Equestian Invasion: "Rasputin" Edition

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>>29161728

Another week, another Eq.I thread.

So, how have you muchachos been?
I've been working on the technicals for a small budget cluster computer. I'm planning on building it as soon as i can get my hands on ~5 the Raspberry Pi Zero's.
Plus, i'm investigating another screen. I'm still weighting the pros and cons on this one, because if i get caught, i could be in some deep shit. Let's just say that isn't just any normal factory you see in the picture.
And if i go for this one, I'm going to need some pro advice on how to jump a barbed wire fence.
Dapper, how the fuck do i jump a barbed wire fence?

>>29161742

>You'd get them too a hostel or some shit, but that didn't work out too well last time you tried.
>Plus, you assume the lardos know you will be looking for a new place to stay.
>Any normal residence is out of the question.
>You don't exactly know anybody you can bring this kind of trouble to.
>Come on, somebody who's willing to help those in need..
>Your eyes happen to fall upon a "FICTION" bumper sticker.
>Eureka!
>Catholics!
>The old Nun Monastary in town to be precise.
>You have a suspicion that the girls won't be too keen on the idea if they knew what a monastery was, but you don't exactly have a whole lot of options.
>Not to mention it is without the shadow of a doubt the very last place your pursuers would ever look.
>The only con you can think of is.. well, you can't stay there with them.
>Maybe you can play the "Did you just assume my gender?" card.
>Nah, you'll just have to come up with something later.
>"I thinki know where you'll stay"
>TS: "Really?! where?"
>R: "PlseaseSayHotelPlseaseSayHotel"
"A Monastary"
>TS: "That's perfect! Wait, a what now?"
"Basically a place for divine worship. You may think what you like about their beliefs, but they're good people, and won't turn their cheek on 6 girls in need"
>TS: "oh, like a sun temple back in Equestria?"
"Something along those lines, yeah"
>RD: "Wait, you're making it sound like.. you're not coming with us?"
"That's the thing, they only allow girls inside. I'll have to come up with something else, but at least you'll be safe for the time being"
>RD: "What?! No way, I'm going with you!"

>>29161751

"Dammit Rainbow, we don't have a whole lot of options right now. I won't be far off."
>AJ: "I-if you think it's for the best, Anon.."
>You step on the gas, and in 10 nagging-filled minutes minutes, you're at the old Monastery.
>As you park, you can see a handful of ladies walking around in the green garden, dressed in black and white. Most seems to at least be in their 60's.
>TS: "Hey, this doesn't look too bad. Just look at the amazing architecture!"
>FS: "A-and the beautiful garden!"
>R: "I do admit, it does look quite apealing"
>PP: "Ooh! There's trees to climb in!"
"Alright, first lesson in nunnery, you must keep your voices down. All the time."
>PP: "Ooooh,like on one of those boooring fancy parties in Canterlot?"
"Yeah, just like that. And for the love of god, be respectful to all their customs."
>RD: "Yeah yeah,let's just go already"
"ALL of their customs, Rainbow. This might be the very last place i can just conjure up for you to stay in. Alright?"
>RD: "Fine.."
"Alright, let's go"
>S: "Hey arn't you forgetting about someone?"
>L: "yeah!"
>Crap, those two
"Oh uuh, can you see if you can manage to fit inside that sport bag that had all the clothes?"
>L: "ooh i don't know, it'll be awfully tight.."
>She's giving Spike the bedroom eyes again.
>And Spike's sweating. again.
"Just do it already"
>After a few minutes of Pony/Dog Tetris, both fit into the bag.
>Just as you're about to exit the car, you remember another little but ever so crucial detail.
"Oh and another thing. Not one word about magic around these people."
>TS: "Uh any particular reason?"
https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/2/2e/Witch_Burning.jpg
"Let's just say that magic has been looked down upon"
>TS: "Well, if you say so, Anon. But you're going to have to explain all of these strange unwritten rules at some point"
>you all exit the car and aproach a nun standing at the Monastery gate.
>She stops you before you set foot on the property.
>???: "Can i help you?"

>>29161760

"It's a long story, but the short verision is that these girls have nowhere to go. Would you find it in your heart to let them stay here?"
>???: "That's.. quite a request.."
"Please, if you can't help these poor girls, we can't do more than hope it won't rain tonight"
>You try to sound as helpless as possible.
>The nun takes a look at them.
>???: "Well, bring them inside, and we'll see what we can do"
>She opens the steel gate, and gestures for the girls to enter.
>They look at you, and yo signals to them go on.
>Rainbow suddenly throws herself around you
>RD: "you better take us out every day. I can already tell i'm going to hate it here"
"Not gonna lie, you probably will. But it's just for a while."
>The nun coughs to get your attention.
>???: "Are you two.. betrothed?"
>Another bellrings in your head
"No! No, She's my uuh.. my sister!"
>RD: "Wha-?!"
>You giver her another hug before she can object any further.
"Once again, long story. But they might have a say about you and i, you know.. being an item" you whister, before letting go.
>RD: "You're so weird sometimes.."
>She sneakes you a peck on the cheek before turning around, and enters the Monastery.
>The girls wave you goodbye, and you do the same, before the nun hoardes them towards the mighty stone building.
>It feels strange to be separated from them like this.. But it's for the best.
>Plus, you'll come by as much as you can.
>You just hope Rainbow won't say anything that implies you rutted the shit out of her the other day.
>You know, with nuns having to be virgins and shit.
>Worrying won't achieve anything though. You have enough on your plate as it is.
>Alright, time to lay claim to your car.

>>29161772

>You drive back to your apartment complex, but leave the car a few blocks away.
>As you pass the final curve, you see your house.
>The fire seems to have been put out already. But there's still a bunch of firefighters outside.
>And a Police officer.
>Shit, just act normal.
>Alright, you've done this before.
>You didn't see shit, you didn't hear shit.
>PO: "Sir, can i ask you some questions?"
"O-of course officer. What can i help you with?"
>PO: "For one, you didn't happen to see what started the fire?"
"No sir. I've just got mycar parked here."
>PO: "So you live here?"
"N-no, as i said, i've only got my car parked here."
>PO: "You know this parking lot is only for residents of this area, right?"
>Shit
"I-i know, it's just so hard to find good parking spots around these parts"
>The officer looks around
>PO: "There seem to be a lot of them if you ask me"
>Just let if go you fuck
"There wasn't when i parked this morning"
>PO: "Hmh, fair enough."
>You prepare to turn around and get to your car, when he stops you again.
>PO: "One last thing. We've had reports of a medium sized crowd causing commotion in the area right before the fire errupted, mostly supposedly wearing trench coats and fedoras aparently."
>You take a good mental look at yourself
>Fuck
>PO: "And i couldn't help but put one and one together."
>Ppassive-agressive play-off, don't fail me now
"Look i wish i could help you, but i just went off a 12 hour shift, and just want to go home"
>PO: "Well, i guess you seem like a good kid. Stay out of trouble, alright?"
"Thanks. You too, officer"
>You slide over to your car like a lizard on ice.
>Almost out of the woods..
>Just as you're about to reach for your keys, you hear a whisper from some near by bushes

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>>29161780

Alright that's it for tonight.
Later, folkkamrater

Do I look like a fuckin' nerd to you?
because I am one

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I wish Horsefellow would be back, he was the best writer to attempt continuing Equestrian Invasion

also bump

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>>29161742
i can't believe i have to be the one to tell you this but ok, usually a good wool blanket or thick leather jacket ought to do the trick. You sling it over the wire and open it up a bit to give you more leeway, rule of thumb is just that in this case, a layer as large as your thumb can encapsulate the barbs within the wool. depending on the thickness of your acquired blanket 2-3 folds ought to do it. Don't ask.

>>29163720
Didn't that guy come back, basically just saying he wouldn't continue his fic a few months ago?

>>29163815
Ah, like how they did it in fight club right?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=spDiEh9P6P8&feature=youtu.be&t=9

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https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=kvDMlk3kSYg

>>29164685
I always associate that, and this song with 4chan
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=NvS351QKFV4

Bamp

>>29166137
Boop

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>>29166951
Hey, a we've got a board celeb among the readers

>>29161728
Why RD so darn cute.

>>29161939
nobody can tell how you look on the internett

Bamp

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>>29167834
She is Valkyrie in the embodyment of a pony

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Happy new year fellas.
Any new years resolutions?
Mine is to adhere to The Golden One's teachings.

I'll get to writing tonight as soon as I'm able, in the meantime >>29164664 yeah but it's harder irl remember that
>>29169267
I'm going to try and be more productive and actually finish my projects

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>>29169267
This looks like watered down derpiness to me. Nice, happy derpiness, but derpiness all the same.
I didn't read it all, but it looks like an ok thing to follow, and you're probably happier than me with my belief that we are the first awareness the universe has generated, and as such the universe couldn't have come up with a less painful way to create intelligence than evolution.
But I value truth, and I don't think http://www.thepathtooneness.com is a good source of truth. It may be a good source of harmony though, and harmony may be more important than truth.
(If you were referring to something else; sorry.)

I haven't generated my resolutions in high resolution yet. They are still pretty vague, but they are probably going to involve living well, meditating more, dealing with other people better, and getting a fucking job. Fuck!

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>>29169347
what the fuck
I was talking about this guy
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ksx-AZxS8Ag
i.e Quitting masturbating, getting a gym membership again, becoming a part-time soldier, getting college back on track, quitting most social media, reading more, getting more politically involved finishing all the project i have had laying around half done for a while, like >>29169282 said, and so on.

But hey, you do you man.

>>29169535
>Not talking about internet woo.
>Talking about some bulky looking viking looking dude.
Thank fuck.

>>29164664
There's a funny thing about Fight Club in that it had weird mix of surprising accuracy and the completely implausible.
For instance, a heavy duty covering is exactly how commandos will go over barbed wire in a dynamic entry (otherwise they go for removing it with clippers).
But as I understand it, human fat from medical waste, particularly the kind that's removed via liposuction, is nearly impossible to use.
What's more, even if you got an ideal cut of human fat, it'd make terrible, crumbly soap because of the type of fat contained. I guess anything would work with enough glycerin, but still.

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give me a sec guys

Ok so last time Anon got into a fight with a punk loser fellow at the local skatepark before Toni showed up and bashed his face in with skateboard, oh and he brought Brad with him.
But what the hell are they doing here?

>He gets you to your feet and dusts you off
>You eye the unconscious Dr. Phil success story on the floor and tap Toni's shoulder
"Shit, uh, thanks dude. You saved my fucking life."
>"Don't mention it. Seriously Brad's riding my ass enough already."
>You didn't know how to respond to that
"I don't know how to respond to that."
>He pulls you in close enough you can smell a sour fetid stench coming off his breath
>"Just don't forget you owe me one."
>Someone screamed in the crowd and you both turn to look
>Big Smoke EZ Makalevi Snoopy Dre Cubicle is down on the ground with Brad standing over him triumphantly
>Rainbow was in Gilda's protective grasp
>Though as soon as they realized it they instantly let go and brushed themselves off
>"Oh, great. He's a hero now too. Now I'm really in for it."
---
>"You're in for it now young lady."
>Brad looked down at a seemingly defenseless Gilda
>Her rough exterior stripped away by his disappointing glare
>Rainbow was standing beside you as you inspected your truck
>Toni behind the wheel was waiting for your go-ahead to start it up
>Gilda scared you when she said the truck had died two blocks from the skatepark
>As it turned out that nasty fender bender you were in just knocked a battery cable loose
>You heard Brad going over the typical scolding order
>"...you could've been killed, or kidnapped, or even raped! And furthermore you practically ruined our only car!"

>>29171093
>You close the hood and walk up to Toni discreetly
"Did he just say our?"
>"Well duh. You're our driver remember?"
"When the hell did that happen?"
>"Since he asked you to."
"I'm sorry, asked? And i thought we were in a hurry, why is he still yelling at Gilda?"
>Toni took one look at the early morning bitch and sucked his teeth
>"You're worried about that bitch?"
>Rainbow surprisingly chimed in
>"Yeah, if you asked me she deserves it."
"Rainbow?"
>Toni smiled and stuck his hand out
>"Hey, i don't think we've met. I'm Toni. That's Toni with an i."
>"Rainbow Dash."
>She shook his hand firmly
>"Whoa, strong girl. So, uh, Rainbow Dash? Is that your stage name? What are you into roller derby?"
>You were just about to run interference when you notice Gilda cast you a pitiful glance, just out of the corner of her eye
>She immediately tried to cover by trying to go on the offensive but then
>"Oh, and I just KNOW, YOU are not trying to talk back to ME! Little girl, i will be the father you never had!"
"Hey, Brad, c'mon. Lay off her already."
>"Oh, I'm sorry I thought I was on your side."
"It's just...look wherever we're going we're gonna be late, and besides cops are probably looking for me too."
>"Oh? They are? What did you do?"
>Before he went off on you, you hinted with your eyes that Rainbow was involved

>>29171097
"I got into some trouble at school and there were cops around, but look Gilda knows she did wrong and she's sorry."
>You motioned in her direction
>"She may not want to say it but she is. Look we're teenagers, you have to expect us to screw up eventually."
>Brad tried to give you the thousand yard stare but something seemed to have clicked with that last line
>He took a deep breath and rubbed the sweat off his forehead before looking back down at the mopey delinquent trying to put on a brave face
>"Just get in the backseat we're late enough already."
>Gilda followed her orders without a word and was in the back before you could move
>"And YOU young lady."
>"What did I do?"
>"Nothing yet but something tells me you're not as innocent as that precious little face of yours. Don't follow your friend's example. Okay?"
>"Uh, yes sir."
>"Good, now let Toni climb in the back first so you two and her don't argue all the way."
>Toni threw his hands up in the air
>"What the hell? I thought i was driving?"
>"Not snowball's chance in hell. You already ruined two cars and a motorcycle, Anon's driving, besides it's his car."
>"I thought it was 'our' car?"
>Brad wagged his finger between you and him
>"Ours, not yours."
>Toni started cussing under his breath
>"this is bullshit, fucking bitch, stupid skater punks, fucking faggots..."
>"What was that?"
>Toni stopped muttering
>"That's what i thought, now Anon get in the car we need to get going."
"Where to mac?"
>"Just drive along the highway until i tell you stop, we still have twenty minutes."
"I thought you said we we're late?"
>"Yea, we we're late, now we have to wait until he gets off break."

>>29171100
Go on

>>29167809
Y-you t-too!

I'm just looking for new thread to lurk.

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>>29170047
>"Even if you got an ideal cut of human fat, it'd make terrible, crumbly soap
B-but muh holocaust!

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Bamp

Save

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>>29172671
Damn it feel good to have an undepletable storage of lewd Dashie

Save

I'll write something don't worry

>>29176548
Godspeed

>>29171100
>Ten minutes later you're cruising at highway speeds as you circle the city
>Windows down 'cause it's summer fuck you
>The lunch rush was just getting underway and there were many impatient drivers on the road
>Not wanting to attract any unwanted attention you stick to the courtesy lane and hold it steady
>Some of the smarter drivers took fast lanes if they came up on you
>Others would take their time getting good and pissed off before they whizzed past you
>Some honked their horns hoping you'd get the hint
>Others were more blunt as they flipped you the bird down the road
>"Oh, hang a left here we're supposed to take this exit."
>You do as you're told and in a moment of clumsiness forget to check your mirrors
>Suddenly you spot a white mustang pulling up short of your rear bumper in your rearview
>He honked his horn too and you were pretty sure you saw his lips moving
>"Well, shit. Sorry." You thought to yourself and wave your hand out the window to apologize
>Youdunitnow.boi
>"No, all the way to the left anon."
>You do as you're told again and inadvertently cut off the same driver
>HONK! HONK! HONK!
>Oh boy, he sure is mad now
>Not much to do now except step on it to catch up to everyone else around you
>"You'll need to get off on exit 1-"
>"HEY FUCK YOU ASSHOLE!"
>You nearly jump as the screaming idiot pulled up right next to you
>There was hardly a foot of empty air between you two
>"YEAH I'M TALKING TO YOU FUCKING BITCH!!!CUNT MOTHERFUCKER!!!"
>"Ignore him Anon, just-"
>"SHIT FACED WHORE!!"
>"Excuse me Anon."
>Brad had just about enough of his shit and reached across you to flip him off
>"OH YEAH FUCK YOU TOO!!!ASSHOLE!!!FUCKING FAGGOT MOTHERFUCKER!!!"
>Besides you Brad did the last thing you were expecting him to do
>He reached down into his pants

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>>29177348
>"FUCKING PULL OVER AND DO SOME-!!!"
>Whatever the douche in the next lane over said next was lost to you as Brad stretched his arm again
>The sound of tires squealing never sounded so clearly or faded so rapidly as they did right then
>When brought his arm back to his lap you saw him holding a large pistol
>Truth be told you weren't the least bit shocked
>"Hang a left right here Anon, that's the exit."
"Ok."
>"Now you're gonna take a left again and we're just going to the gas station. You can fill up there for free."
>"For free?"
>"Yeah, I'm just going to talk to someone who owes me some money. Shouldn't take too long."
>Holy Hell, were just about to aid and abet a gas station robbery?
>As soon as you pull into the station Toni pipes up
>"Hey, while you're in there get me some Funyuns."
>"Sure, Anon you want anything?"
"Uhhhh....Snickers?"
>Brad flashed you a friendly smile
>"You got it Anon."
>He was about to open the door to get out when he stopped and handed you the gun
>"Hold this for me. I don't want to have to use it and legally I'm not allowed to have it."
>You get a good look at the gun this time
>/k/ would cringe
"Sure, I'll hold it for ya."
>You hold out your hand and he slaps it down
>"Careful, it's loaded."

Damn it i need to learn to prioritize, this is the problem that's keeping me from writing more shit. if this thread is alive tomorrow i'll keep going otherwise see ya'll next week

>>29176548
Will get some down tonight

Bamp

Bebop

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>you will never be in this headlock.

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I've aslo begun working on the Disc Detainer lock.