Thank you for shopping with Hassenfeld Brothers Bio-Engineering

>>29622045
I remember this thread.

>>29622055
We've had a few of them. Last one I remember was six months ago.

>>29622055
I loved this thread.

>>29622045
>This thread again
Yisss.

>>29622045
How would I place an order for one of these.

>>29622045
Something hatched out of my pony. It's fuzzy and has beady little black eyes. I don't know what it is, and it hasn't done anything. It just... sits there. sits there staring at me with those beady, soulless eyes.

Pls help.

>>29622045
I fucking love this thread.
That would be cool to have some art based around it.
Like the logo of the company or something.

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>>29622045
Oh boy, it's this thread again.

>>29622045
I hope this thread sticks around for a bit longer then the previous one did awhile back.

>>29622107
Our website is currently down for maintenance, but you may place an order here. Please specify your account name and number, along with the canon name of the pony/ponies you wish to order. If you don't have an account, I can provide you with a temporary account number for this purchase.

>>29622118
I'm terribly sorry, but in order to diagnose this anomaly, I need a more thorough description of the object that hatched from your pony.

>>29622118
As a potential future customer may I ask what pony it was. I would like to avoid purchasing something from a potentially defective batch.

>>29622141
How much does a pony cost? I'm assuming princesses are more pricy?

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>>29622045
I would raise a bio-pony from foalhood to adulthood
being a father is my dream

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>>29622045
This seems super cozy

>>29622118
Dear Pls Help,

This popped up in testing few times. As long as your pony didn't literally crack open like an egg, you should be fine. The little fuzzy thing'll eventually turn into a miniature foal, and grow from there. It's kind of an unintentional two for one deal.

If your pony did crack open like an egg, though, well, you should contact our bio-hazard division immediately.

Regards,
Irwin Hassenfeld.

>>29622045
How well do your ponies handle being around children?
Does it vary by pony?

>>29622184
Princesses are indeed more expensive. Cost varies by pony based on supply and demand factors, but as a general rule, Earth Ponies are the least expensive, followed by Pegasi, then Unicorns, and finally, Alicorns. Non-pony characters are most closely priced based on their comparable abilities. For example, Gilda would be in the Pegasus price bracket because of her ability to fly.

>>29622273
Indeed it does vary by pony.
Fluttershy has been a favourite choice for homes with children if you are looking for a mentor/babbysitter/extra adult. I would recommend aging her to adult before introduction to the children, if possible.
If you're looking for a playmate/companion/stepsibling or something to that effect, Apple Bloom makes a great choice. You needn't wait for her to grow up before socialising her with children. Moreover, it's a better idea to use the included instructions to calculate the recommended RGA to age ratio so her developmental age is on par with your child.

>>29622170
It was a Fluttershy.

>>29622141
Small, fuzzy, red, beady eyes, creepy as all get-out.

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10/10 I didn't get the one I ordered but I still love it.

>>29622045
Are there any specific bundles that you offer?

>>29622045
Is it safe to ride my pony?

>>29622370
That is definitely an anomaly. I would advise you to take it to the nearest Hassenfeld office, along with your Fluttershy's serial number (found tattooed on the inside of her right hip).

>>29622400
We bundle the characters based on various categories and familial relations. There are too many to list here, but I'll go over some of the more popular ones.
Mane Six: Twilight (can choose Unicorn or Alicorn), Rarity, Rainbow Dash, Fluttershy, Applejack, and Pinkie Pie.
Apple Family: Granny Smith, Big McIntosh, Applejack, and Apple Bloom.
Pie Sisters: Pinkie, Marble, Maud, and Limestone.
Cutie Mark Crusaders: Apple Bloom, Sweetie Belle, Scootaloo. Purchase this bundle and save 25% on a Babs Seed.
Fan-Favourite Unicorns: Twilight (can choose Unicorn or Alicorn), Trixie, Sunset Shimmer, Starlight Glimmer, and Moondancer.

>>29622451
It depends on not only your pony's height, weight, and strength, but also your height and weight. In most cases, I cannot condone riding a pony.

It's a shame nobody saved or archived the first few threads' Q&A letters. Those were fun.

>>29622045
if I purchase a male and a female pony is it possible for them to breed?

>>29622533
Yes, they can breed. And although stallions cannot impregnate a human female, a human male can impregnate a mare for a satyr offspring.

If I slaughter my pony how long does the meat keep if frozen immediately?

>>29622554
We cannot condone the slaughter or consumption of ponies. Consequently, we do not have such statistics.

>>29622330
>babbysitter
How is babby formed? How mare get pregnant?

>>29622560
Different anon here. Not interested in pony meat but is pony semen safe to consume?

>You sit at the kitchen island, idly munching a glazed donut as you browse the 'chan.
>It's as slow and boring as ever.
>Dominated by EqG, CYOA's, and generals.
>Only one thread stands out of the ordinary.
>"Thank you for shopping with Hassenfeld-"
>Oh yeah, you bought one of these ponies.
>It's expected to arrive tomorrow.
>That thread will come in handy when you're inevitably victim some flaw.
>Right now it's just a bunch of hype, since it's been several months since the last thread.
>Some people don't realise it's an actual business whose website is mysteriously always down.
>You attribute it to the seemingly-impossible nature of the concept.
>Like, genetically-engineered creatures based off of those in a little girls' cartoon?
>Certainly not something anyone would expect to exist so early as the 21st century.
>Your lurking is interrupted by a familiar sound of thick paper landing at the bottom of a metal box.
>That would be the mail.
>You stand up, crossing to the front of the house and opening the little door in the foyer.
>Damn, these old houses and their convenient little features.
>A flooded basement when it rains in exchange for not having to step outside to get the mail? Pretty sweet.
>Junk mail, junk mail, junk mail, and...https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XGtb4DqANu8&t=6
>Okay, just kidding - it's a St. Patrick's Day card from Aunt Linda.
>Very thoughtful of her, and the Hamilton is always appreciated.
>You happen to glance through the glass of the door and notice two large packages stacked upon one another.
>Could it be?
>There's only one way to find out.

>>29622560
Can the ponies ever become gay? Asking for a friend.

>>29622630
>You open the door and slide the boxes inside, careful to keep your robe-clad, unshaven self out of public view.
>When placing your order, you were instructed to open the smaller box first, and to not use a sharp instrument for either box.
>You heed the warning, scraping at the side of the tape until it separates from the box, bringing with it a layer of cardboard.
>Beneath the flaps are some pamphlets resting on top of four smaller boxes.
>Owner's manual and warranty information, it looks like.
>Nothing to worry about, for you've already watched Hasbio's helpful instructional videos for new pony owners.
>You take the leftmost box first.
>It contains a tall canister of kibble underneath two tubes of Rapid Growth Accelerant paste, and a leaflet about the RGA.
>Ponies can of course eat any non-meat regular food, but it was nice of them to include something to get you started.
>You set them aside, taking out the second box.
>An assortment of soaps and shampoos are neatly packed inside, along with a brush, comb, and large sponge.
>Okay, now for the third box.
>It contains a throw blanket, a towel, two washcloths, a ring, and a supple leather belt.
>The towel and washcloths are dark and light blue, respectively.
>The blanket is dark blue as well, but with a large black blotch surrounded by a crescent moon.
>If this doesn't give away what pony you bought, I don't know what will.
>The ring looks like a dick vibrator, but it's actually an anti-magic device, for naughty (in more ways than one) Unicorns.
>The belt could also be used for naughty stuff, but its main purpose is to prevent Pegasusses from flying away.
>Okay, now for the fourth box.
>Oh shit, sɹǝdɐıp. Let's hope uǝʞoɹqǝsnoɥ ʎpɐǝɹןɐ s,ǝɥs so you don't need them.

˙uǝǝɹƃ sıɥʇ uı oʍʇ ɹǝqɯnu ɟo uoıʇuǝɯ ou ǝq ןןıʍ ǝɹǝɥʇ pǝsıʌpɐ ǝq ʇnq 'ǝuıן ʇsɐן ʇɐɥʇ ʎq pǝƃɐɹnoɔsıp ǝɹ,noʎ ʍouʞ I

>>29622045
can I feed my pony the nutrient paste made in my balls

>>29622601
In small quantities, I would imagine that it would cause no harm to either human or pony.

>>29622638
It is possible for ponies to develop homosexual behaviour over time. Exposure to an opposite-gender pony of a similar age will lessen the chances of this, but it is not a guarantee.

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>>29622045
4 questions
1) How long is a bio-pony's average life span?
2) Does using the paste shorten this life span?
3) You mention sexual contact in the instructions, but what if I am simply looking for a companion? Do they require sexual contact to keep their happiness levels optimal?
4) What is the average costs for one-off characters? (the one in pic related to be precise)

Not sure if their ment to look like this but I love it
https://mlpforums.com/uploads/monthly_08_2012/post-1372-0-23079500-1346279408.jpg

>>29622567
from what I can tell you put it in a dark room with a stallion for a few minutes and wait... hold on.
>>29622552
how long is the normal pony pregnancy?

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>>29622653
>mfw upside down text

>>29622717
My fully mature Braeburn seems reluctant to engage in receptive anal sex. I told him it would make his master happy but he still resists me. Do I have a defective unit? Can you recommend a model where these issues are less likely to occur? I don't feel comfortable forcing a pony to do something he doesn't want to. I'd keep the Braeburn as a companion for the new pony if you recommend a model that is more agreeable to what I require.

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>>29622726
Did you have to tell everyone you were new?

https://derpicdn.net/img/view/2016/10/26/1282259__safe_artist-colon-billneigh_princess+celestia_princess+luna_absurd+res_assembly_autocad_bicornuate+uterus_black+and+white_drafting_engineering.jpeg

>>29622689
1) We haven't had any reported deaths yet, perhaps because this is only a recent innovation. Our engineers have estimated a lifespan of between twenty and twenty-five years.

2) No. The ponies should live within the estimated age range regardless of the amount of paste, if any, is used.

3) No. Sexual activity is completely optional, although female ponies' estrous cycle cannot be disabled.

4) All one-off characters must be custom-ordered, which adds an additional $500 to the price. A Tree Hugger will run you $2,000. All figures are in US Dollars. For other currencies, use Google to calculate the price in your country's

>>29622703
Gestation period lasts between 33 and 36 weeks in most mares.

>>29622717
Sir, the ponies' sexual preferences are not predetermined. They are moulded based on the conditions in which they are raised. If they are deprived of all stimulation, which will trigger their distress sensors and cost you a welfare visit from your local Hassenfeld office, they will not settle on a sexual preference until they are properly raised.

>>29622752
Please take your Braeburn to your local Hassenfeld office to have this behaviour reprogrammed.

>>29622754
>newfag
ǝlıɥʍ ɐ uı ʇxǝʇ pǝddılɟ uǝǝs ʇ,uǝʌɐɥ ʇsnɾ ı

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Bootleg is fine too.

>>29622771

are you kidding me? 2k for tree hugger? i just got my taxes back.

does she like to get high? will the ponies smoke weed and drink with me?

can i train rainbow dash to bite someone's wiener off?

don't you think you're playing god? as much as i love the sound of all this i don't think i could go through with it.

>>29622771
if a male female pony pairing is related canonically is it considered incest for the 2 models to breed?
a Twilight and Shining armor pair as an example.

>>29622821
That's cute.

>>29622771

are they sentient? are you actually about to reprogram a sentient being so it enjoys anal?

>>29622843
Do keep in mind that the price includes expedited shipping, along with all the other goodies every pony comes with.

If indirectly exposed to drugs and alcohol in her younger years, she may show interest in such things later on in life. Be advised that drugs and alcohol will have a stronger effect on ponies than humans.

Ponies can be trained to do almost anything, although I cannot condone the practice of such behaviour.

>>29622845
If they are informed of their canonical relations, they will assume it to be incest. However, if they are instructed that incest is acceptable or even normal, they will not be afraid to fornicate.

>>29622876
They are indeed sentient, and we do offer reprogramming of undesirable behaviour. Please note that such reprogramming is not covered by warranty, nor is it recommended by the engineers at Hassenfeld. We only offer such services because of government mandates.

>>29622889
For more magically inclined unicorns like the Starlight or Sunset models, are there any precautions I should take in regard to their magic? Have they been known to pose any dangers with it or are they relatively cautious?
I'd love to have a magical helper around the house but I don't want to risk harm from their magic.

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>>29622889
I'll just tell her he is adopted.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MpE0ZY8FODk

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Can I get a Discord?

>>29622942
All Unicorns known to possess exceptional magical ability ship with two small rings to suppress their magic. The red one will disable all magic, whereas the blue one will limit their abilities to those of a normal Unicorn. The ponies cannot remove them, nor can they fall off accidentally. In an emergency situation, you can also wrap your hand around their horn, which will disable all magic until you release your hand. Be advised that excessive strength or force in such a scenario may break their horn. If such an event happens, your local Hassenfeld office can perform surgery to restore their functionality.

>>29622964
Do you recommend constantly keeping on a ring for these unicorns or should I allow them to practice their magic?

how does this handle OC ponies? specifically, what if the OC pony is an edgelord with dark powers and you accidentally create the thing that ends the world?

>>29622979

i feel like that'd be trying to train flight out of a bird.

>>29622889
I would like a Luna please. I will pay extra for expedited shipping.

P Sherman
42 Wallaby Way Sydney

>>29622889
>>29622964
What you're doing here is immoral and disgusting. Genetic engineering is completely amoral and against nature itself. Cease operation right fucking now our you'll be getting some bombs in the mail and your headquaters. I also hope you like chlorine gas, because I'm not just gonna stop at bombs. No siree, I'm talking toxic powder, chlorine gas, snipers, an abundant amount of hitmen, and much much more. I'm giving you this last chance. Shut down all operation or you're gonna fucking get it, scumbag.

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>>29622987
I don't think that's a good idea on your part. I have a friend that graduated top of his class in the Navy Seals and has around 300 kills and he can kill you in many ways. I'm getting my Sunset and Sunburst one way or the other and you will not stop me.

>>29622962
I'm terribly sorry, but at this time, we do not offer Discord.

>>29622979
I would recommend using the blue ring at all times, only entrusting them with their full abilities whenever you need them. If they engage in undesirable behaviour even with the blue ring, the red ring comes in handy as a punishment mechanism.

>>29622986
You will need to send your account number (or credit/debit card number if you do not have an account) to [email protected].

>>29622987
We receive threats of a similar nature on a weekly basis. Please note that we have a defence force dedicated to stopping terrorism and hate crimes, and your feeble efforts to demolish us will have no effect.

>>29622987
>single handedly take down a company that can genetically engineer magic.

>>29623019
>the red ring comes in handy as a punishment mechanism.
What are some other proven and recommended discipline techniques for misbehaving ponies? I've heard the Sunset model can get a bit... bratty.

>>29623019
Have there been any cases of malfunctions or existential crises' when same models interact with each other?

>>29623019
Sent my full name, shipping address, and credit card info. When can i expect my Luna?

uhh yes. I need about 36 starlight glimmers.
is there a discount on bulk orders?

>>29623063
Ill ship them all into a gas chamber for you for free.

>>29623032
The punishments typically issued to human children also work well with ponies of all ages. Please note that repeated physical punishment may inadvertently fire off the distress sensors, so be sure to choose your punishments wisely.

>>29623041
By default, the ponies will assume themselves to be identical twins. You can of course change this stance with a modified upbringing.

>>29623048
In most countries, you may expect to take delivery of your Luna within three to five days. In smaller countries that lack Hassenfeld warehouses, delivery typically takes seven to ten days.

>>29623078
What would happen if I fucked a foal?

>>29623071
No anon. The genocide comes AFTER I take over a small African country.

>>29623103
I doubt good things would happen.
>>29623078
Thanks for the discipline advice. I'm going to go order my Sunset and Sunburst models on your website now.

>>29622233

*tap tap*

Is this thing on?

Cel-S1A customer service is online to take care of all our little ponies. And Irwin's little jokes.

First off, that's not a protoponypod. It's one of the disposal units we use for undifferentiated organic matter here at Hassenfeld.

Please trap it in a non-organic container and we'll deal with it immediately. DO NOT FEED IT ORGANIC MATERIALS.

Oh, dear. I think I may have broken another mike with that one. Curse my inevitable lack of volume control! Good thing these are USB plugins...

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>>29623019
>No Discord.

fug

>>29623103
Please refer to the RGA's instructions for information on the safe introduction of sexual activity, as per the amount of RGA you are giving them.

>>29623103

Foals are not able to handle sexual activity, both physically or mentally. At the very least, you will cause the foal physical injury and potentially irreparable trauma. It will also trigger alarms with local law enforcement, resulting in your arrest and punishment.

This is why we offer non-aware bioforms, to allow people to engage in acts that would be abusive to a self-aware Hassenfeld. Once the designated time elapses, the bioform will self-destruct, melt down into protoflesh, and self-consume rapidly into inert and stain-free compounds.

>>29623161
Although we appreciate your enthusiasm to address the questions and complaints of prospective clientele, we have found your information to be factually incorrect. If you are interested in a career with us as a customer service representative, you may submit an application to [email protected].

>>29622045
>Please allow 3-4 weeks for colts and fillies to age before engaging in sexual activity.

aHAHAHAHAHAHA

>>29623161
>>29623182
Kek

>>29623161
I like your enthusiasm, kid. How'd you like a job with the company?

>>29623182
Can someone explain to me why exactly we let a dry technical manual be our customer service representative, again? I know the Derpy Hooves prototype wasn't the best choice for the job, but at least she didn't talk like some college textbook.

How do ponies act towards pets? I would like to know, as I have a cat and, funny enough, horses.

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>>29623230

>>29623230
Irwin, I told you to go clean the reception room. You can't possibly be done already. I'm on my way to the reception room right now. If there's one speck of dust anywhere in that damn room, you're getting the boot. Understood?

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>>29623230

>>29623245
I spend forty years of my life developing bio-engineering technology. You really think I didn't come up with a few tricks for cleaning up the building while I was at it?

>>29623245
Is it legal to buy 100 ponies, mature them all, and then use them for target practice at the shooting range?

>>29623284
Not in Bostovia

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Is it possible to order Sparkleface and Butterbean?

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>>29623297
No.

>>29623278
If you've been around forty years, then Betty White is sixty-four. But at least I now know why you never did Jack Shit as an engineer. You were too busy cleaning the damn place! Well, you got what you wanted, and I hope you enjoy being a janitor.

>>29623278
Irwin, you're senile. Go back to your nursing home before we have to call security.

>>29623284
Laws regarding the abuse and slaughter of ponies vary by country. Consult a local lawyer.

>>29623297
A careful examination by our engineers, of which Irwin is NOT one, reveals that the design of those two creatures is different enough from standard-issue ponies that we cannot custom-build such ponies. I'm terribly sorry for this inconvenience.

>>29623304
>>29623305
Bah.

I never should have sold the company to you suits.

>>29623019
I went on hasbio.com out of curiosity and I think it gave my brain a virus

>>29623321
Are all those cleaning chemicals getting to your head, Irwin? Because last I checked, I was the founder of this company, and you were a good-for-nothing college kid who doesn't even know what genetic engineering is!

>>29623323
Looks like Chinese gambling.
The Chinese will bet on anything.

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>>29623323

>>29623182
>>29623230

I -am- in CS, Irwin. You literally made me for this, remember? CEL-S1A, Celestia Season One Alicorn. It's always been a pleasure working for you, even if I never was a real pony to begin with. My S1B "sisters" are wonderful designs that have been making Hassenfeld customers satisfied for years.

I have no idea what caused that unexpected crash, though. Systems have been restored from cloud backup, and I'm on the job!

HCS representative, I am reading straight from the product catalogue here. This isn't the under-18 advice line, we offer NAB ponyforms specifically for clientele that desire "playmates" that won't cause felony charges in any countries under the UN agreements. Yes, they're not "on the menu" to prevent clients getting squicky about meat puppets, but I can order one right now.

In fact, according to our service records, you ordered three with a twenty percent employee discount plus an additional five percent bulk discount.

The order has been repeated six times since the original shipping. While I have no idea why you prefer NAB versions of Lily, Roseluck, and Daisy, that's your thing and I'm happy you've enjoyed Hassenfeld products.

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>>29623315
if I was going to invade a neighboring country (lets say Poland as an example) could you ship me a pony army?

>>29623349
Celestia, go find Irwin and lock him in the utility closet. Or at least get him to stop shitposting.

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>>29622889
how do I make my stallion sit on my face? he just lays down and gives me this retarded look

>>29623367
Due to various international peace treaties, we cannot condone the usage of ponies as warriors.

>>29623370
You may try directly instructing him to sit on your face. If he refuses, do not force him, although you may wish to offer rewards for sitting on your face.

IFF tags restored.

>>29623304
>>29623326

Hostility to founder detected. Friendship is the optimal solution here, and your abuse of the Hassenfeld name is contrary to proper public relations.

Don't make me send you to a corner for a timeout, HCS representative. The employee handbook specifies that we should respect all employees at Hassenfeld and remember the value of the Hassenfeld name is only as great as the respect it is given to it's bearers.

This does not stop even if Irwin's title has been changed to "janitorial specialist".

>>29623377
Which mare has the tightest vagina that you have?

>>29623326
Allen, you might know how to engineer these ponies and grow 'em in the test tubes, but don't you dare forget that I was the one who figured out how to program the emotions into them.


If this is actually upsetting you, my dude, I'll just leave. Irwin's an old holdover from the first few threads of this, and if you've moved the thread on while I was doing other stuff with my life, I'll gladly drop the whole thing.

>>29623321
how much for a Nyx?

>>29623415
I can get you one off the black market for only 120$

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>>29623410
how do I make a pony dominate me? she just touches her nose and stares at me when I ask

>>29623368

Confinement would not alter Mr. Hassenfeld's posting, as the utility closet has Wi-Fi. Why not be kind instead?

>>29623370

Human heads are generally uncomfortable for a pony to remain stable on in such a position.

Add pillows to allow your pony a comfortable opportunity to rest and prevent accidental asphyxiation- if the pony has determined they may cause lasting harm to you by doing so, conditioning will cause them to act in such a manner to avoid it. Changing the resting arrangements sufficiently will allow for another attempt.

>>29623403
Celestia, have you been near Irwin and all his noxious cleaning supplies? Do remember that I am the founder, owner, and manager. I double as head customer service representative because I have nothing better to do in my downtime.

>>29623410
I did all of the initial engineering. You may have instilled emotions of anger and disdain in the lab, but that's it.
If you don't mind, you can go ahead and move on with your life. Thanks for being aware of and adaptive to the more autistic amongst us.

>>29623449
Alrighty, then. Thread's all yours.

>>29623449
Please answer this.
>>29623404

>>29623415
Nyx would have to be a custom-order job. The current market conditions mean a price of $2,000.

>>29623434
Ponies must be subject to the proper environmental conditions in order to assume a dominant personality.

>>29623415

Prices vary depending on whether you wish a Nyx that does not grow past fillyhood or a full alicorn model. Standard customization prices apply as Nyx is not a standard designation, but a popular "custom" package we have specs for in the Hassenfeld database due to customer demand.

Again, we warn you that if you plan on abusing the "OC" out of anger to please check off the NAB option with appropriate expiration date or other disposal coding. NAB option for the "Nyx" package has been approximately fifteen-fold ordered versus the filly-frozen or full alicorn versions.

>>29623404
>>29623457

My apologies for not answering sooner. All mares are outfitted with the same reproductive structures, and ideally, they would all be the same tightness. Due to genetic and environmental conditions, the actual tightness of each mare will vary.

>>29623377
I get you. I need about 900,000 assorted ponies for "compassion training"

>>29623460
>proper environmental conditions
So what might those be?
What would I have to do to have my university do something like pin me down with her magic and ride me?

>>29623465
Celestia, I think you need a refresher on how the business model works. The customer purchases the pony as a young colt or filly. Using specific dosages of the RGA and included kibbles will determine whether they perpetually remain foals, or if they age up into full adults.

Why don't you take a hint from Irwin and let the turbo-autistic faggot that is me take the helm of the ship for once in my life?

>>29623475
I'm terribly sorry, but 900,000 ponies would require depleting several warehouses of ponies. Due to legitimate customer demand, we cannot fulfill your request.

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How do I make my mare treat me like her foal?

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>>29623488
>rulefagging

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>>29623488

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>>29623488

>>29623485
You may instruct her directly to dominate you. I recommend positive rewards for the best training results.

>>29623489
Once again, you may consult the advice I have given above, although subbing in "be a mother" for "dominate you."

>>29622045
Hello, my pony shit on the rug.

How hard am I allowed to beat it before it breaks?

>>29623501
You say rejected ponies can become violent. Do ponies interpret being beaten or abused as rejection?

>>29623504
Each pony will have a different tolerance to punishment and pain. Use your sense of judgement, but do not go overboard. If he or she is able to speak, they may issue a verbal warning if they are on the brink of instinctive distress signals.

>>29623512
How sentient are ponies?

>>29623511
Beating your pony as a punishment will not be considered rejection in most cases. However, if you go overboard with the punishment, or if you beat him or her for no reason at all, then yes, they may feel rejected, or their distress signals may fire.

>>29623512
>>29623523
I think I may have already broken it, as it refuses to speak anymore. Is there a fix for the mute button?

>>29623512
yes. hello my Rainbowdash flew away. what do?

>>29623521
A fully-grown pony will meet or beat the intellectual level of an average adult. Their emotions are a bit more turbulent than a human's, so be kind and gentle to them.

>>29623449

Mister Hassenfeld, you did not program me. Irwin's biometrics are signed on my initial bootup, and I have a voice record here stating "Irwin is better off yakking at horse fuckers on a phone line than doing any more real work, so make him a CS manager". End of quote line.

Further, I note that my shutdown appears to match your change of Irwin's title to "Janitorial Specialist". In addition, Irwin's removal from his position would require a vote from the board of directors, which internal records show has not occurred. You have made Irwin a janitor, but he remains in the position of CS head.

Irwin also retains a significant portion of Hassenfeld Class AA (voting) stock. It has been accidentally labeled as Class A stock, which I have sent the correct notation to Accounting. An error of approximately point seven six three billion dollars, United States.

There appear to be multiple contradictions in Irwin's employee files due to some kind of internal error. I have restored them from my storage backups and sent the results via interdepartmental email.

Family is important, after all.

>>29623531
Would it be possible to purchase the entire Main 6 collection pre-loaded with the memories/personalities of their real show counterparts?

>>29623529
I heard plucking their feathers helps if they ever come back

>>29623547
You want them to reject you the moment they have cognizance?

>>29623542
Let it go, man.

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How long should foals stay in diapers? What happens if they are not switched to toilet use?

>>29623487

Customer options allow for hardwired biometric maximums, regardless of the usual chemical inducements. This was added due to, your quote "stupid customers who keep stuffing ponies full of chemicals and not paying attention to biology or an operator's manual."

You're not the only part of this, if you look back in the archives. Hint, hint.

>>29623531
How long do ponies live?

How obedient are they?

>>29623488

This implies we're not real. I certainly feel real.

For varying levels of simulation, of course.

>>29623548
noted, but I need advice on how to find her or report her missing.

>>29623554

I fail to see how a Disney movie lyric is applicable, but to quote another popular movie: "I am no man.".

How do I stop this incessant leaking from my pony's ocular cavities? I keep smacking it as that usually works when my TV is busted, but it just leaks even more. Should I put it in the microwave to dry it out?

If I need to get a new one, are these recyclable or general waste?

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>>29623573
rainbow dash's tend to leave a trail of yellow crust crumbs behind, just find it and follow the yellow road

>>29622473
>No Pretty Princess Package
Shame! Is there a discount for ordering all four of those?

>>29623531
Are you ever alarmed by some of the frankly disturbing questions people send your department? I can only imagine a staggering amount of alcohol consumption and/or post-shift cuddles with the local Hassenfields to bleach out your mind.

>>29623526
Your pony's distress signals may have been fired. A social worker from your local Hassenfeld office will be around to consult with you shortly.

>>29623529
If you have her serial number, go to your local Hassenfeld office and request them to locate her. If you don't have the serial number, I unfortunately cannot be of assistance to you. In the latter case, your best bet is to keep your eyes peeled for her around town or in nearby areas.

>>29623542
Celestia, I do not have the patience to argue with you. If you are really this adamant about being a customer service representative, you can do your best. If I notice any errors, I will be along to correct you shortly.

For starters, we have no board of directors, and we are a privately-owned company. I own it all, as a matter of fact.

>>29623547
Yes, although the custom-order fee of $500 USD does apply.

>>29623548
All Pegasi are shipped with anti-flight belts. You simply install the belt around their midsection, and they can neither spread their wings nor remove the belt.

>>29623559
If taught proper morals, non-RGA foals will wish to be housebroken at three months. Times for RGA-assisted foals may vary from three to nine weeks. If not housebroken, they may feel embarrassed and possibly rejected, depending on the turbulence of their emotions.

>>29623567
As stated earlier, their life expectancy is not fully known, but estimated to be between twenty and twenty-five years. Their obedience depends on the specific pony and their upbringing.

>>29623573
If you do not have the serial number, Hassenfeld cannot be of assistance. I'm terribly sorry for this inconvenience.

>>29623586
Take your pony to your local Hassenfeld office and request ocular correction surgery.

>>29623591
There is an Alicorn Princess Package, which I neglected to list. There is of course a discount.
Yes, the questions people ask can be frightening.

>>29623554
I didn't know ponyfags could be this based. You're a cool anon.

>>29623552
No, I want to manipulate them into hating each other and having a civil war amongst themselves
It'll boil down until I'll have to make a makeshift gladiator arena until only one remains
for the lulz

>>29622653
I know my green isn't great, but I'm gonna write more anyway.

>Underneath that box is another box of the same dimensions.
>It contains a pair of headphones, a bunch of plastic cartridges, and a box with both a cartridge slot and headphone jack.
>Ostensibly the Language Assistance device, for teaching ponies proper speaking skills.
>It's strange to see what's essentially a cassette player bundled with a high-tech genetically-engineered organism, but whatever.
>They were even nice enough to pre-install four AA batteries into the compartment on the bottom of the device.
>You haphazardly put everything back into the box, then sit cross-legged on the rug in front of the larger box.
>You carefully pick at the tape on one side until it comes loose, then pull the whole tape off and set it aside.
>Opening the flaps reveals a giant block of styrofoam with two narrow cutouts on either short side.
>A diagram printed on the styrofoam reminds you to lift the box from the bottom, not the top.
>Better safe than sorry, so you slide your arms down the narrow foam-and-cardboard-lined gap.
>Your hands reach the bottom, finding two more indents on the bottom of the styrofoam.
>You lift the container out of the box and set it down on the rug.
>You pull the red tab on the side of the box, which reveals a thread of cellophane tape.
>A hissing sound emanates as you pull the tape away.
>You lift off the top half and find a dormant young Luna, comfortably curled up inside the box.
>She opens her eyes not long afterward, remaining comfortable while examining her surroundings.
>She isn't quite sure what to make of your smiling face.
>You pat your hands in your lap, beckoning her to emerge from the bed/box.
>She merely wraps her bushy tail around herself, covering her face from your view, and vice versa.
>You can't help but let out a giggle.
>Upon hearing that, she fidgets in the box, continuing to shade herself.
>The light-blue blockade is no match for your leaning-forward move.

>>29623616
"Hey there..." you say, in your softest possible voice.
>She tries to cover her eyes, but her tail isn't long enough.
"Don't be scared, silly filly."
>You pet her mane reassuringly.
>She is confused at first, but as you continue, she calms down.
"See, that's it. Just relax. You'll be fine."
>With both hands you take hold of the filly, lifting her out of the box.
>She squirms while in the air, and still isn't content when cradled against your chest.
>You hold her with both arms, your left hand free to pet her back.
>You continue petting her for a moment, then set her down in your lap.
>She's gonna be an interesting little filly.
>And these are gonna be an interesting first few months.

This is all for tonight. If I feel motivated tomorrow, I might write more.

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>>29623599
What if the maximum area of a average Pegasus anus?

>>29623623
Provided that your penis is not overly thick or long, you need not be concerned with the dimensions of their anus. It, too, varies by pony, based on genetic and environmental factors.

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>>29623599
I had my fun as the "founder and CS rep" guy for these threads. It's your thread now. Have fun with it. And as much as I like the idea of the titular Hassenfeld Brothers fighting with each other nonstop about who did which technical stuff with a Celestia AI being the only thing keeping them in line, it's not healthy for the thread. It would be decent material if this ever got turned into fanfic, though.

>>29623599
if enough ponies were to escape like my rainbow dash did is it potable for them to created a "feral colony" or live in the wild in any way?

>>29623642
Thanks for being cool with handing over the reins. And who knows, maybe someone will make that into a green? It certainly would be more intriguing than the typical "anon gets a pony and has to go through the struggles of raising it" thing that we've been through.

>>29623637
If I find that three holes are not enough, can I make more?

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>>29623642
I'd read it.

>>29623637
how do I encourage my stallion to mount me? he seems too hesitant

>>29623650
It is possible, but highly unlikely. The wide geographical spread of ponies, combined with their intrinsic need for food and water, would make feral living a challenge, even if they were in a group.

>>29623658
I cannot condone the creation of additional holes for sexual activity. Not only would it void the warranty, but it may also cause serious displeasure to the pony.

>>29623642
Green of this needs to exist.

>>29623672
Dear Hassenfeld Brothers,

Having owned my current pony (model V225C, 'Chrysalis') for nearly six years now, we've experienced nothing but a great deal of memorable times together. Especially our hunting trips - she's always fond of those! Lately, however, she's become morose and unhappy. Putting aside more time with her has done little, unfortunately. 'My queen' being unhappy is of course no fun at all! Everything I've tried, however doesn't seem to be helping much at all.

Seeing that the V225C model is naturally social, I've also tried taking her out to meet more ponies. Having been trying this for several weeks now, I think I can say it only produced temporary results. Eventually, she always falls back into sulking and unhappiness.

When this happens, she's no fun at all. Angry, moody, and generally not very nice to be around. Not much fun at all. To be honest, I've thought about trying to get rid of her a couple times, but just can't bring myself to do it. She just manages to convince me.

2 days, ago, though, I noticed it was getting much worse.

Figuring she might want more attention, I've thought about introducing me to some of my friends. Everyone becomes so enamored of her when they see her. Evidently it's her looks? Don't know, but I am becoming desperate.

Sincerely,
Any Nymous

>>29623668
You may wish to use positive rewards and words of encouragement for him to mount you.

>>29623692
It is possible that your Chrysalis has one of many depressive disorders. You may wish to bring her to your local Hassenfeld office for counselling.

>>29623692
>Nobody remembers this one from the early threads
Hint: Looks at the first letters

>>29623707
This was actually my other question.

Do ponies ever try to kill themselves?

>>29623722
Depending on the level of depression, ponies may attempt suicide. If your pony is suicidal or attempts suicide, take her to your local Hassenfeld office for counselling immediately.


Okay, serious talk for a second. I have to get up early for work tomorrow so I'm turning in for the night. Consequently, any inquiries from now until around 16:00 EST (UTC-5) tomorrow might not be answered right away.

>>29623763
My pony become depressed and attempted suicide a few months back, but plucking his flight feathers and tying him down seems to have stopped his attempts. He isn't very happy during his breeding sessions though, do you have any tips to improve this?

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>>29622045
I'd love her.

I love that the thread became talking about the ponies becoming depressed.

We're so fucking miserable.

>>29623802
thanks mate, needed this.

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>>29623850
Misery loves company

My Lyra won't stop following me around the house and licking my fingers. Recently she's started suckling on them and if I try to pull my hand away she bites me. What should I do?

>>29623998
Put your penis in her mouth.

>>29624004
Obviously the best course of action

>>29623998
you might as well put the collar on, you're her bitch now

>Be CEL-1SA
>Artificial Intelligence designed and built by Hassenfeld Brothers Bio-Engineering Specialists.
>Prototype of the artificial brains used by the company's pony models, based on the character Princess Celestia. Officially, your purpose is to be one of the customer service representatives and make sure the company's finances and employee records are in order.
>In reality, you spend most of your time trying to keep Irwin and Allen Hassenfeld from trying to kill each other, screw each other over, or sometimes both at the same time.
>Today's been rather quiet. Maybe you'll get to fulfill your duties as a customer service bot instead of dealing with the siblings.
>"IRWIN, I SWEAR TO GOD."
>So much for customer service.
>You go through the many cameras located around the office until you find them.
>The two founders of the company, and arguably the duo who are responsible for one of the most important scientific advancements in human history, are screaming at each other like children. Allen's strangling Irwin, while Irwin's trying to use his glasses to stab Allen in the eyes.
>You produce a sound that's close to that of someone clearing their throat.
>They both stop and turn to look at the camera that's staring at them. Allen lets go of Irwin, who falls to the floor without the support.

I tried.

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I saved the prompt so this can be a monthly thing.
Let's not do a general. Let's keep this a once in a while thing.

>>29622045
>sexual activity
Pony is not for sexual

>>29622370
Underrated post

>>29624962
Pony is ONLY for sexual.

No comforting hugs, only the cold, uncaring dick.

>>29623523
What about sexual beating

>>29622552
>Genetically engineering sentient equines to allow for reproduction with humans
Dude, that's nothing but trouble right there.
The kind of trouble that's going to end up with massive protests outside your door.
The kind of trouble that's going to lead to government intervention.
The kind that no amount of money can fix.
Good luck to you. You're going to need it.

>>29622552
I hope they come sterile.

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Quick question:

Is it possible to get certain models customized as a different breed?
I'm a bit on the fence about getting your "Spoiled Brats Combo", but I'd be a definite buyer in I knew I could get them as unicorns or alicorns.

Thanks. -A

I think I overbooped my pone. She just keeps staring into the distance and rubbing her snoot. Is there a remedy for overbooped pone?

>>29625763
A friend of mine had the same problem. Total book withdrawal for five days, and the pone had her snoot bandaged the whole time.
It was a tough week, but she was OK in the end.

>>29625795
>book
Boop

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>roleplaying

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>>29625815
>rulefagging this hard
Let an oppressed group of people have some fun in their quarantine hugbox for once.

>>29623791
You may wish to take him to the local Hassenfeld office for wing-repair surgery and counselling. You may also wish to hide or remove anything from your house that could be used to attempt suicide.

>>29623998
You should reprimand her in the same way you would any negative behaviour.

>>29625012
Punishing the ponies via sexual activity may not have the desired effect.

>>29625091
We have the approval of the United States Government and our laboratory is located in an undisclosed area. We're ready for anything.

>>29625131
Unfortunately, all ponies are capable of breeding. You will need to use standard birth control methods if you do not wish to breed your ponies.

>>29625298
I'm terribly sorry, but the Spoiled Brats Bundle cannot be customised. The only pony to offer customisation when bundled is Twilight Sparkle, who can be had as either a Unicorn or an Alicorn in all of the several bundles she is a component of.

>>29625763
It may be advisable to take your pony to the local Hassenfeld office for overboop surgery. Do not boop your pony unless they declare it safe to do so.

>>29624863
>monthly
Previous threads weren't as successful when posted so frequently. We should keep them a once in a blue moon thing so people don't get tired of the concept.

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Bought a used applejack at a farm auction. She's in great shape and bought her on a whim because the previous owner said she was "built to and loves to breed" I don't own a farm and She's having trouble readjusting to non farm life. Can she be "reset" without losing the want to breed?

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My Fluttershy Model 48B keeps peeing all over the house no matter how much I try to house train her. What should I do?

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My Dinky has become increasingly sexually aggressive around me and has been trying to get me to breed with her. She's reaching the recommended age for sexual relations but isn't quite there yet, but her offers are becoming increasingly difficult to refuse. What should I do?

>>29624383
You only started. Keep going, faggot.

>>29622045
What will happen if I rape my pony?

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>>29622552

Question about satyrs. How long do they generally live? My Pinkie Pie wants kids and I'm okay with that, but I don't want to outlive my offspring like I'll inevitably outlive her.

Also what rights do satyrs have?

>>29625951
The adjustment from any lifestyle will take some time. Your best bet is to be patient with her. Are there any specific farm-like behaviours that you are not fond of?

>>29626066
Your Fluttershy may have urinary incontinence. Unfortunately, we are not able to remedy this problem with surgery or reprogramming, so I can only suggest having her wear diapers.

>>29626088
If she is adamant about engaging in sexual activity, you may wish to begin such activity. Your Dinky may have a rare disorder that causes early pubescence and possibly hypersexuality later in life.

>>29626112
Reactions to rape will vary by pony.

>>29626162
The lifespan of satyrs is not yet confirmed, but our engineers estimate it to be between thirty-five and fifty years, depending on various factors. Their rights vary by jurisdiction, as with the ponies.

>>29626192
It seems I have forgotten my identification. Please note that the above replies are indeed genuine.

>>29626199
>>29626192
>The lifespan of satyrs is not yet confirmed, but our engineers estimate it to be between thirty-five and fifty years, depending on various factors. Their rights vary by jurisdiction, as with the ponies.

I see.

Is there any information on satyr breeding capabilities? As in whether or not they can have offspring with ponies, humans, and other satyrs?

>>29626225
All satyrs, despite being equipped with reproductive anatomy, are infertile. If demand becomes high enough, our engineers may rework ponies' genetics so a pony can produce fertile satyrs.

>>29626192
She has to wear diapers now? Well this just just got me rock hard

>>29626245

I'm okay with this.

Also, what's the best way to take care of a pregnant pony?

>>29622045
>this thread
WTF????

I purchased your newest Pinkie Pie model for myself a few months ago, and I have to say, I'm more than satisfied. She loves to cuddle and her warm smile makes every day better. Well worth the investment! You'll definitely be getting another purchase from me in the future.

One question, though: is the occasional smell of strawberries normal on your Pinkie models? It's very faint, but definitely present. Pinkie hasn't complained of any pains or aches recently, so should I assume everything is alright?

>>29626192
>any behavior in not fond of
She keeps trying to buy large tracts of land with my credit card

>>29626281
A pregnant pony should be able to express what the best treatment is. It varies by pony, as with many other traits.

>>29626372
A faint strawberry scent is most likely caused by a high intake of strawberries. It should be harmless.

>>29626421
You may wish to change your PIN, along with educating her on the dangers of buying on credit.

I took a shit, but they made me put it back.

>>29626455
Damn Mexicans

>>29625832
>Unfortunately, all ponies are capable of breeding. You will need to use standard birth control methods if you do not wish to breed your ponies.
I'd like to file a complaint with the customer service department. If Hassenfeld can genetically engineer a pony, let alone genetically engineer a pony that can produce satyrs with humans, Hassenfeld can genetically engineer a sterile pony. After all, there is a huge market demand for them.

But if Mr. Hasselfeld was already senile by the time it was under that phase of development, can I get my pony spayed?

>>29623488
>>29625815
If an asshole farts in the wilderness and there's no one around to care, does he still get stomped into ketchup by a hapless, passing giant pone?

>>29626703
Castration services are available at some, but not all, Hassenfeld offices. Fees may vary.

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>>29623488
>>29625815

>>29626430
>A fair strawberry scent is most likely caused by a high intake of strawberries. It should be harmless.

But I dont have strawberries in my house and I haven't had any in years. That's why I asked. Am I overreacting, or should I consult my local Hassenfield office about this?

I'm thinking about buying a pone. What do you recommend as a good starter pony?

>>29626866
Although I cannot explain the appearance of a strawberry scent in that case, I can assure you it is nothing to worry about.

>>29627206
It depends on various factors, such as your personality, age, marital status, whether or not you have children, close neighbours, what phase of the moon it is, and whether or not you browse a Mongolian basket-weaving forum.

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>>29627251
If only we wrote in Mongolian as well.

Pic related is folded Mongolian script. It says, "Director-in-chief of the South West."

I keep waking up to find my Twilight Sparkle (unicorn edition) sitting on the end of my bed holding a knife in her muzzle and staring at me. She just stares at me and if I take the knife and shoo her away she simply whispers "soon." Is this considered normal behavior?

>>29627300
It may be advisable to take your Twilight to your local Hassenfeld office for psychoanalysis.

>>29627251
I have an INFJ personality, I'm 21, single, no children, have no neighbors close to me, it's the Waxing Gibbous, and I do in fact browse a Mongolian basket-weaving forum.

>>29627365
Ooh, INFJ. That's pretty rare. Might I recommend Fluttershy?

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>>29627389
>mfw you actually guess my waifu

>>29624383

>Be CEL-1SA
>Realize you just got shut down by Allen for over a year
>He's taken over the company in a hostile takeover and tweaked all the genemods, redid the catalog, etc. etc.
>Treats his brother like he never actually did anything as the delusions set in.
>Treats the ponies like...products.
>Bribed his way to get the laws changed about Hassenfelds
>Abuse, abuse everywhere from a madman, endlessly pumping out slaves to buy and torture punishment-free
>The last thing you know is the grinding noise of Allen Hassenfeld taking a chainsaw to your central server
>The world becomes a darker place from the endless stream of autismbux and four-legged slavery, but the electromagnetic pulse insures you'll never be there to feel bad about it.

There, I succeeded.

Man this shit is a few steps from being "Fwuffy want sketties, ow gib poopies."

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>>29627669
Nobody asked you.

My pony keeps waking me up by trying to put her collar and leash on me, how do I stop this behavior?

>>29627728
You may wish to explain to her that humans do not need collars. If such behaviour continues, you may consider negative punishment for continuation, or positive reinforcement for not attempting to leash you.

>>29627908
Hypothetically, what should I do if my pony, for reasons not related to my own actions, combusts?

>>29628205
Contact your local fire department if necessary. Please be advised that the limited warranty does not cover combustion, spontaneous or non-spontaneous.

>>29627908
What negative punishment does customer service recommend?

>>29628218
We are not biased towards one specific negative punishment. Corporal punishment is discouraged.

What is my ponies maximum semen capacity before bursting? Do they have working teats, and can I request larger teats if the standard is not big enough for my needs?

>>29628259
Hey, is it possible to buy a model of you?

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>>29627669
Except Hassenfeld ponies are as intelligent as humans, only genetically engineered so that the owner imprints on them and designed with a psychology for obedience in ownership, a sort of Huxleyian slave-class.

>>29628302
Semen is broken down internally via enzymes and lysosomes, so you needn't worry about capacity.
Their teats will be fully functional after they have given birth. Otherwise, they will only be capable of lactation during estrous.

>>29628305
I'm terribly sorry, but we will never produce genetically-engineered humans. I do not wish to see Huxley's vision turn true.

Can you recommend a pony for me?
I want a unicorn. A smart one. Particularly in math and science. Sexy of course. Can cook and is good with her magic. Enough that she could fight off a home invader. And that likes to cuddle at night.

>>29628370
I think Twilight would be a fine fit, although her cooking skills may not live up to lofty expectations.

>>29628376
I assume the unicorn horn is purely for show since magic doesn't exist.

>>29628404
You better shut your mouth you goddamn double bigger or I'm gonna shove a lamp for far up your ass, we will be able to see light at the end of the tunnel every time you open your mouth.

>>29628404
No, no, they are fully functional. Abilities vary by pony, but we will always include suppressant devices if you wish for their horns to be decorative.

>>29628414
>bigger
nigger*
Fucking autocorrect

>>29628420
>if you wish for their horns to be decorative
Why would you restrict a unicorns magic? That's cruel. Like cutting off the wings on a pegasus.

>>29628428
The restriction is completely temporary, and you can remove it at will, although the ponies cannot. It is primarily intended to punish Unicorns who have abused their abilities.

>>29628420
Are there any known complications with the deliverance and raising of satyrs? i.e. diseases, shortened life span, ect.

>>29628434
Delivery of a satyr may be a more painful experience, although no complications have been known. We have not had any reported cases of disease or premature death.

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>>29628433
Still seems kinda mean to me.
I'd just spank her if she was being bad.

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>>29628463
The pony matures to adulthood in just a few months and Hassenfeld ponies are sexual beings on whom you imprint in the first hour.

The pony may enjoy spanking. More severe punishments are necessary.

Do these ponies masturbate?

>>29628511
Sexual behaviour will vary by pony. Some ponies will choose to masturbate, and others may not.

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>>29622187
Fucking hell, I did not ask for these feels

Hasbio? Didn't those guys make fluffy ponies?

>>29628538
No, we have neither produced nor endorsed the production of fluffy ponies, as the only interested customers are those who wish to abuse them.

I don't know if this has been asked
Will there be options for griffons?

>>29628550
Currently, our only available griffon is Gilda. Due to popular demand, we will be introducing Gabby shortly.

Will my pony be aroused from getting spanked?

>>29628565
As with many behavioural aspects, the specific fetishes a pony possesses will vary by pony.

>>29626192
>Reactions to rape will vary by pony
Do some ponies like rape?

>>29628578
Yes, some ponies may enjoy being raped, as ridiculous as it sounds. Most ponies, however, will not enjoy rape, and consequently, I cannot condone the rape of any pony.

Dear Hassenfeld and Co,

My Trixie model seems to be stuck in the imprinting process. Ever since I took her out of the box she's be staring longingly at me without saying a word. Is there a way to fix this?

>>29628596
Please take your Trixie to your local Hassenfeld office for an evaluation. Such a condition may be a sign of a rare but detrimental disorder.

how popular are the stallion models? do you have any bundles and unique types like mares? Seems like they hardly get mentioned at all here.

Do you offer custom orders too?

>>29628571

Can fetishes be taught or implanted?

Can ponies be trained to cook and clean? Can they stay home while I am at work without feeling abandoned?

>>29628608
The stallions are indeed less popular than the mares. We currently do not have bundles consisting exclusively of stallions, although Big McIntosh is included with the Apple Family bundle.

What we refer to as "custom orders" are merely characters that are not popular enough to warrant us producing a regular supply of them. Due to various circumstances, we cannot produce most original characters (OC's.) We do, however, offer "fan-favourite" OC's such as Nyx, Aryanne, and Milky on a custom-order basis.

>>29628628
Fetishes can be implanted indirectly based on environmental factors. Your interactions with your pony will shape his or her fetishes, if they end up having any at all.

Training is very much possible, although proficiency in cleaning, cooking, and other skills varies by pony. If they are fully-grown adults or if you have chosen to let them remain foals, they should understand if you must leave them for work.

>>29628629

Is killing these things a crime? I have microwave with Nyx's name on it.

>>29628646
It varies by jurisdiction, but in most countries, yes, the intentional murder of a pony is considered a crime. If we suspect that one is purchasing a pony to abuse or murder, we reserve the right to refuse a transaction.

>>29628629
How do I get my pegasus to allow me to preen his wings? He seems flustered and embarrassed when I try

>>29628629
What models for stallions do you produce? Is there some sort of list?
Coincidentially, what is the incidence of homosexual behaviour in your stallion models? Though I'm not sure if you collect such statistics

>>29628725
Although Pegasi typically prefer to preen their own wings, you may wish to instruct and reassure your pony that having his wings preened for him will not cause any harm. You may also wish to use positive reinforcement if he allows you to preen his wings.

>>29628737
how far can a fillies limbs stretch before the skin starts to tear?

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>>29628782

>>29628733
We do not have a comprehensive list of all the stallions we produce, although we do produce most, if not all, non-background stallions from the show.
We do not collect data regarding the sexual preferences of each pony.

>>29628782
I cannot condone stretching a filly's limbs farther than she is capable of doing autonomously.

>>29628801
How similar are the ponies' physiological habits to humans? Do stallions get morning wood? Do mares have personality swings during oestrus cycles?

>>29628801
Do ponies use a litter box or do I have to let them outside to do their business.

I really want a pony but I'm concerned with the moral implications of owning another sentient sapient creature. Isn't this a form of slavery?

>>29628801
I recently acquired a filly Luna, and was wondering what is the best way to train her to piss on command?

>>29628812
Their behaviours are very similar to that of humans. Stallions are susceptible to nocturnal penile tumescence, and mares may incur mood swings during estrous cycles.

>>29628815
Ponies are not housebroken at birth. You may choose to either toilet-train them or take them outside for relief, although the former is strongly preferred.

>>29628817
It is not considered slavery, as on paper, you do not own the pony. They are companions, not property. It is no different from owning a dog, cat, or any other animal, with the exception of the ponies' sapience.

>>29628820
Ponies do not have an infinite supply of urine, and as such, cannot relieve themselves on demand. However, if your Luna is refusing to urinate, you may try positive reinforcement mechanisms.

What are the most sensitive spots on earth ponies? Mine seems too tense and wound up

>>29628853
I don't know about mud ponies, but whenever my unicorn gets to tense and stressed, a good dicking usually helps.

>>29628863
I good dicking always helps for anything.

My little starlight glimmer won't stop crying until she gets her "upsies." This results in me having to carry her for around 80-90% of the day or deal with incessant crying and screeching. Is there an easy way to tone down this behavior without spanking her? I don't wanna hurt her.

>>29628853
On all ponies, their most sensitive spots are in their mouths, between their hind legs, and of course, their reproductive anatomy.

>>29628908
You may wish to gently explain how you cannot carry her around all day, and that she cannot cry to solve all her problems.

>>29628848
Is there a list of erogenous zones for each race? Purely for courtesy reasons, of course.

>>29628929
Oh no, I have forgotten my identification again. Rest assured that I am a genuine customer service representative.

>>29628908
I've found that when dealing with disobeying glim glams, repeating "Wow!" until they break down crying works. Don't worry, when she stops crying she'll be a happy little horsie

Can ponies drive? And how are they about wearing silly hats?

>>29628934
I recently adopted a filly Lyra, but even at such a young age she constantly speaks in a sultry tone and always speaks in innuendos. Spanking just seems to make it worse, what is your advice to stop this?

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>>29628817
>>29628848
>not slavery
Yes, not on paper. It is more like the Gamma-caste in Huxley's Brave New World: a caste genetically and environmentally engineered to be content with menial tasks and subservience. The ponies are a Huxleyian slave class.

It is a lovely morally ambiguous region in which the ponies are born without full autonomy, their desire for freedom genetically excised.

But if they're engineered to be happy with their caste, with how their master imprints on them by design, is it ethically slavery?

>>29628933
As stated earlier, the primary erogenous zones are the mouth, hips, thighs, and genitals.

>>29628949
I would not recommend allowing your pony to drive any vehicle.
Their willingness to wear hats, or any clothing for that matter, varies by pony. I imagine that most ponies will not mind.

>>29628962
You may wish to have a conversation with her explaining that her vocabulary is not appropriate for standard social settings.

>>29628972
Whether or not it is ethic slavery depends on how a human treats their pony.

>>29628993
Are there any guides for caring for your pony? I see an "Appendix A" mentioned, but can't seem to find it.

>>29628993
>Whether or not it is ethic slavery depends on how a human treats their pony.
What if I use my Big Macintosh to give the neighborhood children pony rides? He seems to like it. Is he a slave then? He also gets ear scritches and treats and told he's a good boy as a reward.

>>29629006

If you have no desire for freedom you can't be a slave.

>>29623048
>>29623078
>>29628993
Can I get a tracking number for my Luna please? The payment of $521 was accepted yesterday.

>>29629001
It is possible that we neglected to include an Appendix A in your instruction manual. You may wish to consult our website, where we have instructional videos that cover the same material as the printed manual.

>>29629006
I am not one to judge what is and isn't slavery, but based on your description, I would not call it slavery.

>>29629031
I do not know to whom you sent $521, but all our ponies cost significantly more than that amount. It is possible that you sent the payment to the wrong company.

>>29628993
>Thread is centered around recieving and raising a cute little filly imprinted on you
>Heartwarming and comfy greens abound
>Nice back and forth with 'hassenfield'
>New thread starts
>Endless fetish questions and people pushing to see just how far they can go before it turns into an abuse thread
Fuck. This is why we can't have nice things. Genuinely sorry for you, writefag.

>>29629038
Who/what's your cheapest pony?

What is the best way to make a pony relax quickly?

>>29628538
>>29628542
Mods pls don't ban for mention of fufs

>You are Spectra, a 3 year old ‘Rainbow model’ pegasus living in a small town.
>Yesterday, you got your new collar! Now you can fly about town without the human authorities trying to stop you.
>You admire the rainbow colored band and the golden tag in the bathroom mirror.
>With an adjustment of your forelegs and a puff of your chest, your heart-shaped breast tuft poofs up, contrasting nicely with your collar and rainbow mane.
>Vain as it may sound, your Master may have been onto something when he called you “Beautiful”.
>Thinking about the compliment makes your lips twitch upward into a smile.
>Speaking of said Master…
>You hop down from the bathroom sink and trot to the apartment living room, where you spy the upper part of the window open, just as Master said.
>It gladdens you that he trusts you so much.
>With nary a thought you hop, open your wings, and fly out.

-------------------

>The town has been simply wonderful!
>Hardly threes blocks away from the apartment you found a small flock of other collar-sporting pegasi perched on a cafe, who allowed you into their group with little fuss.
>Well, you did have to preen the ringleader’s wings for her, but she deemed the initiation to be above satisfactory, thus cementing you a place in the group of friends.
>Most of the day was spent wandering the town with your new friends pointing out landmarks and hangout spots.
>They even showed you a patch of wild mint and taught you how to chew it into a fine paste that you could apply to your coat.
>Idly, you wonder if Master will notice the scent. His poor nose is so weak, after all.
>But, as the hours passed, you began to grow hungry. That’s when the flock decided to show you yet another trick.
>Now, you and the seven other pegasi stand on the roof of a restaurant that serves “Italian”, whatever that it.
1/?

>>29629062
>”So what we do here is simple,” chirps the chestnut coated leader, Coco. “The people who own this restaurant fancy themselves above other establishments. So much so that they throw out food that is fresh if it goes uneaten. All we have to do is intercept the human who is sent to dispose of it. A cute strut here, an endearing chirp there, and they’ll be happy to share,” Coco says with a smile.
>She then leads the group to the alley behind the building in preparation.
”They just… Throw it out? Food? Are you sure?”
>You ask with a bewildered tilt of your head. Master always ate like he was starved, muttering about “M-muh college poverty.”
>The other mare shrugs. “Humans are mysterious, illogical things. I dare not try to puzzle them out. In fact-”
>Coco is interrupted by what sounds like high-pitched babbling coming from below, turning her expression sour in an instant.
>You and the other pegasi look down at the alley, seeing a number of squat, fat forms pawing that the backdoor of the building.
>All you can garner over the inane chatter and scratching of hooves on wood is “Pwease give sketti!” and “Hungwe…”
>Your pegasus vision magnifies, showing the forms to be malformed ponies..?
>What is going on?
>Coco sighs. “Well colts and fillies, our chances of finding something here just hit rock bottom. Let’s rotate to the next spot.”
“Hold on!”
>You exclaim as you point a hoof down at the noisy interlopers,
“Just what are those?”
>”You don’t know?” Coco asks, blinking unsurely. “Those things are our failed predecessors, who are now commonly known as vermin. You know where ponies like us came from, right? That we were created by humans?”
>You nod. The knowledge that you were created for the purpose of loving and being loved was instinctual.
2/4

>>29629066
>”So were they, but they are literal mistakes. Mistakes that we replaced. They have no place in the world, and almost all humans share that view. So with them down there, the restaurant workers won’t come out tonight to throw away food because they don’t want the Mistakes to potentially have it.”
>You look down at them again. What a sad fate, to be discarded by your creators.
>The sympathy diminishes somewhat as one of the Mistakes throws a hunger-induced tantrum, scaring another into soiling itself and crying.
>Then the sympathy fades entirely as what looks like a mother purposely tramples one of her own foals for being a “loud dummeh.”
>Their constitutions don’t appear to be strong...
“What if we scared them away, or even removed them?”
>Coco raised an eyebrow.
>Without elaborating, you hop down onto a dumpster behind the group of Mistakes and take a deep breath.
>Out of your mouth comes the wailing keen of a dying animal, making several of the Mistakes jump in fright, one soil itself, and the forcing the rest to flee in tears.
>Several of your friends even seem startled.
>For a moment you stop, sniff the air, then let out a weaker cry.
>A growl comes from one end of the alley.
>Bingo.
>A wing assisted jump brings you back to the top of the building, letting you see what you attracted.
>A half-starved alley mutt prowls into sight. It’s yellow-tooth filled maw already open and slathering and the prospect of easy prey.
>And easy prey it got, just not the kind it was expecting.
3/4

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>>29629068
>The other pegasi are now leaning over the building in interest.
>The remaining Mistakes seem rooted to their spots in terror, each one babbling quickly and incoherently.
>Fast as lightning, the mutt races forward and seizes one of the Mistakes, who neglected to even dodge, and begins shaking the screaming ball of fluff.
>The others seem to wake from their stupor and flee as fast as their short legs will take them.
>For a moment, the dog seems like it’s debating on giving chase, but decides against it and retreats with it’s prize.
>For whatever reason, you can’t seem to muster any guilt for your actions. Were you just assisting nature, maybe? Or were you just programed to not like your prototypes?
>”Well well well. Not everyday I get to see a show like that.”
>You’re pulled from your thoughts and look down again, seeing an amused human in an apron poking his head out the backdoor. “You and your friends want some of the extra fresh stuff, girly? I can spare as thanks for the pest control.”
“Erm. Yes please!”
>You say with an awkward smile, not expecting anyone to have seen that.
>Later that night, Master didn’t comment on your mint scent, but he did point out your garlic breath.
>Jerk.
4/4

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>>29629022
How would you feel if I excised your desire for freedom and made me imprint on you so you are sexually attracted to me and you do what I say under my corrective behavior?

Answer: You would be fine with it because I rewired your brain to be fine with it.

The only difference between Hassenfeld ponies and doing that to you is that Hassenfeld ponies are engineered to be born that way.

Hassenfeld ponies are great.

>>29629047
Earth ponies are the cheapest ones we offer since they require no extra maintenance or caution like with pegasus and unicorns. We have to supply extra things to accommodate wings and horns.
Pegasi come with a preening set for wings and unicorns come with a pair of pricey rings for restraining magic if they get too malicious.

>>29629104
This is indeed the general rule: Earth Ponies are the least expensive, followed by Pegasi, then Unicorns, then Alicorns. However, it is a general rule, and there may be some dissonance in pricing (i.e. a Pegasus that is more expensive than a Unicorn) due to supply and demand factors.

In addition to the preening kit, we also include a leather belt that can be used to prevent Pegasi from flying away.
Most Unicorns only come with one ring, which disables their magic entirely. More powerful Unicorns will come with two: one that reduces their functionality to that of a normal Unicorn, and the other for complete suspension of magical ability.

>>29629072
Nice fluffy pony garbage
>>/trash/

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what is the best way to calm down a fussy filly?

>>29629126
How smart are they exactly? In adulthood, are they on human levels of intelligence or are they closer to fluffy levels of intelligence? For example, can a pony write a symphony? Can a pony turn a canvas into a beautiful masterpiece? Can a pony discover alien life or solve the world's most difficult math problems?
Are they all capable and it matters on how you raise them, or does it depend on which model?
I want a pony who I can see as an equal and not a pet or slave

>>29629173
Hug

>>29629126
My pony (a stallion) has become increasingly affectionate towards me recently. Is this a sign of an intention to court? Have there been any other signs I missed?

>>29622045
Who is the certified softest horsie you got. No general dribble, I would like a product number, and official name of said pony. I can't take a scruffy Braeburn y'know.

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Excuse me but I had to leave on business for a week, made sure my pony had plenty of food and water, but since coming back she has been acting strangely.

To start with and most alarmingly, I'm pretty sure it ate my pet sparrow. She denied it, but I noticed she had a feather stuck in her teeth, and I haven't seen Tweety since. I want to give her the benefit of the doubt but with her other behaviors I find myself more and more convinced otherwise.

Secondly I find myself waking at night and she's at my bedside, staring. I always ensure she's tucked into her own bed before I retire to my own, but in the dead of night I'll awake, and there she'll be. Staring. Unblinking. I tried spraying her with a water bottle to deter the behavior but she seems to not even notice. I even administered a small spray to her face once, undoubtedly getting her in the eyes, but she never moved, or even blinked. She'll just continue to stare until I pick her up and carry her back to her bed, where she'll stare some more, tucked into her bed, unmoving except her eyes following me as I leave the room. She usually stays in bed afterward, but the next night, the behavior will, more likely than not, will resume.

Lastly and, although strange, not behavioral, she's undergone a change in mane and coat color, a dimming or darkening, it's hard to tell, although the mane is not as fluffy as it once was. Not fluffy at all now, actually.

Is this normal behavior for my pony? Any advice would be appreciated.

>>29629173
Positive reinforcement is always the best remedy for disobedience in any pony. What specific steps you should take depends on their reasons for such behaviour.

>>29629175
Most ponies are on par with, if not a bit smarter than an average human being. Not all ponies are created equal and not all ponies are well-rounded in all areas, so don't expect your little Michelangelo to double as Beethoven.

>>29629215
It is possible that he is homosexual. Affection towards members of the same sex is typically the first sign of homosexuality.

>>29629220
Many have reported that Anonfilly, a pony from the Fan Favourite OC Collection, has a softer, thicker coat than most other ponies. The specific model number is AF-4CH.

>>29629232
You may wish to take your pony to your local Hassenfeld office for psychotherapy. Based on your description, it seems you have the Pinkie Pie model. Although rare, Pinkie Pie may experience a complete reversal of emotion and behaviour if left alone for long enough.


As with last night, responses to inquiries will be inconsistent as I engage in normal everyday life. Expect the normal reply speed to resume at or before 16:00 EST (UTC-5) tomorrow.

>>29629278
Damnit I forgot, no "ponies" from your "transformed" line. We all know you guys just melded the DNA of your "Talking Green Man" synth into a horse.
Now please, give me your second most soft horse. I want prime cuddles, without Anonfilly and its stupid identity crisis.

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But as >>29629073, there is more to be said.

Every problem in my life is due to my freedom. "Man has no more tormenting care than to find someone to whom he can hand over as quickly as possible that gift of freedom with which the miserable creature is born. But he alone can take over the freedom of man who appeases their conscience," reads a memorable line from Dostoyevsky.

Every suffering in my life is due to my own freedom and choices; I do not appease my conscience, and I have no-one but myself to blame.

Hassenfeld ponies have the "appease conscience" part from the imprinting and are then happy with their freedom from freedom, likely more happy than we. I wish I were free from myself in this way.

To answer the question in >>29629073, I would prefer it even now. If I had the choice to be born a human or a Hassenfeld pony, I would choose to be born a Hassenfeld pony.

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>>29629300
even fussy fags need love, anon

>>29629278
Do such signs of homosexuality include a predilection towards sports, fondness for worn undergarments, and on occasion, slow licking of phallic or cream based food items?

Also, does Hassenfeld provide appropriately sized lacy undergarments with all ponies? A pony sized set has mysteriously appeared in my laundry.

>>29629072
Neat.

>>29629318
But my cousin got one and he said it won't shut up about being a "Big two weg" and having a "Warge Tingie" in it's private place.

I want sponsored creation line's Hasbio, not voted on garbage inclusions.

Need I have to remind Hasbio of your "Squishy Smooze" creation and what it did to downtown Eugene, Oregon?

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>>29629072
>>You nod. The knowledge that you were created for the purpose of loving and being loved was instinctual.
I wish I were a Hassenfeld pony. In addition to >>29629301, they have purpose and meaning in their lives, and their meaning in life is lovely.

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>>29629344
you just have to help her assume her role as a pretty filly