Heist of Heists

Do we rape?

>>30065642
>>30065771
never change, /mlp/

>>30065771
We say we will, but we'll probably only start to really think about it later. If this post ends in a 6, we sneak in as guards. I have Groucho glasses for everyone. They'll never see us.

If this post ends in any other number, we need a better disguise.

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>>30065642
Princess Mi Amore Cadenza

You allowed your lust for power consume you and twist you desires. You work your subjects like slaves and disregard your husband's concerns, leaving him to shoulder your guilt alone. We will steal your heart and make you confront your sins that you've hidden from yourself for so long.

With regards;
The Phantom Thieves

>>30065864
>Phantom Thieves
Nigga we ain't ghosts, we peoples

>>30065642
Only if it gets us more bits.

>>30065642
I'd rather have her hot mom and aunt.

>>30065787
Don't damage the goods. She's no good to us used.

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>>30065864
>Not lust for pizeer

>>30065894
No! YOu will FILL that fillies hot, moist pooper with your hot spunk.

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>>30065642
Princess alicorn filly does not approve of this plan.

>>30065863
Dubs and we paint ourselves like the Mane 6

>>30066001
No, we need something a little more intricate. I say we pose as foreign diplomats.

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>>30065642
S8 villain kidnaps flurry heart, jumps into a portal into another dimension and raises her as their child.

She returns in the finale having grown into an adult due to time dilation on a mission to assasinate her mother due to brainwashing.

>>30066026
Alright, we have our motive.

Our objective is to capture the princess, exfil her to a pre-determined black site, turn her into a sleeper agent, and then ransom her back to the Crystal Empire for 600,000,000 bits ($200,000,000 US).

[side note: this calculation was based on the fact a bag of apples cost 3 bits in The Cutie Mark Chronicles, and the average price of apples if hovering around $1/lb).

I say we sell her to the griffins.
Or no, even better, we raise her!
She becomes our attack dog and we rule the world
easy.

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I think our plan of approach should be to wade up through the sewage system and then use the nursery's water closet as our entry point.

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>>30065642
>"Alright, Pinky, remember the plan! The neural mind controlling device with which I’ve planted within this decoy guard helmet shall allow whomever dons it to bend to our every will!"

>"Wow, Brain! GNARF! Did you say EVERY will?"

>"Yes, Pinky, and with he whom wears it shall under our total control. Then, we shall mount him, and sneak into the Crystal Palace!"

>"But then how’re we gonna convince someone to wear the helmet in the first place? ZORT!"

>"Simple, Pinky — with these ingenious disguises created by these fake visual aids and faulty nose-protrusions. With these on our faces, we shall become unidentifiable to the public!"

>"Gee, that’s real smart of ya, Brain! NARF! Oh, look Brain, look! Here comes one now!"

>"Quick, Pinky! Hand me the decoy helmet and put on your disguise! ...Uh, excuse me, Mister Guard, sir, but it seems your helmet is broken. Might you try this one right here instead?"

>"My helmet? It’s broken? I swore I got it fixed last week, bruh..."

>"Oh, well, I’m afraid it isn’t in good condition and needs to be replaced. Ah, you see, the helmet is in dastardly shape by the coloration fading away due to rapid aging. This is usually a sign of laziness, showing that your helmet is not properly taken care of. You wouldn’t want to appear lazy in front of the Prince and Princesses, now would you?"

>"Yeah, Would you? POIT!"

>"Oh gee, well, uh, how much for that helmet then, sir?"

>"Free."

>"Wow, thanks. You know, you guys are nice helmet salesmen."

>"We’re not. We’re merely two escaped lab mice in groucho glasses attempting to sneak into the palace so that we may take over the world."

>"Ha, sure man. Now lemme put this helmee...."

>"Egad, Brain! Look! It worked! Why he’s even drooling! GNARF!"

>"Splendid. Now hand me the remote control."

>"Rightey-O, Brain!"

>"Thank you. Now, Guard-Slave...bow your head down to ME. Yes, yes, very good… Hop on, Pinky. We’ve just earned ourselves a free ticket into the Palace."

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>>30066409
Oh god yes.

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>>30066409
(ONE SNEAK IN LATER)

>"Alright, Pinky, now here’s the plan: 1) we’re going to make our way to the infantile Princess Flurryheart’s room, and 2) provoke whomever is watching is out of our hair so that we may enter said room."

>"Hooray! We’re going to see the baby! We’re going to see the baby! ZORT!"

>"Don’t sing, Pinky! There are but dozens of other guards around us this very instant within the palace. We must attempt to blend in… Now, Guard-Slave, take me to the— "

>"Whoa, Guard #1337! Dude, nice helmet! Where’d ya get it from, man?"

>"Egad, Brain! What do we do? Gnarf! We can’t make ‘im talk, can we?"

>"No...but /I/ can... Um, yes, hello there, fellow Guard number...um… you. How are you doing this fine day?"

>"Oh, ya know, man, just buckin’ around, protecting the palace and stuff. Hey, ya wanna go to the market and talk to those mares again, dude? You haven’t been the same since ya talked with Merry Gold, and, well...you know, I think you guys should totally talk, bruh."

>"Uh, no, I’m afraid I am much too busy for that. In fact, we...er, I, have important matters to attend to. Might you be so kind to tell us where we may find Princess Flurryheart, though?"

>"Wha—? Oh, yeah. Take the stairs up to the 87th floor, take a left, right, another right, right, right, straight, enter the super-security maze, another right, left, right, left, walk to the door with our ancestors duelling with the evil minotaurs, knock on it after saying “Athu Leck Naw”, and then another right."

>"I see… Um, might there be any other way to get their?"

>"Well, you COULD take the elevator…but, uh, we don’t go in there. There’s this guy named WIlliam that always — Oh, dude, I gotta go! Just forgot I had a ballet class scheduled today. See ya later, dog!"

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>>30066441

>"Later…’dog’."

>"..."

>"...Pinky? Are you pondering what I’m pondering?"

>"I think so, Brain, but why is Princess Cadance a Princess when she rules an Empire? GNARF!"

>"....No, Pinky. We’re going to the elevator."

>"..."

>"But you do raise a good point. Guard-Slave...enter, the elevator!"

DING!

>"Perfect. Now all we have to do is… Wait, who’s that?"

>"OH NO, BRAIN! ZORT! IT’S...IT’S...."

>"Hello there, my. Tiny. Little friends. My. Name, is...William Shatner. I hope. Tha you don’t mind...if, I….accidentally pressed all the. Buttons. On the way up. This. Elevator."

>"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH"
>"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH"

(ONE HOUR LATER)

>"So, I. Said: “Spock! Why, must you, go. And. Be. Such a, dick.” To which, Sulu. Said. To me in a very— strange and not entirely heterosexual...way: “Oh. MY.” "

DING!

>"Oh. It is, my. Stop. Any, ways. Thank you, so, very, much, for. Listening. To... My life. Story."

>"..."

>"...Brain? I think my ears are bleeding. Gnarf."

>"Mine too, Pinky. Mine too."

>"...Is that blood coming out of the mind control Guard’s ears, Brain? POIT!"

>"...Maybe."

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>>30066455

DING!

>"Pinky! Our stop! Alright, Guard-Slave...exit the elevator! Good, good. Now take us to Princess Flurryheart!"

>"Brain? What’re we gonna do when we get to the Princess?"

>"It’s simple: we are going to remove the helmet from this guard. If my calculations are correct, he’ll be unconscious for approximately thirty minutes. Or dead. Then, we shall put the helmet onto Princess Flurryheart, and use her overly proportionate wings to escape."

>"Wow, Brain! That’s really smart! ZORT! Is this the room right here? What with these big ol’ nasty guards?"

>"HALT! What are you doing outside of your parameter, Guard #1337!?"

>"U-uh, nothing, sir… we, I mean, I am merely here to inform you two, that, uh…"

>"Oh! Oh! Say that the Princess needs more milk, Brain! Say it! GNARF!"

>"..."

>"...the Princess needs more milk."

>"OH MY FUCKING BALLS WHAT!?"

>"DUDE, WE GOTTA GET HER THE FUCKIN’ MILK! ‘MEMBER WHAT HAPPENED TO BOB!?"

>"OH SHIT! HE GOT CASTRATED"

>"OH SHIT"

>"OH FUCK"

>"OH MYYYYY…"

>"...Well, Pinky, that worked in our favor unexpectedly well. They’re quite fast. Now to open this door. Guard-Slave? Open the door."

>"..."

>"Uh, Brain? I think he’s— "

>"Yes, Pinky, I see it. He’s trying to hit his face against it, I know."

>"Well what now? POIT!"

>"...We wait."

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>>30066468

(ONE MINUTE LATER)

>"Well, I must admit, that was rather anticlimactic, though the door is open...or obliterated...but nevertheless! Pinky, remove the neural mind controlling decoy helmet!"

>"Aye Aye, Brain! ZORT!"

THUMP!

>"Whoops. Looks like he fell over! TROZ! And look! There’s still blood from his ears and his eyes are open! NARF!"

>"You can thank Shatner for that. Now come along, Pinky; the princess is sleeping in her crib. All we must do now is place the helmet atop her head, and make our daring escape! And, with her in our possession, we shall hold her hostage...for the entire WORLD!"

>"Agu?"

>"...Brain? I think we might’ve—"

>"Yes, Pinky. We’ve awoken the Princess…"

>"Goo Goo."


>"...Pinky, she’s looking at you. Distract her. I’ll slide the helmet on in the mean time…"

>"Oh! Oh! I get to play with the baby! ZORT! Who’s a good girl! You are! You are!"

>"Wheeee hee hee! Gah gah!"

>"Aw, look Brain! I think she likes me! POIT!"

>"She’s using you as a rattle, Pinky."

>"And she’s having fun too! GNARF!"

>"Wonderful. Could you ty keeping her still, please?"

>"Righty-O!"

>"...Perfect, Pinky! Now to lower the helmet on her..."

>"Brain? Does something smell like books? ZORT!"

( https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=quQmvJFoRfE )

>"There you two are! I’ve been looking all over the place for you two!"

>"Egad, Brain! It’s her! GNARF! It’s Twilight!"

>"Aw...looks like you two got a little gift from her! I’ll make sure this gets back to Cadance. Now c’mon, you two! Back to the Library!"

>"Curses...It’s no use, Pinky. We’ve been defeated. She’s already got us in her magical grip..."

>"Ah, but I wanted to play with the baby, Brain! ZORT!"

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>>30066491
(ONE TELEPORTATION AND PAINFUL FRIENDSHIP LECTURE FOR SCIENCE LATER...)

>"...Well, Brain! Looks like we’re back in our cage again! So… what do you want to do tonight?"

>"The same thing we do every night, Pinky — try to take over the world!"


THEY'RE PINKY, THEY'RE PINKY AND THE BRAIN BRAIN BRAIN BRAIN BRAIN…!
Good night everybody! Why won't God end my suffering?

>>30066409
>>30066441
>>30066455
>>30066468
>>30066491
>>30066506
...There are no words.

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>>30066274
We have our way in. Now I'm going to give us an out.

>distraction team
>in sewer on the other end of town
>been setting dynamite charges every few meters around a small park
>Guy 1: "You sure this is enough to blow the place?"
>Guy 2: "Absolutely. I triple-checked the math last night."
>Guy 1: "While you buzzed?"
>Guy 2: "I wasn't that drunk."
>Guy 3: [appearing from behind corner with Guy 4] "Says the guy that got us involved in a scheme involving climbing through sewers."
>Guy 2: "Fair point."
>Guy 4: "Do you think we can trust the other guys??"
>Guy 2: "Of course, these two have been scheming about shit like this since the 90s."
>Guy 4: "But can we TRUST them?"
>Guy 1: "I don't see why not. After all, where are they going to go without us to get them out?"
>Guy 4: "I mean I guess that makes sense."
>Guy 3: "Well, are we ready or what?"
>Guy 2: "Almost...[to self] just got to set the charge aaaaaand,..We're good to go."
>Guy 1: "Pop it."
>The sewer is filled with the deafening roar of explosions and collapsing bricks and side walk
>This is immediately overtaken by the rattling of four Sterling SMGs.

>>30066409
>>30066441
>>30066455
>>30066468
>>30066491
>>30066506
Fucking kek.

BULLDOZER

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Hi uncle Anon!

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>>30066455
>"...Pinky? Are you pondering what I’m pondering?"
>"I think so, Brain, but why is Princess Cadance a Princess when she rules an Empire? GNARF!"

It's like I never left.

>>30068122
"S-shit, she recognized us!"
"Wwhat do we do now boss?!"

>>30066506
Heard it all in their voices, fucking perfect.

>>30066621
>>30066274
Far too loud guys, there's an easier plan.

>Take out ad in crystal empire paper.
>Foalsitter for hire
>Experienced with all species.
>Trained magical mishap manager.
>Available 24/7
They will literally pay you to be alone with her.

Tire her out until she naps, make the entry for other anons, they snatch and grab her while you're talking with shiny and cadence after they've checked on her, thus giving you the perfect allibi when they discover her missing later on.

>>30065771
No

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>>30068185
>Stare back at her
>Get closer and grab her
>Take her outside
>Hold the Square button

>Moments later
-EXTRACTION ARRIVED AT MOTHER BASE-

Problem solved

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>>30069305
>"We're ready for takeoff sir!"
"Let's go! Let's get out of here!"

>"Sir, we got enemy contacts!"
"W-What?! How?! It's nap time, they shouldn't know we--"
>"But they're here boss! What do we do?!"
>"Shit shit shit!"
>"FUCK! THEY PLAYED US LIKE A DAMN FIDDLE!"

>>30066506
It was great Anon.

>>30065968
Its compliance was never a prerequisite.