Magicless Anonymous #7

>>29731774
OP is another trace job by the way

>29731788
We need Lord Dubs!

>op not dubs
meme magic story deserves better.

>>29731774
Are there any complete stories?

>>29731774
Sick OP pic.

>>29731788
Check'd

>>29731835
plenty of dead ones

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>>29731774

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>>29731788
Those are some nice dubs, Anon.

>>29731835
OP probably should've specified "dead" as "never going to be completed". I know anon's horn problem is finished, mainly 'cuz I wrote it.
I already know it's bad, it was my first work. Shoot me.

>>29731774
Annoyed declaration: You forgot HK-47's story, meatbag.

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>>29732324
This thread is pretty much AiE, anons should just accept that

>>29731774
>Writefags disappearing and dying off all around
>New ones not even mentioned
There is a reason updates on greens are slow

>>29732932
I forgot OK? It's better than the last one

>>29732951
You should post an updated OP post here soon - to - now so it isn't screwed up in the rush to make a new thread later.

I'm actually waiting for HK...

>>29733135
Same

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>>29732479
>>29733135
>>29733389

Pic related
No really, glad you like it so far. The actual magic-related shit should be coming up pretty soon. Like, 2-4 story dumps.

I've got some downtime, so I should be able to crank something out for you guys to help expedite that.

>>29731774
You know, I have an idea for a story that might be unique and could help with my writing skills. However, I have no idea how pastebin is supposed to work and a lot of work on my plate as it stands. I'll see what I can do, but I make no promises.

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>>29733608
There really isn't much to it. Make an account, create new paste, put text into paste, submit.
It's best if you pre-write your shit in a text file, so you just paste it into the pastebin.

>>29733502
Nice

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>>29733608
>>29733684
I suggest using something with autosave.

also page 8 bump

Those Lords must be scared out of their minds around Anon. Even with Celestia around he's still the physical embodiment of everything they fear.

>>29724319

>Twilight is the first to approach the archaeology leader guy
>That draws his attention from you, and he bows super quick
>"Y-your highness! F-forgive me, I didn't n-notice you!"
>You can feel her eyes roll from over here
>His voice already annoys you
>It's a blend of basement-dweller, snob, and momma's boy
>"Oh, it's fine, no need to worry. You can rise now."
>He's still bowing
>Nigga didn't take the hint
>"Uh, hello? You can rise now."
>He reacts with a start and rises up super quick
>He's still spooked af
>And looks to be shaking a bit
>Yeah, this wasn't going to be fun
>Better let Twilight do the talking for now
>"S-sorry, your highness!"
>"It's fine, really. So, what's your name?"
>"Uh, P-Precise Measure, your highness!"
>The name prompts a glance at his magic tramp stamp
>It's a pair of old-timey calipers
>It's an older code, sir, but it checks out
>He also notices you looking at him again
>He's shivering more than an abortion clinic's cleanup crew now
>Twilight reins his attention back with a snap of her hoof
>How the fuck you can snap a hoof like that, you have no idea
>Must be the whole magic thing again

>>29735672

>"Pleasure to meet you, Precise. Please, just call me Twilight."
>He gulps
>"V-very well, your highness!"
>You can also feel the unamused eyebrow raise from here
>"O-oh, uh, I mean, Twilight."
>"Riiight. So, tell me a bit about what you do around here!"
>"W-well, your highn-- T-Twilight! I, uh... oversee the..."
>He locks up there for like 10 seconds
>"I-I'm sorry, your maje-- Twilight, but is it really necessary to bring that... pet of yours along for this?"
>Wait
>Dafuq did this nigga just say
>ohhellnaw.xcf
"Hey, who're you calling a pet?"
>"Excuse me? He is NOT a pet!"
>Man, simultaneous response
>That must have rustled her jimmies in sync with yours
>tfw tiny purple horse stands up for you
>That synchronized triggering also seems to have rustled his jimmies to the fucking shadow realm
>Lil' pony looks like he's about to pass out
>Twilight groans quite loudly at this little exchange
>"Urgh. Anon, could you wait outside for a second while I... straighten this out?"

>>29735682

>You're not too happy with being told to essentially fuck off for a few minutes
>But you can't say you're not used to it either
>This kinda shit happened all the time your first year in Ponyville
>So, with a wave in her direction, you head into a nearby tent you assume is his
>Not like you give a fuck at this point
>Your only solace from the salt is eavesdropping on the legendary chew-out that Twilight's gonna deliver to this poor kid
>She gets super pissy when folks call her non-pony friends pets or servants, or something to that effect
>Must be from having Spike for most of her life, you'd guess
>First thing you hear is his loud sigh of relief
>Quick, assume the listening position
>"Oh, thank goodness! I don't think my heart could have taken much more of that!"
>"Would you like to tell me what THAT was all about?"
>"W-well, your-- Twilight, I wasn't really expecting you to bring such... unusual company with you, is all!"
>"My response clearly mentionied I'd be bringing a friend along for this excursion."
>"Yes yes, I know, but I really did expect another pony, and not... whatever that bizarre pet thing is!"
>"He's not a thing, and he's certainly not a pet. He is a human, his name is Anonymous, and he's one of my best friends!"
>Fuck, she's getting pissy
>"And I fully expect you to treat him with the same level of dignity and respect as any other pony."

>>29735689

>Man, she's really sticking her neck out for you here
>Feels real good
>"B-but your highness, he's not a pony! And I've never even heard of a 'human' before, is that some kind of Minotaur relative?"
>What in all the extant fucks did he say
>After that--
>Wait, his voice changed with that one line
>It's like the basement-dweller part came out strong or something
>Almost like--
>No
>Please don't tell me he's a--
>"Excuse me?! How dare you--"
>"In fact, the appendages on his limbs aren't like anything I've seen before! They're much thinner and more spider-like in terms of flexibility!"
>"What did you just--"
>"And the face! Sharing so much in common with a Diamond Dog! In fact, is he some sort of predator? Flat facial structure is only really seen on predatory species, such as owls!"
>"W-what--"
>"And what was going on with the clothing? Is it incapable of keeping itself warm? Or is it covering up injuries? Ah! That must be it! You had to tame it beforehand, and the clothing covers up the injuries sustained by doing so!"
>"You--"
>"Oh, it all makes sense now! And nopony better than yourself to do it! After all, getting that dragon of yours properly tamed couldn't have been an easy process!"
>"Guh--"
>"Princess Twilight Sparkle, tamer of dragons and strange ape-like predators alike, on top of her previous exploits! Oh, I am truly honoured to be here in front of you, welcoming you to our humble dig site!"

>>29735700

>Silence
>Nothing but silence after that massive, unremittant sperg fest
>And yeah, it is exactly what you thought
>This horse was a total autist
>Like, his entire speaking style there was so awkward and triple-dipped in raw autism
>Constantly monotone with awkward pauses in the worst spots
>Honestly, once that became apparent, the slew of shit-talk from that horse became a little easier to handle
>Emphasis on little
>Because that shit still stung like a bitch
>You peek your head out to get a look at the soon-to-be nuclear bomb site
>This Precise guy was sitting there with a small, autistic smile, looking like he actually didn't have a death wish
>What the fuck, he wasn't like this before
>Did you scare his ass into regressing to his primal sperg instincts or something?
>Now, Twilight on the other hand
>She had her jaw right to the floor
>Honestly, you would too
>You never experienced spergfests IRL before
>You thought they were just stories told on imageboards to scare teens into lurking moar
>You were not prepared for a real example

>>29735706

>"So, Princess Twilight, it's a real pleasure to have you here! My role here is to oversee the collection and documenting of various artifacts from everypony on the dig team!"
>What the fuck man
>How is this real--
>Oh shit
>Twilight's graduating from shock to anger
>"I've read a lot in the papers and magazines about your impressive sorting abilities! I'm sure that with you working as part of our team, we'll be able to catalogue this place in no time at all!"
>call my name and save me from the dark
>Dude fucking stop already what the fuck
>Twilight was literally steaming at this point
>She looked like she was about to have kittens
>Kittens made out of fucking buzzsaws
>You take cover immediately
>"Oh, could you maybe get that strange ape of yours to make himself scarce? He's really going to affect productivity here! Goodness, I must have lost hours of productivity from the fright he's given me, alone!"
>This fucking nigga
>You're so raiding his place here before you leave
>If there's anything left of this place, that is
>Twilight's probably going to have three extra buzzsaw kittens from that quip alone

>>29735713

>"But hey, he seems to have left us now! Let's not waste any time--"
>"Precise Measure."
>Oh shit, the nice tone of voice
>He's really fucked up now
>"Yes, Princess Twilight? Is there anything you need?"
>"Yes. I'd like to discuss this all further with you. Away from the dig site."
>"Away from the dig site? There's no need for that, there's plenty of available space within the site for any private speaking you could need--"
>"I wasn't asking. That was an order."
>"Ah, that makes sense! Very good, Twilight, lead on!"
>You hear the sounds of them trotting away
> Hello darkness my old friend
>Well, he's going home in a fucking body cast after this
>She'll probably blame those evil changelings for this, since this is kinda where they live and all
>Meanwhile, you're still equal parts shocked and pissed at that little display
>About a minute passes before the pissed portion overcomes the shocked
>You feel the burning need to throw shit and flip tables
>You cease taking cover and grab the book on the desk in front of you, hurling it into the mirror to the right of you
>You stop yourself at the next object, a desk nameplate
>'Precise Measure, Associate Professor'
>Holy shit, this is his tent

>>29735721

>Well, this bout of berserker fury suddenly became a lot more cathartic
>You proceed to open some of the still-not-unpacked trunks and boxes lying around
>Gotta find something of value to break or steal
>Again, blame the changelings
>They're just the most perfect scapegoat
>In a few minutes, you manage to break so much stuff
>Nothing worth stealing though so far
>Rifling through his clothes trunk, you find something at the bottom
>It's a small wooden box with gold trim around it
>You open it up and--
>Whoah shit son
>A bunch of random wooden crafts spills right out of it
>This thing is a fucking bottomless box
>And it's the tiniest bottomless box you'd ever seen
>You look over the crafts that fell out and--
>Okay that's a Twilight sculpture with a dick hanging off of it
>You quickly empty the whole box of its nightmare-inducing fetish contents
>Honestly man what the fuck
>It was at this point that you had an idea
>An awful idea
>If this bitch was gonna ruin your trip, you were gonna ruin his even more
>You stroll out of the tent with his empty lil' box in hand
>You make a beeline for one of the ancient buildings in the distance
>You knew exactly what you were gonna do
>You were gonna collect a ton more 'souvenirs' than you had planned on

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>>29735727

Well, this took a lot longer than I thought.
Not entirely happy with the direction of this chunk, but it gave me a good chuckle while writing it.
Not like it matters, since the important shit starts in the next dump.

Also, have a pastebin:
http://pastebin.com/GGMNC8h7

Also you better fuckin deliver on the green there Urchin

>>29731774
No, don't you understand? This is an opportunity for Anon to milk being defenceless for all it's worth! Mares will dote all over him if they think he's a helpless little babbu!

>"Why don't you stay the night at my place, Anon? Things can get dangerous in Ponyville after dark if you don't have any magic to defend yourself with. I'll protect you~"

>>29736017
I think you want the rgre thread

>>29736061
Oh.

>>29735740
Thanks for the green

>>29736061
Eh, kind of counts as both to a degree.

>10

>>29736017
My dick wouldn't survive a week in Ponyville. I'd be jerking it right the fuck off every night with all those mares trying to seduce me.

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>>29731774

>>297317777
HOLY SHIT MEME MAGIC!

>>29737812
>>29737777
ops

>>29737769
You'd know what you were casting if you studied more.

Sea Urchin or MSG plan on updating soon?

>>29738421
soon

>>29738488
Check'd

>>29737769
Judging by the "energy" emitted from it and the general shape and texture of the spell itself, it appears to be some kind of ice spell.

>>29738521
It must be a sign

>>29738421
emusgee here
My chrysalis arc put me in sort of a deadzone of ideas. I'll get writing, and realize more and more as I write how much of a fuck up I made there. If I could go back before I added her, I would.
It makes me ask, "What will her relevance to the story be in the future?" Other then her playing a part in bringing Anon to the world, I couldn't get very far without throwing her away, because I certainly don't enjoy writing her character.
I didn't ever receive a whole lot of criticism so I have no idea where my story lacks either.

>>29739688
I would give you criticism, but I don't know what to criticize. Your story seems fine to me.

>It makes me ask, "What will her relevance to the story be in the future?"
> I certainly don't enjoy writing her character.
I'm confused. If you don't enjoy writing her, then why are you trying to put her in your story?
Can't you just kill her and be done with it?
Are you feeling guilty for starting an arc that isn't relevant to anon being magicless? Then the easiest solution would be moving on: getting rid of her as soon as you can and going back to the main topic of your story.

>>29740204
I do enjoy writing her character, but I hate trying to incorporate her into the story
I think I'll keep rolling with it for now. I'll try to be more active from here on

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where is my boy urchin?

>>29740684
busy or possibly moved on
writefags are fickle, unpredictable creatures

>>29740878
Urchin doesn't do that

>>29740878
>>29740947
Second that. He has nothing but finished stories, excluding this one.

>>29740947
>>29741044
Noice, glad I'm wrong on that count, then.

>>29741044
Well there's also Bite Me Once but that was explained as the original thread dying and the story not being related enough to any existing threads to be post-worthy.

>>29741044
His anon dragon story was basically given a hack ending though.

>Lol anon just takes over Tartarus because XD
>le end :^)

>>29741388
>tfw when you write a novel-length ending for a story and get fucked in the ass on a random windows update because you didn't save it
I didn't have the heart to write that all out again. That's why I switched to google docs.

>>29741415
docs never failed me

>>29741415
Any tips for writing? I'm currently working on my own story, though it may be a while before it's ready to be cast under the judging gaze of this board.

>That's why I switched to google docs.
Google docs is best for writing documents, in my opinion.

>>29741814
>Any tips for writing?
That depends. Are you asking about how to improve on your writing mechanics, write better from a critical standpoint, or get yourself into the feel of writing?

>>29741834
I just want to get better at writing in general. This is the first story that'll be available to the general public and I want it to be good. Well, second technically but that was back in elementary school, about a decade ago.

So let's just say all of the above.

>>29741814
Write a whole lot in one go then do corrections and rewriting afterwords.
For writing characters, put yourself in their mind, think about their motivations, personality, how they would handle the situation, etc.
Write out a brief timeline of whatever part of the story your working on, it helps you connect the dots between events.
Try not to overuse words or throw in unnecessary details

>>29741881
To add to this Anon, use details as often as you can, but don't overdo it. You should be making the scene feel real and alive so that the reader feels like they could be there while also leaving enough out to allow for imagination. Speaking of the readers, listen to them but don't obey them. Sometimes input from others can be what's needed to make a story great. At the end of the day though, it's still your story and not one person on the planet knows how to craft it better than you. If you have something you're dedicated to and don't want to budge on despite a whole thread telling you you're wrong, don't let go of that idea.

>>29741867
Write something original. Don't make wooden characters for the sake of the smooth story flow. Don't also chase "realistic behaviour" always and everywhere, add some eccentricity to the characters where it suits (ex. ones notorious, powerful or nuts), a-la modern cinema, you know, it works realy well and is a cheap move as fuck.

>>29742350
>>29741981
>>29741881
Thanks for the tips! Don't know when I'll have the first chapter out; maybe it'll be during this thread, maybe the next. However, you can at least rest easy knowing I will keep working on it until completion; this I promise!

>>29742350
that's dependent on the type of story he's writing. For something like magic-less anon yea, but usually you want to stay within the realm of possibility.

Green coming soon.

>>29717559

>Twilight is practically shaking as you approach her.
>She looks so damn happy, so dumb, with that stupid grin plastered on her face.
>Boy, what you’d give to wipe it off.
>You know, just grab her head and slam it right into a bowl of soup.
>Tomato soup.
>You grin at that thought, sadly, and she seems to get the idea that you’re equally excited to see her.
>You avert your gaze and try to focus on the rest of the party.
>There sure are a lot of people here. Most of them look like dignitaries.
>The end of the table that Celestia is walking you toward is devoid of such folks and is, instead, populated by more common looking ponies.
>One of them even has a maid uniform on, and her blushing grey face tells more about how she’s feeling than the “I’m so excited to be here” you can just make out.
>Twilight is situated on the left side of the table. Well, it could be right depending on how you’re looking at it.
>Anyway, her chair, as well as the other two cupping the end of the dinner table, stands out from the rest.
>Whereas all the other ponies are sitting in rather simple looking wooden seats, Twilight’s is a big, purple “throne”, for lack of a better word.
>Her overly frilly and noble-looking dress matches the aesthetic.
>Moving over, at the end of the table, is an even larger version of her seat, only it’s made of some very expensive looking white stone, save for the seat which is probably softer than any bed you’ve ever laid on.
>At the top of the chair is a crest that, at your best guess, is supposed to be a sun.
>Its golden rays stretch out across the chair, making elegant designs on the back and ending at the arms.
>Lastly, on the right side is a blue copy of Twilight’s throne, only it, like Celestia’s, comes with a certain embellishment at the top.
>This time it’s a moon.

>>29743910

>You reach it, much to the dismay of those directly beside it, and Celestia stops you cold.
>”You will take the blue chair tonight.”
“I don’t think Luna would appreciate me using her chair.”
>”My sister is,” she pauses and walks by you, taking a spot on her golden seat.
>Her eyes lower, scanning your and her dinnerware.
>”She is occupied.”

“With what?”
>”Her business is none of yours. Mind your manners and take a seat.”
>The words “Make me” come to mind, but you don’t want to push it.
>Even at a glance, you can tell there are some nice opportunities here at this dinner.
>It’d be best to not overplay your role as the angry psycho needing rehabilitation.
>So, with a grumble, you sit your behind down in the hard blue seat and rest your hands gently on the table.
>When you’re settled in, Celestia’s smile grows into something you would call genuine if you didn’t know how she really felt given your circumstances.
>Her chest rises with a deep breath, and then she speaks, her firm and royal voice audible throughout the whole palace of a room.
>”I would like to thank you all for attending another dinner with me. It warms my heart to see you little ponies from all walks of life supping and chatting together. From the smallest worker to the largest mogul, we are all united in our goals by the friendship that keeps Equestria strong, and the hope that burns in each and every one of you.”
“Oh my god,” you mutter, unable to control yourself.
>She can’t be serious. That has to be the sappiest, most out of place speech you’ve ever been forced to sit through.
>Despite the utter trash leaving her mouth, the ponies you look at around the table seem enraptured.
>”Now feast, my little ponies. Dinner is served.”
>The lids fly off the platters and hover to a far corner of the hall.
>All the food is, well, you know, it’s edible.

>>29743914

>You see bread, spaghetti, heyghetti, some vegetables, and those fruit arrangements still eyeing you.
>It’s cool, but you’d rather sink your teeth into a fish.
>God, it’s been so long since you’ve had meat.
>Reaching out, you snag yourself a slice of bread and some butter.

>>29743920

>You slide your knife across the bread, spreading the warm butter across the crumby surface.
>She’s looking. You can feel it.
>Her eyes bore into you.
>Her smile feels like slime running down your neck.
>Maybe if you ignore her, she’ll stop.
>Just eat your bread.
>”How are the studies going, Anon?”
>Don’t talk to her.
>No, don’t even give her that satisfaction.
>That back-stabbing purple piece of shit.
>You lean forward over the plate that had been placed in front of you and take a bite of the bread.
>The creamy butter really adds some nice kick to it.
>”When I heard you’d woken up, I couldn’t wait to see you.”
>You could never see her for the rest of your life and it still wouldn’t be long enough.
>”Anon, aren’t you going to answer your friend?” asks Celestia.
>”He’s just excited is all.”
>Does she ever stop?
>”Right, Anon? This is going to be great. I’ll come visit you every day and we can get all this nasty rune business over with.”
>Excuse you?
>Nasty?
>Your grip on the knife tightens as she drones on about all the wonderful things you two can do now that you’re in rehabilitation.
>Finished with your bread, you reach out once more, this time for an apple.
>Twilight’s hoof meets you halfway and lands on your hand.
>”We can finally reconnect.”
>You jerk your hand away from her and exhale deeply, almost growling, but keep your mouth shut.
>”Hey, don’t be like that. Come on, Anon. Smile. Things can only go uphill from here. You’ve had your time to suffer, but with the magic of friendship, you can heal. You don’t have to be alone anymore. I’m here for you.”
>The plate and utensils shake as you slam your fist down on the table.
“Oh my fucking god, shut your stupid, cock sucking mouth you ugly cunt. I swear to God I will fucking merge your face with this piece of shit plywood ass table.”

>>29743927

>Oh god damn it.
>Twilight’s agape mouth matches the mouths of everyone at this table.
>All except Celestia, whose mouth is not open, but certainly isn’t curved into a grin anymore.
>You’ve stepped in it now, Anon.
>Can you salvage this situation?
>A whisper flows into your ear.
>”He really is a demon.”
>”Did he just say that to a Princess?”
>There’s also the gentle whimpering of the blonde mare beside you whose tears stain her own napkin.
>”Anon, take your seat. Now.”
>Celestia’s voice is stern, hard, and as absolute as her order.
>You didn’t even notice you had gotten up.
>Ok, well, you’ve fucked it.
>Celestia is giving you a way out.
>Just take the seat and everything will be fine.
>Or you could not.
“Twilight’s an airhead,” you shout, making your voice known to all the diners. “She’s a stupid asshole who doesn’t know up from down and is as competent at being a princess as I am at being a good person!”
>Bang, bang, bang go your fists.
>You smash them on the table over and over again, knocking the silverware all about.
>You reach over to the mare beside you and grab the heyghetti off her plate.
>Scooping its sloppy messiness into one hand, you reel back and throw it at Twilight.
>Celestia’s powerful magic grabs your wrist before you can make the full motion, but the deed is done.
>The heyghetti flies through the air and splatters against Twilight’s face, the sauce soaking her dress.
>Strands of it wrap around her horn, then slide off and onto the table with a squelch.
>Celestia rises from her seat, opposite your motion.
>Thanks to her magic, you’re pulled straight down.
>You slam against the table, cracking your plate underneath your chest.
>The sharp edges of it cut into your flesh, and the telekinetic grip on your wrist tightens uncomfortably.

>>29743933

>”Please excuse me, my little ponies. One of our guests must be escorted out,” declares the sun princess.
>Your hands move on their own, as well as your legs.
>By her will, you’re forced up and walk out of the room.
>Blood runs down your chest and soaks stains your jacket, but that doesn’t matter. It’s seen worse days.
>”I expected you to be rough around the edges, but this is absurd,” she states as she exits the room.
“Don’t you put me in a room with her again.”
>”I can see you have much to overcome. Much more than I anticipated. It would seem your lessons will need some restructuring.”
>You wrestle against her hold, but it does nothing except sap the energy out of you.
>Her magic holds you tighter than any other force you’ve felt before.
“Now, I know what you’re thinking. I just want you to know that I absolutely regret my behavior back there. It was absolutely deplorable. See? I can be healed. I just need tender love and care from a strong mare willing to nurture my poor, broken heart.”
>”Enough of your jokes.”
“Oh, I’m not joking. I’m really very eager to learn. Honest. Just set me up with a book and I’ll be a friendship expert in no time!”
>Ah damn, here come the stairs.
>You ascend the stairway to heaven.
>As you near it, the door opens for you.
>Suddenly, the your feet lose their support.
“Wow, I don’t do flying. Put me down.”
>You’re practically thrown the door.
>It’s at that point that she lets go of you, letting you free fall face first onto the floor of the donjon.
>Scrambling away from the door, you flip onto your ass and kick back until you press against the foot of your bed.
>Celestia’s flowing mane first, followed by the rest of her, rise up into your room.
“Ok, maybe I overreacted a little back there.”
>”Three.”
“Three bats?”
>”Three tries. That’s what you get, Anon. If you continue to pull stunts like this, it’s your soul on the line.”

>>29743939

“Hold on, you can’t do that! Three tries to prove I’m worth the air I breathe? That’s fucked!”
>”If it makes you feel any better, it was four.”
>Four?
>You never heard anything about that!
“Come on, Celestia! How do you expect me to make any progress if you don’t tell me these things? If I had known I only had four shots to save myself from damnation, I probably wouldn’t have thrown that fit!”
>”You want honesty? But Anon, honesty is what got you here.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
>She steps forward.
>It’s night time now, but even in the blackness of your room, you can still make out the shimmering metal around her neck.
>Her horn glows softly, lighting a few candles around her that light up her immediate area.
>”They were honest with you in Ponyville. You didn’t like that, though. You didn’t want to be told that you weren’t Superstallion. You wanted to be coddled and told you were just as strong as everyone else.”
“That’s not true.”
>”Isn’t it? Didn’t it burn you up inside, being faced with simple truths like that every day? That’s what drove you to this lunacy--this obsession with the dark arts. You’ve poisoned yourself because you didn’t like being told you couldn’t go adventuring.”
“Shut up.”
>”No.”

>>29743944

>She lifts you off the ground and sits you plum down on the bed.
>”You wanted the truth, so here it is. The damage you’ve inflicted on yourself is irreversible. Physically, there is no saving you.”
>Damage?
>The only damage done to you is what others have caused.
>The only thing you’ve done is make yourself strong!
>Now nobody can hurt you anymore. At least not once you get these damned bracelets off.
>Yeah, just you wait, Celestia.
>”You’ve already noticed it, haven’t you?”
“Noticed what?”
>”Your dependence on it. Those runes all over you draw in magic. Your body gorges itself on the stuff. It can’t get enough of it. When you run low, you yourself begin to feel tired.”
“Well, yeah. That’s only to be expected though, isn’t it? Magic is fuel in a way.”
>”It is fuel. Very powerful, volatile fuel. Every pony is born with a certain magical limit. When you overload that limit, it begins to wreak havoc on the body. What exactly do you think would happen when you, a being born with a magical limit of zero, suddenly kicks the clock up to 1000?”
“Nothing. I feel fine.”
>”For now. When your dependence becomes addiction and the black magic carved into your flesh begins to corrupt your mind, you’ll understand my stance.”
“If I’m in so much trouble, then why not just kill me now? Huh? Get it over with! You haven’t yet because there’s no danger. I’m fine. You’re just pulling this out of your ass.”
>”Your body is doomed, but if you learn the magic of friendship, there’s hope for your soul.”
“Yeah, sure, Asspullestia. I totally buy that hock of crap.”
>She shakes her head and steps back through the door, closing it behind her.
>”I’ll see you tomorrow for your first lesson.”
“Fuck you!”

>>29743950

>Your body is doomed.
>Yeah fucking right.
>Scare tactics won’t work on you, no siree.
>She’s trying to get in your head, that’s all.
>There probably is a way to reverse runes. She knows that.
>She’s just trying to make you desperate so that you look for that way and “cure” yourself.
>It’ll be a friendship lesson for sure.
>Well jokes on you, Celestia.
>You reach your hand into your coat sleeve and pull out a knife you had stuffed in there when everyone was focused on the heygetti fiasco.
>In your pocket is also a dinner napkin which you promptly stuff underneath your mattress for safekeeping.
>With that out of the way, you disrobe and climb into bed.
>The covers go right over your head, and you lay back, locking them between you and the pillow.
>The little pocket you’ve made becomes an oven, bringing you to a sweat.
>Using that as lubrication, you’re able to slide the knife between your wrist and the bracelet.
>Back and forth, back and forth, back and forth, back and forth.
>You saw away at the material for what feels like hours but in reality was probably only forty minutes.
>The skin in the area is torn and bleeds, and the knife if totally dull now.
>Not one tooth or sharp edge is left on it.
>You’re unable to tell if you’ve made any progress on the bracelet in this light, but you’re pretty sure that there’s a slight groove when you rub your finger against it.
>A small chuckle escapes your lips as you throw the covers off yourself and toss the used up utensil out the window, sending it hurtling down the side of the mountain.
“Looks like school will be ending early, Celestia,” you say with a yawn and lay back down, ready to sleep.

>>29743954

And that's it for tonight. I had more snappy things to say but then I remembered I didn't update the pastebin so I had to go do that real quick and then I also remembered I didn't update the main doc so I also had to do that. On the bright side, in updating the main doc, I also did the math and found that Obsession is now my longest story, beating out KAahCM by over 30 pages so far, which is about in line with it also winning in views just a few days ago. Not sure how I should feel about that, but before I leave to ponder this, I will leave you all with a now fully updated pastebin http://pastebin.com/5ECNnjxF

>>29743954
If he is physically doomed the only real solution I can see is to do what I have yet to see in an AiE story.
Send him back to his own world.
It beats execution and lifelong imprisonment which keeps Celestia from looking like more of a cunt than she is, and removes him as a threat.

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>>29743979
>Asspullestia

>>29744162
To be fair, if the magical limit stuff isn't bullshit, there is the point that anon's body is without a soul, that might very well completely change the dynamic or interact with it in some way that's unforseen even to Celestia.

>>29743979
Thanks.

>>29743950
>black magic carved into your flesh begins to corrupt your mind
Given that Anon's mind is stuffed into his photo, I'd say he already circumvented this limitation. On the body, he just need to become a proper lich and craft a new body with those limits in mind.

>>29744611
Well his soul is in the picture. His consciousness is obviously inside his body until such a time where something severs the connection between them like when his body died. I'm inclined to believe that as long as he's functioning and conscious, his mind could be corrupted despite his soul not being within the body.

>>29744621
Well, I'd think the time his body died showed us that his consciousness is tied to his soul, not his body, therefore resides in the photo, as the ability to do so was shown.

So most of Urchins Anon's are evil and have a dark theme to them, except for the robot Anon one. I can't help but feel this Anon will pull some fucked up crazy shit as well.

>>29744711
He's off the deep end a bit, but Celestia is being a cunt as well with the
>Be happy and friendly with everyone or I'm going to {literally} destroy your soul.
And also not telling him why specifically runes are verbotten other than "m-muh ebil corrupting dark magics".

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>m-muh ebil corrupting dark magics
Precisely.
Where did this exactly started? Are there any 40+ oldfags that can tell me?
I mean this whole persistent idea in fiction - that there should be "dark" magic that always corrupts the user and makes him do ill, and not other way around - being only a tool in the hands of an already sinister person. Did someone like Tolkien invent it long ago or something?

>>29744721
Celestia is thousands of yeara old. She probably sees explaining something like this as the equivalent of explaining why something is bad to a toddler.

>>29744973
Being so old doesn't make you automatically benovelent. It makes you arrogant. Also spending senturies building utopia can make you at least a little delusional.

>>29744973
Maybe, maybe not, but the 'toddler' has already unlocked the safe, loaded the gun and taken target lessons so I think some explanation would be necessary if she actually wants to 'help' him in some way.

>>29744988
I never said a thing about benevolence, and you assume its arrogance. She has spent much more time studying a subject, knows a ton more about it then anyone else, and has seen others destroy themselves. Now some ape shows up, dives right in with just enough knowledge to be dangerous.

>>29744996
she did explain it would corrupt him, and he didn't believe her.

>>29744996
Also the "you just wanted ponies to tell you you're god" seems like bullshit. I got the impression that it he was mostly just annoyed with the constant "oh my god, I can't believe you're not a total fucking looser, how brave of you to not die of starvation and cold"

>>29745040
I meant that, maybe runes aren't truly evil or bad but she banned them centuries ago for some reasons, and she told her ponies about "evil black magic" so many times, that she herself started to trully believe in that.

>>29745079
To be fair, it's kinda like if people suddenly could just manufacture a nuke in their garage. Entirely understandable why she'd ban it. Still doesn't excuse the ponies being assholes to him.

>>29744891
>idea that magic powers will corrupt an average user
>Where did this exactly started?
The earliest use of that trope I can think of is world famous tragic play "Faust" written by JohanWolfgang von Goethe in 1775.
Simplified version goes like this: Faust (main character) gets a devil as a servant, and this way he gets access to magical powers. Faust wants to use those powers to learn the meaning of life, one thing leads to another, and he ends up setting tavern on fire, fucking a 14yo girl, killing her brother, breaking into the prison and using necromancy.

>>29744711
>Dracononymous
>King Anon
>Hunter Anon
>Moblight Anon
>evil
They're fucked in the head, not evil. Most of Urchin's characters suffer from mental issues and I think that's a good thing. It's a lot more entertaining personally and I think it's a little more realistic.

>>29745215
>Abused by Aunt Lucinda
>Betrayed by your fiance and hold your friend as they die in your arms
>Survive a car crash and watch monsters drain the blood from your parents
>Pumped full of mind-altering chemicals and sent into war
They have a reason to be a little off kilter.

>Working on a premise for a story.
>Seems too much like a shittier version of the Urchin's most recent story.

Welp, back to square one.

>>29743910
>>29743914
>>29743920
>>29743927
>>29743933
>>29743939
>>29743944
>>29743950
>>29743954
I enjoy this ride more than I should.

>>29735672
Where's the pastbin for this? Or is somewhere else?

>>29745449
If you can write Urchin's story, but without making everyone retarded like he did, then I would love to read it.

>>29745896
I might consider posting it when some time has passed after he has finished. Until then, I shall try and work on another idea of mine.

>>29745896
Why are you so mad? The story is fine and the characters are believable. You have this perfect image of people in your head and combine it with knowledge that only you have as a reader and then get upset when people don't act like 4D chess masters. Calm the fuck down. If you don't like the story then stop reading it and stop whining about non issues.

>>29745979
>Why are you so mad?
>Calm the fuck down.
Nice projecting ^;)

>>29745992
Well it's been 3 threads now that you've shit on the story for the dumbest reasons and it's getting tiring.

>>29744711
The only outright evil Anon he's written is Lord Anon. The next bad guy is Paranormal Anon. Nobody else is even bad, just not entirely good.

>>29745196
But the devil there is a thinking being with his own will, will to corrupt Faust, rather than, you know, just this "dark magic" which can't have it's motives, desires and so on - it's just "dark magic" without someone behind it.

>>29746110
I don't know about "dumbest reasons" but people have posted valid criticism. This anon in particular though hasn't stated why the characters/story are/is written poorly.

IMO anon shouldn't have to try and tell the bookhorse how exactly he wants to merge her face with the table. That scene was a little bit over limits, but still not bad. Anon autism confirmed

>>29746672
It did seem he flipped his shit ~immediately like he had never been denied anything when on Earth.
>Friendship can help you now
>Fuck you and your friendship you can go die being roasted by cum-guzzling she-males inside a dick nippled tiger's anus while it fights a polar bear wearing a top hat!

>>29746793
>immediately
Wasn't it after months of talking him down, not taking him seriously, forcing herself on him, not taking no for an answer AT ALL, treating his newly gained magic with contempt and trying to apprehend him which resulted in his death? Especially considering that he was ready to talk it out by the end? I'd say Anon's reactions are 100% justifiable.

>>29746902
I'm talking about that day, he fought them over 'that' the day before, more the 'I'm going to stay calm' to 'FUCK YOU AND FUCK YOUR FAMILY WITH A RUSTED SPIKE!'
He decided on a planned course of action, then quickly blew his top because 'friendship.
In front of everyone so it hurt him even more.

>>29746902
This. Anon has some totally valid reasons to hate Twilight. Her talking shit about his magic at dinner didn't help either, which is what I think pushed him over the edge.

>>29747046
Everybody has a limit. Twilight has been a pain in the ass and eventually became the direct cause of Anon's actual literal death. Now she's here at dinner talking up a storm, badmouthing his magic, telling him he's going to see her every day, touching him, and not relenting. He visibly struggles to contain himself as the scene goes on until even growling but she just keeps talking. Everybody has a breaking point, video related, the shy guy who doesn't want to fight is provoked until he snaps and shreks somebody.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w-Yuv76VbtI

>>29747053
There is a difference between bawling someone out and throwing a bitch-fit like you are a child and Anon seems to have done the latter.
If he can only stick to a plan when his 'enemies' don't interact with him he won't succeed.
He shouldn't have flown over the edge when he should know he should bide his time.
Celestia could serve him dinner three more times and have him killed if he continues that way.

>>29747099
You can argue whether he overreacted or not, but you can't argue with the results. He rolled with what happened, got the tools he needed to begin his escape, and learned a few very important pieces of information.

>>29731774

>Miffed that Anon revealed his power level the first chance he got
>Remember that he just wanted equal treatment in a world that would have been a utopia if it weren't for the hypocritical assholes that littered it
>Remember when he was patient with Cherliee, Twilight, and all those other backwater horses that treated another living being like shit because they were lacking something that isn't even necessary to life
>Remember that he LITERALLY got backstabbed RIGHT after saving an entire town
>Remember that no matter how good his prison is, it's still a prison and his ACTUAL FUCKING SOUL is being held over his head until he makes his autistic, immortal, killer-by-proxy feel like she's a "Master of Friendship"

You know what? Good. I'm happy she and everyone at that party got BTFO.

>>29748220
>Throws a fit three more time and gets killed
I'm sure that is a good option but he should be thinking rather than screeching for justice first opportunity he can.
Flipping a table/etc only makes him feel better for a short while rather than actually helping him 'show them all'.

>>29748310
You do know that losing your cool isn't uncommon, right? Everyone flips out sometimes. I'd say being coddled and protected, talked down to, literally killed, and then taunted with your own soul is enough reason to snap when the person who caused it all won't shut up about how they're going to be your best friend and teach you how to not be a sack of shit anymore.

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>save a town
>haha kiddo you can't use majick because i said so also im going to kill you if you dont kiss my ass
t-thanks

>>29748996
But friend, look how stoically Anon clings to his independence. He's not going to give up this mental game. Anon won't be cucked because cuckoldry is in the mind. As long as he stays true to himself and never truly bows, he'll win.

>>29749104
Or celestia will turbo-cuck him by ripping the soul paper fucking poo poo pee pee

>>29749193
Do you have any idea how horrible that would be and how strongly it will never happen?

>>29749205
Anon putting himself into something that will tear/degrade over time was not a good idea, there is a reason liches use non-degradable precious stones.

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>>29748996
this

>>29748220
also remember he was a constant dick to everyone who tried to be friendly.

>>29749225
Not at first. According to the story, Anon has been in Equestria for at least 17 months and was good friends with Twilight for a chunk of that. It must have been the year+ of constant belittling, coddling, being told he wasn't strong, being forced on the sidelines, and being treated like a second class citizen that turned him into an asshole. Which is, you know, perfectly understandable. I'd be pretty upset with everyone too if I were in a situation like that.

>>29735727

>Man, that building was further away than you thought
>But eventually you make it over there, taking about three minutes
>You're really glad you jacked that Precise dick's bottomless box
>Twilight's one was the size of a footlocker, and about as heavy too
>That and the whole warping-space-around-it thing let it store shit way bigger than the box's opening
>That life-size statue of Princess Luna with a dick that fell out will haunt your nightmares for like a week or two
>The fuck is with that guy and big-dicked futa mares man
>Still, it'll let you jack some mad swag with nopony noticing
>In any case, you start ringing the building, looking for entrances
>Since these buildings are all still weirdly uniform, finding it once means finding them all
>Ah, here it is
>The door's pretty easy to open, it just pushes in with no handle or latch
>But it does blend in really well with the rest, so it was kinda hard to find
>Well, whatever
>letsgetlootin.xpm
>...
>...
>...

>>29749388

>Aaaand
>Nothing
>There's fucking nothing in here
>Like, literally nothing
>It's like the place was cleaned out before it got buried out here
>As in, there's no dust-free areas that would give away somepony else looting the place before you
>Well, maybe it was a fluke
>You stroll out of the building, kinda confused and miffed at that
>Tracking down another building, you make your way over there
>Same exact building style, and the door's in the same spot
>...
>...
>...
>Okay what the fuck
>There's nothing here, either
>You start wondering if you missed something here
>You start inspecting the inside of this building a lot more thoroughly
>Since you might have missed a door or something
>...
>And the answer to that is no
>You missed nothing

>>29749393

>Slightly frustrated, you exit the building and make another pass around it, seeing if there's anything you missed out here
>...
>Nope, same answer as before
>It's exactly like the other one
>Annoyance levels rising
>What gives, man
>You head over to another building to see if it's the same story
>...
>Again, nothing
>Now this is starting to piss you off
>You decide right then not to explore this type of building again
>Definition of insanity, and what not
>You spy a more industrial-looking building a fair ways off
>Seeing no better option, you start making your way over
>Oh man, this is like a ten minute walk
>Why couldn't they be built closer--
>Your very spartan train of thought was suddenly suplexed at the sudden loud CRACK in the distance
>Whirling about in your shitheel, you look over at the sound's location
>You were greeted with a big purple lightning explosion way off outside the site
>Man, you almost forgot about Twilight taking that creepy sperglord outside for an ass whooping

>>29749396

>You're starting to regret not joining her in that endeavor
>It would have been a lot more entertaining than your current bust of a raid
>Man, this blows
>After what feels like forever, you make it to the different building
>Alright, same procedure as before: check for doors
>There were a few more doors this time around, all leading to a big central--
>Oh you're fucking joking
>Nothing
>A vast expanse of fucking nothing inside this big building
>My mother once warned me about the world
>About how dark it can be
>The world is dark
>And nothing will ever be the same
>We are empty
>Yet we feel pain
>What kind of sick god would allow this
>Well, you're officially angrier than a Twitch camwhore getting permabanned
>You storm out of the building
>The next few minutes consist of you pacing around, kicking up dirt, and hurling expletives at the innocent wall
>No
>Fuck the walls
>There are no innocents in this conflict
>Only impotent rage

>>29749408

>After a little bit of this angry song and dance, you eventually tire out enough to need a seat
>Hey, there's a bench here
>If you were a thinking man, you'd have noticed that this is the only bench you've seen outside any of these buildings
>But such thoughts were not of major import
>Just sitting down and calming thine teats
>Man, this bench is like the perfect height for you
>Huh
>Usually pony benches are nowhere near tall enough for you
>This is actually pretty rad
>And it's in the shade, too
>Double rad
>This was nowhere near a totally calming experience, but it was a good step in the right direction
>You lean back against the wall and give off a little relaxed sigh
>You've found a happy place here
>The head clearing can commence now, in peace and--
>WHOALY FUCK
"WHOALY FUCK!"
>The wall behind you suddenly decides it's had enough of your shit and disappears from behind you
>Sending your bitch ass keeling over backwards

>>29749416

>The next few moments consist of you tumbling around like a dumbshit
>Complete with yelling random expletives like a coked up tourettes sufferer
>Then all of a sudden, you fall flat on your face and come to a stop
>What the Jeremiah Johnson fuck just happened man
>First this place decides to show you nothing
>And now it's trying to fucking kill you
>Fuck this place and everything it stands for
>You rise to your feet and try to get your bearings
>You're currently in a dark hallway with a bright light at one end
>Looking to that direction, you notice that it's sunlight
>And it's at a bit of a steep slope upwards from here
>Hold up
>That's the bench you were sitting on
>Did you just--
>Holy fuck
>You just found a secret passage
>Without meaning to at all
>Lights suddenly flicker on behind you, prompting you to turn around and look
>Super-flashy silver-plated wall sconces come to life with magical magenta-coloured balls of light
>One after the other, they light up, giving that cool tunnel effect you don't know the technical name of
>You stare blankly at the sight until you realize
>Your looting opportunities just went from 0 to Pirates Of The Carribean in 10 seconds flat

>>29749427

>All the piss and vinegar from before forgotten, you start walking forward
>If the silver wall lights were any indicator, this was gonna be a huge haul
>You turn around at the sound of stone grating, and see the door close behind you
>Man, it even closes itself
>That's quality hidden-entrancemanship right there
>Now, normally you'd be pissing yourself in abject terror over entering an ominous and spoopy hallway like this
>But your formerly constant trips through the Everfree to chill with Zecora has debased the fear factor a lot
>The whole magic resistance thing made you totally immune to those cockatrices and poison joke stuff
>Even the timberwolves stayed away from you for some reason
>Well, except for that manticore
>...
>Okay, maybe you weren't totally cleared of the fear of dark and spoopy areas after all
>But you soldier on anyways
>The hope-- nay, the PROMISE of loot through this passageway fills you with determination
>It's not too long before you come to a wooden door at the end of the passage
>Your walk up to it is interrupted when a bunch of magic circles light up on the walls all of a sudden
>That gets you to jump a whole lot, and totally doesn't elect a scream from you

>>29749435

>...
>Okay, you were expecting the magic circles to do something after they started arcing pinkish magic across each other
>But nothing's happening to you at all
>You just totally cucked the door's trap card
>Magic resistance is the fucking cat's ass
>Feeling bretty gud about this turn of events, you walk over to the door and try to open it
>Operative word being 'try', since of course it's locked
>...
>And the dumbshit who installed this door put the hinges on this side
>You stroll over to one of the wall lights and pull it off, using it as a makeshift hammer and chisel to pop out the hinges
>And the door just falls over, taking the locks with it
>Yeah, they didn't really think this through too well, did they?
>Well in any case, you head on into the door
>What you see on the other side surprises you
>It's a... laboratory, library, magic room... thing
>It's got some big, flashy looking tomes on display, all in that weird zebra song language
>And what you swear looks like magic wands with badly corroded metal caps in display cases
>As well as an assortment of flashy looking gemstones with symbols carved into them
>Your smile is like that of a fat kid who just discovered DQ ice cream cakes for the first time
"Jackpot!"

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>>29749442

Look, mommy! Another update!
This one turned out pretty good, I have to say.
Man, I'd forgotten how it feels to crank out stories like this that don't suck donkey chode, and it feels pretty good to be back in it.

Pastebin as always,
http://pastebin.com/GGMNC8h7

>>29749490
What other stories are you talking about?

>>29749490
Thanks my dude

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>>29749576
thanks broseph

>>29749523
I'll skip the blogpost on it and give you the cliffnotes version.
>5+ years ago
>awful sonic fanfics
>crossing over with South Park and others
>horrendous and stupidly OP OCs
>not too dissimilar from pic related
>part of small circlejerk of other like-minded autists
>immensely triggered by any feedback
>finally realizes it's all shit
>quits it for good a few years ago
>discovers mlp, followed by greens and fimfic
>finds some genuinely good shit
>lurks enough for this thread
>really enjoys the stuff here
>old writing almonds activated

Glad to have the old shit dead and buried.
Don't think I'm doing too badly for a not-shit attempt at writing, but I'm sure you magnificent fucks will let me know if I fuck that up.

>>29745215
>>29745349
Of course they do. I just wish that his endings weren't so predictably terrible for everyone involved. Like, would it kill him to spice it up a bit? Have an ending that isn't objectively horrible for Anon?

>>29746110
>>29745979
Lol dude it's not the same guy. I know that because I was one of the critics in earlier threads. Just go hang yourself in a classroom and display slides already.

>>29749695
>It was just a phase mom

>>29750304
Like the one where Anon becomes the ruler of Tartarus and lives without having to worry about ponies killing him over a prophecy ever again? Or the one where Anon won the war, saved his race, and finally found peace in his dreams? Or the one where Anon avenged the death of his wife and beat probably the greatest evil ever introduced in an Urchin story? Or the one where Anon saved Faust, killed the jews, and completed his mission of becoming MLP?

>>29750332
>And all of these characters became well-adjusted individuals who lived long happy lives.
You forgot that line.
You likely forgot a few others.

>>29750400
Nobody said anything about becoming well-adjusted human beings or even living long happy lives. Their endings are "happy" relative to them and their story. The slob gets to relax, the king saved his people, the soldier died in battle, and the machine completed its mission. There are other not happy endings, of course, but what fun is it when everyone gets a happy ending? Lord Anon accomplishes his goal but doesn't get a happy ending because he doesn't deserve one since he's fucking evil. Paranormal Anon doesn't get a happy ending because the funny ending it got fit the depressive comedic tone of the story better. We still can't say anything about Hunter Anon since his story isn't done. The point is, only only 2 of his 6 completed stories have strictly "bad" ends. The rest got happy or bitter-sweet ends and so far every Anon has accomplished what they set out to do.

>>29750440
Yeah, but all of them had horrendous things happen to them to get there. I'd like to have an Anon that doesn't have a heinously tragic story.

>>29750465
Adversity is what makes the greatest men. They wouldn't deserve their endings if they didn't fight for them.

>>29750479
There's a difference between struggling to achieve success and being dicked around by fate.

>>29750879
>I'm going to disobey orders and stab this particular ice patch/etc

>>29750926
Among other things.

>>29750332
>Saved Faust and killed the Jews

Um pastebin please?

>>29750994
Terminator Anon, I may not have a link but I remember the name.

>>29750994
Mechanon's Wild Ride https://pastebin.com/iUagqiix

>>29751577
Maximum re-readability right here.

>>29751577
beauty

In grimdark Equestria every anon's will could be broken. You know, torture and degrading techniqies bdsm and pony mistress. Like where Anon becomes a CIA-servant of the NM and owns a Fleur, but this time Fleur is the anon here

Pastebin is for codes. Post this shit on FIMfiction.

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>29752845
Shit bait, not even worth a (You)

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>>29752845
no

TFW want to post Shadow of Mordor green on this thread, but it's the exact opposite of the premise.

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>>29753289
I don't know why, but I was also kinda reluctant to post my oneshots on AiE, so shoved them into the corners of my hard drive, to post them only when this thread poped up.
It almost feels like they have their own atmosphere there, you know, so you don't realy... I mean, you could... but... Agh, I can't even describe diz feel, desu. Mb It's just my autism or something, I dunno.

Boop

>>29753762
Are you even in high school yet?

>>29743954

>You huff and you puff and you trot down the stairs from Anonymous’ room.
>Darn that man.
>You’ve dealt with your fair share of troublesome folks before, but he’s on a whole other level of irksomeness.
>In all the thousands of years you’ve lived, because you are Princess Celestia and have lived that long, you’ve met only a handful of ponies that were as troubled in the ways of friendship as he.
>In the past, it would have been simple to just banish them or eradicate them on the spot, though that was only because they were genuinely evil and there was no hope.
>Twilight, however, sees something in Anon, and even though you can’t, you know you didn’t raise a fool.
“Oh, my faithful student, why have you chosen him?”
>In no time, you reach the bottom of the stairs.
>The guards stationed there bow their heads to the floor and hold them there until you gesture for them to rise.
>Their hard faces make it seem as though they could stand a storm or two before they fainted.
>Looks aren’t everything.
>You smile and nod to them as you pass and make way back to the hall.
>Halfway there, you decide to beeline for the west wing bathroom.
>It’s a while before you get there, what with all these winding halls and security checks.
>Eventually coming to the door, you press your hoof against it, only to find it locked.
>Well, it’s a good thing every lock in the castle responds to your magic.
>You feed the lock some of your power and wait as the tumblers turn, clicking and ticking until all holding the door shut moves safely out of the way.
>Slowly, you push open the door and peek around.
>The bathroom, white--as snow save for the blue tiles making the checker pattern on the floor--looks completely clean.
>It’s the sink area that leaves something to be desired.

>>29755014

>Twilight stands in front of the setup, letting the water run over her face.
>Tomato sauce runs down her cheeks and dribbles into the sink.
>Occasionally a little droplet will fly out and splatter on the counter.
>You step into the room, closing the door behind you softly.
>Even over the running water, you can hear telltale sniffling.
>She flips her head around, allowing access to the other side of her messy face.
>The water runs down her horn, knocking off a few strands of heyghetti that refused to leave until then.
>A lavender glow wraps around the handles and twists them at first higher, but then off.
>Twilight takes her head out of the basin and shakes, slapping the mirror with her heavy, damp mane.
>You float a towel over to her from the rack.
>The sound of your aura alerts her to your presence.
>Her eyes suddenly shoot open and dart to the mirror where they find you standing not too far behind.
>”Celestia,” she stutters, “I didn’t know you were there.”
>Quickly, she buries her face into the towel and scrubs vigorously.
>Even through the cloth, you can hear her sniffing.
>After a few seconds of drying, she pulls the cloth away to reveal her still red eyes.
>”What are you doing here?”
>You step closer and wrap a wing around her, pulling her close to your frame.
>Some of the sauce still on her dress rubs off on your fur, a fact which, once she realizes it, prompts her to move away.
>There’s no escape though. Not from you.
>You tighten your grasp on her and lower your head to nuzzle.
>”Celestia, please. Your coat.”
“No messier than your own. I’m sorry about tonight, Twilight. I truly thought he would at the very least act with civility.”

>>29755019

>”It’s not his fault. We pushed him into this too fast.”
“I’m sorry?”
>”He was only resisting us because we were too forceful. That’s fine, though. With time, he can still learn the magic of friendship.”
>You lift your head and peer down at her.
“Twilight, I know you see hope for him, but even you have to admit he’s a little jagged around the edges. What happened is, in fact, his fault.”
>You can feel her rub against you as she shakes her head.
>”No, he just doesn’t understand what’s going on. He’s scared. It’s up to us to help him through this transition.”
“Oh, he knows exactly what’s going on. He probably knew before I even explained it. Where are you getting this idea that he’s helpless?”
>”You don’t know him like I do. He needs protecting so that he can open up and accept friendship into his heart.”
“What he needs is firm guidance and a good slap in the tuckus.”
>”Princess,” giggles your niece.
“Oh, come on, you’ve heard that word before.”
>He moves her head away from you and gazes into the mirror.
>She looks so nice nestled in your wing like that.
“You’ve grown up so much since we first met.”
>”And it’s all thanks to you.”
“You’re like a,” a daughter, “A very good friend. I feel it’s my duty as yours to voice my concern.”
>”On what?”
“You’ve grown up seeing nothing but mercy and kindness shown to all around you, and I fear that’s skewed your views. Not everyone is innocent.”
>”What are you trying to say? That Anon is evil?”
“No, of course not. Not entirely, at least. What I’m saying is that I think it’d be best for you to step back and really examine your relationship with Anon. You may be letting your previous friendship with him cloud your judgement on the matter.”
>The two of you share a few more words and eventually part.
>She goes off back to Ponyville, and you to dinner, where the ponies have patiently waited for your return.

>>29755023

>The pony that had been beside Anonymous was crying when you got back, so you ushered her into Luna’s chair and made small talk for most of dinner.
>She was very fond of the gem in your necklace.
>Apparently it reminded her of the locket her father had given her before she lost it in a freak mining accident outside Kenbucky.
>The tale moved you, just the same as you moved that little purple stone out of your necklace and placed it in her hooves.
>”N-no, Princess. I couldn’t possibly take this.”
>You assured her there was no issue and insisted on her keeping it.
“Nothing in the world can replace what you’ve lost, but I do hope this will at least ease your pain over the matter and remind you not only of where you’ve been, but where you can go.”
>Dinner finished within an hour of that chat, the cue being when all food had been consumed.
>After wishing them all a good night, you made way to your chambers.
>Before you reach your own doors, you pass by Luna’s.
>Should you?
>No, she’s a grown mare.
>You shouldn’t press your ear against the door like you’re doing right now.
>Whoops, too late.
>You hold your breath and close your eyes, focusing on what you can hear through the heavy wood.
>There’s some chatter. You can’t quite make out what they’re saying, but they do sound rather enthusiastic about it.
>Their voices raise and lower in rhythm with a certain squeaking noise.
>Okay, that’s enough of that.
>You pull yourself away from the horror show and make way for your room once more.
>The doors spread apart for you, and as they do so, your assorted jewelry items float off your person and onto a little perch beside your bed.
>With each step you take, one more slipper comes off, until you’re all bare and ready to crawl under the covers.
>The morning is growing closer, and you need all the sleep you can get to prepare for what comes next.

>>29755029

That will end tonight's update. I don't know when the next will come out, but I'll shoot for during the week, so hold out hope.

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>>29755040
>He didn't posted his THICK and updated pastebin.
You are no longer the man I used to love.

>>29755113
But it's not updated. I wouldn't lead you guys on.

>>29755040
Thankyou

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>>29754866
>in high school yet
Nah, but I'm on 3 jobs already.

>>29755040
Excellent.

>>29755040
I wonder when Celestia will piece together how Anon was treated like a special needs child constantly, and how Cheerilee reacted to his corrections. That seemed like the truly pivotal point for him, having the one thing he could do well without magic (knowledge) being dismissed out of hand by an ignorant moron is about where he snapped.

>>29756124
She wont. anon is an over exaggerating manchild.

>>29756237
The fact that he screams out such over the top insults makes the assumption he is exaggerating much easier.

>>29756237
Anon is a broken man who has been beaten down at every turn and had the one thing he was truly good at stripped away from him. Have you ever been so wholly dedicated to something and then have someone tell you it's shit and you're a moron for ever messing with it? Anon isn't healthy at this point. He's fucking insane. He's been insane for over half the story now. You can't expect rationality out of him, that's unfair.

>>29756618
>Anon is a broken man who has been beaten down at every turn
Wait so, HE not from earth?

>>29756632
Where did you get that from? Of course he's from Earth.

>>29756618
Cunts tell me im shit all the time, who gives a fuck, its called banter m8. aint gonna cry because some fuckhead said a mean thing to me.

>>29757231
Banter is banter, but these ponies did the exact opposite of banter. Banter is when you express affection or humour in a very rude and crude way. What the ponies did, was express contempt and pity in a very sweet and polite way.

Also, I think people keep forgetting what happened with e.g. Cherilee. Not expecting anon to go on world-saving adventures due to his lack of magic, and telling him so, is realistic and reasonable. Being impressed with how he cleaned a classroom, and utterly dismissing criticism - not even being willing to consider the possibility of being wrong in the face of anon (and keep in mind Cherilee is a PRIMARY school teacher, not some kind of professor and not even a specialised high school teacher) - that's going just a little bit too far, to say the least.

>>29757352
Anon should stay out of equestrian shit, just be happy they give him so much kindness. cunt just got bored and selfish.

>>29757593
I would not be too happy to be treated as inept the whole time.

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>>29757620
Yeah because it's so good to be treated like a fucking infant in the golden cage. Not everyone is happy with being at the bottom of leader and having no prospects of climbing higher.
This whole setting reminds me of RGRE with more serious approach.

>>29757652

Fuck, wanted to respond to this >>29757593

>>29757652
>RGRE
What's that?

>>29757652
>Not everyone is happy with being at the bottom of leader
I'd let leader of ponies sit on my face.

>>29757701
>>29744640

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Actually I have some thoughts for those who say that Anon shouldn't do anything and be happy with pony friendship.


>Human has accident and loses legs
>He knows that he can't do many things and everyone knews that so he try to cope with this and everyone treat him at least semi-normally ? No.
>They treat him like he's damaged. Pat him on the head for smallest achievement. Are super kind and friendly for this "poor little Anon"
>What Cherilee done is equivalent of Anon wiping his ass and someone telling him how brave boy he is and how good he cope with his handicap
>On Earth if situation like that happen to you you can still prove everyone wrong, start to exercise and in few yers you would be on gifs with quote "What's your's excuse"
But Urchin's Anon can't do that, he always will be at the bottom
>And than our legless Anon got feed up and build exoskeleton in his basement using illegal technology
>Not only he can walk now but now he is stronger than other humans
>And he uses it so save others from fucking godzilla
And what happen?
>They pat him again and say that they will help him and give him more freindship, just let them destroy all your work and be back to being weaklings
I don't say that Anon never act retarded but he's justified in his retardation.

>>29757936
This.

Reminds me of an ad campaign where the concept was something like "everybody but you can fly and they act as if you were unable to cross a street or walk up stairs".

I wonder what will happen next in Sea Urchins story. What do you think?

I think that all this build up with golems and monsters will become relevant very soon. I wouldn't be surprised if Celestia asked Anon to go and kill some villains for her, so he can prove he's a good boy. Celestia would be happy, because if Anon dies, it's not her fault, Twilight would be happy, because despite Anons behavior Celestia is giving him another chance, and Anon would be happy, because he's feeling important.
And writefag will be happy as well, because that's the best way to let Anon out of his prison. There's no way for him to break into treasury to get his photo back, if he simply runs away Celestia will kill him, and conflict between Celestia and Anon is too interesting to let them become friends.

>>29758457
Fuck man, I would rather accept another retarded "ice lump and OOC guard" plot development, rather than this old boring trope you are suggesting.

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>>29758457
>why can't everyone get along mom

>>29758457
Or Luna falls in love with Anon. Her sex life and how easily she falls in love could be a Chekhov's gun of this story.

>>29758457
Monsters will definitely come back into play. It's a little too convenient that every time Anon was at his weakest, a monster showed up to fuck shit and provoke him onto the next leg of his journey. There has to be a reason here.

>>29758986
i agree

>>29757936
>I don't say that Anon never act retarded but he's justified in his retardation.
This. Absolutely fantastic way to put it.

>>29758986
>inb4 mysterious Litch waifu has been observing Anon a la Yandere and sending monster for him to fight and prove that he's not a weakling and will show up in the story at some point and rip Celestia and Twilight a new asshole for treating her precious Anon like dirt and making him feel useless and unfitting

Guys remember the "Greymane is Blackmane" theory

>He's got an exceptionally weak magic, perfect cover as no-one will suspect him able to do anything, much less be an evil wizard
>He still managed to preform a soul binding
>Arrived in town about the same time, or shortly before, the first golem manticore appeared
>All the monsters so far have clearly been unnatural, e.g. golems, I also remember something mentioned to the effect that timberwolves don't usually inject this much sap
>For no particular reason Greymane happens to be the one to befriend anon, even though anon still treats him like shit just like everypony else, even going on dangerous trips into the evefree with him
>Rather unusual name for a pony, just so happens to be really similar to an ancient villain, who in turn just so happens to have been mentioned off-hand more than a few times and who even is indirectly responsible for a big humiliation for anon (the stuff with his school job)

Like, purely from an outsider's perspective, a story with that many hints is probably hiding something, especially since I heard Urchin doesn't usually leave details (like these) hanging around for no real reason.

If that's the case, we can probably expect him to get involved somehow if things get really bad for anon. Assuming this theory is true, all the monster attacks were a huge reason anon ended up so set on his goals, not to mention the direct assistance Greymane provided in person, so he was probably grooming anon for something, and I doubt that something involved Celestia literally tearing anon's soul to pieces.

>>29759767
I don't think Greymane is Blackmane, but maybe a descendant. It's mentioned that the Blackmane dynasty is the bad one and that the rune language Anon personally uses was actually written by a Blackmane descendant.

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Is it alright with you guys if I write some green here? I want to contribute something to this fine thread.

>>29760906
Go on and post that shit and let no one stop you.

>>29760906
Go nuts. It's a free board baby.

If it's shitty then we'll let you know.

bampu

>>29761528
>If it's shitty then we'll let you know.
Yeah, right. Shitty greens are simply ignored.

>>29762502
Usually but not always. Sometimes good green is ignored too.

>>29762201

>>29763045
>>29762502
I for one am all to often guilty of not replying to greens I read.

t. lurker anon

>>29763544
Same here.
But that's because I pay more attention to pastebins than to this thread.

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>>29763544
So what this whole

T. *generic words*

Thing supposed to be?
I go without any Internet for one week, and suddenly it's everywhere.
Did I miss this year's biggest, dankest maymay?

>>29764050
The Chons did push out a new degradation of culture and you did indeed miss it.
You should leave this place never knowing it is from the Swedish or something 'terce', meaning in simple term a closeish (as in, the way it is being used) equivalent to 'this'.
You shall never know this because you don't lurk moar enough.

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>>29764107
Aye senpai I'm roight buggered now ain't I? Aye Tish tosh, tis a nillywog all up in tha ol follygog, eh?

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>>29764050
lurk moar

>>29764050
>>29764107
It's actually finish, and it means "regards" (as in when signing a letter), and it's been around for ages (or at least months).

>>29764215
I think I'll torrent AoE II again - it's such a comfy game.

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>>29764236
It's short "terveiset", I believe.

Bump for great justice

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>>29749490
I know it's been a while, but I've been a busy lil' bee.
Y'all can expect an update from me tomorrow, though.

bby

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>>29757652
This is why I can't stand RGRE

It's like every fag in those threads is a masochist who likes being emasculated by pastel horses.

I'd hate to use the term here, but they're basically what /pol/ would call "cucks".

>>29766485
Why? Also, /mlp/ have a literal cuck general (Marital Problems or something), so I don't why are you complaining.

>>29766485
RGRE hates femdom, though? They have a huge shitpost fight whenever it's brought up.

>>29767124
Don't you know? Everything we don't like is TurboHitler automatically.

>>29767246
Except, ironically enough, TurboHitler. With karate-chop action sieg heil!

Fuhrerbunker playset sold separately

>>29766485
Nah, big part of RGRE is about comedic approach, with Anon being alpha male and ponies made from cardboard. But I agree that some Anons there are autisic betafags.

>>29755040
>>29757936
I see two ways for Anon to be taken seriously:

1. He brings Blackmane back from the dead (somehow) and he accepts Anon as a valuable ally, proving his worth, but that depends on how Blackmane sees Anon.

2. Anon kills someone, showing the ponies he is tired of their shit, but it is likely that they will listen to him even less and just kill him outright.

>>29767763
Or Anon escape from ponies, hide somewhere (Everfree) and continually ads more runes to increase his power.
He also starts to treat ponies more seriously, carefully plan his next moves, don't give them any openings.
Maybe not escalate this into full blown war, but they still are each other enemies.

>>29767793
I doubth it. They'll probably just go S1E2 on him, and fail, all in the name of """""redemption""""".

>>29767793
>Or Anon escape from ponies
How?

>>29767876
Well, it's up to author, but Celestia will never accept runes, and at this point Anon won't agree to losing them and to returning to being weakling, so chances of peacefull coexistence are rather slim.

>>29767793
Put runes on his dick.

>>29767793
>>29767897
There's no way for Anon to escape without some deus ex machina.


I wonder what Discord and Fluttershy have been doing all this time?

>>29767919
He can always escape (once and for all).
And it's not much pushing left for him to reach that edge, to be honest.

>>29764802

>>29767919
>Discord and Fluttershy
I don't even remember them being in the story. Fuck. This is what happens when you follow too many greens at the same time.

>>29767919
Or maybe it has to do with the knife he stole, the napkin he took, the gold that he found, and the shield he tested. Are you really not picking up on these hints?

>>29768705
Discord is such a terrible character for stories. He's so enormously overpowered that his mere presence removes all urgency from a situation. If he were included there would be far too much time dedicated to the characters figuring out how to depower him. The only time Urchin has ever touched Discord was in Moblight and that was as a comparatively powerless human. I say comparatively because I honestly think that even without his magic, he's the greatest threat ever introduced by Urchin.

>>29768720
Go ahead and tell me how he will break into treasury to get his photo back.

>>29768705
>I don't even remember them being in the story.
That's because they weren't in this story, which is kinda weird considering how Fluttershy is a close friend of Twilight.

>>29769387
Not really. there's no real reason to write separate scenes for her as far as the story goes so the only place she should show up is group scenes. Considering even the professional show staff can't handle more than 3 characters on the screen at a time, I don't expect any hobby writer on /mlp/ to write big scenes including all the characters.

>>29769235
I don't know how he would but you can't deny that something is being set up here. It's not going to be a sudden "and then Anon escaped because he did" scenario.

>>29769644
Considering how he was captured, that might happen to some degree.

>>29769235
>can change the density of a material at will, like he did with the dirt
vault doors don't stand up to much when they're as dense as paper, anon. That's just my idea, though, I daresay Urchin will handle it differently

>>29769235
He waits until he grows stronger and then attacks the treasury.

>>29770563
He wouldn't really have to wait, he's already remarked about how he can feel himself brimming with magic, but the gauntlet things are obviously stopping him from unleashing it. Best case scenario he forms a plan now, before getting them off/escaping. The moment Celestia finds out he's GTFO'd or got the gauntlets off, she's going to march straight to wherever the photo is a vapourise that shit, Twilight be damned. He NEEDS to get the photo before or as he escapes, because I'd put money on Celestia getting rid of it as soon as she's aware of him trying anything.

>>29771235
He also said that with the amount of power he has now, he doubts he could take even Twilight head on. The Hydra was a big target that didn't move and was content to wait for him to charge the magic missile that took all of his magic. An angry Celestia hell-bent on killing him would be a lot tougher. He needs to find a way to increase his spell power and his magic pool if he wants to stand a chance. He brings up Scribble Scrabbler when looking at the gold and since Scrabbler wrote the book on magic history where he learned about runes, there's probably something that's going to help him there.

>>29771508
runes take magic from the world passively, right? he could put some magic runes on clothes/accesories with a spell that transfers magic to him.

>>29771748
What if he somehow managed to get the cuffs off, put them on Celestia, brand her with a transfer rune and then...?

>>29771781
Does he even know what a transfer rune is? What if, using some simple telekinesis and a sharp object, managed to cut of Celestia's horn? That'll get her of his ass for a while.

>>29771850
Uhhh, immediate execution by Luna? Situation resolved.

>>29771875
Suppose Luna is busy at the time and isn't in the room where the amputation happens. What would be stopping Anon then? Or am I an idiot and cannot see the problem?

>>29771895
Nothing would stop Anon(Except for Celestia), it's just if he wants to do a rather ineffective (For his longer goals) action. Everyone would be out to kill him and if he doesn't have an immediate escape plan to his new seat of power he'd die within a day.

>>29772307
Ah, I see. Thanks for clarifying that.

>be anon
>why is everything black?
>fucking niggers
>where's moonman when you need him
>you feel the tug of consciousness pulling you away from that nightmare
>wake up in a field
>...
>the fuck?
>in the distance you see a town
>but it looks really smol and primitive
>damn it you knew you shouldn't have used that time machine
>you just wanted to take all your GBP from past you
>shit...

>be celestia
>its not even months after discord was imprisoned in stone and everyones losing their minds
>the ponies in the west have had big problems with objects charged with chaotic magic
>with his reign being 1,000 years long
His power was spread throughout the land like an unwashable stain
>most of these have been locked away but there are a few still on the loose

>who's tall,green and naked?
>you anon of course
>you walk into the town expecting people with dirty clothes on but find nothing..
>fuck.png
>you look around but only find a single gold coin sitting on a table


Cont.?

>>29773234
Yes I'd like to see what this (((anon))) is going to do with the gold coin.

>>29773234
>well at least you will be able to buy something
>maybe some clothes?
>you pick up the shiny gold coin
>it starts glowing
>ihavemadeahugemistake.avi
>a weird purple glow shoots into your arm and blackness takes over again
..........
>you jerk up gasping for air
>you instinctively grab your dick to make sure its still there
>relief.txt
>your dick is still there
>holy
>shit
>where are you
>you hear voices and footsteps
>shitshitshitshit
>you lie back down hoping they don't come in
>the door Handle jiggles and wiggles
>fuuuck
>"princess you won't beilive what I found in the everfree today!"
>oh shit royalty your fucked
>"really now twilight? Well I hope so"
>the door opens and you hear the sound of heels clacking against rock
>"well I found it with the coin I showed you earlier so you know what this means right princess?"
>you feel something touch you and open your eyes
"WOAH woah ok back off"
>you turn to the voices and deadpan
>...
>pon-ponies??
>wut
>both of you just stare at each other for a few seconds
>"u-um"
"Ok well I'm dead and in hell Fuck."
>two pastel colored ponies stand in front of you
>one is purple and the other is as white as coke
>and the white one is also twice the purple ones size
>"what's a "hell"?"
>you get off the table and the white ones horn-thing charges up like one of those supervillain weapons that will fry your ass
>"don't come ANy closer!"
>she says as they both back up
>waking up to ponies and being naked does things to your head
>you run past the p0nies and up the stairs
>the white one fires but misses as your faster than usain bolt
>you hurry upthe stairs but find more p0nies
>endme.zip
>you spot two open doors and nope as fast as you can

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>>29773300
I'll post more in the morning as its 3:34 where I am
Keep the thread hot for me and illpost more green in the morning
And as this is one of my first greens
Tell me how I can write better and make the reading better for you fags

>>29773323
To write better, pay more attention to your English. For example:
>"Oh shit royalty your fucked" needs a comma after royalty
>your fucked
>beilive
>Handle (random German-style capitalisation)
Punctuation in general - use more of it, commas in particular. For instance, "Well, I found it with the coin I showed you earlier. You know what this means, right princess?"

Also consider using proper sentences wherever possible as your lines of greentext (so start with a capital, end with a period). That's not always suitable, for instance:
>Holy
>Shit
Is fine as is, although even here it looks neater if you capitalise the start and just omit the period.


The rest is good, I'm looking forward to more.

>>29773323
I honestly haven't even read it. You obviously haven't put the effort forth to make this remotely readable so why should I waste my time?

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>>29773652
>this writefag is obviously new
>dosent even try to give pointers to help make the green better
>reeeeeeeeee its not perfect
Unlike>>29773459
Who gave pointers and tips because he knows writers have to start somewhere
You are just a faggot

>>29773685
There's being new and then there's writing like you haven't finished middle school. I have met non-english speakers that have a better grasp on writing English than this. I'm OK with shoddy writing but this is something else. If he really wants to write, he will do so without my coddling him and he will eventually learn through trial and error. If he doesn't want to write then nothing of value is lost by me not stroking his green cock.

>>29773694
You don't have to stroke his cock. He asked for pointers. That's all.

I'm the grammarfag above - did you see me "stroking his green cock" at any point? I did mention that I would read more of the story, and that's true - English problems aside the plot looks interesting so far. Other than that, all I did was give him advice on how to improve. If he takes it, fantastic, we have gained a new writefag with an interesting story. If he doesn't, he's a faggot and we can start shitposting at him.

There's literally no downside to providing him with the pointers he asked for, instead of being a dickhead.

>>29773300
>you're running through a market-place stark naked with royalty behind you
>that alone earns you some weird looks
>not that you care
>you just woke up on a cold table,with ponies prodding your naked body
>thisisnotok
>your just about to hit a forest when you're enveloped in a golden aura
>aw shit rack here you come
>you cringe as you float over to the big pony
>no scratch that this fucker is as big as a horse
>"princess, thank gOodness you caught it before it got into the everfree"
>"why do you have this artifact creature?"
>whitey asks
>the coin you picked up earlier floats up to you
>"WHY DO YOU HAVE IT?!"
>she yells in a loud voice
>honestly it scared the fuck out of you
>you just want to go away
>anywhere but here
>the coin glows as if in response and then in a flash your gone
>you fall to the ground getting your suit dirty
>wait suit?
>sweet.webm
>you feel your pockets and yup you pull out the coin
>and drop it like it was 1,000 degrees
>it lands and you spot letters scratched into the metal
>"anon" is printed in about as fancy as scratches on a tiny coin could get
>you didn't write that
>yet your name is there
>why is your name there?
>plus nobody has called you anon since highschool
>is this some kind of fever dream in which you have cancer irl and this is all the chemo?
its not
>well it seems this weird ass coin is able to do things only magical beings can do
>..well you did get man-handled by a white pegacorn
>...
>ugh you just need to sleep
>you look into the sky
>the sun is just starting to set
>well time for bed
>after walking around for a bit you find enough wood to start a fire
>you pull out your trusty lighter and get a blaze going


is this better? Or still shit?

>>29773685
>>this writefag is obviously new
>>dosent even try to give pointers to help make the green better
I used to help beginners, but with time I realized that it's a waste of time. They never listen.

If he really wanted to improve, then he would at the very least check out writefags guild. Prove me wrong.

>>29773718
>There's literally no downside to providing him with the pointers he asked for
If you enjoy fighting with windmills, then be my guest, but don't bitch about people who know better.

>>29773748
Also like the name? Or should I stay anonymous?
I want people to be able to tell my green from another desu senpai

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>>29773752
But my freind
>I honestly haven't even read it. You obviously haven't put the effort forth
How do you make a green better by doing this? Trial and error is not needed if your not a faggot who tried to help nothing but
13 year olds who don't listen to you anyways
I'm very open to criticizing and all that but your just sperging over nothing
How can you helpnif you didn't even read it?
Don't judge people by how others act
Your just a fag if you do

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>>29773773
>ur a fagget if you don't want to spoonfeed me

>>29773755
It's better since it's now in the "readable without cringing at the grammar" category. It still gives off a low-tier hastily written vibe, though. (There's a few more your/you're mistake, and you're still not capitalising sentences and missing some commas.)

You'll improve with practice, but make sure you actually put in effort. You can write 500,000 words but if you're not trying to improve and your writing quality would remain exactly the same. If you do want to get better though, that's great, and keep writing.

Name literally doesn't matter, although personally I find yours a bit autistic. If you plan on continuing the story between threads it's better to namefag, yeah (as opposed to one-shots).

>>29773748
>as the fire crackles you contemplate your life choices that led you here
>you lay down and let your mind drift off to sleep

>your white as snow and a pone so you must be rari-i mean celestia
>you're brainstorming with twilight and the rest of the main six in the friendship castle™ for ideas on what it is and why it has a chaotic artifact
>all of the ones you known of have been destroyed 2,000 years ago
>yet here you are doing research on the horrid objects
>endmysuffering
>"twilaght I got som'm"
>applejack says as she reads off of a page in a book
>you were amazed a earth pony COuld read
>but you've seen worse
>you've seen discord in a speedo
>ughhhh....that was a horrible day at the beach
>mostly because fluttershy insisted he came along
>and who are you to say no?
>"equestria to celestia, do you copy?"
>"rainbow!"
>you snap back reality
op, there goes gravity
"Yes yes what did you find?"
>"well we found out what it was he had ANd what he is"
"Well?"
>"well,..he's a human and mostly their non magical except.. for when equestrian magic invades them,most of the time it corrupts the mind twisting it until their a shadow of their former self"
>you nod
>you've seen non-magical beings gain magic before
>it never ends well
>and this hooman has the power of chaos at his finger tips
>lord Faust knows what it will do once it realizes the true extent of its powers

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>>29773787
>your a fag if you don't spoonfeed me
Did I ask how to write a greentext story
Did I ask what the thread was about or some other dumb shit?
No I asked for help to help my story grow and be better as I Go on
0/10 made me reply

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>>29773801
Shit thanks sempai I have to remember to capitalize cause I always have a problem with capitalization
Also thanks for the name deal
You don't know how many times I give myself autistic names when I green
Which is rare

>>29773817
>You wake up to the sound of rustling and hushed voices
>The hell?
>You open your eyes and sit up to find more ponies poking at your fire and you.
>Wtf
>They continue until one spots you staring at them
>It looks like someone tried to teleport a pony and a fly got in
> They chitter and make clicking noises as they walk up to you, not even phazed by the fact you look like an alien
>Well, they are bug-horse abominations
>You respond like any normal person would and scream at the top of your lungs
>Hey don't laugh you would scream too if tiny bug horses with cute..fangs and....ok maybe you're a little bit of a scaredy-cat but hey they were here first
>You don't even notice the hoof over your mouth
>"shhhhhshhhhshhhhshhhh"
>The smol bug-thing exclaims
>"we aren't gonna hurt you please don't scream"
>It says in a feminine voice
>The two others walk up and stand around you
>Both flash you dirty looks and one slides its hoof across its neck like a knife
>jeez it acts like it thinks that is so scary
>Are they trying to intimidate you?
>Silly bug-ponies
>You stand up and they all back up faster than a fat guy that got a salad instead of his big-mac
>The one who gave you the'your dead'gesture makes a small squeak but charges something with its horn thing

>>29773817
Your, "a earth", their. If you're a native speaker proofread yourself a bit better; if not, make sure you know the rules, and when you write something which you know is an easy mistake, double-check yourself. It's extra effort, but you'll get better at writing (and not just green).

Also more pony-related advice: please don't overdo AJ's accent. The readers have seen the show, they know what she sounds like - for instance, you wouldn't describe in detail what Sugarcube Corner looks like, because everyone already knows that and it would just bore the readers.
You can give her a light accent, just to hint to the readers to subconsciously read it in her voice, or to make it clear it's her speaking when there's dialogue; but what you have there is probably too much.

>>29773902
And it's like a whole other story. Instantly more pleasing to the eye, easier to read, and more professional.

A minor point I just noticed is that it's a bit awkward when you split someone's line with the description of them speaking, like here:
>"we aren't gonna hurt you please don't scream"
>It says in a feminine voice
Consider:
>"we aren't gonna hurt you, please don't scream", it says in a feminine voice
(Also I added a comma before "please" - just another thing to keep in mind for you, though this is already better than your first post here.)

Alright that's probably it for my advice here. If you have more questions there's always the writefag's guild.

>>29773755
I like the name

I'll try

>"It's okay if you can't do magic, Anon."
>Rarity said...
>"You ARE just a human after all."
>Pinkie said...
>"Nobody expects anything out of you, Anon."
>Rainbow Dash said...
>"Just leave the hero work to us. We'll bring you back a souvenir."
>Twilight said...
>They all said the same thing
>That YOU can't do anything
>Maybe they were right?
>Their words still echo in the barren void that was once your mind
>It was once filled with hope, joy, and friendship...now what's left of it is nothing but thoughts of madness
>'Was it truly the right choice you chose?'
>'Whose voice was that?'
>'Who knows, Anon. Who knows...'
>You snap back to reality or what you deemed was 'reality'
>The book you have been carrying weights heavier than before
>Is it the fatigue?
>'True, it might be. You have been walking for DAYS now.'
>Days? It only felt like minutes?
"What's going on?!"
>Asked the staggering, clothes torn, mad man walking through the endless, bleak, white snow.
>The man, you assumed is YOU
>'But why are you seeing yourself from afar?' you ask
>Your shaking knees fail to support you in your bizzare endeavor and you fall hard to the soft, sheet of snow cradling the leather-bound book
>What are you even doing out here in the barren snowlands anyways?
>Who sent you?
>What's that book you're carrying?
>Who are you?
>A scream breaks you free from your nightmare

>>29774392

>"WE'VE GOT SOMETHIN' 'ERE!"
>You stare at the silhouette of a pony clad in armor, too tired to speak, you just wave your free hand at him.
>"DON'T WORRY LAD, WE'VE GOT YA!"
>As soon as he spoke, a large number of soldiers rush in and carry you away from the freezing cold and into a small inn
>Your eyes fail to see the huge walls of crystal protruding from the ground protecting the sacred beauty of the Crystal Empire
>"THE PRINCESS SAID THAT YE WERE COMIN' BUT SHE DIDN'T SAID THAT YE WERE COMIN' ALONE AND LIKE THIS!"
>Princess? What? Why is a horse talking to you? Where are you?
>With nothing to reply to the talking horse you just give him a meek smile
>"BUT DONCHA WORRY, ANONYMOUS. YER IN GOOD HANDS NOW!"
>The loudness of the talking horse with the scottish accent feels like a hammer is being bashed repeatedly on your head
>"Sir, I think you're talking too loud, can't you see he's a tad bit annoyed?"
>The other talking horse is helping you, a bit
>"HUWAT?! ME TALKIN'S KILLIN' IM?! PREPOSTE--WHATEVA YA CALL IT!"
>"But sir, may I--"
>"NO, YA MAY NOT, SOLDIER!" With a slurr the scottish talking horse says
>The fighting of these two lulls you to sleep
>Who are you, you ask?
>Why you're none other than Anonymous the human
>Why were you out in the frozen north?
>Do you want to truly know why?

>>29774399
Yes mr Dubs.