Nutritious Dinner Thread

>>29192691

What the fuck is the point of having a waifu if she doesn't cook for you

>>29192904
waifus dont cook, you have to cook for your waifu
sorry you didn't get the rule

>>29192911

That's fucking retarded then I'll just get a maid I can fuck

>>29192904
>>29192919
You clearly don't understand what a waifu is and what it means to have one. You're a disgrace, fuck off back to whatever normalfag hellhole you crawled out from. Casual scum.

>Twilight takes a long, deep sniff of the air. "I don't know what you're doing over there, but it smells absolutely amazing."
>You continue stirring. "Just wait 'till you taste it."
>Olive oil and fresh garlic is easy to get here. You'd been afraid that anchovies might be hard to find, but ponies were fucknuts for their flavor enhancers and they actually ate fish if not meat
>Go figure.
>The timer goes off, but the smell the little pot was giving off tells you all you need to know. You take it off the fire and pour it up into the little fondue pot, which you set into the middle of a huge platter of assorted veggies and sliced bread.
>Elegantly sliced summer squash, broccoli and cauliflower, lightly cooked asparagus spears, sliced beets, cardoons and celery, a dozen others, and four kinds of crusty, savory bread, cut into wedges and cubes.
>And what the hell, some nice pungent cheese and water-crackers on the side, because fuck, why not?
>You carry the huge platter over the table and put it carefully down. You put a couple of fondue forks down. "Careful, it's hot."
>She looks over the selection. "Oh Luna," she says, biting her lip. "What IS this?"
>You sit down and grab a fork. "Bagna cauda," you say. "You dip the veggies in it with the fork, and you eat 'em. Hold the bread under it to catch the drips and then eat the bread. Lather, rinse, repeat until stuffed."

>>29193142
>She takes a fork in her magic, spears a broccoli floret with it, and dips it. Holding it over a chunk of bread, she cautiously inserts it into her mouth and chews slowly. Her eyes widen. "Oh...my..." she breathes. She spears another, dips it and eagerly inhales it."How did I not know about this?"
>You smile, munching on a piece of crusty bread, soaked in the dip. "It was a New Years tradition on my world. It's not exactly New Years, but it seemed like it might be nice to resurrect the tradition. And share it with you"
>It's rich and savory, and you find yourself transported back to happy memories with your family, before...
>You chase the memory away. That was then, this is now, and you're sitting here at a table with your friend and waifu, eating savory hot anchovy and garlic dip, and that's all that matters.
>She chews a piece of the soaked bread slowly, making soft noises of appreciation and finally swallows. "My breath is going to smell like garlic for a week," she giggles. "Unless...well, I probably have a spell for that somewhere. I think I saw it. Starswirl really liked his Maretalian..."
>You smile and toast her. "That's my Purple Smart," you chuckle.
>Everything goes better than expected.

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>>29192691
I have a favorite meal but I don't cook.

I live off of anything I can put between 2 pieces of bread, microwave, or add milk to.

Rare steak on top of salted fusili with Bocconcini

Im not sure but i'd doubt they'd be ecstatic

>What's this stuff?
Oh it's .. oats, and spices ... and stuff.
>What's the white stuff
Tatties
>What's tatties, precious?
Po-ta-toes, mash em, boil em stick em in a stew

>>29193163
Ah, you sound like another regular from /ck/

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>Cajun vegetarian gumbo, loaded with cayenne
>Rainbow Dash

Is this going to be epic or not?

>>29193583

Are there neeps? Because I feel like there should be neeps here.

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>>29193639
Naturally, I'm no heathen.

>>29193670

Good lad. Or lass.

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>Anon serves Celestia haggis.
>What has been seen cannot be unseen

>>29192904
>>29192919
>not wanting to cook your waifu's favorite food for her

get out, you gay faggot

>trixie
>whatever I decided to throw together last month that I've been mindlessly recooking as I run out

still get laid because it's pretty good and she's homeless so hot meal is king

>>29193891
Just do what previous Anon did, just don't mention specifics.

>>29193912

>"Just what IS it you're trying to serve the Great and Powerful Trixie?"
>More like the Flat Broke, Weeks Unwashed and Homeless Trixie. You'd made her take a pre-bath in a bucket before letting her in your house for a proper shower, because she smelled like a horse. An actual horse. One that had taken a roll in a plate of cheese before fighting a skunk and losing.
>You'd heated the water in the buckets, provided soap, shampoo and hot, clean towels. >She'd still bitched and whined, even after you let her in and showed her to your shower.
>You can actually HEAR the capital letters at the beginning of the words. You roll your eyes and scowl. Her ribs are visible, and her face is clearly much gaunter than it should be--she's not in a position to refuse ANY food at this point, and surely she knows it.
>"Stew. Eat it or don't." The covered cooker sits in a corner, on top of the magical heating-stone. It stayed at a low simmer, and it had for a couple of months.
>You'd started with a basic bone-broth, way back when, but you'd added handfuls of whatever veggies, beans, meats and grains you bought, traded for or found on hand periodically, and top it off with water and occasionally wine or cider, with pepper, salt, onions, garlic and herbs like rosemary.
>The result is a thick concoction that looks absolutely disgusting, but generally actually tastes pretty good, and it actually seems to be getting better with time. You occasionally cook some potatoes, or rice or polenta and top it with it, or you just eat it with a hunk of bread.
>You are't dead yet, at any rate. It suits you, because you're probably the single laziest cook ever born.
>At this point, it's mostly veggies and grains, so it shouldn't pose any problems to a pony, and there was plenty for seconds or even thirds and fourths if she wanted. If.

>>29194306
>Trixie looks at it with an expression of utter disgust. "Trixie would prefer something more acceptable, and less...glutinous. This looks like vomit."
>"Sorry, that's all I've got." That isn't true, but you're not going to cook up something special for her--not as long as she's going to be this snotty about it. Besides, lazy.
>You make a point of slamming a spoon into yours, with only slightly less force than it would take to shatter the bowl and take a huge bite of it. You think it could use some sausage, but it's kind of tasty and filling, even. her face wrinkles in disgust.
>"If you don't want it, give it over. I'll eat it."
>"NO!" she snaps, her face momentarily panicked before it settles into her customary haughty scowl. "You gave it to Trixie, and Trixie, who has sampled the finest viands of all the finest eatiers of Canterlot and delicacies of lands far beyond the edges of Equestria, will--magnanimously--accept your charity."
>"Whatevs, Third-Person. Eat," you grunt, dipping a chunk of crunchy corn bread into the stew and munching it.
>A part of you absently observes that she might actually be attractive, if you weren't so annoyed right now.
>Trying to hide her revulsion--and failing miserably--she carefully spoons up a tiny portion of the stew, and--struggling not to breathe--she moves it toward her mouth. She sits there, staring at the spoon, visibly trying to force herself to put it into her mouth.

>>29194314
>She pauses. "The Great and Powerful Trixie does this for YOUR sake, you know," she says. "So that you don't find your self-esteem bruised too bad--"
>Before she can say anything else, one of your work-roughened hands shoots out and granbs the spoon, while the other grabs her muzzle (you pull your strength at the last second to avoid hurting her). Her eyes widen in shock and indignation.
>Without missing a beat, you shove the spoon into the former showmare's mouth and clamp her muzzle shut, pulling the now empty spoon out as you do. She squeaks in protest and indignation, and tries to pull away, but you hold her as gently as you can.
>Her mouth moves once, twice, and she finally, reluctantly swallows.
>You gently take your hands away. She stands there, her eyes wide in a look of enraged indignation that very, very slowly gives way to a look of wonder.
>"Sorry," you say. You're really not, but you think you can afford to try to be diplomatic at this point. Just a little. "But you need the food, and this is what I've got."
>She looks at you, looks back at the bowl, an expression of rage and indignation warring with surprise and raw bone-deep hunger. Her stomach doesn't merely growl, it SNARLS, long and loud.
>And finally, hunger wins. *Told you, little horse,* you think smugly. She spoons up another bite, clearly trying to salvage whatever dignity she can, and swallows it. But dignity rapidly loses to hunger, and by the time she's got a quarter of the bowl down, she's actively wolfing it as fast as she can shovel it into her mouth.
>You wonder if it's a good idea to let her eat this fast, but you're not a nurse and besides, you're not going to get between this starving mare and the first decent meal she's eaten in weeks, no doubt. You value your hide far, far too much for that.

>>29194458
>But she manages to get most of the bowl down, along with the hunk of cornbread you gave her and the rest of yours. In a very few minutes she's finished and the bowl is clean.
>"The great and powerful Trixie is--is--umm...more? Please?" she says, holding her bowl out to you. "PLEASE?"
>"Sure, but...why don't we give it just a few min...utes..." your own bowl, still more than half-full, is surrounded by the sparkling glow of her magic and moving across the table towards her at speed along with the plate of cornbread. You consider fighting her for it, but you decide cowardice is the better part of valor and simply go get a fresh bowl of your perpetual stew for yourself. "Just pace yourself, okay?"
>She grunts something in reply (it sounds suspiciously like "Uck oo") wolfing her food down as fast as she can, and a third bowl besides. You wonder where she's putting it at this point.
>"See? told ya," you say, after the sounds of frantic chewing and swallowing finally die down. You take the empty bowls over to the sink and begin washing.
>Instead of the expected snarky reply, all you hear are snores. You turn around to see she's face-down in the empty corn bread platter, her eyes closed and her mouth open, dead to the world.

>>29194469
>You sigh, and carefully pick up the ex-showmare, but her head simply lolls. You wonder how long it's been since she had a proper sleep in a warm bed. You carefully carry her to the couch and cover Trixie up with a spare quilt.
>Relaxed in sleep, she actually looks adorable, her face relaxed and contented for the first time in probably many months. You find your heart warming just a bit towards her--
>Still sound asleep, her mouth gapes open, and she emits the loudest, longest, most odiferous belch you've ever seen, heard of, or even imagined coming from the innards of a living organism. It goes on and on and on, seemingly forever, and the room fills with the scent of half-digested stew, corn bread and butter.
>Yeek.
>Then she mutters something that sounds like, "Fuckin'...sparkle...burn you, burn you all..."
>She giggles in her sleep.
>You sigh and hit the light, and leave her to whatever dreams are crawling through her head. You'll figure out what to do about her tomorrow. After you've had some rest.

Rarity gets escargot with truffled potatoes and a little gold dust, because if I tried to serve her my usual meal of Tuna Helper, she's probably going to vomit.

>>29193891

>"I give you a great delicacy from my homeland," you say. "HAGGIS!"
>Celestia and Luna stare at the...thing on the banquet table in front of them. "My, Ambassador," says Celestia. "It's certainly...diffferent."
>You'd made it according to your family recipe, with the help of the Griffon chefs who were still snickering about the whole thing,
>Really, you can't stand the stuff, but you've got a bet going with Gareth Silverwing the Griffon ambassador that you can get them to eat it. You're going to win it if it kills you.
>Luna reaches a hoof out and pokes it. The outer casing breaks and releases a gout of noxious steam with a vile flatulent noise.
>Startled, the two diarchs hide most of their bodies under the table, peeking over the edge of the table with wide eyes are the horrible thing.
>"It is considered a great honor to be served this dish, back on my world," you say. "A great honor indeed."
>Luna speaks. "So this...haggard--"
>"Haggis," you correct."
>"--thing...it IS vegetarian, yes?"
"Completely," you say. Butter wouldn't melt in your mouth.
>Celestia is turning several pale shades of delicate green, but she visibly steels herself. She sits up straight, and reaches out to grab the huge bottle of brown whiskey beside the platter.
>She upends it and begins chugging it. Both you and Luna watch along with the kitchen staff, fascinated.
>Glug...glug...glug..
>it's amazing. She puts the whole thing down, gestures for another, and in the space of a minute, she's drank two more. With an unsteady hoof she tosses the last bottle aside and it shatters on the floor
>"Gimme a plate," she slurrs out, her face flushed and her eyes dilated. "Letsh do thish thing an' get it done"
>her eyes hopeless with inescapable panic Luna looks over at the waitstaff. "I'll have the same," she mutters. "And two more besides" >Grimly she regards the great round monstrosity you're carving into thick slices
>"I guess we're really going to do this"

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>>29192691
>favorite meal
>minalesa
how do i explain her that i eat cow meat?

>>29192691
dunno about my favorite meal but I had peposo recently and I enjoyed that so I'll make that I guess. Probably went well, hard to fuck it up. If I had booze to go on the side then I think it would be a winner. I just hope ponies eat meat.

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>>29195871

It's possible at least one won't mind...

>>29192691
Even if she gets around the fact that it has meat in it, the spices in it would ravage her poor ponout

>>29192691
But how do I serve my favorite pony to herself? How does that work?

>>29193142
>>29193147
This is cute

>>29192691
I want to slam her head into that blow and then rape her.

>>29195142

needing to see a continuation of this.

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It won't be the meal that sends me home.

>>29196522
I don't see any cocaine in that picture, Anon.

>>29192691
I want to eat off her plot.

>>29194479
This entire thing was completely adorable in the tsundere way that trixie must be.

>>29192691
I want some noodles now.

>>29200549
Trixie is ALWAYS adorable

>>29192691

>Rainbow Rolls
>Rainbow Dash.

If ponies are at least pescetarians, I think I'm good, especially if I fib a bit and tell her I invented it as homage to her mane.

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>>29196522

>I want to slam her head into that blow and then rape her.

Funnily enough, Diamond Tiara might actually be down with that.

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>>29192691

Everything went better than expected.

>>29203520
Why is you're waifu eating a bowl of freedom fries? You don't eat freedom fries out of a bowl, and you most certainly don't use a fork.

>>29203520

D'AWWWWW

>>29192691
I garuntee I couldn't get a single pony in Equestria to eat my favorite meal, since it's a rib eye.
More for me

>>29203959

>>29203520
>Apple Jews
This shouldn't make me laugh but it does.

>>29192691

Savin' from 10

What if your waifu tried to cook for YOU?

>Rainbow Dash smiles sheepishly. "I heard you liked Marexican, so, I , uh...I sort of cooked your dinner," she says to you.
>She looks hopeful. Your heart melts, until you look back at the pan. "It looks absolutely awesome, Dashie!" you say, struggling to put a pleased, happy look on your face.
>You'd smelled it long before you'd even entered your house--you'd wondered where the smell of swamp gas and burning tires was coming from, since Equestrians didn't have vulcanized rubber.
>OR landfills in swamps filled with burning tires.
>You survey the mass of...stuff on the platter in front of you. It's brown, it's sizzling, and looks about as edible as asbestos ceiling tile, and about half as tasty.
>And there's a lot of it. And you're not sure, but you think some of it moved--oh, wait, no, it didn't, it's just that the spatula there is slowly dissolving.
>You thought that only happened in bad sitcoms. This is terrifying, and you're terrified.
>She's looking so, so very hopeful. "It's awesome!" you say again, hiding your fear with the greatest Will save of your life.
>Damned if you're going to hurt your waifu's feelings here, considering she's actually the first and only partner who's ever actually cooked for you.
>Or at least tried. "So, uh...what is it?"
>"Isn't it obvious?" she says,. "I made you some cheese enchiladas! You said you liked Marexican, right?"
>She looks back at the platter. "It, uh...got away from me. Just a little. And I had to, uh...substitute a few things. Since you were out of some of the basic ingredients..."
>You hug her and kiss her cheek. *God be with me,* you think. " Thank you so much Dashie," you say, putting on a big smile, and hoping it looks genuine. "Let's light this candle together, okay?"
>You dish up a generous (oh god, the SMELL) of the stuff, and help her plate, and sit down to (urrgh) sample her efforts.

>>29206739

>You gingerly cut into it with a fork as she watches. This takes you several seconds longer than it should, and you're pretty sure that you've never seen a corn tortilla with the texture of a rubber gasket before.
>You finally manage to saw through it, and something inside of it goes POP when you do, blowing brownish glop halfway across the table, startling you both.
>She laughs nervously. "I--yeah, Rarity said you sometimes just use the recipe for a guideline, so I sort of...used some eggs. because they go with cheese, y'know?"
>the eggs that you had been meaning to throw out for a month, because they had not only gone off, they were ready to start grazing on the lettuce. Which explains the amazing stink you're getting now. "Interesting," you say
>You finally nerve yourself up to take a bite. >And chew. And chew. And chew. It's crunchy, sour, chewy and slimy in all the wrong ways.
>Interesting, you've never had eggs with the shells before.
>"I sort of used peanut butter for the sauce. Like in Neighponese peanut noodles. You know, fusion cuisine?"
>you finally manage to get the wretched thing down, trying desperately not to gag at the taste. "It's uh...delicious," you say.
>Across from you, she's just about to bite into her own forkful of misery, and you want to stop her, but you're not sure how to do it without completely wrecking her feelings.
>Helplessly, you watch as she sticks it in her mouth, and chew thoughtfully. And her chewing slows after a few seconds.
>She spits her bite out into her napkin and rubs at her tongue with a hoof before draining her glass of hard cider
>You stare at each other for a little while. "This stuff really, really sucks, doesn't it?" she finally says
>You nod helplessly
>"And you were just gonna eat it?"
>Again, you nod. She looks...happy, sad, and absolutely, totally adoring at the same time. You're not sure how that's even possible
>"You're really dumb, you know that, Anon?" she says

>>29206811

>You shrug. "What can I say?" you say. "You're totally awesome, even if this...well, wasn't."
>She bites her lip and blushes. "Damn, I'm turning into a big mushball over here, you big lug," she says, her voice with a softer edge than you've ever heard. "You're a bad influence on me, you know that? Everyone's going to think I've gone soft."
>You grin. "How about we forget the enchiladas and order pizza? Then chill out with a movie?"
>She grins and you chuck your plates into the trash before embracing each other.
>Later, watching something mindless and violent with your warm, sleeping waifu curled against your side, you can almost fool yourself into believing that the scratching noises coming from the kitchen garbage bin are just the wind, or maybe a mouse
>Almost.

>>29203686

But...what if those freedom fries are covered with cheese curds and delicious gravies?

>>29206951
That sounds like Commie talk to me

>>29206994

It is. Tasty, tasty communism, comrade.

>>29207074

>>29206847
Dis was cute mang

bump with love

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>>29205438