Derpy thread

Previously:
https://pastebin.com/5vW1F0UP

Continued from line 712:
>Before you know what you're doing you've gotten out of your seat, quickly walking around the small table in front of you.
>You hadn't really planned ahead when you got up but when you see Derpy's crying form, curled up in a miserable pile, you know what to do:
>You scoop up the crying pony in your arms, gently rubbing her back as you hold her close.

>Though Derpy is shying away from your touch at first she quickly returns the hug, burying her head in your chest as she let's it all out.

>"I'm sorry", she repeats over and over again, staining your shirt with her tears.

>"You're safe with us", Twilight says as she strokes Derpy's mane, "Nopony can hurt you now."

>Though it takes a lot of gentle hugging and soothing whispers Twilight and you eventually manage to calm Derpy down, or at least to reduce her crying to a quiet sniffle.
>She still hasn't let go of you, holding you tightly with her small hooves.

>"Do you feel better now?", you ask her carefully.

>Though it's a little hard to tell with Derpy's body so close to yours you think you see her nodding her head.
>For a second it's silent in the room until Derpy suddenly raises her head, pushing herself away from you.

>"But if Mr. Hoofington is in Canterlot", she asks helplessly, "who's going to take care of me?"

>That's a good question actually, you hadn't thought of that until now.
>The smile on Twilight's face makes you think that she has though.

>>30051867
>"When I went looking for Mr. Hoofington I talked to the Mayor and we agreed that we'll need to find somepony else to take his place now that he's gone."

>However, when she sees Derpy's horrified expression she quickly adds:

>"O-only until he comes back from Canterlot, of course."

>You can tell that Twilight is getting nervous.
>She doesn't react very well to unexpected problems.

>"I told the Mayor that I know somepony who's very trustworthy and diligent who could start tomorrow."

>She does work quite fast though, doesn't she.

>Suddenly there's a shift in Twilight's expression, like she forgot something, and she gives you this weird, sheepish smile.

>"So, Anon, what do you say, are you going to become Derpy's new caretaker?"

>Wait, what?

>Cold sweat starts running down your back as you piece together your situation.
>Twilight had not mentioned anything along the lines of you becoming Derpy's caretaker when you were talking earlier.

>Why did she have to bring this up now, she knows how much you hate to be put on the spot like this.
>You look at her for an explanation but judging by her apologetic expression she didn't plan this either.
>Derpy just seems to be confused by what's going on, joining Twilight in looking at you expectantly.

>It makes you realize that you still haven't given an answer, but you just don't feel ready to.
>This decision is not something to be taken lightly, you need time to think this through.

"I, uh..."

>Suddenly Derpy's expression changes as she seems to understand.

>"Are you going to take care of me?", she asks, with a small smile like she's actually looking forward to it.

>It makes you feel weird.

"Sure, why not."

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>>30051843
AH HA.
>let me get distracted by the OTHER derpy threads and try to sneak one by me.

Not this time.

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>>30051843
Heck yes, japanese horse thread

>>30053015
Daapi!

>>30053902
I bet derpy is a seasonal garbage eating weeb who annoys flutters with her pleb tastes but still has fun anyways

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>>30051892
Hey Zaube. What kind of update scheduled you hoping to keep? should be keep bumping?

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>>30051843

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a best pony

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Derpy for prez

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fresh from the drawthread, courtesy of anonymous.

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I want to kiss Derpy on the lips! The ones between her hind legs!

>>30054753
So assisted suicide?

>>30054015
I plan to do daily updates of ~2 posts.

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>>30054708
we dont deserve her

>>30051892
>You wake up feeling warm and comfortable.
>If nothing else you've been sleeping a lot better since you came to Equestria thanks to the magically enhanced mattresses and pillows that seem to be the standard here.
>Also compared to the city you were living in before the nights in Ponyville are really quiet.

>Wait, why is you blanket moving?

>You pull back the sheets and find that rather than your blanket it has been the pony under it that has been moving.
>Derpy has cuddled up next to you, hugging your side in her sleep.

>Or at least she did that until now, because your movements seem to have woken her up.

>"Good morning", she says happily as she slowly opens her eyes, stretching all six of her limbs in the process.

"Good morning", you reply in turn, using the opportunity to wind out of her grasp and sit up on your bed.

>Derpy also gets up, sitting in front you with a small smile on her face.

"Why are you in my bed?", you ask her when it seems like she's not going to explain herself.

"Don't worry, I'm not angry", you add hastily when you see mix of fear and confusion wash over her face, "I just want to know why."

>"Because I went to bed and I fell asleep but then I had a bad dream", Derpy explains, "and I woke up and I couldn't fall asleep again because I felt all alone."
>"And then I came into your room because you said that you're right next door and that I should come to you when I have a problem and I asked if I can sleep with you."
>"And you said that it's okay so I got into your bed and I could fall asleep because I felt warm and safe and I didn't feel alone anymore."

"I see."

>You don't remember any of that happening but you were probably still half asleep when she asked you.

>"Did I do something wrong?", Derpy asks with a hint of worry in her voice.

>its the season 7 finale
>Anons all across the world watch nervously, the season had been pretty ok thus-far, but the doom sayers kept predicting that the finale would make or break the fandom for good
>It was very run of the mill so far, with Glim and the girls leading the charge against Queen chrysalis .
>The show discussion thread was alive with shitposting glims, hype reactions , and fags praising the finale/ shit flinging it as it went on.
>The finale reaches its climax, Chyrsalis has gotten the upper hand on the girls, and glim glomp is giving some speech about how there were more elements of harmony to be found, one of which was determination , the drive to keep pushing through the bad times.
>The queen mocks her, and how she hasnt been able to activate the element of determination
>"Im not the element" Glimmer responds, the internet collectively holds their breath at her words
>She turns and looks to the 4th wall
>"She is..."
>The camera pans to focus on a lone mare on a hill, her yellow locks flowing in the breeze, her crossed eyes furrowed and a small smile on her muzzle
>"Kept you waiting, huh?" She says
>The internet collectively explodes, within seconds theres hundreds of fan arts of this very scene, and thousands of r34 drawings
>The element of determination flies to derpy and forms into a necklace on her.
>Glimmershills commit sedoku , one literally explodes into a burst of flame as he screams "IT WAS SUPPOSED TO BE HER TUUUUUUURN!!!!!!"
>The fandom enters another golden age. Oldfags come back to /mlp/, nyxfag drops nyx forever and becomes derpyfag, and art, discussion and greentexts jump up in quality and quantity overnight.
>/mlp/ renamed to /derp/, 12 more seasons confirmed , 3 moves, and a AAA game centered around derpys hidden story.

in derpy, all things are possible

>>30057249
>The second movie's poster is just the derped horse reared up in bright armor on the crest of a hill with the mane 6 in the background and Celestia and Luna in the clouds behind all Mufasa like.

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>i-I don't know if i should be the star. I just like hanging out with my friends and having fun.

I want derpy to sit on my face

>>30056533
"No, no, nothing like that", you say as you hold up your hands up defensively, "I just didn't remember you coming to my room."
"I have no problem with you sleeping in my bed when it makes you feel better."

>After all, as her caretaker it's kind of your job to make sure that she's well, be it physically or mentally.
>You didn't have enough time to think the offer through yesterday but you definitely made the right decision in accepting it.

>Taking care of Derpy is definitely not the kind of job you were looking for but you can't pass up an opportunity such as this.
>Even if by the sound of it you might only be doing it temporarily it might still open up new opportunities for you.

>Speaking of opportunities, what time is it right now?

>You grab the clock from your nightstand to get a closer look.

>It's half past eight.
>Still early, at least when you're going by Twilight's sleep schedule.

>Derpy also seems to be interested in what it is you're holding, moving next to you to get a better look.
>However, judging by the panicked expression on her face her reaction seems to be quite different from yours.

>"I'm going to be late for work!"

>A few minutes later Derpy and you are leaving Twilight's castle.
>You barely have time to shut the door behind you because the moment she's outside Derpy starts flying down the street, quickly moving away from you.

>Quick for your standards at least.
>For a pegasus she's not flying all that fast.

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>>30057249
>nyxfag drops nyx forever

Not on your life.

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>>30058279
Be careful with that.

>>30058465
Twilight/spike needed to see that and tease him about it.

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Japanese horse is cute!

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>ITT

Unfortunately I won't be able to post an update today because I don't have the time to write.

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>"Hey, look, this one came out with it's eyes all fucked up."
>"I don't think anyone would want to buy a defective pony such as this."
>"Oh well, off to the incinerator with it."

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私は君が自分の中に来る必要があります!

>>30067290
Best Dakimakura hooves down. It's too bad that the resolution is complete crap.

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>>30051843
derp a cute
A CUTE

>>30062854
>Derpy loves to visit when Anon is drunk

>>30051843
Derpy is such a cute pone.

>>30058465
>You break into a light jog, catching up with Derpy after a few seconds.
>However, the moment she notices that you've caught up she starts to fly faster, forcing you to keep jogging or be left behind.

>Turns out Derpy can fly just as fast as any other pegasus, or at least she could if she was actually flying in a straight line.
>She constantly seems to be steering off to the side, forcing her to slow down and correct her course as she's getting dangerously close to buildings or other ponies.

>You're not exactly an expert on the subject but even you can tell that Derpy is not very good at flying.
>Despite that she's still pretty fast when compared to you though.
>Thankfully, after rounding one last corner, the Ponyville Post Office finally comes into view.

>Apparently Derpy has a job there, working as Ponyville's local mailmare.
>Seems like even Derpy managed to get a job before you did.

>Derpy and you slow down as you reach the doors of the post office, and after stopping for a second to catch your breath you push them open.

>The inside of the post office looks pretty much like you'd expect, at least if you were back on earth.
>While most of Ponyville's buildings are just as colorful and cozy on the inside as they are on the outside, the foyer of the post office is a clear exception to this rule.
>It's painted in only a handful of cold, pale colors and you think it might even be the least colorful place you've seen ever since you came to Equestria.

>There is nothing in here to decorate the room.
>Everything you see, from the neatly lined up cushions to the adjacent water cooler, seems to have a clear, direct purpose.

>The foyer definitely has a design to it;
>To you it feels like an assembly line, like someone put a lot of effort into optimizing it's layout so that there is an optimal stream of ponies towards the counter, arguably the main feature of the room.

>>30071616
>Behind it there seems to be sitting a lonely pegasus mare, attentively reading a piece of paper on her desk.
>She has a light gray mane and a pale blue coat, blending in perfectly with the cold colors surrounding her.

>A few seconds after the two of you enter the room she looks up from her document, though the moment the mare lays eyes on Derpy she shoots her a cold, reprimanding glare.

>"You're late", she states in a rough, grating voice that you'd associate with a woman in her forties.

>"I'm sorry, Skydancer, I didn't mean to", Derpy replies with her head low and her ears hanging, clearly intimidated.

>The mare, Skydancer as you now know, just let's out a tired sigh.

>"More importantly", Skydancer says as she refocuses her glare on Derpy, "why didn't you show up to work on Monday? Do you think the letters will deliver themselves?"

>"I-I'm sorry", Derpy stammers out, "Mr. Hoofington said that I need to ask him when I want to leave the house and he wasn't there so I couldn't leave the house because I couldn't ask him."

>"What kind of nonsense is this?", Skydancer asks as she rests her head on one of her hooves, audibly annoyed.

>"I...I...", is all Derpy gets out before you step in, walking in front of Derpy.

"It's a long story", you explain, "But the gist of it is that Hoofington suddenly left for Canterlot in the middle of the night."

>Skydancer makes a face like you just told her a bad joke.

>"Why would he...?"
>"You know what, it doesn't even matter."
>"What does matter", Skydancer says as she retrieves a bag filled to the brim with letters, "Is that these letters get delivered."

>She holds the bag out to Derpy but just as she's about to take it she pulls it back again.

>"Don't lose the mail again!", she says with great emphasis.

>"Okay, Skydancer, I won't lose it again", Derpy replies earnestly, but all she gets in response is an exasperated sigh.

>It's probably not the first time the two of them have had this exchange.

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>>30071619
>"Is that these letters get delivered.

also

>Reminding me of those little fucking colts again. pic related

>>30051843
That's not her name

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>>30051843
Okay so I just finished that RD episode that aired a week early in Canada and all I have to say is


what the fuck

We are actually getting backstory. This is the greatest way of reviving Derpy-hunting.

>>30076902
>She never stopped smiling.

>>30077923
because of that I love her even more than I did before

Unfortunately I'm not making good writing progress right now, so today there will be no update.

bamp

I wish for Derpy to pee in my butt

>>30067289
Fic based on
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fkueFW1lRjc
when.

>>30071619
"Don't worry", you say, trying to diffuse the situation, "I'll be with Derpy the entire time and make sure nothing goes wrong."

>"So, what", Skydancer asks, "Are you Hoofington's replacement then?"

>"Yes", you reply, "I haven't signed the paperwork yet but it looks like I'll be Derpy's caretaker for now."

>"Well, good for you I guess", Skydancer says, "It's been months since you started looking for a job, right?"

>This is your first time speaking to this pony and she still knows about your situation simply because you're the resident alien.
>Sometimes you hate how much you stand out.

>"Honestly I would have hired you to deliver mail", Skydancer continues, "but unfortunately I can't just fire Derpy."
>"If I got to choose I'd take the weird monkey over the useless retard any day of the week."

>Geez, she doesn't have to say it like that, Derpy is standing right next to you.
>You take a quick look at her and see that she still has the same dejected, apologetic look on her face that she did earlier.

"Look", you whisper to Skydancer as you lean closer, "Please don't be too hard on her."
"It looks like Hoofington has been beating her."

>"Why are you telling me this?", Skydancer asks at normal volume, unphased by the revelation.

>If anything, she sounds pissed off.

"What do you mean, why am I telling you this?", you ask as you furrow your brows.

>"I mean why are you telling me this as in why are you telling me this inane sob story when it's none of my business."

>>30089659
"None of your business?!", you reply louder and angrier than you originally intended, "You're working with her!"
"Are you seriously going to tell me that you didn't notice the bruises on her?"

"So this is my fault now!?", Skydancer asks, also getting louder, "Derpy has bruises all over because she's a bucking featherbrain that doesn't know how to not fly into buildings."

"Oh fuck off, you-", you begin, but you're interrupted by a tap to the side of your leg.

>Derpy is looking up at you with teary, pleading eyes.

>"Please stop fighting."

>"Anyways", Skydancer says, audibly suppressing her anger, "I'm simply doing my job here, namely taking care of this post office and making sure that the residents of Ponyville get their mail."
>"If Derpy does her part without messing up then there is no problem and we can all be friends."
>"So how about we stop wasting time and get to work?"

>You take a deep breath.

"Fine."

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>>30089673
Scared me there for a second.

I skimmed ahead and thought for a second that last line was "Fin" meaning you were finished.

>>30089673
It must just be a big city(or pony) problem, because I have never met a post office worker that wasn't a normal, decent human being.

>>30051843

did one of you derpfags just post OPs picture on /co/?

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>"Time for your therapy Mr Anon."

>>30089879
Well, for the story to work there needs to be an antagonist.
Though this time around I'll try to do a better job at explaining why Skydancer is such a cunt in the first place.

>>30051843
Um It's Ditzy now, thanks.

>>30051843
Reminder: That isn't her name.

>>30092074
She'd make a great therapy animal.

>>30094269
I swear you're following me around /mlp/ just coping every post I make and rewording it.

>>30067308
gotta fork over 40 bucks if you want the full res

I think I have been too ambitious with my plans to write an update every day. I'll settle into a two-day rhythm.

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>>30096836
It's good. If the thread falls off. I just wish i had a way to easily find the new thread whenever you feel ready.

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>>30051843
>Derpy thread
Don't you mean "Muffins"?

>>30097149
Twilight called her Derpy last season so I'd say its still derpy

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>>30051843

>>30098056
Source

>>30099873
I think there has been a misunderstanding.
Derpy is an offensive word TO autistic children.

>>30098056
still waiting on that source super famicom

>>30089673
"And the pony in this house is called Star Gazer and his cutie mark is a big glass machine on three legs.", Derpy explains, as you get to a tall house with an unusual, flat roof, "And he said that the machine is called a telescope and it means that his special talent is looking at stars."
"And then I said that that's a really good special talent because the stars are pretty and looking at them is fun and that made him laugh and he said that he also does things that are more complicated than just looking."

>Derpy's story makes you wonder what Astronomy would be like in a world where the movement of the stars is governed by two magical horse princesses but you doubt that she would be able to give you a good explanation.

>Anyways, apparently now finished with her story Derpy opens up her bag and starts looking through it, stopping at the letter S for Stirrup Street.
>She gets the relevant letters, and after making sure that the address on them indeed matches up with the house in front of her, she puts them into the mailbox.
>With a small smile on her face Derpy closes her bag again, happily trotting towards the next house.

>Though there is still a lot of mail left for Derpy to deliver, she has already made quite a bit of progress.
>Skydancer said that the letters have been piling up recently because Derpy didn't show up for work so today her workload is extra heavy, but honestly it's not so bad.

>While not exactly being mentally challenging, walking around Ponyville with Derpy has been quite nice so far.
>For almost every pony in town Derpy can tell you their name and some sort of anecdote, and to be honest you're kind of impressed by that because you didn't expect her to have such a good memory when it comes to ponies.
>Even brief, seemingly insignificant conversations Derpy seems to be remembering quite well, though you sometimes get the feeling that she is a little biased in her retelling.

>>30103512
>For instance you sometimes get the feeling like she's talking about other ponies like she's good friends with them even when it sounds to you like she hardly knows them.
>Also you think she's overemphasizing the parts where she feels like she did something wrong, often explaining in great detail the circumstances that led to her mistake and stressing how she didn't mean to do anything wrong.

>Despite that, the overall impression you get from her retellings is quite positive.
>It's clear that she enjoys her work, even when according to Skydancer she's not doing a very good job.

>You have asked Derpy about the lost mail and she said that she sometimes loses a few letters or packages when she falls down.
>Apparently the mail spills from her saddlebags and when she then picks it up again some of it is missing.

>However, so far nothing even close to that has been happening during her delivery;
>Derpy has been very careful with the mail, making sure that she closes her saddlebags properly every time she has to open them.

>Unless there's something wrong with the saddlebags you don't see why the mail would be spilling out of them if Derpy were to fall down, which also hasn't been happening so far.
>You could kind of see it happening earlier when she was in a hurry to get to work, but right now she doesn't seem like she's at a greater risk of getting into an accident than any other pony.
>Sure, she's a little clumsy, but she more than makes up for it by being extra careful with anything she does.

>You suppose if nothing goes wrong and Derpy doesn't lose any more mail that's good too, but you'd really like to get to the bottom of this.

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>>30103757
>didn't mean to do anything wrong.
Oh you.


>>30103757

You gonna be touching on anything cannon we have recently learned?

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>The alpha and omega.

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>>30104914
That pic went full retard

>derp

boop

derpy sucks

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It's kinda strange how this may actually be true.

>>30097149
Who?

>>30114441
I hereby decree that all unanswered questions of the show will now be answered by "Derpy did it"

>>30076902
Fuck me, her eyes get progressively worse.

>>30100329
No it isn't, you retarded scum fuck.

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>>30099873
>>30100329
>>30123851
Because she's not autistic you fucking mongoloids.
She's just clumsy

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>>30099873
So what if it is?

>>30051843
Cutest

>>30128964
Our once and future Queen

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She used to be the best in her class, y'know.
But she kept smiling despite her eye condition getting worse, and she still does to this day.
You can be happy regardless of what happens.

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>>30133711
>possible episode where Derpy gets a final chance to recover her lost childhood glory

>>30133711
That's really depressing when you think about it.

Derpy is supposed to be fun, not feels

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>>30134796
>Wanting Starlight glimmer to fix her eyes with magic and fuck things up somehow by giving her heat vision or some shit, making everyone hate her after she accidently destroys everything before starlight graciously fixes her mess and lectures the town on judging people for something they cant control.

Because you know damn fucking well that's the only way a derpy episode would go down with the current writers.
Let derpy stay in the background where she's safe from poor writing.

>>30135147
Cute

I'm sorry for not sticking to my declared schedule again.
I'm stressed out recently and it poisons my creativity.

>>30137316
I just caught up reading your work, dude. Really like it so far. Not read a Derpy story where she's actually mentally challenged before, or at least not one where Anon doesn't take advantage of her. It's very sweet and I like it a lot.

Personally on a slow moving thread like this one, I don't mind how long you take to update. Don't worry about it man. Stress gets to all of us.

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>>30137316
It'll be fine. Just go at a pace that is comfortable to you. Don't go trying to force it.

We can wait.

>>30137316
It's fine, but just give a warning if you plan on leaving it for good. The worst thing is waiting for an update that never comes.

>>30143649
These are always so feelsy.

Sex?

It's dead. No greentext

File: EveryonesFavoriteMailPony derp.png (376KB, 800x800px) Image search: [Google]

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>>30146123
The thread maybe. But I'm sure we'll get more green later when he finds his inspiration.

File: derpy hooves gasp.gif (375KB, 396x386px) Image search: [Google]

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What does she see?

>>30151473
Muffin flavored cock

File: derpy hooves computer.gif (71KB, 200x200px) Image search: [Google]

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>>30151477
>you will never stick your cock and balls into muffin batter for her

>>30151473
Jesus that gif is so cute, i get the biggest urge to hug her when it plays.

>>30153061
It's the eyes that seal the deal.

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Derpyfags are the best fags desu

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>>30156151
post the rest of those

AGAHGHHGAH

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>>30161995
>ywn be her muffin

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Such a cutie.

>>30061843
"No!"
>Anon quickly runs away and shitposts on his computer.

>>30051843
has it ever been answered why she has bubbles for a cutie mark? what is her special talent?

bunb

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>oh my god, do i try
>i try all the time
>in this institution

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>>30155815
There is a Derpy story in the pony horror thread, if anyone is interested. It's pretty good so far.

>>30174209
Thanks. But not a big horror fan.

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>My last bump.

I'm just gonna wait for Zaub to feel the spark of creation again, and hope I don't miss the thread.

Thanks Zaub. Love your story.

>>30171524

love the derp