Magicless Anon #11 - Law and Order Edition

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FIRST FOR STABS

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>>30028572

>"that fine, because i have master race sex"

Boop

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URCHIN UPDATE SOON

>bump

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>You wake up with a groan, coughing traces of smoke out of your lungs. You look from the smooth, hard floor you are currently lying on. Some traces of smoke linger in the air, obscuring your vision. It's dark, but not pitch black.

>You struggle to your feet, aching, but not injured.
"Doc?"
>You call out to the silent room.
"Doc Beige? You alright?"
>Your neighbor, some old coot that was always up to 'scientific pursuits' in his basement, often solicited you for some grunt work in his 'lab'. You weren't sure if he was some retired professor, or just a crazy old man off his rocker. It was a quick way to make twenty bucks, though, and the the Doc was pleasant enough company. Plus he made a mean omelet.

>Maybe he was just lonely.

>The last thing you remember before blacking out was Doc Beige shouting "NO, MY LEFT!" whilst adjusting some glowing doohickey for him. Then the explosion.
>You're probably not getting your twenty bucks this time.

>You wave your hand through the dissipating smoke, trying to get a sense for the condition of the room. You're a bit unsettled when- instead of the familiar lab tables over crowded with computers, machine parts and other bobbles- you find yourself in some form of storage room. Wooden crates and chests line the walls, along with rolls of cloth; curtains or rugs, you weren't sure.

>While you'd love to figure out why you are no longer in the lab, you quickly become distracted by a growing sound behind you. Turning to face it, you quickly make out a door. It's rather old fashioned, made of wood and lined with metal. Like something that belongs in a movie set.

>The noise is still growing louder, and you realize it's the sound of footstep. Lots of them, moving with speed and purpose. Almost...galloping? That can't be right, who rides horses indoors?

>>30029744

>It quickly becomes apparent that whatever it is, it's likely heading for this room. You feel a tinge of panic run through you. Should you hide? Is there even somewhere you can hide in here? Everything's packed pretty close together. You look around and spot a large chest that you just might be big enough for you to hide in. To your disappointment, though, it is secured by a rather heavy padlock. You check it just in case, but it is indeed locked.

>The footsteps are almost deafening now. Okay, that's definitely galloping, what the heck? Before you can question it further, the door flings open. Light filters in, lighting up the storage room. It's not blinding, but it does strain your pupils.

>Several figure file in, wearing what looks like armor and brandishing spears. They fan out and block off the doorway, pointing their spears at you with serious looks on their-

>Wait.

>Time out.

>Are those freaking horses? Not horse people, but actual quadruped horses? With spears. How the heck are they even-

>Nope, no. Focus. Don't laugh. Spears are pointy no matter what's holding them. Don't laugh, for god's sake.

>The horses remain motionless, carefully observing you. You start to get nervous at what might set them off. On the other hand, if you don't do something they might attack anyway.

>You carefully raise your hand in what you hope is a disarming gesture, their gaze shifting at your movement.
"Uh...bah-weep-graaagnah wheep nini bong."
>You're such a dork.

>The creatures expressions shift from serious to confused. One turns its head toward the others.
"Was that Saddle Arabian?"
>Oh, hey, they talk. You can understand them, even.
"I think that was Neighpon."
>One of its compatriots offered.
"Could be Pachydermy..."
"You're all wrong, that was clearly Yakvic."
>A horse further back interjects.
"It said something about the sheep took the wheat up the chimney."

"That some kind of euphemism?"

"Dunno, I'm still in the middle of my first course."

>>30029942

"Yeah, yeah, thanks for the input, college colt."

>They have colleges here?

"Sir, you are trespassing on royal property, via unauthorized teleportation.

>Oh, crap, they're talking to you now.

"If this was accidental, please present some identification so we can process you and get things sorted out."

>They just want some id? Wait, teleportation? That actually makes sense, you suppose. How else would you have gotten here. Was Doc working on some kind of portal. Are you in a Stargate scenario? Do you need to find Doc somewhere in this-

"Sir?"

>Oh, right, id so you don't get shanked.

"Yeah, uh, hand on a sec."

>You take out your wallet that you thankfully remembered when you left the house. Also for the first time you are thankful that you were too broke for a proper wallet and had to get a velcro one instead. You open it and gingerly hand it to the guard in front, who somehow is able to grab it with his hoof. He studies your driver's license intently, before quirking an eyebrow.

"Anonymous? What kind of name is that?"

"My parents were weird."

>He harrumphs and looks at you and your id again.

"Very well. Mr Anonymous, I'm going to have to ask you to come with us till we can get this matter sorted."
>He squirrels away your wallet somewhere and gestures for you to follow.
"You will have to remain in custody till we can validate your identity and confirm you had no ill intent."

>You just nod nervously and start walking. Your legs are longer than theirs, so you have to adjust your pace to match the guards. They flank you on both sides as well as a pair following from behind you.

>You're above ground, you realize, with large windows illuminating every inch with bright sunlight. Decorations are colorful and expensive looking, definitely a castle of some kind. You can't get a good look out the window, but it seems this is the ground floor.

>>30030145
The one he seems to be their captain turns down a corridor by himself while the rest of you continue down the hall your in.>These creatures have been rather agreeable considering you are trespassing on some big wigs property. While you're thankful for that, you can't help but worry what will happen to you. It's not like they were going to find you in whatever system they have. You're pretty sure you were on another planet, if not a completely separate reality from your own entirely.

"Psst."

>You snap out of your revery, looking to your left. One of the guards, the 'college colt', if you remember. He's a little smaller than the others, coming up to your collar bone, rather than your chin. He's a charcoal grey, with a platinum white tail, and main if that matched the plume on his helmet.

"So hey, not to be rude, but what exactly are you?"
>He whispers to you, attempting to be discreet.

"You don't know?"
>You answer in turn. He shakes is head.

"Animal biology isn't my area of study but I have read a few books. Closest thing you resemble is a hairless Mandrillian."

"Buckler!"
>He flinches as a guard in the front barks at him.
"Stop talking! You're on duty!"

"Yes sir..."

>Buckler hangs his head and says nothing more for the rest of the trek. After about ten minutes, you come to a stop in front of a pair of doors. The guards push them open and usher you in. It's some kind of office, with a wrinkled, spectacle wearing horse behind a large oaken desk. No, not a horse, a pony. He's way too small to be a horse. Thinking about it, the guards would also count as ponies, if just barely.

"Sign in please."
>He says without even looking up at you. He probably hates his job. You notice a horn on his head light up as a form and quill float over in front of you. Somehow you don't even find this surprising. You take the quill and sign the parchment. He floats both away and gestures towards another door. You head over to it and enter the new room.

>>30030425

>You step into a rather cozy looking room, lined with comfortable looking couches and chairs. There are a few end tables with flower vases, as well as a table near a window with a pitcher of water, glasses, and even a tray of fruit laid out.

"A waiting room?"

"We're not going to toss you in a cell just because you stumble into the drapes closet."
>A guard says as he trots up to you. He narrows his eyes.

"Yet. I advise you not give us a reason to until you've been cleared."

>You swallow a lump in your throat, then nod. He turns away and addresses Buckler and another.

"You two stay here and keep an eye on him."

"Sir!"

"YESsssir..."
>Buckler grins sheepishly at letting out his enthusiasm. His senior just rolls his eyes.

"I'll send word once I've heard back from Capt. Iron Sheath. Just try not to make an ass out of yourself, alright?"

"Hey, that was uncalled for! My dorm mate's an ass."

>The guard ignores Buckler's protest and heads out the room with the remainder of your escort and shuts the door. You shrug and head over to the pitcher and poor yourself a glass of water, you'd been parched for a good while now.

>You sit down and take a sip, trying to relax. This whole day's been crazy, and it's not even halfway over. You try not to think about what they'll do to you if your ID doesn't satisfy them. Maybe they'll just fine you. That would still suck though, considering you don't have any money. Even your own worlds currency. Your folks make you pay rent, the filchers.

>You look over at your two baby sitters, both standing watch attentively. Buckler seems to be wrestling between staying professional and starting a conversation with you. You decide to break the ice, for both your sakes.

"So, college, huh?"

>He brightens, then glances over at his compatriot, who merely shrugs. Buckler trots a little closer so that you can talk more easily.

"That's right. I'm studying law and politics. I'm hoping to become a diplomat in the future."

going to take a break. you guys find this interesting so far? Haven't written anything in a while, so I hope it's at least a little interesting.

>>30030687
New green is always good, unless it's really shitty like Bits's, last I checked at least. Yours isn't by any stretch, in fact it's pretty well-written by all standards. I'm hooked so far and waiting on more.

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>>30028488
>Anon "Giving undercuts to Unicunts" Ymous
>Anon "Just want a trim bro" Ymous
>Anon "Lovin' the Haze, Hatin' the Twilight" Ymous
>Anon "I'M GONNA STAB IT" Ymous
>Anon "Ring in fire" Ymous
>Anon "Don't drop the soap!" Ymous
>Anon "Toastin' bitches" Ymous
>Anon "Runic Screeching" Ymous

>>30030687
Pretty good mang
Cant wait for more

>>30030687
Noice. Its well written and you've got enough there to make me interested to see more. Looking forward to it!

What's Urchins update schedule? Just finished reading the new parts and now I want more

>>30031592
I don't think there is any schedule, he just updates when he has content with which to update.

Although I'm pretty sure he said he was gonna update soon

>>30030677
>Capt. Iron Sheath
>Horse named sheath
That's like someone named Johnny Steel Dick.

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>>30031746
>writefags
>schedules
One of these things is not like the other.

>>30031902
I said he didn't have a schedule you dingus

>>30031881
practically anything can be a euphemism if your head's in the gutter so I don't even worry about it anymore.

>>30030687
Good green although I have one small criticism.

Usually when it comes to dialogue in green, only the POV character's speech is not green and all other characters' speech is in green. It just makes it easier to read.

>>30031954
to add to this, the double spacing looks a little weird.

>>30004846
>...
>Holy piss this bed is nice
>But holy piss did you not sleep well
>Might have had something to do with last night
>You're just gonna pretend it was that crazy dream instead
>...
>Nah, that ain't gonna work
>Frolicking through flower fields to Pantera's discography was too funny to blame
>Geez, you should see if there's some way for you to magically recreate some tunes from back home
>Those musicals the ponies break out into at random are fun and all
>But you can't join in on any of them because no magic
>Oh yeah, you've tried starting one before
>Didn't end very well
>But if you had something else doing the singing for you...
>Yeah, that might be crazy enough to work
>Anon, you're a kook and a scholar
>Welp, might as well rise up and greet the day
>So that's what you dOH GOD IT'S FUCKING COLD OUT
>JESUS FUCK WHY ISN'T THERE A HEATER IN HERE SHITBALLS FUCK
>FUCKING LEG IT TO THE BATHROOM GO GO GO
>SHUT THE FUCKING DOOR BEHIND YOU
>JUST A BATH HERE, WHATEVER, TURN THAT SHIT TO FULL BLAST
>Wow, freezing to death aside, this is a pretty ballin' bathroom
>That bath's big enough for a goddamn minotaur
>So it'd fit you no problem

>>30032153
>The rest of the stuff you DON'T FUCKING CARE ABOUT BECAUSE FUCKING FREEZING
>FILL FASTER YOU BATH LOOKIN' PIECE OF SHIT
>WHATEVER, HALFWAY WILL DO IT
>AS THE BONGS WOULD SAY, 'INTO THE DRINK WE GO'
>The feet are always the worst part of bathing
>One minute they're freezing off, and then the next they're boiling to death
>Well fuck you feet, this isn't about you
>Okay, the bath's nice and full now
>You haven't had a bath in such a long time
>Showers are pretty much all you had to work with, even back on Holy Terra™
>This was totally awesome, though
>Looking around the bath is met with cleaning shit of all stripes
>You spend what feels like forever soaking in before actually cleaning yourself
>And now we're presented with a new problem
>Your bags are in the main room
>And the towel is on the door here
>You're gonna need to brave the freezing for a while to get your shit together
>Mustering up all that willpower, you fucking leg it
>OH GOD IT'S EVEN WORSE WHEN WET
>FUCKING GET THE TOWEL OVER TO THE BATH
>BACK FOR THE CLOTHES
>NOW FOR THE CLOTHES OH MY FUCK JUST PLEASE END MY SUFFERING
>JUST THROW THE WHOLE BAG INTO THE BATHROOM
>BACK TO THE BATH GOGOGOGOGO
>Returning to the warm bath is the best thing since internet porn

>>30032159
>Meanwhile, this cold is the worst thing since sliced Hitler
>Seriously, what in the fuck is up with the temps in here?
>You get the whole mountainside thing
>But holy o'fuck, that's almost cold-winter-morning shit right there
>There's gotta be some kinda heat control in here somewhere
>Better find it before you shrivel up too much
>It takes a few leaps out of the bath to random things on the wall, but you finally do find a crystal heating thermostat thing
>You huddle close to the thing while you towel off
>Now for a date with the razor blade
>On come the tighty whities next
>Before long, you're back to your suited up self
>You're keeping this heater thing with you, don't care what nobody says gurl
>First thing you do is check around the room for any way to adjust the heat
>You find it eventually in the form of more of these crystals
>So off you go, turning them on all around the place
>So much better
>Unfortunately, this game of avoid-the-freezing-cold has only worsened your need for nutrients, if the loud stomach growl was anything to go by
>And so off you go, into the main hallway--
>Oh what the fuck man, this place is perfectly climate controlled!
>Did someone open a window when you weren't looking or something?
>Whatever, you'll check later
>Looks like there was a room service pony hanging around for you, directing you to that same hall from yesterday
>Well, guess that settles the choice of locale for now

>>30032164
>Turns out it was getting close to the afternoon, since you arrived at the tail end of breakfast when most everyone was already gone, royals definitely included
>Works for you, you just wanted some quiet today
>Between storytime and last night's visit, you could use it
>...
>It's been a whole day since that morning.
>Turns out a window was left open, explaining the freezing cold.
>No such problems this time around, thankfully.
>Unfortunately, you were now currently bored out of your mind.
>The others were all busy helping for the Gala, which was tomorrow.
>Luna in particular seemed to trip on her words a lot with you.
>Is that in any way related to what she apparently wanted to ask before?
>Dunno, memory's still kinda hazy in that regard.
>Well, you're sure she'll tell you if she needs anything.
>As for you, you're on your way to the library here.
>Twilight was nice enough to hook you up with a card for the place here.
>If it had even half the amount of magic books that she said it did, this was going to totally abolish all boredom for your trip here.
>Too bad you couldn't take a book to the Gala itself.
>You startle the librarian when you arrive, but she recovers quickly enough and ushers you in upon seeing that flashy new card of yours.
>Apparently, this thing works for all libraries nation-wide, too.
>You'd get Twilight a drink for this, but she doesn't touch the stuff.
>Pff, her loss. Maybe some more ear scratches would do, instead.
>First destination: the magic section. Which is a bit of a misnomer, considering that's the entire goddamn library.

>>30032174
>Still, it is sectioned off and everything, so there's that.
>You mill through the aisles of books, scanning through the names of all the books, trying to find something to read. And failing miserably.
>Ah yes, the paradox of choice rears it's ugly head once again.
>At least the Lexica back home paces itself out nicely.
>You really wish you could have brought that.
>But bringing highly illegal literature to the fucking capital sounds really complicated compared to just a good ol' fashioned noose.
>Hey, wait a second. There's an idea!
>You never really bothered to investigate before, but just why was this shit all illegal anyways?
>Your search narrows a bit further, bringing you really close to the chained-off and guarded forbidden book section.
>Yeah, not going there. Ah, but wait a second...
>'Edicts on Forbidden Magic', and... well hello there, a book with glowing enchanted ancient Equestrian text on the spine, 'War of the Ancients'.
>The text was clearly meant to be disguised or scrambled somehow.
>But we all know how well that works on you.
>You take it along with the Edicts book, and decide to read said Edicts first.
>Off to the table to crack them open. Let's see here...
>This Edicts book was... literally just royal edicts on what magic is banned from practice all across Equestria, complete with rationale and the complete transcript of the court at the time it was decreed.
>Unsurprisingly, necromancy, soul magic and mind-altering magic was banned. Though mind-altering did have a special exception for military uses.
>At first glance, the 'runic magic' ban didn't make sense, until you read further that it wasn't related to enchanting: literally putting runes on your person that do spells. Turns out they tend to kill you quickly and painfully.

>>30032181
>Pffff, what kind of desperate loon puts runes on himself for magic?
>Your musing was cut short at some particular bans, however.
>Apparently magically-powered prosthetics were also banned for all but the military as well. That one really didn't make sense to you.
>Their... 'rationale', if it could even be called that, was some fear that it could be used to... harm other ponies?
>The wording was very much in legalese, which sadly you haven't learned yet. But they seemed to be implying that folks could hide weapons and stuff in their fancy, fully-functional artificial limbs.
>Well, that was stupid. Next ban.
>This one was on... others using magic? No wait, that wouldn't make sense. What does it even mean--
>This one is redacted. Heavily redacted. Like, 95% of the document is fucking missing redacted.
>You can't shake the feeling that you've read this kind of set-up elsewhere.
>In any case, you're literally not capable of deciphering what they mean with this particular ban, since they haven't given any relevant details.
>There were some minor ones after this, but you totally lost interest when the first one was a ban on enchanting jewelry.
>That leaves only our mystery book. Let's see how ancient this war is.
>Opening it up, you see-- oh wow, this text is really fucked.
>Everthing is layered with some kind of obscuring enchantment, and the text itself was clearly written by mouth. The shimmering of the enchantment was seriously impeding the readability of the whole thing.
>It takes some serious squinting and covering the unread parts with your hand and the other book in order to make out what it was saying.

>>30032189
>"The contents of this tome are restricted to all but the most trusted of ponies and other magical beings. I am Warmaster Steel Horn, and this is a chronicle on the events of what we have named the 'War of the Ancients'."
>"While this may seem like a fleeting detail to you, magical beings like us are a critical component of the natural order, helping to spread magic throughout the world, and for the most part, mainaining order and harmony."
>"Many of our kind have remained neutral on, or did not care about, the beings in the world that were not so gifted. However, we in particular chose long ago to watch over them, to ensure their preservation despite our own conflicts."
>"After all, it would not be fair to subject them to the battles between our own kind, when they have no means of defence against our powers."
>"In retrospect, however, I firmly believe this position was more a construction of our own hubris than it ever was a construct of compassion. For we were blind to the want in their hearts when they beheld our... abilities."
>"Separated as they were, they tried to emulate our power. At the time, we thought of this as mere worship, and thought nothing of it. However, when the ungifted met one another, formed alliances, and tasked their greatest minds to their admittedly impressive sciences, we found that they had succeeded!"
>"Through their sheer persistence and determination, they had found a way to use tools to manipulate the magic of the world, and bend it to their ends!"
>"At first, we were of mixed minds when we noted this discovery. Some of us were proud that they could have made this progress on their own, and perhaps could join us later on in their development. Yet others, particularly formerly neutral beings, saw this as an affront to the natural order of things."

>>30032201
>"Among the most outspoken of these critics was Lord Viraak, then-king of the centaurs. Acting against our consensus, or lack thereof, he gathered his gargoyle allies and attempted a siege upon the ungifted for their 'transgressions' against nature. Their response was... unprecedented."

>You know, you like to consider yourself a man of decent thought and memory.
>But apparently, you've totally fucked up on both fronts.
>Fucking up on the former, for reading in this janky fashion for the last five or ten minutes, straining your eyes a lot in the process.
>And fucking up on the latter, for just now connecting what you read to, oh I don't know, only the first fucking paragraphs of the Lexica Thaumaturgia?!
>Once you cursed your stupidity on both fronts, you shut the book and give your eyes a much needed rest after all that.
>Okay, there was some part of you that thought the Lexica's rather limited retelling was a touch hyperbolic. After all, picturing cute little ponies going genocidal on some other race for using magic didn't really compute.
>But now that there was a very obviously disguised retelling of this story in the Canterlot library? That just blew away the doubt. And replaced it with... yet more curiosity.
>All curses to these damn eyes. If only the book didn't look like a bad acid trip, you would have kept reading to get more on this story.
>The part about that centaur king guy starting this shit more or less confirmed that the ponies didn't start this shit, though.
>But what role DID they have in all of this?
>...
>You know what, no. You're not gonna prescribe malice to them just yet. The author guy, clearly a pony from the mouthwriting, wasn't approaching this all hostile-like. Maybe they didn't do anything in this.
>And besides, didn't this shit happen a super-long time ago, before anyone here was born? They must have improved on this stuff later down the line, right?
>God damn it, you came here to unwind, not get wound up again.

>>30032211
>Alright, you put the books away and took your leave. Checking the clock in the library on the way out confirmed it was almost dinner time.
>So on your merry way you go. This time, you'll catch everyone in the dining hall.
>What do you know, you catch some of the girls on their way to the dining hall, themselves. Entering with them nets you a room full of ponies. And of course, the resident... reindeer bug thing? Fuck if you know, man.
>The dinner goes on without much incident, the ladies chatting on about their last-minute Gala preparations. Sounds like they had a semi-fun time with that.
>You, meanwhile, were invited to sit between Luna and Sunburst. Luna still seemed skittish around you, while Sunburst was still dying to know more technical details of the rocket stuff from last time.
>Your answer is the same one of 'you don't know', but you do tell him what little you know about semiconducting elements. You know, silicon, germanium, that kind of thing.
>It had less of an aweing effect than you thought. He didn't really seem to know what the significance of 'semiconductors' were. When his answer showed he didn't know what was being conducted at all, you pressed a bit further.
>You seriously were not expecting him to not know about electricity. I mean, you've seen pegasus lightning cloud action, how did they not use it for electricity? Or is everything just powered with magic around here?
>The conversation kinda tapers off after the fact, since you're left kind of dumbfounded about the electricity thing. How did that even happen, man?
>When the first group of ladies vacated the hall, you used it as a chance to excuse yourself and make your way to your room.
>Well, there won't be any cold issues in your room this time around--

>>30032224
>"Anonymous, wait!"
>Or you could be interrupted in the middle of opening your door by Luna.
>Yeah, the shock value of a royal visit wore off after that one night here.
>You turn around and see her trotting after you. Huh, what's she after?
"Oh hey Luna, what is it?"
>Okay seriously, what's with the nerves on this mare?
>"Well, We... we were curious, if... if you were attending the Gala tomorrow?"
"Uh, yeah actually. Figured the others needed someone to slog through the uh, 'nobility'."
>She really perked up at the mention of your stay, though she reeled it in pretty quick afterward. Still not sure what she's after.
>"A-ah yes, the nobility. They're not the most-- oh stars, I'd forgotten about your first Gala attendance!"
>Okay, that's quite enough of this.
"Okay Luna, what's going on with you?"
>"W-what?"
"You've been all jumpy and... shy around me since you and Celestia came to meet me that one night. So what's going on? Did I do something to upset you?"
>And for that matter, what was she wanting to ask you that night, anyways?
>"No! Goodness no, you've done nothing of the sort! I just..."
"Just... what?"
>She takes a few seconds to compose herself before speaking again:
>"Anonymous, you... are not the only one who has a less than ideal time with the Canterlot nobility. Even through the years following my return, they still wish to keep contact with me to a bare minimum."
>That... well, you didn't really know what to think of that.

>>30032231
>"So, in... in light of this, would it trouble you to perhaps, well, a-accompany me to the Gala?"
>...
>Oh. That explains a lot.
>That's what she was trying to ask you.
>To be her... kind-of-date to the Gala?
>Oh Jesus, she's looking sadder with each passing second. Don't fuck this up!
"O-oh, you want me to... Uh, well, I..."
>Smooth, Anon. Real smooth.
"I mean, I... wouldn't be opposed to the idea."
>Great, she doesn't know how to react.
>"S-so you mean...?"
"Yeah! I mean, yeah, sure, I'd love to."
>Huh, looks like your bumblefucking through this exchange actually worked. She's gotten all excited again and FUCKING HELL THE BEAR HUG HAS RETURNED
>This string of thank-yous is a lot more coherent than the last time, though.
>After hugging it out for a while, the two of you eventually part ways.
>All right, back into the room with you, Anon.
>Let's recap. We found a book that corroborates some stuff from the super-forbidden book at home. And now we're... I guess taking Luna to the Gala?
>Well fuck me sideways with a fire axe, you just get yourself into all kinds of weird and wacky situations, don't you?
>After contemplating this stuff a while longer, you lay your nice suit out for tomorrow, perform the bathroom rituals of ancestors past, and head to bed.
>Yeah, this time without that fucking open window, eh?
>...
>You're gonna fuck this up royally. You can already tell.
>God damn it all.

>>30032189
>>Pffff, what kind of desperate loon puts runes on himself for magic?
Kek.

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>>30032239
This week has been painfully slow on the writing chops. Sorry about that.
On the plus side, I did figure out that Pastebin titles are totally changeable.
We've got a new title as a result: "Thaumaturgy With Anon".
Though since I suck major ass at names, let me know your thoughts on that, and of course the actual green itself.

Go forth, new reader. Venture to the Pastebin. Bathe in the mediocrity.

>>30032266
Good shit man

>that shot at SU's green
Top kek

>>30032189
>Pffff, what kind of desperate loon puts runes on himself for magic?
Don't think I didn't see that.

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>>30031881
In hueland some people have a surname that if translated its literally 'dick', so wouldnt surprise me if other languages had it or something similar tbqh
Its always amusing to find it out thou

>>30032607
Brazilians are not white

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>>30032626
Of course, we re not part of Argentina Anon, that d be silly, you re silly

>>30032607
hell, over here we have people whose name is just strait up Dick. and they just grin and bear it. props to those poor faggots, I would never be able to handle all the jokes and riffs people would send my way.

>>30032239
Moar

>>30030677
That was surprisingly good, my man.

>>30030677
Dubs demand moar

>>30034066
Who wee, yes they do.

>>30031881
You do know that Dick is a real name right? Short for Richard.

>>30034131
So is Shaft but that doesn't make it less funny or sexual.

>>30031881
Ironically, I know a guy named Richard Steel.

So, I have a question. How is my story so far? Don't worry, we'll get into more interesting stuff soon. In fact I'm just getting started on the update.

>>30032239
im enjoying it man. its kinda unfair, HK-47 coming through with the green on a regular basis, but everyones all up on urchins dick when he posts a page of shit once a week.

>>30036484
> TemporaryName
Literally who? No, seriously, I don't see any writefags with this name. Am I blind, or did you use the wrong name?

>>30036912
It's right there in the OP. The Story is "Magic Battery" if that helps a little.

>>30036484
Was a good start and I'm interested to see where you take it. Lot of ways this could go.

>>30037002
Thank you; I'll get right back to work on the next section and see how it plays out.

>>30036926
Ooooh I AM blind after all. My mistake. Yeah I like it so far - it hasn't progressed far enough to allow me to really judge it properly, but what's already there is pretty good.

>>30037216
Thank you.

>>30036754
Who does that say more about?

>>30032266
Good stuff. I have a feeling Luna will turn into a spaghetti factory at the gala.

>>30036484
I'm liking it so far.

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>>30036754
It isn't a competition.

>>30037679
the guys up on urchins junk cause he posts one story a year here

>>30036754
I've read and enjoyed both stories but I'd say Urchin's is just better. It's more methodical, it's extremely advanced in its storytelling techniques, and is a functional masterpiece. I've commented before, but I feel like Urchin either is or will be a professional novelist with a large following, because it is exceedingly rare to see someone with such a balanced grasp of story, character, and underlying concepts.

HK-47, your story is far above average, but it's like a regional champion going up against a national one. Urchin's story is captivating in a way very, very few others are, and yours is a rung lower. It's less consistent, less focused, and has a less formulaic pace. Urchin is the SEAL, you are the well-trained Marine. Urchin is Rockefeller, you are Edison. Good in your own right but eclipsed by monolithic competition.

>>30038402
4 actually.

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>>30038465
Glad you're liking it, Anon.
I've been under no delusions about my abilities compared to our boy Urchin; I've only read like three or four other fics which have that kind of sheer, chest-clenching talent to them.
Like you said, I wouldn't be shocked if he's a real good novelist.
Still, considering my previous writing endeavours used to be hyper-autistic RP and script-format crimes against dignity, I'm quite happy with my improvements regardless.

But like I said, this whole thing ain't a competetion either way.
That being said, if you - or anyone else for that matter - care to give a few bits of critique on this bit of green, I'd quite like to hear what you'd have to proffer up about my performance so far.

>>30038717
Personally I'd say lay off the slang a bit - I certainly appreciate the tone it gives to the story, but in some cases you have several sentences full of wacky expressions and swearing, and it just throws me off a bit.
That's not to say that you should change the entire style to a professional, clean tone, not at all, just that you're overdoing it every now and again. Makes it sound less like a piece of literature, or the intended Anon The Shitposter's internal monologue, but rather Anon The Very Autistic Shitposter's live shitposting and sperging out.
I'm bad at words but I hope you get the point, right? It just stops sounding like anything anyone would actually say, and just feels unnatural at those points.

The rest of the story is actually pretty great, nice and comfy. Unless other people here I honestly don't think Urchin is that amazing compared to you - he's better, yes, but the main reason everyone is constantly talking about his story is because he's got a carefully crafted conflict that nobody can agree on. It certainly takes skill to do that - I'm not criticising Urchin - just pointing out that the amount of attention the different stories are getting is a bit disproportional: there's only so much you can say about Anon sitting in his basement reading a magic book, besides "I like it, please write more".

If urchin wrote a novel I'd read it
Read it even more so If it involves poners in some way

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>>30038899
>but in some cases you have several sentences full of wacky expressions and swearing, and it just throws me off a bit.
You don't know much about the dark linguistic powers of >FUCKING LEAVES, do 'ya?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j-vJxez9UF8
Though I certainly concede overdoing the storm of cursing at times.
>Anon The Very Autistic Shitposter's live shitposting and sperging out
Fair point again, still gotta work on that front.
>there's only so much you can say about Anon sitting in his basement reading a magic book
Oh don't you worry about that.

Most of these problems I see arising from my "write a shitload all at once" methodology, so a little extra proofreading would go a fairly long way, I'd imagine.
Thanks for the input, my honorary sibling of African-American heritage.
Nice double-dubs, by the way

>carefully crafted conflict that nobody can agree on
Really good conflict in general is why I love stories like this.
I remember reading this one piece on Fimfic which took a different approach: constantly injecting new conflicts and fucking the protagonist increasingly harder in spite of his successes. The Dark Souls approach, if you will.
It had a similar level of grip to it as Urchin's stuff, though I find myself preferring the latter, honestly.

>>30038465
This.
No disrespect to HK-47, but if a comparison is to be made, him and Urchin are like a Hamburger from McDonalds and a Hamburger from Whataburger.

A McDonalds Hamburger isn't all that bad though, but I'd still have Whataburger any day.

Jumping on the 'slight disrespect of HK-47' bandwagon- the use of casual, informal, and slang words in text that isn't dialogue is cancer on the eyes. You obviously understand the fundamentals & advanced parts of grammar but it's your writing style that's putting people off. Too many 4chan memes packed into a paragraph can get a little cringy too. Still quality content, just some food for thought I guess.

I'm gonna say the opposite of everyone here. I like hk better than urchin. Hks stuff seems more jokey and nice than urchins serious-sounding stuff. Idk, I just prefer the whole "shitposter anon" thing to the "murdering lunatic runic screeching anon" thing.

worst thing since sliced Hitler is my new favorite catch phrase

>>30038465
I would argue that Urchin's story isn't necessarily better but that it has found its targeted audience, who are now in the process of elevating it to higher standards than one would normally deserve. Is it bad? Naw, but I personally keyword there "personally" would not put it on the pedestal you keep putting it on. What is it that makes the story resonate so strongly with you? The language, the conflict, the character interactions? You say there's a balanced story, but can you describe it and give examples why?

If anything, it this at least presents some sort of conversation so the thread does not devolve into nothing but bumps. Whether or not the conversation is meaningful has yet to be determined.

I hope I do not come off too strongly; I always felt that describing to others how I felt and what I want from them is something I often fall short on.

>>30040098
>I would argue that Urchin's story isn't necessarily better but that it has found its targeted audience
Well, one is a story with a main continuous plot with relatively believable characters and motives behind actions, yet still funny enough to keep people entertained while the other is a silly joke-around random story. I suppose that could be boiled down to 'target audiences' but eh, not really.

> What is it that makes the story resonate so strongly with you? The language, the conflict, the character interactions? You say there's a balanced story, but can you describe it and give examples why?
Sure. As I mentioned above, pretty much what it boils down to is that there's real motives behind actions, retaliative seriousness (but still fun enough to be enjoyable), and it just 'flows'. No abrupt changes, everything happens a slow-yet-not-too-slow pace to give you an entertaining story that keeps you wondering what happens next. HK-47's story is a, and I'm not trying to be an ass when I say this, but it really seems like a young kids' humor and mindset, albeit made with better grammar than the majority of adults can write. That seems rather bad when I read that back to myself but I don't say that to insult.

page 10 emergency bump

>>30040178
I disagree. HK's story definitely takes itself less seriously, but that doesn't mean it's just a silly joke-around story. Sure, in places it overdoes things, and that's what I pointed out in my criticism post above, but those moments aside it seems pretty believable and serious, just a lot more light-hearted in tone - which isn't a bad thing, just different.

Bumping for capital crimes in the name of magic

>>30040178
I wouldn't call HK's story a silly joke-around random story. Less serious, yes (others have already pointed out some flaws), but it also has 'relatively believable characters... yet still funny enoug to keep people entertained.'

Honestly I'd argue you're more interested in the serious nature of SU's green, which is fine. IMO it's amazing yea. Deserves praise. BUT, you're giving it a little too much credit.

Is it wrong that I think the blondie to be Aryanne?

>>30043400
Yes because she is named Innominate, Urchin's go-to waifu for his stories.

>>30043925
I hope she'll be the one to redeem Anon.
Implying there will be redemption for him.

>>30032189
>Pffff, what kind of desperate loon puts runes on himself for magic?
nice

>>30032266
I await moar green

Going to read hk's when there is a lot of his green stockpiled

>bump

>bump

>>30044639
Anon passed on redemption when he killed a pony in cold blood. If there was any doubt it vanished when we learned that half the group of guards burned to death into the bargain. Urchins Anon might be very very sorry now, but it's because he's going to face the consequences for his poor decisions, not because he regrets them on moral grounds.
He's the standard junky in a lot of ways. doing something self destructive that he enjoys, but that people around him say is wrong. Abuses the trust of the people who want to help him to get another fix. And another. And another, until there's no one left to lie to. Then when his addiction catches up to him all he can do is feel sorry for himself.
Letting Anon off the proverbial hook now would be like blaming the junky's addiction on their dealer. He chose to pick up the crack pipe; even if someone else stood to gain from it he made the decision to start down this road and reaffirmed that decision at every step along the way.
If the reader feels sympathy for Anon then that's fine, but Urchin actually trying to unmake his mistakes would look very cheap at this point. 'It was all a dream' or reversing time doesn't make for a satisfying conclusion.

I'm pretty surprised how many people in the thread really think that Anon's not to blame for his actions. He's a grown ass adult. Then again maybe I should be less surprised given where we are.

>>30048628
Maybe if Celestia wasn't a retard with Runes and Twilight wasn't a dipshit nobody would have died.

>>30048628
As far as murdering someone in cold blood goes, that one is fine. Twinkling Mail killed him so he killed Twinkling Mail. It's just standard revenge. The other deaths are worse because not only did they not do anything to Anon but he doesn't even feel bad about it. He doesn't care about anyone or anything anymore except magic. Kind of like he's obsessed with it or something.

>>30048628
I mean
Celestia was right about the runes fucking him
Whether its because runes are bad or because be couldn't get the magic out is unclear, but he threw up Xenomorph goo

>>30049164
>>30048656
The only thing he deserves is death, He chose to violate the NAP first.

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>>30030733
>bits
>shitty
This
But one thing
Green even bits piss poor excuse for green has the potential to improve, why do you think we only have 4-5 writefags going at one time?
Tl;dr
If you can't criticize or help the writefag improve, don't be a nigger

>>30049710
When he first started posting I critiqued him with walls of text. He was pretty receptive, but obviously one does not become a good writer overnight. I ended up losing interest in the story pretty quickly though - I'd already given my advice, it's up to him to practice and improve now, hence I mostly skip over his posts without sperging out.

What does kind of annoy me though is his constant self-deprecation. Bits, if you're reading this, we know you're shit - moaning about it doesn't change things. Just practice, maybe get advice in the writefag's guild, and you'll get better. Or won't, in which case too bad. But putting "oh look I'm so shit everyone notice how shit I am" and variations thereof in every post only annoys people.

>bupm

>last green 2d 15h ago
More like Writerless Anon

>>30051009
I'm working on it. I've just been busy with finals.

>>30051070
Thats cool. Education is more important. We'll wait.

>>30032239
>Say what you will about Rarity's outlook on clothes treatment and boundary issues with measuring, the gal could put together some mean wardrobe pieces.
>The special Gala-issue suit she prepped for you was looking as sharp as a tack.
>After getting some details on Earth styles from yours truly, she did a little merging of worlds in that regard.
>A charcoal black tux, with gray pinstripes running downwards, with tiny gemstone vine patterns embossing the cuffs of the sleeves.
>A little red bowtie was used instead of the usual red tie, and for whatever genius reason, she threw in a goddamn cape.
>Only a waist-high cape, sure. But a cape nonetheless!
>In this get-up, you really feel like you could take on those stuck-up smegma chuggers known to mortals as the nobility.
>Unfortunately for you, however, it did not make you feel like taking all that on while sorta-kinda-maybe taking Luna along with you.
>Yeah, you were nervous as all get-out.
>Like, Phoenix Wright's first case levels of nervous.
>Knowing that Luna would probably also be as nervous? Well, you weren't sure whether that was making it better or worse.
>Well, according to the handy timekeeping device off to the side, it was about time to head off to the 'dramatic entrance' hallway the royals were using.
>Time to face the music, you guess.
>You leave your room and make your way over. Deep breaths, Anon. Through the nose, out the mouth.
>Okay, gotta be honest, you don't know what the Jeremiah Johnson fuck this curtained entrance hallway thing was technically called.
>All you knew was that all the guests of honour were present and accounted for.

>>30051928
>Twilight was present, looking a bit nervous, but way less than you were feeling, that's for sure.
>Cadance and Shining were side-by-side, not looking fussed by this at all. They've clearly done this a lot before.
>Celestia was similarly unbothered by the suspense. Not really surprising.
>Luna... well, the second she noticed you enter and turned to face you, your previous hypothesis on the nerves being mutual was totally proven right.
>She visibly relaxed when seeing you, however. For whatever reason, this relaxation was also mutual.
>Huh. Maybe this wouldn't be so bad?
>Yeah. Yeah, you know what? You can do this shit.
>Papa didn't raise himself no pussy bitch, no siree.
>You feel the smile coming on as you stride over to her. She's returning the smile, as well.
>The next few minutes go by with none of the previous nervousness. The two of you make some small talk with each other while you wait for the grand reveal.
>Soon enough, a pony comes in to inform you that you're all stepping out in about two minutes.
>Both Celestia and Luna give you a quick breakdown on where you're going, and what to do when you're out there.
>It basically boils down to walking in lockstep, don't stare into the crowd, and take up positions at the line of thrones for the next ten minutes while speeches are read out by the gaggle of royals here.
>And since you weren't a royal, that meant you just needed to sit there and look pretty. And boy, did you look pretty.
>Yeah, stage fright is so much easier to deal with when your pals are right behind you.

bwombo

>>30051936
Currently being cucked by connection errors, skip to pastebin if you want to see the whole thing at once

>>30051936
Skipping a post here

>It's another minute of this walk until you're met with the lineup of thrones.
>Somehow they even hammered out a far less ornate, human-shaped one for you.
>How they did so that fast, you don't know. Or care, really.
>Time for the next few motions. All of you line up along the thrones and face the crowd at last.
>It would be another half minute or so before you'd all sit down at once.
>Might as well take the time to see the crowd you've drawn here.
>Yeah, this was about what you expected. A sea of rich bourgeois types who certainly looked the part. Almost like a jacked-up stereotype, actually.
>It was actually kind of funny to think about. Too bad you couldn't laugh right now, lest you drown this whole shindig in an ocean of awkwardness.
>Ah, there's the sign. In one synchronized motion, you all take your seats.
>They're gonna give speeches in the order they entered the main hall in, so you can observe the place a bit more.
>Of course, your eyes roll over to Luna, who's definitely looking and acting the part of the old-timey royal type: focused and on point.
>Though she does crack a small smile when she sees you looking.
>These fucking ponies, man.
>Celestia's speech in the background is something to do with harmony. You're not really paying much attention.
>Twilight waxes poetic about the whole friendship and harmony thing with you enough in private to know the motions for that one.
>Turning your eyes back to the crowd, you see about picking out individual ponies in their midst. See if there's anything to laugh about later.
>Sadly, they were dolled up a bit too conservatively to laugh at their styles.

>>30052137
>Geez, look at the ones in the front. The expressions were just the picture of--
>Wait. Hold up a second.
>What's up with that one's eyes?
>There was this one pony in the middle of the front row. White coat, dark-ish blonde mane, blue eyes, and an expression that was the fucking epitome of 'spoiled trust fund kiddy'.
>But there was some kind of weird shimmering thing going on in his eyes.
>It almost looked like magic text obscuring, but a lot less iridescent.
>You don't linger on him too long, to avoid staring. But you'll definitely ask about that one later.
>You barely notice Cadance's speech ends and Twilight's begins.
>You start scanning across the front row a bit more carefully.
>You swear, two of the ponies up front had a very faint shimmer to them.
>They were flanking the freaky-eyed pony, and the shimmer was very faint.
>But... No, they were definitely shimmering.
>Your spider-senses are currently ringing all the bells they can reach.
>You're definitely asking about those three after the speeches.
>You commit their appearances and cutie marks to memory before appearing to look across the crowd again.
>Once Twilight's speech on the merits of friendship ends, you and Luna exchange a brief look before she speaks next.
>You want to pay attention to her speech, you really do.
>But those ponies are seriously eating at you.
>You do manage to pay enough attention to catch the parts about the kindness of her subjects and how welcoming her new friends were.
>Not too sure about these subjects, sister.

>>30052147
>Her speech ends, and she sits back down.
>Can't look at her just yet, since you've all got to face forward for the official start to the Gala.
>Celestia gives the official start-of-the-Gala line, and everyone in the crowd gives a final round of stomps before the red carpet is rolled back up and the ponies go about their business.
>And those three still stay put.
>And that funny-eyed pony was staring at you now.
>"Anonymous, shall we retreat for some refreshments?"
>Ah yeah, Luna.
"Hm? Oh sure, we can do that."
>The two of you sit up and walk off together to the buffet table.
>You try to get some eyes on that trio. You see them behind you, following at a distance. And that one pony is really staring now.
>"Anonymous? Are you all right?"
"Yeah, I'm good, why?"
>"You seem rather... distant. Ever since you sat down with us at the beginning."
"I'll tell you at the table, all right?"
>Way more curt a response than you were expecting, and clearly more than she was, too. She seemed to recognize the wary tone you were using though, and didn't press the issue.
>You finally arrive at the buffet table. And boy, was it packed with good stuff.
>Luna floated you a plate and some little bits of food, and some for herself.
>When she spoke next, it was hushed and hard to make out:
>"What's going on, Anonymous?"
>Fuck, this is some 007 shit right here. Heart's starting to race.

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>>30051928
>>30051936
>>30052137
>>30052147
>>30052155
Okay, I was going to post the remainder of the green so far here, but I seem to be unable to post them without running into connection errors.
It's all up in the Pastebin in either case.

Am I just a colossal newfag and am tripping some filters or something?
Someone let me know, I'd quite like to know what's going on here.
If I can get this resolved, I'll post it properly.

>>30052228
Seems to be happening to a lot of people trying to post green. One solution seems to be adding [original form] to the options for posting, or try clearing browser cache.

>>30052228
You need to use the post option at the top of the page and not link your posts together. Hiroshimoot broke something on the backend and it's causing longer posts to trigger bot detection.

Attempt #2, top-of-the-page reply edition

>>30032239
>Say what you will about Rarity's outlook on clothes treatment and boundary issues with measuring, the gal could put together some mean wardrobe pieces.
>The special Gala-issue suit she prepped for you was looking as sharp as a tack.
>After getting some details on Earth styles from yours truly, she did a little merging of worlds in that regard.
>A charcoal black tux, with gray pinstripes running downwards, with tiny gemstone vine patterns embossing the cuffs of the sleeves.
>A little red bowtie was used instead of the usual red tie, and for whatever genius reason, she threw in a goddamn cape.
>Only a waist-high cape, sure. But a cape nonetheless!
>In this get-up, you really feel like you could take on those stuck-up smegma chuggers known to mortals as the nobility.
>Unfortunately for you, however, it did not make you feel like taking all that on while sorta-kinda-maybe taking Luna along with you.
>Yeah, you were nervous as all get-out.
>Like, Phoenix Wright's first case levels of nervous.
>Knowing that Luna would probably also be as nervous? Well, you weren't sure whether that was making it better or worse.
>Well, according to the handy timekeeping device off to the side, it was about time to head off to the 'dramatic entrance' hallway the royals were using.
>Time to face the music, you guess.
>You leave your room and make your way over. Deep breaths, Anon. Through the nose, out the mouth.
>Okay, gotta be honest, you don't know what the Jeremiah Johnson fuck this curtained entrance hallway thing was technically called.
>All you knew was that all the guests of honour were present and accounted for.

>>30052396
>Twilight was present, looking a bit nervous, but way less than you were feeling, that's for sure.
>Cadance and Shining were side-by-side, not looking fussed by this at all. They've clearly done this a lot before.
>Celestia was similarly unbothered by the suspense. Not really surprising.
>Luna... well, the second she noticed you enter and turned to face you, your previous hypothesis on the nerves being mutual was totally proven right.
>She visibly relaxed when seeing you, however. For whatever reason, this relaxation was also mutual.
>Huh. Maybe this wouldn't be so bad?
>Yeah. Yeah, you know what? You can do this shit.
>Papa didn't raise himself no pussy bitch, no siree.
>You feel the smile coming on as you stride over to her. She's returning the smile, as well.
>The next few minutes go by with none of the previous nervousness. The two of you make some small talk with each other while you wait for the grand reveal.
>Soon enough, a pony comes in to inform you that you're all stepping out in about two minutes.
>Both Celestia and Luna give you a quick breakdown on where you're going, and what to do when you're out there.
>It basically boils down to walking in lockstep, don't stare into the crowd, and take up positions at the line of thrones for the next ten minutes while speeches are read out by the gaggle of royals here.
>And since you weren't a royal, that meant you just needed to sit there and look pretty. And boy, did you look pretty.
>Yeah, stage fright is so much easier to deal with when your pals are right behind you.

>>30052415
>You can hear some announcer from behind the curtain:
>"Fillies and gentlecolts, it is my pleasure to welcome you all to this esteemed gathering this lovely evening."
>Instead of listening to the guy drone on, Celestia gave another reminder on what motions to go through again.
>By the time she was done, you caught the tail end of the announcer's speech:
>"--welcome to the Grand Galloping Gala, our very own Princesses of Equestria and their companions!"
>And just like that, Celestia steps out through the curtain and into the crowd, which was met with some actually pretty quiet stomping.
>In fact, they were pretty quiet out there in general. Well, you guess it was a fancy social outing and not a damn football game, after all.
>Cadance and Shining were next out, met with a similar response.
>Man, those three must have done this a lot before.
>Next up was Twilight, who for some reason didn't have the other girls tagging along with her. Huh, maybe you ought to ask about that.
>Next up was yours truly and Luna.
>All right kids, it's magic time.
>The two of you walk out side-by-side, with your head kept forward as instructed.
>Yeah, you could hear some light gasps and hushed whispers.
>That's right, fuckers. This big green monkey man got onto the red carpet before any of you did.
>And they say nepotism is a bad thing.
>You saw Luna in the corner of your eye slow down a touch when she was greeted with the crowd's reaction to you. She bounced right back, however, when she noticed you not giving much of a shit about them.

>>30052428
>It's another minute of this walk until you're met with the lineup of thrones.
>Somehow they even hammered out a far less ornate, human-shaped one for you.
>How they did so that fast, you don't know. Or care, really.
>Time for the next few motions. All of you line up along the thrones and face the crowd at last.
>It would be another half minute or so before you'd all sit down at once.
>Might as well take the time to see the crowd you've drawn here.
>Yeah, this was about what you expected. A sea of rich bourgeois types who certainly looked the part. Almost like a jacked-up stereotype, actually.
>It was actually kind of funny to think about. Too bad you couldn't laugh right now, lest you drown this whole shindig in an ocean of awkwardness.
>Ah, there's the sign. In one synchronized motion, you all take your seats.
>They're gonna give speeches in the order they entered the main hall in, so you can observe the place a bit more.
>Of course, your eyes roll over to Luna, who's definitely looking and acting the part of the old-timey royal type: focused and on point.
>Though she does crack a small smile when she sees you looking.
>These fucking ponies, man.
>Celestia's speech in the background is something to do with harmony. You're not really paying much attention.
>Twilight waxes poetic about the whole friendship and harmony thing with you enough in private to know the motions for that one.
>Turning your eyes back to the crowd, you see about picking out individual ponies in their midst. See if there's anything to laugh about later.
>Sadly, they were dolled up a bit too conservatively to laugh at their styles.

>>30052442
>Geez, look at the ones in the front. The expressions were just the picture of--
>Wait. Hold up a second.
>What's up with that one's eyes?
>There was this one pony in the middle of the front row. White coat, dark-ish blonde mane, blue eyes, and an expression that was the fucking epitome of 'spoiled trust fund kiddy'.
>But there was some kind of weird shimmering thing going on in his eyes.
>It almost looked like magic text obscuring, but a lot less iridescent.
>You don't linger on him too long, to avoid staring. But you'll definitely ask about that one later.
>You barely notice Cadance's speech ends and Twilight's begins.
>You start scanning across the front row a bit more carefully.
>You swear, two of the ponies up front had a very faint shimmer to them.
>They were flanking the freaky-eyed pony, and the shimmer was very faint.
>But... No, they were definitely shimmering.
>Your spider-senses are currently ringing all the bells they can reach.
>You're definitely asking about those three after the speeches.
>You commit their appearances and cutie marks to memory before appearing to look across the crowd again.
>Once Twilight's speech on the merits of friendship ends, you and Luna exchange a brief look before she speaks next.
>You want to pay attention to her speech, you really do.
>But those ponies are seriously eating at you.
>You do manage to pay enough attention to catch the parts about the kindness of her subjects and how welcoming her new friends were.
>Not too sure about these subjects, sister.

>>30052450
>Her speech ends, and she sits back down.
>Can't look at her just yet, since you've all got to face forward for the official start to the Gala.
>Celestia gives the official start-of-the-Gala line, and everyone in the crowd gives a final round of stomps before the red carpet is rolled back up and the ponies go about their business.
>And those three still stay put.
>And that funny-eyed pony was staring at you now.
>"Anonymous, shall we retreat for some refreshments?"
>Ah yeah, Luna.
"Hm? Oh sure, we can do that."
>The two of you sit up and walk off together to the buffet table.
>You try to get some eyes on that trio. You see them behind you, following at a distance. And that one pony is really staring now.
>"Anonymous? Are you all right?"
"Yeah, I'm good, why?"
>"You seem rather... distant. Ever since you sat down with us at the beginning."
"I'll tell you at the table, all right?"
>Way more curt a response than you were expecting, and clearly more than she was, too. She seemed to recognize the wary tone you were using though, and didn't press the issue.
>You finally arrive at the buffet table. And boy, was it packed with good stuff.
>Luna floated you a plate and some little bits of food, and some for herself.
>When she spoke next, it was hushed and hard to make out:
>"What's going on, Anonymous?"
>Fuck, this is some 007 shit right here. Heart's starting to race.

>>30052459
"Okay, don't look now, but there's three ponies following us around right now. One of them's staring at me real creepy-like."
>She considers this for a moment before responding:
>"Very well. We shall return to the thrones, so that I can perhaps see what they look like."
>Boy, she's even sounding like a fucking secret agent right about now.
>She's taking this a lot more seriously than perhaps she shound.
>But... no, you know what, the ol' spider-senses are pleased with this.
>You nod your assent, and make your way back to the thrones with her.
>Fuck, there they are. They're keeping their distance, but that one pony's eyes never fucking leave you, even facing away from you.
>Kind of like that one Derpy mare's eyes, but infinitely more creepy.
>You both take your seats again with your food in tow.
>"I believe I saw the ponies you mentioned. But I'd like you to describe them to me, just in case."
>So you do exactly that, even if it isn't in the most elegant fashion. Like before, she considers this for a moment before responding:
>"I am not sure about the ones flanking him, but the one staring at you is one Prince Blueblood."
>Blueblood? You think you've heard that name before, somewhere.
"Can't say I'm too familiar."
>"That is perhaps for the best. A spoilt, boorish type, only here by the happenstance of distance blood relation to my sister."
"Huh, no kidding. He sure isn't acting the part right now, though."
>"Indeed. But all he has done so far is stare. What about him precisely drew your attention to him?"

>>30052469
"All right, I don't know if it's the whole no magic thing, but his eyes are... shimmering. Like, magic shimmering."
>"Shimmering?"
>Shit, gotta find a way to explain this.
"Yeah. Some of Twilight's stuff is enchanted to be invisible or look different. I can see right through it, but I can see the magic shimmer around it."
>"I see. And this effect is in his eyes?"
"Yeah. But the two ponies with him? Their whole bodies are doing the shimmer thing as well. Not nearly as out-there, but I can still notice it."
>You start eating the hors d'oeuvres to keep appearances up. Really good stuff, you've gotta say. Castle chefs sure know their shit.
>Man, you remember how nervous Luna was yesterday and today. And how happy she got. But now, she was all business. Pretty quick as mood shifts go.
>"Let us retreat somewhere else, Anonymous. We shall see if these ponies are indeed hiding something."
>Well, when she puts it like that, it sounds like she's gonna haul their asses off to the pony gulags or something.
>She notices your hesitance, though, and quickly course corrects:
>"Of course, we're not going to imprison them on a whim, Anonymous. Just ask a few questions."
"A-all right, if you say so. Why don't we finish these off and then go find her, then?"
>A nod of agreement settles that. The two of you go through the plate fairly quickly.
>Can't really scarf the shit like a Viking raider or anything, but this definitely counts as a more classy speed-eating.

>>30052472
>Luna floats the now-empty plates away, and the two of you make for... huh, where were you going with her, anyways?
>You two are heading up an out-of-the-way spiral staircase, which emerges out into-- FUCK MY LIFE INTO PIECES
>These fucking horses need to cool it with the spears, holy shit!
>"Stand down, guards. He is not a threat to you."
>Well at least you had her vouching for you.
>Getting a better look at the spear-happy ponies, you--
>Okay, that doesn't even make any fucking sense.
>Why do these ponies have bat wings? And fluffy ears? And... are those fangs?
>What, does Dracula take a vacation to Equestria every winter, or something?
>You'd probably be more scared of them, if it weren't for both their apparent loyalty to Luna, and the whole sorta-chased-by-magic-eyed-prince thing.
>"Now, my loyal night guards. There is a possible dangerous situation developing that requires the utmost care and stealth to resolve."
>Whoa hold the fuck up, 'dangerous situation'?
>What, is the pony Schutzstaffel about to break in and gas everyone?
>Her 'speech' to these bat horses consist of shadowing the ponies of the hour, informing Celestia, and to "prepare the soup".
>Obvious codephrase, but what the fuck is that codephrasing?
>All right, this shit is getting way the fuck out of hand.
>After the bat pony things salute and fly off, Luna makes to leave, but stops when she notices you aren't following her.
>"Anonymous, we need to return to the Gala. The guests will notice our absence."
"Now just wait a second here, Luna. You just sent what I'm assuming are the pony Secret Service off to, for all I know, drag those ponies off to get the electric chair or whatever! Don't you think this is overreacting a bit?"

>>30052483
>"Anonymous, you said yourself that you do not possess magic, correct?"
"Yeah?"
>"And you were seeing magical field fluctuations in and on those ponies, yes?"
"Is that what it's called? No, wait, why is that important?"
>"One of the ways one can defeat obscuring enchantments, Anonymous, is to view the enchantment through a non-magical focus."
>Okay...?
>"In addition, using obscuring enchantments and spells at events involving royalty is strictly forbidden. Even to nobility."
>Oh. Ohh...
>She picks up on your realization and continues on:
>"Your being magicless has uncovered a very serious violation of the law, yes."
"Okay, I can see why they'd be watched and all. But the code words?"
>"That is more to do with this enchantment you say was in Blueblood's eyes. If that is what I think it is - and I sincerely hope that it is not - then there is very dark magic at work here, Anonymous."
>Dark magic?
"How... dark are we talking here?"
>"It could involve runes and soul binding, Anonymous."
>Oh, so drowning kittens level of dark magic, then.
"Yeah, I've heard of those before. All right, if you say it's bad, I'll trust you on it."
>"I do not mean to worry you with this, Anonymous. But I have the utmost confidence in my guards. No harm will befall anypony under their watch."
>Well, if those bat-ponies were like the pony Secret Service, you'd better fucking hope so.

>>30052493
>Man, this is way too heavy for even a boring, noble-riddled event. You need to lighten the mood somehow.
>As the two of you make your way back, an idea strikes. Not a good idea, but when do you ever have good ideas?
>You don your best Samuel Rodriguez® shit-eating grin:
"So, you sure you're not just being over-protective?"
>The look when she turned to you was one of confusion. A little eyebrow wiggle was all it took to transmute that into surprise and embarrasment.
>"W-what? No, that's not-- We-- I-I mean, I did not..."
>What was once a half-hearted grin quickly became genuine, the longer she sputtered on like this. Which wasn't for too much longer, once it dawned on her that you were kidding around.
>Ahh, you raise me an eyeroll, do you?
>"Thou art very amusing, sir Anonymous."
"I try."
>You can't hide that little smile from me, moon horse.
>Well, it's not much, but there's definitely a lighter mood here.
>The two of you make it back to the Gala before long.
>Sitting around doing nothing wasn't either of your bag, so you decide to mill around a bit with Luna, see what the others are up to.
>Turns out that Twilight received no less than thirty-nine letters of marriage proposals from various nobles. All courier delivered, of course.
>Geez, hungry for all that prestige, and they don't even deliver it themselves.
>The other girls all had to come in seperately, and were less than enthused about the whole event, save for Rarity.
>Cadance and the Prince of the Surfers™ were having a grand ole time on the dance floor. A floor you decided not to participate in.

>>30052502
>You even track down Sunny D herself, which was surprisingly tough to do. Turns out she was off chatting over tea with some other significantly less snobby noble ponies out on the balcony.
>Her and Luna exchange some words, and you catch the little nod between them as their convo ends.
>Right, your gaggle of lawbreaking stalkers.
>You know, you haven't been looking for them since coming back. Wonder if--
>OHHKAY, nope, they're still following you around.
>Fuck, that's the creepiest thing you've seen in your whole time in horseland.
>Luna finds a nice private balcony table for you two, however, and the two of you chat it out a bit.
>Turns out that the night court she holds has way more serious shit brought up in it than the day court.
>Her example was comparing nobles pissing about not getting enough tax breaks for the second pony Jacuzzi, versus frontier farmers needing royal guard postings to keep them safe from bandits.
>You guess it's the whole stayed-up-late-for-this-shit effect going on there.
>The two of you keep going at it until the official end of the Gala, when she has to leave to send everyone off.
>Being left alone with your stalker posse wasn't very encouraging, but she pointed out the four armed bat-ponies that had been watching this whole time, Spider-Manning up the side of the walls.
>Well, that settles the security concerns--
>GAH HOLY PISS WHAT THE CHRISTMAS FUCKING CHRIST WAS THAT?!
>A shockwave just passed through the castle, with the sound of an explosion following very closely.
>Screaming can be heard already. Which totally didn't include you for a moment there. No siree. Never saw me do it, you can't prove anything.

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>>30052513
Well, the top-page reply thing certainly worked.
Even if I was without my v1 captchas.
gookmoot fix your fucking site holy shit

Thanks for that spot of troubleshooting, by the way.
This shit sure don't happen over at the promised land, that's for damn sure.

You know, I don't think anyone gives Ghostbin enough love. And I'm not about to, either. Spooky looking shit.

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>>30052513
Aaaah cliffhangers

Do not do this pls, I never asked for this

>>30052546
So if it's dark magic I guess we can rule out changelings?

>Anon has no Magic
>The ponies pity him.
>One day Luna sees his dream is really dark, indicating a nightmare.
>It's not a Nightmare, it's just a Souls Bourne full run but all magic.
>Luna keeps trying to convince other pones that he has magic.
>That dream was too accurate to be just that, it had to be a memory.

>Anon has no magic, sort of.
>You see, this man longs for companionship, not just any companionship but human female companionship.
>One day he was patting a mare on the head and thinking about how great it would be if they were a human.
>Then, for the briefest of moments, the pony changes.
>Flesh instead of fur, a nose instead of a snout, breasts on the chest instead of the crotch.
>This lasted just long enough for the mare to notice her transformation before changing back into a mare.
>Curious at this phenomenon, Anon takes himself to Twilight, hoping she could explain this.

>After many tests it was revealed to anon that, with but a thought, he could transform a pony (and a dragon, but that's a different story) into a human.
>While at first it lasted but a scant few seconds, with training and focus the time transformed grows, perhaps indefinitely.
>However, this came with several side effects.
>Obviously this strange ability did not produce clothing, creating a rather erogenous situation for both parties.
>Even more pressing was the effect on the magic of the afflicted.
>While as temporary as the enchantment and only occurring while human, the being, pony or otherwise, is unable to use any form of magic.
>Pegasi unable to fly, Earth ponies losing their herculean strength, unicorns unable to cast spells, etc.

>Now Anon has a choice; how shall he use his new ability?
>Shall he punish the wicked by stripping them of their magic, as well as their dignity?
>Shall he use this power to see if he could bring humanity, at least in some form, into Equestria?
>Or shall he use it for more sinister pursuits; becoming a conquering tyrant, robbing the Royal Sisters and trapping his foes in alien bodies.
>Or will he achieve none of this greatness and instead use his powers for sexual pursuits.
>Only the passage of Time shall tell.

Just posting an idea I had. Thoughts?

>>30054074
sounds interesting
would be fun to fuck around with pones

>>30054088
Great, I'd make it but I'm currently working on another story. If you or someone else wants to use the idea, be my guest.
>would be fun to fuck around with pones
Figuratively or literally?

>>30054097
>Figuratively or literally
both, if you got someone prego as human though would they stay human or turn back during the pregnancy?

>>30054106
I was just thinking of that, and came up with an explaination.
>When Anon does the deed with a pony transformed into a human, the pony shall turn into a pony when the copulation is complete.
>However, given his unique nature as a human, should the mare be impregnated while human, the offspring shall be human no matter what the mother is when she returns to normal.
>This does not apply to transformed stallions, unless the mother stays human until after her birth.
>The offspring shall forever remain human, unable to turn into a pony. They shall have only cosmetic traits from their parents as humans.
>No magic shall be granted to them, but with time and practice they are perfectly capable of channeling the power of the first human.

How's that?

>>30054133
that works for me

>>30054133
kek you could make that how the EQG universe started, humans started to outbreed the pone, dragon, ect.

>>30054151
Doesn't the EQG verse connect to the main verse?

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>page 10

I haven't read all the existing stories, could someone give me a quick summary? I'd like to avoid retreading ground while I'm still planning out how mine's going to go.

You can skip magic dick, that one sort of speaks for itself

>>30054885
No. No one wants to spoonfeed a namefagging newfag who can't spend five minutes of his precious time to read a bit of each story. Figure it out yourself.

>>30048656
>everyone else is responsible for my decisions
Shhhh. It's OK. We know it's not your fault you're a fat, unemployable virgin. Mom and dad fucked you up, right?

Today's post was brought to you by the word weltbild, as in "Your weltbild is painfully juvenile" and the number McFucking kill yourself.

>>30054891
He's a fucking writefag, lurk moar

Speaking of, I'm still waiting for all update from him

>>30054885
There really isn't that much to go over. If you haven't read Obsession then do so, nobody's gonna spoonfeed you the main story of the thread. If you haven't read HK's story... Well do so as well, I at least am not going to spoonfeed you the second main story of the thread (and it's not even that long right now).

ArtifactAnon is about anon going to some jungle far away and waking up the spirit of some ancient monkey god IIRC. Then he becomes a monkey himself. Not sure where it goes after that because I didn't lurk for a while and then the story died, and I never went back to catch up.

MSG started and abandoned a bunch of stories, I can't even keep track. I don't think he would be too annoyed if you happened to have a similar idea as something he did in one of his abandoned stories.

The OP is also missing a couple of others - there was one about anon waking up in the Crystal Empire, carrying a message but with memory loss, it started, died, got one update, wasn't heard from again.
Then there was one about anon trying to suicide by drowning, then waking up on the edge of the lake in a strange land, then passing out and being found by, gasp, ponies. That one died immediately.

Then there's one I really want to see for autism's sake, and it's about anon deciding to wipe out all magic, because he's edgy and doesn't like being the only one that can't use it. So he uses the mirror pool to clone himself and build himself an army. There were a couple of updates spaced like a month apart, so it's really hard to say whether it's alive or dead.

>>30054151
DEEPEST LORE

>>30053847
Anon gets DS tier miracles and becomes Luna's attack dog when?
Didn't we have a Souls thread way back when?
I bet this is overdone

>bump

Can I get a rundown of the other living stories that aren't Urchin's?

Wanna decide what to read while waiting.

>>30057375
See >>30055612

Basically there's only really HK and Bits who post regularly, and a couple other stories which only have their starting dump with no updates since (but which could still be considered alive since they were started in the last thread, and also the writefags have been seen around saying they're working on it).

>>30057545
Thanks.

>>30040098
Anon you replied to here. Not sure why someone else responded.

Urchin's story coherently and cohesively manages a lot of complex characters, concepts, plots, sub-plots, etc. All the hallmarks of a well-planned and highly developed story are here and rare is it that anything gets forgotten or falls out of favor. Another, well-known author that does this pretty well is Tolkien, although I'd even argue that his works were less complex than this.

I'm well aware of a target audience elevating a work to recognition well beyond any it has any right to (Harry Potter, Hunger Games, etc all leave a bitter taste in my mouth whenever I hear strong praise of them) but Obsession is not in that category.

Really, I don't have to give a specific reason why it's so good aside from the notion that Urchin "does so many things and does them right." Instead, I ask you to prove me wrong, and point out a major flaw in story, setting, characters, or even just prose. It is very rare to see a story of this caliber without an experienced editor reviewing it.
>>30038717
Perhaps this will change by the end of your story (although I seriously doubt it), but you try to do too much without a solid connecting undercurrent. Everything that happens in Obsession happens for a reason that ties directly in with the main plot line. Even things that we thought of as just simple side elements, like friendship with Graymane or Luna's promiscuity, are now revealed as very important. Whereas in your story, we have the Gala, we have the autist plot line, we have so many things that while not unrelated to the story do not directly advance it in such a way. I do this with my own writing, to be perfectly honest, as it is a difficult trap to avoid if you have many ideas or haven't planned thoroughly.

>>30058417
>although I'd even argue that his works were less complex than this
Ehh Tolkien built an entire world. Sure, Urchin's story is pretty complex, but I don't think it's nearly as complex. Although it does depend on which of Tolkien's works you consider - the Hobbit, while of fantastic quality, is by nature far more simplistic than something like the Silmarillion, which in turn I believe eclipses any greentext around here in complexity.

> I ask you to prove me wrong, and point out a major flaw
The guard randomly deciding to stab a random unsuspicious spot of ice :^)
To be fair if he was already mindraped at that point then his actions are completely justifiable (assuming greymane wanted anon dead or captured (assuming greymane is the one responsible for this)), but there didn't seem to be any indication of that in the story at that point. Pretty sure his dalogue was quite normal.

>>30058417
>Tolkien is less complex
Jesus christ you're a faggot

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>>30058588
>:^)
I mostly just know how to trigger /lit/ really easily.
>>30058565
Seriously, that line was just to meme. There are a lot of very specific things you can say about certain authors to trigger their fans. Anything related to Tolkien being simplistic gets very strongly-worded and intelligent butthurt, whereas Pottercucks get triggered by character/world analysis.

As for the ice spot, I don't think that was out-of-place. I mean, it was under the exact spot he was standing on, right? With no other leads, might as well give it a jab, see if something's under there.

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>>30058623
I got baited hard. Awkward.

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>>30058623
>triggered
Look at

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>>30058657
>implying anyone worth their salt can't acknowledge his genius

>>30058565
>greymane is the reason that guard was acting weird
Oh yeah sure, it totally had nothing to do with Anon and his evil death runes and insane rate of magic absorption, which that guard upset by stabbing him to death. No, there's nothing weird at all about how only that guard was displaying those specific symptoms, and it totally makes sense that Celestia didn't do anything about him even though she seemed to recognize that the soul bound hydra was behaving strangely simply from Anon's story. Additionally, even though we have a completely different set of symptoms to look at with Luna when it comes to memory spells, it's a completely valid theory that Greymane is responsible for everything regarding events he is never present to witness. Hell, I bet he even made Cheerilee be a cunt to anon, before they'd ever met.

>>30058677
Wow, I never thought of that before. Everyone, you heard it here first. This Anon has proved it. It's all Greymane's fault. We need to lynch Greymane.

>>30058677
There's a VERY SPECIFIC detail you're missing: the guard's eyes are explicitly mentioned to not have changed after he died. Anon/the narrator even at first mentioned how they were extinguished or something, trying to wax poetic about the dramatic moment, and then corrected himself noting how actually, they hadn't changed at all.

Now, what do we know about golems in Urchin's story? They have a cold, lifeless gaze at all times.

>>30058675
>Acting retarded on a mongolian fishing forum is genius
you're either him, or reddit

>>30058708
Are you trying to say that Tolkien acted retarded on a mongolian fishing forum, or did you misplace your reading comprehension somewhere? Do you need any help locating it?

>>30058705
if this turns out to be right it raises more questions than anything, since at the very least the princesses should have recognized that there was a reanimated corpse walking around. Especially when you consider that Celestia knew what anon had done and even recognized his phylactery.

Basically if you're right then that's a major plot hole.

>>30058720
if you mean by "him" you meant Tolkien, then it is your own fault for being shit at explaining things.

>>30049473
>NAP

anon, honey...

>>30058747
I'm not the guy you replied to, I just found it obvious that when he said "his" in greentext attaching a picture of Tolkien he was referring to Tolkien.

>inb4 samefag
I honestly wish they had IDs on every board

>>30058746
I'm not saying I'm right. I'm just saying something's up.

With Urchin being very meticulous with his chekhov's guns, the very explicit pointing out that the dead guard's eyes looked exactly the same as when he was alive can hardly be a coincidence. It doesn't particularly enrich the narrative around it either if we assume it to be meaningless, so it doesn't make sense for it to just be a red herring either.

The specific golem theory doesn't fit too well with the guard being really slow, since the golem monsters weren't exactly sluggish. Maybe it's some other type of dark magic. Or maybe greymane was actively controlling the fighting monsters, but he can't control the guard 24/7, so some sort of middle-ground solution was implemented which results in the guard having inferior capabilities when not under direct control.

I don't think Celestia noticing anon is an argument - he had runes on himself, and there's only really one way to do that from what we have learned. Once she knew exactly what to look for, for all we know she had to spend hours using a very specific and difficult magic tracking technique to determine what anon's phylactery was - she had the time and resources to carry that out.

Celestia NOT noticing weird behaviour coming from her guard is definitely more of an argument though.

However, I have a (dumb) theory. You see, we see anon being quite in control of himself (mental disorders notwithstanding). Whereas it can be assumed that the golem manticores, hydras, and suchlike were under the control of whoever bound their souls - otherwise it would be an absolutely astounding coincidence for them to happen to decide to wander into the middle of ponyville around that time, for no real reason: them having been compelled to attack the town is a much more reasonable explanation.

>>30058979
(cont.)

So maybe with soul binding, depending on the circumstances, it's possible to take control of the bound being's mind. Clearly that didn't happen with anon, but maybe that happened with that guard. Then, if and when that guard would have been required to interact with Celestia, Greymane (or whoever the controller is) would then assume direct control and make the guard act believably natural. The rest of the time, some autopilot system like I mentioned above would provide basic functions, but not much more. The fellow guards, not being as aware as Celestia of the situation and risks (e.g. possibly completely unaware of the whole golem monster invasions situation), would be far less suspicious and would write off the odd behaviour as just stress or trauma. Celestia on the other hand would only ever see carefully controlled behaviour and wouldn't get suspicious either.

It's a huge stretch and probably nonsense, but it does explain what we know right now.

>>30058979
>>30058983
>if we assume it to be meaningless
Never said it was meaningless.

My theory is that Anon fucked up that guard when he got stabbed by him. Probably something akin to what would happen if you stuck a fork in an electrical outlet, except with magic. Your complicated conjecture involving spells that have never been mentioned and limitations that we've never heard about doesn't appeal to me the way the simple explanation that anon's cursed body fried the poor sap's brain. The realization would add to anon's guilty conscience and fits the theme of him being constantly wrong about everything.

As a sidenote, this is a line from Twilight's perspective from the manticore fight:
>You can see the life slowly drain from its hollow eyes.

>>30059066
Ah, fair points. Though I don't see how that would fit the theme of anon being constantly wrong about everything - he never theorized anything about that guard, so whatever turns out to be true, it won't make anon wrong.

It also probably won't add to anon's guilty conscience because at this point he doesn't have much of a conscience left, and what is still there appears to be quite immune to guilt. I get your point though.

>>30059104
The realization turns "You killed me" into "I lobotomized this guy who was just doing his job, and I didn't even mean to." and it would prove that the runes are extremely dangerous if not inherently evil. This would be especially true if it turns out that the pony wasn't harmed by a discharge, but rather had his life force absorbed by anon's runes.

>>30059329
No, it would still be "you killed me", the only difference being that instead of "I killed you back in revenge", it would be "I lobotomized you, and then later killed you, in revenge".

Also, I would not call a mechanism that fries, or even absorbs the life force of whoever stabs me in the spine, evil. I mean, by this point we have plenty of evidence that runes really are evil, but this would not be a piece of this evidence - it's just self-defense.

Would a sentient electrical outlet be inherently evil just because trying to murder it would result in you being electrocuted? An absurd example, to be sure, but the principle is the same.

>>30052513
>You leap out of your seat and enter the now-chaotic Gala, poised to save as many of these innocent ponies as you can.
>...
>Nah, just kidding.
>You're hiding under the table like a little bitch.
>The sound of a scuffle can be heard immediately ahead of you.
>Against all your coward's instincts, you peer up and see what's going on.
>Those bat-ponies from before are currently beating the living shit out of a pair of--
>Holy shit, those are Changelings?
>And where'd the other ponies flanking Prince Stares-A-Lot there?
>Not even a second later, and the answer hits you.
>Well golly gee willikers, dumbfuck. They were shimmering because they're fucking shapeshifting bug horses.
>Speaking of Stares-A-Lot, he was still sitting there, rock-steady despite the fighting literally right next to him, still fucking staring at you.
>You were expecting him to have some kind of dead, emotionless expression going with it. Or a constant look of 'please end my life'.
>But he still wore that snobby look all throughout, without a dead look in the eyes to be seen. Magic eyeballs notwithstanding.
>You're not sure which is more scary.
>Thankfully, you don't have to see his mug for much longer, since he's taken down soon after and restrained by the same bat-ponies.
>Man, they hogtied those bugs good there. With chains, no less.
>That's pretty hardcore, for lil' ass horses.
>Oh look, one of them's coming over to you.

>>30059595
>"We need to leave now, mister Anonymous. It isn't safe here."
>Ain't about to argue with the bat-horse CIA.
>You get out from under the table, with only minor stumbling involved.
>"Follow us, we'll get you to the safe zone."
>Lead the way, lil' buddy.
>Fuck, you're too frazzled to even form words right now.
>Looks like they've dealt with that for long enough, since they're not commenting on your lack of speech.
>Kinda hard to comment when you're busy rushing a VIP outta the building, you guess.
>Wait, are you even a VIP? Since, you know, you got a fucking throne and all.
>Yeah, must be.
>Gotta give these guys credit, they sure work fast. You were out of the building and with the other girls in no time.
>Even as winded as you were from that run, you still notice the absence of all royals from this little guarded gathering point.
>You're too tired and still too frazzled to talk, but not enough to not hear Dash arguing with a regular royal guard.
>"This is a load of horseapples! We should be out there helping to kick their sorry flanks!"
>"I'm sorry, ma'am, but we have explicit orders not to allow any of you to involve yourselves in this crisis situation."
>You feel a tap on your side. You turn around to see that same bat-pony guard from before retract his wing just in time. Well, he got your attention.
>"Name's Sergeant Razor Wind, night guard Watchers. Wish there was more time for an intro, but I need something from you, mister Anonymous."

>>30059604
>It takes a moment to compose yourself properly until you can respond:
"U-uh, yeah, s-sure, what do you n-need?"
>"I've been told you can see through obscuring enchantments and illusions by Princess Luna. Given that you discovered the disguises on those changelings, I'd say that's a handy skill to have right about now."
>You already have a suspicion about what he wants.
"Uh, okay t-then. W-what do you need m-me to do?"
>"Just take a look at everypony here, and tell me which ones you think are disguised or not."
"Y-you think they'd be blending in here?"
>"Last time these bugs invaded, they replaced half the guard and most of the nobles. I'm not taking any chances."
>Well, that's comforting. Gonna need a moment to calm down.
>A few moments later, you nod your agreement and start putting these bleary eyeballs to work.
>The girls all check out. The guard all seem--
>Oh holy hell. Mother of flying fuck.
>Half the guards are doing the shimmer thing. Including the one arguing with Dash right now. This pony was right about the replacement rate, after all.
>Once your bladder is under control, you kneel down and get Razor's attention, in the universal sign of 'speak quietly or we fucking die':
"Half the guards here are bugs, man!"
>Okay, whisper-shouting isn't as quiet as you gave it credit for, but you don't think the others heard.
>Sergeant Batty doesn't take the news too well. Hell, neither would you.
>"Damn it, knew this wouldn't be easy. Alright, we're going to... chat. And you'll point them all out as we have our 'chat'."

>>30059614
>So the stealthy approach, eh? Pretty normal for the pony NSA, then.
>So the two of you do just that; talk about menial shit in a semi-forced way, while you point to all the confirmed bug horses.
>And the other bats 'join in' on the chat as well. Presumably to be filled in on who's a real guard, too.
>Once you finish the 'chat', one of them is sent off God knows where.
>"Alright, we've got some ranged support coming. Once you hear the arrows coming, hit the dirt. I'll make sure the Elements are safe."
>So nice when the plan involves cowering like a bitch.
>Man, you wish you had a gun or something. But those are super hard to shoot, aren't they? God, you're a fucking wimp.
>...
>Some magic would be good right about now.
>If you had--
>Your thinking was interrupted by multiple THUNKS and yelling 'guards'.
>Coward mode, activate!
>The next few moments are filled with the sound of fighting while you lay down and cover your head like the bitch you are.
>You're really wishing you had some way to help.
>But what the hell can you do? Besides spotting changelings and cowering?
>You should be doing more than this.
>You're letting them all down, you just know it.
>"Anon?"
>God damn it, you're a tall green man and can't do shit against these fucking--
>"ANON!"
>God damn, that bat-pony can sure fucking yell.

>>30059629
>You slowly look up to a roughened-up Razor, accompanied by the girls, tons more night guard, and the rest of the actual royal guards.
>The bugs were all tied up in rows off to the side, some of them with arrows sticking out of them. Oh, and they bleed green.
>Oh fuck, they're bleeding.
>Really not what you wanted to see right now!
>This is all kinds of fuc--
>SMACK
>"Anon! Pull yourself together!"
>...
>Did...
>Did this horse just fucking slap you upside the head?
>But... huh.
>Guess it does work like in the movies.
>Considerably calmer than before, and with a much more pained cheek, you rise back up to your feet.
"A-all right, I'm together."
>"Good. We got these things under control, thanks to you. Good job."
>Okay, it's not much, you know this.
>But the pony Secret Service thanking you was a better feeling than you'd think.
>And here comes Dash with some choice praise:
>"Geez, Anon! I didn't know you could see changelings in disguise! That's awesome!"
>You'd say flattery gets her nowhere, but that would be a bold-faced lie.
>"As 'awesome' as that is, I'm afraid we'll be needing you to help us track down the bugs scampering around here. Think you can do that?"

>>30059638
>Well, if you're guarded by a bunch of fucking killing machine bat-horses...
>Yeah, that prospect is sounding thirty-six times more appealing right now.
>It's not much, but it's better than sitting around feeling sorry for yourself.
"Yeah. Yeah, I think I can do that."
>"Glad to hear it."
>"Aww yeah! Time to kick some serious tail!"
>"Afraid not, filly. That order to keep you away from the fighting was real."
>"What?! But we're--"
>"Highly valuable hostage targets, and have no formal combat training."
>supahotfire.webm
>"B-but--"
>"Listen, it's not that I don't appreciate the gesture, but the last thing we need is one of the princess's closest friends being used as blackmail, see?"
>Their exchange continues for a while. Even AJ joins in on Dash's side. But this guy only takes two minutes or so to get them to stay put.
>Huh, maybe he's a hostage negotiator? Might explain the hostage example.
>"A-all right, we'll stay here. But you better not let Anon get hurt, you hear?"
>"Wouldn't dream of it, ma'am."
>The ponies left here set up a little defensive position, while you follow in the midst of a sizable crowd of nearly two dozen bat-ponies.
>You and the guards waste no time running back off into the Gala hall, tracking down any straggler changelings and tying them up with more of those chains.
>Turns out those chains are enchanted to be anti-magic and hard to break.
>And you get pretty good at quickly spotting 'lings after the first twenty.
>There were so many of the damn things!
>You'd think they'd have a better system for finding them after the invasion.

>>30059644
>Luckily, the main hall wasn't very full because of the evacuation, and the bunch of you clear the place in what feels like three or four minutes.
>Christ on a cracker, these fuckers work fast. Glad they're on your side.
>Their next destination is through that entrance hallway you and the princesses entered through. Wonder what they're after down here?
>In fact, why wonder? Just ask them!
"Hey guys, where are we going now?"
>"To the castle vault. It's the first place the princesses head to during an attack, to fend off any looters."
"So, what, we're backing them up?"
>"If we can. Princess Twilight and Cadance won't be there, though."
"Huh? Why?"
>"No combat experience."
>Ah, right. Figures that Christ-knows-how-old princesses would know how to fight off some pretty crazy--
>"INCOMING!"
>One of the guards knocks you down just before an arrow hits you.
>You're too disoriented and blocked by guards to see who they're fighting.
>Probably changelings with fucking bows. Not even bothering to hide, eh?
>Although... you don't remember changelings squawking when taken down.
>After the 'all clear' is given, the guards clear away from you and let you stand back up. What carnage did they get themselves... into...
>What... in the fuck?
>"What's going on here? Why are there gryphons working with changelings?"
>Yeah, what you said!
>Don't those catbird fucks hate bug ponies?
>Well... do they?

>>30059651
>No time for thought, we're moving on.
>You do catch the downed pile of bugs and birds, however.
>They're all dressed in some kind of tabard, emblazoned with an... oddly minimalistic symbol, as far as Equestrian symbols go.
>It was like a super-basic eight-point star made only out of thick, rectangular straight lines, with the top and bottom point having a crescent with a fairly big circle inside of them.
>Never seen a logo like that, before. But do your pals?
"Who the heck were those guys?"
>"No idea. Never seen a group with that symbol before."
"Don't changelings and gryphons hate each other, though?"
>"They usually do. Don't know what could've brought them together."
>You know that sinking feeling in your gut you get, when you know shit is about to go down in the worst possible way?
>Yeah, it hasn't ever gotten as bad as it is right now.
>You can hear the clip-clop of galloping ahead. The group tenses up as they move forward, yourself included.
>When you turn a corner, you can see the ponies belonging to those hoofsteps. And boy, were they a sight for sore eyes.
>Celestia and Luna, decked out in some pretty sick-looking armour, with a huge weapon you can't see from this angle stowed on their backs.
>They also had a complement of eight royal guard along with them.
>Needless to say, they're both surprised to see you here, with Luna the first one to pipe up:
>"Anonymous! What are you doing here? You should be with the other Elements!"
"I would be, if your awesome guards here didn't need little ol' me."

>>30059659
>"Need you? What are you talking about?"
>You have enough gumption left in you to give a cheeky little demonstration. You point to the two 'guards' to the left of Celestia.
"Those two are changelings."
>Quick as a flash, two bat-ponies lunge for those two, tackling them down and breaking their disguises, chaining them up almost as quickly.
>No, seriously, you should totally start framing the shocked expressions the ponies have. You could sell it as high art.
>"You can see the changelings?"
"You know those two from the Gala? Turns out that was what I was seeing."
>Celestia speaks up, urgency in her voice:
>"It is good to know you can discern their disguises, but we don't have time to waste. Guards, to me! Anonymous, stay behind us."
"Yes, ma'am."
>Running in this new formation off down another turn, Celestia speaks again:
>"Who or whatever staged this attack made the effort to collapse all the main entranceways to the vault. This is the only entryway left that leads there."
"They knew where you'd be?"
>"Yes, which means they've been planning this for a long time. Whoever 'they' are."
>"Sister, what could have rallied changelings and gryphons to fight side-by-side like that?"
>"I suspect we're about to find out. Be ready for anything, everypony!"
>The gut-sinking is getting even worse now.
>Whatever you're about to run into is going to be extreme bad-news-bears, that's for goddamn sure.

>>30059664
>Somewhere along the line, Luna cast some kind of step silencing spell on all the ponies, and your shoes. Clever workaround, but what for?
>Your question was answered when you heard a squawky voice up ahead:
>"Boss, they'll be here any moment!"
>Whoever responded spoke in an English accent. Not a heavy one, just a regular received pronunciation one:
>"Good, then everything is proceeding as I have predicted."
>"But boss, these are the princesses we're talking about!"
>Okay, one last corner to round up above here.
>"Do not worry, my son. Their overestimation of their power will prove to be their undoing."
>"But--"
>"No more questions, my child. Take cover and prepare for detonation."
>The whole group silently grinds to a halt at 'detonation'.
>A good thing, too: an explosion of some kind could be heard around the corner, with a green flash of light following it.
>The explosion didn't sound like a regular explosion. It was all... deep and bassy, almost like a 'powering off' kind of sound turned into an explosion.
>"Now, my children, all of you get to work uncovering the artifacts. Our guests will be arriving shortly, and I do not wish to disappoint them."
>This bird... pony... whatever male thing, was sounding awfully confident.
>Why yes, you did just assume his gender.
>Why yes, you are distracting from the dropped-stomach feeling hitting a new low. Whoever this guy was, he was tripping all kinds of primal flight instincts.
>It was actually starting to make you a bit sick.
>You've never gotten this feeling before. And you don't care to have it again.

>>30059669
>"Anonymous. Stay back here."
>Celestia's deadly serious tone brooked no argument, and you weren't protesting.
>"Sergeant, keep him safe while we deal with this upstart."
>Appreciate it, Luna. Having Razor Wind nearby would help with the nerves.
>Oh boy, the others ran off around the corner. A gasp from a lot of them prompted you two to run to the corner, and peer around to--
>...
>What? No.
>No. Fucking. Way.
>How is that...?!
>Greeting the ponies with a round of slow applause and a knowing smile, is...
>That's fucking impossible.
>You thought you were the only one here!
>But right in front of you, was evidence very much to the contrary.
>Another human.
>There was another human in Equestira?!
>Unlike yourself, he had a burgundy skin colour, and sported the same strange question-mark tattoo on your face that you somehow got since coming here.
>He also had a well-kept, short black goatee going as well. And his face was well-defined, with a fairly strong jawline. Blue eyes, too. Real 'leader' look.
>He was also clad in plate armour, with a cuirass emblazoned with a red version of that weird logo from before. And on his left hand was something almost right out of 40k: a big claw-like glove with lots of big, glowing gems embedded in it.
>And he started speaking again, in a diplomatic yet also condescending tone:
>"Your majesties. Luna and Celestia. Heirarchs of the sun and moon. A true pleasure to finally meet you, at last! Truth be told, I was starting to worry you'd never come."

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>>30059674
So the magic inspiration fairy just bit me in the ass today, and I managed to get this part out.
This one felt real good to write, gotta say.
also gookmoot still hasn't fixed his fucking site wtf man

You know, I've been meaning to ask. Why is it called Pastebin, anyways?

>>30059705
So I called the whole changeling bit, feels good man.
Also pastebin is because it was a storage space for send bits of source code through irc.
A bin you could copy and paste your code too.

>>30059705
Ayy, this is getting really interesting.

>>30058417
I do enjoy the fact that you choose to simply say "Urchin 'does so many things and does them right' " then respond to HK with a concrete example of what you actually enjoy.

Anyways, the major criticism I have is that the main characters feel as if they are exaggerated simply to cause conflict among one another (this does not include Celestia holding Anon, but from the beginning of the story up to the point he gets stabbed, which in itself is a silly scene comparative to the previous few moments though one may argue that this is more to relieve the tension, or it was simply put there to advance the plot; probably Urchin only knows that...probably).

Another thing that bothers me (related to characters) was in the most recent update Anon chose to finally accept that Celestia was telling the truth. Keep in mind his major character strength/flaw (and the driving point of the story) is his self-assurance. This includes him convincing himself he needs magic to thrive in Equestria, his knowledge on the history of magic when confronting Cherilee, and that Celestia is wrong about runes. It would feel more appropriate for Anon to find blame on Celestia in this case, grasping at someone else to blame for his misfortune now that he has gained (as what he perceives) success. That, and we just came from a scene where he shows reservation for murder, but quickly convinces himself otherwise in the span of a heartbeat. He is committed to an obsessive hue degree over what he is doing, and to throw that away in one simple decision? Well, to me that seems a bit out of character, particularly for a man who has chosen to become a sociopath.

Other things that come to mind are the lackluster descriptions of the environment: they exist only for the moment.
I could go in to more detail about the characters being exaggerated if you are interested. Honestly, I would have to re-read the story for that to refresh parts of it.

Someone mentioned that Anon going from having reservations about murder to becoming a full on sociopath was pretty out of character, and it is. But there's the golem bit running around.
It's been shown that Greymane has a pretty bleak and self-deprecating sense of humor. Anon's last words to Twinkling Mail were "What was it you said? Oh yeah. I'm gonna stab it."
We all meme about it, because it's a pretty funny line. Funny if you've got the sense of humor to have a giggle about murder, anyway.
What I'm saying is, what if Celestia doesn't have Anon's soul anymore, and what if a golem wouldn't know they were golem'd?
It's a stretchy theory and I'm sure there are tons of holes, but I think it should at least be considered

>>30060302
Anon does know he was golem'd though. He outright says he is a golem. When soul sealing is first explained they say that the soul can remain connected to the original body and the golem will function normally or whoever did the spell could completely sever the soul from the body and take control of it in place.

>>30060404
Well, I don't properly mean golem'd. I meant more the control thing. Would Anon just think that everything he does is by his own choice, or would he know something is fucky?

>>30059066
But the big question is where have we seen it? Golems have been mentioned all over the place and we know how to tell one. Anon being able to short-circuit someone has never even been hinted at. Why would it suddenly be a thing now? What importance would it even have to the story?

I can't help but feel like this is relevant to the thread
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OLr-BeHFzdU

>>30059705
It's Pastebin because you copy-paste whatever the fuck (usually code or data dumps) and store it in the bin.

>>30060833
>all we've got to work with are golems so everything has to be golems
I don't see what purpose Greymane would have had for turning some random guard into a golem, just to have anon kill him and steal his horn. How in the hell would you even go about predicting that? That's beyond batman levels of impossible gambit planning.

All we know is that this guard stabbed anon and when we next saw him he had been acting strange ever since and to quote blondie: "no one knew why." The path of least resistance is that his condition has something to do with his contact with Anon, because it doesn't involve layers of implausible complexity.

>>30061707
Grey doesn't need to have planned all of it. He could have just been a golem to keep and eye on Anon and report back, but them Anon's plan crashed into the side of Greymane's.

I'm posting this to bump the thread, but also to help give some publicity to another thread on /mlp/ which can be found here >>30041720

The OP of that thread would really appreciate it if you could take a moment check it out and take the poll that they've made. You can find more information about it in the thread itself. Even if you don't want to take the poll, you can help out by using this copypasta whenever you bump a thread on /mlp/ until May 14th, after which point the poll will close. Please only use this copypasta if you were otherwise going to bump a thread without contributing content to prevent spam.

>>30062703
Put your trip back on so I can filter you

>>30062739
>An anon is posting a copypasta
>Someone asks them to use a trip so they can filter them
So you can't just filter the post content then?

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>>30062952
No, because that would require me to update my filters.

You see, my exquisitely crafted post was in fact an insult, as it implied that the "copypasta" was in fact posted by the DMA tripfag himself. I was not, as you appear to have erroneously inferred, trying to request that a random anon use a trip.

>>30062977
Ahh, so you were just shitposting then. Gotcha fampie. Carry on.

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>>30063013
Yea basically

I want green but there is no green, so I have to resort to this

>>30063059
I mean, you can always take up writing it yourself. You know, be the change you want to see. Have you tried that?

I do, but not very often because I'm a rather slow writer despite being a pretty speedy typist. Though I am friends with a few people who are quite into it and enjoy being greenwhores.

>>30063111
>I mean, you can always take up writing it yourself. You know, be the change you want to see. Have you tried that?
That's silly and unrealistic. It's like saying that if I don't enjoy popular music from radio, I should learn how to sing, play on a instrument and start my own radiostation.

It takes a lot of effort to git gud as a writer. It would take me months to get on a level where my work is enjoyable to anyone. Doing all this work just to read a good green isn't worth it. Prove me wrong.

>>30063111
Too lazy

I have like a dozen other projects I should be doing if/when I get the time and motivation. Writing horsewords isn't going to improve my life in any way, unlike most of those other projects, unless I actually become good at writing - which is nowhere near granted, as it's extremely easy to end up churning out shit-tier stuff all the time.

>>30063427
It wouldn't solve my problem immediately but in the long run it probably would solve similar problems for other people. If everyone followed his solution, eventually nobody would be starved of green (ignoring the various other complications with this thought experiment).

But like I mentioned above, from a selfish perspective it's barely worth it, even if you do improve. So it's only ever worth doing if it's fun for you.

So the 'I'm just gonna stab it' guard that anon killed was a golem. So pretty much he was already dead. So Anon would have still been redeemable if that fire didn't kill 5 other guards as well.
After the two sisters are dead I'd say he could be redeemed by taking down graymane

You've been visited by an unmotivated writefag!
Good green will come to you, but only if you reply to this post and give me some (you)s.

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>>30064176
Hm......something seems fishy about this Urchin.

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>>30064176
You have been visited by the attentive reader! You are a faggot because Urchin specifically mentioned he never posts by name without content.

Here's a single (You) for trying, now fuck off.

>>30064176
We know it's you Bits.

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>30064176

>>30064176
Reply to his post or your mother will die in her sleep tonight.

>>30064176
>>30064223
At least it was more interesting than a regular bump.

>>30064176
I already have motivation. I didn't have it yesterday because I only got around 2 hours of sleep, and I didn't have it earlier today because I was sleeping. That being said with not much else to do for a while but create, I figured I could put some more work into the next update.
And while I have no delusions about my writing being as good as this Urchin fellow's currently, in the future it could just as well be.

>bump

>>30023650

>”Anon,” shrieks the guardess.
>She leaps away from your form and eyes the floor with the same incredulity as you.
>The pain in your stomach fades away for now, giving you the strength to stand up.
>Or so you thought, that is.
>You still stumble. It’s Blondie’s quickness that keeps you on your feet.
>The unicorn’s powerful neck locks her head in place and turns her into a cane for you to lean on.
>”I’m taking you to the infirmary.”
>The infirmary? So you can be found out?
“No,” you wheeze.
>Right then, she steps away from you.
>All your weight returns to your unprepared legs and you crumble onto your knees.
>”See? You can’t even stand on your own. Now stop being difficult. I don’t know anything about humans but I’d bet my title that’s not supposed to happen.”
“An oddity at best,” you grunt and struggle to lift yourself.
>As stated, the pain is mostly gone.
>However, there’s just no life left in your body.
>Your muscles quake as you strain, inching yourself up.
>Blondie returns and takes a place at your side.
>She looks at you expectantly and shakes her shoulders.
>Relenting, you wrap an arm around her back and use it to pull yourself up.
“Fine.”
>She takes an eager step forward, almost throwing you off balance.
>Your sudden squeal alerts her to her mistake, and she lets you set the pace of your walk.
>During your walk, all you can think about is how stupid you’ve been.
>Celestia was right. Of course she was.

>>30066348

>How could you have been so blind?
>She was never trying to get you to burn through all your strikes.
>The princess wasn’t actively trying to kill you.
>She wasn’t waiting for you to provoke a guard and another stabbing.
>She never wanted you to somehow erase your runes and find harmony.
>No, nothing like that at all.
>She was waiting for your own clock to run out.
>Celestia, you devious fucking monster.
>You growl, not in pain, as the realization dawns on you.
>”Anon?”
“Upset stomach.”
>That bitch.
>That conniving, scheming, fucking sack of filth.
>She dangled it right in front of your face and you rejected it.
>Right from the start, she told you exactly how she planned on letting you die, and you just ignored her.
>You thought you knew more about runes than her.
>Well if she’s so damn smart, then she knows a way to reverse this.
>Of course she won’t do it herself, but once you know what it is, you can do it on your own.
>Damn that pony. She thinks she’ll have the last laugh here, doesn’t she?
>You’re nobody’s puppet.

>>30066358

>You arrive at the infirmary and are greeted by a tiny blue-haired earth pony in scrubs covered with smiling bunnies.
>”Two fa’ drop off?” she asks.
“One.”
>Enough strength has returned to you that you can pull yourself into bed without aid.
>As you settle in, the nurse gets herself a clipboard and begins a rousing game of twenty questions.
>”Date ‘a birth?”
“Get Celestia.”
>”I’m not sua that’s a date ‘a birth, hun, but whateva. Any all’agies I should know about?”
“Unless you know anything about these,” you sneer, pointing to the magic missile spell on your chest, “I suggest you get Celestia.”
>The nurse’s face contorts in disgust as she steps away from you.
>”Blueheart, please. His blood just melted through the floor.”
>”The one upstaiyas?”
>”Yeah.”
>”Dang, that was a good one too.”
“Any day would be good,” you interject. “It’s not like I’m here because I like the atmosphere.”
>”Yeah, yeah, ok. Just keep ya shirt on.”
“Now,” you snap.
>Blueheart drops the clipboard and scampers off, gone and out of sight.
>Blondie huffs and drags a chair over to your little blue bed.
>She climbs onto it and plots herself down, then rests her hoof on your hand.
>”It’s going to be ok,” she assures you.
“Yeah, sure it is.”
>”I mean it. Celestia can fix whatever is wrong with you. She’s the princess, after all.”
>Or something.
>”Although,” she continues, “Now that I think about it, you know an awful lot about magic. You must know what’s wrong and how to fix it too.”
“Wait, what?”
>”I mean, come on. Look at you. It’s not like an idiot could have come up with all of that.”
>Did she just say what you think she said?
>No, it couldn’t be.
>”Well? Do you have any idea?”
“You expect me to have an answer to that?”

>>30066364

>”Of course I do.”
“You,” you pause, your mind racing to both put together the sentence and process what she said. “You consider me an authority on magic?”
>”I wouldn’t say authority. You are a criminal, after all. I’m not going to pretend you don’t know your stuff though.”

“Blondie, I want you to listen to me very carefully.”
>She raises an eyebrow but eventually nods.
“Blackmane--the first Blackmane, Blackmane the Great--made and used the first spell.”
>”I thought that was Shire Sunbeam.”
“Shire made the first named spell. In fact, he made most of his based off Blackmane’s teachings.”
>”Really? That’s neat. Kind of disturbing, though.”
“You believe me?”
>”Should I not?”
“Blackmane is evil.”
>”Yes, and? Him being evil doesn’t change history. I mean, I’ll look it up later, but I don’t have a real reason not to believe you right now.”
>No words escape your mouth.
>You stare at her like an idiot for an unspecified amount of time.
>At some point, you had flipped your hand around to hold her hoof, squeezing it tightly.
>Before either of you spoke again, Celestia made her way in, wearing a fake mask of concern.
>Yeah, ham it up, you bitch.
>”I came as soon as I heard.”
“I’m sure you did.”
>The princess is unfazed by your words and steps up to your bed.
>Blondie bows, touching her head to the seat of the chair.
>Celestia holds her chin and brings her head back up to level.
>”This isn’t the time or place.”
>Her gaze falls on you now.
>”I’m sorry we have to meet like this. I was hoping we wouldn’t meet in the infirmary again.”
“Where did you have in mind?”
>The graveyard?
>”Can we just skip the small talk and get to the part where you make his blood stop being battery acid?”
“Not sure I appreciate the phrasing on that.”
>”Well it’s true.”

>>30066370

>Celestia leans down, eyeing your body carefully, but not too carefully as she doesn’t peek under your undies.
>Having found nothing of note, she pulls away from you and squints.
>She sighs and lowers her head, aiming her horn at you.
>It begins to glow.
>Golden light spills from it and flows over to you, covering every inch of your body.
>You begin to feel at ease despite yourself.
>Your muscles, once tense and aching, relax as if you’d come out of an experienced masseuse’s office.
>Could this be her fixing you already?
>Huh. You didn’t think it’d be that easy. At least you thought you’d have to ask.
>No sooner than it started, the light leaves.
>Her magic fades away, lost to the air and most likely absorbed into your body right away.
>No, scratch that. Definitely absorbed.
>You can feel a certain rush of energy as her spell ends, followed by a churning in your gut.
>So she didn’t fix the problem, it would seem.
>Rubbing your stomach, you scooch yourself up on the bed into a more comfortable pseudo sitting position.
>”Well?” asks Blondie.
>Celestia’s expression worsens.
>The princess raises her head and replants her hooves.
>”Well, that was a full body scan. I was hoping it would show me something else, but all it did was reaffirm my suspicions.”
>”And those are?”
>”It must be your unique human physiology, but your rate of magical absorption has increased exponentially.”
>You know that much already.
>”My original estimate was wrong.”
>Wait, what?
“Wrong as in how wrong? Like sort of wrong or wicked wrong?”
>”I’m sorry to have to tell you this.”
>Blondie’s grip strengthens on your hand.
>”All of this magic flowing into you, it’s doing more damage than I ever could have predicted and at such alarming rates.”
“Get on with it.”
>”Anonymous, you don’t have two years. You don’t even have two months.”

>>30066374

>Oh.
>”Wait, two months?”
>That was unexpected, actually.
>”What do you mean two months?”
>You had a sinking feeling this sudden bout of sickness was connected to last night.
>What you didn’t think was that you’d shortened your clock that much.
>Jeez, two months.
>”Celestia, what do you mean?”
“She means I have two months to live.”
>”Your body does, at least,” the princess corrects. “Which is why your training has revolved around the mind. The plan was to save your thoughts so that your soul could be connected to another vessel down the road.”
“But now that the sand is almost out, the plan has to change, right? Something has to be done about this now.”
>”You would be right on any other issue but this.”
“What do you mean? Two months isn’t enough time to ‘save my mind’, is it? If my body is decaying that fast, you have to stop it. How do you do that?”
>”As I said, you would be correct on any other issue. However, this is far out of my control.”
“Out of your control? I’m your student, aren’t I? I live in your castle. You have my soul locked in a vault. I am very much so under your control.”
>As much as it sickens you to say that, it’s true.
>Come on, Celestia.
>It’s not like she even has to do anything. She just has to tell you how to do it.
>”That’s not what I mean.”
>”What do you mean then, Princess?”
>”I have spent a centuries studying runes and millenia studying magic. If there were a cure for what ails you, I’d have found it.”
>If?
“What do you mean ‘if’?”
>”I mean there is no way to reverse this. I told you before, Anonymous. Your body is doomed.”

>>30066380

“Hold on,” you say, letting your voice raise. “What do you mean there’s no way to reverse it? Of course there is. Magic can do anything. There must be a way to raise my magical limit or at least purify what’s inside me.”
>”Contrary to popular belief, magic does have limits. A magical limit can absolutely not be changed. Believe me, I’ve tried, and I’ve dealt with the consequences before.”
“You mean to tell me you’ve been leading me on this whole time without any idea of how to fix me? That there’s nothing you can do?”
>”We’ve been over this before. I already told you. Did you think I was lying?”
“Yes! Of fucking course I did!”
>You almost jump out of bed, ripping your hand out of Blondie’s grasp.
“You never tell someone they’re going to die no matter what they do on the road to salvation!”
>”Salvation is your sou--”
“You’ve had me locked up here for almost a month and you couldn’t let me near one fucking book to try and figure this out myself?”
>Your voice is out of control now.
>Blondie tries to hold you, ease you back into the bed.
“I could have been studying these and figuring out a way to save myself!”
>”There is no saving your body. Your mind is what’s important.”
“My mind is in my body! This is me! I’m a human, damn it! I’m not going to be shoved into some fucking tower of clay you call a vessel and be left alone!”
>”Anonymous, you’re angry. I understand that.”
“I could have found a cure by now if you’d let me!”
>”You couldn’t. I’ve looked.”
“Not hard enough!”
>”Harder than you could ever imagine.”
“Then where is it, huh? Where is the cure? If you, almighty Celestia, had dedicated yourself to it, then where is it?”
>”Therein lies your answer.”

>>30066385

“You--”
>You stop yourself.
>Oh god.
>That’s the answer.
>The perfect, the powerful, the all-knowing Celestia.
>If she hasn’t found a cure, then…
>No, she hasn’t looked.
>Obviously she hasn’t really tried.
>Magic can do anything. She’s lying.
>”You weren’t here for it, but some years ago, a powerful evil returned to the land from the pits of Tartarus. It began to absorb the magic of ponies from all over, aided by Discord himself. Luna and I knew he would come for us next, and that once he had our magic, it would be all over. We turned to another pony and poured our power into her, hoping that she would be able to evade this monster long enough to find a solution.”
“I’ve heard the story. Twilight defeat him using the combined powers of the princesses and both Tirek and Discord were locked in Tartarus. The end.”
>”That’s right. Does anything sound familiar to you about that story, though?”
“All of it. I’ve heard it before. I just said that.”
>”Think carefully.”
>Oh come on.
>Tirek comes back, begins absorbing magic, Celestia and Luna load up Twilight.
>It’s so straightforward.
“Oh.”
>”In order to keep our power from one with no magical limit, we thrust it upon a pony with a very definite one.”
“So you shaved a few years of Twilight’s life too, then?”
>”Yes, and I’ve spent countless hours trying to find a way to undo what I did to her that day. There is no reversal, Anonymous. The magic and it’s effects on you are permanent.”

Now, I actually did have a lot more to post once upon a time. I determined that it was pretty shit though and had other implications than what I intended, so I had to rewrite it all. That's why this one took so long. Whoops. Anyway, here's a fully updated pastebin, because all you dear readers know that a namefagging Urchin always comes prepared with content and a pastebin https://pastebin.com/8DSdhfkR

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>>30066400
See a writefag updated
>oh its just sea urchin

>>30066439
ily2 babe

>>30066400
Well, shit. Fucking heavy update, eh? Guess Anon really is fucked.

>>30066400
Chekd
Also RIP anon, may his magical soul photo rest in pieces.

>>30066594
Hopefully.

>>30066400
you wont actually kill off anon right?
there's gotta be something.

>>30067012
I'm inclined to believe Urchin is a cruel master, who weaves his world merely to captivate us for his own sick fantasies.


That said, I'm gonna fucking shit if Anon dies

>>30067012
No, of course not. This is all Celestia and Twilight's fault, all he has to do is kill them and the evil spells they're ensnaring him with will be broken and his body will heal and be able to take the massive amounts of incoming magic without being torn apart at a cellular level.

His buddy Greymane told me so. Such a good friend.

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>>30066400
I ship to Army Basic on Monday. Can you do one more update before then, pretty please for a big fan?

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>somehow anon is less skilled in his own mind than Celestia
>literally invented a way to bind his own soul

At least anon can have an eternity to plot his revenge in whatever shitty golem they end up making for him.

At least Blackmane is still his buddy.

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>anon's studies will never be acknowledged because it's forbidden knowledge
>Celestia effectively planned to waste what little time he had left in his mortal body on kindergarten lessons
>he is literally vomiting acid blood and will probably die painfully in a castle full of people he hates.

This all could have been prevented if they had just left him alone in the woods.

>>30067292
Pretty sure he just would have died painfully puking acid in the woods all alone, at least here he can get painkillers.

>>30067479
No, you're wrong. Everything was fine as long as he could spend his magic. Anon didn't get a single head ache before his magic was restricted.

>Discord got sealed in Tartarus
I wonder if that's because accounting for his chaotic magic makes writing a story difficult.

Holy shit it's been staring us in the face the whole time.
Blackmane lives on by soul binding himself to new hosts. Greymane is Blackmane.

>>30066400
>Celestia has the authors waifu OC take you back to your cell
>You vomit your xenomorph acid on the magic cuffs and they fall off
>using your magic you surfboard your mattress over to tartarus
>make friends with tirek, he takes all your magic
>you ride him around like master blaster, telling him what to do, him keeping you alive
>take celestia as your sex slave
>live happily ever after

And thus concludes my story, a good 6 months sooner than expected.

>>30067848
Bits you need to stop.

>>30067848
Fuck off, Bits, you nigger

>>30067848
To be honest I wouldn't be surprised if it ended like this.

>>30068063
I would, it's Urchin

>>30067848
Well if it was going to end like that
It wont now
Thanks, bits.

I see why Discord was taken out of the equation though. He adds in a variable of uncertainty and can do literally anything with magic. Like remove Anon's magic runes or give him magic in the first place. Or simply just could have made Anon a unicorn or alicorn.

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>>30066400
>inb4 Anon's next step amounts to
>"Oh, I know. I'll just summon Tirek and find out how to have no magic limit!"

>>30067821
This, actually. Celestia always talked about it like it was a rusting thing. The magic supposedly would wear him down over time, she said. Suddenly, its because Anon has a limit and he's reached it. This is more like stuffing a bunch of stuff into a bottle and watching the shit explode.
I don't think Urchin would make a mistake like that, so I have to assume Celisticunt is trying to kill Anon.
Not sure how Niggermane fits in, though

>>30068688
Except that doesn't fit the tone of the story at all. The conflict isn't between Anon and Celestia, it's between Anon and himself; that's why this moment has emotional and thematic importance as Anon finally accepts that he royally fucked up.
I'm can't believe people are still clinging to this idea that Anon did nothing wrong and can fix things himself after even Anon has started to concede that he was wrong and turned to Celestia for answers that just aren't there.

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>>30068852
>Except that doesn't fit the tone of the story at all.
It fits perfectly the tone of the story.
Anon gets treated unfairly by ponies all the time: did you forget already how things went with the school teacher? Or how nobody wanted to even give him a chance and give him a job? Or how he was killed after he saved the town, even if he didn't hurt anyone? Or how they didn't let him live peacefully in the forest? Or how at the beginning of his imprisonment nobody told him: hey, if you're fuck this up we'll kill you? Or how he didn't get a fair trail? Or how guards that were ordered to teach him how to be FRIENDLY were openly hostile?
The theme of this story is conflict between Anon and ponies, and how ponies are obsessed with the idea that runes are evil.

>Anon finally accepts that he royally fucked up.
He didn't say anything like that. You're over interpreting this story again.

>answers that just aren't there.
Transferring magic is canon. They could teach Anon how to transfer his magic to some stupid animals every time he gets overcharged.

>>30068688
Well keep in mind if he wants to stay clean, he'd have to be constantly draining himself to stay at 0 since his body wasn't built to handle magic period. In essence he would have to be actively making sure he was still a weak, magicless human just to keep the corrosion back. The Anon we know would never do that. He was doomed from the start. If Celestia's bracelets blocking his magic had anything to do with his condition, it was just speeding it up slightly. Anon would have continued to absorb and store magic of his own free will and eventually die even if he went into the forest to live peacefully.

>>30069529
>implying Celestia was telling the truth

>>30069587
>implying she wasn't

>>30069159
>the title is about the ponies obsession
>not the guy who was so obsessed with magic that he removed his soul from his body and traded his entire lifetime for power
When one of us gets to say "I told you so", I don't think I'm going to enjoy it either way.

Aren't we missing something?
Why did Celestia bother putting him back into his original body at all instead of putting him in some other, non-runed body to start with?
Maybe there's some reason she can't? What is it, and does it have something to do with her rehabilitation program?

>>30069693
If she was telling the truth about wanting to fix Anons mind, then I imagine Anons therapy would go easier if Anon was in his own body.

>>30069159
This. Also he could literally "transfer" his magic into spells, no weird bullshit needed, if, you know, Celestia didn't completely prevent him from doing exactly that.

>>30069596
>>30069587
>Implying we can know for sure right now and this isn't a moot argument

>>30069529
He's basically a hated criminal, and is causing a heck of a lot of trouble to Celestia. What's wrong with letting him die peacefully in the woods?

He's smart, too - he'd probably figure out what was going on eventually, and try - and possibly succeed - to find a cure. If not, he could always go to the ponies for help, of his own accord, without all the getting killed and imprisoned bs, after having a few years to cool down (and also after leaving on moderately good terms - he was about ready to accept that the ponies weren't all bad and he had been too much of an asshole himself as he was preparing to leave, before the guards showed up). A diplomatic solution would be within easy reach here, and then Celestia could help him transfer his mind to a new body or something, with his approval and cooperation.

Or, even failing that, he'd just die peacefully, without killing any guards or causing headaches for any princesses, and without getting murdered, imprisoned and sent to kindergarten. Everyone would still be better off.

>>30069660
You might not, but I always enjoy telling conspiracytards "I told you so, retard.", It's satisfying.

>bump

>9

>>30070135
But you're forgetting the part where he only had years to live because Celestia stopped him. If he went into the woods and was free to bind himself more he would have kept doing it until he died the next day. The recent posts are proof that it takes a while to notice the effects of a heavy binding session so he might just plaster himself in runes and not wake up the next day.

>>30071761
And who'd be worse off for it? Anon, and then only arguably so, as he seems to be the "I do not fear death, I only fear a cage" type given his determination to escape despite the consequences should he get caught.

Also this again assumes that the effects would be just as bad without his magic being restrained. Reminder that he felt perfectly fine before being imprisoned, despite incrementally binding more and more runes over the course of days or weeks, but that getting his magic bottled up almost immediately resulted in headaches.

>>30071956
He had his magic for about a week before he was caught. It didn't have time to build up yet. He didn't have headaches until a few days into his stay at the castle too.

>>30068384
Criminally underrated post & pic
Made me laugh

>>30068852
But anon did nothing wrong.

>things from popular fiction in anons world start appearing
>anon tries to warn the ponies that some of the magical shit that appears can fuck them up
>the ponies dont listen because /nomagic/ And proceed to get fucked by whatever creature comes out
not really a writer but this sounded cool and thought i would put this out there

>>30073022
>some BBEG spooky magical consciousness is reading Anons memories as he sleeps and re-creating things from them to attack ponies with because all the things are far more dangerous/violent or just straight up fucked up than most things the ponies have dealt with before
I'd read it

>>30073022
Nice idea.

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>That feel when starting a green but you forgot to save so that when you accidentally tabbed out you lost all your progress and lose all your drive to write