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RGRE: Reversed Gender Roles Equestria

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Thread replies: 519
Thread images: 119

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Previous thread: >>29100995

Legend Of Dong Ring Edition

GoogleDoc Pastebin Archive: https://docs.google.com/document/d/1b1jASUKcbpyp6u1nk0d8m8m_toNwUGSlesl7F1IPa4o/edit?usp=sharing

Old CrazyRain's Stories' Archives:
http://pastebin.com/C82B4dea
>>
First for I wanna fuck Daring Do.
>>
>>29113061
>Dong Ring.gif
Witnesses assessees!
>>
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>>29113061
>Dong Ring
>>
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I wanna violently fuck Chrysalis while she angrily and arousedly tries to fight me off.
>>
>>29113084
That's pretty gay. Bug are gay.

You know what's not gay? Fucking Daring Do.
>>
>>29113073
>>29113084
Get the fuck out faggot. Your autistic are showing.
>>
>>29113091
I'm not the faggot here; I want to fuck Daring Do. This bug nigger is the real faggot.
>>
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>>29113061
>Giant dong dong
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>>29113061
>GIF
>>
http://www.strawpoll.me/11939610

Posting the poll for new thread.
>>
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>>29113091
what
>>
>>29113123
looks like the white helmet is winning
>>
>>29113061
>tfw you will never propose mare with dong ring
Life is suffering.
>>
>>29113061
Post
>greeeeeeeeen
>>
>>29113129
Because Heretic will murder little pony because you know... Fucking 40k

Meanwhile Clone can fuck all the mare popular
>>
>>29113061
I'm retard. What is dong ring?
>>
>>29113123
>Star wars is winning
>>
>>29113146
Could have had a Radical Inquisitor with a thing for Xenos

Has heard of their overwhelming victory against Chaos on Equestria, and seeks the secrets of this power for himself/the Imperium.

Which is really a lot harder than he thought considering Harmony is all but unheard of in 40k.
>>
>>29113151
A meme from times long past.
>>
>>29113151
Wedding ring/Cock ring combo
>>
>>29113151
>"Anon, what is dong ring?"
>"You can help by expanding it"
>>
>>29112957
"Lord Commissar."
>"What?"
"My. title. is. Lord. Commissar."
>The small pony backs away as you stand to your full height, towering over them.
"As for the dissatisfaction with your weaponry,"
>You pull your bolt pistol from its holster.
"Allow me to demonstrate in a manner you will be able to understand."
>You aim at the pony's head, but frown as you remember Celestia's 'no killing your troops' rule
>You make sure to give her a really dumb voice as you recall her telling you that one
>Damned inefficient bullshit
>You lower your aim to the small horse's front knee and pull the trigger
>The loud BANG rings out through the room
>The insubordinate wretch screams in pain and begins crying
>Rolling your eyes, you call for a medic
>He'll be fine by tomorrow with all those psykers who seem to be immune to warp fuckery
>You nod towards the small horses in nurse outfits who come to get him before resuming your morning triple-S routine
>Goddamn rookies can't wait until fucking orientation
>Just another day for Lord Commissar Anon
>>
>>29113146
>>29113161

It's almost like you guys don't know the fact that the Galactic Empire was based and maintained on the belief that Humans are superior and that all other xenos must be either ruled by the humans, as they are too stupid to do it themselves, or to be exterminated for being not human enough.

I realize this is strange, what with Admiral Thrawn and what not, but if you're really curious, look up COMPFORCE, bastards have a hatred of aliens to rival Space Marines.
>>
>>29113123
For the love of God please don't do Star Wars. It has or had its own thread and it died for a reason. Every single one of those ends up being super cringey and awful.
>>
>>29113061
>>
>>29113191
>lord commissar
>not LORD Commissar
>>
>>29113158
>>29113202
You guys better get your ass in gear if you don't want me to write it, it's currently 2 votes ahead of guardsman.
>>
>>29113211
Is that the go-ahead to go full DNC on that ballot box?
>>
>>29113211
Imperial troops are xeno hater.
>>
>>29113216

You can either be like the 2012 election, and right the thing to your favourite, or, you could pull a 2016 and have an honest election.
>>
>>29113202
.... >>29113191
Too late.
>>
>>29113246
That wasn't Star Wars, Anon. That's 40k.
>>
>>29113256
This.
>>
>>29113256
>>29113258
All I'm saying is, casually shooting through the kneecap of ponies because that's how commissars treat insubordination is
> super cringey and awful.
Even if it is true to the 40k setting. Who seriously wants to read more softcore torture?
>>
>>29113278
I write far more silly and light hearted than would allow for typical 40k wank.
>>
>>29113123
Oh

Where's the 'Myself' option
>>
>>29113307
Honestly the best response to the poll yet.
>>
Should we just stop making these threads? They will never be RGRE enough
>>
>>29113082
Who is this pone and why is it called map?
>>
>>29113316
Should we stop trying to stop terrorists? They will never be completely eradicated.
>>
>>29113313
Some faggot just send Poll to /vg/

And now Guard go 13.
>>
>>29113316
>Be Anon in not RGRE Equestria
>You are hanging out with your father Twilight Sparkle and his assistant Twilight Sparkle.
>This is one of those Equestrias where everyone is Twilight Sparkle.
>Princess Twilight Sparkle and Twilgiht Sparkle raise the sun and moon respectively, while Princess Twilight Sparkle is married to Twilight Sparkle's brother Twilight Sparkle.
>Your cousin Twilight Sparkle calls you up.
>"Anon, it's Twilight. Let's go bowling."
"Can Twilight come?"
>"Sure, bring your father. It's been too long since I last saw him anyway."
>You hang up your phone and grab your dad.
>"Anon what are you grabbing me for?"
"We're going bowling with Twilight."
>"The faggot who runs the taxi company?"
"Yeah. Come on, we don't want to be late."
>You and Twilight go down to the bowling alley and pay the manager Twilight Sparkle the entry fee.
>Twilight passes you and Twilight some bowling shoes, one pair for you since you're a human and two for Twilight since he's a pony.
>"Have a great game you two!"
"Thanks."
>The bowling alley isn't very crowded, only a few lanes have ponies at them.
>At the one at the end nearest the food shop thing you spot Twilight.
>When you arrive at the lane Twilight grabs Twilight and hugs him.
>"Oh it's good to see you. I'm going to kick your ass so hard."
>"Not if i kick yours first you purple shitbag."
>"Ha, that's the can-do attitude that made me beat your teeth out all those years ago."
>The three of you bowl for a while.
>Twilight and Twilight both score perfect games.
>This breaks the bowling alley due to the extremely shoddy construction.
>Normally a broken bowling alley wouldn't be too big a deal.
>Except this bowling alley broke so badly that you, Twilight, and Twilight are teleported into another universe.
>The three of you land on a bunch of weird looking ponies.
>Not one of the five ponies you have fallen on are purple!
>They don't look anything like a Twilight Sparkle at all.
>You've got a bad feeling about this.
>>
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>>29113123
Fuck yeah, Guardsman is winning.
>>
>>29113191
Yesssss
>>29113211
>>29113236
>>29113202
The fuck are you guys talking about? The Guardsman is winning, not a Star wars guy.
>>
>>29113536
>Guardsman
>Winning
laughingxenos.jpg
>>
>>29113278
You are a very ignorant person. Please read more 40K before talking again.
>>
>>29113542
I just checked the polls, the Guardsman is winning. But if your making the joke I do get it as well. Very kek worthy.
>>
>>29113416
I don't even...wat? Good to know your hitting that eggnog.
>>
Some idiot send poll to /tg/ now the result gone wrong!
>>
>>29113278
Basically, right?
>>
I like how everyone is scrambling to vote for the least shitty option.
>>
>>29113278
You do realize that hyperviolence is part of the setting, right? Commissars will literally kill you for insubordination.
>>
>>29113614
>Implying any of them were good
>>
>>29113635
Fuck i am terrible at reading today
>>
SHUT UP AND WRITE!

51 SHITPOST

3 GREENTEXT STORY

WHAT THE FUCK MAN!
>>
>>29113640
It's ok durnk, you're terrible at everything. Especially opinions. But we love you anyway. Sometimes.
>>
>>29113073
Daring only cares about Ahuizotl. Her canon tease.
>>
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>>29113640
Read most of the time>>29113645
>>
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>>29113644
Shitposting is the lifeblood of 4chan. Allow it to consume you and enjoy the great power it brings.
>>
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>>29113680
Oh yeah but that's what makes her so fuckable.
>>
>>29113680
Her body is a god damm miracle.
>>
>>29113644
>Be Anon is shitpostquestria
>It's just like regular RGRE except it's got less shitposting.
>All anyone does is shitpost all day.
>This is a paradise of your own creation.
>When you first arrived, you answered "shitposter" when the ponies sent you a citizenship form
>Out of consideration for you they created a post for you at the town hall where you were ordered to do filthy filthy things that i will not go into detail about here
>And since ponyville had a brand new thing, every other town and city decided they needed it too
>So an entire workforce of shitposters was employed
>Not wanting to be left behind in this new management innovation, every business small and large began sending out envelopes and boxes of faeces
>They began to literally mail shit all over the country
>Every mailbox is full of poop
>Remember when I said it was a paradise of your own creation?
>That was not meant literally
>It's not a paradise
>It smells of shit everywhere
>You can't even run and hide in the woods
>The mailponies always catch you
>And without a post box to put the mail into, they just dump the parcels full of turds onto you from high above
>You regret everything
>>
RGRE is dead.

RIP
>>
>>29113680
>lipstick kisses
>>
>>29113706
Nice meme.
>>
>>29113695
>>Be Anon is shitpostquestria
>>It's just like regular RGRE except it's got less shitposting.
Oh, snap.
>>
>>29113706
It was never alive, always a shambling imitation of life.
>>
>>29113720
>>29113706
>thread consistently filled with content on a daily basis
>Needing to make a new thread every 2 to 3 days
>Lasting longer than any thread on the board, while also being inherently detrimental to most common shitposting parties, due to thread topic.
Yeah RGRE is so dead, really we are the deadest thread on the board, we are like Jesus we're so dead...oh wait.
>>
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>>29111115
Postan here because I missed it in the last thread - the story was based, and if there is to be more with pervert Lulu joining in I'm all for it. There is just a tingle of disappointment though, as I feel the awkward status quo could be taken further, and Celly stewing in her own juices heh longer. But oh well, I liked it either way
>>
>Twilight has become a weeb after delving too deep into Anon's bookcases
>She now often refers to him in moonspeak gobbldegook
>"Oni-chan wake up! Sempai needs to come see the Princesses with his Twichan"
>Come onnnnnn! If we're late we con't get another chance to awaken your chakras until next month."
>Anon now has to explain to Celestia and Luna that much of what Twilight has been telling them about humans is actually fiction
>No not those bits
>That's also true.
>That's complete falsehood and has no evidence whatsoever to suppport it.
>Yes, human sex does last that long
>No, sex with horses is not legal.
>It's usually seen as disgusting and immoral, and that sentiment apples to all other animals
>Because that particular porno was a VERY kinky one, those acts are not considered normal behavor
>>
>>29113084
>tfw she overpowers you, pins you to the ground, and proceeds to penetrate you with her ovipositor.
>"Is this what you wanted you filthy slut? Huh? Is it?"
>>
>>29114236
Should not want...
>>
>>29114294
>tfw bug princess will never fill you with her eggs.

why live.
>>
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>>29114236
>>29114340
>>
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>>29114236
>>"Is this what you wanted
No.
>>
>>29113680
U-unf
>>
>>29114294
I believe that you are "Scaroused"
>>
>>29113720
>a shambling imitation of life

Hwuhwhat--? No no I'm awake, just-ugh, fuck... one sec...
>>
>>29114236
>ovipositor
Garbage fetish.
>>
>>29113061
> "Basically I can get this wide if I need to, Anon. Do you dare to do some spelunking on my cave of wonders?"
>>
>>29113193
COMPNOR

COMmission for the Preservation of the New ORder.

You're welcome.
>>
>>29114762
COMPFORCE is the millitary arm of COMPFORCE.

Though I suppose I'm writing a guardsman anywyay.
>>
>>29114771
Compforce is the millitary arm of compnor.

I fucking hate phone posting.
>>
>>29114196
>weeb Twilight
Yes.

>Switches her breakfast from a feedbag of oats and raisins to a single slice of toast that she eats while she rushes out the door
>The clasp on her saddlebag is either a big pink heart or the head of a bunny rabbit
>Goes around town and volunteers at various non-profit places and calls them her "clubs"

Wait, this is supposed to be RGRE.

>Twilight tries to act cool and aloof around Anon, hoping that her disregard for Anon will make him try and get her to notice him
>Pretends that she has a stallion childhood friend back in Canterlot (who, of course, has feelings for her) who will be visiting/moving in soon; makes sure Anon hears about it

It's hard coming up with tropes for anime sempai when the story focuses on the girl he isn't noticing instead.
>>
>>29114782
>>Pretends that she has a stallion childhood friend back in Canterlot (who, of course, has feelings for her) who will be visiting/moving in soon; makes sure Anon hears about it
>not her telling her friends that and Anon actually being her childhood friend from Canterlot
>>
>>29114782
friendly reminder that fluttershy is canonically a weeaboo
>>
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>>29114854
This, I want twifags to get the fuck out
>>
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>>29114854
The world could do with more weeaboo Fluttershy.
>>
>>29114871
I'd lick her salt
>>
>"Hey girls, don't you think Anon is really quiet?"
>"The alien colt?"
>"What other Anon could I be talking about? Anyways, don't you think he's a bit too introverted?"
>"Ooo, ooo! I have an idea!"
>"Pinkie, ah think y'all should let Ahnon do his own thing. A stallion his age should be able to handle his issues."
>"Oh, okay."
Several months later
>"Didja hear? Anon is dating somepony!"
>"Oh, that's nice."
>"..."
>"Anything else?"
>"Um, that's it. Thought you girls will have a bigger reaction."
>"Nah, it was nice of him to get another individual to support him, but what he does is none of our business. We have no reason to be nosy, right gals?"
>"Right on, sis."

I would so read an RGRE story where the pones respect Anon's privacy.
>>
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>>29114871
>Ah! Mrs Celestia
>>
>>29114908
>I would so read an RGRE story where the pones respect Anon's privacy.

You just did.
Congratulations. Was it fun?
Okay, now we can all go back to reading stories that are actually interesting.
>>
>>29114871
I really want to play with her fluffy tail.
>>
>>29114871
Ponies in cute striped panties are God's gift to humankind
>>
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>>29115116
Just look at the way they hug her hips.
>>
>>29114196
>sentiment apples
kek
>>
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>Anon is in RGRE land
>Some random mare being into exotic stuff is hitting on him
>By which I mean that he is trying to get into his pants
>And she is not timid about it either
>For whatever reason she thinks that he should be writing her poems, since that's a colty thing to do
>So Anon, annoyed by her antics, does
All you need is love,
But all you love is need.
You don't see the man in me
And just want to breed.
>The mare obviously misses the message and falls even harder for hi[spoier]s HMD[/spoiler]
>>
>>29115201
That was a fantastic spoiler fuckup.
>>
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>>29115210
I keep forgetting that you can't have non-space characters on both sides of brackets
>>
>>29115218
You misspelled the tag.
>>
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>>29115218
no it's because you misspelled "spoiler".
>>
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>>29115223
>>29115232
O-oh.
B-but, does this mean if I do it like this it will still work?
>>
Is herdanon not going to write the Twi Anon story anymore?
>>
Had a thought-

Would an RGRE griffon try to serenade you with her birdsong? Or would they be more like lions and try to win you over with fresh meat?
>>
>>29115218
You know, you can just highlight the text and then press 'ctrl + s' and it'll do it for you, works in the quick reply text box. Not sure about the standard thread reply box.
>>
>>29114854
>Worst pony is worst type of human
Big surprise.
>>29114864
See pic, this is you.
>>
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>>29115307
I'm just used to manual formatting, old habits from bbcode days

Pic unrelated
>>
>>29115383
Fluttershy's final form
>>
>>29115383
>pic
>Anon in non-standard creature-questria b/w reversed gender roles
>Spider-Rainbow Dash asks Anon to help her spin web so that he'll caress her butt
>Bird-Rarity tries to impress Anon with her feathers and nest of shiny things, but ends up losing control and starts preening his hair and shouting rude things she heard from other creatures
>Timbewolf-Applejack has an enormous pack mentality and tries to non-consensually force Anon to join a pack "for his own good and safety" because, if other timberwolves saw Anon (a male), they wouldn't be as gentle as she is. She uses her orchard to camouflage herself and pounces on Anon when he visits one day.
>>
>>29114735
DC 80 escape artist check
>>
>>29115468
I think this could make an interesting short
tfw shit at anything creative
>>
>>29114236
Go back to /bug/
>>
>>29114236
Why would she fuck you like a pansy-ass male?
She would be power bottoming hard.
>>
>>29115539
>"Quit whining, and smack my ass like you mean it!"
>>
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>>29115510
>>29114735
>>29113061
>>
>>29115468
>"Papa!"
>Fuck's sake.
>Tiny baby Apple Bloom runs over to you, her green eyes glowing in the early morning haze.
>The sun hasn't yet quite peaked over the distant mountains, but it's risen enough to paint the clouds in the sky orange.
"Apple Bloom, we've been over this. Remember?"
>Apple Bloom has been on your case ever since the first time you visited Sweet Apple Acres.
>She and her sister, Applejack, did this weird doggy sniffing thing where they walked in a tight circle around you and jammed their cold, wet, splintery noses into the ticklish sides of your stomach.
>Applejack had done something with you, claiming that she had "marked you with mah scent", more-or-less shanghai-ing you into her wolf pack.
>Seems you're an alpha male, now.
>It was like being a made man in the mafia without ever joining up; or winning the Spanish lottery.
>Apple Bloom, being too young to timber-fuck, couldn't really do too much with an alpha male... except to put you into into the "daddy" category in her mind
>Back in reality, Apple Bloom has come to a halt in front of you and has begun to hop in place.
>Her tongue flicks out every couple of jumps, and you know from previous encounters with the young timberwolf that she's trying to lick your mouth.
>If you don't do something now, she'll be at this all day.
>You decide to kneel down and brace yourself for a face-licking.
>Sure enough, Apple Bloom leaps up, braces herself on your chest, and starts licking your face.
>"Well, well, well..." comes the smooth country twang of a new challenger, "Lookie what we got here."
>The sound of bark cracking and vines snapping gets louder and louder as Applejack approaches.
>Applejack ignores Apple Bloom and rubs her nose against your cheek.
>She lets out an affectionate whine as she gently nips the sensitive flesh of your skin and you barely hold back an uncomfortable shutter
>If you weren't so pants-shittingly terrified of her claws and her teeth, you'd probably do something about this.
>>
>>29115635
I fucking love halflings.
>>
>>29115649
Timber Bloom a cute. A very cute.
>>
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>>29115279
I'm still doing the story just laying off it for a bit.
>>29115286
This sounds cute.
>>29115649
This IS cute.
>>
>>29115279
>>29115928
Is that this one?

http://pastebin.com/Q7W22fjw
>>
>>29115286
Touching Wings has Gilda bringing meat, but if I remember correctly, gryphons do either, she just thinks she's a better hunter than a singer.
>>
>>29116024
Yes i believe that's what he ment.
>>
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Why is Rarity not a star in RGRE more? As Anon's total opposite, you figure they would gravitate together.

>Very colty for a mare but still straight.
>Prim and proper.
>Has a colty job, but does it well.
>Weak with dating despite obviously trying and willing to give the world to a lover on a silver platter.
>Shown to have a taste for the exotic.

Her and Anon would have a hilariously dysfunctional but still heartwarming and genuine relationship. It's like an almost flaming metrosexual and an amazonian tomboy falling in love.
>>
>>29116143
Because she is a bit of a bitch.
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>>29116143
Writers don't like her and the people who like her don't write.
>>
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>>29116170
>can't have a story about Rara or Dash because memes
Why can't we be friends.
>>
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>>29116143
>It's like an almost flaming metrosexual and an amazonian tomboy falling in love.
Rarity being alone in RGRE would make a lot of sense, given her job and all.
>>
>>29116143
>>Very colty for a mare but still straight.
>>Prim and proper.
>>Has a colty job, but does it well.
>>Weak with dating despite obviously trying and willing to give the world to a lover on a silver platter.
>>Shown to have a taste for the exotic.

All of these, except maybe the prim and proper part, also fit Fluttershy.
>>
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>>29116143
>>
>>29116231
I think that Rarity would be the type most into material love, like constantly giving her SO gifts just because she can, and paying for the most expensive restaurants and spa sessions because her SO deserves only the best.
>>
>>29115286
Somewhere in the middle and then off on a tangent.

>you wake up one winter morning a few days before Hearth's Warming
>pining griffoness has strung a bunch of smoked hams up around the edges of your porch overhang, and is currently bobbing her head and parakeet-warbling at you
>>
>>29116223
Horsefuckers unite! We're all degenerates, so why fight to be the most popular leper in the leper colony?
>>
>>29116143
>"Just because I'm a seamstress doesn't mean I'm a dyke!"
Rarity gets mean when she's drunk. She alternates between mean and sad when drinking. Luckily her drinking buddy, Anon, is there...
>>
>>29116251
>"I sleep in a book-bed. Do YOU?"
"I sleep in a bed with my wife."
>"O-Oh."
>>
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>>29116268
That's actually really sweet.
>>
>Ponies have horse-sized livers
>Their alcohol is, contrary to popular story usage, very strong
>To compensate, they hide the flavour of the alcohol very well
>Ponies take Anon out for drinks
>Give him a fruity "colty" beverage
>Loopy straw, tiny umbrella, fruit floating inside of it
>Anon thinks ponies can't into liquor and drinks it
>After a few more drinks, the alcohol hits him like a bus
>Anon is promptly taken advantage of and has drunken blackout sex with some random mare
>>
>>29116356
>Rarity is a surly drunk who uses the time off from her boutique to vent about how ponies love her dresses but call her a tailor behind her back.
>Anon is a surly drunk who complains about how he can't take three steps without some mare treating him like he is a fucking toddler or a girl
>They find love in their hatred.
>>
>Anon in RGRE
>Goes to RGREqG because RGREqG is the style at the time
>Finds RGREqG version of him at Canterlot High
>They hate each other
>>
>>29116143
> So metro the colts feel safe around her, asking for fashion advice
> She tries her best to honor their trust, but testicle bra fittings are always an ordeal for her self-control
> Anon comes, asking for plain, serviceable clothes
"It's almost like you're a mare, haha."
> He just looks at her, puzzled
"I mean, you are obviously a stallion, the very vision of masculine beauty..."
> "Are you hitting on me?"
> Rarity's voice dies in her throat
> Anon blushes
> "Thanks. Um, I think you are a very pretty lady too."
>>
>>29116417
>Earth Ponies have crazy alcohol tolerance.
>This does not apply to Unicorn or Pegasus ponies, who are both lightweights when it comes to alcohol.
>>
>>29115649
I like it
>>
>>29116271
"Gilda, could you stop? I've heard crows that sound better than you."
>"BRRRAAAAAK!!"
>>
>Anon lives in Canterlot and works at a game&craft store
>Is exposed to all sorts of awkward, smelly nerd-mares
>Uses this as an opportunity to flirty with nerd-mares
>One particular nerd-mare decides to try and flirty back
>This leads to Anon's first significant relationship with a pony
>>
To the people who liked my tiny one-shot: Thank you. I like you too.
>>
>>29116506
would you be willing to do more? if anyone else wants to see it obviously
>>
>>29116143
How's this for a prompt: Anon finds out Rarara's parents live in town and wants to go visit. Rarity' reluctant because of how amazingly embarassing they are
>>
>>29116231
Thx
Now i am depressed.
>>
>>29116518
Sure I would, it was fun. If people want more, I'd be glad to provide. Provide like how Applejack-wolf brings food to Anon when he's babysitting Apple Bloom, and scares other citizens of Ponyville away from him.
>>
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Gone but not forgotten.
>>
>>29116585
did he post proof yet?
>>
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>>29116443
Urgh, ;uhgehha ruhuhqeGIIH
>>
>>29116585
....so is he going to stick his penis into a horse, or is going to go "mister hands" on us and die of ruptured insides?
>>
>>29116608
>Awkward virgin Anon getting flustered when mares hit on him
hng
>>
What is everyone on /RGRE/ doing for Christmas eve and Christmas day.
>>
>>29116828
>Christmas Eve
Getting drunk on vodka
>Christmas Day
Getting drunk on eggnog

Oh and I guess spending time with my family or whatever.
>>
>>29116828
Apparently not reading stories based on totally great prompts, of which there are many.
>>
>>29116839
>Anon getting drunk and lonely on Christmas Eve / Hearth's Warming Eve
>Ponies join him in his empty house, each bringing presents and food
It's basically Charlie Brown Christmas only with RGRE elements.
>>
>>29116477
>Gilda tries to preen your hair at one point
>>
>>29116828
Hope my family don't ask too many questions about me not having a job or girlfriend, while being quiet and sat in the corner.
>>
>>29116271
For ham I would fuck a Titan into her
>>
>>29116484
If I worked an a game store in RGRE I would introduce that world to F.A.T.A.L.
>>
>>29116869
Birds only preen the bodies of their mates, so she's just trying to be friendly, nothing else.

Now, if she ever goes to preen your arm hairs, now that means something else entirely.
>>
>>29116954
>What are you doing Gilda?
>"I'm just checking for fleas Anon. I want you to be strong and healthy to help raise our chicks."
>And then Anon was birdmarried
>>
>>29116998
"Why are you stealing my silverware, Gilda?"
>"I'm making my nest more impressive so that I can attract you as a mate."
>And then Anon was birdmarried
>>
>>29117030
>Gilda dances with her feathers flared out
>And then Anon was birdmarried
>And very confused
>>
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>>29117063
forgot picture
>>
>>29117063
"Gilda, why do you have a buttplug in with colorful feathers attached to it?"
>"Because that way I can impress you as a mate and also to intimidate the competition."
>And then Anon was birdmarried.
>>
>>29116268

>Anon gets flustered by all the gifts Rarity gets him once their relationships starts.
>Chocolates and bouquets are delivered to his pace of work.
>Makes him extravagant clothes that are the envy of every stallion in Ponyville
>High-class restaurants and luxurious spas, with her refusing every attempt by him to pay her back
>When they're together, Rarity is absolutely doting on him.
>Anon, being a male from a world with normal gender roles, is unused to all this special treatment.
>Ponies gawk at the sight of a stallion who is normally so marely blushing like a schoolcolt at Rarity's attention.
>>
>>29117302
>Rarity gets payed back with relentless fucking
>>
>>29117334

>Rarity unintentionally gets pregnant
>She immediately proposes marriage to Anon
>Nearly bankrupts herself buying the most expensive ring and planning an extravagant wedding.
>Anon has to convince her to tone it down
>>
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>>29117302
>>
>Anon and Rainbow Dash are a couple.
>Rainbow Dash wants to show him off to her friends in Cloudsdale, but Anon can't walk on clouds.
>All her friends think she's lying about having a coltfriend ala "my girlfriend in Canada"
>>
>>29117388
yuuup that sounds like rarity alright
>>
>>29117421

I feel like Rarity in an RGRE relationship would have the problem of having been single for so long she desperately tries not to fuck up her next relationship by overcompensating.

She ends up unintentionally smothering whoever she's in a relationship with until they leave her, contributing to her chronic singleness. Rarity is a horse that just wants to love and be loved in return
>>
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>>29117302
>Anon is flushed in the face, stammering as Rarity uses her mouth to wrap a fancy new scarf around him
>The same colt that was a rough and tumble as Dash when it came to sports
>The same colt that made kindling out of an alpha timberwolf when he was watching the girls
>The same colt that cracked Glimmer's jaw when she was going nuts with mind control.

>"And um you owe me 100 bits too, Applejack"
>You wordlessly drop the sack of bits in front of Fluttershy, with Rainbow's, Glimmer's, and Twilight's
>You always knew that all Anon needed was a strong alpha mare to tame him.
>You just didn't think that'd be Rarity.
>Girl was just a colt with a cunt most days.
>Everypony knows seamstress is just fancy for cunt-kissin tailor

>And now she is kissing his nose as he just gets more red.
>"I hope this taught you girls not to judge a mare just because she isn't as feminine as you."
>...
>Yep still too stunned to talk.
>>
>>29117472

You sir, are amazing.
>>
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>>29117472
best
>>
>>29117472
>>You always knew that all Anon needed was a strong alpha mare to tame him.
>Glimmer thinks Anon has been tamed and tries the mind-control again
>Anon cracks her jaw a second time
>>
>>29117504
y'all are never gonna let her that down are you?
>>
>>29117504
kek
>>
>>29117472
>>The same colt that made kindling out of an alpha timberwolf when he was watching the girls
I wanna read about this.
>>
>>29117514
>"Anon, stop it."
"TWICE, Glimmer! That's two times!"
>"I thought it would work!"
"That's even worse!"
>>
>>29117514
fuck no you would never get away with mind control in the real world and you shouldnt in a fake one.
>>
>>29117609
she didn't get away with it, twilight and her friends chewed her out
>>
>>29117626
And also Anon punched her in the jaw at LEAST once.

Jesus, >>29117609, pay attention.
>>
>>29116828
Visiting family.

Visiting family.
>>
>>29117635
on that note, I'm pretty sure no court can convict her on a crime that was supposed to be impossible, and she is clearly remorseful for stealing the cutie marks of her old village to the point that literally her worst nightmare is having to go back and face what she did. Glimmer isn't evil but she isn't perfect. There's no need to home in on every misstep she takes.
>>
>>29117667
No, no, I guess not. Still, a punch to the jaw wouldn't be out of the question.
>>
>>29117667
>Anon hears about her history with mind control
>Refuses to be in the same room alone with her
>Rumours that she either abused Anon specifically or is some kind of rapist circulate around Ponyville
>>
>>29117667
So, her nightmare is going back to when she was stealing what made people unique. And then she proceeds to take over the minds of others to make them lose their uniqueness while controlled...
>>
>>29117748
I need green where Glimmer realises that she's a bad pony. Something something RGRE.
>>
>>29116271
Smoked hams? Shit, that's a keeper.
>>
>>29117689
>>29117715
>>29117774
Revenge fantasy anons, please make your own character bashing thread.
>>
>>29116271
Only one to get me some meat...she may stay on muh dick.
>>
>>29117927
Flutterbutter will bring you fish
>>
>>29117934
Also true, Druid she when?
>>
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>>29117934
And that is why I would marry the fuck out of Fluttershy.

We would have many beautiful children.
>>
>>29117514
Nope. Never.
>>
>>29116436
That sounds cute, Anon sees his best drinking buddy sangry(sad/angry) and proceeds to pick her up and snuggle the shit out of her. Maybe fuck her bad mood away with a deep full nelson fuck.
>>
>>29117715
This seems plausible.....write it.
>>
>>29116542
>Analplug is back
ITS A CHRISTMAS MIRICLE!
>>
>>29116828
Spending the day alone read, watching porn, and play some new games on my 360. In that order.
>>
>>29117409
What is bookpone.exe?
>>
>>29117469
And this sad state shows Anon he can make a VERY happy mare out of her.
>>
>>29117934
Yeah but she's not a qt catbird
>>
>>29118078
but she is a qt birdpone
>>
>>29117530
>be Anon
>Choppin wood and scopin bitches
>well you were chopping wood at least
>As for scoping bitches you were really just watching to make sure some of the local kids dont wander into the everfree
>Shits dangerous yo
>Ker-THWACK
>Another log split
>thank god none of the mares from town are here to see you do this
>They always treat you like you are made of glass and tissue paper
>Lord knows they would cut your wood for you if you asked
>but you wont because you have a pair of balls between your legs and you need to prove it
>ker-THWACK
>Taking a look over at the girls you see they have stopped running around and are staring at the woods
>You follow their line of sight and...
>Oh fuck
>That is a big fucking wolf
>Made of wood
>And its headed right for the girls
>Well looks like its time to put those balls you were just bragging about to the test

"AND YOU SHOULD OF SEEN HIM SIS! HE CAME RUNNIN' OVER LIKE PINKIE PIE SHOT HIM OUTTA ONE OF HER CANNONS!"
>You mimick Pinkie firing a cannon
"Then! Then he raised that big minotaur axe and smashed it right inta its front let and SPLIT IT IN HALF!"
>Your big sister pales a bit and looks over to where Anon is passed out on the couch
"The darned wolf stumbled and swiped at him with its other paw but Anon he rolled away. He dun tucked himself up like a ball and rolled!"
>You try to mimic what he did but just end up bumping into the table
"Then he got back up and started swiping at it with his axe. He hit it a few times until it managed to knock him on his back!"
>You dramatically fall back on the floor
"It started biting for him then! He rolled back an forth dodging the bites until he was able to get his axe up and with one swipe he lopped the things ear off!"
>You act it all out rolling around making a mess of your fur and mane
"Finally when he got back up the timberwolf landed a bite on his left arm! He screamed and started hitting it over and over with that axe!"
>>
>>29118127
>You try your best to act it out alone but you are a little tuckered out from rolling around and shouting the story at AJ
"HE kept hittin it even after the thing stop moving. It wasn't until the handle broke on his axe that he stopped! He stood there for a second before he shouted "VICTORY ACHIEVED!" and walked over to us with the wolf head still hangin off his arm and he was still clutching the broken axe."
>You stand up on your hind legs and shuffle with one of your forelegs dangling
>AJ is looking almost as pale as Sweetie Belle and her mouth is hanging open
"Then he asked us if we were alright. When we said yes he just smiled and said "Rest in pieces Sif" before he passed out. Then we went an got you."
>AJ just stares alternating between you and Anon slack-jawed at this point
>Finally she asks "Whats a Sif?"

Note: not the Anon who wrote the other thing
>>
> Be Anon, home after another day of work as a farrier
> Even after your usual afternoon shower, the scent of smoke and hot iron lingers
> You have more or less gotten used to it, like many things here
> You may be living in some weird horse-dominated dimension, but humans are nothing if not adaptive
> What you still haven't gotten used to is how they look at you
> It's been a solid year since you showed up, about ten months since you got good enough at smithing to make horseshoes, and six months since the last time you got an invitation to one of Pinkie's parties
> She's a nice mare, but that's all there is to it
> You have little enough in common with most of these ponies, your usual interests are mostly impossible with their current tech levels
> Then there's you way of speaking
> It's not like the horses are all sweetness and such, but apparently you are very rough spoken, especially for a stallion
> You honestly try to tone it down, but every once in a while, a curse slips out, or your sarcasm becomes a touch too cutting
> It doesn't help that you have started to slip into a spiral of isolation and irritability
> You aren't sure if your body is a factor, but old ways of thinking are hard to break out of
> You're pretty sure your belly is mostly muscle, even if it does protrude a bit
> Maybe it's because you are a bit of an alien
> Point is, mares don't see you
> Even though males are pretty thin on the ground, and fussy to boot
> You'll be shoeing a mare, and they'll be all business, no flirting, no friendliness
> Just, the bare minimum to get their hooves ready for the city streets
>>
>>29118139
> You thought it was just ponies having their own set of beauty standards, but no
> The minotauresses that occasionally wander through are always amused that a runt is doing cow's work
> They call you Flat-face
> It's not so bad, they are usually rather minimally clad, and close enough to human women that you get a nice show whenever they need to be shoed
> Most nights are like this one, the forge banked for the night, the stars dazzling from your view on the edge of town
> You sigh in the night air, surrounded by the silence of the edge of town
> You just don't know what to do anymore
> Get better at smithing?
> What for?
> To sell to distant mares?
> To be avoided by stallions that can't stand you?
> You stare down at your hands, rough with callouses
> You had hoped a new world would be a chance to change, to do something meaningful
> But no, you have always been and will always be what you are; Anonymous
>>
>>29118142
God, how depressing.
>>
>>29116828
Hmm well...
>Going to uncles.
>Drinking about 9-10 bottles of beer.
>Probably go full redneck.
>Get on a ATV and shoot at anything in the woods.
That or I'll stay home and drink till i forget I'm alone...
>>
>>29117934
Yeah, she will. I mean her vagina.
>>
>>29118010
I was always in your heart, Anon. I might not have a non-specific wintertime celebratory holiday-themed story for all y'all, but I have something cooking up. I was always with you, Anon. Something something two sets of foot prints
>>
>>29115307
That is FUCKING GENIUS!
>>
>>29118179
Psst, hey, hey you there.
You're not alone
You think you are, but your not.
There are plenty of people on board here that are just like you.
They all like the pony
So cheer up a bit, and think of the ponies.
If that won't work, then I can be a total fag and do this
N-no Homo
Have a hug.
>>
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>>29118132
>>
>>29116828
Work, have dinner.

Fix my car.
>>
>>29118172
>Anon often works the forge bare-chested
>all the ponies and minotaurs and whatever thought he was a gruff mountainman-girl the entire time due to behavior + vestigial teats
>>
>>29118339
Seems possible.
>>
>>29118142
Don't be like that, Anon. I come here for wish fulfilment and good feelings. Also I think it's a bit unrealistic that literally nobody (none of the 4+ sapient races) finds Anon all that attractive.
>>
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>>29118339
>Anon's a bit fat from living in modern America
>Ponies (or minotaurs; whoever, really) think that Anon is a lady b/c of man-tits
>Their face when penis occurs
>>
>>29118339
>Oh god, she has a penis.
>HE
>HE has a penis
>Oh Celestia oh mare oh Celestia oh mare
>What do you say
>YOU DON'T KNOW HOW TO ACT AROUND COLTS
>>
>>29117667
it is necessary when mind control fags try to push that shit in a wholesome thread.
>>
>>29118132
kek
>>
>>29118127
Applejack walking in on a bleeding Anon when
>>
>>29115649
>or winning the Spanish lottery.
>>
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>>29116231
>that webm
don't
>>
>>29117388
>"I-I promise to take responsibility, darling!"
>>
>>29117472
>>The same colt that made kindling out of an alpha timberwolf when he was watching the girls
>The mane 6 are uncomfortably reminded that Anon is, in fact, a predator species
>>
>>29116828
>eve
Computer and then family.

>day
Family and then computer.
>>
>>29118566
Now I want a fic with Anon taking care of a very pregnant Rarity who keeps trying to work and do things for Anon but Anon having none of it
>'It's just a little bulge darling. A mare has to work to provide for her family"
>>
>Dat earth pony strength
>Anon get earth pony hug
>CRACK
>>
>>29118625
"What if you're all alone when you get contractions?"
>Rarity laughs and playfully bats at you with a hoof.
>"Then I'll just walk down to the horsepital, darling."
>>
I've got the intro to HIGH IMPACT IMPERIAL VIOLENCE.

It's a bit sketchy, and the RGRE isn't very obvious, but I wanted to get it out today.

Also, most of the intro takes place in 40k.

>6TH OF JUNE, 41,944!
>THE DAEMONS ARE TURNING THE WAR!
>Which is bad for you.
>Very, very bad.
>You were born on the insignificant civilized world of Blacklist.
>And you were going to die on the insignificant civilized world of Blacklist.


>”Sergeant Anonymous, sir, the daemons are breaching the city walls!”
>You look over to the frightened private.
“We’re positively fucked, Unknown.”
>Before the private can respond, a sharp and harsh screech echoes through the building you inhabit.
>”They’re in the damn building, Sargeant!”
>You don't deign to acknowledge him as you pick up your las-rifle and lean against the side of the door.
>The other privates and one corporal wordlessly follow suit and begin to bunker down, their rifles trained on the door, awaiting it to open.
>You stand there for what seems like hours, waiting for the tail tale signs that daemons were going to start flooding the hall.
>The silence is broken by a distinctly feminine giggle and the faintest clack of nails dancing across a metal wall.
>>
>>29118638
>You don't dare open the door as the daemonette tracks down the hall, hoping the daemon would not know you were in this room.
>The tapping stops just outside of the door you were beside.
>The giggle resounds through the hallway as you grip your rifle hard enough to induce white knuckles.
>It's suddenly silent, the shallow breathing of you and your men the only sound to hear.
>You feel something cold stroke your cheek.
>This prompts you to immediately spin on the spot.
>”Foolish little human, thinking you can hide from-”
>She’s immediately cut off by your astounding battle panic.
“OH MY FUCKING GOD EMPEROR!”
>You quickly flip your rifle around and bring it down on the daemonette.
>The wet crack of rifle on flesh alerted you that it worked.
>The daemon hitting the ground from your wholly unexpected beatdown is the result.
>You lift your weapon and bring it down on the hit daemon’s head.
“HOLY FUCK.”
>The rifle hits her head again.
“SWEET EMPEROR ON A BIKE!”
>The rifle lands again as the daemonette weakly brings a claw up to stop the mauling.
“I DON'T WANNA DIE!”
>You bring it down again and the daemon’s cranium splatters the ground.
>The assault stops with you breathing heavily.
>You lift your head up from staring at the corpse of the monster.
>The rest of the squad is staring at you slightly gape jawed.
“What?”
>You all turn your attention back to the only opening of the room to await either relief or more warp spawn.
>>
>>29118638
>HIGH IMPACT IMPERIAL VIOLENCE
YES
>>
>>29118641
>Hours pass as the screeching picks up, complimented with screams of pain and death.
>You and your squad haven't moved or made a sound in all that time.
>With bated breath you finally decide to open the door.
>You poke your head out and look around, the hall was surprisingly clean.
>Though the yells and reeeeees stay strong, it is suspiciously quiet.
>You take a few tentative steps into the hall, ready to retreat back into the room at a moment's notice.
>It seems clear, as far as you can tell.
>You signal your squad to stay behind as you go up yet hall.
>The other doors lay closed, but you're fairly certain no other humans are in this wing.
>The butt of your rifle begins to release smoke into your face as the daemonette’s blood begins to deteriorate from the realm of the materiel.
>You sling your rifle to prevent it from blinding you.
>You stalk down the end of the hall, a door that leads to the main lobby of the building you inhabit.
>Nothing indicates that any other daemons have been in this hallway, you’re entirely curious.
>You hit the release on the door and take a look into the lobby.
>Nothing seems out of the ordinary despite a daemonic incursion slaughtering the city you're in.
>This all seems so wrong.
>You begin to feel a little jumpy at the quiet that has suddenly took over the outside.
>The screaming and other sounds had stopped right when you had passed the door frame.
>The door to your squad suddenly slams closed.
“Shit.”
>You rush to the door to get it open, mashing the release repeatedly.
>To no avail the door stays closed as your breathing picks up.
>You attempt to run the front doors, the ones that lead outside, and open them, the same result as before beleaguers you.
>>
>>29118641
>>”Foolish little human, thinking you can hide from-”
>>She’s immediately cut off by your astounding battle panic.
>“OH MY FUCKING GOD EMPEROR!”
kek
>>
>>29118645
>The other two doors must be just as sealed as these.
>You put your back on the front door and slide to a sitting position.
>Today is a shit day.
>The air in front of you simmers and sizzles.
>You grab your rifle and bring it to bear.
>You are human, you will not die lying.
>A small whoosh indicates something teleporting into the lobby.
>The first thing you notice is a beak.
>That's your cue to open fire.
>You pepper the beak and forming body of a greater daemon of Tzeentch with laser fire.
>It finishes forming and waits patiently for you to drain your charge.
>After around 30 seconds, your trigger pulls back to no effect.
>The massive talon of the Greater daemon reaches down and gently pushes your barrel to the ground.
>You stare into its insane eyes.
>”Who is the worst Runic Power?”
>You're taken a bit off guard at the question.
“Ahhhhhhhhhh… Nurgle?”
>You flinch as the thing raises it's talons, presumably to strike you down.
>Instead clapping floods the room.
>”Very good! Great! Amazing! Where do you want to be?”
“Somewhere better than this bloody incursion!”
>”That can be arranged.”
>Faster than you can comprehend you're lifted in its claws and chucked into a warp portal that was very suddenly open.
>You hurdle through the warp, preparing to be RIPPED AND TORN by its various daemons.
>It doesn't happen.
>In fact, it's rather peaceful.
>Like when you tripped balls on that contaminated water.
>Good times.
>>
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>>29118638
>>6TH OF JUNE, 41,944!
>>THE DAEMONS ARE TURNING THE WAR

mah nigga
>>
>>29118657
>Your floating through the immaterial is interrupted to bring you back into its opposite.
>You land on the ground face first and skid into something.
>Luckily you had a helmet on.
>You stand and brace yourself against what seems to be a very primitive wooden door.
>Absently, you open the door and see trees everywhere.
“Where the hell did that bastard send me?”
>A voice interrupts your pondering.
>”Ah, um, s-sir? Why are you in my cottage? Oh my Celestia. Why are you bleeding so much?”
>You slowly turn to look at whomever is talking to you.
>You spot a tiny yellow horse.
>”A-are you going to be OK? Do you need to go to the hospital?”
“You what, mate?”
>You promptly tall onto your face and into the depths of unconscious.
>Fucking blood loss.
>>
>>29118661
Nice. I am looking forwards to the next installment.
>>
>>29118661
Alright, RGRE will come next instalment. For now, give me feed back and (you)s.
>>
>>29116024
>>29116093

I tried again, but the grammar errors (so consistent I'm guessing they're intentional?) are too much. I could keep with it if it were just Finnish instead of finish and barley for barely, but every single plural has an apostrophe.
D'oh the pain, the pain of it all.
>>
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>>29118657
>to be RIPPED AND TORN
>>
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>>29118678
>put this song on
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a6BbvCC0VI0
>come back and refresh and this was just posted
IT IS A SIGN
>>
>>29118688
SO ARE YOUR DUBS, ANON!

Here's a Pastebin for everyone else.

http://pastebin.com/k5k7J8hb
>>
>>29118673
Yes i know it was extremely bad at the beginning. I didn't mean to do that and i will go back and fix it eventually. If someone wants to do it for me go ahead. I'm pretty sure my email is in the doc but otherwise i want to finish the story first. I am sorry if that ruins your read. I'm pretty sure i only got like 4 people actually reading it anyway...
>>
>>29118132
Still liked the thing, though your country bumpkin Bloom speak could use some work.
>>
>>29118142
I need moar, MOAR!
>>
>>29118339
That...sounds about right.
>>
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>>29118671
>Alright, RGRE will come next instalment. For now, give me feed back and (you)s.
Here's my (you), but it's too early to tell you if it's divine scripture or daemon shit just yet.
>>
>>29118632
"LIKE HELL YOU WILL! I will not let my waifu walk to the horsepital pregnant! I am fucking carrying you there!
>>
>>29118638
Fuck yeah, the Guard is up in this house!
>>
>>29118671
You need to check your spelling, your also missing words in some sentences, or using the wrong words entirely. Other than that, KEEP GOING!
>>
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>>29116828
Pigging out on christmas food so hard you might call it vore
>>
>>29117302
I'd personally be annoyed.

I don't need all of these gifts, it actually appears kind of superfluous on her part, something that she probably didn't mean but still does because it's the only way she knows how to treat a stallion.
>>
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>When you're waiting for more (you)s but you posted at the dead of night.
>>
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>>29119068
Spend it well
>>
>>29115649
I like a thing
>>
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What do anons consider to be their favorite RGRE greentext of all time?
>>
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>>29118671
continue
>>
>>29118671
> Demonette defeated by blind panic
Heh
> Tzeentch demon shitposting
I need more of this
"Slaanesh walks up and grabs the Emperor's ass right in front of you, what do? Hallucination related."
"I'll send you somewhere nice, but you have to eat all the eyeballs."
"I want to cum inside Commissar Cain"
"This is some melta-ass tanna, Jurgen."
"The Emperor is a background Warp God"

> Fluttershy's cottage
That's actually kind of brilliant, goodness knows Discord hangs around often enough to leave the taint of chaos
>>
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>>29119092
Is this the same comic that had the "seven minutes in heaven" line? I can't find the pic of it
Pic unrelated
>>
>>29116828
>Eve
I'm building some space marines right now.

>Day
Going to uncles farm for Christmas lunch and hope everyone doesn't notice I'm there so I can avoid awkward probing questions from my relatives.
>>
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>>29117514
>>
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>>29118132
>Rest in pieces Sif
>>
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>>29119210
Merry Christmas you filthy animal
>>
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>>29118657
>Like when you tripped balls on that contaminated water.
>Good times.
>>
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>>29119285
and a Happy New Year
>>
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>>29119285
Noice
But why are the speech bubbles different?
>>
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>>29119305
Budget cuts
>>
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>>29119311
I see
>>
>>29119311
>mfw there is an array of meat dishes being made in the kitchen but it's Christmas Eve and meat is haram
>>
>>29119394
I bet all of the meat shops in Sweden are closed right now as to not offend Muslims
>>
>>29119398
>Muslims
It's a Christian thing though too. And by extent probably coming from Judaism and passover rituals or whatever.
>>
>>29119092
God, I'd fuck her so hard.
>>
>>29118723
>sunibee.gif
>>
>>29118587
>The mane 6 are uncomfortably reminded that Anon is, in fact, a predator species
>Sans Rarity that is. She gets to be nice and smug that she sleeps with arms that could break her in half around her.
>The Lamb who tamed the Lion with love, as they say.
>>
>>29119537
>The coltiest of m6 who had public image of closet dyke is now believed to date a brutal predator
>When she mentions Anon "eating her" they all get rather gruesome images in their heads
"It's always the quiet ones"
>Says rather damp Roseluck
>>
>>29119173
well, Equestria's "taint of chaos" has to be wherever Discord is, because, well, you know...He's it's chaos, and that's his taint.
>>
>>29119770
Did Anon just get pushed out of Eris/Discord's taint?
>>
>>29119788
>Discords asshole is actually the portal to our Earth.
>Ponies think he was pregnant as he's suddenly screaming and having his anus destroyed as a gigantic baby pushes and slides out of it.
>>
>>29119828
I didn't need that image in my life.
>>
>>29119841
Now imagine forcing Discord to let you go back and see your family for Christmas.
>>
>>29119851
I'm good, nothing is lost staying out of his taint.
>>
In honor of Aussie christmas/Durnk's demands:

>You wake up to the clockspider's mating call
>it's hissing and clicking rousing you from sleep
"Crikey"
>That's the best way to start the day
>You snow-angel some space among the pile of fosters cans, reaching for your emergency tub of anti-swooping gel
>You rub the vegemite behind your ears and get out of the "bed", stretching
>aaaand bend over to touch your toe- oh hey, a death adder
>It has a green sticker on the top of it's head, and it hisses at you harshly
"Yeah, nah. Wat are you doin' off me donger?"
>Channeling your commonwealth heritage you grip the snake and shove it right back onto your dick
>Can't be too careful - dingo might take your babymaker in your sleep
>"A-ausnon?"
>You turn around and look at your pone companion
>She flicks her ears sleepily as she tries to wake up, calm down from the sheer amount of terror that is contained in the local fauna, and ogle your rump
>So, an average day
"Sheila, ya gotta get brecky goin'."
>She nods and steps out of the pile of fosters
>OH SHIT SHE FORGOT
"SHEILA!"
>She turns, and in slow motion you see it
>The most dreaded creature on the planet
>The Drop Bear
>Hissing and foaming at the eyes, it drops on your pone waifu
"SHEEEIIILLLAAAAAA"
>Your pone waifu screams and flails
>You rush to the tub of vegemite and grab a handful
>Such a waste, but no time!
>You slather it all over your pone, and the Drop Bear vanishes in a puff of smoke
>You cradle her in your arms, singing about Bollywogs and Kookaburras
>Tilting your head back, you channel the powers of Fuck off we're full
>A warm, 39 degree C glow envelops your pone
>The power of the metric system is made manifest in your arms
>The Eternal Kangaroo appears
>She knowingly stares into your eyes, and you nod
>From her pouch she pulls your waifu, healed and smelling slightly of coffee
>You check for any black flags, finding none
>You pet her and thank the Eternal Kangaroo with a cold beer
>Just another average monday
>>
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>>29119940
M80 pot80
>>
>>29119092
>"So? How'd it go?"
>You scoff and glare at Anon as he leaves to "go to the bathroom", or whatever horseapples excuse he used to get out of the room.
"Awful. He didn't even put out."
>Silver Spoon's eyes widen and she glances at Anon's retreating back. Her eyes are full of confusion and curiosity.
>"Really? I would have thought...."
>You bump her hip with your own; a little reminiscent of that dumb "sugarlump rump" thing you and Silver Spoon had way back when you were little fillies.
"I know, right? I mean, if even half of those rumours about his mane-petting and belly-rubbing were true, then you'd expect him to be a slut."
>Silver Spoon shakes her head and rolls her eyes.
>"So nothing, huh?"
"Nope. Seven minutes of heaven? More like..."
>...buck.
>You don't actually have anything witty prepared to say.
>Looks like you're going to have to wing it.
"....S-Seven minutes of... of... not slutting it up."
>Nailed it.
>>
>>29119940
Nice repost, BNW.
>>
>>29120012
Keep going, I wanna see DT and SS vying for Anon's attention then spilling spaghetti whenever he does something genuinely nice.
>>
>>29120012
this>>29120084
Make them good girls that any father pone would love to have at home.
>>
>>29119828
God... FUCKING dammit, Anon.
>>
>>29118310
Thank you. Have a lewd red heart.
>>
>>29119940
Durnk would be shedding a single tear if he were still alive and with us today.
>>
>>29120093
So what you mean is make them loving little cocksocks.
>>
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>>29119828
>Anon Ventura, Pone Detective.
>>
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>>29118657
>PDF noncom
>Knows the name of one of the Ruinous Powers

I'm afraid he'll have to come with me
>>
>>29120160
Nah, from that pic they are at least upper age teens or lower age adults. Like collage age or so. I mean making them into respectable adults. Cocksocking them is for when they are home.
>>29120175
The dude was fighting on a heretic battlefield, the crazy cultists are screaming that shit at the top of their lungs. Kinda hard not to know.
>>
>>29120165
God...damnit. That makes this >>29119828
sufferable. Fuuuuck. I need this now, good work on that gif.
>>
>>29119408
>It's a Christian thing though too
Lemme stop you right there, Christians can eat whatever the hell they want. Christians don't follow the Old Testament.
>>
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Hey, I managed to type out a Sunset-Twi chapter before Christmas. Here you guys go.
>>
>>29120340
>You were in Sunset’s bedroom, sitting on her bed
>For the last twenty minutes or so you had been hiding in here, quietly going over what the hay you had just done while looking around your friend’s room
>Sunset’s bedroom was a little smaller than yours back home, but just like the rest of her house what it lacked in size it more than made up for in coziness
>There were posters of half-naked men hanging on the walls, along with little nick-knacks and doo-dads that were sitting on shelves that had been placed around the room
>A great big wooden bookshelf, filled with books of all kinds, sat in the corner of the room
>The closet was partially opened, revealing dirty clothes and all manner of other things
>Then there was the bed
>It was a big one--queen-sized if you had to guess-- with Wonderbolt bed sheets and a springy bounciness to it that made you want to jump around on top of it like you used to do when you were little
>...
>But you couldn't do that...
>That was a fun thing
>Only good fillies could do fun things
>You weren't a good filly
>You had done a bad thing
>A very, VERY bad thing
>You stole the breath of a stallion that you barely knew
>And that was bad
>VERY bad...
>Sharing a breath with someone back home was one of the most intimate things that you could do with another pony
>It was only reserved for that special somepony that you loved more than anyone else
>It was for soulmates; the stallion or mare that you KNEW you were going to spend the rest of your life with
>And you...
>You had up and put your mouth right next to his
>JUST LIKE THAT!
>AND NOT ONLY THAT YOU WENT AND RAN AWAY RIGHT AFTER!
>Which, you knew, would only dig you deeper into the dung pile that you now found yourself in
>There were laws about stealing a stallion's breath back home
>SERIOUS laws
>Laws that would see you were thrown in a very deep, dark jail cell for a very long time
>>
>>29120340
>LAP
IT'S TIME
>>
>>29120340
UNF!

I LOVE MY LIFE!
>>
>>29120348

>And accident or not, it would be VERY difficult to explain away you breath-raping a stallion like you had
"Oh sweet Celestia forgive me..."
>You were bundled up in the Wonderbolt blanket that had been on the bed
>The clothes that Sunset had brought to you not that long ago were still sitting a few feet away from you on the edge of the bed
>You hadn't had time to put them on
>No...
>You were too busy staring at the bedroom door, your heart pounding in your chest
>You didn't care what Sunset said about it not being "a big deal", you were going to take responsibility for this
>You were a Princess of Equestrian darnit!
>Ponies were supposed to look up to you!
>You were supposed to personify all of the best traits of ponykind!
>You couldn't dust this under a rug!
>You couldn't run away and pretend that this didn't happen!
>As scared as you were, you were going to lay yourself at Anon's feet and let him decide your punishment
>And whatever punishment he gave you you'd go along with it
>Jail time, a public apology, bits, you'd do it all without a second thought
>It was the right thing to do
>The only thing that you could do and still call yourself a princess...
>You wiggled deeper into your blanket cocoon, your heart pounding in your chest with such force that you swore you could feel it tapping against your sternum
>...
>Come on then...
>Get up...
>Go and be a big mare...
>Go and own up to the bad thing...
>You tried to get up, tried to make your way over to the door so that you could go and find Anon, but you were rooted to the bed, shaking like a leaf
>>
>>29120356
>You were scared...
>Really scared...
>As scared as you've ever been in your life...
>...
>But that didn't matter!
>Get up, Sparkle!
>You can’t hide in this room for the rest of your life!
>You made a big mistake, and you were GOING to go and make it right!
>You were going to do downstairs and TALK to Anon!
>You BUCKING sissy!
"Come on... GET. UP..."
>Taking a deep breath, you squared your shoulders
>Your brown furrowed, and you set your mouth into a thin line
>Slowly but surely, you began to beat down the fear that was making your stomach do flips
>You then summoned strength from deep within yourself
>Shrugging off the blanket, you quickly stood up and puffed your chest out
>Even though it was FREEZING in the room you ignored it, staring hard at the door
>ALRIGHT!
>LET'S GO AND MAKE THIS RIGHT, FILLY!
>Your chest puffed up a little more and your hands balled into fists
>With a grim sense of determination, you took your first step toward the door and--
>"Um... Twi? Are you still in there?"
>...
>...
>...
>That sounded like Anon…
>...
>...
>...
>That was Anon...
>Anon was standing on the other side of the door
>He was standing there and he was about to open the doorandyellatyouandyouweregoingtogetthrowninjailandrapedbyabigfatcrosseyeddonkeyandtherewasn'tanythingthatyoucoulddoaboutit!
>There was a soft knocking at the door
>>
Holy shit, LaP, take a breather sometime. How have you not burned yourself out yet?
>>
>>29120363
>You barely stifled a yelp, covering your mouth with both hands
>OhmybuckingCelestiahe'srightbuckingthere!
>"Twilight?"
>You jumped, your knees knocking together
"Y-Yes Anon?" you squeaked
>"Can I come inside for a second? Please?" the stallion asked, nervousness as clear as day in his voice
>You tried to gulp but couldn't quite manage it
>Shit!
>Hewantedtocomeinside!
>Youweren'tready!
>Youweren'treadyatall!"
>Your head snapped back and forth, looking around the room
>The window was right there!
>If you went ahead and jumped through it then maybe--
>"Twi?"
>You jumped again, this time with a rather unmarely "eep" escaping your throat
"I, um, um, I mean, well--"
>You bit your thumb, tensing up
"...You can come in, Anon. If you want," you forced yourself to say
>Anon was quiet for a few moments
>"...Are you sure?"
>No...
>But there was no running away from this...
>You had to take whatever was about to come your way like a big filly...
"Y-Yes. I'm sure."
>"Alright then, I'm going to come in now."
>There was a click as the door knob was turned
>At that exact moment, you found yourself looking down at your completely nude form
>...
>>
>>29120374
>You were naked
>Humans had a nudity taboo
>There was no time to get any clothes on
>...
>You should probably get that blanket wrapped back around you...
>As the bedroom door began to open, you leap over to the bed and grabbed the blanket
>Nearly punching yourself in the face--TWICE!--you wrapped the thing around your bed and sat back down on Sunset's bed
>Just as your butt touched the mattress, Anon poked his head into the room
>"Twilight?"
>You nestled yourself into your cocoon, trying to hide your face
"I-I'm right here, Anon," you called
>This was it...
>This was how you went from a Hero of Equestria to one of the most hated ponies in all of Equis...
>Anon's eyes snapped toward you
>You flinched, not able to look him in the eye
>You couldn't...
>You had no right to...
>The door creaked as it was opened a little more
>Anon stepped into the room, quietly closing the door behind him
>You pulled the blanket around your frame a little tighter when you heard him making his way toward you
>He was going to start off with a punch or slap...
>Then the yelling was going to start...
>The yelling, the accusations, the demands...
>The crying...
>Closing your eyes, you pulled your head out from the cocoon
>If he was going to hit you you may as well give him a clear shot...
>You deserved it after all...
>Soon Anon was looming over you
>>
>>29120377
>Even though you couldn't look into his eyes you could see that his hands were reaching out toward you
>You tensed
>This was it...
>Get ready Sparkle...
>"Oh shit; you have a bruise on your forehead."
>You jumped when you felt Anon's hand on both of your cheeks
>His touch wasn't harsh however, like you had been expecting
>It was tender, gentle, like he didn't want to hurt you
>...
>Wat?
>Anon squatted down so that the two of you were eye-to-eye
>"That's a big one too," he continued, looking you over with genuine concern in his eyes. "At least it doesn't look like you got a bump on your head or anything..."
>His fingers delicately slid across your nose and cheeks
>One of his hands went up and lightly touched your forehead
>Anon made a face, regret and worry mixing in with his concern
>"That probably hurts like a son of a bitch though," he murmured, before looking into your eyes. "I'm sorry about messing up your head, Twi."
>...
"W-Wat?"
>"Do you need anything?" Anon continued, squatting down a little more. "An ice pack for your head? Or maybe an aspirin? I can get you some water if you want."
>...
>Why wasn't he yelling?
>Why did he looked concerned?
>Why in Celestia's name was he asking if YOU needed anything?
>YOU were the one that breath-raped him!
"I-I'm okay, really," you mumbled, not knowing how to feel at the moment
>"Are you sure?" Anon pressed, leaning forward until your noses were nearly touching. "We did hit our heads together pretty hard."
>>
>>29120382
>In response your grip on Anon tightened, and your shaking lessened slightly
>You were going to make this better...
>You didn't care what you had to do, you were going to make this up to Anon
>He deserved it
>He deserved it
>He deserved it…
“I… I… I.”
>”Shush, it’s alright. It’s alright…”
“I-I didn’t mean to…”
>”It’s alright, you’re alright. Everything’s okay…”
>Minutes passed
>Your shaking slowly went away
>Your babbling ceased, and so did your tears
>Eventually you just found yourself desperately holding Anon, quietly sniffling and nuzzling the human's neck, coating it and his shirt with your tears, slobber, and snot
>Anon himself was running his fingers through your hair, whispering words encouragement into your ear
>...
>Sweet Luna above was he warm...
>You shakily sighed, pressing more of yourself against him
"...A-Anon?" you whispered, your voice slightly hoarse from all of your crying
>Anon stopped stroking your hair for a moment
>"Yeah, Twi?" he murmured
>You sniffled, untangling an arm from around his neck so that you could wipe the tears from your face
>By Celestia's teats you must look like the biggest baby in the whole wide world...
"I-I'm sorry," you whimpered, leaning against him. "I'm so, so sorry..."
>"Sorry? For the crying?" Anon asked, confusion mixing in with the tenderness in his voice. "Because that's not that big of a deal. I know that girls like to--"
>...
>Crying?
>Why the hay would you be sorry about that?
>It might have made you look like a baby but it wasn’t THAT bad
>...
>Right...?
>Frowning, you pulled away from the stallion so that you could get a better look at him
>Looking into his face, you could see that he looked utterly baffled
>...For some reason...
"N-No, not crying," you interrupted, cleaning your face a little more with the back of your hand. "I was talking about the..."
>>
>>29120391
>Herecomestheyellingholdontoyourbutt!
>Anon cringed, reaching out and placing his hands on your shoulders
>"I-I mean, we don't have anything like that here," he said, his tone now normal, much to your relief. "I've never heard of anything like that before."
"T-That still doesn't make it any better," you weakly protested, grabbing the edges of the blanket and wrapping them tightly around yourself
>"It doesn't make it any worse!" Anon insisted, a small smile coming to his face. "Come on, Twilight, why the heck would I be mad at you for accidentally doing something?"
>He gave your shoulder a squeeze
>"And even if you DID mean to do it, why would I complain? I mean, I should be flattered that I pretty girl like you would even TALK to a guy like me!"
>He took a deep breath
>The warmth in his eyes dimmed
>His smile disappeared
>The sadness that you had seen this morning reappeared
>You sucked in a lungful of air when he tried to smile again, not quite managing it
>"...I mean, look at me..."
>He'slookssad!
>Thesmileinhisfaceisgone!
>Youneedtoprotectthatsmileyoudumbfilly!
>One of your hands shot out from your blanket to touch Anon's face
>He twitched, shying away from you
"Anon, what do you mean?" you asked, leaning toward him. "There's nothing wrong with you."
>Anon's lips just barely managed to curl upward in what might have been considered a smile
>"I know that there's nothing wrong with me, Twi," he said, in a tone that very much contradicted his words. "I just mean... you know."
>He shrugged helplessly, and your stomach tightened
"Anon, there's NOTHING wrong with you," you repeated a little more firmly. "You're one of the nicest, cutest stallions that I've ever met in my life. In fact, I think you’re great!"
>Anon's "smile" became a little more forced
>...
>>
>>29120401
>He didn't believe you...
>He didn't believe you...
>You could see it in his eyes...
"Anon."
>Your other arm slipped out from your cocoon, cupping the human's other cheek
>You gently pulled him toward the bed
>The sadness in his eyes made your heart skip a beat, but you steeled yourself
>There was something wrong with this kind, wonderful stallion
>There was something wrong and he had it bottled up
>And you were going to figure out what it was
"Sit down," you ordered with another tug
>Anon tried to pull away from your grasp
>"Why don't you go a-and get dressed first?" he suggested. "Then we can--"
>You frowned, your eyes narrowing
"Anon. Sit. DOWN."
>Anon's eyes widened slightly at the iron in your voice
>"I, um--"
"SIT."
>You tugged on him, prompting him to sit down right beside you
>The second that his butt had touched the mattress, your arms were around his neck and you had pulled him into a hug
"One of the nicest, cutest sta--”
>Your eyes widened
>“GUYS that I've ever met," you quickly corrected yourself, running a hand through his hair. "I've known you for two days and I can say that with complete sincerity..."
>It took a while to get Anon to say something worthwhile
>For about half an hour, no matter what you said or did, he would insist that everything was alright or try to change the subject
>But you were determined
>You had also read more psychology books in your free time than most psychologists
>It took some trial and error, a few nuzzles here, a probing question there, but eventually you started to get something out of him
>>
>>29120406
>It was a few things at first
>He commented that MAYBE you were exaggerating
>He wasn’t all that great of a guy
>Really, he wasn’t
>But, as what usually happened with this kind of stuff, that small trickle quickly became a flood
>Soon, it was all that you could do to keep your head above it all
>Fear
>Anxiety
>Disillusionment
>He wasn't tall enough
>He wasn't outgoing enough
>He was a weirdo
>His stallionhood was too small
>He couldn't talk with women no matter how hard he tried
>They seemed to speak another language
>People in general seemed to speak another language; one that could turn cruel, mean, and biting at a drop of the hat
>Girls like you didn't talk to guys like him unless it was for a joke or they needed something
>That was how things were...
>That was how they ALWAYS were...
>It was easier to just keep his head in a book, keep away from people so that he could be left in peace
>He'd rather live life a kissless, friendless virgin than put himself out there to get hurt...
>He didn't know why you and Sunset were being so nice to him
>You weren't supposed to
>Your kindness was SCARING him
>You listened to everything he said, holding him close and running your fingers through his hair
>You sometimes asked questions, nudged him in the right direction so that he told you all you wanted to hear, but you just mostly listened
>Every single thing that Anon said was rife with emotion
>Every word came from the heart
>What you were hearing was what this stallion had been carrying around with him for Celestia knows how long
>>
>>29120413
>And it was horrifying
>Beyond horrifying
>In fact, the longer you listened the more you began to feel physically sick
>How could something like this happen to Anon?
>He was sweet, cute!
>Easily husbando material!
>Things like this weren't supposed to happen to sweet, cute stallions like him!
>Back home, he'd have his pick of any herd that he wanted!
>Mares would be beating the cutiemarks off each other just to get a CHANCE of talking to him!
>He wasn't ugly!
>He wasn't weird!
>There wasn't anything wrong with his height and you thought his voice sounded LOVELY!
>And you might not have been his dick but you were positive that it was just as beautiful as the rest of him!
>...
>It wasn't right...
>It was sick!
>It went against everything that you were taught when you were little
>By the time that Anon's flow of words died down, and he was trying his hardest not to cry, there were tears in your eyes
>You felt horrible
>Beyond horrible
>With just a few questions you had turned this sweet, kind stallion into a blabbering, crying mess!
>You, of course, were trying your hardest to rectify this
>You had your arms wrapped around the poor colt, leaning him against you with his face pressed against your chest
>You were nuzzling the top of his head, trying your hardest to make him feel like the best, most beautiful stallion in the whole wide world
>Because he was
>Even if he, and the rest of the world, didn't think so
>"--And I k-know that you guys aren't trying to murder me anymore, but it just feels like somethings w-wrong," Anon murmured, rubbing his cheek against your bare chest with a sniffle. "I mean y-you and Sunset are two of the prettiest girls that I've ever met! Girls like you don't even LOOK at guys like me in r-real life. It just doesn't happen."
>He sniffled again
>>
>>29120417
>You held him all the tighter
>"B-But not only are you talking to me but you're being NICE. Really, truly nice for no good reason other than because you want to."
>Anon looked up at you, very real fear in his eyes
>Your heart leapt to your throat
>"Y-You're doing this because you w-want to, right?" he asked hesitantly. "Right?"
>...
>Sweet Celestia above... how many people hurt this sweet stallion...?
>You found yourself blinking away tears, one of your hands reaching up to cup his face
"A-Ano--"
>You cleared your throat
>Come on Twilight!
>Get it together!
>This stallion needs a rock!
>Since no one else was here, YOU need to be that bucking rock!
>Stroking Anon's cheek, you tried again
"Anon, Sunset and I would NEVER do anything to hurt you," you told him. "You're a great guy. A REALLY great guy."
>You smiled, leaning in to nuzzle his face
"When I came here, I was really nervous about talking to guys since I'm not... very popular with them back home..."
>"B-Bullshit," Anon automatically said with complete sincerity. "How the heck would a girl like you NOT have to beat guys away with a stick?"
>A smile wormed its way into your face, and Anon got another nuzzle for his efforts
"It's a little different back home," you explained. "A lot of girls are lonely, trying to find someone to love.”
>Your smile diminished slightly
“They all work really hard, trying to find someone, and a lot of them unfortunately never find that special someone.”
>You chuckled dryly, trying to ignore the tightness in your chest
"A lot of them go their whole lives without so much as kissing a stall--guy."
>The tightness in your chest was replaced with a pleasant warmth when you saw Anon's look of utter disbelief
>"So... you haven't had your first kiss yet?" he asked quietly
>>
>>29120420
>You nodded
"Yep. I've never kissed a guy before."
>Anon's face scrunched up and he looked away for a second
>"...Have you kissed a girl before then?"
>Doesthisbuckingcoltthingyou'readyke?
>You resisted the urge to boop the stallion in your arms, instead shaking your head
"Nope. I haven't kissed a boy or a girl," you admitted. "I've never had my first kiss."
>Anon's face scrunched up again
>He opened his mouth, then closed it, then opened it again
>This happened four more times before he found his words
>"...Really? You've never kissed anyone before?"
"Nope."
>"...Really-really?"
"Really-really."
>Anon took in a deep breath before releasing it with a bewildered expression
>"...But really though? I've never kissed a girl before but that-thmp!"
>You didn’t think...
>Your body moved on his own…
> Placing your hand under his jaw and lifting his head up as you leaned down
>Before Anon could finish his thought you lips were already pressed against his
>Your eyes fluttered as Anon's eyes widened in surprise
>It was a simple kiss, a little peck on the lips, but when your lips connected it felt like fireworks were going off in your chest
>You had gotten your first kiss
>You had also given Anon his first kiss
>Holding it for a moment or two, you pulled your lips away from his
>You then leaned back for more
>You stole Anon's second, third, fourth kiss in rapid succession
>Grabbing him by his collar, you then took his fifth, sixth, seventh, and eighth
>At the ninth he began kissing you back
>By the fifteenth you were pushing him into his back and straddling him
>By the twenty-fifth Anon had tears in his eyes
>Happy tears
>The same kind of tears that were in your eyes as you ran your fingers through his hair
>>
>>29120423
>His lips were soft
>His eyes were bright
>Twenty-seven, twenty-eight, twenty-nine...
>A happy mewl escaped your throat when you felt Anon's hands wrap around your back
>You pressed yourself against him more firmly, deepening your thirtieth kiss
>Your legs intertwined as you began to grind yourselves against each other
>Thirty-two, thirty-three, thirty-four
>You tugged at his hair, your heart beating at a mile a minute
>This felt like a dream...
>You didn't want it to end...
>Thirty-six, thirty-seven, thirty-eight...
>You wanted to lay on top of this stallion, kissing him until Celestia's sun burned out
"Hmm~"
>Breaking the fortieth kiss, you leaned forward and pressed your forehead again Anon's
>The two of you were breathing hard
>Your faces were red and your bodies were warm
>The two of you were also smiling
>Smiling bright, happy smiles
>Don’t think about what you were doing…
>If you thought about it you’d freak out and throw up…
>Just keep kissing him and smiling…
"Anon?" you murmured
>"Yeah?" Anon asked breathlessly
>You rubbed your nose against his, just taking a second to marvel the colt underneath you
>...
>Sweet Luna how did you get this lucky...?
"Do you want to see how we share a breath back home?" you asked, cupping his face with a hand
>Anon's eyes widened slightly
>"S-Sure, I'm love to," he said with a few quick nods
>You giggled, wiping away your tears
"Good. Now hold still~"
>Stroking his cheek, your placed your lips half an inch away from his
>>
>>29120427
"Now, when I breathe in you breathe out, and when you breathe out I'll breathe in, okay?"
>Anon nodded eagerly
>"A-Alright!"
>You giggled again
>Harmony above was he cute...
>You exhaled, looking into Anon's eyes
>As you did that, Anon inhaled
>He then exhaled
>Feeling butterflies in your stomach, you inhaled
>Don’t think about it…
>Don’t think about it…
>Sweet Celestia above don’t think about it...
>For what must have been five minutes the two of you shared your breaths, and each one was sweeter than the last
>...
>You were going to have to take Anon home somehow...
>Take him back to meet Spike, the girls, mom and dad...
>You giggled at the thought
>Your mom would probably probably pass out if you brought a stallion like Anon home...
>Dad would be bouncing for joy you'd bet...
>The girls would be jealous out of their horseshoes…
>...
>It would take a bit of work...
>The portal needed to be tweaked so that he could visit for more than a few days...
>He might not want to turn into a stallion, so there was also that to consider...
>Another giggle escaped you as Anon's hands slid across your bare back
>You might be getting a LITTLE ahead of yourself though
>You still need to cement your relationship with their stallion right here
>Show him that you're the kind of mare that he can love, marry, have a bunch of foals with
>...
>But how the hay did you do that...?
>Even though you didn't stop sharing your breath, the question did cause your brow to furrow slightly
>You've never had a coltfriend before...
>>
>>29120432
>You had NO idea what a relationship REALLY entailed...
>And what about the whole business of you being a pony?
>Would Anon freak out if he learned that you weren't a real girl?
>Would he want to go to Equestria at all?
>What if he didn't turn into a stallion when he went through the portal?
>What if he turned into a squirrel? Or a dog? Or some kind of slug or fish?!
>The warm, fuzzy feeling that had been filling you to the brim was quickly replaced with icy realization
>You had no idea what you were doing...
>None
>Nada
>Less than zero
>...
>You needed help...
>You needed to bring someone in on this...
>Someone who already knew enough about human stallions that they could ease Anon here into EVERYTHING...
>...
>...
>...
>SUNSET!
>YOU NEEDED TO TALK WITH SUNSET RIGHT NOW!
>RIGHTTHEBUCKNOW!
>You found yourself sitting up and looking around the room, panic and urgency making your skin tingle
>YOUNEEDEDTOGOANDTALKTOHERRIGHTNOW!
>SHE'DBEABLETOHELPMAKEANONLOVEYOUFOREVER!
>YOUJUSTNEEDEDTOGETHERINONYET!
>YEAHTHAT'LLSOLVEEVERYTHING!
>You looked over your shoulder toward the door
>You were about to get up, when a hand wrapped around your lower back
>Whipping your head back around, you looked down
>Anon was looking up at you, nervousness and confusion on his face
>...
>Anon was still there...
>ANON WAS STILL THERE AND YOU WERE STILL ON TOP OF HIM!
>SHIT!
>YOU WERE FREAKING OUT SO HARD THAT YOU ALMOST FORGOT ABOUT HIM!
>WHATTHEBUCKWASWRONGWITHYOU?!
>>
>>29120435
>Quickly leaning back down, you pressed your forehead against his yet again, making sure not to accidently brain him
"Anon, I know that we were both really liking the kissing, Celestia KNOWS that I did, but I need to get up for a second," you told him, not able to help yourself and giving him another peck on the lips. "I need to talk to Sunset about something important."
>You kissed him again, bringing your kiss count up to forty-four
"I promise that I'll be back up here as fast as I can--
>Forty-five, forty-six
"--then we can lie here as long as you want--"
>Forty-seven, forty-eight, forty-nine
"--I'll be RIGHT back," you promised, kissing his nose. "Don't go anywhere. Please. Pretty please.”
>Kissing him one last time to round your kisses out to an even fifty, you hopped off of the stallion--who would hopefully be YOUR stallion in the very near future--and made a beeline toward the door
"You'reareallygoodkisserandyousmellreallynicetoo!"
>Anon, still lying flat on his back, picked his head up and looked at you as you threw open the door
>"W-Wait, Twilight! You're n-naked right now!" he called
>You barely heard what he said, racing out into the hallway as fast as your feet could take you
"I'llberightbackIloveyouyoursmilebrightensupanentireroombye!"
>>
>>29120340
Thanks LaP, made my day.
>>
>>29120443
Alright, I'm done. I hope that each and everyone of you have a wonderful holiday.
>>
>>29119092
Cow tipping
>>
>>29120447
Best day ever.
>>
>>29120443
Are you ever going to go back to actual ponies? You've only posted EqG for the past long, long while and I'd like to actually have green of your quality that isn't, well, fucking EqG bullshit.
>>
>>29120340
Merry Christmas/Hearthswarming ya faget. Thanks for the stories you write, we truly appreciate it.
>>
>>29120447
MERRY CHRISTMAS, LAP.
>>
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>>29120447
Y-you too.
>>
>>29120484
There is literally nothing wrong with LaP's eqg stories.

They've been a breath of fresh air, something new to mix things up. It's been nice.
>>
>>29120443
Fucking hell I love adorkable twilight.

Thanks for posting this outstanding green LaP. Have a merry christmas and a fucking amazing new year.
>>
>>29120570
Except the fact that it's in the EqG world, where the setting and characters (besides m6) are very different. I don't like reading about RGRE in teenage-school-land, it's just a preference.
>>
>>29120588
Then don't read it. No need to shit up a nice thing here just because you don't like thing, m8. Just hide up the text/ignore it.
>>
>>29120605
I'm not reading, and I am ignoring it. That's why I'm wondering if LaP is ever going to do pone again.
>>
>>29120447
I.....I love you LaP senpai.
>>
I have been liking this one alot. I really hope you take it it though the portal and see how things go there as well. i cant think of a story with EQG that have anon go though the portal to any degree.
>>
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>>29120443
Thanks LaP, have a merry Christmas
>>
>>29120443
Mr. L&P, And all the writes, even the dead ones, happy holidays, have a good night and see you on the other side.
Today there's fucking hot day, think ahead because there will be black outs for the entire xmax-new year days new generators are being tested.
Kisses and Hugs.
No homo...Well, just a little, it's christmas after all.
Good luck.
>>
>>29120447
Well, this update pulled my head from my oven... the feels made me crawl all the way back in.
Its wonderful thank you.
>>
>>29118698
I didn't see your email in there.
It's not bad, it'd be readable if it weren't for the grammar problems.

>>29119092
I haven't read a lot of them really.
I might only be thinking of these because the fact that they're unfinished leaves them hooked into my mind.
But probably Just a Good Ol' Girls by FrostyBox,
with Twilight's DadAnon by Amphetanon as runner up.
>>
>>29120241
Well duh. All religions have discarded the inconvenient bits as we've moved into the modern age, it's just the extremists/fundamentalists that keep going crazy about anything they didn't already agree with.
>>
>>29120588
yeaah im gonna agree with >>29120605 here. I dont like EqG stuff either since I dont watch those movies, so I dont read the EqG stories that pop up in these threads.
The only reason I actually kept reading LaPs current story is that it featured pony Twilight just taking a visit for some nookie in another world. It also helps that it doesnt really reference any specific events from the movies either, except for the phonebook.
>>
>>29120241
>Christians can eat whatever the hell they want
Christians can't eat pussy because sodomy isn't allowed in the bible.
>>
>>29121841
>Can't eat pussy cause sodomy.
Wut?
>>
>>29121865
Oral and Anal sex are both acts of sodomy. People just instantaneously think of gay sex because 'muh puritan values'.
>>
>>29121880
Huh would ya look at that. Learn something new everyday.
>>
>>29121880
These days the legal definition of sodomy varies, but in most states that still have sodomy laws on the books, it includes "non-consensual".

But yes, for most of the history of the word sodomy, it included all "depraved sex acts". The homosexuality specific focus is only about 500 years old, and before then it even included bestiality.
>>
>>29120447
Merry Christmas, LaP. Thanks for the early present.
>>
Who else remembers http://desuarchive.org/mlp/thread/29019551/#29020307?
>Colts menstruate only instead of leaking blood, their dicks just grow teeth like the mouth inside of a xenomorph's mouth

>>"EERARRAHAAAHAH!"
>CHRIST
>Time Turner chuckles at you indulgently as you nearly fall backwards out of your seat.
>You steady yourself and start to look around wildly, trying to find what kind of horrible creature made that noise.
>Time Turner laughs a bit louder and pats you on the knee comfortingly.
>"Sorry, Anon, that was me. It's.... you know...."
>His eyes travel downwards, and for a moment you're a bit worried that he's checking you out.
>They snap back up to your face, and then travel downward again.
>It takes him a few more tries before you realize what he's doing and follow his unspoken direction to look down.
>>"EERRRRRHUUUHUHRRAAAAGH"
>This time you DO fall out of your chair.
>Sitting in between Time Turner's legs right where his cock should be....
>...is some kind of sand worm.
>What the actual-
>The tip of the worm opens its jaw and snaps its teeth at you, writhing around as though trying to escape from in between Time Turner's legs.
>You just barely suppress the urge to throw up violently.
"Wh...whah?"
>You're so horrified, disgusted, and confused that you're having trouble choking out your words right now.
>Time Turner reaches into his saddlebag and pulls out a napkin, which he uses to cover his monster-jank up.
>You can see the horrible thing wriggling and writhing under the cloth, somehow making the sight even worse than it was before.
>When you continue to stare at him (most likely in horror), he coughs uncomfortably into his hoof.
>"It's, uh... that time of the month for me." he says, trying not to catch your eye.
>His shy expression doesn't even twitch when his cock lets loose another screech.
>You decide to head home early today.

I'm so sorry.
>>
>>29122288
at least im not the only one here.
thanks for the green, even if it is old.
>>
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I'm going to write a lewd story about mint horse for the mintyest time of the year. a bit drunk soooo.
>>
>>29122288

I'll star my story too, stealing promts is easy.

Anon marriend to waifu and with daugther.
Anon is supervillian and waifu is superheroe.
Daughter knows inside and outside their suits.
They don't know eachother in their suits.
>>
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>>29120401
>"Anon, there's NOTHING wrong with you," you repeated a little more firmly. "You're one of the nicest, cutest stallions that I've ever met in my life. In fact, I think you’re great!"
>stallions
>>
>>29122538
It was intentional. She's anxious, and when one's anxious they tend to let things slip.
>>
>>29120447
you brought up something I have wanted to see done in one of these. I would do it myself if I could write worth a shit.

Ponies/changelings finding out the mental/emotional shit your average anon keeps bottled inside and generally being horrified/amazed that a person can keep, what is to them unimaginable pain, but to the average human just...shit you adjust to, buried inside.
>>
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>>29120413
>>He wasn't tall enough
>>He wasn't outgoing enough
>>He was a weirdo
>>His stallionhood was too small
One of those things is not exactly what I would expect from a psychiatrist session
>>
>>29122554
I figured from the next part. I was having a giggle at Twiggles' spaghetti
>>
What about the adorable dazzlings? Will there be a Christmas special?
>>
>>29122562
He does have an attractive naked woman draped over him.
>>
>>29122560
That's actually a really interesting idea.
>>
>>29113081
Dong Ring Do and The Temple of Lube


What am I doing in Christmas.....
>>
>>29122374
yay

>>29122766
>>29122560
I like it too. It fits in with the slight HFY vibe of RGR, and some other generals, but it's also so appropriate since the ponies practically live in a utopian paradise from a human point of view.
Fertile land, magical control of environment, they seem to have a socially advanced culture that favors conflict resolution as much as possible; providing physiological needs, safety. and everybody has a kind of destiny, esteem, and self-actualization built into their cutey mark.
Every piece of Maslow's Hierarchy provided more easily than here.
>>
>>29120417
>he had yet to turn into a cold lifeless husk
gotta give him props for that
>>
>>29113084
She loves you too, Anon.

Meri Kurisumasu.
>>
>>29120443
>>29120447
fuck was that cute

dammit lap stop ravaging my heart with these sickeningly cute updates

>"W-Wait, Twilight! You're n-naked right now!" he called
l-lewd
>>
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>Be the mintiest mint pone.
>So you must be Lyra.
>This is the worst heartswarming eve ever!
>You’re in heat.
>/mlh/ is slow because people are spending time with their families.
>Hell even cidreunknow is doing something.
>Ah, cidre. The oneshot king.
>But this is about you.
>The worst of all is you have a perfectly good stallion in the next room.
>A HUMAN stallion.
>You remember when he showed up.
>You had to beg Twilight to let him live with you.
>But even after a year he doesn’t know how you feel.
>He knows you like mlh.
>Hell the stallion watches the bucking show with you!
>Although he still doesn’t know about mlh.
>He’s too pure for that!
>And he’s your husbondo!
>YOURS!
>You’ll be damned if some unknown takes him from you!
>Right now you’re still trying to deal with this bucking heat!
>But nothing is helping.
>All you can think of is…
>Him…
>His long dexterous fingers.
>How they can pull your mane while you give him the ride of his life.
>His long arms that will pull you into a hug when he releases inside of you.
>Your superior pony stamina allowing you to last longer than him.
>Him only lasting 15 seconds while you last 30.
>>
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>>29123004
>The way he’ll hold you afterwards.
>Him whispering how much he loves you.
>How he never wants to let go…
>THAT’S IT!
>You can’t take it!
>You get off of your now soaked bed and trot to Anon’s room.
>You slowly crack open the door and peek into the dark room.
“Anon?”
>You whisper taking a step inside.
“Hey Anon. You awake?”
>You whisper lighting your horn up enough to see where you’re going.
>He must be asleep seeing as he hasn’t thrown a boot at you for waking him up.
>But what’s that smell?
>It’s musky.
>Not the normal musk from Anon.
>It’s deeper.
>More predatory.
>Almost like-
>No.
>He couldn’t be.
>Is… is he in heat too?
>You get to his bed.
>Should you really do this?
>This Anon.
>Your innocent human-
>Another surge of need runs through your body. Your body apparently not wanting to deal with your moral BS right now.
“Mmh, I’m really sorry about this Anon.”
>You whisper before gently crawling under the covers not wanting to wake him.
>>
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>>29123013
>Your horn still lit you see something that nearly makes your heart stop.
>He really IS in heat.
>He’s already hard saving you a bit of work.
>Why else would he already be hard?
>Not wanting to wait any longer you wrap your mouth around him slowly bobbing your head up and down.
>/mlh/ was right about one thing.
>He taste really salty.
>You love it!
>You lay there sucking on him for what seemed like forever before a bead of pre comes out.
>It’s the most amazing thing you ever tasted.
>Salty with a hint of sweetness.
>You’ve got a idea.
>You can kill two birds with one stone.
>You teleport a photography crystal to you taking a picture of yourself on him.
>This way if anypony on /mlh/ sees him and wants to claim him you can post this.
>You can feel their flank hurt now.
>Another shiver of need runs through you reminding you of your mission.
>Slowly and gentle you move up his body lining your pelvis with his.
>You try to get him in a couple of times.
>Instead he just slides across you a couple of times only causing your heat to get worse.
>After three more fails you get annoyed and wrap your magic around him and plunge down.
>You instantly realize your mistake as you swear he bucks forward making waves of pleasure run through you.
>You can’t help but let out a moan.
“O-oh Anon~”
>You wine as you begin to bounce up and down on his long shaft.
>You can’t barely hold back a scream of pleasure as you ride him. Your pussy tightening and trying to milk him as much as possible.
>As you begin to reach your limit you speed up trying your best to make him cum.
>>
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>>29122560
>>29122914
I want this. I want this a lot.

Especially with changelings since they'd be able to sense it and maybe get a feel for it themselves and try to make him feel better, burying him under a dozen warm changeling bodies.

Mostly because he's tainting the love supply.
>>
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>>29123022
>But sadly. In the end you get off first.
>You slam yourself down allowing waves of pleasure to run through you as you swear you feel him buck forward.
>You begin to ride it out still making sure he’s asleep in between humps.
>To your surprise while your riding your climax out Anon cums filling your with his hot human seed nearly making you cum again.
>Moaning you finally fall on top of him. Not even able to raise yourself up anymore.
>After what feels like forever. You raise off of him and crawl out of the covers.
“T-Thanks Anon.”
>You say as you kiss his still sleeping form before leaving the dark room.

>Be Anon.
>You where jerking it until Lyra walked into your room.
>You acted like you were asleep.
>You gotta say.
>Sex is MUCH better than jerking off.
>You wish you could have done more but you didn’t want to scare her so you just continued to act asleep.
>”T-Thanks Anon.” she whispers before leaving.
>No thank you pone you think to yourself.
>New objective. Marry Lyra.

The end. Sorry if it sucked I’m a bit tipsy.
P. S: I need more Lyra pics...
>>
>>29123004
>>Your superior pony stamina allowing you to last longer than him.
>>Him only lasting 15 seconds while you last 30.
kek
>>
>>29123032
It reminds me a little of the prompts about how insane and absurd human dreams are compared to ponies'.
Durnk did one where Anon dreamed he was eating cheese, and Luna showed up, so he stuffed every bit of Luna full of every kind of cheese.
There's another RGR story where Anon has nightmares about a modern battle that are literally just from movies + stories from a soldier brother, but he basically gives Luna PTSD.
>>
>>29123058
>There's another RGR story where Anon has nightmares about a modern battle that are literally just from movies + stories from a soldier brother, but he basically gives Luna PTSD.
I can't believe Amphetanon is fucking dead.
>>
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>>29123058
>>29123073
>Anon was an actual soldier/merc who did things he's not proud of and was in situations that sometimes manifest as nightmares.
>Luna spies the most turbulent nightmare she's ever seen in the dreamscape.
>One guess whose it is.
>The beyond horrifying things she sees are the things of true nightmares. The sort of things that would make Nightmare Moon vomit.
>And it all happened to a stallion no less. Adding in another layer of crushing despair to Luna's heart.
>The princess in nearly catatonic for a day after what she saw.
>Anon just wakes up and sighs, ready for some black coffee to make up for the poor sleep.
>The next day, the teary princess and a team of professional therapists are on his doorstep.
>>
>>29123058
I want to read that, pwease.
Anyone saved that green?
>>
>Page 7
You disgust me.
>>
>>29123486
its christmas eve and everybody is either traveling or with their familys. if the thread dies then they can create a knew one.
>>
>>29123037
good/10 would be okay with more
>>
Who was the author that wrote the RGRE principal Celestia and student Anon that was recently on here?
>>
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>>29123147
Yeah, sure, fuck it, I'd read that.
>>
>>29123495
Spending time with your family and appreciating each other is no excuse for letting a page on the internet (one which is easily replaceable) go dead.
>>
>>29123149
If you had spelled please correctly instead of trying to sound like a five year old I would have found it for you.
>>
>>29123559
ya got me there.
>>
>No Diamond Dog waifu
It's like Timberwolf waifu only it can talk and it's slightly less likely to attack ponies she sees as competition for Anon's affections.
>>
>>29123877
Also no bark ripping up your dick!
>>
>>29123545
http://pastebin.com/u/Uh-hmmm
>>
>>29123147
>"Breaking into someone's dreams is a serious offense on their privacy. Please don't do it again."
"BUH-BUT...!"
>[Door closing]
"..."
>>
>>29123603
But i am five. Mentally at least.
>>
>>29123990
>Anon goes on to continue suffering from PTSD
>Kills himself 5 years later because he is unable to cope with problems that could be treatable via therapy
wow what a story
>>
>>29123149
Since it was just one post I'll just copy it.
Durnk anun

>Be Anon in Equestria.
>Sleepan.
>You're dreaming about cheese.
>Now there's a blue horse here too.
>You offer it some cheese.
>It refuses.
>How rude!
>Fuck you horse, you're going to learn to love cheese.
>You grab the horse and hold its mouth open.
>It tries to escape but you close the door.
>Now is time for cheese, blue horse.
"Cheese."
>You shove pieces of cheese into her mouth and down her throat
>Both throat holes get all kinds of cheese shoved down them.
>You shove a little up the back way of its nose too, so it doesn't feel left out.
>Horsey tears run down its face, clearly from joy.
>Your bag of cheeses runs empty.
>You frown.
"We need more cheese."
>The bag is still empty, but now is made of burlap.
>You turn it inside out, now the emptyness is no longer on the inside of the bag.
>More cheese goes into your horsey friend, you also eat some.
>Most of it goes to the horse because you are polite.
>Looking into those horsey eyes, you see a lack of cheese.
>Which is soon fixed by pushing a few wheels into each.
>After a while there is no more room in the horse for cheese.
>All of its bits are blocked and overflowing with cheeses, even the naughty ones.
>The horse is shivering now, so you put a blanket on it and then put it into a bed with a hot water bottle.
>You leave the blue horse to rest and go back to your meal.

>Be Luna.
>You don't want to go to sleep anymore.
>You should have listened to sister when she warned you not to peep on the alien stallion.
>Why didn't you listen?

And the other one:
http://pastebin.com/4FTQmPf8
>>
>>29123877
>>29123929
Thank god I'm not the only one who wants a DD waifu.
>>
>Tensions are rising between Equestria and one of it's neighbors.
>It's nowhere near war yet, but Celestia likes to keep things from even getting to the point where that is a realistic option.
>A quick conversation with Luna over tea
>Some letters sent out to Ponyville and the Crystal Empire, among others
>And the wheels are in motion to solve several problems at once
>You'd been told by several different ponies, including your former Captain of the Guard and one particularly insistent human, that your military was not as effective as it should be.
>Several recent incidents had lent additional weight to their words, and had been a not insignificant cause of her current headache.
>If they think they can make improvements, lets see what they can do.

Soon at the Crystal Palace
>Cadence was having a wonderfully relaxing day
>Until the mail showed up
>Then her husband started laughing maniacally and muttering to himself that he'd "show them all"
>Before demanding that the senior guard commanders report to him ASAP and bolting for his game room
>She loved him
>She did
>But sometimes she really wondered why

Over in Ponyville
>"Hey! Hey Sweetie! Guess what?!"
"My *name*, is Bon Bon."
>"That's not what this says!" he teased as the letter waggled in his hand and a humongous grin stretched across his face.
>Bon Bon, AKA Agent Sweetie Drops, just glared at the world's only Human
>He may be sex on two legs, but he was also frequently one of the most irritating beings ever to have lived.
>And she knew exactly what he was waving around.

>Bucking Tartarus!
>Buck Anon
>Buck Celestia
>Buck it all.
>That letter that she had gotten this morning.
>Oh it was all phrased as though she had a choice
>She could just tell them all to Buck Off and leave her alone
>But Celestia *knew* she wouldn't, and Bonnie knew she knew it too.
>And unless things had changed since she 'retired', Celestia knew that too.
>Bucking crafty old alicorn.
>Knew exactly which buttons to push to get her way
>>
merry christmas neighbors
>>
>>29123149
>Wants to see a post on /mlp/ by Durnk anun containing the word cheese
lrn2search
http://desuarchive.org/mlp/search/text/cheese/username/Durnk%20anun/

>>29123037
Is good.
I am very flattered.

>>29123147
Don't stop there, continue it.

>>29123990
>>29124017
Come on, having Anon be unhappy about Luna's violations of his privacy when she's trying to therapise him could add to the story.
TheRapist

>>29124178
Good job Anon.

>>29124563
More please.

>>29120443
>>29120447
SO CUTE

>>29120158
F

>>29119398
They're closed because Christmas is a public holiday and everyone is off christmassing.

>>29118671
It is good.

>>29118142
Awww. So sad.
Keep going.

>>29118127
>>29115649
CHOP CHOP CHOPPING THAT MEAT

>>29115468
>>29115383
More like this.
>>
>>29124563
I only have some vague ideas of where to go from here, mostly consisting of military exercises and wargames and spy antics with Anon vs. Shining Armor for the most part all over Equestria with actual guardpones instead of miniatures.

Shining being better at defending against an army, but Anon being sneakier and more devious, infiltrating ahead of time to shift the odds, or trying to force/trick him into attacking instead of defending, where Anon has the advantage

Or having them teaming up against an arrogant mare officer, who wants to show the stallions how it's done, not realizing quite what she's getting herself into, what with Shining Armor being the biggest pony war nerd in recent history, and Anon being a predator and drawing on the human history of war and far too much time spent on vidya and miniature wargaming
>>
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>tfw fluttershy will never sing to you
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lo_HuLo8aDo
>>
>>29124759
>Or having them teaming up against an arrogant mare officer, who wants to show the stallions how it's done, not realizing quite what she's getting herself into, what with Shining Armor being the biggest pony war nerd in recent history, and Anon being a predator and drawing on the human history of war and far too much time spent on vidya and miniature wargaming

>mare challenges anon and shining
>not knowing she getting into a kind of gangbang that will leave her pride shattered
>>
>>29122288
This is kek worthy. Like the anon reacting to the colt greentext where they have to beat their fathers in combat and then fuck their monthers to prove themselves
>>
>>29124875
>not knowing she getting into a kind of gangbang that will leave her pride shattered
The kind with two mares instead of two colts?
>>
>>29124875
>Mare loses.
>Gets double penetrated and dominated as reward to the winners.
>Goes home and crys.
>Stallions aren't supposed to be the dominant.
>"Mares are!"
>"M-Mares ahahahaaaare!"
>*Extreme crying*
>>
>>29124872
Let me take you on a feels trip.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GYDFnDr81JQ
>>
>>29120413
And it all comes out now...wonder if Sunset is listening in on this.
>>
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Happy Christmas.
>>
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>>29125057
Its three in the morning! Go to bed!
>>
>>29125089
its not three its one in the fucking morning why wont YOU go to bed
>>
>>29125094
Bitch, it's a little past midnight. Fuck that noise, it's too early to sleep. Gotta stay up and watch for Santa.
>>
>>29125113
>Santa Mare
>>
>>29125117
>"Ho ho ho" she did snicker, and she twinkled her eyes
>"You're here just in time for your Christmas surprise! I've been checking my naughty list-twice, dirty human It seem /YOU/ are the naughtiest boy in the world!"
>>
>>29125113
Guys, it's 9:26 in the morning wake up alredy!
>>
>>29125122
"That gets me a stocking full of coal right? Where is it, I need some to throw on the fire."
>"Stockings? My, you *are* a naughty boy."
>>
>>29125122
>>29125136
Gave me >green please. i want my Christmas Surprise.
Anything... just

>Green
>>
>>29125094
here is 2:00 AM, AND I'M DRUNK IN THE ENGINE ROOM!
There's just so much cool air in there.
There are alot of propellers too.
Calm down, the propellers are not united witha electric motor.
Being engineer helps to know the weakness of the rival.
Keep it up pals.
I'll keep an eye for them propellers.
Feliz Navidad y Feliz Año Nuevo.
Merry Christmas and Happy New Year.
>>
>Gotta catch that ghost!
>Haha onii-chan is here for you little imouto.
>Mr. BEAR is the best war general ever.
>Ponies are so backwards and primitive it's adorable.
>Celestia is the pony queen, for she is the tallest.
>Twilight didn't know what sex was until she was seventeen.
>She tried having it with her boyfriend, Mr. Favorite-Book-Pile.
>Shining tells everyone that story every Hearth's Warming.

>Be Luna.
>Anon is clearly deeply mentally disturbed.
>Mr. Bear is an average liutenant at best.
>>
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>>29125172
>>
>>29120340
Still no bugbutt. Life is pain.
>>
>>29125136
>You're Santa Mare
>You never found any naughty colt like... 2000 years
>TFW virgin
>Until you found him
>>
>>29125172
>Celestia is the pony queen, for she is the tallest.
>Anon arrives
>Is taller
>Ponies now think he is Princess Celestia
>Tries to tell them he isn't Celestia
>Ponies now believe she is an alien and he is Princess Celestia

>>29125150
Write things for us.

>>29125225
>Be Satan mare
>You never found a naughty colt in like 2000 years
>Only that faggot Tirek who wouldn't put out
>Lonely here in Tartarus
>Feels bad mare
>>
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>>29113084
>>29122954
>>
>>29120447
Pretty sure there was a post or 2 missing in the first half.
>>
>>29123037
Moar please.
>>
>>29123147
I would read the shit out of this.
>>
>>29124759
This sounds hilarious, two warring nerds that are the equivalent of a actual geeky chick waging war against each other. I want this.
>>
well its christmas morning and im alone again, anybody here?
>>
>>29125768
Writan before I go to sleep.
>>
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>>29125781
good to see im not the only on here. good luck one the writing friend.
>>
>>29125812
Yo, not a writefag, but I am just as lifeless.
>>
>>29125858
still,merry christmas.
>>
>>29126048
Merry Christmas to you too.
>>
>>29125781
>>29125812
God bless you writefags
>>
>>29117530
Merry Christmas.

>The wind is blowing gently through brittle leaves
>The sun is a brilliant red stark against the golden sky of sunset
>The sound of laughter in the distance cements the fact that this is the comfy hour
>A stretch and the pops that follow tell you that you should move from this spot
>Or at all
>But to do that you’d have to pay the price of moving
That’s just a sacrifice I’m not willing to make.

>”Cutie Mark Crusaders Lumberjanes! YAY!
>From this distance it only sounded like regular yelling.
>A glance down the hill showed the three young fillies clumsily using an ax to chop at an old tree.
>Your first instinct is to stop them, but your pure comfort makes you hesitate.
They’ll be fine, not like I didn’t play with tools as a kid.
>You think about how you and your bro Tripfag would take your dad’s tools and saw and hammer and chop with abandon.
>You then think about how many times you idiots almost maimed yourselves.
>Swallowing down the rage at the acts of heresy against comfy you’re committing you stand up and lazily jog to the girls to save them from their own idiocy.

>At about halfway down the hill a howl cuts through the near silent field.
>The wind changes and the smell of rot assaults you.
>The laughter stops and the girls seem to be cowering away from the treeline, them clearly seeing something in the shadows of the darkening woods.
>As they turn and begin to run four wooden monsters emerge from the forest.
>The fear of the unknown grips you and gives you pause
>For half a second.
>Shattering the thought about their species before it can form you sprint towards the things.
>Wielding nothing but your fists and fear.
>As you close in on the girls and the monsters you see that they aren’t any larger than an average dog.
>Collies, not Winona or any other doglets that can fit in a purse.
>You tear past the terrified fillies not sparing a glance at them.
DON’T STOP RUNNING GIRLS!
>>
>>29126236
>You close in on the lead...thing and kick it square in its mouth.
>Luckily it isn’t as solid as it looks and it shatters into a pile of sticks, its glowing green eyes going dim.
>Taking out what appears to be the leader the wooden dogs see you as a threat.
>They growl menacingly and circle you.
>Taking the chance to look you see the panting girls on top of the hill Bloom frantically gesturing to Scoots who buzzes off on her-
>One of the braver dogs leaps to your throat in your distraction.
>You instinctively throw out a hand, catching it in the chest before it could maul you the force of your push sending it hard to the ground.

>Another takes advantage and sinks its teeth into your leg.
>Sharp pain tears up your body and you curbstomp the thing with your free leg.
>The teeth in your shin fall free but more than a couple stay embedded in your calf.
>The one you pushed away, while broken up some, is still moving.
>You quickly dispatch the thing before it could get up.
>Without the growling you can hear the steps of the other as it runs to pursue easier prey.
>The fear of the girls being hurt gives you another shot of adrenaline.
>Despite the injured leg you manage to catch up enough to grab its tail, throwing it off balance and flipping into the dirt.
>You rip the thing’s head off and throw it back towards the others.
>The body falls apart after that and the sticks lie still.

>You breathe out a massive sigh of relief.
>You look up to the girls and give them a smile and a thumbs up to let them know you’re ok.
>The smile become a pained cringe as pain explodes in your calf.
>You drop to a knee clutching your calf, wondering what happened to make it hurt even worse than it was.
>>
>>29126236
Based.
>>
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>>29126254
>As another shock of pain surges through you you get your answer.
>The wooden teeth in your calf are wiggling and tearing themselves out.
>Being as close to the ground as you are you see the sticks that made up the body of the monster you just dispatched roll to the pile where you took out most of them.
>The sticks slowly build themselves up to something bigger than you.
>This was out of your fucking league.

>You try to make your way up the hill only for the pain in your leg to be overwhelming.
>The girls start to make their way down to help you.
“Stay back!,” you scream at the two brave fillies, “Hide in the barn!”
>”We can’t leave you Mr. Anon!”
>”Scootaloo is goin’ to get Aj, and ah ain’t gonna abandon you.”
>You turn to look at the thing, you can already make out it hunched back shape.
>Your terror reaches a fever pitch and morphs into anger at the girls’ disregard for their safety.
Get in the goddamn barn, NOW! Don’t fucking argue! Run! FUCKING RUN!

>Tears in their eyes, they turn and run to the barn not far from the tree you were sitting under.
>Looking for anything you can use, you spot the discarded ax and hobble to it the best you can.
>A howl that shakes the earth comes from the beast.
>You grab the ax and hold it close.
>You doubt it’ll do much but you can only hope you can hold it off long enough for someone to come get the girls out of here.
>It charges you, and to its surprise you charge it.
>Your legs are screaming at you to stop, your brain is screaming at you to turn around, and you’re just screaming.
>You have a moment to be shocked at the scream sounding like a battlecry.
>>
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>>29126266
>The wolf doesn’t expect you to run at it so it overshoots its first attempt to eat you.
>Under the thing you cock back the ax and swing with everything you have.
>It tears through the smaller branches, but gets lodged in the thicker wood at the center.
>The monster roars in pain and swats at you, knocking you away.
>You roll on the ground a few feet and faintly hear a girlish scream.
>Thanking Jesus for the fact that you caught the paw and not the wicked claws you scramble to your feet to see the wooden thing nipping at the ax in its leg.
>You clench your teeth and sprint at the thing, fresh adrenaline numbing your savaged leg as you make for its other fore leg.
>You climb up the leg, careful not to use your bloody leg to support too much weight.
>If you fall now you know you’re dead.
>Within seconds you’re on top of the thing, clutching for dear life, thankful that it isn’t paying you as much mind as the ax stuck in its leg.
>Crawling to its head you rip off the crown-like growth from its head and begin digging into its skull.
>After a few layers of loose sticks are tossed aside you see solid wood.
>With no alternatives you punch at it with all your might hoping it is thin enough to yield.
>The massive wolf takes notice and starts to shake.
>You shove your good leg a few branches deep into the wolf’s wooden body using the seemingly loose sticks to keep you anchored.
>Clutching random branches on thing’s head with your right hand you rain blows with your left.
Come on you fucking bitch.
>You do no damage, but you are able to move the wood enough to see a seam, keeping two pieces of the ‘skull’ together.
>You claw at the small seam trying to get a grip, ignoring the splinters and bleeding fingernails.
>After a bit of effort you manage to get a few fingers in it and you pull with all that you can.
>>
>>29126277
>The wolf is bucking in a panic, you know you’re on the right track.
>The wood splits and opens to reveal a glowing hole.
>You look closer to see a ball of glowing black vines with glassy blue thorns coming out of it.
>Without thinking you shove your hand into the hold and grab the snake-like vines.
>Sharp pain engulfs your hand, as it feels like you’re clutching a ball of burning razors.
>You pull again, sore arm protesting the strain.
>You yank at it again and again, holding fast despite your hand being slick with blood.
>With one final heave you free the mass from the wolf.
>In an instant the beast grows still.
>Within seconds it collapses.
>You tumble down still holding the thing’s ‘brain’ fearful that it’ll rise again if you don’t.

>Looking you see the girls emerge from the barn
>Casting your eyes down you see that the mass is still pulsing with light and life
>”Oh my gosh, Mr Anon!”
Fire.
>”Whut? Anon, we need to get you to the hos-
>Petting the yellow filly with your good hand, you smile as if you weren’t suffering from blood loss and exhaustion.
Get me some fire Applebloom.
>The girl’s eyes are puffy and tearful.
>”Alright, just please be alright. Ok.”
Ok Bloom, don’t worry. Sweets will keep me company, right Sweets?
>The white filly clutches your leg, heedless of the dirt and dried blood, and merely nods.
>Applebloom runs back to the farm, and is back a few moments later with a kerosine lantern in her teeth.
>You think its kerosine, probably some magic bullshit or something.
>Taking the lantern from her with one hand you carefully lift the glass and pull the burning wick out.
Hold this Sweetie.
>The crying filly holds the burning wick in her magic as you lift the lantern and pour the fuel onto the remains of the beast’s head.
>Gently grabbing the wick from the emerald magic you toss it onto the wet wood.
>The flames start high and hot.
>>
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>>29126287
>Walking to where the ax lays still embedded in the remains of the leg, you grab it with one arm and hold down the thick limb with a leg.
>It comes out cleanly and you walk back to where the head was and poked at the sticks about it to get the fire going strong.

>After a bit of time the fire is roaring.
>You glance at the ball of pain in your hand, and toss it into the flames.
>It lets lose a high pitched screech and a series of pops as the fluids within boil and escape.
I hope to God almighty that you can feel that you fucking bitch.

>Kicking the ‘crown’ onto its side you sit and watch the macabre bonfire, with the girls.
>The loss of adrenaline and the dull pain of your wounds remind you that they’re there.
>Tearing a bit of your surprisingly intact shirt you make a quick bandage for your hand and leg.
>Once you’re done Applebloom moves to lay her head on your thigh, where you rest your bandaged hand.
>Sweetie Belle crawls up and clutches your neck murmuring apologies and thanks.
>”Holy bucking Celestia...”
>You turn to see the girls
>Applebloom gets up and runs to hug her sister, staying by her side but keeping an eye on the burning monster.
>The mares are all wearing shocked faces except for a heavily panting Scootaloo, who is being held in Rainbow’s arms
>”Th-they were all at the library, but I got them. You should’ve seen how fast I was Rainbow Dash!”
>”Yeah kiddo fastest filly in Ponyville.”
>”Twilight, i-is that…?”
>”I can’t believe it either Starlight, that’s an alpha timber wolf.”

>A short laugh escapes your lips.
>Nothing here is named without being a fucking pun.
>”Sweetie Belle! What happened?!”, Rarity almost screams in a blind panic for her sister.
>”I’m alright Rarity, this isn’t my blood”.
>>
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>>29126306
>Only now do you notice the small streaks of blood on the filly’s face from when she hugged your leg earlier.
>Even with her assurance, Rarity still runs up to check out Sweetie.
>Blue magic pulls off flecks of dried blood as the keen eyed mare inspects her sister for any wounds.
>Once sure her sister is ok, Rarity looks at your battered and bloody body with a strange look in her eye.
>Before she can say anything Fluttershy is already hovering over your shoulder.
>”Oh no, you’re badly hurt, and these bites need to be disinfected. Timberwolf mouths are filled with many harmful bacteria.”
>She grips your arm to lift you, but you don’t yield.
It’ll have to wait, I’m not going anywhere until this son of a bitch is nothing but ashes.
>She looks you in the eyes.
>You don’t waver.
>Turning she flies over to Rainbow and lifts Scootaloo out of her arms.
>”Rainbow, fly to my cottage as fast as you can. I don’t care if you have to break open the window, tell Angel ‘code green’ and bring back the parcel he gives to you. Go!”
>No argument was brooked or given as Dash streaked off, with nothing but a trail of color telling of her passing.
>”Darling, I cannot thank you enough for keeping my sister safe. I will do any- no everything you need for me to try to repay you.”
>You can’t help but smile.
>You did good.
>Damn good.
>Your ancestors must be proud as fuck.
>Taking a quick glance over your ruined outfit, you already know.
I just need a new shirt and pants, and we’ll call it square.

>She opens her mouth to say something, but she decides otherwise and closes her mouth and takes on a very determined looks and nods curtly.
>So you just sit and endure the throbbing pain in your body as you watch the m- timber wolf burn.
>>
>>29126236
>>29126254
>>29126266
>>29126277
>>29126287
>>29126306
>>29126317
congrats, you got dubs twice and gave green. you magnificent fuck.
>>
>>29126317
>A shirt and pants.
>That is what he wanted.
>Battles an alpha timberwolf with nothing but an ax and courage.
>A battle that by all rights he should have lost.
>Saves the lives of your sister and her two best friends and all he asks for is for a shirt and pants.

>He is a knight, from Gran gran’s old stories.
>He is the most noble hearted stallion that you have ever known, real or imaginary.
>A prince in deed and valor.
>You feel a new wave of disgust thinking back to the attentions you paid Blueblood, and Trenderhoof.
>Useless pretty boys with nothing in their hearts besides bits and vanity.
>You take a bolt of cloudcloth down and cut a large square from it.
>It doesn’t matter if it costs 100 bits per yard.
>He is worth it.
>He is worth it and so much more.
>A dozen needles dance in the air as you bring life to your vision.
>No sewing machines for this one.
>Every stitch shall be horn-crafted.
>You will replicate his t-shirt and jeans stitch by stitch.
>Only crafted from the most comfortable materials money can buy.
>Then you shall see where inspiration takes you.
>If it takes you your whole life, and every bit that MAN will know the extent of your gratitude.
>>
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>>29126337
Holy shit that got away from me.
I only meant it to be a 2 post thing to get the write muscle going.

Pastebin later. Should've been asleep hours ago.
>>
>>29126337
>>29126355
Good job.
Was this for Shuk's birthday too?
Because that timberwolf is fucked
>>
>>29124681
>Anon knows how pervy pony mares are
>He also notices how their names have double meanings
>Refuses to go see "The Rapist" in order to help his mental issues
>>
>>29126317
Fucking awesome.
>>
> Anon doesn't know why he always gets socks from the mares
> Or why they never look him in the eyes when they do
> But they are easily the comfiest socks he's ever had, if a bit lacy
> He makes sure to wear them when he thanks each mare, in public
> It is a time of shame for the mares of Ponyville
>>
>>29126355
>>29126337
Hot damn man, that was good. Scratch that, fucking awesome. 10/10 would read more.
>>
>>29126442
>he does this on purpose
>after all, anon isn't retarded
>he was merely pretending
>>
>>29126388
>While The Rapist is a damn good psychiatrist who is renowned across Equesria for her skills and true commitment to helping those in her care, she has a dark secret
>The Rapist is actually a serial rapist
>But she'd never rape a patient
>There are rules against that sort of thing
>The medical ethics board would never stand for a doctor having intimate relations with their patient.
>She swore an oath when she graduated med school and she meant it.
>Fortunately it looks like Princess Luna might decide that she isn't required for this case after all.

>>29126442
>Anon always gets socks for Christmas
>>
>>29126388
>Anon gets raped by "The Rapist"
>Anon then decides to seek therapy
>"The Rapist" ends up being his mental health counselor
>>
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>>29126485
>>
Alright, what happened to the story about an Anon in a wasteland type area being 'hunted' by the main 6. I remember something about a snake helping him escape and he needed his trusty broom. I don't remember seeing anything with this in a while, though I had to miss quite a few days worth of thread reading. Is it still ongoing?
>>
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MERRY CHRISTMAS RGRE
>>
>>29120484
Maybe he's bored of ponies.
>>
>>29126997
Top cute m8
>>
>>29126355
vera good. 10/10, I like it and enjoyed it.
>>
>>29126337
That was magnificent. Pleas make more
>>
> Be Santa Mare
> You should be glad that so many ponies have been good these past years
> And you are, but it also means that you have a huge stockpile of coal with nowhere to go
> You stopped your parasprite minions from mining the stuff years ago
> You needed the extra labor to keep up toy production
> You sigh, stretching out the ol' withers and flank
> Well, it's that time of year again, better check the lists
> Nice list is literally a mile long
> Yeah, you're only checking it once
> A parasprite bumps into you, helpfully carrying a little slip of paper
> Naughty List, blanks as alw-
> Hold up
> Who is Anonymous?

> Be Anonymous, pretending to sleep
> In your time in Equestria, you've noticed ponies are unbelievably gullible
> You feel a little guilty about the"gotcha nose" incident, and that time with the thumb trick
> Luckily, you convinced them it was all a dream, so now it's Luna's problem
> Which brings you to now, where you are lying in wait for whatever Santa equivalent little horse land has
> Stocking?
> Hung like a horse
> Tree?
> Twinkly and ribboned up
>>
>>29127263
> Plate of cookies and glass of milk?
> The absolute best chocolate chip cookies you can make from the recipe on the chocolate chip bag
> And an oatmeal raisin cookie, because you can
> Milk in a wine glass
> Bed?
> You are camped out by the fireplace in a sleeping bag, with your trusty teddy bear
> Time for your flawless acting
"Honk, choo, honk, choo."
> That's the sound of sleep, no mistake
> After a few minutes, you hear the telltale sound of hoofsteps on the roof
> Showtime
> You hear rustling from the fireplace, then a thump
> A pause
> "I know you're awake."
> What a nice, mature female voice
> But she's bluffing
> "I'm not bluffing."
> Damn, she wins this round
> You make a big show of yawning and running your eyes
> Looks like Santa Mare is something of a silver cougar, with the toned and slender body of a Canterlot socialite, under a loose red cloak that stops just short of the curve of her flank
> Nice
"Nice to meet you, Santa. Would you like some milk and cookies?"
> She smiles wryly
> "Don't mind if I do. Now let's see..."
> Silvery light plucks the oatmeal raisin cookie from the plate
> "Oatmeal raisin, really?"
"Well,"
> "It's nice to have some variety, but who do you think you're fooling?"
> You have the distinct feeling that you may not be on the nice list anymore
"It was worth a try. How is it, by the way?"
> She takes a bite, her eyebrows rising
> "This actually pretty good. Do you have more?"
"Uh, yeah, just a moment."
> You retrieve a plateful from the fridge, setting it before Santa
> She eyes the glass of milk
> "I bet you even jizzed in the milk, eh?"
> What?
> She lifts it in her magic, swirling the glass contemplatively
"Actually,"
> Santa Mare tilts her head back and drinks it all in one gulp
> ...
> She then looks at you with half-lidded eyes, licking her lips
> "I have a proposition for you, you naughty colt."
> You are standing at attention, in all sorts of ways
"What do you have in mind?"
>>
>>29127270
> She takes a sinuous step towards you
> "I have a lot of coal I need to get rid of, and exactly one person on the naughty list."
> Santa takes another step towards you, her flank shifting hypnotically
> "I'm going to need you to stay on that naughty list, and get coal every year."
> Her cloak unfastens, slipping to the floor
> She rears up, placing her hooves on your chest
> "But don't worry."
> She nuzzles your neck
> "We'll be naughty together."
> You grin, grabbing her by the haunches
"You give me coal, I'll give you diamonds."
> She hums sensuously, her plush rump shifting in your hands
> Her eyes gaze at you with a terrifying hunger
> "It's such short notice, it's fine if you don't wrap your package."
> And that's how you became Father Christmas in Equestria
>>
>>29127275
effing hilarious. Good one, that had me laughing enough I needed to set down my coffee.
>>
>>29127275
Pretty fun.
>>
>>29127454
>Coffee
>Not waking up and drinking glorious potatoe water like true man.
Do you even pone?
>>
>>29127487
I'm saving that for after I get back from my cousin's place for Christmas dinner. He has 3 kids ages 9-14, so I'll need to relax with something mind numbing after I get back.
>>
>>29127575
Get drunk and go shoot shiy in the woods thst what im doin.
>>
>>29127601
I got a idea... If dubs i find a portal and get to ride a ATV through ponyvill.
>>
>>29127601
You can come to my property and shoot with me anytime.
>>
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>>29127615
Fuck. Oh well worth a shot i guess.
>>
>>29126978
Heli is dead
>>
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>>29127618
What state you in?
>>
>>29127634
Texas
>>
>>29127628
I'll give you mine once I find them.
>>
>>29127642
Fuck. I'm in SC...
>>
>>29127655
Only time I was in SC was for Basic when I was in the Army. Fort Jackson. Back in the 90s. Yeah, I'm old.
>>
>>29127646
>Actually giving up heaven for a shit writefag.
No Anon. You take it and you fuck yourslf a pone!
>>
>>29127664
I live near Fort Jackson. When i moved here their fucking planes would wake me up.
>>
>>29127665
>Giving up heaven
Bruh I just want my succubus ponies in tartarus.
>>
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>>29127679
Fuck. A. Pone.
>>
>>29127690
DON'T TELL ME WHAT TO DO, YOU AREN'T MY REAL DAD. LAP ISN'T HERE.
>>
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>>29127703
WHY WON'T YOU LET ME LOVE YOU! JUST FUCK THE PONE SON! FUCK THE PONE!
>>
>>29127713
>"And by awhile, I mean never"
>"MOOOOOOOOOM!"
>>
>>29127690
What's happening here?
>>
>>29127713
NO I'M GONNA GO TO TARTARUS AND FUCK ALL THE SUCUPONE!
>>
>>29127725
A smidge of autism.
>>
>>29127275
Fun and lewd, good job.
>>
>>29127275
I love you anon.
>>
>>29125233
I want this.
>Celestia even believes that she is an alien.
> She acts like she's from Earth and makes stuff up to go on adventures with the main 6.
>Anon is angry and confused about all of this.
>It doesn't help that he can now some how raise and lower the sun.
>>
>>29127866
The previous Anons have all been manlets, making them shorter than Celestia.
>>
>>29126355
Thanks for the treat, Anon. Merry Christmas to you too.
>>
>>29126337
Dude I'd read the fuck out of this story if it continues
>>
quick question for you guys, I've been thinking of writing a story with nerdy anon and lots of /tg/ in it. Would you guys prefer equestria girls warhammer or equestria hyperspace hyperwars?
>>
>>29128037
Both.
>>
>>29126337
>Pastebin later
I love you mystery anon.
>>29127275
T-thank you Santa mare...
Pastebin please.
>>29128037
Equestria hyperspace hyperwars.
>>
>>29128037
I am cool with either or.
>>
TasteTheNon? Are you here?

We need new Image!
>>
>>29128117
> Pastebin please
Okay
http://pastebin.com/fvQnp8yP
>>
>>29128037
I'm good with either though I'm leaning slightly more towards EHH.
>>
>>29127263
>>29127270
>>29127275
Well done anon. Thanks for this Christmas present.
>>
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>>29126337
10/10 would read about the other mare's reactions when word gets around
>>
>>29126306
>I hope to God almighty that you can feel that you fucking bitch.

I love how Anon has a post-mortem one-liner. I'll bet you anything that the CMC made damn well sure to mention how "cool" it was when they told other ponies the story.
>>
>>29126773
"Y-You!"
>The mare rolls her eyes as you cower away from her.
>"Oh, relax," she chides, "I keep work and play separate."
>>
>>29128283
THIS!

HE READ MY MIND!
>>
M-mmmmust sleep.


New Thread
>>29128315
>>29128315
>>
>>29128322
you can sleep when your dead.
>>
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>>29126997
>"A-Anon!"
>Rarity wriggles around in your hands like a fussy toddler.
>"I appreciate the holiday-themed accessory, dear, and Celestia knows that you can always trust a colt to accessorize..."
>Always these subtle little "fuck you"s from Rarity.
>"...I must insist that you put me down!"
"Nope."
>You pull her into a loose hug, cradling her rump and supporting her back.
>Just like a cat.
>"St-stop cuddling with me at once, you brute!"
>Rarity takes a swipe at your head, but you let go of her back and catch her hoof with your hand.
>She, of course, tries to take it back, but you firmly hold it in place.
>Her fussing stops when you nuzzle the top of her head.
"You're my present this year, Rarity."
>IncestuousFolgersCommercial.webm
>Rarity's face heats up and she buries it in your chest.
>"Pre-horsemarital c-cuddles? That's so..."
>You feel her tail coil around your thigh, the tip tickling your groin.
>"...so absolutely lewd, darling~"
>You turned the lights off, but she kept the bow on.
>>
>>29127866
It was funny before, but this really pushed it over the edge. That's comedy genius.
The ludicrous things that Celestia just randomly makes up about Earth and "my native race: humans". Anon just being incredibly pissed off when he tries to prove he's not Celestia by trying to make the sun set, and then it does.
It's never completely clear if the world is actually this bizarre, or if it's an elaborate prank for Celestia to blow off steam and maybe hit on Twilight some.
>>
>>29128037
Eqg please.
>>
>>29127263
>> Stocking?
>> Hung like a horse
kek
I'm honestly surprised that "hung like a horse" doesn't appear very often in green posted here.
>>
>>29127642
>Texas
I'm so sorry.
>>
>>29127275
Santa Pony, slip a stable under the tree, for me
Been an awful nice guy
Santa Pony, and hurry down the chimney tonight

Santa Pony, a pretty flank pervertible, light blue
I'll wait up for you, dear
Santa Pony, and hurry down the chimney tonight

Think of all the lewd I've missed
Think of all the fillies that I haven't kissed
Next year I could be also good
If you'll check off my Christmas list
>>
>>29127713
Need green where Twilight brings Anon to her parent's house for the holidays
>"Anon? My parents are having me over for the Hearth's Warming."
>Aww. Tiny horses getting together for tiny horse Christmas.
>Adorable.
"Well, I guess this is goodbye until the holidays are over. You have fun, okay?"
>Twilight looks distinctly uncomfortable and starts trotting in place like a widdle sweetheart.
>How-can-my-roommate-be-this-cute.animus
>She clears her throat and does her best to look you in the eye; she's only partially successful.
>"They're under the impression that I have a coltfriend now, and they're expecting to see him at dinner."
>A blush lights up Twilight's face as she looks down and scuffs the floor with her front hoof.
>"And I, uh... I MIGHT have - hypothetically speaking - maybe sorta told my parents that, you know, my colt friend is... you."
>What.

Anon agreed to go when Twilight promised to buy him a nice dong ring from the famous Canterlot jewelers, and to keep her aunt Night Shine from getting drunk and hitting on him.
>>
>>29126337
>>29126355
I really liked this.

He went full RIP AND TEAR on that beastie.
>>
>>29127866
>Luna just sighs and goes with it.
>This isn't as bad as Celestia's Caligula phase.
>Anon is given his own tiara and golden horse shoes to wear over his current shoes.
>>
You still have this thread in your thread watcher.
>>
>>29129920
I love you all
>>
shits gone yo
>>
>>29130059
RIP
Best thread in a while.
Thread posts: 519
Thread images: 119


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