Anonymous in Equestria Thread #1118

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>>29722380
Didn't notice the bump limit in the last thread
Thanks OP

>>29722363
…
>The closed door and the sign which had a simple pair of broken shackles, gave the impression that the inside would be silent and gloomy just like the rest of Griffonstone
>Much to your surprise it was quite the opposite
>The main hall/bar of Broken Chains Room & Board was aglow with cheerful voices, music, and the overall happiness that strong spirits can bring
>You have never tried griffon alcohol but you heard their vodka could knock out a manticore
>From how a pair of griffons were downing shots of the potent drink in rowdy drinking contest made you wonder how their livers were still working
>Making your way over to the bar, you carefully navigated past a couple of squatting griffons playing dice
>One of them spoke to you in his tongue, motioning you to join in
>You politely disagreed, only to be called a “kurwa” in return
>Not knowing what he meant, you continue to the bar
…
>Flanked by a wall of multiple alcohols of color and variety you have never seen before, stood a griffon bartendress
>Her eagle head was a clear white, with tufts of grey feathers around her yellow eyes
>Her lower body was that of a brown lion or some other feline
>Although she wasn't your type, you could understand why ponies and griffons would have mingled before Sombra declared war on the entire world
>Not looking up from a glass she was polishing, she flatly asked
>“Yes?”
“I have been set up with a room upstairs.”
>“What Syndicate are you apart of?”
>Confused at what she said, you cock a brow
“What?”
>Sighing, and slowing down her speech as if though you were a foal she repeated
>“Syndicate? You know, your job? Fucking dweeb...”
>Taken aback by her rudeness, you spit back
“Hey, I'm not apart of any of your damned Syndicates! I'm the reporter from Canterlot Commoner.”
>When she looked up, you expected her to yell at you or something griffon like that

>>29722468
>Instead, she looked indifferent
>“Oh, it’s the pony who wants to know more about our swell utopia. Why didn’t you say so?”
>Before you could muster an answer, an intoxicated bellow of a griffon on a nearby table caught >the attention of everygriffon (and you as well) in the bar
>He held a guitar in one hand as he stood atop a chair
>“Comrades! To celebrate the upcoming Victory Day Parade, let us salute and enjoy everygriffon’s favorite lover: BEER!”
>In unison, the bar’s inhabitants raised their glasses and bottles
>“Для здopoвья! (Cheers!)”
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m5uO7sFCGbY
>Struggling to be heard, the griffon bartender shouts to you
>“You’re room is this way! Follow me!”
…
>Upstairs, the atmosphere was significantly more still than that of the festivities down stairs
>You could still make out the muffled singing which ended in a massive round of applause and laughing
>Maybe this country wasn't so bad
>However the abundance of rude sober griffons made you question it
>The female griffon stopped in front of a room and opened it with a key
>Unenthusiastically she drawls
>“Welcome to your residence while you are a visitor of the Union of Griffon Republics. If you need anything don’t hesitate to ask, fellow worker.”
>Her tone in using that title dripped in sarcasm
>This was unusual, as all the other griffons here seemed to be enthusiastic about their worker status
>As you dropped off your bags on the spring mattress, you turned to the irked bartender
“Not a huge fan of the worker, shtick?”
>She rolls her eyes and scoffs
>“Heh, as if!”
>Her eyes then drop to the floor
>“It's a Tartarus of a lot better than before…”
>Quirking a brow, you inquire further
“How so?”
>The griffon looks at you in disbelief
>“You're telling me you haven't heard of the Tyrant and the Revolution?”

>>29722483
>Coldly she responds, looking you straight in the eyes
>“He has no name. Nor will it ever be mentioned again if anygriffon knows it somehow.”
>You were about to raise a hoof to ask more about this so called “Tyrant”, but her glare silenced you
>“Drop it.”
>Going back to the original question, you ask
“How was it like back then?”
>Laughing under her breath, she walked into your room and sat down from across your bed
>“I guess you loser ponies really don’t know. Alright, I’m game.”
>Uncomfortable that she just invited herself in, you stared as she made herself comfortable
>She snaps her talons to get you out of your trance
>“Hey, dweeb! Do your reporter shit. I'm not doing this twice, so listen up!”
>Scrambling to grab your pencil and notepad, you sit down across from the griffon
>Noticing you've never asked for her name, you ask
>“Name’s Gilda.”


Next part soon, comrades

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29721822
What up homie

>>29723492
derp
>>29721822

>>29722500
Am I good to post a lil something, laddy?

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>>29723999
>>29722500
Holy shit I'm retarded. I didn't realize it was fucking four hours ago oh my god kill me thanks, matey.

Get HYPE! Horse La Horse Season 2: Episode 6, releasing now!

>The train rattled and shook, the clink and clunk of the tracks almost rhythmically trying to put you to rest. Not only did the bristles on the hairy arm of your partner disturb you, but so did a thought that kept plucking at your silly head. Never one for thinking, you fight almost as hard as you do against your enemies whenever a silly thought tries to weasel it's way in. But this one, oh boy this one.
"Yo, Will," you say, straightening your slouching boy up.
>Only a few minutes leaning against the pane of train car and you're stiff.
>"Yessir," he says resolutely, casting his hard glare at you.
>You peer over the seat before continuing, nose and eyes just poking over the fabric of the seat like Kilroy (or Chad, for those across the pond). The entire carriage was empty.
>Not surprising, who would want to go to the capital when it's taken over by villains? You'd just be asking to get mugged.
"You're an old man, right?"
>"I detest that," he declares, crossing his arms, "but yes."
"You ever loved anyone?"
>Iron Will huffed, fogging up your window and coating your face in droplets. DISGUSTING. You wipe it off on the seat in earnest as he begins to talk.
>"I have, many-a-time. Ponies just love hands. But my rambunctious days are over; and I, naturally, have settled down with a minotaur of the gentler sex," he says proudly.

1/?

Yar it be a bad moon rising.

>>29724034

"Well where is she? I didn't see her at the farm."
>"Things are complicated," he grumbles.
>There is a brief pause, and then suddenly he demands to know why you ask.
"I'm sort of having trouble with someone I'm suppose to be together with and," the sap was making you sick already.
>You twirl your hands around and gag to explain away the rest.
>"What happened, son?" he questions, patting your back. This nearly knocks you out of your seat.
"In short: I beat up her teacher really bad, and got her hometown captured by a bunch of evil folks."
>"Ahh, quite similar to my own story," he says, arching his back and stretching, "well, if you take my advice I'd just stay away for now. Things will sort themselves out, or they won't. But being a man means shielding your emotions away and pretending you never did anything wrong."
>What stup(id)endous advice.

>The rest of the ride is about as interesting as it can be on a train. Will pinches the butt on one of the stewardesses, she almost knocks his teeth out, all good fun. When you finally get off, your legs are like jelly. That "after-the-movie" feeling has got itself right in your knees. You nearly collapse in shock when you actually pick your head up and look at what has happened to Canterlot. The massive hole in the palace is still being repaired, and it looks as if dozens of houses have been leveled just for the new creation of a massive building. You turn toward the train attendant, mouth agape, and ask what the hell that massive red thing is.

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>>29724040
>"Oh, that," she says cutely, smiling, "that's the hotel where all the contestants for the competition are staying! Although you can't see it now, close by it is also the arena."
"They destroyed half the town for a giant arena?"
>"Well," she says, "yeah. They're evil you know!"
"Was anyone hurt?"
>"Oh, no, not at all. Just displaced."
>"Evil enough," Iron Will says, striding by you, his luggage bag slung over his back.
>You hop along right behind him, waving goodbye to the pretty mare and look ahead, toward your future. This scheme was gonna be a rough one to pull off. But you're determined to right your wrongs. You'll save Celestia, wrest Canterlot from the mitts of the Mega Forces, and make nice with Twilight.
>The streets still have a lot of ponies in them, some looking dejected, others quite chipper. You notice changelings, bugpones, floating about and within the members of the crowd. They're holding weapons, probably the new guards. You elbow Iron Will and motion to them, he says something about henchmen.
>You see quite a few large monsters all heading to the same place, competition to fight, you bet. There is a grumpy looking, scarred up unicorn taking entry cards. You and your boy get in without a hitch, proudly presenting the Mega Forces business card, apparently they don't hand that out too much. Your special treatment stops after being waived of the "trial" testing however, and your herded over to the hotel.

3/?

>>29724057
>It's quite grand actually, maybe a bit of an improvement aesthetically compared to the rest of Canterlot. It was huge, box shaped by decorated in its architecture similar to Gothic cathedrals. For some reason, they thought it wise to adorn the entirety of it with large banners depicting the current members of the Mega Forces, all smugly grinning at the droves entering their newly constructed hotel.
>You waltz past the attendant waving people in, ignoring his words until now, soaking in the sights.
>"Welcome to HOTEL MEGA!" he shouts right in your ear, grandiose and with vigor, as if to punctuate the end of whatever speech he was spewing. The camera pans up, following your eyes as you look up at the banners while entering, seeing them from an odd angle. What a shot!
>Ear drums popped, but spirit at a high, you're shocked to see how many are crowded in such the lobby. An earth pony bellhop giddy rips your bags from your arms and declares that he'll take you to your room. You try to reason with him, and say you haven't even checked in yet, but it's no use, and you have to charge after him to make sure your shit doesn't get stolen. You lose sight of Iron Will among the crowd and bustling visitors, but you didn’t worry for now. He's a big boy.

4/?
Regrettably, I don't have very many homosexually-charged pictures of Iron Will

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>>29724063
>Looking at some of these visitors, you’re not sure how to feel. Of course there are a bunch of regular looking ponies, even some zebras and griffons. But poking out like sore thumbs, the “oddities”. Creatures pretty much like you, a glomb of greenish goo, slicking around, clearing the crowd around him. A well dressed, snobbish looking little mudpone, perhaps not so deserving of his dirty heritage. A slimy little hunchbacked lizard, turning over his hands while slithering around. Just like you, they're searching the crowd for their competition. You’re gonna have to fight some of these folks, maybe not all of them but at least a few. Not that you’re having doubts, but meh, it’ll be a lot of work.
>There is one that really stands out to you. Menacing wouldn't even begin to describe him. He parted the crowd like the Red Sea, tall, on-fire, and banded by odd iron rings. It was a walking, humanoid slog of magma, constantly flowing inside its magically contained form. Two churning coals for eyes scanned the room before him as a shivering bellhop led him toward the elevator. >You wonder if you could take on such a fierce fiery foe. Only time and further alliterations will tell. . .
>You get a room on the fourth floor, #403 to be exact. It’s “compact”, but close to the stairs, so that’s something. You tip the bellhop by letting him in on the secret that hollowing out a jalapeno can allow it to be used as a makeshift fleshlight if he’s desperate. With a grimace and a look of disgust he slams the door behind him, leaving you to your lonesome.
>You flop back onto your new bed, hoping icky stains and bedbugs weren’t just out of view, and stare up at the ceiling. When will your first match be? Who will it be against? How long will you and Iron be able to last?

5/?

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>>29724072
>The TV in the room flicks on itself, the sound of it warming up reminding you of home actually. The colors are slightly faded, but you make out the unmistakable face of Discord, the other Mega Forces behind him.
>“Hello there friends! You have chosen, or been chosen, to be relocated to one of our finest hotels. All your needs, from essentials like meals to lovely little extras like massages, will be paid for by us while you remain here. Rest well, and be sure to check out the bracket in the lobby, tomorrow will be the first round of fights! Depending on your skill rating, you may be slotted against a pairing of weaker villains, or you yourself may have to contend solo. This first round of eliminations will go by quicker than you think, and your true skills will be tested!"
>He cackles madly, the MF logo appears, a sponsor says something about bird watching guides, and it shuts off. You roll your eyes and give a hand wave, mumbling "meh" for no one else but yourself. Mini-fridge, mini-tv, mini-bed, classic hotel, motel, holiday inn. It's cozy though, the only other part to the room was the bathroom, but it felt nice. You scroll open the window shades, overlooking the patio surrounded on three sides by more hotel and OH! A POOL!
>You didn't bring your floaties, but hell if you weren't gonna go for a dip anyway. Fuck the lobby, you'll go later when it isn't crowded by fifteen bajillion other people all trying to look at the brackets too. You've got the whole day to finally relax after all that training with Iron Will, might as well use it.

6/?

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>>29724079
>Towel under arm, and nothing on but your skivvies, you scramble down the stairs leading to the patio, surprisingly not seeing anyone. You throw open the emergency exit and gallop right for that crystal blue pool. The smell of chlorine and summer! You're so pumped you don't notice the big ol' orange pony standing proudly in front of you, and you tumble right over her. She's knocked to the ground with you, tumbling to the sun baked stone.
"Oh, it's you."
>"Yes, it's me," Sunset (sun)beams, picking herself up and blasting all the dust off herself with a spell.
"You're in the comp too?" you ask, dusting yourself off regular.
>She knocks you with a spell that hastens the process but you don't thank her, "yes I am. I see you've come with a friend."
"How do you know?" you ask, whipping your head around, looking for Iron Will.
>He always shows up out of nowhere.
>"I saw you at the train station," she flicks her hair back and then hands you your discarded towel, "you've paired up with a minotaur?"
"Yeah, so?"
>"Just making conversation," she shrugs. As you would expect a pony shrugging looks highly unnatural.
>"Well I'm going for a dip, catch you 'round, Sunset," you say haughtily.
>She rolls her eyes and trots off, but you see her flick her tail as she leaves. You've seen that tail flick before, somewhere . . .

7/?

Thanks to your boy 8th-Sin for the picture.

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>>29724089
"Relaxing, finally, by my lonesome," you sigh, eyes lidded against the brightness of the sun.
>The coolness of the water on your lower half, the warmth of the sun on your upper body. Your muscles are already loosening from their tense state. Being such a small pool, you're half-squat floating in the water, so its more like a coldtub. The Jacuzzi of chillin' out instead of heating up.
>"Yes, all by our lonesome," a huge, bristle boar of an arm wraps around your neck like a boa constrictor, the voice of Iron Will tickling your eardrums. Hot breath heats up your sensitive skin, sending one of those "hot chills" down your spine.
>He squeezes you closer, stuffing your face in his chest and kissing your head before releasing you, "you ok little buddy?"
"Y-yeah, fine," voice hoarse and jaw clenched like a mousetrap.
>"Did you talk to Sunset Shimmer yet? What a gal, real go-getter. She met me in my room, wished me good luck. Says she's an old friend of yours!"
You nearly jump out of your boxers, "an old friend!?"
>"As she puts it," he begins elbowing you and grinning, "was she an old flame?"
"Was that a pun?" you grunt, a deep pain piercing your soul.
>This was suppose to be a relaxing outing!
>"So, you know who you're fighting?" Will asks, glancing over at you, pulling gently at his own nose ring.
"Nah, didn't check," you ease back next to him, consigning to your fate of nestling against Iron Will's barrel chest.
>"Well, I'm up against some sucker called Ahuizotl, and you're going up against Smooze? Silly names but, should be easy, at least at this level — I'm confident we'll dominate," he gives you a mighty thumbs up, the shine of his teeth nearly blinding you.
>You flinch, feeling an incoming nuggie that never lands, "yeah same," you finally reply.
>"Smooze," he tastes the word, almost mooing with those double-Os.
"Owie zoe tell," you say slowly, trying to pronoun it right.

8/9

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>>29724098
>The two of you recline for a few hours, but eventually split up after awhile, both mumbling something about prepping for the battles. You exchange your extra room keys just in case of emergencies. No training today, just a mental psyche up. You go to bed early after snacking on little bottles of liquor, and a BIG PEGASUS cinnamon roll in the mini-fridge. Thankfully all the XXX movies and snacks were automatically paid for with your room, otherwise you'd be about $300 (converted from bits and adjusted for inflation) in the hole.
>Smooze will be your opponent, and this time, all you've got are your wits and Iron Will's training. You've fought tougher, but somethings telling you this won't be an easy brawl.

IN THE NEXT EPISODE:
Will Anonymous be able to defeat this mysterious combatant, The Smooze?
What did Sunset Shimmer's tail flick really mean?
Can Iron Will prevail against his foe, Ouchie oats all?
FIND OUT NEXT TIME ON, HORSE LA HORSE SEASON 2

9/9

That's all folks. Did you like it? Did you hate it? What would you rate it?
You're the best, you're the best, what will you be reading next?

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>>29723999
Please do, comrade

Also nice trips

>>29724192
It's too late now, but I'm happy I got your blessing.
XOXO

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>>29724109

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>>29724109
I could see it in Chinpo village, I will go to bed now.

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>>29724884
>I could see it in Chinpo village
???

>>29724907
This is a meme from my country. But it's kind of like saying you will not change anything but eat it if you tell people who made it.

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>>29722380
nice pic, it's literally me

captcha: close calle

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>>29724932
Because I did not notice because I was standing

>>29724923
I'm even MORE confused.

>>29719441
So where do I go to read newer lewd fics of my favorite p0ne?

>>29724973
Pastebin.

Everyone is convinced if you write bamboo grass without writing like parachi

Hey peeps. Look, another post strikes.

>>29712134
>Oh, wait, that's right.
>You forget the intelligence of your average Ponyvill... is it Ponyvillian... anyways, the average citizen of Ponyville panics at every little problem.
>So you turn to Pinkie.
>Eyes wide as can be, almost like you saw a ghost.
"Can... we keep the party small for now, I don't want to be surrounded by pitchforks or something else. Just you and... your main friends. That's if they aren't already here."
>Twi gives a light chuckle as she looks at the two of you.
>"Well, they aren't here yet, of course, but they're on their way. So, Pinkie, go ahead and prepare the party, it shouldn't take long.
>She gives a salute and zips out of the room like you'd expect from the Pink Party Mare.
>You look at Twi as you get out of the bed, stretching as she's looking you directly in the eye.
>It's pretty uncomfortable, but you finish stretching.
>At least, you're forced to as a massive crack rings through your body.
>Which causes you to almost flop over on the Princess of Magic.
>She catches you with her forehooves, standing up on her hind legs.
>Your head is rubbing against her furry chest.
>It's pretty soft despite how big she is, but you quickly pull yourself back up to a standing position and apologize.
"Sorry about that, I think... the barrel was more uncomfortable than I thought it was."
>She turns away for some reason as she nods.
>"Don't you worry about it, it's understandable. I mean you spent who knows how long in tat Barrel."
"Probably an hour? I can't remember. But, yeah, remind me to not take a return trip to Canterlot like that."
>She turns to you, giving a light chuckle at your joke and motions to you to follow her.
>"I bet you would like to see more of the castle right, Anon? Come on, I'll give you the grand tour now that you're awake."

>>29725005
OH BOY!

>>29724884
Please do not think so much that this thread looks like it

>>29724109
I just have to see it ...

>>29724982
Did you even read the quotes?

>>29725120
>So where
>do I go to read newer lewd fics
>pastebin

Do anyone know a pony about serious and friendly Heterosexuality cool with a slightly strange personality?

>>29725178
Am I going insane or does this make no sense?

>>29724884
>>29724923
>>29724936
>>29724993
>>29725119
>>29725178

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>>29725246
>>29725201
Don't encourage it.

>>29724109
Nice story.
>>29725246
What? do you need?

>>29722380
>(embed)
really?

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>>29723492
>>29723497

>>29722380
>starlight glimmer
great, i'm became a communist

>>29724973
Active list is really all you got unless you want to start reminded writers to fill out that template when they complete a story so it'll go on the list.

>>29725636
Oh shit I forgot that's a thing. Welp, guess I know what to do when I'm done with the current story.

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>>29725672
Make it perfect Anon-kun.

Feel good to go to bed after the bath

Good night.

>>29703200
It's really good.

>>29718239

>You spend the next several hours attempting to study the history tomes you had brought back from town but find your attention wandering.
>Unable to focus on what you're reading you decide instead to turn your attention to your armor which has thoroughly dried by now.
>You take up a fine tipped brush and unseal one of the smaller containers of paint to put the final touches on your armor.
>As you consider what exactly to write on the armor you're left bitter by the realization that you really don't have much to add to it.
>Company markings and honors might once have been in order, or a litany of great foes slain in the name of the legion.
>Now though the former no longer applies, and the latter is a short and rather hollow list.
>Most of the foes you've slain have been taken in desperate necessity rather than honorable combat upon a field of battle.
>Well, at least you do have one title that you've been given. With a steady hand and no small sense of irony you begin to daub the letters on to your armor in neat gothic script.
>There against the the green of your gorget picked out in a pristine white the word "Forsaken".
>Perhaps in time you'll have another title to add or honors to record, for you you'll have to settle for this.
>As you set aside the paint and brush your eyes fall on the guard insignia Steel Heart had given you to use two days prior.
>It would seem you had forgotten to return it to her after the excitement of that days events.
>A simple star against a shield backing, nothing grand or overly ornate, and yet it does have a certain aesthetic appeal.
>Seeing as Steel Heart has yet to ask after the thing perhaps she won't mind if you keep it a bit longer.
>Doing away with the twine you had previously used to hold it in place you mount it more permanently to the chain guard hanging from your pauldron, bending some of the links to hold it fast in place.

>>29726222

>With that done you sit back and take a look at your armor, feeling a small amount of pride at the sight repaired and repainted suit.
>It's certainly a thing of beauty, and with a tabard to adorn it it's going to be something any knight would be proud to wear.
>Still you'd like to have a bolter locked to the hip, without one your defenses are rather limited.
>You should see about securing some sort of ranged weapon. Do the ponies even have anything more advanced than a bow and arrow?
>That's something else to look in to tomorrow. Failing that you should at least get a shield or another sword, anything would be better than going in to battle one hand empty.
>You'll make a point of asking Princess Luna all these things when you contact her tomorrow, and you'll ask about what happened to the remains of your ship as well.
>You find yourself wishing that the damn sun would rise a little faster so you can begin your day.
>With nothing else for it you exit your room and begin to walk the halls of the way castle.
>Dawn must only be an hour or so away judging by the portions of the sky visible through the arrow slits in the outer wall.
>As you continue your restless march around the castle you find Soft Heart pacing about as well.
>She seems somewhat surprised at the sight of you. "Good morning Anon. Are you always up this early?"
"That would depend heavily on when I last slept, but usually. What are you doing about at this hour?"
>"I couldn't sleep. The guards need an herbal bath this morning for the poison joke. Takes forever to mix the treatment so they've just had to put up with it all night."
"Your concern for those in your charge is commendable."
>She smiles at that. "Thanks. I try to take care of everypony as best I can. Things have just been so hectic since you showed up."
>"Er not that you showing up was a bad thing." She adds quickly.

>>29726224

"No offense was given."
>You assure smirking at how quickly she's become flustered. Adopting a more serious expression you add.
"I believe I have decided to stay."
>"Really, that's great news!" Soft heart exclaims excitedly, suddenly becoming aware of the volume of her voice she adds more quietly "A lot of the guards are gonna be glad to hear that."
>"I'm sure it's been a strange adjustment for you here but everypony has been really impressed with how much you've helped out."
"It has been strange, but not unpleasant. I intend to contact Princess Luna today. It is my hope that I will find a place best suited to my talents."
>"You mean doing knight stuff?"
"Yes I suppose that is the simple way of putting it. My last actual duty was to garrison a fortress much like your sister does here. I will admit I am hoping for something a bit more..active, this time."
>Soft Heart brings a hoof to her chin, scrunching up her muzzle in thought. "I think some of the guards have to escort diplomats and things like that. That might be fun."
>"Other than that I think the guard mostly garrison castles like this one, or patrol in the big cities like Canterlot."
"I doubt I will be trusted with anything terribly important right away. A short decade or two of garrison duty to earn my place is acceptable."
>"A short decade? Exactly how long do you Astartes live?"
>A fine question she's asked, you've often wondered that yourself. You shrug to show your ignorance.
"I'm afraid I could not say. No Astartes that I know of has ever died of old age. Battle tends to claim us first."
>"Well how old are you then?"
>Again you're forced to shrug. The amount of time you've spent lost in the warp and traveling through that hellish realm from planet to planet has made time more or less impossible to keep track of.
"To spare you the long version my best estimation puts me between four and five centuries of age. Give or take."

>>29726222
That's all for now again. Sorry for all the short updates but my long ass work days keep getting in the way of writing any more than I have been.
Also I'll see about filling out one of those templates for the story when I actually get it finished, or it it better to do that before it's done?
Just let me know how to handle that if you see this 8th-Sin.

>>29724109

Psst... Pastebin?

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>>29726292
Steg forgot his paste password. I'm sure he could just make a new one but the but is lazy.

>>29726256
Probably when you're finished but I was thinking of just making it a "story list" rather than completed, just so people would think to use it more and because many people have stories but have no end in sight.

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>>29726332
>and because many people have stories but have no end in sight.

>>29726332
No one will understand that picture.

>>29726248
I fucking love it.

>>29726248
Moar please
>>29726332
>tfw back time

>>29725486
Well duh

>>29726344
Anon is a faggot. That's all that is important.

>>29727161
>important
Virgin.

>>29728131
Still wating on a Luna one.

>You stand outside of Rarity’s boutique, eyeing the front door with distaste, but also desperation. It’s been a little over a month since you got to Ponyville, and the situation has gotten too hairy for you to handle anymore. You really mean that, too. Without a razor, or anything sharp enough to form a razor’s edge, you haven’t found a way to get rid of any of your facial hair. Sure, a little beard might not be so bad, but this is growing down your neck, it tickles your nose, and you’re way past the sandpaper stage. Truth be told, you’re bordering on yeti status, and it’s too hot this week for you to stand it anymore.
>It’s time to face it: you need a shave. There’s just one problem.
>In all your searching, you have yet to find any pony around here who actually shaves. All the horses are covered with hair anyway, as Twilight so bluntly put it, and why would they need to take any of it off? That would make them naked! You figured the spa down the way might have something, but no luck. They mentioned something about hot wax, but you got the feeling they weren’t referring to some sort of beauty treatment. You could check yourself into the hospital, where you know they must have razors for surgeries, but with those healthcare premiums? As if.
>So, instead, here you are. You have nowhere else to turn, and with all Rarity’s beauty knowledge, and need of sharp implements for sewing purposes, maybe she can help you. The two of you have never really seen eye to eye before, or even spoken much, but Twilight said she was a good and generous friend, always willing to lend a hoof. It’s worth a shot, at the very least.
>You muster up just enough courage and knock soundly on her front door. From inside, you hear a bustle of movement, then a melodic voice rings out.
“Coming! Just a moment!”

(1/?)

>>29728464

>You wait patiently until you hear Rarity’s hoof steps approaching the door. For a split second, you wonder if this might be terrible mistake. Then the door opens before you can change your mind, and it’s too late. You put on your best smile as Rarity looks you up and down, then beams at you.
“Why Anon, what an unexpected surprise!”
“Er, hey Rarity,” you mumble out, smooth as ever. “I was just around and I had a… I wondered… Could I possibly come in?”
>Her smile doesn’t falter for a second as she steps back from the entrance of her boutique.
“But of course my dear, come right inside. Sorry for the mess, I’m working on a new dress design, but I’m happy to help with whatever’s troubling you.”
>As you step forward, you see several rolls of fabric leaning against the wall, with more scraps of similar hues across the floor. A pale model of a horse, without features or expression, stands draped in a silver cloth, pins sticking out of it at odd angles. Other than that, you don’t see much of a mess, and Rarity looks like she’s just stepped out of a salon. You have a moment of jealousy over how well she seems to deal with stress.
“Thanks,” you say, trying not to mule this time. “I don’t mean to disturb you, especially in the middle of a project.”
“Not at all, not at all,” she says with a wave of her hoof as she shuts the door behind you. “Always glad of company, you’ll be a welcome distraction.”
>You’re not sure where to sit, considering you only see a bed in one corner, a strange therapist-style couch against one wall, and just a whole lot of horse mannequins everywhere else. You’re even tempted to sit on the floor, but instead decide on watching Rarity to see what she’ll do.
“So,” she says brightly. “Would you like some tea first, or is this business urgent? Fashion related? Questions about your new life in Ponyville? Really, I’m all ears.”

(2/?)

>>29728467

>Thankfully, you see her gesture to a small stool tucked behind one of the mannequins, and you quickly pull it out and take a seat. She simply sits down in front of you on a pink tufted pillow and smiles jovially. You’d never know that the two of you weren’t best of friends.
“Actually,” you say haltingly, “I had a question about… how to say… beauty treatments.”
>Her smile flickers, and she tilts her head.
“Beauty treatments? Pardon me Anon, but I’m not sure I understand what you mean.”
“It’s just,” you go on, stumbling over almost every word. “Back on earth, humans have all sort of beauty tools and techniques in order to take care of their appearance. Girls have makeup, like a paint for their eyelids, lips, and cheeks. Guys don’t tend to wear that stuff, but they do try to keep themselves groomed, you know. They do their hair nice with gel, and they bathe and treat their acne sometimes if they’re not a slob, and they shave.”
>She nods, seeming to keep up with you thus far, but she falters a little on the last word. You rush to explain further.
“Humans really care a lot about their facial hair. Some people wear beards, just a lot of facial hair around the chin. Some wear a mustache, which is right below the nose, I’ve seen some fake ones that Pinkie Pie uses in fact. But more often, humans like to shave the hair on their face off. Some people just look better that way, and I’m one of those people.”
>You point to your uneven beard.
“I’m bad at growing beards,” you say. “It doesn’t come in evenly, it’s patchy, it has a red streak in it, and it itches. Oh my fucking god, it itches so bad! It’s hot and uncomfortable, food gets stuck in it… I’m just not one of those people who should have a beard. But in order to take it off, I need a razor, or something that will cut the hair super close to the skin, to get rid of it entirely. And I haven’t been able to find anything like that!”

(3/?)

>>29728474

“I see,” Rarity says with a slow nod. “So you are thus unable to go about your daily grooming routines in way that satisfies you?”
>You nod vigorously, and Rarity gives you a sympathetic frown.
“Oh dear, I’m so sorry to hear that! I can just imagine how I’d feel without my weekly mud mask or hooficures! This simply won’t do. And you’re right, I do think you’d look much better without all that hair on your face.”
“I know, I know. And I figured, hey, you know about beauty and you have all sorts of specialized tools. So maybe… do you think you could…”
>As you trail off, you can see Rarity’s smile return. A warm, nurturing, understanding smile, that makes you forget about any shortcomings you had concerning the mare. She reaches out and puts a hoof tenderly over the back of your hand, then gives in a gentle pat.
“Anon, you’ve come to the right mare. I can have you fixed up in a jiffy.”
>You’re sure she can see the excitement that creeps onto your face.
“Really?"
“Why of course! Some clothing requires extra fine blades, and I’ve used them to shape fabric before without much problem! My hooves are steady, and I know what I’m doing with my tools, so I am confident in saying I could give you a marvelous beauty treatment.”
>You blink at her. Wait, she could give you a beauty treatment?
“Oh!” you say, a little surprised. “You mean… I just figured I could borrow some things from you.”
“Nonsense!” she says with another dismissive wave of her hoof. “I would be happy to do it, especially if you’ve been stressing about it so much. Everypony needs a little pampering now and then, and I know how to both enjoy and give a good spa treatment. You can even recline on that sofa over there while I do it and just relax.”
“Thats a little… I mean, are you sure?”
“Quite positive, I’ll give you one world of a makeover!”

(4/?)

>>29728484

>You can’t help but hesitate. On one hand, you do barely know this mare, even if she seems nice. Could she be messing with you, taking advantage of your desperation? That little dragon, maybe Spike was his name, did trick you into dusting a whole castle by telling you it was your royally bound duty as a friend to Twilight. You’re still not speaking to him. On the other hand, these last few weeks have been intensely stressful. You’ve been worrying about living in this new place, been stressing about your looks, trying to adapt. All at once, you can feel the weight of your entire troubles pressing down on you, right then and there. Maybe trust is a good thing. Maybe you need to let go, simply for a little while, and allow someone else to be in control. Who better than someone who thrives under pressure, like Rarity?
“Okay,” you say skeptically. “But just don’t dye my hair purple or anything.”
>Rarity sighs placatingly and gives you a roll of her eyes.
“Darling, I promise you that I will only be removing hair, not styling it. And only the hair on your face, I do believe the stuff on the top of your head looks marvelous as is. Besides, blue is much more your color. Now go on and sit, sit you down, I’ll get you prepped.”
>You move over to the therapist couch, as you’ve decided it must be, and recline back in it. It hugs you like a glove in its deep red soft cushions, and you let out an audible mmmmh of pleasure as some of the stress weight slides from your shoulders. Rarity winks at you.
“Oh I know, isn’t it just divine? I accidentally fall asleep there all the time between projects,” she says. “Now just a moment, I’ll be right back.”
>You should probably feel more uncomfortable, lying here at the mercy of a pony you don’t know very well, but you can’t help feeling at ease. The sofa is comfy, her words are soothing, and you sense no malice in what she’s doing.

(5/?)

>>29728488

>Maybe Twilight was right and she’s just really helpful after all, not the prissy snob you once thought she was.
>After a few moments, Rarity returns with two small ceramic bowls levitating after her. One appears to be full of wet cloth.
“Alright,” Rarity says, clapping her front two hooves together, “We’ll start by making the hair more supple and easier to cut. It’ll get softer if it’s under a few hot towels, and the steam will do wonders for your complexion. Have you ever had a hot towel treatment?”
>You can’t say you have, and you also can’t say it sounds that bad. You shake your head no, and Rarity brightens.
“Well then, I can promise that the towels won’t burn, and you will be able to breathe. Just lie back with your head propped flat against the edge of the sofa, so I can work a little more easily.”
>You do as she asks, staring up at her ceiling until you see Rarity’s cheery face move to cloud some of the lighting.
“Just shut your eyes and breathe normally, dear,” she instructs.
>Then, you feel a warm, almost too hot, damp towel curl across half of your face and over your forehead. She quickly puts another on the other side, so they overlap. It covers most of your face, except for your nose, and as you breathe in through your nostrils, you smell a perfume of lavender water, citrus, and almonds. Instantly, any itching you felt in your beard dissipates, as quickly as the rising steam.
“Mnnnnnhhhhh,” you sigh out.
“What did I tell you?” you hear her say lightly. “You’ll have to sit here for a while, and after that I’ll shave off that nasty facial hair, treat your skin with some cream or oils, and you’ll look good as new!”
>As you listen to her speak, you can feel yourself beginning to get drowsy. The sweet-scented steam, the warmth on your face, the softness of the sofa, even the way Rarity talks, it’s enough to make you feel dreamlike.

(6/?)

>>29728495

>You can feel the word around you begin to blur at the edges, but you don’t even care. Effortlessly, you let yourself slip into unconsciousness and sleep.

——

>You’re not sure how much time has passed before you wake up, but it’s one of the most delightful naps you’ve ever had. Your eyes open slowly, and even at just that, you can feel that your eyelids are renewed. It’s like your skin has been completely rebuilt, and every individual facial expression feels brand new. It feels clean, pure, all pressed into place. And that’s only from your initial smile as you wake.
>With a muted yawn and stretch, you raise your head from the sofa and glance around Rarity’s work room. Sure enough, you see her a few feet off, sewing away on the new dress she’d put on hold in order to help you.
“Hey,” you say dreamily. “Sorry about falling asleep on you like that!”
>She turns to look at you, and instant joy rushes to her features.
“Oh good, you’re awake!” she says. “You seemed so tired after that first towel treatment that I just let you sleep. I was ever so careful as I did the shaving, I hope it is to your expectations?”
“I’ll say! My whole chin feels lighter!”
>With these words, you reach up and run your hand over your chin. There’s no stubble, no stray hair, no chafed skin. Instead, you feel your own smooth chin, like an old friend you have not seen in weeks. You run your hand over the rest of your lower face too, and can feel the sharp edges of your sideburns, not too long or too short. You can also feel how soft your skin is from whatever cream she used on you, and you honestly can’t think of another time when you’ve felt so babyfaced. Yes indeed, everything seems…
>You pause briefly as your hand passes over your forehead. Wait, something’s not right there.
>You move your hand again and, sure enough, you feel nothing but smooth softness. Nothing else. It’s… too smooth there.

(7/?)

>>29728505

“Hey, can I have a mirror?” you say, dread beginning to edge in.
>Rarity nods and points to one on the wall. You practically leap off the sofa and rush to the mirror, frantic to see if it’s true. What you see is enough to make you yelp in shock.
>It’s true, Rarity did shave off all your facial hair. All of it. Including your eyebrows.
“What the shit, Rarity!” you practically shriek.
>She jumps at your sudden tone change.
“I… I beg your pardon?”
“What the fuck did you do! You… you shaved off my fucking eyebrows!”
“Well of course,” she says. You turn to look at her, but she’s already rolling her eyes. “I got rid of all that overgrown facial hair, just as you asked.”
“Eyebrows are not facial hair!” you sputter.
“They’re hair, and they’re on your face, thus facial hair.”
“Okay, well, they’re still a part of my face, not just excess hair! I just wanted you to get the beard!”
“Well honestly, Darling, you should have said that,” Rarity says with another eye roll. “How was I to know there were parts you wanted to keep? Besides, I think you look better this way. They looked a bit disgusting, like a pair of chipmunks were hibernating on your face.”
>This is enough to give you pause. You’re almost trembling with rage.
“Are you fucking kidding me?! Better?” you shout. “I look like some weird plastic love doll! I look like a wax dummy before any hair is added! I look like my whole face is just the soft underside of a salamander!”
“You seem angry,” Rarity says with a tilt of her head.
“Oh, what was your first clue?!”
“Well, to be honest, it’s a little hard to tell,” she admits with a shrug. “Your voice says angry, but your face says… calm.”
“That’s because I have no damn eyebrows!" you yell. "I can’t even glare at you right!”
“If it bothers you that much,” she says soothingly. “I have some items here that could help me draw on a new pair.”

(8/?)

>>29728513

“Oh please, I’m not a chubby girl in a gang, and I’m not a drunk teenage white chick. That won’t work for me.”
“Pardon?”
“Nothing, nothing but… how could you do this to me!” you wail. “I’m hideous!”
“Now now,” Rarity says, reaching out to pat you. You pull away from her, still furious, but she continues speaking anyway. “I said I thought you looked better, and I meant that. Pony’s don’t tend to have eyebrows if they know how to groom themselves properly, and they looked… downright unnatural on you.”
>Even through your fury, you suddenly realize that she’s right. Holy shit… ponies don’t have eyebrows! Except that one who was friends with Twilight, but you only saw her once and you’re pretty sure Twi’s completely forgotten about her again at this point. The other ponies all seem to be completely and utterly brow-less. If you think really hard, you can recall their expressions, and it’s more that the tops of their eyes just arched and moved, and that was somehow enough to emote. It’s a strange realization.
“That’s… true,” you say haltingly. “But that doesn’t change that humans are supposed to have eyebrows!”
>Rarity blinks in surprise, then seems to think on this a moment. At last, she nods.
“I see. Well. I certainly learned something today then.”
“Is that all you’re going to say?!”
“What would you have me say!” she says with a helpless gesture. “I think you look quite dashing like this, and I think the ponies will love the new you! But if you don’t think so-”
“I really don’t,” you snap. “I don’t think a single damn pony wouldn’t laugh their horse’s ass off at me just from a single glance.”
>This is enough to make Rarity hesitate, then a knowing smile slowly curls on her face. You don’t like the look of it, it’s already too smug, too cunning. She leans towards you, almost seductively, eyes half closed, expression confident.

(9/11?)

>>29728530

>You're sure if you had eyebrows, they'd be arching upward in fear and suspicion.
“Would you care to make a wager on that?” she says sweetly.

——

>You smile politely at the small green mare as she winks an eye at you and turns to walk away. She glances back one more time over her shoulder, blushing, and waves a hoof like a schoolgirl saying hi to a sempai who finally noticed them. You wave back at her, doing your best to hide your bitterness, then quickly stuff the third unsolicited phone number you’ve gotten tonight into your pants pocket. Grumbling to yourself, you signal the bartender to get yet a third glass of red wine for Rarity at the end of the bar. You can practically feel the smugness in her gaze as she takes the glass, then slides off her stool and saunters your way.
“Well well,” she says, sidling up to you with a triumphant grin. “Did I not say that ponies would think you more attractive this way?”
“I still think I look ridiculous,” you growl, mostly upset at being brow beaten.
“And I’m sorry for that, I really am, but you can’t argue with results!” she chirps. “You’re the toast of the town tonight, I dare say you’ll have to beat off mares with a stick now. And all it took was a little alteration in the right places.”
>You continue to grumble to yourself as she nudges you with her hip, almost pushing you off the stool. It's dangerously close to adding injury to insult.
“I guess you were right, as usual,” you say glumly, then a little bit more angrily, “But did you have to order red wine as a wager drink? It’s like the best and most expensive thing on the menu!”

(10/11)

>>29728554

>Rarity glances up at you, her smug ever palpable, and gives a haughty toss of her purple curls. Then, as they bounce back into their perfect place, she tilts her head and winks at you impishly.
“Why darling, I am nothing if not a high brow pony.”

-End-

http://pastebin.com/NDknGwVE

Hope you're having a good week, AiE.

(11/11)

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>>29728564
That seems like a pretty elaborate way to get Anon to take you out on a date.

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A PONY A DAY (I fell asleep edition)

Today's pony is Luna

>You don't like moonhorse
>She's not worst pony or anything
>Sometimes she's the best horse around
>However, that sentiment reverses every other day
>Due to Equestria's day night cycle being controlled by the ungodly magics of heathens the world runs on a 12 hour day
>Ponies literally operate at double your speed
>Your 6-8 hour sleep schedule saw most of the day gone, and God help you if you slept in
>Some ponies were impressed by your ability to work more than a whole day straight without rest
>Others thought you were a lazy bum who slept their life away
>Who cares what they think
>Your real problem is the two drama queens
>"You like her better, don't you?!"
>While dressed in your jammies, you listen to the whining black horse at your door
"Luna, I don't like either of you better. I'm just tired."
>"You spent the entire day with her yet avoid me!"
"I didn't spend the entire day with her, and I hung out with you the day before."
>"Which is what vexes me most. Did I say something wrong? Have I offended you?"
>Her level of neediness is off the charts
"We go over this every week. I just want some sleep. We'll get together when I wake up."
>She stands upright at your words losing her small posture
>Pride returns to her voice
>"When you wake up, yes?"
"Yes."
>"Excellent, we find this most agreeable. I shall see you when you wake up."
>She flies off into the night finally letting you get back to bed
>Strained wood violently creaks throughout the house
>The frame of the front door twists and turns metamorphosing into an oval
>Jagged teeth spring along the rim bellowing a fearsome yell of the need for the blood of innocents
>The house itself rumbles and shakes throwing you to the floor
>Dangly thin legs sprout from underneath and your house walks towards town
>You grab one of the covers from your bed
>Hiding underneath you try to ignore the furniture laughing at you
"God damnit Luna."

>9

>10

>>29730456
I can post an update in a little while if no one has anything else.

>>29730606
Do it fgt

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>>29730617
Listen here Mister, I'm not gonna take that sass from you!

Hey GET HYPE it's Horse La Horse Season 2: Episode 7

>You rub your temples, sitting on the edge of your bed. The first fight of your competition! You hope to god Iron Will's strength training will be enough. Flicking through his lessons in your head, you wonder how many of them you'll be able to apply. The Iron Clutch seems like an amazing move, but too flashy unless the opponent is already injured. Before you can really sit and think of a strat to pull on this Smooze guy, a knock comes at the door.
>A snotty looking changeling whisks you off through the hotel to a small green screen and camera set up in the back. The smartly dressed Filthy Rich standing next to a giant pool of "Melon Fusion" green Jell-o ©.
"Where's my opponent?" you demand, searching around the set.
>You pick up a tarp, tossing it up, revealing not the Smooze but a bunch of boxes.
>"Ahem," Filthy retains his sterling smile, speaking through gilded teeth, "please take your spot on the black X, we're starting in 1 minute."
>You shrug and roll your peepers, finding the X of tape, standing with it between your feet. Crouching and posing, you give the camera in front of you, and its operator, the "DJ Ez Rock" Hip-hop squat. The changeling behind the camera averts his eyes from your piercing gaze.
>Studio ponies charge about as someone counts down from 60. You catch a choking whiff of perfume as two little horsies run right back you to fix up the . . . jello?

>>29730653

>They toss a bowtie and Top hat on him. Wait just a goddamn second here.
>"We're live!" a Pegasus with a headset calls down from the rafters above. Tat falls around as he flaps away to the "blind spot" of the cameras.
>"Hello, and welcome to the first day of the Mega Forces hosted Very Violent Villain Competition! Today we've got the Smooze," he motions to the glob, hitting it with his microphone, which sends a seismic jiggle through the thing, knocking its hat off.
>That's the Smooze? This gloopy, glopy, glimy, slimey Dez of a blob. It's not even sentient, is this some sort of joke? You look around for a cue card, but find none.
>"He's the strong and silent type," Rich concludes, tearing the mic from the Smooze's "mouth", a bit of goo splatters on the ground. He wheels around to you, smiling all the while, "And here we have Anonymous, hailing from parts unknown."
"Meh," you grunt.
>"Care to describe yourself using percentages?"
>You squint at him,
"Uh," you begin counting on your fingers, "Ten percent luck, twenty percent skill, fifteen percent concentrated power of will, five percent plea—"
>"Okay, okay we get it, that's enough," Filthy barks, slicking back his mane again and facing the camera, "get hype and get ready for these two to duke it out in the Colosseum at noon right after Sunset Shimmer faces down with Svengallop!"
>You get snatched off stage by a Vaudeville Hook when the cameras go dark, clunked on the head by some unseen assailant and shoved in the direction of where the arena is. Being set on this dusty path, you feel inclined to follow it. Like the man with no name (which you are) you carefully trudge along this windswept, cobblestone path. Ahead, the roar of a crowd, the sound of popcorns and concession, and the smell of combat. Some guards wave you in, rushing you toward the gated entrance to the fight arena. You must say, it's convenient, just a moments stroll from the hotel.

>>29730662
>With rattle and shake, the gate throws itself open, and the sound of the audience gets louder. You hear an announcer babbling, and see a familiar, grinning face waiting for you at the opening. Iron Will gives you a big thumbs up, patting you on the back as you head in.
>"I got your entrance music all set up, bud!" he roars.
>You ghost past him, heading straight for the sunbaked arena, a light dusting of sand had been sprinkled on the stone ring. The bright noon sun shone right in your eyes, it was in fact high noon.
>Theme of Anonymous' first entrance:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Bx_ekkN1Gcc
>"Here comes, Anonymous, the 'human', whatever the hell that is," the announcer calls, the crowd begins to roar, but grows quickly silent when the lyrics to your entrance music kick in. You search the crowd with just as confused a face as many of theirs.
"What the hell is this?" you say to yourself, turning on a heel to see Will's wide smirk.
>He shoots you a thumbs up, and then motions that you should pose.
"Meh," you grunt, stripping off your jacket and loosening your tie.
>Oh yeah, that gets the crowds attention back. In a flash your shirt is undone by three buttons, the perfect amount for a bit of manly cleavage. Mares swoon, stallions get pumped, and you're feeling right at home actually. The yells of the crowd resonate with you, filling you with determination.
>"And his opponent, the slimy Smooze!" the announcer does his best to make him sound intimidating, but the crowd isn't buying it. And neither are you! The big green booger rolls in, and if you didn't know better you'd say it was smiling. The two of you size each other up, you pacing clockwise, him sploozing counter-clockwise.

>>29730672
>A bell is struck, and you break out into a charge, kicking up sand as you streak across the arena. With a roar you raise up your fist, and throw it downward at this thing's rounded head. In a shock turn of events, that perplexes you as it happens, your fist bounces off with a comical "boing" sound, flying right back at your chin and sending you on your ass.
>"Whoa!" the announcer hoots, "if the Smooze could talk, I'd bet he'd be saying 'Why are you hitting yourself?' right about now."
>You stumble and fumble to your feet, only to be knocked down by a blob of projectile goo, which lands right on your chest. It feels like you just got hit by a train, you stagger but barely hold your ground. Your body feels heavy, shaky, knees weak—Oh, already used that one. It feels like you're weight down by about an extra twenty-five pounds.
>"Do you like that?" a snarky voice says! It's Q. You mean, Discord! He's leering down at you from inside the booth, a grin under his hate-filled eyes.
"Not quite."
>"I'll have you know Smooze is a good friend of mine, and he has my full support and love!" his face curls into a smile most wicked.
Smooze jiggles left and right in confirmation. You likewise shake, trying to get that goo off, but you simply slough to one side.
>"You're weak, Anonymous, and the Smooze has been personally mentored by me, Discord!"
>The dragon-pony-thing looms over you from the viewer box, somehow his shadow seeping through the window and projecting itself on you, the Smooze covered with it as well.

>>29730682
"I don't want to hear it, nerd! Meh," you grunt, flicking off the ball of goo with one swift motion chopping motion of your arm, "I'm a strong human being with a burning vital spirit worthy of being a member of the Mega Forces. Suit or not, this Smooze is going down! AND I'LL BE YOUR NEW CO-WORKER, DISC-BOY."
>SPLIP! SPLONK! Two more goo balls, two more heavy things bearing down on you. One hangs off your left arm, another on your right leg. Like red hot irons bricks knocking into you. You fall to a knee, grunting in effort. It's too much! Iron Will's strength training wasn't enough.
"Anonymous is down! And the Smooze approaches!"
>The crowd starts chanting "boaw, boaw".
>"Something that is coming down, have you heard the news!" the announcer bellows on the mic.
>The sun is blotted out above you, your eyes dart up, to the vaguely smiling Smooze. He's elongated himself, getting taller and thinner, and spreading out like a great wall. He's opening like a mouth! How the hell are you getting out of this now? You try to lash out, but only serve to miss your swings and fall on your side, the weight is getting heavier!
>Discord cackles madly, and your head becomes heavy. M-maybe you can't do it, this is your first fight, and you can hardly hit the guy! Discord is right, without that suit, maybe you really are nothing. . .
>"Hey what the hell, you're not suppose to be in—" the announcer bumbles.

>"THAT'S MY BOY IN THERE," Iron Will yells. The mic pops as it's batted around and changes hands. The ol' Bull bashes past Discord and the announcer, stalwart and muscle-bound.
>"Anon, this is Iron Will speaking," Iron Will speaks.
>Your eagle eyes dart through the semi-translucent Smooze and to the announcers booth just ahead, Iron Will stands proudly, the headset stretched over his giant meat head, he throws you a thumbs up. Your spirits surge as you see him!

>>29730691
>"Sometimes you have to let your opponent win, so that you can win!" he yells, batting Discord's claws away as he grabs for the mic.
>You squint at him in confusion, albeit he wouldn't be able to see your gesture.
>What did he fucking mean by this?
>You grab idly at the lump on your leg, prying it off successfully. The Smooze is turned toward the booth too, he's distracted. But what did Iron Will mean? You struggle to get to both feet, left arm hanging like an ape's. With great effort you painstakingly drag yourself inch by inch back, all the while trying to peel the smooge off yourself. Whipping around like a scarf in 50 MPH wind, the Smooze has its not-eyes pinned on you. In the back, the cries of Iron Will as he's dragged off by about a baker's dozen of Changelings.
>I'm gonna get devoured by this thing at this rate. You pant, feeling tired and weary. A headache starts to build. The pain in your chest, arm and leg pulses, reminding you that you're injured. Like a sprawling spider you bounce away, trying not stay too long on one limb. Cart-wheeling away does you good, and gets a round of applause from the crowd.
>The mighty Smoosh dives and crashes, a tsunami of goo flooding out, which you just barely evade. You're just about to sing your own praises when a tentacle of light green shoots out from the flat pool. It wraps around your forearm tight, tugging you in! Not a moments reprieve for you in this fight!
>"Yes, yes!" Discord yells, swirling around the booth like a giddy schoolgirl, the announcer lazily adjusting himself and trying to get his work space in order.

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>>29730704
>A karate chop does not severe the connection, nor does your tugging and wiggling. Heels grind against the ground as you try to halt being sucked in, but it's no use! Searing pain, like hot oil, coats the leg that's being enveloped. Tears well in your eyes, but through the salt you see your pants, let alone your leg, is not being dissolved into mush. It crawls up your thigh, and then catches your other leg. You shut your peepers tight and let it happen, thinking, buying time.
>You thrash vaguely, like a Pokemon without PP. A thought comes to your p-brain! It's just a sensation, some sort of trick! A vile toxin causing pain, you waggle your leg violent, ignoring the pain but letting out a yelp anyway. It's still movable!
>Vore is not your fetish, but you've been consumed. Seconds tick by like hours, you tentatively open your eyes, like a kid in a pool. At last you truly see! The dark, harder core in the center, that's got to be his control center. He's like a jellyfish! They have that stuff right? You do a single butterfly stroke, forcing yourself to the core. Searing pain, like a screaming steak on the grill, hits you all at once.
>Instinct takes over in this moment. Two entire weeks of practice, hardcore training, and enhanced movements activate. You wrap your arms around the core, squeezing. You will yourself to gain footing in this ooze, slamming you feet heavy onto the ground, breaking the outer shell of the Smooze.

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>>29730713
"HURAAAGHH!" you scream, bubbles coming from your mouth into the sizzling Smooze.
>You pull up and back, flipping the core over your head in the penultimate IRON CLUTCH.
>Vision goes dark, you roll on your side, mindlessly moaning in pain. Through half-lidded eyes you see the world on its side. The arena floor . . . sand, bits of green.
>WAIT!
>You throw your eyes open, the Smooze is gone! Splattered into myriad chunks. Your body is numb, tingling and stiff, but you can sit up. Head pounding, hands shaking, you let out a riotous laugh. IT WORKED! The crowd is cheering and jeering. Discord screams and wails, weak fists hitting the glass. Clutching your side with your hand you get your feet under you and stand. Wobbling like a top you stagger about, feeling a slight weight on your lapel. Looking down, there it was, a hunk of the dark green core. Before you can say or do much, it gets wicked away into the cloth, and the weight is lifted.
>You point with one finger up to Discord, smiling grimly. Your side is killing you, and you clutch it with your free hand.
"Meh," you groan, walking to Iron Will's waiting mitts, he pats you on the back heartily, and says some words.
>You won your first match! That's great, but now you need an ice pack.
>"You won't last you damned Ape!" Discord shouts as you're dragged off, his voice trailing away.

TO BE CONTINUED...

8/8

Part one of a three part episode. Let me know what you thought, if you thought anything.

>>29730653
ur gonna take that sass
and like it bby

>>29728564
ayyyyyy i like it!

STEGTORN-KUN!

>>29730729
>>29731958
Ops.

>>29731120
You can make me take it but you can't make me love it!

>>29731958
>>29731962
Anon-Sama!

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>>29732109
n-noice

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>>29722380
Recommend some comfy greens please.

One more post.
>>29725005
>You take a look over at her as you can't help but give a nod.
"Sure... sounds like a plan. I also should probably look at getting a new outfit or something."
>"Oh, well, you should meet my friend Rarity. She's got an amazing Boutique."
>You give a nod as the two of you walk out of the room, as you put your hands behind your head.
>It seems like the hallway goes on forever, but the two of you continue to move forward.
>She's relaying to you the various rooms in the castle.
>You are trying to pay attention the best you can, hearing common words like bathroom, library, so on and so forth.
>One thing confuses you though.
"So... Uh... sorry for interrupting, but why don't you label these doors?"
>She gives a little chuckle as she looks back at you.
>"Oh, well, I hadn't thought of it, to be honest. That and I still don't know my way around the castle all the way yet."
>You see Spike walking towards the two of you.
>One thought fills your mind as you increase your speed, walking around Twilight.
>She blinks in confusement as she speaks up.
>"Anon, what are you doing?"
>You pick up Spike and carry him over your head.
>Then you run down the hallway, giving a wide grin, as Twilight yells at you, screaming.
>"Wait, anon, stop running!"
"You'll have to catch me first, Twilight!"
>Spike's squirming in your hands, trying to obviously get out of them, but you've played football.
>At least you used to, you know how to hold onto something by almost latching onto it.
>You tuck the dragon under your arm, pretty much carrying him like a big plush.
>A bout of confusion enters your head as you suddenly stop.
>Doesn't the Dragon weigh a decent amount?
>Eh, you don't know what the weight of a normal dragon is.
>Best to put the small guy down though.
>You gently put the dragon down and he runs off away from you as Twilight catches up, stopping beside you.
>"Anon, what are you doing?"

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A PONY A DAY

Today's pony is Applejack

>"Anon, have ya ever stopped to think of the apples?
>We plant the seeds, they grow
>They bear fruit, we eat fruit
>We eat the fruit whole
>We eat the seeds
>We eat ALL the apples
>We eat ALL the seeds
>So where do the new seeds come from?"

>>29732319
Really makes you think.

>>29732304
Rekt time.

>>29732319
>Rape

>>29726332
The story list could be a good idea. I've seen quite a few that aren't finished posted in various places. Either way I'll fill out a proper template when it's done. Thanks for going to all the work of keeping that list up.

>>29732319
>So where do the new seeds come from?

> Anon is bored as fuck and turn into Private Detective Anon McHardBoiled
> Follow seeds merchants to learn their secrets
> Turn out Equestria is like India, with everyone shitting everywhere
> Merchants are simply digging shit all day to get the precious seeds back
> They are making bank selling it to farmers
> Also, earth pony farmers tend to plant stuff with their mouths
> Anon suddenly regret his regular making out sessions with AppleJack

>>29732304
Tommy-kun

>>29732319
Costco

>>29732550
You know, they called her turd breath behind her back for a reason.

>>29732319
>Be Applejack
>You and Big Mac are out planting new apple trees in Sweet Apple Acres
>With a shovel in hoof, and sweat on your brow, you finish digging a hole and move along and to dig another one
>Your brother gets in position to plant the seed, but some frustrated grunts tell you he has a problem getting the job done
>Guess it shouldnt be a suprise, a stallion wasn't supposed to... plant this many trees in a single day
>Seems like you'll have to give him some help
>You turn around, facing away from your brother, and makes sure to put up a show as you work on digging the next hole
>Your're not proud of it, but your family's livelyhood is at stake, dang it!
>It seems to be helping though
>You can hear your brother's grunts grow louder and more excited
>"Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeyup"

>>29734208
lets see were does this go

>>29734298
Anon helps out sometimes, but his trees just grow old Jewish women.

>>29722380
Dems teenie hands

Bampu

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>>29735959
l-lewd

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>anon isnt the only thing from other worlds
>just the first

>>29737111
Why does the low battery make that image hotter?

Nice numbers.

Hey, how you doin?

does anyone know an easy way to seperate a 3K word, 16k character file into 2000-ish character posts easily?
I remade an old green, but it's taking too god damn long to find where the characters break

>>29730729
MOAR!

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A PONY A DAY

Today's pony is Blue

>"Hey Anonymous, I heard you were talking about seeds with Applejack."
"Yeah?"
>"Well, she didn't like the answers she found and I'm worried that she may not want to be my friend anymore."
"Why? How does that relate to you?"
>"Because of where rain comes from."
"You mean evaporation?"
>"What's evaporation?"
"That thing where water heats up turning into clouds and then collects in the air until it gets cold again and causes rain."
>"What are you talking about? We make the clouds."
"Oh. With water right?"
>"Nnnnot exactly."

>>29738208
>"Because of where rain comes from."
>"You mean evaporation?"
>"What's evaporation?"
Oh my god. I shouldn't have hit me so hard.

Last Resort Pastebin: http://pastebin.com/VU7M1HQ8
Continued from >>29719936

>'Two Sisters', as in Princess Luna and Celestia?
>You thought Canterlot was their only place of residence.
>Who in their right mind would place a castle in the middle of the Everfree forest?
>The only excuse you can think of is this forest didn't exist at the time.
>You take a moment to open your coat and loosen your scarf, welcoming the chill air. Your recent little workout made you work up a sweat.
>Walking around with wet clothes is a great way to acquire hypothermia.
"How did you know this was here?"
>Fluttershy turns to face you.
>"This is where we fought Nightmare Moon--"
>She shudders briefly.
>"--when she tried to take over Equestria."
>Wow, okay then.
>You're familiar with her and her friends' heroic deeds, but you didn't know it happened here.
>Awesome.
>...Hold the fuck up.
"Didn't you say you've never gone this far? Earlier, when we were at that big-ass tree."
>You silently chastise yourself for your foul language.
>Fluttershy gives you an apologetic look.
>"It's been a long time since then, and I was certain we covered enough distance to pass by here. The forest looks so... different in the wintertime."
>You shrug.
"Well, I'm glad it turned out you were wrong. I don't know what would've happened if you didn't lead us here."
>A lie. No need to make her worry.
>Fluttershy slumps a little with that realization, only to recover in seconds.
>She's looking right at you, but it feels like she's not seeing you.
>Sure enough, after some time she blinks, turning around to glance at the door.
>"I don't hear any Timberwolves. Do you think they gave up and left?"
"I hope. Want me to go check?"
>You sure as fuck don't want to, but you can't stay here forever.
>Fluttershy furiously shakes her head.
>"What if they're right outside the door? You open it, and..."
>Another shudder.
"How else are we supposed to know? There aren't any windows facing the front.

>>29737729
I'd figure some advanced word processor probably has a way to automate that. Failing that you could use a monospace font, wrap to ruler and figure out how many characters per line, multiply lines to figure out where 2k is, then then go down the document hitting enter at the end of every X lines(though adjust to keep sentences and paragraphs intact within a single post) to come up with your post blocks.

>>29738641
>Fluttershy looks at the wall supporting you, as though she doesn't trust your observational skills.
>Her gaze shifts to the ceiling, and you swear a lightbulb turns on above her head.
>You watch as she takes flight, soaring up and out of the large hole.
>You listen for any sign of commotion but hear nothing.
>After several worrying minutes Fluttershy returns, landing gracefully in front of you.
>"I searched the area and found Timberwolf tracks leading away from the bridge. I think they're gone for now.
"Thank god."
>Good. Great! Fan-fuckin'-tastic.
>You'd get up now, but your legs are still a bit sore from your recent marathon.
"Just give me some time to rest and then we'll head out."
>Fluttershy nods.
>The next few minutes are spent in silence, with you continuing to observe the castle's interior.
>This is incredible, really.
>An entire abandoned castle lying in ruins is just /begging/ to be explored.
>When you get back up, you're going straight up one of those staircases and seeing where it leads.
>Who knows what you'll find.
>Ancient treasure? Long-lost artifacts?
>Ooh, you're definitely hunting down the princesses' rooms.
>Maybe you'll stumble across old regalia, or even better...
>A diary.
>You snort in amusement.
>Why would either of them keep a diary?
>Then again, these small horses can get pretty emotional.
>The sisters may be no different.
>Either way, you're searching for their rooms.
>Fluttershy has already been here, so she can probably help you out.
>...
>God dammit.
>You can't go exploring, at least not now.
>You have a job to do, and you doubt Fluttershy would appreciate you wandering off just for your own interests.
>You can't even poke around on the return trip.
>Fuck.
>You'll have to come back another time.
>Maybe during spring, when the weather is less of a hassle.
>...Or not.

>>29738647
>Zecora said most of the killer wildlife is gone for the winter.
>Returning here during warmer temperatures would be even /worse/ than now, if such a thing is possible.
>You've dealt with more than enough shit, and it's only been a few hours.
>So that means there's basically no way for you ever explore this place without placing yourself at risk.
>Fuuuuuuuuuck.
>"...Excuse me Anon."
>You postpone your grieving to focus on Fluttershy.
"Yea?"
>"I'd like one of my daisy sandwiches now, if that's not a problem.
>You wave your hand at your knapsack.
"Sure, go nuts."
>Why would she even ask?
>Fluttershy alternates between eyeing you and your bag, anxiety visible on her face.
>She finally speaks up.
>"...Okay."
>She reaches into the still-open bag, peering inside to find her food. A hoof is withdrawn, holding a tuna sandwich.
>"Oops."
>You hastily respond before she has a chance to redeposit it.
"I'll take that."
>You could use some grub to fill your stomach.
>Fluttershy holds it out, which you to gratefully accept. Not long after, you're both enjoying a much-needed lunch break.
>...You're still pissed that you'll miss out on exploring.


>As you reach the halfway point on the bridge, you can't help but look out at the landscape before you... or rather the lack thereof.
>You've long since left the castle, and it turns out the ravine extends far enough where it divides your path once more.
>Thankfully there's another rope bridge here sturdy enough to navigate without any issues.
>You don't know how long these things have been here and honestly, you don't want to know.
>So here you are, God knows how many feet above solid ground, taking in the scenery.
>Fluttershy trots behind you, flying days long behind her. The sharp clopping of hooves meeting wood is lessened by the snow.
>You doubt she's as in awe as you are at the view.
>Soon enough you're back on land, continuing to trudge through the fine white ice.
>Nothing new here.

>>29738650
>...
>......
>During this trip, both of you have been quiet for the most part.
>Initially you had no problem with that, but after goodness knows how long the extended silence is starting to get to you.
>Sure you've had the odd conversation here and there, but Fluttershy isn't a talkative mare.
>And while you're no social butterfly, you feel like there shouldn't be /this/ much lack of small-talk.
>Now, if you want her to open up what should you ask?
>You already know one of the best ways to get a conversation rolling is asking someone an open question.
>Or was it something they're passionate about?
>Fluttershy likes animals, so you'll give that a shot.
>Before you can say anything, Fluttershy halts, ears perked up at some unknown sound.
>You're slow to react, and have to turn around to face her.
"...What?"
>She rotates to face your left, still focusing on the unseen problem. She doesn't appear to be worried.
>"Something is heading this way."
>You should be more worried, but this is seriously starting to get old. You mainly feel exasperated more than anything.
"Do you know what it is?"
>Fluttershy shakes her head, continuing to stare out into the distance.
>For someone who's afraid of the Everfree, she's making little effort to try avoiding whatever the hell is nearing you two.
"Should we run?"
>You should probably run.
>"It's moving fast, I don't think we can outrun it."
>She /still/ doesn't look nervous. In fact, her eyes are scrunched in concentration.
>Whatever irritation you felt earlier is long gone, replaced instead with nervousness.
>Seeing Fluttershy act so casual about something neither of you have a clue on is making you feel anything but at ease.
>What the hell has gotten into her?
>Less than a minute later, you can make out an approaching figure.

>>29738652
>Holy heck she wasn't lying about its speed, if the snow being obliterated around it means anything.
>That only makes you want to book it even more, but it's far too late for that. You remain rooted to the spot as it comes closer and closer.
>You make out some of its more defining features right before it reaches you.
>The most important bit being how it's a fucking lion.
>With bat-like wings.
>You also catch a glimpse of a scorpion tail behind it.
>...A Manticore.
>It's a fucking Manticore.
>Holy shit, is the entire goddamn forest out to get you today?!?
>Come the fuck ON. There's no way there isn't some divine being purposefully screwing with you.
>You've never been more terrified and infuriated at the same time.
>How in the ever-loving fuck are the pair of you supposed to weasel your way out of this situation?
>Before you can even begin to consider the idea of diving out of the way, it reaches you.
>The Manticore comes to a screeching halt before Fluttershy, spraying snow everywhere.
>Only now do you realize just how tall this thing is.
>It's nearly your height, excluding those amusingly oversized ears.
>...
>Shit, guess that's how it located you two.
>The beast opens its mouth, revealing two impressive sets of fangs before letting out an earsplitting roar.
>You bare your teeth in pain, instinctively covering your ears and shutting your eyes.
>More importantly, you maintain sufficient bladder control.
>Holy /shit/ that is LOUD.
>You quickly realize just how bad an idea it was to close your eyes and pop them open, taking a moment to refocus.
>Oh fuck, it has Fluttershy!
>Against your better judgement, you take a step forward.
>You don't know how you plan on dealing with it, but you need to act fast before... it...
>Cuddles her?
>The fuck?
>You're having a hard time taking in the scene before you.

>>29738623
>I shouldn't have hit me so hard.
Stop hittin' yourself

>>29738654
>The Manticore most certainly has Fluttershy... except it's curled up with her snow-drenched form.
>It's licking from her face to her mane, somehow making her hair stick out like it's a windy day.
>Fluttershy giggles with each lick, making no attempt to escape.
>"It's nice to see you as well."
>...
>You've gone mental, haven't you?
>The stress of today's events have been piling on you like procrastinated work, and it's all come crashing down.
>It honestly doesn't surprise you. Today's been a rough day for discovering yourself.
>Only question is, how do you make this go awa--
>You feel a predatory glare weighing you down, and you focus back on the Manticore.
>It's giving you one hell of a death stare, as though you're intruding on a special occasion.
>Rude.
>A low warning growl is emitted, bringing you crashing back to reality.
>Yea, this thing is real.
>"Don't worry, that's Anon. He's a friend of mine."
>Fluttershy twists around a little to smile reassuringly at you. She isn't bothered in the slightest by its actions.
>Suddenly it's like a switch is flipped.
>The beast loses all its aggression, instead raising a paw and... waving at you.
>You're on autopilot now, and dumbly return the gesture out of courtesy.
>Courteousness. To a Manticore.
>Fluttershy would be proud.
"Hi."
>It lets out a soft growl in what you presume is also a greeting.
>"Oh, forgive me for not introducing Manny."
>'Manny'?
>"This is Manny Roar. We met during the return of Nightmare Moon, when my friends and I were traveling to the castle."
>Upon hearing his name Manny rests his considerably-larger head on top of Fluttershy's own, submerging her in his moderate-red mane.
>...
>'Manny Roar.'
>She's fucking with you, right?
>She has to be fuckin' with you.
>"Poor thing had a thorn stuck in his paw, which made him really grumpy. But once I removed it, he turned into the sweetest little angel."
>Manny lets out a satisfied growl.
"I, uhm... I see..."

>>29738657
>Only Fluttershy could befriend murderous, bloodthirsty beasts.
>Or maybe Manny isn't like other Manticores? Maybe he has a heart of gold?
>...Yea, no.
>On the upside, you've just come up with a good plan. Heck, a /great/ plan.
"Hey, Manny."
>His eyes were closed in content, but he opens one to peer at you.
"Fluttershy and I are on a little journey to find something to help one of her sick animal friends. We could always use another helping hand... or paw."
>Manny opens his other eye, eyes rotating upwards in thought.
>After some time he looks back down to you before starting off on a series of yowls and growls.
>It takes you a second to realize he's talking.
>Shit, you're not the one with a Butterfly ass-mark. You hope Fluttershy is paying attention.
>Manny continues to 'talk', occasionally glancing down to her and once at some unknown point in the distance.
>Eventually he finishes up.
>You nod slowly before casting a desperate glance to Fluttershy. You don't want to be torn to shreds for your lack of fluency in Manticorian.
>Fluttershy is quick to respond with a proper translation.
>"Manny says he'd love to help, but he's supposed to be hunting for food. He has a mate and a cub to take care of."
>Oh god, there's more of these things?!?
>You squeak out a single word.
"...Oh."
>As if her words were a cue Manny uncurls and stands up, stretching briefly.
>Fluttershy brushes off the excess snow and returns her mane to its usual appearance, turning around to face the Manticore.
>More growls and yowls.
>"We'll be okay."
>Growl.
>"I don't think Timberwolves make a very good meal."
>Yowl.
>"I'm sure she'll understand, it's not easy--"
>Growl-Yowl.
>"...Oh my. Maybe you /should/ get moving then."
>You want to laugh at the absurdity of this conversation plus how pussy-whipped this Manticore appears, but turning into its take-home dinner isn't very appealing.
>After a minute or so, their chat wraps up.

>>29738659
>"Goodbye, Manny."
>Manny gives Fluttershy one last lick before turning to you. He gives a simple head nod which you return.
"Take care, buddy."
>Goodbyes finished, he does a one-eighty, walking for a few yards before breaking into a run.
>You take a deep breath before glancing back down to Fluttershy, who's once again fixing her mane.
"You have some unusual friends."
>"I wouldn't call Manny unusual. He's no different than you or me."
>The only similarity between you and a Manticore is a pulse, and you can't even say that with certainty.
>You roll your eyes before a new thought makes you smirk.
"Nothing wrong with unusual. Manny is an unusual friend. /I'm/ an unusual friend, yea?"
>Fluttershy gives you a perplexed look before the meaning hits her. Her confusion is replaced with her trademark smile.
>"Absolutely."
>You can't help but snort in amusement.
"Right."
-------

Pastebin (again): http://pastebin.com/VU7M1HQ8

Part 6 done but sadly it's a small update. It could've been completed yesterday (along with even more progress) but I've made the grave mistake of getting back into Rocket League, and was focused more on hating myself than writing.
Criticism needed, etc.

>>29738655
>Stop hittin' yourself
I... I must. It's the only way a degenerate can reach the peak these days. If it doesn't hurt, how can I be sure I am alife?

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I want to read a green about anon sneaking up on mares and stroking/playing with their docks
Have there ever been any stories about that or something similar?

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>>29738730

>>29738852
Only a little bit

>>29730456

>>29740026
Cool story bru

>>29737729
I thought someone had a program for that here.

I love you AIE.
Goodnight.

>>29740992
Gnight bby

>>29740992
i hope you die in your sleep

>>29742145
The best way!

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>>29742145

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A PONY A DAY

Today's pony is a poser

>"Anonymous, dear, you can't lock yourself in your house."
"Like hell I can't."
>"You need to get our and breathe the fresh air."
"I am never stepping one foot anywhere that I might get a golden shower."
>"Golden shower?"
"Rained on."
>"Why all of a sudden are you afraid of a little rain?"
"Do you know where it comes from?"
>"Pegasi, of course."
"And I will not be part of your global scat fetish."
>"I think you may be over reacting."
"How are you okay with this?! No matter, I'm going to stay in here where it's safe and just keep sucking oxygen until I starve to death or die from thirst."
>"Oh. You breath oxygen?"
"Yeah. Don't you?"
>"We breath carbon dioxide."
>...
>"Anonymous?"
>...
>"Anonymous! Stop holding your breath!"

>>29738650
>tfw you will never HAVE sex with zecora

>>29738730
THIS! FUCKING THISSSSSS!

>>29742446
>>29742446
That's a big nose...

>>29726248
Late update, not dead yet!

>Your answer only serves to confuse her further. Her frustration at the lack of sense being made is readily apparent.
>"Wait wait, how do you not know how old you are? Do you not know when you were born or something."
>You groan and run a hand down your face, you were hoping to avoid getting in to any of the more complicated matters surrounding the mystery of your age.
>That attempt has obviously failed. Perhaps a different tactic is in order.
"Not only do I not know my birth date, but the warp storm that destroyed Caliban saw me flung ten thousand years into the future."
>Soft Heart's expression has gone from confused to flat.
"To add to that I've also been forced to flee through the warp again on multiple occasions, time tending to flow more quickly or slowly than normal there."
>As you press on her expression remains stoic, giving you nothing as you attempt to read her.
"I've also spent a great deal of time on planets where day and night have little meaning, which further confuses the matter."
>"Okay, I know you're from outer space and everything but time travel is some really powerful magic, and you can't do magic at all. So how exactly did you travel ten thousand years in to the future?"
>You're fairly certain you just felt a blood vessel in your eye burst.
"Four hundred. We will say I am four hundred years old. As for a birthday you may choose one for me."
>"Oh okay. Still not sure about all that time travel talk though." Soft Heart smiles happily having resolved the matter of your age.
>How a creature can be so adorable and so infuriating at the same time is beyond you. Perhaps this is what it's like to have a child.
>Hoping to avoid being dragged in to any further headache inducing conversations you decide to make your excuses and leave.
>Citing your need to get armored and head to Zecora's hut soon you return to your room and gather up your armor.

>>29744887

>A lot of the guards are starting to rise now to get food before their duties begin for the day so it's little trouble finding help.
>You really should find yourself a serf or squire though. Perhaps that's something the Princess would see fit to give you when you accept her offer.
>With your armor donned and your sword belted firmly in place you set off in to the everfree following the directions you had previously gotten to Zecroa's hut.
>Your journey through the everfree is largely uneventful, most of the creatures frightened away by the sound of your tread and the low growl of the joints in your power armor.
>A few times you hear things moving in the underbrush but whatever animals there are scatter before your approach.
>Thus far you've only seen a handful of birds and a few rabbits darting about in the thick foliage.
>Here in the heart of the woods you can almost believe you're on Calbian of old. The trees filtering out all but the most wan light casting the forest in a perpetual twilight.
>You cross a few landmarks on your walk, a stream, some large rocks, but nothing particularly noteworthy.
>As you continue the forest before you opens up suddenly, a small clearing surrounding your destination.
>The "hut" is less of a hut and more of a hollowed out tree it would seem.
>Colorful bottles and lanterns hang on ropes and bits of vine from the branches, and several tribal masks are arrayed around and above the only visible entrance.
>A warm glow comes from the windows situated by the door, so it would appear someone is home and awake.
>You approach and knock loudly careful not to damage the door with your power armored fist.
>You hear the clack of hooved feet against the wooden floor as someone inside moves.

>>29744890

>The door creaks slowly open revealing an equine similar to the ponies, though striped in monochrome rather than the outlandish pastels you've begun to grow accustomed to.
>She looks up at you apprehension obvious at the sight of you. "Hello to you my strange new friend, have you come to me with an ill to mend?"
"Something of the sort. Are you Zecora the master alchemist of this region?"
>"I would not say I am a master, but few I've met who can mix brews faster."
>Apparently the rhyming speech was intentional on her part.
>Ignoring her strange mannerism you reach in to a pouch attached to your belt and pull out a shard of ceramite taken from your shattered left gauntlet.
"I have need of your talents. If you are able I need to recreate a substance from my order known as repair cement."
>You offer up the shard, which she takes examining it closely.
"It should be roughly this toughness and consistency when hardened, and pliant and soft when first mixed. Can you do this?"
>"What you ask is no small task." She says offering the shard back to you. You take it and pocket it once more.
"I am aware it will be difficult, but my need is great. I have little in the way of valuables to offer, but will gladly do anything I can to repay the favor."
>She considers seems to consider your offer before asking. "Your armor suggests you are a knight, how good are you in a fight?"
"I would consider myself capable. Is there some beast you need slain?"
>She shakes her head dismissively. "There is no foe I need to best, but a stone I wish to test. The mineral lies within a cave, but is not without danger for one to brave."
>"Diamond dogs guard the place, and pony folk they often chase. Bring me a stone which I may study, and I will make for you your putty."

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An Update to "Word of Caution"
I know it's been a while, this is the story from Twilight's perspective about her trying to teach Anonymous how to speak while also trying to deal with her distrust and uneasiness of the alien creature.
Pastebin link for all of it here: http://pastebin.com/an8K3ABh

>Wandering deep into the forest, you come across Anonymous' camp once again.
>This time, you're alone. You thought for a moment to bring Spike, but you felt a little too cautious to bring a klutzy dragon along to a camp defended by traps.
>So you navigate the ropes and snares until you're standing in the centre of the camp. With a moment to lose, you begin taking notes.
>The 'cabin' walls are made of a few trunks of wood with hardened clay to seal the gaps.
>The roof has been made from woven leaves and vines rather intricately, which had to have been recently.
>The leaves are a dull green so it seems to suggest that Anonymous made this roof section a day or two ago, however the clay is much older and has begun to decay.
>A few spots have newer patches slapped on but this cabin was originally made long ago.
>With the best ability you can muster, you draw everything and write as detailed descriptions as possible.
>Then you rummage through his things. There's hardly a lot here. Basic tools like a stone axe, a few baskets, and straw bedding would have you conclude that Anonymous is far more technologically primitive than the races of Equestria.
>But your mind wanders to that book, the one Anonymous clutches closely and clearly wanted no eyes to look at.
>The one that was looked to be the same quality as your books. Perhaps that's one of the few things that came from Anonymous' world.
>"If so... What level of civilisation would Anonymous' world be at?" You mutter to yourself as you gaze over the camp once more.

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>>29744927
>Now your mind drifts back to Princess Celestia's visit, when she asked if you thought he was dangerous.
>You didn't find any weapons or the like, and he hasn't hurt any pony however you still can't even tell yourself he is safe.
>Then as your mind continues to recount conversations past, you think of yesterday when you told Pinkie and AJ he might not be that smart.
>You stare at Anon's hut as you feel a slight pang of guilt. You hate lying, truly.
>And even now you question your own actions.
>"What am I doing?" you groan angrily as your rub your temples with your hooves.
>You've been getting horrid headaches lately that seem to get worse little by little every day.
>It's this stress but you're having a hard time on why this is all so stressful to you.
>Something about Anonymous freaks you out, but everyone trusts him so far.
>He's so alien, but everyone has come to welcome him like a friend.
>So why can't you?
>A long and worn out sigh escapes your lips as you replay that question over and over.
>Not once can you think of an answer.
>So you close your eyes and think strongly about how you need to make a stronger effort to be Anonymous' friend too.
>Then the sound of footsteps heading up the path startle you.
>In your state of panic, you zip up into a nearby tree and watch through the leaves as Anonymous approaches. Once he is in the centre of camp, he seems to go on alert as he looks over a few things.
>You hold your breath deeply as you worry about being caught.
"Animals?" Anonymous questions in frustration.
>Teacher-mode washes over you a little as you note the slurring of his vowels and 's' at the end there.
>He spends a little time at the camp not doing anything, just seemingly lost in thought.
this of?"
>At one point he rests his head on the cabin walls before pulling back with a exasperated sigh.
>Then he wanders over to grabbing at his rope, pulling it down and wrapping it around from his elbow to his hand.

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>>29744930
>Then once it's all wound up, he tosses it aside and begins to slowly tear at his cabin.
>Starting with the roof, which he unweaves partly before working on the walls.
>You're baffled by why he would ruin all this, and it is clearly quite a bit of work.
>The trunks he had as his walls aren't light, but he still puts all his strength into tearing it down until it's all flat.
>Anon even grabs a stick and breaks up the clay until the entire camp looks like trampled ground.
>With a proud nod, he throws his stick away and heads back into town.
>Once you're sure he is gone, you flutter back down, and look over things.
>You look over your shoulder to the path Anonymous left down and wonder in disbelief.
>Aimlessly, you kick at a few spots unsure of what to make of things.
>"Maybe you're giving up on this camp, and that life?" You question the stones you kick in contemplation, "Ugh, I just really... Don't understand anything you do."
>You make one last look over things, for something interesting. Something of note. You figure if you do find anything it'll create more questions rather than give answers, but maybe then you'll know what to ask Anon about himself more.
>Though you don't, causing you to give up on this camp too.
>And as you turn around you notice something caught on nearby a branch down the path.
>With your magic you hastily bring it over to you to find it's a piece of wood whittle down to look like what you'd guess is another human.
>This one looks to have long hair and a garb that stretches to it's knees like a robe. It does seem to have a slim build, but it's a little hard to discern any real detail about it as it's very simple, so that could just be because the piece of wood he used was also slim.
>Now your mind is racing with hundreds of questions about this, namely, "Who is this of?"

Again, pastebin: http://pastebin.com/an8K3ABh

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And now for a Moonie update

>"Why is everything we do at night?" Moonie aimlessly asks, finally cutting the thick silence of the midnight air.
>"Because... Well... Are you saying you would you rather we spend more time during the day?"
>"No," she shakes her head furiously, "Just questioning our reoccurring theme."
>"Then either because I'm just as much a denizen of the night as you, or because I work all day. Take your pick."
>Moonie kicks her feet in the air as she rocks a little on her seat before she looks up at you curiously. You gaze back and try to smile which just earns you a suspicious glare.
>"You are kind of a workaholic."
>"How else do you expect me to pay for anything?" You respond, your voice slightly higher due to being a little offended at that.
>"Again, just questioning your reoccurring theme. Here, recast it for me."
>She holds out her little fishing rod for what must be the hundredth time tonight. You give her an unimpressed look but it doesn't phase her in the slightest.
>"I'm bored, so I wind the thingy."
>"I know, quit it. And you should be able to recast it yourself by now."
>"I can, but you're better," she states with the cheekiest grin, as she knows you'll do it for her even after that remark.
>"I really need to stop spoiling you," you grumble with a smile.
>Moonie scoffs at you as you let the line soar through the air. You can hear the reel whirr as the line loosely asks for more before setting right in the centre of the pond. Then the tighten it a little before handing it back.
>"You know..."
>"Hm?"
>"I'm not sure at what age the senile thing settles in for humans, but just in case, you know there's no fish in here?"

>>29677023
>It took a while to find your way to the front gates, for as it turned out where you'd emerged had been in the centre of not just a garden, but a garden maze
>After the longest time searching for the way out you end up finding it easier to struggle atop of the hedges that surrounded you to leap from shrub to shrub, bypassing the maze entirely
>The castle grounds were abuzz with activity, small armoured horses ran to and fro with inadequate flashlights, forcing Femanon and yourself to dart from cover to cover
>As you near the gateway, which happened to be open, you spy your two friends milling just outside under a gas street lamp, having been blocked off by a troop of armoured ponies
>"Get back you country hicks. You won’t be seeing the princesses tonight or ever, especially if you keep spouting nonsense about world changing news. We’ve got bigger issues on our hooves tonight, there’s been a break in and if you don’t piss off you’ll be taken for questioning and a free night’s stay in our dungeon." Shouts one of the guards to your cowering friends
>He turns from them to his fellow guards
>”Why do the crazy ones always turn up at the worse times? Can you believe somepony tried breaking into the treasury?"
>One of the guard’s pounces upon the topic with zeal, eager to gossip over the mysterious goings on of the palace
>“From what I heard they did a number on Celestia’s dragon.”
>”Really?” Another interjects “From what I gathered all the intruders did was trip the magical sensors in the sewers, not that they’d reached the treasury and attacked Wizened Fury. How did he get hurt?”
>You take it Wizened Fury was the dragon
>”Not sure, but apparently he’s blind in one eye now. Whoever broke in must b-”
>You stop listening to focus on Femanon
*Sheesh. We’ve got the whole Castle astir*
>*Honestly, what did you expect?*
>…
*Not a dragon?*
>Her head shakes in annoyance
>You look back to your two morose pony pals

>>29745022
"Looks like we'll have to help them over." You say
>Sticking to the shadows you sneak closer to the scene before Femanon taps your shoulder
>"Actually Knight, now we're officially on castle grounds and just about everyone is on edge looking for us, it’s time to stop the subterfuge and stealth."
"You're right, the general populace will know of us, all of humanity, in fact the entire galaxy soon enough, plus I doubt our two companions have the clearance to see the princesses, unlike the guards. Also, two aliens sneaking their way to a nation's leaders after a supposed attempted robbery? That doesn't look good."
>"Best we present ourselves now, deal with the guard’s and have them lead us to the princesses, even if they try to do so with us in irons."
"Sounds like fun."
>Without fearing detection you stride to the group
>Ratch and Sky move back to the gates, going for another attempt
>No one had yet to notice the two distinct humans strolling towards them
>"Please! You must let us through. It's imperative the Princesses meet with our friends tonight. We've come all the way from Haytrail." Ratchet pleads
>"Haytrail, Ponyville, Apploosa, they're all the same and none of you bumpkins seem to know how to take no as an answer." One of the guards calls back, before leaning over to his armoured companions
>"Hah, I'd like to see these friends of theirs, probably the damned thieves we’re after. But I don't think I've ever had a crazy come here with even a shred of evidence supporting their claims."
>On cue Femanon and yourself step not just into the light but the very centre of the armoured group
"They’re telling the truth, so can you let our friends through the gate?" You say, trying your mouth at Equestrian again

>>29745026
>Without their own neural nanonics it was all you could do to convey the message, even if per Ratchet you sounded stupid
>Silence, only silence. Not one of the guards even made a move, huge eyes locked on the two never before seen creatures to randomly appear
>The fact you dwarfed them so severely only added to their stunned shock
>Ratchet and Sky trot up to the group and reunite with you, no one moving to stop them when they pass into castle grounds
>"We told you!" Teases Sky, sticking her tongue out
"Don't rub it in, they weren't to know."
>You wave your hand in front of a guard but get very little response
"We need to meet with your princesses to discuss some important matters."
>"We already told them that."
>The dumbfounded group still doesn't move
>...
"Also we’re the thieves who broke in."
>Still no response. Those damned bandits had held it together better than these guards
>Femanon034 bends over and flicks one of the stallions on his muzzle
>"Oi! Snap out of it."
>He shakes himself aware after the painful hit and looks up with a furrowed brow
>"I’ll be damned they were telling the truth. Now what the heck are you?"
>"Their friends, like they said, also aliens and your supposed thieves." Femanon answers
>One of the other guards nudges the speaker with an elbow
>”You know those things are a perfect match for the description of our burglars.”
>Before you know it his small sword had been drawn and was brandished toward Femanon
>The weapon seems to bring everyone else back to life

>>29745029
>Suddenly you’re surrounded by sharpened metal and anxious looking guards, it wasn't the best situation
>"You may be beautiful but you aren’t smart if you think we'd believe something like that mare’am. Pfft, aliens? More like Badlands creatures out to cause havoc!”
>You feel a slight pang of jealousy. Why was Femanon considered beautiful and you were cute? Not handsome or rugged, not even a sour faced man or gross alien thing, you were just cute
>It was really getting to your perceived masculinity
*How many other sentient species are on this planet that they don’t think we’re aliens?* You ask Ratchet, happy to have someone other than Femanon to mentally communicate with
>*Do your planets not have lots of other races?*
*They do now, what with xenoculturalism, but that doesn’t answer my question*
>*Well, aside from us ponies you have minotaur, griffons, diamond dogs, bovine, buffalo, dragons, changelings, and the occasional mix race demi-god or two*
*......... You catch all that Femanon?* You ask, switching mental channels, knowing she’d been listening in
*So many mythical creatures! Here I thought the dragon was something special*
>*I’m less hung up on the many races thing, and more focused on the demi-god part. We’re asking about that later*
>You had a suspicion the only explanation you’d get would be ‘magic’
>The guards stalk forwards, swords swaying threateningly
>Femanon's once calm, almost happy demeanour vanishes and suddenly you were standing next to a creature as unyielding as time
>"STAND DOWN SOLDIERS!" She barks authoritatively, somehow seamlessly adopting the role of their commanding officer
>They all cringe back, one even dropping his sword

>>29745032
>To be fair they were holding them with their mouths and if Femanon034 was yelling at you like that you’d be needing a clean change of clothes
>That’s why you never try to threaten her
>"Secure your arms and start thinking clearly soldiers!" Femanon continues shouting
>The well-trained guards instinctively lower their weapons from the sheer power behind the command
>"Now Listen up! Because I have neither the time nor inclination to deal with underling half-wits like yourselves. We, in fact, are aliens, we also find ourselves in quite the dire situation, one we would very much enjoy discussing with these princesses of yours, less this entire world descends to chaos, and yes, we may have accidentally broken in and half-blinded a dragon, sorry about that."
>Sky dares interrupt
>"Actually the world’s descended to chaos like half a dozen times already."
>*ALSO YOU BLINDED A DRAGON!?* she mentally shouts *No wonder every guard in the city is out*
*Half-blinded* You correct
>Femanon looks disbelievingly at Sky
>"Half a dozen times? Is it the same kind of chaos where your planets annihilated just to hide any traces of a certain object ever being here?"
>"... A few less of that kind. Except for Nightmare Moon, for some reason she didn’t understand permanent night would kill everything, including herself."
>Good god what!? This planet took everything to the ludicrous extreme and you loved it!
>Nightmare moon? Permanent night!? Deadly dragons and constant worldly disasters? All combined with the adorableness of the natives and their idyllic lifestyles? What the hell was going on with anything on this planet?
>You were so use to being in constant control, the epitome of humanity, yet here you were being thrown curveball after curveball
>It was a mystery wrapped in an enigma, it felt more a child’s SNI cartoon than true reality sensory neural input if you’d forgotten which you would have

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>>29745021
>"You mean in the pond sitting in our backyard? The pond where I had to release the fish into the lake after you tried to make them build a statue of seaweed in your honour?"
>"What do you mean tried?" an offended Moonie retorts.
>"They were nowhere near close."
>"I was still working on their training."
>"If you want to train fish, do it without a whip."
>"Mr Motivator has a name."
>You stare her down this time, visibly unimpressed at her antics. Moonie stops pushing her luck as she realises this isn't one of those times where she gets her way.
>"Really though, why are we fishing?"
>"I don't know... I used to enjoy doing it on Earth, I think."
>"You think?"
>Moonie looks up you once more with a curious look, now with an added dash of disbelief. With a small blow of a raspberry, you decide to resign and begin to reel in your line as you really weren't enjoying this after all.
>"Yeah. It's been so long ago I don't even really remember."
>"Who cares?" She shrugs.
>"I do."
>"That place was lame anyway," Moonie states as she too reels in her line.
>"And what gives you that idea?"
>"I wasn't there," she cockily replies as she scoots her seat over so she can lean her head on your arm.

Pastebin Link http://pastebin.com/5WWqvqra

>>29745037
>It was getting exhausting and you’d been here less than a day, but damn it was fun
>Sky abruptly becomes worried, leaking her misgivings into the network
>”We’re going to be annihilated?” She says very quietly, so quietly in fact you wouldn’t have heard her without your body’s geneering
>You crouch down and put a comforting hand on her shoulder
*It's not like that Sky. Femanon is just being a bit... hyperbolic you know? To try and scare these guys so we can see the princesses* You send
>Plus fear always downplayed aggression, something their previously brandished swords revealed they had in spades
>*Promise?*
*Promise*
>...Maybe
>”Well then. Now that everyone is nice and calm with our wits about us, may we please have an audience with this, Princess Celestia? It’s not like you won’t be there to guard her, or are you guys that insecure in your abilities?”
>The piercing jab certainly did the trick as they all bristle indignantly
>”We could take you down with one move don’t you doubt it. But Princess Celestia requested that if found, the thieves who broke in were to be taken directly to her.”

>>29745042
>”We’ll come quiet happily then, it’s what we’ve been asking for.” Femanon says, making a move towards the castle
>The guard’s hoof stops her
>”I said the Princess requested the thieves be brought before her, not their… country town friends.” He says, looking over Ratch and Sky with mild disgust
>You take a single intimidating step to the guard
“Actually I think you’ll find they’re coming with us.” You say, tone perhaps a little too threatening
>You didn’t like how he treated your friends
>”I, uh.. um, Sorry, yes of course I must have misheard.”
>Damn right he misheard
>The pack of guards trot you from the gates and to the main entrance hall of the keep
>It was a splendorous room of white marble with a great sprawling staircase in the centre. Intricate carvings and sculptures lines the walls and large tapestries hung beside regal pane glass windows
>”So do you think we’re aliens?” Asks Femanon
>”Not at all mare’am, but if that’s what you believe then so be it.”
>He must think the four of you were completely insane
>A very reasonable thought to be honest
>You stormed in, claimed you were aliens, then threatened them repeatedly
>”Please wait here while I alert the princess of your capture.”
>The gold armoured stallion trots up the stairs and away from view
>The remaining ponies slowly break the tight ranks they’d made around you and spread over the room, eyeing the lot of you warily
>In what seems like no time at all the guard returns
>”Princess Celestia is eager to meet you. I’m not sure why she has such an interest in thieves, but be glad she does, normally you’d be spending a fair chunk of your remaining life in prison and it’s not exactly a five-star resort.”

>>29745047
>The guard leads you from the entry hall, up the stairs, through several corridors until finally reaching the most opulent carved wooden door you'd ever seen
>The thing was themed for day and night, one half of the door brandishing an odd symbol of the sun and all kinds of red, pink, and white hues, while the other sported the moon, dark blues and black shadows, the whole thing gave off quite the enigmatic air
>"The royal conference chambers. The princess awaits."
"Princess? I was told there were two."
>"While Princess Luna has been informed of your arrival she is currently preoccupied tending to the night’s dawn. Now please keep quiet and show your respects."
>He pushes the large doors open with no effort as they swivel silently on their hinges
>Inside, waiting for you on a white and gold throne, was the regalest looking Unicorn-horse-pegasus thing you'd ever seen
>Figures they’d have pegasi here too
>Her coat was pure white while her mane sported an ethereal pastel rainbow that rippled as if it were caught in its own gentle breeze
>She simply radiated majesty and tranquillity
>Ratchet and Sky were probably telling the truth about her benevolence, something you were going to attribute to her extreme intelligence, and while that may have been an assumption on your part you could almost /see/ the wisdom behind her eyes

http://pastebin.com/927ghgKF

>>29745048
>The guard takes a knee and bows
>"Princess, I present the two anomalous and self-confessed thieves … And their country friends."
>The godly horse looks down upon her underling and smiles
>"Thank you for your services, you may take your leave and recall the others still searching. Oh, and please have the cooking staff bring up some food for our guests. I believe we’ll be needing something from the griffon’s pantry." She says, sounding more like a compassionate mother than the ruler of a nation
>He nods graciously and backs out the door, leaving your small group alone with the Princess
>From that you could already tell this culture was too trusting
>No human official would ever be left alone during delegations with any other living being
>It did make things a little easier to deal with when you only had to address one mind and it’s one set of principles and opinions, as opposed to a room full of conflicting ones
>You were about to provide a formal introduction, but Sky excitedly jumps in before you have the chance
>"Oh my gosh! I knew we'd get dinner with the Princess! Best day ever! And I'm sooo hungry. We didn’t have time to stop on the way over."
>Well formality just got thrown out the window
>Celestia smiles endearingly at her
>"It certainly is a monumental occasion my little pony, but not just because of dinner. You two ponies have brought some very special guests."
>You go to speak again; this time being cut off by Ratchet
>"Actually they brought us."
>"Truthfully it matters not young one. Now I believe introductions are in order. I, am princess Celestia, one of Equestria’s rulers."
>You attempt a semi-gracious bow
“We are Royal Dame Femanon034 and Royal Knight Anonymous096. Our two native friends are Ratchet and Horizon Sky. It is an honour for all of us to meet with you your majesty.” You answer for everyone

>>29745054
I love you zew-sama

>>29745022
rude

>>29745038
Mah abbo

>>29745038
just seems to just record the weight
>>29745054
>Fucking old sticky sticking to an ancient tongue

>>29745135
4 u

>>29746203
4 everyone

boop

>>29744932
>Anon gets bored one afternoon and starts writing down all sorts of mathematical proofs and formulas to see how the purple one reacts
>he does it while stringing together horse words in random ways that he's certain are bullshit gibberish to confuse her even more , because it's funny

>>29745022
>braindead dipshit posting midupdate, doesn't stop either

It's been a busy past couple days.

The comedy harem story is probably going to get it's next update on Monday.

I'll try to churn out two posts though to compensate.

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>>29747373
>The comedy harem
does ponies are marshmallows?

>>29747161
Friendly reminder that if you post while an Anon is updating, please find the nearest active runway to go play chicken on.

>>29747039
whoa

>>29747477
So who are you aiming this at? 8th or Zew or someone else?

>>29747990
Zew is the moron who was posting when someone else was, so I'm going to assume them.

>>29748002
There's like a 5 minute gap, it seems like 8th forgot he was posting.

>>29745021
>>29745022
20 Seconds apart

>>29748024
5 Minute gap?

>>29748078
These
>>29745021
>>29745038

>>29748091
Are you retarded? 8th waited until Zew was done. Hence the gap.

drama!

Well, if you can deal with some earthly stuff for a bit, have some feels:

http://pastebin.com/KtdT9QvS

I think AiE could use more art.
Either gimme some prompts or give me a scene from an AiE story. Your story or someone else's or one you made up just now.

Either work.

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>>29749139
oh fug, drawfag asking for requests?

Gimme an anon in jedi robes looking at the empty display thing the elements had been chilling on.

>>29748134
Except he didn't, hence this:
>>29745038
>>29745042

>>29749139
Derpy hugging a sad Anon

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A PONY A DAY

Today's pony is Twatlit Rain

>After an impromptu nap brought on by the lack of oxygen, you awake safely inside your home with a cocky purple unicorn sitting on your couch watching you
"What are you doing in my house?"
>"Good morning to you too."
>You take a quick glance to the door looking for signs of damage, but it appears to still be locked
"How did you even get in?"
>"Teleportation. Naturally."
>Ah yes, the cold reminder that nowhere is safe
"Silly me. I forgot you were the element of breaking and entering."
>Twilight's smugness turns sour
>"Ha, ha. Like I haven't heard that one before."
>You get up and brush yourself off
"Then maybe you should stop."
>Yet that smugness returns in full force after your rebuttal
>"There's some things we just can't help but do even though we know we shouldn't. Right ANONYMOUS."
"And what are you insinuating?"
>"Oh, nothing."
>Using her cheaty glowing magic she makes an apple materialize out of thin air
>"Would you care for an apple?"
>You instantly feel your stomach churn
"No."
>She shrugs
>"More for me"
>and takes a big bite

>Heh, shit horse has shit taste
>"I bet you're thinking of something clever to say right now."
>Shit
>ba dum tish
"Mmmmmmaybe."
>"Before you do, you should know that I heard about your little freakout with Rainbow."
>It wasn't really a freakout
>"And Rarity was the one who got me after you told her your plan of starving, and then decided to deny your brain what little air it gets."
>Double shit
>Now you're breathing manually
>And it's disgusting

>>29750186
"You ponies are, without the slightest bit of doubt, the most foul creatures I have ever known. The mere fact that I am not already dead brings the pain of a thousand needles into my heart."
>Her smirk curls higher bringing the
>"How does it feel?"
"I just told you; like a thousand needles."
>"How does it feel to. Be. TROLLED."
"What?"
>She leaps to her hooves unable to keep up the act any longer
>"It was all a joke. We got tired of your constant tricks and got together to come up with a trick of our own, and since I know you never listen when I talk about pony biology I had just the plan."
"You mean everything Applejack, Rainbow Dash and Rarity said—"
>"Wasn't true."
>This
>This bitch
"How in-character of you. I should have known after you've done the same thing to Rainbow, TWICE."
>She shrugs
>"She learned her lesson, and I hope you did too."
"No," you reply flatly, "no I did not."

>>29749516
it's over.
calm your autisms

can anyone rec me any stories where anon has trouble adjusting? I'm a faggot and i wanna see some tears

>>29750240
>Be Anon.
>It's really hot out today and your balls are super sweaty.
>You can't adjust yourself though because you're at a funeral.
>Pinkie accidentally killed someone with the party cannon again.
>It wasn't anyone important so she didn't get in trouble.
>Man this is really uncomfortable.
>You cannot adjust yourself until after the eulogy.
>This sucks.

>>29728564
I've seen work for a punchline, but that was WORK.

Bravo.

>>29744896
Just a quick note for anyone reading my story. I've not given up on it and have every intention of finishing it, but the schedule at work suddenly got changed randomly for the next several weeks due to business demand. So updates are gonna be a bit irregular for a while.

>>29750775
I love you anon-fallout.

>>29747477
>complaining about having a double dose of content albeit posted retardedly
What are you? Some sort of faggot?

>Be Anon.
>Be placed in the autism box because you were sperging out again.
>Twilight puts you there when ever you get too angry and start ranting about things.
>Also, ponies can throw lemons at you if they feel like it.
>Today someone else was talking while you were trying to read a story, so you started screeching and jumping up and down until Twilight was called.
>You hate Twilight.
>You hate the autism box.
>You hate that ponies don't use good boy points as currency.
>You miss mommy and Steve the stepdad.
>Sometimes you regret the poo flinging rampage and following events that led you to Equestria.
>But right now you wish the autism box had a TV or something.

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>>29750186
>>29750191

>>29750191
He's totally going to get back at her for this. Mostly by rubbing his ballsack on all of her books, but I'm sure there will be other ways.

>>29749139
What up

>>29751273
It's not about the amount of content, it's that posting them at the same time has the same effect as mixing M&Ms and Skittles into the same bowl.

>>29738664
Part 7 done. I'll post it later after revision.
Have a page 7 bump.

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>>29750186
Love it.

>>29753155
Cool

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>>29745022
late to the party, but
>posting green in the middle of someone else's green

>>29738730
>tfw no one did

>>29738664


>Sheesh, cold and wind do /not/ go together well.
>You admit defeat against the elements, adjusting your scarf so it covers up to your nose.
>Over time the weather has turned from standard snowfall into more of a snowstorm, if not already that.
>Visibility is also lowering, which will make locating landmarks a hassle.
>Worst of all, the snow keeps rising.
>The damn stuff has reached your knees, forcing you to plow through it like a second-rate... snowplow.
>You're bad with similes, whatever.
>If you have it bad, Fluttershy absolutely has it worse. The snow is past her barrel at this point, making it look like she's swimming.
>Despite this severe handicap she continues trudging onwards with no vocal complaints.
>There has to be a bigger reason aside from 'weak flyer', an excuse you have a hard time believing after your sprint to the castle.
>You decide against pushing the issue, and instead focus more on not focusing at all.
>You'd try to initiate another casual conversation considering the last one went well, but your voice will be muffled by the scarf and you can't be bothered speaking louder.
>Minutes pass, only the rustling of trees being heard.
>Without warning, Fluttershy leaps out of the snow and begins hovering. She doesn't appear to be startled or anything.
"Snow finally got too deep?"
>"Huh?"
>You lower your scarf to expose your mouth.
"I said, 'did the snow get too deep for you?'"
>Her only response is a nod.
"'kay."
>She'll give you proper notice if she needs to rest... You think.


>One more crummy landmark and you'll finally reach Autumn's Breeze.
>... Wait, no. You'll reach the /area/ that contains it.
>You still have to search for the damn thing.
>In this steadily declining weather. Underneath all the snow.
>Fucking hell.
>Does Fluttershy feel the same about this situation as you?
>You're no pessimist but you can recognize when things just aren't going your way.

>>29754198
>Similar to most ponies, she's an optimist at heart, usually looking at the bright side of things.
>However, she does have a strong tendency to fear the worst when something bad happens to a friend.
>Talk about contrast.
>Eh, she's still an optimist.
>Fluttershy is probably grateful you got this far without any further issues.
>You'd have preferred 'no issues' over 'further issues', but oh well.
>More walking, more plowing.
>You're so out of it, you barely notice the lump of snow not far from you.
>Nothing unusual.
>...
>Did it just move?
>You're close to passing it, so you stop to assure yourself you're not going insane.
>Sure enough, there's a line of raised snow making its way towards you.
>Something is underneath... something short.
>You try to come up with a list of deadly midget-like creatures that could live in the Everfree but none come to mind.
>Suddenly the snow before you explodes, making you turn to avoid the brunt of it.
>In hindsight, you probably should've done something other than continue to stand here.
>When you look back, there's a...
>A...
>.../Thing/ flying in front of you.
>The most prominent feature is its lizard-like body, covered in moderate-cyan scales.
>Then shit just starts getting weird.
>For starters, lizards can't fly but this creature is keeping itself airborne with leathery wings.
>Sheesh, does everything here need wings?
>Body-wise it's quite short but its tail extends down to rest in the snow.
>And its head.
>It has the head of a goddamn chicken.
>...That explains the talons.
>So here you are, standing in front of a chicken-lizard that can fly.
>...
>...Are you supposed to be afraid of this thing?
>This is the Everfree Forest, and there's countless monsters here that could effortlessly kill you.
>But /this/...
>You want to laugh at it.
>How the hell is anyone supposed to fear something that looks so ridiculous?
>It's taking a lot of effort to keep yourself from guffawing.

>>29754207
>You have no idea what this thing is capable of and all you can do is smirk like an idiot.
>Evidently the creature isn't too pleased with your incredulous expression.
>If looks could kill, no one would ever find your remains.
>You've never seen anything stare at you with such intensity. Its moderate-vermilion eyes seem to bore into your soul.
>Oh fuck, is that its shtick? Can it make you explode into little pieces just by eyeing you?
>You're still trapped in its gaze, grinning all the while.
>You /really/ can't take this thing seriously.
>...
>......
>Alright, this is getting boring.
>Your smile falters and you raise an eyebrow.
>What the hell is this chicken-lizard trying to do?
>It eases up from its harsh staring, looking extremely perplexed.
>After a moment, it starts back up, cocking its head forward a little.
>You're just as confused as it, and continue to watch its unusual act.
>Seconds pass, and the creature stops.
>There's that look again.
>You're curious now. You want to see if it pulls off whatever it's trying to accomplish.
>"Anon!!"
>Huh?
>You rotate a bit to see Fluttershy speeding towards you.
>Where did she go?
>...She kept moving without noticing you stopped, didn't she.
>She must've been as zoned out as you were to miss that.
>"Don't look it in the eyes!"
>...
>Whoops.
>Fluttershy comes to a halt before you, raising a foreleg to partially block her right eye.
>"That's a cockatrice! It turns anyp--"
>Your view of her is promptly obstructed by the flying chicken-lizard/cockatrice, who proceeds to give you another scathing glare.
>You're not amused at its actions.
"Excuse me."
>You step aside so you can see Fluttershy again, lowering your scarf.
"Please continue."
>Fluttershy hesitates before resuming her sentence.
>"It, uhm, turns anypony who looks it in the eye--"
>A sharp cry interrupts her as the cockatrice /again/ places itself between you and her.
>How many times will it try to stare at you? This is starting to get old, fast.

>>29754213
[CLANG]

>>29754213
>You hit it with a disapproving look of your own.
"Seriously, cut it out."
>The creature appears to be quite flustered, letting out an undignified squawk before begrudgingly yielding and backing off.
>You focus your attention on Fluttershy, whose face can only be described as bewildered.
"Sorry, what were you saying?"
>"...It turns anypony who looks it in the eye to stone?"
"Is that a question or a statement?"
>"...Both?"
>This little embarrassing fucker can turn people into stone just by looking at them?
>Oh shit, you've been staring at it this entire time!
>...Though you're not stone.
>Once again using your infallible logic, you eye the cockatrice sulking on the sidelines.
>It notices your gaze and gives you another death-glare, eyes squinting.
>...
"Yea, I'm not feeling anything."
>Fluttershy's eyes widen in surprise.
>"That's strange."
>With your new announcement it flies right in front of you, planting itself mere inches away from your face.
>Here we go again.
>...
>......
"This is borderline pathetic."
>The creature's eyeball assault ends as it appears shocked at your words. It slowly lowers itself until it's resting in the snow.
>You're impressed with how it isn't sinking further.
>Thankfully it isn't looking at you anymore, instead staring at your legs.
>It looks... devastated.
>Were you /that/ blunt, or is it really this depressed over meeting something that can't be turned into a sculpture?
>Either way, seeing it so down is tugging your heartstrings, monster or not.
>Its hilarious appearance may also be playing a role.
>You rub the back of your head, unsure of where to start.
"Uh, sorry bud but I'm a little different than others."
>No response.
>You're flying blind here, hoping that something sticks.
"Just because you can't petrify me doesn't mean you're washed up. I'm sure there's a plethora of unsuspecting things out there just waiting to meet their untimely demise by your... wings? No, /eyes/."

>>29754226
>/eyes/
HOLY SHIT ANON. KEEEK

>>29754226
>The cockatrice appears to ponder your crappy motivational speech. You swear it looks uplifted compared to before.
>It turns around to face Fluttershy, and it dawns on you what might be happening.
>You hastily clear up any misunderstandings.
"NOT HER, NOT HER. She's a friend. My friend."
>One squawk of disappointment later, it faces you once more.
>Fluttershy gives you a grateful look, mouthing 'thank you'.
"I was thinking Timberwolves, or Mant-- wait no. Sea Serpents? Yea, Sea Serpents.
Oh! Let's not forget Cragadiles! Yea, especially those. Those are all good choices.
>The creature is getting pumped up by your words. It jumps up to fly in front of you, letting out a cry of confidence.
"Yea, nothing can stop you!"
>Except you.
"Now get out there and show the Everfree who is boss!"
>To your surprise, the cockatrice dives into the snow once more. You can see a snow trail as it burrows away from you.
>Godspeed, you glorious bastard.
>You watch the trail for a few seconds before turning your attention to Fluttershy.
"What a nice guy."
>She's smiling at you, apparently pleased with your actions.
>Oh duh, of course she would be.
>"Sometimes, you just need to show a little kindness."
>You don't know how encouraging you would've been if it didn't look so weird, but whatever.
"I do my best."


>It should be illegal for temperatures to drop off this much. Stupid wind chill.
>While you're not freezing, you'd say the weather has gone from 'tolerable' to 'unpleasant'.
>Your hands have long since been stuffed in your coat pockets for what little warmth they offer, leaving only the upper half of your face exposed to the elements.
>This snowfall makes observing anything from a distance near-impossible, which isn't good since you're trying to find the last landmark.
>All in all, you're having a blast right now.
>You continue trudging onwards, trying to avoid autopilot lest you accidentally miss your target.

>>29754238
>You're not doing a very good job, since Fluttershy's voice breaks you out of a trance.
>"Those must be the trees on Zecora's map."
>She's pointing at a pair of trees whose trunks and branches intertwine to form one bizarre sight.
>Just to be safe, you fish out the map and check.
>Sure enough, the drawing stays true to its real-life inspiration.
>You've made it!
>Now you just need to actually find the damn plant...
>You look around at the snow obscuring the ground, hopelessness rising in your chest.
>This is going to be near-impossible. How the fuck are you supposed to find a plant buried under a mountain of snow?
>You can't dig all of this up. You're going to have to carefully comb through every inch of snow to make sure you don't miss anything.
>"I think we should split up and search in different areas. If one of us finds Autumn's Breeze, just give a shout, okay?"
>Fluttershy's expression is similar to your current mood, but there's an equal amount of determination in her eyes.
>She's seeing this through, no matter how long it takes.
>Gotta admire her dedication.
"Yea. Be careful, don't go any farther than 50 yards from here."
>Fluttershy nods before slowly heading off to your left.
>Looks like you're covering the right half.
>...
>Where do you even start?
>Obviously not the same way you came, there's nothing there.
>You flip a mental coin and come up with heads before starting to your right. The wind blows against your face, making you squint.
>You keep your eyes peeled for any signs of a plant, but this snow is well above your knees.
>Digging will be a last resort. No point in wasting energy until you've given the entire area a quick once-over.
>In the back of your mind, you know you're just delaying the inevitable. Each fruitless minute that passes only affirms that.
>You continue with your vain attempt to find the plant.
>The trees rustle with the howling wind, the only noise you hear outside of your labored breathing.

>>29754247
>Occasionally you and Fluttershy wander too close to each other and have to turn around.
>You wonder how she's faring. She's been flying for a lengthy amount of time, yet has said nothing.
>Once or twice a protruding twig gets your hopes up only to brutally crush them upon realization.
>Fucking hell, this is taking forever and you haven't even gotten around to digging.
>You could use another break but there's nowhere void of snow. Sitting down in ice would only make your ass cold.
>Just focus on finding this damn plant so you can /then/ focus on the long trip back home.
>...Yay.
>Your eyes glance over a leaf poking out of the snow.
>This forest is fucking with you, isn't it.
>...
>You halt on the spot, leg raised to take another step.
>That's a funny looking leaf.
>You rotate back to it and hesitantly cover the distance towards it.
>You're not getting your expectations up again, but you need to check.
>Sure enough, the middle of a sky-blue leaf curves out from the white ice before diving back in.
>You bend over, reaching out with a hand to carefully remove some of the snow surrounding it.
>Holy shit this thing is long.
>When enough of the snow is gone, you can see another partially-hidden leaf of similar color.
>...
>......
>Don't get your hopes up, don't get your hopes up, don't get your hopes up, don't--
>Your heart rate didn't get the memo.
>You're about to call out to Fluttershy when you remember the contents of your bag.
>You hurriedly swing your knapsack around to extract the book given to you.
>Gloved fingers fumble with the pages as you flip to the bookmark.
>Now let's compare these two plants...
>...
>......
>This is it.
>Two long sky-blue petals much longer than the stem.
>This is Autumn's Breeze!
>You finally fucking found it!
>Elation fills you as the weight of searching for the impossible is lifted off your shoulders.
>Off goes the scarf, and you roar to the heavens.
"FLUTTERSHHHHHYYYYY!!!!!"

>>29754269
>You're out of breath after that, but you don't care.
>Time to remove this thing!
>The book returns to the bag, and out comes the trowel.
>Your bag is once again on your back as you clear away the snow near the plant.
>You lean over more to place the tip of the trowel on the dirt before giving it a firm push.
>...
>Holy shit, it barely budged.
>This might be a problem.
>You adjust your grip and try again.
>Still near-zero progress.
>This glove isn't helping, your hand slips when you push.
>You reluctantly remove it and stuff it in your pocket, your hand instantly tensing up at the freezing wind.
>You jump a little at a loud crunch behind you, but it's only Fluttershy landing.
>"Is everything alright?"
"Found it, just gotta remove it now."
>Fluttershy walks to your side. Upon seeing her prize, she lets out a gasp.
>"Autumn's Breeze!"
"Yup."
>You turn your attention back to the task at hand.
>Sure enough, you can grip the handle better but your hand is quickly going numb from exposure.
>Progress is slow, if not steady.
>You can't cut corners here since you need the root itself. All you can do is continue to drive the trowel into one spot.
>Again, and again, and again.
>You can't feel your hand anymore.
>Oh well, you're not a leftie so you don't have any other options.
>"Do you need help, Anon?"
>You glance over to Fluttershy.
>Small, frail Fluttershy.
"Uhm... Sure, I need to warm my hand up. Just don't overexert yourself or anything."
>You scoot over, knocking some snow aside so you have a place to kneel.
>Fluttershy is now in your previous position. She takes the trowel in both fore-hooves, rising to stand on her hind legs before striking the indent in the dirt.
>A little huff escapes from her with each strike. Her brow is furrowed in concentration.
>How long should you let her keep that up? Until she gets tired? Until your hand is back to normal?

>>29754283
>Your hand won't return to being warm and you know that. You'll have to settle for 'near-freezing' from now on.
>You rub your fingers together for heat as you continue to watch Fluttershy work.
>Admittedly, you don't want her doing this at all. Your original plan was to take care of securing this plant by yourself.
>After a few minutes, you can't take it any longer.
"I'll take over now, my hand is better."
>No it's not.
>"Are you sure? I can keep going for a while longer."
"Yea, trust me."
>Call it pride. Call it stupidity. Call it chivalry.
>...You'll stick with stupidity.
>Fluttershy hesitates but relinquishes her role, stepping aside for you.
>Back to business.
>As time passes you eventually start using your left hand as a hammer of sorts, driving your palm into the handle while your right hand supports the trowel.
>Fluttershy once more offers her assistance, which you politely decline.
>Your hand has long since gone numb again but you ignore it. You think you're almost done anyway.
>You're exhausted as you insert the trowel into the dirt once more, pushing up to extract the plant whole.
>There's some serious resistance at first, then it abruptly gives way, soaring through the air to land in the snow.
>Fluttershy quickly reaches over to grab it, examining the hard clump of dirt still attached to the roots.
>You eye the hole you made to make sure nothing important broke off, and find nothing.
>Fucking /finally/.
>You turn around to face your bag towards Fluttershy.
"You can put the plant and the trowel in the spare compartment; nothing else should be there."
>You listen for Fluttershy's movements as she moves towards you, including a pause as she picks up the trowel.
>Your bag is pulled away from you slightly, and you feel the added weight of two objects join the rest.
>Fluttershy closes the flap and clasp before speaking up.
>"That's everything."
>Good. Great. Fan-fuckin'-tastic.

>>29754289
>You rise up, your legs protesting from kneeling for so long. Your arms feel like dead weight and your right hand is still unresponsive to any touch.
>Going so long without moving has also let the chill winter air sink in long past the 'uncomfortable' stage.
>Overall you feel like shit.
>But you did it.
"Time to head back."
-------

Pastebin: http://pastebin.com/VU7M1HQ8

Part 7 done. Not much to say.
Criticism needed, etc.

>>29754158
>Being autistic enough to care

>>29754223
What the fuck was that?!

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>>29754534
[CLANG]

>>29754489
>still desperately trying to stir up shit.
...familiar

>It's a wonderful, beautiful day in Equestria. Not really. It's storming out in a strange rain/sleet/hail storm, which is really just a bad show on the weather team's part. Who even approved the weather for that day? If you can get fired for your job, you have to seriously hope it's not your special talent, or else that really spells a whole lot of questions for this world.
>But, you aren't here to talk about the socio-political structure of colored-horse-land's working class. No. You're braving happily through the rough weather across the street to your neighbor's house. Just across the street from your tiny one-floored apartment that you got for free, since random species in Equestria get privileges or something, is the Ponyville Library. And inside that Library is a bunch of wood. Because it's a tree. And inside of that tree is a bunch of wood. Because a library has books. The tree isn't dead, since it still has leaves that grow every spring and flow to the ground in the fall. So somepony in Ponyville saw this tree and thought it would be a good idea to gut it from the inside, put a bunch of its dead tree children inside, and have ponies go read in inside it for a relaxing afternoon.
>And people think metal music can be hardcore.
>Skipping to the point, inside that library is a purple unicorn by the name of Twilight Sparkle. And to say you were smitten by her would be an understatement. You've found yourself daydreaming about her eyes, remembering the smell of her mane, and reminiscing the gentle way she says "I'm afraid if you aren't going to rent something, I have to ask you to leave."
1/7

>>29754999
>Today, you have an absolutely foolproof plan. You're going to go to her home-library abomination and ask for a cup of sugar. A simple thing that starts conversation. Since the weather is bad, she'll ask you inside. Then, you can talk about reading by fireside, something you already know she likes. Then, mention you had a friend ditch you for a camping trip. You already have two tents and everything setup, and wonder if she'd like to join if it fit her busy schedule. Secretly, there was only one tent, but hey, [i]isn't that just a shame.[/i]
>You run across the street, being pelted by rain and the occasional ball of hail, holding the measuring cup in hand. You leap ot the door and give a loud, hard knock.
>From inside, you hear a familiar voice yell "Coming!", but to your disappointment it's not the siren song of your crush. No, instead you recognize it as her tiny dragon slave, Spike. Slave may be a bit strong of a word, let's go with pet. Yes.
>The door swings open, and the purple dragon gazes up at you like a duck that was expecting a piece of bread, but instead got slapped in the bill.
>"Hi, Anon. What brings you out here? It's horrible out," he asks.
"I was working on some cookies, and I realized I'm out of sugar. Can I borrow a cup?"
>"Yeah, sure!" he says. "Come inside. No sense in waiting outside."
>You step inside the warm shell of a tree and wipe your feet off on the conveniently placed floor-mat.
"Is Twilight here?" you ask, trying to seem like you're making casual conversation.
>"Yeah, she's upstairs blah blah blah. New spell blah blah, I'm a dragon," or something.
"Got it," you reply, having tuned out after he said 'upstairs.'
>Turning away from the dragon, you ascend the stairs in the most not rushed way possible. As you tread the corridor, you begin to realize that your now cleverly crafted plan isn't so neat and tight-knit anymore. You have to create some sort of way or reason to talk to Twilight.
>"Spiiike!" calls Twilight.
2/7

>>29755003
>Well, that works.
>You move down towards the study and step in the doorway.
"Hey, uh," Twilight leaps into the air for a second, then turns to you. "He's getting me a cup of sugar. Can I help?"
>"Oh! Hi, Anon. Yeah, sure. I'm just working on this new spell. It's supposed to create a mustache, but I'm having trouble matching the original hair color of the subject. Would you be willing to let me zap you?"
"Sure!" you say, seeing your new opportunity to get brownie points with your crush and not the part where you get zapped with a spell. "I'd love to."
>"Awesome. Just stand on that X and grab one of the balls. It's a magic reagent and helps me focus."
>You spy a chalk marked X on the ground towards the center of the room and two small balls beside it. You walk on the mark, and pick up a small yellow ball.
"I have yellow," you say to her.
>"Wait, yellow? No, not that one. My bad. Grab the other."
>You sigh to yourself, muttering "she doesn't want yellow," then picking up the other small blue ball.
"Alright, I'm ready," you say. "Hit me with your best shot."
>"Okay, Anon," Twilight says, poking her head out of the nearby book and approaching you. "Stand still. And don't say anything until I've finished. I'd hate for anything to go wrong."
"Got it," you say.
>"Anon, what did I just say!" she says in exaspiration. "No talking!"
"O-o-" then you fall silent, realizing she means right now.
>Twilight widens her stance and closes her eyes. A swirling purple energy begins to wrap around the tip of her horn and collect towards the base in a bright magical aura. She takes a deep breath, then the magic begins to swirl and dance through the air.
>"Hey, Anon!" Spike squeaks at the top of his girly dragon lungs in a way that would make a mother buy the child a toy to make them be quiet. "I got the sugar."
3/6

>>29755007
>Twilight's concentration immediately falters as she looks over to the little dragon. Spike, upon seeing his intrusion, panics, and tries to move backward while walking forward. Sadly for Spike, that is not a thing that bodies can do, unless you learn it in dance class. Spike wasn't allowed to go to dance class.
>He loses his balance and the bag of sugar flies through the air directly at the purple unicorn. You watch as it flies in near slow-motion, ducking and weaving through erratic beams of magical energy to collide directly in the face with Twilight Sparkle. Then, there's a moment of pure silence.
>"Oh no-" you and Spike say in unison, but before you can have another action, Twilight's magic whiplashes back towards her, the purple changing color to a deep red. It lashes back at her as her coat turns from a light lavender to a bright white. Twilight's deep violet eyes rapidly transform to a deep crimson and her mane and tail become like bright yellow flames.
>No. Wait. Those ARE bright yellow flames. It may have been a while since biology, but you're pretty sure bodies aren't supposed to do that.
>You and spike remain completely silent, staring at the now flaming unicorn in front of you. Twilight looks down to the bag of sugar, now lying limply on the floor.
>"Spike, what have I told you about barging in while I'm studying," Twilight says, her voice that of an irritated mother.
>"But, uh. Don't. Twilight, I-"
>"Now what was so important that you needed to interrupt me mid-spell-" she says.
"Twilight," you say. "I hate to interrupt, but you're on fire."
>"Well, that's a nice compliment, Anon. But right now I need to tell Spike about-"
>"No. You're actually on fire."
>Twilight looks down to her hooves, which were now burning char marks into the wooden floor. Then the floor begins to form small embers.
>"Wait, I'm on FIRE?!" Twilight screams.
4/6

>>29755011
>Twilight runs back her spell book as you walk forward helplessly, holding out a hand as if to help, but having no idea what to say.
>"What's the counter spell, what's the-" but as Twilight tries to turn a page of her book, the page instantly catches fire. She backs away, then tries to turn the book the other way, which sets the other half of the book on fire.
>"Twilight! Don't touch things!" Spike says. "Everything you touch is going up in flames!"
>Twilight looks back from Spike, then you, then to the book. She takes in a deep breath and tries to blow on the burning book, but it only fans the flames as they leap to a nearby bookshelf and quickly spread through the Tree-brary. She takes two steps back, leaving firey hoofprints in the wake of her steps as she looks to Spike.
>"We need water!" Twilight screams.
>"I'll get a bucket!" Spike shouts, running out of the room.
"Forget a counterspell! Use a water spell!" you yell at her.
>Twilight nods and charges up her horn one more time, a strong purple magic wells from the base of her horn then blasts forth at the flames, as a massive torrent of fire.
>"MY MAGIC JUST MAKES MORE FIRE!"
"SHIT, SHIT, SHIT!" you scream, moving towards the doorway. Spike comes back with a bucket of water and drops it as he enters the flaming room.
>"WE GOTTA GET OUT OF HERE!" he says.
>The three of you quickly move down to the main entrance and then look back as half of the home is engulfed in white hot dancing flame.
"Wait!" you say, in last ditch effort. "If casting a water spell casts fire."
>Spike picks up instantly and finishes your sentence.
>"Fire spells will make water!"
>Fire-Twilight turns one more time and charges her horn. A strong blue magic wells from the tip of her horn and shoots out like a fountain. A fountain of yet more fire.
>Twilight turns back to the two of you, her eyebrows literally burning off.
"Let's just... go outside," you say, opening the front door.
5/6

>>29755013
>The three of you move outside into the freezing rain, and watch as the disemboweled tree is finally laid to rest in a fiery warrior funeral. Smoke trails upward into the air, the weather hardily making a dent in the size of the flame. The rain only fizzles against Twilight's white hot in-fur-no. A crackle of soot flies out of the burning wreckage and fills the air, tickling your nose. You rub your nose to take away the sting. Twilight begins to breathe in, her eyes closing just slightly, when you realize what is going on.
>Twilight, while on fire, and producing weird fire magic, is about to sneeze.
>You don't have time to grab spike, nor would you want to, as you turn and begin to run from the unicorn. But it's too late, she's already at the wind up, and you hear the pitch.
>"AH-Choo," she says in a near-mute kitten sneeze. Then, the fire magically wafts off of her. The white hotness of her fur dissipates into her normal purple coat and her striped mane lies limply by her side.
>You pause, then turn back to your friend, and watch upon her burning home.
"You can, uh. Stay at my place for while."
>Twilight remains silent as she sits on the ground, looking up at her home. Her voice quivers as she mutters to herself.
>"So many books," she whispers to herself.
>You shift your feet back and forth, looking down at the ground. There's still one last thing on your mind. So you know what? Just nut up and do it. Nothing could possibly be worse than what just happened.
"Hey, uh. Do you want to go camping sometime? Chill in the wilderness. Make some..." then, the word comes out of your mouth quicker than your mind can pull the word back, "Smores?"
>The unicorn looks to you in a look that you stomped a small puppy to a bloody mush. You feel like you just stomped a small puppy to a bloody mush.
"I, uh. I'm just gonna... go now," you say, turning away from your crush, then walking back to your home.
>Needless to say, you never heard from her again.
6/6

i-i care

>>29755016
You don't care about anything but the afterglow and shame that comes with horse sex.