Princess Applejack

>>29070987
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Here is full archive of the stories in condensed, easy-to-read form with all chatter in-between removed.
Check out the pastebin here:
http://pastebin.com/u/PrincessApplejack

Curious what happened last time?
Check out the previous thread here:>>29025369
You are completely new and have no idea what is going on? There is a wikia with an overview of all characters, a complete timeline, previous thread recaps and explanation of the various concepts used in these stories!
Check out the wiki here:http://princess-aj.wikia.com/wiki/Princess_Applejack_Wiki

Confused about when a character first showed up or who they are? Want to know when an arc started? Check out character notes and details here :
https://docs.google.com/spreadsheets/d/1PsMAwLcIdC3IYxezAV9Ko4neEguNvc3eQqQqiTCxdDs/edit#gid=2119378650
Check out the 'Princess Applejack: Re-Cut Edition' here: https://docs.google.com/document/d/15cv3kqExr_vOM0JkUh4dqnvVKxJ5Z-P1KHwE8Z7aG0k/edit?usp=sharing

Are you interested in the dark side of these threads?
Check out our collection of NSFW stories here:
http://pastebin.com/u/NSFT_NotSafeForTwo_

And above all else, enjoy your stay at /paj/!

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first for:

EVERYTHING GOES WRONG

First for Chapplejack!

>AJ
"Celestia"
~~~

>Hey, Celestia? Gotta question.

"And I have disintegration eyes! I totally do! I promise! I can shoot lasers out of my eyes right now and disintegrate stuff, not a particle left behind, don't test me!"

>Ah'm callin' yer' bluff.

"And why do you think that?!"

>Because iffin' it was an option to make stuff vanish without a trace, a lot more paperwork would go missin'.

"Touche."

>But seriously, Mah' question is-

~Actually, Ah' have a question, if you don't mind me cutting in. Why is everything broken and wrong around here!? There are so many problems with Equestria, and everything's a mess! We need to talk about this!~

For Princess Celestia, the whole world just stopped. She didn't believe it, didn't think the world could be that cruel, didn't think there was that much hate in the world.

But when she turned around to where the very familiar and hair raising voice came from, she was left with only two options.

One, either she had dreamed up that image of her mother, her father, and everything with them, and there truly was no just god in this or any other universe.

Or two, the universe truly, truly hated her.

That was the only two options that could feasibly be real, when she found herself looking face to face with, of all things, another Applejack.

~It's all your fault, isn't it?~

If she'd had her gun, a head would have been blown right off.

"...nooooope."

She wasn't sure which one.

>>29071064
...oh.


FfffffffuuuuuuuuUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU

>>29071064
So that's what happened with Sunset, okay, I'm with you now.

>>29071064
Awwwwwe shieeeeeet it begins, ziggah!

Not sure if HYPE or DREAD...

>>29071015
>>29071064
...same author, or prophecy?

>>29071064
I was so scared the normal guy who writes these would beat me to it, but I just HAD to start off a thread with this, it would have been blasphemy not to.

>>29071064
ALTERJAAACKKKKK!

HAPPENING

>>29071083
Latter. I can guarantee you those two are not one and the same.

>>29071087
Amen. And well done. We have been waiting for this for a long time... and here it is. Another AJ cutting in.

>>29071087
While I will admit, using that Header that we are grown so normalized to in order to trick us like that was a stroke of Brilliance that we really can't do on any other level, I do hope that's not the whole of her introduction, we do need an explanation at all this. As a start-up, it was perfect as could be, you can't really top that. That said, need to know what the fuck is going on

>>29071087
So for those of us wanting to write... wait for the full revelation of what's going on, or...?

>>29071118
Seconded.

>>29071064
Perfect
>>29071118
Well, obviously we're going to get more than that

>>29071118
>>29071123
Don't worry, her full intro and setting the stage is coming early tomorrow afternoon, and I'm going to leave enough that anybody can join in and add in their own funny spin to it. I'll handle the groundwork ASAP, but for all the writers out there who want to join in, I am going to leave in all the stuff alternate universe AJ doesn't know about our regular world. So, get ready for that. She's going to have to learn absolutely everything about our world, everything. I'm just going to handle her actually explaining how she got here, and why she's acting like she is. I'm going to leave the most fun stuff so everyone can join in, obviously.

>>29071155
Er, when I say leave in, I mean leave out. I am leaving OUT her learning anything about the world so that you all can join in on what jokes to make as she learns them. She won't learn anything about the world in the story, it's just explanation setup.

See, this is why I need sleep.

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>>29071155
>>29071166
Ultimate straight man AlterAJ, What's this What's this: the Reckoning, and poking fun at our universe the way we used to poke fun at canon.

I dig it.

>>29071208
Agreed, I am so fucking ready for this.

>>29071064
So, what was >yfw you realized that Sunset's solution to all the problems in the world is ANOTHER Princess Applejack?

Actually, scratch that, I just want to see Sunset's face when she realizes. It propably can't be put into a picture, it'd be that priceless.

>>29071227
More like what she looks like when she realizes the universe hates her so much, that it would literally turn her attempts at godhood into more AJ.

>>29071244
I'm just curious what happened with them. Did she beat her up? Did they get into a fight at all? Did she even land there? What happened there!

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Pinkie Preview Prophecies

>Applejack gives Rarity an ugly sweater.
>If Pinkie bugs Diamond Tiara in one place and Cadence in another, how many ponies will she be able to confuse?
>Fluttershy frets over gifts, but it turns out oddly well.
>Spike and Rainbow Dash pull an awesome.
>Twilight spends some quality time with Celestia.
>It's Luna's time to make revenue.
>The Crusaders become part of an epic snowball fight.
>Steamy fanservice!

>>29071278
Speaking of that last story... there are some point I want to analyze, before they get lost.

>They had expanded, grown, and dozens of seemingly innocuous towers now lined the Equestrian lands, and beyond.
Do apparently, there some foreboding kind of... network across the world now? I doubt it's just a communication hub. It's bigger than that and could have big relevance later.

Then the gentle care Chitty showed for Sunset, followed by the oddly tender tone between 13 and and Sunset... it feels like their relationship progressed a lot during the 9 month break and their are genuinely close together despite the gap between 13 and Chitania. I have no doubt there will be trouble later when this triangle comes out, but in the meantime, I find it downright endearing how bother mother and daughter care for Sunset's wellbeing and she actually, honestly returns the sentiment.

>>29071327
Chitty I get, she did the same thing on drugs, but her and 13 legit sound like sisters

>>29071327
I'm still worried that mega bug is just using her and still only thinks of her as an asset.

>>29071064
Awwwwwww shiiiiiit.... Where's my popcorn because it's about to go DOWN.

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>tfw too intelligent to like princess Applejack.

>>29071710
Suicide would probably be inevitable

>>29071995
Princess Applejack VS the only bitch as stubborn as her!

>>29071710
Well she's obviously only using her for her own goal, but it remains to be seen if the gradual caring she's been developing will turn into something that she didn't expect.

>>29072983
I'm pretty sure the hate boner we have for sunset will make sure we make chitty back stomp her into the mud. Just saying, sunny is doomed.

>>29073016
You say that like our hateboner for Chitty isn't just as strong, if not worse.

That said, at least we know when it happens, we won't like it if it's out of nowhere.

>Actarius
“JJ”
‘???’
~~~~

>I’m starting to think I might have to start paying ponies to come in here so they know it can be done.

“To be fair, you ponies are sissies when it comes to seeing something tall and black.”

>Hey!

“Not all of you, obviously! You’re someone who looks at it and goes “Yep, I can handle that easily.” But most, they’re like “Oh my! I couldn’t possibly handle that! I’d die!” And bleehh.”

>Well, they do seem intimidated…

“It’s scary unless you know how good it can be!”

>That’s true, but you never seemed scared by the tall white thing.

“You kidding? I was terrified!”

>Seriously?

“Yeah, I didn’t know what it could do, I thought I might get ripped in half!”

>Wow, bet you were surprised.

“Surprisingly easy and fun, yeah.”

>But how can I get everyone to understand this is the same way?

“Well, I guess we should start by-“

SLAM!

>…

“…”

‘YOOUUUUU!’

>…Is… is that-

‘REMOVE BUTT FROM THE SEAT OF ZHETRI THUL!’

>Er, miss Vekir, I don’t think-

‘RARRRRRGARBLE!’

>AIIIIEEEEEEEE!

“…Huh, and I thought he only screamed like that with me.”

>>29073133
>She won't let 32 go

Awwww...

>>29073090
I'm pretty sure our hate boner for Sunny is worse, we shunned her, made her kill herself for acknowledgement, then tried to make it seem like she was the bad guy for trying to fix herself and succeeding by making a deal with the devil cause the benevolent beings that should have helped on sheer principle decided they didn't care enough.

Yeah I'm pretty sure Sunny is worse off.

>>29073314
That's only like three things.

>>29073325
One of those things is her being dead!

>Blueblood
“PJ”
~~~~

>Again?

The changeling’s smirk lopsided and halfhearted smirk could not have looked more disingenuous, even if the blood seeping down the left side of her face somehow managed to transfer to the other side.

“Hey, what can I say? I live dangerous.”

The fanciful ex-royal may have changed from his stuck up age, but no change could keep his scoff from sounding as pretentious and dismissive as it did.

>More like you live foolishly and want to appear more impressive than you are.

She didn’t argue that, or the now open door when he stepped aside to let her in. She didn’t bother to wait, or brush off the thick tracks of mud she dragged in with her every step inside.

“Kinda the whole point, Bluey, our opponents are a little more impressive than expected, I’ve got to keep up.”

>And clearly this is helping!

She blew a raspberry, punctuating it by dropping down the heavy weights of her infamous gear on his pristine floor.

“It is. I’m a lot faster and stronger than I was before. My reaction times are putting my old records to shame.”

The stallion distastefully stepped over the gunked up things, turning up his nose in disgust at the smell of oil and muck.

>And what good will that be against Chitania?

“Who said I was going right for her? When you want to topple a tower, you don’t go for the big part, you need to take out the support, if you catch my drift.”

The unicorn paused mid-lift of the device, and noticed the changelings smirk seemed a lot more genuine.

“Magic’s fast, I have to be faster. One shot, she’s done.”

>You’re serious?

The changeling shrugged, an act that also managed to dislodged the cloak from her back.

“She’s not playing around, Bluey. Or did you not work up the courage to go see Forty Two yet?”

He looked away in shame, unable to admit he hadn’t.

1/2

>>29073549

>It still feels wrong. I know what it’s like to feel… betrayed, and want to lash out, and not realize just how much of a terror you’ve become. She might not even know, she might not even care, but it seems unfair. I… didn’t deserve anymore of a chance than she does.

The changeling paused in her last act, removing the final belt that clipped her belt to her chest.

“Tell you what…”

She dropped it to the ground, adding to the filth all over, and turned around to face him, trotting up until she could poke a single dirty hoof under his immaculate white chin.

“If it’ll make you feel better, I’ll aim for her horn first. No magic, lot easier to deal with, right?”

It was such a brutal and disgusting idea, enough to churn any normal unicorn’s stomach, but instead the stallion found himself smiling.

>Thank you.

Her smirk turned to a smile, and she flicked under his chin.

“Hey, I owe you that much. Figures if you’re going to let me crash here all the time, I can at least not behead someone for you.”

She turned around, ignoring his raised eyebrow and strange look, and strutted towards the bathroom.

>Just going to leave this mess you’ve made, really?

She paused at the door, leaning back to look over her shoulder enough to give him a wink.

“At least after you get dirty, the shower will be open to use.”

She openly laughed at his huffing face, and shut the door with a single kick.

>…that mare.

He turned back to the mess on the floor, and he grimaced. There was more than just muck, dirt and leaves in there this time, and he knew she was going to need more love than normal this go round.

>She’s going to get herself killed someday…

But that was another argument for another time. For now, the stallion had to do what had become his calling in life. Clean up everyone elses mess, and wait for the next one.

>Time to get dirty again.

>>29073555
That is uncomfortably sexy

>>29073638
Right? Nothing urgent, but very much… There.

>Applejack
“Celestia”
‘AUjack’
~~~

Applejack stared.

Celestia stared.

And lastly, Applejack stared.

Despite loud protests from any who would witness it that such a thing was impossible, this somehow made sense in a way.

At least, as much sense as the former farm mare could gather when she looked into her own eyes mirrored back at her, surrounded by a face that was so very familiar, yet so very strange.

The mare on the other side did not hold the same gaping, confused open mouth as the pony before her. Instead, the other held a scowl, a hard face beneath a hard glare surrounded by sharp and imposing glasses that rested on her crinkled nose.

The other mare’s body was stiff, at least from the portions that could be seen. Most lie hidden beneath a rustic yet proper looking vest, one tied together by a series of finely cleaned buttons and a silken bow around her neck, a shining and impressive apple emblem holding it all together.

The hard mare’s head, bereft of the hat that should have been there on top of it and seemed empty without it, shifted to the side, and the tied back hair behind her shifted with it. The long locks, held together behind her ears by a bright red bow and missing the band at the bottom to make it a true ponytail, were as clean as they were fresh, smelling of some simple yet effective shampoo that gave it a luster not matched by the mare still staring at her in abject shock.

They studied one another, one more analytical, one far more concerned with understanding what lie before her and what implications came with it. Two minds raced concurrent to each other, each one forming their own thoughts and theories as to make some semblance of sense of the absurdity before them, both coming short of finding anything even close to satisfactory.

“Applejack?”

1/5

>>29073755

The elder mare, much to her shame, couldn’t help but jump when both heads swiveled to the side, looking to her with expressions so starkly different but equally worrying in her own mind.

>Who in tarnation is this!?

The true Applejack, as the taller mare had to remind herself over and over to differentiate the two, kept pointing with reckless abandon, as if this simple act could make any sort of sense as to what she was seeing.

‘Ah’ was about to ask the exact same thing!’

The same voice, albeit harsher, more refined, and with an accent far less thick and occasionally slipping away, came out just as she swatted the offending limb away.

‘When the portal sucked me through, Ah’ expected something would have gone wrong, but Ah’ most certainly did not expect this! This whole place is a wreck!’

The hat adorned head snapped back, not even bothering to pick up her jaw on the way there.

>That’s what ya’ care about!? That!? Of all the… ya’ll do realize this ain’t right, don’t you!?

Stiff shoulders rolled in an approximation of what could be called a shrug, her face never moving from the seemingly eternal scowl it had.

‘Figured it out pretty quickly. One second, Ah’m home, then the last thing Ah’ saw was a swirling light, a pull and then Ah’ was… somewhere, all beat up and feeling like Ah’ fell off the castle. Memory’s fuzzy for the inbetween, but when Ah’ saw Canterlot, it was pretty obvious what happened, so Ah’m not worried, Twilight’s probably ninety percent done getting me back, she saw me go. A lot of them saw me go, not like Ah’ just vanished.’

>And yer’ okay with that!?

The same hoof that had batted her away before came back, hard and cold, and flicked her right under the nose.

2/5

>>29073762

‘Course Ah’m not okay with it! This whole mess is getting on my nerves, Ah’ve got shit to do! Ah’ found you because I was was goning ask my counterpart to get me back home with her Twilights help, but clearly from what Ah’ve seen, everyone is so disorganized it’s doubtful you can manage a dang train station!’

Both princesses of that world continued to stare, their already fractured minds splitting evermore into a thousand more pieces with every single word that came out of her mouth. Even trying, and try they did, to understand her kept breaking apart at the final lap with the same thought that sabotaged their every attempt.

“You’re… rather unbothered by the whole, ‘being in another universe’ thing.”

‘Of course Ah’m not, this whole place is a mess!’

>That ain’t what she’s talkin’ about, why in tarnation do ya’ think that’s what she’s talkin’ about!?

‘Because unlike you, Ah’ know how to use my head!’

>EXCUSE ME!?

Unwilling, or possibly unable to take anymore from the seemingly endless flow of insanity that would not stop coming out of the one in front of her, the mare snapped. She moved forwards, much to her counterpart’s ire, and what little fear she’d had remaining evaporated away with a twisting ire that she was all too happy to display to the dismissive one who shared her body.

‘You heard me.’

Her fury was matched with cold, calculating rage.

>Ah’ don’t think Ah’ did, please, fill us in, oh wise and brilliant me!

3/5

>>29073773

‘It’s pretty simple, obvious how you missed it. Unlike you, Ah’ figured out what’s going on, mapped out the options, already took stock of this mess and made sure that Ah’ve got the best way to use this opportunity! Do Ah' know what's going on? No, Ah' don't have idea one what's different or what's the same! The plan was, make my way here, figure out what's different from you, someone Ah' thought was competent! Well, that changed! Ah' don't know why this world is like this, Ah’ didn’t want to be here, didn’t ask to be here, but if the sky’s going to open up and drag me down here, might as well make the best of it before my actually competent and well put together world comes to pluck me out of this crapsack one! Course, then there’s you, losing your mind like a child!’

>Unlike you, we just ain’t tryin’ to act all cool when someone from another dang reality walks right up in front of us!

‘Ah’m not acting cool, Ah’m being smart, you would know that if you knew the first thing about what comes with the wings and horn!’

>Me!? Look at you! What in tarnation are you wearing!

‘Ah’m wearing royal attire, because Ah’ am a royal, see the connection there? Or do you need a roadmap? Not that you would know how to read it, look at this place! You’ve remodeled the roadwork so much it’s like a child drew all over it!’

>At least Ah’ don’t look like some wanna-be!

‘Ah’ don’t wanna be anything, Ah’ just know what Ah’ve got to be! And unlike you, Ah’m clearly doing it and fixing Equestria’s problems! Where did you go so wrong!?’

>What did you turn into!?

Applejack glared.

Applejack glared harder.

Both, unwilling to move, kept their stance strong, powerful and furious, daring the other to move, daring the other to even try to take so much as an inch forwards, and ready to break out into whatever it took to put the other one down if the fight may come.

4/5

>>29073782

Applejack’s muscles tensed.

Applejack’s horn glowed with an unnatural color.

Everything seemed read to break when they gave the word go.

“Ahem.”

Both very nearly leapt at each other, only stalling when they realized the voice hadn’t come from either set of stone stilled lips, but instead the worried and shaken taller mare just off to the side that the pair had completely forgotten about in their confrontation.

“I feel we’re both getting… a little off topic here, and a little intense, don’t you agree?”

Neither even looked away.

“I think we agree. Clearly, our universes are different, right? We can accept that. You said you don’t know what’s different here? Well, we don’t know what’s different with you. So, let’s get down to it, why don’t we both go over really quickly what, exactly, made us so different in the first place?”

Applejack glared.

Applejack glared harder.

‘Fine.’

Neither relaxed, even if they backed off.

>Fine. So, what happened to you? When did you become a princess?

‘Just after the Equestrian Games tryout. Ah’ don’t know what happened with yours, but mine had Spitfire and Fleetfoot try to get Dash over to her side, made a mess of things. When’d you turn?’

Applejack blinked.

Celestia blinked.

‘What?’

>Was… was one of the first things ya’ had to do as a princess, was it dealin’ with a bunch’a subjects who thought you were gonna make them eat apples?

‘Yeah? Idiots.’

“And my subjects, I love them, but-“

‘They got the memory spans of gohpers, Ah’ know.’

Applejack looked to Celestia.

Celestia looked to Applejack.

‘What!? Stop lookin’ like that!’

>…Hey, alternate me?

‘What is the matter with you?’

>How’s the fence comin’?

‘Ah’ got that thing built years ago!’

It was going to be some time before either could pick their jaws up off the ground.

>…we got a lot to talk about.

>>29073790
>Applejack
>being shown up
>in her own thread
>by herself

What a time to be alive, lads.

I already like AlterJack more than our Applejack, who keeps dragging her hooves... sigh...

>>29073790
So, this AJ is-
>More direct
>Her accent and manner of speech is almost gone and replaced by more 'normal' tones
>Is much more analytical and examining of every problem
>Sees problems everywhere and can't ignore them
>Is very angry

Interesting.

>>29073790
>All of Equestria's future hinged on the fence

OF COURSE

>>29073828
Auj has a really skewed perception on things. Seriously, she is taking this way too well, or way too harshly.

>>29073762

>Doesn't remember what happened to her

Uh ohhhhhh...

>>29073869
And she was beat up, she says...

Oh dear.

>>29073869
>>29073881
Waaaaaait.... waaaait one fucking second there...

>>29073886
Okay!

...now what?

>AJ
“AUJ”
~~~

>So, ya’ fixed the education system?

“Wasn’t hard, just deleted everythin’ stupid they said about zebra… long list, actually.”

>And ya’ built the fence.

“Wall, actually, harder for the idiots to set on fire.”

>And ya’ also helped the crops grow?

“Agricultural magic is important.”

>And you actually know magic.

“Inside and out. If Ah’m a princess, Ah’ have to learn this stuff. If Ah’ can, Ah’ must, and that’s that.”

>…

“…What!?”

>Who are you…

>>29073828
That is why I suggested her, the only one able to kick AJ's ass into gear without all the "nuuu hurt hers"getting their jimmies rustled is if she gets it kicked by herself.

Praise me for finding the loophole!

>>29073966
>AJ
"Alterjack"
~~~~~~

>Something Ah've gotta know, yer' Celly, does she...

"Does she what?"

>Does she spend much of yer' funds on cake?

"What!? No! Why would Ah' let her spend a bit on those? She gets a tiny salary and she can splurge on occasion with, but she doesn't spend a single tax cent on sweets!"

>...she shoots herself in the head a lot, doesn't she?

"No!... because Ah' took her gun away and don't let her."

>But-

"But she wants too all the time, yeah."

>>29073971
Did not mean to quote.

>>29073971
NC
>Celly
~~~~~~
>Oh, OK, so this is clearly the best timeline.

>>29073911
>She built a wall
Mother of god...

>Applejack
"AUJack
~~~~~

"By then by, where are all of your teleport portals stored? Ah' wanna see how much you got wrong in Fillydelphia."

>We just got the one portal, and it goes to the Empire only.

"...so you do have portals, like the ones Twilight makes for me."

>Right.

"But instead of putting them allllll over, you only have one, and it goes to... the Empire."

>Yep.

"..."

>Twi, uh... had issues with science for a bit.

"See, this is why Ah' put a lock on her lab."

>To keep her out?

"To keep her from wandering off and being as dumb as yours!"

>>29074073
Thank you!
Thank!
You!
that has bugged me for so long.

>>29074092
It never bugged me but now that I'm thinking about it I'm finding questions.

I just realized our daughteru is going to have an existential crisis soon.

>>29074186
And it's going to be the most adorable existential crisis ever

>>29074186
Well that's an unexpected throw back, now that there's two AJ's, her very name is in danger! Wait, since AU AJ did things differently, does this mean the Changelings actually got real names? Is Two even called Two in her world!? Did they transform into those abominations there!?

>>29074242
Oh God, what if alternate AJ thinks she is a threat and tries to grab her or something?

>>29074259
What if she never found Shiny and kept pretending to be Chrysalis Two point oh!?

>>29074321
She probably would deal with her however she dealt with her Chrysalis!

>>29074321
No way did she send Chrysalis over there or let her go, so...

>>29074371
So there is no chance she ever even met the real Two/10/65.

OH GOD

>>29074371
Shiny probably never found an outlet for his suffering! His chance to man up was probably denied too! And the empire probably went bankrupt! AU AJ probably annexed it!

>AJ
"Alterjack"
~~~

>Rarity ain't never gonna believe this...

"...Why wouldn't she? Iffin' what ya' say is right, she also fought Nightmare Moon and knows Discord is loose, don't she?"

>Well, yeah, but this is just wild! Her wings are gonna pop right off!

"Her what now?"

>...Guessin' yer' Celestia ain't very spiteful?

"More depressed, but what's that got to do with Rarity?"

>...oh applesauce.

Blueblood was probably put in his place before he could become a threat... Oh god, what happened to ARANA!?

>>29074439
Never got out, most likely. NuAJ ain't letting that hole in the bathroom go unsealed.

>>29074422
>Rarity never became Princess of Spite

...we sure this is bad?

>>29074451
Oh god what happened to 77!? The Morlocks!? With every new fact questioned, the more dread I feel!

>>29074518
Would her lack of presence be a positive influence though? I mean what would have happened to Spike?

File: 1481019143068.gif (464KB, 500x338px) Image search: [Google]

464KB, 500x338px

>mfw the more we question the more clear this other world is and how... Wrong it feels.

>>29074540
Probably still pining after her, since this AJ never had to deal with her losing herself to the status of a royal. But she never requitted it, just like in the show, so he's just still watching and wishing.

>Celestia
"Alterjack"
~~

>So, wait, what do I actually do in your world?

"Whatever Ah' let you."

>And... I don't burn you alive with the power of sun?

"You'd have to do all the work if you did, instead of just occasionally showing up and feeling like you did something. Choosing between no work and appearances, or letting me handle pretty much everything? Not a choice for you."

>...I'm learning things about myself I'd rather not.

>>29074571
But wouldn't he have stayed with Twilight? Since she moved back he would have been serving just AJ Celly and Twilight in Canterlot. Unless Rarara opened up a shop in Canterlot we might not have seen much of her actually. Would he have waited or would he have gradually went for AJ? Or succumbed to the madness of TWIENCE!!! Oh god is 29 still in a tube!?

Strict rules, conservative leader, efficiency-based economics, an open spot as the new face of Equestrian Alicorns... wanna bet Luma is actually the one BLOSSOMING in AlterJack's Equestria while her sister withers away?

>>29074604
29 is almost certainly dead as shit.

AUJ getting hit on would not end well.

>>29070987
I want to tame her.

>AUjack
"AJ"
~~~

>So, wait, wait wait wait wait wait, you haven't... you seriously haven't put up giant robots to defend Canterlot!?

"Well, no. We had the one, but it got broken."

>When!?

"Like, a year ago?"

>And you never made another one!?

"Nope."

>Is your giant robot technology bad or something?

"Define bad? We can make 'em. Other folks got them... lot of them, thinkin' on it. Wow, we really need to regulate those."

>YOU DON'T REGULATE THEM!?

"They're kinda new."

>You just said you had them since a year ago!

"New in the bigger sense."

>So you don't have your own robots, despite the technology being advanced enough and public enough non-royal citizens can own their own GIANT ROBOTS, you don't use them for defense because the ONE that you had got broken, and YOU DON'T EVEN REGULATE THEM BECAUSE THEY'RE TECHNICALLY NEWER THAN FRIGGEN GOOD GUY DISCORD!?

"...Well when you say it like that-"

>GGGGGGGGAAAGGGGGHHHHHHHHGBGBGBGBGBGLGLGLGLLGlGL!

"That there blood ain't necessary."

>>29074854
What's the traditional Appleclan way of solving family despites? Cause I see a lot of eye popping in the future!

>>29070987
[heavy breathing intensifies]

D-do you accept lewds?

>>29074886
We generally ask any and all lewds related to the series and it's universe be put in a pastebin, rather than posted in thread itself as for the most part the series as been entirely lewd free, and some of the longtime readers seem to enjoy it as such. If you mean just lewd in general, this isn't a prompt thread, Princess Applejack is a series that started with thread 1 and continues on in the same storyline to this day, it's got heavy continuity and character development in it. If you just want to post a random lewd about an AJ who happens to be a princess, rather than this current series Princess Applejack, I'd say head over to our fellow applehorse lovers in the Aj thread, they love the contributions.

>>29074910
...getting waaaaaaay too elitist over time here...

>>29074910
Wew.
Okay, I'll find an applejack thread.

>>29074924
That's super funny because I seriously channeled some inner 42 and tried to be just robotic about that. We're not elitist, we love contributions big and small, we've just got our own ways of doing things that we're used to, and yeah, a lewd about A princess AJ would get more attention in an Applejack thread, but a lewd about OUR PAJ would get more attention here. The pastebin thing is a courtesy, not a rule or anything like that, just how we've done things and we like it. What, it's not like we're gonna report or shun you or something, it's just what we like. Sorry if that came off snobbish, was trying to just be straightforwards.

>>29074944
The end result whether you just told them off or imposed rules upon them that make casual writing and ease of access for new writers impossible is the same:

See here. >>29074941 They bugger off, unlikely to come back, and we are left with our static, dwindling writer/reader base. We just come across as circlejerking elitists instead of rude assholes.

It's not a good kind of development, if we want /pa/ to endure the test of time.

>Aujack
"Applejack"
~~~~

>YOU DIDN'T MASS MARKET THE HOVERBOARDS!?

"Well, they're really hard to make, and Twilight's gotta charge them personally-"

>HOVERBOARDS!

"They're really dangerous too-"

>HOVER! BOARDS!

"...Spike likes his-"

>GAAHHHHH

>Aujack
"Applejack"
~~~~

"Look, Spike needs the board to dispatch faster on official A-team business-"

>Official whosywhat'snow?

"Oh, you don't have an A-team?"

>No, what's an A-team?

"Mostly they go out and defend Equestria in times when we can't."

>You're an Element of Harmony, and now you've got Superpowers, how often could that possibly happen? Name one time an invasion or villain appeared and we weren't in the thick of it.

"...uh."

>See? You can't- wait a damn minute... Spike.

"Yeah?"

>Spike. Spike the dragon.

"That's the only one Ah' know."

>Question, and don't take this the wrong way... how big is Spike here?

"Uh... bout yay high?"

>That isn't very tall.

"He's not huge, no. Ah' like him as he is though."

>Touching. But my point is, he's still a baby dragon.

"Technically?"

>And you just said he's on a team of sorts that defends Equestria?

"Er... yeah?"

>And is this defense against... small threats? Baby ones? Bunnies, maybe?

"No."

>It isn't that.

"Ain't that."

>But he still does it.

"That he does."

>...how.

"Now before you start gettin' yer' fur in a bunch, he's got a gun-"

POP!

"Oh wow, so that's what it looks like from this side."

>>29075136
Guess this confirms they never dated over there.

>>29075136
>Celestia
"AUjack"
'Applejack'
~~~

>To be fair to her, I signed off on that one too. I take full responsibility with her, and all that comes with it. Is it perfect? No. Should we have done it? Maybe, maybe not. He's done a lot of good, and a little bad. Nothing works out exactly as we intended, and nothing can be seen, no matter how far reaching we think we are. I, and her, made this choice, and while there are regrets, there are so many more things to it besides that.

"Uh huh."

'Thank you!'

>...Now, Diamond Tiara on the other hoof-

"DIAMOND WHO NOW!?...The... THE LITTLE PINK FILLY!?"

'To be fair, Ah' kicked her off... after she almost died.'

"GG-G-G-G-G-GGGGGGRRRRRAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGHGHGHGHGGHGHHHHHH!"

>>29075227
Ajs suffering will never end

>>29075227
Is this a new storyline or "The roast of Applejack"?

>>29075313
>Only apples she's been growing are the kind that blow up in your face. Oh, you don't know what that looks like? Rarity! Stand up real quick, they need a good look!

>>29074910
gg faggot

you killed a possible Princesss AJ lewd

>>29075365
A /pa/ lewd, or a princess Applejack lewd?

Because one of these probably involve anon

>>29075313
>Applejack, I love you, you know I do... well, a part of you. Let's just say I don't know how good of a farmer you are, but you can make at least six apples grow! HEYOOOO!

>>29075374
No matter, it's porn

We need more porn

>>29075374
We don't joke about that shit here.

Just realized AU AJ probably did rape her Shining Armor with her plant powers!

>>29075412
....no?

Which part of 'logical, efficient, ruthless' sounds like Tentacle rape to you, huh?

>>29075412
Not unless that Shining Armor was the guy who made armor that revealed mareass and flanks because he wanted to leer at them.

...which actually, regular guard armor in the show leaves that vulnerable, doesn't it? It already looks like that.

AND we've never actually seen a mare soldier, so it's not like he has a huge number to see.

AND AND most of them walk around naked so what the fuck is he leering at?

Holy shit was there ANYTHING in that story that didn't fuck up?

>>29075416
'Ruthless?'

>>29075425
Most of it was, wasn't it.

>Applejack
"AUjack"
~Celestia~
~~~

>Ya' okay?

"Hooo... hoooo... hoooo ho ho hoooo..."

>Gonna take that as a no.

"Hoooooeoeeeooeooeeee..."

>Any minute now.

"...ho."

>...we-

"HOOOOOOOO."

>M'kay then.

"...Ah'm done."

>Sure?

"No, Ah'm not, this could flip in a second and it'd be back."

>Fair enough.

"Just please tell me you actually have a guard that isn't mostly composed of children."

>That Ah' do, thank you! And they're pretty effective, at that! We've even integrated them with the Peacetrotters, a buncha robots who follow their commands, so they can't be used against us, and are armed with dozens of non-lethal means of taking down suspects and protecting others!

"That's... actually impressive, yeah! Good on you! You managed one single thing right, even if you still haven't armed your soliders with the best weapons. Still a steps a step, you get a half a cookie!"

>How long has this been in your vest?

"Too long! But I'll give you the other half if you answer a question. Who's your captain?"

>Bronze Pommel!

"....who the fuck is that?"

>White unicorn, kinda tall.

"..."

>...they all look the dang same.

"That they do. Friggen whiteys."

~THAT IS OUR WORD!~

>But to put it simply, he's the only guard who wanted the position.

"...wanted it?'

>Yeah?

"Do... do you not know how promotions work? Who cares if they want it!? You pick the one with the best qualifications and say "You're captain now", done and done!"

>Seems like a good way to make them hate the job.

"Who cares? If they slack, can them."

>Also not endearing.

"But fine, how long has he been a guard?"

>...Dunno?

"How many battles has he fought?"

>A bunch on a boat, dunno how many.

"How many times has he been in a war?"

>Does pirate war count?

"Was he for or against the criminal rapists marauders, because that's what a pirate is."

>...Next question.

"What made you pick him?"

>He... wanted the job?

"..."

>It's gonna-

"Going to happen again, yeah."

>>29075470
Mother of god. We might run out of thread before we even get to the changelings.

>>29075557
We literally haven't even gotten though the main six!

>>29075560
Good. That means we have plenty of material.

>Celestia
"AUjack"
~~~

>So how did you manage to finally get your guard in shape?

"Fired most of them."

>...didn't that leave you vulnerable?

"To what? We only ever got the bi-annual giant event that usually gets handled by the six of us. What, did you think the yaks were going to declare war on us?"

>I guess that is silly-

"They did."

>...

"Ah' had Twilight build a, what did she call it, Juggernaut?"

>...

"They didn't wanna fight so much after that."

>...Isn't that-

"Effective? You're damn right it is."

>...huh.

>>29075641
We literally do, we know so very little about Altjack, and we've got all the reactions to AJ's world...

>Alterjack
"AJ"
~~~~

>... Come again?

"Ya'll asked."

>You have a... hologram room.

"Ah' call it the magic room. It's real name is 'who gives a gaddang.'

>Do you rent it out?

"Why would Ah' do that?"

>Do you... use it to plan different economic scenarios?

"That seems silly."

>Do you even friggen use it to keep your enemies in a state of being where they think they've won, only to have the truth eventually revealed to them?

"What? No."

>THEN WHY IN TARNATION DO YA' HAVE A ROOM SUCKIN' UP THAT MUCH POWER AND MAGIC!?

"...we play OnO in there sometimes-"

>AH' WILL EAT YOUR SOUL!

>>29075425
Shiny didn't want it.

It got that right.

>>29075344
I could get down to roast of AJ

>>29070987
So why isn't there a "princess Molestia" counter to Princess Applejack? Like Princess AppleJackmeoff?

>AJ
"AUJ"
~~~~

>Oh, now what!?

"Oh, Ah' don't know, maybe it has something to do with you putting WHO in charge of the Wonderbolts!?"

>Ah' didn't put Lightning Dust in there... she just kinda failed upwards into it.

"She almost killed us!"

>Ah'd fire her iffin' Ah' had a real reason."

"That's a reason!'

>Now that's just dishonest, Dash let her in despite that-

"When did Rainbow Dash get the authority to influence who we let into the Wonderbolts?"

>...

"WHAT!?"

>Have a seat real quick.

>>29076159
>>Have a seat real quick.

"THOSE CHARGES WERE DROPPED"!

>...whut.

Hoooboy. With how Alterjack is freaking out about AJ's smaller fuckups, I can't wait until we get to the big guns!

Is killing your Alternate Universe self considered murder or suicide?

>>29076249
Murder, because ALTERNATE universe. Diff body.

>>29076249
Do you think she will out right start beating her for the whole sunset thing?

>>29076301
Depends on what Alterjack's relationship to AlterSunset is. If it went like in the show, she might go 'literally who?' Before berating AJ for letting so talented become this desillusioniert with her.

If... they are close or Alterjack molded Sunset into someone who actually changed for the better...? Yeah... this is still Apple jack we are talking about. A different Applejack but still Applejack. She'd sock her other self right in the face for ruining Sunsets last chance.

>>29076324
Which means we have a 50/50 chance of

>Ah' don't know who that is, but damn, way to fuck up something else.

Or

>You made this mess, now...

CLICK CLIKC

>You best be ready to see it through, and put her down.

>>29076361
>Applejack and Alterjack team up to take down Sunset Shimmer & Co.

...mild dread... but also hype...

>>29076427
>She's a hardnosed, by the book, straight edged mare!

>She's an even more by the book, even straighter edged mare!

>Together, they are

>APPLE AND JACK! Or just Applejack!

>CRIME PONIES

>>29076442
NC

BLAM

FHWUMPH

>Huh. That was one short partnership.

"Magic don't make you immune to bullets."

Cha-click

"Learned that the hard way."

>>29073555
>“Magic’s fast, I have to be faster. One shot, she’s done.”

>>29076477
>"Magic don't make you immune to bullets."

With the raw amount of folks planning to grievously harm her, maybe Sunset should start thinking about putting that godslayer armor on herself.

Because they aren't wrong. Sweet Note, she is the strongest and weakest link at the same time.

If Sunset falls...

>>29076477
~...So should I tell her-~

(ELEMENT OF FUCKING SURPRISE YOU STUPID SEXY GIANT BUG MOM!)

~There's like six things wrong with what you just did-~

BLAMBLAMBLAMBLAM

"WHY DOESN'T"T SHE DIE!?"

>>29076538
>That one's bulletproof.

"Why is there a bulletproof changeling running around and why didn't you kill that thing already!?"

>...

{Yooo, applebutt!}

>NOT NOW!

>>29076477
The one time Chitty Cuddles could save a life.

>>29076725
HUG THE BULLETS AWAY

IT'S YOUR ONLY CHANCE

Gnight thread

I eagerly await more AJ vs AUJ

Morning!

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240KB, 835x531px

>>29076008
>Princess AppleJackmeoff?

hehehe

>>29076159
Knew that was gonna be an eye-popper right there, oh yes.

>>29076427
That would be pretty hype as hell. But it makes wonder if AUJack ever got the seeds from the tree, or the armor? Did we mention that yet?

>>29078112
Don't put lewd here. It makes anons mad

>>29078112
Put more lewd here, some of us aren't prissy virgins about it

>>29078258
No reveal, no despair, no apple.

>>29078639
Yeah sure. That's why you princess aj elitists chased off an artist?

>>29078706
>you princess aj elitists
Read again, bud.

Only one anon had a problem, or a misunderstanding. Only one.

Everyone else was just 'wtf bruh?'

>>29078771
Did you seriously just respond to that?

Anon no, come on you're better than that.

>>29078771
My mistake Anon. I apologize. It's just that someone took the time to ask if it was okay to draw for the thread and someone went full blown moralfag on them

>>29078965
>and someone went full blown moralfag on them
What?

When?

>>29078967
Maybe that's the wrong term. I suppose "Vanillafag" is better

>>29078977
Even that's not the right term. Literally nothing in >>29074910 mentions a problem with it, just standard protocol we've been telling everyone for years about putting notsafe4Two in a pastebin.

Also, everything mentioned was for story, not art. Art was never even brought up. Nothing in a year post mentions art, where are you pulling that from?

And finally, there was a response to clear up intentions.

This actually isn't a response for you, this is a response for anybody who just jumped in and might accidentally take the stupid ass bait.

>>29078998
Your post is confusing as hell.

>>29078998
We need to just agree there was misunderstandings on both sides and leave it at that before your calling anything you don't like bait causes others to combat it

>AUJ
"AJ"
~~~

>Look, Ah'm finding more and more of this crap pile the further I dig down, just shut up for a second and take me to your nearest airport so Ah' can get a better look.

"Our what now?"

>Seriously!? You really don't have airships!? You, you with the giant robots, you don't have airships!

"Of course we do!"

>...Calming down, maybe you just use different terms. Where do you load up to ride them?

"We don't, public transport still uses trains."

>...But you have airships.

"Yeah, and they're huge, dangerous, easily popped, and nobody knows how to fly the things."

>Okay, also fair, Ah'm being fair here. So nobody uses them?

"No... well, okay, the A-team has Highwind."

>Just the royals, still not anger worthy yet.

"And... also Pennydrop, and the griffons, and the Saddle Arabians... and anyone rich..."

>...

"...Ah'm pretty sure only one of those is evil-"

>Celestia! Give me your gun!

>>29078998
You gave him a long winded "Pastebin it bls" and he buggered off to a regular AJ dump thread

>AJ
"Alterjack"
~~~

"YOU MADE DASH WONDERBOLT CAPTAIN!?'

>Iffin' yer' yelling because ya' think you've blow out mah' ears by now, good thinkin' ahead!

"What in tarnation were you thinking!?'

>Ah' needed a Wonderbolt Captain, Dash is good at it and always wanted to be a Wonderbolt, pretty much stopped there. Ah'm a simple pony. Did you not have that whole drug scandal?

"Of course Ah' did!"

>Alright, so just gonna dip my hoof in this pit here, who'd you put in charge? Did you leave Spitfire at the helm?

"Of course not! Ah' jailed her for criminal negligence, because that's what you do when someone's criminally negligent! Which is what she was!"

>Gonna regret this. Who's in charge, then?

"Me!"

>...Ya' don't see the problem with that?

"Ah' booted every one of those bolts to criminal court for abuse of illegal substances, took the helm myself, promoted every single in training wonderbolt to temporary, and manned it with the best pegasi soliders Ah' could get. Then Ah' spent a couple thousand bits on training to get them up to speed while forcing Twilight to make some anti-flyer weaponry in case we were attacked from above, and forced her to make as much airships as she could to cover the cap. That's what Ah' did.'

>That sounds... harsh?

"Good! It was supposed to be so we didn't get invaded!"

>Still though-

"Well if you're so smart, how'd you refill the Wonderbolts ranks? Don't tell me you gave drug addicts a second go round!"

>Well no, but-

"But what, who was your airforce afterwards?"

>...Ah' could name them all if you want, won't take that long.

"Can you say it while flying?"

>Probably, why?

"Ah'm tempted to see how fast Ah' can throw you."

>>29079107
New wifetoss game!

>>29079107
>Judge Applejack

Okay now that's fucking scary.

I want you to imagine APPLEJACK, as a judge. Mrs "Kill the bats!" Applejack.

>>29079175
Apple "Put a slug in the bug!" Jack!

Apple "If you hear the bug, get the gun cuz!" Jack!

Apple "It's not a grave if you're a slave" Jack!

I kinda wished that lewd guy made the lewd

>AJ
"AUJ"
~~~

"FOUUUUR!?"

>More than that. There was... let's see, Dash-

"DOESN'T COUNT!"

>Fine. There was Fleetfoot and Soarin' when they weren't fired for backstabbing her-

"That's called treason! What you just said is TREASON, not fired! You don't fire traitors! You lock them up because they TREASONED YOU!"

>Lightning Dust-

"TRIED TO KILL US!"

>Gilda-

"RIVAL NATION!"

>And... Bulk Biceps?

"...Sustained. Who else?"

>...

"OH WELL! AH' GUESS WE CAN JUST COUNT ON FIVE WHOLE FLIERS TO HANDLE THE NATION! You take that seven thousand square acres, you take that one, you take that one, and both of you split up the last thirteen thousand between you, who gets what! Now get to flying, lot of ground to cover!"

>They mostly just stayed in Cloudsdale-

"YER' ABOUT TO FLY TO CLOUDSDALE!"

>>29079241
Too late for regrets now. PG-13 moral guardians are the vocal minority here.that guy is loooong gone. Same with the guy who wrote the short story about Nightlight riding Twilight.

>Screwloose
“12”
'???'
~~~~

When she awoke, the sensation beneath her was just as odd and unfamiliar as it had been over six months ago, that soothing softness that came from lying on an actual bed, with fresh sheets and pillows. Her skin almost didn’t know how to take it, the striking difference between that and the harsh entrapment of her well-worn straightjacket. Absolute freedom, before ever being confined, was slowly but surely coming back….

To realize these things, however, reminded her that she was indeed awake, motionless and on her side, utterly unwilling to get up-

“Hey, clown princess! Drag them sexy hooves outta bed, work’s a’calling.”

>Mmmm… you know what else is a’calling? This bed, my pillow, these sheets- lots of things are a’calling me right now.

“Well, I’m a’calling, too.”

She heard the chuckle, then felt something warm prod gently at her cheek, which did nothing but cause her to scowl with a huff.

>Oooh… damn you….

“Had enough yet?”

A defiant yet pleased smirk fixed itself onto her face.

>It’ll take more than that to break me, you know.

“Figured I’d start off light, give you a chance to surrender before I brought out the big guns.”

>Oh? And what, pray tell, can a little perverted bug like you do against me?

In her mind, and going off past occurrences when trying to be roused from bed, Screwloose fully expected her partner to do something with her hooves, which she had inconspicuously angled to peek just right from underneath the covers, like maybe a lingering nibble or a massage, something to coax her into a more willing attitude.

That was the norm, it was what she wanted when she woke up, to be pampered.

So, when that strange flourish of papers hit her ears, her eyes curiously creaked open to see changeling number Twelve preparing to read from some sort of document.

1/3

>>29079284

“Lessee, lessee, where was it… hmmm, ah! Okay, listen to this… ‘How in the hell did we get into this mess?’ ‘Wait, you’re asking me? I have no idea!’ ‘What? You were the one who agreed!’ ‘I agreed because you were nodding, you idiot!’ ‘I only nodded because you looked like you were leaning towards a yes!’ ‘I looked like I was leaning towards a yes because you were-’ annnnd it just continues on like that for about two more pages.”

Halfway into that impressively performed dual-rant, Screwloose felt her eyes widen, all sense of allure wiped from her mind and replaced with a growing headache.

>That’s from this morning…?

“Nothing but. They clocked in early to make up for wasting that sample yesterday. I seriously thought you’d cut off their tails when you found out.

>Castration with no anesthesia was more my immediate train of thought, but my probation prohibits the use of scalpels….

That warmth from before snuggled up against her neck. He was nuzzling her, no doubt attempting to soothe her nerves.

And, damn it, it was working….

“While I’m proud that you ignored those impulses, I can’t help but notice that you’re still in bed.”

>Funny, because I can’t help but notice I’d rather fall belly first onto an active mound of Cordyceps than deal with those idiots todaymmmmmnn….

Curse his chitinous hide, he’d found that sensitive spot on her neck and was giving it a good, eye roll-inducing suckle.

>Sssstop… stop that… I’m trying to be moody over h- ah! N-no biting, that’s unfair!

2/3

>>29079287

“Mhm, and you know what else would be unfair? You tossing away this second chance. You can’t miss a day of scheduled work for ninety days, Screwloose. That was the main condition for your freedom, among other obvious caveats. You and Princess Applejack both agreed, remember? And we don’t wanna go back to the straightjacket, right? Right. Now, I know those two goofs itch your ass in the worse way, but it’s still a work-in-progress, for them and for you.”

>But… but- you don’t understand, you just… they make me soooo maaaaad….

“Because you’re used to having personnel who know what they’re doing. This is what square one feels like, and it sucks, trust me, I know… but you gotta stick with it, you gotta turn that nothing into something. After all, aren’t you the same mare who said she’d make her own special brand of magic?”

The vibrations running through her neck, passed through those lips still nibbling at her throat, coincided annoying well with his words.

>Okay… okay, okay, fine, I won’t kill them, I’ll be… patient….

“That’s all I ask.”

>…Now are you gonna stop driving me up the wall or are you intentionally trying to make me flood the sheets?

“Depends. Will that make you late?”

>Mmph… probabl-

KNOCK KNOCK-

‘Motherfucking-’

KNOCK!

>...

"..."

>…Welp, that about cuts that short, hm?

“Yuuup. Gotta admire how he still comes up with inventive ways to start the day.”

‘I can hear every single word you both are saying through the door and I already want to say ‘fuck you’ and kick it open.’

>Hey, feel free, threesomes add to the fun!

‘You have ten seconds. Ten… nine…’

>Bah, some ponies. Anyway, I suppose we shouldn’t keep my number one escort waiting. Let’s do this thing.

“After you, Screwloose.”

3/3

>>29079294
Changelings, seducing all the ponies!

Lewd artnon here. There's no Applejack threads around. so I just pastebin any lewds I make?

>>29079361
Da

Do it, comrade

>>29079361
If it's lewd art, just put it behind a spoiler. Pastebin is for lewd story.

Also, I'm sad to hear no AJ threads around. To you, my appleloving brothers, cheers...

>>29079361
Dooooo iiiiiiit.

>>29079266
If she's this mad, wait till she finds out Dash got fired for being incompetent.

>>29079480
>AJ
"AUJ"
~~~~

"Wait, if you hired Dash, how is it the would be murderer of us is promoted instead?"

>...Do you really want to know?

"No."

>Good call.

>AJ
“AUJ”
‘Celestia’
~~~

“Ah’ have so many questions!’

>That is readily apparent.

‘And it’s not me for once… weird.’

>Ah’ wish it was. Can we switch?

“No! Ah’ know she’s awful, and Ah’ know she’s a lazy bones who messed up a ton, Ah’ don’t need to confirm that! It’s you who needs to get an earful here!”

‘Why must you take everything from me?’

“How is this taking anything from you?”

>Ah’ ask her a lot of questions.

“Ah’ don’t, cause no matter what it is, it’s all her fault!”

>…

‘…’

“What!?”

>Ah’m so sorry.

‘Too late, the damage… has reached my heart.’

>>29079805
Fuck, that burn was so hot, it was ice cold!

>AJ
"AUJ"
~~~~

>Alright, now yer' just gettin' me mad. If you're so great, what does your Dash do?

"Weather patrol."

>...that's it?

"Ah' don't recall she's gotta do anything else."

>It just sounds like something she'd hate.

"She does, obviously she does. She hates every second of it and complains at me all the time when we see each other. Doesn't mean Ah'm not going to make her do it, because that's how this works, Ah' pick what's best for the world, not what's best for her. She's going to be the weather patrol head, Ah' make her fill out her paperwork, and that's that."

>She always wanted to be a Wonderbolt.

"And Ah' wanted a lot of things, like a bit of sanity and sense when Ah' came to this place. Haven't gotten it yet."

>...She doesn't get you a whole lotta Hearth Warmin' gifts, does she?

"She gave me something alright. Ah' made her pay for the rug cleaners when Ah' dropped it on the floor."

>Yeah, that sounds like Dash.

>>29079884
Ohhhh daaaammmnnn!

The old chocolate for friend trick.

>>29079884
>"And Ah' wanted a lot of things
The clapback is hilariously real.

>Reporter
“AJ”
~~~~~

>I don’t even know where to begin with this direction here… I really, really don’t.

“Y’all could start with words? That’s, y’know, typically the way most of us begin things, by speakin’.”

>Okay. Um, alright, I had notes… notes somewhere here, uh… okay, first question: just how in the hell did you find another mare that looks exactly LIKE you to PLAY you?

“Huwuh?”

>I mean, do you suffer any kind of existential crisis, knowing there’s another mare who is your exact mirror image with your same mannerisms, albeit just a little bit less ‘yee-haw’ish? Like, holy shit, that mare's rendition should be nominated for an Emmy, or a Golden Horseshoe at the very least! She is the perfect ‘take no prisoners’ version of you!

“Alllrighty then, welp, tell ya’ what… we’re jus’ gonna gloss over the ‘yee-haw’ comment, okay? And second, that mare is me.”

>…

“…half your face just went slack there, partner. Y’all oka-”

>WHAAAAT?

“Annnd there go mah’ eardrums, plum busted….”

>Th-th-that was you? YOU?

“Yup, me. What’s so odd ‘bout that again?”

>Um, well, let’s see… BECAUSE! I- but- HOW? First of all, AlternateJack is pretty badass, in all the ways. From her crass attitude to her style of royal clothing, just… badass, all of it. She’s a totally different AJ while still being AJ!

1/2

>>29079986

“Thanks, we worked really hard on my alter-bein’. Like, really hard. The process, the ideas, the multiple crew meetin’s, it was a literal group effort here, and we’re pretty pleased with how it’s bein’ received.”

>Okay, yeah, I get that but… how? For many of those episodes, there’s two of you in the same scene!

“Really? That’s what’s got y’all knickers all bunched up? Sugar, that right there’s the most basic of video-editin’, splicin’ two scenes together. Granted, it was a real heel doublin’ scenes like that, an’ Faust knows all that scowlin’ aches mah’ face something fierce, but it works.”

>Oh… oooh, well… shit, you’re a pretty damn good actress!

“An’ it took ya’ this long to figure that out?”

>…I’m sorry. For that annnnnd for asking this.

“Askin’ what?”

>Can… can you, uh… can you put your hair like your other version, do the face and give me an autograph?

“…”

>…

“You’re serious, aren’t ya’?”

>More serious than I’ve ever been in my whole life. AlternateJack makes me squeeee like a foal.

“…fine.”

>Yaaaaay!

2/2

>>29079991
This fits so perfectly well.

>AJ
“AUJ”
‘Celestia’
~???~
~~~~~

>No, Ah’ ain’t reformed the taxes for the well off yet.

“Is it because you suck at everything?”

>Maybe, Ah’m not sure mah’self at this point.

Clack!

>For instance, forgetting to lock the door. It’s compelling evidence.

‘Welcome to my world.’

~Oh darrrrlinnnng! I’ve got the most wonderful idea for… SWEET MERCIFUL CELESTIA!~

“GOOD LORD!”

‘Stop using my name like that!’

~M-my word! Applejack! And… Applejack!... And she looks so dapper! I love your vest!~

>Rarity? Introducin’ alternate me. Alternate me? This here is-

“You made her a princess!? You made her, you made RARITY, a princess!? Rarity!?”

>Someone yer’ gonna hate.

“That was the worst possible thing you could have possibly- wait, no. No, hold off, Ah’m not being fair. Ah’m not, others probably said the same thing about me. You know what? This is good. This is real good. My Celestia tried to pull the same thing before Ah’ hit her for abusing her powers like that and made her do extra paperwork as punishment.”

‘Huh. I did not know I had balls I could lose, but other me has shown the light.’

“This could be illuminating enough Ah’ might reconsider when Ah’ get back home. So! Rarity! How have you been doing as princess? Mine opened up a swath of shops, from Canterlot to Manehatten and beyond, but as a princess you probably did way more, didn’t you? Tell me about it, what did you get up to?”

~…~

“Any… major reforms?”

~…~

“Diplomatic ties made?”

~…~

“Did you pass any bills?”

~…one.~

“One!? You did one!?”

~…~

“Is it at least a really good one?”

~…~

“…do you at least have a shop in Canterlot?”

~…~

“…made other-me a dress?”

~…I’m going to… drown in some ice cream now, if that’s okay.~

“Don't use taxpayer money!”

SLAM!
*Sad horse noises in the distance*

>…
‘…’

“So that’s a no for that one when Ah’ get home.”

File: 1391920260354.jpg (308KB, 1920x1080px) Image search: [Google]

308KB, 1920x1080px

>>29080097
AlterJack! Driving everybody into an alcohol-fueled existential crisis!

Because they suck.

I love it.

>>29080097
Worst princess confirmed.

>AJ
“AUJ”
‘Celestia’
~~

>That was really awful of you.

“You know what? You’re right, Ah’ shouldn’t have been so harsh on her. Because for all Ah’ know she may not have done anything exemplary as a princess, but that doesn’t mean she was a detriment. Ah’ll admit it, even if she didn’t do anything, neither did Twilight for who knows how long. Maybe you, being you, were sucking so hard that Celestia here thought you needed backup and picked the only one of them with actual heavy business experience. Ah’ don’t know. Ah’ just don’t know, and it was wrong to yell at her like Ah’ knew. So, Ah’ll be fair, has she done anything particularly bad?”

>…

“…Okay, not fair, we all do something bad on occasion. Has she done anything particularly bad as a Princess?”

>…

“Gonna clarify further, has she done anything bad with her authority as a princess?”

>…

“…Was Ah’ at least right about the business experience, Celestia?”

‘…’

“AH’ don’t know how, but somehow, Ah’m goning to kick both of your rears so hard you taste your own tails.”

>>29080190
I just remembered I had an unfinished version of this pic with Spike and Applejack... And now its too late...

>>29080272
It's never too late!

The princess of Apples

>>29080272
>too late
Naaaaah, it's not, it's really not.

>>29080262
You know, I'm proud of us. I was super worried we'd hold back on our own faults because, well, it's us, and hearing that s is bad and we'd feel bad, but we're not holding back. Bravo.

>>29080416
We're not holding back and it's funny as all fuck.

>>29080416
We literally came together to point out silly shit in the shows plot, and you think we'd hold back on ourselves?

We are self loathing /pa/ls and we bring the laughs!

>>29078112
Princess Applewd?

>AJ
“AUJ”
~~~

>So ya’ really make Twilight make you new stuff? Just… all the time?

“Assume she does. Don’t see her that much anymore.”

>R-…really?

“She mostly spends her time in her lab, when Ah’ see her on occasion it’s to show me something Ah’ need to regulate and make patents for before opening it up to distribution, Ah’ file it and send her on her way.”

>Is Spike with her?

“When he’s not helping my version of Rarity, yeah. He goes down when he can, think the poor thing is still pining for her, but she’s never even looks his way. He told me a couple times when he wanted to help me, but Ah’ didn’t really need the extra claws, so Ah’ sent him back to Twilight and Rarity. Poor guy does everything for her, but she’s not even taking him out on a pity date. He really needs to just go to someone else, he’d be way happier.”

>…h-heh, yeah…

“…Why did you get all shifty eyed?”

>Ah didn’t.

“Your face just crunched up in that way we do when we lie.”

>No it didn’t.

“And now you’re sweating.”

>No Ah’m not.

“…”

>…

“…”

>…

“NO FUCKING WAY-“

>We broke up a couple months ago! Don’t freak out!

“…”

>That didn’t help-

“THAT DIDN’T FUCKING HELP, NO!”

>>29080561
And here... we... go

>>29080561
IT BEGINS

>AJ
“AUJ”
~~~

“SPIKE!?”

>You ain’t gotta yell.

“SPIKE!?”

>Louder, please, ain’t had this shoved down mah’ throat hard enough yet

“That better be the only thing getting shoved down a throat!”

>WHOA NOW!

“Oh, Ah’m sorry, did Ah’ imply something uncouth with the mare who’s dating Spike the dragon!?”

>Ah’ told you, we broke up!

“Oh yeah, Ah’m sure that was super helpful to the poor guy pining after Rarity like a lovesick puppy!’

>Didn’t say it was helpful, said that’s what Ah’ did. And it is, Ah’m ownin’ up to it, and you know what? A lot of it was pretty dang amazing, and even if it didn’t end the way Ah’ wanted it to, or wasn’t perfect, or couldn’t last, for what it was, it was good, and Ah’ needed it, and Ah’m happy it happened. Go ahead, yell, it’s mah’ life and Ah’ did what made me happy.

“WITH SPIKE!”

>And you know what? Spike was exactly who Ah’ wanted, and who Ah’ got, even if Ah’ didn’t deserve it.

“…”

>…

“…Spi-“

>YES SPIKE!

>>29080744
We nee some VA's up in this bitch, I really wanna hear these back and forths right here.

>AJ
“AUJ”
‘Celestia’
~~~~

“Was Twlight okay with it?!’

>Yes.

“You’re sure?”

>Yes.

“How can you be sure!?”

>Ah’… have ways of bein’ sure.

“How!?”

>…Ah’m just sure.

“This is insane… Celestia! Were you okay with it!?’

‘I let him have a gun, would’ve been pretty hypocritical if I’d said no to dating someone as wholesome as Applejack.’

“Oh, right, all around failure.”

‘This is why I’m so happy you arrived and feel I have so much to learn from you.’

“…It’s just, he’s tiny, how’d he even-“

>Ah’ just said we never did anything like that.

“But Ah’ mean, ya’ thought about it, right?”

>…

“…”

>…Next question.

‘PLEASE!’

>>29080753
It would just sound like someone having a nervous break down.

>AJ
"AUJ"
~~~~~

"So, wait, was he over Rarity then?"

>Ah' think so.

"...you think so."

>Seemed rude to ask.

"Ah' really, really do not see how that would be rude."

>Figured it would be a sore spot for him.

"Yeah, no kidding, so don't bring it up on the first big date, but by number two you should absolutely..."

>...

"...how long was this relationship again?"

>Over a year.

"...."

>Yeaaaah, kinda a reason we broke up.

"And Ah' thought my love life was bad just from not dating. Always setting a new bar here."

>At leash Ah'm good for soemthin'

>>29081118
>AJ
"AUJ"
~~~~~

"You know, Ah' actually thought that if anybody was going to go down that road, it was going to be Luna-"

>Enough about mah' dang dragon loverboy!

"But do you disagree?"

>NEXT QUESTION

>>29081221
If only she knew....

>>29081342 if only SHE>>29081118 knew....

>AJ
“AUJ”
‘??
~~

>No, Ah’ didn’t completely replace mah’ guard’s spears with guns. That just seems like it would backfire.

“It keeps anyone from starting shit, tell you-“

POP!

‘Applejack? Rarity just ran off crying and started shoveling a bunch of rocky road into her mouth. I heard your name involved. Can we… clear that up?’

“SWEET MERCIFUL FUCKSTICKS!”

>Mah’ swearing went way wrong with you.

‘Oh… oh dear. Was this me?’

>Probably not, though Ya’ never know.

“FLUTTERSHY!? You made… you made FLUTTERSHY an alicorn?! Of all the-okay, Ah’ thought Rarity was stupid, she seemed really really stupid, but this here is something else entirely! She has no business experience, she’s terrible at public speaking, she doesn’t know thing one about diplomatic relations, Ah’ don’t even know if she pays taxes!”

‘I do.’

“What was Celestia thinking with her?! Is everyone an alicorn!? Dash!? Pinkie!?”

>Nope, they’re still hornless.

“…”

>…Everyone else, yeah-

“WHAT!?’

>But, uh, gotta correct you, it wasn’t Celestia who made her an alicorn.

“Oh… oh! So you did you? You? Huh, you know what, Ah’ was going to call this the stupidest thing Ah’ve ever seen in my life, but if it’s you? That’s actually pretty exciting! Ah’ didn’t know Ah’ could ascend someone! This is pretty cool! How’d you do it?”

>Not me.

“Oh… Luna, then? Less cool, way less cool, but still, impressive in it’s own right-“

>Nope.

“…Twilight?”

>Nuh uh.

“…Rarity?”

>…

“…Oh mah stars.”

‘Discord didn’t mean to-‘

“Not better. This… tell me this isn’t as bad as it looks.”

>Maybe you ought’a skidaddle-

‘She’s going to find out I almost destroyed the world eventually, it’s best if she hears it from us-‘

“AH’ BEG YOUR FUCKING PARDON!?”

‘Oh dear!’

BLINK!

>…Er-

“EXPLAIN!”

>Magic of friendship, everyone-

“THAT SHIT DON’T WORK ON ME!”

>>29081549
>Immune to friendship magic

Everyones fucked

>>29081549
>Dripping a bombshell like that and leaving

SHIT TEIR

>AJ
"AUJ"
~~~~~~~

"So, wait, why didn't you use her to cure all the diseases of the world? She has power of everything right, could she also end world hunger with a stamp of her hoof?"

>Because if she messes up, the whole world could suffer?

"But think of all she could do! You finally don't have to rely on a chaotic nutjob with flimsy loyalty!"

>Oh yeah, because when the world is on the line, she is completely and utterly cool and no chance of her freaking out, right?

"...you could mind control her-"

>No.

"This is why your world sucks!"

Fuck, I love days like these. Days where anybody can just join in, and it's so full of silly fun in stories that you just don't know what to do with it all. I love it when the inspiration and new things strikes, and it's nothing but laughs. Times like these I remember why we are still alive and going strong.

This is some /pa/ gold.

>>29081871
It just takes one idea, the proper set up, and a whole lot of imagination.

>>29081913
And a whole lot of unintentional mess ups you mean.

>>29070987
>AUJ
"AJ"

>...Why

"What?"

>Why wear... those.... here

"Oh please nah, Ah'm gettin' enough of those questions already-"

>You're not wrasslin' or breakin' a bull up here,- No, I'm sure of that

"Honestly Ah' wouldn't be surprised iffin it did happen"

>The coverin's completely impractical anyhow! Yer forcin' all of the support onto the small of your back

"Support? Whaddaya mean?"

>...You're literally lettin' your fat ass hang out fer all to see

"...No Ah'm not"

>Do you have any idea how much of a political joke this will make you?

"Hey now these... these are jess' recent addittions, n-not even permanent"

>Not anymore I hope!

"Y'all jess' showed up when Ah' had them finished, bad timing, is all... seriously!"

>I'm burning down every last tanner I can find iffin that's not the case.

>>29082098
She's just jealous of... herself?

>Pinkie
“Limestone”
‘Marble’
~~~

>So, what’s been up around here?

“Mom and dad are talking about Maud again.”

‘It’s been um… silent.’

>Ohhhhh boy.

‘Yeah, I wish they were loud like normal, when they go quiet, they’re scary.’

>And how!

“So hows things going with that one guy, Shining Armor?”

>He’s giving me money to make Partyland!

‘And… that’s just it?’

>Well, I do have to offer him stuff, do some stuff, make some concessions and… promises.

“..”

‘…’

>But it’ll all be worth it in the end! Even if this does feel a little terrible to do right now, the important part is finding my dreams, no matter how ucky I feel afterwards. Won’t matter as much when I have my Partyland, right? I can deal with it, even if… sometimes I wish I hadn’t.

“…”

‘…’

>….OH! Oh gosh, I just realized how that sounded! No no no no no! I’m so sorry, I just had to promise to let him put harder taxation on certain aspects and concede certain sections of the park for his own private use, I didn’t mean-

“We know.”

>R-…really?

‘Yeah, obviously, what did you think we thought?’

>…Ohhh, double flip, I getcha now. I made it sound like-but then you actually thought-heh.

‘Oh, Pinkie, you’re so silly.’

>I knooooow!

“Yeah, we figured he didn’t need to bribe you for the other stuff.”

‘Auntie Piecrust says you seem like the type to party with anyone who asks you to dance.’

“And seeing as he got that one alicorn of love, he probably knows some moves.”

‘We don’t judge! Just don’t tell daddy.’

>…wait what.

>>29082264
It's technically incest, not masturbation!


Wait.

File: dealwithit.png (487KB, 889x500px) Image search: [Google]

487KB, 889x500px

>>29082535
>not satisfied with having Apple Bloom with her own brother...
>...Applejack proceeds to literally fuck herself

>rescue operations after Equestria's continental plate slid into the ocean due to that are still underway

>>29082631
>Death by appleass

Worse ways to go

>>29082098
>Tanner
~~~

"WHOA WHOA WHOA! Do you think this is real leather!?"

>...Isn't it?

"No!"

>It looks like that.

"It's totally not!"

>Huh...

"...You know what leather is, right?"

>...

"Oh wow."

>>29083016
Fuck, this place warps me crazy. I seriously thought it was a character named tanner.

Goodnight thread

>>29083695
Morning thread!

>>29084324
Morning post!

File: 3__2__1___by_scootiebloom-d9fajye.png (1MB, 1421x1000px) Image search: [Google]

1MB, 1421x1000px

Non-Canon
>Pinkie
"Cadence"
'DT'
[Fluttershy]
{Rarity}
~~~~
>Welcome to Not Late Night /pa/ with your hosts the Pink Pony Club! It's during this time that content does matter, but we're better than nothing!

[I-I'm the sh-shy one!]

"I'm the pretty one. <3"

'I'm the grumpy one.'

>And I'm the crazy one!

>"'Now for our main guest...RARITY!!!'"

[Yay.]

>Are you going to do Hearth's Warming big?

{Oho, wouldn't you like to know?}

"Do tell."

{A lady never tells. You'll have to wait.}

[Um...what should we get you?]

{Oh it's the thought that counts, but-}

>That's all the time we have, but we'll see you next time!

>"'Byyyyyye!!!'"
{Wait wait please donate a blanket-}

Rarity wakes up.
{...to the homeless this winter. Oh dear.}

>>29085097
... Not totally shit tierr

>AJ
"AUJ"
~~~~

"Is Pinkie at least alright? Tell me Pinkie is still fine in this universe."

>She's fine, actually.

"Phew. One bright spot in mah' life, when she brings me balloon on occasion."

>Yep... cept, for the whole Partyland thing.

"Partyland?... Oh! Right, Ah' vetoed that, the whole idea of a floating amusement park was just asking for trouble, wasn't it? Whole thing was going to drop any second and kill them all. Ah' told her no, she needed to recalculate and drag her dreams down a touch. Didn't like that, but hey, wasn't here to make her happy. Heh. What'd she end up doing with you?"

>...

"OH FOR THE LOVE OF-"

>>29085515
>Ta' be fair, it ended up pretty good. Solid effort, 'cept for nearly destroying the world.

"Well, at least she learned her lesson, right?"

>...

"FOR FUCKS SAAKKKEESSS

>>29085659
At some point, Alterjack will start hitting Applejack. And I doubt she will stop for a long time.

>AJ
"AUJ"
~~~

>Is this gonna take much longer? Ah' got magic lessons with Luna later.

"Oh, thank the stars who may or may not represent my parents, you're actually learning magic. Ah' was worried about that, Ah'm going to be perfectly honest with you right now, Ah' was seriously worried you had just straight up neglected learning magic for some time, and you know what? Because of this one time, Ah' promise, and this is a promise you can take to the bank, that for the next reveal, Ah' won't yell. Not even going to get a little mad just because you actually didn't drag your heels and got to... magic..."

>...

"...GGGGAHHHHH!"

>So much for taking it to the bank.

"AH'VE FORECLOSED IT FOR SHODDY BUSINESS PRACTICES AND VIOLATIONS AGAINST REALITY!"

>>29085747
>Oh, thank the stars who may or may not represent my parents

Holy shit AltJ

>>29085781
NC
>AJ
"AltJ"
~~~

>Yer' parents are dead too?

"Yep."

>Huh. Wonder if there's a universe out there where they're not?

"Nope."

>Really? Never thought about it even once?

"No, Ah' thought about it, Ah' just don't wonder anymore."

>Why not?

"Ah' asked Twilight to look into it and see if there's a universe where they're still alive."

>...

"Couldn't find one.

>...Ya' think-

"It occurred once or twice."

>AJ
"Alternatejack"
~~~~

"Your world is officially a crapsack one. It happened. Ah' don't know why this is the breaking point for me, but it finally happened."

>Ah'm actually not spottin' the reason ya'll think that with this one, help me out here.

"Yer' Twilight didn't make instant coffee. That's just officially the worst thing, ever. Mine? You drop a little cube in some hot water and bam, sweet coffee."

>Er, we kinda had a good reason to keep coffee from becoming something literally anyone can get a hold of. It's actually heavily regulated and restricted.

"Why would you do that!? Why would you ever, possibly, do that!?"

>...Ya' wouldn't believe me if Ah' told you

...Has she brought up Chrysalis before?

>>29086068
Nope.

Altjack doesn't know about Chrysalis yet.

>AJ
"AUJ"
~~~~

"LIES!"

>Really.

"Ah' don't believe it, Ah' straight up don't believe it! Ah' don't care what universe you're from, or what you think happened, but you're clearly wrong about all of it!"

>It happened.

"Blueblood!? Ya' seriously had a problem with BLUEBLOOD!? Prince 'Prissy pony the third' BLUEBLOOD?!"

>He had a robot army.

"Oh, well, if he had a couple clanker things, how in the world could you have ever been expected to compete!? Not like you have the power of an alicorn and unlike me a bunch of other alicorns to come to fight with you! This should have taken two seconds!"

>Twilight and the A-team handled it.

"Oh, Ah' see! You had to rely on SPIKE to go handle it for you! Well thank goodness we had Spike the dragon, who knows what would have happened if the two foot little lizard who reaches up to your chest wasn't there! Why, you'd have to rely on your near landscape reshaping level magical powers! OH OH! But he had a gun, a little bang stick, against robots! Phew! The day was saved and you never had to get off your ass!"

>Had to protect Canterlot.

"How many alicorns are needed to protect one place from robots!? None, if your army doesn't suck! None! But then, guess that's why you had the A-team, woooo!'

>Well, how'd you deal with Blueblood.

"Cut all his funding, cut all his privileges, and then had an armed guard stand over him and force him to do paperwork until he ran off in tears, then when he broke back in and tried to give me a threat, Ah' locked him up for treason and that was that."

>So he's just... in jail? Never did anything else?

"Nope! No robots! Imagine that! Problem solved because Ah' didn't go "Ah' know he just threatened me, but let's see where he goes with this!" What a concept!"

>...

"Nothing? Don't have anything to that?"

>Ah'm startin' to see a lot of...someone in you, and Ah' don't like it.

"It's called common sense, welcome to the land of being awake!"

>>29086311
#Woke

>>29086311
AUJ is just... going in. On everything. About everyone.

I love it.

>>29086374
>AltJ is a hipster

Fuuuuuu

>AJ
"Alterjack"
'Celestia'
~???~
~~~~~

>No, Ah' haven't built an artificial base beneath Canterlot.

"Well, if you want it to crumble and fall, that's a brilliant idea! Otherwise what you just said is stupid!"

>No, Ah' also haven't made a manual labor initiative for Unicorns.

"Because they already think they're better than regular ponies, why not just agree with them! Wouldn't want to argue, that would be scarrryyyy."

>And no, finally, Ah' haven't made a magic or flight school mandatory for any town with a school.

"Education? What's that? Is it an apple? No, couldn't be, we know our apples and that sure doesn't sound like one of them! Must be a kind of peach! We don't like them!'

>Yer' not helpin'.

"Story of your life, apparently!"

Unable to take anymore, and such a limit had been reached many times in this conversation, the tallest princess loudly cleared her throat again, with all the subtlety and grace of an alarm clock nestled into an insomniac's ward.

'So! How much longer do you think your Twilight will take to get you home? Is it longer than normal? I can't imagine any reason why she wouldn't want you back immediately, but in case, we might have to go seek out our Twilight and have her begin work on the matter.'

A dismissive, almost haughty scoff and a wave of a gentle hoof brushed away the idea with all the care of a hydra brushing away a sandcastle.

"Right, because obviously your Twilight has proven she's just as good at this as mine. No, Ah' think Ah'll wait this one out, try to find out as much as Ah' can about how much you messed this place up, and see what Ah' can do to try to put it back together."

>Because clearly, we wanted your help with that. Were bangin' down yer' dang door.

"If you want it is irrelevant, this is what you need."

1/11

>>29086750

The way the original's eye suddenly twitched should have been a warning. Instead, it was as easily brushed past without a second thought. Idly white hooves moved backwards with that, the eldest of the group well aware of what that twitch normally meant, and what was almost certainly soon to follow it.

When a stern orange hoof reached up, and readjusted her hat, a certain shield spell was already being conjured.

>Alright, think Ah've listened to enough of yer' talk.

"Did you finally run out of things wrong with this place? Keep talking, Ah've come to find the deeper you dig, the more garbage is just beneath the surface."

>No, ain't rightly talkin' about that.

"Haven't done a lot of stuff right, to be frank."

Hooves kicked against the ground in irritation, two snorting breaths come out of her nostrils, and that eye's twitch grew worse.

>What Ah' mean, and if you'll be so kind as ta' listen up, is that you've insulted me, you've insulted mah' friends, and you've been a downright pain in mah' rear.

"What, did you want me to leave that last one to Spike?"

Worse still, until that eyeball seemed ready to burst from her skull and attack the one before her with all the rabid fury of a wounded animal.

>Ah' think Ah've had enough of this here talk and whinin'. Don't rightly know what turned you into a sour batch of apples, but you've crossed just one line too many.

"And what are you going to do about it?"

The highest princess knew she should stop it, intervention being the only thing now that could possibly stop the rage that was to come, but her voice would not speak, her hooves would not move.

Perhaps it was her own fear of being caught in the middle that stayed her hooves.

Perhaps it was a resignation to the fact there's no chance of ceasing it when it's grown this far that quieted her voice.

Or perhaps, in a way she'd never admit to, perhaps a part of her simply wanted it to happen.

She'd never know.

2/11

>>29086755

>Ah'll show you what Ah'll do about it. Ah'm gonna buck...

None of them would ever know.

"...well?"

Nothing would come after the original of this universe suddenly went still, and a look of horror crossed her face unlike any other.

>N-noooo...

Confusion, suspicion, even a cocky bit of ego at a thought no doubt telling that there was a possibility the stetson wearing mirror of herself had come to her senses and realized she was beyond her league, the invader to this world felt all of those.

But mostly, when she watched her counterpart show genuine worry and dread as her head tilted to the side, she felt something else entirely.

Something powerful.

>Noooooo...

Groomed and smooth ears twitched, suddenly detecting the faintest of sounds, the most gentle of noises of something outside in the hall. Just beyond the grand doors that sealed them off from the rest of the world, she could hear something faint, something just barely there.

Something that apparently made her current counterpart want to throw up, from the looks of thing.

>NOOO!

~kaaaaaSLAMMAWHAMMADINGDONG!~

It was over in just a second.

Before the Applejack of this world could move, before the frightened taller mare of this reality could twitch, something had outrun them both.

~THE FU-~

A spiraling tendril of green plants had seized the door mid swing, and shoved it right back where it had come. The ebony, previously smirking face barely had time to shift to one of surprise before it found itself painfully forced between door and doorframe as the worlds largest doorstopper.

Then she found herself found that way again, and again and again as it was repeatedly slammed shut.

~YOU-~

3/11

>>29086762

That single word never managed to form, cut of with the rest of her breath when a bundle of roots suddenly pierced up from the ground and drove their blunted stalks straight into her chitinous chest. The Queen of all Changelings barley had time to even see the stars flooding her vision before those same tendrils wrapped around her like a spider spinning it's web around prey, and before her breath could be taken she was consumed in a ball of sticks and green plants.

>WAI-

Just as before, she was too slow, both of them were too slow. The full gravity of her words never reached ears that had long since stopped listening, and before it could finish they would never get the chance to.

The invader to this world, and the invader to Canterlot had both gone in a flash.

Blinks went off, never more than a little over a dozen feet away every time. Short, but very stable teleports blinked across the Canterlot cityscape so quickly none could catch it long enough to tell what it was, and it was gone before they could even realize what they'd seen.

Again and again and again, her flashes of magic went off, until there simply was no more city to teleport onto, and the open sky met her wide wings.

Legs that had not kicked a tree in so very long reacted with a muscle memory that could never be forgotten, and before the bundle had even finished forming into reality they lashed out, and sent it down into the brush of Everfree forest. Thoughts of derision that the forest and the monsters within remained so close to Canterlot had to be pushed aside, and given a bit of thanks that her counterpart had been inept in this one area.

With so many trees around, so much plant life waiting, when the ball hit the ground it was all over

"Rise."

4/11

>>29086770

In the sky, her horn glowed, and her hooves came together with a powerful clop. Her horn, already brimming with magic, began to let off thousands of sparkling drops that floated down into the area below, ones that seeped into every single scrap of green that could be found.

"Gather."

Beneath her, the forest, the trees themselves obeyed her command as her magic literally rained down in a storm of a spell, and bled into their very being. As one, the trees began to shift, the grass beneath them began to slide as if coming alive, and every scrap of plantlife came to her call.

"Consume."

They descended upon the ball still dormant down below, the forest coming alive to pile ontop of the thing before it had even finished rolling in shock from the attack. They converged, covered, left no scrap to be seen and left no inch to wiggle free.

"Wall."

Massive, living trees with trunks wider than any pony circled the bundling plants, and with an almost glacial movement they shifted forwards and came together in a perfect circle that offered no respite, and no escape.

"Merge."

Every cell of plantlife exploded with an unnatural energy, the glow so bright it appeared an explosive powerful enough to consume a castle had gone off. Their powerful waves of energy hummed with a painful light, branches cracking as they interwove together.

Then, the real magic started.

"Seal."

The glow became ever brighter, bathing Equestria for miles around in a green light that put the sun above them to shame. Those branches, those plants, those trees, all became nothing but a glowing green ball that would have taken the sight from anyone foolish enough to actually look into it.

When her magic finally cased, when the spell reached it's end, and when the light mercifully gave the ability to see back to those it had been blinded, nothing of what had been remained.

"...Done."

Nothing but a single, pristine, massive tree.

5/11

>>29086774

It was a majesty that towered over all it's brethren around it, and who's leaved seemed to shine unnaturally in the light. It's bark, each segment dancing with strange symbol, was nearly smooth as it was strong looking, it's luster healthy and alive, and it's roots so large any pony could easily slide down it if they'd had the inclination. It was truly a wonder.

"Hrmph, didn't expect that to be easy."

~I agree.~

She should have known, she really should have, and she cursed herself and letting the overall inept nature of this world color her perceptions just before her tree, her majestic creation, began to rumble.

The first light carved through the base of the bark.

The second light split from the roots.

The third came when the leaves on the top began to illuminate before suddenly bursting into flames, their ashes rising into the sky.

Emerald flame flowed out from every crack and crevice, every time a new slice of light carving out it loosed more as if the tree had been grievously wounded and now the poor thing could only wail with the sounds of escaping gas and wind as it began to sway under it's own weight.

The final, fourth light raced up the back of her new creation, and the crack that filled strong ears made her want to wretch in disgust. Piece by piece, the tree fell apart in four smooth segments from the top down, opening like a flower from the depths of tartarus itself, and from the ashes and the fire, a single pillar of flame rose.

Atop it, a face contorted monstrously as it tried in vain to both scowl and smirk.

~If you're going to go all out, I assumed it would be harder to deal with than a damn tree. Just because you look like her doesn't mean you have to follow the theme.~

Hard, bitter eyes glared at the Queen as she floated in the middle of the rising smoke, the wail of her creation still filling the air as it mingled with the pops and cracks of the heat that consumed it.

"How are you this powerful..."

6/11

>>29086781

The orange horn lit up with it's spells once more, already conjuring another spell before she would ever let the Queen speak again. More sparkling magic rolled out in dust, glittering like majestic pollen in the air, before honing in with a controlled gust of wind towards the Queen.

~Isn't it obvious?~

It was burned away with a single flap of her insectoid wings, the heat from their single burst enough to wither away the spells and turn them to ash.

~The power of love. Now, the real question is... how are you this powerful? Because I know who's body that is, and one, she does not have that good fashion sense. And two... she's not that strong.~

A single, chitinous eyebrow rose at the scowl shot her way, and the growl that came with it.

~Don't give me that, I know the upper limits of her power, all their power, and this seems... above that, quite a lot above that, even for an alicorn, how did you manage to have such an unnatural level of magic?~

"Why don't you ask them?"

The pronoun game was not one that was played for long.

The answer came with a whiplash, and a stinging sensation on her back.

~AHHH!~

The Queen only barely caught herself in the air, and even still only barely had time to get back to flying before another crack from above could lash into her.

She dodged blindly, unable to find her bearings enough to assess a single situation, ducking and weaving without regard for anything but avoiding the crack and the rush of air that would follow it.

Once, just once, she moved wrong, dodged in the wrong direction, and a searing sting crossed her leg hard enough to send her spinning. It was there, mid roll, that she found the answer to her assailant. A single glimpse as she spun out of control was all she needed, and the truth was revealed.

Long, thick roots, thick as they were coiling, literally came down from the clouds above. The very sky itself had taken root, and they had apparently developed a hatred for changeling.

7/11

>>29086789

~That...shouldn't be possible-~

Her words, and her jaw, skewed. Jerked left, bending unnaturally underneath the floating, magically lifted fist made of the hardest stone Equestria could grant her. Far away from the Changeling, smirking even brighter than the magic on her horn, the pony watched her foe's face contorted before carrying the rest of her with it down to the ground in a painful landing that left slashes of dirt scattering in both directions as they were cast aside by the body of one who thought herself so regal.

Had the fire not consumed her before her journeys end, had she not been carried away by the magic of her fireflight, it's entirely likely the sudden spears of stone that shot from the ground would have been her true stopping point, and more than for her flight along.

The princess of another land was granted only a moment to notice her departure, to try to formulate a plan, before everything was fire.

The roots in the clouds above suddenly became ablaze, and were ripped from where they had taken hold.

Her fist of powerful stone melted in her magical grip, becoming a blob that floated uselessly in the air.

Finally, even her own magic seemed to fail her, as she felt the grip it held on both of those things break. That's when her weapons, the things she had thought her own, turned on her.

"Damn it!"

She tried to fly away, but could not escape the whips of the roots floating with green magic.

She tried to fight back, only for her magic to be blocked by a wad of melted stone that struck her the instant it had cooled

She tried to do anything, before the battering became too much, and she couldn't fight back anymore.

In her desperation, she did the only thing she could.

"ENOUGH!"

She blew it all up.

8/11

>>29086793

The roots, the remains of the tree that had once stood so tall, the stones both flying and used as spears, all of it suddenly and violently ignited, and a flash of magic and shockwaves filled the world in concussive waves.

Deep within the depths of those ear shattering eruptions, she heard a cry of pain, and the assaults stopped.

It was some time before they stopped, some time even longer before the steam and the smoke were brushed away by the wind, leaving only two shapes in the sky.

The princess, her fur slightly askew, and her hair no longer the smooth and pristine masterpiece that it had been.

And the Queen, with her chitin dirty, her body littered with slight bruises, and her face welled slightly.

Both wore the exact same expression, of rage.

~For the record... I'm done playing.~

Heat, suffocating heat even in the wide open sky rolled over the universal immigrant, enough to burn the insides of her nostrils and make it near impossible to breath.

"...fine."

Even against that wave, and those powers, she remained as cool as the sky itself when she cracked her neck, and her hoof reached up to the apple emblem around her neck.

"This is what Ah' get for going easy on you."

Magic, brilliant as it was horrifying, filled the air.

>BREAK IT UPPPPPP!

Magic that carried exactly two big rocks, and nothing else.

"OW!"

~SON OF A FUCKING GRUB!~

Two rocks was all that was needed.

~WHO THE FUCK...~

When she finally came face to face with Celestia, she had expected that much.

When she saw a less well dressed version of the very pony who had made her life chaos for the last few minutes, she had expected it far less.

~...Okay, so, not possessing you, but cloning you? Is this a chaos creation? Help me out here.~

>It ain't that, it's-hold up.

9/11

>>29086800

The version the queen recognized suddenly spun on her heels, a useless gesture as she was flying in the air, and chucked another rock. There was a soft sound of it's collision, one that followed another one that sounded very much like magic fizzling out.

>Cut that shit out, alternate universe me!

The doppelgangers disobeyed with a wave of magic on her horn, one that took intervention from none other than Celestia herself to put to rest.

"Damn it! How are you all this stupid that even she can mind control you!?"

Not one, not two, but three sets of eyes blinked.

~...I have several dozen questions.~

"Ah' thought this whole place was screwy, Ah' thought it didn't make any sense Ah' could be this dumb, this inept, and get this many things wrong, but now it all makes sense!"

She struck another fighting pose, yet more magic floating around her as she glared with all her might at the befuddled former villain.

"You've been mind controlling her this whole time! Weakening her, weakening the country, weakening their resolve and their spirit until this whole mess gets so bad that you have to swoop in and save it all! Ah' knew Ah' was right to deal with you like Ah' did! Ah' knew it! Looks like Ah've got to save two worlds from you, Queen Chrysalis... Ah'm more than up for it. Release them from your control, now."

Three different, unique set of eyes blinked once again as the realization slowly dawned on them.

"Release them, or Ah'm going to make this so much worse for you. This is your one chance to make sure you get at least a little bit of mercy. Don't bother using them as a shield, Ah've got no love for then and won't hesitate to break my own face to get to you and save the world. Release them, right now, or else."

Three different, unique faces contorted, as all tried to find the words to make this all clear.

"Let them go Ah' said!"

10/11

>>29086806

The alternate mare's bravado, her confidence, all of it wavered when the three before her did not look defiant, or shocked.

She found most of it lost when instead, they all just looked awkward.

"...please let them go of their mind control that you absolutely have and is the reason everyone here is so terrible at everything."

Three very regal, very powerful mares shuffled awkwardly in the sky.

"...pretty please?"

One very regal, very powerful mare just looked like she was ready to let her wings fold and drop down.

'Ahem... Alternate Applejack? Queen Chrysalis of the changeling kingdom, our close ally and friend. Queen Chrysalis?... This is Applejack from another world, and she is like Applejack but worse.'

"You've got to be fucking kidding me."

The Queen looked over to each one in turn. The disgusted one from another world. The embarrassed monarch that stood above them all, and the mare who had once been her earth pony foe, and now seemed to quite deeply regret that she was not that any longer.

~See, this shit is why I just stay in the Empire most days.~

"YOU STAY IN THE WHERE NOW!?"

~...oh wow, this is going to take some explaining.~

>>29086813
Holy shit, AltJ does not guck around