FATHERLAND

>>29682015
Yes

>>29682015
interesting keep going

cotninue

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>>29682015
>As you look around the forest, you can notice that every tree in there are completely full of fruits
>You stand up, looking around everywhere, you can see wildlife, then as you turn around you notice a Zebra dressed up in african-like robes
>"Oh you must not be aware, since you just came there" (Sry guys i can't rhyme, so don't expect a full time rhyming zecora)
>That Zebra talked, that fucking Zebra talked
"W...Woah.... Y...You can talk?..."
>"Uhm, what?... I cannot understand the words that come from your mouth"
>She talks in English, the enemy's language
"U...Uhm.... W..Wow.... You... Erhm.... Talk..."
>You say with your broken English
>"Well, of course... What have you thought of, that Zebras cannot talk like stallions?"
>Stallions? Wha-
>You notice as you look down to see the grass that your legs and arms have been replaced with hooves, making you fall on the grass from the surprise
"MEIN GOTT!"
>"Wow are you ok young stallion? You seem.... Scared.... Or suprised...."
>The zebra then offers her hoof at you
>You slowly take her hoof to help you in getting up
>"You seem like a tiny colt that is learning how to walk young stallion"
"U..Uh.... S...Sorry miss Zebra... I no know to walk.... At least in this form...."
>"How cute that you are, just like a foal you learn to talk"
"....i no know english miss"
>"English? What's that? You are talking in Equestrian"
>So English here is called Equestrian?..... Mmm....
"Miss can you tell me where we are?..."
>"You are just outside the everfree forest young one, just near by Ponyville, in the principality of Equestria and on the world of Equis"
>The Zebra says with a soft giggle

Next post at the next (you)

>>29682146
gun, where's the gun? Grab it, shoot, do it
SNELL!

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>>29682015
>>29682146

I am potentially interested. Should your thread not take off, you are welcome to repost your story here >>29620664

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>>29682203

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>>29682229
Kek
>>29682227
Tell the other anons on the thread to check me out

>>29682146
>You give an embarassed smile at the cute zebra, thanks god she isn't a degenerate like the niggers back in africa
"Oh! How dumb how me! Sorry miss, i totally forgot that"
>"Do not worry young stallion, just try to not drink too much beer at night"
>The zebra says smiling adorably at you
"H...How do you know that i... Nah nevermind... What's your name miss?"
>"My name is Zecora, nice to meet you mister..... What's your name?"
"My name is Anon Von Moose, it's a pleasure to meet you miss Zecora"
>The zebra blushes softly
>"N..Nice to meet you too Anon.... If you excuse me i have to go to the market... Unless you want to come with me? Your name isn't a common name there, so i guess you are a newcomer?"
"Yes i am Miss Zecora, i would like you to show me the city near by"
>"City?"
>Zecora giggles
>"it's more of a village, it's named ponyville and there are a lot of friendly ponies in there!"
"Gut"
>"Do you come from the northen lands Anon?"
>Zecora says as she looks at your white fur and blonde mane
"Uh.... Yes i do miss!"
>"Oh of course, your snow white fur and your golden mane are the main colors back there, most ponies were attracted to those type of colors.... At least were.... Until they came...."
"Who came miss Zecora?..."
>You ask her curiously
>"The feral Zebras...."
"What?"
>You have to be kidding me, there are african niggers in here too?!
>"The Zebras that come from the wild jungle.... The uneducated Zebras.... The savage Zebras...."
>She looks down in shame
>"Because of them many ponies hate without a reason the good Zebras, those repressed stallions feeling the hate rise in themselves because of them stealing their mares make them really angry... attacking every minority they see....."

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Gimme the (you)'s if you want the next post

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>>29682394
Take one of these

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>>29682398

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>>29682350
here ya go

Feel free to suggest things anons, i'm always open to suggestions

>>29682350
For God's sake Anon, this is shit.
I'm as Fashy as the next guy, but this song and dance has been done before and it's so blatantly pushing this basic entry level shit, even buying into the enemies' false propaganda.
>Zecora says as she looks at your white fur and blonde mane
"Uh.... Yes i do miss!"
>"Oh of course, your snow white fur and your golden mane are the main colors back there, most ponies were attracted to those type of colors.... At least were.... Until they came...."
"Who came miss Zecora?..."
>You ask her curiously
>"The feral Zebras...."
I'm not really sure how to even categorize it, it has just played out so childishly in the way Zecora and Anon are conversing, like an exposition dump.
Just try to make it a bit more subtle.
You keep farming for (you)s too, if you're gonna post a story, post the fucking story.
tl;dr, prewrite and put some effort into your story. Manos and The Hands of Fate is a good example of this type of story done right.

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>>29682432
Fuck, just fuck my shit up them, i apologize for that cancer that i just posted. I will try to keep them minimal but it's still undestandable....

>>29682432
i agree, sorry bud

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>>29682442
Yes, I'm not saying stop by any means, just... you know, don't be so cringy about it.
Also don't be too hard on yourself just because some Anon critiqued your work, grow from it.
With that said, let's get back to pone.

>>29682350
>>29682350
>Zecora sighs
>"I wish someone could kick out all of those feral Zebras and keep only the educated ones....."
"I may help you with that miss Zecora"
>you say looking at her, smiling
>"Really? How could you Mister Anon? You are just a newcomer and the princesses are the only rulers in there.... You can't go against them without getting executed..."
"Princesses?.... Who are they?"
>"Two big liars, they say that they control the sun and the moon when they can perfectly do it on their own.... Do not dare to say this in public, or you will get burned at the stake"
"Burned at the stake? Really?!.... This is what happens when you let females get to power!"
>Zecora sighs
>"As much as i hate to say it since i'm a female too, you are right...."
"Anyway... Can you show me the village? I'm really curious on how society works there"
>"Of course mister Anon, follow me"
>Then Zecora puts on a monk-like robe, starting to head towards the village of Ponyville
>You start following her. You can see in the distance the village, with some flying horses flying around....
"Who are those flying horses miss Zecora?"
>"Those are pegasi, flying ponies that help the skies"
"How can they help the skies miss? It's not like they can push the clo-"
>Zecora interrupts you before you can finish the phrase
>"Yes they can, it's a special ability that pegasi have"
"Interesting...."
>As Zecora leads you in the village, you can see already some ugly zebras with their mare companions. Zecora gives a sad face
>"I need to hide if i don't want to get killed by someone or be stalked by ugly pro-immigration mareminists...."
>Mareminists are like the feminists on earth.... interesting...
"Mareminists? Why are they in favor of cultural enrichment?"
>"They want change, they feel guilty about being mares so they want their race to go extinct.... Most of them are lesbians, gay or transexuals...."
>You nearly puke as you hear that

>>29682015
cringe as fuck, at least post this in the aryanne thread so I dont have to see it

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>>29682015

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>>29682523
>"Are you ok Anon?"
>Zecora says as she sees your face green, you feel like you are going to puke
"Y..Yes... I...I am...."
>You gulp down your disgusting vomit, giving you a bad feeling
>"Anon gulping down your own puke is a bad thing... Don't do it again..."
"I...I'll try..."
>"Well, i see that you are not the only one that thinks that it is degenerate"
"Yeah...."
>You take a deep breath
"Ok, are those the markets?"
>You look at all the foreign ponies selling stuff, even hijabs
>Zecora sighs
>"Yeah...."
"Damn... This society is truly fucked up..."
>"I know Anon, i know"
>Zecora shows you the only pony markets, where they sell Equestrian food and Equestrian stuff only
"This is far worse than the jews..."
>"You mean the griffins?"
"Are they hook noosed?"
>"Of course... they rule the world secretly and keep forcing in our minds all the griffons that Aryanne killed.... Even if it's fake"
>Just like on earth..... wow.... the coincidences are far too many....
"I bet the camps were only hard working camps weren't they?"
>"Yes, how do you know?...."
"Let's just say that i lived once but know twice"
>Zecora looks at you with widened eyes
>"That's a really wise word to say mister Anon"
>>29682617
>>29682568
Samefag get out reeeeee

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Elettric bump

>>29682626
bumping because i'm interested

>>29683188
*sighs*
Dubs don't lie, i'll make one last post before going to sle

>>29683289
Sleep*
>>29683188
Fuck i cant get any idea out of my head, the thread is not dead. Please bros bump it for all night long till i come back

>>29683303
In case you can't keep going, or the thread is going while you are sleeping, remember to repost your story in the aryanne thread.
Maybe that way you find more audience

wow a sea of green.

>>29682626
"Well, i saw war miss Zecora"
>"War?... Where have you fought mister anon?"
"In the second world war.... I've lost too many friends.... Childhood friends too..."
>"Oh my... i'm sorry for your lost anon but.... I've never heared about the second world war.... Only the first world war i know... Can you please tell me more about it?"
>Fuck, you forgot that you arent on earth
"Well, us in the north define it as a second world war... A lot of people died"
>"Mmm... That's strange anon, can you please tell me the leaders of the war?"
"Well..."
>You two sit on a bench at a park, then you start explaining her what was the second world war for you
>"Wow... So this "Stalin" Tortured until death Hitler's nephew?"
"Yeah... He was just a soldier.... What a cruel bastard he is..."
>Zecora looks at the grass, not knowing what to say
>After some seconds she speaks up
>"Anyway, do you want to meet Princess Twilight Sparkle?"
"Who?"
>"The princess"
"Oh... erhm... sure i guess?"
>Why should you meet a damned woman at command?
>"good! Then follow me!"

>>29682015
>German Anon speak ENGLISH
Seem legit.

New Trip, sorry guys

>>29686798
thanks for the heads-up

up

>You follow Zecora until she stops at a purple castle, and she knocks on the door
>"She shall come soon by"
>Nothing happens
"Uhh...."
>"Uhm... What is she doing? Normally she comes at the door in few seconds... She didn't even reply"
"Well... Then i don't know what to d-"
>"Oh! You have an unicorn right?"
>You look up at your head, you see a horn on your mane
"Uhh.. Yes?..."
>"then you can do a teleportation spell right?"
"I don't know how to do it"
>"Think about teleporting in her hall with me, and it should work"
>You think that, and when you open your eyes you find yourself in a cool hall with a big table in the center with some seats
>Then you start hearing moans and groans coming from somewhere
>"Uh?.... Where is she?..."
>You don't say anything, Zecora starts heading to her bedroom, and the moans and groans intensify
>Zecora opens the bedroom door
>You see princess Twilight Sparkle sucking off a Zebra and receiving anal and vaginal by two other zebras, moaning deeply and she gets ejaculated inside her holes while doing her climax
>Zebra stares in horror
>You run away and puke somewhere, that war really fucking disgusting
>Zecora goes to you
>"Please teleport us away"
>You immediatly do that, teleporting outside the castle
>Zecora has her face completely disgusted
>"i... i had no idea she was a degenerate"
"Do not... Dare to.... Make me... Meet... Her again..."
>You say panting after vomiting so much

>>29686762
i'd rather that than a burger writing in shitty german

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>>29682015
>>"P....Promis-" *Then he vomits out some blood* "P..Promise it...."

>>29690488
>burger
I'm italian