Ponycorp

>>29606657
Boss of ponies.

>>29606657
Bosses are shitbags that all deserve a noose, so I'd rather get hung by ponies than have one in my position.

File: 1438582044675.png (166KB, 442x333px) Image search: [Google]

166KB, 442x333px

>>29606657
I for one would look forward to working for Derpy McHooves. Me and all the other faggots in the workplace would strive to find that one ingrediant to make the perfect muffin.

File: 1443313257628.jpg (69KB, 417x680px) Image search: [Google]

69KB, 417x680px

>The floor in the staff room is permanently stained with coffee because the ponies can't use the coffee maker properly.
>Several of your employees are splitting the cost and buying hay in bulk. There are haybales tucked away everywhere.
>Some of the documents that end up on your desk have faint teeth marks
>Sometimes they're slightly damp
>Every now and then there's even lipstick on some of them. You make a game of trying to guess which pony has been handling each document.
>Whenever you go for a walk around the office, you feel like a colossus wandering around the cubicle landscape. You can't tell if your employees are intimidated by your stature, or simply because you're their boss and your presence is naturally increasing stress.
>Company Hearthswarming parties are awkward . You feel disconnected. In an attempt to bond with your employees, you decide to try Equestrian food.
>It contains flowers and hay. The ponies appreciate your efforts and are sympathetic when you run into the restroom to violently throw up.

File: 1478856515582.jpg (141KB, 1000x849px) Image search: [Google]

141KB, 1000x849px

>>29606657
Ponies need to obey their human masters.

File: Moar.gif (404KB, 498x372px) Image search: [Google]

404KB, 498x372px

>>29606763
MOAR

File: 711772.png (341KB, 1592x1440px) Image search: [Google]

341KB, 1592x1440px

>>29606763
>>29607807
>You sit in your office one morning, looking through the results of your latest marketing campaign.
>Apparently, people are generally more positive to companies hiring ponies. You wouldn't know, however. You've only been here for a few months.
>You absentmindedly call on your pony secretary and ask her to bring you some coffee.
> "Uh...sure thing, boss." she reluctantly agrees and trots off. What was that about...?
>You begin to feel a little annoyed until you hear clattering noises from the staff room, shortly followed by the unmistakable sound of 30 ounces of Colombian dark roast staining the floor and your assistant swearing under her breath.
>The smell of spilled coffee wafts into your office.
>Smells kind of good, man.
>Your thoughts are interrupted by a muffled, drawn out scream from the staff room, and you drop your reports in surprise. You can see a few worried faces poking out of their cubicles to find out what's going on.
> Your assistant returns, head twisted sideways as she carries your stupidly large "#1 Boss" mug clenched between her teeth. Her eyes are tearing up, and you can see her lips already swelling up from picking up your scorching hot mug.
"Oh shit, I'm sorry, I forgot..."
>Your earthpony assistant carefully puts the mug down on top of your marketing report, decorating it with a nice coffee ring.
>"Yuh coffhee, boss." she tries to smile, before returning to her desk. You feel like the biggest asshole. Pretty good coffee though.

>>29608206
kek

this is why you hire pegasi and unicorns

>>29608206
oh yes!
moar office shenanigans

File: 1317220887990.png (221KB, 1100x1000px) Image search: [Google]

221KB, 1100x1000px

>>29608206
>You're starting to feel more comfortable working with the ponies.
>Even though you still feel a little cringey about using their pronouns, you feel good when they appreciate your efforts to get along.
>A few of them returns the favor by chatting about interests you have that probably aren't relevant to them, like cars and fishing.
>One problem though. Even though the ponies are hard workers, some of them are still struggling to get accustomed to how human computers work.
>For example, you're preparing for a board meeting. Several investors are going to be there.
>They're worried about the efficiency of your staff, and considering replacing at least part of it with more technologically fluent humans.
>You don't know why you're feeling so invested in convincing them no to.
>The unicorn leading the project of putting together a presentation for the meeting is having trouble with some backup files from the archive.
>He comes into your office and presents you with a CD with the project reports from the entire department for the last three years, updated on a weekly basis.
>You insert the CD on your own computer. Less than 1 MB of the available space has been used?
>You're getting a bad feeling about this as you open the report folder on the CD.
>It contains thousands of items.
>They're all shortcuts. Three years worth of shortcuts. No reports.

>>29606657

Ponies would make excellent staff. I work in customer service and they seem to be naturally friendly towards others.

Probably try and pair them with humans, though if I'm dealing with other humans. That way we get some of those social skills spread around.

>>29606657
pony boss
having to be in charge of people and basically babysit them for all the time they're working so they don't fuck up is a total drag

File: 412690__safe_solo_lyra_lyra+heartstrings_reaction+image_food_eating_topkek.jpg (99KB, 1024x1024px) Image search: [Google]

99KB, 1024x1024px

>>29609459
>They're all shortcuts. Three years worth of shortcuts. No reports.
it's a miracle how these horses can retain their jobs

File: 1340253983247.jpg (130KB, 383x472px) Image search: [Google]

130KB, 383x472px

>>29609459
>It's time for the board meeting.
>After the backup disaster, you had a panic attack and took over the whole presentation thing yourself.
>Once you stopped crying and got out of the restroom.
>You enter the meeting room.
>It's like jumping into a shark tank.
>Ageing men sit around a table, patiently waiting for you to present yourself and start your presentation.
>You smile and try not to shit yourself in panic
>You say your name, and give a short explanation of your role, and the role of your department. You are being very positive about the ponies working under you.
>No one says a word. You start to sweat and hyperventilate.
>In one fluid motion, you pull a flashdrive out of your pocket, insert it into a laptop connected to a projector for your presentation, and start a powerpoint presentation.
>You leave the room and the bewildered board members and run out of the building.
>The whole presentation is a slideshow with pictures of ponies. The words "Please don't fire us." is superimposed at the top.

(I'm done)

>>29609870
all remaining board members died of pony induced cuteness overload

>>29609870
That was some cute shit, man.

>>29609870
kek
again

File: 1463673268914.jpg (35KB, 432x450px) Image search: [Google]

35KB, 432x450px

>>29609590
>pair them with humans

>ywn have a chirpy, optimistic, office pony companion to help you through the drudgery of office work
>ywn wake up to text from pony wishing you a happy day
>ywn walk outside your apartment and see them waiting there for you with breakfast and coffee juggled precariously in their hooves
>twn rest their head on your shoulder as you both read the same paper on the subway
>ywn share a cubicle together as they crack jokes and find a way to make your project bearable
>twn join you every lunch break and make it feel as though you're not still at work
>ywn celebrate the completion of a difficult project with them with round of drinks after work
>ywn drink a little too much in celebration and them have to half walk, half drag you to your apartment
>ywn get another text from them the next morning wishing you a speedy recovery and another good day

>>29606657
really depends on the job. but if it is cubicle salary work I'll take the office full of pones.

File: 1480143422454.jpg (67KB, 503x723px) Image search: [Google]

67KB, 503x723px

>>29609590
>>29610041
Yeah, this is only going to end in a large influx of inter-species breeding.

>>29610093
a pony to Anon ratio of 1:10 seems reasonable

File: 1435245749989.png (125KB, 408x388px) Image search: [Google]

125KB, 408x388px

>>29610041
I didn't need that feel today

File: 1341437621901.jpg (94KB, 500x499px) Image search: [Google]

94KB, 500x499px

>>29609590
I think humans and ponies working together would in many fields create an unbeatable versatility. Unicorns in manufacturing, medical professions, and chemistry would add a lot of possibilities when they can manipulate objects with no physical contact in a space too small to otherwise work with. Pegasi would add another level of speed, accuracy, and safety to construction sites.

Earthponies are useless though.

>>29610377
Earth pones are just superior regular horses.

Bump. This thread is actually interesting and involves discussion of the show.

File: shit_muffin.webm (1MB, 640x360px) Image search: [Google]

1MB, 640x360px

>I'm working as fast as I can!

>>29610377
Earthponies could probably take on more physically demanding jobs which didn't necessarily require the magic of unicorns.

File: 1409421173235.png (288KB, 639x447px) Image search: [Google]

288KB, 639x447px

>>29611700
>tfw motherfuckers would require a perfectly equal split of male, female, human (black,white,asain,ect), pony (earth,pega,uni), and griffons
>tfw litterally only the griffons and unicorns are useful for anything technology related, and pegasus are only useful for courier duty
>mud ponies are good for hauling heavy shit
>nothing else
>it'd be cheaper to buy real horses with handlers
>but nope
>gotta get those quotas

>>29611768
>mud ponies are good for hauling heavy shit

Yeah but unicorns would realize their advantage and demand increased pay whereas earth ponies would probably be grateful for a job at all. Furthermore we don't actually know how many unicorns are adept at magic, it's implied that all of them can levitate objects but it's also shown that the larger and heavier and object is the more difficult levitation is. I find it hard to believe many unicorns would be able to lift heavy shit compared to earth ponies.

>>29611784
Why would a desk jockey need to lift heavy shit? All they need to do is press buttons.

>>29611791
Well it would depend on the field they work in of course. But then if lifting shit didn't matter then why would a unicorn hold any particular advantage over an earth pony in an office job?

>>29611807
>hooves
>keyboards
Really activates your almonds.

>>29610377
>>29611700
Earth ponies would be excellent in tight city spaces where heavy machinery can be a bitch to bring in or operate.

>>29611808
>implying magic wands wouldn't be manufactured to fit onto the end of ponies' hooves to help them type

File: 1344353161714.jpg (199KB, 1280x800px) Image search: [Google]

199KB, 1280x800px

>It's another day at the lathe in the machine shop. You're working on a shaft for a prototype turbine some jackass customer wanted you to make.
>His drawings and documentations are shit. You fucking hate dealing with jobs like this.
>Hot metal chips fly around your face as you cut the raw metal into shape.
>You glance over to a couple of unicorns working on another project. It's always interesting to see how they work with magic.
>One of them is floating several pieces of copper tube in the air while the other is soldering them together. They work fast.
>You finally finish cutting. Looks like the unicorns finished soldering at the same time.
"Hey."
>You call to one of them as he's about to go do something else.
>"What's up, Anon?"
>You frown as you take a quick measurement of a section of the shaft you've been cutting.
>"...is there something you want....?"
"I want to come inside Rainbow Dash."
>You joke absentmindedly. To your surprise, he starts laughing. You thought ponies hated lewd jokes.
>"Won't your boyfriend get jealous?"
>What the fuck?
>He laughs even harder when you stare blankly at him.
"A-actually, I need the bearing cradles from the bench over there. Could you get them? I need to test their fit."
>He snickers and trots off to get them.
>You stand there gaping like an idiot, trying to get over the fact that a pony just called you a faggot.

>>29606763
>It contains flowers and hay. The ponies appreciate your efforts and are sympathetic when you run into the restroom to violently throw up.
Flowers are generally edible. My favorite thing is popping decorative Orchids from fruit plates in my mouth while people stare at me.

>>29613327
You shouldn't eat flowers unless you know they've been grown without pesticides.

>>29613392
Yeah, the ones on fruit trays are food grade.

>>29614282
Damnit Cheerilee, take your sexy purple ass somewhere useful, this thread is dead.

File: 1456705598689.png (240KB, 640x640px) Image search: [Google]

240KB, 640x640px

>>29614316
I'm afraid not anonymous, I must insist that you deliver another 500 words of green of office ponies by the end of the day.

>>29613327
You can eat the whole thing? I thought that was only the petals.

>>29614622
At least orchids you can snip off the whole bloom and pop that fucker in. It's not great, but sometimes you get some nectar.

File: 1463673471047.png (58KB, 645x773px) Image search: [Google]

58KB, 645x773px

>>29610041

>>29614475
Sorry I didn't do my homework Ms Cheerilee, I was always a poor student.

>>29614282

>>29610041
DELET THIS

File: 1356567564990.jpg (88KB, 400x400px) Image search: [Google]

88KB, 400x400px

>>29612456
>You come to work next morning to find an email.
>The surviving board members who didn't die from diabetic shock has decided to give your underperforming employees another chance.
>Looks like the combination of your good reputation from your previous job and pictures of ponies have swayed them.
>You feel relieved. Firing people is hard, but just the thought of telling a sad pony to leave...
>After some quick searching, you find that there are seminars and workshops that fit your needs perfectly. You leave it to your assistant to arrange the rest and inform the ponies you've decided to send.
>You lean back in your chair, smiling. Turns out being a boss is pretty easy.
>As you think this to yourself, you notice the smoke rolling out of the staff room.
"I'm taking the day off."

I can't believe you guys kept bumping this

>>29620479
Believe it, pal.

>>29620479
These are just too much. Too cute. Why aren't they real, again?

>>29621954
The universe hates us and wishes to torture us in our finite existence by showing us a better life we can't have.

File: Don_Draper_Wiki.jpg (15KB, 292x249px) Image search: [Google]

15KB, 292x249px

>>29606657
Boss of ponies. I would be the cool boss that everyone likes. I would know all of their names and we would all be friends. I would have a sexy secretary that I would order around and she would do everything with a sassy and sarcastic yet friendly attitude.

>>29622578
>Being friends with your subordinates

Bad move, friend.

>>29623694
Literally how?

>>29624796
Magic

>>29624796
everything becomes personal instead of business.

File: 2a489868f098a67c85622b8522721260.jpg (66KB, 800x438px) Image search: [Google]

66KB, 800x438px

>>29620479
>You enjoy music as much as the next person. When you're not working, you're pretty much always surrounded by it.
>Lately, you've been listening to classical music on your way to work. It relaxes you, and you can easily tune it out when you need to focus on the traffic.
>Once you get to work, however, you concentrate on it completely. You never listen to music while you work.
>Lately, you've noticed something weird going on with the ponies.
>They sing.
>At first it was just something that happened once in a while that you just happened to hear out of the corner of your ear.
>It's become too frequent now. They'll spontaneously start singing about a sandwich a friend made for them, about how friendly their co-workers are.
>You've even heard someone sing a few lines mentioning you.
>You feel kind of awkward about this kind of attention.
>As you take a walk around the office, you find it strangely empty.
>What the fuck?
>You walk around a corner, you find out why.
>Two mares are standing on a desk, singing something about a project they they're about to start, and how easy it's going to be. At least half a dozen other ponies are acting as backup dancers and singers in front of the desk.
"You've got to be fucking kidding me!"
>Your outburst brings the song to a sudden stop. The ponies involved stare at you in surprise.
>The odd song about their lunch is one thing, but musical numbers involving half the office is going too far.
>It's time to show them who's wearing the boss pants.
"This has gotten out of hand. No more singing, and no more dancing. If I catch anyone wasting work time on this shit again, they can start looking for a new job elsewhere. This isn't what you're paid to do."
>The effect is immediate. Everyone is shocked by your threat. The mares who were singing seconds ago are even tearing up.
"Now get back to work."
>You ignore the tightness in your chest as you turn away and stomp back to your office.