Tales of the Ferret King

>>29042468
Let's get this show on the road!
Pastebin upfront, for those who prefer it
http://pastebin.com/Ydxq4csu

>"We'll go in at once."
>Just like that, Celestia ends the discussion.
>You'd have preferred caution, but both Cadance and your sister want action now.
>This strange portal created by a scientist from Ponyville is one of the biggest threats you have faced.
>Not because a few ponies wandered through and never returned, but because Twilight Sparkle and her friends - whom you sent to recover the lost ponies - disappeared as well.
>If a malevolent force can defeat the Council of Harmony so easily, you think it's only fair to fear its might.
>As you step through the gateway, you shudder.
>Portals and teleportation are nothing new to you, but this gate's energy feels perverted.
>You hope it's only your mind playing tricks on you.
>At the other side, you find yourself in a huge stone building.
>After all three of you have crossed through the portal, it closes, revealing a set of grand doors behind you.
>You can still feel the portal's magical presence, it shouldn't be too hard to reopen it once you've found your friends.
>The hall seems to be shaped like a cross, with a pointed roof stretching into the heavens.
>Marble pillars with intricate carvings of all sorts of animals rise up to the ceiling.
>Grand arched stained glass windows adorn the walls.
>Little light shines in from outside, and save for at the centre, none of the braziers on the walls and pillars are lit.
>In the middle of the cross stands a large marble throne, with golden crenellations.
>On that most royal of seats lie several soft cushions, on which a ferret sits.
>The animal is dressed in a red cloak, lined with white fur, at least three times his length.
>On his head he wears a silver crown set with amethysts.
>Before you get the chance to wonder what this is all about, the creature opens its mouth and - to your surprise - speaks.
>"Hussars, to me! Defend your king!"

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>>29042488
>Six tall figures emerge from the shadows of this grand hall.
>All of them wear heavy plates of armor and large winglike constructions on their back.
>The closest two, large minotaurs with huge halberds, approach your trio menacingly.
>Celestia aims her glowing horn at them.
>"Stay away!"
>The guards ignore her and keep advancing, closing the little distance between your parties.
>Your sister shoots a bolt of magic, but it bounces harmlessly off your assailants' plate.
>She manages to block a halberd's swing aimed for her head but is knocked over when its wielder sweeps at her legs with the butt of his weapon.
>You back away from the second minotaur, while Cadance rushes forward.
>Nimbly, she evades a blow but is struck down by one of the creatures behind the first two guards.
>From the suit of armour sprout branches as if arms, leaving you to wonder what exactly is in there.
>The things wield huge oaken shields covered in leaves and moss.
>You spread your wings and try to reach the doors, but the last of the guards block your way out.
>Two spears stick out towards you, held by winged arms.
>Inside these creatures' helmets are faces that remind you of griffons.
>Realising you're outmatched, you sink to your knees and lower your head.

-----

>The ferret glares at you from his throne.
>In a squeaky voice, he accuses you.
>"So, you have come to steal my lands and treasure, have you?"
>Cadance opens her mouth in protest, but you motion her to remain silent.
>"First your underlings interrupt my feast, then your warriors attack me at my most vulnerable moment, and now you come to end me! What has the Grand and Magnificent Ferret King ever done to you?"
>If you ever want to leave this place with your friends, now is the time for grovelling and sweet talking, let's hope your life in modern times hasn't made you too rusty.

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>>29042496
"Oh, most noble of kings, we beg forgiveness, for we but stumbled into thy grand hall in search of our subjects who meant no harm to thine realm."
>"Hmmm, you seem sincere. Very well, my mercy shall prevail this day, you will not have to rot in my dungeons."
>Looks like you're in the clear; now you need to convince him to release your friends and subjects.
"Esteemed Lord, we wish to take our subjects back to our own lands if thou couldst find the kindness in thy heart."
>A mischievous grin appears on the rodent's face.
>"No, I do not believe I can simply do that. You pony folk caused me some trouble; you will have to work to repay your debts."
>You can hear your fellow princesses' teeth grinding, but you yourself remain calm.
>If you lash out now, things could get very ugly.
>Better swallow your pride and comply.
"Very well, noble King of Ferrets, what wouldst thou have us do?"
>The critter strokes his whiskers in contemplation.
>Your sister tries to get your attention by poking you with her wing, but you ignore, as to not offend the king.
>The ferret begins to speak, his squeaky voice revealing your quest.
>"I will be hosting a banquet for my esteemed friends this evening. You will attend to their needs for the duration of the feast."
>Cadance, wary of treachery, interrupts the briefing.
>"And you will release our friends if we comply?"
>The Ferret King gives her an annoyed look.
>"I will release one, and only one, of the prisoners once you complete this task."
>The Princess of Love grumbles, but a look from Celestia silences her.
>"Please, your highness, do continue."
>"There will be three guests of honour; The Duke of Pigsbury, The Earl of Hogsbottom, and Baron von Bloater. You will each be the personal wench to one of my honoured friends."
>Pink and white turn to red at this insult.
>You silently pray that your fellow princesses will keep quiet, upsetting the king would put your captive friends in grave danger.

>>29042504
"We shall fulfil thine most reasonable request, my lord."
>The ferret dismisses you with a smug look and a wave of his paw.
>"My guards will show you to your quarters and present to you your outfits."

--------------------

>"Well, at least these dresses are beautiful."
>Twirling in front of the mirror, Cadance admires her attire.
>You'll admit the garments are stunning, although you don't understand why they leave your cutie mark uncovered.
>You assume it must be some sort of local custom.
>Celestia stands at the window, quietly watching the sunset.
>"Isn't it strange, sister, how the sun and moon move on their own here?"
>After everything you've seen today, this little difference in the behaviour of celestial objects does little to stir your mind.
>A knock on the door redirects all royal attention to the door.
>It swings open, revealing a servant of the Ferret King.
>Another strange creature, resembling Twilight's description of a 'human'.
>His skin is matched by robes of all kinds of shades of green.
>He carries an ebony box, decorated with shards of dragon glass.
>He takes a deep bow before he addresses you.
>"Princesses, your splendour blinds me, I bask in your divinity, I wish we had guests as beautiful as you at every banquet."
>While Cadance blushes like a filly, and your sister rolls her eyes, you respond.
"Thine words humble us, good sir, thy own robes suit thyself well."
>His next move is a slight bow to acknowledge the compliment.
>"Thank you for your kind words, my lady. I should introduce myself; I am Chamberlain Dinar, my lord has sent me to invite you to the feast."
>A very tactful way to convey a summons, this Dinar fellow knows his etiquette.
>"We are grateful His Highness allows us to join in his marvellous festivities."
>After exchanging smiles, he presents to you the ebony box and opens it.
>Inside you find three pieces of jewellery.

>>29042509
>They all have the same shape, a circle with two oval-shaped holes near the sides, but different sizes.
>The largest is made of pure gold, the smallest of shining bronze and the middle one of sparkling silver.
>Your visitor picks the gold ornament and approaches you.
>"May, I?"
>You lower your head and the creature fastens the piece to your mane.
>Then Celestia receives the silver trinket and Cadance the bronze one.
>"They suit you perfectly, my ladies. Now, if you would follow me?"
>As you follow Dinar out of your chambers, four guards surround you as an escort.
>They aren't part of the ferret's personal guard, wearing leather armour and wielding rapiers.
>It seems humans can be many colours just like ponies, as you now see red, white, blue and orange are also possibilities.
>You feel your sister's wing asking for your attention and turn your head.
>"Luna, I have a bad feeling about this."
"Why? We've been treated fairly well."
>As a testimony to your words, you hear Cadance laughing at something Dinar said.
>"Don't forget, we're here as prisoners even if the King of Rodents pretends otherwise."
>You sigh.
>Of course, you know that, but it doesn't matter, you need to focus on fulfilling the task at hand.
"Tia, please, let's just do what he says so we get our little ponies back and let us not worry too much. It's not like we could stop him if he tried anything anyway."
>The painful truth leaves your sister silent.
>Meanwhile, you have arrived at the main hall, where servants of various species are finishing the preparations for the feast.
>The throne in the middle is empty, and only once the chamberlain catches your attention with a cough, do you see the Ferret King.
>He is dressed in a purple toga that trails behind him and a golden sash with the word 'Excellent' embroidered on it in white.
>But that isn't the most extravagant part of his appearance, that honour goes to his mount.
>The ferret sits on a young black griffon, reins in his little paws.

>>29042520
>The black leather of his tiny saddle shines in the torchlight.
>Dinar takes a deep bow before his lord, and you decide to follow suit.
>"Your Highness, I have brought the princesses."
>The ferret signals on of the minotaur Hussars, who passes his halberd to a fellow guard and then picks up the griffon.
>He raises the steed high above your heads, elevating his prince.
>"So glad you could make it! Now, no time for chitchat, my friends will be here soon."
>A small paw gesture makes his steed-bearer turn around and march off, followed by the rest of the Hussars.
>"I'll see you ladies during the feast," he says, not even bothering to turn his head back at you.
>You thought he was going to give you instructions, but the rodent must feel too important to be bothered with it.
>Apparently, that is Dinar's task.
>"Dear princesses, His Highness has asked me to instruct you on your role for this evening. Please listen carefully, as we do not have much time."

--------------------

>As the small crowd of dignitaries simmers down, the performers on stage bow before their lord.
>"Marvellous, marvellous! A stunning performance, gentlemen! Next!"
>While you're still trying to process what you just witnessed, the minotaurs leave and the next couple takes the stage.
>A centaur with a white coat and pale upper body, accompanied by a yellowish human female.
>The contestants bow before their king.
>"Kerit, Ambrosia, I hope you have prepared an exquisite act as always!"
>"As always, Your Highness," the centaur says with a smile.
>Then the couple starts their 'dance'.
>The woman drops to the ground, posterior raised.
>From the other end of the stage, her partner comes rushing, member ready.
>He hardly slows down as he inserts himself, but lifts the girl up by her arms.
>While he runs a few rounds across the stage, she slides back and forth, moaning softly.
>The king looks on approvingly, while the pig lords cheer wildly.

>>29042526
>You can't help but notice just how 'excited' they are.
>Celestia and Cadance seem equally disgusted, but manage to keep their cool.
>The Duke of Pigsbury turns to you.
>"Blue, wine empty, get more!"
>You bow before your master and take his chalice to the barrel.
>It's empty, thank the Moon.
>Now you can fetch a new barrel, meaning you won't have to watch the debauchery on stage.
>Still, the moans are now loud enough to haunt you right up to the cellar door.
>Amidst the Ferret King's barrels of wine and ale, you finally find peace.
>You take your sweet time looking for a barrel marked 'Swine's Delight', the lords' favourite.
>Eventually, you pick up a barrel and reluctantly return to the show.
>As you leave the wine cellar, a round of applause indicates the current couple has finished, probably in more than one way.
>While the ferret congratulates the performers on their 'most exquisite display of love', you refill your pig's cup.
>"Good horse!"
>You take the 'compliment' with a nod.
>As you turn to take your place behind his seat, the Duke slaps your flank.
>"Good horse, good ass."
>You take a deep breath and manage to rein in your anger.
>These swines deserve nothing less than the spit.
>The appearance of the next performers takes your mind off the pig.
>As one, you and your fellow princesses gasp in shock, as you see two of your subjects appear on stage.
>You recognise them as Cheerilee and Big Mac.
>Visibly shaking, they look to Celestia with pleading eyes.
>You fear this won't end well, there is no way your sister will let this slide.
>"What is the meaning of this?!"
>Seems you were right.
>With a fake smile of innocence the Ferret King addresses Celestia.
>"What seems to be the problem? Are you not pleased to see your ponies participating?"
>"You will not disgrace my subjects like this! Let them leave right now!"
>The ferret strokes his whiskers and then smiles like a devil.

>>29042535
>"How about we make a deal, princess? The show must go on, so if your subjects cannot perform, you need to arrange a replacement."
>You exchange glances with the others, and wordlessly, you reach a decision.
>"We'll take their place," Cadance says.
>She and Celestia take the stage and guards take your ponies away.
>"Well then, ladies, show us your moves!"

--------------------

>Drenched in sweat and other fluids, Celestia and Cadance stumble off the stage.
>"A very impressive first-time performance, ladies. You may go and freshen up before your return to your duties, Dinar will show you the way."
>The Chamberlain and a pair of minotaurs escort them away and now the rodent turns to you.
>"You may accompany us to the next event of this grand feast!"
>Levitating goblets and barrels, you follow the lords into the adjacent chamber.
>This room is less spacious and only dimly lit.
>In the back, on an elevated platform, stands an iron pillory, painted black and adorned with grinning skulls.
>On either side of the construction stands a large griffon, clad in plates of jet.
>As before, four lavish seats stand in the middle, where the swines and the rodent take place.
>"My esteemed friends, welcome back to the chamber of repentance! Guards, bring in tonight's first sinner!"
>The griffons disappear through a door in the back.
>They quickly return, dragging a sobbing mint green mare between them, Lyra Heartstrings.
>You quickly scan the room, but you don't find any whips, clubs or anything that might bring the little pony harm.
>Hoping to avoid angering the King, you remain silent as the griffons lock her in the pillory, forcing her to stand on her rear legs.
>Unfortunately, she notices you, and her pleading eyes chip away at your resolve.
>Then the griffons vanish and reappear once more, carrying two large baskets.
>One contains a dirty red mass that you recognise as overripe tomatoes.
>The other's foul stench indicates rotten eggs.

>>29042540
>No, they can't be planning what you think they are.
>"Gentlemen, you know the drill. May the sinner be cleansed by decay!"
"Stop!"
>The King turns to you with a shit-eating grin.
>Curses! He tricked you!
>Even the pig lords snigger at the mistake you just made.
>But there is no going back now.
"In what manner has the mare transgressed, Your Highness?"
>"Disobedience, amongst other things."
>"Please, Princess Luna, help me!"
>The ferret gives you a smug look.
>"I see you are concerned with your subject. We could make an arrangement."
>You sigh.
"Very well, we shall take her place in the pillory."
>Before long, the cold metal presses against your coat.
>As the ferret picks the first tomato, you steel yourself.
>Be strong, be calm.
>The red orb comes hurtling towards you, and you close your eyes.
>You don't flinch as it shatters against your visage.
>The scarlet mush drips down your muzzle, staining the blue.
>The pigs now open fire and hit after hit you endure.
>A small pause occurs in the barrage.
>You risk a peek and see the nobles now taking ammunition from the egg basket.
>At the same time, the Chamberlain walks into the room, Celestia and Cadance in tow.
>Their faces display a mix of shock and anger as they spot you.
>They remain collected, however, and move to their masters' side.
>Now the first eggs reach their goal.
>The impacts hurt more now, but you take solace knowing that you spared your subject this fate.
>This Ferret King is a cruel beast, but he will not break you.

--------------------

>>29042547
>"Dinar, give the princess a bath while we proceed to the dance floor."
>Finally the griffons free you from the pillory.
>You've never felt this dirty and you doubt one bath will wash away the stench and shame.
>You follow the green human to a door with carvings of all sorts of sea creatures.
>"Take all the time you need, my lady," he says and holds the door for you.
>You step into the room, where you find a large tub.
>It's already filled and the water is covered in a layer of foam.
>As you close the door behind you, something rises from the water.
>You adopt suspicion as it turns out the be a green siren.
>"My lady, I am here to assist you."
>Merely another colourful servant of the king, it seems.
>Slipping out of your stained dress, you step into the water, it's warmness flooding over you and the first bit of filth dissolving.
The tub is surprisingly deep, the water submerging all but your head.
>The mare swims up to you with a sponge.
>"May I?"
>You nod and let her work her magic.
>With a smile and humming a tune, she gently starts cleaning your face.
>You close your eyes and start to relax.
>Her sweet breath overruns the stench lodged in your nostrils.
>It's been long since you've been treated like this.
>The sponge moves on to your neck, the siren's face still close to yours.
>Then, with a small splash, the siren submerges and her tickling touch moves on to your legs.
>After your fourth leg, the sponge's touch disappears, her wordless song still emanating from beneath the waves.
>You open your eyes and look around, but see nothing for all the foam.
>Then, her tail wrapping around your belly, she rises from the depths.
>She lies down on your back and strokes your mane.
>It's been long since you've felt a gentle touch in this manner.
>Your mind is numb, your senses excited.
>In a moment of weakness, you nearly moan.
>You blush heavily and hide your face in the bubbles around you.

>>29042554
>Dangerously close to your ear, a warm current breathes past you.
>"It's my pleasure, my lady.."
>N-no, you shouldn't...
>Her lips graze your neck, sending shivers across your body.
>Her tailfin gracefully visits your underworld, adding to the mix of soap and water.
>You turn your head to find her lips and find them waiting eagerly.
>What you find inside proves to be an aphrodisiac and under the guidance of her song, you fall into a slippery ecstasy.

--------------------

>"DOWN! THE! HATCH!"
>Under the crowds elated cheers, you open up the barrel, sending its contents pouring down on the Duke.
>If he wasn't already on his back, he would soon have slipped in the fast growing puddle of cider beneath him.
>Even so, there is enough liquid entering the pig to knock out a grown stallion.
>The waterfall turns into a trickle and soon the cask is empty.
>"Blue, more!"
>Obeying his wish, you turn to the pyramid of barreled delight.
>However, just as you lift the next batch of booze into the air, a gurgling sound arises from the pig's throat.
>To your dismay, the noble starts to vomit vehemently.
>While you avert your gaze, the crowd breaks out in laughter.
>Behind their ranks you notice some servants with pained expressions.
>A minotaur and a human step forward.
>They carry the swine to his chair and make sure he doesn't choke on his puke.
>Hopefully this marks the end of your master's feasting exploits for tonight.
>"Well, who here thinks they can beat my friend the Duke? Who can down a second barrel?"
>Cries and hands rise up in the audience, eager to prove their worth to the Ferret King.
>The critter appoints a black bulky minotaur, who roars as he steps forward.
>"I WILL DRINK IT ALL!"
>"Well then, commence!"
>Not bothering to wait for your help, the minotaur grabs a barrel, rips off the lid, and starts chugging.
>You prepare the next two containers, as it doesn't seem he'll stop at one.

>>29042563
>It does not take long for him to finish his first barrel, after which he smashes it on the ground.
>The second one he empties with equal speed, but halfway through the third, he pauses.
>To your surprise he puts the barrel down.
>You didn't think this challenge would end gracefully.
>Your hopes and dreams are shattered as the minotaur emits the loudest belch you have ever heard.
>Eagerly, he resumes his drinking and quickly drains the barrel.
>You float the next one over to him, opened and ready to pour.
>Impatiently, he takes a few wobbly steps toward the cask.
>He grabs it tight and tilts it above his head.
>Just as the cider starts its descent, the barrel slips and crashes into the minotaur.
>He loses his balance and tumbles to the floor.
>"Is there no one who can hold his liquor?"
>The king's comment triggers roaring laughter from the crowd.
>Then, the spark of an idea lights up in his eyes.
>"Princess Luna, how about we hold a little wager?"
>What is the critter up to this time?
"What would be the rules of thine game, my lord?"
>The ferret grins.
>"I bet that no pony can outdrink my subjects and I dare you to prove me wrong."
>You take a look at the drained barrels on the ground.
>You're not sure about your subjects, but you yourself would definitely not beat the minotaur.
"What do we stand to gain from this wager?"
>This is where his face truly lights up, no doubt delighted by his own deviousness.
>"Well, suppose you win, which you won't, I'll release the winning pony. If you lose, however, you'll end up in my dungeon."
>A golden opportunity, if you can find a suitable pony.
>You scour your mind, recounting the ponies you met in their dreams.
>The pegasus mare, Rainbow Dash, she liked her cider alright.
>There's also Applejack; surely a pony who makes cider should be able to handle it well.
>Or maybe you should summon her brother?
>The ferret's eyes burn on you expectantly and you make your choice.
"We shall accept your challenge."

>>29042571
>"Excellent! Which of the prisoners should I send for?"
"Our champion shall be the earth pony named Applejack."
>The king raises an eyebrow.
>"Is that the orange one?"

--------------------

>A minotaur enters the room, carrying Applejack under his arm.
>"Let go of me!"
>Less than gently he puts her down next to you.
>"Princess Luna, what are you doing here?"
"We require your-"
>"I'll do the talking, Princess, this being my court and all."
>You glare angrily at the ferret, who smirks back at you.
>"Prisoner, your princess has chosen you as her champion for this wager. My contestant has downed three barrels of my finest cider, you are to try and beat him."
>The mare shoots you a worried look.
>"Three barrels? That's a lot, Princess," she whispers.
"We have faith in thee."
>The king claps his paws.
>"Without further ado, you may start!"
>You open up a barrel for the pony.
>The mare grabs a previously unused tankard off the ground and gets her first taste of the barrel.
>After a deep swig, her face turns into a grimace and she spits it all out.
>"Yuck! Are ya trying to poison me?!"
>You grin as the ferret's face gets red.
>"You will drink it and you will like it!"
>"Ya really should get a new supplier, even Flim and Flam made better cider!"
>The Ferret King fails to find words for his anger, but the Duke comes to his aid.
>"Less talk, more drink, horse!"
>The earth pony turns to you with a confident smile.
>"Dontcha worry, Princess, I reckon I could drink the whole pyramid if I had to; this 'cider' is hardly more than apple juice."
>Thank the Moon, you chose the right pony for the job.
"Well then, bottoms up!"
>The pony lies down on her back and you pull the bung from its hole.
>For the duration of the first barrel, all is quiet.
>The crowd is uncertain whether to cheer for their king's opponent, though some look excited.
>Halfway the second barrel, Applejack motions for you to put the plug back in.

>>29042578
>The king is already smiling triumphantly when a roaring belch escapes the mare.
>Now, the crowd no longer hides their excitement.
>Cheers and chants rise up and your champion resumes drinking.
>They swell up to a thunderous cascade as the end of the third barrel comes into sight.
>"More! More! More!"
>Obliging the audience's wish, you take a fourth barrel from the pile.
>But before you can pull the plug, Applejack motions you to wait.
>Instead of letting the liquid pour down on her, she takes off the lid of the barrel and with cheerful 'Geronimo!' dives into the barrel.
>Literally.
>Beneath the head stuck atop the barrel, sounds of splashing and drinking reach you and the crowd.
>It's clear that you've won this wager and it's now your turn to smile triumphantly.
>A little later, the barrel falls over, spilling the last remnants of its contents along with AJ to the floor.
>"Told ya I could do it."

--------------------

>After the feast, you find yourself before the ferret on his throne.
>"Well, you have fulfilled your duties, princesses, I'll release a prisoner of your choice."
>You huddle together with Celestia and Cadance to discuss your choice.
>"Twilight."
>"Twilight."
"Should we not at least give the others-"
>"Twilight."
>You can hardly say it surprises you.
>You turn back to the king.
"We ask of thee to release Princess Twilight Sparkle to us."
>"The purple one? Excellent choice! I'll have her delivered to your chambers."
>You bow in thanks before the ferret.
>"Now, you are dismissed. Shoo! I have important business to attend to."

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>>29042468

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>>29042585
http://pastebin.com/Ydxq4csu
Hope you folks enjoyed!

>Your head rests gently against the floor, the strange combination of smooth tile and fuzzy carpet checkered beneath you cushioning your chin.
>Your head is bowed in humble reverence, partially because you wish to gain the favor of the monarch lazily seated before you, but also partially because the spear point aimed at your back is very, very persuasive.
>You feel a faint nudge to your side, followed by a venom filled whisper, coming out almost as a hiss.
>"This is a mockery of Our royal standings! To be held in such regard, by ruffians like these!"
>"Quiet Luna! If we wish to get Twilight and her friends back, we must use any means necessary. We have to get them back, and if the only way to do so is to please this rather large rodent, I will do so.
>Your sister’s whispers cease as she turns back to the throne, a few mild profanities audible under her breath.
>"Rise, rise my new friends. There's no need for all of the formalities, unless you like sticking your flanks in the air."
>A faint blush creeps across your face as you rise from the floor, staring up at the furry creature before you.
>He lays across his solid gold throne, his slinky body flopping over each cushioned arm as he squirms about.
>A rather oversized throne rests on his head, encrusted with many fake jewels.
>Above him, the clear words "Fapples was here" was sloppily carved into the shiny metal, directly above the other set of inscription, "Sexy mares inquire within".
>The only thing "regal" about his appearance were the six armed guards at either side of his throne, staring directly forward with a blank expression.
>Each one appeared to be young for a royal guard, tightly gripping their weapons as they stand guard.
>The one closest to his side appeared to be the leader of the group, judging by his much more intricate, golden armor, and the nature of his weapon.
>The rest carried a polearm of a standard size, a simple wooden staff with a ceremonial eagle at the top.

>>29042611
>The creature closest to the Prince wielded a much different weapon however.
>It was a sword, the likes of which you had yet to see before this very day. It was a large hunk of metal with no ceremonial intentions whatsoever.
>It seemed ridiculously oversized, and from where you stood you were almost sure you could make out a large, faint red stain along its edge.
>The knight himself looked a force to be reckoned with too, a match for a blade such as his.
>His frame was massive, much taller than your own with broad shoulders, appearing to be much heavier than anyone else in the room.
>Both his body and his sword were so large you began to wonder if he could even wield those in combat effectively.
>His face was one of experience, covered in scars from battles hard fought.
>The one time your eyes crossed paths, there was a rampant fire behind his pupils that betrayed his emotionless expression and shook you to your core, as if he could break out into combat at any second.
>It was hard to take this immature "Prince" seriously, but this creature of immense stature seemed to be of more interest.
>"Now, for what possible reason do you dare enter my castle!?"
>The furry creature waves his hands around whimsically, glaring at you.
"Your Excellency, you-"
>The commander of the troop takes a step forward, planting his heavy foot down with a large thud, his shadow casting darkness over you and your companion.
>"Hold your tongue, cur! Within his castle, you will refer to our ruler by his proper, God-given name, King Fapples the Amazing, Dragon Slaying, Race Car Driving, Mare Banging, "Yes, its actually 12 inches" the Third!
>You stare on in surprise, stuttering out an apology as you try to grasp the absurd nature of your predicament.
>Adjusting his crown, King Fapples nonchalantly waves his guard away.
>"Never mind all that, King Fapples is fine. Only my mother calls me all that. Now, for what reason do you dare invade my castle?"

>>29042687
"King Fapples, you actually sent your guards and forced us to come he-"
>"Silence!"
>The "regal" prince adjusts himself, sitting up in his throne and bringing a hand to his chin.
>"So, I assume you're here for the other ponies of your kind who passed through here not to long ago?"
"Yes, King Fapples. We need to find them and bring them back home. Have you seen them?"
>"Yes, I seem to remember them. Specifically the yellow one, who had a butt most magnificent."
>Suppressing the urge to showcase a bit of your magic, you question him for more details.
"Well then King Fapples, do you know where I can find them? I need to get them home, it's quite urgent."
>The oversized ferret slouches in his golden seat, flashing you a toothy grin.
>"Suppose I do? What do I get for my troubles?
>Bowing down once again, you give the monarch your most sincere look.
>After multiple life times of ruling, you had gotten very used to kissing ass to get what you wanted.
>It was preferable to war, at the very least.
“You would have the humble gratitude of a very powerful nation who would be deeply indebted to you.”
>King Fapples seems to ponder this for a moment before dismissing your attempts with a wave of his paw.
>”No, I already have two of those on my shelf. NEXT!”
>You give your sister an exasperated look, and she returns an angered one.
“Well then, what ever could we offer?”
>”Funny you should ask, I’ve been waiting for a few adventurers like yourselves for a while now.”
>”Some time ago, I was out strolling through the royal gardens with my loyal knights. I wandered for sometime, and eventually we found ourselves deep in a previously unventured wooded glen.”
>”In this area were magical items of all sorts, things our virgin eyes had never seen. It was all very impressive, but there was one particular item that took my fancy.”

>>29042700
>”It was a holy item, the very sun shone around it, as if it was made specifically as a spotlight for this item of divine stature.”
>You turn to your sister in intense curiosity, your mind a blaze as to what other-worldly item could merit such a description, especially one to be found in the forest of all places.
“King Fapples, what was this magical item?”
>Fapples stares into his day dream for a moment longer before looking back to you, waving his paw in the air and shrugging his thin shoulders.
>”It was a rock. But it was a cool rock, it had a stripe through it and everything!”
>Your chest visibly deflates as the startling immaturity of the foreign “prince” before you barrels its way into your brain once again.
>”I wanted it, but we were attacked by a vicious creature, one straight from the depths of Tartarus! It had coal black eyes, wings to freeze a ferret in his place, and a horrible droning noise to chase the courage from any ferret. Worst of all, it was armed with a spear made for impaling. It was truly terrifying.”
>”If you wish to obtain the location of your friends, you must go fetch this object for me.”
>Luna takes a heavy step forward upon hearing this, her chest puffing out and steam pouring from her features.
>She opens her mouth to spit what you assume are various profanities, but you quickly throw out a hoof to stop her.
>She turns to stare at you, and you offer a reassuring smile.
>Facing back to the King, you bow and nod your head.
“We humbly accept your offer, King Fapples.”
>”Excellent! You needn't worry, you shall have the assistance of my best knight to protect you.”
>As these words leave his lips, the peculiar knight steps forward, lifting his sword and wordlessly leaving the throne room.
>King Fapples waves you away, plopping back down in his seat and looking over his crown.
>Taking this as your cue to leave, you and your sister leave immediately, hurrying after the furry giant.

>>29042707
“Don't worry Luna, we’ll get this rock and get out of here in no time.”

I love this general.

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>You've been a Princess for several months now.
>You saved the world again, and even have a shiny new castle to show for it.
>You've surpassed every expectation of your former mentor and achieved more than any pony in known history.
>So why, in the name of CELESTIA, can't you get a little consideration when you want to read?
>Whudding bass slams through your positively RESONANT castle from another of Pinkie Pie’s countless parties.
>You'd been invited, of course.
>But Fluttershy’s newly created Rodent Appreciation Day just didn't seem like your kind of scene.
>Naturally Pinkie couldn't resist an excuse to throw a bash.
>”I've got a BUNCH of new party games to try out too! We’ll make sure all the critters have just as much fun as the ponies!”
>Your bouncy friend’s simple words had sent you fleeing into the depths of your library plagued by visions of drunken rodents running amok over Ponyville.
>You make a third attempt to read a paragraph in your book of mending spells as the music somehow seems to get louder.
>You're sure that come morning time the residents of your cozy little party shattered town will be taking turns lying in the gutters and firing viscous fluids from various orifices.
“And just who do you think has to clean all that up before the Princess’ summit tomorrow evening?”
>You heave a sigh.
>You toss the mending time back into your stack in exchange for a treatise on cleaning up “spills”.
“Whatever, a well prepared pony is a po-”
>BOOM
>An explosion rocks the castle followed by the sound of seventy three kazoos playing show tunes out of sync.
>You fly to the balcony and buck open the doors.
“PINKIE! I said NO to the five story party canno-”
>Peering down into the town square, your rage evaporates in the face of a pure lack of comprehension.
>Everypony stands frozen in place staring at a large kaleidoscopic portal ripped open in midair near the DJ’s booth.
>No, you're wrong.

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>>29042760
>They're staring at what must have just come THROUGH the portal.
>Six heavily armored and winged creatures stand proudly surrounding a logical paradox in a hexagonal formation.
>In their center, raised upon a plush velvet palanquin held aloft by four scantily clad griffons, sits a regally clothed….ferret.
>Your jaw hangs as part of your brain tries to comprehend how such garments could make the normally nude griffons seem so...uncovered.
>”He's soooooo CUTE!”
>The familiar voice cuts through the silence like a Cupcake Surprise at a funeral.
>”Silence! Who dares to call the Ferret King cute?”
>The squeak of terror from your friend as she dives under an apple cart matches the pitch and tone of the dire question exactly.
>The cogs in your exploded mind struggle to grind into motion.
>”Well, I can forgive that. I mean, I AM adorable. But that is NOT why I've come!”
>A dozen different scenarios start to race through your mind concerning everything you've learned about dealing with foreign dignitaries and/or supplicating temperamental rodents.
>”It has reached our Royal attention that a celebration of my kind is being held in this realm…”
>The squeaking monarch pauses to look over the concussed crowd with twitching whiskers.
>”So...WHY WAS I NOT INVITED?”
>You weren't even trying to move yet and you still nearly fell over.
>You open your wings hesitantly preparing to fly over to him even though you haven't a clue what to say.
>”Great wiggling polecats! Are you ponies all mute? Bah! Whatever. I'm bored. I'm going home.”
>For a second time you're stopped in your tracks in utter confusion as the Ferret King gestures his entourage to turn and move back through the portal.
>What in the curling face mop of Starswirl is going ON?
>Just as “His Majesty” has nearly crossed the threshold he turns and looks over his shoulder directly into your eyes.

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>>29042780
>”Oh, I'd nearly forgotten. Jogo! Grab a handful of these impolite serfs for the sodomy pits, there’s a good lad.”
>You barely have time to register the look of amused victory on his face, the word “sodomy”, and the name Jogo before what looks like a dozen smaller portals open over random ponies in the crowd.
>You instinctively leap into the air and race toward the rodent seeing a similar streak of rainbow approaching from the other side.
>Heavy, leathery tentacles that look vaguely wet strike out from the portals and tear screaming ponies up into them as you futilely pour on speed.
>Even with Dash’s speed neither of you will reach him on time…
“Who in Tartarus are you! What is all this!”
>You scream in frustration as the portals cycle shut.
>The silence remaining behind is marred by a high pitched whisper echoing from the faded dimensional energies.”
>”I am the Ferret King. And this is an invitation to MY party. Come and play, Princess!”

[End]

That's my little bit. Enjoy!

Alright, this is a Work in Progress. Hoping to have it done tonight or tomorrow night. We'll see how it goes.

>You are Princess Luna.
>Guardian of the Night, Diarch of Equestria.
>A month ago, strange portals swallowed up a dozen or so of your subjects in Ponyville.
>While you advised caution, your sister sent in the Elements of Harmony.
>That was two weeks ago.
>They have not returned, and now you find yourself following your sister into a portal her faithful student stabilized in her basement.
>You have voiced your opinion that rushing in is a foolish idea.
>That the portal needs to be studied further.
>That you have no idea what is on the other side.
>Probably Lava.
>Anyways.
>The arrival of Cadence threw any hope of reason out the window.
>She insisted that her sister-in-law must be rescued immediately.
>So here you are, following those two through a portal.

>So you've spent all day wandering through an impossible forest.
>Impossible in that the trees are the size of Canterlots tallest towers.
>The gloom at ground level is occasionally punctuated by fantastic fluorescent fungi.
>Ahead is some sort of massive palace, woven from the twisted roots of the tallest of the tall trees.
>You have no idea what's inside, and they very well might not like ponies.
>But Celestia never liked camping, so onward you plod.

>Arriving at the structure, a gnarled portcullis bars the way, though you can see two massive wooden doors lie beyond.
>Cadence and Celestia are attempting to call to the guards that surely are stationed here.
>You can hear voices inside.
>Happy voices.
>In many languages.
>You can sometimes catch a word or two of Equestrian.
>The music stops and the voices die down, you can hear one in particular saying something.
>Addressing the crowd, maybe?
>A few minutes pass in silence.
>"Should we fly up to a window?" Cadence asks.

>>29043149

"That might be considered rude. I say we continue waiting patiently." You suggest.
>"It's incredibly rude to keep visiting royalty waiting." Celestia huffs.
"It's also rude to show up, unannounced and uninvited, to someone's party."
>"Stupid Luna and her stupid logic..." Cadence grumbles.
>Before you can remind her of your military training, the inner doors open and the gate is lifted.
>"Well done, Luna! You were correct!" Celestia beams, striding forward with confidence.
>Cadence swiftly follows.
"Wait! What if this is a trap?"

>It was totally a trap.
>A dozen guards clad in armor flew down from the ramparts on metal wings, surrounding you in the courtyard.
>After subduing you all, they discussed what to do with you.
>One of them had referenced the other ponies that recently arrived.
>When Celestia said you were royalty, they laughed.
>The Ferret King, they said, wasn't expecting any visiting royalty.
>When you asked who the Ferret King was, they accused you of being spies.
>When Cadence denied that, they rebutted with "That's what a spy would say!"
>So now you occupied one of three cells at the end of a hallway.
>Looking through the tiny, grated window, you can see the cell across the hall where Cadence resides.
>To your right is the cell at the end of the hall, where they took Celestia.
>But about half an hour ago, the guards took her to meet with this "Ferret King."
"Cadence, I think I might be able t-"
>"Don't try to escape! You're the reason they think we're spies in the first place!"
"I'm not going to just sit here-"
>"Yes you are! Stop trying to weasel out of your cell, and start thinking up an apology like a lady."
>Well, that conversation didn't go swimmingly.
>It's not really your fault.
>You just asked a question.
>Before you can dwell too long upon what just happened, two things occur.
>First, you succeed in picking the lock on your door.
>Second, Celestia is brought back.

>>29043161
>After the guards have returned Celestia to her cell, they depart once more.
>"Auntie, how did it go?"
>"I learned many things."
>"Is Twilight here?"
>"Yes, they're all here. Twilight, the Elements and the other missing ponies."
"What is to happen to us?"
>"He said he needed to think about it. He was hoping we came to pay for the holes our ponies made in his roof." Celestia sighs. "Apparently it's very hard to get a contractor to come out here."
"I can't imagine why."
>"So let's just offer to go get the bits needed from the treasury." Cadence suggests.
>"That's what I said. He didn't think we'd come back."
"Well, maybe he'll be in a better mood tomorrow. We did interrupt his party, after all."
>"Siding with him, Luna? How can you say that about someone who imprisoned our ponies!"
"I think I'm going to go talk to him."
>"What?"
>"What!?"
"I shall return." you say, swinging your door open and leaving.

>It takes about ten minutes to find your way to the outskirts of the party.
>Of course, the party seems to be occurring everywhere all at once.
>After accidentally walking in on several couples mid-copulation, you find one amenable to offering some directions.
>A tall gangly creature not unlike an ape pauses, his member buried inside a blissfully bound griffoness.
>"Yeah, you're not far. Keep going down this hall, then turn right at the buffet. If you find yourself in the foam party, you've missed it."
"Many thanks."
>Heading down the hall, you wonder how any creature could miss the enormous spread of food.
>Though you wonder what exactly a foam party is.
>A new type of fun? This may turn into a lucrative trade mission if all goes well.
>Perusing the many options, you hear a sheep and stallion discussing the 'peerogee bar' with some enthusiasm.
>No sense negotiating on an empty stomach.

>>29043172
>Pierogi, as it turns out, are little dumplings stuffed with, well, anything.
>There must be a hundred kinds.
>Many are flavors you've never heard of, and there are a plethora of meat options.
>What in Tartarus is a fluffy pony?
>And how does one fit one in a pierogi?
>Anyways.
>Your appetite sated, you grab a bottle of Zywiec from a passing server.
>Not bad.
>Maybe the Ferret King would be interested in importing some cider?
>Something to keep in mind.

>It's not hard to find him.
>Past the buffet spread the hallway emerges into a massive central chamber.
>This must be the center of the palace, under the core of the trees trunk.
>The chamber must be four stories high, with rings of balconies at each floor.
>Across from where you stand is a dais with a throne, upon which sits a fabulously bedecked ferret.
>While it is hard to estimate across the room like this, he is probably as tall as you, maybe taller.
>You can see several of the guards from before, only this time they're mounted.
>Hopefully those aren't any of your ponies.
>In the center of the room, a massive DJ setup is manned by a skeleton in a top hat.
>Several cages hang from the balconies, and you can vaguely see writhing forms dancing inside them.
>You're thousands of years old, but still see something new once in a while.
>Whatever those being choose to do for fun, it's none of your business.
>The floor, and the balconies, are filled with ponies, griffons, minotaurs, and beings you've never seen before.
>At the edges of the room, you even spy games being played.
>Games!
>This place can't be all that bad.
>Walking through the sea of party goers, it comes to your attention that two of the missing ponies are currently wrestling in a pool of mud while onlookers place bets.
>You need to speak to them.

>>29043180
>Sauntering over, you watch as the two mares tumble and roll in the filth.
>Originally you had though them to be the dentist, Colgate you believe her name was, and the confectioner, Bonbon, but it is hard to tell at this point.
>Ah, it seems the match is ended, one of them is pinned.
>The crowd is chanting now, as some sort of belt is brought to the winner.
>"So-do-mize! So-do-mize!"
>Strange customs the residents here have, you muse, as the winner puts on the belt.
>Turning away, you ask a nearby griffon how to speak to one of the contenders.
>"Looking for a little action, eh?" the eagle smirks. "If you want a li'l one-on-one time with one of 'em, you can ask the King for permission to wrestle them. If he gives the okay, you pick who you want and get to keep 'em for the night if you win."
"And if I lose?"
>"Depends on the collateral. You gotta take that up with th' King though."
"I see. Thank you." you bow out, and resume your rounds over the squealing coming from the ring behind you.
>The fight must have moved from wrestling to tickling.
>How fiendish.

>Finally, you make your way over to the throne.
>The guards work to steady their mounts as you approach, which draws the Ferret King's attention to you.
>Offering a deep bow, you introduce yourself.
"Hail, Ferret King. I am Princess Luna of Equestria, but recently arrived in this realm. I am looking to discover the cost of repairs for your roof, and to make trade for the ponies held here."
>"You will pay for the roof? Excellent! Fifty! Fifty? Oh where is he?"
>One of those gangly apes appears at the Kings side, wearing a robe of dozens of shades of yellow.
>"Yes, my liege?"
>"Go get the bill for the roofer. This pony princess is here to pay for it, probably to get the big whiny princess out of the dungeon!"
"Er, yes. Celestia. That would be good. And Cadence as well."

>>29043191
>"One princess at a time!" he says, waggling a clawed finger from under his robes. "You wanted the others too? You'll have to trade me for those! They're good fun!"
"Of course. I'd like to speak to one of the wrestlers, may I challenge one in the ring?"
>"You? Princess Luna, wants to mudwrestle?"
"I was watching them earlier-"
>"Of course you can!" he crows. "This princess knows how to party! I tell you what, I like you so much, you can keep whatever pony you wrestle if you win. Not just tonight, she's yours."
"Oh, well that is most generous of you!"
>"But what do you have to offer as collateral?"
>You pause to consider this.
>You could offer yourself, remaining in the ring until you win a match...
>or...
"If I lose, Princess Celestia -the white pony princess- will wrestle until I win a match."
>Lifting a paw, he scratches his furry chin, before baring his wicked sharp teeth in a grin.
>"Choose your mare, let the match begin!"

>Having perused the list of ponies in the wrestling circuit, you decide that Nurse Redheart would be a helpful and intelligent pony to have by your side.
>Outside the ring, you step out of your silver shoes, and doff your royal regalia.
>Tying your mane back, you carefully step into the mud.
>To your surprise, it appears the ring is heated.
>It's nice of the king to watch out for his subjects.
>Wouldn't want them to catch a cold.
>Redheart enters the ring with some trepidation, and freezes in shock when she sees you.
>"Oh no, not the princess too!"
"Come now, let us have a good romp. I've challenged you, and if I win I shall take you away with me!"
>This earns some cheering from the crowd, but seems to worry Redheart even more.
>You didn't think she could get more white, but somehow she has.
>The referee rings a little bell, and you leap into action.

>>29043202
>According to the referee, Redheart was the second best wrestler among the ponies.
>While by no means overweight, the nurse had a little padding that added needed weight.
>But against an alicorn, and one that had led Equestria's Armies against the Diamond Dogs in the Hundred Months War, she stood no chance.
>But knowing that this was meant to be a good match, you toyed with her a bit.
>Played it up.
>After all, how often were you allowed this kind of fun?
>Celestia would have a stroke if she saw you right now.
>On your back, toned legs wrapped around a spread Redheart as the referee counts her out.
>Maybe you should ask about challenging Celestia in the ring.
>Celly eats a lot of cake though, she's got plenty of pounds on you.
>But you've always maintained that you have the better stamina of the two of you...
>No time for distractions!
>Rolling on top of Redheart, you smash her into the mud and hold her there for the pin.
>Success!
>Just one more now.
>You make a show of tumbling about with the mare.
>Eventually she gets on your back, and hearing the excitement of the crowd, you let her pin you for a moment...
>...before bucking her off, and onto the ropes.
>As she lunges back across the ring, you rear up and come down on her, splaying her out in the mud.
>You place two hooves on her back to hold her there as the ref counts her out.
>Stepping off of the defeated nurse, you move back to your corner, where a griffoness hands you a water bottle and the victors belt.
>Downing the water, you look at the belt.
>It's more like a harness.
>What exactly is this wiggly rod part for?
>You ask the griffoness, who laughs and then explains what she calls 'the final round'.
>It seems you have made a grave error in judgement.
>You should absolutely not challenge Celly like this.
>Hopefully Redheart will forgive you.

>>29043220
>After a rather embarrassing episode that you hope will never be spoken of again, you and Redheart are allowed to withdraw to a private room.
>"S-so what now, Princess? Shall I lick you hooves, or simply bend-"
"Redheart please, quiet thyself. The entirety of the situation was not explained to me, I simply saw it as an opportunity to speak with you."
>"Well that's a fine way to start." she huffs.
"The good news is you've been released to me. Permanently."
>"Permanently?"
"Yes. The Ferret King allowed your release in exchange for seeing me in the ring." you explain. "I now understand why that seemed such an exciting prospect."
>"Well, don't think I've forgiven you! I had already paid part of my debts, I would have made it out on my winnings eventually!"
>You are skeptical of that.
>But Redheart seems a little sore still.
>Best not to bring it up.
"Anyways, I need information if I'm going to free everypony. Once I pay off the roof repairs, I shall be able to free Celestia. I am not sure what he desires in exchange for niece Cadence."
>"Aw, what? No pillow talk? Straight to business? You're a real princess."
>You sigh.
>This is going to be a long night.

>Allowing your companion to sleep in, you take some time to sneak down to the dungeons.
>It seems that the party continues.
>You wonder when it will end.
>The trip down into the sublevels is quiet, and you pass two guards without incident.
>Clearly you are now considered a guest, a major improvement.
>Avoiding your companions, who will surely make a fuss and be all around irritating, you do find the jailers storage.
>Grabbing the keys to the cells, you also take your original goal: the saddlebags.
>All three sets of bags in tow, you retreat to the room you had claimed as your own.
>Time left to do some morning reading while Redheart slumbers.
>After sleeping and eating, Redheart is in a better mood.
>The fact that she hasn't been returned to her chambers beneath the ring certainly lifted her spirits.

>>29043233
>Eyeing you across the small table, she slowly chews her prench toast.
>Swallowing, she takes a swig of coffee.
>"Okay Princess, what do you need to know?"
"I need to know as much as you do. How this happened, which ponies are here, where they are or what they're doing here, anything you know, really."
>"Well, I have no idea how this happened." she says, taking another bite of breakfast. "But I know that it's me, Bonbon, Colgate, Derpy and Lily in the mud ring."
>She pauses to chew.
>"I've caught glimpses of Vinyl and Lyra in the dancing cages. Might be more ponies from town out there, but I've been limited to my little corner of Tartarus over here."
"I am sorry about your suffering." you offer.
>"You seemed to be enjoying yourself yesterday."
"W-wha-? No, you misunderstand, I-"
>"It wasn't that bad. You were gentle." she shrugs. "Not like Bonbon. Of course, you still stuck y-"
"I recall what happened!" you cut her off, you muzzle burning with embarassment.
>"Treasure it, princess." she says, downing some coffee. "It isn't going to happen again."
"ANYWAYS." you cough. "Anyways, have you seen Princess Sparkle or her companions?"
>"You haven't noticed?"
"Apparently not."
>"The King used to have two guards at his side. Now he has six. And they have armored pony mounts."
"You cannot mean-"
>"Like I've said, I mostly stuck to mud wrestling to save my tail and earn bits towards my debt. All I know, is Princess Twilight and her friends came busting in here and tried to rainbow blast the Ferret King. Needless to say, he was unimpressed."


>A knocking interrupts you before you can press her for more information.
"Come in!" you call, and the odd creature in the shades of yellow enters.
>"The Ferret King bid me find you and deliver this, the bill for the roof."
"Ah, yes. To release dear sister. May I ask you to linger a moment?"
>"How may I be of service?"
"I need a minute..." you say, looking at the bill.
>One hundred thousand rape dollars.

>>29043252
"I don't have any, er, dollars. Do you know the conversion to bits?"
>"I am unfamiliar with 'bits' ma'am."
>Using your magic, you lift a sack of bits from your bags on to the table.
>The being opens the sack, and considers the coins.
>Biting one, it gives just a little. He compares its color to one of the many colors on his outfit, it matches.
>"Solid gold, eh? Don't see many coins like these any more. I'll agree to accept them though. Call it five thousand of these 'bits' and we'll square your debt."
"Seems reasonable." you consider.
>Metallurgy is beyond you, you'll have to accept the offer.
>It's not like the treasury can't spare a few thousand bits to ransom Princess Celestia, of all ponies.
>Rummaging through the other sets of bags, you procure their bit sacks as well.
"This should be about one thousand. I shall go retrieve the rest today."
>"I'm afraid the King has forbidden you, or any of the ponies to leave until the roof debt is paid."
>Furrowing your brow at how little sense that makes, you take breath and exhale.
"Very well."
>Summoning some parchment and quill, you write a note to Shining Armor to send payment via guards, but your magic fails to send it.
"The stars themselves are against us." you sigh, as Redheart and the Yellow One look on.
>Carefully attaching a runic seal below your personal seal, you turn to the tall ape.
"I have attached a sending rune to this letter, which asks for the remaining four thousand bits to be delivered to the palace by two Canterlot Guards. If you could send one of the Kings couriers to toss this through the portal we came through, it should send on its own when it reaches the other side."
>"Very Well, Princess Luna. I believe that will work." the messenger says, taking the scroll and bowing out of the room.
>This whole misadventure is going to take years off of your infinite life.

>>29043271


>After bathing, eating, and generally bracing yourself for a long day, you and Redheart venture forth.
>Making your way to the King's throne once more, you bow before His Fuzziness.
>"Aha! Welcome back, Princess Luna! I heard great things about your match yesterday! My subjects were most impressed." he beams toothily.
"Ah, yes, heheh. It was most exhilarating." you answer. "I trust you have heard that payment for the roof is being arranged?"
>"I have, I have! Very good! But none of you leave until all of the gold is counted and locked in my vault!" he nods happily. "I hope you understand, I have to pay the bills somehow!"
"Yes, understandable." you say, forcing a smile. "While we await the bits from Canterlot, may we discuss the other ponies?"
>"Mmmm, yes. I believe you and I can deal together, Princess. How can the Feral Palace accomodate you today?"
"Can you tell me how many ponies are imprisoned here?"
>"I don't know. And Fifty is out delivering your letter. I suppose you'll just have to look around until he gets back!"
>Of course.
>Rubbing your face with a hoof, you look up to the King again.
>Amusement and curiosity gleam in his beady black eyes.
>You think for a moment, before a thought hits you.
>Redheart mentioned two ponies in the cages over the dance floor...
>...they've probably seen all of the other ponies by now!
"Redheart, who were the ponies you mentioned in the cages?"
>"Lyra and Vinyl."
"My good King, what may I do to procure the release of Lyra and Vinyl?"
>"One pony at a time, Princess. One at a time!" he cackles. "Well, since those two aren't princesses, I suppose we can work out some sort of deal."
>He calls for the two ponies to be brought before him, and also for a massive scale.
>"There is a mushroom I am quite fond of, Princess Luna. It grows plentifully in the cyprus groves east of here, about a day's journey. I will let you have one of these ponies you seek, if you bring back their weight in mushrooms."
>That is ridiculous.

>>29043288
>Mushrooms? He wants you to go collect some tartarus forsaken mushrooms!?"
>"Here is one for you to take, as an example." he says, producing a dinner-plate sized mushroom, which he takes a bite out of.
>Chewing, he clarifies "That one doesn't count towards your total."
"Very well. We shall complete this task." you say, struggling not to roll your eyes.
>"Excellent! I'll have those ponies brought forth for you to choose from. And don't think of trying to escape, I've sent guards to watch the portal back to ponyland!"
>Drat.
>So much for the silver lining of this escapade.
>The two mares are escorted between you then, and both look pleadingly up at you.
>A giant scale in brought forth.
>Sizing up the two mares, you quickly reach a decision.
"Put Vinyl on the scale. Redheart and I shall return with your mushrooms in a few days."
>"What? Why am I going on this?"
"Because you weren't given your freedom, Redheart. You were given to me. And I shall need all the help I can get."
>"Stupid Princesses." she grumbles, as you lead the way towards the castle gates.

>After securing all of your belongings in a chest and magically locking it, you take your saddlebags and some provisions, then set out.
>It does indeed take all day for you to reach what is undoubtedly the swamp the Ferret King mentioned.
>The spongy loam underhoof is pungent and earthy, giving way to slimy mud around the murky pools.
>Cypress trees tower hundreds of feet over you, tendrils of moss swaying in the occasional breeze.
>It begins to rain.
>"What a romantic honeymoon destination."

>>29043304
"Hush." you chide. "Let's find some shelter. We'll begin collecting tomorrow."
>"As you wish, princess."
>Making your way to the root mass of a nearby tree, you find a space large enough for both of you and your bags.
>There is sign that something once lived here, but the nest has been long since abandoned.
>Tossing the mildewing grass of the nest outside, you fly up and collect as much hanging moss as you can.
>A quick burst of magic dries it, and you cover about half of the space with it.
>Plenty of room for both of you.
>Quite pleased with your lingering survival skills, you lie down.
>Redheart passes you a few biscuits procured from the breakfast line.
>The two of you eat in silence.
>Finishing well ahead of the nurse, you lay your head down and close your eyes.
>As you drift towards sleep, you feel something warm press up against you.
>"At least you're warm." you hear Redheart grumble as sleep overtakes you.

>"You know, we studied hypothermia in school, but I never imagined I'd have the pleasure of practical field training."
>The two of you are currently collecting mushrooms.
>It appears that the biggest ones -the ones you'll need to accomplish this task in a decent amount of time- are all on trees out in the pools.
>So you are barrel deep in the muck, which is unfortunately withers deep on Redheart.
>It isn't terribly cold out, per se.
>But you have been in and out of the water for several hours now.
>Deciding it is time for lunch, you wade ashore and collect as much wood and dead moss as you can find.
>By the time Redheart makes her way over, you have a nice fire going.
>while she warms herself, you take the time to gather some materials.
>Weaving some moss into a sort of rope as you eat (biscuits again), you set to work after lunch.
>It doesn't take long for you to have a crude scale put together.
>"A teeter-totter? What are we, fillies?"
"A scale, Redheart." you groan, lifting an empty saddlebag onto one side.

>>29043319
>Dumping your total haul into it, the log tips that way.
>Lifiting Redheart onto the other side, it tips quickly back the other way.
>Hmmm.
>Using rocks, the mushrooms, and a grumpy Redheart, you manage to determine that you're a little over halfway done.
>Excellent.
"Progress, Red! Back into the swamp!"
>"And here I thought I was done with mud."

>Two days later, you and your bedraggled companion return to the palace.
>Your massive haul of mushrooms draws many comments.
>As does your filthy appearance.
>Why in Equestria is it so funny that you're a dirty pony?
>Ugh, plebians.
>Ignoring them, you press on, straight to the throne.
>"OHoho! She returns! And look what she's brought! Zupa Grzybowa on the buffet tonight!"
>The scales are brought forth, as is Vinyl.
>You ended up bringing back more than you needed.
>"You really must want this pony back!" the Ferret King laughs.
"Odd, I used Redheart here as a base for my measurements..."
>"Alright, freedom!" Vinyl says, eagerly leaving her cage. "Aw, don't look down Red. I get guys tellin' me all the time I've got a scrawny flank! You've just got more cushion for the pushin'!"
>If Redheart had been a little self-conscious before, she was now straight up hiding her face under her hat.
>A very stained hat.
>Hmmm.
"My King, has the payment arrived from Canterlot?"
>"Nope nope. But you did get a letter!"
"I see. I shall address it right away. Will I be spending a long time here, bartering for the release of my subjects?"
>"At this rate, probably!" he says, nodding furiously. "I can feel it in my tail!"
"May I trouble you for some real accommodations, if that is the case?"
>"Sure! I like having you around! Fifty? Ohhhh Fifty?"
>"Yesss?"
>"Get the princess put up in the Visitors wing. Expect her to have a loooot of company."
>"Of course."

>>29043336
>You are now sitting in the second most luxurious room you've ever had the pleasure of calling yours.
>Not quite as good as Canterlot, but close.
>Redheart was locked in the bathroom, trying to scrub the mud stains from her white coat.
>Vinyl had immediately opened a bottle of some sort of amethyst liquor.
>You were reading a scroll.
>...from Shining Armor
>...questioning the wisdom of paying ransoms to 'terrorists'
>...you shall have him punished most-
>Wait
>Dipping your quill into some ink, you write a single sentence.
"I shall share your decision to withhold the ransom payment with Cadence when I see her next, in two days."
>That should do the trick.
"Now Miss Vinyl, I acquired you for a reason. You were suspended in a cage, yes?"
>"And I worked the poles, when they're brought out, yeah. Why?"
"Poles?"
>"You've never been to strip club, have you Princess?"
"No, I cannot say that I have."
>"Well they'll probably be out at some point tonight. I'm sure the mud wrestling champ will find it fascinating."
"Yes, I'm sure." you mutter as the heat rises on your cheeks. "But let us not digress. I need to know exactly how many ponies are here."
>"Oh, well that's easy. Yeah, I guess having a birds-eye view would help. There's me, Lyra, Trixie and Berry dancing. There's two mud wrestling rings, one for guys one for girls."
"Redheart has filled me in on the female wrestlers."
>"I'm sure she has." Vinyl snickers. "You sure filled her-"
"Which males are here?" you interject quickly.
>"Oh, there's three of 'em. Whooves, Caramel and Big Mac. You can guess who the reigning champion is there."
"Do... do they also...?"
>"You better believe it." Vinyl snorts. "Whooves and Caramel are changed stallions, let me tell ya."
>You are sickened, but curious.
>Mostly sickened.
"V-very well." you say, recomposing yourself. "Any others?"
>"Oh yeah, everyone's favorite superweapon currently makes up the bottom half of the King's Cavalry."
"You mean the ponies under the armor-"

>>29043344
>"Didn't you see them clamoring for attention when you first came in?"
>You did.
>You were hoping Redheart was mistaken.
>You were hoping you were wrong.
>You were not.
"Er, I was rather preoccupied grasping the idea of a Ferret King."
>"Yeah, he's 50% Weird 50% Party and 50% Awesome."
"That does not make sense."
>"Neither does he!"
"This is giving me a headache." you groan.
> So there are three dancers left
>three male wrestlers left
>four female wrestlers left
>all six of the elements
>As well as Cadence and your sister.
>Eighteen ponies.
>Truly you will spend the rest of your days here.
>You're going to need a drink.
"Vinyl, do you know what this 'spirytus' is?"
>"Nope. Only one way to find out though!"

>You are Princess Luna.
>Guardian of the Night, Diarch of Equestria.
>And you cannot remember what happened last night.
>However, you have awoken to find yourself in a rather interesting position.
>Your head aches, your throat is parched, and you are burning up.
>The first two are probably because of that paint thinner you drank last night.
>The latter, however...
>Currently lying on top of you are:
>Vinyl Scratch, Musician and Disc Jockey
>Redheart, Nurse
>Fifty, ???
>A sheep, ungulate
>And a purple pony of some sort.
>More of a pinkish-purple.
>Magenta, maybe?
>OH
>OH STARSWIRL'S BEARD
>It's all coming back!

>This Spirytus stuff is amazing.
>Alcohol rarely effects you, but it took one drink to knock Vinyl on her flank.
>Lightweight.
>You've just finished number two, and Vinyl is able to stand again.
"C'mon, Vi." you say, rising to your hooves. "Gotta go get at least one m're today."
>"Girl, what?"
"I'm not gonna stay here forever." you mutter, grabbing your glasses and the bottle.
>Stowing them in your saddlebags, you slowly make your way to the door.
"Le's go get some ponies."

>>29043368

>It's been a great hour since you left your apartment.
>You got some pierogi.
>Drank more spirytus.
>Helped Vinyl do a keg stand on the chocolate fountain.
>You're currently in the Foam Party.
>Vinyl is styling a mohawk out of foam on your head.
>Suddenly, the lights focus on a corner.
>It's him!
>The Ferret King is at the foam party!
>Holy buck.
>Diving into the foam, flashes of fur trace his path as he dances, spins and tumbles his way through the cheering crowd.
>Bursting forth from the bubbles, he flops backwards, only to have the many hooves, claws and appendages of his loyal subjects lift him back up.
>They slowly carry him on a tide of foam and flesh to the DJ's stage.
>Rolling onto his feet, he stands, the DJ handing him a microphone.
"Thursday night already!?"
>The crowd cheers.
>You cheer.
>It seems like the thing to do.
>"Line up to sign up!" he says, indicating the DJ, who now brandishes a clipboard.
>Seeing the line forming already, you rush towards it.
>"Hurry hurry hurry! Only twenty spots in the competition!" the King crows.
>You don't want to miss your chance!
>Luckily you make it in time.
>You're five back, and can hear that the pony at the front is number twelve.
>The DJ asks her what song she wants to use?
"Vinyl?" you say, craning your neck back to the DJ currently riding on your back. "What exactly is this?"
>"Wait, wait, wait." she replies. "You ran over here not knowing what this is?"
"It seemed like I might miss out."
>"That's so awesome!" she says, nearly falling off of you laughing.
"Vinyl, I'm almost next in line!" you whine.
>"S'cool." she answers still chuckling. "It's a dance contest. Y'know, getting on stage and trying not to look like the drunkest unicorn in the sororor- in college."
"What!?"
>"Princess Luna, eh? Saw you wrestle. Just trying out everything? I like that in a mare." the DJ says, winking at you. "I'm Wu-10. Smoothest voice in the House."

>>29043384
>He is one of those weird ape things.
>Rather scruffy looking at that.
>"So what song are you going to dance to?"
>Vinyl is in your ear, whispering suggestions.
>You agree that you had better go big.
>Big but not overdone.
>No Top 20 hits here.
>Have to make an impression.
>Even a flaming, meteoric failure is still a meteor.
>Yeah.
>That's a good song...nopony else is gonna do it, you're sure.
>You tell Wu10 your selection, and he looks up at you.
>"Sounds good. Now I just need your entry fee, fifty bucks."
"I am not sleeping with you!" you say, slapping him.
>"Whoa whoa whoa!" he says, raising his hands. "Not that I haven't earned that before, but I just need fifty rapedollars to enter you into the contest."
>Oh.
"Oh."
>"Yeah. So, you got the money?"
>No.
"Maybe. Let me go talk to th' King."
>"Okay, I'll hold your spot."
>You make your way towards your eccentric host.
>As soon as he spots you, his face breaks out into that same toothy grin.
>Every time.
>"Princess!" he says, sliding over on the foam-slick floor and proceeding to wrap his torso around yours.
>You wonder if he's related to Discord.
>"Princess Luna, are you going to dance for us?" he says, using his best announcer voice.
"I do not have any money."
>"She spent it all on the roof!" Vinyl laughs.
>The King laughs.
>The crowd laughs.
>The chair in the corner laughs.
>Guards descend upon the chair with swords.
>"That's too bad, I bet you can really move it!" he sighs dramatically.
"I was hoping you'd take a bet." you propose.
>"I was hoping you'd offer one!"
"I put up a dancer, you put up a dancer." you suggest.
>"But you just got your dancer." he frowns. "Done with her already?"
>You can feel two hooves wrap around your leg.
>"Okay. Let me think." you say, deep in thought.
>Ideas swim through the slightly hazy mess that is your mind at the moment.
>You pluck one and throw it out there.
"Okay, okay... hear this one out." you start. "I can probably take 5th place, right?"

>>29043404
>"MMMMmmmmaybe."
"Vinyl?"
>"If I say yes, will you keep me?"
"I'm keepin' you, relax. Okay, okay, so let's just use five. I think five is good." you nod, more to yourself than anyone else.
"If I get fifth, we wash. Nothin' for either of us. I get better than that, I get one of th' dancers. For every place lower than that, you get a day of th' pink pony princess in one of your cages."
>"What if I don't use the cages?" he asks, tapping his fingers together.
"What do they usually do?"
>"Work the poles."
"Prob'ly not the first time Cadence has done that." you answer, taking another swig from your bottle. "I'm okay with that."
>"Damn princess!" Vinyl laughs, leaning against you.
>"It's a deal! The Princess will dance!"
>You nod to Wu10, and head to the wings.
>Time to drink a bit more.

>Rummaging through the costume wardrobe behind the stage, you find what you need.
>Tight at the waist, flared at the hooves. The perfect outfit.
>On your way out Vinyl adds some gaudy gold chains.
>Classic.
>Vinyl cues you, and you leave the half-empty bottle with her.
>Striding out on stage, you shake your joints loose.
>The music cues up, and you prepare to take the audience on a trip back in time.
>Disco Never Dies.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N6IgSRGIScs

>>29043418
>After that, you recall some celebrating.
>And you've gained another pony, so you must have won the bet?
>Based on the empty spirytus bottle you see across the room (and the half dozen other empty liquor bottles) it must have been quite a good time.
>Redheart nuzzles against you affectionately, and you can't help but recognize the shade of periwinkle lipstick staining her neck.
>Whoops.
>Maybe you'll avoid spirytus for a while.
>That was rather forward of you.
>What would Celestia say?
>After prying yourself from the pony pile, you proceed to the breakfast buffet.
>As you eat, the others slowly begin to stir.
>Fifty straightens his clothing, and excuses himself.
>Vinyl and the purple one disappear to get food.
>Redheart, catching sight of herself in the mirror, blushes fiercely and rushes for the shower.
>You continue to munch on your cereal as Vinyl and what must be Berry Punch return.
>Upon sitting down, Vinyl introduces you, confirming her identity.
>Berry is actually fairly upbeat, much like Vinyl.
>Apparently the two of them are rather fond of what turns out to be an unending party.
>How they can handle such an extreme lifestyle is beyond you.
>You need to get a move on.
>Lots of townsponies to free, plus the Elements of Harmony.
>Hopefully the ransom for Celestia will arrive soon.
>Then you can find out what must be done to free your niece.

>Not sure you would be able to look Redheart in the eye, you decide to proceed without her for the morning.
>Vinyl and Berry seem capable guides.
>You find yourself at some sort of spa with them.
"I am unsure as to how this will aid us in freeing the remaining ponies."
>"It won't." Berry says, sinking into the bubbling waters beside you.
>"You just need to relax." Vinyl sighs, leaning into you.
"If you insist."
>You have to admit, this is really relaxing.
>And this ordeal has been quite stressful.
"If we are to stay here, we should at least consider how to free some of the Elements of Harmony.

>>29043450
>"You need to work less, Princess." Vinyl moans.
>"She could run The Gauntlet." Berry suggests, resting a hoof on your leg.
>"Think Theseus would take a bet?"
>"Nah, but the King might."
"What is this Gauntlet?"
>"It's an obstacle course." Berry explains. "If you said you could finish it in a certain time, the King might release one of the others."
>"I think she should try her hoof at pazaak."
>"The only one with other ponies to gamble with is the King, and he's way too good."
"Pazaak?"
>"Card game, I'll teach you sometime." Vinyl says. "And if she challenged one of the guards, they could bet their mount."
>"They'd never go for that, you know they aren't any fun." Berry dismisses. "She could throw down against one of them though, that might work."
>"Yeah, but those guys are super tough. I bet Fifty has some stuff outside the castle that needs to be done."
"Redheart and I have already retrieved those mushrooms." you remind Vinyl.
>"Oh, right! So maybe if she wagered on Mushroom golf, then?" the DJ offers.
>"Who would be her second?"
>"Uh, duh. I filled in as the Kings second when his normal guy caught The Clap."
>"Ohhh, right, right." Berry nods. "You should probably practice once or twice first."
>"But for now, just try to relax." Vinyl suggests. "Last night was pretty crazy."
>"Relax princess. Even if Red isn't here, we'll take care of you~" Berry says, slowly running her hoof up your leg.
>Vinyl mirrors the action, and the two mares lean across you to share a kiss.
>Breaking contact, they turn to you as their hooves work their way north.
>This is becoming a worryingly frequent problem.

>It has been many hours since you left the spa.
>You and your companions find yourselves standing before a concerning sight.
>The Gauntlet is indeed something to behold.
>A muscular 'human' walks up to you.
>Compared to the others you have seen, he is truly a model of fitness.
>"The name is Theseus, you here to have a go at it?"

>>29043460
"Perhaps." you reply slowly.
>"Welcome then! I'll walk you through it, always happy to help a newcomer!"
>He certainly is a friendly soul.
>The affable human guides you through the twelve miles of track and the twenty obstacles in the way.
>Starswirl's Beard, this is impossible.
"Has anypony ever completed the course, Theseus?" you ask.
>"Oh sure, plenty have. Remember: it's not a race, it's a challenge."
"So I won't be timed?"
>"Only if you want to be."
"Is there a way to wager on the results then?"
>"Not really. Why?"
"I am here trying to earn the release of my subjects."
>"Ah, yes, the roof ponies." he muses thoughtfully. "One moment, please."
>Going to a phone you hadn't noticed before, he dials in a number.
>"Hey, Fifty? I think I found a volunteer for the real deal."
>...
>"Yeah, well, sounds like she needs a favor from the King, so I bet she'll do it.
>...
>"It is indeed Princess Luna, is his Feralness there?"
>...
>"Great, I'll get it set up as soon as the Princess is ready."
"I am prepared to begin now." you inform him.
>The human looks you over carefully.
>"Are you sure? I mean, maybe give it a week or two at the gym to prepare, princess."
"I haven't the luxury of such time." you sigh, knowing the wisdom behind his words. "However I am the more fit of the Equestrian Princesses. My cake-addled sister could never finish this."
>"If you insist." he nods with a frown. "Yeah, Fifty? She's ready now. I'll get it set up if you can head our way."
>You can help but wonder what in Tartarus you have signed up for.
>"Well princess, they'll release another pony to you if you're willing to do a harder gauntlet."
"Harder!?"
>"It's something we humans call a "tough mudder" and it's totally doable."
"Surely this is worth more than one additional pony."
>"That will be between you and the King." Theseus replies. "But I have to go prep the course now."
>"Did the titillating tingle of a wager tickle my earssss?" a familiar voice asks.

>>29043496
>Spinning on your hooves, you find his Majesty and Fifty behind you.
"Good King, surely this 'tough mudder' is worth two ponies, if a princess such as myself completes it?"
>"Hmm... nah. But I have yet to see the other pony princesses out of their cells, and I do so want to."
>All sorts of alarms are going off in your head, but so far things have worked in your favor.
"What is it you had in mind?"
>"I will give you two ponies back either way, but if you don't complete the course in three hours, one of the other princesses has to run the gauntlet faster than your time."
"Do I get to choose the princess?"
>"MMMMMyesssokay." he hums. "But she runs a full mudder like you, not just the Gauntlet."
>Tch.
"I will agree to your terms."
>"I've never seen a pony run a real Mudder before. How exciting!" he chitters.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kUwXTfWxCTM


>The finish line is ahead of you.
>One final obstacle and fifty yards is all that separates you from the end.
>You are cold.
>You are wet.
>You are muddy.
>You are tired.
>But..
>You are pumped.
>One last obstacle.
>As you canter up to it, it is a frame over yet another pit of mud, with hay bales arranged to make it impossible to run clear through.
>Perhaps a hundred wires hang from the frame.
>A sign tells you the humans call this "electroshock therapy".
>Curious.
>Steeling your resolve, you launch yourself towards the finish line.
>Your progress is immediately slowed as you twitch to and fro involuntarily.
>Every contact sends a shock through you, your body reflexively jerking away with each spark.
>Haltingly you press on, finally making it through to the end.
>Crossing the finish line, Theseus puts an orange headband on you, and offers you a beer.
>Downing the delicious, cold, alcohol, you unsteadily look at Theseus.
"Time?"
>"Three Hours, fourteen minutes."
>Horseapples.

>>29043509
>The Ferret King is carried in on a litter held by minotaurs.
>"Ah, princess, well done! Given another shot you might have even made your goal time!"
"Yes, yes. I know." you concede your defeat.
>"You could go double or nothing, wager both of your ponies on a chance to spare the other princesses."
"No." you snort. "Cadenza often flaunts her youthfulness, it will be good to remind her which princess has the superior body."
>"Err, okay then!" he smiles awkwardly. "Which one-"
"The annoying pink one."
>"Sounds great! Fifty, have the pink pony princess brought to Theseus. She is not allowed to leave her cell or this course until she beats Princess Luna's time!"
>"Right away, my liege." Fifty yawns, walking off towards the dungeons.
>"I just don't know what's gotten into him." The Ferret King sighs. "Anyways, I believe I promised you two ponies."
"I'd like to choose two of the Elements of Harmony. Rainbow Dash and Twilight Sparkle."
>"The fancy ponies? No no no, not until the others have been freed."
>You need Twilight, she's sort of a princess and you could set her free to rescue the others.
>Rainbow Dash will provide the physical prowess needed to backup the pudgiest of the pony princesses.
>Rubbing your face with a muddy hoof, you think.
"If you release those two to me, Celestia, the white princess, will run the course once as well."
>"I like the way you think." he smiles pointedly. "Theseus, get some cameras set up, I'm gonna broadcast this throughout the castle!"

>Sitting in the spa again, you find yourself sharing a hot tub with the two freshly released Elements.
>The others are here as well, of course.
>Vinyl and Berry are off to one side, and Redheart is beside you.
>The two new arrivals stare at you, mouth agape.
"So now that you've been brought up to speed, any questions?"
>The duo continues to wordlessly stare at you.

>>29043531
"I shall take that as a no." you continue. "So, from here, Rainbow Dash, you shall accompany Twilight Sparkle. As Princess of Friendship, you are authorized to make your own deals and bargains with His Feral Majesty."
>This assignment breaks them from their horror.
>"Me? But... But I don't know how anything works here!"
"A wise pony once said 'Take Chances, Make Mistakes and Get Messy!'"
>"I was afraid you were going to say that."

>Having cut Twilight and Rainbow loose, with some bits of course, you move into a massage room with Red while you send the terrible two to go help the others understand this place.
>Twilight is a good pony, but in a place like this, that's a liability.
>Years of playing only by day ruined Equestria's night life it would seem.
>Celestia always was the golden child.
>Redheart's hooves caress your aching muscles.
>You would have to introduce mud races like that to Equestria when you returned.
>Maybe not that extreme, but still.
>It was a lot of fun pushing yourself like that.

>Another week has passed, and progress has been slow.
>It took three days for Twilight to muster the courage to enter the world of the card sharks.
>You have to admit, she has become quite good at that pazaak game.
>But so far she has been unable to acquire anything more than bits.
>And while her small fortune has its uses, it isn't getting you any closer to freeing the remaining ponies.
>You had sent Redheart to coach Rainbow Dash on the art of mudwrestling, she wrestles Ditzy Doo today.
>Meanwhile, Berry and Vinyl have been coaching you in how to play mushroom golf.
>They've warned you that all they can do is teach you the rules and fundamentals though.
>Apparently the winner of each round eats the mushroom.
>They have advised you that the effects are quite potent.
>No way to know how you'll handle it.

>>29043547
>You are currently en-route to the throne, to seek a challenge worthy of earning back some ponies.
>Stopping along the way to snag a snozberry pączki, you munch on the sweet treat as you make your way to the royal dais.
>Savoring the treat, you mount the stairs, your 'coaches' following.
>One of them will have to be your second, hmmm.
>Decisions, decisions.
>"Princess, what brings you here today I wonder?" a familiar voice asks.
"Ah, your Majesty, I was hoping to wager against a game of Mushroom Golf."
>"Oh? Well, thanks to you we certainly have enough to play. But who will you wager? Your ponies are all very busy."
"Is niece Cadence still with Theseus?"
>"She came up a minute short yesterday."
"Pity. She deserves this. I suppose if we lose, the three of us here will square off against the three stallions in the mudwrestling ring."
>"Whoa whoa whoa! I didn't sign up for this!" Vinyl objects immediately.
>"I'm just a dancer, princess!" Berry adds.
"My offer stands, regardless of the objections of my ponies. I won them fair and square, they are mine to gamble with." you say, reminding the others of their place.
>"When this is all over, you'll have to remember to come back to visit, Princess." the Ferret King grins, baring his pointed teeth. "You really get this place."
"So who shall I face on the links?"
>"Fifty? Go find Disc. You two will face the Princess and her second in mushroom golf."
>"At once, my liege." he says, skipping away to find this "Disc" person.
>"So who will be your second?"
"Who am I allowed to choose from?"
>"Anyone at all, really. Though most of the guests have never played before."
"What about you?"
>"Me?"
"You."
>"No one ever picks me."
"Why not?"
>"I don't know."
"I am picking you."
>He looks at you intensely, before snapping a claw and teleporting to your side.
>Wrapping his long torso around you, he rests his head on top of yours.
>"Very well, Princess Luna. Take us to the course."
>This is not how you imagined this going.

>>29043563
>Hole #4, somewhere in Zebrica.
>It had started so well.
>A perfectly normal first hole, and a slightly more challenging second one.
>So far you had eaten two mushrooms.
>But the next however many holes are through a series of portals.
>Hole three you had lost.
>It was in some sort of tubular structure the two humans called a "McDonalds Playplace".
>They were able to easily crawl through the pipes, and the already tubular King was perfectly designed for it.
>You, however, did not fit very well at all.
>Here, however, you had the advantage.
>None of the others could fly.
>Seizing His Feralness, you had soared up into the air, and both of you had made clean throws almost all of the way to the 'hole'.
>Too easy.

>Hole 13, a warehouse?
>Since the arid plains of Zebrica, you have traversed many locales.
>The vast frozen wastes north of the Crystal Empire.
>Dense jungles (twice).
>A sewer system.
>Another 'playplace' (this one transparent, and hinging in the rafters over the Foam Party).
>A cave.
>And two sets of castle ruins.
>Currently, you are trying to figure out how to make it through a maze of pallets filled with goods.
>It will take dozens, if not a hundred, throws to reach the center.
>You're tied six to six right now.
>The possibility of facing the stallions is becoming very real to you.
>Overhead cables and hanging lights rule out any chance of flying.
>Resigning yourself to just working your way through the maze, you and the King slowly trudge forward towards the center beacon.
>You can only hope that you're correct in assuming that is the hole.
>"I know you're feeling down princess, but cheer up! This really is great fun!"
"You aren't trying to rescue your captive subjects."
>"Now now, what kind of attitude is that? Remember, the key to everything -life, love, and yes, the release of your subjects- is FUN!"

>>29043579
"I haven't the faintest clue what you mean, fair king." you sigh. "But look, we've reached the hole."
>"Indeed!" he smiles, tossing his mushroom into the chains. "What I'm trying to- what is that sound?"
>It's a mighty crashing coming from somewhere off to your right.
"Run!" you shout, fleeing to the side as the sound of tumbling boxes and some sort of engine roars towards you.
>"NOOT NOOT MOTHERFUCKERS!" one of the humans shouts as he smashes through the pallets on a forklift.
>His cheap sunglasses and Costco tank top tell you this is the "Disc Ward" you had heard about.
>Holding onto the back of the protective cage is Fifty, sipping a juice box.
>Without getting off the forklift, they both throw their mushrooms into the chains.
>"That's three for me and what, two for you Disc?"
>You and the King just stand there, staring.
"What in Tartarus..."
>"Damn! Why didn't I think of that?"
>"So how many did you guys get?" Disc asks.
"Eat your damn mushrooms." you scowl, stepping through the portal to the next hole.
>Hole 18, a series of sandy islands in the middle of an emerald sea.
>You've got this in the bag.
>You're up by two holes and your flight will give you a clear advantage here.
>Once again, you take to the air, His Furriness hanging from your hooves.
>Your mushroom lands next to the chains, and the King scores the first hole-in-one of the game.
>"HAHAHA! Mai Thais are on me!" he shouts triumphantly, as you glide over the numerous islets to land beside the chains.
>You toss your mushroom the one remaining foot to the chains.
"One for you, two for me. And the game is won." you sigh in relief. "I wonder where the other two are?"
>"Well, it will take them much longer."
"Because of the water?"
>"And the mushrooms." he says, snapping his claws.
>Two beach chairs appear out of nowhere, as do two pairs of sunglasses.

>>29043591
>Taking a pair, you drop down into a chair.
>Another snap and a busty minotauress appears next to a tiki bar.
>"Mai Thai?" the King offers, and you nod.
"But why haven't I been affected by the mushrooms? I was warned that they're very strong."
>"Because they're magic mushrooms." he says, watching the waitress swing her assets as she works.
"Exactly. Shouldn't they have affected me?"
>"No, I mean their effects are literally magical. For those two dorks, coming from a non-magical world, it's like a deluge. But for us, it's a drop in the bucket."
"So I'm cheating."
>"Well, let's just say we can't do this again." he laughs. "At least, we can't as a wager. You're always welcome to come back just for fun."


And that's where it ends for now, I've got more written already, and I'll drop it when I've got the whole thing wrapped up.

Binned here: http://pastebin.com/6K6PQJMf

What a nice sea of green you have going here.

>>29042468

>this entire thread
I seriously don't even know what's going on

>>29045861
Just a little thing some friends wanted to do. You can read if you want. I don't really understand it myself, and I'm in the chat with them. However I'm still here.

>>29045861
Same.

>>29045861
>>29046607
Just some keks we wanted to share with you Anons.