What story has the strongest Anon?

>>29559567
>muh power levels

>>>/a/

>>29559567
Your faggotry puts them all to shame OP

So you win, at being the biggest faggot

>>29559567
fuck off screwattack

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>>29559567
>a duel
Are you referring to a duel involving children's card games?

>>29559624
Oh you'll find out. I'm about to summon it.

>>29559630
TELL ME

I just want to know some stories where it isn't "Anon dicks the horse because X".

>>29559675
Exchange

look it up on fimfic.

>>29559567
I'd say that the one of "Heart of War" is the stronger anon I've ever read
the anon from the umbra thread is pretty strong too

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>>29559700
Good taste my dude, it's a shame the author gave up the good writings

>>29559567
Witcher Anon is pretty dope.

From what I've read, Sky prison Anon is the strongest as far a brute strength goes.

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>>29559567
Fine, I'll bite:
The only three valid choices, are the anon from Sarge's story where he gains random superpowers, Janitor anon, master of comfyness and beardy anon, the invincible, who's pretty much the saitama of anons
Let's compare the facts;

Superpowered anon:
-Fought Nightmare moon and defeated her in a duel of pure strength, due to him gaining several powers at once, including the one to cause localised earthquakes (a la whitebeard from one piece)
-travelled through the seven circles of hell
-Fucked both Celestia and Luna on the same day, the day he met them

Janitor anon:
-Defeated 4 master ninja ponies alone, only armed with a broom
-befriended a demon sommoned to kill him and played poker every week with him after that
-died and came back. He managed to cause an uproar in the reaper organisation in his way toward resurrection by organising a protest with various reapers exploited by those damn bureaucrats

Beardy anon:
-can lift a tree with one hand and pretty much no effort, and possess apparently unlimited strenght
-spells and projectiles like arrows bounce off him without any effect
-Nothing ever managed to actually stop him, or even slow him for that matters
-He ejaculated so hard that his sperm pierced the wing of a passing dragon

>>29561436
Link to Sarge's story?

>>29561436
These greens are made of this.

>>29561493
oh fuck
Are you familiar with his stuff ? 'cause it's pretty fucking long, something like double witcher anon, at least in my mind
I'll try to find it, but it may take me a while

Here's Sarge's pastebin, pretty much everything in it is a part of /mlp/'s history
The story about anon getting superpowers is descriped in three parts:
here:http://pastebin.com/GxstF3wD
here:http://pastebin.com/GdF5bFyh
and here:http://pastebin.com/fj6bz77a

here's his actual pastebin :http://pastebin.com/u/Sergeant_Nonymous

>>29559567
Well that depends. What skills are you looking at? I know of many Anons by one writer in particular that exhibit proficiency in many fields from intellect to raw strength.

>>29561557
How about a beardy anon pastebin?

The "Bros in Equestria" guys where probably the most durable. They were completely immune to magic and did not age. They ended up outliving Celestia and Luna.

>>29561590
While I don't have a link to the actual thread, I'm pretty sure there was a cap that resumed most of what was in the thread
problem is, I can't seem to find it

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OP here. I want to separate it into categories.

>>29561436
Got a link to Janitor Anon?

>>29559567
King Anon is pretty OP as far as non-powered fighters go. He's a highly skilled warrior with all weapons as well as hand-to-hand. He's gone toe to toe with whole armies, giants, Celestia herself, and even drove a race of undefeated and unbeatable guardians to extinction in one fight. He's got the willpower to stay on his feet after one hell of a beating too, not to mention the quality of armor a king would have at his disposal. If you're looking for raw power, Anon from Moblight by the same author is insanely strong and probably just as skilled of a fighter.

>>29561507

who am i to disagree?

>>29559567
Anon-brain-in-a-vat from the "Technology Isn't Magic" thread.
Turned half the solar system of Equestria into a stellar-sized fortress filled with whatever Sci-Fi weapons you could imagine by the trillions, including antimatter shit and weaponized teleportation.
He still lost.

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>>29561507
I... what ?

>>29561724
found it !
http://pastebin.com/EMYRjvjC

>>29561736
let me guess, he either accepted defeat or he got deafeated by le frondship ?

>>29561752
Officer I can explain, I tripped into this horse.

Anon from Pencil's "Anon's Pie Adventure" comic is hella fucking strong.

Page 1: https://derpibooru.org/1060410

>>29561809
He's pretty much a ripoff of beardy anon, just without a manly beard, which makes it automatically inferior

>>29559567
90% of /mlp/'s greentext, because you can't beat a mary sue

>>29561834

But does Beard Anon get all the Pones? I don't think so.

Hardmode: He has weaknesses.

>>29561839
well, to be fair, pencil's anon will only get one of the pies in the end (which, spoiler alert, he will not because pencil will want to keep his audience and have his unexpected grand reveal which will ruin the series. If he doesn't, then he'll get my respect)
As for beardy anon, I think that most ponies were actually terrified of him, with the exception of Celestia and Lyra who got into a journey in order to find the seed that anon shot into the sky & get pregnant with it

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>>29561698
Here's the Anons from any story I liked that I thought would have anything worth bringing to the table in a fight. I've read a lot of green in my day, but not many Anons have strayed from anything but a doughy human with forced sex appeal. Only a few could be real fighters and even less have really stood out as warriors.

>>29561864

He'll chose a pie for the ending. Im already suspecting that it's Limestone. The audience will love it. And hell, Pinkie and Marble hasn't had their chance to express themself to Anon, so this'll go on for a while.

>>29561837
But you can beat off a mary sue.

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>>29561896
here, I'll contributt
To kinda explain, the main point of beardy anon was that he was unstoppable and inalterable
But as I said before, it's not really fair because he's essentially a joke character, the equivalent of saitama in a way

>>29562003
>only medium weapon mastery
Looks like he'd get his ass kicked. Nigga might be strong, but I know some nasty ways to use a branch. He's going down.

>>29562016
Sure, you do that and I go and try to hide on another plane of existence

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>>29562003
Looks like these are our heaviest hitters so far. Anyone else stepping up to the plate?

>>29562064
Got a link for the king anon green?

>>29562093
Right here my dude http://pastebin.com/U79sgGbF

>>29562097
Cheers pal

>>29562064
I feel like we should add all the badass anons we can find to your powerlevel list, I'd like to read it again in the future & read one of these stories

>>29561896
what about anon the jedi/sith/whatever ending you choose ? Even by jedi standards he was pretty strong

>>29562113
This. A full list of the badass Anons would be nice given the general losers we have here on /mlp/.

>>29562122
I never read that green. Got a link or a power template?

>>29559613
kek

There was that triathalon anon.

>>29562130
It's also one of sarge's greens, unfortunately it's pretty long and I haven't finished it
I do however remember that anon was pretty powerful, he had a mechanical arm that allowed him to do some unique tricks with his lightsaber and he even managed to shoot lightning a few times
Since someone linked the pastebin, I'll binge through it tonight and post about it tomorrow, assuming the thread will still be alive

>>29562174
The longer this thread lives, the more tempted I am to do a full analysis of each Anon for a real Deathbattle, or maybe a Deathbattle royale. With a big enough list, I might.

>>29562188
Well, the charts are a good start, but I think that we need more information about the various strengths and weaknesses of the various anons
we could start with the ones on this >>29561896 list, since I don't know all of them

I would re-nominate the Steel Sanctuary anon (from Technology isn't Magic, mentioned above).

He's just a human with genetically enhanced intelligence and lifespan, but he hooked up his brain to all his machines so they're basically extensions of him. He's also got at least two different biological brains, for backup.

>>29561514
My body is ready.

>>29561626
Holy fuck I forgot about that story. I don't like to look back on the stories I used to read because most of them are forever unfinished.

Lich Anon
Blood Anon
Random /r9k/ Anon
Captain Planet Anon
Bully Anon
Cold Edge Anon
Succubus Anon

And wasn't there some dimension hopping Anon with a frying pan for a hand?

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>>29562304
I want to hear about all of them anon, what can you tell me about them ?
also
>cold edge anon

>>29562304
Can we get some elaboration on Lich Anon and Blood Anon? Are the stories any good and is there any Celestia in them?

>>29560244
This was my answer to the question. Ya beat me

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While we don't get to see much of him fighting, Prince Anon from Marital Problems seems like a fairly strong Anon. At least as far as non-OP Anons go.

He's described as a tournament fighter, alchemist, and has at least some ability to access Discord-styled "Chaos Magic." He's also skilled at both bow and sword, with enchanted weapons and armor.

Plus, he's bonded to Sunbutt and has some access to her magic to sustain himself, based on what little we know. That's gotta add to durability.

>>29562320
>>29562322
>Lich Anon
Was a series of one-shots from different people about Anon as a lich or Equestria's new god of death. It didn't really go beyond shape changing, immortality or being able to pass freely between the mortal realm and the afterlife. Also one based off the "GET IN THE BAG" reaper.

There are many instances of Anon rising from the dead even not as a lich, so immortal Anon isn't an uncommon green to see, but I don't have any links for you without digging through the archives.

>Blood Anon
>http://pastebin.com/Y3s426wP
Was pretty much a Ragnarok clone from Soul Eater. Part of Twilight's blood stream, could shapeshift and stretch to different sizes, grow wings, screech loudly, break the sonic barrier, etc. Written by Biscotti.

>/r9k/ Anon
Is a series of one-shots not of one thread, but just made whenever. I figured I'd mention him as a potential candidate since every time someone writes 'an' /r9k/ anon, it usually involves him screeching or tipping his fedora until random bouts of chaos and uncontrolled weather or earthquakes happen because of it. He can create endless torrents of spaghetti and diarrhea shit.

>Captain Planet Anon
>http://pastebin.com/n6LtP3k0
From the Prison generals. He became one with Gaia. Didn't really touch on it much besides having the powers of all the elements and being able to phase through the earth and pop out at any destination at will. Written by Mythd.

>>29562510
>Bully Anon
>http://pastebin.com/kc4SEc6u
Probably the weakest suggestion. It was a short EQG story where an edgelord bully Anon gets his hands on the Dazzlings' crystals, and with all three and his pure edgy rage, manages to stop the rainbow of destruction from the elements of harmony from harming him. Written by Klimino.

>Cold Edge
>http://pastebin.com/u/Uh-hmmm (in parts)
One of many from the Edge general, he became an edgy OC pony with ice powers, dimension tearing powers, with cthulhu as a dad or some shit and princesses of varying degrees of horrific vying for his attention. Written by Uh-hmmm.

Although just about any Anon from that general could do. There was a Terminator Anon, too, but the pastebin is now empty.

>Succubus Anon
Any one from the general, really. All the powers of hell at his hooves and an endless libido. One of them he was queen of the underworld or something.

>Frying Pan Anon
I don't think I ever finished this. All I remember is what I briefly described him as. I want to say it was written by PlaeNarrator, but his pastebin his gone and he disappeared from the face of the earth.

These are all just suggestions from random greens I've read where Anon has in one case or another wielded superpowers that could be decent enough to use in a combat royale.

>>29562516
>Terminator Anon
You mean Mechanon that runs on Windows XP who was tasked with destroying MLP but instead became it?

>>29562522
Oh no, not that one. But that is a good suggestion.

No, it was a robo pony Anon with sharp metal wings, missiles and shit, ate oil and scrap. The Edge general is years old now.

>>29561896
Who wrote Sun Wukong Anon?

>>29562064
Got a link to Beardy Anon?

>>29562595
Frisky Bits, but he went by Anonymous in the thread.
http://pastebin.com/RCnBBA90

>>29562616
I should probably finish that instead of shitposting shouldn't I. That pastebin needs updating too.

>>29562516
>Bully anon
That reminds me of Darth Vader anon. Literally Darth Vader.

Also, does anybody have links to Lord Anon mentioned by >>29561896 and beardy anon?

>>29561896
Really depends on the thread. /aie/ has had numerous stories, many of which featured various warrior-ish anons but few (if any) of them are known outside of the thread and very few were ever finished. There was also a series of space-future-ponies threads, some of which had soldier-ey Anons.

For instance, I vaguely remember a green about a mechsuit anon looking to industrialize Equestria - he defeated Twilight in a duel, and was able to stave off Celestia long enough to withdraw. But, it was a oneshot and never had a home thread.

>>29562722
Games Lords Play by Sea Urchin http://pastebin.com/CzAxmMzp

>>29561436
You forgot the Giant Ant invasion of Canterlot thwarted by Janitor Anon.

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>This whole board.

>>29559624
No, a duel to see which of us is worthy of the candelabra.

requesting the "GET THE DEBUFFS" comic

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Green for top Anon when?
Also, I'm surpised there's no speedy anons.
None of them have trouble keeping up with their enemies sure, but there are no sonic rainboom capable Anons.

>>29563265
King Anon definitely deserves a spot on there. A real man's man. A warrior to the bitter end.
Also suggesting "Tournament of Power" as the tournament name.

>>29563265
Oh yeah, Zoom Anon, going back in time to fuck with the ponies.

>"Remember when you were in third grade and your chocolate milk spilled and ruined your essay? It was me, Twilight! I was the chocolate milk! It was me, Twilight! ME!"

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>>29561436
>He ejaculated so hard that his sperm pierced the wing of a passing dragon

link to steel sanctuary anon?8

>>29561834
>manly beard
Disgusting.

>>29559567
Drury Lane Anon.
He was more cartoony and could break the 4th wall like Ponko. Very bugs bunny-like Anon. He wouldn't be defeating anybody though, unless you count a spit to the mouth a humiliating defeat.

>>29561776
Nah, ponykind got defeated without him ever taking them seriously, including Luna & Celestia going mad on dark magic.
He got his ass handed to him by some cosmic horror that see Equestria has a magic source, ready for the harvest.

>>29563265
jedi anon was kinda speedy, speed was one of his advantages when fighting other jedis or siths, which were by definition pretty fucking fast

>>29561436
What about meta bending Anons?

There are a few greens about Anons meeting their own Anon creator, wouldn't someone who is capable of writing the events of an entire universe be the strongest thing in creation?

>>29564901
wait wait wait; did some of us go even further in the self-insterting faggotry ? also link/pastebin ?

What about the Anons from these threads?
>>29535491
And
>>29475006

Can't forget >>29518029 anyone with that many daughters has to be a super human of sorts.

>>29565000
Sadly I do'nt frequent Jojo general because I don't have much time anymore, but I'm sure Axii's anon could make it on the list from the alone in equestria thread could make it

>>29561809
>hella
kill yourself

>>29565087
Come on anon, I warned you about this green, I told you dog

>>29561896

>70 years ago, a population of humans found themselves teleported outside the gates of Equestria. Celestia sensed great discord in their hearts and had her guards go to wipe them out. Instead of extinction, the humans were gathered and led by one among them. Under the lead of Incognito, the humans pushed back Equestria's forces and escaped to the Frozen North, where there too they had to fight and claim land from the Frost Giants. Time passed, and as the humans flourished, Incognito grew old. Soon, his son took the throne as King Anonymous, leader of the humans.
>King Anon is a leader first, but a soldier at heart. He knows his place is on the battlefield, giving bravery to his men with his mere presence.
>He has no powers to speak of, but has trained long and hard to make up for that and become the greatest specimen humanity has to offer.
>Against giants, minotaurs, or even the great princess herself, King Anon's wide and varied skill set has brought him many victories.
>He is most adept with the sword and demonstrates flawless skill in every discipline.
>Even outside of that particular arm, he feels at home with the bow, is a crack-shot with any grade of firearm, and can skillfully wield any other weapon given to him.
>Without a weapon, he is just as deadly. Anon's hand-to-hand combat skills are unmatched in his world. Or, as it usually ended up, hand-to-paw/hoof/talon.
>Anon also shows great resilience to both physical and mental trauma.

>>29565458
>During the great battle of the temple, in which Anon and his comrade were ambushed by the leaders of the four opposing nations, his friend perished. In a fury, he not only eliminated those leaders, but also the horde of man-eating bug creatures flooding the room and the so far undefeated Lammasu, a terrible race of lion-like beings known for shredding to pieces any living thing they deem violent.
>The result was the fall of three kingdoms and the utter extinction of the Lammasu.
>In that battle, Anon also suffered a grave wound in his leg. Since then, it has caused constant pain which eventually drives him to alcoholism to cope with it.
>In following battles, that leg was a target for his opponents. A strike would cripple him for the time it took to recollect himself.
>This is coupled with the year-long mental assault Luna threw, forcing him to relive the ambush and his friend’s death every night through vivid and detailed nightmares.
>Through all the nightmares, beatings, burnings, and even impalement, his dedication to his people and his father’s legacy drove him on.
>Despite being a mere human, the “Mad King” is easily one of the deadliest beings in Equestria. This skilled soldier is not someone you would want against you. The world tried that once and it didn’t work out so well for them.

>>29565465
>Equestria Conman Anon. What three words could better define selfishness?
>Anon is a man with no skills and no redeemable qualities. What he does have is a wit as quick as a whip and a tongue sharper than a knife.
>While stumbling around his basement one day, Anon discovered a portal to a faraway land.
>This land was filled with magic, ponies, and riches to be exploited.
>With his clever mind, Anon pulled the biggest con of all.
>The ponies of Equestria quickly fell in love with him and threw everything they had at him.
>From outside of his house, he suddenly began producing vast amounts of gold, lumber, and oil.
>He also got his hands on a fancy army of stone warriors programed to follow his exact command.
>What could possibly go wrong?
>Despite all his brainpower, Anon couldn’t predict that his rock army would attack the mailman and draw the attention of the government.
>Before he knew it, his house was swarmed with soldiers and guns, leaving him with no other option than to pull another fast one and get himself a forcefield generator off some pony.
>Conman Anon currently sits in his house, rich beyond his wildest dreams and protected with a powerful magical army of stone monsters, with access to a whole realm full of ponies that adore him.
>None know of his selfish nature, and that’s just how he would have it.
>How can you play someone if they know you’re playing them?
>This Anon is someone you always want to keep two eyes one, because you can never tell just what he’s plotting and what he can squeeze out of you.

>>29565473
>Enter the world of Iron Manon.
>Iron Manon is your average hermit with above average intelligence.
>He felt the need to prove himself to pony society and what better way to do that than to build a hyperadvanced suit of armor with accompanying A.I.?
>After hiding away in a cave for months, stealing metal and the horns of dead unicorns, he eventually built his own functioning suit Iron Man armor.
>It comes equipped with more weapons than a sci-fi novel, is able to scan and display any map of the world, store and recall any information read or heard, record conversations, set reminders, and even comes with an onboard A.I. affectionately named Jahvis.
>Iron Manon is just as if not more self centered than Conman Anon and sees no issue with brutally beating people for so much as scratching the paint on his armor.
>In fact, this narcissism runs so deep that he became a target for Chrysalis, who deemed his intense love for himself to be so strong and pure that he alone could power her army.
>With his armor shut down, Iron Manon can still move albeit slowly and with great effort. However, movement is all he can do.
>When the powersource of his armor is off, everything else goes with it. No weapons, no maps or grids, and no Jahvis.
>Jahvis has proven absolutely crucial to the continued living of Iron Manon. Without its guiding voice, he has gotten himself into quite a few messes, one of which almost took his life.
>Jahvis is also capable of controlling the armor itself, independent of Anon’s command, and has done so on occasion to save him from a horde of changelings.
>Anon’s love for himself is challenged only by his love for his armor, which is why whenever it is damaged or destroyed, he is right back in the cave making a new suit.
>The depths of this man’s insanity is unknown. Whatever the situation calls for, it’s a safe bet that with enough time, he could have a suit ready for it.
Anyone else want to show off their autisms and go full Screwattack?

>>29562261
The problem with him is that his power depends entirely on the arena. If he's away from home he's just some guy with a huge head. If the fight is taking place in the sanctuary itself you're going to have to rip the whole thing apart before you even find him.

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>>29559567
Janitor Anon. By far.
He threw a Cross bolt like a dart and killed eleven assasins with it, and when he threw it, he bounced the bolt off a wall or a statue, it made sparks and he leaned in and lit a cigar from it
And then he said "Hang around" because the last one was pinned to the wall.
http://pastebin.com/EMYRjvjC

>>29566835
Did he also fire his gun up in the air and go 'aaargh'?

>>29566925
Yes, he then used his AK-47 to kill 5 other people who were holding the princesses hostage. And he didn't even hurt them.

>>29561896
Anybody got links to Conman and Moblight?

>>29565480
>Anyone else want to show off their autisms and go full Screwattack?
Once again, I'll bite
>>29561436
>Anon was once a normal human, as normal as a human without eyes and with a green skin can be.
>However, he posessed absolutely no talent, except for his acting hobby, and his strong imagination.
>All of this played a major part in his life, when a strange alien artifact scanned him and granted him the power of digits through a perfect hectogon, a hundred-sided die
>He gained the ability to receive various powers, determined by his rolls, each number giving him access to a new one
>After a long conflict with other artefact wielders at Canterlot High, Anon unfortunately managed to catch the attention of Discord, which sailed through the galaxy on a massive warship, bent on destroying the last remnants of the artifacts
>While anon is not that much of a fighter per se, his progress in the span of only two years is astounding
>His powers vary wildly, from the ability to run faster than lightning to the power to rewind time, and his powerful imagination helped him take advantage of his gift, often in an unexpected manner
>despite him being in theory a normal human, anon has proven time and time again that his wide range of powers can overcome any obstacle, as long as luck is on his side

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>>29565087

>Which of these self-inserts is the closest to a Gary Stu

>>29568427
Well no it's...OK, yeah, I guess that's true actually. Fuck it though. I don't feel guilty. Show me some badass Anons.

>>29564052
http://pastebin.com/u/writefag_is_kill

>>29564303
Well he might have gotten his ass handed to him, but he still came out on top both times[\spoiler]. At least as far as the story has progressed so far. Whether he will continue holding up in the future remains to be seen, but I'm still putting my money on him.

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>>29562887
Many thank

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>>29561725
>King Anon
this

>tfw you will never be strong enough to kill an entire temple worth of monsters in a rage of revenge

>>29570410
It kinda reminded me of samson in the jew mythos
Guy gets herculean strength because of his hair. The neighboring kingdom sends a woman to seduce this information out of him, have him shaved and he is then blinded and kept as a slave. But one day, they forget to shave him again and he goes berserk and bring the whole house/temple/mansion down with him in a fit of holy (?) rage & retribution

>>29569422
I wish to apologize in advance. I had no idea what I was doing when I started writing that thing, and it shows.

My ancient and badly written story from the early AiE threads that no one cares about or remembers had a pretty strong Anon. He was a mad scientist who had enhanced his body to superhuman levels with gene mods and cybernetic augmentations. Plus he could build super-advanced weaponry out of materials just lying around and power them with his internal reserves. Honestly, in retrospect, his level of power was one of my least favorite elements of the series as a whole. But I'd say he's at least a contender in this fight.
http://pastebin.com/u/anonhieron

>>29559567
probably that one green where anon is a terminator

>>29570620
Oh and he also survives and rapidly recovers from being in a massive explosion and having most of his skin melted off.
Yeah.

>>29570410
I honestly think that even with some of the super OP Anons mentioned in this thread, King Anon is one of the safest bets to make in a fight. I just can't see him losing.

>>29570545
He gets his strength through a Nazarene vow, which included but was not limited to cutting his hair.

>>29570874
to be fair, beardy anon is just way to powerful, he could probably win against all the other anons put together
I mean, what can you do to someone who's basically opm with an invulerability to magic. He'll just win against anything because that's basically the only thing he does
Now, if we were to judge by their ability to cause mayhem, I'd put my bet on anon brain in a vat first, and Janitor anon second

File: tournament draft.png (34KB, 650x501px) Image search: [Google]

34KB, 650x501px

>>29563265
So I took the liberty of throwing the names of some frequently mentioned Anons (except for Beardy for obvious reasons) into a randomizer to come up with the order of the fight. I'm actualyl really surprised with how fitting these matches are.
>Robot vs robosuit
>Mystic monkey magic vs mystic space magic
>2 soldiers written by Sea Urchin
>Conman vs accidental conman
Now I ask you if this is fine and dandy or if there are other Anons that should have made it on in place of others?

>>29571197
although I'd argue that superpower anon is worth a place in the top 8, he doesn't really fit anywhere and those 4 pairs actually really work well together

>>29571197
>>29571268
So these tournament drafts are going to be theme based? 'Cause I like that.
There could be one for the warriors, the magic users, the robots, the espers, and so on...

>>29571285
>theme based
That does sound better. It'd be kind of unfair to put a fighter up against a mage. And then after the strongest of each category is decided, let the overlaps fight? Who would go into each section?
>Warrior
>Magic User
>Strategist
>Robotic
>Esper

>>29571197
I'd say this is the best we can do with the Anons that were most frequently mentioned.

The real questions is, who's gonna write the green?

>>29571333
>Incoming a tournament draft of posible writefags?

>>29571370
I think it'd be better if anyone could write. Maybe we have a strawpoll to decide the winner of each match and then people have fun writing based on that

I made one right now. IDK he's pretty normal, this is a personal self-insert tho.

>You are Anonymous.
>Actually, make that Colonel Anonymous, because you were the commander of SEAL Team 6 back on Earth.
>Not even Lt. Colonel, bro! Full bull!
>You are stunningly handsome.
>Every day when you go outside you are assaulted by waves of female ponies who try to ask you on dates, seduce you, or simply marry you on the spot.
>But you know your own value, and you cast their feeble attempts aside.
>A lesser man would take them all as brides simultaneously, and create the greatest harem ever known to Man or Pony. But you are not a lesser man.
>Instead, you hold out, convinced in the prospects you’ll have down the road with your charisma.
>Did I mention you’re charismatic? Oh yeah, you’re the new toast of the town. You’re a social butterfly, always invited and always the center of attention at every party, event, and ceremony in Ponyville.
>You make your living being Princess Twilight’s personal assistant, bodyguard, royal envoy, henchman, lover (when you feel like it), and co-plotter to usurp the throne.
>It’s all part time because you only do those activities when and if you feel like it.
>She’s too in awe of you to demand otherwise.
>Today, you walk through the street practicing your magic.
>That’s right, magic! You’re also one of Equestria’s most powerful magic wielders, on par with Discord, Celestia, or any other eternal being.
>That’s only with your right hand, though. With your left, you use your incredibly powerful brain to add up finances and balance the entire country’s budget in one go.
>It’s a big job, and has taken you about ten minutes. Thankfully, it’s almost done so you can move on to other, more important tasks.
>That’s right! Brunch with Twilight, all of her friends, Celestia, Luna, Cadance, and basically every other well-known figure in Equestria.

>>29572413
>They’re all here for you, of course. Even Pinkie Pie isn’t as good at making friends as you are.
>After all, what’s not to love? Your paintings, symphonies, novels, plays, sculptures, frescoes, and other works of art have all become centers of Equestrian culture.
>You’ve also introduced at least three dozen genres of music, half of them entirely your own design.
>You simply kick down the door, using your massive muscled frame just how God intended. You know there’s a God: He personally told you how awesome you are.
>If you ever die, you get to kick demon ass in the afterlife.
>You walk in, flex your muscles, then deadlift 650 lbs with one hand. No point in trying anything hard today, just doing a quick showoff without breaking a sweat.
>Two mares in the restaurant immediately swoon and fall over. You wink, and two more follow, including Maud Pie.
>To start off the conversation, you choose a topic their feeble minds should be able to understand.
>A simple talk about theoretical particle physics, and how the Standard Model integrates with magic now that you’ve realized the Higgs Boson doesn’t exist in this universe.
>You found that out with the particle accelerator you made out of ceramic flower pots in your basement.
>They had to create the Nobel Prize specifically to give it to you that year.
>You start telling them stories of your past on Earth, all of them true.
>While being a Special Forces soldier full-time, you were also a professional NBA player, world-class tennis star, NFL quarterback with five consecutive Super Bowls under your belt, and a two-time MMA world champion.
>You’d only taken up MMA in the last two years, unfortunately, so your legacy was never thoroughly cemented.
>They tried to elect you President three times in the span of four years, but you declined the offer each time out of respect for the law, which you always followed. By law you have to be 40 to be President, but you’re only 25.

>>29572417
>Instead, you used your fame to become a male model. Every woman on earth, and now in Equestria, wanted to see your face on literally everything.
>There are dozens of murals of your likeness across Equestria, and more spring up each day.
>As you leave the restaurant, you’re sadly reminded that only one pony in your life was missing. The one pony you wanted to see most.
>The only one who didn’t make it very clear they would marry you in a heartbeat: your waifu.
>Alas, your heart was broken to discover your one true love unnoticing of you.
>She was a friend, of course, but you could never secure her heart.
>Today, that would all change.
>For, as you discover upon reaching her house, she has been kidnapped by an evil dragon!
>And a real dragon, not like that Spike fellow that drew comic books about you.
>So you gathered a sword, armor, and the M16 tactical assault rifle with extended clips and telescopic side-mounted scope you brought with you from earth.
>And, like, a half-dozen or so of the townsfolk you couldn’t dissuade from coming with you.
>As expected, they all fell quickly. You, however, calmly pulled out your Tactical M9 Assault Knife and threw it with the deft and experience of a reincarnated Caesar, felling the beast in one blow.
>Your waifu, thoroughly impressed, greeted you with a kiss on the lips.
>Finally content, you ripped a section of bark off a nearby tree and surfed down the side of the mountain, with your waifu in your arms.
>You didn’t even do a kickflip.
>Thank you God, for making Anonymous humble.
>And awesome. Yeah, you’re awesome. Say it one more time? Okay, you’re awesome.
>Yeah.

>>29572422
Are we like the same person? Because this is describing me too dude.

>>29572422
This is easily one of the worst things that I have ever read on /mlp/ and I've read shit by Diamond Tiara. What are you even trying to accomplish by writing this?

>>29564990
There was another one where it was straight "Anon meets WriterAnon", but the only other one I can find right now is http://pastebin.com/GdvbaJnP

In which Anon meets Chuck, his writefag.

>>29560244
>Heart of War
This. Also, Manos from Manos the Hands of Fate, even though he is a marty stu.

http://pastebin.com/2N4vvMAz
Shitty Chef Anon.
Everything he touches/create is awesome, except for him.
He could totally wrekt pone anons, but not human anons.

Beardy anon link please

>>29573646
It's a parody of Anon stories with unrealistically strong Anons. The entire concept of the character is at least closely tied to self-inserts, and I don't like it when these are horrendously unreqlistic in how Anon functions and other characters act (I'm looking at you RGRE and Royal Guard Mare)

>>29561101
Didn't he take a sonic rainboom to the face?

>>29574162
I don't think an Anonymous being unrealistically strong is a bad thing. It's how they're written and how the story flows that makes it or breaks it. Moblight Anon is a super soldier but I like him fine. I even consider Moblight to be one of the best greens produced on /mlp/.

>There are legends about you.
>They say you defeated assassins, monstrous creatures and ghosts.
>They say you walked unscathed through the jaws of death.
>Some even say you laid low Satan himself.
>There are whispers that you're a member of the Equestrian Intelligence Agency, or perhaps one of Luna's elusive Night's Watch.
>Certain ponies even believe you're a puppetmaster, manipulating the princesses to do your bidding all while posing as a humble janitor.
>Those last ones in particular always make you want to laugh. But instead you give them a big wink.
>Good for the rumour mill, give them a little-
>Shit.
>You're getting sidetracked
>The point is, you're pretty much the greatest person that's ever lived, ever.
>In your own humble opinion, of course, but there are a fair few powerful entities which also believe something like that.
"I won't do it."
>Time to be resolute in the face of an enemy that even you doubt you could best
>Staff Keeper, the head of the Canterlot Castle's staff
>No matter how terrifying she may be, you've stood up to worse and come through suspiciously unscathed.
>Her nostrils flare in shock, and her eyes bore a hole into your soul.
>She looks pretty mad.
>But you don't care.
>Not at all, you totally don't care.
>To show how much you don't care, you give a strangled yelp and cower slightly.
>In fact, come to think of it, maybe you actually /do/ want to work overtime this weekend.
>Yeah. It'll be fun, cleaning out the old dungeons. Because you want to. And aren't scared of Staff Keeper. At all.
>You clear your throat nervously
"Ah, I meant to say I won't let you down. By not doing it."
>Your boss scrutinises you for another second
"Because I'm all about being a good employee, yes siree."
>You realise that last bit rhymed, and wiggle your eyebrows at the mare as though it was intentional.
>She gives a 'humph'
>"Very well. Follow me, then."
>Perfect, you think as she leads you to the ancient, decrepit dungeons. You've established your dominance.

>>29575277
>Stepping into the abandoned rooms, you're pleasantly surprised to see they're in a reasonably good condition
>Rusty, dusty and musty they may be, but it's not the collapsed shithole you were expecting
>Still, you're not sure why this needs cleaning. It's deep in the labyrinthine basements of the castle. No one ever comes down here but you. And cultists. And various ooze monsters. And, well, plenty of things come or live down here, but none of them are really any good.
>Besides, Equestria doesn't torture anyone
"Why does this need to be cleaned? It's not on the usual list of duties."
>Staff Keeper nods
>"It's a special request from an anonymous source."
>Oh
"Kinky sex dungeon for Luna?"
>Staff Keeper's face remains stoically unmoved
>"It was anonymous. I don't know who requested this or why."
"But it's a kinky sex dungeon for Luna, right?"
>Staff Keeper sighs
>"I think deep down, we both know that."
>Shit, that reminds you
"Did you get my note about the cerebrospinal fluid?"
>She nods
>"The lino's on its way. Her carpets will be replaced next Tuesday."
>You fistpump. That should make the various bodily fluids that appear in her room easier to clean.
"Well, I'll get started on this."
>You reach into your overall, pulling out your superweapon. A flask of magical cleaning... liquid. Twilight made you it after you helped her cowgirl friend with that thing.
>A couple of squirts of this into the room and BAM. It's so potent, the rust will practically fall off the bars and manacles. All you'll have to do is sweep up, and you can be done in an hour-
>"Oh, no you don't, Anon."
>You blink at Staff Keeper
>"This is an enclosed area. The fumes from that will knock you out."
"What!? It's fine, I'll hold my breath and-"
>"Nope. Remember the nursery?"
"Those children all walked again! And the doctor said the brain damage would only be temporary!"
>Staff Keeper raises an eyebrow
>"Anon?"
>You groan
"Fine! I won't use the useful, safe bleach."
>She smiles tightly
>"Good."

>>29575432
>She turns and marches out of the room.
>You glance around at the rusty chains, the dusty furniture, the mouldy walls
>Eh, fuck it. You'll use the cleaning fluid. You have big lungs
>Big adult lungs. You'll be fine.
>Should probably wait an hour or so until Staff Keeper leaves though. Don't want to get caught being naughty.
>You take a folding chair from your janitor's cart and make yourself comfortable.
>After a nap, you wake up feeling refreshed and ready to clean
>You take a deep breath, filling your lungs with non-carcinogenic air before uncorking your super-bleach
>Flicking a few drops into the room, you're suddenly buffeted by magical cleaning energies
>Your ears ring from the din as the winds swirl around the room.
>They'll mostly dissipate within a minute or two, so you begin to make your way to the door, intending to wait in the corridor.
>Should probably have thought this through more.
>There's a whooshing noise. Through squinting eyes you see your folding chair zoom by, followed by various objects from your cart
>Shit. You hope nothing gets broken.
>You hustle for the door, being pushed back by the wind.
>There's a crunch as something heavy collides with you, sending you spilling to the floor and making your vision blur
>Your last thought before you hit the floor is that at least you'll be nice and clean when you wake up.
>And then...
>Nothing.

>Consciousness hits you all at once, like a cucumber thrown sideways.
>You open your eyes
>Rather than lying on the floor of a clean dungeon, you're standing in a bright spotlight, darkness pressing in on all sides
>Hmmmm.
>You look down. The floor is just white, with no obvious features
>Taking a few steps to the side, the spotlight seems to move with you. You speed up to a jog, but it follows you.
>Trying to catch it out, you stop abruptly, jumping back
>You don't manage to trick it.
>Remembering before you got knocked out, you assume this is some kind of hallucination dream
>A pretty lame one, really

>>29575558
>Reaching into your overalls, you pull out a tobacco tin and start rolling a cigarette
>Your hallucinations are usually better than this, and you almost always end up in prison.
>That'd suck extra hard right now, since you're supposed to be cleaning out a dungeon in preparation for unspeakable sex acts.
>"Janitor Anon."
>A deep voice speaks, seeming to come from the darkness all around you
>It sounds like the kind of modulated voice people use to hide their identity on the news or whatever.
>You're too busy rolling to look up
"Yeah?"
>There's a moment of silence
>"Do I Have Your Attention?"
>You get the feeling the voice wants you to look up
"As much as I can give, sure."
>There's a moment's pause, like the voice isn't sure whether to demand you give it your full attention
>"You're Probably Wondering Why We've Brought You Here."
>We?
"What, to this spotlight?"
>"No, To The Space Between Universes!"
>The voice booms. Trying to be impressive, you think.
>You shrug
"What is this, Limbo?"
>"No, Janitor, This Is-"
"Hell? Or heaven this time, maybe?"
>"No! Would You..."
>There's a deep sigh as you finally finish rolling your cigarette, holding it between your lips as you pat yourself down, looking for your lighter
>Damn, you need to keep better tabs on that thing
>You finally fish it out, and light your cigarette
>"You Done?"
"Almost."
>You put your lighter away, making sure to remember it's in your breast pocket
>In fact, you pat it a couple of times to remind yourself it's in your breast pocket
>Your BREAST POCKET.
"Ok, I'm done."
>The voice clears its throat
>Or makes the sound, at least. You can't even be sure it has a throat at all.
>"Anon. There Are A Billion Different Universes, Each Different In Ways Minor Or Major."
>You nod vaguely
>Best just humour the voice and get back home.
>"I Represent The Watchers. The Ones Who Observe You. Your Lives Are But-"
>Come to think of it, this voice sounds familiar...
>You squint into the darkness

>>29575683
>Sounds like Azazel, the demon you play cards with.
>"- And So A Great Tournament Was Demanded, To Settle Once And For All -"
>You take another drag on your cigarette
>What's he trying to do with all this bullshit? Trick you?
>"- Gathered All The -"
"Azazel?"
>"- Anons... What?"
"Is that you, Azazel?"
>You grin slyly
"Trying to pull a fast one on me, are you?"
>There's a few moments of silence
>"Shall We Just Move Along?"
>The spotlight on you seems to judder, its beam widening out to reveal rows and rows of racks
>Each rack contains a huge range of weaponry
>You let loose a low whistle, sauntering over to a stand holding a revolver
"Like the Matrix, huh?"
>"Kind Of, Yeah. Select You Weapons, Anon."
>You grin, picking up the revolver
"My weapons for what?
>The voice sputters indignantly
>"For- For The- Weren't You Listening Just Now?"
"Uhhh..."
>You shrug
"No."
>The voice sighs wearily
>"You're Going To Fight Every Version Of Yourself From Every Alternative Reality."
>Huh
"Why?"
>"Because... Because We Want You To. Die, And You'll Reawaken In Your Own World, Never Again To-"
"Wait, what? Why would I care about taking part in this?"
>"The Wish, Janitor! The Last Anon Standing Gets A Wish!"
>Shit! A wish!
>Think of all the things you could do with a wish!
>You could... uh...
>Well, maybe you might want to...
>Hmmm
"I don't think there's anything I really want. Life's pretty good, you know? So, thanks but no thanks."
>You put the gun you're holding in your mouth and pull the trigger
>For a second, you hear the voice shouting
>"No, Wait!"
>And then...
>Nothing.
>...
>Again.

>Consciousness hits you all at once, like a cucumber thrown sideways.
>You open your eyes
>Rather than lying on the floor of a clean dungeon, you're standing in-
"Ah, shit."
>"We're Not Letting You Go That Easily, Anon."
>You're standing exactly where you were a moment ago, surrounded by racks of guns
"You said I'd go home if I died!"
>"Yes, But It Doesn't Count If You Kill Yourself."

>>29575825
"Why not?"
>"Because I Said So!"
>You groan
"Then maybe I'll just keep killing myself until you change your mind."
>You grab another gun
>"Nope!"
>You shoot yourself, this time in the side of the head.
>The bullet bounces off
>"I'm Making You Immune To Your Own Attacks."
>Fuck's sake.
>You grab a grenade from the stockpile, pulling the pin
"Splash damage, bitch!"
>It goes off harmlessly in your hand, though several racks of guns are blasted apart
"Seriously?"
>"Are You Done?"
>You sigh in exasperation
"Fine. You want me to play your game? I'll go and fight myself. Just give me my janitor stuff, I don't want any weapons."
>"You're Not Even Going To Try, Are You?"
"I'm going to ask the first me I come across to kill me, and I'll thank myself for doing it!"
>"But What If The Other You Doesn't Want To Kill You?"
"Oh, I know myself well enough to get me to kill me, don't you worry about that! I might even convince the others mes to kill... myselves just to spite you!"
>There's a sigh, and you feel your consciousness fading away.
>"Good Luck, Janitor"
"Fucking Hunger Games, Battle Royale..."
>You fight to get the last words out
"... knockoff bull..."
>Darkness rushes you
"... shit..."
>You hear one final sigh
>And then...
>Nothing.
>It's becoming a bit repetitive at this point.

>>29575916
Janitor Anon takes the world. To be continued?

File: 1488053411192.png (406KB, 478x720px) Image search: [Google]

406KB, 478x720px

>>29559567
is that green slenderman

>>29571138
That's anon two brains in a vat to you

Or two brains in two vats to be precise

>>29571370
>>29571333
>>29571197
I'd be happy to write a Conman Anon vs Janitor Anon. I'd also be happy for someone else to write it.

>>29571433
This is a good idea.

>>29575916
Contributing

>You open your eyes and look around.
>Your display flashes as the armor scans the immediate area and creates a 3D Model.
>[Sir, I have cross referenced this area with all available maps and have found no results.]
>"That is because you are not anywhere in Equestria."
"Alright, so what are we talking? Changeling lands? Fuck, is it Chrysalis again? I told your cunt queen I wasn't her salad bar."
>"Watch your language, mortal."
"Suck my metal-encased cock."
>"Listen, dumbass. We're trying to offer you something."
>You cross your arms and look around.
>Where the fuck are you?
>One minute you were soaring through the air, trying to escape a flock of griffins, and now you're here in the middle nowhere.
>[Sir, I do not detect any life forms, nor any speaker system mechanical or magical through which a person might transmit their voice.]
"So where is he?"
>[I am unaware at this time. I advise proceeding with caution.]
"Alright, I'm listening. What do you want to offer me?"
>"An opportunity. We are the Watchers, and we are collecting Anons like you from across dimensions to fight for our entertainment in a Great Tournament. Whoever dies gets to go home, and the winner gets a wish."
>"No, that was for the janitor."
>"Shit. Who didn't update the script?"
"Hold on, go back a second. Die?"
>"Here, read him this one."
>"An opportunity. We are the watchers, and we are collecting brave and powerful Anons like you from across dimensions to test their might in a Great Tournament. Whoever loses goes home. The winner will have their name spread across every dimension so that all may know their glory and tell tales about them."
>Oh ho ho.
>You grin and nod.
"You mean everybody in every dimension would know how amazing I am?"
>"Precisely."

>>29576601
>[Sir, please tell me you aren't believing this.]
"Why shouldn't I?"
>[We have no proof that any of what they've said is true.]
"Uh, magic? That's proof right there."
>[Sir, I highly advise against this.]
"Don't be such a fucking pussy, Jahvis. This is going to be so cash. Alright, Watchers, I'm in."
>"Welcome to the games, Iron Manon."

>>29576604
This is the first time I heard about Iron Manon, does anyone has the pastebin link?

>>29576752
http://pastebin.com/u/QuietYou

>>29576761
>read my old pastebin
>holy shit I fucked up the dialogue markers

It's been so long since I read it I completely forgot.

>>29571197
>>29571433
>>29576236
Vote now
http://www.strawpoll.me/12433490
http://www.strawpoll.me/12433492
http://www.strawpoll.me/12433496
http://www.strawpoll.me/12433497

>>29577684
So far King Anon and Janitor Anon are winning by landslides. Jedi Anon is edging out over Wukong Anon. Iron Manon and Terminator Anon are tied.

>>29561767
>when an author ruins his story
Janitor Anon part 3 is retarded.
Not worth reading unless you want to read an even more egotistical and careless MC who acts like a dick and not even in an interesting and cunning way.

Part 1 and 2 were absolute gold though.

>>29559567
>I want to examine their weapons, armor and skills to see who
Is the Deadliest Warrior

>>29580495
Hey, mate, glad you liked the first two parts.

Could you give some more feedback on the third? Which parts in particular Anon is being (too) unlikable, what you think's different between that and the first. What you think would need to change to make it >absolute gold.

I want to keep JA high quality, so I appreciate the feedback. The franker you can be, the better.

Finally, there's an unpublished pastebin with more of the part 3 story in it here:
http://pastebin.com/QwwwFPB3
I'd be very thankful if you could take the time to read through that and let me know how that holds up compared to the released part of 3 and parts 1/2. Again, I appreciate this isn't a small ask, so as much or as little feedback as you can offer will certainly be appreciated.

Ta

>>29559675
Oldie but a goodie. Thousand Son in Equestria.

>>29577684
>there are people in this thread right now that think Moblight Anon stands a chance against King Anon

page 9

>>29580953

The prize should be Twilight's plump rump.

My OC can do "Half A Press" parallel universe shit and has a shitton of enchanted stuff and stolen magical artefacts to compensate for his meh-tier magic, but he's a Unicorn.

>>29559567
>weapons, armor and skills
Steel Sanctuary anon definitely, he's a genetically engineered to be as perfect as possible, has more augments than organics in his body, his head is connected to his facilities and robotic servants. He also has a second brain in a vat to be able to be connected to everything. He has access to everything the scifi humans have invented.
He turned the entire solar system into an impenetrable fortress of weapons platforms and scifi weapons including wormholes and lasers.
He also fought against multiple extraterrestrial Elder Gods.

>>29580741
You know, it's funny. In a friendly sparring match, Moblight Anon would win due to his overwhelming strength. However, if any real stakes were added to the fight--that is, if King Anon had something to fight for--he would absolutely win. Their difference in strength is great, but the skill gap between those two is enormous. I wanted a character I could honor King Anon with without copying him, so I wrote Moblight's Anon to be super strong and brave but lack all of the skill that made King Anon his fights so fun to write. In a real life-or-death situation, there's not a doubt in my mind that King Anon would win.

t. The author

>>29582011
He's got a lot of weaknesses though. Without his facilities he's just a guy. He's got a life-threatening allergy to magic, his scientific instincts prevent him from understanding or accounting for magic. And he doesn't have access to everything. He constantly says that his stuff is inferior to what you'd find back on Earth. Not to mention he lost his last 1v1 fight. Or ran from it whatever.

There was a shorter green a while ago where anon learned the magic of creation from Luna and Celestia and then fucked them. He didn't battle anything I don't think, but creating stars and matter and shit might be substantial.

>>29580596
Not that anon, and I read your story a couple months ago so may not be up to date with all the latest developments, but I basically agree with what that anon said so allow me to explain.

In the beginning, anon is a ">literally who" janitor, who manages - through seldom-practiced skill and wit, or more often through dumb luck, to overcome overwhelming odds. That's entertaining, combined with his attitude.

Towards the end though, not only does it get old - "oh look another insurmountable problem, anon will probably just shrug and the problem will instantly vanish, i can't wait to see that!" - but anon also gets a status. When you're mates with demons, best friends with a ruler of hell, when Celestia swoons every time she sees you - you're not a literally who janitor anymore, you're a pretty unoriginal Mary Sue that just happens to still be working as a janitor because why not.

I think the problem is inherent in the premise. There's only so much you can make out of it before it goes stale. The only two solutions are to take the story in a different direction - which you're arguably doing with the mary sue thing, which is obviously not a good direction - or call it a day. Even greentexts with no real set plot have the right to end, wrap up, get their [complete] tag on any pastebin compilations that mention them, and rest on their laurels, instead of stubbornly plodding on and on steadily getting worse and worse until nothing of their former greatness remains.

I know some of this isn't a very popular opinion, but I stand by this quite strongly. I enjoyed the first couple parts of JA, and I applaud your writing there, but I'm not going to be catching up top any further updates you add to the story.

>>29582338
He doesn't have an allergy to magic - it's just that he got mind-controlled once and is kinda cautious now. I also don't ever remember him losing a fight except maybe at the very beginning.

He was also mind-controlled by one of those Elder Gods and still managed to get out on top due to his second brain in a vat taking over and working against Anon prime until the Elder was defeated.[\spoiler]

And you keep saying that he lost or ran away - have I missed something? I read part 3 up to line 10,000 or so in the pastebin, just after spike gives his gold to rarity and then there's a scene cut and luna finishes fixing celestia[\spoiler]

>>29580596
Yeah I agree with the other guy, personally I want to try and forget JA3 ever happened. If you want to do the same style you could always try writing a new premise.

>>29565473
I need the conman link, I've lost track of this story and never finished it. Last time I remember he started his own little country or some shit.

>”It’s good to see you again, Anon.”
“I’ve seen you every night,” you say and extend your hand, brushing a stray hair out of her face.
>The hot sun bounces off your skin, but you’re not uncomfortable as a gentle breeze takes care of you.
>”I feel the circumstances are a little better this time,” she speaks in a soft, almost sad tone.
“Verily.”
>Your friend moves away from you and gazes at the lake just past the field.
>”It’s beautiful, isn’t it?”
>Before you can open your mouth, the world goes black.
>No!
>No, come back!
>You suddenly become aware of yourself. That is to say, you’re alert as if you’re now awake.
>Despite your best attempts to open your eyes, everything remains pitch black.
>”Welcome, King Anonymous.”
>That voice is unfamiliar.
>Worse, it seems to come from everywhere at once.
>Cautiously, your hand moves to your side and gropes your hip.
>Curses, you’re without your sword.
>”Oh, no need to be so wary. We won’t hurt you.”
“Who are you?”
>You crane your neck as they start again, hoping to pick up the real direction of “their” voices.
>”We are the Watchers.”
“And are you Watchers, as you call yourselves, human?”
>”That depends on what form we wish to take at the time.”
“If the answer is not ‘yes’, then it is ‘no’. Simply state that you are monsters and I will be content.”
>”Your reputation proceeds you.”
“You’ve yet to answer my question with any real substance. Who are you? Answer with more than four words.”
>These creatures, whatever they are, managed to whisk you away to some unknown place and shroud you in some all encompassing darkness.
>Whatever magic they wield is strong.
>”King Anonymous, we’ve brought you here to offer you an opportunity.”
>The opportunity to go home and sleep so that you might be blessed with another dream?

>>29583861

>”You see, there are many universes apart from your own. We watch them, and as you might imagine, that gets boring.”
“So you wish to battle.”
>”You’re half right. We wish for you to battle in our stead.”

“I refuse.”
>”That’s funny. We don’t remember giving you any options yet.”
“I refuse nonetheless. Send me home this instant.”
>”Or what? You’ll swing your fists in the dark and hope to hit one of our ethereal bodies?”
“I’m luckier than you might think.”
>”Nobody is that lucky.”
>Your teeth grind as your anger begins to rise.
>”Don’t get testy with us, mortal.”
“Reveal yourself to me and I’ll show you how mortal you can be, monsters.”
>”Quiet yourself and listen.”
>You try to retort, but find that your mouth is unable to open.
>Shocked, you rub your fingers against it.
>Where your lips should part, there is a zipper holding them together.
>In place of words, a low growl rumbles from your throat.
>”Much better. Now, we have decided to pit you against other versions of you from across these multiple dimensions.”
>What possible reason would you have to engage in these fights?
>”A great question. If you participate in our tournament and win, you will return home to your people. If you refuse, then you will stay here and we shall see fit to keep you perfectly healthy so that you will never be blessed with death and escape.”
>Alright, these creatures can read thoughts.
>What if you lose?
>”If you lose, you lose. We should say, though, that a loss isn’t just a loss. This isn’t a win-or-lose sort of tournament. It’s live or die.”
>Typical.

>>29583873

>”Aren’t they the best kind? Winner takes all. If you fight and win, you get to go home, sleep in your own bed, and rest well knowing you’ve saved your people from a world of monsters. If you lose, then you’ll go straight to the Hell you deserve for burning the world and never see your precious humans again. By the way, you can speak again.”
>Strangely, you can feel that weight lift from your mouth.
>Curious, you open up and extend your tongue.
>Nothing blocking the path.
>”Do you not trust us?”

“I make it a point of personal pride to never trust a monster, let alone tricksters like you. How do I know you’ll stay true to your word and send me home?”
>”If that’s the game you want to play, then I suppose you don’t. You’ll just have to hope we’re a bit more honest than the creatures you met in Equestria.”
>You sigh and work on balancing your options here.
>What can you even do?
>These beasts, they speak to you from an unknown place.
>You can’t see, you’ve no weapon, and they certainly have the upper hand when magic is brought into the equation.
>Perhaps it’d be best if you played along for now.
>When you have a chance--and you will keep your eyes open--you can strike.
>Whatever magic they wield is likely to dissipate upon their deaths.
>If you’re lucky, you’ll be sent home.
>If not, then you’re stuck in this other world for the time it takes you to force your way back to New Earth one way or another.
>”You know we can hear you, right?”
“I’m counting on it. Be on your guards, for I will be on mine.”
>”Of course you will. Welcome to the tournament, King Anonymous. Your fight begins now.”

I feel I've been presented with an opportunity to write my favorite character again without the commitment that comes with doing a whole story. How could I refuse?

>>29582618
I think you missed the most recent update. It's not in the paste yet, you'd have to check the thread.

And he does have a magic allergy, it just doesn't come up often.
Right after fighting the baby titan.
>And still you've widespread necrosis all throughout your body.
>It appears your concerns had some validity to them.
>This strange energy is vital to their biology, and hazardous to yours.
>You've never been directly exposed to anything more than background levels before.
>At least, not for more than a few seconds.
So he can handle small doses, but too much too fast will kill him, even if it's an otherwise harmless spell. Just being too close to a strong magic user might be bad for him.

>>29584037
Oh yeah, I've only been looking in the pastes.

Time to browse the thread.

While this anon is no competition to King Anon or Beard Anon, it was a fun read and I like this thread, so
>http://pastebin.com/raw/akijSbQE

>>29583882

>The next time you blink, you’re no longer surrounded by that strange magical darkness.
>Instead, you’re met with a vast stone floor that extends into nothingness resembling the night sky.
>What is this? Marble?
>You kneel down and knock against it, then run your fingers along the surface.
>It may look slippery, but there’s no give to this at all. You’d have some great footing.
“Well, I assume this is the fighting ring.”
>”You’re correct.”
>You stand up and look around the place.
>At your best guess, the ring is a large square about sixty feet across.
>Without warning, something tugs at your hip.
>You look down and find a brand new sword tied to it, nestled comfily within the brass scabbard.
>You’ve also been dressed with a set of armor similar to the one you wore in the first battle for Canterlot.
“You’ve thought of everything but one item. Where is my opponent?”
>”Right here.”
>Ah, a new voice.
>You turn yourself to face the owner of that deep, angry tone.
>Well, would you look at that?
>It’s you if you were a seven-foot tall shirtless wall of muscle.
“And I suppose you’re this version of me I’ve been tasked with defeating.”
>”You won’t be the one winning here. I’ve got a lot riding on this.”
“Do you, now?”
>His face contorts in rage.
>He flexes, adding more size onto himself.
>You’re too far away to get a good read, but his veins are oversized, likely full of something other than his own blood.
>The Watchers have given you a weapon suited to yourself.
>Perhaps whatever courses through him is his own tool.

>>29584494

>He begins to walk quickly, closing the distance between the two of you faster than you feel comfortable with.
>Until you get a better read, you deem it best to stay away and begin to backtrack, keeping pace with him.
“Come now, brother. You seem to be a man of great strength. Need we battle each other? Aim your fury at our oppressors.”
>”Hold still so I can rip your fucking head off!”
>What speed!
>He kicks off the floor and breaks into a dead run.
>You can barely react fast enough to step out of the way of his charge.
>He, this larger Anonymous, twists his body and swings his arm at you.
>You drop to the ground, letting it rush by just above your head.
>The sheer wind from his assault is enough to knock you back.
>What power lies within this man?
“Not me, Anonymous! Them! We could go home!”
>”My home is Hell! They promised me a second life with her! Do you know what that means to me?!”
>He lands on the stone floor with his hands.
“So you would be a pawn in their game--a piece of entertainment?”
>”Enough talk!”
>He’s upon you again.
>You scramble to your feet and try to make some distance, but he’s too fast.
>He throws his fist, smashing it against your chestplate.
>You’re lifted right off the ground and fly through the air a dozen yards.
>You slam into the ground, your armor scraping along the surface until you skid to a halt.
>A groan escape your lips as you push yourself up on your hands and knees.
“Ow…”
>Where’d he go?
>You pick your head up and scan the area for him.
>His enormous green form grows larger as he runs straight forward, likely for another punch.
>At least he’s predictable.
“Come now, you fool! We needn’t fight! See reason!”
>”I am seeing reason!”
>Gods above, this one is thick in the head.

>>29584498

>It seems like you don’t have any other option here. He hasn’t left you with any, at least.
>You rise to your feet and grab your sword.
“I will return to my people. I would prefer it happen through the death of these Watchers, but if I must first slay you, then so be it!”
>Ready now for battle, you yank your sword and--

>Wait, what’s going on here?
>You pull at it hard, then harder, but it refuses to leave its sheath.
>”You wouldn’t use a sword against an unarmed man, would you?” giggle those cretins from wherever they’re hiding.
“You bastards!”
>Damn!
>In the time you were distracted with them, Anonymous closed the gap between you.
>You turn around, facing your back to him, and jump back.
>Digging the tip of your scabbard into his gut seems to do nothing.
>In fact, it may have just made him angrier.
>He grabs you in his arms and hoists you off the ground.
>The sound of your armor crumbling as his muscles constrict you sickens you more than his seemingly joyous growling.
>You throw your head back, slamming it into his nose.
>Another time, then another, and another.
>Finally, after giving you quite a headache, he drops you and grabs his face.
>In a rush, you undo your belt and free the brass sheath from your hip.
>The pain he felt in his nose either goes away or he decides to ignore it, as once you’re done he grabs at you again.
>You wrap the belt around his wrist and pull, using the momentum of his own body to pull him down to the ground.
>He collapses like a raging bull, and you undo the bindings.
>Before he can collect himself, you flip the sword around so that you’re holding it where the blade should be, letting the grip and the guard resemble an ax head.
>With a mighty swing, you slam the point of the guard down onto his head.
>It seems to bounce right off of his sturdy skull.
>Once more, you’ve only enraged the man.
>He scrambles, swiping at you from the ground.

>>29584507

>You leap back, staying just out of his reach until he gets lucky and grabs hold of your left leg.
>You freeze up, your body locked in pain, as he digs his fingers into it.
>All of your strength fades away in that moment.
>He knows exactly what he’s done as well. The look of realization in his mad eyes shows that much.
>He puts more force into it and gets his feet under him, lifting you right off the floor.
>A scream is all you can manage until he swings you over his head and slams you into the floor, cracking it beneath you.
>He lifts you up once more, then sends you on another date with the ground.
>Blood sprays from your mouth, coating his skin.

>You look down at your leg.
>The armor covering it has been bend so horridly by his powerful grip that it juts out in places, forming sharp points.
>Alright, Anon. Come on. Let’s do it!
>Mustering all your might, you put your good leg against his wrist and kick as hard as you can.
>You manage to slide his hand down your captured appendage, letting the sharp pieces of the armor slice his parm open.
>He shouts and pulls back, freeing you.
>Using your elbows, you scooch back, trying to escape him.
>He doesn’t want any part of that though.
>The giant, with veins bulging on his forehead, throws his mighty fist at you.
>You manage to roll away.
>Instead of your frame, he smashes it into the floor, sinking it down an inch into the stone.
>This is your chance!
>As his lifts it up, you try another kick and knock his leg out from under him.
>He falls down face first, putting him right where you need him to be to knock his teeth in with your heel.

>>29584512

>Your foot sinks into his mouth, knocking everything it touches out of place.
>When you remove it, his face is bloodied and he starts to cough up his own teeth.
>You grab your scabbard and use it to prop help lift yourself up.
>The pain in your left leg is almost paralyzing. You can barely see straight right now.
>Thankfully, there’s enough adrenaline in you at the moment to keep you awake just a little longer.
>Once more, you raise your weapon over your head and take special aim.
>He rolls on the floor, writing, leaving his face wide open for you.
>If his skull was so tough, maybe you just need a softer target.
>You swing your blade down, pushing the tip of the guard straight in through his eye.
>It slides in without an issue until the body of the grip taps against his brow.
>He goes limp as mushed eye and blood spill from his new wound.
>You pant, keeping your grip on the scabbard.
>Is he dead?
>Probably, but just to be sure, you twist the guard free of the gaping hole in his visage and use it to strike his throat, collapsing his airway completely.
>If he were alive before, he isn’t now.
>You unceremoniously drop the sword and yourself onto the floor.
>The searing pain in your leg becomes even more powerful as your adrenaline begins to wear off.
>Groaning, you lean forward and try to undo the straps holding the dented metal against your wound.
>They come off, but the armor is so deformed that it holds itself together.
“Damn it all,” you seethe and lay down.
>”Very good, King Anonymous. We honestly didn’t expect that victory out of you.”
“I hope you took notes. That’s your future as soon as I get my hands on you freaks.”
>”Sure, of course it is. Here, let us take care of you as you wait for your next match.”
>Before you can even think of a response, the agony melts away.

>>29584519

>You blink a few times, not really able to register what just happened.
>Sitting up, you see that your armor has been totally repaired and shined up.
>All wounds you’d suffered are either healed or you just can’t feel them anymore.
>”There you go, good as new. See? We’re kind.”
“You’re sick.”
>”Potato, potahto.”
“Nobody says potahto.”
>”Be quiet and be happy we even fixed you up for your next match. Consider this a professional courtesy.”

That's it. Well, I hope everyone liked it. I know I'm excited to see who will win in the other match and end up challenging King Anon for the next round. While I do like Moblight as a story, that Anon was actually one of my least favorites, so being able to write King Anon killing him was kind of fun.I hope I don't have to write him dying next match.

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>>29577684
After a full day the votes have been tallied. Here are the results.
Vote for the who will be in the final round.
http://www.strawpoll.me/12439683
http://www.strawpoll.me/12439686

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>Be me
>Have fun in thread
>Barely 20 anons join in, only a few participate
>come back two days later
>Not only the thread's still up, but several writefags have showed up to write about the various anons
god bless /mlp/

This is most interesting.

>>29584654
>Iron Manon
>Has super armor with all kinds of weapons and an advanced AI to help him fight
>Jedi Anon
>Super force hacks that rival magic and a fucking laser sword
>King Anon
>Unwavering determination and amazing skill with any weapon even himself
>Janitor Anon
>Gets lucky sometimes
One of these things is not like the other.

>>29580596
PETEQ how ive missed you mi amigo
your story is legit 10/10

>>29580596
>http://pastebin.com/QwwwFPB3
glorious mi amigo

>>29585173
Just you watch Janitor Anon bumble his way into first.

>>29560244
>>29573824

The Heart of War Anon has:

>Solo'd nests of 10,000+ changelings
>Effectively genocided the entire changeling species
>Killed an adult dragon by jumping in it's mouth and stabbing up into it's brain
>Killed a hydra by breaking it's knees, and carving out it's heart while cutting off the new heads that would spring up to attack
>Tamed a manticore and rode it into battle against airships
>Consistently torn through groups of dozens of enemies without breaking a sweat
>Led the charge in countless vanguards
>Led Equestria to victory against an alliance of griffons, saddle arabians, minotaurs, zebras, dogs, and yaks (All while in civil war against Celestia)
>Survived being impaled through the chest and then being dropped forty feet straight onto his back.
>Killed a few dozen men with ease after coming out of a coma
>Infiltrated a yak camp and caused an avalanche that buried the entire force
>Destroyed a pirate ship single-handedly after hitching a ride on a great white shark
>Been recognized as the God of Death in the yak pantheon
>Survived manticore venom which completely immobilizes victims and makes their blood boil
>Regularly goes on hunting trips to the Everfree to cull the monsters that live there, getting to the point where the local fauna instinctively knows to avoid him
>Has the mental fortitude to kill a parasite that was strong enough to take over celestia's mind
>Is currently voyaging across the world to kill something so strong that Discord wasn't able to get rid of
>Has a personal body count somewhere in the six digits, seven if you count leading soldiers.

All of this being just a normal person (unless you count being completely immune to magic) with a sword, who spent two and a half decades fighting wars. And now that he's 45 his knees constantly ache and a good portion of his hair has gone grey, but he still can't be stopped

>>29582587
>>29583679
Fair, I've kind of suspected as much. It's gotten to a point where I'm having to write in reasons why JA can't just call up a demon or something to fix his problems for him. Might be time to either retire him, or go back and just start part 3 from scratch with stories that leave him completely away from anywhere he'd be recognised/have an advantage.

Just to be clear, when you talk about part 3, are you thinking of just the cowboy story from the third pastebin, or are you including the whole death story as well? I feel the latter needs either a rewrite or an axe.

>>29584654
I'll write and post the Conman vs Janitor a bit later. Can I suggest someone makes a pastebin with a separate paste for each fight, and maybe one with the setup stories? It'd be good to have all these in one place.

>>29585173
>>29585831
I don't think Janitor Anon even actually wants to win. I mean, his goal in the first match was literally "die as fast as possible" and he's now through to the second. In a sense, the further he gets the less well he's doing.

>>29584534
Hey Sea Urchin, we've got Janon vs Kingon for the next match, fancy doing it as a collab?

>>29586125
A new challenger approaches.

>"Welcome to the arena."

>>29586125
>started out helping Equestria against other kingdoms in a war
>normal person who genocides an entire race
>ultra skilled
>fortitude to resist poison
>mentally unbreakable
>hates monsters
>highly durable
>keeps trucking despite his age
This guy sure sounds familiar...

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>>29587463
yeah, I'm sure he's pretty much entirally original

>>29586125

Beardy anon has:

>A beard so thick he cut the sun in half with it, before putting it back together with his bare hands because celestia was constantly complaining about it
>created a war every time he has gone shopping, without exception
>stopped the entire army of the griphon kingdom by throwing a few wooden crates at it
>killed a dragon by masturbating
>had a human baby with a pony, because his seed was that potent. The baby was born with a beard and an axe cutie mark on his bum
>became a vigilante, to help the ponies who drove him away because of his strength
>Carried all the monsters of the land on the moon at once (He made a big pile of them), before recreating their natural habitats there with the help of princess moonbutt
>Has been challenged in combat by twilight sparkle at least once a week and never aknowledged her once
>was forced to stop his daily jogging, as the earthquakes it caused started to tear the world apart

All of this totally happened with him just being a normal person (unless you count complete immunity to magic) with his bare hands and his dick, who spend 1 day to pacify completely the land. Now, he spends his immortal days with his wife inside a wooden shack he built himself, and his bead is still as lustrous as the first day he came into equestria.

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>>29588306
what a lustrous bead he must have !

>>29587744
Except for the other Anon in this same thread who also did all of that.

>>29588306
Bear Anon calls for the introduction of a new category.
>Warriors
>Robots
>Magic users
>Espers
>Broken

>>29570410
>You will never be as pure hearted as a man wholly dedicated to his subjects and race

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I think at this point Janitor Anon actually does indeed have a power, often known as luck manipulation, even if he can't control it on a conscious level. His story is absurd levels of small mishaps turning into grand achievements.

page 9 what is this madness we need to bump to see if janitor anon can do it

>>29589312
>we need to bump to see if janitor anon can do it
"God damn it, stop bumping this mess! I'm trying to take my break!"

>>29589355
Any drawfags in here to draw?

>>29589355
taking a break with dubs i see

>>29587167
I liked the death story. The cowboy stuff is where it drops in quality.

>>29588612
I'm confused about your post anon, did you really take my post seriously ?
I thought it was obviosu that I was ironic

>>29588627
more like
>beard

>>29590070
I honestly didn't catch that. Thought you were being serious.

>>29589842
I can

Got Janitor Anon vs Conman Anon green

>You are Conman Anon, the greatest businessman Equestria has ever seen!
>Well, you lie and cheat a shameful amount, but that's close enough, right?
>The Watchers told you you'd be fighting another great Anon, and that it'd be a battle of wits in a trap filled labyrinth. You'll both have to pass a series of deadly challenges, and if you both make it to the middle, then you're to fight there.
>You run a hand over the thick fur cloak you're wearing.
>Those Watcher guys really are chumps. They gave you access to a huge variety of weapons and armour, and told you you got to keep whatever you chose after this 'tournament' was over, regardless of whether you win or not.
>You took the opportunity to request every valuable thing you could possibly carry, and then some.
>A silver chainmail vest (gold was far too heavy, though you did try), a dozen gem-studded weapons, two dozen cloaks of various rare/expensive materials...
>The only downside is how hot you're getting with all this crap on.
>It's not even like the weapons will be needed. The Watcher guys let you bring along two of your deathguard statues, members of the magical, invincible army that won a war for you.
>The Watchers, hmmmm...
>Perhaps you should ask them about a business deal. Maybe you could buy the merchandising rights for this tournament.
>You dab at your damp forehead with a silk handkerchief
>Yes, you'll ask them.
>There's a lot of money in merch. Posers, coasters and toasters.
>This tournament thing should turn out to be quite profitable.

>You and your two statue companions stroll into the labyrinth. Low stone walls hold sputtering torches and the rough stones are damp underfoot
>The strolling isn't a confidence thing, it's just hard to move with so much gear on.
>Ahead you see two doors set in the wall, a pair of demons standing guard in front of them
>At your approach, they speak as one

>>29590774
>"Welcome to your first challenge, contestant. One of us always lies. One of us always tells the truth. One door leads to death. One door leads on. You may ask but one question of us. Choose wisely."
>Oh, right. You've seen these kind of things before
"Uh, you."
>You point at one of the statues
"If I asked the other guy which door leads to safety, which would he say?"
>The statue gestures to a door
>"That one."
>You go through the other door
>Pffft
>Why did they even put that in? It's not like there's a single person who hasn't heard that one before...

~~~

>Be Janitor Anon now
>You lift up your janitor's cap, scratching your head
"Uhhhh..."
>Shit. You're sure you've heard this one before, but you don't remember the solution
"I'm gonna be honest here, I actually want to die to get out of this whole thing. So, can you just point me to the death door?"
>The demons answer as one
>"You may ask but one question of us. Choose wisely."
"Right, yeah, but I don't really want to play this game with you, so-"
>"You may ask but one question of us. Choose wisely."
>For fuck's sake. The answer's on the tip of your tongue, but you can't quite remember it.
>You point at a demon
"If, uh, I was you and you were me, what would you say to, uh, no..."
>The demons turn their heads slightly, glancing at each other
"If you were in each other's places and the other guy wanted to ask me to... to find out which... door?"
>One of the demons speaks
>"You're along the right lines."
>The other demon nudges him
>"Shut up, /Barry/, we're not supposed to talk."
>"He's been going for ten minutes, /Greg/, it's not like-"

>>29590791
>You point to the demon known as Greg
"Aha! You're lying!"
>"I am?"
"You said you weren't supposed to talk. You /are/ supposed to talk. You have to to give the riddle. So you're the lying demon!"
>"Ah, shit."
>"Nice work, Greg."
>"Fuck you, Barry, it's all your fault that-"
"Greg! Which door is that one?"
>You point at a door
>The demon answers glumly
>"Door to safety."
>You mock salute
"Many thanks, amigo!"
>Whistling, you saunter up to the door and throw it open
>Certain death, here you come!
>The door opens to a blank wall
>You stand there, smiling for a moment
>The moment draws out, death doesn't come.
>A voice speaks to you, the Watcher
>"No, Anon. We've Been Over This. You Can't Kill Yourself."
>You sigh. That's not fair, you solved the riddle!
>In a sense.
>Opening the other, correct, door, you head on.
>You'll find that other Anon. And you'll get him to kill you.

~~~

>Be Conman
>Panting heavily, you clutch at your chest through the layers and layers of furs, silks and mystical metals.
>It's too damn hot. You need to finish this soon.
>You'll find that other Anon. And you'll kill him.
>Fanning yourself with an enchanted shield, you try to blink away the stars starting to appear in your sight
>The last corridor you came down was full of traps, and the sprint you made to the end once they were activated? That's really taken it out of you.
>Well, it was more of a waddle than a sprint, but still.
>Leaning against the wall, you gasp for breath. Feels like you're burning up.
>Your knees give out and you slide down the wall
>A quick rest then, to get your breath back.
>Yeah
>Closing your eyes feels good, you're too dizzy to keep them open.
>Yeah
>A quick nap.
>...

>>29590812

~~~

>Be Janitor
>You throw your cap to the floor in frustration
"Watchers!?"
>No voice answers you
"Look, I didn't even spot those traps! Getting hit by them all was an accident!"
>You just walked down a trap-filled corridor and got hit by every last trap.
>And not a single one killed you.
>Sure, maybe you'd suspected it'd be trapped after a few childhood RPGs trained you to be suspicious of empty hallways, but the Watchers had no way of knowing that!
>And it's not like you'd have evaded them all. No way!
>You should be dead now, fair and square.
"Ok, I see how it is."
>Sitting down, you start rolling a cigarette
"I'm gonna sit here and not move. Enjoy watching that, fuckers!"
>You roll a cigarette slowly.
>This is a good idea. You've got to hit them where they hurt.
>These guys brought you here for some contest or something? So the can watch for their entertainment? Cool.
>You're going to be as boring as you possibly can.
>Maybe eventually they'll give up and-
>Suddenly, there's a burst of confetti from above you
>"Winner!"
>You jump a foot in the air
"What?"
>You look up, trying to see where the confetti came from
"I won!?"
>"Congratulations, Janitor! You're Through To The Next Round!"
>Oh, daaamn! You see what happened here!
"Oh, I get it. It was all a trick. The way to win was... to give up?"
>"Oh, No. Your Opponent Died From Heat Stroke."
>You take a shuddering, deep breath
"Heat stroke?"
>"Yes."
"I won because my opponent, who I never even met, died of heat stroke?"
>"Yes. That Means You Are The Victor, Janitor. Take A Well Earned Rest, And Prepare For The Next Round."
>You shake your head
"I'm not playing, no."
>"Until You're Knocked Out By Another Contestant, You Will Be In The Tournament. Good Luck For Your Next Match, Janitor."
>Good luck!?
"Are you kidding me, this is the biggest load of-"
>You don't get to finish cussing out the Watchers though.
>Everything's rapidly fading to black...
>Again.

>>29559567
Anon and Discord's adventures by nebulus: Since anonymous is a good magic insulator Celestia de-stones discord and seals him in anon's head, eventually, however; anon becomes able to use discord's magic.

>>29559700
kek, no, that anon's just athletic but not very strong, he's just near deus-ex levels of lucky.

>>29591033
clearly this makes this anon below beard status

>>29584534

>So you sit there and wait, plotting.
>Of course they can read all of your thoughts so regardless of whatever you come up with, it’s useless.
>Gods above, how are you going to defeat an enemy that knows what you’re thinking before you can even think it?
>Perhaps you should--
>No, Anon. Don’t go down that train of thought. Not while their focus is on you, at least.
>After a few minutes, the tingling in your leg starts to become a stronger ache, forcing you to reposition yourself on the floor.
>You could use a drink right now.
>Suddenly your hands are full with things.
>You look down and spot a tall bottle of whiskey and a glass.
>Oh goodness, this is a good brand.
>”We are kind, are we not?”
“Go fuck yourself,” you snarl and throw the glass, letting it shatter in a place you don’t care about.
>You pop the top off the bottle and throw it back.
>The contents burn your throat as it drains to the halfway point.
>When you feel like vomiting, you pull it back and cough.
“Oh yeah, that’s good.”
>You smile and lean forward, resting your head on the mouth of the bottle as the pain in your leg abates.
>”Having fun? It’s time for your next match.”
“Whatever.”
>The next time you blink, you’re in a new area.
>It’s a dark, dirty, filthy room.
>In fact, it almost resembles a dungeon.
>”Hey, it’s Luna’s sex dungeon!”
>Your blood boils at the name.
>You track down the source of the voice and find another version of yourself in some kind of futuristic tunic that covers his whole body.
>It has more pockets than you can count and even a belt with various tools.

>>29591310

>What in the name of the gods is he supposed to be? Some new-age carpenter?
>”Holy shit. Are you kidding me? I have to fight a knight?”
“A knight? You’re speaking with a king.”
>”Oh hell no. You guys are fucked in the head!”
>What does he have against kings?
>”I just want to go home to Equestria.”
>Your body tenses up, also letting you register that your armor is now gone, replaced by simple cloth and a leather doublet.
>”And play cards with my demon friends.”
“Demon friends?”
>”And maybe fuck with Celestia after.”
>Your hairs stand on end.
>That name.
>That whore.
“You there, man of many pockets. You are Celestia’s friend?”
>”’Friend’ is a strong word.”
>So their bond is stronger than even friendship?
>You grimace.
>Suddenly a much clearer picture has been painted of your new opponent.
>Any being in bed with Celestia is a being that deserves death.
>”The name of the game,” the Watchers’ voices ring out, “Is to kill your opponent by any means possible. We are well aware of the unfair odds here, so we’ve placed you both in a spot more likely to even them out.”
>”No need for that. Really, I don’t need any help.”
>Oh, the nerve! You’d be such an easy defeat that he needs no help?
>”Dude, let’s just call it a day. We both know who needs to die here.”
“I’m going to enjoy wringing your neck out.”
>He smiles and nods. The arrogance!

>>29591312

>You step forward, noticing that your right foot weighs slightly more.
>There’s something hard in the boot.
>In your next step, you wiggle your heel.
>The sensation is reminiscent of a knife.
>Could it be? Have they given you a true weapon this time?
>This other Anon opens his arms wide, uttering a “Come and get me” before his hand knocks against a broom sitting on the wall behind him.
>This broom falls and lands on a precariously placed board, which in turn launches a tub of liquid at you.
>Whatever lays in “Luna’s sex dungeon” is something you definitely don’t want on you, so you sidestep to avoid it.
>The container lands on the hard, greenish brick floor and spills everything.
>What was inside sizzles as it comes in contact with the stone.
>Your eyes widen as it eats right through the material leaving but a hole where a floor once was.
>”Shit! Sorry!”
“You will be,” you growl.
>You charge for him, closing the distance before he can speak another word.
>Grabbing him by his strange garb, you lift him into the air and slam him against the wall.
>He yelps and grabs your wrists.
>”Hey man, take it easy. I’m trying to die, not die painfully.”
“Wait, what?”
>The man leans forward and whispers to you.
>”I’m technically not allowed to kill myself, but if I die in a fight, it’s all kosher. You just gotta off me and I can get out of here.”
>Your mind pauses for a few moments, unable to fully comprehend his words.
“You...want to die?”
>”Yeah, man. If I die, I go home.”
>Well isn’t that a generous offer.
>You can’t help but notice you weren’t offered something similar.
>”Different folks, different strokes,” mutter the Watchers. “Everyone needs different motivation.”

>>29591325

>A man who wishes to die.
>That’s new.
>”Seriously, just kill me now. I won’t even be mad. I do suggest doing it quickly though. I have some really bad--or good, depending on how you look at it--luck. If we fight much longer, there’s a good chance you’re going to die.”
>That does explain the broom fiasco.
>A thought flashes in your mind.
>It lasts just long enough for you to get the jist of it, but as soon as you register that you’ve thought it, you push it down beneath heaps of other miscellaneous thoughts.
“Very well, I’ll end this quickly.”
>You lift your leg and place your boot against his open palm, nudging it.
>The knife falls out. He grabs it and raises an eyebrow.
>For convincing’s sake, you use that same leg to kick him in the shoulder and knock him several feet away.
>When he lands on his side, you notice a bulge in one of his pockets.
>The outline vaguely resembles that of a boomtube.
>It even seems to be a newer model too. Nice.
>As he turns himself onto his back, he eyes the blade curiously.
>With a shout, you run at him.
>He flinches and looks up at you, the knife raised straight up into the air.
>Before you make it far, your foot slips on something you’re too afraid to think about given the name of the room.
>You fall forward, slamming down on top of him.
>The knife easily slices through your leather clothing and sinks into your gut.
>”Oh fuck! God damn it!”
>Soon, the pain sets in.
>You cough some blood up onto his face and slide off of him, rolling onto the floor.
>”Great. The one time I don’t want to be lucky, it’s stronger than ever!”
“Darn,” you wheeze. “Bested by a carpenter. Well, a good victory to you, pocket man.”
>It really is getting hard to stay awake.
>Come on, you fools.

>>29591331

>The other Anon stands up and tries to wipe your blood off of himself.
>”Shit, and now I’m dirty too. This day sucks.”
>”On the contrary, we’ve been having great fun!”
>Yes, there they are.
>The Watchers appear in the room, those freakish little things.
>They’re puny for monsters, only reaching about as tall as the future carpenter.
>Their long, white robes are adorned with huge collars that cover most of their bulbous, emerald heads.
>Nice, big, round heads.
>”What a victory. Good show!”
>Your vision begins to fade.
>The edges of your vision turn black and begin to close in on them.
>”Yes, we would like to congratulate you personally.”
>”I didn’t want to win!”
>”But you did!”
>You can feel it coming on. Your last moments.
>They’re too focused on him to bother with you right now, which means they’d never have the slightest idea that your vision closing in, making their fat heads an even better target, is just what you wanted.
>Your grip tightens on the boomtube you stole from the carpenter.
>Shakily, you lift your hand.
>You can’t see it, but know know where you’re aiming.
>Right there. Right for the center.
>Pull back the hammer...and…
>Boom.
>The Watchers disappear.
>What?
>Where did they go?
>”Oh god damn it. He wasn’t dead.”

>>29591342

>All that’s left in the room is your opponent.
>Right in between his eyes is a small, bloody hole.
>His body goes limp and he falls to the ground like a ragdoll.
>”Well, it looks like King Anon wins again.”
>Your sight returns to you.
>As you gain one sense, another leaves you. The pain is all gone.
>Quickly, you examine your now fully healed gut and scramble to your feet.
“What is the meaning of this? I shot you!”
>”You shot images of us. Did you really think we would be stupid enough to show ourselves? Our real selves?”
“I was hoping so.”
>”That certainly was clever of you, using his luck to fake your own death. Looks like it finally came back to bite him though.”
>You grunt and throw the boomtube onto the ground.
>”Congrats, King Anon. You’re moving onto the final round.”

>>29587167
I'm not a big collab guy. I would be interested in reading your take on the fight though. I know the voting was really close throughout the day, and there were many periods where Janitor Anon had the edge. I tried to reflect his near victory in my story. I hope you don't think I've soiled him or something.

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>>29584654
After another full day the votes were in. Jedi Anon wins by a pretty large margin and King Anon just barely edged out Janitor Anon. Who will be the ultimate victor? Vote now for the final round.
http://www.strawpoll.me/12446232

>tfw wanted to vote for janitor anon but real life shit happend
feelsbadman

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>>29591887
Working on the others now, just wanted to get these out

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>>29591887
>>29591893
noice

>>29591511
to be completely fair, while jedi anon wouldn't kill someone without any reason, he'd still put up a good fight for his opponent
This is going to be an interesting one, kind of a skill vs tenacity ? Even though king anon's pretty skilled but you get what I mean

>>29592362
I feel you. They're both highly skilled, but one can also use what amounts to magic so it comes down to how much King Anon can endure and how heavily he can lay into Jedi before things go south. It's interesting sure, but I still have my money on King. He's not just a skilled warrior, he's a human weapon.

File: king anon vs moblight anon.png (148KB, 526x582px) Image search: [Google]

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>>29591893
All I can do tonight

>>29587167
>death story
Was that when he gets hit in the head by the plant pot? I liked that one.
The cowboy one? No, I hated that part with a fucking passion.

>>29580655
Seconding this. Still my favorite thing to come off this godforsaken site.

Hey, I'm currently writing this whole thing from the viewpoint of Jedi Anon and since it's my first time writing fiction on /mlp/ (and in english no less) I wonder if I should post something as soon as I complete it or rather hold it until I have a full "scene" or two
>>29591361
nice

>>29593091
Post it bruv. Just make sure you have correct punctuation and nobody will be able to tell you're not a native English speaker.

Alright; Everything won't be here right now, so wait for a bit, I should be able to complete this today

>It is time.
>The choice has been laid before your eyes; for him, it must be a very simple one indeed: kill one, or both, or die.
>But you can already see the illusion there, for there are at least two more choices, and even then the choices only grow more complex when you reflect on them.
>To you, time begins to crawl to a near stand-still as you realize that this is the moment.
>Luna foresaw this, as did you.
>This is the Shatterpoint.
>It’s strange… you had anticipated this moment, prepared for it, but now that you are here it is almost overwhelming.
>This moment, this choice, it represents both the end of your journey and the beginning of a new one.
>As you blink once in an attempt to focus, you are surprised when you re-open them in what looks like pitch blackness.
>As you try to sense your surroundings, you realize that even your enhanced senses cannot reach far around in this strange void around you.
>Is this what death is ? Has Scorpan striken you down because you didn’t choose quickly enough?
>”Hello Anonymous. Or is it Nito ?”
>A strange voice echoes all around you, that seems to dig into your skin and dissolve into the air.
>One thing is certain, you have never heard this one before.
I haven’t really decided yet on that, but who are you? And where am I?
>”We are the watchers, and you are currently located between the universes”
Why exactly was I brought here ? I was kind of in the middle of something important.
>”Oh, don’t worry about that, you’ll soon be able to return to your previous location. Now, you asked for answers and we will provide them. You see, as our OH SO LOVELY title shows so clearly, we watch worlds.”
>As the voice modulates, you realize that your surroundings are shifting, following and supporting the voice with images appearing and disappearing in quick succession all around you.

>>29593246
>”Now, as doing so is not often entertaining, we decided to host a, uh, tournament of sorts, as some would put it, in which we will watch you fight alternate versions of yourself in several fights to the death.”
“And I presume that I will be kept here if I refuse to entertain you ?”
>”Well, to be honest, it wasn’t really my idea but I lost the vote. But yeah, that’s the main idea.”
>”Steve, I can hear you, why are you telling this to our guest ?”
>”Steve ? Steve ?! Americanposters get out of my board REEEEEEEEEEEEEEE…”
>As several voices boom into your space, your eyes are violently attacked by various pictures of frogs and red flashes before the dark takes over again.
>”Now, we wouldn’t make such a claim without offering something. We know that you were on the brink of a new path, and that as soon as you come back to your world, you will have to make a choice. If you were to win this tournament, we would offer you… How do I put this… A guidance of sorts, under your conditions of course.”
“Wait, what will happen if I die ? You did say that these were death battles.”
>”If you die, you will simply come back to the shatterpoint, without any help from our part. Now, are you ready ?”
“Yes.”
“Welcome to the tournament Anonymous-Nito. Your first fight will begin now”

>>29593253
If Jedi Anon wins, the Sith ending will be finished, right? R-Right?

A man can dream ;_;

>>29593253
Fucking kek

>>29593343
wait, it was the only ending that I didn't read, what was the issue with it ?

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>>29592403

>>29594165
>it was the only ending that I didn't read
You probably did but don't remember it because there was no actual ending.

The writefag wimped out on writing it and just gave a vague idea of what would happen when he finally got around to it. It was a bad end of course, but I still wanted to read it.

I do have to ask though, why was everyone criticising Steel Santuary anon for being too dependent on gadgets/equipment but Iron Manon actually made it into the tournament?

I mean, even if you take everything else away (and to be fair, planet-to-space canons and a massive industrial capability aren't particularly useful in a 1v1 fight anyway), steel anon does have his own suit. He just never uses it because he never goes outside.

If I remember correctly it was made out of neutronium or something (and so would have a density something like 10-15 orders of magnitude higher than ordinary matter, and thus would be that much harder and tougher). It also had some kind of weaponry that I don't recall, knowing steel anon it was likely some kind of antimatter canons and maybe some energy weapons or whatever.

All in all I'd definitely rate that as being much more powerful than just an ordinary metal suit with boring old plasma jets or whatever he uses.

>>29594927
Nice.

>>29595768
Hey man, I'm just one guy and I only had so many tournament slots. If you want to piece together your own, feel free. There are way more than 8 badass versions of Anon I've seen.

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A doodle, take it.

>>29596966
Oh no I'm not criticising you, I'm more criticising everyone who seemed adamant against his inclusion before you drew up the brackets.

Just out of curiosity though, I wonder how different the match would be:
http://www.strawpoll.me/12451024

>>29597008
Gladly. This is beautiful.

I'd say it really comes down to if King Anon can figure out the danger of a lightsaber or not. If he tries to block with a sword, that saber is going to cut right through it and him. If he knows to avoid the lightsaber instead of fight it, I think it's game over for Jedi Anon.

>>29559567
Which green is jedi anon from?

I need a pastebin damnit REEEE

>>29597221
Nevermind I found it you shits.
http://pastebin.com/4CnRuKCP

>>29597208
Never read the green, but I'm assuming Jedi anon can use the force? If so it definitely shouldn't be this clear-cut.

>>29591887
>>29591893
>>29592403
>>29594927

Oh hey, aren't you the same anon who draws for NST some times? These are pretty sick man

>>29597395
I am, yes. Thank you. Was it the coloring or the line art that gave me away?

>>29597267
The Force isn't really an end-all power. Even in the movies, the Jedi/Sith don't capitalize on it in their fights. When they do, it's never as effective as what you would imagine it would be. Even Darth Vader doesn't force the rebels' shit up as often or brutally as he could. Then there's King Anon whose entire life has been spent fighting magical beings ranging from giants to Celestia herself. He probably has tons of experience with tricks like that. Even if he doesn't, he demonstrates such a quick learning ability that it'd probably require a surprise and quick kill to beat him. I'm not saying Jedi Anon is helpless. He certainly has a huge bag of tricks to pull from. I'm just saying if he doesn't end it quick and gives King Anon the short time he needs to learn and work around those powers, it won't end well for him.

>>29597494
>Even in the movies, the Jedi/Sith don't capitalize on it in their fights. When they do, it's never as effective as what you would imagine it would be.

I kinda is though. Unfortunately we have to turn to the prequels because this is the only place we can find actual well-trained jedi fighting, but technically they're still canon, and we can see jedi decimating squads of troopers and droids with relative ease.

Most of the jedi fighting we see is against other jedi or sith, hence it's seldom very once-sided. However, I highly doubt it would be over as soon as King Anon figured the Force out.

As a simple example, unless the arena is reall flat and bland, jedi anon would have no trouble force-jumping around to stay out of King anon's reach. Melee weapons can't hit things that are out of your range, and ranged weapons are pretty much out of the question since compared to laser fire, crossbow bolts or arrows are laughable. Unless King gets some lightsaber-proof projectiles, in which case Jedi would have to dodge (since, not being energy-based, they wouldn't be deflected, so if they don't get vaporised they'll pass right through his lightsaber) and while he could certainly do that (or deflect them with the Force) it would require quite a bit more effort.

Tl;dr a human would basically stand no chance whatsoever against a force user, so King anon's prowess, while enough to make it more of a fair fight, doesn't make it a foregone conclusion by any means in my opinion.

(Consider that jedi anon could probably match moblight anon's speed and agility, and would be unlikely to even get hurt in that fight, whereas king anon got mangled pretty bad.)

>>29597576
King Anon needs a songsteel blade and Mando gear.

>>29597576
So what you're saying is it comes down to who is more willing to get in close. Jedi Anon has the ability to jump around all day but in that case, he's left with hoping and praying he can hurt King Anon with any force tricks. King Anon can try to keep his distance from the lightsaber, but if he does than he limits himself to ineffective ranged attacks. Is King Anon willing to step into the saber zone or is Jedi Anon willing to step into the murder zone?

>>29597576
>whereas king anon got mangled pretty bad
That's not even a scratch for King Anon. This is a man who charged into battle with an infected wound from a poison arrow after walking for several days carrying a fallen soldier in the heat. He slaughtered a frost giant, diamond dog, griffon, hordes of man eating bugs, and drove a race of undefeated lion creatures to extinction in one fight which left him covered in more blood than he even weighed and a crippling leg injury. Then he had to walk all the way home like that for days just to tell Celestia "fuck you". Even stabbed and brutally beaten, he still killed a group of his own magically powered clones made by Celestia. What Moblight Anon did to him was nothing in comparison.

>>29597613
Oh yeah that would definitely give him a huge edge.

Since going by pure combat experience from what I hear King has the upper hand by far, if he was equipped with proper jedi-fighting gear I don't think it would be a fair fight anymore.

>>29597632
Failing lightsaber-resistant gear, though, Jedi anon could also try throwing his lightsaber, using the terrain to incapacitate King anon (by throwing things around with the Force, for instance), or even using the Force to disarm King anon.

While none of that might prove devastatingly effective, at a range Jedi anon still has a huge advantage over king anon.

It's also worth mentioning that jedi anon is the one who controls any engagements here - he decides when and how to move in close. King anon may be fast and strong but he isn't superhuman enough to either avoid or keep up with a jedi. That alone is a huge advantage in any fight: if you're slightly off-guard, just keep away, but if your opponent is slightly off-guard even for a tiny moment, you're free to jump in and capitalise on that. The Force could also be used to get King anon off-guard by moving stuff around or even pushing king anon himself.

We do actually see that in the movies, except, again, most of the fights involve hot jedi on jedi action and so such tricks are easily counteracted or blocked. See: anakin and obi-want both trying to push the other away while dueling on the lava planet thing, only to get into a deadlock ending up with both of them flying off into opposite walls with neither gaining an advantage. Now compare Jedi anon force-palming King anon off-balance, then while he's distracted force-grabbing his sword, giving it a quick lightsaber melt, then jumping away. Then just rinse and repeat, creating distractions, waiting for one of them to give even the slightest advantage, capitalising on that, then escaping. That might make for a boring fight, but it's entirely plausible.

>>29597706
We're also working on the assumption here that King Anon would dedicate himself to avoiding the lightsaber, making it possible for Jedi Anon to pull those stunts. King Anon has been shown many times putting himself in danger just to get a good hit on his opponent. There was the time with the ankhegs where he jumped right into their pincers with only a shield to protect himself so that he could fool it into thinking it was poisoned. Even in this tournament he seemed to be keeping Janitor Anon alive just so that his luck would play out and allow King Anon to fake his own death. Let's say Jedi Anon does knock King Anon off balance and move in to saber melt his sword. What's to stop King Anon from latching onto him even at the risk of some damage? If he fought on long enough to know that Jedi Anon had the overwhelming advantage at distance, it makes perfect sense in terms of the character for him to risk his limbs to keep Jedi Anon close.

>>29597760
>move in to saber melt his sword

But that's Jedi Anon's overwhelming advantage, he doesn't have to move in, he can force grab it and king anon won't be able to latch on to anything.

Presumable King anon can hold his sword tight enough to prevent that, but the knocking off-balance would be meant to help with that, distracting him and possibly weakening his grip. Or if not, then boom, now King anon is super concentrated on gripping his sword hard, that gives him a small disadvantage in doing almost anything else.

Anyway, the way I see it, Jedi Anon would be able to direct the flow of battle, but wouldn't have an easy way to move in against King anon outright (assuming we rule out the scenario where they both slice each other in half, because that's totally possible but both boring and desirable to neither of the contestants). So he'd play the attrition game, tiring King out, trying to disarm him, or weaken him, or catch him enough off-guard to get a strike in, get him wounded, stretching out the battle for long enough to be able to safely get the kill.

Meanwhile, King anon would be doing his best to avoid exactly that and finish this as fast as possible, and on top of that he has enough stamina and durability to not exactly get tired and shrug off any wounds thus making jedi anon's job much harder. If jedi anon is ever caught in the wrong place at the wrong time, King anon would seize the opportunity immediately.

And in the meantime, both are fragile enough (relative to the other's weapon) to be susceptible to random mishaps, e.g. if jedi anon can weaken a tree with his saber and manages to get king anon under it, he could force-pull it down to temporarily immobilise, stun, or at least severly inconvenience King, and move in for the kill; conversely, if king anon can weaken some terrain and back Jedi anon into it, the latter to could jump there, have it break, and get ended right there.

>>29597457
The color looked pretty familiar, but I think what really tipped me off what Termanon's facial expression. Reminded me of an angry Shining Armor

I think we're mildly underestimating Jedi Anon here. They're capable of some pretty crazy stuff when pressed.

Behold, the crazy awesome that is a Jedi Master in full battle:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tWpkPx6ONPw

>>29598020
God I haven't seen that in super long.

That squid bounty hunter was badass.

>>29597070
>5-0
Wew lad. Well then. Since there's like 10 active posters total on this thread I think it's time for the next poll:

http://www.strawpoll.me/12451894

Keep in mind this is more of a what-if scenario I'm looking at out of curiosity. And Steel anon only has that armour suit he made, and nothing else out of his arsenal.

Personally I think this is greatly unfair - Steel's armour is basically untouchable by anything King Anon can do, the powered suit would let him literally crush the human opponent without breaking a sweat, and I think he also has some sci-fi ranged weapons on it which would just vaporise king anon.

The watchers could take away his suit, but would you take away Iron Manon's suit? Or Jedi Anon's lightsaber? If that were done, however, Steel anon would be completely unable to fight back since he's not even a soldier. His augments might let him dodge stuff well, but he'd be no match for King anon. I will, however, reiterate that taking away his suit would be dumb.

>>29591361

>You try to object, but the entire world has morphed in but the blink of an eye.
>The dark, dirty dungeon you had been afraid to breathe in is now patch of dirt.
>On four sides of the square stand tall buildings.
>In fact, those buildings look awful familiar.
>Almost as if you’d seen them a thousand times before.
>You look around at the streets extending far throughout the enormous city until meeting an equally large wall.
“Oh no,” you mutter.
>This is New Earth, sans the people.
>The building to your right is a hotel. To your left, a bar.
>Just behind you is the forge, and dead ahead is the common house.
>The words of the Watchers ring in your memory.
>They had put you in Janitor Anon’s dungeon to even out the odds in his favor.
>Looking down at your side, you see a beautiful, shining sword clean out of its scabbard and ready to be bloodied.
>You swallow hard as thoughts of your next opponent run through your head.
>If the Watchers are giving you of all people such advantages, whoever your opponent must be…
>You shouldn’t be in the open.
>You dart out of the square and press your back against the wall of the forge, keeping the entrance a good several feet from your right in case anyone decides to come barging out.
>The city is deathly quiet. It’s so unsettling to be in the middle of the busiest place you’ve ever seen and have not a soul walk by you.
>On the bright side, you can hear everything, including your leather gloves tightening on the grip of your sword.
>Come on, Anon. Listen carefully.
>You close your eyes and quiet your breath.

>>29598634

>The gentle breeze dances into your ears.
>Everything is silent.
>Everything is still.
>Everything but…
>There!
>You dive forward, putting as much space between yourself and the wall as you can.
>Landing on your hand, you dig your fingers into the dirt and hold tight, using your momentum to twist yourself around and get a view of the forge.
>Jutting out of the wooden structure is a red beam of light that resembles a unicorn’s magic almost.
>The wood sizzles and burns around it, until it is removed.
>Right, so the red thing is hot. That stacks up with your general knowledge of other red items.
>”Darn, and here I was hoping to end this quickly.”
>You get back on your feet and lower yourself into plow.
“Reveal yourself, stranger, and I will see your wishes through as best I can.”
>”Your idea of a quick battle is a little different from mine.”
“Then let us talk. I, for one, have worn my patience out in this tournament. Perhaps you would prefer to speak like civil men.”
>”What’s there to talk about? I kill you and I get to have the hardest decision of my life made for me.”
“Ah, so you lack the resolve to lead your own life. I suppose that does paint a better picture of you than that sneak attack just now.”
>Your eyes are glued to the door.
>When will he exit? Can he even exit? What was that item? Where did--
>Your thought process comes to a halt as you’re thrown off your feet.
>Wood splinters and cracks around you as a carriage from out of nowhere slams into your side, shattering completely.
>You skid along the ground and roll back onto your feet.
>Without a moment’s hesitation, you raise your sword and thrust in the direction the carriage came from.

>>29598641

>What the devil? There’s nothing there.
>Oh Gods, is this version of you a magic user? That’s just your luck, isn’t it?
>Which means that red thing from earlier was probably a heat spell. If so, then there’s not really a guarantee he’s even in the forge.
>He could be anywhere at all.
>You look around, eyes sharp and looking for anything out of place.
>You know this area like the back of your own hand. Anything that’s wrong should pop right out.
>Anything like wow, what was that?
>Something just flew out of the forge. Something black, something fast.
>Fast enough you could barely register it.
>Damn it all, what have stacked you up against?
>Even with your advantage in New Earth, you fear this is going to be one of the hardest battles you’ve ever fought.
>”Oh, you think we put you here for your advantage?”
“Excuse me?”
>”No, you impudent little shit. The most you’re getting from us is that flimsy sword. You’re here for his advantage. The choice of city was just because we thought it would be fun to see you die in your home town.”
“What kind of tournament is this? Where it in New Earth, there would be a floor and two men. No weapons, no dirty tricks!”
>”We are no mere men.”
“Clearly.”
>Oh, damn! Your attention wasn’t where it should have been!
>You jump back just in time to dodge a flying crate.
>It whizzes past you, the wind strong enough to cool your sweat, and smashes into the wall of a small house beside you.
>You need to find cover WATCH OUT!
>Another item comes flying at you.
>You don’t move in time to dodge this one.
>It’s a bicycle, and the pedal nicks your shoulder, tearing the shirt and giving you a nasty cut.
>You wince and look around for more incoming objects.
>Nothing on the horizon.
>You need to find this man and end the fight before he can pull anything else.
>Of course, that’s easier said than done.

>>29598646

>As it is, he has no reason to show himself. Why put himself in danger when he can hide away and use some force to throw things at you?
>You need to draw him out, but how?

>First things first, you need cover.
>You run into the nearest building--the bar--and leap behind the counter at the back of the room.
>In here, the tables and stools are all bolted to the floor.
>Nothing to throw, fool. If he wants to attack you, he’ll have to do it himself in this confined room.
>Now, while you wait, you may as well have a drink.
>You look to your right and see a nice bottle of mead that needs some attention.
>As you pull it off the shelf, your heart sinks down into the pit of your stomach.
>Nothing to throw…
>You fucking idiot.
>Leaping back over the counter, you narrowly escape a storm of shattering glass and flying bottles of alcohol.
>Damn him! That was all good stuff!
“First you fight from the shadows, then you destroy a perfectly good night of drunken pleasure! If I had known my opponent would be such a coward, I would have brought some reading material to help the time pass!”
>”I am no coward!”
“You fight with the conviction of one!”
>”Very well. If you want to fight me, I’ll happily oblige!”
>The floor beneath you begins to shake.
>Worried whatever his next trick will be, you make your way outside.
>There, standing on the rooftop, is another you, adorned in black clothing with an eerie, glowing red rapier.
>Ah, so that heat spell was no spell at all. It was a sword.
>The man leaps down and lands on the ground softly, not kicking up any dirt or making the faintest of sounds.
“You move more like a fairy than a fighter.”
>”We’re not all bumbling brutes like you.”
“You’re going to feel quite embarrassed when this ‘bumbling brute’ kicks your flowery ass.”