What do you see in yourself that you think your waifu would

Her Penis.

>>29913637
She would try to fix me
and fail like everyone who tries to fix me

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>>29913637
We are very similar in mannerisms and both use a big facade to hide our pain. We're also failures surround by successes.

>>29913637
The opportunity to get a new friend.

Therefore, every anon has a chance.

Also I'm willing to pay for Pinkie's gluttony. Unf.

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>>29913645
/thread

>>29913637
Well, we are both alike in many things like our personality and intelligence. Also, we both like to learn ane read books. I love her so much.

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>>29913645
>What do you see in yourself that you think your waifu would find attractive
>What do you see in yourself
>"Her penis"

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>>29913637
I can talk about inane but "smart" stuff for hours, willing to entertain every single autistic idea, love reading, organizing and want to learn everything she has to teach while imparting my own knowledge as well. Not to mention desire to be the best friend I can be even though failing that every single time

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>>29913637
How can rarity resist a gentleman like myself

>>29913637
I dunno. You're asking too much of me right now. I'm thoughtful I guess? I like the humanities. Poniaties? I'm pretty altruistic I guess, especially towards ponies. I like to teach and I could work with the foals and such. I'm more of a lover, not a fighter, but my stature should give me an edge in a fight. I'm a chill guy. I could sit around all day with my pone outside and be happy. I've got stuff going on. I dunno.

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>>29914534

>What do you see in yourself
>"Her penis"

>>29913637
I'm old, fat, hairy, and ugly. I also snore.

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Love

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>>29913637
Nothing.

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>>29913645
>Her Penis

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>>29913637
Well, we are both alike in many things like our personality and intelligence. And we both like to learn and read books. Also, we could share knowledge with each other.

>>29914677
Why you gotta be like that? I'm sure you both could find some common ground and build up from there.

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>>29914677
Seconded.

>>29913774
Are you also a tranny?

>>29913637
I don't exist.

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I'm almost as kind as she is, and even though I'm a tall guy with a pretty wide frame, I don't throw my weight around to intimidate people into getting what I want. I also have similar problems with being shy and relating to people, but am at the point now where it doesn't bother me too badly, and I feel like she would respect that a lot.

>>29914590
>smart guy stuff
Really nigga? Really?
What do you know about the Rankine Cycle? What are it's applications
What do you know about Fluid dynamics?
Whats the importance of Reynolds numbers?
You only know what you know. Saying you know "smart guy" shit means you're not a smart guy. You're just a goy.

Twiggy the fat piggy would see through that. She'd know you're an idiot, but good news for you she doesn't mind mindless hicks and white trash, I mean she kicks it with Applejack and Pinkie Pie after all.

Best Advice I can give you is work on you're personality and try not to be a dumb douche. Just be a likable idiot.

>>29914608
Tip that fedora at her my nigga. Then threaten to shot her cat if she doesn't go out with you.

>>29914614
You actually sound like a decent dude. Not to full of yourself and a little self aware. I think if you worked on your confidence and got a practical degree you could bag a 3dpd in the meantime.

I need someone that likes me and I know how to be a decent friend. My waifu knows a lot of stuff about friendship too and she is enthusiastic about making friends.
I don't even need to be in a relationship with her. Just getting to hug that poner in a nice way would be enough. Especially if more hugs are yet to come.

>>29914635
Quite the catch for maud.
She's just flat out autistic. She'd settle for anything that'd give her the time of day. I'm also reasonably she doesn't shower or at least wash her dress very often.

>>29914661
Love is the equivalent of saying...
"I-I'm a prettt nice guy...you wanna see my poky mans cardz?"

Where's you're substance? Are you /fit/?

>>29914677
Workout more, then read more. Maybe go to community college. Then you'll be on the path to being something.
I'd go state university late game if I was you. They're pretty lax and you don't need to be remotely intelligent to graduate with a good degree.

B-but how can I payz for it?
FASFA.
You're only a loser by choice.
B-but I already went and got a shit degree.
Trade schools, cheap and usually guaranteed decent kob after.

>>29914813
M-me too senpai...none of us do...

>>29913645
Excellent post

>>29914830
Why would you date a pregnant mare?

>>29914849
Ir sounds like you'd settle for a life coach.
FYI, you can do that on earth.

>>29914836
THIS!!!
Dude you get me want to hang out?
Hell you can come over and fuck my waifu sometimes

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>>29914924

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>>29914833
Aparently reading comprehension is hard even if you know fancy words. Read it with me:
>talk about
>inane
>""""""smart""""""
>stuff
If anything, you're the one trying to act smartass here. I don't know why being able to talk and listen to fluff triggered you but I'm sorry, don't obliterate me with your raw mind powers or anything.

>>29914957
You need to know basics about something to talk about something. otherwise you just sit there and nod your head or look like an autist talkong about shit you don't know.
I know this happened a lot to me in college. You can learn shit and talk to her but that requires effort.
I'm just saying nigga.
Also those things be very basic concepts in engineering. Everyone whose done a little science or engineering knows about that shit.

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>>29914908
Ebin maymay bruh xdddd

>>29914983
>no pic
Delete again, friend.

>>29914987
I know :( I'm doing it leave me Alone!!

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>>29913637
>Harshwhinny
I'm leaving college soon with a degree in mechanical engineering, have loads of work experience and reference's. Might end up working for hertz or enterprise because fuck engineering I wanna learn business. I've had some gf's in the past, workout a lot and am really good at managing people.

Do I got a shot or does she only date 40+ year olds who own businesses?
I get the impression she's lonely and she'd be an easy catch without needing a beefy background.
What do you guys think?

I also play the uke if that helps. I'm not going for something I don't think isn't within reach.
But at the same time I want it to ve impressive.

>>29913637
I don't have a waifu because that's retarded, but I'm funny if you get past the autism and also pretty smart. Girls like that, right?

>>29915018
Everyone's funny and smart. Try working out and read some books on how to talk to people.

>>29913645
fpbp

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>Spitfire

Military experience. Not manlet. Excercise and lift regularly. Decent sense of how not to look like a sperg. I have a benis.

>>29915026
>Everybody is funny and smart
I mean, probably more so on 4chan than the general public. my coworkers are at least 67% retarded. I also won't work out because I have very little to gain from it. I'm still in better shape than most high school "athletes" and run a 6 minute mile pretty comfortably, so all I really have to gain is power lifting, and I don't need that.

I don't actually have autism people would notice if I don't want them to, but I genuinely entirely lack empathy because I never know why somebody is upset about something that wouldn't upset me.

Also, outside of reading I could pretty closely relate to >>29914590.

tdl:dr no u

>>29915041
8/10
I say you've got a pretty good chance. Its coming down to personalities and interests for the last 2 points.
I think you could get your foot in the door though.

>>29914915
But earth has humans in it.

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>>29914970
Of course when I'm completely out of my element I can't say anything but if the field is somewhat familiar I can at least listen and ask real questions. That helped me in university a couple of times. Sometimes all people need is an ear that's willing to hear.

Besided we're talking pony science here. I dunno about engineering but chemistry was my jam and ponies seem to do that a lot. I think I would be pretty safe.

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>>29915050
Glorious.

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>Intelligent
>Strong
>Accomplished
>Motivated
>Scholar
>Respect for monarchy/authority
At least friends, I'd say.

>>29915066
With all these qualities why don't you have a gf?
and if you do why do you have a waifu?

>>29915055
But you really want a life coach.

>>29915066
Be a little more descriptive. List actual things or evidence.
otherwise at face value you're perfect for anyone.
So I'm going to just assume your the opposite of what you put and say you have no chance.

>>29915075
But humans suck as life coaches. I'd much rather one that is a fictional character that is created, written and voiced by the humans I claim to suck.

>>29915047
You can always be more fit.
Or more defined. Never neglect your body. It'll help up you get puss

>>29915120
Why not just make tulpa then? I mean you care so much that they don't be human right?

>>29915026
How about you post your gains or you quit fucking posting you kike cock mongler.

>>29915057
What ever you say. Though I'm just going to assume they're periodic table isn't the same as ours so you'll have to relearn chemistry over there and learn the new cycles that make the reactions happen.
Maybe basic stuff like stoichiometry will stick but not higher level shit you know?
And you know...magic might really fuck things up.

>>29915138
I'll post ky regiment if you post your's faggot.

>>29915152
>regiment
Your airsoft buttbuddies don't count.

>>29915152
Post pics right now or kill yourself faggot.

>>29915159
You know what I mean sugar tittes.

>>29915161
>pics
>ever on 4chan
Why so I can get fucked with irl?
I'd rather keep niggas like you at arms length.

>>29913637
The only, and I do mean only, thing is my sense of humor. That is the only way I'd be able to so much as get the time of day from her. I can make just about any group of people with laugh be it through being edgy, witty, topical or just cut-and-dry with my humor (like Steven Wright).

I have practically no self-esteem and am not comfortable in my own skin, but when it comes to making people laugh, I can do that much.

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>>29915168
>>29915161
You're both nerds. Shut up.

>>29915134
Already have a pony tulpa and it is exactly what I wanted. I kept my waifu too though.

>>29915145
They made it really unclear how much pony science differs from ours, it was probably intentional. With magic all around some laws may not even apply entirely. I agree that the basic stuff is probably the same though.
Shame we will never know and experience it. I'd want to learn all about it, preferably from her.

>>29915183
>Both massively autistic in spite of any postive qualities
FTFY

>>29915189
Then what's the problem?

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>>29913637
But she is not real... So that mean that i'm no real neither?

>>29915191
Well that's a good way to get your foot in the door with her. I rate your plan a 7/10.
Last three points are coming down to looks, charisma, and knowing how to not act autistic.

>>29915002
Someone tell me if I have a shot! I've commented on everyone's like a good boy.
Dindu nuffin wrong!
Rate it out of 10 nigga.

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>>29913637
No waifu, and I know for sure I have no redeeming qualities.

I have a decade to go, but I'm certain I'll become a wizard.

>>29915246
Its never to late to improve yourself.

>>29913645
This

>>29915182
You've got a chance with pinkie the autismo pie...maybe maud...bc she has the auts and schizo.
2/10
Not likely to make it past friend.

>>29913645
Trixie please!

>>29915266
That's fine by me

>>29915286
I thought the goal was to smash puss?

>>29915299
At this point I'm just happy to make more friends. Pussy is just going to make me get in trouble and hate myself

>>29915314
Would you be against hiring a pony prostitute?

Niggas not replying is the cancer that's killing this thread.

>>29915212
There is no problem. I just like having pony friends that give me life advice and hugs.

>>29914799
Yes actually. But Trixie isn't a tranny

>>29915361
Keep telling yourself that seth.

>>29915328
Yes. I don't believe in just paying directly for it. I don't judge those that do, but I'd like to see it happen naturally.

>>29915464
Then maybe you should develop more postive qualities in your character.
Cjange is always possible

>>29915470
Yes. Yes it is.

>>29913637
Nothing, which is why I don't even have a waifu. No one deserves to have to put up with me.

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>>29913637
nothing

>>29913637
My waifu would not find me attractive because she is a lesbian.

I can't offer anything worthwhile, and my best guess is that it would be the same in Equestria.

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i dunno, i mean physically im kinda in shape
i do a lot of hiking

personality wise, im funny and likable probably

>>29916158
She'd like anyone that would give her free room and board and not make her feel like shit for being a failure

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>>29913645
Noice

>>29915002
>my dog is 56 in dog years
>i still remember when she was just a little pupper and would run around the house eating everything
>now she sleeps all day and only gets up to eat or kiss me when i get home
why do animals have to grow up? why can't they stay with us forever?

>>29916865
What does this have to do with my chances at Harshwhinny?

>>29916878
Her age and her being an animal just brought the thought to mind.

>>29916893
But can I bone zone her?

>>29913637
>What do you see in yourself that you think your waifu would find attractive?


the fact that with a proper pair of scissors and some creative cutting, i can make a pony vagina on any pony plushy or doll on the market today. sometimes i even add an anus just for the lolz.

>>29916895
She'd rip your throat out bro. Not to mention I'd maim you if you touched my dog like that and somehow managed to escape her.

>>29916908
You're either really funny or really stupid... I'll wait and see.
I was talking about Harshwhinny

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>>29915244
>>29915002
>>29916878
>>29916895
>>29916916
You seem just as desperate as we collectively seem to be headcannoning her, I'm sure you'd be perfect together. 10/10 match, 100% odds, now stop harassing the nice dog owner.

>>29916943
Full discloser I just wanted advice for self improvement.
And to shit on other people's headcannons.
I feel somewhat disappointed with this response. I'd rather have had an argument about, be given genuine advice on ways to improve myself in general and then forget about the thread.

Thanks for the (you), but you suck.

>>29916943
One more thing I actually replayed to everyone. You guys all suck for not rating eachother.
This is the cancer that's killing this board. Selfishness, you gotta share the yous to keep the fun moving.

>>29916972
>>29917121
Man, this is /mlp/, any advice for self improvement should at best be taken with a mountain of salt and at worst be inverted for best results.
Want a serious response? You seem to have your life in pretty damn good order, that's a good start. You're description pretty well covers all basis for general standards and if it's accurate then there really ain't many directions to go in those regards. Personality wise, you seem, as stated pretty desperate, though for what you're trying to achieve that isn't necessarily a negative. By you're first and most recent posts together, you seem kind of up your own arse. Again, considering what you're shooting for with your headcannon, the negative impact that'l have seems pretty negligible. It makes you seem the sort that I really wouldn't want to hang out with, but that's besides the point.
As I said, going by your headcannon, then your in a decent position. But the character has had barely any screentime or development so there's room for all sorts of headcannons, so maybe she'd think your a cunt undeserving of the time of day. But unless you're into emotional masochism, that's probably not the fantasy you want, so don't worry about it.

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>>29917132
Still want advice from some shitbird on mulp? Actually being out of college and having a job would probably go a long way in winning you're waifu's heart. As far as personality goes, I've already laid out the flaws that seemed like you might have from your posts, so maybe look into working on that.
But I don't know, maybe you're not coming across the way you wanted, your having an off day, or I'm just reading you totally wrong.
Again, this is /mlp/, being here means any claims of success are made real easy to doubt and any notions of being a total mess real probable. I for one can say I'm an utter monster whose lost all regard for society. The only role I seem to fit into on social gatherings is as the quiet and 'smart' due to a reputation I never wanted and don't care to back up, but has stuck one or as the king of the outcasts, since I seem to have just enough more charisma than anybody else whose ended up in such a situation. I'm pretty much nocturnal and have a a shitty event in my past that has fucked me up in the head, so maybe I can get a door in with Luna using that common ground, but frankly, that's my best shot and it's a shit one.

>>29917139
>Still want advice from some shitbird on mulp
If I didn't I wouldn't have asked.
So far this is very good though.

>>29917139
Tbh I think you're just a ten trips away to a therapist to getting your emotions back in check. If you really want to increase your charisma its honstly about reading three good books.
These three helped me allot.
How to win friends and influence people.
No more mr nice guy.
Mafia Manager: corporate Machiavelli.
Then just follow up with a steady regiment of practicing small talk with people at stores or bus stops. You know low consequence situations that don't matter. Once You're not scared of people not liking you or thinking your dumb or creepy you'll really see how the books give you a good outline on how to basic charisma.

I was there to once.You can make it if you really want it.

>>29917139
You just need to try. From one fuck up to another. Trying is all it takes for you to keep moving in the right direction.
I'm not gonna lie to you and tell you that anyones gonna care about your traumas or even your struggles because most people only see themselves when looking at other people.

Being shit on by life sucks, a lot I know. No one gave a shit about any of my situation college. The university didn't care they expected me to perform just as if nothing was happening.

That's how life is. No one cares. And you have to keep pushing man. You can't give up. Because the second you stop moving is the second you die.
The second you learn to say to hell with society, to hell with people and start trying to find ways to improve yourself is the second that you become above society.
Here's a secret. Everyones insecure. People will see you as a leader if you legit exude confidence. And not confidence in people just yourself.

Its not something you can pull off in one night or even in a year. But If you simply try to improve your life a little everyday. You'll make it in the end.
And don't do it for society do it because you deserve to be happy.
That's the alpha mentality, you get what you want even if you have to fight for it.

You can make it bra. I believe in you.

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>>29913645
Be Pinke
>Go on first date in five ever and it's with that funny looking alien that Twily accidently summoned last year.
>Not sure if other poneys think he's good or bad looking, just know that half of them at this restaurant are making weird looks at the two of you every so often,
>so what, let them! at lest you think he's cute, like a big cuddly monkey, who's mostly bald and stands tall on thous stilt like legs of his...
>Okay so maybe he's a bit weird but he is also the first colt to ask you out sense kindergarten.
Beggars can't be choosers!

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>>29917189
>You can make it if you really want it.
You missed the part when I said I've lost all regard for society. I actively don't want to make it by any classical metric. My charisma is fine, when I put in the effort, it actually seems like it's pretty damn good, at least for most of the utility I have for it and my emotions are, these days, decently in check.

>>29917241
I don't expect folk to care about my troubles, and as said, I've already lost regard for society. I can make myself the leader when I need to though admittedly struggle a little to avoid doing so when I don't want to be. I'm not insecure, I'm just honest, that neither the life I lead presently nor the one I hope to later down the road isn't the sort many others would want.

At this point in my life, most of what people would think of as 'making it' utterly disgusts me, so though it may be an overall good thing if my point of view were to shift and I were to get things together in a direction that would make sense to anybody but me, but as I am currently, I couldn't hope for that and instead sincerely hope to avoid it.

Don't worry, I've made my peace. I'm not particularly looking for aid, I was just giving the self deprecating and normality-based perspective on my life for the purposes of clarifying just how much salt my advice should be taken with. I haven't lost my way, I'm just heading off in a different direction to what most-anybody else says is the right one.

But still, thanks for the sentiment and recommendations. The care is appreciated

You 'aint so bad, anons?, I hope you make it by whatever you judge such a state to be.

>>29917281
But put spoiler tags around that bit at the end with the 's' and the question mark, I'm getting tired and fucking up my formatting and my grammar, Jeeze that post was a mess

>>29917281
well I wish you luck friend. I hope you make it to where you're trying to get to. It doesn't matter what other people think. Only that you're happy with where you're going. If you're not happy then why bother? All the same I just hope you're happy. Best wishes from me to you. I hope you find what you're looking for too.[/spolier]

>>29917258
Be Anon
Life has not been easy on you for the last year, for one there are still ponies who think of you as a mutant monkey/minotaur monster,
which made making friends almost impossible, except for Pinkie the Party horse and some of her friends from her inner circle that she had introduced you to.

Now you're not really a horse fucker but after a year of boredom and no "strong" drinks
>(dam these ponies can't hold their liquor to save their lives and it made drinking games no fun or have challenge)
what is a minoape to do? become a horse fucker that's what!
>Still though, it came as a surprise to you that Pinkie would not only take your offer of a date but jump at the canse befor you could even finch you're sentence.
Hotdam! ether this girl needs to get laid as much as you do or... Well you can't really think as to what else it could be at the moment but w/e you got a date.

>>29917354
Tbh if I was blue balled in a land of magical pones. I'd fuck anything that'd bend over for me. If ponka had a dick, but would take it in her pooper for me. I'd be down.

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>>29917354
Be Anon on 3rd date:
Wellp, it's time to r9k this horse pussy!
>Spreads legs, sees horse cock
That feel wee...
> NOOooooooo HOMOoooo!! RREEEEEEEEEEEEeeeee!!!

Be Pink horse
See Anon run into dark night screeching while he's doing some kind of wierd dance.
>*sigh* there goes another one. you really know how to pick them don't ya pinky.

>>29917446
Be Anon
Huh what?! oh, thank Sunass it was just a dream.
>>29917258
Any how
Be Anon and you've just been abruptly awakened by a certain concerned pink horse from your nap in the middle of your date.

>Huh what?!

Uhh, Nony, are you listening?

>(Thankyou book on how to sleep with your eyes open.)
>Huh? oh yah yeah, so what about your family's rock farm? You talked about your cutie mark and then something about your sisters?

Yeah... So anyways, as I was saying, I think you and Muad would hit it off riley well.

>Uh huh ( you say just befor grab your glass of water and take a swig)

Yah,*lins in to whisper* let me tell you, she could suck a golf ball thru a hose, and she's also been know to give rimjobs to some lucky stallions.
*stops whispering* Bet you would love that huh?

>Uh huh yeah-*Spite take all over Pinky*
>The fuck wah?!

>>29913637
well considering my waifu is Chrysalis im pretty sure I shouldn't discuss such things.

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>>29917655
Heh, I guess that's one way to make a mere wet.

>Bwah? Oh, heh for a second there I thought you mant with your sister...

(After a long awkward pause)*her smile widens*
Yes I did, but if you don't wanna wait we could do that anytime you want baby*wink*

>...I I- no, that's not what I, Umm...

...What?

>D-did you just-*lins in to whisper* implied you want me to have sax with your sister?

Well yeah, I mean, last I checked she wasn't in a herd, so when we start a herd together I was thinking she could join us...I mean *gives bed room eyes and a wink* as Luna would say
Why not "double" the fun?

>...

...
What?

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>>29913637

I'm a fuckawesome cook, I'm a licensed massage therapist, I'm funny as hell, I grew up on a working farm, I can work my ass off and I know my way around tools and electronics. I hide my pain behind a cheery, confident veneer.

>>29917812
Does that count as incest.

>>29917812
I have not even got to the pun for this green but maybe I will do it some other time.
board now.

>>29913645
>Assuming hir gender.

>>29917812
Pinkie pie the cuckquean.

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>>29913637
not much tbqhf, at this point I'd settle for just being able to hang out with her, plus I've got a bit of a depressing world view and I wouldn't want to drag her down with me, just being able to talk about random shit with her would make me content

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>>29917826
>tfw same waifu
>tfw same behavior
Tbh I'm a bit jelous that you had a chance to grow up on a farm.

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>>29918582
*jealous*
Fucking typo.

>>29916848
well hey thats good then

>>29919484
Is it, is it really?

>>29919739
oh now that i think about it

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>>29913637
I'm good enough, I'm smart enough, and doggoneit, people like me.

I don't know. I have a job, i'm smart and somewhat friendly... I actually don't know.

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I'm tall, I'm strong, I'm humorous. I'm not a beta, I have attitude.
I love animals and I'm a little shy too.

But I don't know if she'd really like me... We can dream, right?

>>29913637
I'm sympathetic and feel for others to a fault, understand her and her thoughts and fears and relate to them more than any other character does. She has a talent for recognizing and appreciating the good in others, and would know that I love her fully and with pure and kind intentions. And finally, because she just does, and that love doesn't need a reason; it is the reason.