Magicless Anon #6: [M E M E M A G I C ] Edition

>>29664605
>"It's ok if you can't do magic, Anon."
>"You are just a human after all."
>"Nobody expects anything out of you."
>"Just leave the hero work to us. We'll bring you back a souvenir."

Live:
"Obsession" by Sea Urchin http://pastebin.com/5ECNnjxF
"Magicless Anon" by MSG http://pastebin.com/VbAKPiVJ
Undead:
"ArtifactAnon" by Anonymous http://pastebin.com/RCnBBA90
"Anon's horn problem" by Anonymous http://pastebin.com/pwaq7a3L
Dead:
"Anon's Bizarre Adventures" by Ritefrend http://pastebin.com/Fsm9pvU2 Forgot something there fella

>>29664605
What's this & how do I filter it?

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>>29664605
>make a new thread before the last hits bump limit
>AND you fuck up on the OP
Shut it down and try again when the last one hits 500

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>>29664605
Speaking of meme magic

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>>29664605
Time for AiE

>>29664605
can we agree that you fucked up making the post and to delete it and start over thanks?

>>29664865
If you/we do so, please post thread link here and at previous thread.

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>>29664676

>>29664865
At this point it doesn't matter. The time limit has passed so even if OP wasn't a faggot and wanted to fix his mistake, he wouldn't be able to delete the thread anymore. We're stuck with this one now unless we let both this and the old one slide to page 10 so we can make a new and improved version.

>>29664650
If you don't know how to filter a thread, you don't deserve to.

Urchin, if you don't post by 11am MT, I will feed my dog chocolate.

>>29664676
This shitty screenshot is so fucking convoluted.

What does that cat have to do with the CIA? Is this on ponychan or a blue board? How do they know it's an agent posting that?

>>29665730
judging form the amount of autism & title it's probably from 8 chan

>>29665902
It is.

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>>29664676

>>29664605
I pretty much fucked my story with the whole chrysalis thing
>inb4 I drop this one and start writing another a second time
Not sure why I do, I'm terrible with this prompt

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>>29665333
>let both this and the old one slide to page 10

>>29667014
>I pretty much fucked my story
I hope that you at least enjoyed it.
because I did

>>29664663
Last one IS at 500

>>29667217
It wasn't at the time. Besides, that still doesn't change the utterly sorry quality of these OP posts.

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>>29664605
It's meme magic anon time.
Anon is a high-ranking disciple of Kek sent to Equestria to spread his word to an alien society.

>"Anon, you can't use magic!"
>Twilight, I have acquired meme magic from Lord Kek, which is far more powerful than anything you conceive, for it is the ability to alter the course of history itself.
>Impossible battles can be won, no matter how stacked the odds may seem.
>Every great leader in the human world throughout history had worshiped Kek at some point, it was only when they stopped believing in him that their influence over the world begin to wane.
>Meme magic reflects the strength of a person's will to influence events, to influence society, and to influence the world.
>"That sounds like a load of nonsense to me, anon!"
>Very well then, I challenge you to a magical duel tomorrow. If I win, you must acknowledge the power of Lord Kek and worship him instead of Celestia.

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>>29667287
Oh yes! Here we go!

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>>29667287
>After the debacle with Twigglehorse, you sit down on a grassy field just on the outskirts of Ponyville and contemplate how you will defeat this extremely powerful alicorn sorceress.
>Besides Kek himself, there are several subordinate ascendant ones that answer only to him.
>There is Bane, the enforcer, the paragon of strength and endurance, and is one hell of a big guy.
>There is Moon Man, the inquisitor, the paragon of zeal and ferocity.
>There is Donald Trump, the commander of Kek's heavenly forces, the paragon of indomitable will and the will to power
>Lastly, there is Pepe, head of Kek's psi ops division, and is a deadly wizard and telepath unmatched by any
>You are capable of tapping into any of their powers through the will of Kek himself
>You decide to tap into the powers of Pepe, as this is a "conventional" magic duel and any of Kek's more abstract powers may very well confuse the ponies more than anything.
>You still have the rest of the day to prepare yourself for tomorrow, so you begin practicing your abilities.

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>>29667365
>You try casting a transfiguration spell on one of the trees on the outskirts of the Everfree Forest
>"Shit, what should I try?"
>"Hmm, horse world...an apple I guess?"
>You fire a green ball of magic from your fingertips and it hits the tree, transfiguring it into an apple
>"Wonderful, I think I'm ready for whatever Purple throws at me, I can feel it in my very soul"
>It is already nightfall, so you decide to retire and commune with your Lord
>Oh wait, you don't have a house, you dipshit
>"Hmm, I could try creating one of my own design..or perhaps ask one of the ponies if they'd be willing to have me?"

(sorry about taking so damn long, taking an online insurance discount course in another tab, feel free to suggest what this meme man does next.)

>>29667463
ask for Moon Man's divine wisdom in this situation

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>>29667463
Don't know about others, but personally I would prefer if meme magic was portrayed, not as run-of-the-mill "I can cast green magic missile now" magic, but as circumstantial advantage.

My ideal vision would have been something to the effect of anon reading a textbook about magic, against all odds actually successfully casting a couple spells without any training, then going into the duel and somehow, using only these spells, he seems to be protected by unbreakable Plot Armour(tm) / Meme Magic Armour(tm) and ends up winning the duel against all odds.

DESU Moomman is the most aggressive avatar, and so might be usefult to call upon in a fight. Pepe is more for general mischief and chaos (e.g. everyday luck manipulation), Bane allows large-scale luck manipulation, and if you want to use Trump as an avatar, he'd symbolise large-scale cultural/political influence (e.g. good for taking over countries).

At least that would be my interpretation of things. Of course it's your story and I'm looking forward to it regardless of what you write.

>>29667206
I'm dead with ideas for the chrysalis thing so I'll be back when I do

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>>29667482
>>29667511
I like those ideas, thanks.

>You decide to ask Moon Man for his wisdom on the subject, as you are too tired to directly commune with Kek himself
>You close your eyes and open the mental link
>You hear what sounds like a computer-generated voice greet you.
>M:"Sup, fag. Here to lynch some mudpony nigglets?"
>"Uhh no, I was actually just planning to ask you how I should obtain shelter for tonight."
>M:"You should just steal it from a mudpony, a griffon, or any of those other degenerates. Here, I'll even lend you my AKKK-47."
>Suddenly an AK-47 with a silver finish materializes next to you.
"Uhh, I'd rather not resort to murder or extortion, here. My job is to convert people to Kekism, not kill them."
>M:"Have it your way, fag. Just don't cry to me when a mudpony or a zigger rapes your waifu. Moonman, out."
>The AK-47 disappears and it appears you're on your own here.

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>>29667602
*purity spiraling intensifies*

Goddamnit Moon Man

>>29667602
>no mention of Ziggers

I am proud of his wanting to blast mud ponies

>>29667602
>Since you're near the Everfree Forest, you decide to ask Fluttershy if she'd be willing to let you stay the night
>You knock on her cottage's door
>F:"Just a second please!"
>She opens the door and gasps when she sees your towering form (to her at least).
>F:"O-oh hey anon, I wasn't expecting to see you again so soon!"
>"Hey Fluttershy, mind if I stay with you tonight? I kinda don't have a house or anything."
>You notice her blush for a moment and then quickly compose herself
>F:"Uhhh...
>You notice her staring at you up and down
>You wave a hand in front of her face
>"Yooo Equestria to Fluttershy, are you there?"
>F:"Wha..oh yeah, sure thing, anon!" she says almost nervously.
>"What a weird friggen horse." You think to yourself.

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>>29667823
>You prepare to go to sleep on the couch when suddenly you feel a hoof prod you in the leg
>"Yes, what is it, Fluttershy?"
>"F:I-instead of sleeping on that cold couch why don't you sleep in my bed instead?"
>"Uhh ok, but where are you gonna sleep then?"
>F:"Well...."
>You notice her blush again
>"Goddamnit Fluttershy, are you trying to get into my pants or something?"
>F:"I have no idea what that means but that sounds kinda hot..."
>"You are one lewd horse, you know that."
>"Fine, I'll sleep in your bed, but nothing sexual, you weirdo."
>F:"O-of course not!"
>"Fine, let's go then."

>>29667602
Spot-on

And yet >>29667918 is right

Usually you greentext non-anon gialogue, and blacktext anon's lines, like this:
>"Hey anon, wanna have sex?"
"Go hang yourself, whorse"
>"Oh ok"

And 99% of the time it's clear from context who is speaking to anon. If it isn't, e.g. if there's like four characters debating with anon, you could use a more prose-like style and add "...said X", "...answered Y", etc.

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>>29667918
Fine

>>29667867
>You climb into the bed next to Fluttershy and you hear her making weird horse noises.
>"Cut it out already."
>"It's not my fault I have a fetish for big strong stallions like yourself!"
>She moves closer to you and begins feeling up your chest with her hooves
>"Kek, what have I gotten myself into?" you think to yourself.
>You pull her into a hug so she stops doing weird shit
>"Now keep your hooves to yourself, ok."
>"U-unf." you hear her whisper.
>Eventually Fluttershit stop being weird and appears to fall asleep with a happy smile on her face.
>"Fucking finally." You think to yourself.
>You eventually nod off as well.
>When you wake up the next morning it appears that Fluttershy is still asleep with your arms wrapped around her.
>"Oh good." you think to yourself. "Time to get the fuck outta here."
>As you prepare to leave, you suddenly hear Fluttershy call out to you.
>"W-wait, I can make you breakfast or something!" you hear her say desperately.
>"Uhh no fucking way, you'd probably put some kind of sedative in it."
>You leave through the door and make your way towards Ponyville.

Last Thread:
>>29620523

>>29668024
Finally, an anon with common sense for a change.

>>29668024
Needs more repeating numerals

>>29668024
This is good mang

>>29668801
I'll continue it today. Just dealing with some shit.

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>>29668024
>It's time to shine, baby.
>You feel the determination coursing through your veins.
>You're gonna make Papa Kek proud today.
>You eventually reach Ponyville Square where there is already a crowd of ponies gathered to see their princess duel that weird ape-man that showed up yesterday.
>Directly ahead of you is Princess Bookhorse herself, with a smug look on her face.
>"Ah, there you are anon, I thought you got lost!" she says mockingly.
>"Save the trash talking for after this is over with." you say to her bluntly.
>"You can't possibly hope to best me, anon. I'm an alicorn, for crying out loud!"
>"Indeed, you are very powerful, but underestimating an opponent is never a smart idea, regardless of your own strength."
>"We'll just have to see about that, anon. This is your last chance to back out by the way. I'm not going to hold back just because you're out of your depth."
>"No, I made a commitment and I'll see it through."
>Twilight sighs. "All right then anon, let's go!"

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When are the good writefags gonna post?

>>29669176
savage

>>29669176
>>29669213
When Savage Garden releases a new album.

>>29669176
Care to take a shot then?

>>29669176
I don't know if you consider Anti-magic Anon good, but I'm working on it.

>>29669242
That sounds interesting.

Got a preview?

The idea of anon being the antithesis of magic was always a cool idea I thought.


Also here's a pastebin for the Kek-Anon fic:
http://pastebin.com/6m0iMgkd

>>29645323
>"Anon! Get out here, right now!"
>You are Anon
>And you have been most rudely awoken by some carzy pony banging on your door
>You check the clock
>It's 9 o'clock
>You get out of bed
>Get dressed
>Just as you are about to open the door it comes crashing down
>On the other side an angry Twilight is glaring at you
"You are going to pay for that, right?"
>"Anon, what did you do?"
>She most rudely dodged the question
"I think it's more important what I didn't do, which is not break your door down"
>She trots in (uninvited)
>Magics the door up
>And leans it where it normally was
>"Anon, what have you been up to?"
>You scratch the back of your head, trying to think
"Mostly sleeping"
>Twilight is obviously frustrated
>"Did you perhaps take something of mine? Accidentally?"
>You scratch your chin
>"Something resembling a circle. With golden pendelums"
"Hm..."
>"Perhaps you found it behind a shelf?"
"Sorry Twilight, I can't say that I have"
>"JesuschriYOU ARE WEARING IT AROUND YOUR NECK!"
>You look at your chest
>You notice the ring
"OOoohh...you mean the milenium ring?"
>Twilight pounces on you
>"Shhh! Be quiet!"
"Pfff"
>She removes her hoof from your mouth
"Why? What's the matter?"
>"The walls have ears..."
>Aaaalrightie...
>Ominous

>>29669388
>"Anon, do you know what you did last night? Do you remember anything?"
"Yeah. I went to a bar and challenged everypony there to a shadow game and..."
>"No! You do not do that!"
>She climbs off you
>"You do not just go around challenging ponies to shadow games left and right"
"Well...why not?"
>She looks dumbfound
>""Why not"...You just don't do that sort of thing!"
>You cross your arms
"Pff...you said that there's no way I could do magic, yet I did magic. There's no reason for me to trust you in regards to these subject matters. Now begone"
>You motion her with your wrist to leave
>"First off, technically you aren't doing magic. You are just evoking preexisting magics. It's, like, a totally different thing. Second..."
>A magical aura envelops you and viciously bends you towards her
>She buries her muzzle in your ear
>"You do not go around practicing the dark arts, risking the lives of many and exposing yourself"

>>29669418
>She let's you go
>"The only reason to use that thing is for self defence and I doubt 26 drunkards were posing a real threat to you"
>The extends her hoof
>"Hand it over"
>You clutch the ring
"N-no. It's mine now. I took it fair and square"
>"You stole it and you are irresponsible. Hand it over. I promise I'll give it to you when you are worthy"
>Her hoof is still out
>You are still clutching it
>No way in Hell you are going to give away your only source of magic
>An idea springs to mind
"Well, Twilight, I could just give it over, buuuut..."
>You start playing with the pendant's rope
"...that'd be too simple, now wouldn't it?"
>She's undeterred
"I suggest we play a game. If you win, I'll give you this medallion back. If I win..."
>You tap your chin slowly
"...IIII...get your castle. We can play a simple, one round game of rock-paper-scissors. Deal?"
>Her expression doesn't change
>"How do you play?"
>You smirk
>Geemu no jikan da
"You have to choose either rock, paper or scissors and form your choice with your hand"
>You quickly show her the three signs
"Rock betas scissors, scissors beats paper and paper beats rock. Ready? Geemu start!"

>>29669440
Of course, it's obvious that you'll choose scissors
>Horses don't have fingers, so any sign can automatically be viewed as rock
>Easy game
>Easy life
>You throw your arm, fingers extended
>As expected, Twilight just rose her hoof
"Paper beats rock, Twi. I think I'll be moving in today. After lunch. Be sure to make Spike clean the main hall. I want it so clean that I could eat off the ground. I've always wanted to do something like that in a castle"
>"I'm sorry, what?"
"I said be sure to have moved out after lunch and make Spike clean the whole place?"
>"Why?"
"I'll be moving in there! I beat you in the shadow game!"
>"No, you haven't"
"Yes, I have"
>"No, you haven't. I never accepted the challenge"
"Yes, but..."
>Wait
>What?
>Twilight smirks
"You can't do that!"
>"Why not?"
"Erm..."
>She blows her bangs out of her eyes
>The fall in the same place, but the gesture is what counts
>"I knew it. There was no way you could have defeated 26 ponies without a sever handicap"
"Not my fault you are all short"
>"It's a miracle you passed the judgment of soul"
"The what?"
>"The judgment of soul. One of the five judgment laid on the tiles."
>You scratch your neck
"Sorry. Doesn't ring a bell"
>"The things you had to do to get the ring"
"OOOOooo...nah. I skipped them. I just grabbed the thing and wazoo!"
>Twilight slaps her face
>"This can not be happening"
"Fraid it is. Now be gone! I have breakfast to attend to"
>You flick your wrist back and forth
>Twilight magics the door away
>"I'll be back for you, Anon. And I will be taking my ring"
>She slams the door behind her and it falls on your feet

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>>29669228
of course not, bitching about greens is far easier than writing them.

>>29669242
A thread back there was two posts of green about it. I'll repost them if you want.

>>29669548
>>29669262
Replied to the wrong thing.

>>29669242
Fuck it, reposting with a bit of an Add on. Might be a bit edgy.

>These Ponies.
>You’re sick and tired.
>Magical Instant Buttons.
>Everything was easy.
>They knew no struggle.
>Not like you did.
>And they were oh so patronizing about it.
>You’re done with them, you're done with magic.
>You want it stamped out and gone.
>You want them to know the pain of life.
>Even if it would kill them.
>But how, was the question.
>Iron was the answer.
>Most of your time was spent reading inside of Twilight’s library.
>Enough time to learn about the joys of Iron, a material that, absorbs and dissipates any and all magic, converting it into dust and water condensation.
>This is why you cannot do magic, you had iron in your blood, they did not.
>But while you had iron in your blood, it was not enough to absorb all the magic around, just enough to prevent you from being affected by it.
>The Equestrian government would quarantine and cordone off all deposits of iron ore discovered.
>You would uncover these, and you would wipe out their easy-out switch, and teach them the way that you had to live.
>Your brow furrows as you ponder the solution to the acquisition of the answer, you lack one of the most vital resources in obtaining this material.
>Power.
>Looking to the rows upon rows of books, you ponder how you can possibly remove the easy out button that these creatures lorded over you.
>You pry yourself out of your seat, walking over to the sea of paper.
>One of these books would reveal to you the power you required.
>You reach up and pull out a book.

>Hours later.

>>29669655
>Page after page, book after book, shelf after shelf.
>Nothing, nothing that could help your plight.
>Your teeth grit in anger and you grip the page of ‘Oddities of the Everfree’, you were skimming over.
>With a quick, but heavy, breath out your mouth you rip a few pages out of the book and lean back in the short chair you sit in.
>Your hand falls to your side and you release the pages from your hand.
>After five minutes of controlled breathing your temper comes under control.
>You only got angry like this when it was something you were passionate about.
>And today you had developed a passion for destroying a cancer of this society.
>You bring yourself to sit straight and look at the tome you had just maimed.
>Letting out a sign you go to slam it shut and put it back, but something calls your attention.
>Clones.
>You stare hard at the page, reading over every, savouring them, and burning them in your memory.
>A pool of undefined liquid, liquid not magical in nature, but that produces seemingly magical effects, such as the cloning of an individual, and the ability to stay in a liquid state even after being frozen to levels that would freeze any other thing.
>You didn't pay attention to the last part, it was not essential.
>But it was non-magical, and would produce clones.
>Meaning that you could use it.
>That was strangely convenient.
>You dare not question this stroke of luck.

>>29669661
>You look around the place you've been residing in the past 6 months.
>A library, one made out of a tree.
>A repository of information.
>False information.
>Soon to be, when magic is wiped from the face of this planet.
>You wander to the kitchen and pull out the aluminum sets of cutlery that twilight keeps.
>You had learned early on that shitty metals, ones that were common on earth, are the exact opposite here, these forks and knives were the equivalent of silver here, reinforced with magic of course, but nothing else, luckily.
>You begin shaving the surprisingly soft aluminum into piles near the books, potent enough to explode.
>Running back into the kitchen you grab any and all wooden vessels that can hold water and fill them, placing them near the shavings.
>You sit down and breath, processing what you are just about to do.
>Exhaling you nod your head and proceed back into the kitchen to rifle through the pantry of your soon-to-be former host.
>A few minutes lead you to find that she doesn't really make anything at her home except for sandwiches and tea.
>Though digging through the back you find some cooking oil and pick it up, bringing it to the forefront of the house, and near the impending explosion.
>You stop for a moment, stretching from holding the 30 gallon drum of likely expired oil.
>You didn't need it to be valid for consumption anyway, it would all burn.
>You step back and admire what you had done.
>Chemistry had not failed you yet again.
>You walk to the room that you had stayed in for the duration of your time here.
>Picking your meagre amount of items and storing them in a sort of backpack, you smile as you finally decide to act on your admittedly not well thought out plan.

>>29669672
>You loop the pseudo-backpack onto your shoulders and March out of the tiny room.
>Uncorking the barrel, you throw it onto your shoulder, letting it spill out behind you in a trail.
>You leave through the back door of the house, and use your left hand to pull out one of the seven zippo lighters you had on you for a myriad of reasons.
>You reach the edge of the property in town to see a half dozen ponies looking at you.
>You frown but otherwise ignore them before flicking your lighter open, tossing the barrel behind you, and dropping it in the oil.
>The sudden heat behind you indicated that it was working.
>You pick up speed, walking away from the building as fast as possible.
>A deafening sound and a wave of manageable heat hits your back, as you make it out of the town and into the everfree.
>Screaming is audible as you track and comb the forest for the landmarks of the pool.

I'm retardedly slow at updating.

>>29669451
>Of course, it's obvious that you'll choose scissors
small error there
it;s supposed to be paper

>>29669718
It would have been funny if he forgot how to play and lost

>>29669680
its good. keep it up

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>>29664605
Stand battle when?

>>29670009
i think that's in the jojo threads

>not having any innate magic of his own, anon is capable of safely handling and wielding materials that have an adverse effect on it, e.g poison joke, magic diseases, drugs, magic gimping chemicals and magic proof minerals

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>>29670072
I like this idea

Anon as Hazardous Materials Disposal Man when?

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Did I hear something about meme magic?

I wrote a thing once about an Anon who gives advice and goes full meme about it, and it actually works
I had been thinking of writing a sequel to it, should I post the first one here?

>>29670353
Sure.

>>29670364
nice, k den

>You be Anon
>Been in Poneville for a while, found out quickly upon arrival that these creatures are not very good at something called, "Logic."
>One time, you went along with Princess Starbutt and friends for, "and Adventure of a Lifetime!"
>Said adventure mostly consisted of sitting on a train.
>And sitting in a room, waiting for Princess face to get out of some important conference.
>And more sitting, but at least this one was entertaining.
>You got to see zebras fight to the death for entertainment, which was breddy gud.
>After that, though, you went straight to the hotel room.
>You had no idea that small colorful equines were capable of making liquor that could knock you on your ass with one nice, long chug.
>Trying some in the middle of watching a bloody, desperate fight was not a good idea.
>"You're not gonna be coming along with us on trips for a while, Anon."
>After that ordeal, you went back to living your shitty life and wishing that these ponies had some common sense.
>The three snack-sized ones kept crashing through your window every morning when you woke up.
>Nobody gave two shits.
>Then, bright idea comes around.
>One day, you set up a stand that says: "Advice for all of your problems: 5 cents"
>First hoers to pass by is none other than Rarara
>"Darling, what's a 'cents?'"
"Umm, It's a form of currency. Most notably known by the fact that they are usually in coin form."
>"..."
"You don't know what fucking money is?"
>"Oh, money! Darling, I don't know what they used where you came from, but we use Bits here."
>Bits
>Bits
>BITS
>What the fuck kinda name is that for a form of currency?
"What the fuck are bits?"
>"It's the money that we use here in Equestria, darling. They look like this."
>She pulls out a gold coin from... where?
>Holy shit they use gold coins
>When you go back to Earth, you're gonna be rich!
>But you have to earn the money first.
"Okay, thanks for the help. I'll get to changing the sign."

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>>29670379
>When you go back to Earth, you're gonna be rich!
>back to
>earth

>>29670379
>Go back inside your house, which smells like death itself.
"Where the fuck did I put that marker and shit..."
>After a half an hour of searching, you find the last giant post-it note and marker.
"Thank god."
>You scrawl out "Professional Help and Advice, "
"Fuck, I should have asked how much a bit is worth. Fuck it."
>"Professional Help and Advice, 5 bits per problem"
>Under that, you add, "Dr. Anon, PhD"
>Fucking Genius.
>Go back outside and plaster the paper onto the table you're using as a desk.
"Now, we wait."
>evilgrin.jpg

>"Wow, help and advice for 5 bits! I need that!"
>Random pone walks up to you
>"H-h-h... Hello, sir. I would like some help and advice."
"Bits first. Then we talk."
>You point to a small jar that you have sitting on the table.
>"Uhm-uh.. okay."
>He digs up a few coins.
>rattlerattlerattle.mp3
>Ahh, the sweet sound of money.
>The guy even sounds like a betafag, though.
>The kind that does nothing but watch Pokémon all day.
"Okay, what do you need help with?"
>He sits on the ground in front of you with a nervous grimace
>He's not talking
>This isn't good.
>"Sir, I need help. I'm going to have to do the ritual sooner or later, as I'm done with school and almost ready for a job. But I'm really nervous about it. My dad is-"
"Wait, what ritual?"
>"You don't know about the ritual? Did you even have a foalhood?"
>ohshit.jpg
"Let me get one thing clear with you. I do not come from here. To be honest with you, I didn't even know what bits were until 5 minutes ago. I've clearly still got some things to learn. So if you could please explain the whole 'ritual' thing to me, that would be perfect. Then I can help you."
>He looks like he's about to burst into a big, long, fast explanation.
>"To put it simply, the stallion ritual is a tradition that's been going on for a long time. It's used as a way to prove that a colt has really grown up."
>So far, so good.

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>>29670389

>>29670398
>"To do the ritual, colts have to challenge their dad in combat, defeat him, and then... umm..."
>You wonder what he's so nervous about with the second part.
>Until he says it.
>"mount... their... mom... and..."
"You don't need to finish that sentence."
>So incest is a tradition in this place.
>Fucking Wow. That's some nightmare fuel for days.
"And you ABSOLUTELY, POSITIVELY have to do it?"
>"Yes. If I want to have any semblance of normalcy in this world, anyway."
>You hold your head in your hands.
>What
>the
>fuck
>is
>up
>with
>these
>small
>colorful
>equines?
>What the fuck should you do?
>This guy just asked you for help about a ritual that involves him beating up his dad and fucking his mom
>You want to pack up, go back inside your house, and just get completely and utterly wasted in order to forget that this "Stallion Ritual" even existed.
>But you can't.
>This guy just gave you his money so that you would help him out, and you're certainly no Jew.
>Besides, you feel kinda sorry for him.
>If he wants to have a normal life, he has to go through with this
>You don't think you could've survived a serious fight with your dad when you were a teenager.
"Umm... Can you give me a second?"
>"Okay. But you will help me, right?"
>You don't know what to say.
>Aaaand damn. A crowd has gathered.
>As you hold your head in your hands, trying to figure out how not to fuck this situation up, you listen in on some of the whispers in your audience.
>"He might help a pony out with The Ritual."
>"He'd better help."
>"Has he ever done it himself?"
>"No."
>"How's he gonna know how to help? He doesn't even know how it works..."

>>29670413
>"It says on his sign that he's giving advice."
>"And that he's a PhD! I wonder what that is?"
>"Shut up Lyra, I didn't come here to listen to your stupid-"
>"Oooh! Maybe he knows some sort of trick to getting more humans to appear..."
>"...*sigh*... Lyra, I seriously want to strangle you sometimes."
>Well then.
"You know what? I'll help you out right now."
>You didn't like your breakfast this morning anyways.
>Aaaaand awkward silence.
>All of the pones just sit there waiting for the world to change something to happen.
>Well, you were hoping you wouldn't have to use this
>FULL AUTISM, GO!
"You know what?"
>"What?"
"There's a saying that my people, the Humans, have for situations like this."
"Some of the most legendary feats of Human achievement happened right after this saying was heard."
>"And what's that, sir?"
>assume Shia Labeouf stance
"JUST DO IT!"
>"I'm sorry sir, but-"
"Don't let your dreams be dreams."
>"Uh-uh-uuum that's really inspirational and all bu-"
"Yesterday, you said tomorrow, so JUST DO IT!"
>"I-"
"MAKE YOUR DREAMS COME TRUE! JUST... DO IT!"
>"Okay, sir, I get it, I should-"
"Some people dream of success, while YOU'RE GONNA WORK HARD AT IT! NOTHING IS IMPOSSIBLE!"
>"Thank you sir. I'll remember that."
>And then he dashed off.
>But you weren't done.
>You still had an audience...
"You should get to the point where anyone else would quit, but YOU'RE NOT GONNA STOP THERE! WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR?!?"
"... DO IT! JUST... DO IT! YES YOU CAN! JUST DO IT!"
>Your audience is now on the edge of their butts.
"If you're tired of starting over, STOP GIVING UP."
>le Shia Squat
>You then bugger off to your house as the pones all gallop off and do pone things.

>>29664605
Anon's hand is facing the wrong way in this.

>>29670427

>Two weeks later
>The former town of Ponyville has grown to an enormous Metropolis
>It's comparable to Manehattan
>Applejack didn't like the change.
>It turns out that there were millions of (somehow edible) diamond pears buried deep beneath the city which had been rumored to be there for centuries.
>Nopony knows why they were there, but there wasn't any question that they should be sold to ponies all around the world.
>Local merchants have been making quite a lot of coin off of that.
>The pony you heard being referred to as Lyra became the first in the entire world to be a specialized Doctor for Humans
>So far, you're her only patient (and you hope it stays that way).
>And as it turns out, her friend, called BonBon, is now a very famous candy-maker.
>BonBon's Classic Shop is one of your favorite places to visit in the brand new Downtown Ponyville.
>Betapone ended up beating his dad senseless in two seconds flat (which was a world record), and then proceeded to fuck his mom so well that her vagina was numb for a week.
>Upon hearing the second part of that, you promptly proceeded to violently vomit out your own internal organs.
>Apparently he's now one of the town's best bodybuilders.
>Princess Twilight Sparkle is making a new discovery about the Magic of Friendship every fucking week, it seems.
>Each one is discovered as "Ground-Breaking" and "Extremely Important."
>Her Letters to Celestia are on National TV before even Celestia herself gets them.
>Also, there's a statue of you in the center of town.
>Has some of your famous words of motivation scrawled on a plaque at its base.
>But you know that those aren't your words.
>And at the end of all this, you got a new office downtown.
>It's kinda cute, with a nice big window and everything.
>On the window, are the words,
"Professional Help and Advice, 5 bits per problem,"
"Dr. Anon, PhD."

Welp, that's it for the first one.
pastebin here: http://pastebin.com/Zh1QESfV
So should I into sequel?

>>29670464
Yes, Greentext good text.

>>29670464
Yes Moar plz

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>>29669147
>The crowd parts and makes sure to keep a safe distance from the two of you as you circle around one another, daggers in both of your eyes.
>Twilight begins closing her eyes as her horn lights up with a purple glow
>Suddenly a purple ball of light appears in front of her then rapidly begins approaching your position
>"Shit, must be a magic missile." You think to yourself.
>You close your eyes and try to focus on the magic missile, in an attempt to divert its trajectory back towards Twilight instead of you.
>"I'm getting a bit rusty at this."
>With enough mental strain, you manage to reach into the fabric of reality itself in order to reflect the attack back at her.
>"W-what the?!" Twilight says, stunned at her own attack not only being ineffective, but also hurtling towards her at an alarming speed.
>Just before the attack connects with her, she manages to teleport away.
>The attack instead hits a nearby bystander, a grey pegasus with bubbles on her flank, knocking her out cold.
>"Blasted horse magic." You think to yourself as you begin to look around for her new location.
>You spot her panting just a few meters away from where she was before.
>"Gave you a good scare, didn't I?"
>"H-how the buck did you do that?" she says exasperatedly

>>29670464
Sequel please :^)

>>29670551
>>"H-how the buck did you do that?" she says exasperatedly
*Runic Screeching inten-* -Oh wait that was last thread.

>>29670622
Sorry my internet's fucked due to shitty weather
Fucking blizzard today

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>>29670551
Praise Kek!

>>29670413
Fuck off with your reposts. It wasn't funny the first time it was posted. Why would it be funny now?

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shadilay, shadilay, page 10, go away

>>29664605
Is there a guide to this thread? A quick index on what goes on in each story?

I want /p9l/ to leave

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>>29672656
who?

>>29617187
>She nods, smiling. What game is she fucking playing?
“What did you do to Twilight!”
>”Nothing at all, she should be back sometime tomorrow. She was meeting with the princesses--about you, actually.”
>This leaves you even more confused than before.
>”Wait, what?!”
>”Well, let’s just say I’ve been watching. To be honest, saving you was only part of the deal.”
“Deal!? What deal!?”
>She sighs, shaking her head.
>”Listen Anon, you’re going to help me whether you like it or not. I WILL have my revenge. You understand what she did to me?”
>You throw up your arms.
“How the fuck am I supposed to help you? I’m literally one of the weakest beings in all of Equestria!”
>She smirks. Her horn glows green and same light spreads around her body. Her hooves morph into legs and arms. Her skin is like yours, and she has long, wavy, black hair.
>”Hello, my dear brother.” She smiles, innocently.
“I don’t even have a sister!”
>”You do now.” She leaps towards you and embraces you in a hug. “And you’re going to be a very loving and caring brother to me. Right, Anon?”

Updates soon

>>29673074
nice.

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>>29670551
>"This shouldn't be possible!"
>"You know I thought you'd be smart enough to not underestimate a foe without studying them beforehand, Princess Sparkle.
>"But I scanned you with a spell, you don't have any magic whatsoever!"
>"Do you think I'd be silly enough to reveal my power level?"
>"Well technically it isn't MY magic anyway, it's merely being borrowed from an external source, the deity known as Kek."
>"That sounds...quite absurd..really." Twilight says.
>"That magic attack I used before was one of my weakest spells, an attempt to incapacitate you at best."
>"I lied when I said I wasn't going easy on you, because I truly believed you were full of horseapples, and didn't want to embarrass you too badly."
>Twilight begins charging another spell
>"I won't make the same mistake again."
>"I hate being target practice." you think to yourself.
>This time you focus on pre-emptively interrupting her spell so it ends up backfiring on her.
>"Kek, grant me the will to end this battle."
>You will out a pair of dice and throw them towards the ground.
>It's a pair of boxcars, you got dubs.
>Suddenly, Twilight's horn begins to spark and fizzle, and the spell she was planning to use on you ends up affecting her instead.

>>29674156
fucken kek, what a lad

Have you ever heard the tragedy of Darth Anon the Autistic?

Anon don't have magic.

But Writer can.
>Shut up

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>>29675108
What did he mean by this?

>>29675719
That writefags are stupid motherfuckers that barely do anything and expect to be worshiped

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>>29675895
>that barely do anything
They write you nigger

>>29675959
Yeah, barely. Shitposting is what keeps this tread alive, which is kinda sad really

>>29675991
>There isn't enough writers, surely bitching at one of them to go away because of this will improve things?

>>29675895
I have certain responsibilities as a man and having the money and time to fulfill those is more important to me than having some free time to write. When I have a spare minute, I'll shitpost. When I have spare hours, I'll write. If you're concerned with the quantity of green I or any of the other numerous writefags can produce, then you try typing something up and we'll go from there.

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>>29674156
>When the smoke clears, in Twilight's place is a...frozen Twilight.
>Clearly she was planning on using a cryo spell on you this time.
>"At least she finally chilled the fuck out." you say.
>A few ponies boo at your terrible joke, the rest are shocked at how you managed to defeat one of the most powerful ponies in Equestria just by being a lazy jackass.
>"Don't worry, I can fix this....probably." you say in an attempt to calm them down.
>You approach Twi-cicle and contemplate how to free her from the ice cube she is currently trapped in.
>"Shit uhh..."
>You focus on the ice cube and try to imagine it thawing it before your very eyes.
>For good measure you think of shitty ice-related puns.
>After about 10 seconds or so, the ice around Twilight begins to melt, leaving a soaked, and shivering Twilight.
>"I always knew I'd get the mares wet."
>"Shit, you don't look too good."
>Indeed, Twilight looked like she was about to keel over at any second.
>Quickly, you remove your suit's jacket and wrap it around Twilight.
>"Hang in there Twi, I'm not gonna let you get hurt over some stupid bet."
>"At least it's warm out today." you think to yourself.
>>29675959
Gimme a quick rundown please.

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>>29675959
Umm, you don't get to bring memes

>>29641621

>An armored pegasi darts out from behind her, speeding for you.
>His glare is almost as threatening as the spear he has aimed at your chest.
>You thrust your hands forward and focus on his armor and call upon another spell.
>Its density increases exponentially, completely overpowering the guard’s wings and sending him on a collision course with the ground.
>He grunts as he smashes into the snow, not even budging an inch forward as the massive weight pressing down on him locks him against the ground.
>In the next instant, you alter his and the armor’s weight to be less than that of a feather.
>With that out of the way, it takes next to no magic for you to grab him in your telekinetic hold and lift him up overhead, then throw him.
>The guard soars away, unable to control his flight or speed, and disappears into the distance.
>Your next assailant, a Wonderbolt, tries the exact same tactic as the last one.
>That is, they charge at you with reckless abandon because that’s the only way these ponies apparently know how to fight.
>This mare is very fast compared to the last pony. You barely have time to force the nearby bush to suddenly grow and wrap its elongated limbs around her.
>With a few motions of your finger, the super long branches swing her around, smashing her through piles of snow and eventually letting go, sending her into a tree.
>A gust of wind alerts you to an attacker, but you’re simply too slow to react in time.
>A hard metal-encased head slams into your spine and knocks you forward several feet.
>It takes a few seconds for you to gather your bearings.
>By the time you do, you realize you’re completely surrounded.
>There’s not even a foot between you and any other pony.
>One, a white stallion whose hair is covered in muddy snow, raises a spear above you, poised to strike.

>>29676788

>You can’t fling them all back again--not with the magic you have left.
>It looks like it’s escape time.
>Damn it. God damn it.
>You’ve put so much into this.
>All the time and effort you’ve spent becoming a powerful wizard so that you could never be beaten so easily and now you have to run away.
>You’re the worst, Anon.
>You’re subhuman.
>Pushing that anger onto the back burners to stew and grow for later, you muster your strength and put most of what you’ve got left in the tanks towards one spell.
>Focus, Anon.
>Before that stallion can impale you, you clench your fists.
>As your hands close, they suck the light right out of the area and into themselves.
>Darkness engulfs you and everyone around you.
>”Help!”
>”I can’t see!”
>”He’s a demon!”
>Now, would a demon be so kind as to give everyone back their light?
>With your palms aimed towards the ground, you open them back up and release all the light at once.
>You’re temporarily blinded from the sudden shift, but you don’t need sight for what comes next.
>The intense brightness was enough to melt the snow underneath you, turning it to water and giving you perfect access to the dirt.

>>29676796

>Dipping into the fumes you’re running on, you warp the dirt’s density and allow yourself to sink right into it, delving into the soil like a root looking for nutrients.
>Following that, you freeze the water atop so as to make it look like nothing happened.
>That’s it.
>You’re spent, Anon.
>There’s not one ounce of magic left in your whole body, and man does it feel like it.
>Your lungs burn like you’ve just run a marathon.
>Every muscle aches, tired and hungry for power.
>You need to breathe, but at the same time, you can’t.
>There’s no breathing room in this dirt.
>Even if there was, you need to be quiet. They can’t know what happened.
>You’re still able to hear the faint going-ons of up above.
>Something about you disappearing.
>Then someone suggests they all run away.
>There’s a shuffling of hooves, which makes your heart race in anticipation for when you can emerge from the ground and breathe again.
>God damn, this is starting to hurt.
>You sputter as gas builds in your lungs, stirring to get out.
>Exhaling slightly only serves to prolong your suffering a little longer, but is it long enough?
>”Quick, split up. We’ll find him faster in smaller groups.”
>”I don’t know, Sarge. I don’t want to meet up with him without you guys.”
>”It’ll be fine, Apple Brapple.”
>”Hey, does this ice look funny to you?”
>No, no it doesn’t.
>”It looks raised, like there’s something under it.”
>Stop, you fool!
>”Don’t be absurd, Twinkling Mail. There’s nothing under that ice.”
>Love you too, Sarge.
>”Nah, I’m gonna stab it.”
>NO WAI--

>>29676805

>Huh?
>Where are you?
>You’re alive for sure. That’s why you’re thinking.
>That said, you’ve no idea what’s going on.
>One minute you were encased in dirt, and now you’re nowhere?
>You’re somewhere, yet it feels like you’re floating in space.
>Let’s try to move your arms.
>Nope, those won’t respond.
>Alright, well given that your legs are holding the same strike on movement, you try your hand at magic.
>You don’t feel tired at all, so you assume your magic is back somehow.
>Telekinesis comes to you as second nature now, so start with that.
>You focus, trying to channel your arcane energy, but nothing comes.
>Odd. You...must still be drained.
>But then, how is it you feel so chipper?
>It’s as if there’s no weight on you at all, as if your consciousness is just meandering through the open air.
>Damn, you can’t see or hear anything through this dirt.
>It seems like all the guards have left, but you can’t check because you can’t fucking move.
>Actually, come to think of it, your lungs don’t hurt either.
>Can you...you know…
>You go through the mental processes of breathing, but there’s no air going into your lungs.
>That is, you can’t feel any air. You can’t even feel your lungs.
>There’s absolutely no sensation of you breathing at all.
>This is definitely the time your heart would begin to race if you could feel it.
>Instead, your mind just whizzes through scenario after scenario of what might be going on.
>A spell backfired.
>No, you fried yourself in that last spell.
>No, it was definitely that cunt of misery, Twilight.
>She did this.
>Oh fuck, are you in Tartarus? Is this Tartarus?
>Hell no. They actually did it, the absolute madmen.

>>29676816

>Minutes pass.
>Or are they hours?
>Shit, after a while it all just started to blend together.
>Your thoughts are your only companions in this Hell without explanation.
>Even they begin to annoy you after a while.
>Why can they just create themselves and bicker in your head, yet you’re unable to do anything but sit there and listen?
>You don’t want to think, you want to know.
>You want to know where you are.
>You want to know what’s going on here!
>Fuck!
>Come on, do something!
>Anything!
>You’re screaming into nothingness.
>With no mouth to speak off, your silenced voice can’t even echo into this inescapable darkness you’re submerged in.
>All you can do is wait, and wait, and wait, and wait, and WAIT.
>How long are you going to spend like this?
>If you could, you’d be grinding your teeth into dust right now.
>Unsure of if it’s been ten hours or ten days, you’re sure of one absolute thing.
>You don’t feel the slightest bit tired right now.
>Since you ended up in this situation, you’ve felt no fatigue at all.
>Wait, what’s this?
>That’s...something.
>Yeah, it almost feels like a leg.
>That’s you, right?
>Slowly, agonizingly slowly, some form of stimulus reaches you.

>>29676820

>It’s almost like you’re sinking into a warm pool of feeling.
>Softness wraps around you as your body awakens.
>You can hear a steady beeping.
>Your arms are chilly, as opposed to the rest of your body.
>Can you open your eyes?
>Oh man, it takes you a second to remember how to even do that.
>You peel them open, squinting at first from the sudden change in light.
>Now, let’s see here.
>You’re in a very familiar looking room.
>Oh god no.
>”You’re awake, it seems. Wonderful.”
>You turn your head to see a smiling, light blue mare with her hair done up in a bun.
>”Please excuse me.”
>This pony dressed in white with a red cross on her flank exits your cramped, green room.
>”Guards,” she shouts, “He’s awake! Alert the princesses!”
“Well fuck me sideways.”
>This hospital where you’re stationed, given that mare’s call for the princesses, is most definitely in royal guard central.
>You squint, switching your view to include the magical strings tying together the world.
>Er, you try.
>Hey, what’s up?
>You specifically altered this spell to be able to turn on and off.
>Shit, you must have fucked with the runes somehow.
>Whatever. Figure it out later.

>>29676829

>You throw the thin white sheet which was covering your lower half off yourself, revealing your mostly naked form.
>You’re still in your underpants and there’s a large bandage on your stomach, protected by gauze that wrap around your body.
>There’s no extra weight on you. Your lungs feel fine.
>There’s definitely enough magic in you to pull off an escape.
>”Guards, help! He’s moving!”
>”We’re on the way!”
“They won’t find me when they arrive,” you say confidently and locate a window a few feet to the left of your uncomfortable bed.
>Yes, that’s the way out.
>There’s a chair too, so you can use your telekinesis on that and cheat your way into flight.
>You run over and unhitch the blinders keeping the window closed.
>When you throw it open, you see that you’re not exactly in Ponyville.
>Instead of being two stories up, you’re probably on the order of twenty thousand stories up.
>There’s the side of this hospital that extends down for quite a bit before dropping off to a very tall, purple mountain complete with its own glistening waterfall that ends in a violent, whitewater frenzy several thousand feet down.
>Princesses, royal guards, mountains.
“Canterlot. Figures.”
>But how’d you even get here?
>You don’t remember teleporting.
>No, you’re in a hospital.
>They moved you at some point.
>You don’t want to spend too long thinking about this with the impending arrival of the guards, so you make haste and reach out toward the chair.

>>29676838

>It’s only now that you notice these strange objects on your hands.
>They’re like thick, black bracelets that extend via poles into matching rings on each of your fingers.
>”Stop right there!”
“Not on your life!”
>You lift the chair over your head and throw it out the window, then climb into the sil and prepare to leap as well.
>Holding your hand out, you channel some magic through and try to levitate the chair.
>Then you jum--WOW HOLD YOUR HORSES!
>You slip, your feet coming out from under you as you fall onto your ass.
>Throwing your weight back, you land inside the hospital room and crawl away from the death drop right there.
>It...you...your magic.
>The spell didn’t work.
>You look down at your chest.
>None of the passive runes are glowing.
>Not your detection spell, not your sober spell, not your enhanced strength spell, nothing.
>Wide eyed, you turn to what has become a huge team of armed guards filling the front of your room.
“What did you do to me?”
>”It’s nothing too bad, Anonymous,” comes a soft, soothing voice that does little to calm your nerves and only aggravates you.
>”Tis but a safety precaution. As ye youths today would call it, an insurance policy.”
>”You’re a smart man, Anon. Try to figure out what’s different about you.”
>You grimace as two very tall ponies appear at the door frame and enter, the herd of guards stepping aside for them.
>Celestia, the goddess of the sun, gestures at your hands.
>”You’ve studied magic very thoroughly to be able to do this to yourself. Tell me, what do those devices resemble?”
“Horn rings,” you grumble.
>”Now, art thou willing to speak as civilized people, or shall we behest our loyal soldiers impale thee once more, and end this madness altogether?”

>>29676851

That's it for now. I fully intend on coming back with more soon. Let's say Friday. Sound like a date?
Sorry for the wait, but I hope this fully updated pastebin makes up for it http://pastebin.com/5ECNnjxF

>>29676865
good stuff man, bit busy right now but I'll read it in a bit

>"Now, art thou willing to speak as civilized people, or shall we behest our loyal soldiers impale thee once more, and end this madness altogether?”
Uh, he kind of was, it was the royal guard with their
>Fiesty aren't you/He has a weapon, take him down!
Attitudes that was the real problem.

>>29676865
you're a god as usual my man cannot wait

>>29676865
Make it Thursday and we got a deal

>>29676951
do not be greedy with the one true god of green

>>29676865
Is anon gonna get friendshipped?

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>>29676865
Another enjoyable update, m8.

Gotta admit it's getting annoying seeing so many people jerk you off. Don't get me wrong, it's a good story (irony not lost on me) but chill the fuck out people.

>>29677050
Calm down anon, dont get so worked up

>>29677085
If that constitutes "worked up", I'd love to see your definition of "raging".

>>29676851
Fucking congratulations Anon, you got yourself caught. Now you're royally fucked.

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>>29664605
Bumping

Fuck I'm tired as fuck today.

I'll update Kek Anon in a bit.

Please don't cuck Anon too much, Urchin.

>>29678173
this

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>>29678173
Anon exists to suffer.

There can be no peace for him.

>>29672978
What is the name of this May May? I know of this iteration, and the Canada one with the goose, but I haven't seen any other countries and it amuses me.

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>>29678577
Proofster
http://knowyourmeme.com/memes/proofster

I remember when this shit was all over /int/

>>29676865
You have a massive fetish for completely fucking over Anon and making him and everyone else act like retards, don't you?

>>29678623
See
>>29676887
and also
>"I'm going to stab this random ice puddle because its on slightly higher ground. I've been paying attention to the ground rather that what was going on so I know it is different than what it was."
He only stabbed that place because diablos ex machina, much like Anon not having a box that closed for his important documents just so he could lose it all.
Etc.

>>29678732
It's almost likes it's a fictional story or something

>>29679103
Doesn't excuse everything happening just so to cause problems for Anon.
>You attack would have worked but there was a puddle of rare antimagic slime on the floor of the throne room because someone spilled it and didn't clean up
>I'm going to throw this spear over this cliff for no reason
>Anon made an impenetrable fortress yet didn't shut the doors
>'He's standing there, menacingly! Shoot him!'
>'I like a woman human with spirit!'

>>29679175
reading into things too much mate

>>29679175
Or maybe the guard noticed that the area used to be flat packed snow and now suddenly it's a sheet of ice that looks like something has been put under it. Have you ever seen ice before? It doesn't just bulge for no reason. In fact, it doesn't at all unless the freezing was done instantaneously and the water hasn't had a chance to flow down to the flowers point. As for the super secure box for his documents, that's just stupid. He had no reason to expect things would go this south this soon so of course he wouldnt have an almighty deus ex super secure safe. Your main mistake in reading this story is that you're judging how the characters act with your knowledge as a reader instead of what they would have being characters. To you, a lot of things are obvious because you know everything that is going on and you can probably guess what's going to happen next. Life doesn't work like that though. Cut the characters a break.

>>29679235
It's a story, reading is what you're supposed to do

>>29679235
Different anon here. You're reading into it too little. It doesn't matter what the author meant, what matters is what is implied by what actually happens. He's fallen into the trap that many GMs and writers fall into, which is writing characters into a story rather than writing a story around the characters. It comes off as forced and contrived, even when that isn't intended. This is because the situation is pre-determined and the characters are then cut to fit the mold. In good writing, the mold is built around the characters. What would they do, and how would they react to a situation as an individual? That sort of thing is usually discarded in favor of the quicker and easier 'this happens because it happens and everyone reacts the way the plot wants them to' flavor of writing that is so pervasive in all forms of literature.

>>29679349
Within the realm of this story, who exactly has been acting out of character and how? If one of the first things that comes to your mind is Anon making perfectly reasonable human mistakes with the information that he has on hand while living in the story, then you're stupid. If your other reason is that a trained soldier somehow lacks the mental capacity to notice when a whole area of the battlefield has completely changed in ways that defy nature and thus is a likely spot where a dangerous magic user might be hiding, you're also stupid. If your next reason is that they captured and healed him on the orders of the kind and all good sun goddess instead of leaving him to die with no trial despite that never happening to even the worst villains in the show, again, you're stupid. Do you have anything else? Maybe Twilight being crazy about friendship? Then I advise you to do your "deep reading" and pick out all the signs pointing towards her spiraling down the same obsessive path that turned Anon sour.

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>>29679376
Golly gee mister, you sure beat me!

>>29679398
This is what a post looks like when someone realizes they have no argument.

>>29679408
It's what a post looks like when someone responds by creating an easily defeated argument and positing it as the opponents argument instead of addressing their actual points.

>>29679413
I didn't exaggerate the original points. They are exactly the arguments most commonly presented and one I brought up before anyone else could bother. Anon didn't do this in preparation for the future! X happened because he didn't do Y! That is literally your argument. He had no reason to assume any of this would happen or at the very least not so soon. The soldier? The Anon's original points mocking his actions were "oh hey let me stab this random ice because I was paying more attention to the ground than the fight". First of all, that's a strange right there if you want to pick it apart. Secondly, you have to remember this is a trained soldier who has lived through winter before. He knows how to pay attention to his surroundings and he knows ice doesn't look like that. Even if he didn't, even if he was fucking retarded and lived in Saddle Arabia and never saw snow, never learned how to fight, never did anything, he would STILL see that spot of snow suddenly disappear and change after Anon did something RIGHT THERE. Don't you think that's a little fishy? Maybe worth some investigation?

>>29679431
Those posts weren't all made by the same Anon, you doofus.

>>29679445
I know that, but they're commonly used points by the dissenting voices. what's sad is that more than one person can read that and agree with it. Before you call what I said a strawman, take a second to look at your argument and think if I'm making it sound stupid or if it's actually stupid.

>>29679448
It's fairly obvious that you're heavily biased in favor of the author, and that you're taking the criticism personally. I could write up a long ass rebuttal to each of your points, but it's 7 AM and I still haven't slept yet. Also, writing an essay on a Singaporean beyblades symposium to correct someone about a Welch tuba composition isn't my idea of a fun time.

>>29679431
Again, I don't think the generic guard would be paying perfect attention to each and every ice patch and snowdrift when they just came there to capture Anon. Why not any one of the other ice patches, why assume he was there at all using magic they had never seen before?
If it was a common tactic I'd accept it but just like most people don't look up at the ceiling when they enter a room, most people wouldn't start stabbing ice patches when their superior officer tells them the target has escaped and they should start moving.

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>>29676865
"Stab stab stab~"

>>29679495
Gotta agree with this post. I do agree with the other anon though in that people are expecting to much of Anon's preparations, but stabbing the ice was just silly. They more than likely passed through the town on their way to his house, which means they'll have seen all the melted snow and stuff from where he shot off the magic missile, which means it shouldn't surprise them that Anon throwing magic about causes patches of melted snow. Sure, there being ice there might be unusual, but not unusual enough for him to stab it. What if the magic just melted off the snow but didn't do enough to melt the ice underneath? And why would your first response be to stab it, especially after being told by a superior that "There's nothing under there." That isn't a suggestion, that's a statement, and it should be your cue to stop being an asshat and do as you're told. Maybe the Equestrian military is just badly disciplined?

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>>29676851
Magic rings prevent magic from coming out, right? That is further suggested by Anon feeling himself full of magic, yet being unnable to do shit.

Damn, if only it would go on like something like this
1. Anon starts heating his own hands
2. At some point metal rings start to melt (long after his own flesh ofc, but what do?)
3. Once rings melt away, Anon unleashes TONS OF MAGIC he had accumulated while in coma
3.5 He also doesn't die of blood loss or infection due to whats left of his hands being cauterized
4. Anon makes himself new magical hands out of metal
5. ???
6. Badass.

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>>29679495
>>29680451
Whole way Anon chose to hide was so fucking idiotic and unbelievable, that I had my face like "da fuq?!" already when reading it ...and then stabbing a "suspicious" ice patch happened.

Srsly, what the flying fuck? Escaping by blinding everyone, and then burrowing yourself in the dirt, instead of like thousands of more sane alternatives? Guards going random, stabbing all the places they dont like? Those two combined to make Anon get caught?

Fuck me.

>>29680807
or maybe a huge ass lump in the ground that wasn't there before was noticeable

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>>29680816
So fucking noticeable, after you got an equivalent of a flash granade in your face, and eveyone is now looking around, trying to spot where Anon went, but you don't instinctively follow their example, because you know you have to move the plot in a most ridiculous way possible.

>>29680816
Look! There is a huge ass lump in the ground!
Why are you standing still? Don't you remember, that such things never happen after all the light in a dozens of a square yards was literally sucked from existence by one of the most exotic and rare spells, and then unleashed at us in the blinding explosion? Haven't you read your "Being a guard for dummies" book thoroughly?

>>29680709
The only problem that Anon doesn't have anything related to fire in his arsenal atm.
Or could he heat something with the same spell that he cast a magical missile with?

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>>29680934
>magical missile
Even better. He could channel this "magical missile" energy into his hands, inside his flesh, untill it reaches it's peak and blows up his hands with rings and bracers on them altogether.

>>29680960
I think the rings prevent the channeling of spells altogether, otherwise literally anyone who got captured would just do that.

>>29680960
>Blowing your own hands to break free
It sounds fucking awesome, but how the hell is he going to channel magic to blow his bracers, when those very bracers is what prevents him from channeling magic in the first place?

>>29681002
This. Those passive spells only effect Anon so there wouldn't be any magic coming out. Since none of his passive spells work, it means that his magic doesn't work period, not just that it can't come out.

>>29680709
Good luck doing that in front of Celestia.

There seems to be a lot of controversy over this ice. One side says that a huge lump of ice that defies the laws of nature in its shape should be noticable to guards chasing a magic user. The other says that a guard wouldn't have their wits about them after the dark-light flash grenade to see that lump and should have followed the order to leave. How will our divided thread ever heal?

>>29681034
#IceGate

>>29681002
>anyone who got captured would just do that
Really though? Would, for example, irl everyone saw their leg of, if it got trapped under rock or elsewhere?
>>29681009
It is based on my assumption, that bracers only prevent magic from affecting other object and spellcaster from outside (like using telekinesis to fly yourself to the freedom), but not from the inside, literally "beneath" the bracers.

>>29681040
Yeah but if he blows his hands off what the fuck is he going to do to heal them? How would he put runes on himself?

>>29680709
Neat idea m8, but unfortunately what we know from the story already doesn't leave a room for this being possible
>>29681002 and >>29681016

>>29681066
It's only my speculations as to how Anon might escape (without some stupid plot moves, like the most recent ones). But what I can definately say is that
>How would he put runes on himself
he certainly isn't going to put ANY runes on himself ever, if he gets kindly lobotomised by Princesses, so he needs to do something fast.

>>29681034
>One side says that a huge lump of ice that defies the laws of nature in its shape should be noticable to guards chasing a magic user
It's funny, because, to me, this is the reason why it should NOT be noticable, unless I, being a random John Doe, somehow fucking know, which spell leaves what on the area it was cast on.
And, mind you, it wasn't even the freaking Twillight, that noticed something strange about this, but, again, a random-ass pony guard №1557.

>>29681127
This.
I could have tolerated if it was Twillight ordering the guard to check the ice lump, because she doesn't recall a flash spell leaving something like this, and being, you know, Twillight, who we know is rather autistic and aware even about the smallest details.

Spears can't break through magic ice.
Not with a one hit. It was an inside job.

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>>29676336
>For good measure, you pick up Twilight and hold her close to your chest.
>"Cmon damnit, don't die."
>"A-anon?" Twilight says to you weakly.
>"Twilight?"
>"T-thanks for helping me."
>"Uhh any time."
>Well this is awkward.
>"Uhh want me to take you back to your place or?"
>"That'd be... great."
>As you walk to the castle with Twigglehorse in your arms, you notice her looking up at your face and quickly blushing and turning away when she realizes you noticed it.
>"This again?" You think to yourself.
>You reach the castle's door and knock on it several times.
>"Just a minute!" yells a somewhat high-pitched voice.
>Spike opens the door and looks a bit surprised.
>"Oh hey...Anon...and Twilight?"
>"Long story." you dismissively say to him.
>"I need to get her to her bed, she may or may not have frozen herself in a block of ice."
>"Uhhh...sure, it's just down the hall and to the left." the dragon points out to you.

Anon has these priceless papers and he chooses a box open to the air rather than a 'saddle'bag or a box that could close/lock? Anon carrying the important papers in an open top box rather than something that would protect the documents from rain, falling/etc is more of a plot device as well to have the papers destroyed and cause a fight.
Maybe instead have 'the fastened bag flies open(somehow) and the papers fall out' if it really needs to happen that way.

>>29681555
Well, anons fucked either way now

>>29681555
Again, Anon couldn't have known this would happen. As far as he knew, he was going to be in a new home by the end of the night. A box, that being all he had available unless you count the fucking wardrobe, was fine with the information he had on hand.

>>29676788
Our boy is back!

I think the biggest divide is due to some people thinking there's "a huge ass lump covered in ice", while others read it as "there's a patch on the ground where the snow melted and left a covering of ice".

Clearly if a spear could break through the ice with one stab, it wasn't an extremely thick lump of ice, so if there was indeed a "huge ass lump", it would have come about from anon burying himself really badly and making a huge ass lump of dirt.

If he didn't do that, then it would leave only a completely normal area of ground, with a relatively thin ice cover which could have come about in dozens of ways and would have nothing eye-catching at all about it.

So, the only logical conclusion to this, is that:
1). Either anon buried himself well, was well-hidden, but in order to advance the plot the guard acted highly out of character and decided to stab the ice for no reason;
OR
2) In his haste, anon only partly buried himself and the rest was just covered in earth, creating a highly conspicuous mound jutting out of the earth, in which case the guards are in the right BUT this was extremely stupid of anon, and there's no indication in the story that he would be incompetent enough for this to happen.

Besides, the wording of the story supports a full burial, and therefore conclusion number 1), in my opinion.

>>29682014
Anon clearly did bury himself fully. The issue is that 2 things cannot exist inside each other at once, so by moving himself underground, he displaced the dirt that was there and made the lump.

>>29682035
That wouldn't make a very noticeable lump though, if spread even half-decently.

According to wolfram-alpha, the average volume of a human body is 0.0664m^3, so if we were to spread that much dirt over a 2m * 2m area, you'd get a ground level rise of just 1.7cm. If it were instead spread over a 1.5m circle (almost certainly easily manageable for Anon), it would result in a rise of ~3.75cm, which, given that the ground is full of snow, ice, and irregularities, would be very very hard to notice unless you knew exactly what to check for.

>>29682093
And what if it didn't spread? Do you live in a cold area? I do, and let me tell you that in the dead of winter, our dirt is as good as stone. There might have just been a big human-shaped chunk of frozen dirt sitting on top of him for all we know.

>>29682111
The commanding officer saw the area in question and thought it not suspicious and even gave the guard an order to stop wasting time before Mr "Imma stab it anyway." disregarded orders.

>>29682111
>you warp the dirt’s density and allow yourself to sink right into it, delving into the soil like a root looking for nutrients.

Clearly he didn't remove some dirt, place himself, and put the removed chunk back on top.

That said, I know what cold dirt is like, and it's quite clear that realistically, making it lighter without changing its structure would perhaps make it more brittle, but would absolutely not allow one to just sink right in.

So either:
1) Magical handwaivium, author's words, etc. etc., what happened happened (lame but probably the most likely outcome of these discussions unless SeaUrchin actually trawls through all this shitposting and decides to retcon something),
OR
2) Anon's spell allow the dirt to somehow liquefy enough that, just by standing on top of it, he sunk right down into it in just a fraction of a second - meaning that, if the dirt was soft enough to displace itself around his body and up, then back itself tight against his body to the point where he couldn't breathe at all, then it would definitely have been soft enough to spread around once it had been displaced.

>>29681964

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Goddamn Sea Urchin, your story really get discussion going

It seems there's a fair bit of confusion over one part of the story and I can't help but feel at least partially responsible. Looking back, the wording dies leave something to be desired. My idea was that Anon turned the dirt intangible and sunk through it. Then it turned solid with him in it. Like it was pointed out earlier, two things can't exist inside each other at once, so the dirt would have been displaced in Anon-shape directly above him. Defining that as "changing its density" is probably what caused the issue, so I'll have to reword that in the pastebin to make it clearer for future dear readers.

As for the dirt spreading out and only raising the level one centimeter, fuckin', I'm not a mathematician. Call it creative license.

>>29682943
Just make him try to leg it after the flashbang and getting caught by faster pegasi next time.
Thats it, so much fucking simplier.

>>29681534
>When everyone is sperging out in the seaurchin circlejerk and completely ignores the meme magic update

Here, have a (you) from a lurker, writefriend. I heard these can make updates arrive faster.

>>29683062
He shoulda pulled a Krillin and used a solar flare

>>29683062
Well of course it's simple. It's so simple it's one of the first things that crossed my mind. Then I thought it was too simple and went for something a little more fun and, as I thought and think, fits the story better.

And that's the last comment I'll make on this. I don't like to delve into discussions on my own green.

>>29681534
Keep It coming!

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>>29681534
>You follow Spike's directions and enter Twilight's room.
>As you tuck Twilight into her bed, you notice her apprehensive expression.
>"Is anything else bothering you, Twilight?" you say to her.
>"How can you be so nice to me after what I tried to do to you?" she says almost angrily.
>"I don't understand what you mean? We agreed to a duel and you did everything in your power to beat me." you respond
>"Yes but that ice spell was no joke, anon. You could've been seriously injured or killed!"
>"I-I made a mistake, I got scared by what you did and nearly took an innocent life in the process."
>You better try to calm her down.
>"Twilight, you made a mistake, I don't hold anything against you.
>"But I'm supposed to be a princess, a model individual! Everyone is counting on me to not make mistakes!"
>Twilight begins hyperventilating.
>"Simple words aren't working here." you think to yourself.
>You move back towards the bed and pull Twilight into a hug.
>"Everything is fine, I'm not angry at you." you say to comfort her.
>Eventually Twilight's breathing begins to normalize and you release her from your grip.
>"I guess I was right about you anon."
>"Hmm?"
>"You really do have a good heart."
>"The whole reason why I agreed to this stupid fight in the first place was because I wanted to learn more about you."
>"Ever since the day you showed up I've been completely fascinated by you...and I don't know why...."
>"You're just so...different. The way you carry yourself, it's like you have no fears or doubts in your mind, I envy you."
>"I wish I could go a day without constantly worrying about everything that could go wrong..."

>>29683079
Lol I was writing this at the same time you posted that.

>>29676865
Please dont be too hard on Anon. At least let him win a magic duel or two.

>>29683468
But Anon doesn't have enough time for that with all his upcoming 'forced friendship' lessons.

>>29683489
He may think of some way to escape. He's not a complete moron like most other Anons.

>>29683542
He is an edgy faggot who ran into the Everfree without any way of defending himself, though.

He's pretty fucking dumb.

>>29683563
Are there seriously people who think like this?
>dead of winter
>all animals supposed to be asleep except for ponies
>very clearly written accidentally wander into the everfree
>run into 2 animals that are very clearly written to not be normal
>anon is very clearly shocked by their being there because they're not supposed to be there
>"OH COME ON ANON, HOW COULD YOU NOT BE PREPARED WITH ALL YOUR TOOLS TO FIGHT 2 MONSTERS THAT YOU KNEW WOULD BE IN THE FOREST WHEN YOU DELIBERATELY RAN INTO IT"

Jesus this story went real shitty real fast.
I can already predict the ending is going to be a tragedy.
Anon is going to die or go insane.
You are a fucking hack urchin.
Unfuck your shit.

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>>29683613
Try harder

One shot green
>anon can't do magic.
>breaks his van
>twilight fixes his van.
>twilight has nightmares of anon thanking her for fixing his van
"Ooh, Twilight. Thanks. Thanks for FIXING MY VAN."
>twiggered, twilight kills herself.

>>29683619
you make me want to stop writefagging here

>>29683631
Pls no bully

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>mfw this thread reminds of early AiE threads

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>>29683319
>"She kind of reminds me of...myself before I discovered Lord Kek and finally felt at peace with the world." you ponder to yourself.
>"Maybe I can help you, remember what I said about what happens if I win the duel?"
>"Yeah, I have to worship this weird 'Kek' thing you keep talking about now."
>"Well, perhaps not worship, but I can at least show you how he managed to make me into the person I am today."
>"You'd really do that?" Twilight asks.
>"Of course, all I ask in return is that you provide me a room to stay at your castle in return."
>"O-of course anon!" Twilight says as her cheeks take on a rosy hue.
>"Great, thanks."
>Just before you leave her room you spin around.
>"Oh one last thing."
>"Yeah anon?"
>"Twilight...do you...like me?"
>Twilight's entire face turns bright crimson.
>"Y-you idiot, get outta here already!"
>Suddenly you get thrown out of Twilight's room by her magic and she promptly slams the door shut.
>"Hehe, score."

>>29683613
Don't worry, mine will be happy as fuck.

>>29683722
Well then do you have a pastebin? I might have missed it, I'm busy bleeding out of my eyes in anger.
If this shit doesn't give me happiness diabetes I will die and it will be YOUR fault.

>>29683735
Here you go sir.
http://pastebin.com/6m0iMgkd

Gimme some time to update, my house's internet and TV are fucked thanks to a snowstorm.

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This thread's really activated the old writing almonds, so planning on dropping some green of my own here.

Haven't written anything in close to two years, and never on this Turkmenistani rice farming forum, so please be merciless .

The overall plot's based heavily on >29669655, but far less edgy and more conspiratorial.

Any interest from y'all?

>>29683890
I'd give it a read, who are you?

>>29683890
What was the software that combined images again?

>>29683996
That's a deep dream image.

>>29684010
Thanks

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Urchin's an edgy guy

>>29684372
For you.

Pinched out more green than I thought I would.
Alas, 'tis late, and slumber is a needy mistress.
Expect a big ol' dump in a few hours, after I've slept on the monstrosity I've crafted.

>>29683963
My name is not important
What is important is what I'm going to do

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>>29676865
ITS FRIDAY, POST ALREADY.

>>29682943
Then Anon is a retard for thinking something so stupid would work, and by extension you are also a retard for thinking that is what a smart person would do.

>>29683542
He's not supposed to be, but he is anyway because it's convenient.

So does Sea Urchin's story suffer from major 'idiot ball' carrying and deus ex machina? It sounds like it does.

>>29685580
Yeah, basically. The worst part is that Urchin isn't usually a bad writer.

>>29685580
Unfortunately, it seems that lately it does.

Before the last couple of updates it was really good (hence a six-thread general almost exclusively for his story).

I want to start writing because I got an idea. I'm good with ideas, just not execution. Give me nine or so hours. I'll see what I can do.

>>29685664
Yes it does seem that way. Anon uses up almost all his magic to darken the area, hides underground extremely badly/really well and a random guard knows he is there because plot and disobeys orders so Anon gets caught.
I'm still caught up on that 'open box for priceless papers' because I would have thought he'd put them into a closed 'saddle' bag if he was traveling, or a box that could close in case of rain/etc if he had to use a box. I'm not buying that the only storage device he had for valuables/etc was a packing crate/whatever.
Even if he thought it was a clean shot to a new home an open crate would mean he'd have to be much more careful.
(Also the time he takes to stop and think about his relationships so they have time to catch up to him is yet another 'just so' event. Better than the psychic guard but not really something that would happen if he knows he has to get going immediately)

>all thus nitpicking over fanfiction
Calm down you fucks

>>29685698
While I don't personally read too far into motives and writing, using "it's fanfiction" as an excuse to accept various flaws in writing is a joke.

>>29685705
Autism

>>29685708
Faggotry

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>>29685708
>>29685721

>>29679475
No, what I am is apparently the only person here with a reading comprehension level above grade 3. I don't have an issue when someone dislikes something. I have an issue when they dislike it for stupid reasons.

>Anon shouldn't have used an open box to put these important papers in
Do you think he would have if he had something else available? Obviously he didn't, and obviously he doesn't have a spell to make things appear out of thin air because he would have done so several times already. Besides, that's probably the most OP spell ever and everyone in the thread would be sperging out over how deus ex it was.
>Anon takes the time to reflect on himself 'just so' the plot can move forward
No, Anon has his telekinesis working in the background the whole time. That's why everything is neatly packed away when he leaves the kitchen. His inner reflection took no time at all that he couldn't have spent just standing there and watching things fly around the room.
>He should have been prepared for when they came
Why? He didn't know they were coming. As far as he knew, he would be in the Everfree enjoying a new forest house by the end of that same day. He was surprised to even see the ponies there. In fact, he was so determined to leave and did so so quickly that the ponies were also surprised to see him there. They had expected him to not be home yet. If he DID know they would head to his house, do you really think he would have so casually gone in knowing full well that he didn't have the magic reserves to fend off a squadron of gaurds plus the Wonderbolts?

>>29685804
>He should have just run away
And how would he have done that? The story gives us plenty of examples of Anon's body failing when he's low on or out of magic. He had next to none left by the time he was surrounded. If he had tried to run away, he would have made it 2 feet before collapsing of exhaustion and then you guys would be sperging out about how he should have used a spell because he knew he was tired. And then we come to his choice of spell. He describes himself as running on fumes. If he had an option to use a better spell, he would have. He didn't though. Except for the first telekinetic push, all his spells were weakened low level ones.
>The story is just an idiot ball being moved forward by plot
Show me one time where the plot has been more important than the characters. Anon and Twilight have been and are the driving forces of this story. Their actions shape what happens, not the other way around. Twilight coddles Anon, Anon feels weak and studies magic, Anon becomes obsessed with magic, monsters appear and kick his teeth in, Anon decides he wants power, Anon gets power, Twilight is scared by this, Twilight sends out the friendship brigade, Anon is caught off guard and uses his limited amount of magic to try and fight them, it doesn't work because he's too tired. Where is the plot interfering here, exactly?

>>29685811
There are plenty of reasons to dislike a story. If you're going to put so much energy into hating it, at least find valid reasons. What you've done is look at the words, come to a basic understanding of what's been put directly in front of you, and then pretend that you've fully read and analyzed the whole thing. This is a story that is constantly building on itself. You need to understand what happened beforehand to understand what's happening now. Even more than that, you have to be able to understand basic language and know that when Anon is shocked by something, that means he didn't anticipate it and thus couldn't have prepared for it. This is so simple I don't understand how it's a problem for you people. If you're going to read the story and complain, then how about you actually READ the story and then form some real opinions on it? Rant over.

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Where is my Friday urchin?

Guys. Guys. Starlight officially used runes in canon.

Obsession is now ruined. The entire thread is worthless. And here you are arguing about the autism ball.

>>29686295
I haven't watched the show since Season 3.

>>29686338
You are like little baby. I have never watched the show.

>>29686379
Oh yeah? Well, I never masturbated to the porn.

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Welp, here goes nothing.

>A knock on the door draws your attention away from the book in front of you
>You groan at interruption, and what it means for you
>Prepping the ol' rectum for another linguistic death by a thousand cuts, you answer back,
"Yes, what is it?"
>"Anon, dinner's been out for a good fifteen minutes now!"
>You let out the breath you were holding
>Thank the Lord, it was just Starlight
"Sorry, I'll be out in a minute or two, okay?"
>"Alright, just don't take too long. You know how Twilight gets with your-"
"'Highly antisocial hermit tendencies', I know."
>You both share a chuckle at the imitation
>Well, better reduce the music-facing now than let it pile up again
>The hour-long lecture on the merits of punctuality is not an event you'd care to repeat
>You close the book on ancient language in front of you, and make to sit up
>It's just a matter of stretching the cobwebs out of the ol' musculature, before striding over to the mirror
>Looks like the neckbeard is starting to return
> The disease is spreading
>A facial exterminatus with the ol' razor is definitely on the agenda for later

>>29686642

>Well, you weren't too unpresentable at this rate
>You make for the door and open it
>Standing on the other side is none other than Starlight Glimmer
>Probably the only pony in the castle that's keeping you from going insane
>Except for lil' Spike, but the wee tyke's too young for some of the bants
>"Looks like you were having fun in there."
>Man, that little smirk of hers
"Oh yeah, you know how the mushroom collection gets in there."
>That got a chuckle out of her
>"I don't think Twilight will approve too much of your, what was it, 'alternative food source'?"
>You shrug
"Everypony's a critic."
>This little back and forth continues on as you two walk on towards the dining room
>And jeez, it took forever to adjust to the whole 'everypony' thing
>But it's all good now on the language front
>So well in fact that you needed more of them--

>>29686647

>"There you two are! I was just about to come up and get you myself!"
>Aaaaand there's Princess Books™ herself
>How a decorated veteran of the art of book-dwelling NEETdom looks down on you for reading all day is a mystery to you
>Fuckin mares are weird
>And speaking of NEETs
>You are Anon
>And you've been in Equestria for the better part of two years now
>Not much to say about the past life, you don't really miss it all that much
>Going from basement dweller to technicolour pony land explorer was definitely an upgrade
>The ponies were real surprised by the sudden appearance of a human in the middle of town
>You remember that event like it was yesterday
>The screaming was kinda amusing to listen to after the initial shock wore off
>Then Twilight and her pals came along to resolve things
>They couldn't figure out where you came from or how you got here, but you didn't much care about returning anyway
>They let you stay in town on the condition of earning your keep
>And thus the horrible taboo that was physical labour reared its head
>Working AJ's farm at first wasn't too fun, until the discovery of finger scratching
>Turns out they fuckin' love them some petting and ear scratching

>>29686653

>And so you found work at the spa in town
>Raking in the dough with the magic fingers
>The townsfolk pretty quickly stopped screaming and running when they got a lil' bit of the scratchies
>Now they're cool with you
>Watching their cute reactions to your ministrations also did wonders in curing your acute case of cynical asshole
>Funny how they do that to 'ya
>Nowadays you spend your free time on your second, out-of-left-field interest, languages
>More specifically, ancient and dead languages
>Tricky as fuck to learn
>No Rosetta Stone for your bitch ass
>But it's always fun talking shit to others in the poner equivalent of ancient Egyptian
>It's like Bubba Ho-Tep all over again
>Except less dog dick of Anubis
>Momma didn't raise no furfag
>Though some of dem pones do
>Hot dayum
>You'd like to just--

>>29686657

>"ANON!"
>Oh shit
>The 'tism took over for too long there
"Uhh, sorry, what?"
>"I said, are you going to eat, or just stand around and daydream?"
>At this point, you take notice of the meal that's laid out before you
>Oh yay, more fuckin vegetables
>To be fair, Spike's one hell of a chef
>He could probably find a way to make earthworms more appetizing than cheetos
>But still, it's been nothing but the vegan lifestyle for you all these years
>The animals being all sapient and shit kinda rules out the meat
>Though you're no longer a disgusting fat fuck because of it, you still wanted that goddamn steak
>They won't even let you eat that sneaky lil' rabbit fuck
>Nopony wants to help a nigga out here
>Anyway, you promptly sit your ass down and dig in
>Vegetable stirfry's on the menu
>Your portion's missing the hay, just as you like it
>Since your stomach can't into grasses, that rules out like half the pony cuisine
>But you manage anyway

>>29686659

>You're about halfway through your meal now
>And as usual, it's some bomb ass shit
>You quickly finish after going down on it like momma's tendies
>Your ravenous devouring elects some giggles from both mares in attendance
>You wipe the aftermath of the culinary massacre from your mouth
"Mm, great stuff as always. My complements to the chef!"
>The dragon in question, with a lil' bowl of gems to the side of his dish, beams with the praise
>"Aw, shucks... Thanks, Anon."
"You ever consider working at a restaurant, lil' guy? You could make a good amount off of this kinda cooking."
>He looks to be considering this before Twilight pipes up
>"Maybe later, Spike. I still need you around the castle, after all!"
>fun_police.dds
>"So, Anon, what have you been reading lately?"
"Oh, I'm almost done with that book on ancient zebra heiroglyphics. Real good read, that one."
>Her expression sours a bit at the old language mentions again
>You don't really get her objection to your preferred field of books
>Luckily, Starlight comes to the rescue

>>29686662

>"Well, I didn't know that the language was Zebrican. What's it called?"
"That's the funny thing, it actually doesn't have a name."
>"Wait, really? It doesn't?"
"Yeah, if you can believe it. Apparently that was done on purpose to keep the lesser tribe members from joining their secret language club."
>She rolls her eyes at that little factoid
"Of course, the old explorers learned aaaaall about it, for my reading pleasure."
>"Wonder what they used it for?"
"Song writing, probably. The pictograms actually have their musical speaking style and rhyming as part of the language. Heck, it's laid out kinda like sheet music, actually!"
>"Sheet music language? Geez, and I thought that ancient Apple family script was the weirdest thing you found."
>That gets a laugh out of you
"Oh man, no kidding. I don't know what madmare came up with an alphabet composed entirely of apples."
>You both share a chuckle at that particular story
>Fuckin Apples, man
>They're crazy

>>29686667

>The rest of the meal continues on in relative silence
>It isn't until everypony's nearly done that Twilight speaks up again
>"So, yesterday I received a very interesting letter from Celestia's archaeology group."
>That gets your attention, and apparently Starlight's as well
>"Oh yeah? What did they find this time?"
>"They managed to find an ancient zebra city in the Badlands, of all places!"
>"The Badlands? Seriously? How did they manage to get all the way out there?"
>"I don't know! But that's what I'm going to find out!"
>Oh boy, she's getting all fired up over this
>"They asked me to help them explore the ruins! And we're leaving in three days!"
>Holy lawd she gets adorkable when she does that wing flapping thing
>Still, you're no navigator type, but you're pretty sure zebras and Badlands don't go together
>Sounds like a real big Scooby Mystery® to solve
>But hold up a minute
"Wait a sec. That's really cool and all, but what do you mean 'we'?"
>Twilight's look turns to you, and it's a look of 'lol listen up dipshit'
>"Well, I figured I'd use this opportunity as a potential new friendship lesson, of course!"
>ohgodno.tiff

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>>29686674

And that's a wrap for the first little bit of set-up there.
Don't think I did too badly, but hey, it's been a while.

Pastebin coming soon once I set that shit up

Continue?

>>29686687
continue pl0x

>>29686687
>Continue? Yes/No
Y

>>29686687
Yes.

>>29686642
While the story looks promising, you already used "the ol' X" three times in just the first post.

It's not something that's usually used very frequently as far as I'm aware, so I found the repetition very noticeably (and somewhat amusing).

>>29686662
>complements
*compliments

>>29686674
Honestly I thought he'd have been excited at the chance to explore some actual ancient ruins. Maybe discover an unknown language, and decypher it all by himself.

>>29664605
Anon did nothing wrong.

Prove me wrong
Protip: You can't.

>>29673074
>You grimace at the thought of that.
>She hugs you even tighter, choking you. “Because if you don’t play along, Anon, you’re going to go right back where you came from.”
>She lets her words linger for a few moments as she continues her hold on you.
>Your lungs scream for air. You start digging into her back with your fingers, which only makes her hug tighter. “You should be thanking me.” She releases you and you jump back, gasping for air.
”Why me, out of everyone else in the universe?”
>”Is that really important, Anon? All you need to know is that if you like you’re new life, you won’t try anything I’ll find unfavorable.”
>You might not like it for very long if you have to be her bitch. You grit your teeth. If she brought you here, she very likely could send you back. When did she have the ability to do that in the show?
”Don’t you think Twilight will find it weird that my ‘sister’ also shows up?”
>”...So?”
“Spike’s also going to remember being kidnapped.”
>”Not if he thinks it was all just a bad dream, which is what you’re going to tell him when he asks.”
”What makes you think--”
>”Stop. I don’t want to hear it.” She lets out a disgruntled sigh.
>You glare at her. You don’t owe her shit, even if she did bring you here.
>She frowns, sniffing the air. “I’m not sure how anyone can tolerate you, especially smelling like that.” She snickers before turning around, walking away. You just bite your lip and hold back your frustration.
>She looks back to you over her shoulder. “I don’t suppose you want to sleep outside, do you?”
>You grumble to yourself before following suit. You don’t like where any of this is going, but you’re going to have to play her game for now. You need to think of a way out of this without risking being sent back.
>You enter your room and lay your satchel down on your dresser. Spike’s gems will probably be gone by the morning, which gets you thinking. He would remember loosing them.

>>29687824
>Goddamnit. Hopefully they aren’t gone already. You wrap yourself up with your bed’s blanket before heading out.
>That bit of exercise didn’t help your already exhausted body.
>You lay the satchel next to Spike’s small bed, in which he rests unstirred. You hate that you’re going to have to lie to everyone, and they haven’t even known you for two days.
>You return to your quarters and allow yourself to sink into your bed. You’re grateful that the sleep will temporarily relieve you from having to thinking about your problems. But it doesn’t come easy.
>You don’t feel like you get much sleep at all. You wake early morning. If you dreamed, you don’t remember what about. Almost instantaneously, worry returns to your mind.
>You’re walking around, looking for the bathroom to take a shower. You’ll probably have to ask Spike.
>”Anon! Anon!?” A voice echoes throughout the halls. You spin around and find Spike running full speed towards you. “Anon! There’s another human here, in the castle! She says she’s your sister!”

I don't think this story focuses enough on being magicless so I'm probably going to start writing something different here.

>>29687845
Oh MSG your all the magic I need

>>29687845
maybe you should just try another thread

>>29682814

>>29686657
Damn, HK-47 was such comfy companion in both KOTOR games... gonna replay it.

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>>29688165
what did he mean by this?

About to start plugging away at more of this story.
Should be seeing some actual magicless anon then, since I noticed there wasn't any mention of it in this first batch.
Blame the beer-driven start.

>>29687304
Yeah, noticed that myself. It's mostly stylistic on my part, but it definitely got too heavily laden on at the start.
Should even out as things progress.

>>29688948
I know, right?
The funniest thing was getting him to the Light side in KOTOR 2, because of how the party morality worked.

>>29689447
>that pit sweat

It's Friday Mr. Urchin.

>>29669680
Have a shitty, small, update.

>Looking around you, you spot a trio of tall obelisks, you read that these were some of the landmarks that resided near the pool.
>A podium lies in the center of the trio, and everything in a 20 foot radius is dead.
>You pass right by the place, no need to go into the unnatural death-circle.
>You were curious of course, but not suicidally so.
>For about 30 meters or so, bramble and dead vines begin to coat everything, another landmark listed by the book.
>Now all you had to look for was the entrance to the cave that housed the-
>You feel your body slide down a rather steep slope before sliding to a halt, your arm submerged in the warm liquid of something.
>This must be the pool.
>Your head slowly draws up, staring at the walls of the cavern, coated in glowing mosses and fungi.
>It definitely seemed stereotypical enough.
>You chuckle to yourself.
>Standing up and brushing yourself off, you take a better look of your surroundings.
>It's big and cavernous, a perfect mix to start as a base of operations, and as your only way of obtaining manpower.
>You make your way over to the puddle and look into it.
>Nothing out of the ordinary, just a reflection of yourself looking back.
“Shit. How am I supposed to do this?”
>You swipe your hand across the water, though strangely it doesn't splatter across the floor near you, it just slides off your hands before it leaves the pool.
>Like it's magnetized to something at the bottom.
>The liquids texture was off as well, almost as if it was liquid metal, like mercury at room temperature.
>You facepalm as you realize what this pool is made of, or a theory of it anyway.
>Nanomachines, son.
>You dip your hand into the pool and take out a cupped hand full of the liquid, it escapes your hand like worms wriggling.

>>29690442
>You tap your head in thought, attempting to remember the phrase that activated the pool.
>Something, something, double manned?
“I want to be double manned?”
>The water ripples and a hand rips up and out of the water, your hand.
>You stumble back onto your ass and scoot away as the other you pulls himself out of the water, coughing.
>”Jesus fucking Christ. I want to kill myself.”
>It's definitely you.
“Holy Shit! I duplicated myself, my plan is coming to fruition!”
>”My god, I’m your duplicate? What the fuck is this?”
>He pulls himself out of the pool and rolls onto his back in front of it.
>”Why am I such a dumbass?”
“Hey now.”
>You put your hands up in the classic ‘what the fuck, dude’ position.
>”So, why did you duplicate yourself? I mean, I'm not unhappy about this turn of events, but yeah, why?”
“I want to wipe out magic, I want to rub our superiority in the unexpecting faces of the ponies.”
>”Wait, is this some kind of magical fucking fairyland with talking midget horses?”
>You sign before responding.
“Yes.”
>Anon2 brings his right hand to his eyes and rubs.
>”So. You want petty revenge on some fucking small, probably adorable ponies?”
>His hand slams down into the pool and he begins to laugh as hard as he can.
>”Fuck it, sure. I guess since I’m the clone here I should get a new name, why not Incognito? Seems samey enough to fit a theme, I guess.”
>The newly christened Incognito takes a deep breath before standing and brushing himself off.
>”What's the game plan, Anony?”
“I don't have one, just quite yet.”
>”Of course you don't, of course you don’t.”

>>29690453
http://pastebin.com/4gjfT5pe

Put it in a paste.

>page 10
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=17StY98EL58

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>>29690496
Wasn't the pool sealed?
got a good laugh from >Nanomachines, son.
bretty good

>>29676851

“I’m more interested in getting out of here.”
>Oh shit, you can’t leave without your pants.
>In all the excitement, you forgot about how naked you were.
>You scan the room for any conveniently placed closets that would be hiding your items.
>”Looking for these?” asks Celestia, moving a pair of dirty, torn up black pants into your view.
“Give them to me.”
>”That’s not very friendly.”
“Now.”
>”We’ll work on it.”
>Conceding, she slowly and gently passes you your clothing.
>Standing hurts a bit because of this wound in your gut, but it’s not so bad that you can’t function.
>Man, to think that guard slammed into you so hard that it knocked you out.
>You pull on the pants and tuck in the pockets.
>While your hand is down there, you notice a distinct lack of a certain picture.
>Your eyes widen and you can already feel your heart begin to race.
>They touched it.
>Oh fuck, they touched it.
>They thought it was trash and they threw it away.
>Those pig fuckers. Those arrogant shits.
>”Are you looking for your picture? Don’t worry, we didn’t throw it away if that’s what you’re thinking.”
>Which means she knows where it is.
>You could ask for it back and be on your merry way.
>No, wait. If they took the time to remove it and keep it safe, then she knows there’s some amount of importance to it.
>But does she know it’s THAT important?
“Well, that picture happens to be a family heirloom, so if you would be so kind as to give it back, I would really appreciate it.”
>”Oh, but don’t you think it’d be much safer in my vault? I’m sure you wouldn’t want anything happening to an item of such value.”
>She smirks, sparking something inside you.
“Listen here, you white fuck. I don’t--”
>She speaks loudly and clearly, cutting you off.
>”Would everyone please give Anon and I some privacy?”
>”Sister, art thou entirely sure of this? He is covered in those markings.”
>”The rings will suffice.”

>>29690987

>The guards clear as soon as Luna gives the nod.
>Soon it’s just you three, and after some hushed words and hugs, Luna disappears too.
>As she exits, she pulls the door shut.
>”Now, you were in the middle of cussing me out, correct?”
“Um, yeah,” you begin, “So, listen here. I want that picture by my side and I want it now. It’s my property, it belongs with me.”
>”I think you’ve proven already you’re not the best at keeping your property safe.”
“It’s not up for debate.”
>”You’re entirely right, Anonymous. You are so utterly correct. It isn’t up for debate.”
>She comes closer, keeping her smile up.
>Not one crack can be seen in her composure.
>Even her words, steady and even, convey the picture of ultimate kindness.
>”I don’t think you fully understand the situation here, so allow me to be the one to paint the picture for you, so to speak. You, my friend, have not only dipped your toe, but have dived head first into a whole realm of the blackest magics. Consider your revival a professional courtesy thanks to your relationship with my star pupil.”
>Wait, revival?
>”You have assaulted my student, you have assaulted my guards, you have caused unrest in my cities, and you have broken strict magical law. Do not make the mistake of thinking you have any say in what happens next.”
“No, go back a second. What was that about revival?”
>”You’re a smart man, Anon. Tell me what happens to a soul when the body it resides in dies.”
“I go to Heaven?”
>”If that’s your human equivalent to the afterlife, yes. Now, what happens to the soul when the body dies but it does not reside within it?”
>You swallow hard.
“How did you know about that?”

>>29690992

>”Luna did ‘impaled’, didn’t she? You died, Anon. You were stabbed in the back, right through the thoracic. You bled out on the way here and perished. That is, your body did. Your soul happens to be tethered to something else, so while your flesh went on to decay, your consciousness lived on.”
“Celestia, how do you know about that?”
>”Do you think I’d ban something without understanding it fully? My decision on runes was made after centuries of studying them and their effects on society and ponies alike. I know what it takes to do what you’ve done. It’s no easy feat, so I do applaud you on the effort you’ve put into this. That said, you must understand--and I mean really absorb this--that you have, in doing so, forfeited all your rights. No liberty, no property, and no life. As it stands, you are an enemy of the state breathing only because my dearest niece still sees some small amount of hope in your future.”
>No, no this isn’t right.
>You traveled into uncharted territory.
>You’re Anon, the greatest wizard in Equestria.
>From scratch, you found a way to safely spellbind living things.
>This is revolutionary.
>She can’t have seen it before. There’s no way.
>”Now, I know what you’re thinking. Don’t worry, I won’t have you chained in a dungeon the rest of your life. Twilight wishes to see you rehabilitated, so I will, to the best of my ability, help you to see the error of your ways.”
“Stop fucking with me. How do you know all of this? You read my papers, didn’t you? They weren’t destroyed after all.”
>”They weren’t originally. I saw to their disposal.”
“You what?” you shout and lunge for her.
>The horn atop her head glows rather dimly, as if only the smallest amount of magic were being channeled.
>Suddenly the bracelets on your hands fling behind you.
>You’re dragged through the air at breakneck pace and are hung up against the wall, arms spread out as if you were Christ himself.