Anonymous in Equestria Thread #1119

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>>29811855
we really need more moonfags that write

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First for boops.

I remember seeing a story in fimfic's featured stories about Twilight setting up a "Platonic Pony Petting Cafe" for humans to visit.

Would there be a market for the reverse of that service?

>Anon is on a cruise with the others
>He decides to sing a bunch of sea shanties
>In the middle of the night
>While drunk

What will we do with a drunken changeling,
What will we do with a drunken changeling,

>>29811924
Tell 'em they ought to look like my waifu,
Tell 'em they ought to look like my waifu,
Tell 'em they ought to look like my waifu, early in the morning!

>>29811944
Why would you want to look at a gaping vagina the size of a hallway?

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>>29811972
To see if the metaphor about throwing hot dogs is accurate. That said, it wouldn't be too gross if it's on a proportionately large pony such as pic related.

Way hey, and up she rises!

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>>29811855
>be /pol/ack
>used to be into /mlp/ and ponies back before season 4.
>look through my old files
>find my shit writefag attempts people actually wanted me to finish.
>and i did.
>lord help me i did.

fuck i was autistic as fuck. but worse, i thought i was shit today, but i have just learned i have most assuredly improved in my writing and that im disturbed anyone actually wanted to read this shit.

i didn't need to go down memory lane like this dammit /mlpol/!

Forgot to add my story to the completed section. 8th-sin, if you're there:

Last Resort
By TextingwithGreen at https://pastebin.com/u/TextingwithGreen
Tags: Slice of Life
https://pastebin.com/VU7M1HQ8

I'll dish out a (You) when/if it gets added.

>>29811855
Tripfags in Equestreal

>Page 9
This is starting to get old.

>>29814594
You must be new here.

>Page 10
Now you're just taking the piss.

>>29814685
Naa, just noticing how unusually slow this thread is. As in, even worse than usual.

>>29815373
It comes and goes

>>29814685
>>29815373
>11:26:50
>09:45:54
Stop talking and POST NORDPONE!

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>>29815763

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>>29815373
>surprised that thread is slow overnight
lunafag pls

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>>29816287
Believe it.. fucking believe it you pussy!

>>29816354
Yes... pussy.

>>29811900
Do want

What're you working on?

>>29817475
Schoolwork and cleaning house.

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>>29817475
Finding a job so I don't die homeless.

>>29818138
Good luck friendo.

/mlp/ seems to have slowed down a bit since last i was here.

>>29818830
>Twilight asked Anon to take care of the beehive that's outside her bedroom window
>That was the last time she asked him to do anything

>>29818862
It's fine.

>>29818830
>Should have given all those books away at the swap meet

>>29820285
>Penka Pe knew that this was going to happen, because Ponk
>Deliberately had Twilight keep those books at the treebrary so she'd be angrier when it's destroyed
>She did not count on Anon jerry-rigging a flamethrower to destroy a beehive, but the result is the same

>>29820692
>twilight goes back in time to remove the books that couldn't be confirmed burned, hoping they can be loopholed back to the present
>it turns out it wasn't a beehive after all, it was a paper wasp nest and they'd already chewed up all the books she was going to save to make a nest

What if Anon was a clumsy wannabe-terrorist?

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>>29822568
>Be Anon.
>Decide you hate all this friendship nonsense.
>Use your superior human brain to combine random cleaning fluids you 'borrowed' from town hall to make a bomb.
>Call the town to the center fountian because they are stupid ponies and you know they will come.
>"BEHOLD! PONIES! I, Anon, am sick of your shit! the constant hugs, the sickening amounts of love, the constant talks of friendship! And for fucks sake what am i supposed to do with myself if you refuse to obey the laws of physics like its not a crime?"
>"For these acts, and many more, i condemn us all.....TO HELL!"
>Anon pulls off his shirt, revealing pcp pipes taped to his chest with little fuses sticking out and tied together.
>Pulls out a lighter.
>Fumbles it and drops it into the fountain.
>"Ah, shit, uh, hold on a second!"
>Fumbles to fish it out, falls into the fountain.
>water gets into his 'bombs'.
>"Huh?! ah fuck no oh god someone help me!"
>Anon screams as all the bubbly chemicals pop the poorly glued on tops off his pcp pipe constructions and turn the fountain into a massive monster of bubbles, consuming Anon and his pleas for help in an endlessly growing behemoth of bubbles.
>The ponies think he was just making a joke and start playing with the bubbles.
>Pinkie Pie throws a bubble party.
>By the time the Bubbles pop enough to drag Anon out he is a mumbling mess with a new phobia of bubbles.
>"Y-You damned p-po-ponies and your e-evil bubbles! I-ill, ILL GET YOU-YOU FOR THIS!"

i can see some potential here sure.

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>>29818138
>Finding a job so I don't die homeless.
>Understand English
>Good Cooking
>mfw no school license

>>29822826
The one time it works is completely by accident.

>>29823453
>it was the one time he wasn't actually trying to kill anypony.
>just blow up a statue or building.

>>29823484
Exactly.

>>29823484
>>29823581
You can't do that. They body is anti-dead.

>>29823666
satan, not every terrorist attack involves blowing oneself up with the object you plan to bomb.

>"hey thanks Anon, we needed to get rid of that statue anyways! you saved us alot of time!"

>>29823484
Blow up a statue.

They put a naked male human statue in front of Anon's house. Ponies will kiss the statue wiener for luck. It drives Anon crazy because no one wants to date him.

>>29824102
thats just strange.

>>29824102
>>29824354
I imagine it's sort of like rubbing the belly on a Buddha statue.

Or it's RGRE, and it's like this statue of a naked lady at a college near where I live. The statue got moved out into the woods years ago because it was distracting. Most of the statue is showing signs of erosion. Not the tits, though. Those are constantly well-polished.

>>29823421
You need a license to go to school?

>>29824417
thats....hilarious but disgusting.

people are strange.

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>>29825096

>>29825096
i think he means the one you need to go to school in a country you dont live in/ are not a citizen in.

not sure its exactly a license but i know you gotta get something like that if you do go to school in another country like that.

>>29824354
Not even in the top ten things I've seen on AIE.

>>29825288
...what are they?
because thinking about it ive written weirder i think. doesn't mean that isnt weird aswell.

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>tfw that drawfag that showed up last thread never delivered

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>>29825485

>>29825485
Fug

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>>29825776
>>29825485
Cheer the fuck up

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>>29827569
no

Does anyone ever feel the desire or need to write a story they know will be horrible, that no one would enjoy reading?

I miss the golden days of AiE.

>>29827707
If it's the sort of thing I'd have fun writing, yeah. I'm most of the way done with a oneshot where Anon assaults Celestia on live TV and Donald Trump live-tweets about it. The ensuing Twitter exchange goes poorly for all three of them, especially once Anon refers to Celestia's vagina with an unflattering metaphor.

I had way too much fun writing it, especially the exchange between Anon and Celestia before the tweets start coming in. Celestia's really fun to write as Brolestia. I don't know if no one would enjoy it, but it might be so divisive that I'm not sure I should post it.

>>29828025
I need this in my life.

>>29828025
What you describe sounds like hilarous black humor, but then I laughed at Gilbert Gottfried's material in the Friars Club roast of Joan Rivers, too (pretty sure it's on Youtube--NSFW, offensive, hilarious).

I'm talking about a darkfic or semi-darkfic, though, that has appeared in my head in a number of disconnected scenes, each more autistic and stupid than the rest.

Ponies on modern-day Earth via the "they made a magic portal and came to visit" plot device. Only it's not quite our world, though it's recognizable. The ponies, against the advice of their security consultants, want to construct a consulate in some American city--in an alternate universe USA that's collapsing into civil war. Celestia herself comes to supervise, and spends a lot of time talking with an IT guy. She leaves the consulate in a motorcade for a charity appearance, and the vehicle in which she is being transported is hit with a large and sophisticated IED. Her bodyguard is killed instantly and she is horribly wounded. The IT guy, who was riding in another vehicle, is able to take charge of the survivors and get her to a nearby veterinary hospital. She is blinded, in agony, delirious, and in shock, and he is the only one present who is able to calm her down and get her to cooperate and let the doctors touch her and prepare her surgery. He gets his own relatively minor wounds bandaged and ends up staying with her during her recovery--in a city where bombings and mortar attacks are daily occurrences. She has to stay there until she recovers enough to be able to cast the spells to return through the portal, where magic can repair at least some of the damage the surgeons weren't able to.

There are elements of mystery. Was the IED a random act by one of scores of terrorist groups, or a deliberate attempt at assassination? There is some exploration of character.

yeah. It's that bad.

a small and bad storry
i think it is funny

>"Hey anon you cant catch me" rainbow says
>You look at her and say "I take that challenge"
>after you say that she starts running and lauging
>what she does not know is that you have a secret weapon
>you have been training in trowing stuff
>so you do what you have trained for
>you take a baseball from your pocket and you trow it
>HOMERUN you hit her square in the head
>she tumbles and you run towards her
>you pick her up
>"I got you, I win"
>she looks disapointed "Hey you cheated"
>You shrug it off "you never said that i had to play fair"
>you both start laughing for you know that she would also cheat.
>you put her down and you tell her "i am sorry for hitting you lets get some cupcakes"
>she laughs and you both start walking towards suger cube corner

>>29828130
continuing, with an explanation if not an excuse:

These scenes came into my head more or less fully formed, fully shaped, complete with extensive dialogue and descriptions. I don't know how that works exactly. Some writers say "the scenes came from the muse."

This stuff is in my head and wants me to write it so that it can get out of my head. That doesn't mean I judge any aspect of it worth anyone's time to read.

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>>29827707
That's all of my story things.

>>29828141
>a small and bad storry
well, at least you're honest

>>29828208
meh
you guys wanted a green
i made a green
i am a bad writer but i dont care
i kind of like my style

>>29827707
i just did that

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>#1119

>>29828294
jfry pls

>>29828312
>Big Jeffrey Anon in Equestria

>>29825485
Either he's slow, or our requests sucked.

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>>29825212

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Berry Punch drank all the wine. Easter and Passover are both cancelled this year.

>>29825096
>>29825212
I didn't not graduated.

>>29812007
Kek

I remember when AiE would run through multiple 500-post threads in a day.

But then I also remember when PiE was a thing too.

Is there no one left here but me and one or two other people bumping a dead thread in a dying board?

>>29832019
Considering how this thread is a catch-all, you'd think it would get the most traffic. Instead, RGRE is relatively populated with writefags and prompts that don't fit the thread's theme.

>>29832048
RGRE?

>>29832116
Really Great Rare Equine.

>>29832048
Because each time sometime wrote something that is not completely bland and vanilla, you got a bunch of autists screaming that it's a fetish and should be posted somewhere else - and no one is defending cross-posting.
So yeah, the general is dead instead of being "greentext central".

>>29832019
>Discord chat
Technology never change.

>>29832360
really? hot damn, that sucks.

back when i posted here you could get away with even middle ground stories so long as the idea was interesting enough.

>>29832536
>Discord chat

Who shot who in the butt, now?

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>>29832553
It's was good.

>>29832536
>Discord chat

I would love to have a chat with Discord
he looks like an interesting draconequus

>>29832825
i dunno, he seems a bit rude.

might turn you or your environment into squashes or something.

>>29831480
You don't say?

>>29832976
i would love that
i myself only think in organized chaos
so it would help me reach my full potential
:P

>>29832360
We tell the autists who split off and post elsewhere to come in and post here about every 3 months but until the mods actually get tired of it and enforce a "keep it to one thread" policy, all we can do is shout.

If you want it to be not slow then write more. Even if it's stupid little things just put some green on the page. I'll help and add my own, but when there's only like two people posting green it doesn't feel worth the time.

>>29833016
I have a porn deficiency!!

>>29833862
Is the only cure more cowbell?

>>29834142
Yes, but Milky Way is still banned. She's also not covered by any major health insurance plan even if she wasn't banned. You're screwed.

>>29833822
Why would a lack of people posting green discourage you? Shit, it does the complete opposite for me.

Anyway, I'd be hunting for prompts now except I'm in my resting period. Don't want to make myself hate writing.

>>29834262
Cause I come here to read as well as write?

>>29834406
So do I.
I'm still failing to see the issue. You come here to read, except nothing is here. That sucks, but it doesn't get in the way of posting your own content. Lack of writers doesn't mean a lack of viewers.

>>29834780
You write and things will all work out

>>29834902
Not that homo, should I finish an Derps thing or Lyra first?

>>29835247
bubblebutt > harpbutt

>>29811900
that gif is misleading. There is no weather on the moon, and no breeze, any hoofprints would remain there until acted upon by Luna again.

also, new writefag here, if any of you want a story just ask and give me a topic.

>>29835247
Deprs

>>29835279
THANK YOU PROFESSOR SCIENCE!
WHATEVER WOULD WE DO WITHOUT YOU?!

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>>29835519

I want greentext clop.

>"AH~ HA~! S-SPIKEY WIKEY, DARLING, UNNNGHA~ T-THIIIS IS HOW A LADY LIKES TO BE MMMMFUCKED."
>"Y-YOUUUU COULD NE-HEEVER UNF, HAA~ H-HOPE TO S-S-SATISFY ME WITH THAT PITIFUL EXC-UUUS-, OH MY, F-FOR A PENIS."

>>29836067
Fuck off cuck.

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>>29834142
>>29834184
>they don't like porn deficiency

>>29835279
Nah, the magic pony moon isn't obliged to obey boring human physics.

Writing promt: survival geek anon gets thrown into Everfree, builds a high-tech hideout (think The Mysterious Island level), then ponies find him and everything fails in a spectacular way.

>>29836543
Failure is good. That's how most of the stories here go.

>>29789081

Sorry for the long silence everyone. Still working that screwed up schedule, one more week and it should be back to mostly normal.

>You watch your foes flee for their lives, sparring them went against your instincts but it's best to respect the wishes of this country's citizens while you're here.
>You're pulled from your thoughts by a voice beside you. "Thank you for saving us, are uhm..are you with the guard?"
>The little bat pony looks wary of you, given her recent ordeal that is to be expected.
>You reach up and remove your helm tucking it beneath your arm left.
>Though you may be alien to them you figure your face has to be slightly more disarming than the stern eye slits and expressionless iron and ceramite grill of your helm.
"Not in any official capacity as of yet, though I known to the Lieutenant of the local garrison, and have worked with them recently."
>You tap the guard insignia dangling from your pauldron for emphasis.
>She looks relieved at the sight of that familiar emblem, though still dirty, exhausted, and a bit more thin than most of the ponies you've seen.
>You reach down to your hip and open the compartment there removing a tube of water from your suits inbuilt dispenser.
"Forgive me, my manners escape me. The three of you must be exhausted and famished. I fear I have no food to offer but."
>She takes it drinking greedily, before passing it to the others. The container is quickly exhausted, prompting you to swap it for another which they nearly drain.
>Once they've had their fill of water you secure the containers again.
"I have one last task to perform in this area then I'll see you safely to Ponyville."
>"We can probably make it on our own from here." One of them offers. You quickly wave the idea away.
"The forest in dangerous enough when armed, I insist on escorting you."
>None of them seem willing to argue the point.

>>29837114

>Luckily your destination was only a few minutes away, the cave lying open and unguarded. Judging by scuff marks on the stone around the entrance this isn't always the case.
>Best to make your time here short then for the sake of your new charges. You begin searching around the mouth of the cavern for what you need, delving only as far in as you necessity dictates.
>The stone Zecora described far from abundant, but easy enough to find.
>It stands out from the surrounding bedrock in small pockets and formations which you're able to break samples from with your armored hands.
>As you're loading several handfuls into the sack alongside your newly won gems one of the ponies speaks judging by what you've learned of their species it's a female..
>"So I was wondering, are you some sort of minotaur or yeti or something? Cause you don't look that furry."
>Before you can answer one of the others, a male, gives her a smack on the head.
>"He just saved us from the Diamond Dogs and you go and say something like that?"
>She huffs indignantly "Well what, it's a valid question. Have you every seen anything like him before?"
>"No, but that doesn't mean you can call him a hairless yeti you dip.
>The two are starting to scuffle now, failing their fore-hooves ineffectively at each other in a slap fight.
>Normally you'd just let this play out, but you have things to do today, and in their currently fragile state they might actually manage to hurt themselves.
>Picking up each pony by the scruff you lift them clear of one another.
"I am a human, more specifically an Adeptus Astartes. Does that resolve the matter?"
>First pony seems happy enough now that her curiosity has been sated and gives the other a smug grin. "See asking was fine."
>The second pony, a male, just gives her a flat annoyed glare. "I apologize for my sister here. She's always like this."

>>29837120

>She gives an indignant "Hey!" but he ignores her in favor of continuing. "I'm Ackee, and this is my sister Lychee, that's our friend Guava."
>The third pony gives a little wave at her name having been said, looking like she'd be a lot more comfortable if attention wasn't on her.
"A pleasure. I am Anoniaus, Knight of Caliban."
>You place the bat ponies back on solid earth as gently as you can manage.
"Now if your quarrel is concluded and introductions are finished I would like to return you to the safety of civilization.
>That they seem ready enough to agree with.
>Taking the lead you retrace your steps towards Zecora's intending to stop long enough to claim your prize before delivering these three to Ponyville.
>You set off at your usual ground eating pace but quickly become aware of the others lagging behind.
>Your newfound traveling companions seem to have other ideas about the pace you're going to set. With some minor annoyance you relent. They are only mortal after all.
>Progress slows to a crawl and you're forced to adjust your mental schedule in light of this.
>At the current pace you can be in Ponyville shortly after lunch. You had hoped to be done sooner so you could repair your armor with the new cement before seeing Rarity, but that will have to wait now.
>You leave the open ground and spurs of rock behind, moving onward towards the treeline.
>You've only barely begun to make your way in to the deep shadows of the forest when Lychee begins to complain loudly of hunger.
>"If I don't eat something soon I'm gonna fall over and die." She whines pitiably.
>You're no expert on a pony's metabolism but you suspect that's an exaggeration on her part, all the same best not to chance it.
>With no provisions to offer them and still miles from Zecora's you're going to have to find another option.
"I will see if I can scavenge for something edible. If you're too exhausted to go on you'll have to remain behind while I search."

>>29837132

>"I can't move another step" Lychee announces before flopping down on the ground. She sprawls out unceremoniously where she lands and begins to grumble while rubbing her stomach.
>Ackee has the decency to at least look more apologetic about the matter but says "I could really use something to eat too. Sorry for all the trouble."
"Very well then. We will find somewhere you might rest safely while I venture out."
>You find a relatively protected area in the hollow of a tree large enough to accommodate all three bat ponies.
>After checking the tree for any occupants and finding it empty you shelter them inside.
>As added assurance you build a small fire nearby to ward off any predators that might be prowling around, that that's likely more of an issue at night.
>Once the ponies are situated in relative safety you dump the pile of gems and stones from your bag with them freeing the sack up to carry what forage you might find.
"I will return shortly. If anything dangerous approaches just shout, I will not be far."
>With that you push off in to the undergrowth, following a game track in hopes of finding some sort of edible vegetation.
>The search for food is familiar enough, you taste plants here and there easily discerning what might be poisonous and what isn't then piling them in to the bag.
>The forest despite all the danger is may represent is rich in resources, you quickly find the bag reigning to pile up with an assortment of nuts and berries.
>A part of you rather wishes you had a cadre of serfs to handle this sort of menial task like so many of the petty warlords other space marines tend to become when they leave the Imperium.
>You quickly remind yourself how many of that sort you've killed over the centuries to survive.
>Though many of the things you've had to do have been tedious fighting for survival has kept you sharp when others have lost their edge to indolence.

>>29837140

>As your search for food continues you spot a fruit bearing tree with some rather horrid looking bats in it.
>The creatures are red of eye and long of fang with large pointed ears and white tufts of fur topping their heads.
>Before you can debate the merits of disturbing a nest of the likely blood drinking native fauna you see one sink its fangs into one of the fruits.
>The fruit desiccates with amazing speed and the creature spits some sort of seed or pit to the ground letting the husk of its meal drop as well.
>Not carnivores then, though that doesn't rule out the possibility of omnivores.
>Still the danger seems minimal and with a few handfuls of this fruit you'll have enough food to go back.
>You've already experienced enough delays today. You trod slowly into the shadow of the tree, watching the creatures who are in turn watching you.
>You reach up carefully, so as not to disturb the swarm perched about the branches of the tree and pluck down the first fruit.
>The bats seem ambivalent enough about your presence so you slowly lift your helm and take a bit of the fruit to test it.
>The flesh is soft and sweet the center filled with the same sort of hard pit you saw the bat discard a moment ago. A stone fruit then, seems safe enough for the ponies.
>As you go to take another a bat alights on your arm just above the elbow and regards you with those piercing red eyes.
>It tilts its head this way and that as it looks at you before crawling down your arm to take the half eaten fruit from your hand.
>This one seems smaller than some of the others, a juvenile perhaps, greedy thing.
>You raise your arm towards a tree branch shooing the creature off of you, it squeaks in annoyance as you dislodge it from its newly found perch.
>Once the creature safely back in the tree you return to picking the fruit. You place several handfuls delicately in the bag, taking care not to crush the other food stuffs.

>>29837150

>You consider for a moment taking more but decide against it. The bats have been tolerant enough of your actions, no need to cause them undue hardship.
"You have my thanks."
>You say to the creatures in parting. You detour from the game trail you took here long enough to find a shallow stream, checking that it looks clean enough you refill your water supply from it.
>That should be enough to hold the ponies over until you can reach town proper.
>With your bounty of food and drink well secured you return to the makeshift camp you'd left the ponies in.
>Ackee and Guava seem to be dozing soundly within their cozy hollow, Lychee is a different matter.
>She has her forehead pressed against the tree staring blankly at a spot on the bark and is grumbling quietly to herself.
>"Stupid dogs not feeding us enough I ever see them again I'll show'em."
>She's broken from her vengeance themed reverie by the sound of your approach.
>She quickly rushes towards you trying to grab the bag as you hold it up, though you keep it safely out of reach for long enough to warn her.
"Look carefully before you eat anything. I'm not certain what is edible to me is edible for your kind."
>She's nodding quickly though you're not certain she actually paid you any mind.
>As soon as you release your hold on the bag she's pulling hoof fulls of the contents from it and shoving them towards her mouth.

>>29837162

That's all for the night again. Hope any of you reading are still enjoying. I'll be back with more as soon as I can.

>>29837132
>Caliban
>Alibaba
Woa.

>>29837168
cool

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>twilight fucks up a spell
>gets bodyswapped with Anon
>worse yet, this happened just a day before beginning her estrus cycle
>twilight leaves to get help from celestia since anon can't use any of her magic
>anon has to try his hardest not to become a huge slut in his best friend's body

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>>29838295
It's like you don't even know anon

>>29838295
He lasts a valiant twenty seven minutes before shoving cucumbers into himself.
Then he goes out to find a hard dick.

>>29839638
What's Sam Spade going to do?

>>29838295
>twilight fucks up a spell
>gets bodyswapped with Anon
>worse yet, this happened just a day before beginning her estrus cycle
>double worse, her estrus followed her into Anons body
>she spends the week flogging her donger because she can't think straight enough to learn to walk on two legs
>Anon learned, not only to fly, but fly-by poop bombings

>>29840239
>twilight fucks up a spell
>her wings disappear and reappear on Anonymous
>he begins flying around
>he farts for rocket propulsion
>she tricks him into drinking Red Bull
>it can't give him wings because he already has wings
>Anon can't contain the awesome
>Anon a splode
>bad end

>>29840454
>>29840239
No thanks.

>>29837168
You're alright.
Hell, I'll let you come over and hug my sister.

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g'night thread

>>29841292
Goodnight beb

>>29841292
After seeing what he saw, I would have done the same thing

>yfw there's probably like a wide spectrum of opinions on the Anon

>>29839074
ん~?

>>29842357
We rate things by the Anon spectrum.

>>29843362
how did that became possible?

>>29843362
The technical term is Austism Spectrum

>>29843997
http://vocaroo.com/i/s03tlynBAGv8

>>29843370
Anything is possible with enough unhealthy fixation.

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>>29844276

>>29844290
I firmly believe one of two things will happen.
One:
We will create an artificial virtual environment filled with waifus.
Two:
We will make android waifus that will eventually gain sapience and conquer us.

This will all be done in the name of masturbation.

>>29844307
and as in all things, it will be the porn industry that decides.

>>29844572
If we're lucky, we'll get both!

Can anyone recommend some good smut? Rarity or Twilight prefered.

>>29844307
in the future, android waifus will masturbate one another so you won't have to, just as computers already play chess with other computers as a labor-saving measure

>>29845122
If we're asking for smut, does anyone have any sun butt smut that's of high quality, and meets my admittedly unrealistic requirements? Something male/female (I don't hate lesbian hoers clop, but please, not about mai waifu) with at least a little bit of a plot and some good happy sex? kthxbai

>>29844307
I for one, welcome our new ponebot overlords.

>>29844307
>artificial virtual environment filled with waifus.

*cough* Friendship is Optimal *cough*

it doesn't end well

>>29845122

https://pastebin.com/YWfdejeK

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>>29844307
But anon ... it's already there.

>Be anon, walking about ponyville, up to your usual shenanigans.
>You trip over a small rock, faceplanting into the dirt
>Fucking rocks, being in the way and shit.
>Stupid ponies don't know how to keep their streets clean
>God damn fucking... Wait, what is that?
>Something is licking your arm.
>A pony is licking your arm.
>You glare at it.
>God damned ponies don't know the meaning of personal space, maybe they need to be taught...
>Another one starts to lick you, this time on your other arm.
>What the absolute fucking shit you pieces of...
>More and more show up, and you become more and more enraged.
>full on angry hollering, doesn't seem to deter the ponies
>In fact, more come.

>Be Bluefast
>Talking to pinkie
>sudden, loud hollering from several yards away
>You look over, and see a pile of ponies, all mushing their faces against a pissed off anon
Hey pinks, what's going on over there?
>She glances in the direction you're pointing.
>"Oh, I dunno. But anon looks pretty salty."

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>>29846696

>>29845996
neat

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>>29846696

>>29845996
Everybody gets the ending they deserve.

>>29849312
I will cúm inside her

>>29849338
Clean up after yourself.

>>29849505
No, look carefully. The guy is totally throwing up.

>>29846696
Hue

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Does anyone still want to read some updates of Anon in pone prison? I just got the time to write a few updates.

>>29850508
sounds like fun

>>29850508
Always.

>>29850508
yes, also, hope for nope

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Post prompts please. As always I'll do my best to keep an open mind.

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>>29851062
Anon gives rarity a bath

>>29851062
Celestia is gravely injured. Twilight Sparkle is gravely upset, as is Anonymous. Luna tells them that Sunbutt is tougher than she looks and isn't some fragile porcelain doll--then breaks down crying herself.

>>29846696
Stupid magical ponies trying to give anon their friendchips. Anon got to equestria in search of social gratification, but finds that these ponies are too friendly! It's sickening! How far does he go to stop the friendchips?

>>29851062
>Years of endless pursuit make it begin to question a life without the object of its obsession

>>29851062
>yfw there's probably like a wide spectrum of opinions on the Human

>Some can't help but lust after him, drooling over posters of him in secret behind closed doors.

>Some even begin to worship him, seeing him as a divine punishment for their sinful ways, and being to form religions around penitence for their crimes against the MLH realm.

>be Purplesmart
>Anonymous is snickering again
>this usually means something bad
>he says, in a ridiculously masculine radio-announcer voice,
>"We've secretly replaced Princess Celestia's chocolate cake with hash brownies. Let's see if she can tell the difference!"
>you aren't sure what "hash brownies" are
>but you know enough to facehoof
>suddenly the light gets brighter
>brighter
>what's going on
>you look up
>just in time to hear manic feminine giggling in the distance
>and see the sun collide with the planet
>vaporizing Equestria and everything else instantly
>bad end

does anyone know any good magic immune anon in equestria stories?

>>29851716
>Going with the assumption that you're at least somewhat new
https://www.fimfiction.net/story/47745/bros-in-equestria

so... uh... where's that Cherrilee language barrier story?

More spoonlicker when?

>>29852539
Who the fuck are you? Haven't heard that in forever

>>29851716
i think there's a thread for that

>>29853022
i was right, it's here
>>29832959

>>29852808

A lost soul haunting this barren mortal plane in search of long dead stories.

>>29852808
I'm not that anon, but I was also thinking just a few minutes ago I might check the pastebin bookmark to see if any more of that story got written without me knowing.

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>>29853355

I stopped doing that. To many dead bins in my bookmark folder.

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>>29853392
fuck me thats a long list.

>>29853413
>when you know you're not on it without looking

>>29853508
you say that like its a bad thing.

...or with a list that long, even matters. he probably couldn't find it anyways.

>>29853413
>>29853508
>>29853523

An old pic. To give some idea the last one added there Lunaguy hasn't updated since 2014. I also kind of stopped bookmarking a while back once the threads slowed to the point that I wouldn't completely miss a thread if I was gone for more than a day. Been here to read every thread since 2012.

>>29853589
>every thread.
...do you actually mean every thread, or every Anon thread?

either way that is alot of threads. bravo man, thats impressive.

>>29853619

Every AIE thread. I don't even bother with anything else on /mlp/. I just keep the current active thread bookmarked until a new one is made.

>>29853635
really? no other thread at all?

dont get me wrong like 90% of them are shit but theres still a gem of a thread or decent story in another general every now and again.

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>>29853619
You should see how many I have saved

>>29853656

It's not that I don't like anything else I literally never open /mlp/ directly at all. I'm still here out of habit and routine. Also to read the few stories that still get posted.

>>29853413
Readers don't forget, they just wait eternally for moar. I have 422 pastebins bookmarked. Among them are a handful of functional duplicates, where a writefag changed names or dragged their feet making a pastebin so some other anon made a temporary one. Others, I don't even like the content that writer is known for and haven't read their greens but I decided to immortalize them anyway because they passed through for one fleeting moment in a thread I was following.

A sad few are dead pastebins, where the writer committed the ultimate sin and SHUT DOWN EVERYTHING. Some of those I had backed up before they were nuked, some I didn't find the time to before it was too late. All stay in the list, and will not be forgotten. I wish there was a quick way to download everything in a user's bin instead of having to save them all one at a time.

All these people who can't quit this place.
Just like me.
I'm too old for this shit, but here I am.

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You know what? Parking!

>>29852539
>>29853338
>>29853355
Just the annual poonlicker I'm afraid. I'm the Anon fighting homelessness so I've been a bit preoccupied. I also broke one of my own rules by starting on another pony project several months ago that is currently at 10k words and is looking to grow to 10k more. Not my wisest decision.

Spoonlicker is always on my mind though. I'll get back to updating it once I figure out if that requires stealing McDonald's internet or not.

>>29854270
Hory shet. Cool, but yeah, focus on the life stuff before you stay up all night making horse words.

>>29850792
I miss that son of a bitch

>>29850508
Yes! It's been too long!

>>29850508

Oh hey I remember seeing a lot of your stuff back when those threads were popping up a lot more. I really liked those, glad to hear you're updating more.

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Whoa, didn't know that many anons were okay with me coming back so I could continue and probably finish Saddle Arabia prison.
Gonna re-read and see where I left so I can continue with the stuff I had in mind

>>29854437
Glad to hear you like em!

>>29854506
i luv you babe.

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Also you guys don't mind if I got let's say, a few grammar errors? I edit and all but I lost my cool on it and some editors
Also, does anyone got the "It says you're gay" reaction of this lil guy? I lost it in my endless folders of pone.

>>29853392
>all those names
Who the fuck is Zuul?

>>29854738
jus chill

>>29853392
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-HJ2iPKivSY

>>29853392
Hey that me.

>>29855953
Good 4 u

>>29856808
Who drew that

>>29857322
I have no idea.

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>>29854738
Maybe try using grammarly? If ya want.

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>>29858707
I can work with this

Okay, let's see if I still got the hang on this.
https://pastebin.com/cPezbUZh

Be Project Night
>Aka the colt that was kidnapped from Saddle Arabia prison and bluepilled to join the terrorists of Saddle Arabia
>You have ranked as the new lieutenant of the terrorists of Saddle Arabia
>A big step for a tiny pony…
>Well the lieutenant rank was available anyway since the crazy doctor was in a sugar coma after we came out of that void or whatever dark place that training ground was
>But do you care he’s in a coma? No! Do the other terrorists care? N- okay, maybe. Okay, they might care a bit more than what you thought
>You take a sight while playing with your mortal secret weapons, which were a pair of measuring squares. These babies were so pointy, a strike from them would hurt even the strongest of ponies… you can’t wait till you use em!
“Wish I knew what day or hour it was…”
>You really don’t have a good hang on time. The terrorists don’t like to use clocks to see the time, they just see the sun and the moon and… that’s pretty much it. You remember something about The Boss hating clocks and that she prefers to see the time by the sun and the moon, heck, even the stars probably too
>But whatever, nothing that you mind. As long as you do what The Boss wants and make her happy for…
>For…
>Why were you a bad guy again?
“…”
>Oh right, the cookies and weird song about Equestria
>You ain’t singing that soon, you can take the cookies but you can’t sing. Nopony can force you into singing!
“Singing… pfft…” You open your helmet slightly so your eyes can catch a good sight of the sun and the clouds above. “It just makes me remember how much Butter wanted me to sing with… him… and…”
>…Butter
>You keep staring at the sun as your memories try to fight back
>A distant voice resonates inside your mind with a laugh along

>>29859250

>”Nightly! Lwet’s play togwether!” You hear the voice of a filly followed by the voice of a colt.
>”Nighty… I want to be at your side forever, you are such a great friend…”
“…”
>Tears start coming out of your eyes as you keep remembering some distant memory
>…But the sun of the desert is too strong to look at and it doesn’t last that much for your eyes to start hurting
“AAAH!” You cover your eyes with your hooves and kneel. “What was I thinking!?”
>Seriously! What were you thinking? Looking at the sun while thinking about… something… somepony?
>What were you thinking again?
>You remove the tiny tears that your eyes produced by looking at the sun and shrug off whatever thoughts you had before burning your eyes to Celestia’s sun
“Whatever…” You put back your helmet, hiding your eyes and just showing your snout. “I should go back and see if the preparatives are ready”
>”Sir Night, sir!” You hear the voice of a young stallion below were you were. “I came here to tell you that we’re ready whenever you tell us to!”
>You look down to the ground to see a brown stallion with a gray mane, he had the cutie mark of a tiny tornado on his flank. It was Sand Storm, probably being worried about you
>He was looking up at you since you were sitting on the roof of his house, which was the secret operation hideout of the terrorists 2.0. The 1.0 hideout was, well, that doctor’s house but her mother was kind of mad about the whole “You ponies can’t do ritual to summon evil stuff in my basement and get my only son knocked out!” stuff
>Seriously, what a party pooper
>But Sand Storm lives alone near the prison of Saddle Arabia, in a location that not even a gryphon could find
>And he wonders why nopony visits him…
>”Sir! Can you get down now, please? You’re worrying the neighbors!”
>You look at your sides; there was no house around… not even in a kilometer
>That’s so sad you ain’t replying to that

>>29859257

“Yes, yes…”
>You do a backflip while falling to the ground. Sand Storm’s first instinct was to catch you, but you land mere inches near him with your four hooves
>Nothing too hard, Master Sombra taught you enough to land your strikes /and/ land with style
>Although… you can’t use some attacks you used in that void, which you find odd. You can’t jump that high anymore, but the suit helps you at least
>Your helmet as always, inspects everything around you. Ground, air, the house, even Sand Storm…
[[01001000 01101111 01110010 01110011 01100101 00100000 01001111 01101110 01101100 01101001 01101110 01100101]]
>Ugh… you hate these numbers, they’re so annoying!
[[Analyzing… Earth Pony… Name: Sand Storm... Vocation: Terrorist… Talent: Spin in place until in a dizzy state… also, knows when a sandstorm hits as his tail spins. Weakness: Socially awkward… Rating: 40/100 weak target.]]]
>Yes, yes, yes… blah, blah, blah… LET ME SEE CLEAR, DANG IT! THE WORDS ARE SO ANNOYING!
>”Why is your helmet flashing again, sir Night? It’s… scaring me a bit” Sandstorm says, voice quivering slightly
>OKAY! Maybe one day you’ll be able to stop this helmet from freaking inspecting ANYPONY AT SIGHT!
>…
>Is it done? Can you talk to San-
[[01001000 01101111 01110010 01110011 01100101 00100000 01001111 01100110 01100110 01101100 01101001 01101110 01100101]]
>Son of a siren…
“I still can’t control this suit very well, okay? Master Sombra didn't quite teach me how to use it; he just gave it to me… BUT I ACCEPT ANY CHALLENGE!”
>Sandstorm is taken aback by your last words, startled. Maybe you yelled a bit louder… but you don’t care
“Well?” You say waiting for Sandstorm to stop quivering and to bring you to the rest of the terrorists. “Lead the way!”
>”Y-Yes sir!”
>Sandstorm spins twice and enters his house; you just roll your eyes and follow behind

>>29859263

>You enter his house and the first thing you do is ignore all the pillows with happy draw expressions. Jeez this guy needs some real friends
>Not you
>Other friends
>Maybe make friends with a Tatzelwurm…
>You finally arrive at the room with all eight terrorists, counting Sand Storm and you, you were ten in total
>Sand Storm sits right next to you and at the side of another terrorist, you sit in the chair of the leader, which was the first of the entrance to the room of course
>It was a round table, nothing to be proud of.
“Gentlecolts… It is time to move to the next step in our domination over Saddle Arabi-”
>Before you could start your speech about the mission The Boss gave you, the helmet decides it’s better to ACTIVATE IN THE MIDDLE OF THE ASSEMBLY
[[01001000 01101111 01110010 01110011 01100101 00100000-
>With a strong and angry grip, you remove your helmet and throw it to the table in front of you
“TO TARTARUS WITH THIS HELMET!”
>That made a good impression, as all the terrorists flinched to your throw
>Good
>You smirk and then hide it, going all serious again
“As I was saying… our boss gave us the plan to raid the-“
>This time, a light brown with blonde mane stallion that had a really squeaky voice tried to correct you
“Actually, it’s “The Boss”, not, “Our Boss”. She likes to, you know, be exact in that… she tends to”
>You started gritting your teeth and yell at the terrorist that tried to correct you
“I DON’T CARE!” It instantly shuts him up. “Now… as I was saying.”
>This time you wait, just in case another coward terrorist wants to correct you. You eye from right to left… they don’t seem to say a thing
>Finally
“Okay… The Boss wanted us to invade the prison, take over and force them to listen to us… BUT I GOT A BETTER IDEA! More strategic! More interesting! More genius!”

>>29859281

>You could hear a whisper between two of the terrorists, something among the words “Did he called The Boss dumb?”
>You’ll ignore that
>You place your two hooves on the table and look to everypony in the room
“I plan to challenge those guards of the Saddle Arabian prison to a duel! 3 duels! The winner takes everything!”
>As you expected, everypony in the room starts murmuring with each other about your genius idea
>Eventually, some terrorist speaks asking about the plan in mind
>"Three games? I thought with one game everything should be enough, why that many games in just one day? We don't want to get exhausted... and I think neither the guards want to..."
>You can't believe how weak these terrorists are. Wonder how the other leader threats these guys
"Three games indeed, games of dexterity, teamwork, and strength! Games just foals could play seriously! Just like me!"
>Because, well, you were a foal.
"And you would be thinking... two out of three? Hah! We only need to win twice, but we'll continue until we crush them three times! The three games! Triple humiliation!"
>”And if we lose?”
>You smirk while putting the two hooves that were on the table to the floor
“We can’t lose. But if somehow we do end losing, we’ll do whatever they want. Sounds fair, right?”
>”Well, may-“
“IT ISN’T FAIR! WE ARE TERRORISTS! HAHAHA!”
>Being the new leader rocks. That doctor can go eat a nut.
“I’ll explain EVERY game we challenge those guards! And with the help of my suit… we can’t lose! Haha! Hahahaha!”
>Terrorist and prison guards have challenged each other for a long time now. The Saddle Arabia guards always go with their rules and the terrorists do follow too… but this time? You are with the terrorists! You’ll do things your way! To Tartarus with the rules! You’ll win and show Master Sombra and The Boss your potential!

>>29859285

>And maybe that way, The Boss can talk to you /personally/ about that “master plan” she likes to talk about but never talks about it, because it’s sooooo secret and whatever
>But whatever it is, it must be juicy!
>Enough evil planning, it’s time to continue! …BUT BEFORE YOU START!
“Now…” You walk and stare at Sand Storm, which quickly starts to worry as you stare at him with so much deep soulless eyes. “Before we go…”
>Sand Storm gulps and his whole body starts quivering as if you were using him as food for Hydras
>You extend your hooves to him and try to reach him a bit, but you fail
“Give me upsies”
>Sand Storm is taken aback once again and doesn’t know how to react, but speaking to you
>”Uhm, excuse me, sir?”
>You start losing your patience and yell at him
“UPSIES! I WANT UPSIES! NOW!”
>”Uh… o-okay”
>You need to show leadership! You need to show fear! You need to-
“W-Whoa!”
>Sand Storm didn’t think twice as he lifted you, everypony was looking at you and you… you were flying!
“L-Look at me! I am flying! Behold, the terror of my skydiving!” Sand Storm must have a great balance if he can hold you with two hooves and stay with the other two on the floor… you need to give him props for- “Weeee!”
>You sure could jump from building to building but boy! This just feels good!
>The room just fills with the sound of your innocent noises and the rest of the terrorists trying not to get a heart attack from your adorableness
>”By Larson and the winged one, that’s so cute… colts are really a dangerous weapon…”
>”An adorable weapon…”
>”A weapon to surpass-“
“NO MORE WORDS!” You shut the last terrorist before he speaks. “JUST UPSIES!”


That's it for now. Gotta write more.
Gonna say that grammarly is neato, but dislike that you need premium for more features.
Reeeee
Whatever. How was this for a 4 month come back?

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>>29859304

>>29858148
Derp, I'm retarded.
of course it was https://www.derpibooru.org/tags/artist-colon-nobody

>>29859538
look at this pie thief
yuckin it up

more cryme tyme when

>>29859855
Fuckin soon I hope

>>29851062
Bumping this prompt request.

>>29859304
Interesting terrorist pones wonder if a MOAB will be dropped on em
>"a weapon to surpass-"
https://youtu.be/BVw9XnGghOg

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>>29859538
>Filename
HALT

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>>29861395
>that pic

another one for the collection, thanks.

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>>29861408
YOU'RE NOT THE BOSS OF ME

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>>29860469
If you don't like the prompts that have already been offered, say so, don't do dumb shit like this.

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>>29861516
ok sport

>>29861516
If someone asks for more prompts after the first time you'd think the reasoning would be obvious.

Here's a prompt:

Anon's son is a holy terror and Anon refuses to believe any pony that tells him so. Twilight tries to convince him of his child's assholish behaviour.

>>29859304
Ayyyyyyyy

Another prompt:

Anon is a spirit that only Sweetie Belle can see. He does his best to get her in trouble with everyone while at the same time protecting her from serious harm.

>"Hello everypony and thank you for tuning into 'Human love radio' with me, your host with the most (love for humans that is) , Lyra!"
>*Fanfare and whistles*
>"Today we'll be discussing a favorite topic of mine, a sub-species of humans commonly referred to as 'neets'. These plucky little guys sure do have an interesting culture around them, an-"
>*Door slams open*
>"J-JEEZ, you scared th-"
>"SHH, LYRA SHUT, OUTSIDE, OUTSIDE THING!"
>"Woah, deep breaths sweetie, easy, is it the bugbear ?"
>*Loud banging on table*
>"Hey i just got that polished!"
>"LYRA TH-THERES A-...A..."
>"A what?! Spit it out you crazy pony!"
>*deep breath*
>"THERES A HUMAN IN PONYVILLE!"
>"...."
>"..."
>"Lyra? Did you hear-"
>"aaaaaaaaaaaaaa-"
>"Lyra?!"
>"aaaaaaaAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA-"
>"L-lyra calm down now , dont do anything you-"
>"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA-"
>*Sound of mic getting knocked over and rapid clip-cloping of hoofs that fade away*
>"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaaaah~"
>"...."
>"W-well be right back.."

>>29863225
>....
>*Door closing, a few moments later the mic is jostled*
>"Whoo... ok sorry about that folks we uhh... had a bit of a ..."
>"...."
>"I saw him... it... it was amazing, a real life human... "
>*Deep exhale*
>"They're bigger then I imagined ... err, taller i mean..., i estimated them at uhh..what was it.. 4 foot 8-ish but this guy... I-I think its male im pretty sure, much taller...."
>"...."
>*throat clearing*
>"Sorry im just a little... i dunno, shaken ? Antsy? A freakin human... I can't believe it. You shoulda seen it he was getting swarmed by everypony from all angles. Couldn't get within 20 feet of the guy, then the princess swoops in with her gang and the shoo him off into her castle for... Celestia knows what. I hope he's ok... I'll try to keep more of an eye on him as uhh... i as can i guess, sorry folks I may have to cut todays broadcast short, i gotta be on human watch now."
>"...."
>"I have so many questions! Aaaaah I feel like im going to puke, this is AWESOME!. Ok, but seriously im gunna go look for him, ill try to update you guys when i can, err, for now thanks for listening as usual, umm, Tune in every sunday, same time , same place, much human love to ya face!"
>*click*

>>29863272
What do you guys think of this radio concept?

>>29863225
>>29863272
My side.

>>29863272
Jesus lol

>>29861516
>>29851062
I'll avoid making that mistake again. It was definitely rude of me to not say anything, my bad.

>>29863309
>>29863311
sweet, thats all the inspiration i need to do more later

>>29863278
I like the radio concept. Will you write this often? It would be pretty neat.
>*Sound of mic getting knocked over and rapid clip-cloping of hoofs that fade away*
>"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaaaah~"

That was just Lyra like, perfection.

>>29863225
keep it up, bro

>>29863272
Rad/10

>>29863225
>>29863272
this is fucking great.

Page 9 bump.

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>>29861516

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Returning to the topic of pie theft, I have this statement on behalf of the Ponies in Earth general's Skype Illuminati.

We won't be having our regularly scheduled new thread on the 14th of the month for April because we don't want it to get bumped off in the wake of the hiatus ending.

We've decided to postpone it until there's less of a chance to lose the thread to board traffic. Look for it sometime next week once things go back to normal.

>>29866625
ok

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>>29868584

>>29866625
>>29867222
lol

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>>29866625
Shut up. You're ded.

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>>29869299
>filename
no she isn't

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>>29869699
>filename
Well played, good sir.

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>>29869707
I try to have fun with them

>>29865685

New mini horsey show?

>>29872008
New mini horsey show.

I hope everyone with allergies brought their epinephrine, because it contains nuts. I'm being serious, Granny Smith takes a big old whiff of a nut sack and says she likes the smell. It's lewd as fuck.

>>29870704
again

>>29873292
Kekd

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>Starlight's magically empowered anger gets left in the jar for too long
>It solidifies into small red rings that pulse with energy
>Too small for ponies to wear, except maybe as earrings or on necklaces
>They're kept hidden as power batteries, since they seem useless for anything else.
>Anon eventually finds one, or gets it during an invasion.
>He becomes a Red Lantern.

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Fuck me, I want to write but nothing comes to mind.

>>29875329
Well, maybe you'll come up with an idea while I violently cornhole you. Then we'll go out for ice cream.

>>29875329
Do some 4pone.
Have Anon annoy Twilight.
Have Anon lament the lack of public bathrooms while shitting in the fountain at the market.
Make Anon's meth lab blow up Sugarcube Corner.

Sky's the limit.

>>29875329
Take a shower

>>29837162

Finally got a couple of days off. Gonna go run a tabletop game night then I'll be back and try to write. Hoping to have an update out tonight or tomorrow.

>>29876403
Fuck the wizard over

>>29875329
I find that depression makes me very creative, but it makes me want to write grimdark as fuck shit that no one wants to read.

>>29877002
You must be a hoot at parties.

>>29877315
I learned a long time ago that I'm not the sort of person who should attend parties. At least I'm aware of it now. We all have to know our limitations, right?

>>29875382
That's a good idea; I should just write about literally anything that comes to mind instead of trying to create another long-ish story. Thanks buddy.

>>29877867
Do it.
And make it snappy

How was new show?

>>29877426
You just haven't been to the right kind or with the right peoples friendo.
It's nice when it comes together.

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>Browse catalog to find the thread.
>Never clearing history again. That shit was just painful to see.

>>29879713
Adequate, but seems to be turning even more into The Starlight Show, Featuring Starlight Glimmer and Friend

What if there was a multiverse of alternate Equestrias?

>the original equestria as seen in the show
>NMM timeline equestria
>an equestria that is a lot more adult in nature; entire societies dedicated to sex and BDSM have arisen in this universe under centralized control
>equestria with very big poners
>an equestira where celestia fucked up and killed luna instead of banishing her
>species swapped equestrias
>gender swapped equestrias
>futaquestria
>ancient greece equestria
>equestria where celestia and luna never even existed

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Post Nordpone, fuckers.

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Random idea: Write something out of your 7th reaction pic. Also post that reaction pic.
It doesn't have to be that long, anything goes.

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>>29882585
>It's been a long day at work.
>The life of a waiter is suffering.
>Dash and Pinkie racked up about a thousand bits in a single bill before pulling a runner, again.
>Twilight spent all day reading after ordering a single coffee, again.
>Fluttershy's animals shat everywhere, again.
>Applejack kept refused to order as there weren't enough apple-based foods in the apple section, again.
>Rarity was the only one who wasn't a pain, as she often brings in some customers with her.
>You lick your lips a little as you step indoors as you contemplate taking a swig of the bottle you've been saving.
>Without even have poured any you can already smell it's inviting citrus aroma, it's cucumber and honeydew flavours entice on your tongue to have more, and the smoothest burn that dances down your throat.
>Turning on the kitchen light, you're greeted by a mare who had the same idea as you.
>Berry Punch.
>Also known as, drunk horse.
>The bottle is empty, yet her lips are still pursed around the bottle while her gaze stares at you in wide-eyed terror.
"What the fuck? You better not have drunk everything?" You scream, already knowing full well that she had.
>You notice the amber liquid begins flowing back into the bottle from her mouth as her eyes refuse to break their watch of you.
>She fills it back to about half way, and if you weren't so pissed then you'd be impressed.
>Berry holds the bottle up to you with the guiltest and apologetic smile ever spread across those lips.
>"Here, heh, I saved you some."

>>29881902
That's a tall poner.

>>29882585
>>29883332
Unf

>>29883332
I don't know about you, but after seeing that, I'd need a drink too.

>in b4 Berry Punch offers directly from the source, so to speak

Has anyone ever tried writing a horror story? Did it end up being something worth reading?

>>29884467
Brewery tours are rad

I guess zombie Jeezus got everyone this year.

Here's a Story i'm writing for you fags. Give me feedback.
>”Pull this one through, And there’s a bottle of whiskey waiting for you, boys!”
>Barker’s Voice Crackles slightly through your helmet’s internal comm system.
>You knew what you signed up for when you joined the ACEs, and It was nowhere near this bullshit.
>Who the fuck tries to coax his troops into pushing an objective with fucking booze?
>Especially against ARES Division?
>”Enemy Pilot spotted!”
>More fucking grunts.
“How many of you fucks do they have?”
>”Engaging!”
>A hailstorm of bullets, both energized and regular, flew all around as you flew through the air.
>Pulling the pin, you toss ‘em a good old arc grenade.
>It lands on one of the grunt’s helmet, the electricity flowing through his body, frying him and two of his buddies.
>The last one, stunned, turned tail and ran.
“Easy targets.”
>Two energized rounds flew through the bastard’s skull, and his helmet went flying.
>His body stumbled, all control lost, and he landed flat on his face.
>”Hey, Kid, Your Titan’s ready! Call it when you need it!”
>You tap a few notes on your datapad, and Barker, well, Barks Into your Comms unit.
>”Prepare for Titanfall! Man, I love saying that!”
Next part coming in a few minutes

Here's the next part.
>Looking to the sky, you see your titan as she falls to the point marked on your hud.
>The Ion series Titan, VC-3065, Was possibly your best, and only, friend.
>When you were a pilot for the M-CORP, You were assigned her, and you’ve been together since.
>Of course, you sometimes had to change Chassis due to damage, but the Datacore was the same.
>VC Smashed into the ground a few meters in front of you, deploying her bubble shield for a safe entry.
> You Jumped, and latched onto a nearby wall, still running, as VC stood, opening the cockpit for you.
>As you hopped into the cockpit, her familiar voice spoke, welcoming you back.
>”Hey, Kid? We got a problem.”
“What’s going on, Barker?”
>”ARES Just dropped a titan I’ve never seen before. Possibly another prototype.”
“We’ve dealt with ‘em before. What’s the problem?”
>”This Titan’s Been One-Shotting our guys, but they just disappear. Vitals, Biosig, Everything, just gone.”
“Roger. We’ll take it down. Just don’t get hit, right?”
>”Right. I’ll mark it’s position for you. Good Luck, kid.”
“That was two hours ago. Needless to say, I got hit. VC’s nowhere to be seen or heard, and I’m nowhere near the original AO. I am, however, in some sort of woods. I’m gonna set up camp here, and hope for nothing to get me in the night. Anon’s Log, out.”
>You are possibly fucked.
>The woods around you are too dense to show the Day-Night cycle on this planet.
>You say this planet, because the gravity is lighter than Typhon’s was.
>So, unless Typhon decided to spin slower or some shit, you’re on a different planet.
>No SERE Kit to help you out of this one, either.
>Well, it’s not as bad as Operation Fracture.
>Now that was a mess.

Third part.
>Done Reminiscing, you stomp out the fire you built an hour ago, and scale a particularly tall tree.
>Finding a branch you deem sturdy enough, you lay down as best as you can on it.
>Sleep evades you for a few minutes, as you adjust to the new environment.
>Suddenly, you dream.
>The day’s events replay in your dreamscape.
>You still remember the Titan that sent you here.
>It looked like a Vanguard class, but sturdier-built.
>It’s Datacore was covered by a strange piece of metal, ensuring the FOF Signature wasn’t visible.
>The Bolts it fired were an odd purple in color, and made barely any sound as they flew.
>The only way you knew you were hit was the shield disappearing almost instantaneously.
>For some reason, the Enemy Pilot Decided to talk on open Comms, and what he said gave you chills.
>”Good Luck getting home, Mate.”
>Then you felt like someone punched you in the gut, nearly knocking you out.
>When you opened your eyes, VC was gone, and you were in this god-forsaken forest.
>Now, You opened your eyes once more, still lying on the tree limb.
>Something was rustling in the bushes beneath you.
>Doubtfully friendly.
That's all i got for now. Thoughts?

>>29887561
Content is always great but I feel the "future soldier being dumped into Equestria" Plot has been done to death.

>>29887625
True that, but all I've seen when browsing are shitty one-shots, and are usually centered around the Halo Or AVP/Alien series, respectfully. Just though one centered around Titanfall would be more theatric, if you guys are interested.

>>29887718
Dont let one opinion decide for you but I will most likely skip over your story if the it does not
have something to separate itself from similar ones. What I expect to happen is that the protag finds out about ponyville and spies on the ponys for a few days before making contact, or the main 6/ royal guards will after stumbling upon or hearing reports about anon will, drag them to canterlot with or without some confrontation.

Then the rest of the story will turn into anon integrating into Equestrian culture and will turn into a slice of life story where it focuses on twilight learning about anons tech and other shenanigans.

If you want my intrest you need to do something spicy and different.

>>29887849
Thanks for the feedback. I was thinking something along those lines, just not that specifically. Btw, more story for you.
>Your Hud Shows traces of the Creature’s outline, and it doesn’t look like anything you’ve seen before.
>You pull a Pulseblade, Running the numbers in your head.
>On one hand, It could be a Docile creature, And you’re overreacting.
>But on the other, when have you ever ran into something on a planet other than Harmony that isn’t hostile?
>Taking the chance, you sling the blade into the dirt below you.
>The blade sinks into the turf below, and begins to transmit a low pulse, covering a good 30 meter radius.
>The creature below is revealed, it’s outline marked on your Hud.
>It looks like an experiment gone loose, resembling that of a wolf, but much Bigger.
>It’s head snaps towards the Pulseblade’s low-pitched hum, and It releases a growl that reverberates through you.
>Initiating your jump kit, you nope the fuck out of there, scrambling through the branches above you.
> As you make one final jump, you burst through the Canopy.
>The quick glance you are afforded informs you there is what looks to be a colony to your right, about 2-3 Kilometers out.
>As you fall through the canopy, you twist your body towards said colony.
>Once your feet touch dirt, you’re off, sprinting like there’s a Ronin right on your ass.
>About 45 Minutes of pushing through brush, vines, and God knows what else, you break through the tree line.
>With The colony in sight, you use the last bits of your strength to get to the stone bridge that lies between you and safety.

More Fresh from the print.
>The bridge is about a 5 minute jog from the tree line, but God, does it feel like an eternity.
>Your Calves scream at you, but you finally cross the bridge.
>Pulling a swig of water from your helmet’s hydro-line, you rest on the wall of a nearby house.
>You look into the Settlement, and see nobody walking the streets.
>Odd, but not unusual. A lot of settlements have a day of rest, where they all stay inside, and catch up on Frontier-wide news.
>You remember the looks on everyone’s faces back home after the Battle of Demeter.
>Even though the fight had happened months before, Angel City was abuzz with gossip once news hit their ears.
>Most of the news just glorified the IMC’s “Gallant efforts to retain control of the refueling world from the terrorist group, known as the Militia.”
“What a load of bullshit.”
>Your mind takes it’s leave through your vocal cords, revealing your external speakers aren’t transmitting.
>Looks like you just talked you your own helmet.
>not like there’s anyone here to hear you, though.

>Your strength Regained, you swagger into town, hoping one of the local hicks will notice the elite Pilot visiting their shantytown.
>You head towards what looks like the town’s center, seeing nobody at all during your walk.
>You decide to wait, and take a seat on the Fountain marking the center.
>Hours pass, and eventually you decide to watch your helmet’s Holologs.
>You watch previous briefings between you and Commander Briggs.
>Her Husky-yet-feminine voice makes you yearn for home more and more.
>Eventually, you see a flash of Blue to your left.
>You stand up, knowing now that you’re being watched.
>Frantically scanning your surroundings, you spot about 5 colorful creatures.
>They’ve formed a V Pointed towards you, and stand on all four legs in what you believe to be an attacking pose.
>SeveralQuestions.JPG
>They look like the Holograms of Earth’s ‘Horses’, but are about half the height.
>Plus, Two of them have what appears to be horns protruding from their foreheads.
>You see the colors Yellow, White, Purple, Orange, and Pink.
“Where’s Blue?”
>You forget your helmet’s external speakers aren’t working.
>Something thuds on the ground to your left, and you glance over.
“Clever Girl…”

>Blue’s Wings(?) are extended, most likely to intimidate you, but she lifts off again, and joins the other five.
>The six of them make a Basic A Formation, and Begin to glow in their respective colors.
“Wait, what?”
>”I don’t know what you are, but if you are intelligent, give us a sign, Creature!”
>Ok the purple one just talked.
>The fuck has ARES been doing to these things?
>Remembering your helmet’s malfunction, You try to communicate with your arms and hands.
>But they fail to understand. Once you move they all flinch, almost jumping back.
>”What’d’ya Think, Twi?” Says Orange.
>””I think we’ve got one that left the Everfree. Let’s put Him where he belongs, right girls?” Says Purple.
>The rest nod in approval, and you are enveloped in a purple hue.
“The fuck?”
>The hue surrounds you, and you are lifted into the air.
>You’re pretty sure your screams are heard through your helmet, but you are sent towards the forest nonetheless.
>Once you’ve reached the treeline, the purple hue dissolves, and you are dropped about half a meter to the ground.
>Your jump kit Slows the fall automatically, and you land on your feet.
>That was fucking weird.

Last post of the night for me.
>Since the direct approach failed, you decide to scout the town.
>Finding a tree That’s taller than the rest, you scale it, and, once again, find a branch you deem sturdy enough.
>Pulling out your Longbow DMR, you scope in on the town center, and sight the six from earlier.
>Tracking each for a few hours a day, you discover that the town is inhabited by multiple of the colored horses.
>You also find the daily routines of all six colors.
>Purple hangs out in a bit tree made out of some sort of Crystalline material.
>Orange live on what looks to be a farm, but it’s main crop is apple trees, for some odd reason.
>Pink runs what looks to be a shop near the town center.
>Yellow lives on the outskirts of town, in what is possibly a breeder’s hut.
>Breeder of what, you’re unsure.
>White Looks to work in some sort of fashion parlor, based off of the statues that inhabit the windows.
>And Blue Somehow does workouts in the clouds above town.
>At least you think those are workouts.
>A week passes, and your rations are running low.
> Turning your gaze from the town and it’s inhabitants, you scope on the wildlife of the forest.
>If there’s one thing you learned in the M-CORPS, it’s how to dress your kills.
>You Place your sights on a particularly lean-looking Pig.
>Remembering your training, you slow your breathing.
>There is nothing in-between breaths.
>Just You, Your Rifle, and Your Target.
>You Squeeze the trigger, and the Rifle bucks back into your shoulder.
>A squeal echoes through the forest, and falls silent.
>You jump from the branch you’ve been perched on, and move to your kill.
>Time to go shopping.
Here's my pastebin, if you're interested:https://pastebin.com/u/An_Advocate

>>29888342
neato

Hotse pussy.

>>29888342
You should link your posts together so readers can follow them in series. As for formatting, there needs to be some kind of spacing or other break when you do a setting or time change. Right now it's all glued together as if the entire thing is one continuous scene, which is confusing. You're also improperly capitalizing some words, along with other misc. spelling errors.

>>29837162

>Given that Lychee is eating with all the grace and restraint of a Fenrisian wolf you decide to wake the others while there's actually food left.
>You walk over to the hollow in the tree and crouch down, gently nudging the pair of sleeping bat ponies awake.
>Guava is the first to rouse and only manages a shy nod in reply when you point out food.
>Ackee is a bit harder to wake, attempting to roll over and go back to sleep before you finally drag him back to wakefulness.
>He yawns and stretches before finally looking up at you bleary eyed.
>"Huh, oh sorry I guess I fell asleep. Not used to being awake all day like this you know?"
"No harm was done. Though I suggest you get something to eat before your sister finishes off what I was able to gather."
>"Don't have to tell me twice." He says before rushing over to join the others.
>As the three eat you glance up at the sun, what little of it you can see through the trees, to gauge how much of the day has passed.
>At the pace you've set with your three new charges you'll be lucky to make it to Ponyville before the businesses close.
>A part of you wants to be annoyed by the delays but you find yourself unable to.
>If you're being entirely honest with yourself this past week has been one of the best in your long centuries of life.
>You haven't felt this much sense of purpose since you left banished to Caliban with your brothers and Luther.
>You recall once a debate among your brothers about what was to become of your kind once there was the great crusade was over.
>It was said there were to be different roles that brothers would fill according to their skills.
>Chapter Masters and officers would have become heads of state as befitting their station and skills.
>Simple brothers like yourself would have likely become peace keepers and guardians for the more dangerous worlds.

>>29890734

>The Heresy stole any chance of that, at least that's what you had once thought but in your short time here you already seem to have fallen in to the role you were meant to take.
>You'll Shepard the ponies to town arriving whenever you arrive. Hopefully Rarity is forgiving about being kept waiting for a reason like this.
>You're pulled from your introspection by Lychee prodding at your side, holding up the empty sack.
>"Got anything else to eat?" She asks with a hopeful grin.
>You take the sack from her shaking it out to clear it of any food debris.
"At the moment no, you have my word I will find you something when we make it as far as town."
"Besides that you should wait before you eat more anyway. If you gorge yourself after starving you'll be sick."
>Lychee grumbles something you're fairly certain is another complaint about her stomach as you go to shovel all the gems back in to your bag, but you elect to ignore it.
>Once your bounty is collected once more you stamp out the fire you had built and get everyone moving again.
>You it takes another few hours before you reach Zecora's hut, since you're having to stick to more established paths for the sake of the others rather than just trudging through the undergrowth.
>You had hoped to keep your exchange at the hut brief but Zecora offers the others some sort of herbal tea and something to eat.
>While she takes care of her news guests you busy yourself with testing the repair cement she's created.
>It only takes a few minutes to dry one mixed and while you're not certain it's an exact duplicate of the real thing it is a passable substitute.
"You've done fine work Zecora. With this I should be able to finally repair my armor, you have my thanks."
>She looks over from where she's pouring a second coup of tea for Lychee and smiles.
>"I'm glad that it will do the trick, I feared the paste might dry too quick."

>>29890737

"Drying quickly is all the better for field repair. If you have further need of any materials I may require another batch of this in the near future."
>Zecora makes her way over to a small pot dangling over the fire and stirs something inside.
>"I think we can arrange a deal, for now your friends should have their meal." She says as she starts to dole out portions of soup for the others.
"Agreed."
>While the others take their meal you patch the hole in your breastplate, carefully building up layers of cement around the edges until the gap is entirely sealed.
>Your armor is one step closer to whole, and once you get back to the garrison you'll see if you can salvage the left arm.
>If nothing else you might be able to hold the fratctured pieces together with repair cement and reinforce it with rivets steel bands.
>Not an ideal solution but you've seen more outlandish things done.
>After you emerged from the warp you'd lost out on a lot of time, and one thing you'd learned about the Heresy was that the lack of replacement armor parts lead to some interesting modifications.
>You'd heard of loyalists cobbling suits patched together with metal plates from tank tread and whatever spare pieces they could find.
>The non standard equipment from the chaos factions is a bit more varied and tends to range from the esoteric to the horrific.
>You may be willing to use an enchanted sword gifted to you by the strange rulers of this world, but binding daemons to your armor as they do is going entirely too far.
>Though given the apparent differences between the magic the ponies utilize and the taint of warp born sorcery perhaps you should consider some enchantments for your battle plate.
>It's something to look in to at any rate.
>Putting such thoughts aside you store away the remainder of your repair cement. It looks like the others have finished eating.
"It's not much further to town from here, is everyone ready?"

>>29890746

>"Yeah, let's hurry up and get there, I can't wait to sleep in an actual bed again!" Lychee says making quickly for the door.
>"That'll be nice." Guava agrees, which is also the longest sentence you'd heard her speak all day.
>"Thank you for the food Zecora, it was nice meeting you." Ackee says giving a wave over his shoulder with a hoof as he slips out the door.
>You lead the others in to town without further incident, though a good half a day past when you'd hoped to arrive.
>To your chagrin there doesn't seem to be an actual guard presence maintained in Ponyville.
>While it is unfortunate you can't pass your charges on to someone more suited to making arrangements to get them home you're not not one to leave a job half done.
>You carefully consider your options, you have no idea where Hollow Shades is but it's likely too far to walk in anypony in the condition these three are in.
>You turn to Lychee.
"Does the train run as far as Hollow Shades?"
>"Yeah definitely, but we don't exactly have any bits for tickets."
>You likely don't either, but no point in telling her that.
>You hand her the belt pouch containing what's left of your bits, not much but more than they had.
"Use this to buy what provisions you might need for the trip. I will secure you passage on the train."
>She starts to push the pouch back to you as she protests "Look you've been great but we can't just take your money after everything else."
>You wave her complaints off.
"I must insist. The peop...er ponies of your country have been generous to me in my time of need. I am returning the gesture."
>This seems to mollify her for the most part, and she takes the bits with only slight reluctance.
"Good. Now I will see about your passage. Find me at the station when you are ready."