I don't know WHAT was in that cup. Oh well, guess today is an off day.

>>30109253
Balance it out with vodka

>>30109335
The problem is my current antsy mood (my hands can't even stay still) is the complete opposite of how I want to feel while writing an upcoming scene. I don't want that to affect the final result.

>>30109383
Drink anyway

>>30109383
Alcohol is a depressant. Plus with all that coffee, uppers and downers are a writers favourite mixer!

>>30109865
And then there's thorazine and crystal meth, the "hillbilly speedball."

>>30109897
We can work him up the chain to the harder stuff but next we mix a hard spirit with five 5-hour energy drinks.

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>>30106432
I can't think where to take it next. Ideas?

>>30110499
google

>>30110499
Twilight finds out and gets mad about it.

Just curious, has anyone ever written an AiE story about everything possible going wrong, at least from the viewpoint of the human character? The ponies don't like him, or maybe he's afraid to approach them, and he ends up living alone in a cave deep in the Everfree, or something like that?

>>30111077
I'd like it better if Anon was just a creep and no one wants to be his friend. Pinkie still gives him parties out of duty, but hares how handsy he is and how aggressively he tries to bed anything that gives him half a minute of attention.
Anon of course is oblivious to how despised he is.

>>30111185
>Anon of course is oblivious to how despised he is.
...Autistic Anon?

>>30111236
No, just a self absorbed asshole.

>>30111578
What's the difference? It is the current year and everybody is "on the spectrum" now. Because it's the current year. Didn't you know it's the current year? Check your neurotypical privilege.

...brought to you by the same people who say race is a "social construct," but there are fifty-eight "genders."

>>30111609
Nothing new about those people. They're just assholes.

>>30110499
MLH or Sex greentext about human break my little pony's mind with D

Herd green when?

>>30112191
When you restart your thread

>>30112191
>"Anon! We must start a herd!"
"The fuck's a herd?"
>"That's where multiple mares share a stallion?"
"Share? What, like the stallion is PROPERTY?"
>"W-well yes--"
"REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE"

Oh. Well that was a dud.

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>>30112191
wait for writefags or start writing
>>30112246
>>30112277
we're moving in and we call top bunk.

>Still alive edition
There have been no posts for like 3 hours. This thread is now Flutterrape-tier.

>>30112808
Dying thread, dying board, dying fandom. It happens with everything. Everything dies, everything ends.

>>30113439
My love for you doesn't.

>Doompaulers still trying
Neat.

>>30113439
You can't kill what has no life.

>>30114370
I wonder how often anon has to wash snootmarks from his windows.

>>30113397
Chris Cornell pls

>>30112369
I left the bunkbeds out by the trashcans

anon opens equestria's first mcdonalds

>>30115925
At least the hay fries will be good

>>30106367
why are ponies such cunts

>>30116315
they are actual sub-humans

>>30110499
How about applejack's reaction to the sandwich pictures of other ponies

>>30117276
She develops a sandwich fetish too.

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>>30117518

>>30117817
Well that escalated quickly.

>>30107205
Because those other things he's encountered are the sorts of things that can hear it if mentioned by name, and if they hear it they can turn their attention towards a teeny glimmer in the darkness called Equestria they otherwise wouldn't have noticed. That aside, though...
>TWEEST
>Equestria's world is in another galaxy rather than the Milky Way
>it turns out that's the one the Tyranids were fleeing from
>and it also turns out that what's chasing them is the old gods of Equestria, Celestia and Luna's parents included, intent on reducing the entire Tyranid species to ash

>It was another beautiful day in Ponyville.
>Partially thanks to you, of course.
>With a yawn you sit up on the oddly comfortable tree branch you had taken your afternoon nap on, popping some of the joints in your wings.
>Most ponies thought you were lazy, sleeping and goofing off all the time.
>But really, when you finish all your daily weather control tasks some 8 times faster than anypony else, what did they expect you to do with the rest of your time? More work?
>Hah, yeah right.
>Bounding down from the branch, you take a moment to get the stiffness out of the rest of your body, before taking off into the sky, leaving faint wisps of rainbow in your wake.
>Might as well see what Twilight and Anon were up to.
>It looked to be about mid-afternoon, so they were probably still doing magic experiments.
>You never could figure out why Anon put up with that crazy purple mare's wild fascinations, especially after all the ridiculous stuff that kept happening to him because of it.
>You didn't question it too much, for fear of losing such a fantastic source of entertainment.
>Landing in front of the library door, you rap on it a few times to make your presence known.
>A moment later and the door cracks open just enough to let a familiar purple and green head through.
>"Oh, hey Rainbow."
"Hey, Spike. Twilight in?"
>He looks back, slightly nervous.
>"Uh, hold on a sec."
>He leans his head back inside.
>"It's Rainbow Dash. Should I let her in?"
>There was a pause, before the voice of that particular purple unicorn emanated from deeper within.
>"Ehhh... sure, why not?"
>Hm, normally you were let inside without a second thought.
>...Unless something crazy and more than likely hilarious had happened again.
>You couldn't help but get a little excited as the door slowly creaked open, revealing the bizarre scene of...
>Twilight, sitting at the table, reading a book.
>Lame.
>Oh well, can't win 'em all.

>>30118250
>You walk inside and greet your studious friend, as Spike runs off again, to find more books most likely.
"Hey Twilight, what's up?"
>She doesn't look up from the book, but gestures her hoof in the air while talking.
>"Oh, you know. Magic, books, reading; that sorta thing."
>Strange, normally a question like that launches her into a point-by point recap of the entire day, down to the number of petals on the flowers in her lunchtime sandwich.
"Oh yeah? Huh."
>She continues reading the dusty tome, flipping a page with her hoof.
>Great, looks like she was in one of those super-focused moods.
>Might as well have some fun with her, now that you came all this way.
>You walk over and peer over her shoulder, feigning interest into the magic whatever she was dug into.
"What'cha reading about?"
>"Magic."
>"Magic, huh? Any particular kind?"
>With a sigh, she finally breaks her concentration and looks up.
>"Well, if you must know, I'm looking for a spell to-"
"Oh wait! I completely forgot that I don't care at all!"
>She quickly shuts up and gives you an annoyed look.
>You jump up and give a hearty laugh at your great joke while floating on your back.
>She sighs and goes back to reading.
>You take the opportunity to gently land a foreleg on her head, balancing on top of her.
"So what's it like to have more books than friends, anyway? Do you talk to them when we're not around? Have tea parties with them?"
>The truth of your words evidently stinging her to the core, Twilight jerks her head back and shoos you away with her hooves like a fly. You just laugh again.
>She stares death at you.
"Aw, come on Twilight. I'm just having a bit of fun."
>"Sure."
>She again returns to her reading.
>Though, after a second, she looks back up.
>A small smile on her face meets the more jovial one on yours.
>"Hey Dash, have I ever told you you were kind of a cunt?"
>The color drains from your face almost instantly.
"Wh... what?"

>>30118251
>"A cunt. You're a cunt sometimes. A pretty big one, actually. In fact, I daresay you're the biggest fucking cunt around when you want to be."
>It takes a moment for the words to seep into your brain, the source of them bewildering you to no end.
>Once they finally break through a sudden anger overtakes you.
>You zip forward, getting right in the profane pony's face.
"What'd you say?!"
>"I said I love you, Dash."
>Dang, there goes sense again.
"...What?"
>"I've always loved you, but couldn't bring myself to tell you. Didn't know how you'd react. But now, I just can't stand it any longer. Take me!"
>Twilight lunges for you, trying to trap you in a passionate embrace.
>You quickly dodge backwards out of the way.
>She hits the floor and starts laughing uproariously.
"What is wrong with you?!"
>It takes her a moment to calm down enough to form coherent words.
>"Haha... Ah, lighten up." She grins and takes on a slightly mocking tone. "Just having a bit of fun."
>You angrily cross your forelegs and look to the side.
>This only makes her start laughing again.
>Giving her another minute to settle down, you feel there's an issue that needs to be addressed here.
"Twilight, when did you even start using those words? Those are Anon's words. The only reason I even know what they mean is because he won't stop using them and I had to ask. ...Though sometimes I wish I didn't."
>Your unusual unicorn friend finally pulls herself together and sits back up.
>"Aha, here's the kicker; I'm not Twilight."
>Boy was it confusing in here today.
"Come again?"
>Not Twilight clears her throat and puts a hoof to her chest, giving a mock formal introduction.
>"Anonymous, former human turned pretty purple pony puh... fff... magician, at your service."
>Oh, okay, now things made sense.
>Wait hold on, no they didn't.
"Wait, what? You're Anon?"
>"The one and only."
"But what happened? Why do you look like Twilight?"
>His (her?) face goes slightly solemn.

>>30118256
>"Our mutual magical friend decided to try out a mind-swap spell, once again somehow ignorant of the potential consequences."
"Mind swap? So then Twilight is–"
>A loud crash comes from upstairs, followed by a series of thuds.
>Like a gangly wrecking ball, the adult human body comes tumbling down the steps, finally coming to rest at the bottom, back on the ground and legs leaned up against the wall.
>Twilinon sighs, crossing hisher forelegs.
>"Currently in the process of destroying my body, yes."
>The dazed human emits another moan of pain.
>"Ghnn... how do you |walk| like this?"
>Seeming to get a hold of their senses, the displaced Twilight's eyes straighten out and focus on you from their inverted position.
>"Oh, hey Rainbow! ...I guess Anon filled you in, huh?"
>You throw an irritated glance at the purple one.
"Eventually, yeah."
>You finally decide to roll with inverted gender pronouns as her gaze wanders to her former body, the masculine voice's tone becoming darker.
>"What did you do?"
>Anon closes his eyes and throws his forelegs up.
>"I have no idea what you're talking about."
>A short snicker escapes him.
>Twilight wrenches her unsteady self back upright, now on hands and knees.
>"No, you did something with my body, didn't you?"
>"What? No... snrk... of course not."
>Twilight manages to get up on one knee.
>"What did you do?!"
>Anon raises his forelegs again, this time in a defensive plea.
>"Alright, alright! I just... used my newfound position to profess your undying love to Rainbow, is all."
>The human's face goes red with shock almost immediately.
>And then just as fast shifts back to anger.
>"You jerk!"
>Twilight jumps to her feet, now fully upright, and makes for Anon.
>She makes it a whole one step before falling flat on her face.
>Anon bursts into laughter again.
>Even in your irritated state you can't help but snicker a little. Just a little.
>She moans again as Anon gains control over his purple-furred sides.

>>30118259
>"Oh man, that's almost worth all the pain I'm going to be feeling for the next week once I get back in there."
>Twilight pushes herself back up, and appears to be trying to sit like she would in her old body; hands flat on the ground in front of her, long legs sticking out in front to either side.
>In her new body it looks just a bit goofy.
>Anon had gone back to trying- and failing- to successfully turn the book's pages with his hooves.
"You know, I almost like you two better this way. You're both a lot more fun."
>"I can't say I'm not enjoying myself a bit," Anon says, "but I miss having hands. ...Among other things."
>He goes silent again, looking down and touching his hooves together in a way not unlike the pony who normally inhabits that body.
>The moment passed, he looks back up, over at his former vessel.
>"Speaking of, how are you holding out on that front, Twilight?"
>The call to attention snaps her out of whatever little world she had gone to.
>"Huh?"
>"You know..."
>He points a hoof downwards.
>It takes Twilight a minute to catch on.
>"...Oh! No, I'm fine..."
>She talks quietly, clearly embarrassed about the subject matter.
>Anon, eh, not so much.
>"Really? Usually I'm poppin' boners left and right all day if I don't jack off at least once a night. And I skipped last night."
>Twilight looks like she just learned Celestia was actually two small earth ponies in an alicorn costume.
>The crudeness of the words coming out of that particular purple body and it's original tenant's increasingly devastated reactions deal your composure a critical hit, causing you to fall backwards in midair laughter.
>Twilight turns her shocked look on you.
>"Rainbow! Don't encourage him!"
>"Yeah, come on. There's nothing funny about boners. Especially not the one Twilight has right now."
>"I do not! I mean, I don't have-"
>You notice her instinctively covering her crotch.
>You start laughing harder.
>Anon doesn't stop.

>>30118261
>"What's wrong, not a narcissist? Does this body not excite you?"
>He turns around and starts waving his star-marked butt at the flustered human sitting on the floor.
>"Stop that!"
>"Come on baby, you know you want you."
>"No!"
>"I mean really, when you think about it it's pretty much just masturbation!"
>"Aaargh!"
>No longer able to divert enough energy to your wings to remain airborne, you fall to the floor, laughing harder than you ever have before.
>This was stupidest, grossest, and weirdest thing you've ever seen.
>And it was hilarious.
>You fight to regain control, but it is a futile battle.
>Anon trots over and looks at you.
>"Twilight, I'm sorry, but I think I may have killed Rainbow."
>After almost a minute of pained sighing and chuckling, you finally manage to stop the endless flow of mirth arresting all your other functions.
"Okay... I'm okay... whoo..."
>Standing up, you regard the crossed creatures before you.
"So, heheh, fun as this has been, why haven't you guys just switched back already? Can't you just cast the spell again?"
>They both go solemn this time.
>Anon was the first to speak.
>"Well... no."
"Why not?"
>"Uh... hm. Tell her, miss previously purple, you're better at this words thing. I should get back to looking anyhow."
>Anon walks off to peruse another bookshelf, only slightly unsteady.
>Apparently he had an easier time adapting from two legs to four than Twilight did the other way around.
>"Well," Twilight starts, "when I cast the spell I wasn't exactly sure how much of each of us would get switched. I figured the nature of the spell would switch magical capabilities as well."
>You can see where this is going.
"It didn't, did it?"
>"No. All my magic stayed in my body. Anon has no idea how to use it and I'm stuck in a body with no magic to speak of. All I have are... these things."
>She holds her arms out and wiggles the fingers on her hands.

>>30118265
>She holds her arms out and wiggles the fingers on her hands.
>"I'll admit they're great for holding stuff, but not so much for casting spells and getting us out of this mess."
>You put a hoof to your chin and think for a minute.
"Hm... maybe I should go and get the others. They might be able to help us figure this out."
>"You're probably right. Friendship hasn't let us down yet."
>The sound of several books cascading off of a shelf with a shout draws your attention away.
>"Fucking hooves!"
>Anon kicks at the pile of books around him angrily.
>You and Twilight turn back to each other.
>"Please hurry."

---

>Lucky for Twilight it was you she asked to hurry.
>It didn't take long to track down your other four friends, with your natural ability.
>You moved a fair bit slower on the return trip, mostly so as to not leave your "gofast-challenged" friends in the dust, but also to explain what was going on.
>"So you said they've switched bodies, correct?" inquires Rarity.
>"That sounds like fun!" exclaims Pinkie.
"It was a bit, yeah. But Twilight's afraid of being stuck in a body with no magic for the rest of forever."
>"I can't imagine what that must be like for her," quiets Fluttershy, "magic is her favorite thing."
>"Yeh," apples Applejack, "Ah can't imagine what ah'd do without my apple harvestin'."
>"Perhaps take up a regular bathing schedule..."
>"D'you say somethin', Rarity?"
>"Uh... no, of course not.... Oh look, we're here!"
>You slow your flight and land near the door, your friends rolling to a stop behind you.
>"I hope they're okay..."
"Aaah, don't worry Flutters. Knowing Twilight, I'm sure she's already figured out how to fix this, and we can all have a party or someth- oh no."
>The door opens onto absolute chaos.
>Purple blasts of magic careen past the door, bouncing off the walls in every direction.

>>30118268
>A very panicked dragon and very clumsy human scramble every which way, trying to avoid the magical hailstorm destroying the library and turning hundreds of books into anything |but| books.
>You have to shout over the din of noise from the blasts of magic and all the strange noises coming from the transformed books.
"Twilight! Anon! What's going on?!"
>Anon returns your query from the corner of the room, an endless barrage of purple projectiles flying from his horn.
>"Hey Rainbow! I figured out how to use magic!"
>"We can see that!" Rarity shouts as your group enters the battlefield, "But why aren't you stopping?!"
>"That's the part I haven't figured out yet!"
>A stray bolt whizzes through where your head just was as you duck, striking a book behind you and turning it, ironically enough, into an actual duck.
>Your team breaks, making for whatever cover they can find.
>You do a particularly awesome aerial dodge-roll to behind an overturned table, where you find a cowering dragon and human.
"Twilight!"
>Hearing your voice, she removes her hands from her head and looks up.
"What the hay is going on!?"
>"Anon's managed to tap into my magic reserves!"
>A magic bolt shoots across the table and turns a book into a chicken.
"Isn't that what we were going for?!"
>"Yes, but he doesn't know how to control it! It's like when I lost control at my entry exam for Celestia's School for Gifted Unicorns!"
>Another bolt, another chicken.
"And how did you stop that!?"
>"I don't remember! I think I just stopped thinking about magic and it quit!"
>This time the chicken was orange. Oddly enough it reminded you of somepony.
>But there were time for tired jokes later. Right now you needed to stop this catastrophe before this library was out of books to turn into chickens.
"Then we gotta get his mind on something else!"
>"Like what?!"
>You thought for a minute.
>Soon, an idea hits you.

>>30118269
>You look up over the side of the table and cup your hooves around your moth to better direct the sound at the magical machinegun on the other side of the room.
"Anon!"
>"What?!"
"Think about Granny Smith naked!"
>Applejack perks up over the edge of a different table.
>"Granny's always naked!"
"Then think about that fact really hard!"
>Confusion marks his purple pony face, before realization sets in.
>"Oh... oh god! Oh god no!"
>Much to everyone's relief, the magical onslaught peters out, before stopping completely, the last shot striking your makeshift cover and turning it into a bedsheet.
>Well, everyone besides Pinkie, who had gone sad all of a sudden.
>"Aww... I wanted to be a chicken."
>Yeah, business as usual with that one.
>"God damnit!" rants Anon, "I could have gone my whole |life| without realizing that!"
>Brushing off, you and the rest make your way over to the defused magical crisis, as the multitude of transformed books scattered into the streets to presumably wreak havoc upon the town.
>Eh, the townsponies'd be fine. Probably.
>"You alright, sugarcube?"
>Anon seems a little out of breath, but otherwise okay.
>"Yeah... yeah I'm good now AJ... though I may not visit the farm as often as I used to. ...Wait a minute."
>He looks over to his borrowed body.
>"I just had a magic boner, didn't I?"
>Twilight starts getting flustered again.
>"What? Noooo..."
>"That's how you cast magic, isn't it? You get magic boners and ejaculate spells everywhere."
>"No, that's absurd!"
>You heard Pinkie giggling.
>Guess it was up to you to keep things on track this time.
"Yeah Anon, that's kinda silly. I mean, can you imagine what Rarity would have to go through every time she needed to find more gemstones?"
>You look back at your ivory friend for backup.
>She's drawing a circle on the floor with a hoof, looking as embarrassed as Twilight.

>>30118272
>Eventually she catches your gaze.
>"What? Oh, yes, of course. That would be extremely silly. And unladylike. Getting aroused every time I needed to cast a spell... totally absurd..."
>You stare long and hard.
>One of these days you and your friends were going to have a little chat about certain things.
>For now, you had some kind of magical mystery... solution, to find.
>Back to the human in the pony suit.
"Okay, so you you can use magic now, right?"
>"More or less."
"And you know the spell to switch you two back, right?"
>"I gave it a quick skim."
"So do you think you can cast it so we can all get back to our slightly more normal lives?"
>"Uh... I'm not sure. I can access the magic, yeah, but I'm not really too keen on focusing it, as you all saw."
>Perfect. Maybe Miss Booksmart had some insight.
>"Twilight, any advice?"
>Twilight furrows her human brow in contemplation.
>"Hm... maybe. It's hard to explain, magic use is so fundamental to me, I can't really put into words how to just, you know, |use| it."
>Anon groans. Dang, you were gonna do that.
>"Urgh. I wish there was just a damn book I could read about this crap."
>That posh voice sparks up from behind you.
>"Though you certainly sound more like Twilight for saying so, I don't think there's a book that-"
>"Found it!"
>Spike jumps out of nowhere and slams a giant book down onto the floor in front of Anon and Twilight.
>Anon reads the cover aloud.
>"'How to Use Magic, for Those Who Don't Have it.'"
>He looks up at Twilight.
>"...You have a |book| for this?"
>Twilight shrugs.
>"I have a book for everything."
>Irritated, he flips the bound monstrosity open.
>"Sure woulda helped earlier. ...Hm... Ah, of course! Man, I feel stupid now, it's so simple!"
>For once, you were actually curious.
"What's it say?"
>"Okay, you know how electricity has positive and negative charges, depending on what direction the energy is flowing?"
"Yeah?"

>>30118276
>"Well this has nothing to do with that at all. Apparently I just hocused when I should have pocused."
>You give him another look of irritation, to which he just grins.
>Maybe he's been in Twilight's body too long, he's starting to turn into a smartass.
>...Okay, |more| of a smartass.
>"Alright I think I'm ready to do this."
>You and the rest of your ensemble of friends back up to make room.
>Anon focuses his aim on Twilight, who closes her eyes and prepares for the worst.
>In a way you've seen many times before, the purple horn begins to glow as magical energies well up inside of it.
>A bright flash of light consumes the room.
>As it fades, you watch a pathetic little shot of purple arc off of his horn and splat weakly against the floor between the two of them.
>Everyone stares at it as an uncomfortable silence overtakes the library.
>Finally, after what seems like an eternity, Anon shatters the silence with his feminine voice.
>"I... think I might be tapped out for now."
>As if on cue, a spark pops out of the splotch, startling everyone, most of all Fluttershy.
>She does the "feinting goat" routine, which you just roll your eyes at.
>Though as the sparks start getting bigger and stronger, even you get a little worried.
"Uh, what's going to–"
>Another flash, this one accompanied by a serious shockwave, cuts you off and throws you into the air.
>Before you knew what was what, darkness consumes everything.

---

>The first thing you notice upon waking is the drum someone keeps banging on inside your head.
>It felt like you had just woken up from a two-week cider bender.
>Again.
>Pushing yourself up, you rub your pounding head with a hoof.
>You start to talk.
>"Uhrg, what's with all the explosions today?"
>Your eyes shoot open.
>That was definitely your voice.
>Except it wasn't coming from you.
>Turning to the source of the sound, you find... you?
>Your perfectly toned, blue winged body looks back at you, smiling gently, as if nothing was wrong.

>>30118278
>Looking down at your orange hoof, however, tells you that something was |definitely| wrong.
"Oh crap."
>Your body's eyes widen a bit, before another sound pulls it's attention away, that of Twilight- or at least her body- getting up.
>It looked itself over, and sighed.
>"Alright, apparently I screwed something up, because I am still entirely too purple for my liking. ...What?"
>Rarity was the first to respond, in a tone far softer and quieter than normal.
>"Does anypony else feel.. strange? Eek!"
>The way she responded to looking down at her own body led you to believe you weren't the only pony a little out of sorts here.
>Pinkie's body jumps up at the sound of the squeal, looking at the white unicorn in a state of absolute terror.
>She spoke with Pinkie's voice, certainly, but with an air of sophistication that was entirely alien to the party pony.
>"Oh no, oh no! We all got switched around, didn't we! Oh no, please tell me I'm not Applejack! Oh please oh please oh pleeeeaaaase!"
>While spinning around in place in a fit of panic, she lays her eyes on you, and calms down considerably.
>"Oh thank Celestia..."
>What is most likely not Fluttershy starts up, in a voice more forceful than any you've heard from her in all your years, not to mention with a think southern accent.
>"Aw come on, the idea uh bein' me can't be |that| bad."
>Anon, apparently still in Twilight's body, expressed his concerns in his usual manner.
>"Oh, great. Here I was, just thinking things weren't nearly confusing enough, and then thanks to our old friend |fucking magic|, we're all nice and screwed around even more."
>Your body goes to console him, placing a hoof on his shoulder, only to recoil upon noticing it and quickly looking itself over.
>All things considered, it regains it's composure rather quickly, and speaks anyway.
>"Don't worry, Anon, we'll figure this out. I've got plenty more books to look over in here, and–"

>>30118280
>"Wait," Anon interrupts, pointing a hoof at your body, "you're Twilight?"
>She nods your head.
>"Then who's in my body now?"
>The human leaps up from behind the circle, somehow having concealed that giant frame behind a few tiny ponies.
>"Human body partaaaayy!!"
>What is now clearly Pinikie falls facefirst into the floor at the center of the group, arms still outstretched above her.
>Anon sighs.
>"It just keeps getting better, doesn't it?"
>Twilight suddenly seems to realize something, your former facial features widening in surprise.
>"Oh no, I forgot about Spike!"
>Her short but frantic search ends as she and everyone else turn to one corner of the room to find the purple dragon, standing nonchalantly next to Owlowiscious's stand.
>"Spike? Are you okay?"
>His response is curt.
>"Who?"
>An angry looking Owlowiscious looks down from her perch.
>"Oh Shutup."
>You all turn back to one another.
>Twilight rubs her temples.
>"This has certainly been a day."
>"Yeah, you really screwed up good this time, Twilight."
>"|She| screwed up? Anon, if I might be so inclined to remind you, |you're| the reason all of us are switched around."
>Rarity didn't stop trying to comb Pinkie's unruly mane while expressing her discontent.
>Just as soon as it looked like she had it down into her signature coiff, it just sprung back into a mess with a little cloud of confetti, at which point she groaned and started again.
>You couldn't help but let out a throaty chuckle with your foreign voice.
>"Hey, I was |trying| to fix what was already broken. I can't help it if I ended up breaking more things in the process."
>"Actually," Applejack starts, "ya prob'ly could've."
>"Why don't you act more like your new body and shut the fu- good lord Pinkie what are you doing?!"
>Pinkie was standing perfectly upright, like she'd been bipedal all her life.
>And she has both hands jammed down her pants.
>"Hey Anon! I think I found your party cannon!"
>"Gaaahh quit that!"

>>30118282
>Anon scrambles to his hooves and tries to wrench his former arms out of his former pants.
>As everything breaks down around you, you have a calm, but serious mental battle as to how you should feel about all this.
>On one hoof, you should probably be angry that you no were wingless, and had apples on your ass.
>On the other, this whole situation was pretty dang funny, you had to admit.
>Unable to commit to either side, you finally decide to just go with a exaspercited sighchuckle before standing up and trying to reign things into control again.
"Alright, alright. I think we've all... whoa. Is this what AJ would sound like without an accent? ...Nevermind. Look, we need to see if we all can't figure this out. Anon?"
>Still grasping Pinkies hidden hands, He looks over at you.
>"Yeah?"
>You take a deep breath.
"FIGURE THIS OUT!!!"
>The surprise sends both him and his bodyjacker stumbling to the floor.
>"Alright, fuck! No need to yell."
>He stands back up, Pinkie's antics forgotten.
>"Right then. Twilight, get some books. We've got us a spell to fix."

---

>It was still very much a beautiful day in Ponyville, as you sat outside the Tree Library, taking in the scene set out before you.
>The clear, cloudless sky shone above, as ponies ran screaming about the town square; pegasi flying into the ground, unicorns firing magic wildly all over the place, and any unfortunate enough to be on the ground being chased by a myriad of half-book, half-animal monstrosities.
>Princess Celestia stood a ways out in front of you, wearing a pink party hat and making the sun dance around the sky while giggling like a schoolgirl.
>Beyond her, Anon dashed around amongst the chaos, running on all fours and barking madly.
>Rarity's cat, Opal, chased after him twirling a lasso in her mouth.

>>30118283
>The grey-furred body you were now in fit you a bit better since it had wings, you thought, though this eye-problem was a bit of an annoyance.
>Sitting next to you, also taking in the scene, were Princess Luna and Shining Armor.
>"Hey Twilight?" asks Luna.
>"Yeah Anon?" responds Shining.

>"I hate magic."

Have a random old story I liked. This one was by ErrantTome. https://pastebin.com/u/Errant-Tome

Bumping.

You guys accept voicefags at all? Wouldn't be opposed to reading green. If there's some intrigue, I could Vocaroo so you guys can gauge it.

File: Celestia is da biggest and da strongest.png (108KB, 800x246px) Image search: [Google]

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>>30106754
Pic related could also explain how pones have magic that isn't drawn from the warp.

>>30118535
Can you do female voices?

>>30118641
That's a very strange but very good point, my favorite kind

File: 1399744598710.png (2MB, 1500x1086px) Image search: [Google]

2MB, 1500x1086px

>>30118286
Damn I love this one.
I miss Errant.

>>30118891
Taken too soon. By lesbians.

>>30118914
Sooner or later the lesbians come for all of us.

>>30117866
So like Beetlejuice then?
kek

>>30117866
[tg]
Lauren Faust plays ponified Necrons, then?
[/tg]

>>30106367
Boop at your own peril

>>30111077
Yeah, it was done quite a bit in the early days of the board. Greentext stories abound with ponies openly hostile to Anon, because he doesn't speak their language, etc. They kinda died out once "Rainbro" and "Flutterrape" became a thing.

>>30111185
Like a lot of men, to be honest.

>>30114309
Ummm, wat?

>>30117866
I personally think it would be fun to see some green with a Lovecraftian subtext. That's part of the appeal to me of the Thingpone thread.

>>30118286
That was a highly entertaining read, thanks for posting it.

>>30118535
'Nother voicefag here. I find there isn't a lot of demand around here for male voices.

>>30119398
>I personally think it would be fun to see some green with a Lovecraftian subtext.

http://pastebin.com/e1g0PiME

NSFW, seriously fucked-up and weird. I wrote it as a deliberate trollfic but some people found it hot.

https://derpibooru.org/1162320 is an illustration for it. Also NSFW.

>>30119422

Kekked.

File: 1434241104773.png (1MB, 1800x1200px) Image search: [Google]

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What the fuck is wrong with me?

>Dinnertime.
>Celestia and Luna sit across from you at the rather small roundtable you're seated at, a stark contrast to the cavernous expanse of the castle's dining room.
>As tehy make idle chit-chat about their day over a pair of garden salads, you pick at your own food.
>Today you've had to settle for some kind of vegetarian burger, since the only chef in the kitchen willing to work with meat is out sick.
>It's not bad, but it's still a veggie burger.
>And it doesn't always agree with you.
>While the two of them stop and look down to take another bite, you seize the opportunity.
*BUUUURP*
>"Excuse you, Anonymous," Luna says quietly.
"Me? That was your sister."
>"It was not!" Celestia barks back, acting offended.
>"No, I know when my sister does such a thing," Luna says, eyeing the two of you with slight amusement.
"Is it a sisterly bond sort of thing?" you ask in a teasing manner.
>As your attention is focused on Luna for her response, you catch sight of Celestia breathing in deeply.
>"Nay, she is a bigger hog than you are," Luna retorts.
>Celestia clears her throat, shooting her little sister a glance.
*BUUUUUUUUUUUURP*
>A belch with enough bass to lightly rattle the silverware on the table echoes through the room, before a dead silence befalls everyone.
>"How pleasant, dear sister. Mother would be proud," Luna laments with a hint of disgust.
>"Thank you," Celestia replies, almost beaming with pride.
>Luna rises up from the table, headed for the door.
"Where are you going?" you ask, still reeling from what you've experienced.
>"After that marvelous performance, I feel I need a bath," she says, without stopping.
>You turn back to Celestia, whose face breaks out in a large smirk.
"How the hell was that even possible?"
>"Well, the sun is but a large burning ball of gas, is it not?" she quips.
>You aren't sure if she's being serious or not, but one thing is certain.
>You're not going to blame a fart on her.

>>30119547
Anon needs to convince dash to blame a fart.
From a safe distance of course. He will never forget the 12 times she "accidentally" electrocuted him.

>>30117817
waste of a perfectly good sammich desu

>>30119422
Oh dear gods what did I just read! It was like watching a trainwreck and could not tear my eyes away.
pony mind bleach needed STAT!

>>30119547
Thanks! I needed It after reading THAT >>30119422

>>30119706
jfry pls

Page 8 bump

>>30120520
no u

>>30115925
I don't think Big Mac would like that.

>>30121364
Anon might hire him to stand outside wearing a giant foam rubber hamburger bun costume and wiggle his butt at the mares, and hold a sign saying "Want a taste?"

>>30119722
What, you don't like tentacles?

You won't like this either, then. http://pastebin.com/cDATpcHN

File: 1442857505027.jpg (229KB, 1024x945px) Image search: [Google]

229KB, 1024x945px

>It was that time of year again.
>The Ponyville fundraiser event.
>Apparently just straight up donating money was too simple, so ponies would set up little stalls to sell something, with the money going to whatever it was they were trying to fund.
>Kissing booths were particularly popular, probably because there isn't much effort involved.
>This year was no exception.
>You start your stroll, taking in the sights.
>Kissing booth, kissing booth, kissing booth, tasteful summer hat made right before your eyes (and presented to you with a kiss) booth.
>Spike desperately trying to get more bits from Twilight while holding his tower of tasteful summer hats steady with one claw.
>A small crowd of ponies around a booth staffed by Princess Celestia.
>Well that's new.
>As you got closer to the new addition, you can hear ponies talking about it.
>"I wonder what the special is."
>"She's hardly had anypony brave enough to get even a kiss, we'll probably never find out."
>This won't do at all.
>Determination welling up within you, you stride purposefully to Celestia's booth, and start counting out your bits.
>A hush descends over the town as everyone stops to watch you.
>Celestia's eyes light up as you count out your tenth bit, and slap them down on her booth.
"I would like ten kisses please."
>Her face falls instantly, and you can hear the crowd's disappointment behind you.
>Once the tension has been suitably ruined, you drop the bag with the rest of your bits next to your first ten.
"And three specials."
>That gets you the reaction you were hoping for.
>Hopefully the special turns out to be nice.

>>30122097
its the succ

>>30122097
interested

Pastebin: https://pastebin.com/5gQ5hMeU
Continued from >>30093249


>...No, your eyes do not deceive you.
>That is indeed Wind Swept and Steel Grip doing their best stone gargoyle imitation next to your room entrance.
>They STILL haven't been dismissed???
>The clock you passed on your way back here showed the time to be almost eleven.
>...
>More importantly, your aimless wandering actually got you to your destination.
>Of course you find it when you care the least.
>You approach the guard duo for the third time today.
>Only instead of ignoring them as usual, you ask a question.
"Are you guys gonna be here throughout the night? 'Cuz that would suck."
>The pair look up to you for the first time, Steel Grip responding.
>"Our shift ends at eleven. Two of the night-watch will replace us."
>That makes you feel better.
>Maybe it's due to the comfortable buzz you've had for the past hour, but you feel they deserve a reward for being stuck here all day.
>No Anon, salary does not count.
"Well, before you leave I'd like to give a proper thank-you gift."
>Their faces are static, only their eyes giving away their confusion.
>With trained precision, you lift a finger and...
>*Boop*
>Steel Grip never saw it coming.
>...Which is somewhat worrying since he's a guard.
>As his nose wrinkles you amble over to Wind Swept, who stood by helplessly as his partner was booped.
>Now his eyes scream "me next, me next!"
>Wait a second.
>Earlier today you questioned the ethics of booping without asking permission first.
>You should probably--
>*Boop*
>Too late.
>You admire your handiwork for a brief moment.
>The effects are kicking in but you're not going to stick around.
"Have a good evening, guys."
>You leave the awestruck stallions to themselves, doors locking behind you with a solid click.
>Now inside your room, you pause.

>>30122424
>It's dark, naturally. Moonlight shines through the windows, dimly illuminating the area.
>Once your vision has sufficiently adjusted, you make your way over to the balcony door, ignoring the two lamps placed near the table and bed.
>The door slides open with a light push and you step out into the cool night air, your jacket billowing slightly behind you in the gentle breeze.
>Wow, this thing is bigger than it appeared inside.
>You cautiously approach the opulent railing, your stride lowering as you near it.
>While it's no doubt a perfect height for ponies, it offers minimal protection for you.
>Once you're at a comfortable distance, you take in the sight before you.
>With the moon shining so bright, Canterlot is even more beautiful at night.
>The street lamps and moonlight come together to cast a quiet, warm glow on the lavish buildings dotting the city.
>Beyond that lies a bare landscape far below the mountainside, stretching out for countless miles.
>You idly stare out into the distance, content to watch the occasional dot move about.
>Today was a good day.
>More than good. It was a /great/ day.
>Dinner with the princesses went smoothly.
>Princess Celestia lives up to her student's praises, and then some.
>Princess Luna was... Luna. Just as fun to talk to as before.
>You also got to poke fun at Book Horse, which is always a plus.
>So yea, that was a success.
>Then of course, your night out with High Stakes.
>To your surprise she proved herself to be no lightweight, as you've come to expect from ponies.
>Neither of you got smashed but the alcohol consumed by the pair of you would've felled a lesser mare.
>Over time, you learned a few more things about her and her work.
>For example, how she's one of the few female royal guards (no discrimination, just a surprisingly low amount).
>How her Cutie Mark (three playing cards) symbolizes her natural inclination to take risks in hopes of big payoff.
>Go fucking figure.

>>30122429
>You gave her some light ribbing over her earlier actions, which was met with embarrassed mumbling.
>Other tidbits were also mentioned, which you eagerly ate up.
>Like any good conversationalist, Stakes also inquired about your history.
>You had to fudge the details on a few things but otherwise gave honest answers.
>She was as hooked on your words as you were to hers.
>Whenever you spoke, you swore the venue got eerily quiet.
>Nosy ponies...
>Eventually the time came for Stakes to retire for the night, as she indeed has to work tomorrow.
>Outside the bar you thanked her for her generosity and time, she for your assistance and company.
>One handshake (hoofshake?) later, you departed from your new acquaintance.
>Now you stand here, admittedly regretting leaving so soon.
>For a guard, she was fun to talk to.
>Would it have been weird to ask for a mailing address? The pair of you could've been pen pals.
>Damn ponies and their lack of telephones. Might as well be living in the Stone Ages.
>Maybe you'll get lucky and see her tomorrow.
>...
>Yea right.
>Speaking of tomorrow, you should probably hit the hay soon if you want to wake up early without committing seppuku.
>There's really no excuse for missing breakfast with Celestia.
>Internal musings finished, you take one last look at Canterlot before heading inside, closing the door behind you.
>As you near the bed, something on the table catches your eye.
>...That platter was definitely not there when you left.
>You reroute to the table, removing the cover to reveal...
>A pie.
>Smells like blueberry.
>Luna must've had someone drop it off.
>You smile to yourself.
>Thank you, Princess of the Night.
>Ambling back to the bed, your jacket is the first to be removed as you strip off your fancy attire.
>You'd turn on a lamp but the moon provides more than adequate illumination.
>Once everything is removed you carefully place the clothes on the hanger provided by Rarity, your shoes resting next to your bag.

>>30122435
>As you hang your suit on one of the bed's supports, you can hear the toilet being flushed inside the bathroom.
>...
>......
>What the fuck.
>You're not going insane, right?
>As if to prove you didn't mishear anything, the sound of running water faintly reaches you.
>...Someone's in here as well.
>You didn't hear anyone come in while you were on the balcony.
>Were they in the bathroom this entire time?
>Nonsense. You'd have noticed the light poking under the door.
>More importantly, HOW did they get in?
>Did they creep in here while you were outside?
>Are there not two guards stationed outside your room?
>Oh god they /killed/ the guards, didn't--
The bathroom door opens, the light inside turning off in the same moment.
>You watch in bewilderment as an all-too-familiar pony exits, their expression turning pleasant as they catch notice of you.
>...
>......
>"It is good to see you again, Anonymous. We have stopped by twice since our departure earlier, and on both occasions you were nowhere to be seen."
>...Why.
>Why is Princess Luna here???
>If you ask that now, it'll come out sounding malicious due to the sheer amount of befuddlement clouding your mind.
>Let's just stick to what she said.
"Yea... I went out for a few drinks... What are you doing here?"
>You tried.
>Fortunately Luna takes no offense to your tone.
>"Did you forget? We are certain you gave Us permission to join you on this night."
"When was this, during a dream?"
>She couldn't have suddenly forgotten how your memory works.
>Luna frowns
>"No, this evening, prior to your dismissal... Are you feeling well?"
>You've given it some serious thought, and you know for a FACT you never mentioned anything about the Night Princess visiting.
>Even if you look at it from her point of view, all she said was something about meeting in your dreams.
>'We will meet later, if that is acceptable.'
>...
>Your head recoils in revelation.

>>30122444
>Oh god this is what she meant, isn't it.
>Examining it now, it seems so damn obvious.
>At that time however, you couldn't fathom it being interpreted any other way.
>Why would she want to stop by?
>You look back to the slightly worried alicorn.
"Ohhhh, I thought you were talking about my /dreams/."
>Luna shakes her head.
>"Of course not. We do not need permission for that."
>...
>Let's ignore that concerning statement.
>She points with a wing towards the table.
>"We delivered the blueberry pie, as requested."
>Huh, she brought it here herself. How nice of her.
"Thank you."
>"You are welcome."
>There's a pregnant pause afterwards.
>...
>Should you say something?
>She doesn't appear agitated or anything of the sort. She's just staring at you.
>This is starting to get uncomfortable.
>Did you do something wrong?
>Maybe you holyshityouarenotwearinganyclothes.
>Oh fuck.
>You've been conversing with the princess this entire time wearing nothing but boxers.
>Suddenly you feel very exposed.
>Under the assumption that there would be no one else here besides you, you decided to forgo bringing any nightwear in favor of sleeping as nature intended.
>Except with boxers. You have standards.
>So OF COURSE you would have a royal visitor during this time.
>Although...
>If Luna has any qualms with your lack of decency, she says nothing.
>Still, it just feels /wrong/.
>Maybe you should put your suit back on.
>"Anonymous."
>You cease staring at your crotch, glancing back to Luna.
>"We have a request of you. We would be most grateful to receive one of your massages as proper thanks for Our delivery."
>...
>THAT'S why she came up here???
>Of fuckin' course.
>This is the same mare who tried to hire you as a 'Royal Booper'.
>...Don't laugh Anon.
>Sadly her logic is making it difficult.
>'I brought you a pie, now pet me!'
>You do your best to keep from smirking.
"Sure, I guess... Y'know, you didn't need to bring the pie as justification. I would've done so regardless."

>>30122448
>For the briefest of seconds, Luna's expression flashes with chagrin before returning to normal.
>"We will remember that for the future."
>'Future'?
>Shaking your head in amusement, you start towards her, then stop.
"Uhhh, you wanna find a better place to sit?"
>Luna's gazes drifts around the room, settling on the bed.
>"Your bed is suitable for the both of us."
>You were thinking more along the line of a chair, but okay.
>She walks over to the bed, hopping on it with grace only a princess could possess.
>After a small adjustment she lies on her stomach, head facing the headboard.
>She turns to watch as you set yourself next to her, one leg propped up on the comforter.
>With both of you fully set in, you can begin.
>...
>Seriously though, you should at least put on some pants.
>Eh, it's just a quick "massage" and then she'll leave.
>Won't take long at all.


>Fuck, your hands are getting tired.
>But her coat is soooo soft.
>As much as it warms your heart to see Princess Luna in her sphinx-like posture, eyes closed and ears twitching, you need a break.
>How long has this been going for? Longer than any of your other Friend Sessions, you bet.
>Princess privilege is the best privilege.
>You reluctantly part your hands from her coat, straightening back up.
>Now we wait...
>It doesn't take long for Luna to return to the mortal realm, eyes slowly opening.
>"Why did you stop."
>...
"I need a break."
>How to word this next question...
"...How long are you expecting this to go on for?"
>Silence.
>"That is a circumstance I did not consider. No matter, you have done enough for the night--"
>Awesome.
>"--And we can now move on to other activities."
>What.
"What."
>Luna folds her wings back to her sides, adjusting herself so she can properly face you.
>As a result, her bottom half rests on her side, her ethereal tail close to you.
>She's really making herself at home...

>>30122453
>"Many nights ago you spoke of new talents acquired since Our visit to Ponyville. Since then I have avidly waited on your arrival, eager to experience them myself."
>New talents, new talents, new--
>Oh.
>Oh god.
>Luna really has no qualms with your methods.
>How very unprincess-like.
>Suddenly you're nervous.
>Come up with an excuse, any excuse damn it!
"...Couldn't you try these things in the Dream World or Realm, whatever it's called?"
>Nice one Anon.
>To your disappointment, Luna shakes her head.
>Fuck.
>"I have attempted so with your boopings and massages, to no effect. Your talents do not apply in the Dream Realm."
>Of course they don't...
>Oh!
>You hate to divert the subject (not really), but you just remembered something.
"Unrelated, but that reminds me... You wouldn't let Prin-- your sister tell me about my dreams. My OWN dreams."
>Very uncool.
>Luna remains static.
>"That is true. Our subject's thoughts and dreams are their own, and to share with others would violate their trust. I make a sole exception to Sister only when there is a potential threat to Equestria."
>Another brief pause.
>"My apologies, Anonymous. You are, of course, a valued citizen. Understand that precautions had to be taken when you appeared."
"No offense taken."
>She nods.
>"I am more than willing to relay your experiences when requested."
>Great!
>"Now--"
>Luna's eyes bore into your own.
>"I do believe we left off somewhere?"
>Dammit.
>Curse your subconscious and its careless blabbing.
>Although...
>If you can't avoid the inevitable, maybe you can lessen the blow.
>You raise a finger in protest.
"I don't know what I told you--"
>There's a line you never thought you'd use.
"--But for me, cuddling is only done between close friends. I can, however, offer you its half-brother: the hug."
>Luna is perplexed.
>"Why do you consider it an act reserved for your friends?"
>You start to respond, then pause, choosing your words carefully.

>>30122461
"With me, that sort of contact isn't as casual as a handshake or even a hug. It's far more... intimate."
>Purely non-lewd, of course.
>...Although you admit you have no interest in cuddling a stallion. That's kind of gay.
>Totally doesn't mean you like-like ponies.
"That's why I only do so with someone I /really/ know."
>Luna's gaze drifts away, looking anywhere but at you.
>"I see... We are not considered a friend."
>Fuck.
>This is dangerous territory.
>You know she tosses the word "friend" around like it's going out of style, but does she really consider you one?
>If you exclude the untold number of interactions in your dreams, in reality you've only seen her three times.
>...
>Oh.
>Oh no.
>How could you have been so dense?
>You can't remember a thing from your dreams, but /she does/.
>And from her few descriptions, the pair of you meet quite a bit.
>Thus, Luna has a plethora of memories and interactions with you, none of which you can recall.
>You could be best buddies with her in your dreams but consider her a stranger in the real world.
>So you basically told her whatever occurs in your dreams may have well not happened, and the pair of you aren't as tight as she thinks.
>Not your fault of course, but it kills you all the same.
>What really seals it is Luna's expression.
>She's calm, her face a perfect mask of tranquility.
>But her ears say it all.
>Even the Night Princess can't fake that tell.
>And you swear her mane and tail have stopped moving as much.
>The stark contrast between her body language and look is crushing you.
>You need to fix this. Now.
>"If we are not friends... perhaps a different approach needs to be taken."
>What is she talking about?
>You decide to butt in.
"Luna, that's not what--"
>"We will divulge the contents of thy dreams in exchange for thy services. A fair trade, yes?"
>...
>Is she holding your memories hostage?
>Not to mention she's using her ye-olde speech again.

>>30122468
>Except she's not angry or excited, just...
>Stop it heart, you're needed here.
>Luna waits patiently for an answer. Her ears have returned to normal, mane swaying in the non-existent breeze.
>Y'know that's not a bad deal at all, but you're curious...
>You don a poker face.
"And what if I decline?"
>...
>Luna sighs.
>"Then We will not push the matter. We respect thy wishes, Anonymous. Thou may ask Us anything concerning thy dreams."
>Huh.
>So that was a last-ditch effort to get what she wanted.
>You don't blame her.
>Anyways, time to drop the facade.
>You adjust yourself from the slouched posture you slipped into.
"That doesn't matter. What DOES matter is the misunderstanding we both had."
>At that, Luna tilts her head ever so slightly.
"I have no idea what we've been up to in my dreams, but apparently it's enough for us to be considered friends. Which is great!... /Except/ I have no memories of these events."
>That sparks a reaction.
>Her eyes widen ever so slowly as the realization sinks in.
"Luna, you know me /far/ more than I do you. My words were under the assumption of us being on equal ground."
>The Night Princess shuts her eyes, scowling at no one in particular.
>Someone's pissed.
>After a minute or so she opens them, noticeably calmer.
>"We ask for thy-- your forgiveness, Anonymous. It was foalish of us to let emotions cloud our judgement, especially for such a conspicuous issue."
>Hardly.
"It's alright. Honest misunderstanding."
>She's only human... Uh, pony.
>In all honesty, you're touched Luna considers you a close friend. Close enough as to turn glum when you suggested otherwise.
>Does she make it her personal mission to befriend all ponies or what?
>Regardless, she knows a lot about you. The opposite isn't true.
>You like Luna, but at the moment you'd consider her a close acquaintance at best.
>Fortunately you have no problem changing that.

>>30122475
"...Y'know, if the Dream Realm doesn't cut it there's always... here."
>You point down for whatever reason.
"'Here' as in the real world. We could exchange letters, I could visit whenever. Train fare is dirt cheap."
>...
>Why does this remind you of a long-distance relationship?
>Get your head out of the gutter, Anon.
>Besides, doesn't she have princess shit to do on the regular?
>Surprisingly, Luna perks up.
>"Those are excellent suggestions. We would be pleased to convene during the day hours... Though our activities may be of lesser enjoyment."
>You /really/ wanna know what kind of shenanigans you've gotten into while sleeping.
>That can wait. You have other plans.
"Cool. We can discuss the details later if that's alright, cuz you /did/ ask for uhhh..."
>You clear your throat.
"Cuddles."
>You're really about to do this, aren't you...
>Luna is puzzled, to say the least.
>"Did you not state your policy towards such is limited to close friends?"
"Yup, and from your demeanor earlier I was under the impression that you viewed us as such. There's a bunch of shit I don't remember, yea, but I'm still /me/."
>Oops. Language.
>Seconds tick by as Luna wordlessly stares at you.
>Only this time there's no discomfort.
>You wonder what she's thinking.
>Finally she breaks into a smile.
>"Your logic is sound, Anonymous. You will receive no qualms from Us."
>No surprise there.
>Luna glances down to the bed, then back to you.
>"Is there a position We must assume to begin?"
>...
>God your face hurts.
>You hastily look to the comforter the pair of you are resting on.
>How IS this going to work?
>Luna is big.
>Well, compared to other ponies Luna is big.
>Hell, Gilda is smaller than her and you still had to improvise.
>So what will you come up with now?
>Something similar to what you did with Catbird.
>You suppress a yawn before speaking.
"For starters, I'll going to be sitting lengthwise along the bed."

>>30122478
>Luna takes that as her cue to move. She eases her way over to the edge, standing up with a short stretch of her legs.
"You didn't have to get up..."
>"We do not wish to get in the way of preparations."
>You don't bother with a rebuttal, instead hoisting your other leg onto the bed and crawling to the pillows laid out.
>You carefully prop a few against the headboard before turning around, leaning against them.
>Damn, these pillows are soft.
>After a few moments spent soaking in the comfort you look at Luna, who's patiently waiting for your next command.
>You'll admit you're still on edge with this whole thing.
>Even through all the easygoing conversations the pair of you have, you recognize her status.
>She's the goddamn Guardian of the Night.
>Really, no princess should be this nonchalant over the events about to transpire.
"Actually, I think it's best if /you/ find a position that's comfortable."
>Good idea, Anon.
>Shift all the work onto her.
>"Very well."
>Luna quietly takes in your waiting form. Her expression is serious, as though there's more on the line than comfort.
>You're already quite cozy. These pillows are heavenly and the comforter is equally soft on your ohfuckyouarestillnotwearingclothes.
>And Luna is about to...
>Nope.
>Not happening.
>You got used to wearing only boxers waaaay sooner than expected, but this situation /right now/ is different.
>Massages are one thing.
>Full-body contact?
>Have some decency you sick bastard.
>To your horror, the exact moment you make to get up is the exact moment Luna figures out her plan.
>The bed gives in a little as the Night Princess puts her weight on it, lying down on her stomach parallel to you.
>Welp, there's no weaseling out of it now.
>Just have to grin and bear it.
>...Relax Anon, it's perfectly natural.
>You are literally the only being in Equestria who has an issue with a lack of clothes.
>...
>Yea that didn't help.

>>30122487
>Luna shimmies closer and closer to you, which only makes you more and more anxious.
>No! Bad heart rate! Who said you could work double-time?
>To your relief, she stops mere inches away from you.
>"We ask that you lie down fully."
>Why???
>You almost blurt that out before catching yourself.
>Her request reminds you of a certain gryphon.
>...
>Does Luna want to spoon?
>You were joking when you shot down Gilda, mainly because of the hard library floor.
>Will you deny Luna the same?
>As if.
>Dumb princess privilege...
>You push yourself forward before lying down, staring at the ceiling.
>It's only spooning, Anon.
>Spooning with a pony.
>Is this not what you wanted in life?
>Your thoughts are interrupted when a dark blue foreleg crosses over your chest, planting itself next to you.
>Huh, when did Luna take off her slippers?
>And her necklace... And her crown?
>...
>Wait.
>What is she doing.
>You watch with bated breath as Luna gracefully moves over until she's hovering over you.
>...This is not spooning.
>This is worse.
>Much worse.
>Without any fanfare, Luna lowers herself.
>It's only when her coat makes contact with your bare skin that you freeze.
>/Damn/.
>If your hands liked the texture, your body LOVES it.
>It’s as though your front has been wrapped in warm velvet.
>The Night Princess comes to a rest on top of you, her head close to yours.
>She brings a foreleg back to drape across the top of your chest before resting her head against it, looking off to the side.
>Her wings unfold, stretching out just past the edge of the bed.
>You, to your credit, go on autopilot.
>One arm is slung over her back while the other finds purchase on her withers.
>An experienced cuddler never loses his touch.
>There's a lengthy period of silence that follows, allowing you to settle in and absorb the variety of new sensations.

>>30122492
>Luna's mane and tail tickle your arm and legs respectively as they wave about.
>For some reason you were expecting them to feel ice cold, like the space they mimic.
>With Luna's chest against yours, you can feel her heart beat every second.
>Her horn is dangerously close to your cheek; you can only pray she doesn't make any spontaneous movements.
>Overall, this is actually similar to how Gilda was positioned, though she was more on her back/side.
>Not to mention you had on significantly more clothes.
>But Anon, there's nothing wrong with cuddling a princess on a bed during the night while not wearing anything...
>Right?
>Right.
>You peer at Luna's face.
>Surprisingly her eyes are open, gaze fixed to nothing in particular.
>...
>Oh what the heck, you'll give it a shot.
>You remove your arm from her withers, drifting your free hand up to her ears.
>You were hesitant with bringing this up with Twilight, and even more reluctant to divulge your reasoning.
>Thankfully Book Horse, along with everyone else, didn't care. Their reasoning?
>'It doesn't matter as long as it feels good.'
>Questionable logic, but you didn't argue.
>Luna's ears flick as your fingers come to rest just behind them, her mane brushing against your hand.
>Now add some light scratching...
>...
>......
>For someone who was already resting most of their weight on you, it shouldn't be possible for her to get /heavier/.
>It's like the Night Princess ascended into a new plane of relaxation.
>Her head pushes up in a vain attempt to extract more ear scritches, but sadly you're limited to one hand.
>How adorable!
>Instead you settle for gently moving your other arm across her back.
>Multitasking like this is difficult but you make it work.
>As you continue your ministrations you're struck by a surge of drowsiness, forcing you to heavily blink it away.
>Fuck.

>>30122498
>You were already tired when you got back.
>Now, as you lie here in what is inarguably the comfiest position you've ever been in, the coziness combined with Luna's warm body temperature is making it difficult to keep your eyes open.
>You are NOT falling asleep here.
>"Anonymous..."
>The Night Princess calls to you.
>Wow.
>Even with a combination of ear scritches, cuddling, and petting, she can speak?
>Well, she can't rule Equestria through good looks alone.
"Hmmm?"
>"I have... a request. Please... cease your ministrations."
>It sounded like it took every ounce of willpower for Luna to say that.
>You reluctantly pause, waiting for her next words.
>After a few seconds, Luna lifts her head, careful to avoid smacking you with her horn as she turns to look down at you.
>At this point her muzzle is inches from your face, making you SERIOUSLY question just how little she cares about these things.
>...Not that it means much, considering your current position.
>"Although it is an unusual time to inquire, I would rather do so now than let it slip my mind."
"What's up?"
>"It concerns... Sister."
>Celestia? What about her?
>"Despite my insistence, she is far too polite to ask for your services."
>Okay...
>Welp.
>God dammit, Luna wants you to cuddle Celestia, doesn't she.
>How the hell would that even play out?
>She's big enough where it'd probably work better if YOU were the one being--
>"Anonymous, if it not too much trouble, I ask that you please provide Sister with a booping."
>Oh.
>Luna's moderate cyan eyes lock with yours.
>"She will be far more willing if you present it as your own choice. I only wish for Sister to experience the same joys that I do."
>D'awwww.
>Don't die on us now, heart! We need you!
>If THAT isn't sisterly love, you don't know what is.
>You grin, teeth and all.
"Of course I can do that. Tomorrow at breakfast."
>Luna smiles back.
>Man, seeing her like this without all her regalia... It's like she's naked.
>...
>Lewd.

>>30122501
>"Thank you Anonymous. I greatly appreciate everything you've done for me today."
>You shrug, which is not easy when lying down.
"That's what friends are for, right?"
>The Night princess once again lowers herself until she's back to resting on your chest.
>"Indeed."
>You take that as a conversation ender and after a small adjustment, continue your relentless assault on her ears.
>Stay AWAKE, dammit!
>Minutes pass in silence.
>Luna has since closed her eyes and you were quick to follow suit.
>Dangerous, but you've gotten into a good rhythm that takes no effort.
>As you lie here, you can't help but wonder: how long will this go on for?
>If other ponies are any indication, you'll have to put a stop to it yourself.
>Although you're still enjoying the moment…
>Regardless, you don't want to fall asleep like this.
>A few more minutes will suffice.
>Yup, just a few more.
>Not long at all...
-------

Pastebin: https://pastebin.com/5gQ5hMeU

Part 7-3 done. Criticism needed, etc.

Next part will wrap up Canterlot and will undoubtedly be short.

>>30122506
Good stuff

>>30122506
Love this story man! Keep up the good work. From a fellow writefag this is way better than any of the things I've ever written

>>30122097
The special is a tuna-melt and fries.
Fuck I want a tunamelt now

>>30122097
>Celestia smiles at you as she leans forward.
>...And stabs you in the kidney.
>The crowd falls silent, as do nearby birds in the trees.
>The pair of guards stood on either side of the booth gawk bewildered at the elegant knife sticking out of your midsection.
>You stare at it as well.
>...
"WHAT."
>Celestia bats her eyelids innocently.
"THE FUCK."
>Desperately pull the knife out and immediately regret it as blood gushes forth from your gaping wound.
"I DON'T UNDERSTAND-- HOW IS THIS WORTH TEN BITS?!"
>Several ponies in the crowd faint.
>As does one of the guards.
>Celestia places a hoof to her lips and chuckles.
>Regally.
>"Oh Anon, you should be careful what you wish for!"
"THAT DOESN'T MAKE SENSE CONSIDERING THE CIRCUMSTANCES, I THOUGHT I WAS BUYING SOMETHING LEWD!"
>"And you thought wrong! Life is full of disappointments, Anonymous."
"BUT WHY--"
>"Shhh..."
>She reaches over the counter and strokes your cheek with a hoof.
>"There's something you need to know."
"Wh... what?"
>Your vision is going dark now, and the blatant pain you were experiencing has dulled to a deep, steady throb with each heartbeat.
>Celestia levitates two more knives from behind the counter.
>"You ordered three specials."

Oh that Celestia.
She's so silly.

>>30123668
kek/10

Here lies Anonymous
He asked for the Special

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>>30123668

>>30110499
>4 day later
>>30122506
10/10

>>30107205
I've never played much of the tabletop, mostly read the books and run the rpgs. Though if you do want to get in to the tabletop I recommend looking at the new release they're doing called Shadow War Armageddon. It's the same factions, just much smaller armies and I think most of the army rules are going to be free so it's less of a money sink.

As for the lore thing, pretty much what this anon said.
>>30117866

You've got four main dark gods in the setting, and the warp being what it is means that things like names have power. So calling a god's name might get you attention you don't want.

Also an interesting idea with the Tyranids. Though would that mean the Old gods of Equestria might have encountered the C'tan empire?

>>30118641

See now I'm just tempted to make that the case.

>>30123668
w-what about his ten kisses?

>>30124263
Stop killing yourself anon.

>>30124263
They're in reserve to make the boo boos go away after the stabby stabby.

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>>30122506
Great stuff writer, also

WHERE IS MY PONYNET!?

>>30124311
Well, since she stabbed him, I hope she's going to give him some tongue, preferably before he dies.

>>30124425
Over there

Anyone remember a story where a mare picks up Anon in a bar so that he would take her to his home to be eaten. Anon thinks he's getting lucky. She just wants to kill herself in an environmentally friendly way.

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>>30126839
That sounds like something out of one of the Douglas Adams "Hitchhiker's Guide" novels.

...also, I am imagining this with some dialogue from a now-defunct webcomic that was called "Sexy Losers."

>the mare stares at you
>"You're not going to kill me and eat me?"
"The fuck? Why would I do that?"
>"You're a carnivore. Aren't you going to tear my throat out and paint the walls with my blood, smear it all over your body and rip open my--"
"No. No. NO. I thought you meant you wanted me to, you know"
>you gesture at her rear half helplessly
>"Oh. Sex," she says, listlessly, her features drooping
"Well, yes."
>"I'm suicidal. I want to die."
"First, maybe we can get some professional help for you."
>"I don't think that'd even be worthwhile."
"Okay, do you want to hang yourself in my bathroom? I don't have any rope but maybe we can tie together some towels."
>"...why are you suddenly trying to be helpful?"
"I've fucked lots of mares but not a dead one yet."
>"WHAT?"
"Yeah, I think I want to wait for you to get nice and cold and stiff, and pry your rear legs apart..."
>"I don't think I want to know."
"Yeah, I want to fuck that cold dead mare cunt."
>"That's horrifying. Why would you do that? Why would you tell me you want to do that?"
"It's no worse than eating your corpse, is it?"
>"Would you eat me after you fuck me?"
"Nah."
>"Why not?"
"I never play with my food."
>she groans at that punchline and jumps out the window
>falling three stories and breaking a leg
>ambulance takes her to the horsepital
>because she has a broken leg, they shoot her
>when you call and ask, they tell you you can't fuck the corpse, or eat it either
>and ask you not to call any more
"Fuck. Now I've got blue balls."
>actually they're green, like the rest of you, Anonymous
"Who the fuck asked you?"
>it was an I can't think of a good punchline to end this day

>>30126839
>>30126993
Yes.... YESSSS

>>30127753
Maybe

Still no greentext.

>>30130442
try scrolling

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>>30127753

>>30126993
man, I remember that

>Anon accidentally gets hit on the head
>Begins acting odd
>Ponies begin to panic as his marefriend, Luna, is know to go batshit OTTP protective.

>There's a loud, resounding echo, like a wooden bat striking a Whitetail Oak.
>Oh, wait.
>That there is a bat.
>Against the back of Anon's noggin'.
>Whoops.
>"Did I get it?"
>Twilight drops the pinata bat and lifts her blindfold with her magic.
>She looks around excitedly, but frowns when she sees everypony staring at Anon, jaws dropped and eyes wide.
>He stands there, motionless.
>Rainbow flaps up to his eye-level.
>"You okay there, Big Guy?"
>Nothing.
>She waves a hoof in-front of his face.
>Panic begins to set in.
>One of Anon's eyes begins slowly to drift to the side.
>"Uh-oh."
>He blinks suddenly.
>"I'm fine, Bowdash Rain."
>Rarity bites her lip.
>"You know, I cannot tell if he's being serious or not."
>"You have a three zircons for a cutie-mark," Anon says. "The walls taste of purple and cold."
>Pinkie's mane deflates.
>"We broke Nonny!"
"Ah, girls? Ain't Luna gonna be here soon?"
>They all look at you.
>Well, not Anon, but you can't tell with that there eye of his drifting like Applebloom's pet goldfish.
>An air of terror descends.
>Fluttershy, frozen, teeters over like a goat.
>An odd keening noise, like what comes from Mac's room past midnight, escapes the back of Starlight's throat.
>She nervously looks to the sky, as though the moon itself were about to come crashing down on us in retaliation.
>"Hold up," Twilight says, near-hyperventilating. "Girls, I have a plan!"

>>30132469
>Anon accidentally gets hit on the head
>Begins acting odd

This is Anonymous. He isn't acting.

>>30132542
Boop

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>Anonymous darling...I-I finished building my cuckquean shed in the back yard. You know, for when you want to bring other mares over...
>Are you sure you're happier this way darling?

>>30133180
"Not this shit again, Rarara..."
>"I-I mean, I'll...sniff...be on your side forever, no matter what you do or...w-who y-y-you...have s-s-sex with!"
"OH FOR CRYING OUT LOUD! I'M A GYNECOLOGIST, LOVE! WOULD YOU LIKE ME TO VISIT PEOPLE IN OUR LIVING ROOM!?"
>"There's no need t-to lie! I know you're always with your fingers deep into somebody else's vagina!"
"NO SHIT, IT'S MY JOB!"

>>30133194
>>"R-rarity? Anon? What's going on? I heard screaming"
"Don't worry Sweetie, we're j-"
>"GO AWAY, S-SWEETIE! BEFORE THIS BEAST OF A MAN PUTS HIS...H-HIS LEWD FINGERS INTO YOUR VAGINA!"
>>"...w-what?"
"RARES, WHAT IN TARNATION IS WRONG WITH YOU!? S-she was joking, Sweetie! Nobody is going to put fingers into your...well, i-into you."
>"What's the matter, huh?? A-Aren't we pretty enough for you!?!"
"IT'S A MEDICAL PROCEDURE! I WEAR GLOVES, FOR FUCK'S SAKE!"
>"I H-hope so! NOBODY WANTS A FLOCK OF SMALL BEASTS LIKE YOU, STROLLING THRU EQUESTRIA, PUTTING FINGERS WHERE THEY D-DON'T BELONG!"
"..."
>>"I-I'M GOING TO BE PREGNANT? But t-that's not what my cutie mark says!"
"I need cider..."

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>>30133197
"And then they both began to cry."
>"A-ha"
"I mean, this is absolutely ridiculous. It's my job!"
>"Hmmm"
"It's also definitely not pleasant for my patients! It's kinda invasive and awkward, it's just thanks to experience that I'm able to help them relax"
>"Ya don't say"
"...Applejack, could you please stop glaring at me and say something that's not monosyllables or set phrases?"
>"Well, Anon, ya know how's Rares...she's a bit of a drama queen"
"Well, you don't need to say that again..."
>"But, back to you. So, you force mares on a table and put them thru an unpleasant and invasive procedure in their vagina, while wearing protection, huh?"
"...you're horribly making it sound like rape"
>"Oh, noooo! Ah would never say that! I mean, ya got skill, ya even manage to make them relaaaaax!"
"Yeah, you're definitely talking about rape. It's not something unplanned, you know. I get paid."
>"Ooooooh, extortion!"
"...how have you ponies even managed to survive till now? By the way, where's everyone? I've not seen Big Mac, Granny Smith or Applebloom, yet."
>"They're away. SAFE."
"SWEET HULA DANCER CELESTIA, I'M A MEDIC! WITH A DEGREE! NOT A RAPIST"

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>>30133203
>Later, in the 'cuckshed'
>Anon is sitting at his desk, kinda depressed
>On the wall, Rarity has hanged tons of pics of naked mares, presenting their genitalia
>Glued to the walls.
>At least he managed to block the speaker playing non stop an equestrian version of "I want'a do something freaky to you" by Leon Haywood.
>All of a sudden the door opens
"Uh, hello Lyra. I w-wasn't expecting y-"
>"Soooooo, anon! I heard you take money to put your seeeexy HUMAN hands into mares...is it true?"
"Uh, well, not a full h-hand of course, I mean it's my job, it's a mean of prev- wait, what am I supposed to do with those bits you just put on my desk?"
>"YOU HAVE YOUR MONEY NOW, PENETRATE ME WITH ALL YOU GOT!"
"[desperate whimper]"

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>>30133206
holy shit my sides.

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>>30133206
Holy fucking shit it's real

>>30133206
KEK!

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>>30133197
>>"I-I'M GOING TO BE PREGNANT?

>>30133206
Now that's what I call cuckquean shed

>>30133206
You've completely obliterated my sides, anon. I love you

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>>30133206

>>30122506
I love it! Top comfy Anon. Please continue. You and Fallanon keep me coming back for more.

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>>30122506

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I miss writing for these threads. It's been so long since I've written that I don't know what to do any more when I open notepad. I just wanted to let you guys know that I still think about you all and that I'll never forget the good times we had here.

May AiE never die.

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>>30133206
That exchange between Sweetie Belle, Anon, and Rarity had me in tears.

Anyone know any good Glimmer x Anon fics? Most of the shit I can find are either depressing or riddled with pet play (mostly both). I would look through the "Search by Pony" pastebin, but that thing hasn't been updated in ages. I'd appreciate some recommendations from AiE, if you guys have any.

>>30134843
Rape or Love?

Bump.

But really I saged.

We need greentext.

>>30136290
your contribution when

>>30134843
Funnily enough, all the glimmerfags are into abuse or other weird shit, sorry Anon.

>>30106367
>tfw when you just can't help it

>It was morning, and you were alone.
>A quick check of the other side of the bed found no residual heat.
>Either you slept in, or she got up early.
>Your morning routine is otherwise uninterrupted until a vital step.
>The daily newspaper is not on your front step.
>Half-asleep neurons manage to fire in the appropriate sequence, leaving you pretty sure you know what's going on.
>Damned mutant horses.
>Of all the things to not mention before moving in with one, this was probably the worst.
>Heading back inside, you get your coffee and some mobile breakfast, then head back to the bedroom.
>Taking care not to make too much noise, you sit down beside the bed, and look underneath.
>As your eyes adjust to the dark, you can start to make out a mess of newspaper, a lot of it shredded.
>And there in the middle, mostly obscured by the remains of the funny pages, was a grey wing.
>No matter how hard you try.
>No matter how many times you say that this time you will put your foot down.
>Every single time you find yourself looking under the bed like this, it is impossible for you to stay mad.
"So how many is it this time?"
>The makeshift nest rustles about as the occupant realizes they aren't alone.
>A pair of golden eyes find their way through the mess to look at you sheepishly.
>"Oh! Good morning! And, uh, two."
>You scoot one of the muffins you grabbed under the bed, and it quickly gets snatched up.
"Don't suppose you read any of the paper so you could tell me about it?"
>The answer is garbled around half chewed muffin to the point where you can't actually understand it, but knowing this horse, it was probably some variation of "no, sorry"
>Always so polite.
>Even in a world full of friendly faces, she stood above the rest.
"So why exactly do you pegasi nest in caves anyway? You live in clouds and stuff like that, why not up there?"

>>30138098

>Derpy's muffin is long gone by now, so her response is actually coherant.
>"Because if something happens to the cloud and you aren't right there to catch the eggs..."
"Point taken."
>Silence falls, with only a bit of rustling from the newspaper as she shifts a bit under the bed.
"So did anyone contribute to the eggs this time, or is it another dud batch?"
>A long wistful sigh preceeds the reply.
>"More duds, I know who I'd want to have contribute, but..."
"You can't put your life on hold waiting to see if the princesses can find a way for that to work. Is there really no pony you have any feelings for, it's only me?"
>"If I'm with somepony else, I can't be with you."
>Stupid stubborn mare.
>But she had a point, much as you hated to admit it.
>You weren't sure you'd want to not be with her either.
"...Will you at least start taking something so we don't go through this egg routine all the time?"
>"I like having the practice."
>Stupid.
>Stubborn.
>Mare.
"And I like my morning paper. Now come on out from under there, you've got weather duty to get ready for, I'll take care of the eggs."

>>30138113
I remember that

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Board moving quick
Usual Sunday before school desperate shitposting fest again it seems.

>>30138113
>you've got weather duty to get ready for, I'll take care of the eggs.

By which I assume he means "breakfast."

Also, do pegasi only lay eggs that, if fertilized will hatch into a pegasus hatchling, whereas they go through eleven months of normal (to the extent that anything about talking pastel ponies is normal) pregnancy if they're going to give birth to a unicorn or an Erf Pony? Do pegasus ponies with non-pegasus foals have to live down on the ground, in a cave, or in a nest in a tree for their safety?

>>30139296
You're looking way to into it m80.

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>>30139296
m80 it's a green I wrote ages ago because my birb has a tendency to lay eggs, stop trying to headcanon things.

>>30139683
>stop trying to headcanon things.
no u

>>30139683
Goddomit, your name's at the tip of my tongue now
N-no homo faggot

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>>30140274
Does the thought of remembering my name give you a new hope?

>>30140476
made it worse
Narrowed down to two

>>30135194
Love. I'm a vanilla kind of guy.

>>30136558
That really does seem to be the case. I might as well write my own then, I suppose.

>>30138113
I want to buttfuck Derpy.

>>30141535
Hey do pay a little respect to the derp

>>30141548
I'd spit on it first.

>>30141912
Why not use proper lube

>>30142049
>paying for something that's free
I bet you'd buy her dinner first too.

>I want Babs to let herself into my house and refuse to leave

>Day whenever in Equestria
>Coming home after a long day tiling a roof
>Pinkie had an exploding cake go off at the wrong angle and BonBon's house took the brunt of it
>Hard labor but good money
>Doesn't matter, in five minutes you'll be on your couch with a cold one in your hand
>Missing your tv from back home
>When you get to the door, you find it ajar
>Strange, you're sure you locked it....
>Push it open cautiously
>"'ey munkey!"
>There's an accent you haven't heard in a few years
>Babs Seed, the little filly from Manehattan
>Well, was a filly anyhow, now she's a chubby mare
>Sprawled on your couch like she owns the place
>A two empty bottles tossed haphazardly on the floor
>A third one half full in her hoof
>"Ain't ya missed me?"
"Hey Babs...why are you here?"
>The last time she was here she was a bit of a little shit
>Not mean just pushy and generally a pain in the ass
>She went out of her way to hang around you and it got old, fast
>Now she's an adult you think she might have gotten a little less rough around the edges
>"Why not? I'm in town till Wednesday, thought I'd visit ya. We ain't seen each uddas in awhiles"
>She drinks your beer and covers her mouth to hold in a belch
>Well that's something...last time she would have let rip with it
"I mean...how did you get in?"
>"Oh yea, ya door is broke! Had to kick 'er in"
>The door was broken...?
>You look back at your door with a little more scrutiny
>Looks like you DID lock it afterall...
"It was locked, Babs. I wasn't home"
>"Pfft, come on, what loosah locks a door durin' da day?"
>She winks and sticks her tongue out
>You shake your head and go to the fridge
>God help her if there aren't any beer left, you need one badly
>Two beers left
>You grab both
>Down the first one like its hell week in college
>That's better already
>Make your way back inside, the last beer firmly in your hand

>>30142117
>Babs smiles and taps her hindhoof on the little bit of the couch she isn't hogging
>You plop down and recline
>"You didn't have no food neithah so I ordered a peetz, it ought to be here in a few"
>She smiles and takes another swig
>You finally have a minute to look her over
>Her mane is a little longer, still falling partially in front of one her green eyes
>Her freckles were still there, age didn't conquer them
>Nor did it manage to take off her baby fat, but for what it was worth she filled out nicely
>Curves accentuated her body and her cutie mark drew your eyes right to her bubble butt
>Her tail, no longer covering her blank flank, rested teasingly over her neithers
>You swear she swished it slightly when she caught your eyes wandering
>"Guess you is happy to sees me afterall"
>She stuck her tongue out and you frowned
"You could have met me in town...."
>"Naw I didn't wanna bothers ya. An' I was too tired to be buggin' cousin Applejack. She'da saw me and put me ta work."
>Sometimes you forget she's Applejack's cousin, how infrequently you see her
>But now that you think about it, she certainly inherited the apple family hips
>You take another swig of your beer and try to remember you're mad at her
"So instead of bucking a few trees, you kick my front door in, drink my beer, and order a pizza?"
>"Ya, sweet plan, right?"
>"I'll get cousin Applebloom to fix it laytas, don't worry ya big head about it."
>You groan and lay back on the couch a little
>She gets up so she can turn around and flops facing you this time
>You feel a little of her beer splash on you and the floor
>Wonderful house guest, this one
>She clinks her bottle to yours
>"Cheers ta good friends!"
>You grumble and swig your beer
>She laughs and takes a long drink, finishing her bottle
>With no regard she tosses it over her shoulder
>Sometimes you can't tell if she's being obnoxious on purpose or if she's really this unrefined
>"So whatcha been up ta, skinny? They find ya a marefriend yet?"

>>30142125
"No. I've just been working"
>"Workin'? Like what?"
>You tell her about BonBon's roof, and a few other odd jobs the ponies throw your way
>Having hands and being the tallest thing in town gets you employed more than you'd think
>Especially with how frequently the ponies have misadventures that cause property damage
>"Das cool. I know you was checkin' out mah butt befores so ya know I got my cutie mark! Wanna know what I do?"
>Not really but there is no point stopping her
>She puts her forelegs on your lap and smiles a big toothy grin
>"Am a mechanic, could ya believe it? Dey got me fixin' wagons and wheels and shit"
"With a vocabulary like yours, I never woulda guessed"
>"Shu'up!"
>She punches you playfully in the shoulder
>You try not to wince but the chubby mare is a lot stronger than she looks
>Must come with growing up in the city and being their equivalent of a grease monkey
>"You got a real chill place out heres, Anon. Real chill, I oughta come bys more often!"
>She lays back on the couch and holds in another burp
>Must be freezing in hell today
"So where are you staying, your cousin's?"
>"Naw dey dun know I'm here"
>What...?
>You cock and eyebrow
>"I finally get a vacation in yeahz and ya think I'm gonna go to cousin Applejacks? She'da make me work the whole time! I need some Babs time, ya know whut I'm sayin'?"
>She nudges you with her hoof
>Your frown doesn't go away
>"Ya place is pretty big, you wouldn't even--"
"No."
>She has a look of shock and anger and she shoves you as she gets up
>"Whattyamean 'no'? Jus' like dat? Ya favorite filly ya throw out inta the cold?"
>She stands on the couch, her forelegs digging into your thigh
>Her glare would be intimidating if you didn't see the hint of sadness behind those green orbs
>"I thought you was bettah then that, Anon!"
"You can visit, I just don't want you to--"
>There's a knock at your door
>Well, there's a knock at the piece of wood hanging on the hinges

>>30142133
>A pizza delivery pony, confused, peering into the house but politely refusing to actually enter
>"We'll talk about dis latah, Anon! Go git the peetz, will ya? I can't affords it cause I gotta get bits for a motel!"
>She smirked and got off your lap
>You roll your eyes and go to the door and pay for the pizza
>With luck she at least remembered you don't like pony-toppings and its plain
>"Put it ovah 'ere, Anon, I'm starved!"
"You're welcome..."
>You drop the box on the coffee table and plop back on the couch
>Babs nearly knocked you over to get to the pie
>You want to tell her to take the pizza and get out
>But you get the feeling there is more to her story
>Plus your eyes wander again
>Her tail is swishing back and forth in front of those bubbly orange cheeks
>You can't help but stare
>She certainly grew up
>"Ey, Anon? Ya want a slice?"
>She snaps you back to earth
>She grins and lays a slice of pizza on the small of her back, right above her rear
"Really....?"
>"Come get it, loosah"
>The smell of the pizza makes you hungry enough to play along
>With a grunt you get off the couch again, reaching for the slice
>Grease is already beginning to drip down her back along the swell of her rear
>You grab a napkin from the table as you approach
>Babs would drop that plump rear right back on your couch and leave a grease stain in a heartbeat
>Not gonna happen
>"Come Anon, dun be shy, we's good friends, amirite?"
>She turns back to you again and grins, chewing what has to be her third slice already
>Girl can eat, she's lucky her body manages the extra padding well
>She has a perfect layer of extra chub on all the parts that count, no one part of her bigger or out of place than the other
>For the first time since you found her here uninvited, you grin
>You take the slice of pizza off her back and start wiping the grease up with the napkin
>"Ey? EY! Whattya doin'? Dis is a show not a pettin' zoo!"
"You got grease all over your ass, stay still"

>>30142136
>"Ugh, whatevahs, don't get any ideas"
>She swats at your arm with her tail, you indirectly massaging her rump while eating likely the only slice of the pizza you were going to get
>Your fingers sink into her chub as you clean up the mess, feeling the tense muscle beneath
>Babs definitely worked for a living, her leg muscles were strong under the extra layer
>As you worked your way down her flank, she began to tremble a little
>You couldn't tell if her breathing speeding up was cause of her speed-eating or your hand giving her a rub down
>You finish up the grease and sit back down, eating your pizza quietly
>A disappointed sigh comes from Babs
>Her tail sways slightly to the side, giving you another peek at her goods, before she returns to the couch
>She's licking her hoof and looking at you like you did something wrong
>But she says nothing, just climbs on the couch next to you and pouts
>There is a bit of an awkward silence for awhile
>Babs sighing more than once, in between getting another slice of pizza of course
>This isn't like her, somehow you touching her rear completely threw off the tough city girl personality
>Or maybe she was beginning to feel sorry about how she reintroduced herself into your life.
>Whatever the case it was starting to work and you cursed yourself for being such a pushover
>Even with your front door hanging off the hinges, you felt bad for her
>You think that's what it is anyhow
>Not that you were looking for an excuse to grab her rear again
>Couldn't be that
"How long are you in town again?"
>"Middle a next week."
"You really rather stay here then your cousins?"
>She tapped her hooves together and blew her mane out of her face
>"I just wanna relaxin' vacation fer once. I'll see her and da uddah crusadas, but I dun wanna sleep in a barn, ya knows?"
>You nod and pat her shoulder
"You'll be safe here."
>She smiled and sat up on the couch
>"Ya means it? *ahem* I mean, yea, course, whatevahs, cheaper then a motel"

>>30142137
>She glances to the pizza box
>"Ya want the last one?"
>That's about as big of a thank you you can expect, you wager
>You shake your head and she goes for it
>While she's by the box, her tail lifts again, dragging slowly along her plush rear
>Maybe you were wrong about her way of saying 'thanks'
>You get a longer show this time
>Babs' tail keeping your eyes where she wanted them
>Tracing the edges of her flank, spreading over the crease of her cheeks like a veil
>Letting you see just enough to keep you wanting more
>It felt like just yesterday you were buying this girl ice cream to get her to leave you alone
>Crazy what can happen in three years
>Just as her tail began to lift, exposing the beginnings of her marehood to your hungry eyes
>She quickly spun around and blew her mane out of her face
>Caught staring again, she winked and jabbed your leg with her hoof
>"Whatcha grinnin' bout there, Anon? See something ya like?"
"Maybe."
>She chuckles
>"Don' lie. I remembers when I was little you were always lookin' at da uddah mares butts when we were hangin' out."
>You scratch the back of your head a little
>Wasn't expecting her to have remembered that
>"I think I got 'em all beat, dontcha think?"
>You nod slightly, not terribly surprised she's as forward as she is
>Its a little weird though, part of you still remembers that annoying little filly
>Who filled out into an annoying big mare
>"Well jus' think, ya got it all to yourself till next week! Jus' don't be getting too brave or I'll buck ya!"
"You have a coltfriend I take it?"
>She blushes from that and you could see her confidence falter a little
>"No..cause..they...they can't handle all dis, ya know?"
>She runs a hoof along the length of her body, special emphasis on her rump
>You know that can't be why but you don't press it
>She's cute when she's a little insecure though
>"Am as single as your loosah face is!"
>And there's the defense,right on time
>Time for a little back-talk

>>30142139
"So if I'm a 'loosah', what's that make you?"
>Her cheeks twinge with a little more crimson and she snorts
>"It makes me generous, dats what! Back in Manehattan, I wouldn'ta said nuttin' to ya cept 'shine my horseshoes'"
>You rub your chin a little, amused at how quick she gets flustered
>While a normal day you would have backed off, Babs' attitude made you a little bolder
"So you're saying you only like me when you're in Ponyville? You didn't spend the last three years missing me?"
>"Yea...I mean no! O-of course not!!"
>She gets so embarrassed she covers her no longer blank flank with her tail
>Hard to believe someone who busted her way into your house and drank your beer could be this adorable
>Ponies tended to be cute even when they didn't want to be but Babs was doubly so
>"I..I only...I only came heres cause you...you..shu'up!"
>You earned another shot in the arm
>Least she tried to
>But Babs wasn't the most nimble earth pony
>So her attempt to hop on the couch, hit you, and jump back off was less than graceful
>She caught her leg on the couch cushion and stumbled face forward
>Not looking to have your junk headbutted, you lunged and caught her
>She was as heavy as she looked and combined with her momentum you found yourself on your back, arms wrapped around the orange pony
>She was wide eyed, her nose a hair's width from your own
>You could smell the garlic and beer on her breath, along with something else you couldn't place, but it was surprisingly pleasant
>Her heart was racing, beating hard against your chest, and her breathing quickened like it did earlier
>And she was warm, like a big thick blanket
>It took a lot of willpower not to give her a squeeze
"Babs...?"
>She was still stunned
"Earth to Babs? Hello?"
>You patted her back, trying to get her to move
>Slowly her look of shock faded and she shook her head to get her senses back
>She blew a lock of mane out of her face
"You umm...wanna get up?"
>"Not really..."

>>30142147
>She blushed and closed her eyes, smiling meekly
>You poke her back, a little lower, by her tail
>She yelps and sits up some
>"Okay, okay, jeez! Don't be sucha baby!"
>She starts to get up but deliberately takes her time
>You feel her wiggle her rear with every movement
>It would be sexier if it wasn't smooshed uncomfortably against your stomach
>Still filled with a bit of confidence yourself, you reached up and rubbed her protruding belly
>It was a little firmer, filled with the meal she devoured not that long ago
>"H-hey, quit it!"
>She began to wiggle and shake, her face contorting into an uncomfortable smile
>You don't listen, running your fingers to the creases in her fluff, tickling the sensitive skin under her fur
>She begins to giggle and squirm, now more intent on getting away from you
>"Stah! Stah-hahahah!! You..loosaahahahah!!!"
>She's overtaken with a giggle-fit and you press the attack
>Enough of her weight off you, you lift the rest of her upper body up with your own and keep tickling
>Her forelegs flail, nearly clocking you in the face, so you pull yourself between them
>Your fingers assault the curve of her belly beneath her navel, where her hips began
>She's nothing but laughter now, her forehooves beating against your back, begging you to stop
"Gonna admit you missed me?"
>She shook her head "no" inbetween gasps of air
>Frowning playfully, you moved your fingers lower, right where her thighs met her hips
>Her hind legs begin to buck into the couch, her laughs more like shrieks now
"How bout now?"
>"Ahright!!! AHHAAHAHAHANONQUITIT!!"
>She's beginning to cry she's laughing so hard
>With one last flick of your fingers, you release her from the torture
>She wiggles free and pushes you away with all four of her hooves, panting and swearing in between leftover giggles
>"Dat was dirty fightin', Anon!"
>Not about to lose this moment you press on
"How bad did you miss me?"
>"Huh! I didin't!"
>You wiggle your fingers and grin

>>30142149
>"Ohkays! Okay, a lot alright? When we hung out I was thinkin' bout it all the time!"
>She lowered her head a little
>"I never stopped thinkin' bout when we had ice cream togethas.."
>That surprised you but she wasn't finished
>"You was so nice and ya didn't care bout my blank flank or nuttin'. An ya let me order whatever I wanted! Dat means a lot to a little filly, ya know?"
>You remembered the ice cream trip a little differently
>She had been tailing you and bugging you the entire day
>Finally to get her to shut up you took her to Sugar Cube Corner for ice cream
>You let her order because you couldn't risk getting the wrong thing and having her complain
>While she shoved the ice cream down and smiled at you, you spent most of the time hitting on Pinkie Pie
>She was another one with thick hips and a nice ass
>Come to think of it, all the mares you have made passes at were all well endowed past the midsection
>Babs wasn't boasting when she said she trumped them all
>"Goin' back home all I could think about was next time I visited cousin Applebloom an' then before I knews it I got my cutie mark an' started workin' an wells...."
>She looked up with happy green eyes, blowing a lock of mane out of her face
>"I was glads you were still on the market, ya know?"
"Why didn't you just say so?"
>"Cause I'm sick'a always havin' to be the one to make the moves! Back in Manehattan all the colts is worried I'm too tough for em so they always is scared! I know you'd be different!"
>You hold off telling her if this had been her idea of being passive you don't wanna know what aggressive is like
>"And you was. You ain't scared a me"
>She moves a little closer and lays her forehooves on your lap
>Poor Babs, her tough girl personality frightened all the men away, explains why she has been so sloppy and crude about her advances
>You ruffle her mane a little, scratching behind her ears
"How could I be scared of a cute girl like you?"
>"Hey come on, I ain't a pet!"

>>30142152
>She swats your hand away
>But she's blushing and has a goofy smile
>You reach with your other hand and give her mane another tussle
>"Quit it, Anons! For real!"
>You stop messing her hair up and settle into petting her from the top of her head down the back of her neck
>She smiles and scoots closer to you, leaning against your body and sighing
>"Dats bettah, don't treat me like a little kid"
"How do you want me to treat you, then?"
>"Oh...ya know...I wantcha to look at me like I saw ya lookin' way back then"
>You let your hand run further down her neck and settle on her shoulder
"You gotta be a little less obvious about it, Babs"
>"Whattya mean? I was giving ya the eyes and showing ya my--"
"I know I know, but I mean you don't wanna just throw yourself at a guy. What if he's a jerk?"
>"If he's a jurk I'd buck him ta next weeks. I ain't worried bout that. Sides, you ain't a jerk"
>She grinned
>"Bit of a loosah but you ain't gonna do me wrong"
>You had to admit, her forwardness might have been unorthodox but it was a breath of fresh air
>A lot of the mares in town weren't all that keen on being hit on by a human
>The ones who put two and two together anyhow
>Pinkie had been so oblivious you didn't even bother after the third attempt
>So why would you be so eager to dodge the one mare who's throwing herself at you, abet a little sloppily?
>A quick look from the door, to the bottles toss around the floor, and the empty pizza box reminded you exactly why
>Babs was cute but she was also obnoxious and a bit of a slob
>Plus under all that she had feelings and you didn't want to break her heart either
>What to do?
>"Ya alright, Anons? Yoos all quiet all ovasudden!"
"Just thinking"
>"Well if ya ain't thinkin' bout me I need ta work harder!"
>She brought a hoof to your face and nudged your cheek
>"Stop dinkin' so hard"
>Her eyes were warm and inviting
>Her chubby little nose brushing yours
>You knew where this was going and she was right

>>30142156
>Time to stop worrying so much
>You lean the rest of the way and bring your lips to hers, cupping your hand to her cheek as she closed her eyes
>There's no romantic or beautiful way to put this, so its best to just say it and move on
>Babs Seed was a terrible kisser
>Your mouths part much quicker than they met, the slow romantic connection cut short when she attempted to jam her tongue in your mouth while sucking at your lips
>She opened her eyes, the blush fading from her cheeks as quickly as it appeared
>She blinked a few times and then frowned
>"Wassa matter Anon? Wut you change your mind an--"
"Where did you learn to kiss?"
>She coughed and snorted, socking your shoulder with her hoof
>"Whatddya mean, I'm a great kissah! I kissed all kinds of colts! You're just a loosah who don't know a good mare's mouth if it bit him on the--"
>You shhhh her and put your finger on her mouth
>You know damned well that might have been her first kiss and her eyes give away the embarrassment she's trying to mask with anger
"Everything is cool, let me show you how, ok?"
>She nods and you see the flush on her cheeks slowly return
>Leave it to the brash Babs to find this somehow arousing
>You stroke her cheek softly, pushing that ever present lock of hair away from her face
>She smiled and giggled a little when you spend a few seconds pushing it behind one of her ears
>Best or worst kisser, nothing ruins a good makeout like a bunch of hair
"Now, just follow along, OK? It's just like dancing, let me lead"
>"I don't dance..."
>She whispered as your lips neared hers again
>This time, when they met, she didn't try to nibble or suck your lips and her tongue stayed in place
>You decided to take it slower than even you're used to, planting small, closed lipped kisses against her pursed lips
>You brushed her cheek with your fingers, drawing sensual lines along her jaw and neckline

>>30142160
>Despite everything you knew about Babs, she shivered from the affection, showing no sign this was dull or boring to her
>Guess there was a needy mare inside her afterall
>Each kiss lasted longer, every time you teased at her lips with your tongue more and more
>Each time she did her best not to repeat her first performance, but you felt her tongue pushing against her lips when you teased, wanting so badly to mingle with yours
>She was breathing heavily through her nostrils, her hot breath blasting you in the face over and over
>Her forehooves pushed and clumsily felt along your body as she tried to climb on top of you
>You were too focused on kissing her to appreciate how adorably inexperienced she was
>It was finally time to move things along, your hand slipping from her shoulder down to the small of her back
>As your fingers tightened around the tense muscles, you pushed your tongue against her lips, parting them and entering her warm mouth
>Pony tongues were wider and flatter than yours, and Babs to her credit was still keeping her excitement restrained, allowing you to slowly trace the tip of your tongue along the edges of hers
>She gasped and squirmed from both the new sensations on her back and the tingling in her mouth
>You made sure not to go too low on her back, dragging your fingers slowly along the sensitive spots on her back but never reaching further than the dock of her tail
>The nice guy inside you knew this was likely her first time in every sense of the word
>You wanted it to be special, to fulfill whatever fantasy she built around you
>She finally became a little less restrained with her tongue, accepting the playful licks from your own as the invitation to follow
>In stark contrast to before, she was so careful and tentative with it, somewhat scared she would make a mistake and this exchange would end

>>30142166
>But when your fingers reached the top of her back and began to drag back down, the sudden jolt of excitement pushed her to be a little bolder
>Her body pressed into yours harder, her hips rose and fell with every tease of her back
>Before you knew it, Babs found her earlier confidence
>Her kisses were more aggressive, but at least now that she knew what she was doing, and with a few abrupt pushes she was on top of you
>Her body, big as it was, was still small compared to yours, and her rear rested neatly in your lap
>You slid your hand from her face, joining the one on her back and tracing gently up and down from her dock all the way to the beginning of her neck
>She whimpered and moaned, her body shivering and squirming from the teasing
>Pinning your shoulders with her forehooves, she assaulted your mouth, her tongue grappling with yours for some sense of dominance
>But the more she tried to assert herself, the more you reminded her who was in charge
>Your hands slipped past her tail, the palms resting on the cutie mark she was so proud of
>Your fingers curled in, slowly taking handfuls of her plush rump
>With a squeeze, you sunk into flesh of her rear, every fingertip pushing deep into her flesh till you felt the tense muscle beneath
>Babs' entire body tenses, her forehooves pressing down harder on your shoulders as you kneed the sensitive muscles beneath her flanks
>You relax your lips to let her tongue in, conceding the battle above to focus on the one below
>Her hips rocked and trembled with every squeeze and fondle of your hands
>She used her weight to press her rear down on your hips, grinding the bubbly cushions into your pants
>You began to feel dampness where her hips dragged on your pants, as if her arousal wasn't obvious enough
>She breaks the kiss, looking down at you with half lidded eyes, he face flushed with lust
>Her forehooves move from your shoulders and attempt to undo your shirt buttons

>>30142170
>You, on the other hand, take a deep breath and bring your hands from her plush bottom to her forehooves, pulling them away
>"Huh? Whut's da mattah? Ain't you...liking dis?"
"It's not that...it's just...well.."
>You look around, the empties, the discarded pizza box, your position on the couch
>You hadn't seen Babs for three years and you were moments from rutting her in the middle of the day in your living room
"Babs you...were really thinking about me all those years?"
>"Y-yeah...what's wrong with...?"
"Nothing its....do you really want this to be how you....ya know, with me? Your first time?"
>She lowers her head and reflexively covers her rear with her tail
>That will never get old
>"Well...no I mean, I didn't really...think this far an'...once ya started kissin' and....it was really nice..."
>You run your hand under her chin and lift her head up
>Her cute green eyes meet yours and you smile warmly
>She does the same, the thoughts of rejection leaving her as quick as they appeared
"Lets not rush this. At least let me take you somewhere. Ya know, on a date?"
>"R-really? You an' me?"
>She rubs the back of her head and chuckles a little nervously
>"I'm...I ain't a candles an' sparklin' wine kinda gal..."
"I know, but you're a movies and ice cream kind. I think we have enough time to catch the evening film and Pinkie Pie keeps the store open late on Fridays"
>Babs beams and gives you another long kiss
>You give her the squeeze you wanted to earlier, a reassuring hug with just enough caressing of her lower back to keep her wanting more
>Oh the heck with it, you grab her butt too
>She jolts in your lap, but quickly socks your arm with her hoof
>"Hey, I thought yous wanted to wait!"
"Just a little reminder what we're going to do later"
>You winked and stuck your tongue out
>She snorted and pushed her hair out of her face
>"You's such a loosah, Anon."
Another oldie I liked. This one by Fizzles Anon https://pastebin.com/u/Fizzles_Anon

>>30142176
Thank anon.

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>>30106367

>>30142106
Yes I would

>>30142106
>buying dinner
Nigga I would COOK her some dinner, mares love that shit so much their asshole will self lubricate for you

>>30142176
Yeah, Thanks. It's all new to me. I've only just started lurking this thread.

>>30142537
Cool beans. Wanna to share these for anyone who missed it without turning the whole thread into a repost.

>>30142454
Scat is not my fetish.

>Day 0 in seap0ny equestrian
>You arrive in SeaP0nyville
>You meet sea Twilight Sparkle
>She brings you to her coral house and proceeds to ask you a bunch of questions
>”Whatareyouwhoareyouhowdidyougetherewhatarethoseweirddanglythingonyourlowerhalf?”
>As you open your mouth to answer you realize you are several hundred feet under water and promptly drown.
>After a quick examination and a few notes Twilight dumps your body near the everkelp forest to be eaten by predators
>You are found by Sea Fluttershy
>”Oh…um…hello Anon.”
>”Is oviposition your fetish?”
>You do not answer because you are dead
>Taking your silence as yes she fills your hoodies pockets with her eggs
>With a contented sigh she gives you a deep kiss and swims off
>Your body begins to bloat and floats to the surface
>You are eaten by sharks


>Fucking sea p0nies

>>30142853
>p0ny
That takes me back

>>30142863
Me too anon.

>>30142863
Are there still some filtered?

bumping for new green
from one called texting with green
go away page 9

NO FUCKING PONYNET!

>>30144045
Calm the fuck down.

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>>30144197
AGHHHHHHH