Reverse-trap/Tomboy Thread № 21

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>>29458346
I'm calling it now, shark pone is going to get it's own thread soon.

we let our guard down!

that was sloppy guys!

don't let it happen again!

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Little Luna's not impressed with our lack of bumping prowess

>>29458535
I'd support it and give them some green if it happened.

>>29459583
Bump
>It is done

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Only 6 posts in 12 hours?
What, is everybody hibernating for the winter?

>>29460989
Wishing I went to high school full of reverse traps so I could be both very sexually pent up and also very confused

>>29458535
If plane pone can have their own thread I don't see why shark pone can't.

>>29460989
Just gotta wait for Waxworks and Oblivious to come back.

Hopefully Jeff but I have a feeling he's doing his irl work he needed to do he said from the last thread.

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http://pastebin.com/W6QUcXCt

Threw the skarpone stuff into a pastebin.

>>29460293
It's all memeball's fault.
T H R E E S T A R S

>>29462983
You have good tastes in threads

>>29462068
It was a cute Jeff

Don't die on me!

>>29465856
Death comes unexpectedly!

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>>29458346
>It's dead, get over it.
pic related

>>29460989
End of a big story, die off of authors. Even some of the most active threads on the board have floated with the bottom when that happens, and we're pretty niche in here. We can keep bumping for a while in hopes that one of those anons that said they had an idea will follow trough.

>>29467479
I'll keep trying to post stuff, but I can only come up with so many ideas.

That being said, I've got a new one that I'll hopefully have up by the end of the week.

Moar waxpone 's AJ plz.

>>29467512
We'll always remember sharkpone.

I have my own ideas.
I just don't have the time to write them too soon. When it does happen, I'll post it in reverse-trap even if I have to resurrect it.

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>>29468233
Hah. Fine.

>Your lantern swung back and forth freely as you walked down the road to Sweet Apple Acres.
>Jack had invited you out there for the night, but had refused to tell you what exactly was going on.
>It had been a couple of months since you’d ended up in a relationship with Jack, and although there were a lot of ponies who disapproved, their disapproval wasn’t particularly hateful.
>Just mild, honestly.
>A cluck of the tongue here, a grimace there.
>Nothing vocal, thankfully.
>Most ponies knew, they just didn’t really seem to care all that much.
>The night was quite dark, with the moon only a sliver in the sky, and late clouds hanging overhead.
>It wasn’t supposed to rain until early morning, but the pegasi had put the clouds up ahead of time to prep for the night crew. You’d be safe and dry.
>You were probably going to spend the night with Jack at the farm, so you weren’t concerned.
>Your little pool of light made its way up to the farm, and you headed toward the barn where Jack said to meet.
>You rapped on the door when you arrived. You could see a sliver of light shining through, so you knew Jack would be in there.
Jack! It’s me! What’s going on?
>You’d filled out a lot since you’d started work on the farm, with wiry muscle replacing the flat nothing you’d had beforehand.
>You weren’t tired, and you could probably go all night if necessary, even after the farm work.
>Hmm… go all night. Maybe that’s what she had in mind?
>You hear rhythmic tapping on the ground inside the barn, and you lean a bit closer to try to hear what’s going on.

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>>29468675
>”YEE-HAW!”
>Suddenly the door swings open, and fiddle music starts up.
>You get only a glimpse of the small crowd inside before you feel a familiar hoof grab your hand and yank you inside.
>The lantern is pulled from your grip by Mac, and you find yourself standing in the middle of the barn with Jack pulling you to a fro as she circles around you.
>There’s a pony with a green tunic and white hat playing a fiddle off to the side, sitting on a hay bale.
>Granny Smith was sitting watching, tapping her hooves in time, and Big Mac was dancing with AppleBloom nearby.
>There was the smell of freshly baked apple goods, and as you spun around you could see a set up covered in food and drinks to one side.
>Hah, they just decided to have a little party. Likely to welcome their cousin with the fiddle, but Jack thought you should be invited.
>You smiled and tried to follow along with Jack’s shouted commands.
>You’d only been square dancing a couple of times, and you still had no clue what ‘allemande’ meant, but you tried your best.
Hey there, Jack.
>You say, as you’re dancing along with her. You give her a smile when you catch her eyes.
>She doesn’t stop calling out commands, but she looks up at you, smiling back.
>Eventually the song ends and you step off to the side, using the snack table as an excuse.
>Jack joins you and you sit down on a hay bale and watch the fiddling pony get up to perform a jig along with her next song: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8txmJPbBPLA
>You were fairly certain it was a her anyway. In the preceding months you’d asked Jack for more help in figuring it out, though you still had difficulty.
>Jack comes and sits next to you, clapping her hooves along with the song.
>You lean in toward Jack, pecking her on the cheek and ask:
Cousin of yours, eh Jack? You just wanted an excuse to have a little party?

>>29468682
>Jack laughs. “And to get you to dance, Sugarcube. Y’all ain’t never seen a proper Apple family gathering, but cousin Fiddlesticks was in the area and figured she’d stop by. Thought we’d have ourselves a little shindig.”
She’s good at that. Real good.
>”Y’all ain’t bad yourself, but don’t y’all get comfortable sittin’ here. Ah ain’t lettin’ you sit out the entire party. You’re dancin’ with me on the next one, then Granny and Applebloom want a turn, no matter how bad you think you are!”
>You down yourself a glass of, nonalcoholic, sadly, cider, and then get pulled onto the dance floor for the next song.
>This one was slightly slower paced, and Jack kept you moving the whole time, not letting you take time to try to figure out the cadence.
>She also used it as an excuse to get closer to you, holding onto your hips in a manner that seemed awkward for a pony.
>You think she had ulterior motives, as it put her face dangerously close to your groin.
>It wasn’t all fun and games, though, because the song ended, and you weren’t given a chance to catch your breath.
>Granny hopped out of her chair, latched onto you, and screeched at Fiddlesticks to play something faster.
>Where Jack was a dream, Granny was a nightmare. She was faster, more nimble, and far more unforgiving of your mistakes.
>It was terrifying.
>Thankfully, her song seemed short, and then Applebloom bounded onto the dance floor to join you, sprightly hopping about your stumbling feet during the next song, while Jack and Mac danced together nearby, grinning at the two of you.
>Applebloom didn’t care that you made mistakes, and just laughed and cheered you on while you tried to keep up.
>Finally, it all ended, and Fiddlesticks insisted on a break to eat and drink.

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>>29468689
>Panting, you move to sit down next to the table and grab yourself some more cider, a sheen of sweat on your brow.
>You turn to Fiddlesticks as she comes to the table:
You play a mean fiddle, there. How’d you get so good?
>She chuckles as she fills her plate with scones, turnovers, and other apple-related snacks.
>”Ah’ve been playin’ since ah first got me hooves on a fiddle me uncle left out once. Didn’t actually earn me cutie mark until ah met a draconequus on a crossroads late at night. He challenged me to a contest, and ah beat him soundly. Me skills’ve been unmatched ever since.”
>You furrow your brow in confusion, but don’t have a good response to that.
>The worst part is, it could be completely true, and her face doesn’t betray a hint of whether she’s pulling your leg or not.
>She winks at you and turns away, finding herself a seat and tucking into her food.
>Jack finally comes over to you and sits snug against you as you drink and stare at Fiddlesticks in befuddlement.
>”Thanks fer bein’ a good sport, Anon. It’s been a great night. Ah see you talked with Fiddlesticks, there. Ah bet she gave her cutie mark story, didn’t she? Ah know you’re dyin’ ta know if it’s true, but sadly, nopony knows for sure.”
Are you kidding me?!
>You turn to look at Jack, and she’s grinning the biggest Cheshire grin imaginable.
>You just throw up your hands in defeat, and pour yourself another cider.
Your family is delightful, but weird, Jack.
>”You know you love us.”
It’s true. And thanks for the party. It’s been very nice.
>”It’s not over yet, Sugarcube. More dancing to come, and there’s still the afterparty.”
Oh? Where’s that?
>She leans up to your ear “You and ah got a date with a bottle of special cider and my bed.”
Hah. I love you, Jack.
>”Ah know.”
>She kisses you on the cheek and pulls you to your feet as Fiddlesticks rosins up her bow for another song, and you dance, poorly, smiling the whole while.

>>29468699
There ya go. A short little blurb in addition to the rest.

Updated my journal:http://pastebin.com/RbMjY2QK

>>29468725
Blessed be you child.

ew gay, wait you said reverse. nevamind

>>29468725
thanks

>>29468725
Glory be Waxsenpai

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>>29458346
>that pic
Uh MODS!!!!!! Vagina!!!

Mods!!!

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>>29470251

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>>29470251

>>29458535
Hasn't been one since the Steage Waifu general fell. Maybe this is a sign of a rebirth.

don't die yet

I guess

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>>29470639

OP fuck up bump.

>>29458535
Just saw somebody saying the same thing in RGRE.

Apparently there's a seapony in the 2017 >withhooves movie?
Looking at the wiki, they're coming from the comics (which also have the separate merponies).

Some people are talking like landsharkpone is mulps way of doing seaponies right.

I wonder if they'll say anything about sirens? Those already have the hippocampus body.

>>29474473
Seapony? You mean the new princess? I thought she looked more like a flutterpony.

>>29474642
You might be right.
Based on how catastrophic the board is being, I assumed they'd gotten all this from a trailer, instead of a board of individual images.

Princess Skystar looks pretty aquatic to me; but then again, she also matches Queen Novo, who definitely looks more flutterpony-ish.

A favorite author who's written for two other threads I follow says he might write something for here, so I'm going to keep bumping. I don't care if it's false hope, it's worth it.

>>29476004
New hope instilled

>>29458346
nice

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>>29476599

>>29477057
We need to find original artist.

shark attack

>>29477775
So fucking close to quints.

Heading to the office bump. Look alive friendos.

>>29479119
Looking alive doesn't mean I feel alive.

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>>29480064

>>29480064
It's all about our elaborately constructed shells. Very appropriate for thread theme.

>>29481971
>Being alive and dead on the inside.
>Figuratively for both, physical in one.
That's deep.
That actually sounds like a plot device for a green.

>10
madre de Celestia

>>29482559
Not perfectly sure what you're saying.
You're talking about a character that's dead on the inside, and trying to act as if they're not?

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>>29481971
>shell

>>29484128
I think thats what he's talking about, that'd probably be pretty interesting though.

>>29485809
an author could make fun thematic parallels between being a girl pretending to be a boy, and being cripplingly depressed and pretending to be okay.

>>29486269
That sounds super feely

>>29486984
Now that I think about it, while it isn't made explicit, that's not too different from Fatal Flaw.

One of these days I'll get around to writing a reverse trap green. If I have to I'll remake the thread. But just in case, until then, have another bump.

>>29488203
I'm still working on that Rarity reverse trap green. It's slow going with school and For Honor, but I should have the first lil' bit up tomorrow.

>>29487501

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>>29488360
>rarity reverse trap
d-darlingbro?

>>29489009
Man. Even if it's not, maybe somebody should take up the darlingbro mantle. Elusive a cute.

>>29489552
>>29489009
I can write Darlingbro again if people legit miss it.

Do you guys want it to continue being a CYOA, or just a regular story?

>>29489627
You gotta be kidding me. You did that darlingbro thing too?

I'd prefer to see it as a story personally.
The CYOA part went some weird directions.

>>29489627
I can't find darlingbro in your pastebin.

where can i read it?

>>29489968
http://desuarchive.org/mlp/thread/28920846/#q28948324

>>29490325
Shit. I found that thread like two days ago looking for something or other. Ended up reading through that darlingbro story and was disappointed that I couldn't find anything else. So I would love to see more.

live

>>29489009
>>29489627
Yeah, I'm not darlingbro, obviously. I've never read it. I suppose I should since everyone keeps talking about it.

>>29490325
>I like sports and uncouth, manly things. Like riding bikes in the dirt and drinking beer
How did he see through that clever disguise?

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>>29490325
>thread has darlingbro and gleaming shield prompt

>>29491708
It's only a few posts worth. I almost thought of it more as a prompt that got a few riffs, rather than a real story or cyoa.
I think that's why it gets brought up so often. It was tantalizing. Also silly, a nice change of pace, like your own story.

>>29489627
If you're down to write it, I'd love more Darlingbro

>>29491763
That gleaming shield prompt is cool too.

>>29489009
I thought that said Daringbro.

That could be a thing, rev-trap Daring Doo

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>>29493900
Jefe is just one man, bruh

One of us is gonna hafta to put on the writefag pants at some point

>>29494507
I would if i wasn't so autistic that i cringe at my own writing and drop my story a few posts in.

Also i don't know shit about reverse-traps or any kind og good feels/romance.

>>29494530
It is a little slippery to write reverse trap I guess since there's that unspoken element of 'w-what if I'm gay' before the MC finds out their 'bro' is a girl

>>29495229

>>29488360
Okay, I have a Rarity thing. I'm not particularly pleased with it, but you can have it. Tell me what you think.

>>29496176
No Anon. No Humans. Ponies.

>You are Octavia, and you’re standing outside the latest fashion shop to open up in Canterlot. One ‘Canterlot Carousel’, owned and operated by somepony named ‘Rarity’.
>Your bow tie had ripped and you needed a new one.
>With the success you’d started enjoying with the orchestra, you figured it was high time to invest in a new one, so why not come see what the new place had to offer?
>They might not even sell them, but you figured it was worth a visit. It was new, and you should try to keep up on the latest things.
>You step inside to see a rather sizable crowd milling about.
>Many of them were hunting for something specific, so you just wandered where they weren’t and observed the clothes hung up everywhere.
>You’d heard the place only sold the ‘Princess Dress’ for the first week or so it opened, but the proprietor, Rarity, hadn’t enjoyed it, so it almost closed.
>You understood the sentiment.
>Playing the same song, no matter how nice it was at first, always got old after a while if there were no changes in between.
>Now it looked like there was quite a selection on hoof, and none of it was the same tacky style you always saw around Canterlot. It was rather refreshing.
>You wander around the boutique, searching for any bowties or collars like the ones you usually wore.
>As you make your way through the place, it seems evident that they might not actually carry what you were looking for here.
>You’re looking at a selection of ribbons, hoping there was a bow tie somewhere in there, when you’re approached by a tall, light-blue unicorn.
>”Can I help you find anything miss?”
“Oh, yes of course. I recently tore my last bow tie and I was looking for a new one. Do you happen to carry those?”

>>29496187
>The mare thinks for a moment, one hoof pressed against her mouth in thought.
>”I don’t think we do, actually.”
>Her horn lights up and she sorts through the ribbons, chokers, and other accessories you had been sifting through, floating them about in quick circles.
>”If we did, you’d have found one in here, so in all likelihood, we do not. However, you’re in luck! Rarity is here, and could whip one up for you rather quickly if you’d like.”
“Oh, really? That would be nice. That would save me searching around Canterlot for another.”
>She ushers you over toward the back of the boutique. “We always seek to make sure every customer is pleased with our products, and Rarity is always happy to help a pony in need.”
>She knocks lightly on a door at the back, and you hear a muffled “Come in.”
>Sassy bows her head slightly at you, opens the door, then heads off back to help other customers.
>You’re left alone at the door, and you look back as the mare retreats, then look into the room ahead.
>It’s filled with fabric, sewing supplies, pin cushions, ponnequins, and all sorts of things you can’t even name, but are probably important for sewing clothes.
>You step inside and see a pony, dressed in a finely tailored suit, bent over a table. His mane and tail were exquisitely curled, and were a rich, deep-blue colour.
>He turns away from the table he was working at, gently placing all manner of scissors, pins, and fabric down on the table, then smiles at you.
>”Yes, how can we, at the Canterlot Carousel, assist you today? I assume if you didn’t find what you were looking for on the floor, Sassy sent you to me for something custom-made, correct?”
>He had bright blue eyes, and was he wearing makeup? Well it worked on him, either way.
“Um… yes. I was just looking to get a bowtie and collar. My old one has since worn out.”
>You pull the bedraggled thing out of your saddlebag and show it to him.

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>>29496195
>Rarity picks it up and looks it over. The rip on it tore one side of the bow entirely off so it hung to one side. Not something that could simply be patched, or you would have attempted it. The whole thing would fall apart if you tried to untie it or repair it now.
>”Well, this is simple enough to make. I can have a new one for you in about ten minutes if you don’t mind waiting. It will be only two bits if that’s okay.”
“Oh! That would be wonderful! Yes, please!”
>Rarity smiles and his horn lights up with a glow almost the same colour as his eyes, pulling a roll of lavender fabric out and picking up some scissors to cut it up. He begins to work while he chats with you.
>”I must say, I love the colour choice. It really matches your eyes and cutie mark. Have you ever considered a suit?”
>You smile sadly.
“I have, yes. But I would only get to wear it on the rare occasion I get to do a performance solo or with a smaller group that would agree to wear them. I don’t get many offers for the former, and the latter, well… most ponies don’t enjoy suits. We’d need to match.”
>”Oh, I do know the feeling. Getting a group to coordinate and get matching outfits can be quite trying sometimes. Especially when they all want completely different things.”
>He deftly pulls apart your old tie and measures it, getting the right amount of fabric pulled out for your new tie.
>”How much would you charge for a solo performance, and I suppose I should ask what instrument you play as well.”
“Oh, I play the cello. I wouldn’t charge much for a solo performance. The price would depend on how long you would want me here for. It would be here at the boutique, I would assume?”
>”Yes, indeed. Something for the patrons to listen to while they shop, maybe get them in the mood while they look around, as it were.”

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>>29496207
>Rarity finishes sewing the bow together with a flourish of magic.
>”Now, did you want it to be tied already, or would you like to tie it yourself?”
“Um, I’d much prefer it if it were already tied. That would save my hooves a lot of trouble.”
>You point at your forehead, pointedly.
>”Ah, yes, of course.”
>Rarity deftly ties the bow, much more cleanly than you could have ever managed, and comes close to you, holding a measuring tape and the fabric for the collar out.
>”Do excuse me a moment darling, I just need some simple measurements.”
“Oh, yes of course.”
>He wraps the measuring tape around your neck, ducking down just under your chin.
>You can smell his hair, some exotic fragrance wafting into your nostrils.
>It smelled sort of like cinnamon. Familiar, yet unusual.
>”Thank you, my dear.”
>He pulls away with the measuring tape held at two separate points, he quickly measures out the collar, cuts it, and attaches a simple hook for you.
>”Finished! Do try it on, let me know how you like it.”
>He floats it over to you, and you pluck it out of the air. It looked almost exactly like your old one, but much higher quality than when you’d acquired the old one.
>You wrap it around your neck, fasten it, and twist your head in every direction you normally would.
>It didn’t pinch you, choke you, or make you uncomfortable at all.
>Perfect.
“This is absolutely lovely, Rarity. How much did you say it was again?”
>”Just two bits, darling. So long as you promise to come by again so that we might discuss your schedule for a performance at the shop, hmm?”
>You pull out two bits and hoof them to Rarity, who takes them from your outstretched hoof with magic.

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>>29496212
“Of course! I would be more than happy to do so. I can’t promise anything soon, but I can promise I’ll be by tomorrow. Probably late.”
>”Fabulous! I shall be here looking forward to your visit.”
>Rarity winks at you, and turns back to his sewing table, his magic picking everything up once again.
>Your heart jumps a little bit at the wink, but you turn and shut the door as you leave.
>Sassy Saddles waves to you as you move through the shop, and you give her a nod as you make your way outside.
>This was a curious, but fruitful, visit.
>A gig at the most popular new shop in town, and an extremely cheap new tie.
>Not to mention the proprietor!
>That alto voice, that style, that scent, and that skill!
>You’d never admit it out loud, but you were completely crushing on Rarity.
>You couldn’t wait to see him again.

>The following day, immediately after your performances were done, you drop off your cello at home, grab a hastily written schedule you’d scratched out to give to Rarity, and quickly trotted on over to the Carousel.
>It was evening, so there weren’t too many ponies there, but Sassy Saddles pointed you to the back and told you to go ahead.
>”Rarity can usually be found there when he’s here. He’ll come out to the floor when he’s finished something new and show it off, usually persuading somepony to buy it within a day, but otherwise he’s always creating. He was talking about you today, so go on ahead.”
“Thank you very much.”
>You head to the same door at the back and knock twice.
>”Come in, darling. I’ve been expecting you.”
>You crack open the door, looking toward the table as you slip inside.
>Rarity is once again furiously working on something, tools buzzing about his head in a flurry.
>”Do shut the door. If you have time, I’d like to talk about a little bit more than just your schedule.”
>Your heart flutters in your chest as he glances behind himself at you.

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>>29496219
>Those blue eyes are sharp and very focused. Those of a stallion who knows exactly what he wants and how to get it.
>Was this proper?
>Should a mare of your stature really be taking this chance?
>It’s not like anything would happen. Sassy Saddles was just outside, not to mention the customers.
>You feel your face flush.
>Rarity seems to notice your discomfort.
>”Oh, dear me. I just realized what that sounded like. Do forgive me, darling, I’m not implying anything improper. I simply wanted you to try on a suit I’d made.”
>He holds up an incomplete outfit from the table. It was clearly influenced by you, with lavender touches overlaid on different shades of gray.
>”As an artist I pride myself on being able to take inspiration from everything I encounter, and the ponies I meet are not excluded. It isn’t done, as you can see, but I can at least see how it fits you. I didn’t get all your measurements yesterday, but I think I was close.”
>You’re honestly incredibly flattered.
“Oh my… well I did just come by to drop off my schedule. I’ve included my contact information if you wish to reach me. Including my… address.” You finish lamely.
>You feel like you just asked him out. You wanted to, Celestia as your witness, but he was so refined. And a Unicorn, to boot.
>Canterlot didn’t really look kindly on mixing races. It wasn’t a law, but it was just… frowned upon.
>You hold out your hastily written schedule, cringing at the poor writing, but Rarity deftly plucks it from your hoof with his magic and smiles.
>”Oh thank you so very much! I’ll be contacting you soon once I’ve had a moment to see when would be the best time. We simply must maximize the number of shoppers and their possible attitudes when they come in. Wouldn’t you agree?”

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>>29496229
“Oh, yes. Definitely! Anytime ponies come in to a concert, they’re expecting a certain type of music. If we were to play the wrong type of music for the wrong audience, it wouldn’t go over well.”
>”Precisely. Now, if you have the time to spare, would you care to let me fit this for you?”
>Rarity holds up the suit for you, looking at you expectantly.
“I can… probably spare the time, yes.”
>You secretly hoped he’d use his hooves instead of his magic, though the likelihood of that was slim.
>”Just step up on here, if you could.” Rarity motions to a small raised portion of the floor.
>You easily step up on it and try to look casual, waiting for him to work.
>Unfortunately, your extra attention on how you were standing probably made you look too stiff.
>You actively attempt to relax, but all that manages is that you now feel like you’re being too casual.
>Rarity doesn’t say anything, but just holds up a measuring tape to you, checking your withers, shoulders, and then moving down to your croup, haunch, and dock.
>He’s professional the entire time, not making it awkward by saying anything, just measuring, measuring, measuring.
>You get a whiff of his cologne as he bustles about you, and you let out a small sigh.
>Rarity’s eyes flick up to your face, and you hold your breath, trying to pretend you hadn’t made any noises.
>You mentally berate yourself. Why did you do that? Sure he smells good, and he’s handsome as all get-out, but come on. He’s a unicorn, you’re an earth pony. He’s a successful business stallion, you’re just the cellist for a small orchestra.
>Soon enough, Rarity has compared the measurements to the suit, made a couple of adjustments, then turns back to you.

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>>29496236
>”I just realized, I didn’t get your name. I noticed it written on your schedule, but it’s far more polite to personally be introduced. My name is Rarity, and what shall I call you, miss…?”
“Oh, it’s Octavia Melody. Octavia, if you please.”
>”I certainly do. It’s wonderful to get to know you better. Now, are you ready to try on the suit?”
“Yes, of course.”
>Without any further fuss, Rarity swiftly uses his magic to slip the suit onto you. You lift your hooves one at a time to try to help, and he carefully fastens everything up.
>The entire ensemble complements your coat, mane, and the bow-tie he made you yesterday perfectly.
>”Wonderful! I must say, you look simply smashing!”
>He twists his head, mane bouncing as he looks for a mirror and pulls it over, letting you have a look at yourself.
>You smile as you turn around in front of the mirror, looking over yourself in the fancy suit.
>You had worn suits before, and dresses, and all sorts of different outfits depending on the performance and the expectation of the orchestra, so you’d seen yourself in them many a time, but this was the first time a suit was made to specifically compliment YOU.
“It’s lovely, Rarity. But I think I may be a little bit biased.”
>”Aren’t we all? But thank you for letting me see it on you. I truly appreciate the help. Let me just get that off you, and we can have you right on your way home.”
>it’s a lot easier pulling the suit off you than putting it on, and you’re free of everything except your tie in a moment.
>Rarity places the items gently on the table and turns back to you.
>”Well, my dear, I do hope this hasn’t been too much of an imposition, but I thank you for your time. I will be contacting you soon.”
“Not a problem, Rarity. Thank you for your generosity, once again.”
>He walks you to the door, and sees you out. As it shuts behind you, you trot merrily out of the boutique, waving to Sassy Saddles as you go.

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>>29496249
That's all I wrote. I don't particularly like it, personally. I continued because of the challenge making Rarity a male, but all I did was turn her into a Z Z Top song. That's fine and dandy, but it lacks any real... maleness. Just her hiding her identity under piles of clothing for a purpose I haven't yet fully fleshed out. Octavia was chosen because she would spend her time around high-class ponies like Rarity, and she would have the best opportunity to get obsessed, but not choosing a male kind of ruins the focus. It's not really something for this thread, but I wrote it for you, so read it, let me know what you think.

Updated my journal: http://pastebin.com/A9ih0Dq0

>>29496282
Ehh, well the important part is that you tried

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>>29496305
It does feel good to have made the attempt. I shall do better next time.

>>29496363
Just read Darlingbro. That was amazing. Much better than mine. I will definitely do better next time.

>>29496282
I liked it, though admittedly more for how cute poor Octavia was than any part of it that was Rarity related.

>>29496541
That's what I was afraid of. Thanks for the input, though. I appreciate it.

>>29496573
>>29496541
Yeah, ditto this.
It wasn't bad, but I feel like it was missing something, probably at the core concept level.

But you know, I rewatched Rarity Investigates recently. And I think I missed it the first time, but Wind Rider is the one who buys the cake, and while he's in a simple disguise (just glasses, a scarf, a hat and a trench coat) they mistake him for a mare. They do say "she" had a deep voice. But it hints that ponies haves little enough sexual dimorphism that it's not hard to pass as the other gender (as long as you're not built like Big Mac, that is).

>>29494507
>put on the writefag pants
I tried to, but they're all crusty at this point

>>29493900
Dubs say I'll add this to my pile.
Hrmm. Women archaeologists don't get no respect?
I could work a save from rape scene into this.

>>29496282
thanks for update

What a beautiful morning to be waking up to green.

>>29494530 here.
I'll give it a try again, but don't expect much.
Also how do you feel about Anon and a Reverse Trap Wonderbolt? I'm thinking one of the background ones, like Surprise or Blaze or such.

>>29499046
Surprise? Oh jeez I remember a green of >no hooves her having sex with horse Anon.

>>29496282
I like this.
But you're right that Rarity in this instance is not terribly interesting
The way he's written feels like more of a supporting role for an Octavia lead.
And an utterly adorable lead at that.

>but all I did was turn her into a Z Z Top song
Checked and keked.

Probably not a good 'Rarity' story. But a very good start for an 'Octavia' story.
Hell, you could divorce this entirely from any rarityness and have an OC in that role and I think it would still be just as comfy to read.

I would not object at all to reading more, darling.

>>29499046
>You are Anon.
>You've been in Equestria for about three months now.
>It took some getting used to, but you managed to settle in rather nicely. In your opinion at least.
>Twilight and her friends seem to disagree, though. They think you need to go out and make some friends. Friends whom, as Twilight put it, "aren't already my friends, because that's too easy."
>You had grumbled to yourself all the way back to the house Princess Celestia had been so kind as to offer you.
>It was a modest house, two floors, a handful of rooms on each, with two bedrooms, a bathroom, and a little balcony that gave a nice view of Ponyville. All-in-all, a pretty cozy place.
>As the weeks went by, you figured you needed to stop sitting on your ass and find yourself a job, not so much because you needed bits, the Princess had you covered there, but because you needed something to do. Twilight's friends had given you plenty of suggestions, but one in particular stood out to you: Rainbow Dash's.
>"You know tech, don't you Anon? Why don't you come with me to the Wonderbolts' HQ, Spitfire says they need someone to take a look at some of the computers there."
>Ah, yes. Equestrian computers. Ponies were actually a lot more advanced than you would think. When you first saw Ponyville and Canterlot, you thought you'd be stuck in some kind of medieval world. But then you saw Manehattan, a city so large and advanced, you could mistake it for a city from back home.
>You had immediately agreed to go with Dash, eager to get your hands on a computer for the first time in what felt like an eternity. You had been a rather talented IT technician back home, so you figured this would be right up your alley.
>Twilight had then told you that the Wonderbolts HQ was up in the clouds, where only pegasi lived. And while there was a spell that allowed non-pegasi to walk on clouds, it was only temporary, and she wasn't sure it would work on a human.
>"I'll see if I can come up with something." she had said

>>29499934
>Fast forward to present time.
>You woke up and went about your daily routine.
>Just as you take your last bite of toast, someone knocks on your door. You scramble to put your dishes away and answer. It's Twilight.
>"Hi Anon, I figured out how I can get you to stay up in the clouds for as long as you want. I was able to imbue this amulet with a cloudwalking spell, so as long as you wear it, it should work.
>You take and examine the amulet. It looked rather simple, just a green bead set in a silver frame, with a silver chain.
>You unclasp the chain and bring it around your neck.
>As soon as the amulet is in place, you feel it beginning to take effect. The cloudwalking spell made you feel lighter than air. You took a few seconds to adjust to the feeling, and turn to Twilight.
"Thanks, you have no idea how much this means to me."
>"That's nice, Anon, but we still don't know if that think really works, I need you to test it."
>Without another word, Twilight grabs you with her magic and the two of you take off.
>Had this happened a couple months ago, you'd be absolutely terrified, but Twilight had the habit of using her magic to drag you just about anywhere. Instead, you crossed your arms and waited for Twilight to find a suitable cloud to land on.
>You approach a fairly large one. About thirty feet, you recon. Twilight brings you over top of it and gently sets you down.
>The cloud felt a little cold, but unbelievably soft. You turn to Twilight and say:
"Well, I'm not falling to my doom, so I guess it works."
>With a roll of her eyes, Twilight grabs you again and you make your way back to her castle.
>"Now that we know this works, I can let Rainbow Dash know that you're good to go."

>Later that afternoon, you say your goodbyes to Twilight and her friends, and Dash slips her hooves under your arms, picking you up and taking off with decent speed.
>You arrive at Wonderbolts HQ a few minutes later, with Dash dropping you on the ground by the door.

>>29500105
>An hour later, you're acquainted with the Wonderbolts' captain, Spitfire, who dismisses Dash and takes you to the problematic computers, describing the problems they're having as you walk.
>"They're starting to act awfully sluggish. Sometimes they take entire minutes just to open up the internet browser."
"Sounds to me like you might need to upgrade the memory, or maybe even the processor."
>"Well, you're the expert here, so I'll leave you to it. I'll be back in an hour to check up on you. In the meantime, I've got some cadets to yell at."
"What, are they in trouble or something?"
>"No, I just like to yell at them. Later."
>And with that, she's gone. You chuckle quietly and get to work.

>About an hour later, you've taken note of every problem each machine was exhibiting, as well as the causes and fixes to each. For the most part, they were just too outdated and needed to be replaced. You also jotted down recommendations of what they could be replaced with, after a brief, albeit slow, search online.
>You hear someone clearing their throat, and turn to the door.
>A pony in uniform with a bright yellow mane and a white muzzle is standing there.
>"You're that Anon guy, right? Spitfire sent me to tell you that you're welcome to join us for lunch in the mess hall."
"Really? Cool. Lead the way, I guess."
>He, at least you think it's a he, by the look of his mane and his slightly squarer frame, just smiles and turns around, waiting for you to catch up.
>"You should grab those notes of yours, so you can give them to Spitfire," he adds.
>His voice sounds a bit off, a little too high-pitch, but then again, you've met stallions who sounded like that, and mares, like Dash and Spitfire, who sounded like guys.
>You grab the notes and speedwalk back to follow him.
"Well you obviously know my name, but I'm afraid I don't know yours."
>"It's Surprise. Nice to meetcha."
"Likewise."

>>29500292
That's it for a couple hours. I'll go grab something to eat, and I'll get back to writing. Let me know if you want more.

also how do I set a trip, i haven't actually done that before

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>>29499934
>>29500105
It's not bad, but you're falling prey to the same mistake someone told me I had when I began writing green; you're missing detail.

What I mean by that is that you're skipping over things you've established in your head, and not providing them to the reader. Rainbow Dash begins with "You know tech, don't you Anon?" But you don't really establish why Rainbow knows that about Anon. Computers aren't shown in the show. I can't think of any instances at all, so you need to explain in far greater detail why they know about computers, and why Rainbow knows that about Anon. A small detailing of a conversation about computers, how he thought he was stuck in the medieval world like you mention. That was a good bit there, but it should ideally be established before Rainbow makes the job offer. That way we know what we're getting into and why.

Also, you rush things. I know you're eager to get to the good parts. We all are, but reading is a lot faster than writing, and you need to take your time. Conversations should be longer, like Twilight says after the mention of the cloudwalking spell: "I'll see if I can come up with something." Sure, it describes what she's doing, but you should take into account the character. With Anon, it works, he's an everyman. He's where we insert ourselves, so he can be as boring, interesting, comedic, or whatever. But we all know Twilight, and she wouldn't say simply; "I'll see if I can come up with something." She would possibly say: "I know of a spell, of course. But with your physiology I'm not sure if the magic would take in the same way. Not to mention the time you'd be spending up there. It wouldn't do for you to come see me every single time you have work in Cloudsdale, so we'll need to figure out a way to make it more permanent. I can probably figure something out, but it will take time. Check in with me every now and then, but I'll certainly come find you when I know if I can manage it."

It's good, though.

>>29500316
Put something clever where it says
>Name

>>29500316
Continue writing, though, please don't take that harshly, as it was not meant that way. The only way you're going to get better is by writing, so you should continue. As for the trip, I don't know how to make one with the wacky protection, but it should be pretty easy to figure out. I just write my name in the name field.

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>>29500316
>You arrive in the mess hall a few minutes later.
>After helping yourselves to what you can only describe as a four-star buffet, you exchanged pleasantries with Surprise. You learned that he grew up with his aunt and uncle, a pair of rock farmers. Working the farm is how he got to be as well-built as he is. You tried to press him for more details, but he stubbornly refused.
>"I don't like talking about myself that much. I value my privacy, and I've been able to keep my origins, and the whereabouts of my family, a secret for as long as I can remember. I doubt my uncle would appreciate having a ton of PR ponies swarming his farm in search of random info on me." he explained.
"I guess that makes sense, but what about your parents?"
>"I never met my dad, and my mom took off on some crazy journey when I was a baby. She left me with her brother and his wife."
"I'm sorry to hear that."
>Surprise nodded. "Don't worry about it, man. I've buried the past and moved on years ago."
"So then, how did you become a Wonderbolt?" you ask, taking a bite out of your food.
>"The only thing I ever did during my spare time was practice flying. I didn't have anypony to teach me, 'cause my aunt, uncle, and cousins are all Earth Ponies. By the time I turned 18, I left home to try out for the Wonderbolts. They told me I had a lot of talent for someone who was self-taught, and they put me in the Academy. That's where I met my three closest friends: Soarin, Spitfire, and Fleetfoot. The four of us were as tight as they come.


>>29500365
Thanks for the tip, good sir.
To be honest, that's why I chose a background wonderbolt. She has no known personality or story, so I'm free to give her one. I also chose Surprise in particular because she's my waifu and because of her origins as Pinkie's original concept in G4, around which I've built a headcannon as well as a tie-in to previous generations more to the point, G1 and G2.

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>>29501468 shit forgot to close my quotes

>"The four of us were as tight as they come. So much so that they actually stuck us all in the reserves together, despite there being only two open spots. We've been 'Bolts ever since."
"Wow. I gotta say that I'm impressed. All I've ever done in life was mess around with computers a lot. Eventually I decided to try my hands getting certified for it, found a nice job working at my old high school. Nothing overly special, really."
>"How old are you, Anon?"
"I'm 21. I've been working for the past year or so. What about you?"
>Surprise smiles coyly. "I'm 34. I've been a Wonderbolt for going on 16 years now."
>Wat.
>You slowly put down your fork.
"You wot." is all you manage to say.
>"I guess you could say you're... Surprised?"
>This fucking horse. That shit-eating grin.
>You counter it with a deadpan.
>...
>You can't help but crack a smile, followed by a fit of giggles.
>Surprise joins in, covering his mouth with a hoof so he doesn't accidentally spit out his food.
"But seriously dude, 34? Shit, you look like you're my age. What's your secret?"
>"There isn't one. I guess ponies age slower than you humans do."
>Makes sense. After all, Granny Smith was what, like 120? Most humans you know don't make it passed 80.

that's all for today, i got shit shit to do and a MTG night to attend in two hours, feedback and suggestions welcome

>>29501468
I thought you would have chosen surprise because of the trap pun.

>>29470251
>Uh MODS!!!!!! Vagina!!!
Relax. It's a cloaca.

I'll probably read everything once I sober up.

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>>29503794

>>29501783
Is rough, but I can see potential. Keep practicing and it'll get better.
Thanks for the green.

Tip top choice in waifu