Anonymous in Equestria Thread #1113

Familia 6

>Anonymous slips one of the last books onto the shelf. “There…a place for everything, and everything in its place!”
“It’s killing me that you won’t alphabetize these.”
>”Twilight I’m an old man and I have my books sorted just the way I like them. You wouldn’t force an elderly person to change their bookshelf, would you?”
>Your inner librarian screamed at the concept. A bookshelf was a sanctum.
“No…”
>”Thank you.”
>Anonymous continues to stock his bookshelf, quietly humming to himself.
>You look around the room for the third time that day and finally say what’s been on your mind.
“Anonymous? Why am I the only one here?”
>”Whatever do you mean, Twilight?” he asks, sliding another book in.
“Normally I’m here WITH someone. Celestia or Luna…but today I stop by and it’s just you.”
>”Does the solitude trouble you?” he asks.
“I’m afraid I just don’t see the value…”
>Anonymous smiles but doesn’t look at you. “Twlight, we may learn how to better ourselves from others but its only on our own that we truly begin to understand it and our place in the world.”
>He slots another book in.
>”Even I had to let my girls out from under my nose sometime…”
“Is this another story? Should I sit down?”
>”It was a bright, sunny day…”
>Yep.

>>29250739
>”Hurry up daddy!” Celestia cries as she runs to the top of the green hill you were walking up.
“Hold on, sweetness!”
>”Higher papa!”
“Okay, hold on!”
>You hold Luna up above your head and make rocket blastoff noises for her while you increase your speed to get to Celestia. Luna holds her hooves straight out and adopts a heroic face as she flies through the air, although she devolves to gigglefits once you reach the top of the hill.
>”There it is…” Celestia says “I can’t wait!”
>The girls and you overlook the deep forest spread across the land before you with trees so thick that the ground underneath was cast in perpetual shade. Shapes darted between the trees in dashes almost too fast to see as they watched you carefully.
>The girls, and now you as you discovered, aged slower than the rest of the world but the world still aged, and races beyond your little daughters had begun to appear.
>The closest to you being the deer.

>>29250742
>Celestia and Luna had both had brief spurts of interaction with them at the edges of your respective spaces, mostly in the fields or rivers and you’d caught a few in the backyard a few times before they scamper away in surprise, deer seemed just as skittish here as they did on Earth.
>It warmed your heart to see a friendship forming between the girls and one larger white deer youth that’d appeared a few times behind the house. Imagine your feeling when the girls came to you saying this deer invited them to come to his lands to play.
>You set Luna down and walk hands in pockets down to the edge of the trees, stopping when you see the deer inside inch back.
“Girls, I want to know who you’ll be with and when you’ll be back. Can you find out?”
>”Leave it to us!” Celestia says with a determined grin. Luna and her gallop off to the trees and converse with a dark shape before running back.
>”Daddy! We’ll be with our friend Aspen and we PROMISE to be home by sunset! Okay?”
>You kneel down and boop her nose.
“Best behavior, alright?”
>”Cross our hearts and hope to die, stick a cupcake in my eye!” they both say in unison.
>You smile and turn, walking back towards home.
“I love you both!”

>>29250744
>The path you take is the same path you took to where you are now.
>You smile to yourself as you feel the grass crunch under your feet and your mind thinks about the girls and the day they had ahead of them.
>You think back to when you were a little boy and playing with your local friends. Often leaving the house early in the morning and not returning until late that night with wild tales of adventure under your cap to regale your parents with.
“Heh…this’ll be good for them.”
>It’s about halfway back to the house when you remember the other side of that coin you had with your friends.
>Namely all the trouble you used to get into.
>You stop in your tracks.
>There was the time you fell into the lake or when you broke your arm…holy hell you used to grab electrical wires and play with knives!
>You feel your breathing quicken but force yourself to calm down.
“They’re smart…they’ll be fine…”
>You hold your head up high and continue walking home.
>…But what about diseases?
>Deer back on earth carried Lyme disease along with a dozen other illnesses.
>Could horses contract Lyme disease?
>Could magical ones?
>What if the deer were more reckless than you were because they were nimbler than ponies? The girls couldn’t fly yet.
>You take a deep breath and press onwards.
“It’s nothing, Anon…just relax…trust them.”
>You lean forward and walk home with more determination than ever befor-
>What if those deer try to touch their horns?
>You turn on your heel and start sprinting back towards the forest.

>>29250749
>You run back to the forest and feel the rush of wind as all the deer spying on you utterly vanish in fright.
>You’d apologize later, you had dad neurosis fueling you right now.
>The tracks in the ground lead all over the place, probably from leaping excitement and glee, but two stood out.
>A pair of the tracks were lighter than the rest, clearly made by the marshmellowy hoovsies you’d washed hundreds of times.
“There you are…”
>You give chase along the path the tracks lead down at full tilt until you hear girlish giggling.
>The bushes nearby offer safety from sight and let you hide behind them easily enough. When you’re sure you haven’t been seen, you peek through a hole.
>Your fillies frolic and play alongside three adolescent deer, the tallest and whitest of which you guess is Aspen. Above them fluttered a flock of chirping orange plumes of flame.
>Magic maybe? Around fire, never tire.
>You take a closer look and see faces in the forms, avian ones.
“Pheonix chicks…” you mutter to yourself.
>In the woods like this? Was that even safe?
>”Go ahead, Celestia!” you hear.
>Peeking through the brush, you see Celestia stare intently at the flock of phoenixes, smiling up at them and looking non-threatening. One of the birds flutters down lower than the rest and flirts with her nose. Celestia can’t contain her joy and smiles wider.
>The bird, reacting to her change, gets spooked and flutters off with a slight whiff of flame that dances over Celestia’s snout.
>”Yow!” she exclaims as the deer groan their disappointment at the phoenix.
>You’re a heartbeat away from rushing through the bushes to help her when a snort from behind distracts you.
>Looking over your shoulder you lock eyes with a large imposing buck standing some hundred feet back. His brown eyes look past your own and bore into your brain, momentarily sapping you of your drive to your girl’s aid.
>He snorts once and gestures to the youths.

>>29250751
>Looking back you see Luna look at Celestia’s snout. “Are you okay?”
>”Yeah, it’s nothing…”
Oh…thank god…
>You sigh and the deer look over to you, spooked.
>”Did you guys hear that?” one says.
>SPOOT.
>”It was probably just my dad spying on us…” Aspen answers.
>”He does that?” Celestia asks.
>”All the time.”
>”How droll.” Luna replies.
>Oof…
>”I want to try again!” Celestia says, planting her flank in the ground amongst the phoenixes and holding her nose high.
>The birds circle around her in a lazy trailed pattern until one, the same one as before, makes another lazy descent.
>This time Celestia stands perfectly still while watching the bird land on her nose and smiles when it perches.
>The deer smile and cheer. “You did it, Celestia!”
>Celestia grins a toothy smile and moves with the bird on her nose.
>”Luna, do you think daddy will let us keep it?!”
>”Maybe. He let us keep you.” Luna responds.
>Celestia blows her cheeks out while the deer children laugh.
>You let out another sigh, masked by their laughter, and turn back behind you to find the buck gone.
>Shame washes over you, at what the boy said and your own realization.
>There was no danger here, at least none that could readily occur. The girls were smart and these children had parents as well, parents who would go just as far to protect their children as you would.
>You feel the fool and back away from the bush, content to have the little ones have their fun
>Once you exit the forest and REALLY start heading home, you decide to make it up to the girls by preparing for their new pet.

>>29250755
>”And…done.” Anonymous says, slotting the last book into place.
>You blink twice and shake your head, having lost track of time.
“Wah-huh?”
>”Did you space out, Twilight?” Anonymous ask chuckling his old chuckle.
“I…guess. Nice story though.”
>”Thank you. I love stories about the big moments in the girls’ lives.
“Why’d you tell it?”
>Anonymous looks down at you and cocks an eyebrow.
“Well all your other stories had sort of a…moral or a point I guess that related to my life or princesshood, what’s this one?”
>Anonymous stares at you for a long time and then shrugs. “Cute things are cute?”
“Anonymous!”
>”Alright fine! Always trust those who are important in your life and give them the space they need to grow or SOMETHING. Happy now?”
”You threw that together just now!” you accuse pointing at him.
>”Maybe!”
“That’s a waste of time!”
>”Did you like hearing the story!?”
“Yes! It was cute to imagine Princess Celestia getting what I’m guessing was Philomena!”
>”That’s right it was! If you thought, it was cute then that’s all the point you need!”
>You shut your trap and look up at Anonymous with narrow eyes.
“You win this round…”
>”I win every round, I practically invented the game. Same time next time?”
>You go to the door and find Anonymous already there holding it open for you.
“Sure, do you want me to bring anyone or…?”
>”Let’s see where life takes us, Twilight.”
>The two of you exchange a smile and you fly off.

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any recommendations for an archive binge of the completed stories?? i haven't read much of them

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>>29250757
Pastebin updated.
http://pastebin.com/u/Mandroid
For whomever: http://pastebin.com/h7C0YTqw
Thoughts?

I want to say I'm over that bout of writer's block I had Knock on wood so the next chapter should hopefully come out faster? Maybe? The holidays are over so I won't be having my asshole slammed by work every week. I hope this chapter was sufficiently adorbs enough to warrant being late.

I know it's annoying sometimes when I'm gone for months because of "work" or "depression" or "shitposting" but I really do appreciate everyone who sticks it out with me, you guys are the reason I do this. Have the latest image I saved as thanks.

>>29250761
One of those story's will send you to Equestria where your wifu will love you forever in her own free will. Right now she is waiting for you to show up as you read this. And one of them will block you from it. You will never see your wifu and she will die alone and sad wondering why you haven't showed up. But I'm the only one who knows which is which. I'll tell you, but first you have to watch Debbie Does Dallas, Sex In The City, and this video https://youtu.be/jVV34E061A4 until you can fully recite all of them without missing a beat. If you do you have to start over.

I wrote more Moonie towards the ass end of the thread
>>29238119
>>29238125
>>29238129

And while I'm at it, I posted earlier in the thread another Moonie update http://pastebin.com/eGVKxcuN
And an overdue Word of Caution update http://pastebin.com/an8K3ABh

>>29250771
Not worth it. I'll drink the magic bleach instead.

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I demand a story.

>>29251539
I'll get you one later.

>Be Made of Beets Anon.
>You live in constant fear. Ponies everywhere want to consume your beety goodness, but you won't let them!
>You're hiding out at Bon Bon's. She hates beets and would never eat you.
>It's safe here.

>Be Bon Bon.
>Anon ate some mushrooms from the forest again and is hiding in your basement until it wears off.
>Third bucking time this month.

>>29250733
GOTTAGOFAST!

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>>29250765
>depression
That my fetish anon.

>>29251996
Depression fetish.

>"Don't shower today."
>"Watch an anime you don't even like obsessively."
>"Start a game and quit immediately because it doesn't satisfy you anymore."
>"Eat too much junk food and then feel guilty about it."
>"Obsess over a conversation that happened 10 years ago."

>"Oh yeah, that's hot."

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>>29251996
>Be Anon
>Have depression
>Also depression as fetish
>Every night you think about ending your life, that is not worth waking up each morning and you wish you died in your sleep
>As you think these thoughts you get a boner
>Nurse Redheart tries to help you with these depression problems
>She says is bad and the usual stuff
>You ask her if she gets depressed
>Suddenly she talks about this thing about being a nurse, having to take all the patients and have little time for social stuff
>She fears that she one day will be alone and nopony will care about her
>And that's the time you knew it
>Your depression fetish was not only for your depression only, but others too
>Man that's so hot

>>29251996
>"Deep inside of me I might have been hoping that you kill me"
>"It wasn't long but I enjoyed talking to you"
>"It seem that I'm about to die while I was talking to you"
>"There is one final favor that i want to ask to you"
>"That's my fetish"

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>>29252014
>>29252032
>>29252073
I wonder if I go and live in the forest if everyone will leave me alone? I mean, it'll be a hell of a walk to work everyday but I need the exercise...

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>Stuck in a vortex of sexy horses

>>29252095
Applejack... is that you?

>>29252032
>Be Depression.
>Have Anon.
>All you want to do is sit around and shitpost.
>So you do, but you feel really guilty about it.
>Also Rarity is there for some reason.
>"LET ME OUT OF THIS CAGE YOU RUFFIAN!"
>Today is a good day.

>>29250771
so all AiE are equally good, and you couldn't name two or three of your favorites off the top of your head?

>>29253157
Where?

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Bumping for best brand name drink in Equestria

>>29254307
But that's not Brawndo.

is this interesting? i found it kinda interesting

>>29251026
>>29251027
>>29251028

>>29254983
it seems you have mistaken this thread as one for discussion. the purpose of this thread and all the others before it is to post greens within a certain genre, and then compliment or insult the authors, as applicable.

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>>29254434
"AJ, at least try using water on the apple trees for once."
>"Nuh uh no way no how Anoner, thissa here Brawndo has what plants crave."
>"'bsides, that waters's fer tha toilet."

xpost
>Be Anon.
>You are underground or something, all the walls and ceiling are made of stone blocks.
>There is a pony thing in dark robes in front of you.
>"Finally my skeletal minion is alive! Equestria will fall under the might of necromancer queen Jacob!"
>"Now I can torture all those who made fun of my name to death, along with those who did nothing to stop them!"
>This is clearly a bad pony.
>You punt it out the window.
>There wasn't a window before you punted her, but there is one now.
>There is now a tunnel leading from the wall up to the surface that is letting in daylight.
>You are stronger than you remember.
>Or everything else is weaker.
>You now know what to do.
>Get lunch.
>You spend a while walking around the dungeon place before you find the exit.
>There a town a bit of a way off in the distance.
>Towns have cafes.
>You decide to head over to the town.
>When you arrive at the town you discover it is full of more of the pony creatures, except these ones are not dressed in weird dark robes or proclaiming that they will do bad things.
>You like these ones already.
>As you walk around looking for somewhere to buy lunch you notice that they are avoiding you.
>Aw, don't be scared little guys.
>Oh, there's a cafe.
>It's got little horsey patrons at miniature child sized tables.
>They are eating horsey food and drinking horsey drinks.
>You hope they serve regular food and drinks here.

>>29255472
>You don't think you'd like to eat hay like those pony creatures are.
>Upon entering the cafe you begin to analyse their selection.
>Many of the foods here are clearly not suitable.
>Hay sandwiches, flowers covered in some sort of sugary coating, and other weird things.
>You also notice that your wallet isn't in your pocket where you expected it to be.
>And that your pocket isn't where you expected it to be either.
>In fact upon closer inspection all your clothes are missing!
>Is this why the pony things have been avoiding you?
>Because you're going around in public naked like some kind of weird foreign type?
>You are so embarrased right now.
>And now you have even more things to worry about than before.
>You have to not only choose your food, but also find some clothes and money to buy lunch with.
>Things just keep getting more and more complicated today, don't they?
>Wait.
>You can think of a place where someone lacking in clothing would fit in.
>The gym.

>>29252382
in Soviet Russia, depression has you.

>Multiple days with no Zew
It kills me

>>29252453
Yeah pretty much.

>>29255649
>depression
Ahhhh s-ssay once more.

>Be Anon.
>Be chained to the wall in Twilight's basement.
>You don't deserve this.
>All you did was hide a fart box underneath her sitting pillow and set it off while she was having tea with Celestia.
>Celestia thought it was funny.
>Spike laughed.
>You laughed.
>And Twilight teleported you to where you are now without a word.
>You've been down here a few days.
>She magics bread and water for you periodically.
>You hope someone notices you are missing soon.
>It's boring down here.

>>29257248
>fart box

Not OP but I can't help it.

>it hadn't been easy obtaining one
>you asked about it in the town square
>the CMC overheard and asked what a "fart box" was
>you told them it was a box where naughty fillies would have to stay after farting
>Lyra asks if you've ever tongue punched a mare in the fart box
>Vinyl Scratch laughs hysterically and falls over
>the CMC were very confused
>probably just as well
>anyway in town they directed you to a pegasus racer named Rice Boy
>turned out he had invented a thing called a "fart can"
>he offered to let you try it on but the enormous angular shiny stainless steel thing made you wince just looking at it
>finally you talked to Vinyl Scratch, who built you one, magitechnological and powerful
>you didn't tell her that dubstep sounded like electric farts to you
>oh well
>oh look, brown bread today instead of white
>Purplesmart must be getting over her snit

>>29257543
I was talking about one of these.
https://www.amazon.co.uk/Electronic-Machine-Remote-Controlled-friends/dp/B003F6103C

>>29257739
Well, yes.

But https://derpibooru.org/196005 is funny. NSFW, but funny.

>>29257758
That is absolutely safe for work, and pretty funny too.

>>29258534
>>29258847
>"why don't you swallow whole bugs and birds like the rest of us, Anon? Aren't you trying to fit in?"
>"I don't know if you could call yourself a citizen without being open to our customs and culture."

>>29258925
>"Wait, you want to cook them first? Not with my pans you don't!"

>>29218142
>Be a weary Ratch just waking up from being drugged
>You were holding onto something so soft and cuddly! By Celestia it was bliss
>But old memories resurface
>The last thing you could recall was being pushed against that mare’s chest then everything went dark
>What had the aliens done?
>Regretfully you open your eyes to face the world
>… Sky?
>Sky was what you were snuggling with? You were going to be sick! You had your face in her chest fluff and everything!
>You recoil back and wipe yourself down
>Ick!
”By Celestia what happened? Egh, why was I hugging Sky!? Where are the aliens!?”
>You look about in desperation, immediately spotting the alien sitting beside the couch you’d been put on
>Horrifyingly as you turned your head you felt something fused to your neck
>It was a slave collar that refused to budge no matter how you struggled at it
>You look back at the alien, angry at his betrayal
”You!? What is this? What did you do!? Are you enslaving us? I know you can’t understand me but asking helps calm me down!”
>It did a bit, until he smirks and laughs at you
>”You’re a pretty funny guy.” He says in horribly broken Equestrian
>What!? He could understand you? And speak your language?
>But, but…
>Pff, hah, he sounded so stupid!
>You can’t help but laugh
”You sound ridiculous! Bwhahah. What’s with that accent?”
>He seems all too disappointed
>“Better?” He asks in a perfect imitation of your own voice


>>29227718
>>29231783
My understand was there was no interest in /prison/ anymore. I was posting it here for a bit but no one seemed particularly into it, so I switched to Space Dandy, which has garnered some interest. I could try to into prison a little, but it's been so long and that story got so fucking long I could barely remember what was even going on for the most part.

>>29228602
>>29229718
Many Thanks.

>>29255947
Oh yeah I have a job now in a chem lab during weekdays during a research project on ICP-OES Iron analysis. Ordinarily that wouldn't stop me from writing too much, but I've also got to study for pre-lim exams to get into an organometallics research project at uni. So yeah, I have like one hour a day for myself which I spend excising, pooping, eating, all the good biz

>>29259581
>It was better, just very off-putting
”You sound exactly like me!”
>“I’m using a machine in your brain to translate my world directly into your language via your thoughts.”
>What!? Oh no! oh no, no, no. They’re stealing your thoughts!
”You put machines in our brains?”
>He nods grimly
>“Yes, and sorry. It was the only way we could set up proper communications. Don’t worry, they’re not dangerous, both Femanon034 and I have them too.”
>That was a huge relief and what did he say? Femanon034? Was that the mare’s name?
>You repeat it under your breath so as not to forget
”What’s going to happen to me? Are you stealing my mind?”
>“I did nick your language from you, but aside from that your mind is, and should remain, untouched. These machines, we call them Neural Nanonics, or just nanoics, are purely beneficial. We truly mean no harm, in fact if the situation for us weren’t so serious we would've never considered doing this to you.”
>He had to be joking
”Serious? Your space ship exploded!”
“Haha, she sure did, didn’t she?”
”You don’t seem very worried.”
>For the situation neither were you. Actually you felt quite mellow
>Must be the aliens doing
>“It’s not my job to feel worried. Now I’m sure you’ve plenty of questions, go ahead.”
>You really would like to know more about the stuff apparently now in your brain
“These things in my head, if they’re good what do they do?”

>>29259633
>“Lots of things, in fact you can use them to learn everything you want to about themselves. Aside from that once their good and settled you’ll have increased memory, faster thinking, improved cognitive capability.”
>*Plus this! Access to the neural network. The names Royal Knight Anon096, but Anon will do* Comes a voice in your mind other than your own
>The shock at the mental contact forces an involuntary shout
”AH! WHAT WAS THAT!?”
>Sky moans in her slumber, distressed at your outburst, her hooves grasping for anything to comfort her
>You wouldn’t be helping her, she was a grown-ass mare who shouldn’t need to cuddle stuffed animals to help her sleep
>Also you still hadn’t quite got over the embarrassment of waking up with her
>But perhaps the true reason was because…
>The alien unexpectedly reaches out to comfort her, only to have his arm immediately trapped by the grasping hooves
>…Because that. Once she got a hold of something like that you wouldn’t get it back until she woke up
>Poor Anon
>The foreign voice returns to your mind, of course now it was apparent the voice was coming from Anon
>*Sorry about that. It’s direct mental communication. Give it a try*
>So it was a bit like telepathy? How were you meant to do it?
>Focusing on the strange presence in your mind left behind by Anon’s words you inquisitively send out your thoughts, attempting to funnel them towards the presence
*I’m Ratchet*
>*Good to meet you Ratchet* Comes the instantaneous response
>Oh snap! This was awesome! So glad you didn’t get the elements of harmony to investigate Anon’s crash. Their lives were good enough as it was, like they really deserved to be enhanced by benevolent space beings
>… Good Luna you never imagined thinking something like that to yourself in a million years!
>You look at the alien with admiration for the gift he’d given
>He was looking happy, but none too comfortable

>>29259685
▶Yes

>>29259685
>Sky had steadily dragged him into a horribly awkward position as she pulled against him
*Are you alright with her on your arm?*
>He nods
>*It’ll be fine. I’m sworn to help others, no matter how small their problems*
>You had woken up fearing the worst, believing yourself enslaved to these creatures, but now you could speak properly with Anon it would seem you’d actually gained a guardian angel
*This is so cool!*
>*I’m relieved you’re okay with us having done this*
”Are you kidding me? It’s all perks!
>Sky groans at your shout
>Without skipping a beat Anon’s paw massages the part of her belly she’d clamped him against, sending her to peacful bliss once more
>He clearly had no problems with personal contact
>*Good. If you want to know anything else just ask, me or the nanonics*
>You nod happily, already probing your mind’s new wealth of knowledge
>It was a difficult, all you managed to access was an encyclopedia about 21st century brick construction
>The files were centuries old
>Their culture must be ancient
>The gentle scent of chocolaty goodness wafts into the room
>Drool builds up at your lips
>“Brownies, Femanon made them, help yourself.”
>Femanon… She was so amazing
>Now that you could talk with the aliens you had a second chance at a first introduction
>It was time to get your suave on
>A terrifying thought occurs to you
>The two aliens seemed pretty close, too close
>What if?
”Femanon… You’re not like… A thing?”
>“Sheesh, your first alien encounter and that is seriously where you go. No we’re not a “thing” but don’t even try it.”
>Thank Celestia
>”If you insist.”
>He rolls his eyes at you, disappointment evident on his features

>>29259709
>“Sure thing buddy. Now go eat, I’ll join you in a second and we can talk some more.”
>You hop from the couch but the movement finally awakens Sky
>*Do you mind waiting for this, in case she has a bad reaction?*
>You open up the neural network
*Sure thing. I think I’m getting the hang of these nanonics*

<| °_° |>

>Be Horizon Sky
>Something loud kept trying to wake you up and you didn’t like that
>Your mind sends out an involuntary struggle to stop the discomfort
>It felt an eternity before your grasping hooves found something warm to latch onto
>Comforted by the presence you nuzzle into it and fade back into the darkness to be greeted by such pleasant dreams
>All cuddles and flowers
>It was only moments later when something was tugging at your awareness once more
>Your body had been sent jostling by something, shocking you awake
>The large warm thing you’d grasped at in your sleep was indeed real
>It was also ever so softly rubbing your tummy
>You were a happy mare
>But upon creeping your eyes open the truth of your cuddly companion was revealed
>It was your adorable alien’s arm
>Gosh and you’d slobbered all over it!
>Slowly, and with much shame, you pull yourself from the tangle you’d created and free the poor guy
>The last thing you remember was getting your hug on with the alien and now you’d awoken with no memory beyond that and his large paw on your belly
>He must be a randy one
>You roll over and sleepily look him over wiping off your drool
>Not a lot of time must have passed, he still had your make-up on
”Gosh! You’re so cute Mr. alien. I wish you’d put that paw back where I woke up with it.”
>”Oh by Luna” Ratchet says
>What!? When did he get there?

>>29259750
>”That’s disgusting, you are disgusting. I can’t ever deal with you, sorry Anon, I’m out.”
>Anon? Was he talking to the alien?
>Ratch looks to you again
>”Oh and by the way, they can understand us now.”
>He trots across the wooden floor to the dining table
>…
>Fuuuuck! You hate life
>You push yourself as far back into the couch as possible
>Surely the further away you were the less embarrassing it was right?
>For good measure you hide your face under a pillow
”…You weren’t meant to be able to understand me.”
>“Woah it’ll be alright.” You say
>Wait… you didn’t say that! He did! Why does he sound exactly like you!?
”GAH! YOU SOUND JUST LIKE ME!” You shout, tossing the pillow aside to make sure he was actually speaking
>You hear a chuckle come from Ratchet
>Judging from the knowing tone he’d asked the very same thing
>Stupid stallion
>You feel something tight around your neck
”Ack! What is this? Are we your slaves? I’m noponies slave! Unless you need a personal attendant, they always live in my books. But you’d have to pay for my living and food expenses, plus I’ll need some gifts to stay happy and als-”
>“Woah there, calm down girl. No you’re not a slave. It’s a medical package to help relieve the stress.” He says, still in your voice
>That would take some getting use to
”The stress? Stress of what?”
>*OF THIS* Ratchet’s voice suddenly shouts into your mind itself
>You screech and jump in shock at the intrusion
>You shoot the bugger your evilest glare
*Not funny dickface!* You mentally send back
>What. The. Fuck!? You were meant to shout that!
>You were so confused right now
”What was that!? How did I do that?”
**Please wait. Installing**

>>29259779
>What? You close your eyes and focus on the mystery voice
**You have just accessed the Neural Network, a simple means of instant mental communication**
>Uh huh
**By focusing your mind upon another with access to the network you may set up a direct link with said individual. Given time this process will become innate to you**
”BWAH! Haha How do I now know how I did that?!”
**You have recently been provided with a set of civilian class Neural Nanonics. This set will provide you with enhance memory, thinking and logic skills, reaction times along with limited control of your brain chemistry. You may also access and download all UTSC data files provided to you. Currently only default files are loaded**
>Oh okay cool and where did you come from?
**Please refrain from personifying your Nanonics. It hinders the integration process. You are only speaking to yourself**
>Then why are you a different voice in my head?
**I am not. If you would only take a moment to focus you would realize this is you thinking to yourself. As I said, you are only speaking to yourself. Nanonics contain no AI by default, only knowledge you can purposefully or unintentionally access**
>Thanks me! So then why does the alien sound just like me?
**The human is using a real-time mental translation of his language converted directly into your thoughts**
>Good, good
>In the time you’d spent conversing with yourself, about 2 seconds you’d say, the female alien had stalked from the kitchen to join Ratchet
>You still didn’t like the look of her, she was evil in some way
>Like maybe she was secretly coveting /your/ alien
>Oh Luna no! What if they were a couple? They did look and dress the same
>You turn back to the alien, who seemed not to mind your sudden moment of silence
”So… Neural nanonics?”

>>29259806
>“Yes, you seem a natural at their use. Do you still want to know why I sound like you or?”
”My brain told me when I asked. Real-time mental translation.”
>He nods, looking almost sad
>“I am sorry we did this.”
>What a silly…
**Human**
”Ha! This is amazing! I don’t think sorry is the right word, more like ‘Now you owe me for life’.”
>“I’m truly glad you’re both happy.”
>He was such a sweetie
>You give him your sexiest smile
”Cute and sweet what a combination.”
>He rubs the back of his head awkwardly
“Err, well then, I’m Royal Knight Anon096, but just use Anon for short. I believe your friend called you Sky? We’ve made some food for you as a sort of apology.”
>Food? You were always up for food
*It’s Horizon Sky, you can call me Sky if you want*
>*Thanks, but don’t become too reliant on mental communication*
>That’s lame. First he gives it to you then says you can’t use it!
**Some users can become over reliant on the easy of mental communication, fostering anti-social behaviors. Verbal speech is necessary for a healthy lifestyle**
>Using the Neural network you could hear Anon’s actual voice though!
>It was a bit too deep and gruff to suit his adorableness
>You raise a hoof for him to help you up but he fails to notice, staring at you blankly
>Clearing your throat and he gets the idea, helping you from the chair
>Such a gentlestallion
>“What delightful conversation were we missing over here?” He asks, kneeling opposite his female counterpart

>>29258847
Always get a laugh

>>29260120
For the longest time I thought that was a Tom Petty song

>>29259831
This is simultaneously extremely comfy, very interesting, and very well-done. Keep it up

Good evening, please tell Crimson-Devil that we miss him.
Sincerely,
batfags

>>29262214
fuck off tryhard

>>29262214
>can some tell me why do people like this because i really want to kown
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N1Wrx6eQZ1E

>>29262214
Horse pussy.

>>29259581
>My understand was there was no interest in /prison/ anymore
We're here, waiting for updates as usual, though the new story is cool too.

>>29259633
>less than an hour for exercising
do you even lift, bro?

>>29263053
/fit/ anon yeeeee

>>29263053
I don't need more than an hour to stay healthy levels of /fit/. Relative youth and good genes makes it easy.

>>29263053
No, I don't lift.

>>29263028
I'll try to write something for it tomorrow and post that. Problem is I've no idea where I stopped posting

>>29259831
>Be Royal Dame Femanon034 reporting for duty
>…
>…
>…
>You didn’t like to think, you’d already had plenty of time to think
>…
>…
>Baking brownies was fun though!
>All the equipment was so basic and old you had to retrieve files on how to operate the damn stuff
>You’d never had to apply such effort to cooking before and strangely enough you found the monotonous and often vigorous process oddly alluring
>It had to be something about using your hands, you always had to keep them busy to stay calm
>Knowing you could still move in your own body and that reality all wasn’t the fever dream of a woman locked in stasis did you good
>You finished cooking before the natives had even woken
>Nonnykins had watched over them diligently, un-moving from his position
>You could see the appeal, they were the most adorable little cuties you had ever seen, out classing all the Terran pets genetically engineered to be cuteness made manifest
>You just wanted to tickle your stallion’s fluffy little tum tums
>Gosh he was so cute nuzzling up against his friend like that!
>Argh! You wanted more! Sure you could find enough willing volunteers to construct a pony blanket to sleep under?

>>29263803
>Wait… Who said they had to be willing?
>Heheheh
>They didn’t seem to be showing signs of waking, and Anon was on observations, so you walk back to the kitchen and begin cleaning up
>Gotta stay busy
>…
>…
>…
>That was quick. You’d got the whole place spotless in what would no doubt be a record time for this house
“Christ, did they put the house wife gene in me or something?”
>Cooking and cleaning. It was something you never really had to think about or even consider in the UTSC, everything was automated
>Yet in this backwater planet you found an amazing tranquility in the tasks
>So unlike the bloodbath of the battlefield you were use to
>Who knows? In an alternate universe, you could have been a world class baker
>With thoughts of a better life in mind you make your way back to the dining table to find the stallion up and about, noshing upon your brownies
”Hope you like them. I learned how to cook just for you guys.”
>He chokes on his bite at your silent appearance but manages to get it down with some wheezing
>”Yes- ah, err I mean, yes they are very good, thank you so much.” He stutters out
>So cute!
>He struggles to regain his composure, running his hooves through his mane to slick it back and clearing out his throat
>A hoof gets extended towards you
>”It is an honour to finally speak to you Mare’am. I am Raan Therous Chet Felor Lexinglen.”
>He grins sheepishly at you
>Mare’am?
>”But you can just call me Ratchet or Ratch for short.”
>Daintily you shake his outstretched hoof
“I can do that. I’m Femanon034, but I’m sure Nonnykins already mentioned that.”
>”Bwahahah! Nonnykins!?”

Might have to go to bed

>>29263810
“Sure thing. But I wouldn’t call him that. Now let’s get down to business.” You say, tasting one of the overly sweet brownies
“Can I tickle your fluffy belly or would that be weird?”
>His eyes damn near pop from his skull as his face blanches
>”I-I-I, ah. I-It, um give me a moment.”
>He looks around the room, scoping out who was watching before leaning close to whisper something
>”C-could we go somewhere more private first?”
>Oh! Oh no, belly rubbing might be a bad idea after all. How was that possible?
>But you wanted that cuddly softness so much! And did he have to tease you by sitting like that? With his stomach all exposed and pat-able?
>You had to blow a raspberry onto that to hear his horse giggles
>You look over to Anon to ensure he was still preoccupied with the mare
“… Do you have anywhere private?”
>Ratch looked just about to die after you said that, beads of sweat building on his forehead, struggling for an even breath and blushing redder than a baboon’s arse
>”I, ah, we have- I… My bedroom, the door even locks.” He finally rushes out, a little excitement leaking into his tone
>This was getting a bit serious
>But boy could you get into serious
>Hehe you were a little interested in seeing what he had between his legs
>Huehuehue, hung like a horse
“Lead the wa-
>“What delightful conversation were we missing over here?” Anon asks, appearing right before you with the mare
>DAMN PONIES! Too distracting! How could you ever operate efficiently if your awareness had been so reduced as to allow Anon of all people to sneak up on you?
>The guy was like a walking avalanche, he had essentially no stealth
>Compared to you that is, not that it’s a fair comparison but still! He should never be getting the drop on you
>Stupid adorable horse
>Ratchet flails wildly in shock, his blush somehow becoming even fiercer
>”Gah! N-nothing! Brownies! We were talking about how nice these brownies are.”

>>29262214
>If I keep posting this I'll be a meme, right guys?

Question: why rizon and not canternet?

>>29264062
Coverage?

>>29264030
Everyone needs a hobby. Mine is bestiality.

>>29264062
>>29264614
>Harpy: Plus canternet has bad customer service because it is run by imprisoned humans. Celestia knows about it and does nothing!
>NotCelestia: The lizard ponies control her. That's why she never fixes anything.
>Unknown: Again with the fucking lizard ponies and humans? It's been three years now, get over it.
>Harpy: Lizardliketypingdetected.jpeg
>Unknown: No new dick pics for you tonight.
>Shakeyourme: God damn it Lyra!

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>>29265428

>>29265428
Keep your shit fetish out of here.

>>29264802
YISSSS YESSSSSSSSSSSS!

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>>29266255
Just for you.

>day S.B.D. in Equestria
>them beans were sure good this morning
*PBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBT*
>Twilight opens door
>she scowls her face immediately turns green
>"Goddamn!" she swears
"How 'bout some more beans, Miss Twilight?"
>she begins fanning the air ineffectually with her hooves. "I'd say you've had enough!"
>it was a high protein day

>day Halloween in Equestria
>you're GG Allin
"what the fuck? cartoon pones?"
>oops, you don't feel so well
>because you're a heroin addict
>and there are no drugs in Poneland
>shit yourself
>have a seizure
>pones think it's part of your act
>your reputation precedes you, apparently
>they throw bottles of liquor at you
>a crosseyed blonde mare throws muffins at you
>you go home with the crosseyed mare and have kinky sex
>cut each other, drink each other's blood
>arrested by the pone police next day
"What the fuck? Your Honor, it was consensual"
>they don't habeeb it
"TWINKIE HOUSE"
>now they're beating you with nightsticks
>it was a last-true-rock-and-roller day

>Day whooptidoop in Equestria.
>You and Fluttershy are hanging out somewhere.
>She walks off to do something.
>A stallion walks up to you.
>"What do you think you're doing with my daughter?"
>He kicks you and runs away.
>Fluttershy comes running back.
>"Oh my! What happened?"
"Your dad just walked up and kicked me!"
>"No, dude, my dad is dead!"
"THEN WHO WAS PONE!?"

>day zalgo in equestria
>you finally got settled into your new home when a knock comes at the door.
>you open the door
>get on the floor
>Fluttershy is a dinosaur.
>She eats you
>Today was a bad day.

>Your shopping for groceries at the Ponyville market.
>Just as your about to buy some cherries, you hear chanting.
>”Iä! Shub-Niggurath! The Black Goat of the Woods with a Thousand Young!”
>Oh shit nigga.
>Fluttershy is behind you, holding what is a sigil of either star with a flame inside of it, or a branch/tree thingy.
>Either way, it’s non-Euclidian.
>She starts drawing strange runes in the sand, and pulls out a vegetable creatures head.
>She stabs a syringe filled with glowing green liquid into it, and the head starts crying out.
>”Tekelili! Tekelili!”
>Suddenly Shoggoths, by the thousands.
“Fluttershy! What the fuck are you doing?!”
>”H-hi Anon! Is Cosmic terror your fetish?”
“No!”
>B-but! I already signed my name in blood in Azathoth’s book with Nyarlathotep!”
>Byahkees devour everyp0ny within a five mile radius of Ponyville.
>Molestia mates with a fish with bulging milky eyes.
>Mi-go harvest your brain.
>Pinkie reveals herself to be a Great Old One, as if anyp0ny didn’t guess it yet.

>day birfday in Equestria
>small party with just Pinkie Pie and her snarky friend Arthropod Lover
>Arthropod Lover hands you a cupcake
>it's covered with chocolate covered ants
>it tastes about like you'd expect, but you wanted to be polite
>with a sickly grin you thank her
>there's a flash of green flame
>suddenly, Arthropod Lover is gone, replaced by Chrysalis the Changeling Queen
>she is cackling, and Pinkie is rolling back and forth on the floor giggling
>"You owe me twenty bits, Pinkie! I told you he'd eat it!"
>today was a bad day

Come on, you fucks. Post some green.

>>29264802
MOAR! MORE INTERPONY

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>>29266897
Here you go.

>>29266572
Later. I'm tired.
and lazy

>>29264802
>Shakeyourme
Who the hell are you? Can't be bonbon.

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People want green, eh? Time to dig into my folder of oneshots. Standby.

>It was morning, and you were alone.
>A quick check of the other side of the bed found no residual heat.
>Either you slept in, or she got up early.
>Your morning routine is otherwise uninterrupted until a vital step.
>The daily newspaper is not on your front step.
>Half-asleep neurons manage to fire in the appropriate sequence, leaving you pretty sure you know what's going on.
>Damned mutant horses.
>Of all the things to not mention before moving in with one, this was probably the worst.
>Heading back inside, you get your coffee and some mobile breakfast, then head back to the bedroom.
>Taking care not to make too much noise, you sit down beside the bed, and look underneath.
>As your eyes adjust to the dark, you can start to make out a mess of newspaper, a lot of it shredded.
>And there in the middle, mostly obscured by the remains of the funny pages, was a grey wing.
>No matter how hard you try.
>No matter how many times you say that this time you will put your foot down.
>Every single time you find yourself looking under the bed like this, it is impossible for you to stay mad.
"So how many is it this time?"
>The makeshift nest rustles about as the occupant realizes they aren't alone.
>A pair of golden eyes find their way through the mess to look at you sheepishly.
>"Oh! Good morning! And, uh, two."
>You scoot one of the muffins you grabbed under the bed, and it quickly gets snatched up.
"Don't suppose you read any of the paper so you could tell me about it?"
>The answer is garbled around half chewed muffin to the point where you can't actually understand it, but knowing this horse, it was probably some variation of "no, sorry"
>Always so polite.
>Even in a world full of friendly faces, she stood above the rest.
"So why exactly do you pegasi nest in caves anyway? You live in clouds and stuff like that, why not up there?"

>>29267005

>Derpy's muffin is long gone by now, so her response is actually coherant.
>"Because if something happens to the cloud and you aren't right there to catch the eggs..."
"Point taken."
>Silence falls, with only a bit of rustling from the newspaper as she shifts a bit under the bed.
"So did anyone contribute to the eggs this time, or is it another dud batch?"
>A long wistful sigh preceeds the reply.
>"More duds, I know who I'd want to have contribute, but..."
"You can't put your life on hold waiting to see if the princesses can find a way for that to work. Is there really no pony you have any feelings for, it's only me?"
>"If I'm with somepony else, I can't be with you."
>Stupid stubborn mare.
>But she had a point, much as you hated to admit it.
>You weren't sure you'd want to not be with her either.
"...Will you at least start taking something so we don't go through this egg routine all the time?"
>"I like having the practice."
>Stupid.
>Stubborn.
>Mare.
"And I like my morning paper. Now come on out from under there, you've got weather duty to get ready for, I'll take care of the eggs."

>>29266988
That is Bon Bon.

>>29266976
>anonpone
>not aponymous

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>>29267013
I've read this twice before in thread. Do you just keep this green handy for when we need a bump?

This is good green though.

>>29267733
'sa repost yeah, but it's not a 'keep handy for reposting' so much as a 'who the fuck writes green and doesn't have it saved somewhere'

>>29253157
>"Hey kid, wanna secret show?"
"Who's show?"
>"Mine."
"But you're a showboat. How is this secret?"
>"It's a special show for your eyes only."
"And what makes it so special?"
>"It involves a pole."
"Sounds more like a show stopper."
>"If I didn't already know you are hopelessly oblivious I'd be offended."
"Oblivious about what?"
>"You see Anon, a pole dance is a very special kind of dance a mare only does to impress a very special someone. Or to pay for college."
"My Dad set up a 529 plan for my college."
>"What's a 529?"
"I don't know, but he says it'll keep me free from crippling debt so long as I promise not to get a degree in art or philosophy."
>"No crippling debt? Can-Can I get in on it?"
"Didn't you already go to college?"
>"...I don't feel comfortable talking about it. I think I'm going to go."
"If you're going to cry can you do it farther away? Last time my Dad kept yelling about freeloading deadbeats abusing sympathy for money."
>"S-sure."

member when we went through more than 1 thread a month

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>>29269645
Like how last thread lasted 16 days, or the thread before was also 16 days, and lets not forget the 8 day long thread before that.

Shit goes faster if you contribute rather than whine.

>>29269702
Well, if he whines for fifty posts or so, then the thread would really be moving. Or he could just talk about horse pussy like the rest of us.

>>29264663
bestiality is a good hobby
i can confirm this

>>29270104
It's why most of us are here.

>>29266553
I smiled

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So I finally managed to write a thing for Pone Prison but they're dead so here it goes instead.

>You’re roughly tossed in your new home for the foreseeable future by one of the unicorn guards with his magic. He turns to his partner and mutters something you only just hear.
>“Might as well throw away the key on this sicko.”
>“Too true mate, too true,” his buddy replies with a grimace.
>This cell is cramped, thanks to your stature you got thrown into a specially sized prison for minotaur but even then.
>There’s the small toilet with a sink and mirror beside it then on the opposite end is the bunk bed. Two fierce green eyes stare back at you.
>Your cell mate it seems.
“So,” you speak clearly to try and hide the nerves, “What are you in for?”
>“I’d rather not talk about it,” the gruff voice replies, “What’s your name?”
“Anonymous. And before you ask, I’m human.”
>The eyes look closer from the shadows and you can see the gruff minotaur’s face.
>He has a dark blue coat, a slight tuft of a beard under his muzzle and a small mohawk.
>While he is large, he doesn’t look particularly aggressive save for those large horns.
>“Iron Will. Are you sure you’re not one of them alien fellas?”
“Well, on this world I am an alien. My species is called human.”
>“I’m gonna call you ‘Anon’ for short.”
“I’d rather you didn’t.”
>“Oh… Sorry there pal. Anonymous then.”
>He hops off the top bunk and holds out a hand to shake.
>With a firm grip, you shake it only to nearly be crushed by his strength.
>You smile over the relief as he seems to be a pretty friendly guy.
“So what are you in for? I’d rather know what kind of guy I’m dealing with here, you know?”
>Iron Will pauses for a moment to think something over then takes a breathe.
>“I got a bit drunk at a bar one night… And I called the bartender… He refused to serve me any more drinks so I called him a--Well, I’d rather not repeat it. After all it’s why I’m here.”

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>>29270888
>He nervously laughs while rubbing the back of his head but quickly gives up the brave face and slumps onto the bed.
>It sinks low under his weight.
“Wait… That’s it?”
>Iron Will looks at you in shock.
>“Of course. I’d never go further than that.”
“That’s nothing.”
>“It’s not a competition. Besides, what are you in for?”
“I got into a fight.”
>“WHAT?! Why would you do such an awful thing?”
“I stole some food and had to get away from the guards somehow. Charged with theft and excessive bullying in the second degree apparently.”
>Tears begin to roll down the big guy’s face. Not even a little.
>The guy has them pouring out like a cheap hooker getting a bonus on payday.
>“You are awful. You called them names and beat them up?” he says between choked up tears.
“Yeah, I even gave one a swirly,” you jest.
>He then pushes you aside and calls out to the guards who quickly rush down.
>“What’s going on here?”
>“Can I get a different cell? I can’t share a room with--Him!” He loudly whispers as if he thinks you can’t hear him.
>The guard is about to ask why when he notices you. Looking you up and down, he tisks in disgust.
>“We only have smaller cells, if that’s okay with you.”
>“Yes, please.”
>Without another word, he opens the cell and leads him down.
>Which leaves you standing there a bit mystified. No transfer papers or wait? Just right away once he asked?
>Pony prison is different to what you’ve heard of the prisons back home that’s for sure.
>You slink into the bed and try to think what Iron Will must have actually done to get thrown in. He’s clearly deranged somehow.
>Getting thrown into prison for calling someone names? Unless that bartender was actually royalty or something like that, you don’t see how.

>It has been a week since your incarceration and it has gone by surprisingly uneventfully.
>Pony prison is nothing like human prison.

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>>29270897
>If you drop the soap the guy next to you is kind enough to pick it up for you, any disputes are solved by hugging it out, and instead of solitary confinement you get a brief timeout in the corner.
>“And I just shoved him--”
>One of the inmates cuts himself off to hide his shame by burying his face in his hooves.
>“How do you think you could have better handled that?” The shitty counsellor asks as he pats him on the shoulder.
>“I guess, we should have talked and… shared?”
>He looks up at the counsellor with teary eyes for approvement, who nods then the two hug.
>You roll eyes and decide you’ve had enough for one day.
>It’s bad enough that you have to do these talk sessions but it always ends up with teary eyed hugs over something kindergartners would be doing.
>Save for you, the worst criminal here is a pony who bit another over a girl.
>“Where are you going?”
>One of the prison guards, who is a mare with a light creamy brown coat, a brown mane with a white streak tied into a ponytail, and wearing the blue shirt and hat uniform, is looking up at you with stern eyes.
“I just needed to step out for a bit.”
>“You’re meant to have an hour of feeling each day Anonymous.”
“We’ve been at it for two,” you lie.
>“Oh, really?” She replies with a distrustful glare.
“Are you saying I’m lying?”
>This catches the guard mare completely unaware, and now she can’t seem to look you in the eye.
>Her breath seems to get heavy now as you’re realising she’s feeling guilty about calling a criminal a liar.
>God these ponies are so innocent and trusting.
>“W-Well, no. I just--” She looks down at a watch you could have sworn wasn’t there a moment ago, “What time did you start?”
“Noon,” you lie after you check the time on her watch before answering.
>“That’s two and a half hours. Then you’re right.”
“Thanks miss,” you say as you kneel down and instinctively scratch behind her ear like she was your dog back home.

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>>29270898
>Her cheeks now flare into the brightest shade of red, her eyelids flutter open and close, while she pushes her head harder into your hand.
>You stop and smile at this interesting development while the guard clears her throat as she composes herself.
“I never did get your name.”
>She stares deeply into your eyes for a second and tries to speak.
>Upon her realisation she decides she has to look away before she can say something.
>“Cookies ‘n Cream,” she replies with a slight crack in her voice.
>With that you decide to wave goodbye and head off as you’ve got arts and crafts starting soon.

>You wander around the compound a little after being kicked out of arts and craft, because apparently they frown upon introducing ponies to popsicle stick replicas of old time war machines like trebuchets.
>Bored and unsure of what to do, you find yourself in the courtyard.
> A few ponies are playing some sports like basketball.
>You decide not to join as you’re a lot faster and taller than them so it’s hardly interesting.
>It was the first few times but now you’d need someone like Iron Will for it to be fairer.
>Though he breaks out into tears every time he sees you so that’ll never happen.
>With a disheartened sigh you opt for just heading back to your cell.
>You’re there alone for hours just reading until nighttime hits.
>Everyone is back in their cells so the only people wandering around are the guards.
>So it catches you by surprise to hear a whisper at your cell door.
>“Anonymous,” a female voice calls out.
>You roll over and wait for your eyes to adjust a little to see Cookies ‘n Cream standing there.
“What are you doing?”
>“I need... A favour, yeah?”
>Her voice sounds quickened and a little panicked.
>Although you’ve got no reason to care, it does make you a little concerned.
>“Why me? What’s wrong?”
>“Come over here.”

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>>29270904
>Now you’re really on edge. Somehow the thought of a bunch of guards coming in here to kick your ass is firmly and vividly planted in your mind.
>So you steadily walk over.
>You notice Cookies ‘n Cream is constantly looking around as if she’s expecting someone to come by.
“Okay, now what?” You say as you’re standing centimetres from Cookies, with only your cell door between you.
>“Hands.”
>You put them through the bars, waiting to be slapped in cuffs for that butt kicking.
>Then Cookies suddenly shoves the side of her head into your hand.
>“Just once more, please?” She pleads, impatiently bouncing on the spot.
>Confused and bewildered beyond all reason, you do as she asks.
>You gently scratch her ear and the mare nearly melts like putty to the touch.
>Cookies let out a gasp of relief and her footing falters slightly then she pulls away all of a sudden.
>She straightens her uniform and then looks at you very sternly once again like when you first saw her.
>“We mustn't do this,” she says before darting away.
“Ponies are fucking weird,” you mutter under your breath as you head back to bed.
>As you drift to sleep you find yourself wondering what her talent must be.
>With a cutie mark of milk and cookies, what could that mean?
>One of the best you come up with is a joke about wanting to dip it in but you’ve got no clue about what it might actually be.

>The days go by without care or reason.
>They don’t just blur into one another, they become the same.
>Nearly exact duplicates and it brings you to a point of boredom where you can’t help but feel depressed.
>No other prisoners will talk to you for fear of what you are.
>Eager for something new, you sit out in the courtyard all day to roast under the warm summer sun.
>Once lunch time rolls around a happy Iron Will struts out towards your bench sifting through his lunch bag.
>Then he notices you and goes to turn around in hopes you didn’t notice him.
>But you did.

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>>29270907
“Oh, will you cut that out. It’s annoying.”
>“Excuse me?”
“Constantly avoiding me, crying every time you see me.”
>“I-I’m not crying,” Iron Will defensively replies, puffing up his chest.
“You are, I can see a little tear even now.”
>“I’m not!”
>He wipes under his eye and inspects the finger to see that he was indeed welling up a little.
“Here,” you say as you take out a red handkerchief.
>Iron Will glares at you a little, then you decide to just jostle the cloth a little.
>The realisation of how stupid that is hits you nowhere near as hard as Iron Will does. Regret echoes in your mind as pain rocks through your body.
>Your chest feels like it has collapsed as the wind escapes your lungs, your arms and legs flail wildly until you return to solid ground but it does end there as you slide against the coarse courtyard that shaves layers of skin with every centimetre.

>You wake up in a white bed that’s far too small for your size as your legs hang off the end.
>To your side is the steady beeping of a heart-rate monitor and on the other is a guard standing firm.
>You smile at the familiar face.
“Hey, did you get the number of that truck?”
>“I… I don’t get it,” replies Cookies ‘n Cream after a pause.
“Human joke, I guess.”
>“Speaking of humans, what a normal heart-rate for you guys? The doctor said everything seemed fine but he can’t be sure because of stuff like that.”
>You glance at the monitor to see it sitting just above 70.
“Yeah, that looks about right,” you answer with a breath of relief as you fall deeper into the soft pillow.
>“That’s good… Uh, so Iron Will has been put into solitary time-out for a full day of what he has done. The warden is even making him write an apology letter over it too.”
>You laugh at these pony’s innocent sense of justice.
>It’s pitiful but sweet in a way.
>There aren’t even any kind of restraints on you right now.

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>>29270911
>Despite how much of a “dangerous criminal” you’re regarded by your fellow inmates and the guards, they still trust you not to run off despite how easy and tempting that might be right now.
“I look forward to accepting his letter and apology,” you mock, though it seems to go over Cookies’ head.
>“How are you feeling?”
“Bruised.”
>As if by some unholy compulsion, you touch around your chest to count the many bruises you’ve got and to check for broken ribs.
>You wince at each one, then find yourself in more pain as each movement rubs the sensitive skin you’ve been shaved to on your back.
>You note that it doesn’t feel like you’ve broken any ribs, however it’s not the easiest thing to grab a full breath of air right now.
“So I take it you’re here to watch over me, make sure I’m not up to no good?”
>Cookies ‘n Cream nods.
>Then a tint of pink flashes on her cheeks. She paces around the room a little bit and you watch on in silence with little else to do.
>You find yourself a little at loss for words.
>You’ve got a few questions about the ear scratching but considering how bashful she gets about it, you doubt you’ll get straight answers and aside from that you don’t really know anything about her to talk about.
“I’ve been meaning to ask you something--” You finally pipe up, eager to put something out to break the silence.
>“I lost control of myself I little back there I know, I’ve just never been… Touched in quite that way before,” her voice trails a little as she bites down on her bottom lip. You can clearly see her mind is nowhere in the room but she continues to speak on through that vacant gaze, “But we mustn’t. No matter how it feels.”
“I was actually going to ask about that cutie mark, what does it mean?”
>“Oh… Oh, my. This is so embarrassing. Forget I said anything.”
>Cookies tips her hat to cover her entire face.
>She sits there quietly for a while, her face firmly buried away so you throw your pillow in irritation.

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>The little mare is no match after being caught unaware so she’s bowled over. Immediately she snaps upright with a furious scowl as she throws the pillow back with all her might, reeling back like a baseball pitcher.
>But the throw falls flat as the pillow only makes it as far as your gut.
>“Assaulting a guard can land you in some serious time-out, you know?”
“I’ll keep it a secret as long as you answer my question then.”
>‘What?”
“My question, you never answered it. What does your cutie mark mean?”
>Cookies glances back to her flank then seems to look at you like she has only just connected the dots.
>All the while you smile to yourself. It seems like it’s really easy to rile up and mess with this mare, which should be a great source of entertainment for you.
>“Oh, I’m really good at baking cookies. Any and all kinds really, but my speciality are these chocolate chip with and cream centres.”
“What’s with the milk jug then?”
>“I’m pretty sure it’s a cream jug.”
“I’ve never heard of a cream jug before.”
>“They’re real,” Cookies replies, now getting extra defensive.
>While you should just let it go, somehow even after today’s events with Iron Will, you’re still not done antagonising everyone.
“Are you sure you’re not just making it up?”
>“I’m sure, I have a picture of it on my flank after all.”
>She points to the image in question and turns to give you a full view of it.
>And that is when the doctor walks in.

>“Mr A--I’ll just ignore that Miss Cream. Now, Mr Anonymous, I have a few questions as we know next to nothing of humans.”
>Cookies ‘n Cream bashfully returns to her chair, and buries her face deeply into her hat once again.
>Though you notice she has one eye peeking out soon after.
“Fire away Doc.”
>“Well, while you were out we did an x-ray and you’ve broken two ribs and a shin bone.”
“Are you sure? It doesn’t feel like it.”
>Again you prod your chest and wince a little at the pain.

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>The doctor just looks at you in irritation then gives your leg a shove.
>That sends all the nerves in your leg into a panic and you even let out a short scream as you grip your leg.
>That is when you note you can even feel a slight bump in your leg.
>“Please don’t argue with a doctor. You have two broken ribs and a broken shin.”
“Got it. Please don’t do that again.”
>“Now, I was going to realign the bones with some magic however that process is very painful. I recommend some form of anesthetic but I don’t know dosages--”
“So, what do you want to know?”
>The doctor clicks his tongue at you in frustration as he hands over a clipboard with a bunch of words that might as well be nonsense to you.
>“I know it’s a long shot, but do you recognise any of these chemicals?”
>You stare at the paper for a while and none of it makes any sense.
>You find yourself asking things like; “Are these brand names?” “Chemical formulas?” and “What do these symbols even mean?” over and over again. Then you figure you’ll go the way of a gambling man and point to one.
“Just this.”
>“Oh, that’s wonderful. Do you know what recommended dosage is safe?”
“Not a clue.”
>“Well, we will start with a little bit and see how that goes, hm?”
>You just nod in reply.
>“Xylazine. Ah, that’s fortunate,” the doctor gives a breathe of relief as he heads out.
>“Wow, that is lucky,” remarks Cookies.
“Yeah.”
>You roll over and wait for the doctor’s return.
>Something your back is thankful for but your chest cries out against.

>He doesn’t take long.
>He quickly administers the drug then asks Cookies to watch you for a minute as he has tests he needs to check on.
>“I thought doctors take blood samples to test this kind of thing first.”
“Actually that’s a good point. One I wish you brought up before I was full of whatever this stuff is.”
>You’re about to get angry but immediately get his with a dizzy spell.

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>>29270919
>You hold out your hand to see how off balance you’re getting but it feels like you’re rocking side to side, making it impossible to tell.
>“Are you okay?”
“Feeling woozy, is all.”
>Your eyes now fight against themselves to stay open as your body still feels like a boat on the waves.
>Though your brain feels completely disconnected from your body.
>It’s impossible to focus on anything, you can’t even tell if you’re actually swaying or not.
>“Anonymous,” a concerned Cookies says as she nudges you a little.
>Her face is close to yours and she is eyeing you while she leans up on the bed.
>Feeling like your body has lost its grip with its Earthly tether, you grab hold of her and lift her up and into your chest.
“Think I’m gonna--pass out.
>You trail off as your eyes feel like bricks were cemented to them, dragging your body deeper into the sea of unconsciousness.

>Consciousness returns to you many hours later. Your head is still spinning and whirring like there’s some jammed gears but you piece enough of your mind together to sit up and scan the room.
>“How are you feeling?”
>Cookies is still here, keeping watch.
>You smile at her, which she doesn’t return.
>Then you recall the scene of you passing out.
“Sorry…” you jaw goes slack causing you to slur but you press on, “about before. I panicked.”
>Cookies lets out a sigh, “I guess I can’t blame you for that.”
“I wasn’t too rough, was I?”
>“What?”
>You smack your lips a couple times and move your jaw about in a circular motion to get the muscles warmed up.
>Then blowing a quick raspberry has you feeling a little better and able to articulate.
>“What are you doing?” says Cookies, muffling herself mid-laugh and eliciting a sound that’s almost like the chuff of a train engine.
“Trying to wake up… Now, I didn’t hurt you or anything earlier, did I?”
>She shakes her head.
>“Haven’t found a bruise yet. Though you did wind me quick a bit.”
“Ah… Is there some way I can make it up to you?”

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>>29270921
>“As a prisoner? Heh, not likely.”
“What about,” you pause for dramatic effect, “A scratch behind the ear or something? You seemed to like it earlier.”
>Cookies pauses.
>Deep hesitation is written in large, bolded letters all over her face but you can see there’s a light.
>A light urging and pushing herself to go for it. To further tempt her, you hold out a hand.
>Cookies movies forward the slightest bit but catches herself.
>She remains frozen there for a long time, she doesn’t even respond when you call out. So you decide to go all in.
“Or how about… A belly rub?”
>Slowly but surely, Cookies, ‘n Cream lurches forward like some undead creature.
>Even now she is fighting the urge, the temptation but she can’t hold back any more. Her desire has taken her, just how she wishes you would take her.
>Take her and throw her up and onto the bed for those belly rubs.
>She knocks her hat off of her head and grips the ribbon around her long hair, combing it back until her rich locks are free for her to shake off like her restraints.
“I take that as a yes?” You ask her as she walks ever closer.
>“Yes. Oh, by Celestia, yes!” She answers, her words stained with desire.
>She leaps up onto the bed, and even now you could see the shame in her eyes about letter this happen.
>But the shame made it hotter, hotter for belly rubs.
>Cookies lies on your lap, rolling over as she bites her bottom lip in anticipation.
>Her legs reach out for the heavens leaving her soft, warm belly exposed to you.

>As your hand touched her belly, you outstretch your fingers and feel around in a circular motion.
>Then you return your fingers to your palm, running your nails through the fur to lightly dig into the skin below.
> A shaky breath escapes Cookie’s lips but no words follow.
>Her body pushed into your hand, inviting it to return so you comply.

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>>29270924
>You run each finger in tandem with another, following closely behind in undulation up and down her creamy tufts of fur.
>Your fingers make delicate work of the mare, as she seems to almost melt from the pleasure.
>Each sigh and gasp that escapes her lips sound laced with velvet and sweeter than honey of the angels themselves.
>You find yourself continuing, moving faster and harder, changing each scratch to entice more shimmering moans.
>Then hoofsteps out in the hall interrupt your belly rub session.
>You give Cookies a quick pat to snap her to attention and she does.
>Cookies leaps up and over to her hat to place back where it belongs on her crown.
>The force of her leap, sends her sliding across the tiles and plants her flank firmly on her chair.
>“Evening Anonymous,” you grin.
>He nods to Cookies whose cheeks are still as red as poppies by sunrise.
>She tries her best looking away without looking too suspicious, even covering her face with her hat once the doctor turns to you.
>You struggle to avoid letting your grin grow further than your cheeks can hold as the doctor goes over his checks.
>It seems you were out for 8 hours after that and he figured he’d patch things up while you were under then rather than wait to do it again.
>The bruises still remain but as for your shin and ribs, only tenderness remains. So you ecstatically thank the doctor before you’re put back in your cell.

>Once lights out rolls by again, you lie down on your bed and stare up at the roof. That grin is still grafted to your face as you recall recent events.
>Then the closing of your cell door grabs your attention.
>“Who--Cookies? I thought my cell was locked.”
>The silhouette of Cookies is standing in the doorway and remains silent for a moment before she steps closer.

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>>29270926
>Now she can be seen as a bright shade of red, the tip of her tongue can be seen out the corner of her mouth as she bites it with a smirk, and she can be heard panting a little as a bit of drool falls onto the floor.
>“Did you forget? I’m a guard here.”
>“Oh, right,” you reply, a little freaked out as you’re back up against the wall.
>“We’ve got all night,” she whispers with a huff as her face looms closer to yours.
>Her eyes are as clear as the night’s canvas.
>Her pupils are dilated almost to the point where the teal can no longer be seen.
>She runs her rough and soaked tongue along the side of your neck then murmurs in your ear with a shaking voice, shaking with excitement and anticipation.
>“Now, where were we?”

-end-

Pastebin Link: http://pastebin.com/gaw4175b
That's right, I wrote something fucking different for once. Let me know how shit it is.
Probably as close as it gets to writing clop/smut for me.

>>29270929
I like you.
Take your pants off.

You know, I don't want a pony friend to pet and cuddle. I want a pony house slave to clean my floors and windows.
It would sleep in a dog bed.

>>29270929
I liked it, thought the pacing was good and the interactions were cute.
It's somewhat odd that insulting someone can get you weeks in jail, but assaulting someone and breaking bones (even if "involuntarily") only nets a day in solitary, and that the doctor didn't get any shit for hitting a patient's broken leg (in a world where insulting someone gets you weeks in jail).

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>>29270929

>French Anonymous dude and American Anonymous dude go into bar in Ponyville town
>French Anonymous dude starts shit with local Vietnamese Anonymous guy in Ponyville town.
>American Anonymous dude gives him pointers on how to fight and cheers him on.
>Vietnamese Anonymous guy fucked French dude up
>Mare enjoying what they see and some scare
>Fight lasts for 7 hours
>French Anonymous dude leaves, licking his wounds
>American Anonymous bro calls Vietnamese dude a commiefaggot
>Vietnamese Anonymous dude flicks him the finger
>American Anonymous bro acts as if Vietnamese Anonymous dude threw the first punch
>American Anonymous bro uses his physical prowess to beat the shit out of Vietnamese Anonymous guy
>Vietnamese Anonymous dude has to use unconventional fighting styles
>American Anonymous dude starts fighting dirty as well
>American Anonymous dude sometimes mistakes Laotian dude and Cambodian dude for Vietnamese dude
>Claims they are helping Vietnamese Anonymous dude
>Fight lasts almost 20 whole hours
>Vietnamese Anonymous dude just keeps getting up
>American Anonymous dude's marefriend comes in looking for where the hell her man is
>Sees him fighting with Vietnamese Anonymous
>Calls her man to get his ass back home
>Before leaving the bar in ruins, he flicks everyone the finger. Vietnamese Anonymous guy still standing.
>On their way home American Anonymous bro is high on adrenaline.
>Keeps repeating how he beat up Vietnamese guy and that he won the fight
>His herds at home call him a baby killer for performing weak lifts
>He calls them hippie faggots and probably communist as well
>He reminds himself every morning that he won that fight.
>Tells his children about the epic fight won had against 1 Vietnamese faggot

>>29270904
Ahhhh ahhhh YES!

>>29272353
>"I’m going to get paid a lot of money for this, right?"

>>29272353
>The Protestant Reformation
>The Enlightenment
>The American Revolution
>The French Revolution
>The Industrial Reovlution
>The Russian Revolution
>The Korean Revolution
>The Vietnamese Revolution

Pretty much.

>>29272428
Relax

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>>29272936
Like this?

>>29273579
sure

>The Crystalling
>
>The Heart restored, power surged through the Crystal Palace. Banishing the storms and saving the empire.
>Leaving only colourful aurorae dancing through clear blue skies.
>
>-------Meanwhile in Ponyville the ever Heroic Anon faces his own Adventure---------
>
>You're in the middle of the market place.
>And you're pretty sure your underwear is inside out.
>Does that matter? Should you go home and change?
>All you know is that your gut says maybe.
>
>The Gift of Maud Pie
>
>"Thanks for helping with chores Anon. Big Mac is still showing Marble Pie around Ponyville."
>"Marble Pie?"
>"Yup, we spent last Hearth's Warming with the Pies and Marble decided it was high time she visited us."
>"Don't think I've ever met Pinkie's family, what are they like?"
>"They're good, hardworking ponyfolk. But Marble can be a bit of quiet one."
>"Oh, you mean like Big Mac."
>"Big Mac......"
>Applejack's eyes grow wide.
>"AJ are you ok?"
>Suddenly she sprints away, galloping in the direction of town centre.
>"SHE'S AFTER MAH BROTHER!"
>
>On your Marks
>
>"Big Mac? Why are you buried in a mound of apples?"
>"Crusaders."
>Figures.
>"Ah I see."
>Hang on.
>"Wait a minute they have their cutie marks, shouldn't this sort of thing have stopped by now?"
>"Eynope."
>Hmmm, it may have been a mistake to remove the crusader-proofing from your house so quickly.

>>29273949
>Gauntlet of Fire

>Celestia and Luna can keep an eye on Spike while you go pack.
>You trot through the halls thinking of all the things you might need.
>Parchment, extra quills, Rarity can handle the disguises *clanging noises*
>What was that?
>Following the noise you find Anon trying to get into the armor Princess Luna got him for Hearths Warming
>Are his eyes glowing? It's just like Spike...
>"Anon? Are you alright?"
>Anon doesn't stop trying to get his armor on.
>"I feel the call. There are dragons to slay."
>You can feel your face scrunching up.
>"Oh no you don't, one dragon related mishap is enough for today."
>You pick up Anon with your magic and start moving back to the main hall.
>Maybe Princess Celestia can keep him under control until you get back.

>No Second Prances

>"I can't believe she did that."
>"Uh huh."
>Turns out Celestia doesn't like formal dinner parties.
>"She's been to the gala."
>"Yup"
>You know this because she's been complaining to you about it for the last hour.
>"She knows how much I don't like stuffy, snooty, stiff parties like that."
>"Totally."
>And is showing no sign of stopping.
>"More than one fork Anon! MORE THAN ONE! It's sign of anti-fun!"
>"Oh yeah."
>Twilight and Glimmer will be held to account for making you endure this.

>Newbie Dash

>"Anon wake up. I need your help with something."
>You respond to the unwelcome noise by pulling your blanket over your head.
>"Come on Anon we don't have time for this."
>Hooves bap against your back.
>"Fine. I'm up, I'm up. This better be good Dash."
>"Oh it will be. It will be."
>You don't like the way she said that.
>Or they way she's rubbing her hooves together.
>------30 minutes later------
>For reasons that still elude your tired mind, you're building a ramp on a hill.
>You don't mind the building, you enjoy working with your hands.
>The muttering from Dash about 'crash' and 'awesome' is somewhat off-putting though.

>>29273961
>A Hearths Warming Tale

>The mist faded and Snowfall once again found herself alone in her workroom.
>As she made to stand, joyful music began to play and the door to the room swung open on it's own.
>Through the door she heard a strange voice "Ho Ho Ho Ho, Come in and know me better pony."
>Curious, she did as the voice asked.
>Within the room was a roaring a fire, a great feast and at the head of the table a large, strange being in a green robe, the likes of which she'd never seen before.
>The being let out another jolly laugh. "Come in and know me better pony. Er, did I already say that?"
>"You did yes."
>"I am the Ghost of Christmas Present-"
>"Christmas Present?"
>"That's right. I am the Ghost of Hearths Warming Present" the jolly green giant laughed again.
>"But I've already met the spirit of Hearths Warming Present."
>"That was the Spirit of Giving, she does enjoy a good pun. Did I tell you I am the Ghost of Hearths Warming Present?"
>"You seem a little absent minded spirit."
>"No, I'm a large absent minded spirit Hohohoho. My mind is filled with the here and now. And the now is Hearths Warming!"
>The spirit stood up and the room seemed to fade away in shadow. Then shadows cleared, Snowfall found herself standing in the streets with the spirit.
>https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WlRpGj7LWS4
>---------------
>"Twilight?"
>"If you keep interrupting Spike we'll never finish the story."
>"Sorry Twilight. But were you trying to make the spirit sound like Anon?"
>"I agree with Spike, that was a terrible Anon impression."
>"Starlight!"
>"And Anon totally does not have a good voice for singing."

http://pastebin.com/LsRTPhwb

>>29273972
Whew~

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>>29271318
>not letting your pon sleep with you
This is why nobody will give you your own pon

>latin used to be used in equestria
>some dragons still understand it
>anon is ordered by celestia to meet some dragon ambassadors
>anon, as a joke, mutters "sic semper tyrannis"
>dragon jimmies are rustled

>>29263826
give us prison green, not this shit

>>29275276
Some of us actually like the new story.
Give us both Zew. We're greedy.

>>29275276
Fuck that, prison is for gay cucks.

>>29276135
you would know

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>>29276135
You don't say
Just look at this warden

>>29276691
"A magnet? The hell is your talent supposed to be?"
>"It's because my special talent is being attractive."
"Uh, sure thing there, buddy, but right now your south pole ain't exactly lining up with my north pole."
>"Is that a euphemism for—"
"No. Strictly polarity."
>"Oh. Well what if I turn upside down?"
"Mama always did say never to look a gift horse in the mouth."

>>29274695
You want to have pone hair on everything?
Plus sleepy horse cuddle farts.

>>29277068
But soft muzzles nuzzling gently into the crook of your neck as they lay splayed on your chest with your arms around them

looking for a green that has anon running for life away from violent alicorn heat

>>29277068
See >>29266255

>>29277246
I kind of remember there was a thread bumper or two but that's about it.

>>29271768
Iron Will is writing an apology and the doctor is a doctor, he knows what he is doing.

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>>29271224
Back the fuck off??
He's mine you slut.

>>29278139
Get back in the bedroom slave.
I won't tell you twice.

>Be Anon.
>Many ponies in town have a vore fetish and want you to eat them.
>It's stupid.
>They're stupid.
>And they won't leave you alone.
>"Eat me Anon!"
Go fuck yourself Lyra.
>"But that's all I do! Put me out of my misery by making me a part of you!"
No.
>"Fine."
...
>"..."
...
>"Do you have $3.50?"
>It is then that you notice Lyra is a giant aquatic reptile from the Mesozoic era.
Goddamnit monster, I ain't givin' you no $3.50!

>>29276135
What the fuck, kys.

>>29274819
>not 'Serpentis eunt domus.'

>>29279333
>Not ucksay ymay ickday.

>>29280589
Kek

>>29279333
I was thinking that anon would be saying sic semper tyrannis towards celestia as a joke, thinking nobody would understand, but the dragons believe he just threatened the godess of the sun and got away with it.

>>29281905
Go back to bed, Gadget.

>>29280589
Needs more Dr. Manhattan dialogue from the graphic novel.

>"Behold. New Crunchberries(tm)."
"And what if we don't want to, ya big blue fruit?"
>"You misunderstand. It was not a request."

>>29268706
That's a nice pile of pone

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>>29280589
Still funny

How's things?

>>29284135
Good, have to take the kids to kindergarten and then I will do school work. You?

crosspostan
>>29285139
>Be Anon in Equestria
>Looking for dragons to fuck and princesses to slay
>On the train at the moment because walking a shit.
>Train comes to a station.
>Get off the train.
>We need food cap'n
>On it, Stomach.
>You feel hungry.
>Fuck eating there's things to do.
>You punch yourself in the gut and carry on towards your target.
>The town library.
>You're going to ask there is they know which way the dragons and princesses are.
>It's a big library.
>For you.
>So you look for the librarian.
>You see a bell so you smack that fucker until someone comes.
>It's some purple flappy zappy pony.
"Yo, where the dragons at?"
>"I'd love to talk about dragons, they are fascinating and i have lots of books on the subject."
"Sure homes let's reading rainbow this shit."
>Music begins in the background.
>The ponies begin to break into song.
>And then you see a FUCKING DRAGON.
>You throw the book you are now inexplicably holding at the purple pony.
>She falls down and you step over her towards dat dragon ass.
"Hey there bby lets get sum fuk."
>"I need an adult."
"I am an adult."
>He runs off.
>You follow.
>He locks himself in a panic room.
>You fart in the air vent to force him out.
>Some princesses show up to stop you getting dat dragon booty.
>You slay them.
>Nothing can stand up to your mighty pork sword.
>Dragon mcdragonpants stumbles out of the panic room gagging and coughing.
>You pick up the dragon while it's stunned and carry it off.
>You hide in the broom cupboard with your new dragon waifu.
>You fuck the dragon.
>It's not a waifu.
>That's a penis.
>Oh no.
>You're gay now!
>You fuck your dragon husbando.
>Legendary end.

>>29285385
>>You fart in the air vent to force him out.


A clever tactic once used by Alexander of Macedonia. When he also forced a dragon out of a panic room in order to molest it.

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>>29285385
>>29285528

>>29270929
I like it.
It's nice to see more pony prison stuff.

>>29273972
>>29278808
Amuse.

>>29285590
It had been a while since we had a loch ness monster joke in here. I thought we were due.

>>29270929
Nice, I hope someone make the thread came back again.

>>29286161
Yes?

>>29285549
Such as?

>>29270929
neat

>>29286161
Probably best just to leave Pone Prison in AiE. The thread was a little too starved for content after all.
And AiE could use more too.

>>29288651
woop woop

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>>29288837

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Have a green I wrote when I was busy with homework a month ago

Be Anon
>Be in the office of the Chief getting the scolding of your life
>You were just doing your job man, ponies were doing illegal stuff and it was your job to put a stop to it. …not like, put a stop sign or something like official Derpy does, just… stop them for doing things that are against the law
>The call the Chief Spitfire gave you was clear. “Stop ponies in the 201 apartment in the Creamy Wings Avenue. Quick and clear. You two are the only cops near the avenue, in case things get messy, call for backup. …And bring me a donut while you are at it.”
>You two went as soon as possible to the place where some illegal ponies were doing, well, illegal stuff as you said
>You and your partner, White Shot, had the place secured. It didn’t had an fire emergency exit so the only entrance and exit was covered by you two
>She had her water gun with her in case they were armed. Maybe is some kind of teaser gun but in disguise, you thought, but it was leaking water…
>You were pointing your hand as a gun, as ridiculous as it sounds, ponies don’t see a difference between a real gun and your hand gun
>Boy… the moment you showed the Chief this idea, she almost screamed
>And so we were there, waiting for the best moment to enter
>White Shot was going to enter first, but as the male privilege balls master you were… you decided to enter first
>Or well, kick over the door and enter in the police fashion way of your world
“POLICE! NOBODY MOVE!”
>…It was the dumbest thing you’ve done. The ponies inside were having a stupid tea party, even some fucking stallions were dressed as ladies… creepy bastards
>And you can tell where this leads to. Every pony started to cry and call for their mommies
>…Even your partner cried
>”I don’t want to be in prison! The food there is amazing!”
>”Are we being arrested!?”
>”We didn’t do it we swear!”
>All that crying… is still in your head

>>29290616

>And that’s why you’re at Chief Spitfire’s office with your partner
>Uh, seems like this world has plenty of different world rules, starting for tea parties. Those? Very illegal for some reason, even more if they are private… but you heard in the corridor something about two cops talking about past year “Green tea incident”
>This job can’t get weird enough
>When you got your job with Chief Spitfire, you thought it would be serious. She had the character of a colonel, heck, you think she wouldn’t give you the job… but she did
>Maybe it was because you were one in a million chance to be the first primate police in the history of Manehattan… or Equestria. Since your last job wasn’t the best of choices (street singer isn’t your thing), you gave this a try
>The free donuts and salary is good, but you wonder if you are ever going to catch a criminal and send him to jail… or her, no one knows who could be the next top criminal
>”Anonymous! Did you hear to what I just said?” Chief Spitfire interrupts your thoughts, almost sending you jumping from the chair you were sitting. “Are you day dreaming again? You got issues buddy…”
>Well shit
“Ah, no. I was listening, I was just thinking about the tea party and… police stuff”
>She gives a light ‘hmm’ and taps her hoof on the desk
>”What was I saying then?”
>Great, wonder what punishment you’ll get for not only failing a mission with five ponies crying… including your partner, but not listening to what she said
“You… were talking about how bad is to irrupt to an apartment without knocking the door the normal and steady way and about… how yellow was a bad color…?” You say guessing, wishing that you at least did nail it half way through
>Why you said yellow, you have no fucking clue
>”Exactly” She says while closing her eyes and calming down
>U wot

>>29290622

>”Not only yellow is a /bad/ color.” She then looks down and whispers to herself. “Although it doesn’t look bad in me…” She looks up and raises her voice. “BUT STILL, what you two did was savage, uncontrollable, unrealistic, totally not the police way! Anonymous, what do you have to say?”
>Hell you don’t even know what to say…
>You stare a bit to her flaming yellow and orange mane for a second. Well… if yellow did start a tiny argument, maybe orange can do it too
>Is silly, but you are in horse land so… anything can happen
>And she probably said something about the color yellow looking good on her
“Uhmm… Orange?”
>”Come again?”
>You stay with a stoic expression and stare at Chief Spitfire while crossing your arms
“I said orange”
>Your partner is with her mouth open and Chief Spitfire doesn’t look like she’s approving that… maybe you did fuck up
>”I totally agree with that”
>Or maybe not. What the hell is up with the colors in this world?
>”You two only get a warning, a tiny one. Don’t do that ever again and act civilly to criminals, even they don’t have those manners, do they?”
>Your partner, White Shot looks with a scrunchy face to Chief Spitfire
>”Actually ma’am that-“
>”Don’t answer that!”
>White Shot quickly gets shut up by Chief Spitfire. Maybe some criminals /do/ what you did…. Hopefully, well, you want some action! You just don’t want to irrupt in tea parties and all that stuff… you want a criminal that at least gives you a true challenge
>…Or just get your pay and get along with it

>>29290624

>”You two are dismiss, carry on. Go for some donuts or I don’t know what you two like.” She did a turn in her chair and from one second to other, she changed her chief outfit to an outfit blue and yellow, looks like latex… and aerodynamic. “I’ll be in my second job; those neewbies in the Wonderbolt Academy aren’t going to train themselves!” She winked at you two before bidding farewell
>She took fly… through the ceiling. Well, there was a window up there for some reason; you always wondered why that was there, now you know. Problem is… we are in the first floor of the police station… it has two… how does that even…
>You know what; you aren’t going to ask that
>You stand up from your chair and so does your partner
“So, wanna go for some coffee and donuts?” You ask to your partner
>She eyes you up and then gives you a cheeky smile
>”You are going to pay. After that incident… I need something to make me forget how rude you were with that tea party”
>Aww come on…
>She eats like a monster, you’ll get poor eventually…
>Well… since you have the police cart, you could try something different this time
“How about we eat the donuts at my place? I have my wallet there after all”
>”My mommy always told me to not go with strangers to their home…”
>What stranger? We know each other for an entire week you little cute son of a bitch!
“But-“
>She starts laughing as she gives you a light hit on your shoulder
>”I’m joking, don’t worry. We’ve been as partners in justice for a week and the only time I’ve seen you act like a crazy animal is tonight, I don’t think it’ll happen twice, right?”

>>29290627

>”No seriously, you’re not acting like that again, right? I don’t want another visit to the therapist”
>Damn she sounded all scary of the sudden
>…Also funny how one of the ponies in the tea party was a therapist
>Poor guy had to therapy himself
“Don’t worry; I was just… over acting there. I guess I watched too many cops’ movies…” You scratch the back of your head as you force a tiny laugh. “Well, what do you say if we take this time together as to, I don’t know, talk about stories? Maybe you got something cool to talk with”
>”Who? Me? I’m not that adventurous cop, Anonymous. I prefer the peaceful life of a cop… but I had moments I wish criminals weren’t so… you know… criminals!”
>You two start exiting the police apartment while talking, one or two cops waving goodbye to you two in your way
>You two finally arrive to the police cart. Yes, a cart, you read that correctly. Technology isn’t a pony thing yet, unless you fly as a dragon police, but that’s not the case in Manehattan police sadly
>And of course, the manly alpha ape has to pull the cart
>At this point if there is a police chase in these carts… you’ll pay to see it or be in there
>Well this police cart at least had the colors of a… well, the police car in your world. But it lacks the siren, so your partner or you got to yell “WEEE OOO WEEE OOO” at the air to make everyone notice there is case…
>It was a fun ride when you two were going to the apartment where the tea party was. White Shot siren noises were the best
>Well, except when she accidently caught a bug in her mouth on the way
>The bug was okay tho
>Hopefully
>Wait who you are to care about a bug? You are not a pony
>Somewhere away from here, a changeling frowns


That's all plus some more I added.
Here's the pastebin
http://pastebin.com/juYvFeES
Now I'm out to sleep. Later.

>Be Anon.
>A Greater Demon of the 7th layer of the Abyss.
>You are hiding out in Ponyville in human form because you are tired of destroying things and killing other demons.
>Plus, ponies are your secret fetish.
>You like to pet their soft magical fur and brush their manes and tails.
>This has nothing to do with that mortal warrior that discovered your true name and instructed you to do this.
>No! You are your own demon and if you want to pet ponies then that is WHAT YOU WILL DO!
>"Hey Anon, you caught my house on fire again."
Sorry Derpy.
>"Aww, it's okay. I know you didn't mean to."

>>29290637
Tea party!
Do you want to go to "Boop me in the nosey prison?"

Does anyone remember a story where Anon and Nightmare Moon opens up an adventure cave or something on the moon where ponies can pay to enter and explore and fight and stuff à la Dark Souls, and if they died then they would just be sent back ot the entrance?

>>29293046
Yes.

>>29293615
Did anyone save it to a pastebin? I'd really like to read it again.

>>29293712
I'm not even sure who wrote it, but I'm pretty sure it's binned. Someone will remember.

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It's been two months since I continued The Adventures of Anon Quixote. But, at long last, the tale continues!

>You are Anon Quixote.
>Nothing but the smudged armor on your back and the sword at your side to your name, you've been wandering through what you believe to be the Everfree Forest for two months now.
>Though you'd always bragged about knowing your way through the forest like you know your own gauntlets, that was absolute hogwash.
>You couldn't tell anyone what your gauntlets looked like without having to glance at them.
>In reality, it was pure luck that led you out of the forest in your old patrols.
>So, when an unexpected severe storm—Which, no doubt, was the work of the villainous Enchanter—was whipped up whilst you rode upon the back of Derpy the mailmare through the skies of Ponyville on a quest to smite the Rainbow Mare of legend, the high winds hurling you deep into the forest, you became hopelessly lost.
>Though you had managed to survive the fall one way or another, luck, unfortunately, had not been feeling so gracious these last two months.
>Much like the labors of the great Anoncelot of old, you've been faced with many-a trials and tribulations during your time within the seemingly endless woodland.
>You've had to fight back beasts with your blade, forage for berries in the underbrush, scavenge what meat you could from the prey of predatorial beasts, all while fighting to keep your armor and sword in tip-top shape.
>It didn't help that your food was constantly being thieved by rodents of a size most unusual, creatures that often wound up severely damaging your whole camp.
>On the bright side, said rodents didn't taste so bad, whenever you did manage to put your sword to work against them.
>Really, you found that they tasted rather like chicken.
>Which was strange, because you'd never eaten chicken.

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>>29293886

>So, with food not being nearly as plentiful as you'd like it to be, you find yourself perfectly content as you bite a morsel of rat meat while trudging along through the thick of the forest.
>It is a bit on the burnt side, but burning your food has been quite unavoidable for the past two months.
>Before you got stuck here, you were surviving off of a stockpile of apples that you'd bought en masse, and before that you'd merely dined at whatever restaurant you spotted first in Ponyville, so it wasn't as if you'd ever had to cook your own food until now.
>Your body becomes completely stiff as an all-too familiar voice fills your helmet and dances upon your ears.
>The voice was distant and would have been naught but a whisper to the ears of anyone other than a well-honed knight.
>But, to your ears, the voice was as recognizable as that of a family member, and was met with all the loathing of a Hydra stirred from his thousand-year slumber.
>Who else could that venomous voice belong to but the nefarious Enchanter, whom you had waged unending war upon for years?
>Instinctively, your head turns to the source of the voice and, amidst all of the towering trees and sprawling, tentacle-like vines, you spot the Enchanter, under the guise of an apparently innocent mare by the name of “Twilight Sparkle,” trotting his way through the murk.
>He isn't alone.
>Just a short distance behind is none other than your own steed, Rocinante.
>You'd known from Rocinante herself that she was close to the Enchanter, but that she would so boldly cast away her allegiance to you and join the legions of The Enchanter was entirely beyond you.

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>>29293893

>Your glove-wrapped fist clenches as you listen closely to the conversation held between the two.
>The Enchanter turns his lavender head back to Rocinante as he saunters along.
>“Fluttershy, are you sure that that Anon guy is out here? He's been missing for months, don't you think he'd be able to find his way out by now?”
>Rocinante lightly shakes her head.
>“You don't know Anon. I don't want to be too harsh, because he is friendly enough, but I don't know if he's...”
>She takes a moment to ponder, turning her gaze to the ground, before finally finding the right words.
>“I'm not sure he has the proper skills to make his way out of the forest on his own.”
>A cloud shrouds Rocinante's brow as she sighs heavily, her eyes seeming to find the dirt to be the most interesting stuff the world has to offer.
>“I just hope he's doing alright, Twilight.”
>You cock your brow.
>Could your steed, in spite of her aligning with The Enchanter, still have some loyalty to you?
>Or is The Enchanter merely manipulating her kindness, in order to locate you and smite you once and for all?
>With you in such a weak position; lost, hungry, and carrying nothing but a now-dulled sword, you would hardly be any match for his magical potency.
>And no one but Rocinante and your squire would ever know or suspect anything about your death.
>No one left to oppose his dictatorial might.
>The helmet on your head suddenly feels so much more heavy as you consider The Enchanter going uncontested as he wreaks terror across all of the land.

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>>29293904

>The Enchanter or, shall you say, 'Twilight,' places a comforting hoof on Rocinante's shoulder, offering a small smile.
>“I'm sure he'll be okay, Fluttershy. You said he had a sword and some armor, right? He should be able to defend himself just fine, so long as he knows how to use that sword.”
>“That's just it, Twilight, I'm not sure he does. The only time he's ever used it was that time he stabbed a windmill.”
>A look of perplexity takes shape on The Enchanter's snout, his brow furrowing.
>Becoming inquisitive, he cocks his head lightly to the side.
>“Why would he want to stab a windmill?”
>“I'm pretty sure he thought it was a dragon, or a giant, or something.”
>Rocinante shrugs.
>“It was a weird day, Twilight.”
>Still utterly dumbfounded, The Enchanter isn't done asking questions.
>No doubt with the goal in mind of finding out your recent heroic activities.
>“Has he exhibited any...other strange mannerisms?”
>“Well, he does insist that I stay silent at all times. Because, apparently, I'm a 'steed.' I don't know what that is, but I don't know if I like being one. He always rides on me, and, with all that armor he's always wearing, it really hurts my back.”
>“Needless to say, I think we might need to get him a therapist. But-”
>The Enchanter interrupted himself as his villainous gaze turned skyward, looking to the sky through the gap in the forest's canopy.
>“But for now, we should probably get going. It's almost sundown, and we can keep searching tomorrow. We probably shouldn't be alone in the forest with a delusional, sword-swinging maniac.”
>Having said this, the two of them started back on their path through the forest, beginning to fade from your sight.
>Just before they completely leave your vision, you can make out the words of Rocinante, albeit only barely.
>“I wouldn't call him a 'maniac,' just a bit...confused.”

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>>29293922

>Your mouth curls into a disgusted sneer.
>That The Enchanter would dare suggest you visit a “therapist!”
>No, it is all but obvious that he intends not to make your mind well—As if it weren't already well-tuned—but that he desires to strike you down behind closed doors.
>Either that, or work his sinister brainwashing magic on you, thus making you little more than a slave to his will.
>The only one that would dare stand against The Enchanter would be gone, in one fell swoop, and the land would inevitably fall into chaos.
>And all because a purple mare named “Twilight Sparkle,” would deem you in need of a therapist.
>Fortunately, there is not a therapist in all of the land that could ever hope to damage the mind or body of Anon Quixote, Man of Equestria!
>Suddenly, you are pulled from your ponderings as a smell most repulsive seems to fill your nose to its very brim.
>Like a thousand dead creatures of all shapes and sizes, the slightest touch of the scent upon your nose causes every inch of your face to grimace dreadfully.
>Whirling around to face the smell's source, whatever it may be, your very heart sinks to the depths of your torso.
>Before you is a gigantic Wyrm, gnashing its fangs and drooling its likely toxic, or even acidic, saliva onto the grass below.
>Most of the fiend's length is hidden by the forest around it, but it must be at least forty-two feet in length.
>Were you in a better shape—Or far less wise—you would have been inclined to draw your sword and face the demon-spawn head-on.
>But, savoring the air that flows through your lungs, you turn to run as the creature rears up its ugly head and bears its terrible teeth.

>>29293934

>The run proves most difficult, as you leap over collapsed trees, nearly trip over various meaty roots, and shove aside the vines and bushes obscuring your way.
>All the while, you daren't turn to look at your pursuer, as you can hear its hulking mass slithering along effortlessly, its forked tongue hissing sharply.
>You're dashing as fast as your armored legs are able to carry you, but the Wyrm's screeches, and its horrible jaws, grow closer to you with every passing moment.
>Just as hope seems to wane, you glimpse a sight that you didn't think you'd lay eyes on any sooner than you'd dine with your ancestor Anoncelot.
>A distance ahead of you is gleaming sunlight, shining in through the edge of the forest.
>You grin from ear to ear, as your saving grace appears before your eyes.
>So overwhelmed with joy, you come very close to slamming face-first into a tree limb hanging from above, but come to your senses and duck just in time.
>As you begin to near the edge of the woods, it comes to your attention that the trees are exceptionally tightly-packed here.
>On top of that, a slew of branches and and brush are overtaking the space that would lead you out into the plains just outside of Ponyville.
>Turning yourself sideways hastily, you push past all that blocks your path, squeezing your way through.
>Just as you step out into the light of day and out of the woods, and tree branch catches your helmet and thieves it from your head, but you pay it no mind and continue running across the green, grassy fields.
>Eventually, you turn back towards the Everfree Forest, where you make out the shape of the Wyrm, struggling to force its way past the tree line.
>Its roars of disappointment at having lost its prey soar through the air, and bring a smile to your face.

>>29293943

>The Wyrm, groaning lowly, disappears from view as it ultimately gives up, slithering back into the Everfree Forest's dark depths.
>Overjoyed, you throw your arms into the air, laughing triumphantly.
“No mere worm can slay me, Enchanter! It will take a monster far greater to put down Anon Quixote, Man of Equestria!”
>For some time, you simply stand firmly rooted in your spot, gloating.
>Not only have you escaped the literal jaws of death, you have returned to Ponyville, which sits just on the horizon, the last rays of day lighting it up.
>You have returned home, to bring justice to the land.
>To devour the rainbow mare.
>To pass down the ways of chivalry to your squire.
>To put an end to The Enchanter's misdeeds, once and for all.

And that's all, for now. Everything that's been written so far can be read here: http://pastebin.com/rUbi9T95

>>29293962
Neat.

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>>29293962

>>29293962
Nice, continue.

>>29293962
noice, keep it up

Horse pussy.

>>29293962
I've been waiting for this. Welcome back with one of my favorite greens

crosspostan:
>Pony movement is by movement of gas between bladders instead of by muscles.
>They are basically very complicated balloons
>When Anon starts farting after taco night all his friends freak out and think he's going to die

>Be Maple Dayple in Ponyville.
>At your alien friend's house.
>You are watching the humans from his homeland on his scrying pane.
>They are all shooting at each other with funny little machines.
>It's all very fun to watch.
>Prrrrrphhhhhrlrp
>Now they're in metal carriages with cannons on the top.
>The humans are shouting about something.
>Some of them are covered in red fluid.
>Neat, that one's head exploded!
>Frrrrphlrppp
>What's that noise?
>You look around to see what it could be.
>After a little while you hear another one of these weird noises.
>It's coming from Anon.
>IT'S COMING FROM ANON!
>OH SHIT ZIGGER HE'S SPRUNG A LEAK!
"ANON! WE'VE GOT TO GET YOU TO THE HORSEPITAL!"
>You pick him up and carry him outside.
"SOMEPONY HELP! ANON'S SPRUNG A LEAK!"
>Prrrrprprplrp
>The nearby ponies rush over to help you
>"Let me closer, I know CPR!"
>Colgate, being a doctor, knows Cell Pressure Restoration and fortunately is nearby
>She comes over and pulls down those weird clothes Anon always wears
>He's shouting something but you don't have time to listen to him right now
>You've got to save his life.
>Colgate takes a big breath and then blows into the hole.
>As she does this you and several other ponies are hauling him towards to horsepital.
>Gas keeps coming back out but Colgate isn't going to give up on a patient in need.
"Don't worry Anon, we're almost there. Just try not to fall asleep."
>You soon arrive at the doors to the Ponyville Horsepital.
>Bursting through the doors you finally get him to the nurses inside.
>Your friend is quickly put on a stretcher and taken to the emergency ward.
>All you can do now is wait and hope for the best.

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>>29297619

>>29290627
>What stranger? We know each other for an entire week you little cute son of a bitch!
Kek

>>29293962
>2 months
Damm son, you're good.

>>29298766
Better than me

Right I'm posting my version of this joke.
>>29278808
>"Well aren't you fillys just cute as the dickens."
>"You're Anon and Femanon?"
>"Yes. All our lives."
>"Say would you fillys like to hear about the time we met Fluttershy"
>"Not really..."
>"Oh must have been about 7 or 8 days ago, me and Femanon were out on this boat you see. All alone at night. When all of a sudden this cute creature, this yellow pegasus from ponyville comes out of the water."
>"It was so cute, lord have mercy I jumped up in the boat and I said 'Anon who is that cute pony!'"
>"It hovered above us looking down with these big cute eyes."
>"Oh it was so adorable."
>"And I yelled, I said 'What do you want from us pegasus!' and the pony flew down and said 'I need the HMD.'"
>"What's HMD?"
>"Hot Monkey Dick"
>"HMD"
>"She wanted to snuggle?"
>"That's right, I said 'I ain't giving you no dickings Fluttershy, go find yourself a damn stallion!'"
>"I gave her the HMV"
>"She gives her the HMV"
>"I thought she'd go away if I gave her the HMV"
>"Well of course she's not gonna go away Femanon, you 69 with her once she's gonna assume you'll do it again."

>>29299150
>------------------
>"And that was the third time we saw a horny Fluttershy"
>"Then one time, I believe it was Hearths Warming."
>"Nightmare Night."
>"Nightmare Night, there's a knock on the door. I open it and there's this cute little filly."
>"She was so adorable with her little bow and all"
>"And she said to me 'How would you like to buy some cookies?' and I said 'Well what kind do you have?'"
>"She had thin mints, grain crunchy things."
>"Raisin Oatmeal."
>"Raisin Oatmeal. And I said 'We'll take a grain crunch, how much will that be' and she looked at me and she said 'I need one HMD'"
>"H. M. D."
>"Well it was about that time I noticed this filly was a 4 foot tall yellow pegasus from ponyville."
>"A horny Fluttershy"
>"I said 'Damn it Fluttershy, get off my lawn. I ain't givin you no hot monkey dick.'"
>"She said 'How about I just lick your testicles?'"
>"I said 'Oh now it's just testicles? Got a new fetish or something?'"
>"Sweet Luna, they was angry"
>"Damn right I was angry"
>"Not you, Fluttershy, she was about to kick yo ass"
>"Ah shut your mouth FemAnon"
>"Look, will you just tell Twilight we were here?"
>"Sure, that crazy horny Fluttershy."

>>29290637
Aye. Good to see ya back

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>>29299738

>>29299279
I'll be entire back when I get to write stories at least 1k daily man

>>29299738

>>29299865
Seems legit

>>29299162
I keked at these

>>29299121
Show us what you got!

>>29297619
Twilight's guilty pleasure is delibarately puncturing one of her gas bladders, then using magic to heal it, because she likes the sound.
Twilight is a gassy pony
I'm sorry

>You're Anon
>You're watching TV in your modest house located in Pilar
>Your friend Enigma sits in the couch with you, enjoying the latest episode of "Caso Cerrado - Sin Censura" while drinking soda
>The annoying jingle, "Lunes 23, quedate en Telefe..." starts playing
"Where the hell is that remote?"
>You find the remote under your arse
>No batteries
>"Don't you have any batteries around the house?"
>You go to your bedroom to see if you can find any
>You find something that might as well replace the two AA batteries
"Hey Enigma, do you think this would work?"
>"Eh, Anon, that's plutonium and it's quite radioactive"
"Well, in that case it should replace the AA batteries just fine”
>You use a hammer to insert the glowing plutonium bar inside the battery compartment
>Your friend covers his face with a Paparazzi magazine, just in case
>You test it changing the channels
>10/10 job
>TV goes to channel 13 but also starts showing a bright green glow
>"Eh, Anon, I don't think that's supposed to happen"
"Look at that colour!"
>You get closer and touch the glow, immediately feeling a comfortable warmth
>You put your hand closer to the screen, and you see your fingers vanish
>”WOW!” you say at the same time
>The warmth feels so nice… you feel compelled to put your hands even deeper in the screen
>However you end up being sucked by the screen while Enigma gets shocked without knowing to do
>”A-Anon!! For fuck’s sake!!”
>Enigma thinks about what to do
>”Damn… Fuck you, Anon, I’ll miss Moses and the Ten Commandments because of you”
>Enigma jumps into the TV screen
>You both end in a dark closet
“What the FUCK was that???”
>”You’re asking ME, Anon??! It was you who decided to jump into a radioactive TV set”
“I was sucked by it”
>”Yes, because you decided using bloody plutonium on a remote was a good i—“
“Sshh, I’m hearing something”
>You both shut up and put your ears closer to the door