Flutterrape 21/4/17

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I promise I'll contribute to this thread. Just not today.

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Yeeeah, work that grill baby

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>>29912599
Avast, wee lass, take a hand ta' that cooker.

>>29912227
Can't wait to see what you have planned.

>>29912227
are you finished with those plans?

>>29912599
>>29912877
I fuck dolphin one, if that count.

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>>29913670
>"Celestia I'm going quite concerned about this."
"Go away, Luna, I'm busy."
>"You've been 'busy' for three weeks."
>Luna takes a tepid step into your bedchambers.
>Her hoof immediately smushes the heavily-moulded remains of a hayburger you'd left there.
>She slowly removes her hoof and stares bewildered at it.
>"...It's not the fact that you've left a burger on the floor that bothers me, but why in the -doorway-...?"
"I said go away. The burger is there to punctuate my point."
>"Is it even a burger at this point?"
"I have to feed it twice a day, so I don't think so."
>...
"Also did you step in my pet?"
>"That's not important. You need to get out of this room, you have a kingdom to run."
"Dad's not been around since mom died, I think we should probably rename it to a princess-dom for accuracy's sake since we don't have a king..."
>"What-- Celestia, stop this childish behaviour right now!"
>Luna marches into your dark, sullen room and pulls open the curtains.
>As sunlight bursts forth, banishing the shadows, she recoils at what she sees.
>You sit on your punished, thoroughly flattened pillow, the desk before you covered in wrappers and stains.
>Around you is three weeks worth of rubbish and chaos.
>Clothes hang from chairs, your desk has several mountains of unsigned documents piled high, and a musky scent lingers in the stale air.
>Luna's eyes are drawn to your computer screen.
>A bright colourful scene is stretched across the monitor, a playful tune sounding out from the speakers.
>Your gaze remains glued to it.
>A nudge at your side alerts you to Luna.
>With great effort you shift your eyes from the rainbow before you to the unimpressed glare of your dear sister.
"...What?"
>"What? What do you mean 'what'? Does this look normal to you?"
>You crane your head back over your shoulder and regard the room with disinterest.
"Ten minute cleanup job at most."

>>29914103
>"That's besides the point, you're living in filth. You're a princess! THE princess!"
"You're a princess too."
>"Oh don't play dumb, when ponies talk about 'The Princess' they're talking about you. What would they say if they saw you now! What are you even wearing?!"
>You look down at yourself.
"...Panties and a t-shirt."
>"Where on earth did you find a t-shirt your size?"
"Bought it online."
>"And the panties?"
"Already had them."
>"Celestia look at me-- just--"
>She grabs your head, which was slowly turning back to the screen, between two hooves and forces it towards her.
>"Your mind is jelly. You're acting totally out of character, you're living in a heap, and no one has seen you for weeks save a few trusted guards! Your schedule is in tatters and the dignitaries are beginning to grow concerned!"
>She glowers.
>"Some even speak of foul play, and that I usurped the throne."
>Luna grits her teeth.
>"I've had to host the day-court for three weeks. You -know- how much I hate day-court. And because I've suddenly started doing it unannounced they think I have you locked away again!"
"Just tell them I'm busy."
>"I have been! For three weeks! Twenty days!"
"Not exactly three weeks--"
>"Semantics, Celestia!"
>She makes an exasperated noise, her annoyance on full display.
>"So shut off... whatever this is, have a shower, clean this room, and get back to running the country!"
"Sure, sure, just let me finish this."
>Luna studies the monitor closely.
>"What even -is- this?"
"Anonquest."
>"Anawhat?"
"Anonquest. You have to date the human and win his heart."
>"What in heavens is a human?"
>You nod at the screen.
>Anon cheerfully greets you.
>' Hiya! What do you wanna do today? '
>You click on ' Go to mall '.
>' The mall huh? You sure like going there, but so do I! And I get to do it with you that makes it extra fun! '
>A tired, satisfied sigh passes your lips.
>Luna watches you, dumbfounded.

>>29914111
>"...Please tell me you haven't fallen in love with a... a... fictional character...?"
"...He understands me."
>Luna blinks.
>"Celestia he isn't real."
>You grumble and ignore you.
>"No, no, no, Celestia, listen to me."
>She jabs a hoof at the screen, giving it a harsh tap and causing discolouration in the pixels where her hoof landed.
>You make a strange, pathetic-sounding distressed noise and wave her away, stroking the bit of screen she poked with your own hoof, quietly shushing as if to sooth it.
>Luna holds a forehoof over her eyes and tries to suppress a scream.
>"You need to get out of this."
"Sure, sure, I'll come out when I've gone to the mall--"
>"RIGHT NOW."

>"It's an absolute relief to see you again, Princess! If I may, where have you been?"
>You stare blankly at the stallion talking to you.
>He smiles, waiting patiently.
>You wet your chapped lips and look down at the papers before you.
>They're talking about taxes and... roads?
>You don't understand any of this.
>It's cold here.
>Your flanks hurt without your pillow underneath you.
>The sunlight hurts your eyes.
>You miss Anon.
"Oh I've uh, just been... away. Went to the mall a few times. Was gonna go to dinner once I'd earned enough love tokens--"
>Luna interjects.
>"What she's trying to say, sir, is that she's been mingling with the folk in Manehatten. Getting to know the streets in other cities apart from Canterlot, you see?"
>The noble seems to buy this.
>"Ah! Excellent! Well I hope you enjoyed your stay in our fair city, your highness, might I ask if you attended any plays? We've been hosting the wondering Mare-a Loco Show these past few weeks and if you..."
>Your mind wanders as he speaks.
>When you get back to Anon, would he respond well to you wearing blue again? He seemed to like it last time. He likes blue.
>You smile dozily.
>He likes you.
>A harsh nudge from the side brings you back to reality.

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>>29914119
>Luna smiles sweetly at you, her eyes hiding barely suppressed rage.
>"Well, Celestia? What do you think of the regulation to boost income tax by four point five percent and use the extra funds to maintain our roads?"
>She nods and mouths the words ' Say you like it '
"I... like it."
>Several of the nobles sigh in relief, several others groan.
>"So it's settled, we shall boost the income tax. Our roads will be far better off this way, and that should help with intercity travel, making it far less of a chore."
>You still miss Anon.

>Luna barges into your room.
>"Oh no--"
>She looks around.
>"NO--"
>Her pupils shrink.
>"IT'S BEEN TWO DAYS!"
>You raise your weary eyes from your computer screen and look at her quizzically from your fortress of trash.
>Empty fast-food cups and containers are scattered everywhere.
>You somehow got a bathrobe lodged behind the curtain railing.
>And the smell is back.
>As is the darkness.
>Smile weakly at Luna.
"Anon and I went on a date...!"
>You turn back to the screen.
>' Hey, how 'bout I eat your fat horse ass behind the gym~? '
>Instantly your face becomes flushed.
"A-anon! I... I think I'm ready."
>Luna watches in amazement as you hit 'Next' in a frenzy, the lewd depictions on screen getting so raunchy it makes even the mare who attempted to bring about eternal night get hot under the collar.
>You place a hoof firmly between your legs as your on-screen avatar (whom you made look rather similar, if not identical, to yourself) gets a rimjob from the human.
>Luna slams your door in shame and disgust.
>Eh, her loss.
>' Oh [CELESTIA], your giant butt excites me so! '
"Unf."

Heh.
Horses.
Been wanting to write something on that picture for a while.

and here I thought I was one of those good boy writers, who always ate his vegetables and waited his turn to post stories. Sorry, Neb.
that one shot was awesome, by the way
>tfw you never earn enough love tokens

>>29910994
>"Move those hips, mister," Pinkie goads you. "Come on already."
I'm coming! I'm coming!
>You race up the stairs, after tripping whilst trying to keep up with Pinkie, who can somehow hop up them without falling on her ass.
>You meet her at the top of the stairs.
>"Why don't we go to my bedroom now," she says in a certain tone.
Sure, you say with a shrug.
>You follow her into her bedroom.
>"Sorry there aren't a lot of places to sit down," she says while rubbing her face. "We may have to improvise a little."
>She keeps raising her eyebrows at you for some reason. You're not sure why.
>All you know is that it’s your birthday and Pinkie definitely wants to surprise you. So you’re just playing along.
It looks like there's plenty of room on your bed.
>Her eyebrows stop.
>"Oh, yeah," she says slowly.
>You sit at the edge of her bed.
>"Good choice," she says, perking up. "There are plenty of things we can do on the bed."
Really? What are we going to do on the bed, Pinkie Pie?
>She giggles into her hoof.
>"Let's make a cream pie."
In the bedroom?
>She saunters up to you and, stopping at your waist, bends her head down between your legs, further, until she reaches under the bed and pulls out a pie tin.
>"I've got a mini kitchen under my bed," she says as she pulls out all kinds of utensils and ingredients.
>"They're there for whenever I get—"she looks up at you and raises an eyebrow"—in the mood."
Oh? you say, not sure what she means by 'in the mood'.
>Maybe she means hungry.
>She dips her hoof in a bowl of cream and, raising the dollop to her mouth, sucks on the tip of her hoof until the cream is gone.
>Her lips move following satisfied moans, and then she looks at you.

>>29914215
>"Wow. I just love the taste of thick cream."
>She licks her lips and shows you her teasing stained tongue.
>"If you know what I mean."
I think I do, you say slowly.
>She leans towards you, nodding eagerly.
Can I have some?
>She blinks slowly.
>"I guess so," she says, handing you the bowl.
>You taste the cream while Pinkie, thinking for a moment, hops to the other side of the room and goes into her closet.
>"So I heard it was someone's birthday today," she says.
Sure is.
>"Well, everypony should get a special surprise on their birthday," she says.
>You hear some rustling and what sounds like tape being unrolled from behind the closet door.
>You play along, asking rhetorically:
Pinkie, did you bring me over for any specific reason?
>"Maybe I did," she intones.
>After a while the rustling stops, and Pinkie says:
>"Hey, could you come in here for a sec? I think I need you to hold something."
>You get up, walk to the closet door, hear the stifled giggles from Pinkie behind it, and then open it to reveal your surprise.
>Pinkie Pie, her groin wrapped all over in red ribbon, is turned away from you; but her warm rear, wiggling in anticipation, is pointed towards your waist.
>"Happy birthday!" she says, looking over her shoulder at you.
>You stand still in fixed confusion.
>Pinkie turns back around and, arching her back more, says:
>"Go ahead and open your present."
>You almost said that there was no present, until you noticed that your wandering eyes were burning heavily on Pinkie's red curvy cheeks.
>You're not really sure what to do here, though. It almost seems like Pinkie is trying to seduce you.
>But that would be crazy. The two of you were just about to eat.
>This must be a misunderstanding.
Pinkie, where's my present?
>"What?" she says after a moment.
>You feel your face heating up from awkwardness.
Well, it's just that you're all wrapped up here, but I don't see any present for me.

>>29914232
>Pinkie looks round her shoulder at you, then at herself; and then her skin begins burning red all round her eyes and on her cheeks.
>And she begins to laugh a bit forcedly.
>"Silly me," she says, picking herself up. "I forgot to—well I just—it was dark and . . . Get out for a sec."
>She pushes you out, saying "Just for a sec" for an innumerable number of times, and then closes the door behind her.
>You stand at the edge of her door, trying to cool your blood and dry your sweat.
>Did you just embarrass Pinkie? She doesn't actually like you like that, does she?
>There's some more rustling and you listen closely.
>Then, after a moment, the door opens.
>"Surprise!" Pinkie says cheerily. "For real this time too!"
>She turns all around, presenting herself all over again; but this time, she has a pair of blue jeans on.
>You're wearing blue jeans, too.
>She stops when she's turned around from you so she can present herself to you again.
>"Do you like them?" she asks, looking over her shoulder. "I got Rarity to make me a pair so I can be just like you. I figured we could be samesies."
>You feel a cool wave of relief washing over you.
They're awesome, Pinkie. They really are.
>"I'm so glad," she says, getting up. "I was worried that you wouldn't like them now, after what I just did."
You don't have to worry about that.
>You’re just glad things didn’t turn too awkward between you and Pinkie.
>"Well, let's make that pie now. Then we can start planning your party.
>“I got a lot more surprises in store for you today.”
>Pinkie goes to gather some ingredients on the floor.
>She bends over all the way, letting the fabric of her jeans stretch along her curves, giving you a nice view of her soft rump and the plush creases between her thighs and ass.
>You can't stop staring and you're starting to heat up all over your body, your pants getting tighter in the front.

>>29914245
>"Hey," Pinkie says, "how much cream do you think we'll need to put in this pie?"
>You don't answer. She lifts the heavy bag of icing and, putting the nozzle on her lips, squirts some cream into her mouth, so much that her cheeks puff out.
>She swallows and then, wiping her mouth, turns to you with a smile.
>"Because I can eat a lot of cream, and that might be problem."
>Hoping she can’t see the tight tent you’re pitching right now, all you can think of is how hard this birthday party is going to be to get through now because of . . .
>Fucking Sexy-Ass Pinkie Pie.

no one who has enough sexy ponk in their life could ever suffer from depression

>>29914124
Nice job m8, I enjoyed it.

>>29914267
I'll never forgive you for posting your story when I was posting mine.

I actually don't care at all. Great work, friendo.

>>29914290
Thanks bud.

>>29914124
I wish green like this was animated.

>>29914267

Omegaboner: A state in which the male reproductive organ becomes erect and immediately incinerates all of the male's clothing. In the process the male's pubic hair becomes blond (no matter what the original hair color is) and begins pulsating with immense energy. This is also known as Super Sayan stage. The male now has the ability to shoot laser beams out of his “man hammer”. They are referred to as "Cock Beams". The Omegaboner is so powerful that, by just looking at it, women can get impregnated. This power works within a two-mile radius.

The Omegaboner is the final stage of boner. The order is as follows:

1. Boner
2. Megaboner
3. Gigaboner
4. Omegaboner

The Omegaboner is a very dangerous power, it must be executed with great caution.

>>29914124
That was great Neb.

>>29915276
I'm fine with all of that except the being left for the rats part. If you do that to,e, I WILL find you.

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>21/4
>Not 20/4
>Not 4/20

>Suddenly Priest realizes how far we've fallen as a thread.

Fuck it, I'm gonna get drunk then.

>>29915330
e's a number, how can you leave it for rats?

>>29916288
Because I'm drunk. It gives me superpowers.

>>29915276
"I'D LIKE HER TO BE A LITTLE NICER!"
"That would be beautiful~"

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>>29914267
My goodness.

>>29914267
Load of shit form a shit horse.

it's been longer than 5 years you faggots

>>29917397
Thread's been around for 5 years, turbonerd, not the show.

>>29917397
MY BODY IS READY

>>29912210
>Still have to spoonfeed how to greentext

>>29917755
>What is reading comprehension

What's up with all the edgy kids floating around and shitting up every thread? This isn't the usual "stop liking what I don't like, I refuse to use filters" crowd.

>>29917983
Somebody in a different thread mentioned it as well, said there was some recent influx of newfags.
I doubt it, I feel anybody here has already been here for a long while.
On another note, I've not been on /mlp/ in a year or so. Really glad to see a lot of you guys are still around. I might try writing this time, even.
No promises.

>>29912227
I spend my days hoping several writers say the same thing.
Like Brownee.

How does a story stay 'nearly done' for so long?

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What the hell...?

Borse

>>29919105
>I was worried about the two of us sharing a body, but it looks like the fusion came out alright
>So what do you call a Fluttershy and a Pinkie? FlutterPie sounds alright
>Tirek: The only thing this two-pony fusion has done is made you twice as foolish!

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I would really like to pet this horse.

>>29919105
>A Pinkie Pie and Fluttershy fusion.
Uh oh.
---
>You hear a knock on the door.
>Your therapist had told you to block the sound out lest it trigger your PTSD.
>Still, you shuffle to the door and open it, ready to face the day.
>Pinkie Pie and Fluttershy stand before you, their eyes wide and faces hopeful.
>Already you feel the dread creeping over you.
>Pinkie turns to her friend.
>"This is it, Fluttershy! This is what we trained for!"
>Fluttershy nods excitedly.
>"I-I believe in us, Pinkie!"
>The two mares do a short, strange, possibly sexual synchronised dance.
>At the climax of it, they hug each other, butting their heads together with a firm, worryingly loud 'thunk'.
>A flash of light envelops them, blinding you and forcing you to shield your eyes with a hand.
>The two mares seem to shift into an amorphous blob of glorious radiance, leaving no trace of the two ponies you once knew.
>You watch in awe as the light rises from from the ground, hovering just past your eye level.
>It gradually takes shape, and though you're blocking most of what you can see under the shade of your hand, you can just make out a pony-looking entity.
>Said entity lowers to the ground once more, bathed in an other-worldly and mystical energy.
>The bright pink mare opens her eyes, a brilliant blue, her vibrant, fluffy yellow mane bouncing with the slightest of movements, almost as though it's dancing to an unheard rhythm.
>She smiles at you.
>A smile so optimistic it immediately shatters the veil of negative emotions surrounding your mind.
>For the first time in years you feel genuinely happy.
>Unable to think of anything else to say to her, you blurt out the first thing that comes to your head.
"I-I think you just cured my depression."
>"Of course I did, silly! I'm the combined forces of laughter and kindness!"
>Sweet jesus they ascended to godhood.
>This can only end badly.

>>29921368
>Not that you feel sad about it.
>Come to think of it, you're not sure you -can- feel sad anymore.
>You can think of a number of problems with this, and you wonder how you're going to react down the line to the death of a loved one.
>Likely with a song and a smile.
>The next funeral you go to is gonna suck.
>The being formerly known as Fluttershy and Pinkie Pie steps towards you.
>"Call me Flutterpie! Or Pinkieshy! I don't mind which, as long as you're happy!"
>You beam at her.
>Not that you had a choice.
>This is gonna grate on you, you just know it.
"So you're a hybrid of each other?"
>"Yesserooni! Fluttershy's kindness, Pinkie Pie's laughter, and all the good stuff in between! Isn't that neato?!"
"...Fluttershy's kindness and Pinkie's laughter."
>"Yyyup!"
"...Fluttershy's introversion and Pinkie's extroversion."
>"...Well, I suppose?"
"Fluttershy's lack of social skills, and Pinkie's abundance of them."
>Flutterpie looks at you in confusion.
"You're simultaneously the most confident pony in Equestria and the least confident pony in Equestria. You're both the loudest and quietest mare in the room. You're a pony who loves to party, but would rather do so on her own."
>Flutterpie shudders.
>You take a step back.
"You're no fusion. You're... a paradox."
>At this, thin, wispy motes of light begin emanating from Flutterpie.
"Your very existence is a contradiction! You're not supposed to be!"
>The mare trembles violently.
>Far, far too violently.
>Her teeth shake, her wings unfurl and begin flapping madly, though they refuse to lift her off the ground.
>Upon her chest, cracks start to form, brilliant white light seeping through.
>The mare begins to hyperventilate as her body becomes riddled with the same cracks, all of them growing in size and intensity.

>>29921372
>"I-I-I can't... breathe! I just wanna make ponies smile! B-but I don't want to go outside to do it!"
>She grabs her head.
>"I CAN'T THINK! I CAN'T... FEEL!"
"Oh fuck, ooooh fuck."
>You practically trip over yourself sprinting past her and down the road.
>Looking over your shoulder as you run, you see Pinkieshy begin to glow white hot.
>Her screams pierce the morning, and a high-pitched whining permeates the area, like the very air around you is crying out in agony.
>You feel a tension bearing down upon you unlike anything you've ever felt.
>It is as though reality is rejecting what Pinkie have Fluttershy have done.
>As though the universe itself is about to correct a grave error that should never have come to pass.
>White lightning arcs from her body, incinerating entire trees and liquidising rocks.
>"I. CAN'T. CONTAIN IT! AAAAAAAA--"
>The explosion is deafening, and you feel the heat long before you feel the impact.
>Your clothes and skin are seared as you find yourself dragged forward off your feet by the shockwave, a thunderclap beyond imagination resonating across the valley like a cataclysm.
>Though your world is spinning, you see several houses in Ponyville closest to the nova consumed by the wave of intense heat shortly before the charred remains are thoroughly obliterated.
>You land in the fountain at the centre of Ponyville, the water bubbling around you from the heat in the air.

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>>29921377
>The water quickly turns brown as it mixes with your blood.
>You know that damage was done to your body, but you're struggling to grasp the extent of it.
>For a while you lie simply lie there.
>Realistically it's all you can do.
>Your legs refuse to respond to your commands, and you daren't look down to confirm if you even still have them.
>You bask in the panicked cries of the residents around you trying to salvage their friends, family members, and lifestyles as smoke fills the skies.
>You stare at the cerulean blue above and watch it slowly fade from the thick plumes of black overtaking it.
>As you regard the devastation around you, the mares sobbing as their stallions try to put out the fires, the local law enforcement frantically attempting to maintain order, and the poor mayor stood off to one side watching and unable to move from the shock of the sheer destruction unleashed upon her small town, you can only think one thing.
"That was totally my fetish."

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>>29919105
That sounds dangerious and hot

>>29921368
o fug

>>29921382
Nice, I laughed all the way through this.
not sure if bad end or what though

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>>29921382
That got a good chuckle out of me. Now I'm imagining round two with pinkie and flutts coming up with a gameplan to accommodate them both. They proceed to use mail and trained party animals for invites to a private party.How can Anon possibly defeat them a second time and on thier home terf.FIND OUT NEXT TIME ON NEXT WEEKS FLUTTERRAPE Z

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>>29921382
"That was totally my fetish."
Goddammit

>>29921382
That was amazing.

Worm's eye view...

https://derpibooru.org/1417985

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>>29918743
Brownee specifically will not... as he is currently concussed.

And it stays like that for so long because I'm lazy. And also various people apparently sensing when I'm about to try continuing that deciding to stop me and have me do other stuff instead.

>>29922679
It looks so fuckin tight

>>29912210
>That pic
My dog does this every time I come home.

Lala

>>29912210
>Necromancyand spite

Toss in a bit of sadism, and crippling depression, and you got what makes this such an enduring thread type.

>>29923942
>"Necromancy!"
>"Depression!"
>"Sadism!"
>"Futa!"
>"Spite!"
>"By these powers combined, I am Flutterrape!"
>Fluttershy beams at you, her weird multicoloured costume hugging her form as she proudly poses.
"Uh, what does that mean, exactly?"
>"It means this!"
>Fluttershy waves a hoof.
>Before you can question it, a massive decrepit hand bursts from the ground beneath you and grabs your ankle.
"What the fuck?!"
>More skeletal hands emerge from the earth and grip you, forcing you to the ground where more bones reveal themselves and lock your body in place, spread-eagle on your back looking up at Fluttershy.
>Her eyes are glowing a soft, sickening green.
>She smiles, then it fades.
>With a heavy sigh she crawls onto you and sits on your chest.
>"So um, we're gonna have sex."
"No we're not, let go of me!"
>Her shoulders sag.
>"No like any of this matters... we'll all be dead one day."
>She forces herself to smile as she pulls out a knife.
>"Still, maybe carving you up a little bit will bring me some joy."
"Woooah, okay, Flutters, seriously, put that down."
>She lazily drags the tip of the knife across your skin, not hard enough to draw blood, but enough to leave a thin red line.
>"Oooh, the things I'm going to do to you."
>It's now that you feel something hot pressing against you.
>Looking down, you see a massive bulge pressed against Fluttershy's belly, her costume keeping it hidden, yet oh so revealed.
>"It's probably gonna hurt. It'll hurt so good, Anon, for you and for me."
>Desperately try to pull your limbs from the hands holding you down, but to no avail.
>Fluttershy sighs once more.
>"Sure it'll feel good, but it's not gonna make me happy..."
"Yes! Exactly! It won't do anything, so let's just forget this and go about our business, ha ha ha!"
>Your nervous laughs intensify as she presses the knife against your throat and her cock throbs, a faint dampness on the fabric betraying the precum oozing from her malevolent, aching shaft.

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>>29924081
>"Well, you'd like that, wouldn't you?"
>She growls.
>"Why should I do anything for you? You never do anything for me."
"Fluttersh--"
>"You've never sucked my cock, Anon. You've never wrapped those pretty lips and hands around my dick and worked it like the slut you are."
"I didn't even know you had a dick!"
>"All the more reason for you to make up for it. So to HECK with feeling sad, you're gonna scream for me, and I'm gonna enjoy every second of making you pant and moan like a bitch in heat for me!"
"I miss the old Fluttershy."
>"Don't worry baby, I'll fill the void she left behind with something much bigger."
"Oh god this is so gay!"
>...
>Fluttershy pauses.
>Then retracts the knife somewhat, sitting up and putting her hooves on her hips, scowling at you.
>"Futa isn't gay, Anon."
>You give her a deadpan look.
"You're about to fuck me with dick, of course it's gay."
>"No it's not, I'm a mare!"
"With a dick."
>"But I'm still a mare!"
"You might as well be an effeminate stallion, what's important is that you have a cock."
>She fumes.
>"IT'S. NOT. GAY."
"YOU'RE IN DENIAL, HOMOLORD."
>"OH SUCK MY COCK, YOU ASSHOLE."
"THAT'S THE PROBLEM, I CAN'T DO THAT OR IT WOULD BE GAY!"
>"REEEEEEEEEEEEE--"

Huh.
That went a bit off the rails.
I hope I wasn't accidentally projecting anything there...

>>29924085
10/10

>>29924085
Damn you are on a roll today.

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>>29924085
One question remains
Is it gay to suck your girlfriends dick?

>>29924326
It is not, but it does make you a faggot if you don't suck her dick.
You insensitive jerk.

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>>29924085

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>>29924085

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>>29923942
>>29924081
>>29924085

>mfw my casual observation made a weird yet funny story. Damn good job, Nebby.

Board's moving pretty fast today.

>>29928578
New episode, what'd you expect? DYEWTS

>>29928578
I save for you

>>29919105
That's certainly an interesting mashup

>>29914124
>Neb is the hero this thread needs.

Anon that's been away for four years here: any decent Moonbutt, Sun Hoers, Candy Ass, or Spergle?

Especially Candy Ass.

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This is my fetish.

>>29913003
YOU'VE MADE YOUR POINT YOU CAN STOP NOW

>>29913003
And what?

>>29931387
>>29931427
So I work for an aquarium/sea attraction place in Canada (not telling you faggots where but it's in the same city as the Canucks) and a thing you have to every few days with dolphins where I have to get urine and fecal samples. This usually requires three people at first to hold the dolphin over and to flip them so that their backsides are up for the newer dolphins.

Dolphins are really fucking smart. They have sex recreationally like humans. They also recognize faces and will respond to names. Usually a dolphin gets attached. In this case, I was paired with a female dolphin named Yufa (that's what she responded to). I worked the evening shifts and got pretty attached to the dolphin to the point where it played around with me a lot.

So one day, I'm doing the sampling on my own and start petting Yufa's belly as she's turned around. What's amazing about a dolphin's vagina and how you know it's in heat is that her erogenous areas start to turn a shade of red against their grey and white skin. So no one else was there and there aren't any cameras in the back areas where the dolphins are placed after-hours. I got really attached to Yufa and she kept pulling my wetsuit which is what she did to play around except I noticed her vagina was turning red. So against my better judgement, I pulled my pants down, flipped Yufa over, and rubbed her red area. She did this little purr thing and I decided that it was time. So I got in the water, swimming with my erection just hanging out there, and as she was swimming upsidedown slowly, I decided to place my penis inside of her wet slimy area.

With the cold water and the warmth inside of Yufa contrasting as I felt her vagina wrapping around my dick, I kept thrusting slowly until I cummed inside of Yufa. I don't know about the constant orgasm thing but I only came once. I only came to a few seconds later and realized I had just fucked a dolphin.

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>>29931428
So... worth it?

>>29931428
Your mother must be proud.

>>29931428
I saw this posted on /v/ right the fuck out of nowhere a few weeks ago.
Granted, this can hold some relevance here thanks to our lovely dolphin overlord, but still.

>>29931428
Copypasta. Try harder, Anon.

>>29932197
I was unaware of this anti dolphin movement.

>>29933216
>Never heard of Japanese people.

So uh... Is Clever Dick dead?

>>29933623
Not literally, but he's off the pony train for good, I'm afraid.
Sorry, Anon.

>>29933631
I knew you'd be the one to reply, Neb.
That's basically what I'd guessed after seeing his pastebin hadn't been touched in years. He just lose interest or what?

>>29933640
>I knew you'd be the one to reply, Neb.
I'm always here.
A lack of a social life will do that to a man.

>He just lose interest or what?
Pretty much. Season 3's finale pissed him off quite a fair bit; he'd always liked how surprisingly well-written the show was for a cartoon, so when Alicorn Twilight rolled up to the party he saw that as the first real sign of the show's degeneration. He gave up after that and got interested in other stuff.

Real life and video games were also major distractions from writing, so that suffered to. Eventually he just threw in the towel altogether and now spends his days playing games and talking to various porn artists on the internet.

So really, he's living the high-life.

>>29933684
Living the dream.

>>29933684
Sounds like a champion among men honestly.

>>29932754
4 Anon, 2013 -> 2014 - 2017

Saving Fluttershy from Page 10 is my fetish.

>>29936306
It's a shame she's too tenacious to let it get there often.

Come on, chumps, write some green.

>>29936621
no u

>>29936621
We just had a bunch, it takes awhile to get green here.

>>29936621
>rape
>>29937265
>rape writing

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>>29934783
>anthro butts
>and thicc thighs on ponies
>on ponies
ON PONIES
N

P
O
N
I
E
S

That's dangerously furry right there, sonny boy.

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>>29938098
That better?

Any of the M6 wanted to guess my fetishes I would give them my e621 Blacklist first.

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>>29938098
I'd sooner fuck a real horse than go furry. There's no second guessing it for me.

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>>29938508
>Her face when.

>>29938508
That's kinda fucked up.

>>29938367
I want Fluttershy to fart on my face

>Princess Celestia calls for Anon
>When he asks what she wants, she simply tells them that they're going to have sex
>Anon refuses, and she responds by saying that she wasn't asking
>She doesn't outright force him to do anything, but she has him confined to the castle grounds until he submits
>She visits him each day to discuss the goings-on in Equestria, and to pass on the messages his friends left for him while he was away on his secret errand for the Princess
>She gently reminds him that each day he resists is another day he must serve her before he'll be allowed to leave
>She then returns to her chamber alone
>Anon is sure that she'll relent soon; she's behaving totally out-of-character and irrationally
>Surely she'll come to her senses soon

>>29939252
>Celestia and Luna have an ongoing competition who fucks the most different species
>Were tied for a few hundreds years
>Had to take anon into protective custody before Luna does

>>29938600
"Hey, I'm saying don't do these things, twi."
>"Why are there so many of the same fetish worded differently?
"Because no one knows how to tag shit"
>"There are so many variations of the word poop, how many people like it!?"

>>29930723
I can't think of manyCadence stories seeing as how Neb wrote the greatest one of all time
https://pastebin.com/ZuADRK8V

>>29931428
Dude You fucked a dolphin in the Vancouver aquarium? Damn.

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>Morning in Equestria.
>It hasn't started like any other.
>In fact, as soon as you wake up you have a pounding headache.
>And that's not all, you can feel that something's off.
>There's no doubt about it, there's a pony laying next to you. Question is: which one?
>All you can remember was getting paid and going to the local bar the night before.
>It has its legs draped over your chest with its face buried into your side. You can feel it's warmth radiating pleasantly around you.
>You open an eye and try to see who it is without waking it up.
>Peeking down at it, you notice it's a her. That's a bit of a relief.
>What's not relieving to discover is that it's Applejack. The farm pony.
>You didn't hate her, you just weren't exactly friends with her, at least not enough to sleep together.
>And besides, you probably have dirt on your sheets now.
>You don't really know how to go about waking her up, so you just blow at her.
>After a couple of seconds her ear twitches, but she doesn't get up.
>"Hey... Applejack." You say.
>Nothing.
>You decide to whistle at her. She shifts a little but still doesn't wake up.
>You decide you've had enough and just shake her.
>A good hard shake.
>"What in tarnation!? Anon, what are you doin'?" She asks, startled.
>"What are YOU doing in my bed?" You ask her.
>She looks confused, but then a worried expression spreads across her face.
>"Oh no, you- we didn't, uh... ya know, did we?"
>"I was hoping you knew." You tell her.
>Rubbing her head she stands up, pushing the covers off.
>This just feeds her panic as it is revealed (to both of you) that you're completely naked.
>"Uh oh." Is all she says before stepping off the bed and looking away.
>You look for something to cover yourself with and notice your clothes laying a few feet from the bed, along with her hat and and hair ties.
>"This doesn't look good."
>"No Anon, it doesn't." She says.

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>>29940075
>"Uh, don't look." You say before you get up.
>It's then that you notice that your ankles are tied together.
>You try to untie them but soon realize you're no match for the farm pony's knot tying skills.
>"Hey Applejack. Gonna need a little help here."
>She doesn't say a word a just walks over to you. You place both hands over your package and try to act as normal as you can in this situation.
>While not making eye contact with you she unties the ropes with ease. Her head is hanging the whole time and she doesn't say a word.
>When she finishes you just say thanks and procedures to clothe yourself.
>"So uh, you don't remember anything from last night?" She asks.
>"I remember drinking, and that's about it. What about you?"
>"I remember that too. I remember you challenging me to a drinking contest."
>That... actually sounds like something you'd do. Ponies don't tend to drink as much as humans and it's a good way to get someone else to pay for you getting drunk.
>Guess maybe you challenged the wrong pony.
>"Anything else?" You ask.
>"Ah remember beatin' you, and you saying you didn't have enough bits to pay for the drinks. The rest is... kinda foggy after that. Although Ah'm startin' to recall the ropes."
>As you rub your sore ankles you hope to yourself that they weren't your idea.
>"Holy shit." Is all you can say.
>"Yeah." Is her reply.
>The two of you just sit there silently for a moment.
>"Ah don't really do this sort of thing, ya know." She finally says.
>"Yeah me neither. I'm usually the one picking up the girl. This is kinda new for me. This is actually my first time with a pony."
>"Really?"
>"Yeah."
>"Go figure." She says.
>The clock on your nightstand informs you that it's 11am already.
>"Well, if you want, I can buy you some breakfast?" You suggest.
>"Look Anon, Ah'm sure last night was prolly fun and all, and this is weird for the both of us, but I'm not really interested in dating, no offense."

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>>29940086
>Shot down. By the mare that got you drunk, tied you up, and presumably had her way with you to cover a bar tab.
>You're a little hurt but also a little relieved.
>"Oh yeah, I was only asking because I thought maybe I'd have to let you down easy, you know?" You say, attempting to cover up your embarrassment.
>"Sorry about all this, ah just get a little, stressed from working all the time."
>"Well ah better be goin' now. Uh, no hard feelings if ah keep my distance for a while right?" She asks.
>"That's probably for the best." You say before handing her her hat.
>"Thanks Anon. And hey, let's keep this between the two of us, alright?" She says.
>"Yeah, of course. I don't want the whole world knowing I'm a horse fucker." You say with a forced chuckle.
>Applejack pauses before opening your door and prepares herself for the walk of shame ahead of her. You live on the other side of town from sweet apple acres.
>You'd hate to be her right now.
>"Bye Anon." She says before finally stepping out.
>"See you around, I guess." Is all you say back to her.
>When she closes the door you let out that breath you were subconsciously holding in.
>So you finally had sex with a pony and you can't even remember it. You have no way of knowing if it was good enough to do a second time.
>Well one thing's for sure, you're sober for the foreseeable future.

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>>29940095
Aww yeah, Applejack.
Will there be more?

>>29940193
I don't like writing Applejack. She's a cool pony but her accent is hard to do well. All those "Ah'm"s and things like that. It gets annoying to write, and annoying to read.

>>29940227
Then don't do it.

Pro(?) writing tip:
If you're writing the character well enough, the audience will fill in the voice for you.

I used to do "Ah'm" and suchwhat when I was writing Applejack, but I've stopped recently because I realised that when I'm reading a line of dialogue from Applejack I read it in her voice. I'll still crop out the odd letter when writing something like Runnin' or Walkin' because AJ has been known to miss out her G's, but also pronounce them from time to time, and its important to specify something like that to the reader.

Consider these two bits of dialogue:

"Ah reckon this here pig think's 'e can flah!" Applejack quipped.
"I reckon this here pig thinks he can fly!" Applejack quipped.

Now I don't know about you, but since in the context of those sentences Applejack was the one speaking, I read both lines of dialogue in her voice. As you said, it's annoying to read dialogue that's obnoxiously written out in her accent, and it shows much more respect to the reader if you were to just write the lines as normal. Be sure to reflect Applejack's mannerisms in there, though; it's her character and dialect that are important, not so much her accent.

Now go write some Applejack stories.

>>29940227
It's a country girl thing.

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>>29940307
Shit advice from a shit person. Good fucking job. A+

>>29940817
>This entire post
W-what?

>>29940817
Well that's uncalled for.

>>29931428
Did the dolphin enjoy it?

>>29940752
butt

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>"Anon, my impurities have been burned away by the blinding fire of the Koran. I am sorry for my treatment of you. I must dedicate my life to serving Allah. Inshallah, anon."

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Ay anon, you're going to love me~

>>29937265
>Thinking that qualifies as actual green

Better than nothing rite?

>>29941160
>Haram, HARAM!

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>>29941176

mouthplay

>>29941176
>>29941546
How can you stop a rapist that size?

Musical bump
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4PVpvdaKg-c

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>>29942022

Hope she doesn't accidentally swallow.

>>29943191
As much as I hate to say it, it's most likely the case, haven't seen anything new in awhile.

>>29943842
That's always a possibility, I really liked his stuff, so I hope he comes back someday.

>>29943191
He's gone, bro. Haven't heard from Driverbang in about 4 years now.

I hope he's doing well for himself these days, but he sure as hell isn't around these parts anymore.

>>29943938
How so?

>>29943938
I wouldn't call it depressing, the green we get is still fun.

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>>29943963
I hope you're no longer lonely, Anon.

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Well, I'm back. Wait, you don't remember me? Right, I only ever made like 2 stories then fucked off because life. Fuck life. Have some green.

>Day Bizarre in Equestria
>Shit, shower, shave, blah-de-fuckin-blah
>Wait
>The fuck is that noise?
>From downstairs, beyond your front door, you can hear a strange noise.
>You sigh, expecting it to be Fluttershy, though this isn't your normal three knocks.
>Putting on your best stern scowl, you approach the front door and tear it open.
>You were not prepared for what you saw.
>"Rerorerorerorerorerorerorero....Oh. Hi Anon~ Are cherries your fetish?"
"....Fucking why."
>"Well, cherries are my favourite, and I thought maybe you'd like to pop mine~?"
"..."
>"..."
"..."
>"...rero-"
"Fuck off."
>"Darn."
>You slam the door
>You're half bewildered by her guess, and half surprised she even still had a cherry
>Mmm...cherries...
>You open your fridge to find a bowl of cherries
"Well, she's at least right about cherries. Fucking love cherries."
>You sit down on your couch and pop a few in your mouth
>Suddenly
"Rerorerorerorerorerorerorero--...FUCKING FLUTTERSHY."

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>>29945172
I have a similar feel.

>"My hot pussy is getting these panties all nice and wet for you."
>It's just another average day
>Fluttershy, spinning around before you, has on a pair of tight yellow panties with pink polka dots
I said it once already, panties aren't my fetish.
>"Are you sure?"
>She turns around and wiggles her butt for you which makes the fabric stretch slightly over her cheeks
>"Don't you want to take them off of me?"
No, you say with an exasperated sigh. No, no, no, Fluttershy.
>"Oh," she says, deflating and turning around. "Well why not?"
Because I don't like you and never have, you almost say.
>But you think better of starting such a fruitless argument and instead, shrugging, say:
Look, panties on you are nothing special.
>She flinches and, in a quick outburst, blurts out:
>"But I stained them with my love juices that I felt for you. Doesn't that make them special?"
>You waited until the desperate twitch in her eye settled itself
. . . Anyway, I already know what your vagina looks like. So what's the point of panties?
>"I like panties," Fluttershy offers. "They're comfy and easy to wear."
But you stained them. Christ, it looks like you pissed yourself.
>"W-what?!"
>Fluttershy turns her ears down at this and hides behind your legs
>"Oh, I didn't think of that. What if somepony saw me like this?"
Well, I saw you like--
>"Hide me."
No way.
>But before you could catch her she runs into your house and, with the kind of speed that only total panic could give her, shuts the door behind you
>You hear the door lock
>Goddammit
Open up, you shout while jiggling the doorknob.
>"Can I change first?"
Idiot. You're in my house. And you don't need clothes anyway.
>A silent moment passes
>"Pretty please?"
No!
>"I'll just be real quick," you hear her say as she goes upstairs.
>Bang on the door in frustration, until, suddenly, you remember that you hid a spare key under your welcome mat
>Lift up the mat, but no key
>Remember that Fluttershy stole it weeks ago

>>29945321
>Start screaming and hitting your door harder
>Suddenly the blinds by your front window open
>Fluttershy is hovering there, posing for you
>And wearing your briefs
>"Oh, they're so soft and nice to wear," she says while her hoof is past your waistband and between her thighs.
>She bites her lip and says she's going to put on a show for you
>If there was a rock anywhere around, you'd break your window
>"Do I look any sexier in your own clothes?"
>She doesn't. Your briefs are way too big for her
>They fit too loosely and, when she bends over for you, it makes her ass look like a deflated hot air balloon
>Then a big wet patch diffuses onto her seat
>It almost looks like she's soiled herself for you
Fuck, look at what you did!
>She looks over her shoulder and blushes at you
>"I can't help it. It's almost like our crotches are touching."
>You are so heated by her antics that you feel you could dry your own underwear if it was touching your head
>Then, as Fluttershy flies back up to try on another pair, you get an idea
>She comes back down
>She's wearing your boxers with the little hearts on them that say "Heart Breaker" on them
>She smiles at you and, pulling on the loose waistband, reveals her warm slit to you
>That's when, pulling your phone out, you take the picture
>The flash shines in Fluttershy's eyes, freezing them, until your boxers slide off of her in her shocked state
Joke's on you now, horse. I'm going to show this to everyone we know.
>"Don't!" she says, pushing herself forward with her wings, and crashing head first into your window
>She knocks herself out cold
>You show everyone the pics
>They all ignore the Fluttershy parts, they've been on her side ever since her stalker behavior began
>Instead they all laugh at your boxers, saying that they're silly
>These ponies have got no style
>All of your underwear was gone when you got back home
>And you were still locked out
>Fluttershy likes to wear your underwear around town now

>>29945334
I needed this today, thanks Anon. I hope you stick around.

Well I had an idea at work, and it's been like 3 years or some shit since I've done this. Or was it 2?

>Be Anon.
>Get out of a chariot that came for you randomly one night.
>You're in Canterlot, and there's a huge auditorium that you're being led into.
>Upon entering, you see thousands more anons. Most of which look just like you.
>There's a few here and there who look completely different.
>There's Celestial and Lunar Guards all over, directing, and controlling the mass crowd, while search lights shine around the upper walls, and ceiling.
>Speaking of that area, massive tapestries hang down, with the various colors and cutie marks of some well known ponies.
>Suddenly, the lights dim some, and music starts to play.
>The crowd cheers in unknown excitement.
>https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ldsJ0laYn6s
>From the left and right corners of the stage emerge the Princesses, Celestia, and Luna.
>A thunderous roar deafens you.
>They proudly look over the crowd, throwing up a hoof here and there.
>They each, along with their guards, wear armbands of a yellow color, sporting a pink circle, and a green greater than sign in the middle.
>Then they speak. Err...sing.
1/2

>>29945849

>C "So ya. Thought ya. Might like ta. Post in the thread."
>L "To feel the warm joy of shitposting, and sexual dread."
>C "I got some bad news for you sunshine. Flutters isn't well. She's uh, back at the hotel."
>L "And she sent us along for some serrogate rape. Now tonight, we're gonna make your tight anuses gape!"
>Oh no. This can't be good.
>C "Are there any hoof fetishists in the audience tonight? Get them up against the wall!"
>Several anons are dragged to the wall, and the guards, who you now realize are all mares, begin to grope, and rape them.
>L "There's one in the spotlight, he looks horny! Put him against the wall!"
>This is bad. You'd better try to duck out before they start singling out everyone.
>C "And that one like fillies, and that one licks poon! Who let all these horndogs into the room?!"
>L "There's one rubbing a horn! And says they need sucked!"
>C "If we had our way,"
>C&L "WE'D HAVE ALL OF YOU FUCKED!"
>Then there's a loud boom, and bright flash, as the pyrotechnics go off.
>The captains of the respective guards come out to the stage.
>They each have a pillow on their back, supporting a giant translucent strap-on dildo sporting their respective princesses' mane colors.
>The crowd breaks loos in screams of fear, lust, panic, and everything else under the sun.
>You crawl on your hands and knees out to the back, and try to slip out the door in the ensuing chaos.
2/2

Someone else can do the Run Like Hell portion. I've only got so much patience for this.

>>29945854
That was certainly entertaining.

>Walking through Canterlot one day as part of a vacation you took away from the rapist ponies of Ponyville
>Suddenly, as you're passing by the castle, the top of one of the main towers explodes
>Luckily none of the flying bricks or debris lands on top of you
>Unluckily, a twilight blur shoots out of the smoking hole and lands on the ground before you
>"Huzzah!" says the blur, who is Princess Luna
>She has a look of insane ecstasy on her face; and then she turns to you
>"Human," she bellows, so strong it echoes through you and the cobblestone beneath your feet, "I have perfected a great and sacred art just now."
>She turns around so that her flanks are facing you
>"Watch as I lift up my tail."
>You look from her twitchy tail, to her insane eyes, to the gaping hole where the explosion had just been
>And you realize that whatever Luna is about to do it cannot possibly be good for you and, most likely, it will end in rape
>So you jump out of the way
>Just as her tail raises, the path behind her explodes, as though some invisible force has pushed onward until all that it was faced with was levelled
>Luna turns around and is pleased with what she has done
>"Look, I have the most powerful ass in the kingdom!"
Leave me alone, you say as you run away.
>But Luna gives you chase, running backwards so that her rump is pointed towards you
>"Come, human," she says, "and tame the ass that can destroy the heavens themselves!"
No! I'm supposed to be on vacation.
>You run through the backyards of some residents
>Up ahead, a corn-colored pony with a carrot cutie mark has finished her harvest
>"These are my best carrots yet. I hope nothing happens to them."
>Then something happens to them
>You run through with no regard to her crops, and trample her carrots
>And you are followed by Princess Luna, still running backwards and yelling out things about how great her butt is
>The carrot pony stares for a while, before starting to cry

>>29946450
>As you reach the bridge that runs over the canal, you are getting tired
>Luna is still in top form, though; she even seems to have enjoyed the chase
>She kept shouting out in glory whenever she pushed a pony in the street aside with her ass
>Rather than be raped, you jump off the bridge with intent to drown yourself in the river
>Instead, you see that you're headed right for a small boat
>Two ponies, a stallion and a mare, are seated in it; the stallion is at the hooves of the mare, looking up at her
>"Will you marry me?" he asks her
>She smiles, and its just then that your lower half collides with her head
>You hear something snap as her face, cushioned in your groin, stops your fall
>Get up and look at the mare, who is making choking sounds without moving her head
>You turn and look at the stallion
>There is no stallion, only Luna
>She grabs you by the scruff of your neck with her mouth and, raising her tail, blasts you both into the air with her rocket ass
>She destroys the boat behind her and sends waves crashing onto the sides of the canal, the water puling some ponies into the river as it recedes back

>Afterwards, in her bedchambers, a very satisfied Luna is polishing her regalia
>"Well, I must raise the night now," she says
>You cannot say anything, and you have no pubes left either
>"Call me up anytime you're back in town," she says upon leaving
>You decide then and there that you will never go on vacation again, and from then on you avoid all castles and carrots and romantic spots for lovers to boat at

randomness done purely for fun's sake

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>>29946463

>>29946463
I think you definitely succeeded in your goal with this.

>>29947157
He did.

>>29922949
>concussed
How the fuck?

>>29947693
It's Brownee friendo, it's an unusual circumstance if he's NOT concussed.

Requesting green where twilight casts a spell on anonymous where they share the same physical sensations and inadvertently discovers sexual arousal despite her lack of genitalia and gets addicted to it

>You’re eating at a café, because you had to get away from Fluttershy, if only for one morning.
>A cute waitress—almond-colored mane, vanilla coat, and an infectious smile that stretches the red freckles on her cheeks—has been serving you.
>The two of you had been chatting for a bit before your food came; you think she likes you.
>Eventually you finish your food and now you're waiting for the check.
>Here it comes.
>. . . No, wait, it's Fluttershy.
>Sit up warily as she stops at your table.
What are you doing here?
>She's grinning, which always makes you nervous.
>"You weren't home so, I thought I'd go out and find out where you went."
>This isn't good.
>You just know she's going to embarrass you in some way, although you're not sure how.
>And now the waitress is coming over.
>Lean over to Fluttershy and whisper severely:
Fluttershy, of all the times you could have chosen to be annoying, believe me when I say that this is the worst—
>"Fluttershy?"
>Fluttershy turns around and on her face forms a look of fond recognition towards the waitress.
>They start talking; apparently they knew each other from previous volunteer work with animals, but they hint at other things too.
>Talk shifts towards you, with both of them saying flattering things, which feels good when coming from the waitress' mouth.
>She gives you the check and leaves saying that she'll be back when you're ready.
>"Well that was nice, seeing her again," Fluttershy says. "I thought she moved."
Yeah, I like her.
>You're just glad Fluttershy didn't fuck anything up too—
>Fluttershy starts licking your hand.
>Pull it away and glare at her as she pants like a mongrel.
What are you doing?
>She ignores you and starts rubbing her face against your leg.
>You try to push her away but she resists, pushing your hand back.
>No one is seeing this, right?
>You flick Fluttershy on the nose and tell her to stop . . . whatever it is she's doing.
>"Oh, but I'm your pet," she says. "And you're my master."

>>29950421
>She sits up on her hind legs and, still panting, assumes a begging pose, while you whisper "Not my fetish!" through your teeth innumerable times.
>"And I'm trying to communicate, that I want master to feed me and give me a belly rub."
For God's sake, I'll buy you whatever you want. I'll do anything you ask. Just please stop this!
>Fluttershy looks up at you.
>"Anything, master?" she says, tilting her head curiously.
>You nod slightly, trying not to draw attention; no one has noticed any of this yet.
>"Okay," Fluttershy says happily.
>Thankfully she gets up.
>And then wraps a studded collar around her neck and, putting the leash on the table, says:
>"Please take your pet for a walk, master."
>You hear a tray drop close by; reluctantly, you turn to the sound.
>Among the broken dishes and spilt coffee, you see the shocked face and small staring eyes of the waitress.
>She looks at you and the scene you're trapped in with disgust and horror; Fluttershy smiles nervously her red cheeks under her judging eyes.
>The other patrons start turning towards you.
>Trying to save face in front of the waitress, you turn severely to Fluttershy and say:
See what you did?
>"Yeah," the waitress says, though her tone sounds somewhat threatening and it made Fluttershy flinch.
>She stands over Fluttershy, who is now trembling.
>"Look at what you did, pet!"
>What?
>"I'm so sorry," Fluttershy says, crawling across the floor to meet the hooves of the waitress.
>"Please forgive me, master," she begs.
>"You will not have earned such a favor, until you have cleaned this mess up," the waitress says.
>"Yes, yes of course," Fluttershy says, grabbing a rag from the pocket of the waitress' apron
>"Pet!" the waitress snaps, making Fluttershy jump. "Did I say you could use master's rag?"
>Fluttershy quickly puts the rag back, begging forgiveness the whole time.
>"You will clean this mess up with your coat, you silly little foolish pet," the waitress orders.

>>29950441
>Fluttershy nods quickly and then, throwing herself on top of the spill and the broken glass, begins rolling around in the mess.
>You watched all of this with silent, morbid curiosity.
>Then the waitress, turning up to look at you, winks your way.
>She walks with a bit of pride towards you, takes your check, and then, leaning over your shoulder, reaffirms to you smugly:
>"I'm her master."
>Then, turning around and flicking her tail at you, she strides back to the kitchen to resume her work.
>The only sounds for a while are Fluttershy's muffled whimpers as her body crunches over broken glass.
>The patrons regard her for a while before the strain of their polite upbringing forces them to ignore her and carry on with their food and talk as they usually would.
>You're not sure what to do.
>You kind of want to wait for your change, but you're scared of what the waitress might do to you if you don't leave her a tip.
>You decide to leave.
>"Psst."
>Fluttershy whispers to you as you're getting up.
>"Was any of that your fetish?"
>You try to ignore her as she continues to pester you, saying things like "What about threesomes?" and "Look how dirty I'm getting".
>Fucking Fluttershy. You're eating at home from now on.

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>"And today here's our g-guest, Anon."
>Fluttershy barely stammers out a greeting to the audience that's watching the stage, eagerly watching you eat a bowl of Wheaties.
>How you got here, you had no idea.
>You were walking down the stairs to the kitchen and then... bam!
>An audience watching your every move.
>They spent five minutes watching you eat as Fluttershy tried to work up the nerve to go out on stage.
>And now all their cheer goes out on the stage as Fluttershy turns her back to the audience to look at you.
>There's a few mumbles as the crowd is unsure what to do next.
"What the fuck are you expecting? A clown fiesta?
>As if on cue, the whole audience speaks with Fluttershy as if one:
>"IS"
>"THAT
>"YOUR"
>"FETISH!"
>There's some boisterously cheering, and you're pretty sure one roided up stallion said "YEAH!"
"No."
>The crowd begins to clap, as if this is all expected.
>Fluttershy is undeterred. "Anon sweetie, I want you to choose a door."
>She gestures to three doors blocked by only a curtain, and a show pony was doing her best impersonation of Vanna White.
"Let me guess. They all have to do with fetishes."
>"Yes. Some ponies flew all the way from Baltimare, so we'd really appreciate it if you'd play along."
>A few pegasi in the audience gave you a crossed look and a motion of crunching two hooves together.
"Fine. I pick door number 7."
>Technically you guessed a door.
>But they only went to three, confired by the Vanna White pony giving you a cross look.
>It was then that a door 7 appeared out of thin air, courtesy of Discord.
>He opens it inside and there's a pony wearing a clown suit.
>He's frowning like all the dignity got sucked out of him
>He horrifies you, as do all clowns, in your personal experience that you will not recount here.
>Fluttershy goads the crowd.
>"IS"
>"THAT"
>"YOUR"
>"FETISH"
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA"
>Fucking Fluttershy. It's going to be a long day.

>>29950447
>>29950728
I gotta save both of these, thanks for the green.

>>29945172
I didn't need this today Anon.

>>29950728
Kek

>Fluttershy successfully breaks into Anon's house at night
>She sneaks into his bed
>As soon as she's within arm's reach, he pulls her in and hugs her tight, as if he was afraid she would float away if he let go
>As first she's delighted, until she realizes that something is very wrong
>He's shaking like a leaf, and saying names she doesn't recognize
>It sounds like he's about to cry
>Is he having a nightmare?
>Shouldn't Luna be doing something about this?
>He curls up almost into a fetal position around Fluttershy and buries his face in her mane
>She doesn't get much sleep herself; she was too worried about Anon the whole time
>She manages to slip out of his arms a little bit before he normally wakes up
>The heartbreaking noises he made when she did made it very difficult, but she couldn't afford to be there when he woke up

>Anon crawls out of bed after another tough night
>He actually felt like he slept a little better this time, but he still feels like shit
>As he prepares the coffee that practically keeps him alive these days, his regularly scheduled harassment knocks on the door
>He opens it to find an extremely tired and worried looking Fluttershy
>"A-anon...is having somepony to talk to your fetish?"

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>>29952541
>It just might be Fluttershy, it just might be.
>And then they has their first real conversation in over five years.

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>>29952541

Aw, that's cute, man.

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>>29922949

>>29952541
Continue when?

>>29950728
>>29950447
Had a good laugh, nice one.

>>29952541
>anon miss his home
>everyone will agreed and some not
>because it true.

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>>29950447
Radical.

>>29950728
Radical.

>>29952541
Adorable.

Always great to wake up to more green.

But seriously, I want a continuation of this >>29952541

>>29952541
You can't just stop there.

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>>29952541

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>>29918638
>>29919851
>>29923907
>>29935575
>>29950008
>>29954180
>>29954949

You faggots and your no-content bumps.
Post a picture.
Tell someone what you thought of their story.
Unless the thread is about to go over the edge, just posting "bump" or replying to a post that does so is just lazy.
Contribute, faggots.

>>29955438
I saw the thread was on page 9 and was about to go to bed. Outta here with that noise boy

Fuck You I'm Outta Ideas Edition

>Day 502 on horse planet
>Wake up dead
>Perform the routinary Triple S
>You go downstairs, and try to make some coffee
>Your mind expects a knock at the door
>Knock delivered successfully
>You open the door and look down to see yellow calm with a big shit-eating grin
>You briefly contemplate choking her to death with your materialized rejection
>Before you unleash your verbal rampage, you notice a little horsey hiding behind the trees
>It's yellowquiet
>wait wat
>And another one
>And another
>You don't feel so good
>Something's not right
>Something's coming over
"What the fuck is this?"
>You spot exactly 1 (one) metric fuckton of timid rapist horses on the distance
>Walking, trotting, sliding, coming from behind the bushes
>Running, scrambling, flying
>Rolling, turning, diving, going right at you
>Crawling from below the fucking rocks
>Some burst up from the ground
>From the earth, up through the trees, you can hear her calling you
>Her voice rides on the breeze
>You hear a thousand "Anon!" shouts booming, like a cacophony of black terror
>Immediately you feel it
>Tailbone curls in
>Butthole puckers up
>It's the sign
>Dodge flutterhorses like a madman to reach for your ride
>Horses to the left, horses to the right
>Your speeding bicycle tore through a sea of fetish question
>A pair of Fluttershys rise up in front of you, but you send them flying like two hairy footballs
>A third came charging at you, and that's when you got mad
>Mad at the fact that they tore your slick suit appart
>Then realization hits you, like Goliath getting fucked up by David
>You're blazing through Ponyville butt naked on a bike
>In front of hundreds traumatized grass chewers and their incesant mockery
>Laughter, all you hear and see is laughter
>Laughing at your pride
>Your pride dangling wildly in the wind
>You zoom the fuck past them with your eyes closed
>Off into the horizon with a trail of yellow and shame, never to come back
>Fucking Fluttershy

>>29955438
Fuck you I won't do what you tell me.

>>29955438
I like your enthusiasm, but I'm kinda sick of seeing the same handful of pictures every thread.

I'm all for replying to stories though.

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>Your waifu gains weight.
>A LOT of weight.
>What do?

>>29955852
And now you do what they told ya
now you're under control

>>29956220
>Knocka knock knock.
>You stop staring at your own self-portrait - a masterwork depicting yourself posing before a fireplace with a smoking jacket and pipe - and walk to the front door.
>You open it in the most dignified manner you can (loudly) and address the knocker with respect and humility (like an asshole).
"What."
>Fluttershy gazes back at you for a moment, her eyes vacant.
>"You ever wonder what the point of all this is? This constant fetish guessing? Day in day out without any sort of change...?"
"...W-what?"
>She shakes her head.
>"Sorry, got lost in thought, um, okay, here we go."
"Alright then, when you're ready."
>She clears her throat.
>"Hey Anon."
"Hey faggot."
>"I just wan--"
>She gives you a flat look.
>Smile innocently.
>"Mature. Anyway, I was wondering if massive girls were your fetish?"
"What, like fat chicks? Pretty sure you tried that four months back. Frankly, the recovery diet you pulled off was legendary, in fact THAT was more impressive than the weight-gain itself."
>"Thank you!... but no, that's not what I meant, no, I meant -massive- girls."
"I don't follow."
>"It's... nevermind, I'll just show you."
>She puffs her cheeks out and tenses.
>Then vibrates a little bit.
>Her hooves sink into the ground slightly.
>"Ta daaa!"
"...Am I supposed to be impressed?"
>She frowns.
>"Playing hard to get, why am I not surprised..."
"We've been doing this for ten years Fluttershy. Twilight has four kids and Rainbow Dash is dead, there comes a point where you have to realise I'm not playing 'hard to get'--"
>"No no, I see what you're doing, just you watch."
>She tenses again, then makes a strange, strangled "HURK" noise.
>"HURK."
>Yeah, like that.
>You check your watch and look back at her as her face goes red and she comes dangerously close to popping a blood vessel in her forehead.
"Yo so I need to get to the shelter to help out with the animals, you're welcome to come along if you're finished--"

>>29956558
>The ground cracks beneath her.
>For a moment there's silence.
>You stare in shock at what you can see are definitely massive fissures in the ground beneath Fluttershy.
>They stretch quite far in every direction, one of them even going under one of the walls of your house.
"Woah. That's... how did you do that?"
>"I told you, I'm becoming more massive! Is it your fetish?"
"...Oh shit, no, no Fluttershy don't keep doing it--"
>"Ugh, fine, maybe if I was MORE massive..."
"No, Fluttershy, honey, I'm serious now, please don't hurt yourself--"
>"HUUUUUUURRRRRRRRRK."
"FLUTTERSHY STOP."
>"HURRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR"

"And that's how it happened, Celestia, I mean every word."
>Celestia nods slowly.
>"So Fluttershy trying to guess your fetish is why my beautiful, pristine world is now in a state of constant tidal flux, and Fluttershy is in the process of collapsing in on herself."
"Yes ma'am."
>"You understand that if the magic holding her is interfered with for even a moment, she will be crushed under the weight of her own gravity and create a singularity that will consume this entire planet?"
"Yes ma'am."
>...
>"...Well was it at least your fetish?"
"Yes ma'am, I've had an erection for the last six days, I'm starting to grow concerned."
>"As well you should, you horrid little deviant, now get out of my court room, I have to clean up your mess."
>On your way out you pass Fluttershy, flanked by a pair of guards.
>Her limbs are contorted in a strange way, like a mix between the foetal position and some advanced yoga, the mare suspended in an ethereal golden field.

>>29956567
"Sorry Fluttershy. Good guess, by the way, it worked."
>You point at your erection.
"Shame you can't uh. Well. 'Reap the rewards'."
>Through the soft, pulsating noise of the magical field, you hear a low, desperate-sounding whine.
"There there, Fluttershy, there there."
>You reach forward to pat her.
>Celestia launches off her throne in panic, hurtling towards you like a thunderbolt.
>"NO ANON DON'T TOUCH HER HEAD--"

Bad End.

>>29956579
>And Anon passed the Event Horizon
>But it was a gateway to another dimension.
>Because Einstein-Rosen bridges and sciency shit like that, not magic.
>Anon wakes up to the now depressingly familiar pounding headache associated with inter dimensional travel.
>He looks around, noticing buildings, a street with cars in it, and a few people going to and fro.
>Could it be?
>After all this time?
>Is he home?
>But on closer examination, details become apparent that make it clear that this is not his world.
>For instance, the skin tones are all wrong. Like, rainbow-colored wrong.
>As he peruses the scene, a sign catches his eye...
"Canterlot High School, Home of the Wonderbolts?"
>A soft voice clearing her throat behind him cues him to turn around.
>There, a girl with yellow skin, pink hair, and freakishly oversized blue eyes looks hopefully at him.
>"Um, are high school girls your fetish?"
>She grins hopefully at you, biting her bottom lip.
>...
>...
"You gotta be fucking shitting me."

Sorry about that, I couldn't resist.

>>29956650
Whew!

>>29956579
I don't know why but I had kind of been expecting some prototype shit.

Prompt: Infiltrator-Cadence... but will she betray Fluttershy and their partnership?

>Knock, knock!
>Oh boy, here we go.
>Mentally bracing yourself, you open your front door, shuddering a little at the sight of the stain from yesterday's attempt.
>...You really should burn that door.
>With thermite.
>Sure enough, the devil-with-a-pink-mane is there.
>There's a big, wide grin on her face.
>Wait!
>...Is that--?
>"Anon, is Cadence your fetish?"
>You blink owlishly.
>"Why am I here? How am I here?"Cadence looks around, utterly bewildered.
>You stare.
>Cadence and Fluttershy stare back.
>Without saying a word, you pick up Cadence by the scruff, gently pull her inside, and close the door.
"I'm sorry you got roped into this, Princess."
>You sigh.
"Twilight will be here in an hour or so, so feel free to chill. I'll get us some tea."
>You don't see the sly grin on her face.
>Nor the one on Fluttershy's face, still outside your door.
>Plans within plans...
>All orbiting your dick.

>>29957770
This could be good if it gets picked up by the right writer.

>>29958919

"Flutters, are you alright?"
>"What do you mean?"
"Well, you just don't seem like you're into it too much anymore. Like it's all become dull. Routine."
>Indeed, the yellow pony was wearing an almost hangdog expression as she attempted to give you the bedroom eyes from your comfy bean bag chair.
>She attempts to brighten up as you say this.
>"No really, I'm not, I mean, it would be nice if we could go to your bedroom and do the hunka-chunka for once, just for a change..."
"Flutters, you know that ain't happening. It's been, what, nearly five years of daily housebreaks now?"
>Her face falls.
>"Yeah, I was beginning to think that our relationship might be in a bit of a rut."
"There is no relationship. It's this constant pursuit of the unattainable that's gone off the rails."
>Poor Fluttershy looks positively crestfallen.
>"It's easy for you to talk, you don't know the sting of unrequited love!"
"I do in fact, but it's never gotten to the point where the object of my attention took out a restraining order against me, let alone seven."
>The yellow pegasus sighs.
>"You may be right. I think I've been going about this all wrong."
>FINALLY, you scream silently in your head.
>"Thanks for the straight talk, lover, I'll show myself out."
>Her use of the term "lover" on you made your flesh crawl, but this is the first time she's left your house without you having to bodily throw her out.
>Shutting the door behind her, Fluttershy pauses a moment on your porch to contemplate her life.
>"If I'm doing it wrong, then there's only one pony to seek advice from."
>A new determination shines on her face.
>"The Princess of Love!"
>And she set off immediately for the Crystal Empire.

( Prequel to >>29957770 )

>>29959014
Still looks pretty good.

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>>29942022
>implying I'd want to

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>>29961051
Because then it's not rape anymore, its consensual. Kinda flies in the face of the premises of the thread.

>>29961173
>"N-not so tough now, are you, Anon!"
>You're really up shit's creek now.
>The windows are superglued shut.
>There are trained Timberwolves downstairs guarding the front door.
>And somewhere outside in the thick mist that shrouds your house, Harry the Bear is waiting with a baseball bat wrapped in barbed wire.
>There's no escape this time.
>Only thing left to do is fight.
>Though you realise even before you put one foot forward and draw back your fist that she will have anticipated this.
>In an almost frenzied glee, Fluttershy leaps to the side to avoid your strike, kicking out at your shin with a rear hoof and in an alarming display of dexterity, stabs you with a needle as you go down.
>The motion is so swift, its precision so extraordinary, that you can barely even register or believe that it happened as your shoulder collides with your bedroom floor with a troublesome crack.
>Fluttershy stands over you, victorious.
>You have to give her credit, she planned for everything this time.
>Well, almost everything.
>Licking her lips, she takes a deep, wavering breath, trying to come down from the elation of actually managing to beat you.
>"A-alright, this is it."
>You try to move your legs or arms.
>They don't respond.
>That'll be the needle's work, no doubt.
>You grimace as she shakes her mane out of shape, letting it hang in a chaotic pink mess.
>"Finally..."
>She rolls you over onto your back.
>"I'll finally get some release!"
>Smile as she unbuckles and removes your pants with a practised ease.
>She catches this and raises an eyebrow.
>"Something funny, Anon? Or are you laughing at your own ineptitude?"
"Oh no, I was just gonna say how warm you were."
>Fluttershy's eyes narrow.
>"I beg your pardon?"
"Yup. You sure are nice and warm. Cosy, almost."
>"What are you..."
>She scrambles to her hooves in a panic.
>"No! NO! Let me have this!"
>You can only grin.

>>29961298
Well done. That's both funny and hot.

>>29961298
"Should have made the poison attack my vocal chords as well, dummy."
>Tears well in her eyes as she moves her face close to yours, her voice desperate and her expression pleading with you.
>"Please, don't..."
"Hey Fluttershy."
>She blinks a few times, waiting with baited breath.
"I can't wait to have sex with you."
>Her head slowly drops, tears falling onto your chest.
"I can't wait to hold you in my arms and say how much..."
>Drop your voice to a low whisper.
"...I'm enjoying your company."
>She shakes her head, lower lip trembling.
>"I-I worked so hard this time. I-I tried so hard."
"And you got so far."
>"But in the end it didn't even matter."
"Heh."
>Fluttershy slides off you and wanders dejectedly towards the door.
>Looking back over her shoulder, she gazes at you.
>You can't move your head to look at her, but you know she can see you smiling.
>With that, she leaves you naked on your bedroom floor, paralyzed all over and incapable of moving.
>But still the final victor.
>Because you can't rape the willing.

>>29961363
Even when she succeeds she can't win.

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>>29961363
>you can't rape the willing.
challenge accepted.

If your fetish is being raped, then does it count as rape?

>>29962395
It can if you stuff a "roleplay" loophole in there.

bump a nigga

>>29963123
a nigga bump

>Fluttershy will never gently wrap her forelegs around your forearm.
>She will never gaze lovingly into your eyes as she licks her lips in anticipation.
>She will never part her lips as she guides your hand towards her mouth.
>She will never plant small, warm kisses on your knuckles.
>She will never poke out her moist tongue and lick your fingers teasingly.
>She will never carefully scoop two of your fingers into her mouth.
>She will never softly close her lips around your fingers as her tongue teases the tips of your fingers in her mouth.
>She will never close her eyes in bliss and let out a tiny little moan as she gently suckles on your fingers.
>She will never tighten her grip on your wrist as her eyes open and lock once more onto yours, as her moans grow louder with urgency and need.
Why live?

>>29965133
You seem confused, acting as if that's something we'd want...

>>29964676
Being Cadence is suffering, but I like this Flurryheart.

>>29965634
There is far too little of this art.

>>29964676
>Teen Flurry Heart begins to date Teen Anonymous.
>Gradually, Cadence begins to get hot under the collar when her nice, bitchy daughter's beau is around.
>Distant husband, bitchy daughter, heavy CE duties.
>Begin lewdness from desperate housewife Cadence.

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>>29955432
Shame that the set was never finished.

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>>29966693

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>>29966704

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>>29966712

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>>29966719
And that is it.

>>29966733
Fluttershy is a silly pony.

Someone write a story following on from this.
I'll pay you with $19 and a pack of elastic bands.

>>29966733
Those were great thanks for posting them.

>>29966733
Alright mother fucker, write about it.

I demand
>greentext

For Glory with Virgin

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>wanting green
I just want some variety in the shoutingisfun pics that we see around here. It's always the same old ones, and I'm pretty sure there's others that fit this thread's theme.

>>29966424
Doesn't sound too bad.

>>29967531
Sadly, shoutingisfun seems to not be drawing ponies anymore. Got bored with it, I suppose.

>At night, Fluttershy lies on her bed in her cottage and thinks about you while she touches herself.

>>29968202
That just makes me even more disgusted with her.

>>29968042
He's not bored. Just that he became a double dad and he's still adjusting three months later.

t. mlpg.co

>You're just sitting in the park, watching the fillies play, minding your own business.
>Not a care in the world.
>When all of a sudden a warm weight flops onto your back, and two fuzzy yellow appendages wrap snugly around your neck.
>Before your surprise can even turn to outrage, you hear her soft voice right by your ear.
>"What do you taste like, Anon?"
>You feel Fluttershy's breath on your face as she pokes out her tongue until it makes contact with your chin.
>Clearly savoring the moment, she slowly draws the soft, warm appendage up your cheek, finally withdrawing it with a playful flick at your earlobe.
>"Mmmm, not bad Nonny," she whispers in your ear, smacking her lips.
>"Got any other flavors?"

>>29968677
"I-I have... strawberry?"
>You shakily pull a strawberry-flavoured candy out of your pocket.
>Fluttershy takes it and slowly licks it, then pops it in her mouth and swirls it around with her tongue for a bit before crushing it between her teeth and swallowing.
>"Mmm, that was good, Anon. Now give me your lunch money."
>You give her your lunch money.
>You didn't even know you had lunch money.
>She gives off a cruel laugh and makes fun of your shirt before leaving.
>As she goes she tells a passer-by that you smell like eggs and don't have any friends.
>Fluttershy's kind of a dick.
>You've never been harder in your life.

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>>29967531
I agree that the thread needs more ShoutingIsFun, Anon.

I'd go further and say it just needs more High Quality Artwork in general.

So I drew some myself.

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I think I'm out of thread related shout so have this until I can find some more.

>Anon likes to tease Cadence and get her flustered.
>Laughs his ass off with Bro-Shining (no homo), who plans with him, behind her back.
>Backfires when Cadence announces out of the blue that she and Anon are to be wed.
>Turns out his teasing of her, coupled with Shining's "harmless" input, has made her fall in love with him.
>Uses an obscure Equestrian law that makes polygamy legal for Royalty.
>Oh shit.
>As their nuptial date approaches, he and Shining desperately try to find a way out of it.
>Much to their unease, Cadence seems to be getting more and more excited as the date nears.
>Crystal Heart grows more powerful, meaning that the Empire's ponies support her.
>Asks Twilight for help, but shocked when she supports Cadence: love is love.
>Cadence is the Princess of Love, therefore she's the expert to be deferred to.
>Plus, this'd make her and Anon more than just friends, but family too.
>Anon fears for his horse-virginity as Cadence becomes increasingly lewd.

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>>29970107

>>29969810
Welp, that's not my fetish.

>>29969127
Great, now I need to find more bullyshy.

Have some lewd
https://derpibooru.org/1423735

>>29971488
>implying we would WANT Sluttershy
Fuck outta here, Hitler.

>>29971488
YOU CAN'T BREAK ME!

>>29971839
You get 'em, faggot!

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>>29971488

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>>29972517
Not as good as this one.

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>>29970107
>Cadence is the Princess of Love, therefore she's the expert to be deferred to
>seeking job expertise advice from a Princess of Friendship who was a friendless shut-in two years ago.
She probably has a herd fetish.

>>29972983
...I am okay with this.

>>29931428
Damn, now I want to fuck a dolphin.

>>29972983
Honestly never thought I'd see a herd story here.

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>>29945321
>>"I like panties," Fluttershy offers. "They're comfy and easy to wear."
you motherfucker

>>29970107
"Bro what the fuck are we gonna do?"
>Shining Armour stops hyperventilating into a paper bag and gives you a deranged look.
>"D-don't worry Anon! I have a plan that will make this all better!"
"How?! The wedding's in ten minutes! We've been hiding in this bathroom for an hour now!"
>He sticks a hoof in his mouth and bites down, trying to suppress a scream.
>"Yeah so you're marrying my wife, it's fine, no problem, CALM DOWN ANON."
"I-I gotta get out there, man, they're gonna be looking for us and if Twilight sees that I've stood up Cadance she'll have my balls."
>Shining Armour flashes you a desperate smile.
>"Hey! What if you ditched Cadance and married my sister! That would make this all fine!"
"That would never work, and besides, your sister's gross, she never washes and smells like musk all the damn time."
>"It's just nerd-sweat, you'll get used to it!"
"I'm not marrying your sister so..."
>You glance at yourself in the bathroom mirror and check your hair again, swallowing the lump in your throat.
"I guess I'm just gonna... marry your wife."
>Shining trembles.
>"I don't wanna share my bed with another dude, Anon! That's... gay!"
"I know man, I know, being gay is a fate worse than death, but what are we supposed to do? We're up against a rock and a hard place; if I marry Cadance our balls might touch during sex, and if I stand her up out there then Twilight will take my balls."
>You affectionately pat your crotch.
"A man's balls are his only true friend, Shining, you know that."
>He nods shakily.
>"I-I know, I know."
>The pair of you take a deep breath.
>"So... I guess this is happening."
"Yeah."
>You sigh.
"It is."
>He nods a final time, accepting fate.
>"Listen, if I think of something, I'll try and let you know, but otherwise..."
>You gulp.
"Otherwise I'll see you on the honeymoon... where were we going again?"

>>29973264
>"Palm Bay; tropical island, fruity drinks served in coconuts, five-star resort, it's for two weeks."
>You try to hold back tears.
"S-sounds great."
>He reaches forward and pats you on the leg.
>"We'll get through this together, Anon... I mean we're gonna be living together until death do us part so we kinda have to but... we'll make it."
"Alright."
>You check your tie and clench your jaw.
"Here we go."

>"...Princess Mi Amore Cadenza, do you take this man to be your lawfully wedded husband?"
>Cadance, fighting her tears through a radiant smile, beams at you.
>"I-I do!"
>Celestia turns to you.
>Her gaze is judgemental.
>You return it with solemn dignity and resignation.
>"...Anonymous T. Wafflebanger."
>You were joking when you said that was your real name.
>"Do you take this mare to be your lawfully wedded wife, to care for her in sickness and in health, till death do you part?"
>You turn away from Celestia and survey the audience.
>Twilight is staring unblinking at you.
>She nods deliberately when you catch one another's eyes.
>Gulp.
>Force a smile and turn back to Celestia.
"I... Do."
>Twilight smirks.
>Cadance trembles, tears of joy streaking down her cheeks.
>Celestia suppresses a weary sigh.
>"Then I now pronounce you husband and w--"
>The doors at the end of the hall burst open.
>Shining Armour performs a flawless series of about 15 combat rolls down the aisle before stopping just before the altar.
>During the final few rolls he unfurls, loads, cocks, and aims a crossbow.
>With a powerful thunk, he launches a bolt straight at Celestia.
>She barely has time to think before the bolt finds a home in the centre of her forehead.
>The mare hits the ground like a literal deadweight.
>Shining Armour fires another series of bolts into the crowd.
>"THEY CAN'T MARRY US IF THE MARRIAGE OFFICIANT IS DEAD-- COME ON ANON LET'S GET OUTTA HERE!"